Supernatural Death Note
by Tisha Wyman
Summary: Dean and Sam  are force by L to help him with a case in Texas.  L and Watari offer Dean help he never expected to be offered.  This is an AU story.  The season 4 ending will be different.  Characters Dean/Sam/Bobby  L/Watari/Mello/Matt/Near
1. Chapter 1

Between Hunts

Dean put a key into the lock of the motel room door and opened it, carrying several bags.

Sam looked up from his laptop and stared at his brother for a few minutes. "You were gone a long time. You stop at a bar again?"

"No, Sam, I got food, and a few other things. This is the first time in months that we actually don't have a hunt. I thought we could relax a couple of days before we take another one."

Sam looked unhappy at the thought. "Not if I can get a line on Lilith, Dean."

Dean placed the bags on the table. "We sure as hell can, Sammy. We've been going steady for months. You keep disappearing, and you don't want to tell me what's going on. That's fine if that's what you want, but we are taking a few days off. There's no argument. That means no angels, no demons. Got that."

Before a comment could be made, Sam's laptop screen shifted before going white. A gothic L was imposed on the empty screen.

"What the hell is that, Sammy? You been hacked? Tell me you aren't hacked? You're too good at protecting that thing."

Sam stared at the L wondering what had just screwed up his life even more.

A computerized voice filled the air. "Dean and Sam Winchester, purported hunters of the supernatural, I am L."

Sam leaned back in disgust, staring at his laptop. Dean was leaning over the table, a look of shock on his face. "What the hell is an L?"

"He a detective, Dean. He is known world wide as one of the best. He's also very reclusive, and don't ask me, because I have no idea what he's doing in my computer."

"He said we were purported hunters of the supernatural, Sammy. Who the hell does think he is?"

"The guy who hacked my computer, Dean."

"There is a case where I have been summoned, but there are..issues where your expertise will be useful."

"Well, you think you know about us? Exactly what expertise are you talking about? What issues, buddy?"

"Calm down, Dean, before he destroys my computer."

"Both of you were raised to be hunters by a father who had issues with revenge. Said father disappeared about the time Dean was hospitalized after a car accident. Hospital records indicate that the recovery was astounding considering the staff had commented that the survival rate was incredibly low. Government records also show skills that are unusual considering you two have no military background. Need I continue or should I email the files I have on you two to your brother's computer?"

"There's no need to send the files. I don't know if the email program can hold it all. I know my laptop memory can't. Not on both of us," Sam murmured.

"What the hell are you doing, Sam? What do you want with us, 'L'?"

"I will send you the address of where the case is taking place. My subordinates will meet you there and give you the rest of the information required."

"No! I don't give a damn that you're some famous recluse. You want our help, we don't meet with your subordinates. We meet with you and talk to you. It don't work the other way, 'L'."

"Impossible."

"There's nothing in this world that's impossible. I've seen it all. You meet us face to face, or no go."

"The address has been sent. It would be best if the two of you took advantage of this opportunity. Your rooms have been reserved already."

"Turn the computer off, Sam. I'm not being ordered anywhere by someone who won't meet me face to face. I sure as hell am not taking orders from someone I don't know. Turn it off."

"Dean, maybe it wouldn't hurt to see what he wants."

"He ain't gonna tell us, Sammy. I'm not going anywhere without knowing. I don't take orders from him. He's not Dad, Bobby, and when I have to, Cas."

The voice responded back drolly. "I would hate to have to notify the authorities of your location. You two have accumulated quite a bit of a history that I'm certain that specific agencies would be interested in."

"That's cute. If I thought you had the clout, I might actually worry a little, but you see, the FBI told them we're dead. I think they'll believe the FBI, don't you."

"I would recommend your brother checking his email. He will find a zip file. You see, Dean, I have a lot of clout with international agencies..including the FBI. The knowledge is yours to deal with. My subordinates will be waiting." The screen cut out, returning back to the normal desktop.

Sam went to email and found a message with no return address. His eyebrows raised a little. He looked at Dean who was frowning. He clicked on the email and found the zip file. Pulling up the winzip, he opened the file.

In the file was a very detailed dossier of the illegal activities the brothers had participated in, even going back to before Dean had picked him up at school. It was obvious that whoever had put this together knew how to research..and research well.

"Dean, over half of this is listed after our deaths."

Sam could hear Dean swearing, he threw things for a minute, grabbed his jacket and left the motel. Sam heard the Impala back out of the parking lot, and shook his head. Dean must be heading for the bar again.

There was a soft ding from the email. This one would include the address that the two would need to get to the destination.

Several hours later, Sam heard the Impala. He waited to see if Dean needed help. The key entered the lock and Dean came in. Sam found no smell of alcohol, and he was angry.

"Where the hell did you go, Dean? We got the address in the email. It's a hell of a drive, too."

"I went for a drive. Sam, we got problems. This guy has stuff on us that can get me the death sentence, and you can end up in prison for life, man. Maybe death too. There's pictures in there of us ganking monsters, man. They look human. He can hold this over us and use it against us for the rest of our lives."

The address was for a city in Texas, large but not a well known one. It would be a long drive for the brothers.

Dean looked at the name as Sam pulled it up on map search. The older Winchester sat down in a chair as he took in the Texas map.

"Sam, the last time we were in Texas, it was not real far from north central. Texas is massive, man. That's west Texas. That's desert, cactus, mountains, rattlesnakes, tarantulas and nothing for hundreds of miles." Dean sighed. "He give us a time limit?"

There was an expected destination time which would give them time to get there..following traffic laws.

"Traffic laws? Aw, come on, Sam! The back roads in some areas want you to go 40. I can take some roads that will let us go a little faster then that."

Sam nodded. "I know. Getting there early might surprise him."

"Getting there early wasn't my idea. I want to have time to stop and eat, sleep, watch a little television at night. Haven't had much time for that lately. I really needed these few days off. Damn it, Sammy."

Sam shook his head, his mind on Lilith and Ruby, and what the hell was he gonna do when he needed it?

They were stuck though and had to follow through on this.

The week that followed was a total taste of hell for both of the boys. Dean was bitchy, nothing satisfied. He tossed and turned at night. He wasn't eating well. He didn't even drink. All he could think of was a lingering noose around his neck. This 'L' had them by the balls and there was no way out of it.

Sam was scared of facing withdrawals. He'd not been able to get hold of Ruby. He was panicking, not wanting Dean to know there might be problems ahead. He'd told Dean that nothing was going on that he couldn't handle.

When they arrived in the city, the directions guided them to a nice hotel. At the desk, an elderly gentleman was waiting for them. He was well dressed in a suit, but carried himself well..as if he'd had training in the past.

Dean reached for his wallet, wincing at the thought of the price for the place and no idea how long they would be kept there.

He nonchalantly asked, "How much?"

The gentleman shook his head. "Dean and Sam Winchester, I presume?" He was soft spoken, obviously educated.

"Yeah, we're them. You know this guy who brought us here?"

He nodded. "I am Watari. Please, both of you follow me. Your rooms have been paid for already by L."

Dean eyed the man carefully, unsure of everything in their situation. "Paid for?"

He nodded, giving a small smile. "Paid for, yes. Please follow me."

Dean looked at Sam and smiled slightly. Sam was sweating. "You okay, Sammy?"

Sam just nodded and said yeah.

Watari helped with the bags, leading them to an elevator. Once inside, his voice broke the silence. "L's team is here already. I shall introduce you to them once you are settled. Should you have need of anything, please inform me."

"What I need, is a hot meal, a hot bath, and a good bed. This has not been a good week."

"Of course," he murmured. "If you will tell me what you would like, I can have the food ready for you once the introductions are complete."

"Okay, I want a steak, medium rare, baked potato with all the fixings, and a big piece of apple pie. A beer would be nice to go with it. Sammy?"

"I just want to sleep, Dean. I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten much all week. That's not good. What's wrong?"

"I'm just tired, Dean."

Dean frowned, worried about brother.

Watari nodded, giving both a key card. "This is your suite." He opened the door, depositing the luggage inside. "If you'll follow me, I'll introduce you to the team."

Dean knew they were both exhausted, he was hungry, no idea why Sam wasn't, and he needed a hot shower badly. He knew he wasn't ready to meet anybody at this moment, but he followed Sam and Watari down the hall.

The older male knocked on the door once, then opened it, leading them inside.

Inside the living room of the suite, there were computers set up. Each one in different colors. There was a red head on the couch, playing a game machine. Beside him, with a laptop on his lap was a blond munching on a chocolate bar. On the floor was a white haired boy, white computer in front of him and toys in his hands and around him. He looked the youngest of the trio.

Sam had walked in and was looking at the arrangement. Dean stopped in the doorway. "This some kind of joke?"

Watari shook his head. "No joke. These three are part of the team."

"Okay, now that we've seen the nursery, where's mommy and daddy?"

A soft voice from a doorway within the suite answered Dean. "Dean Winchester would be wise not to underestimate them." Standing inside the doorway was an unkempt figure. Dark hair, longish, flowed messily over the pale skin of his face and shoulders. He was tall but slumped in a careless crouch. He wore a long sleeved white shirt and jeans, but no shoes. There were smudges under his eyes, which were dark in color.

Dean was angry and frustrated. "Look, I'm tired, dirty, hungry, and my brother is acting like he's sick and he's not talking about it. I'm being blackmailed by a bastard who won't meet me face to face. We had no case and were planning on a few days off. We never get that chance. I've driven over a 1000 miles to get to the middle of nowhere to meet with the diaper patrol? What the hell do they know about demons, monsters, and how to kill them?"

The blond stared at him. "It depends on your definition of a monster, idiot."

"Mello," came the quiet voice. "Enough. You two must be our guests. The blond is Mello; the one beside him is Matt." The goggled boy waved half-heartedly. "The white haired young one is Near."

"And you are?" Dean was gritting his teeth.

"I am Ryuuzaki," was the soft answer.

"Please tell me you're the leader and I don't have to deal with kids? Kids don't always take orders. When hunting monsters, your life can depend on that."

"I am and the boys will follow orders. They have been trained since they were small to fulfill certain purposes."

"Well that's just dandy. I hope they fill your purposes completely. Keep them out of mine. If we are having a debriefing now, then tell us what's going on. I have three things I want to do tonight. The fourth I will do if you tell what's happening here. Sam and I hunt with other hunters once in a while, but we mainly hunt as a team or alone. People who don't understand what we go after will get hurt if they try. I won't be responsible for kids. If I have to keep an eye on them, and I will if they tag along, I'm gonna get myself hurt or killed. I am not in the mood to do that again."

There was the press of a gun against Dean's back and another at Sam's. The blond and red head had moved without the two noticing and had done so quickly. Matt's voice was soft, holding a smoker's rasp."I wouldn't discount us so quickly. Each of us have had been trained in combat since we were old enough to walk. L has said we work together because he wants to know the truth of things. So we work together."

Matt never saw it coming. Dean moved and was down under him in a roll and came up holding the boy's gun at his temple, a knee across his throat. Sam had made no effort. Dean looked at his brother in worry. "Okay, you may be good, boy, but I was trained by a United States marine starting at age 4, and raised my brother from that age on. I've seen shit you have no idea exists. If your 'L' wants to know that things exist, he sends adults. I'm not getting myself torn to pieces again. Not because I have to keep an eye on kids. Ryuuzaki, tell them to back down. I don't want to, but I can hurt him. This crap goes on and I will. Sam, you're on your own in this. Drop the gun, kid."

There was the cock of a pistol and a monotone voice was answering Dean. "Dean Winchester may have been trained by a former Marine but Near can guarantee that Dean Winchester cannot dodge this bullet." It was aimed right for the spot between his hazel eyes. "Near suggests that Dean Winchester regains calm and listens to Ryuuzaki. If Near recalls correctly, L's orders must be obeyed or both Dean and Sam Winchester stand to lose a great deal."

"If your 'L' is so smart, he would let us do our job and leave. I can not do the job if kids come along. I won't. It's a risk and I can't take it."

Ryuuzaki answered. "It is not your choice to make but his."

"Look, just tell us what is happening. Let us do the research. If it's a simple salt and burn, the kids can come and you'll have your info. We have the most dangerous job on earth, okay. Our minds have to be alert every second. We can't worry about other people. We have each other's back and go for the kill. We kill, and it's not what you want kids to see. I promise you that. You taught them how to fight, shoot a gun, and research. Awesome! Send them after what they are trained to go after. What we hunt is not human, okay? Horrible things can happen if you aren't alert. I won't be alert if they come. I won't be able to not be worried about them and keeping an eye on them. It will get me killed or worse."

Ryuuzaki took a seat in a chair, crouching in it. "Impossible. Our orders are clear. Matt, Mello, stand down. Once they have rested, I will explain things further."

"Well, Matt here can't stand down. I have his damn gun. You might tell Near here to stand down. It's beginning to itch. Don't worry about rest. Let Sam go back to our suite. He's not looking good. Okay? I'll handle this for the time being. Let's do it now. I'm not going to be getting any rest in the near future."

Dean looked at his brother, his eyes showing the fear and panic he wouldn't let the rest of him exhibit. Sam was acting strange. Not himself at this point. Dean wanted him to get some rest.

Ryuuzaki stared at the pair for a moment. "I was not under the impression your brother was ill." Matt moved a second later, flicking a lit cigarette lighter under the arm holding the gun.

"I wasn't under the impression he was either. I've been cut and burnt a hell of a lot worse than that, boy. I'm not letting go of the gun. The gun between my eyes is getting rather tiresome, Ryuuzaki. I suggest you pull him off now. Or I might let this lit lighter make me squeeze down."

Near's voice was soft. "Not until Dean Winchester lets Matt go."

"This is a Mexican stand-off, Ryuuzaki. Your boss didn't do his homework. Anyone will tell you, after what I've been through, I don't give a damn any more."

Ryuuzaki picked up a lollipop, unwrapping it studiously. "I believe you will find that L ends up earning extra credit. You have a die hard attitude. However, you are acting illogically because you do not have all the information and chose to come in 'guns blazing' in regards to attitude. Let the boy go. I will share information but only when you have calmed down enough to assimilate it properly."

"I never drew a weapon on anyone, Ryuuzaki. I just told you that I can't have kids on a hunt. The way I work, I would not be able to keep my mind on the job and stay alive. You understand that? Your 'kids' here, drew guns on us. I disarmed one. Now I have another on me. You show good faith and remove them. I'll talk, but not with them holding guns. I will not disarm until they have. First rule of combat, you never do that."

Mello had moved back to the couch, picking up his chocolate again, while Near simply laid the gun back onto the floor. The white haired teen played with a lock of his hair, eying this newcomer.

Dean removed his knee from Matt's neck, uncocked the gun and slid it across the floor to Ryuuzaki. He stood up and walked towards his brother. Shaking him, he hissed at him, "What the hell is wrong with you. You act like you're on something or coming down off..." Dean looked into Sam's eyes. "What are you taking?"

Mello looked at Ryuuzaki as Matt headed back to his game, lighting a cigarette. "You didn't say he was a drug addict."

Dean turned and looked at the two. "You didn't say?" Dean walked to Ryuuzaki. "I want to talk alone. Let Sam go lie down, send the geek squad on an errand."

Dark eyes looked at Watari, who nodded and called for the three teenagers to come with him.

"Watari, would you take Sam back to our suite?"

"Of course. Come along boys, you can help me get him settled."

"Thank you. "Dean watched them leave. He turned to the other man. "I think we have some sharing to do here. A little honesty, a little story telling."

"Sit please. I have coffee and tea available. My subordinates tend to be a bit defensive, especially when their skills are called into question." His voice was mild.

"Yeah, well, they're kids. There's a lot you don't know about us, L. Things that were never in the papers or written down anywhere. I'm gonna open up here because of who you are. You want to know what's out there? I'll tell you. Hell, I'll show you. But it's you and me at this point. If we need others later, so be it. I'll tell all you want to know and then some right now. Deal, L?"

He stirred his tea with his lollipop after adding a lot of sugar. "You assume a great deal in calling me by that name." There was no insult at all.

Dean took a cup of coffee, drinking it black. He watched the other man as he sat down on a chair. "I'm not assuming anything. You are very eccentric in the way you act, dress, sit, and even the large amount sweets you are taking in. The kids drew weapons trying to enforce your orders. You don't act like a subordinate, or even how I would have acted with my dad. No, you're L. I won't tell anyone, but I can think pretty clearly. Especially when I feel like I'm in a trap and trying to find a way out. I want honest, here."

He blinked, shaking his head. "You believe I am L just from my mannerisms? The boys are well trained to follow orders. L has given me jurisdiction. His face is never seen. However, this is no trap."

"I know I asked for honesty. I took L to be an honest man. The boys did what they did out of loyalty to you. I have a feeling that L is seen a lot, just not as L. Is Ryuuzaki, your real name, L? You see, they're kids, and this is a very dangerous situation if I'm not mistaken. L would not leave them in the hand of another in that situation. I think he's like me in some ways. He has to keep an eye on kids, even if it costs him his life."

He gave him a lopsided smile. "A mark in your favor. The boys are my heirs. They have been working with me to gain them more experience as a detective. And no, Ryuuzaki is a name I won."

Dean's smile broke through, the laugh lines around his eyes showing. "Thank you. I will just call you Ryuuzaki for the time being. If L is heard and not seen, I'm not gonna change it I'll tell you the Winchester story you haven't heard. You know about deaths, car wrecks, and stuff, You think I'm a killer. Well, in some ways I am but not like the police know it. Inspector Henrikson found out, but he died. He set it up that we were killed. He was gonna work with us. Where do you want me to start?"

"From the beginning," he answered, sipping his overly sweetened tea. "I do not believe that Dean Winchester is a murderer. I do believe there is something that he is hunting. Before now, I have not acknowledged anything can exist beyond our senses."

"I wish I could say that. I'll go back before I was born because I got to go back in time and see my parents before they married, and met my grandparents. I met a demon, I would hunt for several years. His name was Azazel. We didn't know his name then. He was known as the yellow-eyed demon. My grandparents and my mom were hunters. That surprised me, because I didn't know. In a battle with the yellow-eyed demon, who had possessed my grandfather, my dad was killed. Mom made a deal that he could come into our home ten years from then. Azazel brought my dad back to life."

L set the teacup rather hard in the saucer. "I beg your pardon?"

Dean looked up at him. "What?"

"Demons?"

"Most of the things that go bump in the night are real."

"Illogical," he murmured. "Please continue."

"The supernatural is not logical. Six years later, I was born. Four years later, Sammy was born. When he was six months old, Azazel came to the house. Mom found him standing over Sammy. He forced her up a wall to the ceiling. She ripped open and caught on fire." Dean's voice broke when he said it. His eyes closed.

A plate of chocolate cake was slid over to him. L was listening with keen interest.

Dean took a slice of the cake, and murmured that it was good. "My dad handed Sammy to me and told me take care of him, get him out. He didn't know that I'd seen what happened to mom. I didn't talk for over a year. Dad went kind of crazy. He found out about the world of hunters and what they hunted. He kept a journal. He ruined our lives. We never finished a year of school in the same district. Sometimes there were more then ten schools in one year. Sometimes he left us with other hunters...Pastor Jim and Bobby Singer. Those were the only times of normalcy. I raised Sam, making sure he had a childhood. I didn't have one. When Sammy got out of high school, he got a full ride at Stanford. He and dad had a fight and Sammy left. I didn't see him for a couple of years. He never answered the phone the couple of times I tried to call. I quit calling. Dad, well, he raised us to be soldiers. He was a former Marine and he taught us hard. When Sammy left, Dad didn't want it to be the two of us and he walked out. I hunted on my own til Dad disappeared. I was scared, to tell the truth. With Dad really gone, I had nobody, so I went after Sammy."

The detective listened quietly, munching on snacks and sipping his tea. "A very demanding person."

"He left his journal for us when we followed his trail and took out a woman in white. Sammy got her in a way. Dad sent us coordinates for a hunt in Colorado but Sam wanted to go back to Stanford. He had an interview for law school and his girl wanted to make sure he was there. He was thinking of marrying her. Her name was Jessica. I dropped him off, and left, but something didn't feel right. I saw the flames when I pulled back up. Azazel did the same thing to her he did to Mom. Sam became obsessed with revenge...just like Dad. We hunted Wendigo in Colorado. Dealt with a water spirit and I was able to help a kid who saw his dad killed by it. He wasn't talking either. We finally caught up with Dad looking for the colt."

L nodded, following the tale with interest.

"Sam had split up with me earlier, wanting to go after Dad in California. He met a girl named, Meg, who tried really hard to separate us. She wanted Dad and the colt because it kills unnatural things. Dad wanted it to kill Azazel. She was human but possessed by a demon. We had some run-ins with her. She set a really good trap. They had Dad but we found him, killed her brother. We threw holy water on Dad and he seemed fine. We hid in this cabin we knew about. Dad wasn't mad that Sam didn't kill Azazel when he had the chance, and that's when I knew it wasn't Dad. Dad and I got into it after that. I ended up against one wall and Sam against another. He didn't hurt Sam and I never questioned it. It never occurred to me that he would hurt Sam. He all but killed me. Tore my insides up bad. Sam shot him, and Azazel left his body."

"Sam got me into the backseat of the Impala and Dad into the passenger seat, and that's when an 18 wheeler semi hit us. I remember waking up in the hospital, but I was having an out of body experience. I was dying and had a reaper on my tail. Sam began to notice things and thought I was hanging around. He had Bobby take the Impala to his yard and he went out and bought a Ouija board. I laughed at that, but it worked."

"Dad knew I was dying. He made a deal with Azazel. He gave Azazel the colt and his soul. He said good bye to us and told me I might have to kill Sammy. He died."

L frowned, sipping his tea. "So your family has a bit of an issue with this demon."

"Yeah, we did."

"So, beyond demons, there are other things within the non-human area?"

"Yeah, Strigas, vampires, weyrwolves, shapeshifters, wendigos, women in white, water spirits, angels, well...the list can go on for hours."

He frowned. "Then my suspicions were correct."

Grateful that Ryuuzaki had changed the subject off the Winchester history, Dean asked, "And they are?"

"I will explain momentarily but there is an area of concern I must bring up. Your brother. I hold some expertise in psychology, and he is exhibiting symptoms of withdrawal. Can he be trusted?"

"Withdrawals? From what?"

"I would venture to hazard a guess to say drugs but I am unsure. Your type of nomadic lifestyle would make that difficult." L listed the symptoms Sam was exhibiting.

"We were apart for about four months. He changed while I was gone. He was hanging around with a demon named Ruby. He's told me that I can't do the job the angels said I was supposed to do, that was prophesied. I had something really bad happen to me. I couldn't deal with the memories for a while. I was drinking way more then I normally do. It was affecting the job, I think, but I'm not sure. Some other things happened and it lined me out. I knew I would have to do what I was supposed to do. Me, not Sam. He's been pretty hostile about it. He wants revenge on a demon named Lilith. He blames her for what happened to me. It was my fault and mine alone, but it scarred him.

We're traveling together but he has gone to see Ruby and drives out demons that she tells him about. I've seen him do it. He's getting more powerful all the time. But he can't have a pusher. We are all over the country. I need to look at his cell."

"I would. I would also be willing to volunteer Watari's assistance in helping him to dry out while we work on this investigation. My heirs are more than capable of assisting us. I would advise looking into his habits."

"I would appreciate the help in drying him out. I would really prefer to work with you. They may be really good, but they are kids. I can't keep up with them and do the job, whatever it is."

He held a slender hand up. "I would prefer utilizing their talents where we can. With your brother down and Watari attending him, we will need the additional manpower. They may not even be in a danger zone."

"I want you to keep them out of the danger zone."

"I will attempt to. Mello..can be difficult but as far as physical fighting, he is the best of the three." He frowned. "First, before we get further into the issues, let me call Watari." He gingerly picked up a phone and pressed a button.

"Ask him if he can send me Sam's cell?"

L gave instructions and a few moments later, Matt came in with a tray of food for Dean, as well as the cell. "Watari had to help him sleep."

Dean looked up. "How did he do that?"

The red head shrugged, handing him the cell. "Pressure points."


	2. Chapter 2

Learning the Truth

Dean picked up the cell phone, trying to think clearly. At this moment, he was really confused. It had been a long time since he had done a hunt without Sam. He felt alone. He'd just told a good portion of their life story to a complete stranger, and barely talked to Sam about their past. He shook his head, opened the phone, and looked across at the enigmatic man who had managed to get so much out of him without saying much at all. This was certainly something he wouldn't repeat.

He turned to the red head, wondering why the goggles. "Thank you for the meal and for bringing the phone." Dean tried to get to the action screen. The phone was locked. Dean used the normal procedure for a locked phone and was surprised when it didn't work. "What the hell? Sam's never done this before."

L frowned. "What has he done?"

"Can you program a phone to lock in some other way then what is normal?"

Matt nodded. "That model? Yeah, it's easy to do."

"Really? Well, can you reverse it? Make it like it's supposed to be? And fix it so it he can't do it again?"

He grinned and nodded. "Sure, lemme see it."

Dean handed the phone to Matt. He watched him while he ate. Watari had remembered his request. L watched the medium rare steak and massive potato with all the fixin's being eaten. His eyes remained on the dessert Dean had ordered, wondering why he would choose something with pastry when there was cake.

Matt laughed softly. "Oh this is too easy." The genius had it unlocked and everything hacked within ten minutes.

Dean smiled at him, and said thank you. He went to voice mail. Knowing his brother as well as he did, he knew the password. There was only one and it was from Ruby. Her voice irritated him with its lisp, "Well, hi, Sam, it's been awhile. You needing that bad, baby?" Dean paled then grew red with anger. He erased the voice mail. Then went to Sam's contact list. She was on it. He hit dial.

Ruby answered on the second ring. "You know for someone who was so in need, you took your slow, sweet time getting back to me."

"Hi, Ruby. Don't hang up. We need to talk about Sammy."

Matt's eyes were wide behind his goggles as he listened to the conversation.

"We're in Texas" Dean named the town. "You can call when you get here. You damn well better find a really quick way to do so. It took us three days. I don't know what you gave him, but you're gonna help him, bitch."

L's dark eyes narrowed, and he shook his head. This may not be the right thing, especially if this Ruby was Sam's supplier.

Dean hung up and looked at L, seeing the disapproval. "Ruby is a demon and Sam's been hunting with her for some time. He's still doing it even though I'm back from...uh...well, anyway, she's got something going with him. She won't hurt him. She needs him. She knows she can't get to him without dealing with me, and she's gonna have to kill me if she wants Sam. She knows it. I know it. She does want Sam, so I got a demon battle coming."

"Logic dictates that if she is the one in constant contact, then she is the one supplying whatever it is that he is in withdrawal from."

"Exactly. Sam sure as hell isn't gonna tell me, but Ruby will. If she thinks she's got me and is fixing to send me back, then she will tell me. Rub it in real good and laugh in my face. I'm gonna gank her if I can get my hands on her. Mainly, I need to know what he's taking."

"I will inform Watari, and you will need to tell him what to expect in order to protect himself and whoever remains with him."

She's not getting in there. He needs to salt every entrance, I mean every. Vents, windows, doorways. A line of salt. He only lets me in. I can't be possessed. I have a tattoo that prevents it. Everyone is to stay away from anyone they don't know. Stay together. Never apart. Watari will be protected by salt. Tell him, in my duffel is a sawed off shotgun. It's loaded with shells filled with rocksalt. She won't stick around."

L typed up the notes, sending it to watari's cell.

Dean seemed more relaxed after this. He finished his meal, and took a bite of the pastry. L watched him. closed his eyes like he'd tasted heaven. It would seem that Dean had the same addiction that he had...sweets, but mainly, this one thing. He seemed to enjoy the cake but he had no reaction to it like he did to the pastry.

The detective frowned. "While we wait for this acquaintance, we should review the case."

Dean noticed the frown and wondered what had upset L. "I'm listening," he replied as he took another bite of the apple pie. He seemed to chew it more slowly then he did the meal.

"I was called in due to the viciousness of the serial killings that have been going on. There literally is not much left to the victims."

"By not much left, do you mean eatened, ripped apart, or dismembered?"

"I do not believe that they were devoured but..how strong is your stomach?"

"Look, I'm human. It bothers me, but it's my job. I've seen just pieces of a person left after a werewolf got them. There are others who do worse damage."

L handed him a file that contained pictures of what was left.

He turned green, took a bite of apple pie, and swallowed faster then he had. He looked at the other photos and looked at L. "What the hell did that to them? I've never seen a body look like that."

"Neither have I and I have been doing this line of work for years. The victimology is different each time, location, and remains. The only thing that connects is the viciousness of the murder and also that this town is the only one affected."

"Only this town? This one looks like he was scalped, but not by anything I've seen. He looks like he was beatened, hacked, clawed or chewed on, and shredded. They were eaten. Parts of them are gone. Whatever it is, it plays with its food first. Damn! This is nasty. I got to get to Sammy's computer. Got research to do on this. Need to look at Dad's journal and see if there was anything he's come across that might help. I don't remember reading anything, but it can't hurt to try. I'll call Bobby and see if I can get hold of Cas. Damn, I can try to get hold of Ellen. It's harder with the Roadhouse burned down, but I have her cell."

"Matt," L murmured. The red head nodded, disappearing into a room and coming back with a laptop. "Here. Where is this book? I'll go get it and retrieve Near and Mello. We'll help research."

"It's in my duffel Don't go alone. We should salt every room but this one. I want her to come here.

"Then come with me. We'll start with your suite. Perhaps we'll move you and your brother to Ryuuzaki's room. He doesn't sleep." L nodded in agreement.

Dean got up and went looking for salt. "I have plenty in the Impala but not sure it's safe to go down there. We don't know what this thing is we're looking for." He turned and looked at L. "By the way, no offense, but your sleeping habits suck, dude. It'll kill you one of these days. It messes up the brain cells."

L chuckled. "I do not sleep, do not need it mostly."

"That's not human, man. Everyone needs sleep. Some can go long times without it, but it's still needed. This year, I haven't been able sleep much. Nightmares have been really bad. It has all but killed me. If I was drunk, I could sleep for a while, but I don't get the rest my body and my mind needs. It make things worse, but I don't remember any nightmares when I've been drinking."

The detective gave a small shrug. "Matt will accompany to your vehicle to get the items you need. I will inform Watari to move your things and your brother here."

"He should not be alone. Come on, Matt, we got things to do. Oh, and normal bullets won't hurt her. It will her meat suit, but she will just leave it to find another."

L nodded. "Understood."

"Watari's got my sawed off. He's okay. Matt, here, has a gun with no rock salt. It won't help him. We need to get down to the Impala and get weapons for any possibility. I need at least one other of the boys. We got a lot to carry."

"Take Mello," L murmured. "He's more physical of the three, Matt behind him."

"Okay, then we need to make this trip fast, I'm not loaded for rock salt right now, but I may have the bullets in my duffel"

Matt nodded, gesturing for Dean to follow him to the other suite to pick up his usual partner in crime, who was helping Watari and Near get the brothers' things together.

Dean knocked on the suite door. He waited until someone asked who he was. "It's Dean and Matt. We need Mello. Got an errand to run. I need to look in my duffel"

The white haired teenager opened the door. "Mello is ready. Watari took the moment to order salt, which will be delivered to the suite soon. Watari, Near, and Sam Winchester will be in the suite by the time Dean, Matt, and Mello return."

Dean answered, "Okay, that sounds good." Dean dug in his bag and found the right bullets for his gun. He replaced the silver bullets the gun had been loaded with and put them in his jacket pocket. "We don't know what's attacking in this town I'll keep them on me, just in case. Let's go, guys. I gotta learn to trust you sometime." He headed to the stairs instead of the elevator. He slowly started making his way checking level stairwells from above and as they descended. He had no intention of having something trap him on an elevator.

The blond was munching on chocolate as the two followed him. Both were alert, watching for anything out of the ordinary.

Dean looked at the chocolate and shook his head. "Do you understand that we aren't going after humans? There's all kinds of creatures out there. A large number of them have incredible senses. Hearing, sight, and smell. You might want to get rid of the chocolate."

Mello smirked, cramming the last bit of chocolate into his mouth, which made Matt chuckle. The blond's antics would never change.

Dean looked at the smirk when he heard the chuckle. "You know, watching you has opened my eyes. I'm beginning to dislike myself. You remind me too much of me."

Mello's smirk widened further "What..beautiful, smart, and deadly?"

The red head laughed softly. "And full of himself."

Dean smirked back, "Exactly."

Matt laughed again. "Oh man, you two...let's get this done. I left my game on the 25th level."

"You would be Sammy."

"I would be what?"

"Just like him. Computer games, good back up."

Mello's voice spoke up. "Best computer hacker in the world."

"Until I met you guys, he was."

Matt laughed. "He's a power user really. I know a few others who could make powder of his hard drive."

"You see, the thing is, Sammy has some major powers. Don't cross him."

The blond shook his head. "For the supernatural or does it affect humans as well?"

"What scares me is I think he can use it on anyone."

Blue-green eyes narrowed. "That isn't good..at all."

"He's only used it on demons. He drives them out without hurting the person. Well, until Alistair, but there were reasons for that."

Matt had to grin at the wisdom from his friend. "Most people would say the same of our intelligence but...that's a power humans shouldn't have."

"He was born with it. I keep an eye on him as much as I can. This addiction, whatever it is, scares me. It's changed him and not for the better."

"Power usually does." They emerged into the lobby, and found the stairwell to the underground garage.

"He's my brother. I raised him. I protected him. I sold my soul for him. I went to hell for him. It's during the four months I was in hell where he changed. Ruby is involved some how."

"If Ryuuzaki suspects it, it usually means he's right. Where is your car?"

"It's the big, black Impala."

Matt spotted it. "Hmmm..classic."

"Yeah, a 1967. She's my baby. My dad gave her to me." Dean paused a moment, then said, "No one hurts Sam."

Mello answered him as they headed to the car."As long as our group isn't threatened, he won't be."

"Fine. Can't see him doing that." He nodded, satisfied with the answer for now. Dean opened the trunk and both boys' eyes grew large. Dean pulled out shotguns, ammunition, and salt. He grabbed holy water. "This is what we need for the time being, until

I know what we are up against." Both grabbed a duffel each, slinging it over their shoulders. The hunter picked up two more duffels and locked the Impala. They headed back to the stairwell.

Matt picked up his cell, then nodded. "Everything's shifted to Ryuuzaki's suite." They reached the hallway that Ryuuzaki's suite was on, when Ruby appeared. Mello blinked at the new arrival. Given the older male's reaction, this must be the person in question who was causing so many issues.

"Hello, Ruby, this has to be a new speed record for demon travel in a meat suit. Dean had dropped the duffels and his shotgun was pointed at the woman. Matt's fingers were quick on the cell, warning Ryuuzaki of the danger.

"Hello, Dean. Still as obnoxious as ever. I need to see Sam."

"Well, when it comes to my attitude about you, I can take first place in obnoxious. You aren't seeing Sammy, Ruby. Just tell me what you've been giving him. I got to help him overcome the addiction. What's he on?"

"He's on me, Dean."

"Cut the crap, Ruby. What's he on?"

The two teens frowned, listening to the conversation before Mello broke his silence. "On you? What are you feeding the guy?"

Ruby smiled sweetly. "Blood."

"What the hell? Sammy wouldn't drink your blood, you bitch!"

"You'd be surprised what Sam would do to become strong enough to take out Lilith to avenge you, Dean. This is your fault, big brother. Then, it always is, isn't it?"

Dean fired the rock salt from the shotgun and Ruby disappeared. The hunter picked up theduffels and headed to Ryuuzaki's suite. His face was red, and his eyes were shining brightly. Ryuuzaki was near the door, obviously having overheard the conversation. This

development was not a good thing, he mused.

The young man pushed past Ryuuzaki and dropped the duffels. "Where's Sam? Damn it, where is he?" Dean hit the floor on his knees, his face in his hands, sobbing. Watari gently touched his shoulder. "Sleeping in Ryuuzaki's room at the moment, safe. I

spread salt according to how you instructed."

"Damn it, she's right. It's my fault. I brought this on."

Ryuuzaki's voice was mild. "And exactly how was Dean able to prevent this? Your brother is an adult and makes his own choices."

"It's been my actions that caused this. Hell, I never let him grow up and be his own man. I always protected him like Dad told me when I was four. Sammy was killed a couple of years ago. I couldn't live with that. I sold my soul to bring him back. Hell, Dad did it for me. What's

one more, right? I got one year out of the deal. Sam couldn't handle it. He was there when those hell hounds tore me to ribbons. To him, I was in hell for four months. For me it was forty years. Sam couldn't handle that either. He always had me and I wasn't there. Along

comes Ruby. Damn her."

Near's fingers were working at a lock of his hair as he eyed Dean. "How is Dean responsible for Sam's actions when Dean was not there to watch over Sam? Sam is an adult, responsible only for Sam's actions as Dean is responsible for Dean's actions. If Sam was misled, then only Sam can answer for Sam."

Dean stared at the white haired youth for a few minutes, trying to decide if he actually talked that way all the time. He looked at the toys on the floor and realized that the boy had a problem somewhere, but he was saying things Dean didn't know how to respond to.

Near's gray eyes were watching the man intently, learning his facial expressions. He was waiting for a response.

At first Dean thought to be sarcastic and toss it off, but looking into the gray eyes and then looking at Ryuuzaki, he knew that honesty would be the only way here. "It's been ingrained in me for a long time to be responsible for Sam. It's not normal. I know Sam realizes that. It's just so much a part of me, I don't know how to let go. I'd like to, but I'm not sure there is a way at this point."

L's voice was soft as he addressed his heir. "Near, there are times when the bond of responsibility is difficult to break in regard to familial relationships. Intellectually, Dean is aware that his brother is solely responsible for his own actions. It is just difficult to break the idea within his instincts."

The white haired genius frowned slightly, nodding. "Near cannot say that Near understands. It is a waste of energy to blame oneself for the actions of others."

Dean's laugh was bitter as he responded to the boy, "You have no idea."

The detective's voice was soft. "Perhaps the time spent here can be of use to Dean Winchester as well as this team."

"I don't know if anything can help. I now know what he's addicted to. I want to shoot him right now, but he's my brother. The pain right now is overwhelming. I sold my soul and was torn to ribbons by hell hounds. I spent 40 years dealing with torture. I became a monster

towards the end of it. All that's happening now is my fault. What does he do? Just look at him and you will get an answer."

The hunter continue, "I'm just emotionally and physically drained. I can't sleep. Tonight is the first time I've eaten a decent meal and kept it down. There's got to be a way. I did all that and he'd rather be with that demon."

Gray eyes looked into hazel. "Near believes that this case will be good for Dean Winchester L will understand more than Dean Winchester can know."

Puzzled hazel eyes looked back into the gray ones. "You know, if he can understand my messed up life and my mind set, he'll be of more help then anyone has been, 'cause I have one major screwed up life. You have no idea what is expected of me and by whom. I guarantee

you."


	3. Chapter 3

Research

L took this time to speak. "Indeed. Now, I believe we should discuss where to go in regards to the case."

Dean nodded, looking at the laptop he had been loaned. "You got any files on everything that has been happening? I need to know times, places, dates, everything, even if it's tiny. Little things can give you the answer some times. This is bothering me because, I've never seen bodies messed up like this before."

Matt spoke up. "Folder labeled with the town name. All the data is there. We keep things organized."

Dean opened the folder on the computer and started reading. He looked up, "Could I get another cup of coffee. This is gonna take a while and alcohol is not a good idea right now. I need a clear head for this."

Watari placed a tray near Dean's elbow, complete with coffee, the condiments, and a pastry in case the other was hungry. L was at his own chair, sitting in his odd way, sucking on a lollipop as he read through a file on his laptop. Typing could be heard from the heirs as well.

Dean's serious face looked at the apple pie, and Watari saw something none of the others had experienced yet...the Dean Winchester charm. His eyes lit up and kindness showed in them, the laugh wrinkles showing, and there was a beautiful smile, as he murmured, "Thank you."

"I take it apple pie is your preferred sweet, Mr. Winchester?"

A large grin formed for a minute. "Hell, yes. Ever since I was a kid. We had some at a restaurant. Bobby let me have a slice all my own, and I didn't have to share it with Sammy. That was rare, you know. Best tasting thing I ever had. I like all pies but apple is my favorite."

The older man smiled, eyes twinkling mischievously. "Then I will ensure to keep some on hand for you."

Dean's eyes responded, then he said quietly, "Seriously? That would be awesome. I don't get to have it as much as I'd like. Thanks."

"Are there other foods you enjoy?" He was used to keeping food on hand at all hours.

"I enjoy a good breakfast for one thing. The meal you fixed tonight was fantastic. And, I love a good cheeseburger and fries. You have awesome coffee, good and strong. Thank you, but you don't need to bring anything for it because I drink it black. I do like a soda once in a while and bottled water. That's all I can think off. Thank you for asking."

Watari gave a small bow. "Part of my responsibilities is to take care of the detectives I am with. L and Mello are fairly easy to provide for. Please tell me if a craving should come your way."

Dean thanked him again, wondering what difficulties Watari had with Matt and Near. He ate a bite of the pie, his eyes closing again, in enjoyment. He held the coffee cup and went back to reading the history of the case. He began to frown as he read. "I can't think of a damn thing that meets this, but a lot of things escaped when Heaven's Gate was opened. Could be something we haven't seen before. That's a damn scary thought. We need to back track to ancient legends and see what we can find. If this has never been seen, we are in deep shit."

Matt peered at Dean through his goggles. "Are there any online resources you typically use? I'm pretty good at research?"

"Sammy's laptop was brought in? Open it and he has a file that has all the sites. We've come up against some weird shit so far."

He nodded, scurrying after the computer. After a few moments, the teen made a face. "Slow."

L cleared his throat. "Not everyone has the advantages we do, Matt."

He winced. "Sorry."

Dean cleared his throat. "In our work, you don't get paid. That's the one reason we have criminal records for credit card fraud. We have to live to do the job. People are grateful but they damn well don't pay you. That was all we could afford."

The senior detective frowned, removing the lollipop for a moment. "Understandable. Unfortunately, my heirs are not as familiar with that type of life, which is why Matt was reminded of that."

"As I said before, you don't know us...you only know what's in police reports and newspaper articles, and maybe a few eyewitness reports, but not the real ones. People who know what we do, say nothing. Who the hell would believe them? Life as a hunter is hell, man."

Mello sighed. "He apologized..let it go. You don't need to keep harping on it."

Dean snapped, "You know, living life as a smart ass towards adults will have you ending up like me. I was explaining what it's like, since you guys seem to have whatever you want. Okay. Now, you can cut the crap because I don't deal with it."

The blond stared at him, then shrugged. He didn't answer to the other..just L and Watari.

Dean snorted, but the damage had been done. The older Winchester brother went back to doing what he did best...he clammed up. Another thing L did not know was he was not open about himself, his family, and certainly, not his emotions. He'd said more this night then he had in ages. None of them realized that they'd just lost that. Watari might be the exception, he'd seen the man's eyes go steely, and then dull, and a strange look appeared on his face, and was gone in a fleeting instant. He was now all business.

"Mello," came the flatly spoken comment from L. "The attitude is not appreciated."

A mumbled sorry came from around a mouth full of chocolate.

Dean nodded and said, "It's not important. Going back to this thing. I don't remember anything like this. Bobby has tons of ancient books. He might be my best source." Dean got out his cell and called South Dakota and Bobby Singer.

L continued typing in his odd manner, researching through the 'net on what he could find that could possibly match this case.

"Hey, Bobby. Nah, we didn't get any days off yet. Yeah, Bobby, I know we need it. Look, we got a nasty one and I sure as hell can't figure what it is. Your computer up? I'm gonna send you an email. See what you can dig up, would ya? I don't have your resources, and I don't think this world has seen this thing in centuries...maybe longer then that. Yeah. Thanks, Bobby. I know, it's not easy right now. Sammy's got problems, so rest will have to wait. Okay. Bye, Bobby."

Dean turned to L. " You have my files then you know who the hell he is. How much of this can I send him?"

L pointed at Matt who grinned. "I have a file ready to send. You got an addy for me?"

Dean gave him the email address, mumbling, "You know he's gonna wonder who the hell this is coming from. You ain't hunters and he will gather that pretty fast. This may be a need to know basis, but Bobby Singer is the best when it comes to research. He's got stuff you've never even dreamed of."

Near looked up. "Perhaps this Bobby Singer would be willing to share information."

"You're damned right he will. That's why I called him. Bobby's family to me, and he's a hunter. We'll know whatever he can find. Might take some time. He actually uses books."

He gave a vague pleased look. "Good."

Dean's serious expression melted a little at Near's response. He knew the boy had problems, but like himself, he carried on. Dean found himself admiring this one with more then just a little respect. He wasn't disrespectful or an ass, both of which his dad would have beat out of him.

L tilted his head. "If he has the resources you speak of, I wonder if he would be willing to allow technicians to scan and electronically upload his library to a database."

"You'd have to ask. Some of the stuff he has no one knows is in existence. Some of it is dangerous for anyone to know it is real. Have to ask him."

"I believe I will."

Dean nodded and reached for his dad's journal, a thickly stuffed notebook with papers hanging out of it.

Near blinked. "Dean Winchester, what is that?"

"My dad's journal. Sam's building a data base of everything in it. When we are at Bobby's he scans newspaper articles and everything into it. Dad's notes he types in."

"Does Dean Winchester require assistance with that? As the group is waiting for a response, this would be a simple project."

"A lot of it is on Sam's computer, He's set up categories and stuff. If you don't a have problem with a slower machine, sure. You can do it. Just look at what he's doing. The papers and stuff have to be scanned."

Matt grinned. "I can set it up with a more efficient database. I think I've got enough hardware on hand to modify this to run better for him too."

"That would be great. Thank you." Dean went back to going through the journal looking for anything he may have missed, but it was useless. He handed to the journal to Near, and leaned back and closed his eyes which were burning from exhaustion. He sat up a few minutes later, and asked Watari if he could have another cup of coffee.

Another was brought quickly, though the older man rested a hand on his shoulder. "You should try to get some rest, Mr. Winchester. This lull is a good opportunity to try."

"I have these stages like this where I can't sleep. I have way too much on my mind. I tried almost every night on the drive here. Tossing and turning is only worse. I'll just drink the coffee and it will keep me wired and awake. That's what I need right now. Probably won't get much til this is over."

L's voice was soft. "Watari has some mild sleeping aids that will help. You should take advantage of this peace and quiet."

"Alcohol does it too and that's what I usually use, or company when I feel the need. I don't do sleeping pills. Too dangerous, but thank you. I'll drop when I hit that point."

"As you wish."

Dean ignored the concern, not thinking it was serious. Very few people really cared. Bobby, Ellen, and Jo did...Sam used to. He winced at that thought, wanting to push the demon killing knife through Ruby's chest and watch her die, knowing it would be permanent. He drank the strong coffee, knowing it would keep him awake but make him jittery in a while. Too much to search for and he was waiting on Bobby.

Watari laid a plate with a sandwich beside him. "This will help with the jittery issues from caffeine"

Dean looked up, surprised. "Thank you." He took the plate and bit into what he considered to be a great sandwich. He enjoyed it more then he normally would a regular sandwich.

The elderly gentleman smiled, then moved to Near's side, putting down some food and softly insisting the small white haired teen eat.

Dean smiled as he watched the older man bullying the young teen to eat some food, pleased the boy had someone to care for him in such a way.

L chuckled softly, watching the pair and noticing Dean watching. "Near tends to forget to eat when he is involved with his projects. We try to look out for him, but Watari is always more cautious."

Dean nodded, "Sammy's like that..forgetting to eat when he's involved in something." Dean closed his eyes for a second. He yawned slightly, frowning, and went back to the computer.

"It can happen."

"Yes, it can. For his own good, I had to bully him to eat. I figure one of these days, he's gonna retaliate in kind...if we live through all of this."

Dark eyes fastened on Dean. "I do not see why we should not."

Dean looked puzzled, "Should not what?"

"Survive."

Dean frowned, a puzzled look in his eyes again. "I agree we should survive but how does that relate to making someone eat?"

"Your prior statement about your brother retaliating in kind if we live through all of this."

"I meant his concern over my drinking, the women, no sleep, and the risks I take. What do you mean by that?"

"That was what I was wondering as well."

"What? My way of life? What I do that he worries about helps me cope."

"No, why you believed that all of us could not survive. Your phrasing indicated that you believe something negative is on the horizon." He took a sip of his tea.

"Cas told me that since I started it, I would finish it. Killing Lucifer would seem to be what he means. Not sure. If we can stop some things, we might even prevent it, but I'm not sure. Hell, I'm not sure I even want to care about it, but I do. It's our world, okay."

L held up a hand. "I believe you should start from the beginning. The others are occupied and would not interrupt"

Dean looked the other man in the eyes and weighed his options. "What the hell. There's nothing you can do anyway. You might as well know what I unleashed and have to stop. I went to hell, as I said before. I tortured people. When I shed the blood of another person, I broke the first major seal to release Lucifer. There's this demon, Lilith, who Sam's trying to kill, who had me killed by the hell hounds She's breaking all these seals, but my breaking the first one brought all this on. If Lucifer gets free, I'm the one, according to prophecy, who has to stop him. Isn't that a joke? The Apocalypse in the book of Revelation in the Bible is right around the corner. There's no place to hide."

A dark eyebrow arched. "And you are following an antiquated book and ideal system simply because these 'beings' said that this is how it has to work?"

"I've never been one to believe in any of this crap, but I've seen things that should not exist. It's real, whether you or I believe in it. Castiel says God exists. I laugh at that, but he thinks I'll meet God. Cas says it's my job. Hell, I'm tired. I want to just stop and run, but I can't. Millions of people will die, and I can't let that happen."

L stared at him for a moment. "I am at a loss as to how to comment there. This Castiel may have met one powerful being but as to whether or not this should rest solely on you, no. This is I believe is a very large mistake. Humans are by nature prone to mistakes. If they want this stopped, then they should take action themselves. Most humans are not equipped to handle this type of task."

"Well, there's a prophet who says otherwise." Dean almost laughed. "I have to show you something because I wouldn't have believed it either. Dean went into the other room and dug in Sam's duffel. He returned with a bunch of graphic novels. "These have been written the last couple of years and have a cult following of real weirdos. Don't ask. Any way, each one of these is about our lives and hunts. This guy wrote them before they happened, man. Castiel says he's a prophet, and I don't even want to believe the rest, okay."

He took a book between two fingers and began to skim over the pages. "Drivel..sheer drivel. He actually sold these?"

"Yeah, I would feel the same way if he hadn't written them before those stories actually happened to us. Every damn one of them is true and the dates on the books are before they really happened. I don't know how the hell he has done it, but he's still writing and predicting what will happen.

"If I believed in such things, I would suggest a psychic of some kind. As it stands, I believe in neither psychics nor prophets."

"You know, I hate to burst your bubble, man, but unbelief can get you killed in my world. It's a just a warning. Chuck didn't believe he was doing anything but writing this drivel, and I would have thought it was the same thing if it weren't almost verbatim about us. Some of what he did with it makes me sick. He's got a sick fan base too. That's as far as I want to go with it."

L nodded, eyes moving back to the laptop screen. "I suppose it is more of a wait and see type of thing. I do suggest caution in regards as to what these beings want from you. It does not make sense to put this into the hands of humans."

"Cas is the only one I halfway trust, and that took some time. He believes this stuff. I'm not a big believer in what I can't see, but lately, crazy things have been going on. My only concern is to keep friends and family safe, and save the world from ruin."

"Hmmm "


	4. Chapter 4

First Laid Plans

Dean's cell finally rang about 4 in the morning, and Bobby's tired voice was heard on the other end.

"Hey, Bobby. You find anything? Yeah? What do you mean by that? Are you sure? Yeah, Bobby, I know that, but really? Okay. How do we kill it? What? Aw, come on, Bobby, you got to do better then that. Hell no, I'm not letting anybody do that. I'll do it. Night, Bobby. No, I'm not listening to reason. Night, Bobby."

Several sets of eyes were turned to watch the older Winchester, waiting for answers.

Dean was quiet for a few minutes, collecting his thoughts. He looked up at the others and stared,

"It doesn't have a name, mainly because the ancient people of Mesopotamia, who conjured it up out of hell were too terrified of it to name it."

"What else," Mello asked, snapping another bite off of his chocolate bar.

"There's more then one. A female who rules the clan, several mating pairs, and a couple of males who will fight for her. To breed, they need human flesh. They enjoy torturing their dinner before they devour parts of it. "

The three heirs shared a glance before the blond muttered. "That's a hell of a kink."

"It would be if she mated with one of them. It don't work that way, it would seem. The queen has other needs to produce her kind above the others, she needs a human, and it isn't normal, okay. Anyway, killing her will kill off the others, make them weak enough to be hunted. They draw their strength from her."

"How is it killed?" L was twirling the lollipop idly as he listened.

"You want it straight? We got teens here."

He nodded, knowing they could handle it.

"Her body chemicals are highly acidic, and it burns enough to hurt like hell but not destroy you. When she orgasms she loses control of her defenses. In that instance, you have to cut off her head. That's it."

"You mean to tell me that someone will have to engage her in intercourse for another to get close enough to decapitate her?"

"Yeah, that's what I plan to do. It's the only time she's defenseless and the males are not around her. You got any better ideas, tell me now."

L leaned back thoughtfully. "I have enough pull to get someone brought in for that purpose alone, keep one of us from being injured."

"I appreciate that, but no. You wouldn't know anyone who can get in and out of there like I can. I have been doing this kind of thing since I was a kid. I know how to survive the horrors. Most people have never come up against the supernatural. No, I'll do it."

Near's voice piped in. "If Dean Winchester and L were to be in position while the third does this, then Near sees no logical reason for Dean Winchester to put himself into a position where Dean Winchester could be harmed."

"You don't understand. They can smell you, and no one is going to just sneak in there without being found and murdered. The only one who can get in is the one she wants. I plan on making her want me. I'll do this, you be ready to come in once she's dead. You cut off heads. None can survive. You get me out. I'm trusting you for this, and I'm not trusting anyone else to do what I know how to do. Okay? No arguments. You brought me here to do a job, than you damn well better let me do it."

The small teenager shook his head. "Human beings are so confusing."

"I'll let you in on a little secret, Near. Monsters and demons, I can understand, but humans scare me. They will do things that don't make sense at all to me."

He curled a lock of hair around a finger, frowning slightly at his computer screen. It was obvious he really wasn't pleased at all.

Dean frowned, knowing he had upset the boy, who, for some reason, reminded him of Sammy. He wished he could remove the frown, but he seemed destined to hurt people, and saw no way out of what life threw his way. He looked at L. " I have two machetes. We will need more, and they need to be razor sharp. Taking off a head isn't as easy as you think."

L looked at the clock. "They can be purchased tomorrow morning. It is too late at the moment to consider shopping."


	5. Chapter 5

Respect and Breakfast

Dean leaned down to search his duffel and noticed things had been moved in it. Frowning, he carefully moved clothes, bullets, and a couple of old books he'd liked, looking for his whiskey bottle. The one in the car was empty, and he knew he needed to sleep. He couldn't find it. He began to curse under his breath. He couldn't afford good whiskey, and really needed it. He really had little left to spend on things like alcohol. The only ones who had been alone with it were the boys and Watari, and the boys didn't seem the type. Had Watari seen it when looking for things he's asked for? If so, why take it? Dean looked up and his eyes met Watari's across the room, a brow went up. He so wanted to ask the man. How the hell was he to sleep now? He didn't want to deal with nightmares again...he couldn't.

The older man tilted his head questioningly.

Dean looked down at his duffel and back at the man, eying him questioningly and nodded towards his duffel and gazed intensely, the hazel eyes demanding an answer.

Watari was unsure as to what the man wanted so pointed at a bedroom and headed there.

Dean slowly got up and followed the older man into the bedroom. The younger man stared at the man. "Look, someone has taken something I need out of my duffel, so how do I go about getting it back?"

"No one has messed with your bag, Mr. Winchester. What is missing? I can get you a replacement."

"I keep an extra bottle of whiskey wrapped in some of my clothes so it doesn't get broken, and it's not there. The one in the Impala is empty. It's not good stuff, cause I can't afford the good stuff, but a kid could get real sick on it. I don't think they had time to drink any of it. Will you find out who has it?"

"The boys haven't been near it, but I will check. I didn't think you would need it, sir."

"What do you mean, 'you didn't think I would need it?' Do you know where it is?"

"No sir, I had no idea you had alcohol. I said that because you inquired after it and you do not seem the type for hard liquor."

A pained glance was in the hazel eyes but never made it to the face, and it was a swift look. "Thank you for that. I wish it were true, I really do. My life didn't work out that way, and sometimes you need to forget. Okay? That's more information than I ever give."

His voice was soft. "I have sleeping medications that do not leave hangovers, are non-addictive, and will be better for your liver. It will work for tonight, at least, as the bar in the hotel is closed."

"Sammy will tell you that I can go to sleep in seconds and sleep the entire night, but I've been having some very bad nightmares, and they wake me up. The whiskey deadens them, and I can sleep through anything when I drink it. Can your medications do that?"

"Actually, yes. My boys may seem very calm but nightmares can be a troubling thing if and when they do sleep." Watari went to a lock box, opening it and fishing out two pills. "You may sleep in here tonight, sir. Take these and immediately get into bed. They kick in quickly."

For a second, there was a hopeful look on the young man's face, and Watari caught a glimpse of what he must look like when he didn't try to carry the world on his shoulders. He realized that the man was younger then he appeared. Dean reached over and took the pills from his hand. He looked up and the hazel eyes met his gaze for a second. As if afraid that too much might be read in his eyes, the older Winchester gazed over the man's shoulder, saw a door slightly ajar, and assumed it was the bathroom. He needed some water to take the pills. When he returned, Watari was gone. He took off his jacket, buttoned down shirt, boots, socks and jeans, and crawled into bed in his t-shirt and boxers It only took a few minutes for the pills to kick in and the hunter slept well for the first time in months.

Mello and Matt had retired a short time later with Near conking out on the floor before dawn. L worked through the night, eyes focused on the laptop screen.

It was late morning when Dean woke up, and had to think to remember where he was. He saw his duffel on the floor, and sighed in relief, still wondering where the hell his whiskey had gone. He remembered that Watari and the boys had been with Sam or L. The only one alone with the duffel at any time would have been L. Dean had requested things from it, and it had been brought because he needed shells and things. Would L have taken his whiskey, and if so, why?

The more Dean thought about it, the more he realized that these people would look upon going into his things and taking something with distaste. That left only...Sam? Why?

There was a tap on the bedroom door and Watari's voice calling out to him. "Sir, breakfast will be up in twenty minutes."

Dean looked up at the door and asked Watari if he would come in for a moment. He had something to do that was difficult for him but felt it was necessary at the moment.

The elderly man entered when asked to, giving him a curious look. "Yes, Mr. Winchester?"

Dean's face was red as he looked at the older man. "Watari, I won't make excuses. I was rude last night. I'm not used to being around honest, caring people, who live by standards I've only dreamed of. I made accusations last night that, in the light of day, I could see were asinine I want to apologize for what I did. It had to be Sammy. I'm sorry."

He moved and patted Dean's shoulder in a manner much like a grandfather would. "You have been under a great deal of stress. Think nothing more of it."

Dean rose to his feet in respect for the man, his eyes glistened, and his voice choked a little when he said, "Thank you, Sir. I appreciate your kindness."

A soft smile curved his lips. "You are welcome, now get your shower and change. Breakfast will be up soon."

Dean nodded, gathering clean clothes and heading to the bathroom. It had not yet been recognized that he'd crossed a line of respect with Watari. Few men earned that respect and the word 'Sir' from Dean Winchester. His father, because Dean had been brought up to respect him, Pastor Jim, who was now dead, and Bobby Singer. The hunter now considered Watari in that group..someone he could trust and respect.

Watari went to check on his other charges before moving to check on Sam. The young man was still out of it for the moment, and Watari was planning on ensuring that this Winchester would be off of the blood and not going back on it when the boys left to go on their next adventure.

Dean never questioned obeying the older man. He rushed through his shower, shaved and dressed quickly. He hurried out and saw no one in the living area as of yet. Probably getting a shower and dressed, themselves. He went in to check on Sam and saw Watari watching his brother.

Dean cleared his throat and asked, "How is he?"

"He will be reaching the hallucination stage of the drying out process within a few hours. The suite is soundproofed so he will not disturb the hotel's guests." Watari turned to face Dean. "Sir, whatever you hear, you must not come in. The hallucinations may feel disturbingly real to him but it's a vital process. His mind, body, and the blood will be fighting each other."

"These hallucinations...are they what his mind is really thinking and what he's feeling? I just need to know. Oh, about this hunt? I will need a map if at all possible. One of this town and the surrounding areas. I need to pinpoint every sighting, any strange happenings, and the murders so we can figure out where the lair is."

"The information will be provided, sir. Eat first." His voice was mild but authoritative, showing he wanted Dean to take care of himself.

"In the main area, or do you have a dining area in this suite?"

"There is a table you can use. Most just eat at their work stations," he shrugged slightly. His wards had unusual habits truthfully.

"A table would be nice. Sammy and I try to eat in restaurants as much as we can afford to. Even a burger place has a table, paper napkins. It's kinda nice."

He smiled and nodded, heading to set things up.

Dean followed and started helping set everything on the table.

The boys were at their work stations, nibbling on their food, and Watari poured coffee for Dean and tea for himself before sitting down. He'd ordered a good sized breakfast, unsure as to what their guest would appreciate.

Dean was well rested, still worried, but worry was a major force in his life. The rest helped tremendously. The food was wonderful, and being Dean, he tried some of everything.

The older male ate slowly, often keeping his eyes on his charges to ensure they didn't need anything. Mello, for once, was immersed in his work and not trying to pick a fight with Near, who was focused on his laptop while stacking dice.

Dean noticed Watari's gaze kept going back towards the teens. He watched them at their work, and turned back towards the older man. "They're smart kids. Do they ever get the chance to just be kids?"

"Matt, probably due to his love for video games. He drags Mello into them when he gets something that he feels Mello will enjoy. Near..is a different case."

"Yeah, I noticed, but didn't want to ask. He's a good kid, you know."

There was a spark of fondness in the old man's eyes. "He is. I'm proud of all of them."

"Yeah, well Mello and Matt are gonna have to grow on me, but Near reminds me of Sammy in some ways. Hard to pinpoint it but he does."

"I look forward to meeting the young man when he's completely off the demon blood and see. Near is an unusual individual. Intelligent yes but unique. All of them are. I don't tell them often enough, I'm sure, but they are very special to me. L was the first I took under my wing."

"So he told you I figured out who he was? I'm surprised. He seems kind of closed mouthed about things. You raise him or get him as a teenager? He's pretty smart too."

"I found him as a child. He started solving cases about two years later," was the quiet response.

"So, he didn't have a childhood either."

Watari shook his head. "I tried..but with children with IQ's that high, it's next to impossible."

"I guess it would be, but at least you tried. There's people in this world who don't get that opportunity. They chose for themselves because of their intelligence and you offered other things. That's okay."

The older man nodded, sipping his tea with a distant expression in his eyes. "Most orphans are overlooked when they are this intelligent. I worry for all my boys."

Dean nodded, thinking the kids were lucky to have someone like Watari. He and Sam had had Dad but they might as well have been orphans considering how things had been. He tried shaking off the thought. It did no good to think about it, honestly. More pain to deal with and dealing was hard.


	6. Chapter 6

Capoeira

The hunter looked at Watari. "Where's L this morning?"

"He takes a bit of his morning to exercise and then clean up," was the soft answer. "He's practicing."

"Practicing?"

"Capoeira," Watari responded.

"I haven't heard of it? Martial art form?"

The older man nodded. "It is actually." He told Dean about the history of it.

"Like a dance? I bet it's beautiful to watch. Dad taught us how to fight. I'm not bad, but I am not trained in martial arts a whole lot. What we fight doesn't usually require it."

"Would you like to see? If you're finished, I can show you. He's probably still working at the moment."

Dean's eyes lit up. "Yeah, I would..if he wouldn't mind."

He shook his head, rising slowly as bones popped and creaked slightly. "He won't. Follow me."

Dean felt a sense of excitement run through him, and it had been a long time since he had felt it. He enjoyed anything that required the discipline that martial arts demanded. His dad required it from him daily. Being the good soldier took a lot.

Watari led him to a room connected to the suite, opening the door and leading Dean into the room but keeping the duo beside the wall. Music of an almost African nature, heavy with drums, filled the room. L, dressed in loose clothing, was lost in the rhythm. His agile form, which usually looked so frail in his usual clothing and slouched posture, performed flips, kicks, and kicks performed while in a hand stand. It was a dance..deadly but beautiful.

Dean stood stiff as a board, not moving an inch, gazing in awe at L's movements, and becoming drawn into the beat of the drums. His eyes never left the form of the slender man, becoming mesmerized by the control displayed.

Eventually, the workout came to an end and L stretched for a moment before his body sagged back into its usual slouching position. He shuffled towards them. "Good morning," he greeted them.

Dean couldn't think of anything to say. His mind was still on the movements and the control this slouching man had shown moments earlier, and he showed no signs of perspiration, heavy breathing, or weakness. The older Winchester continued to stare at L, his eyes wide and mouth open. It wasn't rudeness that caused the lack of response It was total awe and respect for the man.

"Are you well, Dean?" The question was accompanied with wide eyes and soft voice as the detective watched him.

Dean came to himself and was flustered that he was actually blushing from embarrassment for being caught staring in such a way. "Huh? Er...I'm sorry. That was just totally awesome, man. Seriously awesome."

A small half smile quirked the dark haired man's lips. "Thank you. Each of us practices a form of martial arts..for discipline, exercise, as well as self defense. Mello uses a style of karate, Matt an older form of Tae Kwan Do, and Near, due to his smaller size, a style of kung fu that utilizes speed over power."

Dean nodded. "I was never taught the regular discipline of martial arts, but my dad was a former marine, and we were taught to fight like them. I can usually handle myself in a fight. I can take the blows and stand my own against several men, but I've never fought someone who has had the discipline. Probably get my ass kicked. I enjoyed watching. Thanks."

"You are most welcome. Watari, I believe it is Near's turn to go first this time." L kept them on a rotation so there wouldn't be any fighting over favoritism in regards to using the room after he had finished. "I must clean up. I will rejoin you in a short while."


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel's Rescue

Dean walked with Watari and headed to the table where they had eaten and began to clear it.

Near had slipped out after Watari had given the message to begin his own daily work out. The older man went to the table and began stacking dishes on the serving cart. "Mornings can be busy here. L insists that at least an hour a day is given for them for exercise. Mello is the most active of the three but with the amount of cases they go through a day, sometimes movement is curtailed."

"Yeah, they need to keep active as much as possible. It's important. Does the cart go downstairs to the kitchen? If you'll tell me where, I'll take it on down."

"Just in the hallway beside the door. The hotel staff will pick it up."

Dean moved the cart outside into the hallway, stopped and looked both directions, feeling uneasy. He stepped back inside. It didn't feel like Ruby. Did the creatures know about hunters? Worse, did they know that hunters were here or were they after the team? It didn't feel right.

L, rubbing his hair with a towel, stepped out of a room, dressed in his usual long sleeved white shirt and jeans. "What is it?"

"Something's not right, and I'm trying to figure out what it is. Give me a minute to think." Dean paced, went back out into the hall and stood in silence. Silence? He ran back inside and locked the door.

"Okay, you got other guests here? I mean, this is a full working hotel, right?"

L frowned. "I am unsure as to the guest population. I can have someone find out."

"No one leaves here until we figure out why a hotel should sound like a graveyard at midnight. There's no sound out there. Nothing. No voices, no sounds of footsteps, no elevators,...nothing, L. There's at least cooks, maids, waiters, bellhops...hotel staff."

The detective turned on his feet, pulling Dean further into the suite. "Matt, check the registry of the hotel. I need to know how many staff members are employed and how many guests are checked in currently. Mello, pull Near, check the other hotels and motels in this town. Ascertain if all is well. Once the three of you are done, hack the databases and send incoming visitors away."

The hunter turned towards the detective. "Okay, now how many people knew you were coming, and how many knew Sam and I were coming? Also, who knew it was this hotel?"

"None barring the agency that asked for my assistance. We are checked in under false credentials. Same as the suite that was booked for you and your brother." L sat at his desk chair, fingers blazing over the keyboard while the boys scrambled to follow their mentor's orders. "As far as the hotel, I change hotels every so often. I operate from the shadows, Dean. You are the first outsider to know who I am and what I look like."

"The agency that asked for help, does it have offices here?"

"No. The local office for that one is four major cities over."

Mello looked at Dean. "How do you know if that demon chick didn't tip someone off?"

"She has some use for Sam, so she's not gonna hurt him. If she sent them here, how's he gonna be protected? I can't imagine them sinking low enough to deal with a demon. What the hell could she have told them to bring them out in the open in broad daylight?"

"Birds of a feather flock together," Matt muttered, hands flying over the keyboards of two different laptops. "If she wants your brother, she'll find a way to get to him. Now she knows that we know what she's been giving him, she'll know that you'll want him out of her sphere of influence."

"So, she sold me to them in exchange for Sammy? I don't buy that. I planned on spreading a few lies around to make her come after me, but Ruby's got nothing on me worth making them take this risk. Damn it, we're not ready. We don't know where the lair is and we're not armed with the only weapon that can hurt them. We have two machetes."

The goggle wearing teen nodded, still focusing on his tasks. "I'm in! I've gotten into the hotel's security system. I'm dumping the feed remotely onto your laptop, L."

Dean stood looking over L's shoulder, muttering under his breath, "Damn it, Cas. Where the hell are you when we need you?"

L cycled through the cameras, waving Mello and Near to their stations to get to work.

Dean remained quiet, waiting on the experts for this. No one heard the soft fluttering of wings. Castiel stood standing right behind Dean. If the hunter turned, he'd be nose to nose with the angel.

There was the sound of a gun being cocked and the blond was on his feet. "Who are you and how did you get in here?"

The gun went flying from the hand that held it and hit a wall. "We do not have time for this. Dean, do you have any idea why these creatures have come out into the open and are hunting you? Where is Sam? Who are these people?"

L answered the new arrival quietly. "Sam is under my protection and care until his health issues are taken care of. We suspect it is due to the influence of one demon named Ruby but do not have enough evidence to support that. You may call me Ryuuzaki if you so desire. I suppose you must be the one named Castiel?"

"If Ruby is involved in Sam's health problems, it must be blood addiction. She would use the blood to try to boost his powers, but they do not work that way. It is psychological, Dean. Ruby must want Sam badly. Why, Dean?" Castiel turned to the detective. "Why do humans feel the need to use fake names and titles. Which name or title do you prefer, detective, Ryuuzaki or L?"

The slender detective didn't even flinch. "For my own protection and that of my heirs, Castiel. She did admit publicly that his addiction was to demon blood. Watari has been working with him in the drying out process and both he and I will aid in ensuring he stays off of it once he leaves my protection." Dark eyes looked blandly into those of the angel. "I can only assume the demon sent creatures here to regain control over him. As to why...again, I can only assume you and /or your superiors would know the answer to that."

"The creatures were created millenia ago by Lucifer to be his servants. His hatred of humans caused their creation. They would look for those who are a threat to their master and destroy them, but there has been no serious enemy in centuries." Castiel turned towards the hunter, "until you, Dean. First, Sam is needed for some purpose we do not understand at this time, and you prevent their use of him. The most important threat is that you ARE the one who will destroy Lucifer. I have not been told how, Dean, but it is known that the righteous man who sheds blood in hell is the only one who can stop the end of the world. Dean, you are that man, and running from it is going to get a lot of people killed. They have come for you. I am assuming that you had a plan that has been circumvented by Ruby. Everyone has 10 minutes to get what they need. We are leaving. Prepare Sam."

Mello was the one who broke the silence. "I call bullshit."

The angel turned towards the teen and raised his arm, hand outstretched and the boy disappeared. Castiel turned and said, If he needed anything, I suggest you gather it quickly. You now have eight minutes."

L set the laptop aside and stared at the angel. "You will return him..now."

"You will all get ready, NOW. Or, you will be leaving here without whatever you deem necessary to fight this battle. You now have seven minutes."

"Damn it, Cas, you can't come in here like this and do this!"

"Dean Winchester, I am a servant of God and I can do whatever I deem necessary. You have six minutes. I suggest all of you be prepared. You will be traveling like your companion."

"Cas, I need the car!"

"It will be there, Dean. Five minutes."

Dean took one look and began packing his duffel, quickly.

Watari stared at the newcomer as the others began packing. They had this down to an art form "Where is the boy?"

"He is safe, where you will be in four minutes. Dean, get Sam ready."

Dean looked at Cas, in anger. "We are damn well gonna deal with this, Cas. I promise you that. You can't come in here and order people around."

"You are God's creation, Dean. I can do exactly what I am doing with what is his."

"I belong to no one, Cas. I told you that before. Where is he? If he wants me, tell him to face me, then."

"Two minutes, Dean."

The hunter headed to his brother's room, grabbing the laptop and duffel to put his things in. He had a panicked look on his face.

Luggage was standing beside the two heirs. "Mello is going to throw a huge bitch fit." L shook his head. "Rightly so."

In seconds, they were standing outside a large cabin out in the mountains that were fifty miles away from the city. The Impala was parked out front. Dean sat on the ground and was retching, muttering how the transfers made him sick.

A blond streak came running towards them, skidding to a halt in front of the angel. "You are an asshole."

"I was created by God, so there was no interbreeding with donkeys on anyone's part."

"Really?"

L held up a hand, cutting the blond's rant off immediately. "Matt, Near, Mello, assist Watari with the living arrangements and getting Sam comfortable. He will be reaching a difficult time soon." The boys immediately obeyed and the detective stared at the angel. "Castiel, was it?"

"That is my name. I will need a list of everything you will need. Dean, besides machetes, what else will be required by you? I know how to destroy them. Who is the victim?"

"I have fault in your logic and the logic of your race." His voice was the usual flat tones as he fished a lollipop out of his pockets, unwrapping it and popping it into his mouth.

"I do not understand why the demons and the angels believe a Winchester is important. I am striving to find out but it is being kept a deep secret at this time. I would like to question Ruby but she does not need to know where you are."

"The Winchesters aren't. Mello is correct. Your superiors are feeding you lies and nonsense. Humans do not have the power or strength necessary to fight the battles that your kind face. I believe it is more of a need for transference...shift the blame onto someone else."

"The blame will fall where it will fall. My job is to protect Dean Winchester. I pulled him out of hell after we battled to enter it. Lucifer is not there. He is trapped somewhere. The seals being broken will lead to his release. Dean must stop it or face him later. It would be easier to kill Sam Winchester because he will be used for evil in this at some point, but I cannot do that and not hurt Dean. I will not do that."

"Kill Sam? Like hell you bastards will! I'd die for him, Cas, and you know it."

"Dying would serve no purpose, Dean. It would only put Sam back into Ruby's grip."

L broke into the argument. "One could argue that the angels could have stopped this before Dean went to hell, thus keeping these seals intact. One could also argue that a human cannot kill this so-called being named Lucifer. Is it not in the literary work called the Bible that an angel named Michael threw him out of heaven?"

"Yep," Mello chimed as he came out of the cabin.

"So it stands to reason the Winchesters are not as important as your kind believe they are. I would suggest doing actual detective work instead of blindly following orders and putting innocents at risk."

"I have doubts, L, which is why I am protecting Dean Winchester and not allowing Sam to be harmed. Things are not right, but I do believe the angels think that Dean is the only answer. I do not know why, but I intend to find out. There are angels who have the answers who are fallen but it is a great risk. Any angel who is in contact with them becomes one of them. I have to know beyond a doubt that they are right before I do this."

"You will all be safe here. I have hidden the cabin from prying eyes. It cannot be seen. I need lists of what is needed. Whenever you are ready."


	8. Chapter 8

Castiel, Dean, Mello, and Near

L stared at the angel. "Then I offer my services. Bring whatever information you have to me, I will assist in solving this." It wasn't often the world's greatest detective volunteered.

The angel stared at the detective, contemplating the offer. This may surprise you, detective, and I know it will Dean, but I will accept your offer. I have studied you recently. I try not to interfere in the Winchesters' lives unless it is absolutely necessary. It is not right to intervene in human affairs unless ordered to do so. Dean Winchester was dead, having sold his soul to bring Sam back from the dead. Dean suffered for what he did, in ways man cannot understand, but I was told it was necessary to free him from the pit and the torture, because they broke him. He is a good man, L, and he believes his brother is. I want proof of that."

"Wait a minute, Cas, no one needs to deal with Sammy but me. You aren't going to investigate him. He's my brother, and he wouldn't hurt or betray me. My little brother wanted to avenge me, okay? He's hurting cause he couldn't, and he thinks I can't do my job. I can show him what I'm capable of."

Dark eyes went back and forth. "You bring me the information as to what is going on up, wherever your kind gather..and I will solve this for you. Everything ties in to Dean and his brother. In the meantime, we will also rehabilitate Sam. I do believe this..Ruby..needs to be dealt with."

"I have the knife, Cas, and I'm going to gank the bitch."

"Not alone, Dean. We do not know what she is up to at this moment. You must be careful. She is unscrupulous, almost as bad as Meg. You go nowhere alone. I will know."

Dean stood, arms crossed, legs apart, the stubborn look he could get on his face. "What the hell are you going to do about it, Cas? You're not allowed to hurt me."

"I can transport you somewhere isolated, with no means of getting back without, me. Remember that."

L held up his hand. "I agree that Dean should not go alone. If we can get the systems online, Near and Matt can monitor and advise us with headsets while Mello and I accompany Dean."

"Ruby will not be here alone, and demons will be watching everywhere. That is why I brought you here. She has communicated with the creatures, and she wants Dean dead. If they get him before you are ready, his death will not be comfortable. Stay here until your plans are formulated and you are well armed. Dean has the armaments to deal with demons, but two machetes are not enough for killing the creatures. Each of you should have more than one blade."

"Mello and I can use them." So could Matt and Near. "We will need to ensure this cabin is safe for my companions as well. I will have the technical aspect up and running soon."

"I will be a short while. I will be bringing food and other items that will be needed."

"Cas, you don't eat, man. Bring real food, like meat, bread, eggs, etc. Go into a store and ask. Don't just go by your own ideas on what should or shouldn't be consumed."

The angel nodded and disappeared.

L's voice was flat. "He will not know our dietary requirements either."

"No, we'll wait til he gets back, go through what he brings...then, we take the Impala."

He nodded. "That will be acceptable. Why don't you get started on the house protections against..whatever might be out there? I will work with the others on getting our systems back online."

Dean drew sigils on the outside walls of the house, there were devils traps at every entry. He did one by the fireplaces in the cabin. There wasn't a crack or crevice that wasn't salted. He hung charms and other magical items throughout the cabin. Then, he walked out 100 feet and began a magic litany with holy water, salt, and a few other items and marked a protection grid for the house. It took him several hours. L and the boys would stop and watch him at times.

Dean walked inside with amulets and gave one to every one of them, including Watari. "You don't take these off. They won't stop them from coming after you, but they can't possess you."

Near took the amulet and frowned at it. He wasn't fond of jewelry at all. The others donned them without complaint but the white haired teen looked at Dean. "Is this necessary?"

Dean looked at him, "Trust me, it is."

He sighed and L knelt beside him, murmuring softly in his ear. The amulet was soon donned, which made Near fidget restlessly with it.

Dean watched the boy as he worked with getting guns, shotguns, and other armament ready, and was getting ready to sharpen any blades they had, knifes and machetes. He looked at Near fidgeting. Sighing, Dean put down the whet stone.

"Come on, Near. We're gonna go for a walk while I tell you a story about why they're necessary. Okay?"

Mello surprised L by speaking up. "It isn't that. Little fluff ball over there doesn't take well to change. He's worn the same outfit since I can remember."

Before L could say anything, Dean jumped in. "First off, name calling is a bully act and bullies are mainly cowards who don't pick on someone who can take them on and maybe just kick their ass. Second, there's a hell of a lot of people who don't like change...some more than others. It's easier for them when it's explained to them why a change is necessary and not permanent. You got that? Cause you owe him and everyone here an apology for that crap."

Mello grinned and flipped him off. "I don't answer to you, and the fluff ball is used to it."

In fury, the hunter took off his jacket, "You think you're big enough boy, cause being used to it don't make it right. I'm not talking your fancy martial arts stuff either, I'm talking one on one. You think flipping someone off makes you special? It makes you an ass in the eyes of those you just might want to impress. It don't impress, boy. It don't make you a man either. It makes you look 13 if that old with no idea what to even do with a girl, much less how to act like you are mature enough to be with one, or with adults. So, come, baby boy. Without your special tricks, take me on? At some point, every one of us has pushed an adult too far and gotten his ass kicked. It's beginning to look like your time. You are not doing that to him anymore. You got that? So come on."

Near rose from his usual sitting position and walked to Dean, gray eyes looking into hazel. "It is not necessary for Dean Winchester to do this. Near will walk with Dean Winchester."

Dean's anger cooled as he looked into the gray eyes. He looked at Mello, "You got a reprieve, boy. I'm not calling you by your name until you show me you've earned it. In my eyes, you aren't a man at all." The hunter's voice grew soft, "Come on, Near. Let's go for that walk."


	9. Chapter 9

Interlude with Near

Dean's anger cooled as he looked into the gray eyes. He looked at Mello, "You got a reprieve, boy. I'm not calling you by your name until you show me you've earned it. In my eyes, you aren't a man at all." The hunter's voice grew soft, "Come on, Near. Let's go for that walk."

The two headed out back towards a rocky trail up the mountain, Dean stopping to grab a shotgun, shells, and a knife, handing a shotgun and knife to Near also.

Mello was about to retort but was cut off by an incredibly icy look from L. Near said nothing, taking the weapons and tucking them away appropriately. He slipped on the white shoes, following the other.

Dean found a rock outcropping and climbed up, looking to see if the teen needed help, but Near seemed to have no problem He sat down and looked out over the mountain slopes below them. To the right, through some trees, he saw a dirt road, and the cabin was to the left amongst rocky boulders and trees. Near sat next to him.

Dean looked at the boy. "You know, I can understand better than most about not wanting things to be different because it makes me feel unstable like something's not right. I live that way most of my life and it causes a lot of pain and loss. I can really understand the need to feel stable and safe. A number of years ago, a demon named Azazel killed my mom. Things went to hell in a basket after that. I was four years old. My life was never the same. Insecurity, feeling unstable, and being overburdened with responsibilities has been my life ever since. I don't want that for anybody, Near."

Dean swung his legs over the cropping and let his feet dangle. He looked up the at sun as it went past its zenith. He swallowed. "There was another demon, named Meg, who was trying to separate us. It all has to do with my brother. She possessed him and was using him to kill hunters. He thought he'd killed me but I caught him. We got into a couple of really nasty fights before we got her out of him. Bobby gave us a couple of these amulets and said they would prevent it happening again. Sam and I, we went and got them tattooed on our chests." Dean pulled up his t-shirt and showed Near the black tattoo. "This is not something that I really wanted to have on my body for the rest of my life, but it was for safety and sanity, so I did it. What I gave you is only for a short while and it is a weapon that you wear. Like everything else you keep around you to feel stable and sane, do the same with it. Evil things have a hard time with it...demons can't deal with it at all. They can't enter you. I know it's not white and it's not what you feel comfortable with, but safety is part of stability and sanity. We'll sit here and be quiet and let you think on that."

The quiet surrounded both of them as Dean finally lay on his back and watched the clouds going by overhead and let the young man consider what he had said.

Near broke the silence. "Near knows nothing about Near's father, only that Near's mother was a drug addict who gave birth to a premature albino baby. Near was handed from foster home to foster home as most people were unprepared for Near's intelligence or behaviors. Finally, Watari found Near and brought Near to a safe place where Near could learn."

Large gray eyes turned to Dean for a moment. "Near is autistic and does not understand emotions. This frustrates the others. Mello especially. Change does not come easily for Near nor does other things. This is difficult for many to understand. Yet Watari and L have and do not mind."

Dean had tears in his eyes as he looked up at the boy. "I don't mind that, Near. You are smart, very much so, but you have qualities about you that show how you can see inside a person and you ask questions that make a person think about themselves and why they do things. I like you, Near. I can't help being protective of you when Mello starts that crap. I can't help it. I'm not gonna let him do it. Okay?"

" My story is different than yours, but in some ways it's similar. Similar in that there was a childhood that had no love, no mother who would care about you. I grew up fast, and never got to be a kid. My Dad wanted soldiers to help him fight and find his revenge. Sammy's life is way different from mine, but like it in others. He's angry. Me, I hurt. So, having emotions isn't all it's cut out to be. It may make people feel uncomfortable, but I'm gonna tell you something. You be you, and who you want to be. Don't worry about them."

His fingers played with the robot toy he'd brought with him. "Because Dean Winchester has emotions, it makes Dean Winchester more effective at what Dean Winchester does. Near will be an adequate L but not to the level that the current L is. L understands emotions better than Near."

"Then find those you trust who have emotions and understand them and they will complete you and make you more than adequate, Near."

"That is the difficult part as trust is hard to come by." He seemed almost too old for his age.

"Yeah, it is.. I'm 31 years old, Near. I trust Sam, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, and, to an extent, Castiel. They're the only real friends I've got. Now, I'm not sure of Sammy, and that terrifies me. Trust is hard to find, but you never give up trying. You have Watari for the time being, and L. I know there are problems with Mello, but what about Matt?"

"Near has no friends," was the soft answer before he went on to answer the rest. "Matt is a follower for the most part. While Matt is highly intelligent, Matt prefers the games and computers to the rest of what Near, Mello, and Matt are being trained for. Matt and Mello are close..where Mello goes, Matt follows. There is a deep bond there that Near does not understand." He looked at Dean. "Sam Winchester was possibly misled. Sam Winchester's only fault here is being human in Sam Winchester's desire to avenge family. L and Watari will help Sam Winchester understand this and give Sam Winchester the tools needed to move forward."

"Near, I'm your friend, and I will try to be here for you as much as I possibly can. I'm a hunter and on the road, but if you need anything, you call me. You got your cell, cause here's my number. You call me any time you need me. If I can't get there because of a case, I will send someone I trust to help you, but you won't be alone. I promise. I'll be the friend you need."

The gray eyes went wider. "Dean Winchester would truly be Near's friend?"

Dean sat up and held out a hand, "Yeah, Near, and your protector as much as I can be. I'll be your friend for life."

He didn't smile but his eyes held a light to them they hadn't had previously. A small hand rested in the bigger man's hand before a white cell phone was handed to Dean. "If Dean Winchester will give Near Dean's phone, Near will put Near's contact information into it."

A black phone was slid into Near's smaller hand and both began putting their information into each other's phones. Dean added Bobby's and Sam's phones as second contacts under his information, along with who they were. He gave Near back his phone, a gentleness in his eyes, and the laugh lines showing.

There were two phone numbers, plus a personal email address that had been put onto Dean's phone.

"I can use a computer for research, but I will get me an email address and we can send each other messages that way. I'll learn all about it, I promise. Come on, let's head back before it gets any later. You know about cleaning firearms as well using them? Sharpening blades? It's a good skill to have along with everything else you're learning."

"Near's lessons in martial arts have taught Near about using bladed weapons. Near was also taught how to use and care for fire arms. Not that Near is fond of using them."

"All I've ever done is hunt monsters.. What I really would like to do is find a nice town to live in, open up a garage and be a mechanic, or even better, become the fireman I always wanted to be. I want to mow a lawn, plant a garden, and have the upkeep of a house to worry about. I'd like a wife and kids. It's what I want, Near. Whether I'll ever see it, I don't know. You seem to be proficient in a lot of things. Can you box, or fist fight if it became necessary?"

"Near has learned kung fu and can use it for self-defense."

"Well, whatever you do, be a master at it, but always know a little bit more. I knew a sensei who taught tae kwan do. He also taught his people to box and grapple. He said it's never enough. That's for you to decide, though. You know what you need more than anyone."

Dean got up and waited for Near. He'd thought about offering a hand but felt that Near might be not like that, so he waited.

The white haired teen rose. "Near is too small for those but has become effective with this style."

"Well, my friend, hopefully, they have a network going. We have to pinpoint the lair. You up to that? I imagine you are probably the best of the three with that." Dean grinned as they headed back down the trail.

Near followed alongside. "Near will guide Mello, L, and Dean Winchester as best as Near can. With Near and Matt on the case, success will be given."

"You know what, Near? I believe you."


	10. Chapter 10

Dean and Watari Discuss the Boys 

They came around the corner from the back of the house.

Watari had been setting up what looked like a small satellite dish. "Ah Dean, would you mind giving an old man a hand here please?"

Dean raised an eyebrow in surprise, for Watari was the least likely to need help. He walked over and knelt down to see what was needed, figuring a third degree was coming. He thought it would be L but should have realized it would come from Watari. Near was the most likely to be the next L. Watari would guard him like precious jewels.

"I need to attach this to the roof with these special clamps. I'm not as spry as I used to be," he answered while Near went into the house to see what he could do inside.

Dean found a stool on the porch of the cabin and set it on the rocky ground and climbed up on it. "Okay, hand me the sucker, and a clamp and let's see what we can do here."

A relieved expression crossed his face. "Thank you." He handed the equipment up. "I would've asked L but he was too busy breaking up a shouting match."

"Really? What happened between Matt and Mello?" Dean attached the first clamp while balancing the satellite dish. "Okay, we need to make sure we have the best direction before I tighten this and do the other clamp."

"I'm not sure." He popped his head into the cabin and spoke to Matt before looking back at Dean. "More northwards please."

The hunter's eyes squinted as he looked up at the sun and gauged north. He moved the satellite in a northerly direction. "See if he needs more or less."

A few moments later, the answer came. "A bit more."

The satellite was moved a little more. "Now?"

"Perfect." The old man pinned the wiring so it wouldn't snag.

Dean tightened a little on the one clamp. "Hand me the other clamp, Watari, if you would." The younger man reached down and took the clamp from the other man. He attached it and clamped a little. He took turns clamping, making sure nothing pulled the satellite off direction. When it was finally tight, he asked for one more test.

It came back as perfect again. Watari smiled at him. "Thank you very much."

He looked down from the stool and knew the only way off was really a leap. He jumped and landed on feet and hands in a crouch, and slowly stood up, dusting himself off. "Well, what happened with the boys?"

"Matt made a comment Mello didn't like when L asked him a question." The old man sighed. "I wish Mello would back off of Near. If he ever does, it will be a long time in coming."

Dean's lips pressed together and his jaw clenched. He stiffened, and his hands made tight fists. He was tense.

"Walk with me, Dean."

Dean's eyes closed and then opened slowly. He followed Watari towards the same trail he'd taken with Near. "You're not gonna tell I can't be around Near, are you?" he whispered softly as they reached the trail.

"I would never. Both L and I have seen that he has relaxed a bit around you. To date, that makes you the third person Near can let loose, even a little bit, around. No, I'm going to tell you something you must never share with another person..even your brother."

"My family is a family with secrets, Watari. I don't have a problem keeping them."

He leaned against a tree, staring up at the sky for a moment. "I run an orphanage slash school for those who are gifted. Every child that enters the home is trained to be of use for the betterment of mankind. Each child has their own history, some of it good, some of it bad. I make no excuse for behaviors currently but have endeavored to help them work beyond their pasts." His eyes moved from the sky to Dean. "Mello is such a one. I found him in Russia, starving and on the run. The little one had tried to pick my pocket. His parents had been former Mafia members and his history was full of violence. He doesn't remember it, but it's left a mark on him. We've been trying to teach him patience and to balance his emotions. It works most of the time, except when he's around Near."

"Why? His lack of emotion? Near is actually very sensitive. He may not understand emotions and hides them, but somewhere in there is a little lost boy trying to understand what he can't express or find a way to open up and experience. He told me he was autistic and talked about the emotions problem. We had a good talk. Mello, needs to find a way to deal with this. They could be good friends and be of great help to each other. Near needs people with emotions around him as friends to guide him there, so he will be a better L."

"I know and we've tried to break through. It's just that something about Near triggers his temper something horrible. It's one reason L has them with him instead of at the orphanage. We're hoping this time with him will help balance what's going on between them. It doesn't help that they're separated in grades by less than a tenth of a point."

"L is running a competition to be the next L?" Disbelief was in Dean's voice.

He shook his head. "No. The ultimate decision will occur if and when L wishes to retire. The grades..Mello has always been highly competitive."

"There's nothing wrong with honest competition, and these boys are smart...very smart, but Near is a genius. Mello is close but he's not going to be able to ever outdo Near. People have to learn what their limitations are and find themselves within those limitations. Me, I found out I wasn't a damn thing like my dad. I tried to be him all my life. Sam's like him a lot more than me. It shocked me to find out. So, after all these years, I can be who I am, whoever the hell that is. It's made a difference in some ways on how I look at things. I can do whatever it is I'm supposed to do because I'm not Dad...I'm Dean. Mello has got to reach that place inside of him."

The older male looked at Dean. "I am hoping he will learn that. Dean, I know it's a lot to ask given the reaction you had to him but there are some similarities. Do you think you could try? L and I have done what we can but admittedly, he is better with cases than people most of the time."

"You ought to know before I say yes or no, that Near and I have become friends. I have promised to be there for him, help when I can, and protect where I can. We have each other's contact information, and God help me, I'm going to learn how to do an email account. I won't do anything to hurt that. If we can work within those parameters, I'll try to see what I can do, but the boy may end up getting an ass whupping before he gets much older. I don't want to but he's almost to the point where I was when my Dad beat the tar out of me. I am not him, thank God, but Mello doesn't respect me because I haven't called him to task for his actions towards me. I don't like to get into fights normally. I don't mind them when I'm drunk. That's another story. I'll see what I can figure out."

"I'll send L out to talk to you about this. It's my hope that when he sees you in action along with L, that it'll help. As far as Near is concerned, I'm grateful for that. You would be his first real friend."

"I'll talk to L but I will also talk to Near. I want to be his friend. I've been where he is as far as having no one. I won't jeopardize it in any way. I can't do that to him. So I tell him what I'm gonna do and I believe he'll respect that and not say anything. I trust Near more than I do Matt and Mello. Near thinks before he acts, and that's something I don't see often."

Watari nodded. "I appreciate that, Dean. Near is lonely though I know he doesn't recognize the emotion. He and L are too isolated at times for my peace of mind."

"My concern is that geniuses do not usually have common sense and they need normalcy in their lives and to be around those who do have common sense. I'm gonna be there for Near, who, by the way, believes he's the next L. I think he may be right."

"I think so as well..though not quite in the image he imagined. If Mello could calm down, they'd make an incredible team."

"I would agree, Sir. Near knows that Mello hates him, but I don't think the boy realizes that it bothers him that much. I'd like to help some way to bring them together. Not sure yet, but maybe if Mello does realize that I'm not a 'wuss', he'll watch my friendship with Near in a different way and begin to see the other side to Near that I have seen."

"That, Dean, is our hope as well. Matt has no issues with Near but isn't aggressive enough to prove that point to Mello."


	11. Chapter 11

Dean Starts Facing the Past

"I've gathered that. Well, I'm nothing if not aggressive, and if I accidentally show something else, Sam wants to know who I am and what did I do with his brother. I do know Sam pretty well, but there are sides of him coming out that I don't know. I can guarantee you that he doesn't know all of me. That's how it should be, I guess. We all hide things, but we need to be able to talk to someone sometime. I think Mello's time is here."

He gave him a smile. "As Sam's is here. L and I will help him, I promise you that. He may not like us when we're done but he will be on the path to better health."

Watari looked at Dean at that moment and caught a raw look on his face, and realized that there might just be a lot more than toughness to the hunter.

"God, I hope so, "came out in a whisper, and the older man thought he had heard a slight sob, but wasn't sure.

Dean Winchester had a lot more to him than being a kick ass hunter who befriended kids who needed help. He was just as afraid to show it as Mello was.

The old man looked at him. "Dean, you need to realize that Sam's choices are not your fault."

Dean laughed harshly, "Well, watching your brother get torn apart by hell hounds and you can't stop it can do strange things to you. Sam blames himself because he died in my arms and I couldn't live without him. I was supposed to protect him, Watari. It was my job and I let him die. I sold my soul to bring him back. Hell, how was I supposed to know that was what they had hoped for? You see, it is my fault. Sam saw what happened to me and knew I was in hell and he couldn't get me out. Can you imagine? Damn it, I knew what it felt like. My Dad did the same thing to me."

Watari held up his hand. "First of all, family looks out for each other yes, but none is responsible for the other. Sam is an adult; his choices are his own. If you hold his hand every step of the way, Dean, how is he to grow and learn?"

"Oh, I know that, Watari. I really do, but it's so ingrained in me, that I don't know how to let go. I was four years old when I looked into that nursery and watched my Mama inch up that damn wall to the ceiling and her belly rip apart. She burst into flames. I think I was in shock when Dad put six month old Sammy in my arms and told me to take care of him and get him out of the house. After that, Dad would be gone all the time. I had to take care of him. I raised him by myself, except when Dad would take us to Pastor Jim or Bobby. That's the only time I got to halfway be a kid. How do you get that out of your head and heart? How do you reach the shell shocked four year old who is still in there and tell him 'Dad was wrong. It's not your responsibility?' Tell me that, because I would love to know."

Hands weathered by time cupped the young man's face, making him look into caring eyes. "Son, it's time to let go. Your father was wrong. Sam was his responsibility, not yours. It's time to let that little boy mourn his losses and heal."

There were tears in the hazel eyes that stared back into Watari's. Dean shook a little and was trying to hold the tears back. "Tell me how?"

"Don't hold the tears back. It's just you and I. Let me play the grandfather right now and lean on my strength." He'd dealt with enough traumatized orphans to fall into that role easily. With Dean, it was even easier because he reached out to so many with his caring attitude hidden beneath the gruff exterior.

"I've been angry and I've cried, because Sammy pushed and pushed, damn him. He wanted me to mourn Dad. He wanted to know what it was like in hell. If I cry, I'm weak. That's what Sam thinks now. I'm broken and he thinks I can't do anything. He told me so. The pain is so damn deep that I'm afraid to let it out. I hide it with getting drunk and having sex. If I let go, I won't be able to stop it. That scares me. What if I can't stop it?"

The voice was soft and caring. "You will be able to when your heart and body realize you've done enough. Trust it, Dean. You should not have to destroy yourself to hide what you feel. Not when you have people you trust."

"My Dad sold his soul to save my life, but not for the reasons you would think a father would have. Before he died, he told me my brother might be evil. Damn him, he told me I might have to kill him. He's all I got and I might have to kill him? And Sammy is acting just like him. Vengeance all the time."

Dean fell to the ground on his hands and knees, trying to stifle the sobs, and his body began to shake uncontrollably and the sobs began to be ripped from his body. Several times he screamed out in anger and pain. He curled up into a fetal position as agony went through him. "He started crying in a loud voice, "Oh God!"

Watari sat on the ground beside him, gently pulling him into a warm hug and letting him vent. From what he could tell, this was a long time in coming.

It took a while for the harsh cries and shouts to stop, and a gentle weeping to begin as the shaking turned to slight trembling. Watari felt the younger mans arms reach to go around him, holding on for dear life and seeking comfort for the first time in his life.

He stayed quiet, holding him and gently stroking his back to help calm him down. Over the years, he had been in this situation with many an orphan and he never once regretted it. Every child was special..and there was an injured child within this man's psyche that needed him.

Slowly the weeping and the trembling stopped. A light, steady breathing took its place as Dean's vice like grip loosened, but he still held on. Hugs were mainly from Sam, and usually involved some hurt. Finally having some release brought a sense of peace inside that he had never experienced before. He did not want to leave the comfort of the older man's arms and gentle touch on his back. It reminded him of his mom, and he took comfort from it, instead of pain.

The older man didn't stop, simply kept on with the soothing touch.

The hunter did not want to leave the hold but knew they couldn't stay there forever. He struggled to sit up. A red splotched face stared at Watari. His body was covered with gravel and dirt from the trail and some of it was slightly embedded into the skin of his face, from when he went down on his hands and knees and buried his head into his hands. His lips trembled slightly, looking pitiful. He sniffed rubbed his arm across his face to clear the tears and the runoff from his nose. Finally, gaining some self-control, he tried talking, but his throat was hoarse from the screaming and shouting he'd done.

A slight, tremulous sigh escaped his lips and he whispered, from a raw throat, "Thank you. Oh, God, thank you for being here."

A clean handkerchief was pressed into his hand. "You are most welcome, Dean."

"This will take a little time, won't it?" he asked as he blew his nose, wiped his face, and scrubbed rocks and dirt from his skin, knowing that it had to be streaked like mud. How the hell was he going to explain this when they went back down the mountain and everyone saw him. He was gun shy of anyone saying anything, because his father had said it wasn't manly to cry. It had been a great release to him and he was grateful and glad the worse of the pain had lessened.

"It will," he answered. "And you have to be willing to use positive behaviors instead of negative to control the issues and emotions. Alcohol is a horrible way to handle it. Worse comes to worse, call me and I can arrange a doctor to help you with the sleeping issues."


	12. Chapter 12

Dean Continues to Deal

"The sleeping issues started mainly because I got my memory back about what happened in hell. I couldn't sleep because of the nightmares. If I was drunk, if I did dream, I didn't remember it. I finally couldn't lie to Sam and he'd been after me, so I told him everything. It was after that, things worsened between us. He didn't think I was the same man. I can't go to a shrink and tell him I can't sleep because of the things I did in hell." Dean laughed. I don't want to be an alcoholic, but I have always drunk a lot."

"The sex covered the needs I had that hurt so bad. It was a little pleasure, a one night stand. Every time I got involved, they didn't want more because of what I was. I'm not good husband material. Hell, I didn't tell you. I think I got a kid, and I want to be his Dad."

"There's not as much tightness in my chest right now. I'm so tired. I feel like a ton of bricks have been unloaded. There won't be any more crying fits like what happened, will there? Am I gonna do this over everything in my life I haven't dealt with? Mom, Dad, and Sam have torn me to shreds today."

"There is a doctor I use for both the orphanage and for L. I can fly her in to meet with you every so often to help you. Physicals plus something to help you sleep. And yes, it's possible you will have more crying bouts until those wounds heal."

"More like this? I don't know if I can deal with this now. That almost killed me, and if Sam sees me like this, he'll think I've broken completely and it will make him want to do what he's doing even more. It'll give Ruby more control over him, and how the hell do I help Mello who already thinks I'm a 'wuss'?

Thinking on these things, Dean felt more inside him wanting to come out. He'd started a volcano effect inside of himself and it was determined to release all of the lava. Tears started welling inside. The young man turned away from Watari. "Damn it! Not right now. Not again this soon." His shoulders started to shake, as he shook his head, trying to stop the flood.

Watari hugged him. "Better here with me than inside, Dean. This way you can keep your show of strength. I'm honored you trust me enough to relax your defenses. If you need a time to cry, do it away from Sam until you know you can trust him again. "

Dean turned towards Watari and his head went against the man's shoulder and he quietly wept this time, his body shaking badly. He was extremely tense, not wanting a second bout this soon.

The older man simply let him cry, loaning him his strength. His hands continued to stroke his back in a soothing manner. Dean felt the touch and wanted to just lean into it but felt his knees giving out, so he tensed more, stiffening the knees. He had no intention of going down again. Not now.

"It's all right," he murmured.

"Tell me what the hell's all right. I can't stop crying. Damn it!"

"And it's natural, Dean. You have years of pain to let go of. There's no weakness here, despite what you may have been told. Tears are the body's method of healing the heart and soul."

"What do I do if it has bad timing, Watari? I don't have any control over it like I used to have. I let the dam burst and I can't stop when it wants to flood over."

"You understand mechanics right? What happens when you put too much pressure in a pipe with no outlet to release?"

"The pipe is gonna blow somewhere and you can't stop it."

"Exactly. You've been a pipe with no release valve for over thirty years. What we're doing now is letting the excess pressure out. Once it's settled, you have the choice of letting the release valve open to let the pressure out. It's your choice as to when. But you have to let it out every so often."

"It's hard. I've had it ingrained in me that I can't do that. Ridicule from the one person you live in awe of and want to be like is really degrading. You train yourself to never let it out...to show no weakness no matter how weak you realize you are. You do your job and you do it right. You don't want to see the disappointment and feel the shame. How do I get rid of that because I have to do that to win over this. You are the wisest man I've ever met, Watari. This is hard, but I'm asking for help."

His eyes were gentle but full of pride. "You have it, Dean. If you can trust L as well, he could help too. He's also trained a bit in psychology. However, either way, you have my help whenever you need it. I'll give you my contact information and can meet up with you should you need it down the road."

"I'll share contact information with you, Watari, cause I can't add to Sam's problems right now. I don't know how to approach L about something like this. He's not like you. He makes a great L but I haven't seen what I see in you. The shrink part might help, but hell, I can't ask him. I really don't know how to do it and not feel like I would if I tried to tell Sam or my Dad. You're like Bobby, only a little more tender in ways."

"Phone, I'll add my numbers then." He playfully ruffled Dean's hair in a motion much like a grandfather would do a grandson.

The black phone was passed to the older man, as Dean backed away a small space, and stretched his head back, trying to unkink muscles that had badly knotted during the time he was tensing up. His face was streaked worse than before. There would be no doubt what he had been doing. He didn't seem to realize it at this time that it was worse than earlier, though. He was quiet, staring at the clouds as he leaned his head back, rotating his shoulders.

A list of numbers had been put into the phone. "The last number is a land line, leads directly to the orphanage. This is an emergency number only, okay?"

Dean nodded, speaking softly, "Yes, Sir. You'll answer." It was spoken as a statement of fact and a reassurance to the young man. Watari wondered who in his life had not answered a call for help.

"For the orphanage, Roger will answer and send the call directly to me. Someone will answer, I promise you that."

Again, came the soft whisper of a fact and statement of reassurance to himself, "I know that." Watari understood then that Dean was taking comfort that he knew there would be an answer here. Somewhere else, though, someone hadn't answered, and it was a pain he had not dealt with yet.

"I don't let my boys down if I can help it," he murmured. Watari had an idea and would work on it when he got back.

He heard Dean stifle a soft sob, and whisper softly, "I didn't think you would, Sir."

The old man hugged him. "You're one of my kids now. The boys in there can tell you what that means."

"I'll ask Near. He would understand to a point..not the emotions but that's all right. Not sure about Matt and Mello yet." Dean hugged him back.

"Near is a good source of information."

"Yes, I know, and we're friends. I trust him."

"He's a good one to trust," he answered. "Come, you're probably thirsty after this bout."

"Yeah, my throat feels hoarse and pretty raw right now. Cas should be back. I wonder why he hasn't come here?"

"My boys probably distracted him," he laughed. "They know if I'm talking with someone to not let anyone interrupt because it's almost always important."

Dean stopped dead center of the trail and turned towards Watari, a look of awe on his face. "This really was important to you? I'm grateful so much, but why?"

"I don't mean this to sound condescending, Dean, all right? I've never been one to walk away from a hurting child." His voice was gentle.

Dean searched the older man's face and his eyes, looking for truth in his life, and he found it there. Understanding flooded his eyes. He swallowed hard on another sob and turned back to the trail.

The older man fell into step beside him, a comforting presence.


	13. Chapter 13

Interludes for Dean

They finally came around the side of the cabin, to find five people waiting for them. Dean stiffened a little, not sure what would be said. They'd been gone a long, long time. He had no idea of how he looked, covered with dirt, muddy tear streaks down his face, and his eyes were blood shot.

They headed towards everyone. Castiel always keeping an eye on Dean could see his face before the others, and hoped that the older man had helped his charge. The hunter needed someone who could show compassion and love towards him.

Near came up to Dean, handing him a water bottle and clean cloth, which he'd retrieved after spotting the man's face.

Watari went to L, murmuring in the other's ear. The detective listened with a look of deep respect on his face.

Dean had a slight, trembling smile on his face when he took the water and the cloth from Near. He drank the water, gratefully, started to wipe his face. When he saw all the dirt, he realized how his face must have looked and turned blood red. He whispered a hoarse 'thank you' to Near, and gauged the others, knowing there'd be hell to pay from Mello. He straightened his shoulders, lifted his head high and headed towards the group with Near by his side.

"Thanks to your assistance, Dean, the computer systems are online and running at full efficiency. It is fortunate that we know how to pack under a serious time restraint." The detective had taken a bit of a pot shot at the angel for that.

"You're welcome, L. I've had to pack like that most of my life. It's why I don't have much. Cas is worse at time restraints then anyone I know. Aren't you, Cas?"

"I need to know if what I brought is sufficient or will I need to get more?"

"Well, let's see what you brought, Cas. I think we can gauge if we need anything else. I will take someone with me and get the rest. I need a drive."

"No, Dean, you will not."

"Cas, you sure as hell aren't stopping me. Free will, remember?"

Matt spoke up. "There's enough food to sustain you and Sam for a while but not for the dietary requirements of the rest of us. Trust me, you don't want L and Mello off of their usual diets. They get really, really cranky." Mello pulled a face at Matt but didn't answer, knowing it was the truth.

Dean smiled, "Cas doesn't approve of what I eat, so I am sure Sammy will enjoy what he brought. We head to the nearest store. Got to be one around here somewhere. Cas?"

The angel stood stiff with a more disapproving face than usual. Dean, you need to eat correctly to be strong for future battles. This is going to be a difficult one. I understand what you are planning. I went and talked to Bobby. He explained it better to me. You are insane to do this."

"The hell you did! Cas, I appreciate what you are thinking but I will do my job the best way I know how. I don't have Sam right now and he's always been my back up. I can trust these men to work with me and see to it I get out alive. Might take a little while to recover, but I will. If you happen to be around and feel like it, you can heal me."

L answered strongly. "We will tend to him should he come to harm. Dean, Near will accompany you. Matt and Mello have assignments to complete and I have to finish a case while you are running this errand."

Dean was surprised by the strength in L's words. "Thank you for letting Near come with me. It's always fantastic to spend time with a good 'friend'" Dean made sure the word was stressed for Matt and Mello. "Come on, Near, we'll go get real food. Watari, I haven't been inside yet. My duffel's over by the Impala. Would you find a room for me and place it there? I don't mind sharing. Also, cleaning stuff? Is there a washer and dryer in there by any chance? We need dish soap and bath soap, toothpaste, anything like that?"

Mello spoke up. "He brought food and forgot those essentials. We have a bit, but more probably would come in handy."

Watari found the duffel and waved at Dean, indicating he'd take care of the request.

"I'll get plenty of everything. It's hard to imagine why this place has no owner. I might check on that after this hunt. We have no base of operations and I like this area a lot. I still want a vacation for a while. You're all welcome to stay as long as you like, especially if I can buy it. Also, it would be a nice base of operations here in the States where no one would know you. Just a thought."

Dean and Near headed to the main road and took a right heading back towards the city. Dean figured there had to be a small town somewhere. There were killings in surrounding areas not far from the city. They'd hit a store in one of them and not go into the big town.

Near had one leg tucked to his chest in his usual sitting position. "Dean Winchester has given L something to think on in regards to a base."

"Good. I don't have anything, Near. I like it out there, but my job keeps me roaming a lot. The thought that , if I can buy it, that L might be able to use it, would be awesome."

He nodded, hair brushing against pale skin. "It may come in handy. L travels a great deal for cases."

"I would want to add a pantry and a big deep freeze somewhere in there or maybe add a storage room on the back for that. Keep it well stocked. Lots of stuff can be frozen you know, flour, and stuff. Only perishables would have to be picked up at first."

Another nod was given. "L could easily have that taken care of as well as ensuring the wiring and everything was up to acceptable standards."

"Yeah, with all the equipment, L would need to meet the standards to keep from having a meltdown and burning the place the ground." Dean winced at that and grew silent, watching the scenery as they drove. After about 30 miles, they found a highway that had a sign for a small community. Dean turned left and headed the 20 miles. They soon found a family owned grocery store. The Impala pulled into the parking lot.

"Okay, the pickings are not going to be great, but it looks large enough to meet most of our needs. I'll grab a basket."

Near hopped out, keeping in the shadows as best as he could. Given his albinism, he did not react well to sunshine at all. He waited for Dean at the doorway to the store.

Dean was frowning when he saw Near, and could have kicked himself. "Damn it, Near, you should have reminded me. I wasn't thinking. I could have dropped you off and then parked. I will pick you up here when we're done. I'm sorry."

"Apologies are not needed, Dean. Near is used to it and has become quick in regards to getting out of sunlight when needed."

"Being used to it doesn't make it right. I'm your friend and you shouldn't have to be used to it around me. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted," he answered softly.

"Thank you. Now if I am in the middle of something and have my mind on it and don't remember, you remind me. Our walk must've hurt. Damn."

"A little pink but nothing bad. The walk was under trees for part of it, which helped."

They ended up buying a couple of hundred dollars' worth of groceries. Dean let Near have free reign on what everyone would eat. He paid for the groceries and loaded the back seat with the bags. He drove over to the store to get Near.

Most of what had been bought had been an outrageous amount of junk food, mostly sweets. Near slipped into the Impala after the car approached the entryway. The trip inside the store had been interesting, especially when the cashier had tried flirting with Dean and asking if Near was his son.

Dean's automatic response had been to smile a very charming smile and wink at her, saying "No, he's not my son, he's too old to be, but I wish he were ." He kept up a flirtatious conversation, but it remained light and impersonal and he steered away from later assignations.

Near looked at Dean when they were driving away from the store. "Did Dean Winchester mean what was said to the employee?"

Dean turned his head from the road to look at Near. His voice was serious, "I don't jest about things like that, Near. I meant it."

His voice was almost too quiet to be heard. "Near thanks Dean for that."

Dean's arm went around Near's shoulders. His voice was still serious, "I meant it, Near. I'd like to be. I'd probably be bad at it, but I'll be there for you as much as I can. I'd like to see you have someone who will be a Dad to you. If you'll have me for that, even though I'm way to young, I'll do right by you. I know you live in the UK and I am on the road a lot, but there are phones, letters, and email. When you are over here, I'll move mountains to be here when you are. I really care about you. Okay? You actually called me Dean instead of with my last name. Thank you, Near. That means a lot to me."

There was a shadow of a smile on his face, and the white haired teenager nodded. "Dean is welcome."

Dean grinned and ruffled the white hair. He turned on the tape deck and the music of AC/DC started playing, with the hunter beating the steering wheel and column as he sang, slightly off key to the songs.

Near was listening to the music with a slight frown. He hadn't been exposed to this style before.

Dean grinned at him and asked, "Don't like it? Please tell me you don't have the same taste as Sammy?" There was no derision in the tone of voice, just teasing.

Near has never heard this before."

"Really? Look in the box for Metallica, and put it in."

He found the box and began digging through it, pulling out the tape and ejecting the one they had been listening to. The new tape was put in.

'Nothing Else Matters' began to play, and Dean sang with it again, his hoarse voice raspy as he kept halfway in tune with the song.

Near found he liked that one and asked if they could listen to it again. Dean hit the rewind and the song began to play again.

He explained that, with rock and roll, people find certain songs they like and end up buying the music just for a certain song, but will find others that they like just as well.

He nodded, listening to the lyrics with rapt attention.

"It's a good song, Near." Dean pulled onto the dirt road and headed towards the cabin. The sun was starting to set, and he wanted to get back and inside before it did.

"Near finds that Near likes this song," he answered back.

"Great! I think I have it downloaded on Sam's computer somewhere. If you want, I can send it to you?" Dean looked up and saw the cabin in the distance. Soon they pulled up and he blew the horn. "All right you sluggards, let's get this stuff hauled in."

The hunter opened the rear door on the driver's side and grabbed two handfuls of bags and headed towards the porch.

Matt and Mello hopped out of the cabin to help haul the bags in, laughing softly when chocolate was discovered. Dean grinned, feeling comfortable with the other two for the first time.


	14. Chapter 14

Addiction

A friend had taught him how to make chili a couple of years ago and he wanted some, so Dean was going to do what he seldom had the time to do...cook.

Watari was putting away the groceries, chasing the teens away from the chocolate after giving them each a bar to nibble on.

The older Winchester hauled in the last load and began helping to put up the rest of the groceries. Watari noticed several baked pies in one bag, but most of what the hunter selected were meats, vegetables, fruits, seasonings, and dairy products.

"Leave that package in butcher paper out, Watari. I'm cooking tonight. There was a guy in the butcher shop of the market who had a deer butchered. We got to talking and he offered me a couple of pounds of chopped venison for stews and chilies. I offered to pay him for it, but he said he had plenty. This being Texas, I found some Wick Fowler's. I'm gonna make chili. Let it simmer awhile. We'll have rice with it. But I'll have chopped onion, grated cheese, and some corn chips if anyone prefers it that way. I hope Sam wakes up and feels like eating. He would love this."

"We might talk the others into trying some of it." He left the venison out and helped put the produce away.

"Do they eat anything besides sweets? It seems to me that it would be really bad for you. I like my unhealthy foods but I don't live on sweets."

"They will eat one normal meal a day but are very, very finicky on it. The sweets..for some reason..they metabolize it differently than you or I do. L likes to say it's due to the amount of thinking they do."

Dean thought it was odd, but didn't go any further on it. He took two tins of tea he found in the foreign foods section of the market. He was surprised when he stepped inside to see the diversity it offered. The manager said they had a lot of foreign residents and catered to their desires as well as the locals' needs. He handed an Earl Grey and an English breakfast tea to Watari. "It's imported," he murmured, embarrassed suddenly.

He smiled. "I appreciate it. We all love our teas."

Dean nodded, not telling the man that he had gotten the teas for him because he felt something akin to family with him. He smiled and mumbled something about never tasting it before. His Dad believed in strong coffee, sodas, and the hard stuff. Dean used to sneak in milk for Sam.

The two worked together to get the kitchen ready. Watari sighed, stretching a bit.

"You look tired. Maybe you ought to get some rest. Take a nap. I'll call when dinner is ready. Venison takes a while to get good and tender."

"I have some work to complete," he rubbed the back of his neck.

Dean pulled out a kitchen chair. "Sit down for a minute?"

He laughed softly and followed the young man's instructions.

Dean asked where his room was, and went in search of something. He was back a few minutes later with a med kit , and asked Watari to remove his shirt.

He complied, jacket and shirt being laid on a chair.

Dean removed a large tube from the kit. "This does not burn, and it's not greasy. It has a pain reliever in it that goes into the muscles and tendons in the body, and helps the joints ease. I have a doctor friend who gets it for me. I wouldn't be able to afford if it wasn't for him. It costs a pretty penny." Dean removed his jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his buttoned down shirt. He started with the lower back, looking for knots and began to work the ointment into Watari's back forcing the knots to relax. He slowly worked up the man's back, working each knot. He checked his arms for swelling or knots and worked where pain seemed to be. Finally, he started on the shoulders and the neck. "Some of this is not muscle but rheumatic pains are just as bad, and it helps joints. If you need your legs and feet done, let me know."

"Thank you so much," he said with a soft sigh of relief.

"If I'm around, don't sit there and hurt, okay?"

"I appreciate it a great deal, Dean. Getting old is not an enjoyable experience at times."

Mello smiled in the doorway. "You're not old, Watari, just more experienced."

Dean smiled also, and picked up Watari's shirt for him. "I agree, Mello. I, for one, can't afford for him to get old. I need him, and I imagine you do too. Damn it, I'd miss him if he wasn't around."

"Same for all of us."

"Yeah, I would think so. Don't grow old too quickly, Watari."

He laughed. "I am trying not to."

An emotion Watari didn't recognize was in Dean's voice as he said, "Good." The hunter turned and began getting the venison ready to brown.

Mello went on to his work, and Watari began to help Dean with the cooking.

Dean worked skillfully, and quickly. He had a pot with seasonings, tomato sauce and the meat simmering slowly. He was shredding fresh cheddar, laid out tortilla chips, corn chips, sour cream, sliced avocado, and a bottle of ketchup. He had rice cooking in a pot. He hummed as he worked. "Watari, did I get crackers? I couldn't find them."

He went looking and came back with a box of saltines. "You did, I believe I put them up before you found them."

"Oh, good. The guy gave me four pounds, and I didn't know til I opened it, so I doubled it. They can put what they want on it, if they'll try it. It comes from a recipe that won the Chili Cook Off in Terlingua, Texas. That's somewhere down here. They have one every year. A friend uses the real recipe. No idea where he got it, but it takes all day, and the Wick Fowler's is the same thing but a portion of the time."

Watari smiled. "They usually try something at least once."

"Yeah, but it's usually your cooking not mine." Dean smiled back. "I hope they like it. If not, I have leftovers." His smile disappeared, "How's Sammy? He awake yet? Should your thing you did to him have kept him out this long?" The younger man sounded worried.

"I've had to reapply it a few times. He's going to hit a rough patch so I'm wanting to give him some soup and water in a while."

"Rough patch? I understood that detoxing required certain medicines but this isn't normal detox. Doesn't he have to be conscious for this? In case he gets sick or something?" Dean sounded like he knew he was out of his depth and struggling to comprehend what was happening to his brother.

"I've been letting him sleep through part of the drying out process but he's soon approaching an area where sleep will be difficult."

"What can I do? How do I help him? What is going to happen, and what will he go through?"

"I'll call you in to talk to him when the timing is right. It's just a matter of waiting it out."

Dean nodded, went to the refrigerator, and grabbed a bottled water. "You want one? I did not buy beer or the hard stuff. You may have two of us, if I've gone that far." Dean sounded nervous when he made the light comment.

"The water would be nice, thank you."

Dean handed him a water. He sat down and looked up towards the man sitting across from him. "God, I hope I've handled the hard stuff better then Sam has that filth Ruby's been giving him. I don't want to have to dry out on top of everything else. Can't afford that with this hunt coming on." The hazel eyes looked strained.

"You may surprise us; we can definitely hope."

Dean stared at him for a second, softly said yeah, and got up to stir the chili and check the rice. He had his head lowered for a moment and came back to the table. About that time the screams started.

Watari rose. "Put my plate aside. I'll be back in a while."

Dean followed Watari into the living room and stood outside of Sam's door, waiting, listening. He saw the others enter the room. He met L's gaze, a sense of panic going through him.

L moved to Dean's side as the old man went into the room. "This is a normal part of drying out."

Sam's voice began to drift into the living room. Dean stood frozen, as his brother began to swear profanities and they were aimed at him. Everything Sam's mind could come up with was blamed on him. His selling his soul and dying led to Sam's blood thirst so he could destroy Lilith. Not allowing him to grow up. Holding him back when he was the better hunter. Always being the good soldier and daddy's boy instead rebelling like Sam had done. The list went on and on, and Dean's face grew paler with each attack. He stood there and took every one of them, his body tense. Finally he went into the kitchen to check on the food.

L frowned, than moved to murmur in Matt's ear. Short time later, a white noise device was placed by the door, which blocked a lot of the noise.

Afterwards, L went into the kitchen and looked at the hunter. "You realize that's the addiction talking and not your brother?"

"I was always told that what's in the heart and mind is what comes out during this part of drying out. It doesn't matter, though. He's already told me most of this any way. Some of it not quite so profanely, but yeah. He's said it before down through the years."

"Then he has a serious problem that we will have to work him past. He should not be blaming you for so much."

"Well, I did sell my soul to raise him from the dead. I taught him how to fight on and live without me, but I thought he'd have no problem because he'd left more than once to be on his own and away from me. I did do everything Dad wanted. I realize that, but I was trying to win something from him. Don't get me wrong, L. Sam's a good hunter. Damn good. But, damn it, I am the better damn hunter. He has to have those powers and that addiction to think he's better than me on the hunt, because he's gonna have to come a hell of long way to be better than me." Dena's shoulders dropped and he bowed his head.. "Who am I kidding, L? Neither of us is worth much without the other. We're a team. Damn it, L, why now?"

Dean kept his back to the detective, watching the food cook, getting ready to remove the rice. He lowered the temperature on the chili, took the rice off the burner, and headed for the back door.

"Things happen when we do not anticipate it. You had no idea about this addiction. When he was fed the blood, he was fed lies along with it."

"My alcohol ridden brain believed every lie he told me and I told him the truth. I fed his illusion." Dean stormed into the back yard of the cabin, the dark all around him He stared up at the stars for a second, trying to take deep breaths as nausea overtook him. Soon he was down on his knees, retching hard, tears slowly going down his face, grateful for the darkness that hid them.

L followed him, staying within earshot. "Addictions are complicated things," he murmured.

The sound of sobs followed the retching. The hunter's voice was breathless, "Hell, you don't think I know that. I've been addicted to family my whole life. I can't stand the idea of being alone. The feeling of being alone and not wanted, except to have someone's back is a living hell. You give and you give and you get nothing back. It's a living damnation and I was addicted. I had no idea how to get out because I needed to be needed. Dad needed his soldier, like Sam said. Sam needed me, too..at least I thought he did. What a lie I've lived."

It grew quiet in the yard, as Dean seemed lost somewhere he didn't know how to get back from.

"Why do you fight, Dean?"

"You mean evil? It's all I know, and someone has to stop it. It's my job, L, and it's, honestly the only thing I got left that I don't screw up...even if Sammy thinks I can't do it, I'm still a better man at hunting then he ever will be. Only because I have no illusions of what I am." It was quiet again, then Dean shouted, "Damn it, Sammy! Why the hell are you doing this?"

"Right now, you have to focus on Dean, not Sam. If you aren't able to resolve these issues yourself, the trap will be too easy to fall into again."


	15. Chapter 15

First Attempt on Dean

Dean sighed as he struggled to stand back up. His voice sounded weak, but there was determination in it.

"I know, L. I know. Dinner should be ready. Watari asked us to set a plate aside for him. We need to eat, and then the job of pinpointing the lair becomes a necessity. I got to be ready, cause Ruby has them on my scent now. When did Cas leave?"

"I'm not sure. But you will not be facing this alone."

Dean took a deep breath and headed towards the cabin, beside, L. "I know that and I've got to have you ready and not be surprised by what you come up against. Ruby's demons are not gonna want you following me into the lair. She wants me out of the way, badly. Sammy will never believe this, you know? He's gonna believe her over me. Do the boys know how to butcher a living creature that might look human? Can they do that?"

"They will be ready," was the flat answer. "We will not let her have your brother again."

Dean's voice was determined and there was an essence of the hunter he was in the tone of the words he spoke. "Tonight we pinpoint where it is, we make our plans. The demons will be around watching the area. They will know we have found it. Ruby doesn't have much of an opinion of me, okay. She believes Sam's idea that I'm a weakling, incapable of doing the job. We will use that to our advantage. She won't think I know they are there. That's all right. We are going to look for a second entrance. Creatures like this will not allow themselves to be trapped by one exit. You and I will find the main one which will be watched. The boys will find the rear exit. They are to pinpoint it and head back to the cabin. We do this at night. The creatures can smell us. That's why I go in first and the rest of you through the back way. They will not expect that. When she's dead, you are gonna have to get me out, and none of them can escape. They can find another victim and another female will take her place. We can't allow that."

They entered the kitchen and Dean began to set the table. "Would you let them know supper is ready? If they don't like it, they can have what they want, but don't tell them that. I would like them to at least give it a chance."

L nodded, going to call the boys, who came in a few moments later.

Dean explained what everything was, and suggested they mix what they thought they would like in the chili. He set a bowl of the chili and a plate of condiments aside for Watari. He told the boys that there were drinks in the fridge. He stood back to wait til they all were at the table and then fixed his.

Near was having the worst time trying to decide which to get.

Dean got a large plate and put small amounts of chili all over it. "Mix a little of each in one and try combined bites til you find what you like, then get a bowl and mix it up."

He nodded, trying Dean's suggestion.

Dean fixed a bowl with onion, cheese, ketchup and crackers, and joined the others. He had a bottled tea and was between Matt and Near.

After a short time, Near mixed his up and began nibbling. L had focused on the meal, eating studiously.

Dean slowly ate, watching the others, having a hard time figuring out whether or not they liked it. Once in a while, noises would come from Sam's room, and Dean would stiffen. He'd be still for a minute, then struggle to shake it off and continue eating.

Matt got up once to adjust the white noise machine before coming back to eat. "This is good, Dean. Thanks for cooking for us."

Dean smiled gratefully, and said, "You're welcome. I like cooking but don't get to do it very often. I'm glad you like it." He sighed, glad he had not told them what meat was in it. Only Watari knew and Dean hated the thought that they might consider eating venison to be tantamount to eating 'Bambi'

The group ate well with Matt and Mello going back for seconds. Near finished almost half, which was a lot for him considering how little he ate most of the time.

Dean watched L's reaction to it. The man would probably notice more than anyone that is wasn't beef or pork, but venison could be mistaken for lamb easily. He watched his reaction. He was eating it which was something.

"This is good, Dean. Thank you for cooking for us this evening."

"You're welcome, L, and thank you."

Dean got up to clean the kitchen. He put the leftovers in plastic containers he had bought that day. The boys and L watched him pick slices of the green stuff and eat it. None of them had tried the avocado. The hunter seemed to be enjoying it.

Near put his plate at the sink, helping a bit with clean up while Matt and Mello cleared the table.

Dean handed Near a very small bite of the avocado. "Here, take a small bite and try it. Never say no to something without at least giving it a taste. Okay?"

He nodded, trying the bite. "It has an unusual texture but the flavor is good."

Tex-Mex restaurants make a dish called guacamole from it, and most of them don't do it right. You should add garlic, lime juice and mayonnaise to have the good stuff. I like it just like this, though."

"Near does not eat out at restaurants," he said, running water over the plates.

Dean stared thoughtfully at the young man and looked back at the others who had been listening intently to the conversation. He looked back at Near.

"The crowds? Too many people? Not liking to appear different and be stared at?"

"All of the above," came the soft answer.

"I can appreciate that, Near. Being uncomfortable around people affects all of us at one time or another. Maybe sometime, you and I could try it. Anything makes you uncomfortable I'll try to correct the problem for you. I always like a nice steak house, with big potatoes and a huge salad bar with everything on it. The rooms only have 4 or 5 tables in them and are dark, with just candles on the tables. Even the room the salad bar is in is kind of dark. No one would notice you. It would be the two of us and you could experience it without being uncomfortable. I'm not gonna push, but if you ever want to try it, let me know."

He nodded. "It would make for a good experience. It is just that Near is not in public often."

The older Winchester nodded, and spoke softly, "Once this hunt is over, I'll find one and take you. It's my treat. According to our relationship, I want to do that. Okay?"

"Near would like that."

"So would I. I meant what I said today. I'm in earnest."

A pleased expression crossed his face. "Then Near will plan for that with Dean."

Dean's expression was soft and he smiled the sweetest smile of contentment. "Good. I'll search the area on Sam's computer and find the nearest one. When the hunt and case are over, you and I are going."

He nodded. "Or Near can check during a down time as well."

Dean nodded, "That works for me. Make sure you check out the ambiance. We need the atmosphere to be right, Near. Get me the phone numbers and I will call and personally question them to make sure the advertising is right. We'll go."

Another nod was given. "Near shall do that."

"Awesome!"

The kitchen was cleaned up, and Dean sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, with a strong cup of coffee in front of him, putting all the sightings and spots where bodies were found into a grid like map of the surrounding areas. It was taking time to find coordinates for each spot. He was concentrating hard, keeping Sam's headphones on. He had music blaring to block out any noise or thoughts from coming into his mind other than music and coordinates on the grid. He kept feeling that he was being watched but figured it was his imagination.

Matt had gotten hooked into the security grid and was hacking a few other sites to get information for the group. L was buried in cases while Near and Mello were working on finding any information to help with this case as they could.

Dean tried shaking it off but couldn't. He knew he'd done everything he could to keep evil out, and the demons could not get near, but the creatures? He didn't know what else would stop them besides beheading them. He went into the kitchen to rinse out his cup when he thought he saw something amongst the trees, He grabbed a machete and his sawed off and slipped outside.

Mello, at a gesture from L, had armed himself as well and announced his presence before joining Dean.

Dean motioned for him to be quiet, and waved him to come join him. His voice was a low whisper, "Something is among the trees and it's within the safety grid I drew out and protected, so it's not a demon. Could be just a large animal, a human who shouldn't be here, or a creature. We got to be careful. We cover each other's back, you understand?" Mello, could see the worry in Dean's eyes.

The blond nodded, projecting a determined businesslike attitude.

Dean nodded and motioned two fingers for walking or moving and pointed to the tree barrier to the left that went around the entire back of the grid and around to the right. He pointed to himself and made the same motion to the right. They would meet in the middle. His mouth moved 'Do not go in deep for any reason.' He slowly disappeared to the right.

Mello nodded and then followed directions, not making a sound as he moved through the area.

Dean's hunting instincts kicked in, but in the back of his mind was Mello. The kid was good but he'd never been up against this kind of evil. Dean watched across the open area for movement to make sure the boy was all right. He moved with stealth, listening for any sound, concerned that there were no animal sounds. There wouldn't be many, but a coyote or a jack rabbit should be around. He heard nothing.

Suddenly, he saw something large and white move behind Mello, and knew there wasn't a lot of time. He shouted, "Get the hell out of there, Mello! Run!"

Dean took off across the opening to where L's trainee had been seen a moment before. He was positive the boy took off for the cabin staying within the woods.

He yelled again, "Mello, get help!" He ran parallel with the woods trying to lure the creature out, away from the boy. "Come On!," he screamed. "I'm the one you want, not that boy. He's too scrawny to eat! I'm the one you made a deal for! We both know you understand me. You got brains, right? Think you're smarter than humans? Come on then!" Dean backed out into the opening, into the moonlight where he could be seen and he watched the area where he'd last seen Mello.

He heard Mello's scream when the thing hit from behind, there was a sting on the back of his neck, and he went down. L and the others joined Mello and saw the thing trying to pick the hunter up to carry him off.

L grabbed the weapons and went in pursuit, firing a round into the head. He would not let Dean be carried off.

A roar sounded as the rock salt splattered over the head but it shook it off and dropped the unconscious hunter and turned on L. Mello ran up and gave his leader a machete and stood with another one. Matt and Near came up with the blades also. The creature recognized the machetes and backed off leaning down to pick up the wounded man. All four leaped in to stop it, and watched it turn and run into the woods. The group went into pursuit, determined not to let their new friend come to harm.

The creature had reached the rocky trail when they caught up with it, noting that it was a male. They had it blocked on three sides. It dropped the wounded hunter onto the hard rocks on the trail and he landed face first, no sound coming from him.

The four young men made their way around the creature dressed in white. It looked human but had pale green skin, and had white hair. The creature had long claws, and L remembered the mention of acidic body fluids and wondered what had put Dean down so fast.

They soon had it surrounded, machetes at ready.

L was the first to move, aiming to injure it enough to get a clean shot at its neck to decapitate the thing.

The creature fell down on top of Dean, green ichor flowing from a wound on its neck but the artery on the side was severed. The head was still attached. The thought of acidic bodily fluids went through L's mind as the thing lay on the hunter with the green fluid flowing from its neck.

Near grabbed Mello and they pulled Dean out from under it, hoping they got to him fast enough.

Both boys heard L warn them about the fluids being able to burn and to be careful. They dragged the hunter further away from the creature and heard a loud dull thud. L removed the head.


	16. Chapter 16

Aftermath

There were a few burns, but most of the fluids had been on his clothing and had barely eaten to his skin. What was of great concern was a large needle like something off a porcupine embedded into the base of his skull near the spinal cord. Dean's face was pale even for his skin. He was not responding to anything.

L carefully pulled the quill out, having Near keep fingers on Dean's pulse. They should be at a hospital for this but given the situation, field treatment would have to do.

For a while, there was no response, but slowly, Dean's pulse rate picked up, and his eyes fluttered a little, but nothing else.

"Dean, open your eyes. Let us know you are still with us." L looked concerned.

The hunter was struggling to open his eyes, and he was gasping for air. His heart rate became erratic.

"Come on, Dean." His voice was low.

Dean tried to speak, but his words were badly slurred, "Can't breathe. God, my chest hurts. I can't move."

L sent Near for Watari, who came in a few moments later. After hearing the description of the fight, he looked at Dean. "I don't have time to find someone to do a chemical analysis. Can you tell me what's on the quill?"

Dean tried to open his eyes and look at Watari, "Think it's...the word was mumbled but Watari got the gist of it and went looking for the kit Dean had put together after he came back from town and went through what Cas had left him.

Within moments, the syringe was injected into Dean's arm. "This should do it."

Slowly, Dean began to breathe normally, and the heart rate began to return to normal. Dean tried to inhale air too fast and choked and slowly rolled to his side, holding his ribs, Watari looked at the bruised and bleeding face. "What happened to his face?"

Dean's eyes opened and he looked up, with a slightly glazed look, "My face?"

"It's bruised," he answered. "Mello, ice pack to reduce the swelling."

Mello scrambled to follow orders.

"The thing hit me in the face while I was out? There's nothing in the clearing to do that?" His unsteady gaze found L, "Did something else happen?"

L gave him a full report, leaving nothing out.

"The mountain trail? Then it was taking me to her! I wouldn't have been able to move. Hell, that's not good. She wants me immobilized, which means Ruby's been talking about me. Watari, I need an antidote I can take to prevent the chemical on the quill from doing this to me again. We got to figure something out, cause I have got to be able to cut her head off. At least be able to slow it down."

Near shook his head. "The plan should be sure proof though. Dean had no time to move after being hit with the quill. The antidote would not be able to be administered."

"No, I'm not saying this right. I want something to prevent it from working, at least for a while. Give me time to cut her head off. If you can't find something that will work permanently, at least give me an hour or more."

"That may take more time than we have. I'll send the quill to a lab and see what we can come up with," Watari said, bagging the item in question.

"They know where we are, Watari, and Sam can't defend himself, when Ruby comes after him. It may be a combined front next time. The demons must have some of our defenses figured out. It would be easy for the creatures to destroy them and let the demons in too. Damn, I don't feel good."

Matt shook his head. "How did they find us?"

"I know Sam has been having sex with Ruby, so there's no telling what she may have done. He may be marked in some way we can't see. Could be his cell, the computer, something in his duffel, but she's tracking him somehow." Dean closed his eyes for a moment. "I really do feel bad. Damn that stuff packs a wallop." The hunter slowly breathed in through his nose and out of his mouth, trying to fend off the nausea. "We need Cas and I sure don't know how to find him."

"How do you contact him?"

"Cas comes when he wants to. I can yell at the air and call everything in the book, but Cas still comes when he needs to. This should have brought him, and I'm not thinking clearly. He should be here."

L went out to check to see if the angel had arrived.

"Damn it, Cas, where the hell are you? I need you."

The detective frowned, looking through the cabin in hopes that the other had showed up. This was not going well.

L turned around and was literally nose to nose with Castiel. "You were looking for me?"

He didn't react. "There are problems. Your..expertise is required."

Castiel turned and walked to the living area where Dean was laying on the couch. He stared in disgust at the angel and asked, "Where the hell have you been?"

I do not answer to you , Dean Winchester. I was told that my expertise was not necessary. I understood that L and his people could take good care of you, therefore, there were other jobs I had to see to. Was he wrong?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Cas? If I didn't know that you showed no human tendencies, I'd swear you were upset by a comment someone made about your ability to take care of me not being the greatest. Hell, Cas, no one takes care of me. I take care of myself most of the time."

Near looked at Castiel. "Somehow, this safe house Castiel chose is not safe. This location has been occupied less than a few hours and already the enemy has located it"

"That is always a possibility, Near. Someone somewhere is talking about things and that is a danger because Ruby wants Sam and seriously needs Dean out of her way. These creatures and Sam's paramour have to be removed. Dean, it is your job."

"Well, you know, Cas, the little thing we didn't know about almost got me killed tonight. What's on the quill? I went down in seconds. Why didn't you tell me about that?"

"The creatures do not have that ability?" Cas sounded confused and scared. "I will be back. They will not try again tonight. They will be mourning the loss of one of their own." Cas disappeared.

"What the...oh, damn it."

Mello bit off a chunk of chocolate with a low growl. "That little poofing ability of his is aggravating."

Dean closed his eyes, gritting his teeth, "You have no idea."

Watari sighed. "I shall get back to Sam. Let me know what goes on from here."

L nodded, settling back at his own laptop.

Cas reappeared. "I went to examine the body. It is gone. Did you bring it here?"

Mello looked at the angel. "Did we need to?"

"They came and got their own. I will be back." Cas was gone again.

Dean's hoarse, 'Damn it!" was faint.

Dean's exhaustion from the attack set in and he dozed off on the sofa. He had been asleep for about an hour, when he started sweating, and tossing on the couch, his head shaking back and forth, muttering under his breath. It grew more violent, and suddenly he cried out , "No, Alistair...I won't do that."

The group focused on their work, letting him rest without saying anything.

Dean started crying in his sleep, "I can't take any more..okay...yes, I'll do it. Just let me down." He began to cry harder.

It was shortly after this that Castiel reappeared. He walked towards Dean and laid a hand on his head. "That is over, Dean. I removed you from there. Most men would not have lasted 30 years. You did what you did and that is why you are the one to end the apocalypse when it happens. I am sorry, but you fulfilled the demon's prophecy and you will fulfill ours too. It is your destiny, not Sam's. I am so sorry. The eyes of the group stared at the angel. "You assume a great deal on that," Mello commented. "The apocalypse was always in the hands of angels and demons in the book of Revelation. So saying it's in his hands is the WORST thing to say to him."

"You are mistaken if you believe that. The antichrist is human and will be controlled by Lucifer. The battle to free him is on right now. Dean will be used of God and will help end it. It is what I have been told. He needs to know his destiny. I will fight to the death to protect him because I have come to respect and like him. My superiors are against my involvement. I became involved because of him, not what he is. I am seeking to find a way to prevent it, but he must know what is planned for him. I know Dean Winchester and he will go the other direction because no one tells him what to do, and I will follow because I believe in him."

The blond shook his head. "I think you're being lied to...in a major way. But that's why you have L on the case too."

"I am probably going to be hunted by my own kind so they can kill me. I am afraid and do not really know what to do but I am rebelling to protect this man. I believe he is important but not in the way my brothers or the demons believe. If he has anything to do with the ending of Lucifer or the apocalypse, it will only be because Sam Winchester drags him into it. Watch Sam closely, because he may not want this, but he is being manipulated into it. Where Sam goes, Dean will follow whether it is for his own good or not. Remember that."

L's voice cut in. "Again, I am waiting for the information to solve the problem. Bring everything you can or write it all down."

Castiel walked towards L and touched his forehead, "This is everything I have at this time. It is what I have seen and heard from others."

He growled softly afterward "Never do that again."

"I did not enter your mind, L. I never read anything you think or have stored in your brain. I planted the information there."

Near answered quietly. "L is rightly protective of L's mind. Never know what could happen."

"Rightfully so, Near, but time is of the essence here. To give L scattered bits of information on papers made no sense. All of it in one neat compact thought was the only way to make sure nothing was missed. Nothing was damaged. It was just a simple thought implant of the information. There should be no need to repeat it. I will be staying because I will be needed in this battle. Dean is going to be injured. Yes, you can help him, but I can heal him completely once my powers are regained after the battle. Demons are going to try to keep you out. You will need me to hold them off so you can get in the rear entrance and prevent his death."

"The question remains as to HOW they found us," Matt pointed out, eyes focused on his game machine. "His phone is clean. I checked."

"I fear that I know the answer to that question, and it is in the information I gave L. One of my brothers told them. I do not know. I went to talk to Anna and she says there are traitors amongst the legions. I am trying to find out who is doing this. They want Dean dead because they want the apocalypse to happen. They can take care of the demons and Lucifer, but he can prevent it. They believe that and so do the demons to a point. If the demons ever truly reach the point of belief in him, he will be dead because all of them will hunt him down. The angels would prefer to let the demons do the work and let it look like a normal hunt."

L frowned. "Is there a way to keep anyone outside of yourself from knowing our location?"

"Yes, I become a fallen angel and do not return to Heaven. They will hunt me, and I will have to avoid Dean for the time being, but right now, he will need me for this battle. All of you do."

"We need to switch locations. We are not ready for a battle yet. Dean is ill and another plan will be needed considering the difficulties in regards to the quills."

"This can be done tonight, if all of you are ready. They will not expect an attack tonight. You have a good idea now where the lair is. I will go find it while you get weapons loaded and prepare for the battle."

The angel walked over to the couch and laid his hand on Dean's chest and a white light flowed through them. Dean's eyes opened and he looked up, "Cas?"

"Can you do this tonight, Dean? We need to bring it to an end swiftly."

Dean looked at the others. "I'm ready, Cas. For all our sakes, it's got to stop."

Castiel bowed his head for a moment. He walked over to L and laid his hand around the back of L's neck and L felt a sting. He headed to each of them and did the same thing, going back to Dean and finishing it.

"What I have done is given you something that will not allow the quills to take effect. It will last 24 hours. We do this tonight. Get ready. I will find the lair and return for you."

Near jerked away from the angel's touch, gray eyes holding a shuttered defensive look. He did not like being touched by strangers.

Dean saw the reaction, got up, and went to his kid. He knelt down and pulled Near down with him. "Near, that quill nearly killed me tonight. What Cas just did was give you something to keep you from being affected by it. It's kind of like a vaccination. It will last for 24 hours, because we should be through by then. Cas is not very good at explaining things. He's not human, but he has a kind heart. He wants to protect our world. It's okay."

L and the others bit back a smirk when Near responded. "Near does not trust this Castiel."

"Castiel was tortured up there and he's trying to deal with that. They forced him to go back to not really being involved. The problem is that Cas is involved, okay. He's beginning to have human feelings about us and its' something he doesn't understand or know how to deal with. He's trying, and I'm gonna give him a chance because he's helped me many times. I like him."


	17. Chapter 17

Waiting  
>Mello piped in. "Maybe so..but Near will have to be shown. It's just who he is."<p>

"I know who he is, Mello, but I wanted him to understand where Cas was coming from and why I trust him. Near is special to me, and I always want understanding between us."

The blond's face hardened slightly and he went to the window, watching out. L gave a soft sigh. This was going to explode later.

Dean saw the look and walked over to Mello. "Mello, I'd like to make peace between us and get know you like I know Near. I want to be friends, and I had hoped our adventure tonight might open a door between us." Dean wanted to reach out and touch him but wasn't sure if it would be accepted. He stood close enough behind the blond that Mello could hear his breathing.

He nodded, voice low. "Yeah..we can try."

"I would like to find time alone for each of you, but also do things together if you would allow that. I'm trying to build friendships and family here with all of you."

"It's him I have the problem with."

"Mello, Near is very special. He may be different but we should find joy in the difference. He has a soft heart but doesn't understand it. Little things bring a joy he doesn't understand. He needs us to show him how. Why do you have a problem? I want to understand. Do you know that you are special too. There were things about you I had problems with but I want to overcome those problems and learn you and care about you. We all need that."

The voice was bitter. "He's always special, always important. I work my fingers to the bone and he always beats me. No emotions..just a fucking ball of cotton."

"You have something he would trade all of his genius for, Mello. He wants to feel. It hurts but he doesn't understand he's hurting. He's lonely, Mello. He told me he had no friends, but he does because I'm his friend. I've come to love and appreciate him in a very short time. He may beat you but he feels no joy in that, nothing. It is a burden he bears and does not understand that he does. There's an emptiness he doesn't know how to fill.

"You, Near, and Matt are all three with L because all three of you are special. This is not a contest. You all three have gifts and talents that compliment each other. No matter which one of you becomes L, it will take all three of you to be him. Not a one of you has what L has. Don't you see that. Near has the genius, you have the skills to comprehend how to handle a battle, to fight remarkably well, and you have the leadership abilities. Matt, is the mechanical genius. You all three need each other to fulfill each other and become the leadership to be L when he retires. Near may have the title but he's nothing without you and Matt. If either of you gain the title, you will be nothing without the other two.

Near cannot handle being outside or among people. Who will represent L in those situations? It would be you. Don't you realize that you three are like brothers...triplets, you all have situations that hurt and disturb you, but when you pull together, you are one."

He rubbed his arm idly, thinking on what the hunter had said. "I will think on it."

"Okay, please do think hard. It makes sense and you're a real sensible guy. You're just hurting like a lot of us are."

Mello nodded. "Just..hate trying so hard and not even succeeding."

"But I don't understand. You each have your own expertise. You succeed all the time in areas where Near doesn't. You complete each other not tear each other down."

"Something I remember. Be the best and no one can look down on you."

"The things I remember are when you are on the top, there are hundreds there to knock you off the top and take your place and then you have nothing. The best way, I've learned is to have each other's backs. If I had not had your back tonight, Mello, that creature would have done to you what happened to the other murder victims. You'd have had a quill and then been butchered. You thought yourself invincible before tonight. You learned that working together in the field and trusting each other keeps you alive. It's the same with everything else. You three will make L together. So what if Near has the title. He won't be out in the world much to enjoy the title. He just has the genius, but you and Matt will be the ones out there doing the work, enjoying the challenges. You both have genius as well, Mello. It's not a bad deal. There's three of you at the top. No one topples a conglomerate."

He nodded, bangs falling into his eyes. "And thanks for having my back, by the way. Thought you were all talk but you seem to know what you're doing."

"Thanks, you were good out there tonight. You took the order to run and get help, and you were fast at it. I wouldn't mind you having my back any time."

The blond gave him a grin. "You got it."

"Fair enough," Dean held out a hand waiting for Mello.

He took the hand, shaking it with a firm grip.

Dean, taking this as another test, grinned, returning the firm grip.

Mello gave him a grin.

Dean turned serious, "I'm counting on you tonight. What I have to do is gonna get me hurt, and I'm gonna need ya." He turned and looked at everyone in the room. "All of you. Near, you want to handle communication? I can't carry anything on me they might find and realize it's a trap. I need you to monitor where I am by heat signature. I know you can tell a person's emotion, body strength, and if they are injured by heat signatures. You can let them know what's halfway going on. I need you for that if you would. Cas should be back soon guys. This is gonna be it. We take them all out. No one gets out either exit. We have to kill them all. They are going to be going spastic once I kill the queen. She's the tough one to take out because of her protection, which is why I am going at it this way. Okay? I could use a cup of coffee while we wait on Cas."

Dean headed towards the kitchen, yelling back, "Anyone else want anything while we wait?"

A slew of dessert orders followed him as Near worked with Matt to get the systems set up.

The hunter brought the desserts with glasses of milk for the boys and hot tea for L "No groans on the milk. It's good for you and goes well with desserts. Unless you're lactose intolerant, and I can tell a lie a mile away, you'll drink it." grinned as he set the desserts and beverages down, and headed back into the kitchen and sat in the dark drinking his coffee.

The teens stared at the milk, then at L. The detective was obviously trying not to laugh, biting his thumb as he scanned over a file.

Dean grinned over imagined expressions as he sat in the dark and sipped the hot, bitter coffee. He always drank it strong. It kept him awake and alert, and tonight, he would need it. His grin turn to a pensive expression as he tried to map out what he would have to do. It was not going to be easy. He did not like pain, and this type of pain was going to be hard to keep control over. He seriously hoped Cas had no problems. He wanted a quick healing over this one, and the thought of Cas overdoing it or having problems scared him badly. He knew he had to keep a brave face on it. No one must know he was scared. Dean Winchester seldom told people that. The last time was when he finally told Sam he was afraid to go to hell. He tried to think of other things and just stared off into the distance, glad Sam was not involved. He could imagine the battle right now. He was surprised Bobby had given up so easily. It wasn't like him.

Near finished his milk, than leaned to murmur something to Matt. The other nodded, making an adjustment. It was obvious they were taking this very seriously.

Dean heard the fluttering of wings and Cas was in the kitchen. Cas' eyes sought him out. "Bobby has been breaking speed records in that truck of his for two days now. Did you know that a person can make it from South Dakota to west Texas in three days? He has not slept and he is not happy, Dean. He seems to blame me for it, but I was not here when you made what he is calling an asinine decision. I did not tell him you are doing it tonight. He would have demanded that I whisk him here. I did not think you needed his, what is the term?, bitching?, before you did this. Is everyone ready?"

Dean stared at him like he was from another planet. What was the purpose of this monologue from the angel? He sighed, "Yeah, let's get this over with."

He rose, and heading into the living area, with the angel right behind him.

L rose, looking at his heirs. "Near, Matt, are you ready?" Near donned the headset while Matt handed L, Mello, and Dean receivers and mikes that were wireless but powerful. "Just speak, we'll hear you."

Dean placed the mike and receiver in a machete sheathe. He undid his jeans and strapped the sheathe to his leg inside the jeans. He looked up with a wavering grin. "Pray they don't try to strip me before the queen arrives, or I'm dead. I want to hide the sheathe somewhere beneath us where I can grab it and use it at the right time. Wireless stuff is great, but if they find the stuff, the heat signature is all you will have. Thanks for these, guys. Cas, you ready to haul us? Cas will be ready to hold off the enemy at the front. I'm going in the front, but the rest enter the back entrance. Ruby is not going to mess with me. She wants this to happen to me. Stupid bitch still believes what Sam believes, that I'm weak and not able to do this anymore. Let's show them what we're made of. "

L nodded. "Mello and I for certain. Near will be guiding us via headset. Matt will be doing the technical support."

"Okay, you are going into unknown territory. They are mourning but very hostile right now. One of the males is dead. We don't know how many are there. Take no unnecessary risks but use two machetes, if you can handle that. If not, then one and use both hands on it. Try for clean slices, get them down with one and you can go back for complete decapitation. If the slices are clean, you will have them down and unable to defend themselves. Don't do a second hit if you have them down. Go for the ones who are still mobile and remove them. Then we can finish it afterward. It's not gonna be easy, if you've never killed. L, I know you did tonight, but Mello, don't think about it until it's over. Okay?"

The blond nodded, fastening the two sheathes to his belt. He checked his gun for ammo, pocketing spare clips to be safe.

L also fastened on the machetes, slipping on a pair of shoes with a look of distaste.

Near looked up. "Activate the microphones so an equipment test can be run."

I turned mine on before it went into the sheathe, and I doubt I'll hear the earphones, but I might get to them if I get through this with the queen. Okay. Can you hear me?"

Cas looked distastefully at the earphones and mike. "Do I really need these?"

Matt snickered. "If you want to look like a fool and miss the action, I guess not."

Near nodded, giving an okay signal. "Adequate. This should work."

"Okay, Cas, drop L and Mello at the back entrance and me at the front, and find your position out front and try nothing at first. Give me time to get in. They aren't expecting me, so I'm gonna be a treat. I just don't want any demons doing a shakedown and handing me over. They'll look for weapons. I'm Dean Winchester to most of them, other than Ruby, I'm a force to be reckoned with. They know I'm armed. I have no idea what the hell Ruby is thinking other than a nice, slow, torturous death. Let's go"


	18. Chapter 18

The Hunt

Near and Matt settled, wishing them good hunting before the group disappeared.

Dean wished L and Mello good luck when Cas left them at the rear entrance. Then the two of them disappeared. Cas let Dean off near the front entrance and disappeared. Dean looked up at the large black hole, took a deep breath, pulled a small flashlight out of his rear pocket, and stepped inside. It was black and damp inside, but the smell was almost overwhelming. It was rank like dead flesh. Dean gagged for a moment, let his eyes adjust and slowly moved forward.

The two geniuses headed towards their position, listening to Near's soft words as he guided the group towards their destination. Fortunately, the white haired teenager was able to keep his voice at a level and calm tone that helped any nervousness on their parts.

The smell of rotting flesh grew stronger as Dean made his way towards the main cavern in the mountain side. The odor was horrid and Dean was having trouble maintaining a calmness inside that he desperately needed. He whispered softly. "Near, I know and you know that under this situation I can't hear you, but I need someone to talk to so you're it, my friend. There's something really dead in here. The odor is worse than anything I've ever smelled. God, I hope it's not her. I hope the others are okay. I'm not sure where Cas has ended up. He dropped me off near the entrance and disappeared. Got to go. There's a light ahead. Wish me luck." Dean doused the flashlight and put it back in his back pocket. He leaned close to the wall, and inched his way forward, hoping against hope, he'd find the queen, surprise her, decapitate her, and start on the rest, with no sex. At this point, he was on the verge of being sick again, hoping it wasn't her.

Mello made a low sound of displeasure which L silently agreed with. The stench was growing worse as they moved further in. Occasionally, they'd had to pause to ensure they hadn't been seen.

Dean was at the entrance to the cavern and saw...no one? He slowly entered the large room and glanced around. He saw a huge fire with a massive pot on it. He didn't even want to know what was in the pot.

"Near, I have no idea if you or anyone else can hear me in here, but it's a massive cavern, with a huge fire and the biggest damn pot I've ever seen on it. There's several entrances and I guess I'm going to have to check them out to find her. I'm keeping my voice low, so I hope someone hears this. I'll start at the right entrance from me. Let you know." Dean got close to the entrance, when ten people came out of the entrances surrounding the fire. He froze. "Sorry guys, big no on the right entrance. From what I can tell, I am being studied by ten people. Which meant there was six men and five women. L killed one male, so there are five couples here, so one is the queen and one of her companions was killed. Damn, I might be in for it over that. They are coming my way. To make this real, I'm gonna have to run. Gone for the moment, guys." Dean turned back towards the tunnel, knowing he'd never make it. He got about thirty feet when he was tackled.

Near reported the issues to L and Mello, who were finally in position. Gray eyes stayed focused on the screens while Matt watched the outside.

Dean was dragged upright and held between two of the light green males. A female walked towards him and stared at him. She leaned in and sniffed him.

"You are nervous but not afraid. I find that remarkable in a human. The demon is right in one thing. I do find you to be attractive, but you are stronger then she said. The Dean Winchester she described would be frightened of us."

Dean kept his mouth shut and watched her. The two males did not loosen their grips on him. There were too many to try to take out on his own while the queen still lived. Her eyes were black like a demon's but not the evil look he expected, and her hair was white. Her teeth were sharp and pointed. Dean winced at the thought of them touching him anywhere. Teeth that could shred, all canines, worried him. Her nails on her hands were quills. She reached out and ran one hand down his body and Dean inhaled sharply, a feeling of nausea coming over him. They all smelled rank.

L and Mello watched, ready to spring into action. The creatures were beyond revolting, and L had no idea how Dean was going to be able to perform here.

The queen rubbed her hands over Dean, settling in his crotch, and the hunter jerked. He was very pale. The filthy smell was overwhelming. She ran a long lizard-like tongue up his neck to his lips and he tried to clamp his mouth shut, afraid he'd vomit if she managed to get the tongue into his mouth. The queen grinned at his reaction. "Is the potion ready?"

A female voice responded, "Yes, my queen."

"Then get it down him." The males took him to his knees. Another male forced his head back and Dean began to struggle as one of the females, drove her quilled nails between his lips, prying them open. A male drove his fingers into the edges of his mouth, forcing it open. A black liquid was forced down his throat, and he choked on it, but swallowed as they held his nose closed. He closed his eyes, not wanting to look any further.

"Take him to my chamber and I will prepare. Since I have lost one of my companions to your people, Dean Winchester, I may decide keep you for a while, if you please me.

Dean was dragged to a chamber on the left and they removed his boots, threw him on a pile of stinking furs, and chained a foot to a manacle attached to the floor. He watched them leave and began to remove the machete sheathe and hide it under the furs where he could reach it and it would not be felt. He left the mike in the sheathe, but removed the ear phone. "Near, can you hear me? Can anyone hear me?"

"Near is here, Dean." The teen's voice was calm. "Near has Dean on visual."

"We're here too. The chamber does not have another entrance outside of the one you went through so we're holding position here." L's voice came as a near whispered monotone.

"It's been a long time since I've been in a situation I'm not in control of, don't know what I'm doing, and fighting down a sense of horror. Damn, she's fugly man. Looks I can deal with, though. It's the smell. These furs she's got me on reek. Oh, and I'm manacled to the floor, so I hope somebody's got something I can use to pick this damn lock when this is over. That's if I'm capable after this. Anyone heard from Cas? Please tell me someone has heard from him."

Cas was busy. He'd found the demon camp, and found out that Ruby intended to watch, and had waged a one angel assault on the demons, not realizing that Ruby had gone down to the cave while he was taking on her minions. The noise was such that he could not hear much from the earphone, than it was ripped off in one blow. He was holding his own, but hurt and getting tired.

"Not yet. We'll douse you in vinegar later to cut the stench off of you." L's response was meant to help alleviate his fears.

Dean's sense of humor was still intact. "So I'm gonna smell like pickled dead people. Damn, I'll never get a real woman again."

Ruby entered the main cavern. She walked up to the queen. They talked a bit and the two headed towards the queen's chamber with two of the men.

"Problem, Demon is in the cavern." Near's voice cut through the chatter before Ruby entered the queen's chamber.

"What the hell? Near, what demon? Damn it, what demon?"

"The one called Ruby," was the succinct answer. Mello cursed under his breath, and L shifted position slightly.

"She's in the cavern? Is she still in the cavern or with the damn queen? Where the hell is she now? Damn it, this can't happen."

"Heading into the area where Dean is now," Near answered. L spoke up then. "Affirmative. I have a visual on her. She's speaking with the Queen."

"Cas still not responding? Damn it, Cas, you weren't supposed to let this happen. If they're heading here, I got to put the earphones up. That crap she forced down me is making me feel strange, guys. Got to go, I hear something."

L spoke again. "What do you want us to do?"

"What we planned, L. It's too late to change the rules of the game right now. Until the queen is dead, there won't be enough of us to take them on. They draw their strength from each other and mainly from her. I got to get through this somehow. Just hadn't planned on Ruby. What the hell does she want? Earphones are going back under the furs. Damn this stinks."

The group waited tensely, L trying to figure out a way to handle the demon's arrival as well as the group of monsters they had to destroy.

Dean got the earphones under the furs when the two females and the Queen's escorts walked into the chamber. The hunter looked up at both of them. He shook his head when he saw the demon.

"Hello, Dean. Surprised to see me? Your angel is pretty good, but I had a large group with me, and I believe he is probably still fighting them. Did you honestly think I would miss this?"

"One can hope, Ruby. What do you want here? This is what you were waiting for, isn't it? Me out of the way?"

The detective and his heirs could hear this conversation, waiting for the signal to move.

"Well, the queen and I were talking, and I've been telling her how aggressive a lover Sam is, but I didn't think you would compare. Still, there are the stories about you. She wants to know, and you are pretty well drugged up now."

Dean stared at her. "I don't want a word picture of how my brother is in bed. I damn well am not interested in comparisons. Get the hell out, Ruby."

Matt wrinkled his nose. "Shit, I'm gonna puke. Sam screwed her knowing what she is? Serious issues." Near nodded, eyes wide as he continued to observe the situation.

Ruby started to remove clothing, and Dean's eyes widened in shock. He tugged on the manacle but it was embedded deep into the rock floor. He looked up, anger rising.

"Oh, hell no. This ain't gonna happen, Ruby."

"Dean, the draught they gave you will make you very biddable. You will want it, enjoy it, and not feel any pain, anywhere during this. I want to see which brother is really better. And I want to punish you for your interference. I hope you like my little friend, here."

The demon had a small black whip with a number of lashes of leather on it. Dean kept quiet. Near and the others were not going to hear this. He would not give the bitch the satisfaction. From the reactions he was getting from the liquid they'd poured down his throat, he knew she was right. He closed his eyes, and kept his mouth shut. Ruby told him to take his clothes off. When Dean didn't move fast enough, the demon had the two escorts cut them off him.

"What the hell, Ruby! I can't afford to replace those."

He willed the others to stay put until he could kill the queen.

Near twirled a lock of hair so tightly, it nearly cut circulation off in the finger. This was not in the plan.

There was the sound of the lashes striking but no sound escaped the hunter's lips. He closed his eyes and kept thinking, have to kill the queen. Get through this, cause I got to kill the queen.

The lashes stopped, everyone was listening and hearing very little. What Ruby and Dean did, no one knew, but they could hear her moans and queen saying , "Yes, he will do well."

It was a while and Ruby's voice was heard, "Damn, he's good. Different from Sam, but you would expect that. I will leave you to your breeding and entertainment, I think, my queen."

Ruby's boots could be heard as she left the chamber. Dean was still not talking.

L murmured an instruction to Matt, who quickly agreed. The demoness would not make it to see another sunrise if the group could help it.

The queen began to undress and Dean noticed the two guards still standing at the door, not realizing they'd stayed through Ruby's games.

"Aw, come on...give a guy a break."

"The drug will keep you potent and agreeable for a few more hours, then the pain will set in and you will useless to me, I want to experience what you gave the demon, hunter. Yes, I know what you are. After your performance, I would love to keep you, but you are dangerous. It must not be allowed. I will enjoy your flesh in more ways than one tonight."

Dean nodded towards the two men. "Get rid of them." the queen looked at both of her escorts and the beaten man on the furs. "Leave us."

"Well, come on then, bitch. I'm ready for you."

Occasionally, Near gave status reports on the locations of the creatures, voice his usual monotone. For the first time, Mello was actually thankful for that. It helped keep his nerves settled while they waited for the word to move.

Sounds could be heard within the chamber, and they lasted a long time. The queen was rather vocal, but little was heard from Dean, other than a slight sob. The queen had marked him with her razor like teeth and her quilled nails clawed his beaten back. Dean was in a daze at this point but as he reached a point of no return and the queen's eyes were closed in ecstasy, he removed the machete from beneath the furs and with one swoop, her head was gone and blood was everywhere. Dean fought to back away from it but could not get completely clear.

He screamed, "Now!"

L and Mello sprang into action. The blond focused simply on his task, trying not to register the sickening sensation of metal hitting flesh, bone, then flesh before nothing.

The earphones and mike were destroyed by the acidic blood that drenched the furs and seeped onto the stone floor along with blood that sprayed. Dean had pulled as far away as he could from the scalding blood, knowing he would be hurting badly once the drug wore off. He knew his back was in bad shape from Ruby and the queen's claws, but he wouldn't even look at his crotch. He was hoping for Cas. He needed Cas. 'Be all right, Cas. Please.'

He crawled as far as he could go and vomited. The memories in his mind were making him nauseous. Of the two, Ruby, the unexpected one, did him in. He'd prepared for the queen, but the demon bitch? He vomited again, until nothing would come up.

A short time later, L picked the manacle's lock, lifted the hunter into his arms and carried him out, following Mello. The blond was listening to Near's directions, guiding them out into fresh air.

Dean struggled to get to his feet, but L refused The hunter was emotionally, mentally, and physically spent.

A slight murmur was heard only by L, "Did any of my clothes survive? My boots, my jacket?"

"Mello has the jacket. The rest will be replaced soon," he answered softly. "Quiet, rest. We will get you out and into a safe place to rest."

"They're all dead? Ten bodies? You counted them? There's ten?"

"All accounted for," he murmured.

Dean sighed, "Good, Couldn't do this again. Ruby?"

"A plan is being put together to capture her. Once you wake, you'll be able to help with that."

Dean winced. "Hell, out in the middle of nowhere with the Impala back at the cabin. No Cas. This damn drug is wearing off. We need to move fast. I got to get to my feet so we can get as far as we can before the drug completely wears off."

"Barefoot and in the wilds, plus injured, you would only slow me down."

"I'm damned stark naked, too, L, but you can't see in front of you. One blasted misstep and we go over an edge, or scrape every ounce of hide I have left off of me. You are more likely to break something too. I might slow you down but we'll get there safer."

Seconds later, they were all in the living room of the cabin. An injured angel was lying on the floor.

Mello gave a soft growl. "Damn it, I hate that teleporting thing."

Dean crawled on the floor towards the angel. "Cas? Damn it, Cas, what the hell did you do?"

Near went to get Watari, who came out with the first aid kits and began looking over the two injured parties.

Dean was starting to feel pain as he sat on the floor, naked, burned, bitten, clawed and beatened, next to an unconscious, badly beatened angel. The hunter was starting to go into shock. He was shaking, and nauseated again, but there was nothing left to come up. He tried to get up, but fell to his knees.

"Damn it, Cas. You weren't supposed to do this, man. You were to keep them away from the entrance and then heal me. You stubborn..." Dean's head hung to his chest, and he began shaking harder.

Watari gently helped him to his feet. "It's time we got you clean and warm, Dean, so I can tend to your injuries. I will watch over Castiel and help him. For now, we need to get you taken care of." He guided him to the bathroom, helping him into a tub full of warm water. The heat would help with the shock. Near had been left to watch over him, while Watari went to tend to the angel.

When Dean had entered the warm water, he inhaled sharply, and bit his lower lip so hard, he drew blood. The burns and the lacerations on his body stung badly. He hissed slowly and waited for the injuries to slowly get used to the water.

"Near, tell L that the bodies need to be collected, salted, and burned. All ten of them. Tell him to tell Bobby and show him where they are. He'll do it." Dean laid his head back against the tub. "Near, I'm glad you had control of everything. I knew you were hearing everything when I couldn't listen. You were there, you were calm, and you were in control. I'm glad you were there." The hunter's voice trailed off, and his eyes closed, his body going lax.


	19. Chapter 19

Aftermath

Near passed on the message to L, who nodded and looked through Dean's cell to find Bobby's cell. The white haired teenager washed Dean's injuries before draining the water and putting fresh in to help him soak and warm up.

As L went through the numbers on Dean's cell, he found Near's and Watari's info. An eyebrow raised at seeing these. He found Bobby's name and looked at the numbers. FBI? He pressed call and waited. The phone picked up on the second ring.

"Damn it, Dean, you got no right to scare an old man like this. Not taking calls since I told you not no but hell no. We will try to figure out something, but you don't go in there. I can't lose you, boy."

"This is not Dean. The operation went through but there were unforeseen events. The demon named Ruby showed up. Castiel, the angel is also injured. I can give you our location."

"Okay, let me get this straight. Who are you?"

"A detective that has been working with Dean on this case."

"You got a name, Detective? I'm Bobby Singer, and I'm the closest thing to family those boys have. Let me talk to Sam."

"I go by many names but since Dean trusts you, I am L. Sam is currently indisposed. Dean is injured. One of my associates is helping him clean up."

The line was still for a moment. Bobby's voice was shaky, whether from shock, anger, or combination of the two, L wasn't sure.

"You hesitated. Sam is indisposed? What the hell has he done now? Dean is injured, well he knew he'd burn his crotch doing that. Means he won't be pleasuring any more women for a while, and it'll do him some good to think about what the hell he's doing. How did Cas get injured? He could heal Dean in an instant. You mentioned Ruby. I thought she was Sam's friend and helping them. I don't trust demons and neither does Dean. Now just explain to me all of this. I will be there in a couple of hours. Cas told me the way."

"He is currently under treatment for addiction and is in the withdrawal phase. As far as the angel, he separated from the group. I can only surmise that he went against another group of creatures, possibly ones that the demon Ruby put together."

"Okay, what kind of addiction? Dean knew something was wrong. He kept telling me that Sam wasn't himself, but Sam was saying the same thing about Dean. Hell, the boy was ripped out of hell by an angel and told he's supposed to stop the blasted apocalypse. I'd drink too, but what has Sam gotten into? If you are helping him, is anyone helping Dean with his by any chance? What the hell is Ruby upset about?"

"Actually, Watari has spoken to him on that subject from what I understand and is aiding him. As far as the substance Sam is addicted to, I think it would be best to wait until you are here so we can discuss this." He didn't want the man having an accident.

"How bad were the bodily fluids? How long is Dean going to be out of business? Did he get badly burned or mild like he hoped it would be? How were things made worse by Ruby?"

"It would be better to speak of this face to face. We're currently developing a plan to capture the demon and your input would be welcome."

"I'll be there sooner than I thought." Bobby hung up. L ended the call with a frown. This meeting with Dean's mentor would probably not go well.

Dean came too in the warm water, the pain having broken through the stupor he'd been in. His bottom lip was crusted with dried blood. He had no idea what part of him hurt the most. His feet felt burnt, his hands, arms, neck and chest . There were only a couple of small spots on his face that hurt. His crotch was on fire, but he expected it. What he had not counted on was his back. His memories of the time with Ruby made him ill. How could Sam? Killing the bitch wouldn't be enough. He opened his eyes and stared straight into gray ones.

"Near?" The bright light stung his eyes, so he closed them again. I'm hurting like hell.. Need to get out of this water. Can you get someone to help me stand up? Seems I burned the bottom of my feet." The older Winchester brother tried to laugh it off, but the laugh ended in a soft sob.

"Dean does not have to be strong at this moment. Near is aware Dean is in pain. If Dean will wait a moment, Near will get L to help Dean out of the bathtub."

Near's calm voice, and affirmation that he knew what Dean was going through, comforted the hunter. No one had ever told him he didn't have to be strong because they knew where he was. He nodded softly and kept his eyes closed against the bright light. "Okay," he whispered. He heard Near get up to leave. "Near? Thank you."

"Such a thing is not necessary, Dean. Near will be right back." He slipped out to get L.

Dean halfway dozed in the tub again, the pain and exhaustion from what he'd done making it hard to stay awake. He knew he'd have to face the memories. Watari said no more hiding things inside. Right now, he couldn't focus on it. The queen had been disgusting but Ruby had been humiliating. She had him now. Any time they faced off, she'd have this over him. Hell, what if Sammy went back to her? He shook it off, trying to concentrate on the victory they had tonight. He heard the door open, kept his eyes closed in the bright light, hoping they'd take him somewhere quiet and dark. He wanted to hurt in private, if he had to hurt. "L? I'm a dead weight, man "

"That is to be expected. The first aid kit is ready. Are you ready to get out of the water?" L had noticed the closed eyes and would make sure to keep things dim for the other.

"I'm ready, L. The water felt good, although it stung, but the drug they gave me is gone, and it's hurting like hell, man. I expected pain, but not everywhere. Things didn't go like they were supposed to. How bad is Cas? He'll heal on his own. Angels can do that, but he can't help me right now, so I got to deal. I'm so tired."

The hunter looked into the detective's eyes, and he squinted badly and squeezed his eyes shut again.

"He's taken some damage. I anticipate he should be back on his feet before tomorrow, depending on how much energy he's lost." Carefully, the detective picked up the hunter and carried him into a dimly lit room.

Dean felt the coolness of a darker room and opened his eyes. Where are we?"

"A bedroom," he answered, than gently set him down on the bed. For someone who looked so scrawny, L was definitely stronger than anticipated. The first aid kit was opened and the dark haired male began taking care of the injuries.

L tended bad burns, the whip lashes, rips where the queen had bitten the man, and claw marks from the quills. He shook his head, applying medicines and bandages.

The detective could feel the hazel eyes watching him in the dim light of the room. He could hear a sudden hiss, slight moan or groan, and once in a while, a light sob, but the hunter took the treatment of his wounds in quiet. If L looked, he would have seen the bloodied lip, and tears on the face, but very little sound was heard.

L made no mention of the tears or soft sounds and simply focused on his task. Eventually, every wound was treated and bandaged. "You need to rest. Shall I have one of the boys come and sit with you?"

"Do I need someone, L?"

"That is why I asked? You have gone through a traumatic experience. It would make sense if you did not wish to be alone."

Dean thought about it. Only Sam or Bobby had ever done that. Cas once, he thought. No one had ever thought to ask him if he needed someone. He took a deep breath, and softly said, "Yes, L. Thank you."

Dean struggled to find a position that did not hurt and decided there was no such thing. He closed his eyes, determined to sleep.

The other nodded and slipped out. A few moments later, Mello came in and took a seat on a chair, curling up with a book. Near was working with Matt on something, and the blond had volunteered to take this position.

Dean dozed, falling in and out of a nightmare riddled sleep, but other than a few muttered words or soft cries, he was quiet.

The others were working steadily when an old truck pulled up to the cabin. Bobby Singer walked up to the door, carrying two shotguns. He knocked and said, "Anyone home?

The door was opened and a red haired teenager wearing goggles stared at him for a long moment. "You are?"

"I'm the son of a bitch who will be kicking Winchester asses once those damn boys are well enough to be kicked! You?"

"Matt. You must be Bobby Singer. L said you were coming. Come in."

Bobby, looking like his scraggly old self, but with red rimmed eyes, and a look of total exhaustion, stared around the room. "Well?"

Near was sitting on the floor in his usual position. One hand was constructing a dice tower while he was typing one handed into the laptop in front of him. L was perched in his seat, sucker in his mouth as he frowned at the display. Dark eyes looked up. "Bobby Singer?"

"Yeah, that's me. You L?"

He nodded, than pointed at a chair with the lollipop. "Sit please."

Bobby sat in the offered chair, laying the shotguns next it. "Okay, I've been traveling nonstop from South Dakota since I talked to Dean. I found out just how fast that truck can go and how fast gas can burn at those speeds. What the hell is going on? You don't look like the types who fight monsters, so how did Sam and Dean get you mixed up in this? Second how was Sam paying for drugs? Dean runs credit card scams to keep them alive and in business. Third, what the hell happened to make Dean do this so fast and how bad is he, cause I'm gathering it's worse than a little salt pitre."

"First off, can you tell Matt and Mello how to handle a salt and burn? While they deal with that, I can give you the information you require. The corpses we left behind need to be dealt with and quickly."

"It wasn't done? Okay, gather the bodies and pour salt all over them. Pour gasoline, lots of it on them, light 'em up, let them burn til nothing's left. Why didn't Dean see to this?"

Near answered in a monotone "Dean has taken a great deal of damage and could not be expected to handle this. Near will go with Matt and see this done as Mello is with Dean now." Matt nodded, saying he'd go with the other.

The gruff voice cracked, "How much is a great deal of damage? How bad is the boy hurt?" L could see the hands turning white as the man gripped the arms of the chair.

L listed the injuries and what was done to treat them as the two teens hurried to take care of the task.

"The queen's blood must have splashed and spread like wild fire for him to be that badly burned, but lacerations?"

"Ruby showed up and decided to try out the other brother."

"Try out? He let her? Dean hates demons and this one has been at the top of his list for a long time. Why would he willingly have sex with her. He was there to do it with the queen. The queen would be upset at him doing that."

The detective shared everything he knew in regards to Ruby having been in contact with the queen, the potion, and the interactions they had heard over the communications units.

"Oh, hell, this ain't good. That boy has enough emotional problems without drug induced rape by the demon his brother is messing with. The way Sam's been lately, he'll blame Dean for it." Bobby sighed, leaning his head into one hand. He was still for a moment and looked up at L.

"What is Sam addicted to? How the hell is he raising the money to get it?"

"He doesn't need money for what he is addicted to. We got the information direct from his supplier. It's demon blood." He stared at the candy for a moment.

"Watari and I both have experience in psychology and can assist both of them through this. However, there are things going on that need dealing with. The first, I am working with the angel in regards to trying to determine the whole issue about the possible apocalypse. I have no religious affiliations but know that humans are not supposed to be involved. The determination of the angels to involve them troubles me. Second, Ruby must be dealt with."

"Demon blood? Sam is an intelligent man. Why the hell would he? How could he? Damn! Dean knows this? You can help them? I have no idea if they will even tell you one-half of their problems. I can tell you this. Ninety percent of it is 'Daddy.' I wish Mary had never died. I wish Missouri had had one iota of a real idea that though Sam needed her compassion, it was Dean who was hurting the worse. Missouri was picking up on Mary's spirit's horror that she had allowed that demon in to put blood in the Sam's mouth as a baby. John Winchester should have let Pastor Jim or me have those boys. Hell, Ellen would've raised them at the Roadhouse. Anything but what he did to them. If you can get it out of them, then help them. Ruby needs to die."

He held a hand up to stop the other man's sudden monologue. "He is intelligent but like all humans, he was vulnerable when this began. I can only surmise that Ruby preyed upon that weakness while Dean was dead. Dean has his own issues which will be dealt with. What's past is past. Watari and I can only help them deal with the past and give them life skills to work on."

"That is all I would ask. I'm killing Ruby. She is using a dead body so there are no issues of a soul in there somewhere."

"Only after I gain information from her first. I need to know why the demons are so interested in the brothers."

"They don't want Dean anymore. He broke the first seal in hell, and that's what they needed, but they don't know this supposedly new prophecy about him. They'd want him dead if they did. It's Sam I'm concerned about with the demons. Dean, now? It's the angels I'm worried about. This is crazy."

"I will get to the bottom of this."

"I hope you do. Those boys are my life. I love both of them, but Dean, well, he's had so little. What he had he gave to Sam. He always did. John was an asshole, but he did what he thought he had to do. His fights with Sam and other little things proves how much he loved him, but Dean, he trusted Dean to a point, made him grow up at age 4. Not right. I guess they are both sleeping, hopefully?"

"Mello is with Dean so Dean would not have to be alone. Watari is with Sam now. We had to activate a white noise machine to drown out the screams earlier as they were causing issues with Dean."

"I hope not more bad issues. Just screams and not verbal attacks. Sam's done a lot of that lately, but I'm beginning to understand why the boy is doing it. Demon blood and Ruby, along with Dean's death. Thank you for helping them. I'd like to stay until they are at least on the mend, then I'll head back. I would like to know how they dragged you into this."

"You may be needed for the process, I don't know. To be honest, I have no idea what we will uncover during this." He sipped at his tea, eyes flashing to the clock.

"Tell me what you want from me, and I'll help in any way." Bobby noticed the glance at the clock." It takes time to do a salt and burn, depending on how far they had to go. If you know the way, we can check on them?"


	20. Chapter 20

Tracking

"I do..." The cell rang at the same time and L picked it up. As he listened, his eyes grew wider, then angry. He dropped the lollipop into his teacup and strode to the door, opening it and giving a few words to Mello. The blond exited, obviously on alert. The detective turned to Bobby. "We go, now. Mello will stay for protection with Watari. The cabin was prepared for that."

Bobby grabbed the two shotguns, walked to his truck, picked up two more handguns. He looked at L who had walked outside. "Demons?"

"Yes," was the short answer. It was obvious the slender male was angry.

Bobby pulled out a backpack and filled it with rock salt cartridges and bullets. "What are you carrying? If I don't have the ammo, Dean will."

"The cartridges Dean gave me."

"Okay. Try to wake up Castiel and see if he has enough mojo to do one whammy and heal Dean. We need the boy."

"We can handle this. Dean has had enough. He is not ready to face her yet. The voice was flat. "We are wasting time."

"We going around back up that mountain?"

L gave him the directions, climbing into the vehicle.

Bobby blew his horn for the blond teen, who came running out front. He leaned out the window.

"You wake that damn angel up and tell him to conjure up enough mojo to heal Dean. Tell the boy demons got the other two and this is where we're going. Don't even think about it, L." Bobby put the truck in reverse and pulled out.

Mello frowned, heading back inside. L gave a low stare to Bobby. "We are wasting time. Now go."

"I'm doing 80 on winding gravel roads. When I find paved roads, I'll go over a 100."

When Mello entered the cabin, Dean was standing in the doorway of the bedroom, holding a blanket around him. "What was that?"

"Bobby and L." He went to the angel, poking him hard. "Wake up you! Wake up or I'll roast you and fry your wings."

"Bobby's here? Where'd they go?" He watched Mello poking Castiel. The angel groaned but sat up, his eyes glazed a little, but finally focused on Mello and Dean in the background. He could see all the bandages on the hunter and his eyes widened.

"Wake up damn it!" Mello was getting pissed.

The monotone voice spoke, "I am up. Dean, are you all right?"

The hunter looked at the angel and then down at himself, the pain almost excruciating, tearing him apart as he tried to control what he felt. "Oh yeah, Cas. Everything is just fantastic!", the sarcasm dripping from his voice.

The blond glared at him. "He looks like a mummy, barely moving, and you ask an idiotic question like that?"

L was tapping his fingers against his knees, mentally willing them to get there sooner.

Bobby finally pulled onto a two lane black top and his foot floored the gas pedal. L grabbed hold of the dash board and then the momentum pushed him back against the seat. He was almost scared to ask what the older hunter had under the hood.

Dean looked at the Mello's face. "What's happened?"

"They got Near and Matt...Matt managed to sneak a call out. Bobby wants you healed and us following." It was obvious Mello had no patience right now and was trying to keep calm enough to answer Dean

Dean stared for a second, thoughts whirling in his pain wracked mind. Matt could handle himself, but Near. Near who was afraid of being in situations where he was touched, stared at, or made fun of. Dean panicked for him, and moved fast for someone in his shape. He reached down and dragged the angel up, a groan of agony coming from him.

"Cas, I know you are not up to snuff, but damn it, I need what ever mojo you got right now. You can always work on more, but I got to be healed right now. I need everything man. Those are my kids out there. Mello, get me clothes. My boots are gone, but I got tennis shoes. It's in my duffel. They got my guns? Then I'll need to raid the Impala. Cas, now!"

"L took what you gave him." The blond went scurrying, popping his head into the room to talk to Watari before going to get what Dean had requested. The elderly gentleman looked angry as he came back. "I have some firearms that you can modify, Dean. Get our boys back."

"I got plenty in the Impala, Watari. They're my kids too. Dean was angry and tears were going down his face. He turned the angel. "Two minutes ago is too long, Cas. Now!"

The angel looked into the face of the hunter, placed a finger on his forehead, and closed his eyes. Dean hit the floor, but rolled over and stood up. Cas had collapsed.

"I'm sorry, Cas, but the boys." Cas looked up. "Bring them back, Dean. Get the demon bitch."

Dean did not wait on the clothes. He ran outside with no shoes or clothes and began taking things out of the trunk and filling an extra duffel with them. He loaded the rest of the duffel with salt and holy water, swearing under his breath when he stubbed a toe.

Mello joined him outside, throwing the clothes and shoes at him. "Dress, I'll check the weapons. We don't have time to stop."

Dean started pulling on clothes and telling Mello that the weapons didn't need checking...he went over them once a week, cleaning and making the sure the ammo was fresh. Underwear and jeans on, he tossed the keys to Mello.

"Drive while I dress. When we get to the black top, we do a Chinese fire drill. I take it from there. Hell, you can drive?" Dean climbed into the passenger seat pulling on a t-shirt, than grabbing socks and the shoes, he leaned into the floorboard to take care of getting the socks and shoes on his feet.

"I've known how to drive since I was eleven," came the answer. He jumped in, adjusted the mirrors slightly and revved the powerful engine before taking off like a bat out of hell. The teen obviously knew what he was doing, taking curves with speed but taking care not to fishtail the car.

Dean was slipping into his jacket and mentioned that the car was heavy and would fishtail and slide in loose gravel or mud. He slipped the amulet from his jacket pocket and put it over his neck. They soon hit the blacktop, "Okay put her in park, and we change seats." Dean opened the passenger door leaving it ajar and ran around the front for the driver's side, passing Mello on the way.

As the car doors slammed shut, the rear tires squealed as Dean floored it. "Tell me when to leave the road."

Mello slid onto the bench seat, checking his gun before holstering it. "All right." Be okay, he thought to himself of the other two.

Dean kept seeing gray eyes and white hair, and with each thought, his grip on the steering wheel grew tighter until his hands were white. The trees and rocky points blurred by them. Mello looked at the speedometer. Dean was doing 120.

"Thirty seconds, turn left." He was watching the road and surroundings.

Dean's foot hit the break, and the car spun, doing a 180 on the highway, facing the opposite direction, he turned onto the dirt and gravel road, cursing no blacktop. He did about 50 which was best he could do on the turns. He finally saw Bobby's truck in the distance. Sighing, he pulled in next to the vehicle.

"How much time did they have ahead of us?" He reached into the back seat and pulled out his favorite gun. "Don't slam the doors. They don't know I'm healed." Dean opened the back passenger door and pulled out the duffel.

"Which way?"

"North by north-east." L was using the tracking device he'd installed in each of his heir's cell phones and other things. Matt's goggles for one had a tracking device too. "As far as time, I'm not sure. Matt said they'd been able to get the burning done." He was mentally berating himself for this.

Bobby could see what L was doing. "Let's just get them back, L. We can discuss faults and things later. Dean is always taking the blame for something, but he puts it on the back burner til the job is done. We have to fight Winchester style right now."

Dean began searching the ground looking for something from Bobby that should show where they left the grassy area into the wooded and rocky terrain. He finally spotted a broken branch pointing in a northeasterly direction. It was a new break and nothing else had been disturbed. "We go this way. Put your phone on silent mode. We don't need it going off," Dean said as he did his.

"Already done," Mello and L responded at the same time, each to a different hunter.

Mello watched the hunter work, as Dean kept a fast pace, gun out, cocked and ready. Eyes searching for any sign of L and Bobby, or the boys and the demons. He slowed, set down the duffel, and looked at a rocky crag. There was a slight yellow on it. Dean wondered if Bobby had noticed, has he touched it with a finger and smelled it. Mello heard him murmur under his breath, "Sulfur."

He squatted down and found the scraping in the grass to the right beside the crag. He moved around it, looking. Standing up. "I don't know if Bobby and L saw this, but they went this way.".

"L probably has," Mello murmured. "He's more observant than he seems."

"Of course he is. He's a detective, Mello, and a damned good one, but his jungle is mostly in the city. This is mine, and he wouldn't have seen the scuffs in the grass and gravel trail on the other side of the crag unless he understood that yellow streak. Let's hope he did because if he missed this and he's tracking electronically, which I imagine he's doing, he's going to be coming around from another direction and we'll get there first."

Blue green eyes caught sight of footprints. "They're tracking non-electronically. Take a look. Those are prints left by trainers."

"Thank God for that. If we'd gotten there first, it would have been all over for all of us. There's a trap set for L. Ruby still wants me ruined or dead, and Sam back. She does not know Bobby is with him but she will enjoy both of them. What she is not expecting is you and me. She knows what shape Cas is in. She thinks she knows my emotional and mental state right now. Maybe a little bit, but I have a job to do and neither Sam or Ruby seem to understand that. We got to be real quiet and find another way to where they are. We can't follow this trail any longer. They'll spot us. We're going up and over; catch them from above. By the way, that was damned good tracking, worthy of a hunter."

A grim smile was given in exchange. "Thanks. They're going to bite off more than they can chew if they think they can corner L." It was obvious the boys adored their mentor, Mello especially. And the blond was right. Both the detective and senior hunter had paused, quietly discussing what needed to be done. L had realized that a trap was inevitable. The problem was tripping the trap without causing harm to Matt and Near.

Bobby looked at the trail. "You know an idjit would see this for what it is after awhile. They never counted on you being savvy or me being with you. Ruby is bright, L. If someone doesn't go down that trail, she's gonna figure there's a trap being set. Find another way, I'll take the trail and tell her I convinced you to stay and guard the boys. After all, I'm a hunter. " The older man winked at the detective. "She thinks we're stupid or totally messed up. Well, in our business, that happens a lot, but we are still damned good at what we do."

The hunter headed slowly down the trail, leaving the detective to find a way and set a trap.

The detective set to work. He'd looked over the journal that Matt was putting onto Sam's computer and thanks to his memory, was drawing seals on the stone with the marker he had in his pocket. He drew several of the devil's traps, covering them with leaves. This would have to work.

Mello nudged Dean as L's white shirt came into view.

"Well, isn't he all shiny in the morning sunlight. Can't tell what he's doing, but we need to find some way up there so we can go around. Wonder where Bobby is?"

"Let's find out." Mello spotted a small overgrown path that would take them to him.

"Go slow. They may have seen all those white clothes."

They came up even with L, and Mello went out to talk to him, but Dean remained where he was, watching. He'd told the boy not to mention him in case L was being watched.

L's voice was low, giving Mello the information and the blond headed back.

Dean held a finger over his lips and motioned for Mello to follow him. They went back about ¼ mile and the hunter turned to the teen.

"Okay, what is going on and was he making devil's traps?"

"All four of us have almost photographic memories. And yes, he's making devil's traps. Bobby went around to try to draw their attention and lead them towards L."

"Let's get up that rock and head across. Not all of them are going to follow Bobby. Ruby won't. We are going take them from above."

He nodded, following Dean. "Anything to thin their numbers out at this point is a good thing."

"Yeah, but it's a good thing we're here though. Someone to take the rest while they are trapping those who follow Bobby to L."

Another nod. It was obvious Mello was all business. "L said they couldn't see Matt or Near though."

"Let's hope it's not a trick and she has them elsewhere. I'll find a way down and check it out to be sure."

"L keeps tracking devices in several items we keep near us at all times. Cell phones for certain but other things as well. For Matt, it's his goggles and his game machine."

"I bet that puts a cramp in your style when you're trying to meet girls. Anyway, does he say they're there?"

"He said the objects were there. He hasn't spotted them though, so that doesn't ease his worry."

"I'm going down then."

Mello grasped his wrist. "Wait for the signal. L's not finished yet."

"It's all right, Mello. I'm not stupid. I'm waiting for at least half the camp to follow Bobby, then I'm going to sneak in and find the boys. Okay?"

"I'll be with you. If both are hurt, you'll need the extra set of hands." He was watching the camp, waiting for the right time.

Dean smiled softly. The kid was good, he'd give him credit for that. L's team was exceptional. He watched the camp and saw Ruby come from around a large formation. He would head there when the time came.

"Chances are good she's got them under cover somewhere. Near's hair and outfit are easy to spot. Matt's hair as well, though it's a bit easier to hide."

"The odds are they're where she just came from. She's gonna taunt, poke fun, whatever she finds amusing. She's not as bad as Lilith but she's bad. She might try to play them, get them to think she's the good guy and I'm the evil one in this. It's been done before."

He shook his head. "I'm worried about Near," he admitted. "Matt is pretty clever and can really twist things to make it seem like he's playing along. Near, though devious in his own right, just doesn't have the emotional aspect to do the same."

The strain in Dean's voice was noticeable as he answered, "I know. He's too innocent."

"He can be a devious little shit when he wants to be," he remarked with a grin. "Three bets he's pissed her off at least four times."

Dean smiled back, slightly, "Yeah, but let's hope she hasn't decided to barbecue him by leaving him out in the desert sun." Mello noticed that the smile never reached the hunter's eyes.

"There is that." He'd seen some of Near's nastier brushes with the sunshine. He hoped the demon hadn't thought of that."

Dean muttered low under his breath, "She hurts that kid, I swear she'll wish she'd never known me. I'll skin her alive, nice and slow."

"You'll be fighting L and me for that...especially L. He's very protective of us."

The hunter thought back over the conversations he'd had with Near. He cared about all three boys, even if he barely knew Matt, but Near. Dean loved him. He had no idea how it had come about, but he felt like a father to the boy. No one except Near and himself understood what was said and understood the times they were alone and talked. None of the others would be in line, because there would be no time for one. Near was his kid, in Dean's mind and heart.


	21. Chapter 21

The Rescue

A soft sound came from Mello. "There's your friend."

Dean watched Bobby sneak into the camp, like it wasn't planned that he was going to be seen. Dean was tense, waiting. Someone yelled, and Bobby ran for all he was worth. Most of the demons in the camp ran after him. Ruby started screaming at the stragglers to remain behind. Dean did a fast count, not knowing if others were beyond the large rock Ruby had come from behind. His count showed 15 besides Sam's demon.

He slid on is belly, pulling the duffel with him. He got to the end of the boulder they were on, and picking up the duffel, he skid down feet first on his backside. He hit the ground with a roll and moved out of the way and waited for Mello.

Mello was right at his side, moving without a sound. His eyes were constantly moving, tracking the enemies.

Mello noticed a wicked looking knife in Dean's hand. He crouched low to the ground carrying the duffel and the knife. A demon was heard at the back of the rock. Dean dropped the duffel, and pulled Mello beside him, backs to the rock. Dean held his breath, listening. A male demon walked past the rock and the two of them, Dean leaped, an arm went around the throat, cutting off air and sound, and the knife came around and went into the chest.. The demon never made a sound as it died. The hunter pulled the body back into the brush further down from the two of them. He looked at the blood on the knife, mesmerized for a mere second, wiped it off on the demon's clothes and was back beside Mello.

The blond sighed. He'd have been better off with a supersoaker full of holy water for all that he was packing right now. He tapped Dean's arm, pointing out where the bitch was talking to a couple of other demons.

Dean looked at Mello and the gun he carried. Dean's objective was to remove as many quietly as he could. He hoped to get the boys out without Ruby knowing. He opened the duffel, gave Mello a large bag of syringes and a dart gun. He showed the boy how to load it and fire. "It's holy water. Might not kill them, but it will bring them down bad enough where you can kill them. The pain will be so bad they won't be able to scream. Aim for the mid to lower back. It's like knifing them in the kidney. "

He efficiently locked and loaded, tying the bag of spare syringes at his belt.

Dean watched the handling of the dart gun, nodded gently to himself. The boy would do. He left the duffel in the shrubbery and inched around seeing an opening in the rock. He slowly moved, watching everywhere for any sign of life. Ruby and the others had disappeared. He got to the opening and heard nothing. He went inside and stood still against a wall until his eyes adjusted. He took out a flashlight and looked around. It was a large chamber, He saw a large mound by some stone benches on the opposite wall. He knew Mello was still at the corner with the duffel, keeping watch. He quickly went across the

chamber and moved one bundle, and untied it. Matt, unconscious He removed the cloth bundle and stretched the teen out. He hurried to the other one, and pulled it off Near. He held the unconscious youth to his chest and sobbed lightly. He stretched him out also, than flashed the light over them. They didn't look injured.

Dean did not realize he had company until the light from the small entrance was blocked. He looked up and saw someone in the entrance. This was sudden which meant Mello either didn't have time to warn him, or they had the boy.

Mello was actually fighting, driving his elbow into the midsection of the one who had tried to sneak up on him. He could feel something break when the second strike he gave hit the ribcage. Spinning, he fell into a fighting stance and snarled, eyes blazing.

"Hello, Dean. Do you ever get the feeling of deja vu?"

The hunter stood up and moved away from the teens. Ruby watched his every step. "Are you trying to protect them by moving away and taking my mind off them? You had quite a reaction to the white one, didn't you? I never picked you for that type, but everything is possible, I guess. How badly do you want him to live, Dean?"

The blond downed several, using syringes as knives. He was slowly working his way to Dean.

"What do you want from me, Ruby? I'm not Sam. I'm not giving you Sam. He's my brother, but I won't let you have the boys either. So what do you hope to gain from this?"

You said boys, but it's the white one that brought emotion out of you. I was watching. He means something to you, Dean. How badly, Dean?"

Dean closed his eyes, lowered his head. He relaxed and looked at the demoness, a sad smile on his face.

"Sam is not mine to give, Ruby. Near is not mine to give either. I only have me."

Ruby's eyes glowed in the dark chamber. "Are you offering yourself to me, Dean Winchester? To be my toy, my pet...whatever I want from you with no drugs?"

Dean looked back at Near. "Yes."

"Absolutely not," came a strong voice. L had helped to disarm and knock out the other demons and both detective and heir stood side by side.

Ruby turned and saw the other two at the entrance. She turned to Dean, "You trapped me?"

"Actually, Ruby, you had me trapped, but I didn't come alone."

The demoness drew a gun and aimed at Near. Dean stiffened, "Leave him out of this, Ruby. He's just a kid. The demoness laughed and pulled the trigger as L grabbed for her. Dean threw himself on top of Near and felt the bullet enter his shoulder, breaking the shoulder blade and collarbone. The bullet ricocheted and left his body, entering Near's shoulder going through the bone, breaking two ribs, and ricocheting out his side. Dean struggled to get up and the pain in his right shoulder, chest, and arm making it difficult to use them. He saw the two bullet holes in Near and screamed in agony at the top of his lungs, "No! Near!" He leaned over the boy continuing to cover him with his body, hearing Ruby's laughter in the background.

There was a roar from Mello and less than a second later, working in perfect tandem, L and the blond had the demon on the ground. Her mouth was tied shut so she couldn't vacate the body.

Dean knew the bullet was gone, but he had no idea how badly the boy was injured. He carefully lifted Near into his arms, struggling to use the damaged one, and took him outside of the chamber to a spot in the trees, where he could check him, no longer noticing the blood pouring from the two holes he had in his shoulder. He took off his jacket and used it for a pillow for Near. He removed his t-shirt, and ripped it with the knife and bound the shoulder and side, applying pressure till he got the bleeding to stop. He tied the pieces of shirt and made bandages for the boy. He felt dizzy and laid down beside him and held him, tears falling, and sobs wrenching him.

L let Mello drag Ruby out while he went to check on Matt, carrying the unconscious youth out to where Dean was. Bobby should be here. Reacting as best as he could, L started first aid on Dean.

Dean fought him. "No! Take care of Near. I don't know if I did a good enough job. Take care of him, L. He's first, damn it. It's Near, okay.?"

L felt a pair of hands come in beside his. A gruff voice said, "I've got him." and Bobby took Dean in hand. He'd found Dean's duffel and dragged it to the trees, opened it, and got the first aid kit.

The detective began working on Near. He spotted the entry and exit wounds and swore under his breath. Possible internal damage, which meant they needed to get both to a doctor as soon as possible. Who knew what had been torn in there. There was no way to get both of them down the trail to the vehicles. With bloody hands, he pulled his phone out and placed a call.

Bobby came up to L and waited til he was off the cell. "That was a big entry hole, L. How big a gun did she have? I think it's shattered most of his shoulder and clavicle. It moved around. I thought those kind of bullets were outlawed and couldn't be bought. His arm is going to be out of commission for a long time. He lost a lot of blood. He won't calm down. How is the boy.? He's worried sick about him."

"Near's losing blood despite the tourniquet. Weapon was discharged at near point blank range. I have a helicopter inbound; ETA is in five minutes. Follow my lead on this." Watari was already on the move. "Do whatever you have to do to the demon to make sure she's unable to switch bodies."

"I will follow your lead. You seem to know how handle this. If you will leave Mello with me, We will handle Ruby and Matt. I think they used ether. Smells like it."

Bobby went back to let Dean know that a chopper was on the way. Bobby was honest about the bullet, the weapon, and Near. Dean huddled into a ball, shaking his head.

"I caused his getting hurt, Bobby. Lisa was right. I can't have any kind of a relationship. Cassie said she didn't want to die. If Near dies, it's because Ruby wanted to hurt me, and used him. L will hate my guts over this. I don't even want to look in Watari's face. I hurt him, Bobby."

"Dean, if you had not taken the brunt of the spinning bullet and let it chew up your shoulder, he'd be dead."

Mello heard him and did what was natural to Mello. He smacked the other across the back of his head. "He isn't going to die, idiot. You saved him. Now stop with the fucking pity party and give me the info I need to make sure she won't go anywhere. I have a feeling L is gonna want to play with her."

Dean looked at Mello. "There's a large brown bottle in the med kit. Take a syringe, and give her one mm of it every 8 hours. She can't leave the body, or do anything. There are cuffs in the trunk of the Impala. Cuff her to something. Ask Bobby about a safe room for her."

Dean tried to stand up and walk over and check on Near. Bobby was talking to Mello, when Dean tried to take off across the little clearing under the trees. He got about three feet and the world started spinning. Bobby looked up.

"Shit!" He started running, with Mello right behind him.

They caught him before he fell, laying him down ."Damn, you are an idiot, aren't you?" It was spoken teasingly by the blond, who disappeared to get the bottle that Dean had spoken of.

Bobby leaned over the younger hunter. "He's right, idjit. That was a damn stupid thing to do, boy."

"I don't know which one of you I should be talking to, Bobby. The world needs to slow down and let me get off, cause I'm getting dizzy."

Two helicopters arrived at the same time. A man from each approached, taking keys and telling the owners the vehicles would be at the newest base in pristine condition. The wounded were placed in one while the others were hurried into the other.

Dean heard the men mention a base. Government choppers? Where was he being taken? He thought of the long record in the zip file, and the possibility of murder charges, and so many other things. He blacked out on those thoughts.

L had them taken to a private building he owned in the U.S. and had put his heir and Dean into a very private hospital under assumed names. Bobby was allowed to remain as he was watching over his son or so the staff had been told. The detective had moved quickly and with great care to ensure no one had any idea who the group was.


	22. Chapter 22

The Hospital

Dean finally woke up about midmorning the next day, hearing beeping noises, smelling the distinct odor known only to hospitals. The pain that had been nagging at his sleep finally reached his brain. He moaned softly, opening his eyes, and his fears were realized...hospital. Where the hell was he? His mind was frazzled, and memories were slow in returning. He tried to turn his head and excruciating pain went through his right side.

The hunter hissed, gritting his teeth, wondering where everyone was. He tried to turn his head again and saw the IV, and the blood pressure and heart monitoring machine. He winced and 'damn' escaped his lips. He refused to press the call button, knowing the fuss nurses make.

"I wouldn't move, Son. You've been out for a bit." Bobby was reading but had looked up when he heard the moan.

Dean's voice was hoarse, his throat raw, from screaming Near's name. A whispered, "Bobby?" reach the older hunter's ears.

A straw was pressed to the younger hunter's lips. "It's me, Son. Drink a bit, it'll help your throat."

The cool water eased the pain and dryness Dean felt in his throat. "Thanks, Bobby. Can't remember much. What happened?"

"As far as I can figure, you threw yourself in the path of a bullet. Afterwards, you decided to act a damn fool and prance around while bleeding."

Dean's memory returned with a vengeance. He cried out, "Near!" Struggling to get out of bed, he cried out from the severe pain of the damage causde by a spinning bullet at close range. "Damn it! Where is he? Is he all right?"

"Don't make me thump you over the head, idjit. He's fine. You both are in a private hospital facility." He shook his head. "You certainly know how to pick your friends. As far as the boy, they did have to take him into surgery to stop the bleeding and set the bones. However, according to that Matt kid, Near will be fine as soon as the injuries heal. You were in surgery for a few hours yourself."

"What damage did he have?"

"I'm not sure on that. Few broken bones, grazed his lung. Doctor said that if you hadn't been there, it would've killed him to take direct impact. You did good, Dean."

"If I hadn't been there, he wouldn't have been shot. Ruby fired to hurt me. He became the target because she saw how I felt about him. I got to get away. Protect him."

A different voice intervened. "I didn't peg you for pity parties."

Bobby turned and shook his head. Both Matt and Mello were in the doorway with the blond giving Dean a mischievous grin after his words.

Dean's expression softened, "It's the damn truth, Mello, and you know it."

"Honestly, if you hadn't been there, we'd be taking his body back home to bury because we'd have run into this completely blind."

Dean stared at the blond, pensively, tossing through his quick mind what the boy had said. "Okay. Point taken."

Matt came in, handing Dean a wrapped box. "This is a thank you for pulling our asses out of the fire."

The hunter stared at both boys, an eyebrow raised. "It's not gonna jump out and bite me, is it?" There was a light teasing banter in the Winchester brother's voice.

He started laughing. "Nah, just something to help pass time in here or when you're bored during your travels."

Dean struggled with one hand to open the box, finally getting it open.

The red head grinned when the game machine was pulled out. There were a few games he thought would entertain the other. As it was a hand held type, it'd mean that the other could use it whenever he wanted.

Dean grinned. "Thanks. I've never played one of these. Always wondered if it'd be fun. This is great. I mean that."

"You're welcome. I just wanted to thank you somehow, you know?" He gave an embarrassed shrug, poking Mello when the other tried to noogie him.

Dean was grateful for the kindness. He was surprised how they were getting along so much better then he'd thought they would. He wondered what had changed, but really wasn't sure.

"It was a nice thought, and I appreciate it."

"You're welcome. Oh..you'll be out of here in a day or two. L will be sending transportation. He doesn't want you to leave until you're fully rested and healed so guess you're stuck with us a bit more." Mello didn't think he'd mind considering it'd mean that Dean wouldn't have to worry about things and just relax.

Dean nodded, "I guess I'll head back to that cabin and see if I can figure out a way to buy it. I like the place. Got to check up on Sammy, too. I'll miss you guys, when I leave. "

"He's already checked on that and bought it with the intent you could buy it from him whenever you're ready. L didn't want that to disappear on you."

Dean looked shocked. "He did that for me?"

Mello nodded with a grin. "He said that he'd start upgrades if you tell him what you want. In your line of work, getting financing would be problematic so he said it's better to do it this way."

"Yeah, I wanted to go over the plumbing and wiring, and attach a large storage room on the back, with heat and cold air. Kind of a large pantry type place and a couple of big freezers in it. Hunting meat and being able to have a place to store it, would be great. Tell him I'm grateful. I don't understand why he's doing it, but I thank him."

Matt smiled. "You'll understand later. Just know that L does nothing without fully thinking it through. Why don't you make a list up later for him? That way he can get started."

"I will. Thanks. It will give us some time to heal. A place to come home to. I like that."

"In the meantime, get some rest. L will have you moved to a comfortable location soon enough."

Dean lay back down, but the pain was almost unbearable. He'd heard that breaks in the shoulder blade and clavicle hurt like hell, but he hadn't realized how bad. He wasn't going to complain. He'd made it through better then it could have been.

He was confused about what L was up to. L didn't owe him anything. He did what he'd been made to do, but when had it changed from 'being made' to 'wanting' to do? He sighed and tried to sleep.

A nurse came in a short time later, administering something for the pain. She ducked out after taking his vitals, leaving him alone with Bobby. The boys had gone to visit Near a short time ago.

Dean almost sobbed when the pain eased. He was very careful that Bobby took no notice of it. His mind was wandering from Near to Sam to Cas and back again, worried about each of them, but Near was foremost in his mind. He was still a kid. Dean had begun to think of the boy as his kid, knowing he had no right, but he couldn't help it.

"You know they'll be all right, right?"

"Who, Bobby?"

"Near and Sam. They're in good hands."

"I know. Watari and L are good at this."

"So stop worrying and start healing," he said with a grin.

"I wasn't worrying, Bobby" Dean stopped and met the older man's eyes. "Okay, but not a lot."

"Well, stop it. You have healing to do and worrying like a mother hen won't do you or them any good."

"I know the clavicle and shoulder blade were busted up. How bad is it, Bobby? Am I gonna have problems?"

"L hired some damned good doctors. You may have the occasional ache but otherwise, good to go when it's healed."

Dean was so confused. He'd caused major injuries to Near. Sam's problems, his problems, and Ruby had been dragged into their case. Why was L doing all this for him? He was totally out his depth and could not figure out why this was happening at all.

"I can almost hear those thoughts buzzing around in your head. Worry about it later."

"I know, Bobby, it's...just...it doesn't make sense."

"You can talk to him later about it."

The pain medicine set in and Dean dozed off.


	23. Chapter 23

Leaving the Hospital

Time passed as it always does and soon, the doctors had deemed Dean healed enough to rest and finish healing at home. L had sent a car for both patients and Near was resting on one seat when the older Winchester came down.

Dean's smile lit his face when he saw the white head through the window. He slowly climbed into the rear seat, careful of the bandages and sling he wore. He leaned over and leaned his forehead against Near's. "You okay? I've been worried about you."

"Near is steadily improving. Dean saved Near's life so Near thanks Dean a great deal," came the soft answer.

"I put your life in danger in the first place, Near. You should never have been where Ruby could hurt you."

"Near would have been in a dangerous position regardless if Dean was there or not."

"Ruby wouldn't have been here if I hadn't brought her down because of Sam. Thanks, though."

"It is unknown whether or not Ruby would have shown."

"Maybe. I don't know anymore."

"Near does," came the logical response.

Dean looked at the young man sitting next him, and smiled. "Do you?"

He nodded. "Near does."

A whisper asked, "What do you know, wise Near?"

"Dean carries too much on Dean's shoulders because Dean has not allowed anyone else to share the burden. Near knows that had L not brought Dean into this, the casualties would have been far greater. Near also knows that the future will be more solid with the alliances made."

"We have alliances? What was decided on that, because I don't remember deciding anything, not that I wouldn't. It's a good idea actually."

White hair brushed against pale skin when Near tilted his head. "Alliances were formed when L agreed to shelter and aid Sam Winchester. Alliances were formed when Dean became Near's friend."

"I never thought of them as alliances, Near. You and I are much more then an alliance. What happened between us was not an alliance made of necessity. It was made because we liked each other."

He nodded. "Near understands. So does Dean?"

"Yeah, Near, I do now. We did need each other, didn't we? Just never thought of it as an alliance before. I do now."

"Alliances can be based on a great many things or so Near understands it."

"Yes, I guess they can."

He gave a pleased nod.

"You got any idea where we're going?"

The limo pulled up into a heavy looking building that had high security.

Dean tensed a little wondering what he was getting into.

Watari was there to open the door and help them out, bracing both until they were steady on their feet. "It's good to see you both."

"Watari! Man, it's good to see you. Sam and Cas are here, then? How are they both doing?

"Sam is doing well for the most part. It's been interesting cracking through his defenses. L has been helpful for that. Castiel..well..that one has been an unusual guest."

"Yeah, well, about that...Cas doesn't eat or sleep, he refuses to show that he cares about anything, then, suddenly, he'll do something completely out of character that you know there's really something special in there, but he's hiding it. I'm determined to bring it out of him."

"As is Mello," came the dry response from the old man as he helped the two into the building. Security was obviously tight as he carded them in.

"What the hell is Sam fighting about? Defenses?"

Watari shook his head."He is stubborn about accepting that he is an addict. In his mind, it isn't an addiction."

Dean's eyes showed sadness. "No, I guess he wouldn't. He thinks I'm ruined and it's Lilith's fault and it's his duty to be strong and powerful enough to take her out." Dean bowed his head a second. Shaking off the feeling, he halfway smiled.. "So, Mello is out to crack Cas? I'd pay to see that."

"Dean, you shouldn't take it so personally. This is not unusual behavior for any addict. The blame is always placed on someone else."

"I know. I'm the crazy bastard who takes everything personally and blames himself."

Near answered before Watari could. "Which Dean will stop doing once L and the team get done with Dean. Dean is too strong a person to do such a thing."

The hunter gave the young teen a puzzled look. "You think I'm strong?"

"Near knows it."

Dean grinned, "And how does Near know that?"

Gray eyes looked into hazel. "Near has seen it."

"You've seen it? Well, I guess since we're such good friends, I will just have to trust you on that one."

"Dean would be wise to do so." Watari had to hide his smile.

"Okay, Near, I'll trust you, and I don't do that easily, but I will with you."

"Good." He turned into a large room where L was sitting, reviewing documents. The detective looked up and nodded. "It's good to see you both looking so well. Sit, I'll have tea or coffee brought up."

Dean looked thinner, and was still pale, but better then he'd been days earlier. He winced at the sound of anything to be ingested. "I appreciate the offer, L, but no thanks."

"When was the last time you've eaten?"

Dean flushed, "Several days, to be honest. I eat it and it comes back up. I think it's one of the pills they put me on after they removed the IV. I mentioned it to the doctor. He gave me a shot of something and said I'd get use to them"

Watari muttered something and left. He came back with a cup of peppermint tea. "I shall have something for the nausea called in and brought to you. You won't heal if you don't eat."

"I've tried, Watari," Dean whispered softly, as he took the tea. "The shot worked for the rest of the day. It came back and he said I'd get used to it and suggested foods to eat. Only thing staying down is ice. I suck on it to keep some fluids in me. The guy must be nuts. Couldn't they try some other antibiotic and pain pill?"

"There's something else that can accompany that. Try the tea for now. I put a call in to L's personal doctor."

"I'm sorry, Watari. I did try, but when I don't feel right, it's hard to fight back like I normally would."

"This isn't your fault at all," he reassured him. His cell rang and the older man answered it, than smiled. "It's handled. Pardon me." He left the room.

Dean sat on the sofa, took a sip of the tea, his eyes lighting up at the flavor. He liked it. He slowly took another sip, closing his eyes, waiting to see if he was going to be sick again. It didn't seem to be happening with the tea. He sighed, smiled, and took another sip.

"Watari knows his teas," L commented, eyes focused on his screens. "He's nursed a few sick children through his life."

"Yeah," Dean whispered, "and a few sick adults too."

A small smile curved the detective's lips. "That too."

Dean had finished his tea, with a sigh, and leaned his head back against the large cushioned back of the sofa. Holding the empty cup in his hands, he listened to the quiet sounds in the room, finding them comforting in an odd way. He drifted off.

L worked through various cases, occasionally turning on a screen to check on something before going back to his tasks. He'd finished a few cases, rather simple ones in his mind.

Near, sat in a chair, sipping tea, and watching the hunter sleep.

The detective finally sent his heir to sleep, knowing that he too had a lot of healing to undergo. Watari, who had entered, seconded the motion, so the white haired teenager went to follow his mentor's orders.

Dean heard the voices and movements, and his eyes slowly opened, and Near heard a him speak softly, "Rest well, Near."

Near nodded and went to his room while Watari looked at Dean. "I have something called Phenargan. Are you familiar with it?"

The hunter looked at the older man. "It's what was in the shot the doc gave me. It worked good."

"I have it in pill format. Take one, I'll bring you something to eat."

Dean's hand was a little shaky as he took the pill and swallowed it dry.

A few moments later, a bowl of soup and a light salad were placed in front of him.

Dean slowly ate the soup and some of the salad. It didn't take him long to get full.

Watari gave him a pleased smile. "Good, we need to get you back up to a healthy weight."

The hunter looked concerned, "I lose much?"

"You lost a bit, which we will get back on you." L nodded absently in agreement. "The Winchesters will leave this place in full health..physically and emotionally."

Dean smiled, but looked concerned. "How long will that take, L? I'm kind of in the middle of a war, you know?"

"There is no time limit on this, and I am endeavoring to end this war." His voice was grim.

"Well, I don't think I have any strength left to argue with you, besides, you haven't exactly released me yet, have you? If you can end the damn thing without Lucifer being released, I'd be forever grateful."

He nodded. "I will perform to my utmost capabilities. In the meantime, just rest and heal."

Dean sighed, and lay back against the cushions of the sofa, and was soon fast asleep.


	24. Chapter 24

Questions and Answers

Eventually, Dean was moved to a private bedroom so he could rest in comfort.

It was dark when pain from his neck down his right side woke Dean. Hearing a moan, he woke up, realizing it was his. He couldn't sit up. He was working on how to get out of the bed without hurting himself when he heard the knob on the door rattle. The hunter in him caused him to tense, which aggravated the pain.

Matt popped his head in. "Oh, you're awake. It's time for your medicines."

Dean hissed softly, trying to find a comfortable spot, but it hurt badly. "Y..ye..yeah...I think it is time."

"Figured as much." He came in with a small cup of pills and a bottle of water. "Hungry at all?"

Dean sighed, "Maybe? Hell, I don't know."

"I'll bring up a light snack, how's that sound?"

Dean's voice sounded tired. "Thanks, Matt. Seriously, thank you."

"Be back in a few." The red head ducked out.

"K...", the hoarse voice trailed off.

Matt came back a short while later with sliced fruits and cheeses. "Light but filling."

Dean's eyes opened quickly. "Thanks, Matt. Would you mind helping me find a comfortable way to sit up. It hurts like hell."

He stacked pillows behind him, than helped him to sit up and recline against them.

The majority of the pillows supported the injured side, and Dean exhaled softly, "Oh that feels better, thanks, Matt."

"You're welcome." He sat in a chair. "How're you feeling?"

The Winchester smile quirked for a slight second. "Well, I'll never say a woman doesn't hurt when she has a baby. How's that?"

He laughed softly. "That works for me."

"To be honest, I don't like feeling like I can't do anything. I'm so damn tired all the time. All I wanna do is sleep. I'm not really hungry, but I eat. It's the pain, and even when it's not a shocking one, it has a dull ache. It's never really gone. I just want to be back to normal. I'm not a good patient. Sam and Bobby could tell you."

"Keep eating normally, sleep when you feel you need it, and you'll find yourself back to normal. Most of us aren't good patients, truthfully, so we understand." Matt grinned at him.

"Well, just wait until the damn wounds start itching and I can't scratch," Dean actually had a normal grin.

"We could always do the old fashioned way of keeping you from scratching," he laughed.

Dean's eyes had the laugh lines showing around them. "Oh? And what would you consider the old fashioned way of keeping me from scratching? Or...do I wanna know?"

"Tie mittens on."

"Shit! No way on earth you're disabling my hands, man!"

He laughed. "It's miserable. They did that to me when I got the chicken pox and thought I'd die from boredom."

Dean laughed, "That's cruel and unusual punishment! Sammy and I got them the same time. Pissed my Dad off big time. He was fixing to go out on a hunt, and me getting it from Sam meant I couldn't take care of him. He threw us in the back of the Impala and literally dumped us at Bobby's."

"How did Bobby handle it?"

"He was angry at Dad for doing that to us, but he called a doctor to find out how to care for us. He took care of us. I know I got a lot of baths in Epsom salts. Might have been baking soda, though. Hell, I don't know. I had a fever through most of it."

"I like Bobby. He's pretty cool. It took him a bit to get to like L though," he snickered. "Watari had to smooth over a few spats."

"And I missed it? What caused them?"

"More along the lines of he wasn't used to having someone take charge, which L is used to doing."

"Two leaders and not enough troops, meaning Sam and I were incapacitated." Dean started laughing hard, and grabbed his right side and shoulder, hissing. "Damn, remind me I can't laugh hard, will ya?"

He laughed. "Sorry about that. Didn't mean to hurt you."

"Sorry? Hell no, don't say that. You've made me feel almost human again."

A grin crossed the teen's face. "Awesome."

"Yeah, and it's been a long time, so thank you for that."

"You're welcome." "I have questions and not sure who to ask."

"I'll answer the ones I know. The rest will have to be from L or Watari."

"Okay. Easy one for you. How's Near?"

"When Mello checked on him, he was sound asleep. Watari has all of us checking on him frequently."

"Okay. That's good. Now, Sam? Is he over the need for the blood, or is that gonna last forever? Is he eating, sleeping, and does he have free reign to move around this place? Can I see him yet?"

"OK, that's tougher. From what I understand, his body is over the detox part but the psychological craving is still there. He's eating some, though Watari has to threaten him with force feeding sometimes. Sleep is irregular, which isn't helping. And as far as free reign, he's still under monitoring because Watari doesn't trust him yet and won't until he makes more headway into his therapy. As far as seeing him, you'd have to ask L or Watari."

"He knew there was a case and it might be a bad one. Has he asked about it or about me at all? Does he know about anything that has happened?"

"That I don't know. They've kept Near, Mello, and me away from him for the most part."

Dean lowered his head, than nodded. He looked up with steely eyes, "Where's Ruby?"

Matt shivered. "Locked up.. and trust me, I do mean locked up. L didn't want to run the risk of her jumping bodies. He had Bobby work with him to seal up a room and it's not been pretty ever since."

"If Bobby created another room like he's got in his basement, hell would have been easier for her."

"Pretty much what he said. They were working nonstop to get it ready."

Dean contemplated the situation for a few minutes, and murmured a very low, "Wow."

He looked at Matt. I am a need to know kind of guy. Is someone planning to put me back into the loop, by any chance? Sam? Ruby? What exactly L has planned about us? I'm guessing he's not through from what he said about getting us well physically and emotionally. I need to know, Matt."

"I don't know. That part, you'd have to ask L."

"That's my problem, Matt. L is so damn enigmatic. I'm a straight answer guy and he knows that. Don't know if he realizes that I have no patience."

"Knowing him, he probably does."

"Well, would you tell him, I'm awake, alert, and demanding answers you can't answer?"

He smiled and nodded. "No problem."

The pain had eased, but with it, the questions came to the forefront, and Dean was not a Winchester for nothing. He needed answers.

"L will come and see you in a bit, I'm sure, so you can get your answers then."

"I'm not gonna get real rest until I know what is happening. I'm in limbo right now, and I don't do limbo...not without a fight."

"I'll pop out and see if I can't find L. How's that?"

Dean's tension lessened. "Thank you, Matt. It would help."

"No problem. Finish your food and I'll go get him."

Dean finished eating the cheese and fruit, hopeful that answers were forthcoming, and very grateful there was no nausea.

Matt had disappeared to look for the detective.

Dean lay back against the pillows that were supporting him, his eyes closed, looking very much asleep, but behind the eyes was a very awake hunter.

L came in a short while later, perching on the seat Matt had left empty.

Dean's eyes opened, but he didn't move. Instead, he lay there collecting his thoughts, watching the detective. He finally got his thoughts in some semblance of order and spoke.

"L, I'm grateful for all you've done for Sammy and me. I have a lot of questions and I need open, detailed answers. Not knowing is something I'm not good at."

"Then ask the questions. I will endeavor to give the answers."

"What's going to happen to Sam and me? What do you actually have in mind? Physical healing I understand, it was the other I'm not sure about."

"For you, I have no intentions of sending you off on your journey without a few things handled. You, Dean, are on a self-destructive cycle that I hope to interrupt. The alcohol was a means of coping with your issues but that has to stop. You need better life skills to handle this journey you are on. In the meantime, I intend to discover the reasons behind what the angels and demons are doing and put a stop to it if possible." He stopped for a moment. "Sam is a more difficult case but we are making headway. I had no idea one human being could be so stubborn."

"Sam is causing problems? He's still not admitting to addiction? Does he ask or talk about Ruby?"

"He hasn't asked, which doesn't surprise me as he's trying not to admit that he has a problem." He frowned slightly.

Seeing the frown, Dean asked, "And?"

He looked up. "Hmmm? Oh, Matt pulled me away from a complex case so my thoughts are divided between your questions and that. My apologies. We have been confronting him with signs of the addiction and are making slow progress."

"Has he asked about the hunt at all? Does he know what happened? Any of it?"

"I've kept him up to date to a point. I have not told him you were injured. I will once he reaches a point in his therapy. He has to admit that he is the one with the weakness."

There was relief in Dean's voice when he asked, "Then he doesn't know anything about Ruby and the queen?"

He shook his head. "No and I do not intend to until he.. how would Mello put it? Oh yes.. pulls his head out of his ass."

"Not sure I want him to know about that...especially Ruby. Don't think he'd ever understand that."

"A wise choice. For the moment, she is under guard and sealed to prevent her from changing bodies. She will remain for two purposes. Once those purposes are fulfilled, her disposal will be up to you. From what I can see, she has been beyond justice for too long."

"These past few days have proven to me that my instincts are still intact. Sam trusted her and wanted me to do so. I tried but something didn't sit right with me. Sam wasn't the same, you know. He said and did things that didn't make sense. Then he got the idea that he was all powerful and didn't need my help...I was a hindrance that held him back. That's not Sam...not the Sam I know. He might not want to hang with me and that's his right, but he never doubted me before. Couldn't trust her. Demon's a demon."

"She was very skilled at the brainwashing she did. She's tried it a few times with me or Watari and seemed to be frustrated when it had no effect." This was accompanied with a smirk. "Which reminds me.. are you alert enough should I take this conversation into a different direction?"

"I'm fine, L. Little sore, but the meds are keeping it at a level I can handle. I'm not sleepy. Go ahead."

He nodded. "Keep in mind, I have discussed this with Watari in depth. Your skills and knowledge interest me a great deal. I would like to put you on my payroll."

"Payroll? For doing what exactly? Only thing I know is hunting, L, and I can't see you needing anyone who does that very often."

"I receive requests for my assistance on cases daily. Last count was over one hundred in half a day that was sent to me. A lot I have had to turn away to minor detectives because I have not enough hours in the day for what I deem to be small cases. Looking back on it, I can't help but wonder how many of them tied in to your field of expertise. I wish to retain your services.. both for information you could feed me in regards to rumors and what not as well as bringing you in on cases I feel need your expertise."

"Well, unless he decides to go his own way and bail on me, Sam and I are a team. Does this include him, cause I'm not sure I can just bail whenever I'm needed and leave him in the lurch. It's not in me to do that. Any time there's been walking away, it's been Sam...not me."

"He can come along but won't have as much access to information as you will." Dark eyes peered into his. "What comes next must be held close to your heart and in deepest secrecy because many lives, not just mine, depend on it. Watari feels you can be trusted with this. I agree but your brother is not ready."

Dean met the dark eyes, studying L closely, hazel eyes narrowed, his good arm twitched and his left hand clenched the blanket. He was in deep thought. He'd kept secrets from Sam before. He lowered his head as he thought out the situation. This might be a way to go after the supernatural and have backing to get it done right and on a bigger scale. He looked up at L.

"Okay."

"You will be part of an organization that is older and more detailed than you can imagine. You are now a Whammy's kid, meaning that you are under Watari and myself from this point forward. This network you are part of is vast, supplying information that will move things forward. From this point forward, you are my eyes and ears in the supernatural world. In reverse, should a case cross my path that would be of your expertise, I will send you the details. Like myself, you will operate in shadow. However, if it becomes necessary, you can tell them you are a part of my team, which will open most if not all doors to you."

Dean nodded. "Operating in the shadows has been pretty much what I've done since Dad taught me how to hunt. Very seldom do people actually know me as Dean Winchester...well, the Feds figured it out, but they have resources that most people don't. I've messed around as a Federal Martial, Homeland Security, FBI, and even the Park Service. I know the game of shadows."

Dean stared off into space for a moment. "I can look at a case, check it out, and let you know whether it's human or paranormal. Part of it is instinct, but part of it is in my head. I know things. What to look for."

"That is what i need," L answered. "Occasionally, you may be called in on cases that aren't supernatural but more for backbone for us. You handle yourself well in a fight and the boys trust you."

"I can do that. I am also pretty well armed."

He nodded. "Before you leave, you will be given equipment to aid you."

"Okay, one more Sammy question then something about me, I need to know."

Dean was quiet for a moment, he looked up at L. "Sammy saying anything about me at all? You talked about filling him in on parts of the case. It's not like him to not want to know what I've been up to. I just need to know where his head is about me."

L was quiet for a moment. "He is angry and confused. The cycle of people dying for others is a bad one. Part of his issue is survivor's guilt and that he couldn't help you. He mentioned that Ruby led him in circles in regards to finding a way to get you out of that contract." He drew in another breath.

"She didn't want me out of that contract. Sam said the demons told him they wanted me there. I had no idea at first until I had my run in with Alistair. He told me I broke the first seal by shedding blood in hell." Dean closed his eyes and a pained expression crossed his face. "Go on."

"Which makes no sense. Apparently, Castiel's information showed that they started laying siege to hell after the first seal was broken. It seems that the angels are wanting this as much as the demons are. I'm trying to gain more information from Ruby now." He sighed then began. "His anger stems from a lot of issues. Most at your father, some at you because you are the authority figure in his life. If your father were alive now, the rage would be directed solely at him."

Dean smiled for a second, a sad smile. "Rebelling then? He's been doing that most of his life, actually. He never really got to be or do what he wanted. I can understand that. I dragged him back into it. I didn't want to be alone and Dad had pretty much told me I needed to be on my own. It's really funny. I never rebelled. I did what I was told. I'd love to be angry, really angry at someone, but who the hell can I be angry at? Go ahead. I am guessing there's more."


	25. Chapter 25

Answers?

"Follow his example, rage against your father. He deserves it for what he dragged you two into. You both need closure on that. A part of him wants to call you weak and blames you for this but at the same time, I've heard him recant on it. So I truly believe the first part is the part under her influence."

I've never really rebelled, L. I'm not sure I know how. Instead of raging at the anger, pain, and not being loved, I drank and, well, had a lot of one night stands. It was my way of dealing with the pain. The alcohol dulled it, and the sex just felt good. So, Ruby is the cause of part of his attitude, then? That's good to know because I want to work this out somehow. He's walked more than once, but he usually ends up back with me. It's not good for him, is it?"

He shook his head. "You both need to learn to confront the issues instead of hiding from them. Neither of you will trust the other or yourselves."

"No one has ever bothered to tell us that, or that what we were feeling was because of what Dad did. Bobby thinks it, I'm pretty sure, but he never said much until lately. There have been other people who have tried to tell me I'm a better man then my Dad, but I never saw it. I always thought of myself as a failure by not being everything he wanted me to be. Words can hurt, L, especially when you need approval. Like your boys, Sam and I were pretty much orphans. Dad was hardly ever there for us. Most of my life, I've raised Sam. I was four when he became my job. He was my job, L. When he died, I'd let Dad and Sam down. I didn't do the one thing Dad told me when I was four, that was protect Sammy. I blew it. So, I made a deal. Looking back on it, it was stupid. It brought all of this on, but I think it was all planned somehow by somebody. Unlike Sam, I don't blame anyone but me. I guess that makes me the bigger fool."

"Unlike my boys, you didn't have a Watari to take you in and shelter you. Your father failed, not you. It's time you faced that, Dean, and let the guilt go."

"How? It's not that I don't want to, because I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of hurting. I want normal so damn bad, it hurts. You're a very smart man, L...tell me how. Watari says I have to let it out...crying. Damn it, that was horrible. There's still too much. I'm not sure how much of that I can do."

"Rant, vent, cry, scream. Let it out. Find an empty field and scream for all you're worth."

"You're telling me that's all it takes? I took a sledgehammer to my car after the wreck with the semi, when Dad did it to me. I was so angry. I beat the car. It didn't make it better, but this will do it?"

Dean remembered back to when he'd cried and screamed on the ground on the mountain trail with Watari. He had felt somewhat better. Letting everything come out though? It was scary. He thought about it, and knew L was right.

He nodded. "You need more time venting."

"Talking about it is not venting?"

"There's two different kinds. Letting the emotions out is something you need to do. Talking about it helps you mentally deal with it."

"But talking's no good until you vent?"

"Both are needed to become healthy."

"Talking with Watari, some of it came out. How do you do it on your own? It's second nature to bury it."

"Habits take time to destroy and rebuild."

"You got somewhere around here where someone could do that?"

"Depends on what activity you plan to use for venting. I know of a few locations."

"Well, it sure as hell can't be anything violent. My whole right side isn't worth a damn right now. I hurt bad enough without making it worse."

"There are sound proof rooms that would allow for you to be as loud as you want. Otherwise, you can wait until you heal." L wasn't going to chase him off.

"These rooms monitored? Most places, they would be. Just want you to know if I'm watched, I'm not taped."

"They are but I will shut the camera off to give you privacy, but the vocal recording will still be on. We need to know where you are in the process so we can help you, but we also need to be able to hear you if you need help. There will be a panic button if you need us.

"Yeah, this injury kind of slows you down. I sure don't want to make it worse. Can I try it tonight?"

"What does the room look like? Furniture or anything, or just padded cell?"

"One is just empty. Soundproofed, but empty."

"Carpeted or concrete?"

"I have two either way. Why?"

"With Watari, I went down hard, and it was a pretty rocky path. Don't know how many times I'm gonna have to go through this crap, but it needs to be done. You're right about that. Just thought the carpet might be a little softer."

"Carpet it is then."

"Okay, let's get started. You got any idea how many times it usually takes to get this out all the way?"

He shook his head. "It varies from person to person."

Dean shook his head. "You're talking 27 years of crap, L. A lot of crap. Damn! I wish I could tell Sammy he needs to do this too. Probably not a good idea for me to talk to him right now, is it?"

"No, not at the moment. You will be a part of his recovery but only when you both are ready."

"You're right. I can think of two times when I hit him. I know it shouldn't have happened, but damn it, one time...well, something to deal with. Let's get this started then."

L nodded. "Give me about ten minutes to disable the camera part of the system for that room. I will send someone to you. In the meantime, relax a bit and try to move a little. You have been laying down for a while."

Dean moved his legs some, and decided to try standing. The first few seconds, he felt dizzy, but he was able to walk around. His mind was working fast. He remembered raling in anger at everything. Now, he knew he was going to have to get personal. There was a lot of personal. The abuse, emotional, mental, and physical, was the hard part. Being made to take on more than he could handle was something he'd never been able to face. Damn it, he'd never been able to face any of it. That's one of the reasons why he drank and chased women. It was easier to bury and cover it then deal with it. He still had too many things to do, to protect. There'd never been time to really deal. It seemed that L was not going to give him a choice. Deal? Where do you start? Dean sighed. "The beginning."

True to his word, L sent someone to Dean's door ten minutes later. This would be a familiar person, clad in his usual white garments.

Dean placed his good arm gently around Near, to hug him. "I'm glad you're moving around. How are you?"

"There is still residual discomfort but the medications are helping with that. How is Dean?"

"I found out that breaking everything in your shoulder hurts like hell, and having it done by a spinning bullet shot at point blank range, really hurts like hell. I'm gonna be all right. I guess L told you what I'm going to be doing to get myself straightened out?"

Near shook his head. "L has respected Dean's privacy. All Near knows is that Dean is to be escorted to the fifth floor."

"I'm going to start dealing with my past. Gonna be having to talk about things with either L or Watari, but this part is facing it."

The white haired teen nodded. "Both are good to speak with."

"Yeah, they are. I have no idea how long these sessions are going to take. L said there would be no cameras. I'm assuming there will be audio though from what L said.. Am I being watched?"

"For necessity's sake, all rooms excepting personal ones are monitored."

"I have no problem except privacy in this. I don't like the idea of passing people and wondering what the hell they've seen and heard about me. Who's gonna be watching? I like to know."

"Watari, L, or the heirs, including Near," came the quiet response. "Bobby Singer, Sam Winchester, Dean, and L's prisoner are the only other people within this building outside of those listed previously. There are servants at times."

"I can live with that. Where did Cas go?"

Near shook his head. "Unknown. The angel has been back and forth a great deal which has been a source of annoyance for Mello."

"Yeah, that's almost as annoying as his getting into your personal space. He has no notion of what that is."

"Indeed. One of my towers was knocked over by Castiel. The tone was flat, showing as close to annoyance as Near could. He'd thrown a shoe at the angel for his carelessness.

"I would have been pissed. He doesn't think because he's not human. This the room?" Dean sounded a little nervous as Near stopped at double doors, causing the hunter to pause.

Near nodded. "Dean will be fine. There is a panic button just on the inside of the doorway."

"Am I locked in, Near?"

"No, Dean is not. The panic button is in place in case Dean requires assistance."

"So...if it gets really bad and I can't deal...or if I get hurt somehow, it's for that?"

He nodded.


	26. Chapter 26

Venting and Remembering (One)

Dean slowly opened one of the doors, and entered. The room was large, walls were a light gray, with a darker gray carpet. There was nothing in the room except himself. He shut the door behind him and stood by the door, wondering why in the world he was fixing to start session one of hell.

'It's for your own good, Dean,' he thought to himself. 'Yeah,' his mind responded.

The hunter grinned, 'Damn! Maybe I do need this. I'm answering myself.'

Near waited for the door to close before he padded away on socked feet.

Dean walked around the room like a caged lion at first, then calm set in for a few minutes. He went towards the far wall and slowly eased himself down to where he was sitting, legs outstretched, back against the wall. He knew he had not recovered enough to stand for any length of time.

He leaned his head back as far as he could, remembering back to the night his mother died. Four year old Dean, hearing his Mother talk to someone in baby Sammy's room, climbing out of bed to go to the nursery and check. Seeing the man by the bed, and thinking it was his Dad. Remembering seeing the yellow eyes. He hadn't remembered that before. What the hell? His Mom acting like she knew him. Her going up the wall. Her stomach...oh God! Dean winced and sobbed for a second. Her stomach ripping open, and the screams! The screams were horrid. He heard his Dad running up the stairs screaming, "Mary!" He moved out of the way, watching his mother. His Dad did not see her. He was checking Sammy. Then the blood dripping.

"Oh, God!" Dean cried out. "Mom!" She caught on fire. He remembered how terrified he was. It was all he could see, hear, and smell for months. No one knew he'd seen anything. Dad picking up Sammy and putting him in his arms and telling him to not look back, but take Sammy out of the house, and run. Protect him.

"That's why I protect him? Dad, you gave him to me. It was to get him out of the house, but you put so much more into it later. What the hell were you thinking, giving a life burden to a four year old? Damn it, Dad! You could have told me later, that you would take over. Hell, you never took over."

Going to his Aunt's house in Lawrence. Her family being freaked out because he didn't talk. Hearing his Uncle say that they couldn't keep him there. They'd keep Sammy but Dean would have to leave. Running to Sammy and not letting anyone near him. Dad calling someone, picking them up and driving a long ways. Not leaving Sammy's side. Refusing to eat and drink. Dad getting angry at him. Pulling into Bobby's place, and sanctuary.

Tears were flowing down Dean's face, as he remembered these things. Bobby looking at Sammy in Dad's arms. Why was Dad holding Sammy? "It's my job," came as a whisper from the hunter's lips. Shaking began to start. Dean looked up into Bobby's eyes, seeing kindness and tears? Bobby'd been crying? He hadn't remembered that either. Bobby kneeling down and trying to talk to him. Not being able to say a word. The terror. Mustn't talk. It will find Sammy and me. "Oh, God, he leaned over Sammy," Dean choked.

Dad yelling at him to answer Bobby. The argument between the men. Bobby saying he'd keep the boys while John learned the ropes of hunting. Dad leaving without saying anything to him The terror that went through him when he heard the Impala leave. He'd lost both his Mom and Dad.

"Don't go!" Dean screamed a gut wrenching cry. He rolled over onto his left side, going into a fetal position, and the crying started in earnest. Four year old Dean had lost both parents. He honestly didn't understand that until now. What came back wasn't Dad.

The crying was desperate, heartbreaking, and a release. The memories kept tearing at him, over and over. The demon leaning over Sam. "Oh God, why didn't I remember that? Why?"

He screamed out in pain, anger, and despair. Wanting it to go away, but not sure how to do so. He wept bitterly for a long time. Finally, he began to calm down a little. Gentle sobs taking over for the more violent and painful cries and floods of tears.

The young Man felt exhausted, nauseated, and he was starting to hurt. His bleared eyes looked across the room at the panic button. He tried to get up but couldn't. The right side hindering any motion in his position.

His throat was sore again. A slight whisper could barely be heard. "If anyone is there. Help, please." He lay back on his side, emotionally drained, no longer thinking clearly.

There was a knock on the door a short while later, Bobby poking his head in. The older man's eyes widened and he hurried to his surrogate son's side. "It's all right, Son."

"Bobby? Dad and Mom left us. He never even tried to find out why I didn't talk. Damn it, Bobby. He left me to deal alone, and he sure as hell never helped take care of Sammy. I learned everything from watching you. He didn't want me, Bobby. He would hold Sammy when he stopped by those two years. He hardly even talked to me. Why, Bobby? What did I do to him?"

His voice was kind though gruff. "From what I understand, he looked at you and saw Mary."

Dean laid his head onto the carpet and wept again. "I saw all of it, Bobby. Everything. The yellow-eyed demon leaning over Sammy. Mom seeming to know him. Oh God, everything."

"It ain't your fault, Dean. Understand me, boy? It ain't your fault."

"I watched her burst open and catch fire. I couldn't help, Bobby. I was four years old, and I watched her die. My Mom...I watched her die." Dean's voice choked on the tears and he was shuddering. "Oh God, I watched her die, and I couldn't tell anyone about it. Sam knew I saw some of it but not what I saw. I told no one. I couldn't."

He rubbed Dean's back. "Not your fault. You were a little boy who didn't know how to handle it. God, Dean, I don't know anyone who could survive that as well as you have."

Dean halfway lifted his head, his eyes pleading, "Bobby, my not remembering the demon leaning over him, didn't cause Sammy's problems, did it? If everyone had known, would it have made a difference?"

He shook his head. "Nope, hells, it could've meant anything. So you don't need to worry over it."

Dean sobbed, and sniffed, trying to sit back up. "Damn it, Bobby. I'm not gonna be able to get back up. Hadn't thought of that. Can you get some help? With my shoulder and stuff like this, I'm a dead weight. It'd be too much for you alone."

Bobby nodded. "I'll be right back."

Dean nodded, tears still flowing down his face. "Thanks, Bobby," he choked out.

He gave a smile and hurried out. A few moments later, Matt and Mello followed him in and carefully helped Dean to his feet.

Dean never wanted to appear in this position before these particular two boys. He knew they respected a tough kind of guy and seeing him like this had probably ruined any chance he had of keeping their respect. Tears were still flowing. He nodded his thanks and leaned into the wall to hide his face from them. He shoulders still shaking.

Mello pressed a bar of chocolate into his hand, than murmured. "We live in an orphanage, Dean, when we're not with L. We're the last people to think badly of you for this. Least you didn't break anything."

Dean turned, his face splotchy. "I thought you lived with L and Watari? What did you break?"

Matt laughed. "Watari runs an orphanage. We lived there until L deemed us ready to come and help him." The blond blushed, rubbing the back of his head. "Two televisions and three windows."

Dean stared in disbelief for a minute. Slowly, his smirk showed up, and then his head went back in laughter. Where he had been shaking in tears, he was doing the same in laughter.

The goggle wearing teenager laughed. "All orphans react negatively at some point or other. Even with all the care of the staff and Watari's love, we all know something is missing and it hurts. Even Near knows the lack, though he shuts down further instead of reacting. This is not new to us and not a bad thing for us to see. Just means you're as human and emotional as the rest of us."

Dean smiled softly, realizing what they'd done to help him. "I intentionally broke my Impala."

The two stared at each other, than back at him. "NO WAY!" The shout was unified. "You destroyed that pretty little thing?"

"Yeah, I beat it to a pulp. Anger and grief."

Mello shrugged, than grinned. "It works."

"Yeah, what you see now, I rebuilt."

"Nice," he grinned even wider.

"Thanks. I think I'd better head back to my room. First day up and really moving. I'm feeling tired." They all headed towards the door and down the hallway.

"Yeah, don't want L after you for not taking care of yourself," the red head teased.

"That bad a taskmaster, huh?"

"He can be, but fair too," Mello answered. "He expects nothing but your best. And it's a good habit to fall into."

"I guess it would be." It was a ways from Dean's room to the room he'd had treatment in. He didn't realize he was walking slower at first. He kept up banter with the two boys, feeling Bobby's eyes on him. They'd turned a corner when the dizziness hit. He stopped.

"Guys, I think I may have just pissed off L." He leaned against the wall to steady himself, then slid down it.

Mello, Matt and Bobby managed to keep him from hitting the floor and guided him to his room and into bed. "You did too much today, idjit," was the older man's comment.

"I did what I had to do, Bobby. Would you guys make sure L and Watari know I had the first treatment. I'd like to have the sessions that go with it. When they can make time, I'd appreciate it."

"Will do," Matt chimed. "For now, you need to rest. Do you need anything before we go?"

"Just sleep, I think. I feel exhausted. I hurt some, but it always does. Night, guys, and thanks. Night, Bobby. Thank you, too."

"Welcome, Dean. Get some sleep," the man stated before herding the teens out to let the other rest.

Dean didn't even try taking anything off. He lay on top of the covers and was out in seconds.


	27. Chapter 27

Morning

The room was still quite dark, although it was late morning. Dean was still flat on his back in sweats, bathrobe, and slippers, head back, mouth open, and dead to the world. He had not moved at all, because any movement niggled at his sleeping mind that he hurt.

Watari knocked on the door, bringing in a breakfast tray.

Dean made the mistake of jerking awake and a sharp cry came out before he clamped down on his lips to quiet himself. He hissed softly and lay flat, realizing he hadn't moved.

"Damn! That hurt like hell. I'm sorry, Watari. I guess I didn't move last night. Every muscle I didn't use while I slept is telling me it's got knots and lots of little cramps. That's not counting the gunshot wounds and the breaks. What a way to start the day. Give me a few moments to negotiate with myself and see if I can't get out of this bed." Dean halfway laughed as he said it.

"If you can sit up, I'll see what I can do to aid you." He set the tray down.

Dean used all the strength in his left arm and side to heave himself up. He turned white but managed it.

"You know, you really don't realize how much you need both sides."

He nodded, setting out medicines and a glass of water. Once Dean was in position, Watari massaged the aching muscles of the rest of the body to help loosen them so the hunter could move.

Dean had not realized how much the stress of the night before had tensed his muscles, and sleeping flat on his back with no movement had not allowed them to unkink, stretch, and relax. He bit his lip a number of times, grunted once or twice when one was really knotted. When Watari was done, the hunter looked at him and nodded gratefully, saying, "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Come and take your meds before you can eat."

Dean slowly moved his slipper clad feet over the side of the bed, then frowned. He still had on a robe and slippers? He knew he was tired, and he thought he remembered being dizzy, but not much of it. The look of surprise, amused Watari.

"You were fairly exhausted so we decided not to bother you by removing the robe or slippers." "You came in and checked on me during the night?" The surprise in the young man's voice was definitely audible.

He nodded. "L and I both did."

From the look on the hunter's face, Watari realized he didn't know how to respond to that. "I um...I...hell, Watari, that surprises me, but thank you."

"You are most welcome. Now come and take your medication so you can eat."

Dean took the pills and the glass of water, and swallowed them down, draining the water. "Where do you want me, Sir."

"There's a table here if you think you can manage?"

"Yeah, I think so, thank you." The older Winchester slowly moved to the table and sat in a chair. "What time is it?"

"Ten a.m.," he helped him get comfortable, pouring some hot tea for him. He knew Dean preferred coffee but strong caffeine was not allowed for the time being.

After staring at the hot beverage, a pair of confused hazel eyes gazed up at the older man.

"The doctors put you and Near on a special diet for a bit, especially you. Apparently, you've been eating the wrong foods for too long."

"There's something else wrong too? What's wrong with my food?

"Dean, how often do you eat vegetables?"

"I eat lettuce, tomato, onion, potatoes, and cucumbers. Pickles are cucumbers."

"Also known as the trimming on hamburgers and French fries, am I correct?"

"Yeah, but I eat steak and baked potato when we can afford to, but that's not often. I get burritos sometimes when we are in a hurry and they're available at a store. I'll have bacon, sausage, eggs, toast, or pancakes for breakfast. I have my coffee. We get cokes or water."

He shook his head. "You're not eating enough of the right things. The food you're eating now is high in the wrong types of fats and cholesterol."

"What am I supposed to eat? Rabbit food?"

"Steaks are good if grilled, chicken, fish, some pork, vegetables," he listed on his fingers the healthier alternatives. "You'll be on L's payroll now so you can afford to eat healthier. Dean, you're borderline on blood pressure issues."

"Well, that's not necessarily food. When you're on the road all the time, you eat where you can find food. It's seldom healthy, unless you eat the crap Sam does."

"It is food. Dean, at least try to cut out the fried foods and eat a side salad instead of French fries. Also, vitamins."

"Salads? Next thing you're gonna tell me is I have to drink those vegetable or tofu shakes Sam drinks. Man!"

The older man took on a stance that L and the heirs were painfully familiar with. "Do you want a heart attack before you're fifty, Dean?"

Remembering the heart attack that should have killed him when he got hit by the taser in the water, Dean grew sober. He shook his head. "No, Sir."

"Then you have to change your eating habits. Physically, you're at the right weight but you're eating things that are killing you."

"Okay, I can't do this with Sam. He'll kill me. What do I have to eat, and what can't I have?"

"Cut out the fried foods, cut back on the starches. Instead of French fries, go for a side salad or baked potato." He listed what would be a tasty alternative.

"I guess that means no drinks? No beer or a glass of whiskey?"

"Cut back..seriously." He gave him the amount of alcohol that Dean could have a week to keep it in a healthy level. "However, given the issues you're working through, alcohol isn't a good thing. It's a depressant."

"It deadens things sometimes, but no alcohol. I guess girls come next?"

"I shouldn't even be having a conversation on safety measures at your age, hmm?" His eyes were twinkling.

"I know what a condom is."

"Then I shouldn't even have to answer that."

"I just wanted to know if having a different girl every night was considered unhealthy.? Everything else seems to be."

"Every night?" Okay, he'd never had to worry about this with L.

Dean blushed a little. "Sam says I'm a magnet. Waitresses, librarians,...hell, Watari, they give me their numbers. I've seldom had to ask, except for the ladies. Cassie and Lisa are good examples of ladies. Then...well, there was Anna. She's a fallen angel." Dean almost winced when he said it.

The elderly man coughed slightly. "Just..be cautious and safe. Test yourself every so often as well."

He nodded. "Good."

Dean grinned, glad that at least something was still on the menu.

"Now, breakfast before it gets cold."

Dean nodded, almost scared of what might now be considered a healthy breakfast.

There was a toasted bagel with cream cheese, hot tea, sliced fruit, and bacon. The difference was that this was turkey bacon, which was healthier.

"Tea's high in caffeine, isn't it?" Dean stared at the bagel with what looked like white butter on it. Fruit and bacon he recognized in relief. He picked up the bagel and cream cheese, having no idea what it was. He bit into it. It didn't taste bad, but it wasn't exactly breakfast either. He sighed, determined to get used to it somehow.

"Herbal which is naturally decaffeinated."

"So, it's not real tea either? I sometimes work real long hours. The caffeine keeps me awake. Hell, that means no cokes either, or chocolate."

A horrible thought crossed his mind. Does that mean sweets too?"

"Within moderation.. though I can't say much considering my charges' dietary habits. However, I do manage to swap sweets around on them so they don't have that high a sugar intake."

"Well, the only thing I can't give up is pie, preferably apple, but I'll take any." Dean tried a slice of bacon. It was okay except it was very, very thin. He really liked his thick with rind on it but doubted he'd ever see it again.

"Can be made with sugar substitutes to be healthier."

"That's one I will have to taste to prove it to me."

He grinned. "You should know I don't back down from challenges."

Dean grinned, "Okay, I like my crust light and flaky with a hint of cinnamon sugar on it. The filling has to be hot and taste.. damn, there's not a word for it."

"A soft chuckle came from the older man. "Understood."

"Okay, if I have my dream apple pie, I can deal with the rest. What is on for the rest of the day, besides resting?"

"A group of technicians were sent to help scan and upload Bobby's library to an online database. He, Matt, and Mello are trying to organize it now. You can help if you like."

"Organizing on a computer? Ummm...That's really more Sam's idea of fun. I can hunt for what I need, look things up, but organizing it can give you a lot of trouble."

"You can suggest on what would make it easier. We need it from a non-technical person's point of view."

Dean had been sure that Watari was planning some kind of session to talk and dissect what had gone on in the 'The Room' last night. He knew it had to be done, but this job seemed like a 'get out of jail free' card for him. He grinned.

"Yeah, I can do that."

Watari nodded. He'd wanted to give Dean time with the boys and let him relax. "Good. Do you think you can bend enough for a wash and change of clothing?"

"I'll find a way. The spit baths at the hospital are horrible."

He nodded. "I'll leave some clothing out for you. I think you'll feel better after cleaning up."

"I can't get the blasted robe off. If there's someone gentle who can help get if off the bandages on the right side, I'd appreciate it. I miss my t-shirts but can't get one on. Don't think this bulk would fit."

"Up you get, I'll help you get this off."

Dean stood up and walked slowly over to Watari, a slight look of concern on his face. He was ready to grit his teeth or bite his lower lip if need be.

The older man was gentle, helping him to remove the robe without causing any pain.

The hunter's look of relief was almost comical. "Thanks, Watari." He headed to the bathroom. He knew a shower was out of the question. A tub bath would be impossible to get out of. "Damn it," he muttered under his breath. "Another friggin' spit bath."

There was a knowing smile as he held up a package of saran wrap. "We can cover the bandages, let you shower."

"Oh thank you!" could be heard after a large sigh. Dean walked over to Watari to get saran wrapped.

The wrapping was applied. "Call me when you get out. I'll help you finish up."

"Thank you, sir." Dean headed back into the bathroom, leaned in and adjusted the shower. He sat on the commode, slipped off the slippers, and began to inch down sweats and boxers. It was a little hard, one-handed, but he managed. He stepped into the hot shower and just stood there for a minute, allowing the steaming mist to run over his hair and face and down his body, savoring the feeling.

Watari laid out fresh clothing for him, tidying up the room as well.

Dean found a body scrunchy thing. He'd never used one, but always thought they were a good idea. The body bath soap smelled like a forest in the spring. It was not feminine in any way. He wet the scrunchy thing and set it down and saw a flip top on the soap. He finally used his teeth to open it and poured a large amount in the scrunchy. He managed to get a large portion of his anatomy bathed, except for his left arm. He figured it was a small price to pay. He saw the shampoo, contemplating it. He needed his hair washed badly, and thought what the hell, he could try. He managed fairly well...it just took longer. He did not want to get out of the water, but knew he was running up a massive water bill, so he turned the faucet to off, reached out, and grabbed the towel.

Watari heard the water turn off and smiled to himself. Dean had finished sooner than he'd thought, meaning the boy had more self-control than he'd anticipated. Given the amount of damage and length of time without a proper shower, he'd expected him to stay longer. The toothbrush and toothpaste were resting on the sink at an angle Dean would spot.

Dean was dripping water everywhere, trying to dry his body with one hand and arm. He could only reach parts of his back. He sat down to do his legs. He could not dry all of his arm. He tried getting his hair as dry as he could. He saw the toothbrush and toothpaste, and actually grinned in satisfaction.

The older man waited patiently. "Dean, I have clothing. I'll hand them through the door to you."

A damp hand and arm reached through the door, reaching for whatever clothing Watari had deemed easy enough for him to handle.

Light weight pajama pants and boxers were passed through. Watari would give him a clean robe once the boy was out and ready for help.

The hunter was grateful for the clean clothing, even if he didn't recognize them. His needed a good washing. They hadn't had the time recently to do laundry. He sat back on the commode, jumped up, wiped it down with a towel, and redried his rear. He sat back down and worked to get the boxers and pajama bottoms on. He looked for the slippers and slipped his feet back into them. He walked to through the door, his hair going everywhere, but he felt comfortable.

The older male chuckled. "Feel better?"

A grin was given in return for the chuckle, and Dean replied, "Yes, Sir, I do. Thank you."

"You are most welcome. Let's get the saran wrap off of you and a robe on before you catch cold."

Dean walked towards Watari, and stood still, letting him remove the plastic wrap. The older man worked to get the robe on over the wounded right side of the younger man's body.

Soon they had Dean in his robe and ready to face the day.

The younger man looked a little tired from all the work but he felt contented.


	28. Chapter 28

Coping with Bobby's Books  
>"Ready to meet the others?"<p>

"Yes, Sir, I am."

"All right then." He opened the bedroom door for Dean, letting him leave the room.

The hunter stepped into the hallway, not sure which way to go. He hesitated, waiting for the older man.

Watari led him to an elevator and up several floors, which opened into one large room. Near was sitting close to L, both typing and occasionally murmuring to each other. Bobby was cracking up at something Mello was saying while Matt was trying to rescue one of the laptops from the chocolate bar that was getting dangerously close to the screen during Mello's descriptions of something. "I leave those two alone for a few moments," the old man muttered then laughed.

Dean stood in the entrance, taking everything in, a grin on his face. He still found himself wishing Sam was there to share in everything. He felt naked at times without him. He shook it off and the grin returned.

Matt looked up and spotted him, waving him over with a bright smile.

Dean moved slowly but headed over to the others.

The red head's grin grew brighter. "Good to see you. Watch out for the carnage of Mello on chocolate."

Dean's grin broadened, "Sugar high, or is it the caffeine in the chocolate?"

"We haven't figured the answer to that one yet." Mello made a face at Matt's answer, grinned at Dean and went back to telling his story to Bobby.

A look of delight covered the older Winchester's face. It had been years since he'd felt so at home and welcomed.

The chatter continued before Matt finally managed to get Mello on track.. at least for a little while.

Dean watched everyone for a minute, then spoke, "What exactly is it that you need me to do?"

"We need advice from a non-techy person on what would be the best way to organize all this. As it is, a lot will need translation software that Matty will work on."

"You need to know what each book is about. I"d categorize it by title, author, topic for one thing. If it deals with spells, demons, monsters, ancient gods, whatever...add that category and put it in there. Non-techy types are gonna look for things like that first. Then, if it's a way someone died and a creature in a book or a spell kills that way, then have that in there. We're crazy enough to look for that."

Matt nodded, making notes.

"List by beliefs...some religions have demigods, demons, imps, and other things that might be found under beliefs. There's millions of ways to label them."

"Cross referencing..OK." He muttered under his breath, pen racing over the pad of paper.

"You're gonna need a good scanner and take it to Bobby's. We're talking tattoos, carvings, sigils, diagrams, pictures of creatures, and a shitload of other stuff. Need a major section on them. Someone sees something, if they can find the design or picture, it saves a ton of time."

"We had a team do that already. It's just organizing the mess that's left."

"From over a couple hundred thousand books? Crap!"

He nodded. "Hence why we need your advice and Bobby's. Though Mello is a bit...distracted."

Dean looked over at the blond. "What's with Mello and Bobby?" He thought they would have been the most unlikely twosome he would see.

"I have no idea, I lost track about an hour ago. Now it's a matter of keeping soggy chocolate off my computers," he growled and pushed Mello's hand away from another laptop.

The hunter stared at Mello and Bobby, a suspicion entering his mind, only to be discarded. Mello could be devious, but so was Bobby, and the older man knew every embarrassing story in his and Sam's entire life. 'Naw,' he thought. 'Bobby wouldn't do that. Give Mello that kind of ammo.'

Dean turned to Matt, "Since when does Mello's chocolate get soggy? He eats it pretty fast."

"No, he doesn't. A bar of chocolate can last him a while.. but he's been putting it into his mouth, forgetting to f*ing bite and gets it both melted and soggy," he growled.

"Dude, even for me, that's gross. Can't you get any idea of what they're talking about?"

"Like I said, I lost track."

"Before you lost track?"

"Something about fishing? I dunno, man, I hate the outdoors shit."

Dean would never have pegged Mello for a fisherman. Sports?"

"Mello is addicted to the outdoor sports and drags me out to play them." It was obvious that Matt was more the computers and gamer type.

The older man watched Bobby and Mello, and could understand Mello's excitement. Bobby's yard was a paradise for kids and teens, and some men to play sports in. Anything was possible there. He grinned, found a seat and sat down before he fell down. He felt a little tired.

Matt pointed at the tea tray, which had tea and snacks. "If you're hungry, munch. Watari keeps the tea hot and snacks fresh. I wouldn't try bugging L and Near yet. They're working on some case from China right now."

Noticing all the sweets on the tray, and not seeing anything that said eat me, he fixed himself a cup of tea. "Yeah, they looked busy. I don't interrupt when I don't need to."

"My mandarin is rusty, another reason I'm over here working on this database."

At those words, Dean panicked. He looked for Watari. 'Mandarin?'

"What is it?" Matt looked up, handing Dean an apple from the tray and grabbing another handful of jelly beans for himself.

People who work for L...do they have to know different languages?"

"Just the students at Whammy's House," he answered.

"Okay, so if he took someone and made them a Whammy, they wouldn't be required to know them?

Matt shook his head. "Nope."

"Okay. How many languages do you know?"

"Last count, about seven or so. Working on three more on my spare time."

"You can learn three or more at once?"

Goggle covered eyes looked at Dean. "From the moment we stepped into Whammy's, we were taught to learn in the most efficient manner possible. All of us have IQ's of extreme levels, Dean. Just don't let it intimidate you, OK?"

"Okay, I guess I've grown so comfortable around you guys that I'd forgotten just how smart you really are. Being reminded can be a little overpowering."

He chuckled. "Now you know why most of us tend to stay with our own group."

"Yeah, but you do what others do also, you know. We all tend to judge people because they aren't like us instead of knowing them first. You did that to me. I did it to you in another way. I didn't consider your brains, just that you were rude and arrogant and needed an ass whupping. Hell, we were all wrong. It's stupid to judge what you don't know. You weren't really rude and arrogant...well, maybe a little, but it was your brains that made you that way. I hope you know and understand now that normal people can think and do things on their own. I learned that all three of you have emotional needs and desires just like I do. Smart ass? Yeah, but so am I."

He grinned. "You went after the boss. L...I can't begin to tell you what that man means to all of us," he murmured softly.

"Well, I hope you can see where I was coming from. I'm a hunter, with a lot of weight on his shoulders. I have a lot of things I have to tend to. I was worried about my brother, some junk I was being expected to tend too, a rotten past that was literally destroying my life. All I had wanted was a few days with my brother to just rest for a while. I was tired. L blackmailed us...big time. I don't like being pushed and made to do what I don't want to do. I fight that. I end up here, dealing with you three, and an enigmatic man who was trying to be what he wasn't. My brother goes, well...then Ruby, the creatures, Sometimes, you fight back just to remain sane."

"L gets what he wants," he said with a grin.

"Yeah, but not quite what he expected," Dean returned the grin.

"Probably not but it makes life that much more interesting."

"Yeah, it does."

"If he'd just called us, explained the situation, sent us the file, the pictures, and stuff, we would have come. It's what we do."

Matt looked at him. "Would you? We've read over the reports. Sometimes, even if information was given, you've avoided things to stay on this hunt for this one particular demon.. especially since your brother is being guided by Ruby. L.. has a habit of strong arming new contacts because he can't predict with 100 percent accuracy what they will do. Better to get them angry enough to come to him or his agent."

"Yeah, I would have. I'm a hunter. Sometimes we've had to pick between hunts, but something as drastic as what L had, I would have come. I have no idea what Sam would have done, but I certainly don't work with Ruby. She's helped sometimes, but I always felt she had an agenda. She only came after me because Sam needed her blood, and I wasn't going to let her near him. I've been told by Cas that there are 666 seals that can be broken. I have no idea what's a seal and what's not. We just may have stopped one. Only 66 have to break. To understand these things, I want Lilith alive long enough to figure them out. Then she dies."

Matt nodded. "That's what L is working on."

"Is he? Damn! I'd like to be a part of that. With this injury, I don't stand a chance of being a part of any of it."

"No, you don't want to. Not at this level. I'm sure you'll be a part of it later though." He tapped the screen. "Okay, what the hell would you classify this as?" It was a random piece on certain protections but didn't specify as to what.

Dean told him where it ought to go. "Do you know who Lilith is? What she is? She's the first demon, one of Lucifer's generals. She's strong, protected, and not easy to get to at all. Most of the time, she takes the bodies of little girls. You want to torture a little girl, knowing the child is still in there? You need me."

A piece of candy, thankfully in its wrapper, hit the back of Dean's head with unerring accuracy. L had overheard and had thrown it. "Such actions are damaging to Dean's mental health."

Dean took off the wrapper and popped the candy in his mouth, knowing he was going to get a reprimand from Watari but he was frustrated and angry. "L, I appreciate that, but this is a very powerful demon. You do not have the skills to deal with her. You don't know what to look for. You might miss something important."

Dark eyes narrowed somewhat. "I am a very quick learner. You will not be involved in this aspect. Watari agrees."

"L, learning isn't enough when you go after a demon of this level. They are powerful. It's what I do, L. I want to get well, L, but this is my job."

A finger was held up. "You were implying getting information from my...guest. .for the lack of a better word. As far as going after this one, I will send out a party, with you at the head, when you are physically ready. Understand?"

"I was talking about Lilith, not Ruby. You already said you were going to extract information from her. I'm cool with that. I know I'm not ready for one-on-one with Ruby...not after the queen's chamber. Okay? But I want Lilith. I appreciate you're letting me head the group that goes after her."

L nodded, going back to his computer, satisfied that the argument was settled for now.

Dean watched the scanned pictures being placed in their rightful areas on the computer when one came up that startled him. "Wait! What does that say about that amulet?" Dean started fingering the black rope material around his neck.

Matt frowned, going back and enlarging the document.

Dean leaned over and started reading. "God indicator? What the hell does that mean? Bobby, you gave this to Sammy to give Dad years ago. He gave it to me instead. What the hell does that mean, and where did you get this?"


	29. Chapter 29

God.. Is He or Isn't He?

The older man looked at the document. "It gets warm when near God supposedly."

Dean let out a harsh laugh. "Oh, come on, Bobby. God does not exist, and I've seen no sign that He does."

Near's voice was quiet. "Logic dictates that since angels and demons exist, then this supposed deity should exist as well."

Dean's voice had panic in it. "Why? If He's real, then why is any of this happening? Why doesn't He stop it?"

"The deity may not know, may not care, or be a part of the whole conspiracy. Insufficient data to try to bring together a whole hypothesis."

"No! I don't want or need this on top of everything else." Dean moved faster than he should have, but got out of the room quickly.

He took the first hallway off the main corridor without thinking and was soon lost. He opened a door and found a large room filled with plants, and glass windows everywhere. He could feel the warmth of the sunlight. He walked through the flowers, herbs, vegetables, and fruit trees, feeling the peace the large room offered. He finally walked towards one of the large windows and leaned his head against it.

"Not any more impossibilities, please." He wasn't even sure who or what he'd said that to.

Watari leaned against a tree, watching him. "Why is it impossible?"

"Did you follow me, Watari?"

"Somewhat. I wasn't in the computer area but saw you pass by, wanted to check on you."

"If you weren't in there, you didn't hear the conversation, so what are you talking about when you asked me that?"

"You said no more impossibilities, so I asked why is it impossible. Simple enough question." He settled onto the bench with a soft sigh, bones creaking a bit.

"Well, can you prove to me that God exists? One solid reason why I should feel like He does? My life is a total proof that He doesn't. No one, nothing would let a little kid see that, or carry that burden. Hell, all of it. Tell me why, if He existed, He would allow..do..hell, I don't know. Why?"

"Dean, there are stories of ancient gods dating back millennia. You face things that, a few days ago, I would've sworn were impossible. I can neither prove nor disprove that this one god exists. Letting yourself be torn up over it mentally isn't healthy for you," he said in a comforting voice.

"Watari, this is the one that the angels and demons are afraid of."

"Obviously not if they're running around like idiots trying to start this apocalypse."

"Oh, they believe, and are afraid of Him, but they think He's dead. Cas doesn't. Cas thinks He's come down to see for Himself. This amulet was in the stuff going into the computers. It says it warms when God is near." Dean laughed in derision of the statement he'd just made. Sam believes. Sam?"

"People need something to believe in, Dean. It keeps them strong when things go wrong."

"Belief makes you strong? Hell, I must be the weakest man in the world, than."

"What do you believe in? And it doesn't have to be in a deity."

"I believe in what I can see, and what I am capable of doing."

He nodded. "That belief is what helps you to continue day to day."

"It's led to the knowledge that I can't do everything. There's no one who has the answers."

"No one ever will, Dean. That's what keeps the mystery in life."

"This amulet is the most precious thing I have. It just bothers me that it's supposed to be able to help me find God."

"Why is it precious to you?"

"I did a lot of horrible things as a kid, to keep Sammy and me alive. Dad would leave us in motels, and give me cash to meet our needs. A lot of times, he stayed gone longer then he told us, and... and the money ran out. Sometimes I was able to steal, but that wasn't always an option. Anyway, I wanted Sam to have a childhood. I did everything I could think of the keep him there. One Christmas, Dad didn't show, and he promised. I lied and told Sam Dad showed when Sam was asleep. I had stolen some gifts for him, and said they were from Dad. Sam had found Dad's journal, and I explained what Dad did, but made him swear not to let Dad know I'd told him. Dad wanted him to remain a kid too." Dean closed his eyes on that statement, trying to regain control.

He smiled bitterly, "Turned out the kid in the house I robbed, was a girl. That's how Sam knew Dad hadn't shown. He'd gotten the amulet for Dad as a gift. He gave it to me." Dean's voice broke on the last statement.

"Then the gift is still precious, Dean. The chances of you even being able to experience the amulet's abilities are beyond astronomical. I'm certain Near and L could calculate it but still. Don't let the knowledge affect you."

Tears were streaming down Dean's face, "I want Sam back, but whole this time. Both of us whole, healed. Oh, damn, not again. Last night was hard enough. Can't right now. Can't"

"He will be back. Dean, but he won't be the same boy though. The addiction leaves marks. He'll be healing for some time but will carry the knowledge that he is a recovering addict for the rest of his life. The sooner you accept this and help him with it, the better off it will be for the both of you."

"That's a physical thing, and I understand that. I want the crap in both of us to heal so we can be what we ought to be. Can we do that? Is it possible?

"With hard work, determination, and a lot of stubborness, which you both have plenty of, it can be done."

"I still wish I could understand why it had to be us. Why were we picked out for all of this? The demons wanting Sam? Our Mom and Dad? Hell, my grandparents, the Campbells, were hunters. I never even knew that. It's all screwed up. I don't understand it at all."

"Who knows? Not something to spend your energy on though."

"I know that, but sometimes, when everything's falling apart, and you can't seem to find a way out, you wonder, 'What the hell?'"

Watari nodded. "I know but it is a waste of energy. I try to teach my kids that so that they can move forward and become the strong people I know they can be."


	30. Chapter 30

Session 1Part 1

"They're lucky then. Is it okay to go for a walk outside, if I stay in the fenced in area?"

"Stay in the fenced area. Cameras are always on so you'll be all right."

"Oh, damn, I didn't ask earlier, and I should have. Did L do protection for the building? Sigils, and stuff?"

"Bobby taught us all and we worked together as a team to do it while you and Near were in the hospital."

A look of relief crossed Dean's face. "Okay, great. I'm gonna go for a walk."

He nodded. "The cameras are active. I'll be near them, just in case." Not that anything would happen but Dean was still healing. "Just don't overdo."

"Okay. Thanks."

Watari escorted him to the backdoor so Dean could enjoy the sunshine.

The hunter slowly walked the grounds, enjoying a nice breeze and the smell of flowers in the air. The sun was bright, but it wasn't too hot. There were paved paths throughout the grounds, and all of the paths were shaded. He wondered where he was...city?...state?..., and panic...country?

He found a place near a small pond with a fountain spraying out of the middle. Birds were singing in the distance. The young man found a bench to sit down on , and leaned his head back against a tree, eyes closed, taking in the scents and sounds.

The gardens were pretty much designed with the concept of Zen in mind, arranged to help refresh the mind and spirit.

Dean slowly fell asleep, resting peacefully.

A short time later, a cool hand on the man's uninjured shoulder applied enough careful pressure to stir him back into wakefulness.

Dean's eyes slowly opened and yawning, he stared up to see who had awakened him.

L's dark eyes met his. "I came to check on you."

Dean nodded and said "I'm fine, thank you, L" He regretted being woke up. It had been a long time since he'd had a dreamless sleep. It had felt good. He started to stretch, grabbed his right side, hissing. "I must remember not to do that. You want to join me? There's plenty of room on the bench."

He crouched on the bench, looking idly at the gardens. "How are you doing really? Not physically."

"Still dealing. Who am I kidding. It's hell, okay. I go somewhere or intentionally go to that room and face something, more and more comes out that I'd intentionally buried and forgotten, or blocked and never really knew. There was a lot that came back last night. Hell, it's worse then just drinking to forget."

"Less damage to your liver actually and it is healthier emotionally for you in the long run," came the flat response. L could not claim to be a people person but he was trying to help.

"Tell me how knowing more hell then I knew before and not knowing why is going to help me in the long run, cause, I'm so damn confused. I'm remembering stuff I never knew existed. I blocked it out. Now I got more questions. Still no answers. I just want to be normal. I don't want angels and demons after my ass. I'll hunt the bad guys but I don't want to be a hero in some cosmic plan. Just let me hunt and leave me alone."

"Dean, life never has all the answers. I have been looking for that for a long time. I am not the best at living life as you have. I work in the shadows, avoid contact. However, I do know that suppressing memories and emotions is like dealing with a bomb. It will go off. If you learn to handle them and talk to someone, then it is easier."

"How do I explain my life without sounding like a whiny kid? Last night was absolute hell. There was stuff I didn't even know I'd seen. I learned things I didn't want to know. It hurts so damn bad, L. I don't know how to make it better."

"You don't. You can't go back into the past and change it. You just start dealing with it instead of hiding from it. You learn healthy habits instead of crawling into a bottle. I know I sound uncaring but the simple fact is, you will learn healthy coping habits from us to learn to deal when bad things happen. If I could, I would change the bad issues from my heirs' pasts but I can't, so we teach them to handle it."

"Tell me how a 31 year old man takes what happened when was he four years old and blocked out and heals from it. My whole life evolved around that four year old Dean. All of it did."

The dark eyes took on a look of cunning. "Closure for one. If I gave you that opportunity, would it end this curse you feel you are under?"

"Hell, yeah, it would. I got to help that four year old kid understand that he can't hold on to this. He has to shut the door and go on. Everything else that has happened stems around that four year old, his Mom, Dad, and little brother. All of it."

"I will strike a bargain with you. You focus on learning life skills.. healthy coping mechanisms.. and I will ensure you are there to get that closure."

"Where do I get them? I'll do anything to stop this pain and self-destruct course I'm on."

"Watari and I will teach you. We will give you books to read. Talk to us and even your friend, Bobby."

"How do you deal with watching a demon kill your Mom? I saw a nightmare that night, L. He ripped her open, drove her up a wall to the ceiling, and set her on fire. He leaned over and did something to Sammy. She knew him. I know why now, but I didn't know anything for a long time. I stopped talking, L, for a whole damn year. I know why now. I was protecting Sammy and me. Dad left us for two years to learn how to hunt. He'd come see Bobby, hold Sam, but he avoided me. Bobby said last night that Dad saw my mom in me. I guess he was angry that I was alive and she wasn't. I just want normal, L. I need normal. Whatever I have to do."

"What is the coping mechanism for that? I really need to know."

Slender cold fingers cupped the man's face, making him look at L. "You can't. Your mother died, accept it, move on. Your father messed up and put you both on paths you were not built for. Accept, grieve, move on. I will give you closure to the path the demon set your family on. What you do afterward is up to you."

"It works? Just accepting it? How do you do that? I mean let go? Help me here, L? "

"You accept it happened, you feel sorrow for losing her and miss her, but you move forward. You do not allow that to color every decision you make."

"You mean because I saw that at so young an age, I held on to the nightmare, and I never mourned and let her go? I never had closure for her?"

He nodded. "For Mello and Matt, I was able to find their parents' graves and show them, allowed them to mourn. This gave them closure and the ability to move forward."

"My Mom's grave is empty. She completely burned up."

He tapped Dean's forehead. "Let her rest here. In your mind, you're still seeing her during her death."

"Okay, I remember the good things, then?"

"Exactly. The happier memories will start to override the painful ones."

"I can do that." For the first time in his life, Dean Winchester felt hopeful. "So, I still got to face myself with this stuff, so I remember stuff, then I do with it what I am doing with this?"

He nodded. "Dean, you hold on to the negative for too long and focus solely on that. Your brother is the same. You need to find happier memories and focus on those, allow the need to protect people to drive your ambition. Not the need for revenge."

"No, L. Mine hasn't been revenge in two years. I killed the yellow eyed demon. My revenge was over. It's Sammy. I hunt because I help people."

"There's something that's still allowing you to hang on to the rage."

"I won't deny there's anger issues, L. You can't mourn that. There's my Dad's crap, there's dying a horrible death, going through what I did in hell to save Sam's life, to find this is how he dealt with it, and then he tells me I can't do the job any more. He hooks up with and is screwing a demon. The lies he's been telling me. I worked with him before I died, teaching him how to go on without me. He kept telling me he wasn't using his powers because I had asked him not to. My brother, L. Yeah. I'm angry."

"With good reason. Your father was wrong in leading you both into this life and not raising you as normal parents would. You cannot face him with this but you can let that go. You save lives every day. If you did not have this career, would these people still be alive?" He frowned slightly. "As far as your brother, the codependency between you two must be addressed. He was easy to mislead by the demon because of his depression."

"I do understand that. I sold my soul for him. He tried to do the same thing, but they had me where they wanted me, and he was in Ruby's hands. She's got her claws in deep. She can't be allowed to use him anymore, L."

"She won't," he answered flatly. "I will see to that. His goal until she found him was to take your place. It wasn't until she showed back up that he began to think of revenge. It was intricately played by her."

Sam says the body she uses is a dead one at his request. I have a weapon that will kill her just as she is, and won't let her leave the body. It will destroy her."

"Thanks to Bobby, she cannot leave her body now. She will remain trapped until I am satisfied I have every drop of information I can gain from her."

"How do you know she's not lying to you?"

A light smirk crossed his face. "I'm L. I know better."

"The only thing I know is that a demon will tell you enough truth to string you in or hurt you. The rest is lies."

"Did you know that when a demon lies in a host body, the host body has the same reaction a human does when lying?"

Dean gave L a strange stare. One that said 'what the hell? He had no idea.

"Would you run that by me one more time?" Suddenly a light bulb came on. "You talking the nervousness that shows up on a lie detector test?"

"When a human lies, the pulse speeds up, same as respiration. A demon lies in a human body, the body gives the same reaction. It was an interesting experiment."

"You're doing experiments on her?" Dean's voice was calm, and there was no horror or any feeling towards the possibility.

He shook his head. "Not like you think. I needed to know whether or not her host body responded like a normal human's to stress. It does."

Dean laughed, bitterly, "I could have saved you the time. She feels everything, and, if you're feeding her, she's very fond of French fries."

"Hmm...I have no desire to give her anything she would be fond of. In fact, her diet has been suggested by my heirs."

Dean smirked, "I can just imagine."

"I believe this morning's meal for her was Brussels sprouts." A dish all four of the geniuses loathed.

"The little green cabbages that stink so bad?" Dean shuddered.

He nodded, wrinkling his nose.

"You got a gas mask in the kitchen for the cook?"

"That part, I'm uncertain."

"That's cruel, L. You should take better care of your cook then that. You might lose a good cook."He shook his head slightly. "I am certain all the proper precautions are made."

"I believe the use of poisonous gases is against the law." The hunter grinned, "You might consider piping it into wherever you're keeping that bitch."

There was a soft chuff of a laugh. "Indeed. I shall present that idea to Watari."

"Oh, try liver or kidneys for breakfast for her."

He tilted his head. "I would not do that. It would be too hospitable to present kidneys for breakfast."

"What?" Confusion showed in the hunter's eyes, again. L noted that the young man had a habit of scratching his head when he was trying to figure something out.

"A traditional English breakfast includes kidneys."

Dean turned green. For someone who would eat almost everything, turning green was surprising. "You do know it smells like piss?"

He shook his head. "No, I was not aware of it. I have not partaken of that specific dish."

"I've used it as catfish bait, and it definitely smells like piss."

His nose wrinkled slightly. "Disgusting."

"Yeah, well that's what they're used for, after all."

"I knew dietary habits were odd in England but that is a bit too much."

"They're bad in this country too. Sweetbreads, menudo, and brains."

He shook his head. "I believe I will stay with cake."


	31. Chapter 31

Session 1 Part 2  
>"Well, thanks to Watari, my eating habits are on the to be changed list." Dean smiled as he spoke of the older man.<p>

"He can be very persistent."

"Well, what he had to say made a lot of sense. Some of what he says I need to eat will be hard. What I have to give up is a lot harder for me."

"Everything in moderation. A hamburger is fine if it is every once in a while and not every night. Or so I am told."

"Yeah, well, we're on the road a lot, and most times it's fast food. Being able to sit down and eat breakfast together is actually a treat for us. Eating in a nice restaurant is almost unheard of. That makes it a lot more difficult."

"Most of the small restaurants and fast food ones offer salads and the like now."

"When I've been on the road, driving for hours, eating burritos out of a microwave, and Sam...he gets gas when he eats them. Well, a salad supper is not much comfort food. There's not a whole lot of comfort in my life. I know. I'm going to follow what Watari says, but damn."

L stared at him for a moment, then shook his head. Too much information.

Dean noticed the stare, thought back over what he had just said, and the Winchester smile flitted across his face. He snorted, than started laughing, hard. He doubled over almost in hysterics. Shaking his head, he sputtered, "How the hell did we get on this conversation anyway? Damn! Got to stop this laughing...it's starting to hurt." He leaned his head back against the tree and took some deep breaths, his body still shaking from the laughter. Every few minutes, what sounded like a giggle or a snicker, would erupt. Dean thought, too long...been too long since I've laughed.

The detective gave a tiny half smile at the laughter.

The hunter closed his eyes, and rested for a moment. "Does life ever get any easier, L? I mean it, seriously, it's been so long since I've laughed like that. It felt good."

"Life comes in booms and busts or so Watari is often fond of saying. There will be positive times and negative ones."

"I could do with a lot more positives, you know. This was nice. Stupid, but nice."

He gave another half-smile. "It will come."

"Yeah, I hope so, but not til Sammy's ready for it, too. Can't keep having all this crap between us. It's time we dealt with it...get it out in the open, even if it hurts. We need to talk and listen."

The dark haired man nodded. "Indeed."

The head turned and hazel eyes stared into his dark ones, "Will he ever do that, L?" The question was hopeful and wistful, with a touch of fear that the answer might be no.

"He will. He is much too stubborn not to."

Dean shook his head slowly. "Why is he fighting peace and honesty between us?"

"The stubbornness is part of it. He is unsure as to which person to blame for the mess of emotions he is experiencing."

"The blame is threefold. He's smart, but he was hurting. It's his fault for doing the things he did when he was and has been all over me for what I did. It's my fault for putting him in that position. Hell, it's mainly Dad's for raising us to be like this, but it's our job to break away from it."

"Incorrect," the detective told him. "His fault for not thinking clearly...your father's fault for putting such nonsensical ideas into your heads.. and the demon's fault for taking a confused young man and turning him into a machine with one thought - revenge."

"It's my fault too, L. But, I'm alive, so why the continued need to kill Lilith? That has bothered me."

"In his mind, it is her fault for leaving him in that state of vulnerability."

"I left him in the same state, L"

"Which was not your fault...well, unless you count sacrificing yourself to keep him alive. That is a codependency of a level that is...not a good thing." For lack of a better phrasing for it.

"Well, if I hadn't, we'd both be dead by now. I don't know. It was stupid, but it was Sammy, and he was all I had."

"An issue that was encouraged by your father."

"It was my job...my responsibility to protect and care for Sam...and I tried to the best of my ability...and I failed...he died. That's what I felt, L. It's what he taught me."

"It was your father's responsibility. Not yours."

"It was his responsibility, morally, but it was mine in reality."

"Again, no. You need to disassociate yourself from that. Morally, reality.. your father failed."

Dean nodded, his throat thickened by a need to cry against his father and a desire to run from it. He was tired, emotionally drained, and frightened of and for Sam.

"It seems there is a lot to do in order to change your way of thinking but it will happen. I have a task for you. When you retire to your room this evening, you will find some supplies. I think it would be wise to start keeping a journal. This does not have to be a list of daily activities.. more along the lines of your thoughts on things. It will help you to organize them and find if you start to slip back into bad habits like thinking that you have sole responsibility for your brother."

Dean's mind went back to his dad's journal. It wasn't all monsters. There were memories and other things in it. He'd not read them at first, but he learned a lot from it. The fact was that his mom was the first of their family to keep a journal. They were all kept in a lock box or safe. Probably all burned in the house fire ,but he would have loved to read them..

Dean looked at L. I'm not very good at that, but Bobby said I'm more like mom so...maybe that's in me too."

"You do not have to be good at it. This exercise is to help you review your thoughts, speak them out without having to speak."

"Okay...is...is this some kind of homework assignment, cause what I say to someone is gonna be different than what I think at times. "

"You need at least one place to be honest.. outside of myself and Watari."

"I'm gonna take that answer to mean it's for me only...my place to be honest to me."

He nodded. "Exactly."

Dean frowned suddenly. "I can't write right now. I'm right handed. Well, maybe I could, but it's gonna be chicken scratch to try to read."

L smirked at that. "I would not worry about that."

One eyebrow rose questioningly, but suddenly Dean relaxed and smiled. "Okay, thanks."

The detective rose. "In fact, go and find Matt. He will assist you with this."

Dean rose with L, "All right, then, can you tell me where I find the elevator once inside. Matt was putting Bobby's books on computer."

"Take the third door, go left 100 feet and turn right."

The hunter slowly headed towards the entrance, but turned back towards the detective.

"Thanks, L, for listening, understanding, giving good advice, and mainly, well, for talking stupid stuff with me. Being normal was really nice."

The older Winchester turned and headed toward the building.

L called out to him. "I made an agreement and will abide by it."

The uninjured left arm raised in a wave of acknowledgment. L had not expected more from the man. Dean Winchester was riding an emotional roller coaster, and sometimes, a wave was all he could give.

The detective nodded. The progress would be slow but it was being made. L would inform Watari of this, who would take the next session.


	32. Chapter 32

Matt and the 'Journal'

Dean found the elevator and was soon in the room where the others had been working. He found Matt, alone in the room. Walking over slowly, he sat down, finding the seat to be comfortable. He sighed softly, thea looked to see what the redhead was doing.

"Hey, Matt. Where is everyone? It has to be past lunchtime because I woke late."

"Near went to take a nap, Watari insisted. Mello is checking on something for Watari. I take it you're ready for your surprise?"

Dean smiled. "Sure. L said it was in my room?"

"Yep, come on." He rose, stretching and heading for the door.

The older man got up slower than earlier, sighing softly again. 'How long am I gonna feel like this?', he thought to himself. He made it a point to keep up with the teen. He was starting to hurt, but it could wait.

"If I'm going too fast, tell me." He had seen the flash of pain on Dean's face. "None of us are going to think less of you."

He laughed softly. "The only people who've seen me weak before this trip, have been Bobby, Dad, and Sam...mainly, Sam. I don't count Cas cause I'm not sure if he's human or not."

"I didn't think these angel things were supposed to be. And besides, you got hurt saving Near. That counts for something." He pushed the elevator call button.

"I didn't believe either, but I have hand prints on my shoulders that aren't gonna go away, but every other scar, broken bone...everything was gone. It was like I'd been reborn. As for Near, well, I'd do it again in a heartbeat." He followed the teen into the elevator.

The elevator went down a few floors and the pair headed towards Dean's room.

On entering the room, Dean stood by the table, waiting to see what Matt was going to do.

A few moments later, a dark gray laptop was set on the table, cords running to the wall to keep it from running on battery power. A nice leather carrying case was laid there as well.

Dean's mouth opened and his eyes were incredibly wide. "Wh...wha...what is this? L shouldn't have done this. I can't repay it. I thought he meant a notebook and a pen, or at most, a recorder. This is too much, Matt. I've done nothing to deserve this."

"You are a part of the group now, one of his agents. You'll need a reliable means of communication with him. I'll set up the security for it now and an email account. You need to think of passwords that your brother would not think of. There's a biometric level of security as well."

Dean's legs wouldn't hold him any longer. The shock of the computer had taken a great deal out of him. "Passwords?" He'd thought it wrong at first, but remembered Sam's cell phone. "I have no idea what he won't know." Suddenly, Dean chuckled. "There's one he won't know." Dean looked at the teen and suddenly turned red.

Matt looked at him. "The biometric security is to ensure that you and only you can access this laptop. It's a failsafe that if it isn't applied at the right time, the laptop will shut down and not boot until I restore it."

"What is it?"

The red head showed him the secret area where Dean would apply his thumb to for a scan. This laptop was custom built, designed by L and him.

"I guess you'll have to use the left one." Dean was curious about this. He watched everything Matt did.

Matt taught him when he'd have to apply the thumbprint, emphasizing to keep that area hidden from view so Sam or anyone couldn't access it. The email program was brought online, complete with a special address book containing Watari's, L's, Near's, Mello's, and Matt's email addresses. "I'll program my cell into your phone. If, for any reason, you're locked out or there's an issue, call me. I can remote link to this computer and fix it. If it's hardware, we'll set up something for repairs."

"Okay," Dean said as he reached into his robe and pulled out the cell, handing it to Matt.

He programmed the number in, handing it back to him. "Okay, sit down. I'll review what you do know and then teach you what you don't."

Pocketing his cell, Dean sat down, knowing he'd probably look like a fool. He could do research as well as Sam, but some stuff was Sammy's domain.

Matt was an incredibly patient teacher, explaining things simply and in a way to help Dean understand without making the older male feel stupid.

The hunter got frustrated at times. "Look, Dad never had a computer around. I was never in one school long enough to pick it up. First time, I saw one up close; Sam had a laptop from college. Hell, he still hasn't told me what My Space is. He just laughed."

"You mean to tell me he didn't try to teach you? This stuff is important."

"Maybe it was a macho thing. I don't know. He didn't offer, and I sure as hell wasn't going to ask. When he was asleep, I got on and tried to pick up on things myself. I watched how he researched and began to pick up on that pretty well. That's about all I know. I never had an email. I don't know all the ins and outs, but I can hunt with it."

"I'll give you a crash course in technology. This...I could throttle him. It's not right to keep people ignorant."

"I don't know if it was intentional. We were always on the run, he researched online...I hit the streets, newspapers, courthouses, hospitals, and the lot. He was impatient when we were trying to find stuff. I was slow when researching. Lots of times, he'd push me aside and take over. It was the right thing to do. He knew more and I was slowing us down. When there was free time, we'd go get a bite to eat, or hit a bar and have a drink. Sometimes we watched a little TV, most times, it was a shower and bed."

"Well then, it's time for us to start the lessons." He took a seat beside Dean and began the lesson anew.

The older hunter caught on faster than either of them thought he would. His questions weren't stupid, but actually made sense. He leaped at a piece of knowledge and seemed to swallow it whole, asking for more. He was becoming more adept with each thing he learned, slowly picking Matt's brain to get extra tidbits on a topic.

And Matt gave willingly, teaching the nuances of the programs in such a way as to make it easily understood.

A knock at the door surprised both of them. Dean looked at the window and saw darkness, surprised.

Watari entered with a dinner tray, after finding out that Dean had not eaten since breakfast.

The old man smiled. "I see you two have been hard at work."

Dean smiled. "Yeah, I think I'm getting a handle on it." He was relieved that Watari didn't seem upset about a missed meal, when the muscle spasm in his back made him realize he'd had no meds either. His gaze met Wataris' as he winced.

Medication was placed beside his tray. "Matt is a good teacher when he wishes to be," he said with a smile.

"He's a very good teacher. Thanks, Matt. Can we continue tomorrow?" Dean had not removed the lids on the meal. Instead, he took the water and pills.

"Not a problem. Better eat up or you'll have him after your ass..oops, sorry Watari." he grinned and rushed out, blushing a bit at the compliment. The older man sighed and shook his head. "Such an imp that one."

"It's one of the things I like about him. Thank you, Watari."

"You're welcome. Don't hesitate to ask them to go if you need rest," he reminded him.

"I won't. It must be late. I didn't realize we'd been at it that long. Well, what new food am I supposed to learn to like tonight?"

The dish lids were pulled up to reveal a Caesar salad, baked fish that was perfectly seasoned, as well as a pasta dish.

"That doesn't look half bad. Thank you, Watari." Dean took a bite of the fish, and Watari swore he saw him close his eyes for a minute, but it happened too fast to be sure. The young man tentatively took a bite of the salad. He looked up at the older man, saying, "This is good!" His voice sounded surprised by the taste. He tried the pasta dish and murmured that he had no idea pasta could be good without meatballs and a lot of cheese. He started grinning as he ate the meal, enjoying it immensely.

He smiled. "You are welcome. Dessert is under the other one, staying warm."

The hunter's head jerked up at the word, dessert. "I get dessert? What is it?"

"Take a peek." There was fresh apple pie in there.

"That's real apple pie? Like you said you were gonna make? The healthy one?"

He nodded at that, still smiling.

"Thank you, Watari. That's one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me. I mean that. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I had the boys test another batch. I defy anyone to tell me that pie won't taste like a normal pie," he chuckled.

Dean grinned, but did not rush his meal, like Watari had almost expected him to do. "I really like this meal. I've never had much chance to eat fish. It's really good."

"It's an old family recipe. I'm glad you're enjoying it."

Watari watched the hunter finish the meal, even eating all the salad. Dean reached for the other covered dish and removed the lid. He took a deep, appreciative sniff of the pie and smiled. Picking up his fork, he took a bite.

"Mmmmm, Damn! This is good. Real good."

A satisfied nod was given. "I did tell you it was possible for your dessert to be healthy."

"Yeah, you did," Dean said, looking sad. "Problem is, I'm not gonna find stuff like this on the road." He sighed, but a smile formed as he took another bite, eyes closing in appreciation.

"I know some things can be found." Most fast food places were holding healthier alternatives.

"Yeah, they do, and when I'm in a town, I can do that. Lots of times, breakfast and lunch come from convenience stores and donut shops."

"You can keep a small cooler with fresh fruit in it to offset things."

"I never thought of that. Buying stuff in a grocery store and keeping it on ice would be cheaper, too. Thanks."

"You're welcome," he answered.

"I know it's dark out. What time is it, Watari?" Dean didn't realize how exhausted he was. He pushed himself more then he should have. Sleeping in late left him thinking he was all right for the day, and he never realized that a nap was still important for getting well, and exhaustion could still hinder his healing.

He was more pale then he normally was, and his eyes had dark smudges under them. He was yawning. He didn't want to admit that he felt incredibly tired and shaky.

"Eight thirty. You should rest." He gently helped him to his feet.

Dean felt more shaky when he got to his feet, and he swayed a little, grabbing the table. He looked at the older man, sheepishly. "I guess I over did it, didn't I?" He ducked his head, figuring he was going to get an ass chewing like Bobby and Sam would do.

"A bit but it's all right, you're learning and still healing." He carefully helped him to the bed.

He fell on top of the blankets again, not trying to move under them on his own. He was half asleep before his head hit a pillow, but he forced himself to stay awake and look at Watari.

"Why didn't you chew me out? I deserved it."

He struggled to get comfortable on top of the blankets, shaking his head at not getting in trouble.

"You haven't hurt yourself, just tired yourself out. Had you opened the wounds, you'd be fussed at." Watari managed to move the blankets and then tucked him in.

Hazel eyes stared up at him in awe. Dean's voice choked a little as he whispered softly, "No ones' done that since my mom died." He turned his head so no tears would be noticed.

He gently stroked his hair. "You deserve to be pampered at times. Don't tell but I've done the same to L when he's exhausted himself."

The soft voice whispered even more quietly, "Thank you." There was a slight sob, but Dean turned his head back towards the older man, with a slight smile on it. Watari knew he'd be asleep before the door closed.

The older man left to tend to his charges, satisfied that Dean would rest.


	33. Chapter 33

Sam

Late in the night, Dean felt a voice enter his dreams. It was an angry voice demanding his attention. Dean tried to turn over and ignore it but his right shoulder wouldn't let him. The voice was persistent. In his sleep, the older Winchester muttered "Who?"

He began to feel anger towards him, blaming him for a predicament the voice had. He tossed his head trying to shake the voice out of his head. He whispered louder, "Who?"

"Damn it, Dean, get me out!"

Dean woke up screaming "NO!" He was trembling violently. "What the hell?" L shook his head, watching Sam on a monitor. The man simply didn't want to accept his situation and work for a resolution.

Shaking violently, hazel eyes wide, he pushed the blankets back, shouting, "How the hell can I do that? Tell me that, Sammy! How the hell CAN I do that to you? You got to have help! Damn it, Sammy, take the help! Please!" Dean started crying as he fell out of the bed to the floor, trying to bury his head under the pillow he held. "I'm gonna block you somehow."

There was a soft knock at his door.

For a second, the young man screamed, "NO!" again, afraid Sam had somehow gotten out.

The door opened, revealing Near and Mello. "Dean?"

Dean was huddled in a ball on the floor, holding a pillow over his head, shaking violently, and muttering loudly. "No, you don't have a right. I'm taking that right back, Sammy. You don't. Be a man for once, damn it. Leave me alone."

Both boys padded to his side, kneeling down. A cool hand touched the other's back. "Dean must look up and see Near and Mello. Sam Winchester is not in here."

"I...I...I c.'t. Pl..please...he..hel..help me."

Mello jerked the pillow away, helping Dean to sit up. "Look at us, Dean." The boy's voice was firm. "What's going on?"

"I didn't know he could do that. It's gotta be new. His anger brought it out. I'm probably the only one, but...damn it, Sammy, leave me alone!"

"Near, stay with him." Mello headed towards where the other was kept.

Dean struggled to grab the pillow back. "No, Sam, it's not my fault. We're responsible for only what we do. Grow up, Sammy! I'm ordering you to leave me alone or, so help me, I'll kick your ass!"

L met up with Mello, who keyed open the door and slammed into Sam's room. "You f*ing bitch, stop it now! Don't you give a rat's ass about anyone other than yourself?" The detective arched a brow but remained quiet.

Near gently stopped him. "Mello will stop this."

Sam turned and looked at the teen. "Stay out of it. This is between my brother and me. He put me in here. He turned his damn back on me to run a hunt instead of helping me. He's still not over his crap, and he's not worth a damn right now! I have a job to do and he needs to help me get out of here and then stay the hell out of the way!"

Dean, stared at Near, barely understanding. "He won't get out of my head."

The blond sneered at him. "No, you're a whiny ass baby who can't get his head out of his ass and relies on demon blood instead of doing the right thing. Yeah, I know about you, Sam Winchester, and I know your brother is the better man. You can't stand that, can you? You have to make him feel small and then attack him."

"Better man? Let me tell you about Dean Winchester. Dad knew what he was. He was the little soldier, always wanting approval, always needy. He had to have us with him all the time...couldn't make it on his own."

"He couldn't let me die, so he sold his soul and destroyed my life by doing it and letting me bear the guilt for what he did. I tried that whole damn year to find a way to save him. Lilith held the contract. I watched hell hounds tear him to ribbons!"

"I tried to trade myself, and that's when I found out that they wanted him, not me. It took the armies of God to drag his ass out of there but not before he tortured people and liked it. He broke the first seal that caused all of this."

"Using my powers, I am able to kill demons, and not hurt the human. Dean spends his time getting drunk and being all weepy eyed over what he did. He's not man enough to do anything anymore. So back off! He's not the better man."

L spoke up then. "So you blame him for doing what your father indoctrinated him to do? Protect you? You keep yourself in such high estimation when, in fact, you are acting no better than the ones you and your brother hunt. That demon you have been with has twisted your mind until you are thinking like one of them."

"Ruby is on our side, and the blood strengthens me and helps my power grow. Where is Ruby? Dean! Damn you, Dean! Get me the hell out of here! I swear the ass kicking will be me doing yours! Get Ruby here, Dean! You've got my phone!"

"Ruby is not on your side, Sam Winchester, and I can prove it."

"Really? And what do you even think you can say to make me believe that. Dean knows she helps us even if he doesn't like her. Tell me one damn thing she's done that would make me believe that."

Dean looked scared, "Oh god, Sammy, don't ask him that. Please don't ask him that."

"She's leading you to Lilith only to have you break the final seal. She's leading you by your hormones and desire for power so that you'll be chasing her tail until you're so under her thrall, you will do anything she asks, even betray your own brother."

"I don't believe that. Prove to me that she's my enemy. Dean! If you know something against Ruby, you come here right now, face me and tell me. You want me to believe any of this crap or anything else, face me like a man and tell me, damn it. Name one thing she's done wrong! Come on, Dean! What has she done? Nothing. You'd be too damn a coward to face her any more then you will me! Come on Dean!"


	34. Chapter 34

The Confrontation

Dean struggled to get up. He shook his head, but he continued using the bedclothes to pull himself to his feet. He looked at Near. 'Maybe, if he sees me like this, he'll understand and he won't have to know what happened in the queen's chamber."

Mello punched Sam. "Stop torturing your brother! Damn you're f*ked in the head. Don't you understand? He's your brother! God, I'd give anything for that and you're throwing it away like some spoiled ass. You want proof, we have it!"

Sam turned on Mello, "You touch me again, and I won't be responsible for what happens to you. My brother? He's been my babysitter, not my brother. What damn proof do you have? I don't even know you, so why should I believe you. Come on, Dean! Be a man for a change, and tell me why she's so evil. Prove it, big brother."

A familiar voice came from the open doorway. "What do you want to know, Sam?" Dean stood in the entrance, barefooted, is right side bandaged.

Sam whispered loudly at his brother. "I can almost smell your fear from here, Dean. What are you so afraid of?"

Watari, who had heard everything, came in with a laptop." You requested proof, Samuel Winchester. Proof you shall have. This is an interrogation we finished not long ago." The computer was set up and play was hit. In it, Ruby admitted everything.. swearing violently as she did so.

"I've done similar stuff like that. Voices can say one thing, and a little manipulation and they say something else. Tell me something right here in front of me that proves it. Come on, what has she done?"

Dean knew the shooting would not be accepted because he'd gotten shot trying to save Near. He stared down at the floor, trying to steady his good hand, that was shaking.

A soft voice answered him. "The demon shot a weapon at point blank range. If Dean had not been there, Near would have been killed." The white haired teen entered the room. He was bandaged as well, looking very tired. "Near had not harmed this one but still, in an effort to aggravate Dean, Ruby shot Near." The outfit he was wearing, being baggy, added to his small size, making him look very young.

Sam stared at the small boy. "Dean has a penchant for trying to give his life for others. Why would she want to aggravate you, Dean? What's been going on between you two? I know you don't like her, but this is getting ridiculous. Ruby and I.. well, we're close. She'd never hurt you because she would not upset me."

L tilted his head. "Would she? Even knowing that she's gotten you addicted to something as disgusting as her blood?"

"I've been telling you it's not an addiction. My body requires it to keep the power up."

"Bullshit, Sammy! You're not stupid, but you are so damn blind. Ruby wants to destroy me, okay, but then she got some stupid idea to use me to anger you against me and get you to do the job for her."

"The demon's own words on this subject was rather simple. She told me that the initial blood given to you at birth woke a latent gene within all humans. The blood is nothing more than a control. It keeps you tethered to her." L's words were spoken softly in hopes of calming the younger Winchester.

The look of fury in Sam's eyes worried Dean, who wasn't sure where the anger would be directed.

"Sam, he's telling the truth. I swear it."

"Dean, it's all compelling, and very believable. I still have a problem with it. She has me pretty much, so why would she destroy that by causing more problems to the point where I'd kill you? How the hell could she even convince me to do that? I can't get any angrier with you, Dean."

"Damn it, Sammy, I can't" The older brother turned to leave.

"I can stop you from leaving, Dean. Your choice or mine?"

The hunter froze, his back to his brother.

Near's voice was soft but cold. "Sam Winchester will not harm Dean. In the eyes of this group, Dean's life holds more value than Sam Winchester's. Especially as Dean Winchester is needed for the apocalypse."

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm the brother who can stop it, not Dean. You know it, Dean. You cry, have nightmares, get drunk...damn it, you're drinking all the time."

"Never on the job, Sam. I have always been sober when we're up against something. I had your back, but you kept walking out on us. Drinking blood. That's a whole new kind of sick, Sammy. She knows there's a still a bond there somewhere. She wants to be the one to come between us and you have damn well let her. No one was able to do that except us with our own stupidity and needs."

Dean was still standing frozen halfway between his brother and the door. His back was still towards Sam. He started walking out and Sam's arm came up and he clenched his fist. Dean went to his knees, but nothing else. He could not get up.

"I told you your choice or mine, Dean. Now what happened between you two while I was a prisoner here?"

There was the press of something cold against the back of Sam's skull. Watari had managed to circle behind him. "You will let him go and focus on your brother, who you have known since birth."

"Go ahead and shoot me, and you destroy him, because he's sold his soul once for me. I'll let him go once he's truthful with me. He's being the same old Dean, not telling the truth, carrying the burdens. I am so damned sick of it. Shoot me or tell the coward to tell me the truth. If he will do that, I'll release the hold."

"He is telling you the truth. We all are but you are so blinded by your ego, you don't want to see it."

"No, you don't know him like I do. Something happened between Dean and Ruby to bring us to this point. She wouldn't have tried to shoot an innocent unless she wanted something from him. If you want me to believe you, then I need the truth...ALL OF IT! Dean?"

Dean bowed his head, fighting back tears. He had not wanted to come back to this. Sam was going to kill him, because he won't believe this. How could he? There's was nothing but his word against hers. Knowing his own past, would he believe him?

Near moved to Dean, gently lifting his head. "Dean should not let this destroy the progress Dean has made. Tell Sam Winchester everything since Sam Winchester believes that Sam Winchester is right."


	35. Chapter 35

Dean Tells the Truth

"Near, I've got no proof. You all heard it on the earphones, but I've got no proof because he's not gonna believe you. Let me up, Sammy. I'll tell you, but I know how this is gonna end."

The younger Winchester lowered his hand, and Dean could move. He struggled to get up, and Mello went to help him.

"Thanks, Mello." Dean turned to face his brother and started walking towards him, his head high. If he was going down, he was not going down without fighting.

"We found out about some ancient creatures, Sam. The only way to kill them was to behead them. You had to take out the queen before you could kill the rest easily. With you down, we didn't have enough with experience. The queen was mating, okay. Ruby told her about me. Her bodily fluids, all of them, were highly acidic. They forced some awful black stuff down my throat. It did two things, Sam. First, it deadened pain, and second, it was a very powerful aphrodisiac. Hell, I'd do anything the queen wanted, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was manacled to the floor by one foot, on some filthy smelling furs."

"Ruby showed up."

Watari didn't move, keeping the gun pressed to Sam's head. He wasn't going to take any chances.

Dean looked in Sam's eyes which showed nothing at the moment. He shook slightly, but kept himself straight and tall. He would not be a coward in this.

"She talked about her sex life with you, Sam. How you liked it rougher. She said she'd heard stories about me. Anna and Ruby compared notes when we were all talking together. That kind of freaked me out. She wanted to compare us. I told her hell no. That drug gave me no choice, Sam. I'm sorry. For some stupid reason she decided she wanted to keep me as a toy. I had agreed to that to save Near. We both got shot in a melee. I'm sorry, Sam, but it was not consensual."

"Are you trying to tell me that it was rape? I know you, Dean."

Near frowned, going to the computer and accessing a file to show Sam. L had insisted they keep this until Sam had managed to get his thinking straight. The medical report would show the damage done to Near and Dean at the gun shot.

Sam looked at it. "I'm not denying you've both been shot, but this doesn't prove Ruby raped him. Dean likes women. He'd screw anything that hid the pain for a while. I know him."

His brother flinched at the accusations but did not move.

"There is no proof, Sam. It's just my word."

"Proof is here. L insisted it be kept in case of this eventuality, Dean. Near is sorry." He pressed play.

"Hello, Dean. Surprised to see me? Your angel is pretty good, but I had a large group with me, and I believe he is probably still fighting them. Did you honestly think I would miss this?"

"One can hope, Ruby. What do you want here? This is what you were waiting for, isn't it? Me out of the way?"

"Well, the queen and I were talking, and I've been telling her how aggressive a lover Sam is, but I didn't think you would compare. Still, there are the stories about you. She wants to know, and you are pretty well drugged up now."

"I don't want a word picture of how my brother is in bed. I damn well am not interested in comparisons. Get the hell out, Ruby."

"Oh, hell no. This ain't gonna happen, Ruby."

"Dean, the draught they gave you will make you very biddable. You will want it, enjoy it, and not feel any pain, anywhere during this. I want to see which brother is really better. And I want to punish you for your interference. I hope you like my little friend, here."

Ruby told him to take his clothes off. The sound of Dean not moving fast enough, and the demon ordering the two escorts to cut them off him was soon heard "What the hell, Ruby. I can't afford to replace those."

The sound of lashes could be heard. Then there were sounds that were easy to understand. They could hear her moans and queen saying , "Yes, he will do well."

"Damn, he's good. Different from Sam, but you would expect that. I will leave you to your breeding and entertainment, I think, my queen."

"Aw, come on...give a guy a break."

"The drug will keep you potent and agreeable for a few more hours, then the pain will set in and you will be useless to me, I want to experience what you gave the demon, hunter. Yes, I know what you are. After your performance, I would love to keep you, but you are dangerous. It must not be allowed. I will enjoy your flesh in more ways than one tonight."

It was silent for a moment. Dean's voice was heard and Sam realized he had been watched. "Get rid of them." Another silence occurred and then the queen's voice, "Leave us."

After a few moments Dean was heard again.

"Well, come on then, bitch. I'm ready for you." The queen was rather vocal, but little was heard from Dean, other than a slight sob.

Later Dean was heard to scream "Now!"

L's eyes were focused on Sam, Mello's as well. Near was watching Dean.

Sam stared at his brother, reading his face. The pain was real. Dean heard what he'd managed to block with everything else that happened. His brother recognized the signs of Dean going into shock, knowing he'd not faced it even a little. Tears started flowing down Sam's face. He watched Dean fall to the floor, and he roared in rage, an arm going out and blood pouring from his nose as he concentrated. He twisted and retwisted his hand like he was grabbing or fisting something. He screamed..."RUBY!" Within seconds, her scream could be heard throughout the building.

Mello was beside Dean in a flash, helping Near brace him. "You need to focus, Dean."

The hunter's face was paler than usual, the hazel eyes staring off into space, and they could see a slight struggle to come back from wherever his mind had gone. He was not winning very quickly.

Seconds later, Sam, face bloodied, knelt by his brother. "God, Dean, I'm so sorry. I'm so damned sorry." He pulled, the older man into his arms and rocked him.

Near's voice was flat. "Sam Winchester wishes to make amends?"

"Yes, damn it. Dean, I was wrong. You were right. I can't help having these powers, but the blood was not a good idea. I was screwed up, Dean. Please, Dean, don't do this. I'll help you every way I can, Dean. I need help. We both do, honestly...just don't run from this. We'll face it together. Please, Dean!"

Tears were flowing heavily down the younger brother's face. It was easy to see that he had broken. He would not let go of the man in his arms.

L interrupted then. "Sam must accept he has a problem. That is the first step in recovery. We cannot help you until you let go of that arrogance and pride."

Sam was sniffing hard, wiping tears and snot off his face. "I know that. Hell, I've had a problem my whole life. I needed to be allowed to grow up. I tried when I left, but that didn't last. Dean didn't know any better. Hell, I sure didn't. Arrogance and pride? Yeah, you're right. I have mine, and Dean's. Hell, he's the most humble person I know. He hides it like everything else, afraid of being hurt. Dad and I did a number on him. We gotta help him, right now. He's not responding."

The gun was put away and Watari knelt in front of Dean, flashing a pack of smelling salts under his nose in hopes it might pull him to reality.

A strong tremor went through the downed hunter's body and he struggled to regain self-control. He looked into his brother's tear drenched face. Typical of Dean, hiding feelings, he softly uttered., "You're covered with boogers, man. Help me up, will you?"

Sam helped him sit up. Dean slowly glanced around, trying to focus. He saw Near and Mello right beside him. He struggled to focus.

"What happened?" He looked at the computer beside Near and paled. "Oh." His eyes clouded and he couldn't look at Sam.

Near tapped his cheek, making Dean look at him. "It was agreed on no hiding."

Dean nodded and turned towards his brother as best he could with his injuries.

"Oh, lord, Sam. I'm so sorry. I'm so damn sorry." Dean started crying, Sam holding him, wept with him.

"I am too, Dean. We got to work everything out together, Dean. There's so much damage and bad history between us. It's not all our fault. Dad is to blame for most of this, but we have to deal with it, both separately and together. I'm sorry."

Near rose with Mello's help, the white haired one looking tired and in pain but turned to L before nodding to slip out. The scream had to be investigated.

When Near got to the cameras which monitored the demon,, the scene was disgusting. There were pieces of Ruby everywhere. She had literally exploded. There was no way the demon could have escaped.

A white brow arched slightly as he stared at the monitor. "Sam Winchester truly needs to watch the temper," he murmured to himself. Matt, who had come by, snickered and shook his head. "I am SOO not cleaning that up


	36. Chapter 36

Aftermath

Pure exhaustion and emotional fatigue hit Dean hard. Shortly, his head was against Sam's chest and he slept. The younger brother looked down at him in almost awe.

"It's always been the other way around...him holding me, protecting me, helping me...taking care of me. This is the first time I've been able to do something for him. Actually do something. It feels so good. Damn it, when he wakes up, he won't let me again."

The computer was shut down as Watari spoke. "You will have a lot of work to do, Samuel. With him and with yourself. You have buried yourself in a lot of emotional baggage, baggage that could have been dealt with sooner. You are intelligent; we've seen your scores at Stanford. My next words are not to shame but to help you understand. You fought to free yourself from your family's history, yet you were the one to fall into darkness faster. This needs correcting."

Sam looked up and listened to what the other man had to say. He held his unconscious brother close to him. "Can you help him let me help him? It's been one-sided for too damn long. He's more vulnerable then he'll ever admit to, and I can help. That's been one hell of a problem. He has so seldom really asked for help. Once or twice is all. He takes the blame for every damn thing too. He always feels guilty. He's terrified of me leaving him. It's because he's never really known family, love, and being cared for. He needs it or he won't heal."

"And you're right, I'm the one that fell, not Dean. All the things I said to him were wrong. Dean has an innate sense of what is right and wrong. I'm not talking drinking, cussing, or sex. I'm talking innate here. He'll give his life for someone. He's stronger then he believes and I ever realized. He just pushes himself until something like this happens. It will embarrass him that he needed me. I want that to stop so badly."

L looked at Watari, who nodded and the detective spoke. "I have already offered my services to your brother. Watari and I both hold degrees in psychology. I am no therapist; my degree is used for profiling but I have enough experience to help you both. As does he. You will not like me; I can tell you that now. I will hold a mirror in front of you and make you see what you have become. From there, Watari and I will teach you life skills.. healthy ones this time. Joint sessions with your brother will happen as well. I will not lie to you, Samuel. You have hurt him.. badly. Through it all though, he has wanted you to be healthy."

"It's what I mean. It's always me on his mind. He doesn't think he's worth saving. Do you realize that Dad, and Mom's family made him feel that he was worthless except for what Dad told him to do. Dean's not a soldier although he's damn good at it. He doesn't have the heart to be what he is. It tears him up inside and there's no release for him. No joy or happiness. I've made his life hell since Dad and I started our war. I wonder if I'd talked to him with respect and love and just discussed things, if things would have been different. I tended to argue a lot. He didn't act like Dad very often, but when he did, he was worse than Dad."

"There is an old saying.. if the stick doesn't work, try the carrot. I believe you will find that Dean will be more approachable with the carrot approach."

"Should I just be open with him and tell him how I feel, or should this carrot be sneaky? Get his advice, listen, offer my opinion, listen to him and not get mad if he doesn't like my opinion? Try to hold normal conversations? Hell, we've so seldom done that. Nice times when we did though."

As hurt as he is, I'd like to help him where I can. I realize you have a routine, but I've tended him before when he was hurt. He is a bad patient by the way. Teach me how to do it so he won't be snappy at me but accept me and what I can offer him."

"I will have to ask him first," L answered. "You did a lot of damage by using your talents on him. If you are put to assist in his care, you will not be unattended."

"That's fair. I just want to start over with my brother. My talents were used to mentally and emotionally degrade him. I know that."

The detective nodded. "Do not approach him until Watari and I have talked to him about this. Once we have his answer, we can go from there."

Sam looked sad, "I agree. I put him in that spot by not helping him deal with what happened in hell. I kept telling him he was weak and 'I didn't need him.' How stupid can one man be? I'm just afraid he'll say no." Sam looked down at the head burrowed into his chest, the bandaged arm as close to him as the man could bring it. He looked back up at L, tears in his eyes, but hope there also, "Maybe he will."

"He might. Your brother is an open hearted individual." That much had been shown by the bond he'd developed with the three heirs.

"Yeah, but I chose a demon over him. A demon? My doing that led to what she did to him, thinking I'd support it, get angry, and finish him. I allowed her to think I'd do that."

L chuckled. "Mello and Matt pulled a gun on him during the first meeting. Yet he allows them around. Oh, word of warning. Bobby Singer is here as well and he knows."

Sam smiled at the boys and the guns. "I'm surprised Dean didn't try to knock the shit out of them. Bobby's here? Well, he's gonna disown me after he knocks the shit out of me."

Watari shook his head. He'd spent time with the man. "Perhaps, perhaps not. But that is one relationship you will need to repair as well."

"I know he cares about me, but Dean is his special one. I'm glad too, because Dean needed it. Bobby, and Ellen and Jo Harvelle watched over him because they really saw who he was. I know Dean so well, and he knows me. Crazy things about each other.. But, we really don't know each other at all."

"You have time now. There are things to do before this case is closed and you two are deemed healthy enough to take up whatever you wish to do."

"I'm not even one hundred percent sure what this case turned into. It's not finished?"

"There's some loose ends to tie up," Watari answered.

"I guess you need Dean for that. Where are we right now? Are we still in the town where it all happened? The Impala is loaded with an arsenal in its trunk. Don't know if you realize that. Is it safe?"

"The vehicle is in the garage. We are in another location entirely," L answered, unwrapping a sucker.

Sam nodded, realizing he wouldn't get a straight answer. He was the enemy at this time. L would protect his own, and Sam realized, Dean had somehow managed to become one of L and Watari's own. He wondered how that could have happened.

"Both of you need to rest. Samuel, you will be moved to another bedroom but be warned, you will be under surveillance until we are certain you are trustworthy again."

Sam nodded eagerly. "I understand. Look, he's still out cold. Exhaustion. I can carry him. I've done it lots of times before when he's been badly injured. We don't have to wake him."

"Good. Mello will show you where to take him." Dark eyes looked at the blond. "5A." Mello nodded.

"Understood."

Sam put an arm under his brother, then the other under his head, holding him close to his chest so his right side was facing upwards. He put one knee under himself, foot down, and used the other to push out and up. He wobbled a little. Dean may appear small next to him, but he wasn't a small man. Sam got his balance, and arranged his brother better in his arms. "Okay, lead the way."

The blond didn't say anything, simply led him out.

Sam accepted the treatment, knowing he had a long way to go to prove himself. He would though. He wanted his relationships with friends and family back. He knew Dean would not trust after the betrayal with Ruby. Sam's stubbornness and determination to win this battle was strong. He wanted Dean back in his life where he belonged. He should never have driven him away with his attitude of superiority. What a fool he'd been.

Near passed him and reported the situation, Matt at his side. Mello snickered when he heard the final portion. "Near is NOT cleaning that mess."

Sam thought to himself, that it would probably fall to him. What a situation.

The blond shook his head with a grin, leading him to the elevator. It wasn't often Near put his foot down like that. Shame Dean missed it.

Sam leaned against the back wall of the elevator, adjusting his burden. He'd forgotten how heavy Dean, at a dead weight, could be. The burden was important to him and he wasn't about to complain, so he carefully adjusted his brother.

They arrived in Dean's room, and Mello put the pillow back onto the bed before Sam put him down.

Sam gently laid his brother on the bed, arranging bedding to support his head, back and right side. He tucked him, gently running his hand through the short hair, and leaned down and did something uncharacteristic for him. He kissed Dean softly on the forehead, and whispered, "I love you, Dean." He stood up and looked at Mello.

The blond gestured for him to follow. Once in the hallway, Mello looked at him. "I'm gonna tell you this to warn you. Your brother's bonded a bit with Near. I know you can be the jealous kind so I'm telling you this.. one wrong snip at him and you'll have Matt and I after your ass." Yeah, he was starting to bond a bit with the fluff ball and only he could pick on Near.

Sam sighed,, realizing Dean would do that. Near was different and seemed to need someone. So did Dean, and he'd all but destroyed his brother. The older brother was always drawn to kids and those still near enough to childhood to draw his attention when they were in need. Sam thought that what Dean needed was a wife and kids, but he didn't see it happening any time soon. It was a shame, but he wondered what it was about these three that attracted Dean, especially Near. He needed to find a way to break through the barriers and get to know them, once he'd passed muster.

Mello led him up two floors and to a room. "Here's your sleeping quarters."

Sam entered the room, and turned to Mello, "Is it possible to have my things?"

He nodded. "Yeah, give me a few. "The blond disappeared.

He figured the boy would go through the duffel before bringing it up. He wasn't worried, because Dean would have removed any weapons from it the moment he knew his brother was addicted to demon blood.

Mello came back a short while later. L and Watari had gone through it, removing anything that would be addictive or hurtful.

Sam had looked over the room, which was very similar to Dean's. He liked the bathroom. The shower was large and there was a separate tub with a whirlpool in it. Dean would enjoy that since he couldn't use the shower right now, unless they found some way to cover his right side. He wished he knew how much damage had been done to both Dean and Near.

He stepped out of the bathroom and saw Mello depositing his duffel. "Would you mind answering a question for me?"

"If I can," he took a bite of his chocolate bar.

"What kind of gun was used on Dean and Near? How badly were they hurt. One or two shots?"

"Sidewinder."

"Please tell me it was just one. That can do a lot of damage. Which of them got hit first, took the brunt?" Damn, he knew that answer.

"Dean did. He threw himself over Near. She was at near point blank range. it would've killed Near if it had hit."

"Yeah, it would have. Near is small for that kind of bullet. It would have ricocheted all over inside of him. Dean took it in the shoulder? How much damage did it do? At least bone would have slowed it before it entered Near. That's the only good thing."

He listed the injuries for both of them, which had been extensive. "We owe him a great deal for Near."

"Hell, Dean. I'm glad you weren't killed, and for your sake, I'm glad you saved Near."

"Same here."

"I'm going to get a shower and get some sleep then. Thank you, Mello. I don't know my way around in this place. Will someone be coming by tomorrow to give me the lay of the land as much as I'm allowed to know? I'd like to know what my schedule is going to be also."

He nodded. "Yes, someone will. Don't leave until someone does come for you."

"I'm not stupid. I know I'm a prisoner for the time being. But thanks for the warning."

Mello didn't answer the 'I'm not stupid' comment. It was too easy. "Night."

Sam took the first shower alone that he'd been allowed and he savored it, thoughts going back to that recording. Under drugs, his brother had been raped. He planned it for the queen, but Ruby was unexpected. He knew Dean's feelings about demons, especially Ruby. He'd tried to accept her for his brother's sake. Dean had never trusted demons and it was worse since hell. To have been forced under a chemical control to do whatever she wanted. Sam shook his head. He'd heard women at the bars talk about his brother. That was seldom as they didn't usually stay long, but it happened. Dean was supposedly a very giving lover. To have to do that with Ruby, much less that queen. Why wasn't Dean totally crazy right now? He so wanted to talk to him, but knew that topic was going to be off limits for him. He bet Watari would broach it now that it had come up. Dean needed help. He'd gone into shock.

Sam dried off, put on some sweat bottoms and a t-shirt and laid on the bed, his mind on his brother. Damn, he thought. ' I have physically hurt him. I invaded his mind tonight. That's no different than what Ruby did. I raped his mind.' Sam had a long, sleepless night.


	37. Chapter 37

Facing the Truth - Sam

Watari was in Dean's room the following morning, bearing medicine and a breakfast tray.

Matt had gotten the short end of the stick to bring the meal to Sam, which he'd done under protest.

Dean was still asleep and, unusual for him, he didn't hear Watari enter.

The older man gently tapped his uninjured shoulder. "Dean?"

Dean's eyes opened slowly. "Watari? What time is it? Please tell me I didn't sleep half my day away again? Where's Sam?" The hunter sounded nervous when he asked the question. He looked and saw the covered tray and medicines. He nodded slowly, and rolled onto his good side so he could push himself up. He felt so out of it, and he wasn't sure what was going on in his head at the moment. A small smile crossed his face.

"What new food am I getting this morning, Watari?" The older man recognized an heroic attempt at normalcy.

"He's in his room at the moment. I'm sure Matt will be annoying him soon." He helped Dean to his feet.

"You have pancakes, apple slices, sausage."

"I hope you serve him the same food you serve me. He'll love it. How can I have sausage and pancakes on the new meal plan you have me on? Matt got him? Well, once things reach normal, they might just like each other." Dean sounded doubtful about normal, and swallowed hard as he headed to the table, reaching for the water and pills.

He smiled up at the older man, "What kind of tea am I learning to drink today?"

"Honestly, I doubt it. Matt.. seems to have lost quite a bit of respect for him. These pancakes are made from nuts and special grains. Sausage is turkey. And today's drink is one of my favorites, Earl Grey."

Matt sighed, plunking the tray on the table. "Hey, wake up!"

Dean took a sniff of the tea and smiled. It smells good. He took a small sip and the smile grew larger. Removing the lid, he was surprised by how good everything looked and smelled. He tried the pancakes. "Oh my gosh," he mumbled, swallowing quickly. "Sorry. It's great." After trying the sausage, he grinned up at Watari, "Can I come live with you?", he teased.

Sam had not slept, tossing and turning all night. He'd come to the realization that he had raped his brother's mind and had held him against his will, and forced him to even to come to him, when he was injured and in bed asleep. His eyes and nose were red from crying all night.

He rolled over and got out of bed. "Morning," he muttered.

Dean wouldn't quit talking, striving to keep any conversation away from what had happened the night before, and thought he was doing a pretty good job. He'd invited Watari to sit a moment, knowing the man would probably do so any way. It was more polite. He discussed all kinds of crazy things. Most of it made no sense in the context he was talking. He knew it, and he knew the other man knew it. The younger man was struggling not to panic or break down.

Watari sat down, pouring himself a cup of tea and listening to the babble. "It's up to you on the living thing, although I think you do have a job."

Matt pointed at the tray. "Food."

Dean swallowed, "I was teasing, Watari. The food is just that good today."

Sam could feel the dislike emanating from the boy. "Thank you. You don't have to stay if you don't want to, you know. You won't offend me."

He gave him a gentle smile. "I know, and I am pleased you are enjoying it."

"Orders," came the curt answer.

"Well, you are welcome to sit down if you've been ordered to endure me."

The red head did that, pulling a game device out of his pocket and focused on it. He was ready to short circuit L's computer for this.

"What game are you playing?"

"Final Fantasy," he answered.

"The new one? Haven't had a chance to play it yet. I'm told it's pretty good."

"Not bad.. a bit too easy in places." His fingers moved deftly over the buttons.

"I thought that about the last one. Not a lot of games out there anymore that are challenging enough. Of course, I have trouble keeping up with what's new. The job doesn't always give us a lot of time."

Matt shrugged, goggled eyes not moving from the small screen. He was trying to keep his temper.

Recognizing the attitude, Sam shrugged and really enjoyed the breakfast, eating what Dean was eating.

His foot tapped against the floor in agitation, waiting for someone to take over for him.

"Look, if you don't want to be here, then go. Tell them whatever lie you can think of about me. What's one more offense after last night? Just tell them I kicked you out and you were afraid of me. How's that?"

Matt glared at him, pausing the game. "I won't disobey him. He says I stay, I stay. Afraid of you? Get real."

"As it so happens, you don't need to be. BUT, according to the rules around here, and what you all think, and I don't blame you one iota, you sure as hell ought to be."

"You sure as hell have a high opinion of yourself," he muttered.

"No, I actually have a very low opinion of myself. I let that bitch corrupt me. You know that and hate me for it without even wondering why. I sure as hell wouldn't tell you anyway, because then you'd think I'm a wuss whining about all my problems. My only concern is what I realized I did to Dean last night. So just leave me alone. Sit over there, play your game, and quit tapping your f'ing feet."

"I'll tap my damned feet if I want to. And you know what, you're a fool and a half. Really...did you even think about your brother as anything less than a muscle headed jock?"

"When I was angry, no, I didn't. But there's another Dean I know. The one who did without supper to feed his little brother, when Dad was gone longer than he said he would. When he was around 13-14 years old, I was around 9 or 10, he'd come home crying, thinking I was asleep. He always came with money those times. I panic whenever I think about what he must've been doing to keep a roof over our heads and food, clothes, and school supplies for us. I have bad imaginings about it. I can only think one thing that would make him cry like that. So yeah, I do think of him in other ways. Fool? Yeah, because I forgot those things."

Matt's eyes were cold through the goggles. "Did you know your brother is smart? I mean book learning type of smart."

"Yeah, I did. We moved a lot. I hardly ever finished in one school for a semester. I got in to Stanford because Dean taught me and kept me caught up. I mean the hard stuff. He can do calculus and chemistry. I even had his help with physics. Yeah, he's real smart. He's the one who thinks he's stupid and that's because Dad told him he was. Dean believed everything Dad told him. He'd do anything for attention from Dad. He was so hungry for it. Smart? Dean's smarter than me. He's been raised to believe otherwise and acts accordingly."

The red head leaned forward. "Why the f**k didn't you make sure he could catch up with you? Why the f*ing hell didn't you bother to sit down and teach him what you learned? He felt he was too dumb to learn about computers and told me about you laughing at him because he didn't know what My Space was!"

"You know, you are right. I should have done that. I wanted out so bad, and Dean wouldn't leave Dad. I completely broke all ties. I didn't answer the phone. I was an ass. It never occurred to me that Dean might want that too. He was the hunter, not me. I thought he loved his life. He sure as hell acted like it. There's a lot of things he doesn't know because he's never had a life. There's no time to just sit and teach him. The computer is used for research. I do game with it late in the evening when he's watching TV or sleeping. That's it. We go until we drop. He was begging for a few days off and I was fighting him about it, when L forced our hand. He was so upset."

"It's your responsibility to make time to educate him. You do NOT leave family in ignorance. What if he'd needed to blend in undercover? Did you even THINK of that?"

"Look, he acts like a kid a lot of the time, than he gets tough, duty first, than he's this soft hearted guy with old ladies and kids, and he'll hit on anything under 50 with tits. He hasn't grown up. I did what I could, but there's not any time for that. Try playing FBI or higher, and he'll be fine and then just one thing and you want to kick him. It's hard. He just needs to grow up himself. He tells me I haven't?"

"Oh, and don't forget his eating habits."

"It's called escape from reality. He hits on girls and acts like this because it's the only escape he has. He can't play the games, he can't surf the 'net. He's lived this life too f*ing long and you, you play at it. You got away while he ended up carrying the slack. God.. man.. you have no idea how many people would kill to have a brother.. much less someone like Dean who would do anything for his family."

"Look, I love Dean. I hurt him, badly. I was angry at him for being that brother. He died because he had me brought back from the dead. He went to hell and I spent four months trying to trade myself for him, but they wanted him. The only way to get him back was get Lilith. She held the contract. I was working on that with Ruby. That was a major screw up but I was on the verge of suicide"

"When he came back, he wanted things to be like they were, and they couldn't be. I'd grown the wrong way and I sure couldn't tell him. I'd promised I wouldn't. But he was lying too. Said he didn't remember hell. He remembered it all right.. every minute of torture done to him and what he did to others and how he liked giving it to others after he'd suffered. Dean? It didn't matter he was crying. All I saw was weak. It was wrong, but in my state at the time, it's what I saw and I wanted out and I left him most of the time on his own. I was a fool. Okay. I did everything wrong, but he did too."

"He hasn't denied that. But I'm talking about actions stemming back before this hell nonsense started. You're an idiot, you know? Almost everyone in this building has no family. There's no Dean in our lives to keep away the nightmares or help us when we're frustrated. All we have is each other and ourselves. I see you and see what you've done and I could cheerfully throw you into a pond of piranha. You don't deserve having a family." There was a lot of anger and bitterness in his voice.

"You know, you are right. I don't deserve Dean. All I could see was he and Dad running my life. Well, Dad did and Dean ran interference instead of doing something about it. I ran away to Stanford to have normal. I don't remember, Mom. She's was Dean's, not mine. I was six months old when she died. She was his great loss. His family. Dean, well, Dean took good care of me and deserved better then I gave him. All I knew was he wanted to stay and hunt, and I couldn't. I needed to be normal. He didn't seem to want it. Hell, he never would tell me anything about what he thought or felt, or why he'd come home late at night, crying, with money to take care of us. He kept me out, so I left. Yeah, it devastated him, but I didn't know. That's another thing he didn't tell me. It was Bobby who told me that Dean didn't talk much because he was protecting me, giving me what Mom would have given me. How the hell was I supposed to know that?"

"Observation and common sense, which you seem to lack," came the acidic response.

"Matt," came a soft tone. The red head turned to find L standing in the doorway. The teen went to him and a hand was gently placed on his shoulder as the two seemed to hold a silent conversation. Sam would be able to see the tension drain from the gamer's frame.

Sam was resting his forehead in his hands. He was shaking, agreeing wholeheartedly with what the kid had said, and his mind kept going back to last night. Dean?

Matt disappeared and L shuffled his way to the table, crouching in a seat. "Matt and the others are somewhat sensitive to the issues around family."

"Yeah, well dream families don't exist. If you're a Winchester, it's hell. I can't explain it but I love my brother more than life itself, and I hate what he can be, because he runs my life, won't let me be me, and he embarrasses me at times. I know I do things that drive him just as insane. I just want to really talk it out and make a new start with things like they should be between brothers. Dean never was a kid. He was Mommy and Daddy to me starting at age 4...not counting he didn't talk for a year. Mom's family thought he was a freak and didn't want him. Bobby took us. Dean never got to be normal but he tried...he really tried to make mine that way. I did wrong by him. I hurt him right and left. Then I ran. When I came back, we fought all the time. Than Dad showed back up. He almost killed Dean. Doesn't matter he was possessed. It was Dean. I should have killed Dad and Azazel would have been gone, but I couldn't. None of this would have gone on."

L simply listened, thinking on the words. "Perhaps, perhaps not. What is important now is for you to think clearly, realize your behaviors and habits, and find ways to change that."

"I know. If I can't, Dean and I are destined for a very short-lived, horrifying life and I, for one, don't want that to happen. I want to see Dean with a wife and a half a dozen kids. He needs at least that many. Me, I'd like to finish my degree but not in law now. I'd get one in business and see if Dean wants to open a mechanic's shop and I could run it. Be real family. Sunday picnics or barbecues, the cousins playing. The wives visiting. That is what I want for us. Crazy, huh? I mean, we kill for a living."

"Not crazy. It is an admirable goal for either or both of you. You should discuss this with him once time allows for it."

"I want to heal and I'll do whatever it takes to get there. Is this our first session? Will I be handed back and forth between you and Watari? How far down the line will Dean be included? I did not sleep last night because of what happened. Do you realize that I raped his mind last night? I forced him to come to me and then I literally drove him to the floor so he couldn't leave. I was no better than Ruby to him. We've had fights before but it was one on one. Last night, the battle was one sided. Dean didn't have a chance. He's gonna be afraid of me now."

"I know exactly what you did. Watari is with him right now because his gentler touch is needed. As far as including you with him, we shall have to see how quickly the two of you progress."

"I understand that I can't rush this. Too much time to go through. Too many angers, too many hurts, and way too much Dean has held inside of himself. Dad always told him it was his fault. He finally came to believe it, and it used to cause more arguments. I'd see that look on his face and I wanted to hit him. Watari gonna deal with it now? He won't be able to deal with waiting because he'll know it will be first on the agenda now. Mello's right about one thing, Dean is smart."

L nodded. "Right now, we need to focus on you instead of your brother. Dean is in good hands."

"Okay. Where do you want to start? I'm open here."

"First of all, your thoughts on what you have done in regards to the demon blood. Yesterday, you were adamant you did not have a problem."

"I didn't see it as a problem. I saw it as a means to an end...destroy the demon who had destroyed Dean. I was too blind to anything else. I was like Dad over the yellow-eyed demon. Nothing else mattered. I couldn't see that I was doing more damage to Dean and to me than anything else had. Dean quit trying to reach me, and I was relieved. The blood fed my ego, and to be honest, I needed that. At least I thought I did. I was always in Dean's shadow. I didn't like being there, and Dad didn't like it either. I never understood that, and I still don't. Dean was good at it. Damned good. I'm good at it, and I can guard Dean's back. I can research the computer better than him. He can go through it with me and be uncomfortable at times, but at others he's brilliant. Send him out alone and let him flirt, cut up, or whatever, and he'll come back with the most incredible information. He keeps telling me I'd do better if I lightened up. I'm too much like Dad. I don't know how to do like he does. Bobby says he's Mom, not Dad. Back to the blood, I thought it was increasing my powers, but they are still there, just as strong. Ruby led me on to gain control. I had no idea that is what she was doing. I have had this feeling that I'm a monster ever since I found out the yellow-eyed demon gave me his blood in my crib that night Mom died. I just thought I could do something good with it. It just went from bad to worse."

L's voice was soft. "Human evolution is a tricky thing. There are more and more people being born with special gifts all the time. I work with others that have extraordinary high IQ's. Samuel, you were chosen because the demon knew you had potential. The blood… just woke it."

For a second, Sam reminded L of Dean. The hopeful, almost wistful look and the question was very much his big brother. "You really think so?"

"I know so." He opened the folder and slid a document towards Sam "I did research on this from viable sources. This is the latest population count of humans with extra talents." The number had been surprising.

Here, the difference in education showed. Where Dean would have asked for an explanation, Sam read it and looked up and asked, "That much?" The important thing to L was that Dean would ask.

He nodded, not surprised by Sam's question. He'd read on the other's history and knew the man was intelligent. Granted, nowhere near his level but still. "Yes, it surprised me as well."

"I've never read that before. Thank you. Maybe I'm not a monster after all, but was led to believe I was. Why me? Why not Dean? What's the difference between us? Demon blood triggering it?"

He shook his head. "Dean's gifts may have led towards another area. Could be a time frame the first demon was looking at. I have no answers as the demon in question is no longer living. Those questions are something you will have to set aside."

Sam nodded, looking back at the paper. "Well, it's not that important. I just wondered about Dean, if it's in the bloodline. Lilith might know. She was involved with Azazel to a point, I think. I'm not really sure, but it wouldn't hurt to ask her before she's dead."

"I'm just very curious what Dean's gifts might be and what direction they took, and why they never manifested. I know I'll probably never know. If something strange happened, Dean would freak out and hide it so deep it would never develop." Sam smiled, thinking about Dean doing such a thing.

"He could be tested later, if he agrees. As far as Lilith, I do not believe she may be as in the know as you believe she is." He frowned slightly.

"I won't persuade him to have those tests, but you can try. He's more liable to think they are a curse and he somehow got fed demon blood too. I don't want him looking askance at me, thinking I slipped him something in his sleep. I'm trying to heal a relationship, here. If it hasn't manifested, it's possible he doesn't have any. Can we leave it at that?

"Lilith not know much? Why do you think that?"

L nodded. "It can be left at that, and I believe it to be thus due to things the demon has said under interrogation."

Sam frowned, "Ruby? She knows things about Lilith and Azazel? Damn!"

He held a finger up. "That is not your concern, Samuel. Your concern now is regaining your mental health."

"But I was heavily involved in this. We can't let it just go. She's out to cause the apocalypse and free Lucifer. I have to kill her. If I can't do it for some reason, someone needs to."

"Lilith will be attended to. However, your part in that is finished. You are not healthy enough to be in her presence. What means more, your revenge or the health and well-being of yourself and the relationship with your brother?"

L could see tears in Sam's eyes. "My whole life after watching Dean be torn to pieces by hell hounds while she stood there and watched, has been killing her. You are right though, much as I hate to say it. Dean is more important to me, and I do have to have him back. She got what she wanted from it. I still don't believe he's the one to prevent this, but it's out of my hands now. I do want to be completely normal. I can just keep these powers on the back burner in case they are needed on a hunt or something. Dean was right. I should have listened to him, and never lied to him. He tried to lie to me when I hounded him about hell. I knew he was. Finally, he told me some of it. Later he broke and confessed it all. I didn't help him after he did. He was hurting, and all I could think was he's weak and I'll get her for it. What a fool I'd become. Even when he's weak, Dean's stronger than me."

L's dark eyes looked into Sam's. "Did you ever stop to think that originally, Dean did not remember hell? The human mind has been known to put things into an area so that the trauma would not be dealt with."

"You mean that something brought it back to him? I must admit that he didn't start drinking right away. Damn, Alistair? When we helped Anna. That had to be it. It all started after Anna found her grace and disappeared."

He nodded. "Something triggered the memories and reinitiated the trauma to a deeper level. It could be he was having flashes but didn't understand them. Dean was truthful to you, Samuel.

"To a point, L. He kept up that 'truth' even after he started remembering. He was drinking all the time. It was the first thing he did when he got out of bed. He did during the night when he had the nightmares. The lies did start, but they didn't last long. He told me he remembered but wouldn't talk to me about it. Later, he told me, but it didn't stop the drinking. He doesn't seem to be drinking now, though. You help him with that? If you did, thank you."

"Simply put, there's no alcohol in the building. We are helping him to develop healthy sleep cycles. And the lying, as you put it, was an effort to protect you."

"Protecting me? How was it protecting me?"

He pulled the sucker out of his mouth to answer the question. "Your father had it in his mind to keep you from being exposed to this supernatural world for as long as possible. In Dean's mind, what happened in hell was a form of rape.. mental and emotional. He feels dirty inside and is trying to keep you protected from that. From the darkness he feels. A darkness he wants to keep you from being corrupted by."

"I can't buy my father caring that way about me, but he didn't want me involved as heavily as Dean was. Dean didn't want it at all. Dean's feelings...yeah, I can see that going through his mind. The sad thing is I had more darkness inside of me then he could even imagine. He's the innocent one.. not me."

"In a way, you both are. From what I understand, you originally were looking for a way to save him. It was the demon's influence that warped your thoughts from saving him to avenging him." L pointed that out. Guilt was one thing but unnecessary guilt was another.

L was finding out quickly, that in some ways, Sam was easier to help then Dean. Understanding appeared in his eyes, and he nodded.

"Thank you. I needed to hear that, and not from Dean, because he'd just take it on himself and tell me it wasn't my fault."

"I am not saying you are truly blameless in this. However, there were circumstances that led to it. Your habit of internalizing things is not healthy and was a negative factor."

"I'm not stupid, L. I know that I'm not blameless. I did do it. I lied to Dean and led him to believe I had stopped. He saw me use the powers. When we got to our motel, he hit me, hard. I tried to reply and he hit me again. He knew the dangers better than I did, I guess, and I knew them. I was being a fool, and he knew it, but I'd lied to him. I kept denying it to him. That was a major break between us and we weren't the same after that. I broke us. Yeah, I'm not blameless by a long shot."

Sam laughed, "I wish someone like you had been around when we were younger and dealing with our Dad. Internalizing was self-preservation. I learned it by watching Dean deal with life as my protector, dealing with blame for things he did, and God help me, I did, and never being good enough for the man he adored. Internalizing actually kept us sane at one point. It just became a noose around our necks. We used it as an escape mechanism...accept what you are, what you think you did, and bury it. Dean's a master at it, and I learned from the master."

He nodded. "Some internalizing is always needed but you two. .do it entirely too much and then wonder where the bad habits and fights come from."

"I'm not making excuses for myself or for Dean in this, but there was never anyone to tell us any different. Dad hauled us both off and we seldom saw Bobby after that, and not much of Pastor Jim. We did the best we could as two kids growing up on their own. It was survival. Even after we grew up, no one ever said it was wrong."

Another nod. "You have to learn healthier skills in dealing with things. Otherwise, you will be right back to where you are now."

Sam bowed his head as he thought over the words L had just said. "I don't know how. If you do, then here I am...teach me."

"That is why you both are still here." A notebook was set in front of him. "I want you to look back and write down the ways you handle stress and emotional situations and why you believe it is the right or wrong way. This may take you some time. I will work while you do so."

Sam picked up a pencil he found on the table and pulled the notebook towards him, and began to write.

L pulled a laptop out of the bag he'd been carrying and perched it on his knees, typing filling the room with the sound of hurried clack of keys.


	38. Chapter 38

Facing the Truth - Dean

Watari looked at him with a gaze that seemed to see everything. "Dean, we need to talk."

The younger man froze. His hand played with a fork, something Watari had never seen him do, because he wasn't the type to do that. He did not look at the man sitting across from him. "I had hoped we wouldn't have to do that right now."

Dean looked into the other man's eyes for a second, pleading in his own, and knew he didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of getting out of this one.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Your reaction over the assault, Dean."

"What reaction are you talking about? Which assault, Ruby's or Sam's?" The pain made his voice sound raw.

"First, Ruby's. You went into shock, Dean. While not unexpected, you need to discuss this so you can start the healing process."

"What do you want me to say? This isn't something a guy talks about, much less even admits to. What am I supposed to say? I was given a drug that made me do whatever the queen wanted, and I expected something like that, but I sure as hell never expected that demon bitch. Whether I went along with it because of the drug or not, it was rape, pure and simple. I was not consenting. So, how do I handle the fact that it was broadcast to my brother when I didn't want him to know or look at me that way. I don't want to be pitied. It happened, but he won't ever forget that, and he's gonna try and bring it up. Damn, it Watari, I can't do that. Sam's not the kind to let it go either. He's a like a Pitt bull. He'll sink his teeth in and ride me til I break or go crazy. As far as I know, there's no way to deal with this."

"Worry about Sam's reaction to this later. There is a way to deal with it. You have to let your feelings out about it and let yourself heal. Men should talk about this because it happens to them more frequently than most know."

Dean flashed. "Let my damn feelings out? How the hell do you do that? I can't do this!"

He rose from the table, barefooted, in pajama bottoms and bathrobe, and literally ran for the door, not thinking of the consequences to his body. He turned left down the hall, took the next turn. Tears were pouring down his face, and he hit a dead end. He leaned his head against the wall, and struck it over and over with his good fist, not paying attention to any damage he might be doing. Roaring at the top of his lungs, he began to curse violently, not thinking that the entire building could probably hear him.

He started screaming at the top of his lungs for someone to make it stop, the sobs literally causing pain in his chest, as he slid down the wall, still facing it, until he was on his knees, his head still against the wall. His left hand was swollen and bleeding, and he sobbed desperately, now banging his head against the wall.

Watari was behind him, hands gentle as he braced him. This was what he'd meant, though not to the point it would hurt him.

Watari grabbed Dean's head to prevent any other injuries, turning him around. Dean leaned into Watari, and cried hard, his body trembling and in pain.

"Help me, please, Watari. Please. I don't know what to do."

"Let it out," he murmured.

Dean was crying violently, his chest hurting from the stress he was feeling.

"I want to kill her. I just want to hurt her for this. I don't even have my knife to take out a demon. L wanted her alive. "

Dean's head came up, tears pouring down it.

"There's no release, but there's got to be." He screamed, "Somebody please stop it!"

Watari held him. "She's gone. Exploded in a rather disgusting mess over the interrogation room. She can't hurt you anymore."

"Who? Sam? Damn him! It needed to be slow!"

"I talked to L about it. He says he's gotten enough. Your brother did that in a fit of rage.. avenging you."

"Avenging me? This whole damn situation was about avenging me!"

Dean's head kept hitting Wataris's chest and he began to beat the now wounded hand on the floor. The sobs weren't as loud, but still heavy. He was gasping for air.

The older man stopped him from hurting himself. "Yes, it was a bit of overkill.. but he's got a lot of anger as well."

Dean grabbed his chest, "It hurts. I can't do any more, Watari. I hurt. Damn it, I hurt." He cried more.

"It will heal and fade, Dean. It will." He held him close, letting him vent.

Dean quit beating his head and just leaned into the older man, his body trembling, but the crying had stopped. Once in a while, a loud sob erupted, but the trembling was intense.

The old man held him, hands soothingly stroking over Dean's back.

The younger man slowly calmed, the sobs not quite as loud. Finally, the sounds had stopped, and the trembling was much softer.

Carefully, Watari helped him up and guided him back to his room. He poured some water for him and handed the cup to him.

Dean tried to focus on the cup and finally reached for it. When he opened his hand to grasp the cup, he cried out. He looked at his hand, shock in his eyes.

"How did I do that?"

He pulled a first aid kit out of the bathroom. "Beating the wall and floor."

Dean's voice was soft, almost childlike, "Did I beat my head too?"

"You did. Not the wisest move," he said with a soft smile.

"I took a sledgehammer to my car ,when I was repairing it, so I could deal with the anger of Dad's death. I've done it to myself before. Why's my chest hurting so bad?"

"Part of it, I'm sure, is due to the fact that you aggravated your injuries."

I feel like my lungs, my heart, all the way down to my gut has been shredded."

"It will for a while. You really let loose out there."

"Am I gonna have to deal with what Sam did last night, today?"

"Not today if you're not ready." Quietly, he told him what Sam had said last night.

Dean's voice had no emotion in it, "He's sorry? I need to wait and see if I can handle another session or not, Watari, but if I do...when I'm ready, you'll be there? In some ways, this gonna be harder. Sammy did that to me last night."

"I will be there, so will L. The thing is, I can tell he is genuine in his desire to work with you to heal."

"He is? Give me a little while, and we'll deal with last night. I can't do two days of this. We do it today. He's gonna wanna talk, so I gotta handle this first."

"Only if you feel ready. We can keep the two of you separated if need be."

"I know that and I'm grateful, but it's gotta happen. I have no idea what I'm gonna say to him. I can't be big brother any more, Watari. He's gonna have to learn to deal without me taking up the slack. This is gonna be hard enough."

"You can't cut him out, Dean. You need him and he needs you."

"I don't want to cut him out. It just can't be like it was. He's got to grow up and meet his own responsibilities. I can't take the blame for everything any more. Last night was not my fault, and I'll be damned if I'll shoulder that one like I used to do. I can't do that anymore."

"He doesn't want that anymore from what I could tell . He wants it to be as it should be.. a partnership with his brother."

"I have to know something, Watari. He entered my mind last night, forced himself in when I told him 'no.' He forced me to come to him, by not stopping until I did. He forced the truth to come out because he thought I was a liar. He stopped me from leaving, by making me go to my knees and not be able to get up. I don't know what you call the body control he did, but was what he did to my mind...r..rr.?" The younger man couldn't get the word out.

"Which is something he will regret for the rest of his life."

Dean, looked devastated. "I've got nothing left to cry with."

Watari nodded, handing him some medication to help with the pain.

"Would it be better to face this one with Sam? Does he need to know what he did to me? I have no idea here, what to do."

"I think so..simply so he does understand how this affected you. You two have to communicate better than you have been."

"Then, let's do it. I have to deal now while it's raw, not cover it up."

Watari nodded. "I'll let L know."

Dean sat back, his body hurting all over, a quiet sadness going through him, and looked up at the older man. He nodded and whispered "Thank you."


	39. Chapter 39

Sam and Dean Face Each Other

"Relax while you can. I will be back soon."

Dean nodded, but did not leave the chair at his table.

Watari exited the room, intent on giving L the message.

Dean, leaned his bruised head way back, sighed, and trembled slightly. He sat back up.

A short while later, there was a soft knock on his door.

Dean's eyes widened and he stiffened for a minute. Willing himself to calm down, a voice very raw and hoarse from his screams, the roar, and crying, softly said, "Come in."

A small figure in white came in, bearing a steaming cup. "Near has something for Dean."

A sob escaped the older man's lips for a second. "Oh god. Near. Thank you."

A cup of hot chocolate was pressed into Dean's hand while the white haired genius sat beside him.

"You won't get in trouble giving me this? Thank you so much." Dean was quiet for a moment, then he looked at Near. "Sam's coming."

"L is having Sam Winchester meet in a neutral room on a floor below this. It was L's suggestion that Dean enjoy this cup before heading down. Watari and L will be there with both Dean and Sam Winchester."

A single tear slid down the hunter's face. To Near, he looked worn out, eyes bloodshot and red and swollen. His nose was red. He had not been able to shave well, and a beard was forming. His hair had spiked everywhere. The bruise on his forehead was turning almost black. Near looked at his hand and saw the bandages on it and how swollen it looked. He looked up at Dean, who stared back at him.

Gray eyes watched him. "Dean should drink the chocolate. It might help." Near really wasn't sure what to do to help him.

Dean smiled, and took a small taste, eyes closing and a smile formed for a second. He looked at the young man. "L is a wise man, my friend."

White hair bounced around his face as Near nodded. "L is that."

"How much time do we have?"

"It will not begin until Dean is ready. L has informed Sam Winchester of this, who has agreed."

The hunter sat, quietly drinking the hot chocolate, struggling inside to gather strength for the meeting with Sam. He was grateful for Near's quiet companionship. He finished the hot chocolate, set it down, closed his eyes, his face grim. He opened them, turned and smiled. "Well, let's do this."

Near nodded, his hand - the one not in a sling - reached for Dean's for a moment to squeeze it.

Dean carefully squeezed back, the bandages and swollen joints making it difficult. He smiled at the boy. "You're a very special friend, Near. I'm grateful for you."

"Near is also pleased with the friendship with Dean."

Dean's smile finally reached his eyes, and he squeezed again, wincing softly, but not regretfully. "Let's go. Is he already there? I don't want to go there and then have to wait."

"The group is waiting for Dean."

"I guess we part here, or are you escorting me to the room?"

"Near will escort Dean to the room. L believed it would help Dean to have a familiar face with Dean and Near volunteered."

"Thanks, Near, but don't be overdoing it. I did that today, but it was necessary, I guess. No idea what's gonna happen in that room. You don't tell anybody this, okay? I'm scared, Near. What happened last night scared me. "

They left the room and headed down a side corridor to the elevators. Once on, Near pressed floor 2.

"Dean has no reason to feel ashamed for feeling fear. Dean has gone through a great deal in a short amount of time."

"I know, but he's my brother."

The elevator stopped and Near led Dean to a room on a main corridor.

"I guess this is where you leave. Thanks, Near." Dean pulled the boy into a light hug, both of them too banged up to do more. "I'll see you later."

Near hugged him back. "If Dean needs Near, have L call for Near."

"I will, and I know you'll be there." Dean was saying it to encourage himself with the knowledge. He stood and watched Near leave. He turned and faced the door, closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, opened them, and knocked.

Watari answered the door, inviting him in with a gentle smile. The room had two arm chairs and several couches. L was in a chair in his usual perching position.

Dean entered and stopped inside the entrance, searching the room, taking in everything, missing nothing. He knew how bad he looked, but his nerves were such that he didn't consider it important. He was almost sick to his stomach. He kept looking until hazel eyes met brown ones. Everything froze. He held his breath, unable to take one.

The older man touched his back. "Let the breath release and take another one before you turn blue."

Dean looked into Watari's eyes, released his breath, and took another. He slowly walked across the room to the other armchair, figuring it would be easier to get out of in his condition. He slowly sat down and waited, not sure at the moment what he should say or do.

Watari took a seat as well before L broke the silence. "A lot of the healing needs to be done with the pair of you talking."

Dean's gut was churning, not sure where this was going to go. He remained quiet. He knew he ought to take charge of the conversation with his brother and lead into it, direct it, but he knew he couldn't. Last night, compounded with the memories from the recording was a double whammy, and he'd only dealt with half of it, and was not quite sure how that was working out yet, other than him hurting like hell, and feeling half numb inside. He looked at Sam, not meeting his gaze this time.

Sam broke the silence first. "I'm sorry. I had my head up my ass, listening to her when I should've been open and honest with you completely. What I did...I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I want this.. I want us to work again.. be the team we were meant to be."

"Sam, I...I'm so messed up right now. I accept the apology, but it's gonna take some work for me to get over this. Last night...I..." Dean shook his head, struggling to get words out and unable to do so. "Sammy, I love you." Sam's big brother started sobbing.

"I love you too, Dean, more than you know. I screwed up so bad, broke the trust. I'll do anything to get that trust back." He wanted to hug him so bad. "I want to help take care of you just like you did me when I was growing up. I want to be there."

"Why the hell would you want to take care of me, Sam? No one in this family ever wanted to do that, and you guys got upset when I'd get injured because you had to. I'm a damn bad patient, I know, so why would you care now?"

"Because I was a damned fool."

Anger rose inside Dean. He was struggling to keep it back. "You want to have the trust back? Then tell me why you mind fucked me last night? And then tell me how it won't happen again? Make me believe it, Sammy. Cause I want to believe it. I really do, but for the first time in my life, I'm scared of you."

Sam did something neither Watari or L had anticipated. He slipped off the couch and dropped to his knees in front of Dean, head bowed. "I was stupid.. I was angry and couldn't believe I was in the wrong. My head was that f*ed up. It's still not straight but getting there. God.. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am."

Dean could hardly see for the tears he was holding back, after he had choked back the sobs. He reached out his bandaged hand and touched Sam's hair.

"You've no idea how hard this is, Sam. First Ruby, and then you. I felt like maybe you'd sold me out, cause she thought you were gonna kill me. Were you that messed up, Sam? Would you have killed me? Last night made me wonder? Could you have done that?"

"I'll be honest, Dean, I hope I wouldn't have. .that there was a part that wouldn't let me. But a year ago, if you'd asked if I'd been capable of doing what I did and I would've said no. I don't want to hurt you.. god, I don't. I don't like what I've become."

Dean stared into his face, a sad look in his eyes. He nodded. "How do you plan on getting rid of that part of you, Sam? I..I...then it was possible last night, that if you hadn't believed that recording, I'd be dead right now? Not definite but possible."

"I don't know, Dean. I can't answer that because the person I was before that recording is someone I don't recognize. I've lost myself.. badly."

Dean's head was raised high and he nodded, biting his bottom lip. "Okay, I just wanted to know where we're starting from. Hell, we've got a lot of work ahead of us, Sammy. I want to be able to trust you to have my back, not stick a knife in it." Dean tried to laugh as he made the joke but it broke on another sob that he was struggling to choke back. "I don't want to hurt you. I want this more than you can know. I got to be able to trust you, so we take this slow. I want to get to the point where L and Watari don't feel they need to be in here, because I'm not scared of you anymore. Can you do that? I want us to start eating together, just talking normal stuff. Not this every time we meet. I want to feel comfortable around you again."

He nodded, tears in his own eyes. "You got it."

Dean looked at L and Watari, "There's cameras all over the gardens. Sam, wanna go for a walk in them? We can just talk, and, if you want, I can tell you about the hunt and how Near and I ended up getting shot." Dean kept his eyes on the others, looking for an okay.

L nodded. "You will be monitored for safety's sake." Sam gave him a soft smile. "I'd like that."

Dean's eyes were still on the other two, "Thank you, L." He turned and looked at Sam, still on the floor. "Let's go."

The younger brother rose, offering a hand to help Dean to his feet.

Watari gave him an encouraging smile, proud of the steps made so far.

Dean looked at the proferred hand, and then up into his brother's face. He looked at the hand again, and reached up and took it. With a slight pull, Sam was able to get the older man back on his feet, surprised at how slight he felt He had not noticed it last night, but his brother had lost weight.

The hunter led the way outside the room and to the elevators. They both entered, and the injured man poked 1, the ground floor button, with one finger on the bandaged hand. He leaned against the back of the elevator for support, watching his brother between half lidded eyes.

Sam broke the ice with a soft tone. "Near, is that the little one that brought you to the door?"

Dean froze, looking at his brother closely. "Yeah, he is autistic with Aspergers. He's a genius, but no emotions. He's been more aware of giving of himself with me then he has any one, but I'm not sure he recognizes it. I kind of think of him like I would a son. He's special to me, Sam. He can't handle sunlight because he's albino, but he walked with me in it once. I care about him a lot.

"The brief glimpse I saw of you with him, I can tell he means a lot to you. You'll make a good dad, honestly."

"I wish he really was mine. He won't be, because L has special plans for him. I think he's being groomed to be L's heir. He's the closest I'll ever be to being a Dad. Lisa sure won't let me near Ben, and she told me he wasn't mine, but he sure felt like it.

The elevator stopped and the door opened. Dean let Sam exit and slowly followed him. He turned left and headed to the corridor that reaches the nearest exit doors at the rear of the building. When they reached the doors, he looked at his brother.

"My left hand got banged up. Can you open the door?"

Sam nodded, opening it for him. "We could always ask him to look into it."

For a second, Dean felt a rush of excitement, but let it die off. "What's the point, Sam. My life isn't any different than it was when she said she didn't want someone who couldn't be there. As a matter of fact, this side of hell has given me less time. How would I protect a wife and child?"

"I bet she'd take you if you were running a business and not hunting anymore."

"You think the demons and the angels are just gonna let us ride off into the sunset? " Dean stopped at looked up at his brother "Business?"

"We do need a goal though, Dean, something to push us forward and stay alive." He looked at him. "I was thinking.. you really enjoy working on cars and stuff. Thought maybe.. we could open a business together. I could handle the books." He was close to blushing now.

"Running a business is more than handling the books, Sam. Can you do buying and selling, ordering parts, advertising, and customer service? I open a shop, I want to rebuild damaged vehicles, I get for next to nothing, and sell them. You see where I'm coming from? We'll need a salesman, because I will be full time in the back. Can you do all that? If not, are you willing to learn to do all that?"

Sam nodded. "I can. I'm sure I have the Winchester gift for schmoozing in me somewhere," he said with a laugh. "But I can see us working together on that, Dean. I really, really want it...as long as you do too."

Dean had stopped walking and was looking straight into his brother's face, reading him, like he used to do, sizing him up. "I like Winchesters' Garage and Car Lot." He started walking again, and it took Sam a minute to realize that Dean had meant Winchesters' as plural ownership.

A big grin.. the first seen in a long time.. spread over the younger one's face. "I like that idea."

Dean was in front of him, so Sam didn't see the smile, or the laugh wrinkles appear at the corners of his eyes.

"You realize there may be times, when we get a call for a hunt, we might have to take, or I might want to help L out if it's something he needs help on? Temporary stuff."

Dean kept his promise to keep Sam out of L's business, but Sam needed to know there might be a time when Dean would help out a friend who'd done so much for them.

"Well, I figure the occasional hunt or something will keep us from getting bored."

"Fair enough. We don't lose our edge. Let's sit over there. I can't walk too far yet. I had a rough day today, too." Dean led the way to the bench that abutted the tree in front of the pond with the fountain, where he and L had talked.

Sam nodded, moving to the bench and sitting down.

Dean leaned his head against the tree trunk, his eyes closed, inhaling the fresh air. He smiled softly. Sam noticed the dark circles under his eyes, and the massive bruise turning black on his forehead. He took a closer look at the bandaged hand. It was definitely the knuckles, and the hand was turning black and had swollen badly. He looked at his brother again, wondering what the hell he'd gotten into."It's pretty out here," he murmured, still pondering the injuries that hadn't been there last night.

"If you're gonna stare, Sam, why doncha just ask?" Sam blushed, wondering how Dean could always do that.

"You weren't this dinged up yesterday."

The words came softly, "Yeah, Sam, I was. They were just all inside."

He winced at that, looking down. "I'm sorry," came the quiet answer.

"No, it's okay to ask. Watari told me this morning that I had to deal with what Ruby did to me. It wasn't pretty. I ran off. I was roaring in anger, screaming in pain, and I cried like I've never cried before. I couldn't get it out, so I start beating the wall with my one good hand. When I finally slid to the floor, I starting banging my head on the wall, too. I don't know what I was doing. I didn't even realize I'd done it. I lost total control, Sam. It was terrifyingly painful. I hurt inside now. Every muscle in my body. My chest hurts, my heart aches some. It hurts to breath. That's what this is, but it's better than inside me."

He nodded. "It's funny, you always joked about chick flick moments but honestly, we really should've had more of those."

"Yeah, I know. My first one was family on the side of a mountain with Watari. The second was in a secure room and it was Mom, Dad, and what stemmed from her death. I never told you much about that time. You only know I saw something. It was a lot more, Sam."

He looked at his brother. "When you're ready, I want to hear it."

Dean looked at him to see if he meant it. "Okay, now is as good a time. Watari said to not keep things from you anymore. I'm not. If you mean it, I'll tell you."

"I mean it, Dean. I want to be the one you can talk to...and I want you to be the one there for when I need someone."

"Sammy, that would mean the world to me. Give me a second and I'll tell you. I've had this out, so I shouldn't get too messed up over it," his brother tried to say jokingly.

"Doesn't matter if you do.. it just means it's healing," came the quiet understanding response.

"You mean that? Cause if it's just gonna be a chick flick moment with nothing more, then I won't talk."

"Dean, I'm not going to lie anymore. I know you don't have reason to trust me but I'm going to bust my ass to prove myself to you."

"Sam, you have no idea how much that means. Give me time, please. It's what I want too. I'm just very leery right now, but it is what I want. If you've got no problem with it, I'll tell you what really happened that night and the days after."

"I do want to know."

"You turned six months old that day, Sammy. I was two and a half months shy of being five years old. I was going through a stage of not wanting to go to bed. Dad had come up and Mom had me in her arms, and we were leaning over your crib so I could say good night to you. Dad leaned over and kissed you and took me in his arms and we all three went to my room. They were planning on making me a new room for a big boy. You were gonna get my room. They told me to go to bed. It got quiet, but I kept hearing things. I got up and went to your room. Mom was asleep, and I think Dad was downstairs watching a war movie. I could hear guns and planes. I peeked into your room, and you weren't alone, Sammy. He turned and looked at me and his eyes glowed. I froze, scared to death, but he ignored me. Mom came in and he went 'shh' to her. She left. I was never more scared in my life. She didn't see me, only him."

"I heard Mom go downstairs and then she was stumbling back up the stairs and ran into the room. I swear, Sam, she knew him. I know now why she did, but back then, I didn't know that. He'd been leaning over you. He turned on her, and she went up the wall, and...and she split open, blood going everywhere. She was screaming." Dean choked for a moment.

Sam listened, eyes wide.

Dad ran in the room calling Mom's name. He didn't see me either. I was huddled in a corner by the door, scared witless, man. He came over and looked at you. He had his hand in the crib whispering to you. Mom was on the ceiling by this time and he didn't look up. The blood started dripping, he looked up and started screaming her name and she burst into flames. At that point, I quit talking, Sammy. Nothing. Dad grabbed you and gave you to me and told me to get you out of the house and to take care of you. He gave you to me, Sammy. I took care of you my whole life, cause he never asked me to stop or let him do it. He never did, so I did his job and Mom's. Best I could Sam. "

"Dad finally came out and held you and I sat next to him. We finally went to Mom's family. We stayed there for a while. Dad got a message from someone who told him something about evil. I didn't know it at the time, but I read it in his journal. You've read it so you know. He started disappearing for days on end. My Aunt was nervous around me. I looked too much like Mom, I didn't talk at all, and that wasn't natural according to her. Our Uncle said that you could stay, but I had to go. Dad was gonna do it. Just chuck me somewhere and forget about me. He would never make time to visit two of us, Sammy, and you were his favorite, you know. Anyway, he'd told me it was my job to take care of you, and I wasn't about to let him take you away from me. I slept with you every night back then. The three of them got in a fight, and Dad packed us up, threw me in the back seat to watch you, and we headed to Bobby's. He left us there for two years." Dean stopped for a moment and swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Bobby got worried because Dad came so seldom. When he showed up, he'd stay an afternoon or an evening, and then leave. He'd hold you, Sammy, going on about how special you were, and how glad he was that he got there in time to save you. How Mommy died trying to save you. He and Bobby had a lot of fights about me. I never smiled,. I didn't talk. Dad had no time for was close to tears as he listened to this, heart breaking slowly but steadily.

"Two years later, he came back to stay for a while. I was starting to talk, but I never left you. I was afraid that thing would come back and try to hurt you. Dad wanted me then. I was six years old. Old enough to learn the family business. Best time I ever had with him, he put a gun in my hand. I aced every shot and he was so damned proud. He slowly began training me and we left Bobby's. I never went on a hunt til I was much older. What mattered was I knew what to look for and I could shoot. I could protect you. That's what I did, Sammy. He didn't let me be a kid. I became Mom and Dad. I raised you the best I could. I did whatever I had to so you had what you needed. It didn't matter what it took, you were mine to care for. That's what really happened."

"That's why I'm the way I am, and why I treat you the way I do. I'm sorry."

There were tears slowly sliding down Sam's cheeks. "No, Dean. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I've treated you like a kid. I have bad table manners, which I am trying to correct, but no one ever taught me. I sometimes act like a fool. It's just wanting to feel like a kid for a minute. I clam up and don't tell you things because I wanted you to remain innocent and have a normal life, and it's a throwback to that. When you found out, I wanted to cry because I knew he'd make you a hunter, after he punished me for letting you know. I'm sorry. You should have had a normal life. I didn't get it for you. I did try."

"I'll admit it hurt when you went off to school the way you did, but I was proud of you for getting that full ride at Stanford. You were going to be somebody important. I even understood why you didn't take my calls. Me hanging around would bring hunting back into your life and you couldn't have that and be normal. I should never have come after you. I just missed you, and I didn't want to look for him alone. I ruined your life."

"There it's said, more then I intended."

"I ruined my own life, Dean. Dad ruined our lives. He should've gotten his head together faster and realized there were two sons who needed him."

"I don't know, Sammy. I'm not even sure what needing somebody is. You were the one who needed him. I wanted him to be proud of me and to want me around. Hell, when you went off to college, I wasn't needed any more. He went off on his own. I ran my own hunts. Who knows? Maybe that's one of the reasons I came after you. If you were there for me to keep an eye on, Dad would want us both back." Dean smiled a strange smile, and started to stand up. "It must be close to lunch time, don't you think?"

Sam caught his hand carefully. "Dean.. we did need him. .both of us and all he wanted were little soldiers. Thank you...thank you for being there."

"You don't have to thank me for that, Sammy. You were my life, you know. I'd have died rather than let anything happen to you."

"I'm so sorry I didn't treat you better. I was a spoiled brat."

Dean almost laughed, "You were a normal kid, Sammy. I expected you to do that. It's normal. I was Mom and Dad. You were bound to give me hell. That's normal to."

"Still, I was a brat," he said to him.

"When you left, that was normal, and when I hurt, that was normal too."

"You shouldn't have to hurt."

"Sure I should have, Sammy. You don't think that Moms and Dads don't hurt when their kids move out? You were my kid."

Sam looked sad and hurt. The last thing he'd wanted was to cause Dean pain.

"I've caused you pain, Sam. It's part of being family. We need to understand these things and let them go."

"I know," was the quiet answer.

"I wanted to share things with you so you could understand why some things happened the way they did. Why we're the way we are. It was a big, screwed up mess, and I did all I could think of to do to take care of you. I don't want sadness. It's past. You just need to know the past so you can understand and let go."

"As long as you do that with me, Dean. Do you know.. there is still a thought that comes on occasion. That if I hadn't been born, you'd still have a happy life with Mom and Dad. No hunting, no demons.. just a normal life."

"No, the demon wanted a Winchester kid and he knew you were the one. If you weren't born, I wouldn't have been either. He'd never have made the deal to save Dad. If I had been born, I would know somehow, because you and I were meant to be, Sammy."

He nodded, still looking miserable.

"It's our life, our history, and our legacy, Sam. What we do with it determines what we are. We've been fools with it for too long. Now, we wise up. We become brothers, equals, partners. It doesn't have to be miserable. I want that garage, partnership, and both of us with wives and kids. That's my goal. I'm going to follow L's plan to prevent the future the demons and angels have for us. I, for one, want normal. We talk, we deal, and we learn to trust."

"Deal," came the raspy answer.

Dean held out a bandaged left hand to shake. When his brother put his hand into his, the hunter pulled him into a hug, which hurt him like hell, but he didn't care. He had his brother back, different, but better.

Sam hugged him back, tears shaking his body. It felt so good to have this again. He wanted Dean's trust and would do anything and everything he could to get it and keep it!


	40. Chapter 40

Sam and Dean Part One

"Let's see what new food Watari wants to me to like today. It's got to be lunchtime. Watari has changed my diet, Sam. The doctors didn't like some tests they ran. Not eating right, so new diet. Some of it I actually like, so don't have a heart attack when you see what I'm eating. It's supposed to be good for me."

Dean laughed and slowly made his way towards the building. "Want to eat in my room? They bring my meals there. If that's fine with you?"

"That's fine with me. You mean, they managed to change your diet?"

"I didn't tell you yet that the queen I had to sleep with to be able to cut off her head? Well, her bodily fluids were highly acidic. That's why the drug that deadened pain and made me very biddable and horny was given to me. I had the whipping from Ruby, and I was badly burned over a large part of my body. Cas was injured during a battle with a large number of demons. When I found out the bodies weren't salted and burned, L sent Matt and Near to do it. Ruby took them, so Cas was forced to heal the injuries, but the drain on my body, well he didn't have the power to do that too. Then the shooting was a bad one. My body wasn't healing fast enough. They ran tests. Diet change."

"I'm glad you changed how you eat, Dean. I want you around a long time, you know."

"Me too. I want us to live long enough to give our great grand kids hell." He waited for his brother to open the door. They took the elevator back to the third floor and went to his room. He saw a servant and asked that Watari know they were in his room and would love lunch when there's time.

There were two trays waiting for them when they entered Dean's room. One had a small cup with the mid-day medication that the injured man would need to take.

Dean asked Sam to explain to him what everything was while he poured the pills into his hand and took the glass of water provided with them.

Sam pulled off a cover on his tray and grinned. "Wow. Looks like spaghetti with a side salad and some sort of pie."

"Dietetic apple, I bet, and it's good. If there's meat in that sauce, it's turkey. I guarantee it. What kind of dressing for the salad?"

"Caesar. Ohh...looks like wheat pasta. This looks delicious."

"Watari remembered that I liked the Caesar. That was nice of him. Is wheat pasta good?"

"Oh yes! It's got a heartier flavor."

"That's good then." Sam noted that Dean was drinking iced tea. No alcohol and he remembered L's words. He wondered if his brother had faced any withdrawals or delirium tremors.

Sam took a bite of his spaghetti and gave a happy sigh. This was good. "How are you handling not having any alcohol around?"

Dean was grateful that someone had cut the spaghetti for him. He took a bite, making 'mmmmmmmmm' noises while he chewed. After swallowing, he looked at his brother. "I know I drank a lot, Sam. It was one of my ways to hide the pain. I am learning to cope with pain so I don't need the hard stuff anymore. I remember telling you many times that I didn't have to have it. I was right. No problems."

"Good. If there are problems, let someone know, OK?"

"Isn't it usually during the first few days with no alcohol? I'd have felt something by now. I've had none since our first day in Texas. I've lost track of time because of the hospital stay. Of course, there's been the pain medication in the hospital, and whatever Watari is giving me. That wouldn't affect it, would it?"

"I'm not sure but we can ask. Better to ask to be on the safe side." He took a bite of the salad.

He looked and watched his brother eating a large bite of the salad, licking his lips to get the dressing he missed. Sam's eyebrows raised at the sight of Dean enjoying salad.

"Remind me to thank Watari," he said with a grin.

Dean swallowed a bite of spaghetti. "For what?"

"You're eating healthy and enjoying it. It means my brother is going to be healthy later in life because of it."

Dean smirked, "Do you have any idea what that means? This tastes good, and I'm going to expect healthy food that tastes good. I don't know healthy food, but you do." Dean's smirk intensified.

He laughed. "I do. We'll make it work out."

Dean grinned, "Deal, little brother. You are now named 'Chief Healthy Food Provider' of the Winchester realm."

"You know, we probably should start keeping some sturdy cooking gear to take with us. We can shop and stock the fridge each place we go."

"We'll need to get nicer places that have fridges and stoves. It was suggested that we keep an ice chest and buy some healthy stuff to eat in the car, like fruit and maybe some raw vegetables. I wouldn't mind carrots."

"I wouldn't either. Nuts are good to have around too. Good for when you're in a salty mood."

Dean smiled, "I'm cutting back on salt too. We could buy a bag of nuts, some baggies, and a nut cracker. I wouldn't mind cracking nuts while we relax at night"

He snickered. "That almost sounded wrong but yeah, those are good to nibble on. Healthy for your heart too."

Dean laughed, relaxed, and enjoying the banter, "Yeah, I've cracked a few in bar fights."

He laughed, eating his meal. "I'll read up on recipes, see if that'll help us."

"Okay, but I want every recipe that Watari has, especially his Caesar dressing."

"I'll bug him for it," he grinned. "Cause this is awesome."

"Sam, I like a salad dressing."

"Yeah? That's not weird at all."

"It ought to be. I ate this last night, and I'm enjoying it again. I hate salads. I don't get croutons on it, did you notice. He puts these little crunchy things. If I didn't know better, I'd swear they were sunflower seeds."

Sam double checked. "That's because they are."

"Whoever heard of putting sunflower seeds on salads? They are great. Taste kind of nutty in a strange way. I like them, but a salad?"

"It gives it texture and flavor," he answered.

"Whatever," Dean said nonchalantly. "It's the first salad I've ever tasted that I ate the whole thing and was glad to see it served to me again."

"I wonder if they have anything planned for this afternoon, cause I never did tell you the whole story about the hunt and what all happened. They got this beautiful indoor garden. We could get some drinks, and go sit and visit some more. I think most of the places have cameras. They'll tell us where there aren't," Dean said, knowing his were turned off, and still wondering if they still were. "They have some really nice chairs in there. If you'd like to."

He nodded. "That sounds nice."

The older brother ducked his head, grateful for real normalcy with his younger brother. Words came back to him about taking it slow, and no time alone for a while. He knew he'd pretty much taken charge about going outside, but L was brash enough to tell him no if he thought it wise. He hoped the indoor garden and the rest of their meals would keep going this rout. He wondered when Sam would break the first time, and where. He was pretty sure he'd be the cause, because almost all of Sam's problems stemmed from Dad, and trickled down to him. This meant being strong enough to take it so L and Watari wouldn't limit them again. If it was normal arguments, he wouldn't worry, but letting go of stuff and actually facing was a whole different ball game. He thought back to the morning and facing what Ruby had done was horrid. He was still going to tell Sam all of it when he discussed the hunt. Sam heard words but had no idea what happened totally. He'd heard enough to know it had been bad, and Dean was not consenting to it. The anger was gone. The nightmares might last a while, but he was learning to deal with so much, it was just one more. Sam needed to know the whole hunt. Hunts, combined, or solo, needed to be gone through, discussed, argued, and critiqued so mistakes didn't happen. This was a new thing he wanted instituted.

Sam was thoughtful as well during the meal. He wasn't sure what to do honestly. He wanted things better but everything was so messed up now.

He could never figure out how Dean could look at him and read him so well, but Dean was easily a Sam barometer at times.

The older man watched the emotions go through his brother's face and the eyes...so easily readable. "Sammy, I know you're scared. Me, too. I've been scared about us for a while. L and Watari are really helping. Give them a chance. Don't try to run from it." He didn't realize his voice was pleading at the last statement. Sam running away to face it alone was his biggest fear.

"I am," he answered quietly. "That guy can be brutal when he needs to be," he responded in reference to L.

"He doesn't pull any punches, Sammy, but he's honest, forthright, and he reaches the problem and makes you face it. It's hard, but it will help in the long run. It's harder when you come face to face with yourself and have to let it out to deal with it. That's hell."

"Yeah, he had me listing stuff earlier," he rubbed the back of his neck, staring at his plate. "That was rough. .realizing I had so much going on that wasn't right."

"You know how I hate to write my thoughts and stuff? Well, I'm starting a journal. Going to be, anyway."

"Probably would help," Sam answered back.

"Yeah. I can look back and say what an ass."

"I don't even have to look back on mine honestly."

"Sam, we've both done stupid things. We were manipulated at times, both by Dad and Azazel and his friends. We are now, by other demons and the angels, who are manipulating Cas. Where we go wrong is what we've done with what's happened. We didn't know any better at times. It's how we were raised. We have to make it right to ourselves and each other. It's gonna hurt, Sammy. We are gonna hurt when we face it. We're gonna hurt each other when things we've done to hurt each other is dealt with. I thought we did good this morning, but there's gonna be times when we're gonna lash out. We need to be ready for that and deal with it in the right way."

He nodded. "I know."

"I can't remember what floor that garden's on. We'll have to find somebody to ask." Dean looked up. "If the cameras happen to be turned back on in here because we're alone, would you mind sending someone to give us directions or take us there? I'd hate to just be roaming. I still get tired too fast." Dean sat back to wait, figuring L had done just that to his cameras.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

Dean sat up, an 'I told you so' look on his face as he said, "Come in. It's probably Matt or Mello because they don't trust you yet. They take a little to get past their guard, but they're okay kids. I like them. Wanted to kick Mello's ass at first, but he grows on you."

"Matt wanted to kick my ass," Sam answered back as Mello came back in. "Hey, you wanted to see the garden inside?"

"Yeah, thanks, Mello. Ask L if he's going to have an on and off switch attached to these?" Dean grinned as he slowly got up. Mello had not seen him since the night before. Neither had Matt. His eyes widened at the bandaged hand and the bruised forehead.

"He usually does but since it's a volatile situation, he's not switching off."

Dean stiffened, the grin disappeared, and an angry look passed fleetingly across his face. Sam recognized it and knew Dean was not happy.

Dean sighed. "Yeah, he did say that to me. It's just aggravating, but I understand. I just don't like living in a fishbowl. Let's go."

"Wait for us in the hall?" The question was asked towards Sam, who nodded and slipped out. Once alone, Mello looked at Dean "I know you don't like this.. but right now, L wants you safe and healthy. When you're alone, you'll have your privacy but it's better to have the fishbowl until we know you two won't do something dumb."

"I might like to beat the crap out of him. I know my limitations, and I'm not sure whether he has any, so I'm being a good boy, here. I was afraid I wouldn't have any privacy. I need it at times. If I'm guaranteed it when he's not around, I can deal. Right now, L's right to be concerned about my safety and my health. I can lose it like this morning. Sam can lose it like last night. I was afraid that, after this morning, I wouldn't have any."

"You have privacy when in here and alone. When he's with you, it stays on. L isn't that heartless."

My earlier question was intended to mean when I was alone. When you responded, I took it to mean never. Tell him, thank you."

He nodded. "Not a problem. Come on, you wanted to see the gardens."

"Yeah, Sam and I didn't talk about the hunt yet. We discussed something I'd already dealt with. And as beautiful as it is outside, when you can't stand a long time, the benches start to hurt after a bit. There's nice chairs in the indoor garden."

"Yeah. L had it constructed more for Near so he could enjoy the gardens without worrying about getting burned."

Dean's expression softened, "Yeah, he does need those things. I'm glad the gardens are there for him. Thanks for telling me that. It makes the place more special."

"He tries to do things for us when he can." Mello opened the door for Dean.

"Yeah, he's good about that. He's been really kind to me, and I'm not one of you. Not like that."

"In a way you are."

Dean stopped before going through the door to Sam. "In a way I'm what? Why would he think that?"

"Part of us," he grinned, then led them to the gardens.

Mello grinned wider when he saw the hunter's expression go from confusion to surprise to almost awe. "Really?"

"Yup," he said, opening the door to let them in. "Oh damn...someone didn't tell me he was in here." Near had curled up near some dice, sound asleep.

Dean's voice softened. "He's fine. We'll go down to the other side. It's large enough to where our voices won't bother him. Let him be."

Mello nodded. "If you're sure?" He went and found a pillow, tucking it so it would alleviate the strain on Near's neck and injuries.

Sam eyed the boy that had earned Dean's respect. The teen seemed to have no color to him at all.

Dean smiled tenderly at the boy. He looked at Mello. "It's Near, Mello. Of course I'm sure." He watched the blond adjust the pillow, knowing that Mello's attitude towards the younger one was changing, and he was glad.

"I need to let Watari know where he is." Mello rose. "Enjoy the scenery."

"Thanks, Mello. We will." Dean led the way to rear of the huge conservatory. He found two very comfortable lounging chairs and arranged himself in one, watching his brother do the same thing.

The blond left to tell Watari where Near was, a bit concerned as Near really shouldn't have drifted off to sleep so early in the day.

"Near's a real good kid, Sam. Is it normal to doze of like that this early in the day? He should be recovering like I am.?"

"The medicine he's on may be a bit strong for him given how small he is."

"He's slender. The way he dresses makes him look small. Wouldn't medication have been doing this before now?"

"It might have and you not noticed it due to your own recovery."

Dean started getting out of his chair. "Watari would have noticed, Sammy.' He took off at an almost run back down to where the small mound of white lay on the floor.

L was entering at the same time, concern etched on the usually expressionless face. He knelt beside his heir, fingers resting against the pulse point with unerring accuracy before scooping him up carefully. "I will have a doctor come in to look at him and will let you know. I believe there was a misjudgment on medication doses. We have noticed him dozing off at times but this is too heavy a sleep for Near."

Dean was gasping for breath, bandaged hand holding his ride side, pain etched on his face. He finally reached a run about halfway down the room. He looked at L, and asked, panic in his voice, "He gonna be alright?" He was wincing and trying to pretend nothing was wrong because of his worry over the boy.

"Agitating your injuries will do you no good nor will it help Near. I believe he will be but the doctor will know for certain. I will inform you when something is determined."

Dean's voice choked with concern and a tinge of anger. "Damn it, L. I'm not talking about a distant friend or an acquaintance here. I really care about the boy," Dean turned and walked away, his left arm swinging out and sometimes raising high in a fist; his emotions anything but under control. Sam stood there, trying to understand what had just happened, not sure what he should do, wishing Watari was here to deal with Dean.

"I understand that. I believe the medication is too strong for someone of Near's petite size. Getting angry will not help matters. I will let you know what is going on as soon as I know," was the parting shot before L carried Near out of there.

Dean had disappeared among the trees, trying to gain control. L was right as far as what he had said, but being coldhearted in the delivery did not help. Near was on the floor alone. Damn right he ran. He had no idea where anyone was. He hurt but he didn't give a damn at the moment. Tears were fighting for freedom and he would not do it where there were cameras to see it. His lungs started to ease, but his shoulder and clavicle hurt like hell. He refused to tell anyone that too. He wasn't even sure where Sam was. He sat with his knees up, left arm laying on one, his head back against the tree he was sitting on the ground leaning against. Near had been alone, and he'd been so scared when he realized what probably happened.

Sam found his brother, sitting beside him and gently tugging him into a hug.

"Wasn't trying to make myself worse, or get attention, Sammy. Didn't give a damn about myself right then. Near wasn't doing right. He's so little, Sammy. Someone has to watch over him, and he was alone. Hell yes, I ran. I'd do it again too."

"He seems to approach things more logically, Dean. I wouldn't take offense to it. That's the first time I've seen emotion on that man's face."

"I didn't see his face, my eyes were on Near. He's got to be all right, Sam. Got to be all right."

"He looked worried," he shared with his brother. "I'm sure Near will be. I mean, he's got a lot of people pulling for his success, right?"

"Yeah, Sammy," Dean's voice sounded emotionless. He leaned into this brother. "Thank you for holding me, Sam. Feels like home."

Sam's grip tightened slightly. "Don't zone out on me, Dean. I hate that tone when you do that." It was gently spoken but full of worry.

"What do you mean, zone out? I'm here, Sam. Just feel funny, but I'm here. I'm fine, just feels good having you hold me. Been a long time."

"Your voice went flat..no emotions at all."

"Sorry, Sammy. Don't really feel anything right now. Kind of numb. I'm okay."

"Just worried about you."

"Don't be. I'm okay. Shouldn't have run that hard. Kinda feel shocky over Near. Scared me. I told ya, he's kinda like my own kid. Right now, I just feel numb."

"He'll be all right," Sam murmured.

Dean's voice was still almost emotionless, coming and going. "Yeah, course he will. He'd better. Please, be okay.:

There was a small part of Sam that was jealous of this but he tamped it down, focusing on his brother. "He will be."

"Just like Sammy. He left me too, several times. Don't know if I'll get him back either."

Sam felt him go limp with exhaustion, eyes closing.

"But Sammy is here," he murmured in his brother's ears.

Dean's hazel eyes opened and stared at him. "I know that, Sam. Why would you say that?" Sam realized that Dean had murmured a real fear from deep inside that he had not faced. In his exhausted state, with panic over Near, the real fear over his brother had escaped for a minute. One he refused to acknowledge existed. Dean wasn't the only one who understood his brother. Sam knew him.

Quietly, he shared what Dean had said, not willing to lie to his brother about it.

Dean stared back quietly, swallowing hard. He bowed his head, trying to pull away and sit up, but Sam wouldn't let him. Dean knew then, this was one more thing he had to face.

He sniffed, trying not to cry. "Okay, Sam, you win. I can't take any more losses. I love Near, but like a son. You are my heart."

"You aren't going to lose me, you big goof. Hell, you'd have been right to toss me out on my ass long ago but you didn't. So don't think I'm going anywhere now."

"You've left four times, Sammy. Four times. I tried both ways...let you go, fight to keep you. Can't take another loss, Sammy. Can't"

"Not going to happen. We'll beat each other up and scream before I go. I'm not losing my only family."

"You mean that this time, Sam? Promise?"

"I promise."

"I'm gonna believe that. Just don't lie to me, Sam. If you're gonna leave tell me now. Don't wanna believe and lose it again."

His arms tightened. "I promise."

"I'll believe one more time, Sam. I believe." He dozed off to sleep in his brother's arms.

Sam watched over him the whole time.

Watari found them among the trees. "Near caused him to face another nightmare of his, Sam? The fear of losing you over and over?"

He nodded at Watari, not wanting to speak because he knew how precious sleep could be for Dean lately.

Watari noticed and understood. "You may stay here with him, or take him back to his room. You are tired too. You did not sleep last night. You both need a good rest. The bed is big enough I think. The cameras will be on, of course. You could sleep with him, and maybe both of you will get the rest you need. Just a thought" Watari started to walk away, but stopped. "Near is going to be all right. Too much medicine. The doses are being reduced."

Sam nodded, rising and picking his brother up to take him back to his room. Dean needed decent sleep.

His brother clung to him in his sleep as he had the night before, but this time no one was with them, except for the cameras. Sam could deal with that. He got to Dean's room. It took a few tries, but he managed to get the door open and kicked it closed. He arranged Dean on the bed and tucked him in. He thought about leaving, but Dean kept muttering in his sleep. Watari's words came back. They were permission to not leave Dean. Sam undressed down to his boxers and t-shirt, and crawled to the other

side of the bed, over his brother's feet. He inched under the covers and lay facing his brother who lay on his left side. He carefully put an arm over the injured side, and dozed off also.

Watari woke them later by bringing in trays with their dinner.

He watched them wake up, it was rather a joy to watch. Sam, typical of Sam, sat up in a jerk, trying to figure out how he'd gotten into Dean's bed. Dean woke slowly, complaining about Sam stealing the blankets as if it was the most natural thing in the world, until his mind woke up. He stared, innocently at his younger brother, and said" Oh. Hi, Sam."

The old man bit back a chuckle. "Dinner is here for you both."

Dean looked at Watari. "How's Near?"

"Better. The original doctor miscalculated the dose. The new physician has it straightened out now."

"Thank you. Sir." "You are welcome. Now, you two come and eat before this gets cold."

Dean smiled, softly. "I'm working on that, Sir. What new foods am I going to learn to like tonight, Sir?"

"Some you already enjoy." Under the covered lids were plates with steak, baked potato with trimmings, broccoli with cheese sauce and a small salad. Dessert was apples with caramel dipping sauce.

"This looks awesome! How well done does a steak have to be meet requirements, and I didn't know I could have all the trimmings on a potato. Thank you. Is this a treat or something?"

"A little of both. The dietary requirements were met in both the cut of meat as well as the type of trimmings used."

"I don't guess it's rare? What kind of trimmings am I getting?"

"Medium well, actually. A bit of pink. Low fat sour cream, butter, as well as cheese."

Dean grinned. "Hey, it's steak and it's still got a little pink. Low fat, I can learn to like, right? Thanks, so much, Sir. You didn't answer. Is this some special occasion?"

"Just a marking of some good steps being taken today."

Dean looked surprised. "Really? That's good news. Isn't it, Sam? Thank you, Sir. That means a lot."

"You're welcome. Enjoy your meal."

After Watari left, something very typical of Dean happened. He tried to lift his right hand, and suddenly the bandaged left one scratched his head. His brother was thinking. Sam waited in anticipation for whatever would come out of the man's mouth after one of these gestures.

"Sam, you got any idea what path we took today?"

Sam smiled. "We made progress."

"Yeah, but what path? How?" Dean looked at his steak longingly, with the knife in his hand, realizing that Watari did not put these plates together tonight. Was it Matt or Mello playing a joke on him?

He pulled the plate towards him, cutting the food for his brother. "I think we're on the path to healing...no.. I know we are."

Dean smiled at his brother gratefully when the plate was put back in front of him. He had his own thoughts on healing but wondered what Sam thought.

"In what way?" He took a bite of the steak and closed his eye for a second, chewing it slowly. Tender and chewy. He liked it.

"We're talking more and listening. Not talking at each other and hearing like we used to."

Dean was quiet for a moment, thinking. "Yeah, Sammy, we are." '

They were both quiet for a while, enjoying the food. "Sam, in the garden, did I lose it?"

He nodded. "Not too bad though." He told him what happened.

"I said all that?"

Another nod as Sam had his mouth full of food.

"Sam, I love you with all my heart. You're my brother, but for healing, I can't guilt trip you into staying anywhere with me. You got to have the right to choose to go or stay. I was dealing with the past. Don't get me wrong. I want that with all my heart, but I am not going to do that."

"Dean, I love you but shut up. Seriously, man, I want to be here. I want to stay as family and open that shop. You're right, it is my choice and I'm making it. You're stuck with me." He stuck his tongue out at him.

Dean grinned, lightheartedly. "Sounds good. I want that shop too. Badly. Don't ever complain about bad eating habits again. You had food on that tongue."

"Your fault," he teased.

Sam knew Dean had let things go when he listened to his brother reply to his accusation.

"My fault? You could have swallowed before that. Hell you been hanging around too much with demons. There's no telling where that tongue's been."

He threw an apple slice at him for that.

Dean picked it up and chewed it. "These are pretty good."

"Yeah, they are."

Dean placed the lid back on the tray. He got up and went across the room and sat in one of two recliners. "Join me or do you have somewhere to go? Watari made no mention of anything. Has anyone said anything to you?"

"Nope, not a thing." He sprawled into a chair, getting comfortable.


	41. Chapter 41

Sam and Dean Part Two

"Thought I'd try again about the hunt. I kinda thought that from now on we talk them over afterward, look with fresh eyes on what we did and especially what the other did. Critique it. Things that went well, we remember to do again. Things that went bad, or could have, we talk out and explain why they could and why it won't be done again, unless the person who did it wants an ass kicking from the other, and has to take it without lifting a finger."

He nodded. "Okay."

"I'm expecting you to be open minded on this, cause some things were very stupid. I'm not going to go into every detail of the days you were out of it. I'd be here for a week."

"True, and I'm listening. I'll see what I can help you with here."

"First off, you were no help in that fight with Mello and Matt. You were way out of it, Sammy. L saw things. Told me you were addicted to some drug. Probably my first mistake. I imagine L thought so. I had Matt break into your phone. Took him all of 10 minutes, by the way. Got to do better then that, Sammy. Now for the mistake. I called Ruby."

Sam's eyes closed. "No, not a mistake. You needed information and she was the one I was stupidly close to."

Dean was quiet for a moment, watching his brother. "Thank you, Sammy. Anyway, I figured out that Ryuuzaki was L. I think that surprised him. We prepared for demon invasion at the hotel. I had a meal and L showed pictures of a serial killer's victims. Damn, Sammy. I nearly threw up. I don't do that easily. You would've found them interesting. I'd never seen anything like them. I went through Dad's journal, researched on a computer, and finally called Bobby. Ruby showed up when we were coming back from my baby with a pretty large arsenal. She told me you were addicted to her, Sammy." I plugged her with rock salt and she disappeared. We moved you to L's suite and we battened down."

"Should've killed her then," he muttered. "But yeah, timing would've been off."

"Had to know, Sam. It all happened too fast. Got back inside. Bobby called."

Sam nodded, listening.

"The creatures were ancient, and not seen often, or no one has lived to tell. They were usually in pairs of four and a queen with two protecting males. She bred with a human though. They were preparing for a mating ritual. The brutalizing of humans was part of it. They ate parts of them. All of their teeth were fangs and fingernails were quills with some kind of chemical in it that slowed muscle tissues. The chemical can cause erratic heart rates and knock a person out. Hey, the brain's a muscle. Bobby said together under the queen they are unbeatable. Alone, one can be taken, but you have to kill the queen and get rid of the rest quickly afterward. The only way to get to her is to be the human she breeds with. The only way to kill them is behead them. All body fluids burn, bad; highly acidic."

He shuddered. "Yuck."

"To stop all of this, someone had to be taken alive to her, sneaking a machete into the place, sleeping with her, and bringing her to the point of coming, Sam. Cutting her head off at that point and getting the hell out of there, before you get really badly burned was the only way. Others would be taking out the rest of the group. That was the plan. L wanted to get a prisoner somewhere and offer him his freedom or something to do the job." Dean laughed.

"You know as well as I do, you can't trust someone who doesn't understand the seriousness of the situation to finish a job like that. Bobby and I got into it on the phone. What I didn't know is he packed up his truck and started that long trip from South Dakota to west Texas, without sleep. L was not happy, but I was in charge, so I told them no arguments. It was my job, Sam."

"You know, Dean, he had a point. If he had someone from Death Row to distract her and someone come in from behind, it'd have been safer."

"Please explain to me how someone was going to walk into where she was playing with this guy, and cut her head off, without disturbing 4 other couples and two male protectors? I'm all open to an explanation of that because my mind couldn't come up with one idea how to do that, without making a noise that would pull her out of the ritual and giving them the power to kill all of us."

Sam looked at him. "They were able to keep an eye on you," he pointed out. "I'm not attacking you, Dean, you asked for a new perspective, I'm giving that."

"We had earphones, small mikes, and body heat sensors on us. Near followed the sensors to know where we were. I couldn't keep the stuff on me. It was in the machete sheath, on my leg, that I removed and put under the foulest smelling blankets I'd ever smelled. They could do nothing when Ruby showed up. They had to listen, tape it, and wait. As it was, Cas didn't show. It was just L and Mello against nine of them. Her death messed the creatures up enough for them to be able to do it. She had to die first, Sam. No one could have gotten pass them to the chamber until she was dead. Man, she was fugly. No one who hasn't seen his share of fugly would have done what I had to do. I'm sorry, in this case, I was right. Hell, I didn't want to be. I can tell you that. It scared the shit out of me. But the job needed somebody who wouldn't bolt."

He nodded, listening to his brother.

"One other thing. If I'd thought for one minute that L's plan would have worked, I'd would've gone with it. The thought of the possibility of having my dick being burned off did not thrill me."

"Yeah," he frowned. "I just.. damn.. that's a freaky thing to face."

Dean stared at him, but said nothing. "Any way, I needed to sleep. Did you take my bottle out of the duffel? It was gone and I thought Watari took it but he denied it."

"Bottle? Oh.. the alcohol.. no.. it fell out of the Impala when we were packing and broke. I didn't get a chance to tell you because I hit withdrawals so bad." He looked ashamed of himself.

"No, it's okay. Watari gave me something that worked and wasn't addictive. I slept really well. I didn't see much more of him for a while. He was taking care of you. The next morning Cas showed up ordering all of us to get our stuff together. He really rushed us. Ruby had told the creatures we were there. From what I can gather, she offered them me for you. The others were just supposed to die."

Sam winced at that. Too many people at risk because of him.

"Sam, if it bothers you, we stop now. If you want to talk about what made you wince, let's do it now, before this goes any further. What's wrong."

"It's my fault. If I hadn't been so damned stupid, no one would've gotten hurt."

"Sam, you have those powers because you were born with them. Ruby would have wanted you whether you followed her plans or not. The creatures existed. L would have still blackmailed us to come into this. Ruby would have had an eye on us anyway. The only difference would be that you would been there to have my back and maybe get me out faster. Let's be honest you can kill a hell of a lot faster than two geniuses who'd never cut a head off before. That's the only difference Sam. Ruby would have still done what she did. She wanted me demoralized so I could not do whatever it was I had planned. She did not know my plans. She honestly thought she would be removing me. Either way, she'd have done it to get to you. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. You can't help what you're born with."

"I know. Logically, I understand but emotionally, it's hard. I feel so damned stupid." He was close to tears here.

"Sam, you were messed up and that was my fault. Ruby did a good job on you. Okay? Yeah, it was stupid. We've both done a hell of lot of stupid things in our lives." Dean managed to get out of the recliner. He knelt about two feet in front of Sam's. He pushed the footrest in with his one good, but bandaged hand. Sam sat upright, and Dean reached out and grabbed his brother's shirt and pulled. Sam landed on the floor in front of him. The older one pulled him into the part of his chest that wasn't bandaged, and held him close.

"Let it out, Sam. You are dealing, like I did, and it has to come out. I don't care if you hit, scream, snarl, or whatever the hell else you do, I'm going nowhere." Dean held on as tightly with his good arm as he could. A small smile crossed his face for a second, "Just promise not to turn me into anything unnatural." He snickered slightly, and then got serious. "Let it out."

"Why was it your fault? It was mine. I should've been smarter. .not let her use me like that."

"Because you kept seeing me in hell, and you couldn't prevent it and you couldn't get me out. You did it for revenge at first."

"I shouldn't have. I should've kept trying to get you out instead of thinking of getting even."

"Sam, it was all part of the plan they had to get Lucifer out. Dad wouldn't break. He wouldn't. Didn't take me long though. I broke that damn seal. Okay. They weren't going to let you near me, or let me out. I still want to know why the angels waited until I broke that damn seal. They wanted you for something else, and that worried me."

He had tears in his eyes. "Dad was a Marine.. they learn to handle shit like torture and whatever. Boot camp is a nightmare. We're not trained for it. It wasn't your fault."

"I'm learning to accept that, Sam, but you were raised on blood lust and revenge. You fed it on Jessica. Before we could celebrate that one, you find out what I did. You became a killer that day, Sammy. One who didn't care about anything but getting Lilith. That's okay. You were bred for that by Dad. It's what he fed our minds, our hearts, our souls, Sammy. You are like him in a lot of ways. I thought I was, but I'm not, and that's okay with me. We are here to find out who WE are.. not Dad and not Mom. Us. We both did things that we are at fault for whether we really wanted or understood it or not. We've been used, Sam. Now we got to get our act together, and get through this. So let it out. That's what I'm here for right now. That's why I'm on this floor holding you. Let it go.

It burst from him.. everything. .his pain at never having real parents, losing Jess, everything that had happened. The tears racked his body in painful deep sobs.

Dean held on for dear life, refusing to let go, tears streaming down his face as he felt his brother's pain and wept with him, mourning the losses, and feeling the anger. He kept whispering, "It's all right, Sammy. Let it out. Let it go. You're not alone. I'm here. I'm going nowhere."

The tears continued, shaking him with the intensity of the storm.

Dean held on knowing that right now the pain was releasing, but soon there would be anger, and he was ready for that possibility. He represented both Mom and Dad and the losses. Hell, he'd caused one major one, the loss of him and where Sam went astray. He'd have to deal with this when Sam reached that point. He wanted to do this without Watari and L. It had to be them.

Sam cried himself out, looking haggard and exhausted once the tears had stopped.

His brother held on, and waited.

"Is it wrong to hate him so much? I think about him and I could...I hate him for doing this to us!"

"He used to be a good man, Sammy. He got screwed up when Mom died. He didn't know how to live without her. Somewhere, inside, I kinda got the blame because I looked like her, but you, Sam. You, he loved. He used to drive by Stanford to check on you. He was proud of you, but he didn't know how to tell you that. He didn't know how to love. "

"If you need to hate him, that's fine. Just don't let it hurt you. Let it all out. Get rid of the anger, the bitterness, and the hatred. Do whatever you need to do. I did and it helped. Let it out, Sam. I'm ready for it."

"He should've loved us both! Not put one over the other.. made you responsible! If he couldn't do that.. then leave us with someone who could!"

"He did try that, Sam. Bobby. But he kept coming around to check on you, Sam. He would probably have left you with Bobby, but I wouldn't let you go. I wouldn't let you go. I'm sorry. It might have been different if I had."

"It should've been both of us.. not one.. both!"

"It should've been a lot of things, Sammy, but it didn't turn out that way."

"I know."

"I know you do, Sammy. I know you do."

Dean waited for the anger and rage. He was hoping to get it all over with right here. At least this part. There would more grievances and some stupid things, but they were things that bothered Sam and would have to come. This one was major and it all needed to come out. He did not want to aggravate it so he continued to wait, striving to respond correctly.

"Dean...during that year.. why didn't you fight harder to stay with me?"

"First off, I was told if I tried, you'd die. Second, I didn't know about Lilith holding the contract on me, or that there was an ulterior motive. When we were sure of a name, and as we got closer to the time, I got scared, Sam. That's when I told you I didn't want to die that way."

Haunted eyes looked at him. "You should've told me. It felt like you didn't care that you were going to leave me alone."

"There's a lot of things in our lives that I never told you, Sam. It was for your own good. If you had known, you would done everything to make a trade. I did what I did because I couldn't bear the fact that I'd let you down, Sam. I was supposed to protect you, and I let you die. Hell, yes, I didn't tell you. I would do it again, Sam, because it was my job. I betrayed you and Dad by letting you die. My life wasn't as important in Dad's eyes. If I was gone, not many people would miss me. You were important. You could make something of your life. You were the college boy, Sammy. I'd do it again in a heartbeat to keep you alive. I tried to get you ready to live without me. I tried to teach what you needed to know. Did I want to die. No. Was I gonna let you know that so you'd feel guilty that I did it. Hell, no. It was better you thought that about me. Let me be the asshole, if it helped you cope in the end."

"Fuck that! I'm responsible for myself too! You can't make all the decisions, Dean. I had a right to know that."

"Like hell you did, Sam! I was responsible for you since I was four years old. I did horrible things in my life to see to it I met that responsibility. You've no idea the things I did! I fell down on the one job Dad gave me to do. I let you die, Sam. DIE! I couldn't live with that. Hell, I couldn't do anything right in Dad's eyes. How could I let anyone know that I couldn't protect my baby brother. My one damn job! You had no say in that. It WAS my decision, and mine alone. Telling you the entire truth about the deal would have brought me back to square one...you dead, and me a failure. Only, there would be no second chance. Hell no, Sammy. Even in that I broke towards the end and told you. Look where it got us? Me in hell and you so screwed up it all but destroyed your life."

"It was the damned demon who screwed up, Dean. You can't be everywhere! You're not all knowing and all powerful. Azazel dragged me to that spot with the others of his so-called chosen. You couldn't stop anyone from putting that knife in me!"

"I got there, Sam. I saw him stick that knife into you as you tried to get to me. You died in my arms. I was there!"

"You're going to have to learn that you can't be responsible for everything that happens. I was stupid, I didn't cover my back like I should have. Dean, you have to stop this."

"What? Protecting my brother? Tell me how to stop breathing, Sam, because that's not something I've learned how not to do yet. Tell me how, Sammy? For 27 years, I've been responsible for you. 27, Sam. Just someone tell me how."

"This isn't my time, Sam. It's supposed to be yours. Damn it."

"It's OUR time, you silly idiot. Don't you understand?"

"Sam, you're trying to tell me I should've let you die back there. No. I couldn't do that, Sam. If I had, everything I'd done in my life was for nothing. NOTHING! It would have been worthless to me. Everything I did was to protect you, teach you, give you the damn life I never had. Dad kicking me out, and then disappearing, knowing I'd go after you because, for the first time, I needed you, ruined everything, Sam. You were supposed to get that degree, get the dream job you needed, get married, have kids, and be normal, Sammy. You were supposed to leave me. I still had Dad and he needed me. You were supposed to not need me. It wasn't supposed to be me needing. Okay? If I'd still been with Dad. If he hadn't gone and done that disappearing act. You'd be there now. None of this shit would be happening."

"We're both supposed to be normal! I should've dragged your ass with me! Made you sit the SATs."

"Sammy, I had to get a GED, damn it. I missed too much school. I would never have been allowed into Stanford, man. I couldn't afford to go. You had a full ride, man. They gave you another for law school. I would never have gotten through the SATs, man. I was where I had to be. You should have finished school. I should never have come back into your life. That was my mistake. My weakness."

"He didn't encourage you to push your education. Hell, he didn't encourage me either. I should've seen it and made you go, even if it meant guilt tripping you."

"Sam, I hunted, took care of you, and when Dad was gone, never leaving us enough money, I took care of that. I helped you study so you would make those good grades, I was exhausted most days, Sam. I told no one that. I couldn't keep up in school for two reasons. One...I was too damn tired to try. Two...I didn't have your brains, Sammy. Look at me. I still don't always understand what someone's saying, and I make a fool out of both of us sometimes. All I know is two things: Hunting; protecting you. That's the only life I know. It's the only thing I can do well. Well, the hunting I did well. I failed you."

"I call it bullshit."

"You would have made a damn good lawyer, Sammy. I was on this floor holding you, expecting you to get angry about things, but twisting the conversation around on to me. That's good. It's damn good. Is this what your anger sees? Then why don't you just hit me and get it over with. I wasn't ready for this. Hitting me, I can take, but not this...not now. It isn't fair, Sam. Too much in too little time, man. I don't wanna break again. Come on, Sam."

"I've had enough violence to last me for the rest of this life and the next two at least. Dean, you're smarter than you give yourself credit for. Who taught me to read? Who helped me with my homework?"

"Reading? Yeah. Your homework in elementary and middle school? Yeah. You didn't need me in high school, and I was missing more school then I was attending, Sam. By then, you were involved in things in school. You were finding your way, and you didn't know I wasn't. Okay. You're not gonna stop, are you? You got me by the balls and you're gonna break me on this cause you got me here. I know I need to, but damn it, Sammy."

"You helped in high school or don't you remember my physics project? Dean, you're smart. You could've gotten into any college you wanted but were held back by Dad. I don't want to hear you running yourself down again. I don't want you to keep thinking that you're the one who has to be everything to me. All I want is my big brother!"

"I thought that was what I was doing." Dean broke down crying at this point, still holding Sam in his arms.

"No, Dean. You're being Mom and Dad at the same time. That's not what you're supposed to do. Big brothers. .you know.. they buy snacks and shoot the shit with you; they're the ones getting you into trouble. Helping to hide the body type of shit," he hugged his brother now.

"But, Sammy, if I hadn't been Mom and Dad to you, your life wouldn't have been normal. You would never have been a kid, read so well, done so well in school, get a full ride. If I'd just been big brother, we'd have starved to death or been kicked out onto the streets. I never got to be a kid or a teenager, Sam, and I know what that's like. I had to keep you from that."

Sam sighed. "I'm not saying it that well but you know what I mean. I gotta grow up sometime, you know?"

"I'm sorry, Sam You'll have to grow up now, because it's too late for me to change anything now. It's all in the past. I don't know what you want now. I wasn't your big brother, but I wish I could've been. I'm so sorry." Dean was still crying hard, shuddering.

"You know what.. you're right.. it is in the past. We have a clean slate here, and I'll be damned if we let it go to waste. You be my big brother, and I'll get to annoy the hell out of you," he teased.

"Okay. Sam, I did become your big brother when you finally told me you needed that. It was just too late, by then. I'd like to be now."

"Deal?"

"Deal," the older man choked through the tears, still sobbing heavily. "Definitely a deal."

Sam hugged him carefully but as tightly as he could.

Dean rocked his brother in the one good arm he had, not letting go, tears flowing hard. He couldn't stop. He was shaking, grateful for the arm Sam had around his left side as he tried to hold him also.

"We're redoing the Winchester history and karma starting now. No more of this nonsense. We're going to do this right."

"Yeah?" Dean whispered.

"Yup."

"How, Sammy?"

"For one, we're going to start communicating.. yes, chick flick moments, big brother. It means effective talking and listening skills.. which we both have to learn."

The man crying in his arm nodded, and said, "Okay, I think I can do that. What else?"

"We need to take breaks in hunting and just have fun. We're burning out, which is another reason this has turned into such a clusterfuck."

"Okay, you say when, I'll follow."

"Well, we have to agree on when. No one person can lead, Dean. It's a team effort."

"A team takes one leader and the rest are followers."

"You're thinking football again. Baseball doesn't, it's a concentrated effort."

"I thought maybe you were talking football, Sammy. I'm willing to follow for a change."

He stared at him. "I'd rather baseball."

"Last time I played baseball, Sammy, it was T-ball. Every time I get involved in something, come up with ideas, think I know what's best, I screw it up."

"Then we talk about it before we do it Ok?"

"Sam, I'm gonna need help. I'm so scared I'll screw this up too."

"It's a given, we're both going to screw up. It's just that we have to talk about it when we do and not be the hotheaded dickheads we usually are.

"Yeah, you're right. Talking and listening is important. Being hotheaded gets us nowhere."

He nodded. "exactly."

Dean was finally still and the crying had stopped.

Silence was nice as it was a comfortable one this time.

Dean began to rock back and forth, holding on too tight.

The younger brother spoke softly, "It's going to be all right, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, Sam, I know," his brother whispered softly.

"Good, keep that in your head and I will too."

"Sounds good."

"Good." Damn, he felt worn out.


	42. Chapter 42

Interlude

Dean felt exhausted, almost listless. He knew he ought to try to get up, but there was no energy, no strength left in him at this moment to do anything except what he was doing. He had his head on top of Sam's, and he closed his eyes.

A soft tap on the door broke the silence.

"They heard and saw everything, Sam. Come in."

Watari came in. "I thought you two could use a snack. I'm breaking the diet a bit in light of the fact you need energy."

"Thank you, Watari,"Dean spoke softly from the floor in front of Sam's chair. "What did you bring us?"

Banana splits were revealed, doused in all the rich gooey extras. Sodas were waiting as well.

Dean's eyes lit up a bit. "Are you sure?"

He smiled, gesturing for the two to come and enjoy.

Dean groaned, "Sammy, my legs are numb. I've been on them since I got down here. I can't feel a damn thing right now."

He rose, helping his brother to his feet. "Better?"

Dean took step and his legs went out from under him, he threw his left arm out to catch himself and forced himself to roll away from his right side. Sam heard the thud and an "hmph" sound. Watari's eyes grew large in surprise.

"Damn, Dean, I'm sorry, I thought you had it." He and Watari helped him sit up.

A rather loud stream of profanity could be heard.

"It's all right. Let's get you to the table. The blood should resume flowing properly by then."

"Thanks."

The two men lifted him up and helped him walk towards the table.

"I sure as hell hope it has a ton of hot fudge on it," Dean muttered.

Watari looked at Sam and they both started laughing. There was. Watari had not skimped on it. Dean thanked the older man profusely. This would make anyone feel better, and he needed it right now. "You're welcome, Dean. Don't expect it too often though," he teased.

Dean looked up at him. "Well, if it takes what happened tonight to get one, you're right, I won't."

Watari's smile was gentle. "You two made considerable progress. We're pleased."

"That's good," Dean said quietly. "I don't think I can do much of this in one day again, please."

"You won't be expected to. As long as progress continues. You two surprised us a bit with how willing you were to confront things and not argue over it."

Dean seemed surprised. "That wasn't arguing?"

Sam swallowed a bit of his soda. "I think they were expecting drag out fights."

"Oh. I'm sorry, Watari, my fighting was all spent this morning on that wall a few hallways down. I just didn't have any left."

"Either way, it still worked out well for both of you."

"That's good to know. How did it work out well for us? Ummm, besides the treat?"

"You confronted issues that were bothering you, gave yourselves goals to work on, and established a base idea on how to work on it."

"Yeah, I guess we did, didn't we?" Dean still sounded exhausted and listless. His eyes kept drooping. He was enjoying the treat though. He smiled softy at things that were said, but made very little contribution to the conversation.

"You did. Once you two finish your treats, head on to bed. Dean, here are your meds. I'll be by with breakfast in the morning."

Dean swallowed the pills. "Watari, are we having one on one again after breakfast?"

He nodded. "You're with L tomorrow morning."

Dean nodded. "Okay."

"Sam can go back to his room if he so wishes or remain here."

"Thank you. Sam?"

"Up to you," he answered tiredly.

"I've got no problem either way, Sam. You look tired. You're two floors away, aren't you? You're welcome to stay, you know. It's a big bed. Don't have to sleep as close as we did earlier."

"Think I will," he answered

"Sounds good. Think I'll just get a sponge bath tonight. Watari, do you think I could get some help again tomorrow so I can take a shower? Sam, there's plenty of towels and stuff if you want one tonight. You're welcome to use a pair of my sweats. I know they'll be above your ankles."

"Not a problem, Dean. We can tend to that after breakfast and before L meets with you." Sam had finished his snack and headed to the shower, snagging said sweats.

"Thank you, Watari. Do you know what he wants to talk about tomorrow?"

"No, I don't. By the way, I checked on Near earlier, he's doing better."

"Thank you. Tell him I miss him, but I'm dealing right now. He'll know what I mean."

Dean muttered, "I've been worried about him."

"He's resting but I will pass on the message."

"Thank you. After today, I'm beginning to think that things won't be restful around here until this whole thing is taken care of. The session with you this morning. Then Sam about last night. We at least talked, and we've been talking all day. Tonight, I thought was gonna be about him. It started out that way, and I was trying to help him, but somehow, it got turned around on me. My emotions are so frazzled right now, I don't even know what direction I'm moving in."

"You'll regain your emotional footing soon enough," he reassured him. "Right now, you're confronting a lot of issues."

"Yeah, more than I thought I had, actually."

"You're reopening wounds that you'd thought you'd healed and dealt with. It's not unexpected."

"Yeah, but a lot more then I expected, Watari, and I'm not sure yet where to find solid ground."

"Give it time," he advised the young man. "Give it time."

"Yeah, I'll try."

"Good, now rest. I shall see you in the morning."

"Night, Watari." Dean sat at the table, waiting til Sam was done."

Sam came out a short time after the older man had left. "Ok, I feel human again," he laughed, then yawned.

His brother grinned, "Probably smell better too Go on to bed. I'm going to at least sponge myself down as much as I can. I'll be in in a few minutes."

Dean slowly got up, checking to make sure his legs would hold him, and headed towards the bathroom. The younger Winchester chose a side of the bed and laid down, yawning loudly again.

Dean was back in 15 minutes, and turned out the lights, moving slowly to the bed he slept on the opposite side from where he usually slept, so he would not force Sam to sleep facing his face. It was either his back or his left side. He noticed that Sam took the protector's side closest the door, which was his usual side. It made sense. He could do little if needed. Plus, Sam can sleep on either side, and he couldn't, and he did like to sleep facing out at times, and he did miss sleeping on his stomach. He would be so glad when he was healed.

The older brother worked to get himself onto the bed without throwing himself onto his back on it. It was a high bed. He did not want to wake up his brother.

"'Night, Dean," he mumbled.

"I thought you were asleep, Sam. You don't mind if I make a little movement here so I can get on this bed?"

"Go for it, I didn't drift off 'cause I knew you'd have to squirm a bit to get comfortable with those injuries." It was why he'd chosen this side too.

As Dean had said, it was a big bed, so Sam really expected to feel very little. He was surprised when the entire bed shook violently. Dean finally squirmed around and found a good position.

"Night, Sam," he said, leaving his brother wondering what the hell he'd just done.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you just do?"

"Get into bed."

"Dude, the whole bed shook."

"Yeah, I know."

"Did you drop into it?" Which wasn't good for his shoulder, seriously.

"Kinda sorta."

"Not good for your shoulder, Dean."

"Sammy, you're a sasquatch and this is a tall bed. I bet, with those legs of yours that you just sat down on it. Well, I can too, with two good arms to lift me up a little. I don't have that, so it's turn your back to it and jump backwards and land on your back. Hurt my shoulder, hell yeah. It does. I'm not gonna climb on a step stool to get into bed when I can't hold on to anything."

He frowned, not having thought the bed was that high. "Okay. Just be careful. I worry about you."

"I will."

"Kay," he yawned. "Sleep well."

"Thanks. You, too." Dean's mind was working overtime, going over everything that had gone on that day. He wanted to think. Instead he dozed off quickly. Watari, understanding the young man more then he understood himself, had given him, in his medications, one of the pills to help him sleep.

Sam dozed off once he sensed Dean's body relax into sleep, still feeling protective over his older brother.


	43. Chapter 43

Dean's morning

Dean woke early the next morning. Hearing Sam's steady breathing, he carefully eased off the bed. The older Winchester had no idea if anyone was up, but needed to walk a bit. He went to the restroom, and with a struggle, finally managed to open the door.

He headed to the elevators and picked the garden floor. Entering the humid room, he slowly walked, looking at trees and plants. He thought he was alone at first, until L wished him good morning. Dean froze and turned, seeing the detective in his usual crouch, on one of the chairs.

"Good morning," Dean answered back.

"Dean is up earlier than I expected," he addressed the other.

"I wasn't planning on it, but I think I had some help sleeping last night. Watari's sneaky. I fell asleep too fast."

L nodded. "He has learned to be when dealing with us," he gestured at the seat. "How are you feeling?"

Dean slowly arranged himself where he would be comfortable. "Physically, mentally, or emotionally? With you, I imagine emotionally?"

"Any of the above."

"Really? You want a full consensus for you notes, Doctor?" Dean smiled a little as he said it.

A tiny curve of the lips was accompanied with his answer. "Only wish to see how you are doing."

\\"Well, after all my exercise, emotional roller coasters, and some real mental twisting, I hurt like hell, I'm drained, and I'll be all right. Something came up last night that bothered me quite a bit. Not sure what to do with it yet."

"Which is?"

"This is difficult. I can see what Sam meant to a point. Dad pretty much deserted us and Mom was dead. It was my job to take care of him. I got set in that mindset. It was wrong. I know that , but you kinda don't stop being a parent. I can't make him see that. "

"In so many words, he told me last night that a parent wasn't what he had needed, but the big brother. He never mentioned it until a short time before I went to hell. That's when I taught him how to work on the car."

"I just kinda got the feeling that he didn't like the fact that I had been that instead of someone to have fun with. He said he had to grow up sometime. He's right. I told him he'd have to do it now because I couldn't change the past. He jumped on that and wanted to just let it go and start from here.

"It's not that easy. A lot things changed and/or ruined my life because I was Mom and Dad when our father wouldn't do it. I love the idea of being a big brother. It's just the thought that what I did do was not wanted. It hurt, L. It shouldn't have. I'm a big boy and I'm trying to not let things do that to me, but it did. He's excited about this. I don't want to hurt him."

"You fall into the role of a parent because you are a person that can be termed big hearted. Look at how quickly you bonded with Near who, arguementably, can be termed as difficult to understand. You need to be open with Sam, tell him that you are afraid that you'll slip back into the prior role. Work a system so he can signal to you if you are and help you get back into the role you were born to play."

"Okay. I'll do it at breakfast. How is Near this morning." Dean hoped the change of subject would not make L think he was steering away from him, but he knew he was. He was hopeful of no serious sessions but knew that becoming normal was the goal and it required the sessions. He really was concerned about Near.

"Almost back to his normal self, though he has been driving Mello to distraction."

"Mello? Distraction? What's going on?"

He gave a soft chuckle. "He is curious as to why Mello put the pillow under him or alerted us to his condition."

Dean laughed, "And Mello doesn't want him to know he cares."

"Pretty much."

"In human comedy, that would be called 'Perfection.' It's priceless."

"Near knows just how to annoy Mello without seeming to try and not be called on it. Matt is simply laughing himself sick watching them."

Dean grinned, "I bet he is."

"Later today, Sam will be working on another project to further his work on addiction. I thought spending time in the garden with Near might help relax you."

"I'd like that. I enjoy times with Near. He's so innocent, but he can be so devious. He doesn't understand emotions, but he gives so freely from them."

L nodded. "Yet he does not realize he is doing just that. He's a conundrum in his own right."

"I'm not gonna tell him he's doing that. It would worry him. Besides, if you see it with your eyes, you know it's real. He's real, conundrum and all. I like him like he is."

Another nod. "It seems Watari is ready to bring your breakfast up. We can adjourn this and resume once you have eaten and showered."

Dean headed back downstairs to his room. Watari arrived at the same time. Sam opened the door, looking at Dean questioningly.

Watari smiled to himself, setting up their meal. "I shall be back in about half an hour to help you with the shower."

"Thank you, Sir. Oh! What new thing am I gonna learn to like today?" Sam, having heard it a couple of times already, realized it was a game between the two men.

"Omelet, fruit cup, and green tea."

"An omelet? What's in it? What kind of fruit? Why is the tea green?" Sam was smiling. Did Dean do this to the man every meal? Watari must be incredibly patient.

"It's a vegetarian omelet, which I think you will like. The fruit cup is berries today." Patiently, he explained what green tea was and why it was healthy.

"Thank you, Sir. No odd veggies in the omelet?"

"Things you will enjoy, I promise," he chuckled.

Dean sighed, "That's good. Thank you, Sir." Sam wasn't used to hearing his brother call anyone 'Sir' quite like that. Not since Dad."

Watari teased him. "You behave yourself and eat it, you'll have a surprise during your visit later."

Dean's eyes sparkled and he grinned, "Is there some reason why I wouldn't eat it? I look forward to the surprise, Watari. Thanks so much."

"Actually, because you have no meat in this meal and I'm steadily trying to bring out the omnivore in you instead of the diehard carnivore," the teasing continued and Sam had to smother his laughter.

"Hey, I'm an omnivore! I eat veggies on cheeseburgers all the time, and I eat baked potatoes and French fries."

Sam started laughing as Watari fixed him with a gimlet glare, which was obviously borderline laughing as well. "No, Dean, that is about as convincing as the whole cows eat grass argument."

"Does that one work? I eat eggs, and chickens eat corn."

"No it doesn't work. Matt tried that argument with me. You will eat your vegetables, young man."

"Yes, Sir! I'd salute, Sir, but the arm won't go up."

"Eat!" He was laughing now, eyes sparkling with merriment.

Dean picked up a fork, and cut off a large piece of omelet and rammed it in his mouth and smiled at the older man. The hazel eyes were definitely twinkling. Sam knew it wasn't bad manners this time. His brother was playing a game with the older man. It was good to see.

"Darn, I guess it means you liked it and I won't have to have someone feed you." The teasing was a lot of fun.

"That depends on what SHE looks like. I can easily not like it."

"No females in the building," he informed him.

"Really? What do you do for fun?"

"Read," he answered, watching him closely.

Dean looked wicked for a few minutes. "What floorboard are the Busty Asian Beauties magazines hidden under?"

Sam nearly choked on his omelet at Watari's response. "None, but I can point you to a nice thick edition of Conan-Doyle's Sherlock Holmes."

Sam did choke at his brother's response. "Fantastic! I'd like to borrow that. I started it when Sam went to Stanford. I got hurt bad on a hunt. I was laid up for eight weeks. I had a stack. Got a few read but Dad came back early. Didn't get to finish Doyle."

At this point, both men realized the older hunter wasn't joking any longer.

"I'll get the copy for you," he smiled.

Dean nodded his thanks, his mouth full of omelet.

After Watari went to check on his other charges, Sam looked at his brother. "If I'd known, I'd have gotten you a copy."

"Sam, if I remember right, the few times I mentioned something in a book you looked at me like I was crazy. I remember once saying, 'Hey, I read.' You wouldn't have believed it, Sam. Besides, after I came and got you at Stanford, things were never quite right between us. We didn't talk a lot of personal stuff, and when we did we usually ended up fighting. You wouldn't have known because I wouldn't have told you."

"I'm sorry for that. Matt was right...I should've encouraged you to learn instead of putting you down."

"What the hell?"

Sam stared at his plate, quietly telling him about the conversation he'd had with Matt the day before.

"I ought to kick his ass, but he was trying to defend me so I can't. When exactly did you put me down for lack of education? Look, I'm what I am, Sam. Not much can be done about it. I have a GED, and I read when I get a chance. You're the college boy; the one with the brains. I inherited the looks." Dean picked up his spoon and started eating the berries.

"We agreed you wouldn't put yourself down anymore, Dean, and you're not stupid. I laughed at you when you had questions instead of answering them. That's not what a good brother would do."

"In our family, it was, Sam. It was the norm to pick at me if I got serious about learning. You know that. Dad was the worst. You just learned from him. Okay. I'm not angry about it. That's just how it was. I just started playing the fool, making jokes cause it was easier to deal that way."

"Still, I'm sorry for that."

"By the way, Nietzsche sucked."

He grinned, "Agreed."

Dean was drinking is tea, waiting until Watari returned.

"Verdict?"

"It's not bad. I had no idea there were so many kinds of teas, though."

Watari smiled. "I keep it varied for the boys, though I doubt most of them would even notice if I didn't. L downs his most of the time."

"I enjoy a good meal. I just don't get them that often. I do notice things and I ask about them. I know we have fun with it, but I seriously want to know."

"I'm also getting recipes together for you two. Simple ones that aren't too costly but will keep you both healthy. Samuel, why don't you go and get ready? I will meet you in half an hour or so. Dean, are you ready to clean up?"

"Yeah, I am. We wrapping me up?"

Watari was brandishing the saran wrap while Sam laughed and hurried out. "I'm going to take the bandages off though and we'll replace them when you get out."

"It's strange that they worked it out to have the whole thing bandaged and no cast"

"Surgeons are amazing people," he murmured, helping Dean out of the robe and began removing the old bandages. "The wounds seem to be healing rather well so far."

"How's Near doing? I know it hit my shoulder, tore up a bunch of stuff in there before it went into him but the ricochet in him turned and went further down and that scared me."

"He's moving stiffly and with some pain, which is to be expected given what he went through and his small size. We're keeping an eye on him though to make sure he heals properly. The new doctor is staying on call as well."

"I'm glad to know that. Near scared me and he needs someone close by. L likes this new doctor? How long before he's on staff?"

"He's already on staff," he answered. "L seems to approve of him thus far."

Dean nodded and stood still as Watari wrapped him. He headed in to take a shower. He was in there for about 20 minutes, not wanting to stop, but finally got out and dried off, noticing his clothes were missing.

"Watari, my stuff's gone."

"I have fresh for you. I had to find them," he laughed softly. A pair of underwear, pajama bottoms and clean robe were laid onto the counter.

"Thanks."

Dean brushed his teeth and his hair, wishing his left was not banged up. He wanted a shave badly. He dressed in everything but the robe. Watari would be removing the plastic and rebandaging him and then helping him get the robe on over the bandages. He turned and headed back to the bedroom. He was glad the doctor was here for Near. In twelve weeks, he'd have the bandages removed, and start hunting again. He really did not care much for doctors. It was a relief he was fine enough not to have to be bothered by one all the time.

Once he was out, Watari applied the ointment and fresh bandages to help keep the wounds clean and on the path to healing smoothly.

Dean smiled and thanked him. "You know the wounds are sore. I've had worse, but the clavicle and the shoulder blade aren't much fun. Thanks again for helping me. Am I supposed to go back up to the garden?"

"Second floor. L's waiting for you there."

"Okay..." Dean headed out the door which was open and towards the elevator hallway. He got in and managed to press 2. Stepping off the elevator, he turned to see what was around him.

The room was a softly lit library, and L was sitting on a comfortable chair with a book on his knees.

Dean looked around in awe. "Is this whole floor a library?" he asked softly.

"Yes it is. Feel free to make use of it anytime you wish."

Dean softly said, "Thank you." He started browsing. L watched him out of the corner of his eye. Dean looked at books on automobile mechanics, books on firearms, mythology, and medicine. He turned and headed toward the fiction under the D's. He finally found the Doyle. There was a recliner in an alcove, and the hunter settled there with the Sherlock Holmes book.

L had intended on having a session this morning but had realized that Dean needed time to relax and recharge, which is why he'd chosen the library and then allow him time with Near.

L kept an eye on the hunter as he read. One thing surprised the detective. Dean seemed to turn the pages faster than most people with his education would do. He wondered where the older brother had learned to speed read, and did Sam know?

"Dean, you did get your GED. Have you thought of a university?"

"Yeah, the winter after Sammy went to Stanford. I stayed put and took the classes. Wasn't hard. Dad had a fit about it, but I did it." He was quiet after the response, but he wasn't reading. He was thinking.

"How about going back and completing?"

"Other than Dad who walked out on me, you're the only person I've said that to. Think about it a minute. No one, I mean no one has ever considered asking me that. I'm not college material, L. I'm a hunter. We don't make the kind money school requires."

"You are college material, Dean. I've seen the scores from that school and your GED. There are grants and loans available to you as well."

"I'm too old for living on campus, L. I'd have to live. I don't think credit card scams would get me far if I stayed put. Then there's the question of what would I study? What the hell do I know other than cars and killing. If I graduated, I'd be 35-36 years old. There will be all of those in their 20s with more years to offer. I would have no experience. I can't see it. I mean. It's a great idea, but I just can't see it. Not me."

He looked up from his book. "You have a habit of thinking defeat before the battle even begins. There are universities that offer online courses that can be taken at your leisure. Four year degrees and you have time before choosing a major."

"Seriously?" Dean looked L in the eyes, and realized the man was very serious. He sat up holding the Holmes book between his hands. "I want to be a mechanic and be able to do it. But I'd love to study automotive design... .know how to create what I want. I can build it if I can design it. I have no idea where you go to do something like that."

"I will find information for you," he answered softly. "But you must stop thinking defeat before the battle is even joined."

"I don't with everything, just personal stuff. It's never been about me ever. My thoughts are on what others should be able to do. I figure I'll be a hunter...won't live to old age. It's what I was taught. I think that is one thing that drove Sam to where he was. Not wanting to be fighting when he's old. I just never really thought of anything beyond this, L. It never seems to end."

"It will. Everything has an end."

Dean sighed. "If it's going to end, I'd like to live to see it. I really just want to open that business with Sam, rebuild damaged cars, do repairs, and design something spectacular. I'd like to have that degree, but I also need to go to school to work on the new cars, trucks, and diesels. It's a lot, I know."

"Another adventure, just of a different sort," he answered softly.

"One that might actually bring happiness, you think?"

"Happiness is worked towards, fought for. It's not given."

"To have what I want is going to take a hell of a lot of time and work. Fighting for it? Yeah it'll take some fighting. Nothing worth having is given to you."

"As long as you keep that in mind, you will succeed."

"I'd like that. Anyway, can I borrow this book? What time do I get to see Near?"

"You may borrow it. Near will be waiting for you as soon as you are ready. I hope you enjoy puzzles."

"I'm sure I will. Where do I meet him?"

"The interior gardens," he gave a tiny smile.


	44. Chapter 44

LOTR and Puzzles

Dean smiled his thanks and headed towards the elevator. He found his way back to the gardens. He stepped inside, looking for Near, remembering his panic the last time he'd found the boy here.

Near was in his usual crouch, though more careful, working a puzzle.

Dean walked up and looked down at what Near was doing on the table. He wasn't sure what the picture was supposed to be yet. He made sure that Near knew he was there before he spoke.

"Hi, Near. How're you feeling?"

"Near is improving. How is Dean?" There was a tea set, waiting for them with snacks. Near was sipping on a cup already.

Dean looked at the delicate teapot and was grateful that the cups were a regular size. His left hand had been rebandaged by Watari that morning and he could use his fingers some. He poured himself some tea and sat down.

"My wounds are healing up just fine. The bones will take longer and they hurt. It's good to see you doing better. What's the puzzle a picture of? Can't remember doing one, but I'd love to try, if you can use the help."

"This is a redwood scene, Near believes. Watari purchased more puzzles for Near recently, and Near would find doing puzzles with Dean enjoyable."

Dean sat down and began to look at the pieces. Near already had the border done. Dean started looking for pieces for his part of the puzzle.

"I've seen the redwoods. They remind me of the Mallorn trees in Galadriel's woods in 'Lord of the Rings.' I think that was the Two Towers. They don't have the beautiful yellow flowers, but you can actually drive through one. They're huge. I use to imagine elves living in the tops of them."

"Near has read the books but has not thought of such a place to be what Dean describes." There was a slight puzzled look on his face.

"It's using your imagination. You think in your mind how you see a place or a person in a book you read. You become part of it, and it becomes part of you. I saw Galadriel's Lothlorien as massive trees that the elves lived in. It's described that way. Not until I saw the redwoods did I really understand what I saw in my mind. Trees like that exist. It's really awesome."

He picked the box up, looking quizzically at the picture on it. "Near can see what Dean sees."

"Now see at the bottom of the trees? That's a man, Near. Think about the Mallorn trees, all silver with yellow flowers. The redwoods are red but they make you feel it."

He nodded. Near did enjoy playing and could see what Dean was seeing. "Near would like this puzzle finished to see it in a wider view."

Dean enjoyed playing at times. It fed a need from his lost childhood. He smiled. "Yeah, me too. Let's do it. Maybe L can get some of that spray sealant for puzzles and we can frame it and hang it on your wall to remind you of the Mallorn trees."

"Near had not thought of that."

"It would be a cool thing to do, and I bet L wouldn't mind."

"Near will ask." He picked up another piece to work. "Dean can choose the next puzzle if Dean wishes."

In a couple of hours, the picture was finished, and both of them were standing looking down on a beautiful scene. Dean held his breath for a second, remembering how magnificent the trees had been. He would love to show them to Near sometime.

"This is very pretty," the teen commented, staring at the puzzle.

"It is, but it's nothing like really seeing it. The air is cool and crisp. You're not far from the Pacific ocean. It's mountainous there. The trees just keep going up and up and up. You can lay on your back and just stare up through the red wood and the greenery. The cones are huge. You can barely see the sky for trees. They seem to go up forever."

Near admired the picture. "Perhaps a trip can be made to see it one day." Though it was complicated given his own albinism.

"A vehicle with dark tinted windows that didn't let sunlight in but allowed you to see out, would be good. If you got in among the trees, and were dressed right, you could manage for a little while. Not real long but long to experience it."

"Near would like that, Near thinks."

"It's the closest place I've ever come to Middle Earth. Now there are mountains in the Rockies that remind me of some parts of Middle Earth, but nothing like the redwoods."

They worked on and finished two other puzzles, neither thinking about lunch, talking once in a while, but mostly being quiet together. It was starting to get dark, and Dean's shoulder was starting to hurt. He'd been leaning over in one position for hours. He looked at the stained windows and realized it must be late.

"Near, did you eat today? We need to think about doing something about that. Have you had your meds? Because I missed a noon dose. Wonder why Watari didn't hunt us down? Ah well, who cares. You gonna leave these like this and see if L will get the spray?"

Watari chuckled from the entryway. "I have a larger supper for you both and the spray. L found it would be easier to let you two stay relaxed."

"What do you have tonight, Watari, that you are going to teach me to like?" Dean grinned, but he looked in pain.

"I have a lasagna for you with salad and spinach," he answered. "As well as medication for you both."

"Lasagna? Really? Turkey sausage or ground turkey in it? Low fat cheese I know. Caesar? Thanks for the meds, Watari. I sat way too long in this position. I'm hurting. How did Sam's session go today? I hope it helped him. You said something about addiction."

He nodded. "He's eating in his room for now. The session was exhausting."

"Near, have you ever seen the Lord of the Rings movies that Peter Jackson did? The extended versions are over 4 hours long and they were filmed in New Zealand which was perfect for Middle Earth. If L has them, we could watch them a little at a time and share them. If you'd like to. I have these sessions, and I'm rebuilding my relationship with Sam, my brother, but I'd love to do this also. Maybe we could pick one night a week and watch one?"

"Near has not. Near believes Matt and Mello would enjoy them as well." He knew the others wanted some fun time with Dean too and Dean could enjoy having the others around.

"I'd like that. I would love to invite Sam and give you a chance to know the real Sam but I don't know if you guys are ready. He can be a lot of fun too. I can understand if you don't want to yet. It won't upset me. Okay?"

"Near will ask Matt and Mello, L as well, to see if this is acceptable and plan for a night."

"If he agrees, and they do also, I'll mention it to Sam then. We could pull an all-nighter and watch all three, if you and I are up to it."

"Of course. Near will ask."

"That would be fun. I hope it's agreeable with everyone because I don't want to leave Sam out of something like that, but not if the boys can't play nice if he's there."

Dean took his meds and settled to eat the lasagna and the Caesar's salad he so enjoyed. His only comment was, "hmmmm"

Near began eating his meal as well, occasionally taking bites as he focused on the robot toy he carried with him practically everywhere.

The hunter watched the teen and the robot, and wondered about it. He did not ask at the time because Near seemed enthralled in what he was doing. He let him do it and enjoyed his meal and the quiet contentment he felt.

Watari had given the boy a smaller serving, knowing the limits of Near's appetite. Of the group, he was the lighter eater.

After the meal finished, Watari sent the two to their rooms to rest.

Dean walked into his room and threw himself backwards onto the bed. He just laid there, his shoulder and right side hurting badly that night. The pain meds weren't cutting it tonight and he had no idea why.

The older man came by to check on him, having noticed the expression of pain. "Are you all right?"

"Hurt differently tonight for some reason and the pain meds aren't working. Scared to take any more. When these particular bones are damaged, do they do this sometimes? I read the clavicle and the collar bone can be problems for pain. If so, is this gonna happen often?"

"Probably because you were leaned over for so long. Near isn't complaining but is showing similar signs." He left for a moment, coming back in with a heating pad. The older man set it up on low heat, pressing it to the spot that was causing pain. "This should help."

The hunter winced when he was moved to settle the heating pad, but once the heat reached through the bandages, he sighed.

"Oh god that feels good. Thanks, Watari. Near gonna be all right?"

"He will be. Of the four, he tends to hide his pains a lot more so it's difficult to catch."

"So, I'm the barometer? If I hurt, he more than likely does too. I hope it helps."

"In a way, though his injuries were a bit lower in the torso but yes, if you're uncomfortable, then he must be. His reactions are slow as well." That and Near had eaten less than normal earlier.

"He's not eating right, Watari. Now he's a kid, he's growing, and healing. We gotta make sure he eats more." Dean hadn't even realized he'd included himself in those who saw to it the boy ate.

"It is not unusual for Near to eat such small amounts so I ensure he has small snacks to help as well."

"Okay. This is really helping, Watari. I'm gonna try to sleep. Thank you. Thanks for the free day. After yesterday, I really needed it. Will Sam be here for breakfast, or do you know?"

"Depends on how he feels. I will ask him," he smiled. "Sleep well now."

"Watari? What happened?"

"What goes on in his therapy is up to him to volunteer. Same with yours."

"I'm sorry. You're right. I just worry about him. I know...Mom/Dad syndrome, but he's my brother. Can't help it." Dean smiled softly drifting off to sleep.

Watari shut the door behind him, letting the other rest.


	45. Chapter 45

Sam and Dean...Morning Talk

Dean did not hear the knock on his door the next morning, nor the door open. He'd still not recovered from two days before, and was just tired.

A breakfast tray was brought in and a familiar hand gently shook him.

Dean's eyes squinted up at the familiar face. "Morning," he mumbled.

A tired looking Sam gave him a smile. "Hey."

"You don't look too hot, Sammy. You okay?" Dean struggled to turn onto his left side so he could lift himself up with his left arm and hand.

"Yesterday was pretty draining." He helped his brother up.

"Thanks, man." The older brother leaned over and turned off the heating pad, then slowly eased himself off the bed, and headed towards the bathroom.

Coming back out, he looked at the tray. One? "Watari bringing mine?"

"I ate already. It's a bit late. Everyone decided to let you sleep in for a while."

"I appreciate that, but I had an easy day yesterday. You still look tired. What time is it?"

"Nine thirty," he answered, taking a seat at the table.

"That takes a chunk out of a day. What did he send this morning?"

"Whole grain waffles with fruit. Pretty good."

"Sounds good. Care to talk about it? I've been worried about you. I'm trying to not be mommy/daddy here."

Sam slumped a bit, grabbing a cup of tea that had been added for himself. "Facing my stupidity for the most part...what I could've done better and how to make the healthier choices in the future. Anger issues too."

"Anger issues?" Dean took a bite of the waffles and fruit, and smiled softly.

He sipped the tea. "Yeah..

I've got it bad."

"I'd like to understand, Sam."

"There's a lot of anger that's built up over the years, Dean. At myself, at Dad.. some at you...mostly at the situations I face. Instead of reacting normally, I get pissed."

"I can't do much about Dad or you, but the situations...me, what can I do?"

"We're already starting on it. Going to big brother instead of parent for one thing. Communication for the next part. Just.. if I start getting angry, you're going to have to help me realize it and get me to vent in a healthy manner."

Dean nodded as he swallowed, and picked up the cup of tea. His eyes popped open wide. "What is this? I don't taste tea, but I do taste vanilla and honey." He shook his head, took another sip. "It's not bad, though. Surprised me."

He looked at Sam thoughtfully. "I've got a problem that needs your help, too, Sam. I never knew I was even considered by you as being wrong by being Mom and Dad to you. I'd done it for so long, Sam, it caused a lot of pain in my life doing it. Pain I told no one about. Still haven't. I will admit, when you said that two nights ago, I had mixed feelings about it. I was angry and hurt because I felt I'd had no life being that for you. The other, though, was relief. I'd like to be the big brother and do those things you talked about. Problem I have, is 27 years of being your parents. You're gonna have to help me without getting angry, Sam. Maybe some signal or something to just say 'Hey! Knock it off!' Can you do that?"

He nodded. "Chamomile and yeah, I think it's a good idea. We can set up a signal or set of signals. If we're upsetting each other and need space, if one is doing something that's falling back to old habits, stuff like that."

"Yeah, exactly. Let's face it, Sam. We're gonna fall back into old habits once in a while. We need to guard each other to stop it."

"Yup, hold each other accountable and be each other's support cause once these guys deem us fit enough, we'll have to watch each other's back."

"Yeah, being brothers."

He nodded again.

Dean thought for a few moments. "Signals might not always work with me, Sam. I start getting parental in your mind, call me 'Mom.' That will shut me up faster than anything."

"You sure?"

Dean winced, "Yeah, I'm sure. Shock factor will knock it out of me faster than some signal. I guarantee it."

"Or get a fist thrown at me," Sam responded.

The hunter sighed. "Yeah, it's a possibility, but damn it, Sam, you're a big boy. You told me not long ago that you could take me. Anyway, not likely, Sam. Not after what I've been through in here."

"Seriously, it's wishful thinking on my part. You've got several years experience on me. Only way I get headway is 'cause you hold back."

"Seriously, Sam? I can't not hold back. If you ever got angry at me, you could probably kill me. But, as a brother, I'll teach you and show you where you're making mistakes, if you'd like. Once I'm well."

"Yeah I would like that because I need to know how to cover your back more effectively."

"That's a date, once the doc gives me a clean bill of health. Changing the subject. I know our tastes run different. I understand that. Could you learn to like fishing?"

"I've never tried but am game to give it my best shot. Watari said I needed some slower type activities for meditation and relaxation."

"Fishing is perfect for that, but hiking can be too. If you get off the beaten path. I did something else while you were recovering. We stayed at the cabin in west Texas. It was out in the middle of desert and mountains. Incredible place, honestly. I want that place badly, Sam. L bought it, and said when I'm ready. Nice little town about 10 miles away. The city is about an hour or so away. I want to make a name for us as mechanics, rebuilders, and one other thing as a mechanic's place. People would come to us. Not too near the cabin. Maybe right outside of the town."

Sam listened, trying to picture this. "Sounds lovely out there."

"I know there's a lot of snow in winter, but,Sam it's beautiful. The hikes in the desert and the mountains will be incredible. I did a little with Near and Watari. You're alone, unless you brought someone with you. There's places to sit and think. I love South Dakota, and Bobby's place. Don't get me wrong, but, Sam, I don't want to ride on Bobby's shirt tail. I got to train on the new vehicles and diesels. Might take a year of school. Body work, I can do. Sam, there's something else I want to do. You and Bobby may think I'm crazy."

"What's that?"

"I want to design automobiles."

Well, Dean had rebuilt the Impala and had talent in other things. It made sense for his brother to go into this. "You'll wanna look into online schools. I can help with some of the maths and stuff you'll need to take.. at least the core classes you'll have to take. Probably want to expand the cabin then to have an office for you with a drafting table and whatever else you need."

Dean sat still, staring at his brother. "You don't think it's crazy." It was said as a matter of fact, not a question. Sam realized that Dean had expected opposition.

"Why would I? You're bright, got good ideas.. you know your way around an engine and car. You know what would work and not.. what is needed for the future. Shit, I'm proud of you for realizing what you want."

"Really?" Dean almost sounded like a little boy, not sure if the treat offered was real or not.

"Hell yeah!"

"All right! I had this idea about a year ago. I was driving somewhere to get something. Don't remember now. I saw this guy, driving one of those new electric cars...tiny thing. He was watching my baby and he looked almost green with envy. Men, and some women, Sam, like big cars. The problem is they're expensive to drive now. I want to design one that is aerodynamically efficient. I read that one of the major companies is creating a fuel source that runs on a fuel created on plants out of the ocean. If I can maybe talk to them and see what type of engine would be needed to run solely on this source, we could have a big car that would be cheap to run."

"The tricky part is approaching them to get the information you need. You'd have to show them some proof that you're designing vehicles to run on it and not looking to steal their ideas." He looked thoughtful on it.

"Well, it's a ways off yet. We got to get a good business going, and make a name for ourselves. I got to go to school and learn design. By that time, I may ask L if he could put a word in. He seems to know a lot of people."

"He might at that. Maybe even get him as a silent partner or something, that'd be a good way to bring him in."

"You might consider taking some of those law courses, or find us someone honest, Sam. We will need contracts that don't steal my ideas out from under us. I won't sell the rights to anything. I'll work partnership, but I won't sell. The Winchester name is on it."

"A silent partner to help with funding wouldn't hurt but only with really tight contracts. I could finish that and get a minor in business. That would keep me a bit busy though but worth it."

"You were almost through pre-law. How long does it take to get a law degree? Do you need a doctorate to be really good at it? We could both do it at the same time. While I'm learning the mechanic skills you could finish your pre-law. Then we could work together. You do your law, and I do automotive design."

"Sounds like a plan. It'll be a challenge for me considering how long it's been since I was in school I but think I could do it."

"Man, you can do it. You always had the brains for it. My problem is trying to get into automotive design on a GED."

"You can do it. We'll get you there."

"Okay, we'll do it." After I gank Lilith, because you can't be allowed to, little brother.

"We'll have to find a school for you."

"It will have to be some kind of technical school won't it?"

"I'll have to research that honestly. I'm not sure."

"Okay, I haven't seen Watari, yet. Are either of us on for a session today? I imagine I am. You may have a day off."

"I haven't heard. Think they're giving us time to talk and vent if need be." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"I wish my hands were free. I'd rub your neck for you. Looks like you need it."

"I've got knots in my neck, shoulders, and upper back like you wouldn't believe."

Dean made a decision. "Get on the floor, on your stomach."

"You're hurting though, Dean."

"I can do this, Sam."

"Just promise if it hurts, stop." He looked worried.

"Okay. Take your shirt off. On your stomach."

The shirt was pulled off, and he laid on the floor with a soft groan.

Dean straddled Sam's butt and began ripping the bandages off his left hand with his teeth. Starting at the lower back he felt for knots. He found where the knots on Sams back, shoulders and neck were. Bending over, he used his arm and elbow to work each knot on the back until it broke free. He'd stop and check with the injured hand. It was slow work, but the back was soon taken care of.

He straddled his brother's back, and was soon working on the shoulders, one knot at a time, using his left hand. He'd stop, shake out the hand and work some more. He began on the neck. The massage took about 45 minutes but Dean had finally worked the knots free.

He slid off onto his left side and lay on his back a moment, catching his breath. "I need some ointment and bandages for the hand, when you're up to moving. I'm surprised someone didn't come in here and kick my ass for removing the bandages. Would have had a fight though."

"Oh my god, Dean..I think I can move again. I had no idea it was that bad ."He got up, stretching and went to find the first aid kit.

The older brother lay on his back on the floor, easing his own muscles. It felt good to have something hard like a floor under him. He forced his back to go straight with no curve. It enabled him to pull muscles and felt good. He relaxed and waited on Sam, wondering why the hell Watari was not in here making a fuss. He would have been if he'd seen. Dean looked around trying to figure where the small cameras could be hidden. Did L turn them off? Why?

Sam came back and rebandaged his hand. "Better?"

"Yeah, thanks. Help me up?" Dean held out the newly bandaged hand.


	46. Chapter 46

WARNING: This chapter has sexual connotations.

Dean...Dealing

He helped him to his feet and a few moments later, Watari popped his head in with a smile. "Sam, you may have today to relax. Dean, L is waiting for you in the gardens."

"Watari? Which gardens?"

"I kicked him outside for the moment. He needs sunshine as do you."

"Thank you, Sir." Dean smiled at his brother. "Oh, Sam? They got a fabulous library on Two." Dean headed out his door towards the elevators. When he reached the rear outside door, he took a deep breath. The sessions were not getting easier. The digging was deeper. Ah, well, he thought. Dad always told us 'no pain, no gain.' He started walking the extensive gardens looking for L.

L was perched in a chair, shaded a bit by a cherry tree.

Dean noted the chairs with pleasure. No bench without a back to support his shoulder. He sat down next to L. " Where are we headed today?"

"I want to take the time and let you review what you've confronted so far and how you feel you're coming, what you think needs more work."

"I've dealt with my Mom's death, having no childhood, Sam not liking me being both parents when he wanted a brother, Ruby, and Sam's powers to a point. My life, what little I had of it, when raising Sam, until he went off to Stanford, is something I'm not sure I can deal with totally, L. There are things I've told no one. It can't come out. Dad found out. He sent Sam off to Bobby for a while. Can't talk about it, because I'd have to tell Sam."

"There's stuff I haven't really dealt with but it's not as serious as that time was."

L's dark eyes looked at Dean. "Anything that is a concern to you, a problem in the past, must come out and be dealt with. This habit of hiding problems is not healthy."

"Look L, Dad nearly killed me because of it. Took Sam away. This would finish driving him away. You wouldn't want me here either...certainly not around the boys...Near. I didn't have a life, L. Not growing up. But there was hell. Okay?"

"I know the type of man you are, Dean Winchester. So do not hide it.. at least from me and yourself."

You're gonna turn around and tell me I have to tell Sam. He's got to know. Or make me feel guilty enough to do it on my own."

"That will all be your decision but you must tell someone."

Dean was shaking very hard. His voice started trembling as he started to talk. "I was around 15-16 years old. Had a lot of girls and women trying to catch my notice. Dad said more and more that I was too pretty to be a boy. I looked too much like my mom. I thought he was nuts again. "

"He started staying gone longer and longer. Winter was coming on. We were in school. He'd left all the information and stuff so I could get us enrolled. He was only supposed to be gone two weeks. When week five hit, I needed money real bad. The motel was ready to evict us. Sam needed a coat. There was the materials he needed for a Science fair. He needed twenty for a field trip. We had some dry cereal and nothing else to eat in the place. I fed Sam and headed down to the local pool hall and bar. I can really play pool. I never lose."

"I was surprised they let me in. I had a fake id saying I was 21. They let me in with that. I started playing at eight and at midnight, I knew I had to get back to Sam. Dad would be furious, but we needed the money. I cleared fifteen hundred dollars. I started walking back to the motel, and these guys jumped me. They forced me behind some cars."

Dean got up and walked off, sobs wrenching his body, making retching sounds.

L waited until he returned, handing him a water bottle to help calm his stomach down.

Dean drank the water slowly, saying nothing. Finally, "I thought they wanted the money back. They didn't. Just said playing pool was too easy, and I had to earn it. Damn it, L! I can't do this."

"Yes, you can. You need to share this with someone, and I will not judge."

"They forced me to my knees. One guy stood behind me and held me. The first one, he unzipped himself. The guy behind me stuck his thumbs into the corners of my mouth and forced it open. They all five..they...made me take them...swallow it."

Dean drank some more water. "They said to come back the next week same time and play pool. If I didn't, they knew about Sam. I couldn't call for help. What could I tell Pastor Jim or Bobby? I kept going back, doing what they wanted. That's when Dad came home one evening. I wasn't there. But it was different that night. It was worse."

"We didn't play pool. I got there at 8. One of them grabbed me and they took me upstairs. Dad came an hour later. The bartender panicked when he told him who he was and how old I was. Said I was upstairs."

"Please," Dean sobbed.

L nodded. "You know that you really did have no choice in some ways. Bobby and this Pastor Jim were too far away. Your father is the one responsible for it. He had no excuse for these absences."

"They were vicious, L. I was bleeding. They'd beaten me, raped, and they were putting $100 bills on the bed when Dad walked in. He called me a f'ing whore, grabbed my stuff and walked out. He left me there!"

The detective's eyes narrowed. "You are aware that you are nothing of the sort?"

"I used the money, L. But it was for Sam. I was Mom and Dad to him. Had to protect him, provide for him...oh god!"

"I wrapped myself in a blanket and walked barefooted back to the motel. It was so cold. They were gone. Dad had packed up Sam and took him to Bobby's. I didn't know that. I almost killed myself that night, but I couldn't leave Sam like that."

"They'd beaten me and all the other stuff. I stayed in that motel room for a week til Dad came back. I was still huddled on a bed in that blanket. He nearly killed me, he beat me so bad. He used the scrub brush in the kitchen and washed my mouth with it and dish soap. Did the same thing elsewhere with that damn brush and soap. I started bleeding again. He kept telling me I was worthless and he couldn't trust me. That's when Sam started training."

"Now you tell me how do I tell Sam that story, and that it's my fault he became a hunter."

"He told me he didn't want me as mom and dad and never did. I had that happen because I was."

L leaned forward. "First of all, Samuel would have been a hunter regardless of what happened. This was simply an excuse for him to do it."

Dean was shaking horribly by this point, his face white. "He told me over and over to have Sam's back because I put him there."

"He lied. He put him there, not you. From the moment he stepped onto the path of vengeance and hunting, your father was determined to bring you two along with him."

"I started sleeping with any woman who even smiled at me. I think to hide the pain, but trying to prove I'm not like that. Dad didn't care. I was a whore. I told him I wasn't getting paid by these women. They liked me. He just laughed. He told me as long as I stayed with him and hunted no one would be told. Pastor Jim, Bobby, and, oh god, Sammy, wouldn't know. He hated me. He hated me."

Dean started sobbing, repeating the phrase over and over.

"Dean, your father hated himself and everyone around him because he could not deal with the loss of his wife. His inability to cope affected you and Samuel. You are not to blame. Do you understand?"

"I told you what I did, L. I should have gotten Sammy out of there. I shouldn't have cared what Pastor Jim or Bobby thought. Then I wouldn't have been a whore. But, I didn't. I stayed, I did it, I used the money for Sammy."

"You were raised to be your father's soldier. He told you to stay put, so you stayed. That type of loyalty is commendable, if a bit foolish because it can be misused as it was."

"I had this neatly buried away, L, now what the hell do I do with it?" Dean jumped up as best he could and started running down the path, and disappeared into some trees."

L went strolling after him, catching up a short time later. "You did not have this buried neatly away. This is affecting you every moment of the day. It is why you approached it today. You could no longer deal with it.

Dean was sitting against a tree in the underbrush, wrapped into as much of a ball as sitting with his bandaged side would allow.

"Nothing can change what it is, L. I'm dirty. I always will be. I can't clean it away. I'll never be able to keep a serious relationship without trying to destroy it. I'm not worth one."

"This is why you need to face it. You defeat yourself at every turn because you let that man beat you. The man who should have protected you and did not."

"How do I face it? I let him beat me? How did I let him beat me?"

"You believe his words in regards to being dirty and a whore when you were not. He put you in a dangerous position and instead of being a father about it, he retreated and lashed out because he didn't know what to do."

"But he's my Dad! I'm supposed to believe what he said. I trusted him! How did I let him beat me? I was supposed to trust him."

"Because you let these horrible words sink in and believed them as truth...when you reached adulthood, you should have realized he was wrong. However, you're not fully at fault because you were so indoctrinated. The question remains.. will you continue to let him win?"

"H..h..how do I ssstop him?"

He crouched in front of him. "You have to affirm to yourself daily that you are not a whore, that none of it was your fault, and that you are a worthy person."

"Affirm it? To myself? So, when someone looks at me in ways they shouldn't, it's not my fault. It's not. Okay. It's not."

"This is a long process, Dean, but it will take root. You have to be determined on this."

"Okay. I'm not a whore. It's not my fault. I am worthy."

L nodded. "You keep this up.. remember this is his fault If there is an afterlife, he has much to atone for. If it's reincarnation, he is in deep trouble."

"I'm not a whore. Okay. I'm not. It's not my fault. Are we through, L?"

"One question.. this has affected you for a very long time but I will not demand you repeat this. May I have your permission to show this to your brother? It explains a great deal about your past behaviors...and he deserves to know what your father did."

"Sammy? Oh, dear god. Sammy. I..I.. whatever you think will help. Oh, god. Sammy."

Dean pulled himself up off the ground by grabbing a branch with his left hand.

"He's gonna want to tell me how sorry he is. There's no way in hell he could know what it's like, so how can he be sorry? He doesn't say that to me. Understand. If he has to talk about it, and he will, he doesn't tell me he's sorry. I swear I won't be responsible if he does."

"I will tell him to withhold apologies but it will be a natural reaction, Dean."

"There's nothing natural about this, L. Okay, whatever. It doesn't matter, anyway. He'll never be able to understand. No one can understand. I'm not a whore. Gotta remember that." Dean walked off towards the entrance.

L followed him. "I can have him watch it when you're with someone else so you do not have to relive it."

Dean stopped and looked at him. "What do you think I should do? Honestly. Be with him?"

"I would not blame you for not wanting to see it."

"That's not what I asked. I don't want a way out if you think I need to see it with him. I want to do what will heal. Just tell me."

"He might need you there because of guilt."

"When?"

"As soon as possible honestly...you both need each other to get through this. Same issue.. this is not your fault."

"This is the first time since I've started this that I want to get drunk, so let's get this over with, cause there's no alcohol and Sam isn't gonna like me like this."


	47. Chapter 47

Warning: This chapter has major sexual connotations

Sam deals with Dean

"I can have Watari in the room to help. I know you will not want the trio."

"No! No kids! Where are we doing this?"

L nodded, leading him into the building and asking Watari to have Sam meet them up at the top floor.

"We've never been up there. What's on the top floor?"

"You have been there actually. It is where we work the cases. You were there to help Matt with the database."

"Where you have all the video go to and study? This is going to be video right?"

L nodded silently.

Dean nodded quietly, as they entered the room, but jumped badly when Watari and Sam entered. The older Winchester froze, staring at his brother, with panic in his eyes. His face was blotchy from tears, and he was shaking. But, he stood still, and waited...not sure what was going to happen when, and how.

Sam looked at his brother, heading to his side. "Dean?"

Dean turned and stared up into his younger brother's eyes, and he broke. "It's not my fault, Sam. I swear, it's not my fault. Oh, god, please."

He was confused but hugged his brother close.

"L says it's not my fault. I'm not a … a. I can't, L. I wanted to tell him I'm not but I can't"

His grip tightened as he looked at L, who simply pointed at a screen and began playing back the conversation.

" Where are we headed today?"

"I want to take the time and let you review what you've confronted so far and how you feel you're coming, what you think needs more work."

"I've dealt with my Mom's death, having no childhood, Sam not liking me being both parents when he wanted a brother, Ruby, and Sam's powers to a point. My life, what little I had of it, when raising Sam, until he went off to Stanford, is something I'm not sure I can deal with totally, L. There are things I've told no one. It can't come out. Dad found out. He sent Sam off to Bobby for a while. Can't talk about it, because I'd have to tell Sam. There's stuff I haven't really dealt with but it's not as serious as that time was."

L's dark eyes looked at Dean. "Anything that is a concern to you, a problem in the past, must come out and be dealt with. This habit of hiding problems is not healthy."

"Look L, Dad nearly killed me because of it. Took Sam away. This would finish driving him away. You wouldn't want me here either...certainly not around the boys...Near. I didn't have a life, L. Not growing up. But there was hell. Okay?"

"I know the type of man you are, Dean Winchester. So do not hide it.. at least from me and yourself."

You're gonna turn around and tell me I have to tell Sam. He's got to know. Or make me feel guilty enough to do it on my own."

"That will all be your decision but you must tell someone."

Sam frowned, watching the screen with a sinking feeling in his stomach. His hold on Dean never loosened.

Dean stood frozen watching his confession, a sense of horror coming over him. Sam and Watari were going to know. Sam was going to feel guilty, and he was going to have to be strong for him. He was digging inside himself looking for a strength he didn't think he'd find.

Dean on the video was shaking very hard. His voice started trembling as he started to talk. "I was around 15-16 years old. Had a lot of girls and women trying to catch my notice. Dad said more and more that I was too pretty to be a boy. I looked too much like my mom. I thought he was nuts again. "

"He started staying gone longer and longer. Winter was coming on. We were in school. He'd left all the information and stuff so I could get us enrolled. He was only supposed to be gone two weeks. When week five hit, I needed money real bad. The motel was ready to evict us. Sam needed a coat. There was the materials he needed for a Science fair. He needed twenty for a field trip. We had some dry cereal and nothing else to eat in the place. I fed Sam and headed down to the local pool hall and bar. I can really play pool . I never lose."

"I was surprised they let me in. I had a fake id saying I was 21. They let me in with that. I started playing at 8 and at midnight, I knew I had to get back to Sam. Dad would be furious, but we needed the money. I cleared fifteen hundred dollars. I started walking back to the motel, and these guys jumped me. They forced me behind some cars."

Dean got up and walked off, sobs wrenching his body, making retching sounds.

L waited until he returned, handing him a water bottle to help calm his stomach down.

Dean drank the water slowly, saying nothing. Finally, "I thought they wanted the money back. They didn't. Just said playing pool was too easy, and I had to earn it. Damn it, L! I can't do this."

"Yes, you can. You need to share this with someone, and I will not judge."

Sam was shaking now too, listening and watching.. he couldn't not watch. Oh god...Dean had done this to keep them safe? To keep him fed? Where the hell had their dad been?

Dean still stood frozen. He knew deep inside that he should run, but his legs would give out if he moved. He could feel Sam's grip tightening, and the panic grew greater.

"Sammy?"

"H... how bad?"

The smaller man lifted panicked, red-rimmed eyes towards his brother. "What?"

"How bad did they hurt you?"

L's voice was soft. "Continue watching." "They forced me to my knees. One guy stood behind me and held me. The first one, he unzipped himself. The guy behind me stuck his thumbs into the corners of my mouth and forced it open. They all five.. they...made me take them...swallow it."

Dean drank some more water. "They said to come back the next week same time and play pool. If I didn't, they knew about Sam. I couldn't call for help. What could I tell Pastor Jim or Bobby? I kept going back, doing what they wanted. That's when Dad came home one evening. I wasn't there. But it was different that night. It was worse."

He swallowed hard, shaking even more.

Dean could feel his brother shaking, and had no idea what to do. He bowed his head, realizing he'd brought Sam to this, repeating I am not a whore, it's not my fault, I am worthy over and over like a mantra, terror in his heart.

"We didn't play pool. I got there at eight. One of them grabbed me and they took me upstairs. Dad came an hour later. The bartender panicked when he him told who he was and how old I was. Said I was upstairs."

"Please," Dean sobbed.

L nodded. "You know that you really did have no choice in some ways. Bobby and this Pastor Jim were too far away. Your father is the one responsible for it. He had no excuse for these absences."

"They were vicious, L. I was bleeding. They'd beaten me, raped, and they were putting $100 bills on the bed when Dad walked in. He called me a f'ing whore, grabbed my stuff and walked out. He left me there!"

His eyes narrowed. "You are aware that you are nothing of the sort?"

"I used the money, L. But it was for Sam. I was Mom and Dad to him. Had to protect him, provide for him...oh god!"

"I wrapped myself in a blanket and walked barefooted back to the motel. It was so cold. They were gone. Dad had packed up Sam and took him to Bobby's. I didn't know that. I almost killed myself that night, but I couldn't leave Sam like that."

His knees nearly buckled. Was that why he'd been dropped off at Bobby's? Their father had said nothing.. simply leaving him on the doorstep in a rage.

Dean wasn't even looking any more. His head bowed, his body almost limp.

Sam held him close, not letting go as the video continued.

"They'd beaten me and all the other stuff. I stayed in that motel room for a week til Dad came back. I was still huddled on a bed in that blanket. He nearly killed me, he beat me so bad. He used the scrub brush in the kitchen and washed my mouth with it and dish soap. Did the same thing elsewhere with that damn brush and soap. I started bleeding again, and he kept telling me I was worthless and he couldn't trust me. That's when Sam started training."

"Now you tell me how do I tell Sam that story, and that it's my fault he became a hunter."

"He told me he didn't want me as mom and dad and never did. I had that happen because I was."

L leaned forward. "First of all, Samuel would have been a hunter regardless of what happened. This was simply an excuse for him to do it."

"He's right," Sam said hoarsely.

Dean was shaking horribly by that point, his face white. "He told me over and over to have Sam's back because I put him there.

"He lied. He put him there, not you. From the moment he stepped onto the path of vengeance and hunting, your father was determined to bring you two along with him."

"I started sleeping with any woman who even smiled at me. I think to hide the pain, but trying to prove I'm not like that. Dad didn't care. I was whore. I told him I wasn't getting paid by these women. They liked me. He just laughed. He told me as long as I stayed with him and hunted no one would be told. Pastor Jim, Bobby, and, oh god, Sammy, wouldn't know. He hated me. He hated me." Dean started sobbing, repeating the phrase over and over.

"Dean, your father hated himself and everyone around him because he could not deal with the loss of his wife. His inability to cope affected you and Samuel. You are not to blame. Do you understand?"

"I told you what I did, L. I should have gotten Sammy out of there. I shouldn't have cared what Pastor Jim or Bobby thought. Then I wouldn't have been a whore. But, I didn't. I stayed, I did it, I used the money for Sammy."

"You were raised to be your father's soldier. He told you to stay put, so you stayed. That type of loyalty is commendable, if a bit foolish because it can be misused as it was."

"I had this neatly buried away, L, now what the hell do I do with it?" Dean jumped up as best he could and started running down the path, and disappeared into some trees."

L went strolling after him, catching up a short time later. "You did not have this buried neatly away. This is affecting you every moment of the day. It is why you approached it today. You could no longer deal with it."

Dean was sitting against a tree in the underbrush, wrapped into as much of a ball as sitting with his bandaged side would allow.

"Nothing can change what it is, L. I'm dirty. I always will be. I can't clean it away. I'll never be able to keep a serious relationship without trying to destroy it. I'm not worth one."

Another swallow in a throat that was too tight.

"This is why you need to face it. You defeat yourself at every turn because you let that man beat you. The man who should have protected you and did not."

"How do I face it? I let him beat me? How did I let him beat me?"

"You believe his words in regards to being dirty and a whore when you were not. He put you in a dangerous position and instead of being a father about it, he retreated and lashed out because he didn't know what to do."

"But he's my Dad! I'm supposed to believe what he said. I trusted him! How did I let him beat me? I was supposed to trust him."

"Because you let these horrible words sink in and believed them as truth...when you reached adulthood, you should have realized he was wrong. However, you're not fully at fault because you were so indoctrinated. The question remains.. will you continue to let him win?"

"H.. h.. how do I ssstop him?"

He crouched in front of him. "You have to affirm to yourself daily that you are not a whore, that none of it was your fault, and that you are a worthy person."

"Affirm it? To myself? So, when someone looks at me in ways they shouldn't, it's not my fault. It's not. Okay. It's not."

"This is a long process, Dean, but it will take root. You have to be determined on this."

"Okay. I'm not a whore. It's not my fault. I am worthy."

L nodded. "You keep this up. .remember this is his fault If there is an afterlife, he has much to atone for. If it's reincarnation, he is in deep trouble."

"I'm not a whore. Okay. I'm not. It's not my fault. Are we through, L?"

The video stopped there and Sam's knees nearly buckled. There was a mix of thoughts and emotions running through his mind.

When Dean felt him let go and fall, he thought the worst. Falling down by his brother, he reached out his one good hand and pawed him, almost patting him. "I'm sorry, Sam. I'm so damn sorry. Please, Sam. I'm not a whore. Please."

He looked up at his brother. "You are my hero, Dean, you always have been and always will be. I... I hate him for doing that to you."

Dean looked confused. "Hero? How can I be that? Look at me, Sam. I'm no hero. I'm struggling to just believe it's not my fault and I'm no whore."

He shook his head. "You are.. to are."

"I'm so dirty, Sam. Even Dad couldn't clean it away."

"Only you can feel clean, Dean.. but I know you're not dirty."

"I'm not dirty? I'm not a whore? It's not my fault. I am worthy. You don't hate me?"

"You're my big brother, man. I love you."

"You're not ashamed to have me for a big brother?"

"Never," he swore.

Sam watched his brother bury his head into his good arm on the floor and cry like a baby, finally letting go.

He hugged him close as he could, rocking and letting him vent. Sam was pissed at his father for hurting Dean like this.. for putting them in a position where Dean had to risk himself.

His brother, ever the big brother, felt his tension. As hard as he was crying, he whispered through the sobs, "Don't let it get you angry, Sammy. Remember our promises to each other. No mom and dad, no getting pissed."

"He hurt you. .his f*ing job was to take care of you...and he hurt you...oh god, Dean...I wish I could wring his damn neck right now."

"If he was here right now, Sam, what good would it do you, or me. It would bring it out in the open even more. We'd both feel guilty if you killed him. We'd be going to jail if you did, and then everyone knows what happened, Sam. All I care about is you don't hate me. I was so afraid you would. Here I was screwing up majorly by playing mom and dad. It's not worth letting anger control you. He's dead, Sam. He has to pay for what he did. We shouldn't have to but that's what I've been doing. Please, Sam. I got to let go of this cause it's killing me and it's killing us. I never thought that it would explain why I do what I do, but it does. Big time. I really believed what he said, Sam. I'm having to make myself think otherwise. Help me, Sam. Please. No anger."

"I'm trying," he whispered. "I won't let you down."

"I need help, Sam. I'm wanting a drink...lots of them. Don't know if it's just trying to cope, or if I have a real problem. I mentioned it to L earlier. I can't cope right now. Help me somehow. Don't know what to do."

"You know what I'm looking forward to?"

"What, Sammy?"

"Getting those diplomas. .leaving this crappy life he planned for us behind.. and knowing we did it together.. without him. .no more Winchester curse...that we've healed and moved on."

"I don't want to do this anymore, Sam. I want to end it. Damn it, Cas, come heal me so I can end it. I don't mind the idea of doing an occasional hunt for somebody, or helping L out, but I don't want to live in cheap motels, living on junk food, no good rest, running from the law. I want to live in west Texas, and be normal."

L answered. "Not until I know you're more stable but I am pleased with your progress."

Sam looked at his brother. "We can do this."

"Yeah, we can do this."

Dean was shaking, he looked up at Watari in a panic. He mouthed the words 'help me.'

Watari nodded, moving towards him. "Dean, you need to get your other bandages changed. Let me take care of that."

Dean was shaking so bad he could barely stand, he knew that he'd mentioned this need to both L and Sam, and he knew both had tried to get his mind off it, but Watari, bless him, was getting him out of the situation in some way.

He guided him towards the bedroom, sitting him down. "What do you need me to do?"

"Sam questioned about my drinking and if I was having any problems. Til I faced this, I haven't. Damn it, Watari, I need a drink so bad I am going crazy. I can't stop shaking. What's going on? Why would this one thing bring it on? What do I do?"

"Emotional agitation can do this. You faced a major milestone today. Can you hold on a moment, I may have something to help you."

"If it was addiction to alcohol, wouldn't I already be having problems? It's just what happened today then?"

"I believe so. We'll have to watch you and see. Sit tight, I'll be right back."

"Yes, Sir." Dean tried to take deep breaths to calm down the urge. "Oh, please, not now."

Watari disappeared and came back a short while later, handing Dean a cup of tea. "Try this first. If not, we'll have to go with something stronger."

Untypical of his interaction with Watari, Dean didn't ask what the tea was. He started to slowly drink it, continuing to take deep breaths between sips of the tea. He'd start shaking and put the cup down, struggle to stop, and drink more. He even began inhaling the steam rising from the mug. Slowly, he began to calm, the urge beginning to wane. A few tears slid down his face as he drank the tea, it's calming influence releasing the remainder of what he had been dealing with earlier. He sighed deeply, grateful.

"I feel so tired, Watari. I know it's got to be close to lunch time. Can I eat later? If Sam wants to visit, he can stay. I'm going to try to get into that bed and rest a bit. If that's all right."

"With your permission, I'll keep the cameras on so I can bring you a late lunch after your nap. It's either this or someone stays with you in case something happens."

"Either way is fine. If Sam wants to stay, don't need them. If he'd rather talk with both of you about this, then the cameras are a good idea." He managed to throw himself backwards onto the bed, with a shocked Watari watching him. He was asleep in seconds.

In the end, Watari had to use the cameras as Sam who was deep in a conversation with L, needed to talk about the discovery made today.

Five o'clock came around and Dean was still asleep.


	48. Chapter 48

The shark versus the geniuses

A gentle hand shook the other. "Dean?"

Dean had somehow managed to get on his stomach, sling, broken shoulder and all underneath him. He opened one eye, couldn't really focus, closed it and tried to go back to sleep.

Near's voice was softly insistent. "Dean must wake up. Watari has sent a meal for Dean to eat and Dean needs medications."

"Don't want to, Near. Sorry. Too sleepy. So tired." Dean closed his eyes, drowsing off again.

What Dean didn't know was that Near was just as stubborn, if not more so, than the Winchester male. "Dean will wake up."

When Dean finally was awake enough to realize where he was, he knew he was in trouble. "Near, I'm on my stomach."

Near pulled his cell phone out and a few moments later, Mello and Matt were in, teasing Dean lightly as they helped him up.

"Damn, that hurts! I don't recommend doing that, guys." Dean scratched his head, yawning. "What time is it?"

"Five," Matt answered after they got him sitting up.

"The hell it is. Who let me sleep this long? I thought a couple of hours. Damn it, that's supper?"

"It's supper," he grinned. "Watari and L felt sleep would be best for you and you needed it."

"I guess I did. What did you bring. I'm really hungry." Dean eased off the bed and walked to the table. "What have you guys been up to?"

"Outside of cases?" Mello asked. "Gaming with Matt and Near's been working on puzzles."

"Yeah, I worked three with Near yesterday. I enjoyed it. I've actually been messing with the gaming machine some. Still confuses me."

"Matt is the one to teach you," the blond answered while the red head grinned. "And dinner is waiting for you."

Dean grinned. "I'd like that. I thought I was coordinated until I started struggling with it. What's for supper?"

Near's voice answered. "Watari sent up a turkey dinner," he responded softly.

"Really? I wonder what kind of stuffing he made. I bet I didn't get sweet potatoes or yams, but he might have put butternut squash in place of them." Dean lifted the lid.

"Unsure." There was butternut squash, moist turkey, dressing, salad, and gravy for the turkey.

"Tell Watari, that I say thank you. Really. He'll know what I mean."

"Not a problem," Matt answered. "Want company or need some quiet?

Dean did not want to be thinking right now, so he smiled. "Yeah, but if Sam shows, would you mind going? Some things happened today and I'm pretty sure he's gonna wanna talk after he figures out I'm awake.

"No problem," he grinned, all of them finding seats to keep Dean company.

Dean was having an enjoyable conversation with the boys, laughing. Even Near was smiling. He was through with dinner and drinking a cup of hot tea that was sent for after the meal. There was a knock on the door.

"Come in."

Watari popped his head in. "How are you boys doing?"

"We're doing fine, Watari. Near has a strange smile. " Dean grinned when he said it. "I'm glad he can smile. What's going on?"

"Not a whole lot honestly, Sam sends his love to you and has gone to bed early. He has been in a session with L all afternoon and seems to be in better spirits. I came to bring dessert to you four."

"What kind of dessert?"

He smiled, passing out the dishes. "Since it was a rough day, you have another chance to be spoiled." Brownies with ice cream and fudge on that.

"Seriously?" Dean had a wide grin over this one.

The old man chuckled, handing out sodas as well. "Seriously."

"Thank you, so much. I really needed this. The boys too."

"Mello is always up for chocolate." Said blond laughed at that, taking a bite into the dessert.

"Yeah, chocolate makes the second best dessert in the world," Dean teased.

The spoon carrying the rich goodness paused on the way to his lips. "Blasphemer!"

Matt was laughing and not even trying to hide it.

"I've been accused of much worse in my day, boys. Apple Pie."

"Blech..nasty stuff."

"Those are fighting words, boy. I love my apple pie, but I never say no to chocolate."

Mello wrinkled his nose. "Disgusting. Chocolate is life, man."

"No man. A cheeseburger is life. So, enjoy that chocolate until a doctor tells you you can't have it any more."

"A cheeseburger?" Matt was ready to fall over in hysterics.

"Yeah, man. I've lived on those for years. I'm on the road most of the time. A good one is to die for. I had one that was ¾ pound of Angus beef, lots of cheddar cheese, vine ripened tomatoes, grilled red onions, damn good pickle slices, green leaf lettuce, and the best spicy mustard. The fries were cut with the skins on and were thick. I paid fifteen bucks for that meal and it was worth every penny. Haven't found one like it since, but I'd like too. Can't though."

"Hamburgers could be had if prepared right," the red head said, laughing. "Fifteen bucks for a burger? Damn, almost as bad Mello's chocolate bill."

"It wasn't a burger, Matt. It was a masterpiece. If you can't have all the fixings, it's not a cheeseburger. I don't mind grilled, broiled, whatever. It's seasoning the meat right, and all the fixings."

Near shook his head, nibbling on his dessert. "Puzzles would be better to spend the money on." Matt laughed and agreed. "Yeah, games.. last longer."

"I wish I could get Watari to make some like I'm talking about. With cheddar, the right seasonings. You'd understand."

"You could ask him to see if that's on the menu," the red head grinned.

"I will."

He set the empty bowl aside, leaning back. "So you're having issues figuring out the game or is it the machine?

Dean turned red,. "A lot of both. Look, guys. I've never held one of those machines before. I've never played video games...ever. Sam and I weren't exactly on great terms when you gave this to me."

He moved to sit beside Dean. "When you finish eating, I'll teach you cause gaming is just a great way to have fun and relax."

Dean finished his desert, and went and got the machine from his bedside table where it lay next to the Doyle book

"Okay, almighty teacher, teach away."

Mello and Near watched as Matt patiently explained how to work the machine and take care of it before going into the game itself.

Dean figured it was no different then taking care of his weapons. He did that often and the machine could be added to the list.

Once he was sure Dean knew how to work it, the game was loaded and Matt explained it, offering to bring up a gamer manual for it later.

Dean thanked him, realizing it was going to take him time and two hands to get it right. He definitely wanted to read the manual.

"Every game comes with a manual.. some even have cheat codes released later." "What Matty never uses," Mello teased.

"Cheating in a game? There's no pride in that. I'm a killer at poker, darts, and ah...pool."

The blond grin. "You owe me a game of pool later. Poker sounds good to me right about now."

"I have a feeling I'd get my ass whupped by you, Mello, because geniuses can count cards better than a shark can."

Mello laughed. "We'll take it easy on you."

Dean laughed, "Why do I not believe that. There's some cards and chips in my duffel"

Mello and Matt cheered, one running for more drinks and stuff while Mello grabbed the cards and chips.

Dean sighed. He had a gut feeling he was being drawn into a fleecing game by over intelligent delinquents. He jerked when he realized he'd have no control over the cards. He couldn't shuffle or deal with his hands like they were. Damn, he thought. They were not going to convince him to play for cash.

Near looked up when Matt came in with an electric shuffler. "Near did not know there was one of those in the building." The redhead grinned. "Yeah, this way no one can claim the deck is being stacked."

Dean eyed the machine. "Should I worry that you even have one of those?"

"Card games are good for hand dexterity off of the computer. Even L indulges at times," he answered.

Watari stuck his head in to get the dessert tray when he saw the card shuffler and the poker chips. He looked at the boys and then at Dean, who was looking askance at the shuffler and the over enthusiastic teenagers. Grinning, he picked up the tray, and went in search of Bobby.

Mello snickered. "This should be fun."

Dean calmly looked at the trap being set for him, softly said, "Chips only, no cash."

"Of course!"

At that moment, Dean's door reopened and in walked Watari, carrying a chair, and behind him, with another chair, was Bobby.

Dean's eyes lit up. "Bobby! I didn't know you were still here. I haven't seen you."

"I've been having fun working with Matty-boy over there on the database."

"Okay, just figured I would've bumped into you by now. Glad you're having fun, though."

"Yeah, he's a barrel of laughs when you get him away from his gaming things," he teased and the red head stuck his tongue out at him playfully.

Dean grinned, 'Well, I think I'm being set up for a fleecing. Let's get the guy who makes part of his living playing poker. By the way, Watari, you got a pool room here? If you do, how good is Mello?"

The older man smirked. "He's fairly decent at it."

Dean smirked back, but there was no twinkle in his eyes. "I think I'm better at it then he is. I make a good portion of our living off of pool."

Watari stared at the hunter as he turned his head towards Mello putting cards into the shuffler. After what Watari had seen and heard that day, he was surprised the man went near a bar, much less a pool table. He had more strength then he would admit to.

"In time, you'll have to play Mello for fun... when you're ready." He took a seat after setting out snacks and drinks.

"Knowing all the geometric tricks can be fun, but in the long run, it's still eye to angle, knowing just where to tip the ball, and with how much power."

Mello looked at him. "When we play, you're not going for tricks and stuff, we're gonna do it for fun and I'll teach you how to really trash talk." Watari shook his head at that, smothering the laugh.

"You misunderstood me. I was commenting on geniuses I've played who use mathematical formulas to make a play. What I was saying is it's in the eye, the knowledge of the game, and the power you use. I'd love to do it for fun, and trash talk is not necessary to a friendly game. It's usually used in pool halls to try to intimidate the competition. Does it work?"

He grinned. "It's fun honestly. And I can use the formulas if I'm in the mood to decimate someone but just having fun is what I enjoy."

Dean was enjoying the verbal play with the youth, but he got serious. "I never get to play just for fun, so I'd like that. I was serious when I said it was a job. I can pick up between 1000-5000 dollars on a good night, if I play it right. I'm a hustler, Mello. Sam's not bad at it either. He's lousy at cards, but don't challenge him at darts. He can beat me on those."

Matt laughed. "Mello's good with darts too. Near, not so much." Near shifted his position. "Near does it to practice hand and eye coordination."

Mello shook his head. "You need more fun in your life and will definitely get it with us around."

"Yeah, Sam and I never get to do that. Could we include him in some, you think? He's been changing a lot, and he's really a fun guy once you get to know him. He's not crazy like me but he's pretty smart. Oh, yeah. He plays video games."

Matt's eyes gleamed in a way that had Mello snickering and Near shaking his head. "You know, if you get Matty playing with Sam, your brother is dead meat in the video game world."

Dean grinned, "Shame this isn't a betting establishment. I want to sit back and watch."

The blond grinned deviously. "We could and will." He set the rest of the cards in to shuffle as Matt handed out the chips evenly.

"All right, let's play." The game went on for hours, Watari realized he was watching a master as Dean kept it close but pulled out and was the winner by the end of the night. He smiled, yawned, and said he really wanted to read a little while and get some sleep. None of the boys had realized they'd been outwitted. He let them win enough to keep them happy and to encourage them to want to play again. He winked at Bobby and Watari and thanked them for teaching him a couple of tricks he'd not seen before.

Mello and Near had been pretty darn close though, so the blond was fairly pleased as the group bade him good night and headed towards their late night activities.

Dean hadn't thought he could enjoy himself playing cards for chips and halfway hustling a group of teens who had thought they were hustling him most of the evening. It had really been fun.

He propped up some pillows on the bed and picked up Doyle. He wondered about Bobby. He had to know what Watari and L were doing and was staying out of it, to give Sam and him room to deal. His only sense of panic was if Bobby had seen the video taken today. He didn't want to have to deal with Bobby over it too. Sam and he had not talked, but Sam stayed behind and spent the day with L and gone to bed way early. No point worrying about it now. Nothing he could do, but he repeated the mantra, and opened the book. He dozed off an hour later, sitting up, with the book in his lap, and the table lamp still on.

If Dean were to ask, Bobby did not know anything as Watari and L had only told him that the two were willingly seeking their help in regards to past issues as well as Sam's addiction, which the older man had been told of by Sam at one point the last few days.

At some point during the night, Dean ended up on his left side, the book under his head. He slept like that part of the night, with the lamp on.

Watari slipped in after he'd fallen asleep to turn the light off and arrange him a bit comfortably.


	49. Chapter 49

Hunt discussion...Dean and L

Dean woke up early; the sun was just rising. He tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't. He got up and washed his face, restless. Stepping outside his room, he was not sure what he was doing. He had to move around. Something felt wrong to him. He knew he was safe here, so it was him. He was still dealing with that event and he'd seen the strange look on Watari's face when he spoke of making 1000-5000 on a good night, and he shivered. If Bobby'd known, he would probably have cornered him by now...maybe? Bobby was family. What the hell should he do. He walked the floors in the dark, barefooted, feeling like a wild cat that had been caged. Things inside him needed out, now. He felt trapped.

A soft voice intruded on Dean's musing. "You are up early," the detective observed.

The hunter jumped, and turned. "Damn, my skills are getting rusty. I can't sleep."

"Something seems to be weighing on your mind."

"I feel trapped inside of myself. It's like something is screaming let me out. I mentioned playing pool to Mello. He was talking friendly games and forumulas. I had to explain to him that I made a good portion of our income playing pool." Dean was quiet. "I can make 1000-5000 a night, if the pickings are good, L. I told Mello I was a hustler. The look on Watari's face confused me. Bobby paid no attention. He knows I do that. Bobby kept Sam and never got an explanation. Dad wouldn't have given one. Sam wouldn't have known. When we picked up Sam, I was black and blue and moved slowly. Bobby must've thought I got hurt in a hunt. I've lived so many lies in front of so many people, L. Don't know if I can keep doing that."

"Then end the lies, Dean. The only person to make that choice is you. If you are sick of trying to keep a specific mask up, then drop it and let it shatter. You must be honest with yourself above all. Bobby and Samuel are your family. Those two will not judge you in the long run."

"Sometime today, will you show the video to Bobby? I can't go through that video again, so I can't be there this time. I've been a lot of bad things in my life. I've been the cause of the deaths of innocent people. I've stolen, cheated, lied, and misled people. That's just what comes to mind at the moment. I want to remove Lilith, L. Then I want normal. I can't live it any more. It's not me. I don't want to be what I'm really not, any more."

"When you are physically and emotionally ready, you and some of my choosing will go after her. I have agents keeping alert for signs of her now that I know what to look for. Dean, you will go with a team. If you do not, I will pull you back and let them finish it. Agreed?"

Dean was quiet for a moment. Sam could not go. Ruby was using him in some way to hunt Lilith. He felt that it was a trap, but not sure how. "L, Sam cannot be on the team. Ruby was using him to find Lilith and kill her. Something is not right about that. Maybe there's plan. Maybe Lilith is more important to releasing Lucifer then we know. Cas thinks I'm supposed to prevent it. I don't trust anyone on either side except Cas, but he may be misled. Something's not right. Make sure we are going at it right, will you? You've got contacts and ways of getting info I don't. I'll work with a team."

"Sam was slated by agreement by Azazel and Ruby to break the final seal by killing Lilith at a specific location. Said location is being dealt with as we speak." He'd managed to get that much from her before Sam had...terminated her.

"She can die elsewhere, just not at a specific place? That's what you're saying?"

"Follow me. I have information to show you. Do NOT tell your brother this until I tell you it is safe to. He will be informed of this 'hunt' before you go but will not be allowed due to the issues."

"Okay. I agree. Lead on."

L led him to a private room where documents were spread out. The dark haired detective had spent all of his free time outside of cases and working with the brothers in this room, putting the puzzle together.

Dean wanted to look. His curiosity urged him on, but he waited on the detective. This was L's research.

Long fingers brushed over a stack of documents. "Transcripts of the interrogation of the demon, Ruby. I've written down everything the angel gave me as well. Books, notes, even the Bible was used. Sit and I will tell you what I have gleaned."

The hunter sat, and quietly waited. An intense gaze met L's. The detective knew the importance of this information to the man sitting across from him.

He crouched in the chair. "According to what I understand, you had to start this. You are what is called a 'righteous man,' Dean, and getting to know you, the appellation seems to fit. The whole cycle starts with blood and ends with it. The most important seal is the one where Lucifer is sealed. There's an actual location where Lilith has to die. To be honest, I am almost 99.99% certain she does not know that her death is a necessary component."

Dean scoffed in his mind at the righteous man analogy. What he'd done in hell was not the acts of a righteous man, but he let it pass. "She doesn't know she has to die to release Lucifer. Seriously? Then Ruby and Azazel? They were the ones who plotted this, or were they following Lucifer?"

"I believe Azazel was the first key player and even though he is dead, his influence is felt through hell. The denizens there are not as unified as you may believe. One major faction follows Azazel. A smaller faction follows Lilith, who is being misled at the moment. I believe Azazel wanted Lucifer released." He handed Dean a news article about the massacre of the nuns years ago. "This, according to Ruby, is the location where the final seal remains. The one Sam was deemed to break."

"So, Sam had to kill in a way that released her blood? This blood frees Lucifer? Then, if it's her death and blood that frees him, he can't be freed if she dies somewhere else? There's only three ways to kill her, the demon killing knife, the colt, and Sam. Sam must not be involved, I don't know where the colt is, but it would be the best way. The knife, I have, but I have to be in her face and drive that thing into her."

"His hand, her blood on the seal. Timing and location are critical. If she dies before then, it must be clean and body disposed of immediately. As well as the grounds completely scoured."

"Clean? I'm telling you, knife or colt, and I don't have the colt, but I could put one bullet into her forehead like I did Azazel. My shooting ability was the only thing my Dad was proud of. I'm damn good. I wouldn't miss either." Dean wasn't bragging, just stating a fact as he knew it.

"Where is this weapon?"

"I've heard rumors that a demon has it. A powerful one, but I don't know. The name Crowley came up once but it's a rumor and I haven't been able to find him."

L frowned at that. "I can have contacts start to look for this individual."

"Fair enough. Problem is getting the colt. I'm not well enough to go after it. No idea if he'd work a deal or something. Not all the demons are happy over this situation. No idea where he stands."

"If we find his location and if he does have it, proving the ammunition and weapon are authentic, we'll discover what he wants and see if the demands cannot be met."

"Only one way to prove the thing is authentic. You have to kill a demon or some other unnatural creature with it."

He gave a small shrug. "Indeed. I will contact my agents and begin working on locating this individual. My question is.. why would Azazel inhabit the body of a priest and completely decimate the church population?"

"I can think of a couple of reasons. First, if Lucifer is there somewhere, he needed to locate him. A virgin sacrifice supposedly works well in that kind of thing. Ruby sure wanted to do one a while back, claiming it would destroy her too. One might let him know where he is, but all of those nuns would be virgins. That's a lot of demon mojo to find where he is. Second, if there is a mass murder like that and the church is damaged, the Catholics will think the ground is unholy. It will be kept abandoned, maybe guarded by the locals, to prevent problems. Unholy ground is perfect for what is planned against Lilith. Now, I could be wrong, but those make sense to me."

"Fact or myth - demons cannot enter holy ground?"

"I always thought it was fact, but Meg killed Pastor Jim in his church...holy ground."

He frowned. "Would Bobby be averse to a mission of sorts?"

"Bobby's a hunter, L."

"Yes, but his children are here and injured."

Dean looked up, surprised. "I sometimes wish we were his kids. He's been like a dad many times. Kicked my ass a few times, like one. He knows what's at stake for Sam and me if this isn't taken care of. He'd go."

L looked at him. "Dean, children do not have to be born of the body and blood. Ask Watari that. He will say the same. That man is my father in all ways but biological." This was something he rarely admitted.

Dean stared at L intensely. "You're saying that Bobby's serious when he says he thinks of us as his? I thought...I thought. Hell, Bobby, we left you out of too much. We need to talk to him about this. Then, he and I, well, we need to watch a video, L. Sam ought to be there. This is family, but I don't know if he can do it again, or not. Not sure I can, but he won't listen and watch that without me. Not if he feels that way about us."

"Ask him first. He may be content to simply join at the end of it. But yes, Bobby has shown immense concern for both of you, referring to you often as his boys. He has been tactful in regards to the need for privacy but has expressed desire to help when and where he can."

"I had no idea he was that serious, but I do now. We're agreed we can't do much til we find Crowley and get the colt? You need a hunter, so Bobby's the one? There's also Ellen and Jo, but I'm not sure how she'd feel about being involved. I imagine she would after they burned down the Roadhouse. I know Jo would"

"Would Ellen agree to go with Bobby as backup? I purchased the property in question. At the moment, I want the grounds and building demon proofed until I can decide what to do with it. Once I do decide on a purpose, I will have you and him add the protections as well. Those grounds need protection."

"You're gonna need more taen two. If Azazel has kept it secret this long, he has kept it so by keeping it protected demonically. We're gonna need to break spells, put up new ones. We need real powerful ones. We need Cas. He can put up spells that the demons can't break. There are spells we can use also, but we got to kill a lot of demons to get in there and do this. We need help. I can't do much in fighting them, but I can help set the spells. Jo could work too."

L nodded. "Are there hunters out there that you and Bobby trust?"

"Bobby knows more than I do. We can use Cas also. He does spells that we are not capable of."

"Said angel is not here. I can bring in people to escort them."

Dean stood up. "L, you need Cas. Said angel will show up if he knows what the hell I'm fixing to do. He keeps an eye on me. He'll show."

The sound of fluttering was heard and Cas was standing with his face nose to nose with Dean's.

Both men jumped, and Dean yelled at the angel. "Damn it, Cas! Personal space! Can't you warn a guy you're showing up?"

"You have an oddly keen sense of timing, Castiel," came the dry response.

"It is my job to protect Dean Winchester. He seemed fine here. I have others I have to deal with. I was elsewhere. I can pick up his thoughts when he is stressed. He has been stressed a great deal. It seemed for the betterment of his soul. This time it is not the same type of stress."

"I understand what you are trying to do, but Dean Winchester cannot be involved in it. The demons want him dead, and the angels want him alive to use him. I have learned a great deal. Lilith must die but not near the church. I will help. I will place sigils around the church. No demon will be able to leave or enter. Those inside will have to be killed. They will just enter another body if they are not. I cannot keep angels out. They are your problem, too. They, like the demons, want the humans killed. They plan to use Sam and Dean in some way to bring about a final battle. They are safe in this building. Castiel reached out and touched Dean's chest. He cried out and fell back. Before L could stop it, he did the same thing to him."

"What the hell did you just do to me?" the hunter demanded.

"I put a sigil on your rib cage. No one on either side, including myself, will be able to find you. You are safe from that."

Castiel reached into his overcoat and handed the detective a stack of papers. "This is all I could find on the conspiracy to destroy mankind. I am now being hunted by both sides. I will be here when needed, Dean."

"I do not know what the demons have planned other than what I heard you say, so now, I will mark the others in this building. I will take care of the church. I have a cell phone and I have put my number in yours, Dean."

The angel disappeared. In five minutes, everyone was awakened by an angel putting a sigil on their rib cages. Then he was gone.

"Every time I am near that angel, I have the urge for violence." That was definitely an admission there.

"Tried once. Like hitting a brick wall. Hurt like hell."

L drew in a breath. "I will send for Bobby and ask him to get hold of Ellen and the other hunters. I will have helicopters pick them up."

L picked up a phone, ready to ask for Bobby to meet them in the room where the video was shown earlier. "Do you want to do the sharing thing with the video now?"


	50. Chapter 50

Bobby Starts to Hear the Truth 

"Yeah, there needs to be some things said and known before he gets sent out there. Can you ask Sam to come too, and Watari?"

He nodded, placing the calls "They'll meet us in the room where the video was shown to your brother."

"Has he already been asked to do this?"

"Not yet, I will ask him when we get up there."

"Before we talk, and the video and stuff?"

"If you wish."

"Yeah, I do."

He nodded. "As you wish." The man rose, heading towards the door. "We should go to meet them."

L and Dean reached the top floor before the others. Dean was pacing back and forth, nerves on edge.

Watari arrived first with Bobby right behind him, Sam was with their mentor.

Dean was nervous. "Can everyone find a seat? Bobby, I'd been thinking about this last night and woke up early because of it, but before we can do anything else, L needs to talk to you. Sam, we can't be involved in this."

The detective told Bobby what was going on and what he needed for the hunter and Ellen to do. The older man frowned, listening quietly, and then agreed to be flown down to meet with the woman to get the protections in place. He would call Ellen once they were ready. He would also bring other hunters.

Dean was still standing during all of this. Sam could see how nervous he was and was wondering exactly what his brother was doing.

"Bobby, this part was planned before I knew this thing with Ellen was gonna happen. Sam and I have been dealing with all the crap of our past, but we left something important out of it. You. I knew you always told us we were like your own kids, but it clicked in my mind that you really meant it. Some things I've told has made me realize that we should have been telling you everything. Yesterday, I broke down and told L something that I'd never told anyone. The only person who knew was Dad."

The hunter stopped for a minute, shaking a little.

"Go on, Son," he murmured, watching Dean.

"About sixteen years ago, Dad brought Sammy to you and left. He came back a week later with me, and I was in pretty bad shape. Nothing was told to you or Sam until yesterday. L videotaped what I said. I want you to watch and not say anything til the end. If you would just allow me that? Can you do that, Bobby. No getting mad, yelling, or anything at anyone til it's over.? Please?"

Bobby nodded. "I can."

"Okay. L?"

Dean walked to the back of the group and sat by himself. He turned a chair and stared out a window, trying to distance himself from what he'd already been through twice yesterday, knowing it would fail.

L turned on the video. Everyone watched and listened.

Sam went to his brother's side, staying there as a silent supporter in case Dean needed him.

The older Winchester stared up at his brother, his eyes almost glazed over. Sam could see how terrified he was of this.

When the video ended, Bobby's voice broke the silence.. tight and controlled. "I should've used the damn rifle instead of a shotgun the last time that ass came to my home. Dean, Son, come here."

The boy was shaking hard. He struggled to get out of the chair. Sam reached down to help him. Taking a deep breath, Dean Winchester walked towards the one man whose good opinion meant more than life to him. He stood before the older man, eyes closed, afraid to see what might be on the other man's face.

"Look at me, Dean."

The older Winchester brother jumped as if in shock. His eyes wide, he looked at Bobby Singer.

"John Winchester deserves to go back to hell and roast for what he did. Right now.. you two are MY boys and I'll be damned if I'm going to push you away. You are NOT at fault for what happened. Do you understand?"

"Bobby, I..." No words would come. Dean bowed his head, body trembling.

"You understand me, Boy?"

There were tears in the choked voice as Dean's head nodded, and he whispered, "Yes, Bobby."

He hugged the eldest Winchester boy. "I love you both, damn it, and I'm not going to let you two go without a fight."

"Don't let go, Bobby, and don't stop fighting."

"You got it.. just promise me.. both of you promise me you'll do the same." "I promise, Bobby. Sammy?"

The taller brother joined the hug, and said that he promised.

Watari smiled, knowing this would go a long way in helping the healing process.

Dean laid his head against Bobby's shoulder, with Sam against his bad shoulder. The three holding on in a way Dean had needed for a long time.

He looked up at Bobby. "I know there are gonna be other hunters there, but you promise me you'll come back from that damned tomb."

"With Ellen watching my back? That's almost a sure thing. I'll be back."

"Take care of her too, Bobby. Promise me."

"Again, sure thing. I ain't letting her down.. or you two."

"Bobby, Cas betrayed his brothers. He's on the run, but he put sigils outside the church. They'd have to be Anochian. He said demons could not get in or out, Bobby. He also said he couldn't stop angels. Be careful. I can show you a spell, Anna used that will remove angels for a while. Can I borrow a knife?"

L watched the younger hunter lead the older hunter to a window that could be cleaned easily. He cut his hand open and did a complicated design on the glass. He showed him what had to be done to activate it. L realized that Dean had used his right hand to try and cut a straight cut in the palm of his left hand. He'd removed the bandages and made the cut. He couldn't get a straight one, and he now had a nice open wound in that hand. He shook his head, wondering what kind of life the man had lived, and how many injuries had he had?

The genius memorized the sigil quickly, then looked back to his computer, drawing it on a program and printing it. .just in case Bobby and Ellen needed it.

The paper was handed to Bobby. "Okay, let's get things rolling. Calls are made, everyone's ready." The hunter looked a bit excited.

Dean hated being left behind. He knew there was a good crew going, and the hunter felt good about it. He watched Bobby making a list of what was needed. L was on the phone so the items would be at the chopper pad. Dean looked over at Sam.

Sam tilted his head. "Good hunting, Bobby. We'll be waiting on you." He grinned at his brother. "Want to go haunt the library or find the trio to torment?"


	51. Chapter 51

Movies and Conversations 

Dean walked over to Watari. "It's gonna be a long day, Watari. No one's eaten. Can we set up a movie room somewhere with the extended versions of the three Lord of the Rings movies, and have a movie day? Sam, Near, Mello, Matt, and me? Just keep us supplied with healthy foods, and let us keep our minds off what's going on?"

The old man smiled. "Consider it done. Head to floor four. The boys are there. Tell them to take you two to the theater area."

Dean grinned. "Thanks, Watari. Theater? We get it on big screen? Fantastic! Hey, Sam, follow me. Gotta surprise for you."

The older Winchester headed for the door.

Sam followed his brother, interested to see what he was up to.

Dean hit the fourth floor button. When the elevator stopped, he yelled for the boys.

"What?" Mello looked up from his computer.

"Where's the theater area. We are gonna to be inundated with healthy snacks. Sorry about that, guys, and the greatest trilogy ever made, extended versions. Come on. Lead the way!"

"Movies?" Matt had heard that. "Really?"

"Yeah, and I hope you like them. I think they're great, and the extended versions are wonderful." Dean noticed his brother giving him weird looks. He stared back, trying to figure out what was wrong with him.

"Sweet!" He grabbed Mello and Near, pulling them with him. The white haired one barely had time to grab his robot before being dragged. "Let's go! Let's go!"

Dean grinned at them, turned and said, "Come on, Sam." He turned and followed the boys.

The group headed to another room where comfortable chairs and cushions were in abundance with a large high definition television and surround sound system two-thirds of the way from the end wall. Watari had the movies waiting to be put in as well as snacks on a buffet table with drinks on ice.

Everyone was filling plates, while Dean put disk 1 of movie one in the player. He then turned to the buffet. There were a lot of sweets and snacks the boys would like, but there were also things Dean could have, and Sam would like. Dean did put a little potato salad on his, but mainly headed to a wonderful bacon ranch dressing. He had veggies, small turkey sausages, some buttered rye bread, and deviled eggs. He poured himself a large ice tea and magnanimously handed the controller to Sam, grinning.

Sam laughed, getting the food and drinks for himself, then set up the first movie, "Everyone ready?

"Yeah! Turn it on, Sam."

He pressed play, curling up with the food and watching as the boys settled comfortable with their own snacks to watch the movie.

The Credits for Fellowship of the Ring started playing.

The teenagers were enthralled with the movie, barely remembering to eat at most parts of it.

Everyone used the changing of disks to get more food, drink, or for bathroom breaks. Dean walked up to Sam. "Why'd you stare at me so strange when I told boys I'd picked an extended trilogy?" He handed Sam a fresh plate of food and a drink.

"You're full of energy usually and the last time we tried to watch this, you were up and down a lot. Thanks for the food," he responded.

"Sam, I got badly burned, viciously attacked, quickly healed by an incredibly worn out angel, and that didn't give me complete healing. Then right after the healing was the rescue, shooting, and capture of Ruby. I don't remember much after that. When I finally came too, I was exhausted. Worse than I can ever remember. Watari said my diet had given me nothing left to heal with. My body's been fighting to get me well. Top it off with mental and emotional draining like nothing I've known before. You're right, I am beginning to think I don't remember much about this movie, but we needed something long, and well... I don't feel like getting up and down. So, this seemed like a good idea." The smaller man smiled softly at his brother. Sam noticed the circles under the eyes, and a look of fatigue.

"They tell me you spent your time off in a session with L. I was told you were tired, but happy, and you went to bed at 6:30?"

He nodded, taking the change of subject in stride. "I was exhausted. He really put me through a lot."

"Sam, you were off because of the addiction sessions the day before. Then that video. Why? What about it made you happy? Can you share what happened.?"

"Because I realized that I am worthy of being forgiven, Dean. That I don't have to be angry all the time."

Dean eye's shown bright with unshed tears. "That's the best news I've heard from you in a long time, Sam."

He smiled, tearfully as well. "Yeah...I'm getting there. And I'd love to see it happen to you too."

Dean looked confused. "Sam. I.. .is it not enough to just realize I'm not all those things I've been accused of down through the years? I'm trying desperately to reach that. I don't have anger issues, Sam. That's not been my problem. I've been angry before but I've been able to let it go after a while. But some things you can't be forgiven for, Sam. L said something today that made no sense to me. I just shrugged it off, because there are things. There just are" The smile was a sad one. "I am getting better, Sam. There's just a lot to get through."

"Dean...you have to learn to love yourself.." There was a lot of concern in his voice.

"Sam, I'm trying to make myself believe I'm not a whore. Okay? There's crap worse than that in my life. Other then you and Bobby, and maybe Ellen, there's not a damn person on this planet that loves me. Okay. I know what's in me, and I know what I've done, so how can you expect that?"

"Because I love you, dummy, and I want you happy!"

"Happy? God, I wish I could be. I don't remember what it feels like, Sam. Not really."

He set his food down, kneeling in front of his brother. "You'll get there."

"Did you know that L thinks that I fulfilled the prophecy in hell because I was a righteous man? What the hell does that mean, Sam? Everything I do turns out wrong. What's righteous about my life?"

"You have a firm sense of right and wrong. You help people without asking for a damned thing in return. Remember the kid that didn't talk?"

"I would think that hell erased all of it, Sam."

"No, it didn't. Even good men can break. It doesn't make them less good."

"It does when they enjoy it, Sam. I am going to continue these sessions, and face everything and strive to deal with every one of them, but hell's off limits, because that's where I lost it all, and there's really no going back from that. Okay?"

He cupped Dean's face. "Listen to me...you know how I'm sure you're still a good person?"

His voice sounded listless, "How, Sam?"

Sam angled himself so Dean could see the three teens on the floor, watching the second half of the first movie. All three were transfixed, even Near, whose eyes were wide as he watched. "You bonded with three kids who would have been written off as misfits.. especially Near," his voice was soft as he answered. "You love them, make them laugh, play with them...bad people don't do that. You want proof.. those three are living proof."

Hazel eyes stared blearily at the three boys, and he smiled at the rapt attention to the movie. He looked at Sam. "Really?" He looked back at the boys, Near being enthralled. He remembered talking about Middle Earth and the redwoods and Mallorns. He smiled, as he looked at Mello, who had hated him; Matt, who tried to teach him how to play video games, something Dean knew he'd never be good at. Sam was right, he did love them. He cared about them.

"Damn it, they are not misfits. They're special is all." He turned and looked at Sam. "That makes me okay?"

"Makes you more than okay."

"Okay. How the hell do I fix me? I just keep finding more filth. L's gonna get tired of this. He really is."

"I doubt it. He knows we have issues and says that he'll keep at it as long as we're willing."

"L mentioned hell and said that from knowing me, he knew I was a righteous man. Sam, he brought it up. It's gonna come up soon. Don't know how to do that. I really don't. It was...I can't do that, Sam."

"You're going to have to face it, Dean.. for your own health."

"Whichever one of them takes that on, I don't envy him."

"I know, but I know you can do it."

"You know I can do it? Sam, you have no idea how hard it was to tell you that little bit I told. To go in depth. Ohhhh. I don't envy him."

He smiled at him. "I have faith in you." Sam moved back to his seat. "Now, enough emo shit. We're missing the movie," he teased.

They ended up watching over twelve hours of Lord of the Rings. Watari kept food and drinks on the buffet through the entire marathon. When Sam returned to Hobbiton and the music started. Dean smiled. He hadn't realized how much of the movies he'd actually missed. He was stretched back, almost relaxed, when Watari entered to let them know the church was protected, and everyone got out unharmed.

Sam smiled at that news, thanking him for letting them know.

"Watari, will they be back here tonight, or resting somewhere and back tomorrow?"

"Bobby is returning, the rest are heading back to their locations."

"When will the debriefing be? Tomorrow?"

"Yes, once he's rested and ready."

Dean stood up. "Guys, this has been one of the best times I've ever had. Thank you. I'll say good night to you." He looked at Sam. "I've been a little on edge, but trying to relax, all day. I think I'll walk a while before heading to bed. Night, Sam."

Everyone went their own way to grab some sleep.


	52. Chapter 52

Hell, the Past, and John Winchester

It was quiet in the building, and the lone man headed for the exit, but changed his mind. L might lock the place up tighter than a drum and he could get stuck out there unless someone was monitoring the cameras. He turned and headed for the elevators and the indoor gardens. Dean walked the gardens for a while, longing for a breeze, but grateful for what he did have. The solitude was nice. He thought back over what Sam had said. He did not want to discuss what had happened in what was forty years for him. He shook his head, facing the dilemma. L was going to ask. What could he do?

Time passed before the detective's voice broke the silence. "Dean has been pacing around for over an hour when he should be resting. What troubles you?"

The hunter jumped a foot, thinking he'd been alone. He had not seen the detective anywhere.

"Cameras? Or have you been here this whole time, and I'm losing my touch?"

"Cameras."

Dean nodded, than looked into the dark eyes. There was no escaping this. "I'm working on a dilemma." He hoped that would serve, but doubted it. L was a detective. He'd dig.

"And it is obviously one that is wearing you down a great deal."

"Yeah, it has for a while."

L nodded, gesturing at the chairs. "I believe Dean should discuss this as it is proving to be detrimental to his rest and health."

"L, aren't there some things that are just better off left alone?"

"Does this issue affect how you think, perceive yourself, your sleep?"

"You been talking to Sam about me?" Dean thought he's too damn good. I either tell him the truth and go through more that I can't handle, or lie and feel even worse. If I lie, he'll know. Dean stared straight into the dark eyes. He sighed. Yeah, he'll know.

"No, just going off of my observations of you."

Dean gave up. "Yeah, it affects all those things and whole lot more. Sam could probably do a better job of telling you, unless you intend to dig and know a whole lot more then I've told anyone."

"It is not Sam's place to tell me," he answered. "That would be a breach of trust between the pair of you."

"I'd give him permission on this one." Dean looked up into the detective's eyes again. "Where do you want to start?"

"The beginning is usually the logical choice."

"Which beginning: where Sam died or where Lilith let the hell hounds in and they ripped me to pieces? They both lead to the same place."

He tilted his head. "Samuel's death."

Dean bowed his head, remembering that time. "Sam got kidnapped along with the other special children. Azazel pit them against each other in a contest. Sam said Andy died. It ended up Jake against Sam. Sam was beat up pretty bad when I got there. Jake was incredibly strong and a soldier. Sam and I saw each other and he was trying to get to me, when Jake stabbed him in the back and Sam went down. Jake ran. I got to Sam and he was in my arms, and he died."

L nodded, listening quietly.

"The typical hunter burial is to take the body somewhere rural, and build a pyre and burn it. Bobby came by and said we need to take care of him. It had been a while, and I wouldn't. I couldn't. I felt that I hadn't done what Dad told me to do...take care of him. I'd let him down. I let both of them down. I didn't know what to do. We'd had a case about a crossroads demon who made deals with people for ten years of fame. They went to hell afterward. Hell hounds hunted them down. I made a deal for Sam, but they would only give me one year. I went back and Sam was alive."

Another nod was given, encouraging him to continue.

"I didn't tell Sam. Bobby had a fit when he found out what I'd done. Wanted to know how long I had."

We went after Azazel. There was a nasty battle and a lot of demons got out. Jake let them loose. He saw Sam and said I know I killed you. Sam began to think. Never a good thing when I've done something like this."

The detective frowned but gestured for him to go on.

"Jake was dead, and Sam, Bobby, Ellen, and I went after Azazel. I got to kill him with the colt. Sam figured it out. The conversation wasn't a good one. He was furious that I would make him feel guilty like that. Dad had done it to me. It wasn't exactly for the same reasons, but the reactions were no different. I didn't think that far. It was Sam, and I couldn't let him down."

He hadn't expected this so far but said nothing.

"The next year, Sam tried everything he could come up with to save me, and I wouldn't help him. I was told that if I did, Sam would die. He thought I didn't give a damn. I did but I couldn't tell him. It wasn't til near the end, that I broke down and told him I didn't wanna die. We knew then that Lilith held my contract. Ruby, in a different body, was helping us. I wasn't sure about her."

"Wise," he murmured.

"We ended up in this building being hunted by the hell hounds. My time was up and Sam was devastated because he couldn't save me. I all but destroyed him with this. Ruby, Sam, and I had locked ourselves in a room, and it was salted. That's when we found out that Lilith had captured Ruby and put her back in hell. She forced Sam into a wall and he was stuck there. She opened the doors and let the dogs in. I found out ages later that she couldn't hurt Sam and fear of that made her leave the body and escape. By then, I was dead and in hell. I hope never to experience that again."

"You being in hell was one of their attempts to break the first seal?"

"Yeah, I found out they tried on my dad, but he didn't break. He wouldn't, would he. A month is like 10 years in hell. I was there 4 months. Dad, on hell time, took it for over 100 years. 30 is all I could handle. You've no idea. Alistair was good at what he did."

"I have ideas, Dean. There is a very good reason why Ruby decided to talk. However, that's not important here. You're carrying a lot of guilt, am I right?"

"Yeah."

"This leads back again to your father. You are Dean Winchester.. not John. You did not have the training to withstand such a thing and the man brainwashed you into believing that your brother's life holds more value than your own."

"I couldn't deal with Alistair cutting me to pieces every day. Then I'd be whole again, and he'd do it all over, trying new things. He found out about the other thing. He'd start touching, and prodding. He told me every day if I'd come down off that rack and do what he was doing, he'd stop torturing me. After 30 years, I did. I tortured people, cutting them up, slicing and dicing them. L, I liked it. That's what I can't deal with. I liked it. I'd do it again. That's sick. That's evil. That can't be forgiven."

"There is a deep part of all humans that enjoys pain...either giving or receiving. It does not make you evil or sick. Are you familiar with the Marquis de Sade?"

"Yeah, and he was one sick puppy. I'm no better. Sam says I have to forgive and learn to love myself. I can't love that. Don't know how to forgive it."

L held up a hand. "You did not hear me. All humans have the ability to either receive or give pain and enjoy it. This does not make you sick. The Marquis did go a bit overboard, but he taught people to understand that it is not evil as long as things are controlled. You simply need to understand that you reacted as a human would under such strain."

"My dad didn't," Dean sobbed in anger.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Dean Winchester, trained by John Winchester to be a soldier...to be the best."

"No."

"No? What do you mean.. no? I've spent my entire life being that. It's all I know. I failed at it."

"You are Dean Winchester.. trained to be a hunter. If you were given the full training to be a soldier, you would not have broken. Your father is a Marine. Are you aware of what the training was like in boot camp at that time period? Inhumane. It desensitizes you. Your training was rough, Dean, but not to the point that was allowed back then in basic. He trained a hunter, not a soldier. That is the key difference."

"I'm not a soldier? What am I? I'm a hunter, who screwed up everything. I did what I was told, and everything I touched got f'ed up. I couldn't save Sam, so I made a deal and it's still sending backlashes out. Look at Sam!"

"Your brother is not a good example. Humans make mistakes. You were brainwashed into thinking your life was less than your brother's. That is not fact. Your life has as much value as Sam's."

"The lives I've managed to save have value. I'm still trying to convince myself I'm not a whore, it's not my fault, and I'm not worthless. I am a failure. I can't find one reason to find value in my life. Even in death I screwed up. We're doing all these demon battles because of me."

His voice was sharp. "You are being foolish in saying this. You did not screw up. Your father did!"

"He didn't spill blood in hell! I did!"

"Come with me," came the short response as he rose.

Dean rose and followed the detective.

L led him to his computer and he pulled up a file. A few moments later, videos of the old school Marine training came up and he had Dean watch it, trying to explain soldier versus hunter.

The young man watched, trying to figure out what L was trying to tell him.

"This is what a soldier went through when your father was in the Marines. Soldiers that didn't feel, focused solely on their tasks. They were inhuman. Do you know why your father didn't break, Dean?"

Dean shook his head, stuttering out the word, "No."

"Your father lost a large chunk of his humanity during his stint in the Marines. He was not a righteous man. He lost himself and whatever was thrown at him did not phase him because he was barely human. You, Dean, are a hunter. You care and because of that, you are human. Humans make mistakes, no matter how well they're trained. You follow your heart. Your father is a failure because he tried to turn you into a machine but could not. And for that, I am glad."

"You're saying I'm not like him and it's a good thing. Caring makes me righteous? I didn't care in hell. I liked it. But, I don't now. Is that what you're trying to get at? Being caught up in it doesn't mean I am that? This is so confusing. I'm gonna have to think on this."

L leaned back in his seat. "Do you believe Sam is evil now that he has recognized his addiction and the bad habits? Do you believe he was evil then?"

"Of course I don't, but it's not the same thing. He used his powers to kill demons without hurting the host. I was torturing souls in hell and I liked it. I enjoyed it.

"According to religious tenets, those in hell are there because they did different from yours. So, one could argue that you were working on bad people. If he can kill demons, why can you not have been stuck in the moment and tortured souls that were there because they were 'bad?' Why the difference, Dean?"

L was watching the confusion his words were causing in the hunter. "I...L, I enjoyed it. What 'Righteous Man' would enjoy doing that? Tell me that. Cause I'm not sure what the hell is right or wrong anymore. My mind tells me it's bad, but you're sending mixed messages here. How can it be all right?"

"I am not sending mixed messages. Even good people make mistakes. You hold yourself to too high a standard at times. You hurt yourself if you don't meet it."

"You're saying that what I did was just a mistake? "

"Is it not? You were pushed to your breaking point.. a point every person has who has not broken before."

"And what was my mistake, L? Breaking?"

"Putting too many unrealistic demands on yourself, Dean. You are human. You broke.. anyone would have that did not have the desensitizing training your father had. You are a normal person, a human being. But you put too many demands on yourself, setting your standards too high, and then wonder at the stress and emotional pain you have when you cannot reach those goals. Dean, what is a realistic personal goal in regards to what you do as a hunter?"

"Realistic? To save as many people as I can, killing as many evil things while doing it, and staying alive in the process."

"So why is that not a good goal to maintain? You act as if there is more you believe you should be doing."

"I caused the crap that's happening. It's my job to stop it. Most of the world doesn't even know it's happening. I can't let the world be destroyed."

He held up a slender hand. "Incorrect. You did not cause the 'crap' that is happening. From what I can tell, the angels knew this would happen and set their 'soldiers' for a rescue too late. They caused this, not you."

"You're saying they knew and could have prevented it?"

"Indeed. From what I have gathered in information, the angels want this as badly as the demons. Why do you think so many seals have broken? The 'heavenly host' is being mismanaged. Hence, we are dealing with the last seal as soon as you are healed enough and we have the Colt. I have Bobby heading the researchers now on this Crowley character."

Dean stood with his back to the detective, thinking that taking out Lilith might help, but would it really? He wanted so badly to be well. Why did so much have to come against him like this? He didn't really know how to let go. He only knew he was tired, and how little he would be missed if he did something right now. He knew it was weak moment and he wouldn't do anything about it, but sometimes the wish was there.

"If Lilith is destroyed before she can gain access to where Lucifer's seal is, there is no other way to start the Apocalypse."

The hunter's voice was soft, as he whispered, "Not that I know of."

"Your angelic friend can confirm it. We are also researching to ensure it as well."

Dean was quiet as he listened to the detective. He knew in his mind that the detective was right. Getting that knowledge past the numbness to his spirit was more difficult and he was struggling to make sense of the truth he'd been told. "Dean...it will take time to understand and accept what you've learned tonight. You are a good man. If you were not, do you think I would have allowed you near the trio?"

The hunter's head jerked up at the mention of the three boys. Near might be his favorite, but he cared deeply about all three of them. Somehow, despite all of his best intentions, they'd all three wormed their way into his heart. He cared, and it frightened him. Once again, hazel eyes met dark ones. "Yeah, I know that."

"Then you need to start accepting what you are told."

"L, I was raised to never trust anyone. I've lived by that, because I was always proved wrong when I did trust someone. Even Dad. The fact that I've opened up at all to Watari and you, well, that's a miracle. I don't believe in miracles. I trust you two, and those boys mean a lot to me. Give me time. I'm working on the accepting."

"Good."

Dean yawned, "I think I'd better try to get some sleep. I think I need it. Thanks for listening, L. Thanks for trusting me, even after hearing this. It means a lot."

"You are welcome," he answered softly. "Rest now."


	53. Chapter 53

Hell, the Past, and Sam Winchester

Walking back to his room, the older brother felt drained. He managed to get his door open, entered, reaching for the light, when he stopped. He wasn't alone. Staring into the darkness, he whispered, "Sam?"

A whispered reply of frustration came back to him, "How do you do that, Dean?"

"What? That it was you? It's easy, Sam. 27 years of watching over you. I just know when it's you. Sorry. You asked."

"Ahh.. OK. How're you doing?"

"Talked with L. You want the light, or should we just talk in the dark?"

"Whichever works for you," he answered.

Dean left the overhead off, slowly made his way to the bed and turned on the lamp on the bedside table. Jumping up, he landed on his back on the bed, and carefully rolled over. Reaching the pillows, he arranged himself.

"Care to join me?"

Sam made his way to the bed, settling on the side that his brother wasn't on.

His brother was quiet for a minute, then sighed softly. "L found me pacing in the indoor garden. He's good at what he does, Sam. I ended up talking to him about hell, how I felt about it, and why I felt so guilty."

He listened quietly. "He is good...brutal at times but good. I owe you an apology for that, Dean. I should've helped you deal instead of nagging and being an ass over it."

"We both had our problems, Sam. I had begun to notice how you felt about me. Little things. It didn't really break til we dealt with the siren. Sam, I couldn't tell you everything. I couldn't. I didn't want any feelings of guilt coming back on you. It was so horrible, I couldn't face even talking about it."

"I can't say that I understand...but if you do need to, you know I'm here

"I'm not keeping things from you any more, Sam. It's necessary for my health and yours that we're honest with each other. There was a demon there. You met him and you killed him. Alistair."

Sam nodded. "Not one I will mourn."

"He cut me into pieces, fileted me, and drove meat hooks into me. Sam, he also knew about the men in that bar, and Dad. He did things, okay. I finally couldn't handle the pain with the other. I came down. I enjoyed it so much. All I've ever done is hurt, Sammy. Giving the pain instead of hurting felt good...real good. It was wrong, but I did like it.

He listened in silence, his presence comforting but not judging. He simply was there, letting his brother get everything out that he needed to.

"Alistair told me the day you killed him, that Dad had gone through it too...over a hundred years' worth of torture and he never gave in. I've been dealing with that and that I started all this crap. L showed me things about soldiers and Marines from Dad's time. They are desensitized, and dehumanized too. He said I was never like that. I was still human. There was no way I could have done what he did. He trusts me, Sam; even with the boys."

His voice was soft. "I trust you too, Dean."

"I wasn't sure if you would any more, Sam. I thought I'd have to fight to earn that back."

"You already have by letting me in."

"I'm trying to, Sam. I honestly am. It's not easy for me. Dad told me a man doesn't cry, he hides his feelings. Hell, I just got good at hiding everything, but I'm trying."

"And Dad was full of shit."

"Yeah, I'm learning that, but you know how he and I were. At least I think you do. By the time you were old enough notice things beyond your own sphere of influence, you were leaving for college, so I don't really know how much you really do remember. All I know, is everyone who tried to mess me up told me the same thing. He didn't love me. He loved you. I was the one who needed you and Dad, not the other way around. It's hard learning and accepting that, with him at least, it's the truth."

"He didn't love anyone but himself. I think his fixation on 'protecting Sammy' was more so Mom's sacrifice wasn't in vain."

"Yeah, partially, Sam, but he used to drive by Stanford to keep an eye on you. When you were little, he'd hold you and cuddle you. He quit doing that to me when Mom died. He fought with you because he cared and you were rebelling against him. I never rebelled until that time I backed you. He looked shocked but he damned well didn't care. When Azazel took him, it wasn't you he went after. It was me, and it was more than a demon, Sam. He got into my personal space. Dad was in there. I saw no fight to stop Azazel from using him to kill me. He was only interested in you shooting him to kill Azazel."

"Dean, he hated both of us. Did you ever think he cuddled me because he felt guilty for his hate towards me? Every time he looked at me, I saw it.. that smoldering dislike." The voice was soft.

"You seriously think that, Sam? He wanted the family held together for you, not me. When you left, he was gone. Couldn't stand to have me around. I honestly thought he loved you. I've seen when he looked at you, when you weren't looking. If I'm wrong, then I'm really sorry, Sam, cause I was never there to help you with that."

"You didn't know. I'd watch him when he'd come in late at night to look at me. He was so angry...he hid it around you. I know he blamed me for her death. If I hadn't been there, she'd be alive and you'd have both of them."

"You were supposed to be born, Sam. You are not at fault. Mom was. She made the deal with Azazel to bring Dad back from the dead. I saw the kiss. She knew him that night. That's why she apologized to you that day at our old house. Sam, she's to blame for all of this. Azazel might never have come after you, if he hadn't had that run in with her. He liked her. Dad never knew she was a hunter. She never prepared him. She should have known. He told her ten years. He just never told her was coming after you. I saw the lights flickering. I know what that means, now. She should've known. It'd been ten years, and she was a hunter. That's a sign, Sam. She ignored it."

"So we're f*ed up cause we both had parents that started all this shit." He sighed. "Wonderful."

"Yeah, pretty much, but Dad didn't start out that way. Mom really started it. He got screwed up because of her deal, but we wouldn't be here at all if she hadn't. He was dead."

"You know.. I'm glad we have each other to get through this."

"I'm glad we don't hate each other, Sam. For a while there, I thought you did. I am so glad we're not angry and choosing sides any more. I don't want to have to deal with that. I really want to try out being brothers."

"Same," he smiled at him.

"That's the best news I've heard in a long time, Sam. Why don't we get some sleep. We can see what kind of crap is on for tomorrow." Dean laid his hand on his brother's shoulder, "Can you get the lamp? Night, Sam."

He reached over, turning it off. "Sleep well, Dean."

"You, too, Sammy."


	54. Chapter 54

Dean Learns Resident Evil

Watari had let them sleep late when he heard from L about the late night session. He came in that morning with two trays, calling them to wake.

Dean yawned, trying to stretch, swearing under his breath. "Hey, Sam, come on. Breakfast is here. Morning, Watari, what new thing am I going to learn to like this morning?""Given how late you were up, I thought a light breakfast would be better. Toast, soft boiled eggs, and fruit, along with English breakfast tea."

"Sounds good. What kind of fruit did you bring this morning?"

"Berry medley. You'll enjoy it."

"Thanks, Watari. Any idea what the plans are for today?"

"I am unsure. L was in the middle of something and was not answering just yet. So enjoy breakfast and whatnot."

The boys sat down to eat their breakfast. "Sam, do you feel okay about not being involved in going after Lilith? I don't want you angry or upset with me on this."

"I would like to see it through, but I understand L's concerns."

"I know, Sam, but I'm relieved you understand. I just want to get this over with. I got feeling it's gonna happen fast when it hits. Always been that way with her. I owe her big time."

"Just make sure to salt and burn fast so no blood is left to be found. L mentioned he was concerned about that."

"The boys have proven themselves so far, but this will be the toughest they've done with me. I hope Bobby will feel up to it. He should be here, huh?"

"It's up to him I guess. Which of the boys are you taking?"

"Mello. If Matt can be serious about it, I'll take him too. Hopefully, L will go. My concern is fast clean up. I'll gank her."

"I guess you'll have to ask him," He said, salting his eggs.

If he gets the colt, one head shot is all she wrote. If it's the knife, I got to get in closer. Knife would mean less blood. If the colt shot is a through and through, we're talking brain matter, but I've yet to see a colt bullet do a through and through. Could be the magic of it."

"I hope he can find it," Sam murmured.

"It will be up to finding the demon, Crowley."

"He is the greatest detective in the world; he'll find him."

"That's true. We'll wait and see how he intends bearding a demon in his den."

"No kidding."

"After we finish eating, want to see if Bobby returned? I want to know what happened at the church, don't you?"

He paused before taking a bite. "Sure."

After breakfast, the boys took time to clean up and went in search of Bobby.

Bobby was working with Matt on the database in the top room where L and the others were working as well.

Sam and Dean entered the room, and walked to where the others were busy at work. For an awkward moment, they stood watching, not wanting to interrupt important work.

The older male looked up and grinned. "Hey you two."

Both young men smiled and said, in unison, "Hi, Bobby."

"How's it going?"

"Okay, I guess," Dean replied.

He arched an eyebrow. "You guess? Take a seat, you two. You won't bug the group. I think a bomb could go off and not disturb some of them."

The brothers smiled in reply and both found seats near Bobby and each other.

"Ok.. so no holds barred here.. how are you two really?"

"I'm dealing, Bobby. Sam, here, can answer for himself. He's a big boy, aren't you, Sam." Dean grinned.

"You know it," he grinned back. "I'm getting there, Bobby. I think L is definitely right to keep me out of this hunt. I don't trust myself right now and Dean needs a steady partner. However, that doesn't mean we can't train those going with him to make sure his ass is covered 'cause we all know he needs it." Sam winked at Dean, telling him he was teasing.

His brother returned the grin, "Hell, yes, I need it covered. Might draw too much attention if it isn't."

Bobby snickered. "Thinking you might get pounced by hot chicks or something?"

Dean laughed, "The hot chicks I could handle. It's the 'or something' I worry about."

Both Sam and Bobby laughed. It was good to see the group in good spirits again.

Matt looked up and grinned. "Oh really? It might be fun running up against something cool."

Dean eyed Matt for a moment, studying him. "Matt, I hope you were talking about hot chicks."

An impish grin was flashed at him. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Sam snickered. "It's not like Resident Evil, man. Seriously."

Hazel eyes stared in disbelief at the younger Winchester. "Resident what?"

Matt grinned. "Video game, really cool. Monsters and zombies."

Dean's gaze was serious, "I'm not playing video games, Matt. I'm talking real life."

"I know that...was just playing around a bit." He focused back on the computer.

The hunter looked at the other two hunters and slightly shook his head.

Bobby chuckled. "He's a kid...just leave him be. I know that one. He'll be serious when he needs to."

Dean just stared, thinking about how he loved to mess around himself, but not over a job.

Matt looked up. "Seriously, you've never played Resident Evil?"

"Hell, Matt, I told you I never played video games. I quit playing arcade games when I was a kid. Only thing I can remember about Resident Evil, I think there was a movie by that title."

He grinned. "Sam, go teach him. I've got a console set up over there."

Sam gave an answering grin and dragged his brother off to play games. Matt was right, it was time to teach Dean to have some fun.

Dean was panicking. After messing around with the hand held, he honestly didn't think he would be good at video games. "Sam, I'm one handed. How am I supposed to play?"

"I'll help, OK? This is a combination game, so one handed can work."

"What is a combination game?"

"It tells a story.. sort of like a role playing game."

"Role playing? We gotta pretend to be someone else?"

"It's fun, trust me."

"How many times do they let you die in this thing before the game is over? I'm just trying to figure out how many seconds I've got."

"You can get save points, Dean. They can keep your ass alive."

"You gotta know what you're doing to get save points? I'm gonna need a lot of them."

"You'll find them when you work your way through. I'll help you." He began teaching Dean as they played together, Sam showing Dean how to play the game.

"Damn it, Sam! I'm a damn good fighter! Why can't I do it on here? Let's try again."

Matt grinned at his computer screen, peeking as Sam patiently helped Dean. It was obvious the two were having fun, which was his hope for the pair.

Face stern in concentration, the older brother refused to admit defeat over a machine. He was struggling with coordination when it came to fighting. His thought was, if you are in life, you should damn well be inside a box. With typical Winchesterness, he was not going to admit defeat. Matt might be right...Dean Winchester was having fun.

The computer genius winked at L, who gave a pleased nod. Part of the therapy was to introduce fun things to the brothers that didn't involve hustling pool or poker. This would help them to bond on a different level and provide a healthier stress relief.

"One more round, Sammy. There's got to be a way to win this damn thing! I will not be beaten by a machine!"

Sam laughed, starting it up from the save point. "All right, just watch that corner next time."

Dean made it round the corner and through a third of the next section. What came next made his eyes widen and his jaw drop. "Aw! Come on! What kind of game is this? You can't tell me kids play this and win? What is that thing? What do you use against it?"

Matt called out. "Rocket launcher! Swap, swap!"

"Okay!" Dean yelled, then he stopped. "Rocket launcher! Wait a minute. I got a rocket launcher? Why didn't I know that." He tried swapping. "Which one is it?"

Sam guided him and the rocket launcher was equipped just in time. "Get him, Dean!"

Matt and Bobby stood and watch the hunter take aim and hit the fire button. He jumped up raising his left in the air, shouting. At that point in time, a pin drop would have been heard as everyone turned to see what was going on.

L simply smirked, going back to his work while Mello cheered for him, Matt grinning too. "Great job!"

Dean sat back down, flushed, and the only thing that came out of his mouth was, "Wow!"

"Ready to keep going?" Sam was definitely proud of him. "It's fun huh? When your shoulder is better, we'll have to hook up with Matt and Mello and try some Halo action."

"What's halo?"

"Another video game that's a lot better than this one."

"In what way?" Dean was starting to get the gist of how to play the game. He wasn't getting injured quite as often. He definitely liked it.

Matt answered. "It's what's called a first person shooter. Halo 2 has quite a few options in regards to one on one play. You can do capture the flag, free for all, all sorts of fun things."

"Hunting, tracking, and shooting each other? Now that would be fun."

Sam laughed. "It is. We'll put you on Matt's team and Mello on mine, that way it'll be fair since two gamers on one team is just unfair."

"Who's the gamer? You or Mello?"

Mello took a bite of his chocolate. "Matty is. I play on occasion but don't live and breathe them like he does."

"You misunderstand me, Mello. I know Matt is. I'm talking you and Sam?"

"Sam, I suppose."

"You're a gamer, Sam? When did you learn to do this?"

"You didn't think I spent all my time studying, did you?" He winked at his brother.

"You talking college, or do you have this stuff on your computer?"

He grinned, rubbing the back of his head. "I have some of it."

Dean nodded and turned back to the game.

Sam worked with him to get him to more levels.

It took them most of the morning and early afternoon to get through the levels and finally finish the game.

Watari brought snacks to them on occasion, smiling to himself as the two simply relaxed and enjoyed themselves.

Somewhere around 1:20 in the afternoon, Sam had managed to get Dean through Resident Evil. He watched his brother sit back and grin. "We did it, Sammy."

"That we did. You did great!"

"Thanks, Sammy, but we did it!"

He grinned, feeling happy to have had some fun with his brother. "We did. It's fun, huh?"

"I think this is the first time ever that we got to have fun together and nothing bad happened. Thanks, Sam. Thanks, Matt."

Matt grinned. "You're welcome. You'd better hurry up and heal 'cause I wanna kick some ass with you on Halo."

"I'd like that."

"It's a date then.. and you know what I meant, Mello!" The blond snickered, going back to his computer screen.

Dean laughed, "He's just jealous cause he doesn't have one. Sam's too shy on a first date," he replied, raising his brows up and down at his brother.

"DEAN!"

"What? I said nothin' wrong!"

Mello grinned, blowing a kiss at them. "I'll warm him up," he teased.

Dean turned his head in surprise, "What the hell?"

Matt and Mello dissolved into laughter, knowing Mello had managed to stump Dean. "Got ya!"

Frantic eyes turned towards the younger brother, "Sam?"

"They're teasing you, Dean."

"Yeah, but some how, I thought they...well, they didn't really..ah, shit!" Dean slumped in a chair, face bright red.

The teens kept laughing until Near gave them a look, which sobered them a bit...somewhat. "Near's companions have odd sense of humors."

Dean's face was buried in his one good hand, shaking it back and forth.

Mello kept snickering, shoulders shaking with his mirth.

The hunter wracked his brain trying to come up with something PG or lower that wouldn't upset everyone. He was drawing a blank. This could go too far too fast.

L's voice intervened, obviously amused. "Mello, mind out of the gutter please. They're unused to your idea of humor." Matt giggled harder.

Dean sat up straight, "Wait a minute. I can play that kind of humor, L, but I was raised to believe it was for adults. I've never played it with teens. I can roll in the gutter with the best of them."

He arched a brow and nodded, giving him permission to roll with it. Yes, they were teens but all three were very much adult in a lot of ways.

"Sam, this is about you. You got any problems with what I bring up? It might be uncomfortable for you. We're talking your sex life. I only know three or four you slept with and one ain't human, which is all right. I had one who wasn't either."

"Go for it," he chuckled. This was about to get interesting.


	55. Chapter 55

Dean's Verbal Play with Mello

"You know, Sam hasn't ventured into gay sex yet. You talk like a pro. Can you compete with what a demon can do sexually?"

Mello's eyes were twinkling. "I'm sure demons have to be all kinds of rough to get themselves going. I know I don't have to do that.. I'm all gentle and tough at the right times."

"I bet you are nowhere near as gentle and cuddly or as tough and aggressive as the werewolf he had. Share with us about your most interesting bed partner, Mello. How good was she or he?"

Near's eyes were getting larger by the moment while Mello leaned forward. "Rocked all night long...kinky but not too kinky."

"Kinky? What'd you do? How many times did you do it? How long a night are we talking about?"

"Seven times," came the cocky response and Near's comment afterward put Sam and Matt on the floor. "Is that even possible?"

Dean kept a straight face. "Not even the greatest lover in the world, or a 15 year old can do it that many times in one night. A girl can, but a guy can't. All right super stud, it was kinky. What kind of kink?"

The description that followed would have made most porn stars turn bright red and by the time he was finished, Near's eyes were humongous in his face. Matt and Sam were having a hard time breathing now, they'd been laughing so hard and L shook his head.

Dean's upper lip twitched, but he kept a straight face. "L, did you know he watches porn? Mello, I've seen that particular video at least 15 times on a porn channel late at night. Who'd you do it with?"

"I was very much aware of his viewing habits at night," came the monotone and Mello howled with laughter, unable to keep it under control. It'd been worth it simply to get everyone laughing and see Near's reactions.

Dean sat back, with a wicked grin on his face, having enjoyed it more then he cared to say. He shook his head and saluted Mello.

"I can't.. believe.. he recited all that.. without blushing.." Sam was near tears laughing.

His brother was grinning one of the widest grins Sam had seen in ages. "Oh, I can. You don't know him very well, yet. That was fun. Wonder what he would have done if I'd started describing the real thing instead of acting."

Matt snickered. "Probably not much at all but poor Near's gonna lose his eyes if that keeps up."

"I really wish I could find a hooker, really classy one. Got a gut feeling, Mello would run when faced with the real thing."

"Nope," came the chipper reply. "I'll try anything once."

Dean stared directly into Mello's eyes. "You know you were hinting at wanting to try the other way. Neither Sam nor I have tried that, but I'm game to take you on."

The blond blew him a kiss. "Name the time and place."

The hunter keeping a straight face, stood up, and walked towards Mello. He took his hand and pulled him to him, close. "I hope you like bottom. I'm not one for that kind of thing myself." He started dragging Mello towards the door.

Matt was howling louder with laughter when the blond copped a feel of Dean's ass, then sauntered past him towards the door.

Dean grinned and followed him out the door.

Bobby stood up. "L, you realize you have two asses who aren't gonna back down, doing who knows what in a few minutes?"

L shook his head. "I do. That's why Watari is waiting with a deterrent."

Seconds later, yelps were heard when the older man doused them with a super soaker.

"Damn it, Watari! I don't exactly have a ton of pajama bottoms and bathrobes. We were only cutting up. He'd a backed down soon enough."

Watari laughed. "You don't know Mello, and you have clean ones waiting."

"You don't know me, either, Watari. That's a sneaky way to make someone clean up."

He chuckled. "Both of you go change and have fun. Mello, try to behave."

The blond snickered. "No fun in that!"

"Nope, sure isn't" Dean headed off to his room, leaving a trail of water behind him.

Back inside the large room, Bobby was chuckling and turned to Sam. "When was the last time your brother pulled something like that? He used to do it. He just quit."

Mello grinned and went to change.

"Years," he answered. "And I don't think Mello is a good influence on him."

Matt slipped his goggles up, wiping his eyes. "Or him on Mello but damn, I haven't laughed like that in a long time."

Bobby snorted, "Me neither. Dean hasn't lost his wit. What scares me is just how far would those two have gone?"

L's voice was monotone. "As far as Dean would allow Mello. That one has no fear."

Bobby replied, "I don't think Dean would go that far. Not with a minor. He probably figured once they had no audience, they both won and it was over."

"One could only hope," the detective answered, focused on his monitor.

Dean stood in his room, grinning, then remembered, he could not remove his robe. "Ah, damn it." A few minutes later, Sam's cell rang.

Sam grabbed. "Yeah?"

"Hey, Sam. I hate to bother you, but I need some help. I'm kind soaked to the skin."

"No problem. Gimme a few to get up there."

"Thanks, Sam. I can't get my robe off."

He hung up and headed up to help his brother.

Dean kicked off the wet slippers. He started removing his pajama bottoms, leaving the boxers on for the moment. He unbuttoned the bathrobe and waited.

Sam entered, helping him with the bathrobe. "Sorry about that."

"About what? The robe? Sam, I didn't think about it til I got up here and tried to change. Thank you. Did I screw up with Mello?"

"Nope, you gained respect I think in that you could play around. Hell, I know Matt was in stitches. It's not often anyone can go up against that little blond."

"He's definitely different, but Near was there."

"That one is a complete innocent at times, isn't he?"

"Yeah, and I may have screwed that up."

"I doubt it. He didn't look uncomfortable, just rather cute with that wide eyed look."

"I don't want to do anything to hurt him. He's special, Sam. How many people you know are that innocent?"

"None, honestly."

"Exactly. He's the only one I know."

He smiled at him. "Comfortable?"

"Yeah, I am. Thanks, Sammy. Did L mention anything we had to do today? I never went up there to play games, but it was fun. We never talked to Bobby, but he seems busy. I feel antsy, just sitting around, doing nothing. You?"


	56. Chapter 56

Pranks

"You know, we could start training them to be ready to back you up."

Dean's interest was caught by his brother's suggestion. "I like that idea a lot. You'll have to do a lot of the physical stuff, Sam. They all know some form of martial art. Still, they need to know what will work and what won't with demons."

Sam blinked at that. "Wait...all of them? " Even slouchy L and Near, who didn't seem to move much?

Dean gazed at his brother and asked, "All of them what? Taking martial arts? Training all of them?"

"Martial arts. I mean.. L doesn't exactly inspire much with his posture and Near rarely moves."

"I wouldn't want to mess with them. I would try if I had to, but I'd get my ass kicked more than likely."

"Damn. "

"They can also shoot. What they don't know is how to kill, stop, or trap demons, much less any other supernatural creature."

He grinned. "I think it's time for class to start then."

Dean's brows went up and down as he smiled, "Demon 101?"

"Yup, we should talk to L about it and see who is going where."

"Yeah, last time, L and Mello came with me, and Near and Matt monitored us."

He nodded. "Makes sense. Let's go find him."

Dean grinned, "Watch out for water. No idea if Watari has got the upstairs, elevator and the hallway outside dried up. Back to where we were."

Sam snickered. "That was hilarious."

"That's one way to cool ardor, as if I had any in that."

He chuckled. "You realize, I think you met your match in that one. He's just as stubborn as you are," he teased.

"Was I that hard ass when I was a young teen, Sam? I seem to remember trying to hide how I felt about things. Damn, I hope I wasn't that bad."

"You two are remarkably similar...not in a bad way though."

"Looking at it now, at my age, that's terrifying."

"Well, he's got a few to keep him in check. It's just funny watching the two of you together."

"He's a cocky little bastard."

"Yup, that he is."

"You aren't saying, I am too?"

Sam grinned. "You already know you can be," he teased, then ducked.

"You'd better be grateful I can't kick your ass right now."

He started laughing, eyes gleaming.

"Okay, big boy, what's so funny? You think cause I have to look at up that I can't take you?"

The laughter kept coming. "Sorry...just...so damned funny."

Dean stood there in pajama bottoms, slippers, and a bathrobe, hair going every which way, and his arm in the sling. He stared up at his brother. "What is so damned funny, Sammy?"

"If you could see yourself," he laughed. "Sorry.. just so cute and funny."

"Cute? Damn it, Sammy, that's the same thing you and Bobby said after I got ghost fever."

He snickered, grabbing his cell and snapping a picture of Dean.

Dean tried to grab the cell from him, jumping up in the air one arm raised. That picture was not going out to known friends.

"Give it to me, Sam."

"Oh no! I'm keeping it," he cackled.

Dean went down and ran into his brother, head butting him in the diaphragm, trying to take him down. Sam reached out to stop him and they both went down, Dean being careful to land on his left side on top of him.

"You OK?" He was laughing and kept the phone out of his brother's reach.

The hunter was slowly working his way across the top of his brother aiming for the phone, slightly winded by the fall and no means to stop himself. Determination showed on his face.

"Oh yeah. I'm fine."

Sam scrambled to his feet and ran out of the room. "Not getting it!"

Dean was thrown off his brother when he scrambled. He did a slight roll and managed to prevent going all the way to his right side. He struggled to get to his feet, muttering under his breath as he did, "Like hell you will. I'm still the big brother here...even if you are a sasquatch."

Mello was outside the door, snickering. "Sasquatch?"

"Exactly. Which way did he go?" Dean heard the elevator. "Where's the stairs?"

"That way," he grinned, pointing down the hall.

Dean ran and looked at the elevator. "Damn it, Sam! Up? That's four flights." He ran towards the stairs, opened the door, and up he went.

The blond giggled after heading towards another room, using the cell given to him to email the picture to Matt. Sam had passed it to him and used himself as a distraction.

With all of the health issues, he had been dealing with, Dean found out that four flights of stairs weren't as easy to climb as they normally were. He finally reached the 7th floor and entered the main room. He was red faced, and very winded. His chest was wheezing a little. He could not get enough air to talk. He looked for his brother.

Watari handed him a bottle of water. "Are you all right?"

Dean nodded and took a long drink of water. "A little bit, but he's not."

Matt looked up with a grin. "Why?"

Hazel eyes took in the teen's smirk. He looked up at his brother. "You didn't have time."

Sam looked innocent. "Have time for what?"

"Where's your phone, Sammy?"

"What phone?"

"Your cell phone, Sam"

Sam shrugged. "Not sure."

Dean was looking everywhere for the phone, knowing Sam well enough to know that if he wasn't sure, then he didn't have it. "Whadja do with it, Sammy?" Suddenly the hunter froze.

The blond teen came in, nibbling on chocolate. "Hey guys."

"Son of a..." Dean turned towards Mello. "Where's the camera?"

"Hmm? What camera?"

That question was all the young man needed to know the truth.

Watari cleared his throat, pointing at a screen behind Dean. Matt had taken the email and projected the picture up for all to see.

Dean had a look of apprehension, shock, and downright frustration. "Aw, man!" He ran his left hand through the mussed up hair, knowing it was not going to go down unless he did something with it. He looked at Sam, Mello, and Matt. "I'll get even." He headed to his room.

Bobby was the first one to break out laughing. "He's so cute in that picture. I want a large copy, bigger than an 8x10. Gonna frame it and put it on one of my walls."

Matt grinned. "Will do!" Sam was laughing, getting his phone back.

No one saw the hunter for hours. He was not in his room, and he'd missed supper. How he'd managed to evade the cameras no one was sure of.

Finally, Watari murmured, "There he is," as Dean entered his room, crossed over to the bed in the dark and did his jump to lie down on it. He had not asked for anything to eat, and it was hard to tell how he was with no light on.

Watari came to the door, bearing a plate of food.

"Come in," a soft voice replied. Dean was lying on his bed, left arm behind his head.

"You skipped dinner," he chided softly.

Dean rose and jumped down off the bed, walking towards the table. "I'm sorry, Watari. I had some things to do. What do you have that I'm gonna learn to like tonight?" The hunter smiled up at the older man, but saw no returned smile. His smile turned to apprehension. "Did I do something wrong?"

"I was worried about you. You weren't found on cameras and not answering the door."

"I'm sorry, Watari. I needed to not be seen today. You know as well as I do that L could've found me if he'd wanted to. He couldn't possibly have had all his cameras on. I didn't mean to worry you. Really." Dean looked concerned, then a look of consternation crossed his face. "I can lock that door and have it where the lock can't be picked, can't I"

"We could take the hinges down if need be."

"Hinges are used to open and shut it. The door will just fall in. Can we put a key in the lock on the inside and turn it so it can't be forced out?"

"Why would you want it?" "So Sammy, Mello, and Matt can't get in here tonight. Oh! Any noises, screams, and strange sounds you hear tonight. It's okay, just ignore them. Better yet, can you make sure the cameras are on in their rooms tonight? I want pictures. What's for supper?"

"Spaghetti and salad. Dean, what are you planning?"

Dean grinned as he lifted the lid and sniffed deeply of the spicy spaghetti. He looked up at Watari. "What was it Khan said to Kirk? Oh, yeah. Revenge is a dish best served cold." Dean took a bite of the spaghetti and smiled. "This is good."

"I'll inform L that a prank is in the works but as far as changing the locks, I'm not sure what can be done at this short a time."

"I'll move furniture against the door. Three of them trying to break in at one time, may be more then I can handle in my situation." Dean's grin was almost evil. He winked at Watari. "Can you pick the tray up in the morning? I really need to barricade. Oh, you do have a good cleanup crew, don't you? Few wet vacs and stuff?"

Oh no, not another one of those kinds of pranks. He rubbed his face. "I am not cleaning up after this one."

Dean grinned again as he chewed some salad. "It's possible they are not going to want the world to know that they've been had. They'll more than likely clean it up themselves. I would."

"I think tonight is a good night for a cup of tea and a book," he muttered.

"You will have the cameras on?" Dean pleaded with the older man.

"If I really have to, then yes."

"Thank you, Watari. This will be a night to remember, and one to go down in Winchester prank history. I do want to see it."

Watari shook his head. "As you wish."

Dean finished his meal, and started moving chairs and the recliners towards the door. He was getting tired.

Watari spoke privately to L. It took a LOT of convincing as the man was unhappy with the request. It was a waste of time and the man didn't appreciate it.

Dean was getting exhausted and his shoulder hurt, but the furniture was almost in place.

Matt and Mello were working on projects, snacking occasionally and bantering a bit back and forth between each other.

Dean finished arranging the furniture, turned off the light and went to bed, exhausted, but lighthearted.

Sam curled up, reading in the library. It was nice to have access to so many books.

Dean was in a deep sleep, when everyone decided to turn in.

L grumbled slightly, nibbling on his cake as screams of rage filled the building.

Dean sat up at the screams. He blinked sleep out of his eyes, and knew the war had begun. They'd declared with their prank, and he had to win this one. No holding anything or sitting on anything without checking first. L's money could buy a lot of Superglue. He lay back down to sleep, wondering how soon the three of them would be coming after him.

It didn't take long before all three were at the door, pounding on it.

Dean yawned, "Go away. I'm trying to sleep."

"Oh no.. no sleep.. you're a dead man," Mello roared.

"Murder's frowned upon in this country, Mello. Don't you have a room to clean?"

"No, you're cleaning it," Matt snarled. "You doused my IPOD, player, and laptop!"

"I covered all of your electronics, Matt. You couldn't have noticed with the lights not working. Only thing doused was the bedclothes and you."

"I went to bed with them," came another snarl. Moments later, there was the sound of a drill.

"Who the hell sleeps with electronics in their bed?" Dean sat up when he heard the drill. He got out of the bed and went to see what was going on. "Sammy? What the hell are you guys doing?"

"Taking the door down, Dean, because you have three rooms to clean.. or we're bunking with you."

"No, I'm not cleaning it. I've cleaned up after your jokes. You've cleaned after mind. That's the rules of the game. That gag took a hell of a lot of work and I'm hurting. No, Sam. The beds are fine. I lined them really well. There's clean blankets, sheets, and pillows on a recliner in each of your rooms. There weren't that many balloons in any of the nets. Just enough to turn your balls blue."

The red head glared at the door. "Payback is a bitch, remember that." He stalked off, obviously upset.

L watched this and shook his head.

Dean sat there, upset. He'd had no idea that Matt slept with his electronics. It was meant to be a joke. He'd never wanted to hurt him. He turned on a lamp and reached for his cell phone, calling Bobby.

"Hello Dean," came the rough voice.

Dean softly said, "Bobby, I screwed up. I need help. What town are we in? Do you know anyone who can repair that equipment? If not, someone I can work a deal with for new stuff? I hope Matt will accept that. It was a joke. I had no idea he took that stuff to bed with him. I need to get it done tonight, morning at the latest."

"I'll ask L. You didn't know. I'll get Mello and Sam out of the hallway. You need to go talk to Matt and apologize. I think that'll do a lot there."

"Tell L, I'll work to pay for it, if I don't have enough. It's got to come from me."

"I'll talk to him. You go make it right, OK? Dean, it was a hell of a prank. I'm proud of that one. Swear you're a Singer," he teased.

Dean didn't sound proud of it any more. "Let me know when they're gone, will ya? I got a lot of furniture to move, I wasn't expecting to touch til morning."

"They're out. Sam and Mello are working on Mello's room first."

"There's not that much to clean, Bobby. I arranged it so the blankets and stuff soaked up most of the ice water. There'll be pieces of balloon. Everything's ready for a quick clean up. I wasn't being mean. Just joking. Thanks. I'll get up to Matt's room as soon as I can. Gotta move a bunch of furniture to get out the door. Night, Bobby."

"Sleep well, Dean. I'll go talk to L now."

Dean thought that sleeping well would depend on the three who were out to kill him tonight. All Matt had to do was let the others know he was out, and all hell would break loose. He felt like he was entering the lion's den clad only in his boxers. It took about 30 minutes to put all the furniture back. He unlocked the door and headed to the elevator.

Matt was in his room, trying to dry out the electronics. The prank was a good one. .just for people who didn't have his sleeping habits.

There was a sudden knock on his door. "Matt?"

"Come in."

The door slowly opened, and Dean Winchester entered the room and shut the door, a brave thing to do, considering.

Goggled eyes looked up for a moment before going back to work on his equipment.

"I came to apologize. I didn't know you slept with your stuff. I'm going to work out a deal to get it all taken care of so it'll be good as new. I'm sorry. I'm turning myself over. You said payback's a bitch. Yeah, it is. If you want, you can call Sam and Mello. I'm here."

"I shot off when I shouldn't have. One thing that's odd about the kids who grew up in Whammy's House, each of us have odd night time rituals. L doesn't sleep but maybe once in a blue moon. Near goes until he falls over and sleeps where he was working. I tend to play and listen to music until I fall asleep

"Yeah, I can go for days if I have to, but it kills me. I can lay down on a bed and I'm gone. Have to do that. Sleep when I can get it."

He nodded, not looking up from his work. "Yeah.. it's just an effect of the stress and stuff. Some can sleep normally.. others are just insomniacs."

"Damn it, Matt. I'm so sorry." Matt could hear tears in Dean's voice.

Matt looked up. "I'm not pissed. I was but it's OK. You didn't know. Seriously, it was a damned good prank."

"I hurt you. Never intended that." Dean had his cell in his hand and dialed Sam's. When his brother picked up, he said four words, "I'm in Matt's room."

"Are you always so willing to beat yourself up over a mistake?"

"When I deserve it, yeah. I do deserve it."

He set his tools down. "First, you apologized. Second, I accepted. End of story.. water under the bridge and shit like that. Seriously, it's OK. I have everything backed up. Have to with Mello around. Do you know how many keyboards we go through around here between him and L?"

Dean shook his head, hearing the elevator stop. He winced and waited. "Well, I am fixing to face the terrible twosome. Thanks, Matt. Sometimes you have to pay...you know?"

Dean turned and walked into the hallway, waiting for his brother and Mello.

Both emerged from the elevator, turning super soakers on him.

Dean turned to run and his feet went out from under him and he fell flat on his back, knocking the wind out of him, He ripped the robe open pulling the best he could to cover the bandage, rolling and struggling on the slick tile and floundering like a beached whale. Sam and Mello could hear cursing coming up from the floor.

Near came out of his room, rubbing his eyes and quickly went to help Dean to his feet.

"Stay away, Near! If you fell helping me, you could hurt your wounds. They'll stop in a minute."

Matt had come out too, helping him as well. "Damn it, guys.. stop spraying and get over here!"

"Matt, you and Near will both end up down here with me. Stay away til their done. They have the right."

"No they damn well don't. If you don't stop, Mello, I'll kick your damned ass!"

"I did the same thing to them I did to you, Matt."

Sam had put his soaker down, coming to help his brother. "Sorry, Dean, I didn't mean to get you on the floor."

"It's all right, Sam. I had it coming."

A stern voice broke in. "Water guns away. You two will clean up the mess in this hallway." L moved in, helping Dean to his feet. "Watari is waiting with towels in your room to help you dry and redress."

"I'm sorry, L. It was just supposed to be a prank. I had that coming." Dean slowly headed to the elevator, pride keeping him from showing his exhaustion. The prank had been hard to set up, then moving the furniture, recliners and all, twice. He knew he'd be bruised by morning. He hurt from the fall and all the crazy things he'd done that day. For some reason he was shivering. He smiled at everyone as he headed around the corner to the elevator, determined that he'd be fine in the morning, even if he wasn't. It was what Bobby called the Winchester stubbornness. He smiled once, though. It had been a damn good prank.

"It was a good prank. Mello needs to learn to restrain his temper, and he will be given a lesson tomorrow to enforce it." Said blond winced. "Now, I want this hallway cleaned up," he looked at Sam and Mello, who both nodded.

Dean stood outside his door, breathing hard, and striving to calm it before he entered. It was so aggravating. He wanted to be well. He was tired of hurting and being tired and weak whenever he did something.

Watari met him, helping him inside and to dry off.

Dean was shivering, his teeth chattering. "Damn! I'm sorry about the robe, Watari. I was trying hard to protect the bandages. Not sure how badly they got it." He let the older man help him dry off and change. He sat down on the bed but could barely make the leap.

"It isn't a problem, Dean."

"Damn it! I'm freezing. I'm so tired. That's it. I'm done with pranks." The hunter grew quiet for a minute. He looked up at the older man.

"Have I lost Mello?"

"I don't think so but I would watch my back for a few days until he retaliates. You've started a prank war," he answered, tucking a heating pad in with Dean.

"Shit. That means if I don't retaliate back, he's going to lose respect for me." Dean sighed. "Too tired to think about it right now."

Dean was gone by the time he murmured the last words.

Watari left the room, allowing Dean to get the rest he needed.


	57. Chapter 57

Prank Aftermaths

Morning came early for the hunter. He woke, not feeling rested, but got up, and headed out to find L. The seventh floor and the big room was his destination.

He was moving slower than usual, exhaustion still dragging him down, but with typical Dean stubbornness, no one was going to know.

L was in his usual crouch, nibbling on a donut as he typed one handedly on his computer.

Dean stood watching him for a moment. "L, I've come to apologize, and, um, ask how I can work off paying to take care of Matt's stuff. I want to pay for it."

"Apology accepted though unnecessary. The boys rarely have someone who can prank them back. Matt was able to salvage the equipment. However, if you feel that some sort of reparation needs to be made, perhaps imparting some of your knowledge to them for future cases would be a good trade off."

The hunter nodded, sad down on a chair and exhaled softly. "Yeah, I can do that. I'd like to. Would you mind Sam being involved? There's stuff he does better. Computer stuff, some research. I'm as good at book research as he is, but he's faster on the PC."

L nodded. "He may learn a few things from Matt about computer research so I do not mind. The boys are enjoying having the company of your family here. It can be a bit slow for three teenagers at times, no matter how mature they are."

It's been helpful for us. Sam and I needed this. Thank you. As for the boys, I've enjoyed every minute of it, and I think Sam has too."

Another nod was given. "So it is a good trade off."

"I think I'm getting the better end of the deal, but yeah."

"Good. Watari should be bringing breakfast to you soon."

A slight sigh of weariness slipped past the hunter's guard. "I guess I had better get back down there. Thanks, L." He rose quicker than usual and walked at a fast pace as he left the room, making up for the mistake of the sigh. By the time he reached the elevator, he was tired. "Damn," he muttered under his breath. He reached his room and entered.

The older man was waiting for him.

Dean had expected to beat Watari to his room and did not see him at first. He slipped in and shut the door, leaning against it, his eyes closed.

"Dean, why did you wake so early?"

Jumping a foot, the hunter hissed when he moved the shoulder the wrong way. He must've bruised it when he fell last night, was his thought.

"You scared me. I didn't see you. I slept, it wasn't a very deep sleep though. Bad dreams, hurting some, concerned about Matt and Mello. Bad night is all."

"After breakfast, you should try to rest," he murmured, pouring the tea for Dean.

"I'm not even hungry, to be honest." He smiled a soft smile that reached his eyes. "What new food am I going to like today, Watari?" It wasn't his usual, almost boisterous question, but he was trying.

"I had a feeling you'd be in pain today, so I kept it light. Toast, fruit, and some bacon."

The same soft smile was on his face, but his eyes were moist. "I'm going to miss you, Watari, when we have to leave. No one has ever really taken care of me since Mom died. Well, Bobby did, but that was when I was 4. Not since I was old enough to be a hunter. Thank you."

"I'm certain our paths will cross, and your computer has my email address saved in the program."

"Good. I'd hate to not be able to come to you if I need someone to talk to, or if I can't remember a certain food you said I should eat." Dean picked up a slice of toast and some bacon. He slowly chewed, trying to keep his eyes open.

Watari smiled. "This will be a good way to keep in touch, I'm sure."

Dean was really struggling to keep his eyes open. He looked at Watari. He knew he hadn't been sleeping good. He was usually able to stay awake when needed. The exhausted man wanted to ask the older one if he'd slipped him one of those pills that had helped him before. He didn't know how to ask without offending him and he wouldn't do that. It was getting difficult to keep his eyes open.

Watari shook his head, helping the man to bed once he'd finished eating. "No, I didn't slip anything into your food," he murmured, knowing the other was confused about the sudden exhaustion. "Your body is reacting to all the demands being placed on it. Rest now."

The young man stared at Watari. "How did you? I don't" He couldn't finish the sentences, his mind was not working right. He murmured "thank you" as he dozed off

The older man tucked him in, then removed the remains of breakfast and left him to sleep.

In that twilight between being awake and sleeping, Dean felt the other man tuck him in, and felt content and peace envelope him. It felt like Mom and home.

The group let him rest, knowing that sleep was the best medicine the man needed right then.

Dean slept the day away, waking up towards seven in the evening. He moved carefully, feeling muscle pain but his shoulder did not seem to have suffered any other damage. He leaned over and turned on the table lamp. He went to the restroom, and climbed back into the bed, reaching for his book. He did not feel hungry, so he just read.

Near tapped on the door.

"Come in."

The white haired male came in bearing a small plate and a can of soda carefully balanced. "Near has brought Dean something to eat."

Dean looked up, happy to see the young man. "Thanks, Near. What'd ya bring?"

"Sandwich, fruit, and a drink. Dean requires sustenance to heal and take medication."

"I guess I do. Dean sat up more and took the plate while Near set the drink on the bedside table. "I thought I'd stay put this evening. Read a little and then more sleep. Lazy in a way, but I've never done it before."

Near nodded. "Rest is the best medicine for healing."

"Are you resting enough?"

"The others have been seeing to it."

"Good to know. I worry about you."

"Dean should not. Dean has plenty more to worry about in regards to Dean's own health." He slipped into a chair near the other's bed, one leg pulled close to his chest.

"In what way is mine plenty more?"

"L has said that Dean will be working to kill a demon once Dean's health has returned. Plus training those chosen to back Dean up during this hunt. Near does not know how well Dean has progressed in regards to the work with L and Watari but knows that some things can take time."

"Sam is going to help me with the training. The shoulder just takes time. I hope to lay out training plans this week with Sam and then present them to L. I hope you will train too. I know the physical is not possible right now, but you can watch that. There's other things it would be good for you to know."

"Dean believes this?"

"That you should learn these things? Yes, of course I do. Demons can go anywhere. There's other evil you need to know about. I'm gonna teach all of you."

"Near is being trained as a detective.. as are Matt and Mello. Does Dean believe these things will cross Near's path again?"

"To be the best in any field, you look at every advantage and disadvantage, Near. They know you're out there now, and they know you helped me. Yeah, they could show up again, or something equally as bad, if not worse. It never hurts to be prepared. Just in case."

He slowly nodded, thinking over what Dean was saying. "L has said that if Dean felt up to it, the lessons were to start tomorrow."

Dean nodded. "If you see Sam, would you ask him to come see me when he has time? Tell him to bring his computer."

"Near will do this." He rose to his feet, taking that as a dismissal.

"You don't have to leave, Near. That request was for when you leave, not this moment. We haven't had a chance to talk in a while. How are you feeling?"

The white haired teen sank back down, resuming his usual position. "Near is improving. How is Dean?"

"I was doing much better til last night. Ah well, I learned that when you're hurt, be more careful. I'm waiting to see what Mello talks Sam into helping him do. L says it is a prank war. My shoulder didn't seem to suffer from it, but I hurt all over, and it did ache. I'm still exhausted. I need to start training again. I've gotten out of shape."

"L said physical training with the chosen ones would begin once Dean was in better health."

"Sam will start the basic stuff, and I will take over later."

He nodded. "Which ones will Dean take?"

"The ones who can do the job. The others will handle the attack from base, like before. It may not be that they aren't capable but are more needed here. Like you and Matt were."

The small teenager shook his head. "So Mello then."

"If Mello can do the book learning as well as the physical, then he will definitely. Sam will be monitoring from here, because he can't go. I would like more than Mello. We'll see."

Near's voice was soft. "There are good reasons Matt and Mello are here with Near. Near believes Dean will be surprised by the results of the book work."

"It has to become second nature for protection. It's got to be something when you see it, you think I know that. You remember and you do what needs to be done. I'm always remembering stuff I've read somewhere, or Sam will. We work together. It's a team effort."

The response was once again soft. "Most view detectives as those searching for wealth and glory. But it is a job of sacrifice to protect the others as well. It is one reason L insisted that each of L's heirs are trained to defend themselves."

"I know you are all well trained. All I'm gonna do is finesse it to fit certain creatures."

"Near will not be at full strength by the time Dean is ready to go. If Dean will allow, Near can assist with research and guidance from a central location."

"I'd feel better knowing I had you and Sam there watching over us. You know the set up and stuff better, but he knows better than anyone, what we're after."

Near nodded. "Near will operate at the highest level of efficiency to assist the team."

"I haven't told this to anyone, Near. When I was in the queen's chamber with Ruby and that thing, I was scared, but I knew you had my back on that system you and Matt had set up. I wasn't completely alone. It made me feel better knowing it. You kept me sane."

Gray eyes lightened a bit. "Near is pleased to hear that."

"It's the truth."

He nodded.

Dean laid back on the pillows and stared at the younger man. "I've never been one for chick flick moments, Near, but I've learned a lot lately. One thing I know is that there are five people in the world who mean everything to me,...who I'd die for...Sam, you, Bobby, Ellen, and Jo. That's it. Cas, maybe, but he can take care of himself so I've never really added him. Now, I care about L, Mello, Matt, and Watari, and I would do the same for them. But you five, I really consider family. They are best friends."

Near's voice was quiet. "Near believes that the others would say the same. Near has never been considered family before." L probably viewed the trio as little brothers or sons but had never said anything.. not that he needed to. The way he made sure they were safe and taken care of emphasized in their minds that he did care.

"You're mine, Near. Come to think of it, I'd have to add Watari to the family list. I feel like we've gone beyond friends."

"Watari does have that grandfatherly appeal, Near has noticed."

"Yes," the hunter replied. "He's done things for me that no one has ever done. Not just taking care of me either. He helped me face myself. L did too, don't get me wrong, but Watari does it in a different way that touched me."

He nodded, fingers playing with his hair. "L is as unused to people as Near is, though L is able to interact better."

"I never saw a problem between us, Near. You and I interact just fine."

"Dean is different from other people."

"I know I have very little manners, I can be really goofy and stupid, and I can get very bossy. It's been embarrassing for Dad and Sam a lot of times in the past."

The teenager shook his head. "When Near is among other people, Near is stared at as if Near is a member of 'freak' show. Near knows that Near is unusual. Dean has never treated Near that way."

"Near, I've spent my whole life dealing with the strange and unusual. I have a brother addicted to demon blood. I've been to hell. You are the most normal person I've ever known. I never saw you as a freak or unusual. You're shy. You can't be outside but there are others with that condition. You have a super intelligence, but I'm used to Sam, and he can't compare to you. Difference is you will talk to me about things and explain them. Sam never used to do that. You don't think I'm stupid. I know Sam doesn't but he used to treat me like I was. That's not happening anymore and I'm grateful."

"There are no stupid people, only ignorant ones."

"Yeah, well...I'm probably one of the most ignorant there is. I do enjoy being a kid once in a while. I know it has upset Sam in the past. I can't help that. I am who I am. Sometimes, I just need...to be what I never got to be."

"And the time is now," he answered. "Dean is not one of the most ignorant. Near has seen worse. Sam Winchester did a grave disservice to Dean by not sharing the knowledge Sam Winchester has learned. Near hopes that Sam Winchester will learn from this and help Dean."

"That would be nice, Near. Dean sighed. "I'm not gonna ask him. Sam has a lot on his plate right now. He offered to help me with my core math classes when I start school, and that was really nice of him because he plans to go back too. I don't really expect him to even think about teaching me anything else. We got enough to deal with without him thinking about that. Matt made him feel guilty, but we have so much to deal with right now, it makes that a very small thing. No, I won't bring it up. I'll figure this out on my own. If I can't, then I'll ask."

"Matt is good at guilt trips," he responded. "And offering to assist with maths is a start."

"It's a big start, Near, and that's why I'm not asking for more from him. It wouldn't be right with all we're dealing with right now."

"Dean must not be afraid to ask for more help though. Sam Winchester cannot provide assistance if help is not asked for."

"Right now, there is so much on the computer I want to learn but L gave me that laptop and Matt taught me quit a bit but I haven't even showed it to Sam. It's password protected with a special thumb print id on it. That's hidden on it. I'd like Sam to teach me but I'm not sure how L would feel about him even being around it when it's up and running. There's stuff on it that Sam is not supposed see, or there will be. I'm keeping a journal on it. I can't ask him, can I?"

A tiny half smile showed. "Dean can ask Matt, Mello, or Near. Matt programmed the computer to allow for instant messaging. If Dean has a question and Near, Mello or Matt is on, Dean can ask."

"Really? What the hell is My Space?"

Near nodded. "My space is a site that allows for people to interact with one another. The user can decorate it to his or her taste, photographs, music, and the like."

Dean's eyes opened wide and his jaw dropped. "That girl gave me her My Space page address and he didn't tell me what it was? Now why would he do that?"

"Near does not know."

"That doesn't make sense. She was cute, too." Dean shook his head. Where would be a good start to learn the computer, Near? Word processing or something simpler?"

Near was quiet for a moment. "General applications. How to maintain it and work from there. Matt does most of the maintenance if the systems go sour but L, Near, Mello, and Watari are fully capable of taking care of the computers as well."

"Sam's gonna see me with the computer at some point. As long as he is just answering questions or showing me something, would it be wrong? I mean, if I need to know something, and he's there, how do I tell him no?"

"Keep the documents under a folder where Sam Winchester cannot find it. Near is certain that the contents are encrypted anyway so even if Sam were able to log on, Sam would not be able to open the files."

"Yeah, I can do that. I'd like to be able to ask Sam for help. It's something he might be willing to teach me. I'll go for deeper stuff from you guys. Sam won't go deep, because he'll think I need to learn little by little. Unless, he honestly believes that I can do it, now. Have to see about that one, won't we?"

Near nodded. "Indeed."

Dean was yawning, as he lay back against the pillows of his bed. "Near, you won't forget to tell Sam I need to talk to him about the training if it's gonna start tomorrow? I have no idea if he'll want to talk tonight or if he'll want to wait until morning. I thought I ought to research a little to tonight because we're starting in the classroom. Is there anything in particular that you want to learn?"

"Near is unsure, honestly. This is completely new. Would Dean like to speak to Sam Winchester now?"

"I need to talk to him fairly soon, but I don't want you to feel that you have to leave. I enjoy being around you."

"Dean is showing signs of exhaustion. So the conversation with Sam Winchester must take place soon before Dean sleeps."

"Since all this crap happened, exhaustion is all I seem to show signs of lately. I'm sorry, Near. I don't know what to do to stop it. Do You?"

"The body demands rest as part of the healing process," he answered softly. "Even Near has been resting more."

"Yeah, well, mine is not getting the rest it should, I guess. I don't deal with opening up to things very well. The prank didn't help much. I don't know how to just be still. I've always had to be doing, taking care of things. I'm not used to people caring enough to take of me. It's not a concept I'm used to."

"Learning meditation may assist in that."

"I appreciate the suggestion, but I'm really not the meditating type, Near. My mind is constantly going from one thing to another. It's had to with my job."

"Which causes burn out fast," he pointed out.

"What the hell am I supposed to meditate on? I don't even understand that stuff? That type of concentration is exhausting too, Near."

"If Dean were to take twenty minutes before bed to simply clear the mind, let it rest before allowing the body to rest, it would enable Dean to sleep better. Meditation does not have to be on a certain subject "Simply clear my mind? Really? It's simple to do that, because I don't know that my mind would understand the concept of clear?"

The white haired teen was quiet for a moment. "Near will let Sam Winchester know that Dean needs Sam Winchester. After the conversation is finished, Near will return and show Dean how to do this."

"I'll try, Near, but I've got this mantra that goes through my head at all hours. It's something important I have to keep reminding myself. If I can get past that, maybe? I don't know, but I'll try."

"It is not a matter of trying but simply doing. Near will go and fetch Sam Winchester." He slipped to his feet and left, going to find Sam.

The teen did not look back or he would have seen the look of utter confusion on the hunter's face.

The small teen approached Sam, who was reading over a book in a room with Mello and Matt.

Sam looked up from his book and smiled. "Do you need something, Near?"

"Dean has asked if Sam Winchester would meet with Dean to discuss tomorrow."

Sam told Near thank you. Putting a piece of paper in the book to save his place, he rose and headed towards the door.

Near went to retrieve a few items to help with Dean's meditation later once the conversation was finished.

Dean was running the conversation with Near through his mind, trying to figure how one simply cleared one's mind. He didn't think it was possible, but if it was, he wanted to learn how. Anything to get thoughts out of his mind so he could sleep better. Waiting until he dropped was not working any more. He was so exhausted.

Sam came to the door, tapping lightly on it.

"Come in."

The younger brother entered with a smile. "Hey, Near said you wanted to see me?"

"Yeah, we're supposed to start teaching the trio how to be hunters, or at least the basics. Not just Lilith. Classes start tomorrow, by the way. Thought we ought to discuss it. I have no problem with teaching them head knowledge, but I can't do the rough and tumble stuff right now. You up to that? Where the hell do we start?"

"Start with the basics .The types of creatures out there, methods of killing, disposal, things like that."

"I can start with some of them. Basic ones you see a lot of, but there's too many to do in one sitting. I made those notes on Dad's stuff. I'll use it. We show the physical for whatever is needed I guess. Some are spells, some are physical, like a vampire. Others, it's the right weapon. You gonna stick with me and put your two cents worth in, aren't you?"

"If you want me to. Probably wouldn't hurt with the Latin things either..sigils as well but later down the road. I can print up a lot of the stuff they copied from Dad's journal as well as stuff from the database they made from Bobby's library."

"That's a good idea, Sam. Yeah, I want you there. This is both of us teaching them. We work as a team, remember? Besides, you're better at Latin then I am. I can do it, but memorize it? No."

"That's 'cause it's all a mouthful, seriously. Ok, so introduction to monsters and killing methods first?"

"Yeah, I think so. We'll go more in depth with them. I can give histories and legends and such also. Little at a time. Don't want to cram to much all of a sudden. Want to help them know what to look for and why? You know as well as I do that knowing why can be important. That's why we learn the histories and legends."

"Good idea."

"That's what we'll start with tomorrow then. Sam, ummm...you have a good night's sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sounds good. I'll have it ready to go. Sleep well, Dean."

"Thanks, Sammy. Good night." Dean sighed as the door shut behind his brother. He'd almost asked for help in learning stuff, but backed down at the last minute.

There was another tap on the door a few moments later.

"Come in."

Near entered carrying a small bag. "Dean is ready to begin?"

Dean looked more tired than before, but he smiled. "Yeah, Near. Work your mojo on me 'cause I damn well need it tonight."

"Near will not be working 'mojo' but simply teaching a skill Dean needs." He set up a small cd player clumsily as he only had one hand. A cd was popped in as well as a small scented candle lit. "Dean must listen to the sounds and focus on that and only that. Allow no thoughts.. just listen."

Dean stared at the teen. "That's all I have to do? For how long? When will I know if it worked or not?"

"Dean will feel at peace, no thoughts. Dean will know if it worked."

Hazel eyes stared into gray ones. He swallowed hard, then nodded. "Okay."

"This is nothing to fear. Near will do this with Dean if it will enable Dean to relax."

Dean smiled. "I'm not scared, Near. Just hoping I can get the thoughts out of my head. You're burning a candle. Do the lights need to be off? I don't have problem with that. Just need to know whether that's part of it or not."

"Near has done it with lights on. As tired as Dean is, lights should remain on. This is not to get Dean to sleep but to help prepare for sleep. The scent of the candle is helpful for this." He turned the cd player on and the soft sound of ocean waves filled the room.

Dean sighed softly listening to the waves. He closed his eyes, listening intently to the sounds, breathing in the soft scent of the candle. Slowly, the sounds of the waves seemed to intensify in his thoughts, but nothing else entered. He felt himself letting go of everything and the waves were his only reality. He felt the tenseness leaving him, his arm and legs would probably have floated if that were possible. His head laid back and his breathing deep, but slow.

Near let him do this for about twenty minutes before ending the music and blowing out the candle. "How does Dean feel?"

The hunter's voice was incredibly soft and he did not move, just barely whispering, "Do we have to stop? That was so good."

"Dean should rest now," he answered softly. "Near will help again tomorrow night."

All Near heard was, "'Kay," followed by a deep sigh, and Dean was asleep.

Near left, turning the lights off. This should allow Dean to rest without nightmares. Since the mind was relaxed, all the worries would be set aside.


	58. Chapter 58

Monster 101

Dean did not awaken the entire night. If there were dreams, he did not remember them. He awoke at a knock at the door the next morning.

Watari was smiling, hold a tray. "Good morning, Dean."

Dean yawned softly. "It's morning? I don't remember going to sleep last night. Damn, I slept good. Bless Near."

"I take it the meditation exercise helped?"

"I guess it did. I only remember not wanting to stop."

He smiled. "It's a great exercise to allow the mind a chance to rest and renew." The tray was set on the table and the older man helped Dean out of bed.

"I can't remember ever waking and feeling like this. I like it." He smiled and went to the bathroom and then headed to the table. "Well, what new thing am I gonna learn to like today?"

"We have an omelet, bagel and creamed cheese, as well as fruit."

Dean grinned, "What? Nothing new? Or does the omelet actually have meat in it? Wait, it's the tea, right?"

"Green tea," he answered with a smile. "And yes, the omelet has meat, mushrooms, vegetables, and cheese."

"Really? Oh, this is awesome. Watari, what time do lessons start today? Also, are there sessions today? Does L plan on doing them with Sam and me together?"

"Lessons begin in an hour. Allows you time to eat and clean up. I do believe L will be there."

"He's gonna take the classes? Good. He needs to."

Watari nodded.

"Are you taking them too?"

"I will be sitting in, yes."

"I'm glad. All of you need to know what's out there. You've crossed one that I didn't even know what it was, so knowing the basics and even a little more is a good idea."

Another nod came from Watari. "Indeed."

"Watari? Is something going on? You are not usually this talkative."

He chuckled softly "No, I've been up for hours sifting through potential cases. I've had help but it's still a lot to go through."

Dean grinned, then looked serious. "Anything unusual?"

"The usual that I can tell."

"Yeah, but you never know. I bet you thought the last one was the usual."

"True enough," he admitted. "I'm going to have to alter the parameters of the sifting through the cases."

"Might be a good idea. You'll know what kind of team to put together, if you widen the parameters to include the unusual."

"L has said you will be on call if something like that comes up."

"Sam doesn't know about that. I don't want to lie to him, so I'm gonna have to talk to L about what is allowed and what's not allowed."

He nodded. "I'm sure something can be worked out for that."

"I hope so."

A small smile was given to the man. "I know so. This is L we're talking about."

"I know, but he said keep Sam out of the loop, but things have changed some."

"All you have to do is talk to him."

"Oh, I'm going to. Just thought of it though. Speaking of Sam, where is he? He normally eats breakfast with me."

Watari laughed quietly. "Matt challenged him early this morning to some sort of video game. I'm going to have to drag them apart later for class."

"Damn! I wanted to see that. Sam's not bad, you know."

"I know but I have doubts he can hold up to Matt. We shall see. They're still at it if you want to stop and watch."

"I'm not saying Sam will win. He doesn't get to play as much as he'd like, but he'll give Matt one helluva run. I'd better make sure everything is ready. Sam was supposed to print off a bunch of stuff, but I don't know if he did it yet or not. Where are the classes going to be held?"

"He has. And L said the workroom on the top floor where he usually works will be appropriate."

"Are the papers in the room? I think I want to check it out and make sure everything is where it needs to be."

He nodded. "They are."

"That's great. I'm gonna head on up there and get everything set up. See y'all in a while then. Thanks for the breakfast, and for the company." Dean picked up his a second duffel and headed out the door.

"I will see you up there then," he smiled, taking the tray.

Dean hurried to the room on the top floor and started setting up designs and pictures in notebooks to be given out. He'd seen a bunch of empty notebooks in the main room and took enough of them to use.

L was already there with Near, both working on laptops. L was nibbling on a slice of cake as he worked.

Dean said good morning to them as he grabbed some of the notebooks and headed off to the back of the room for the classes.

L had waved at him, obviously intent on what he was working on, and Near greeted him politely.

The hunter searched for paper, pens, and a hole punch. He sat on the floor and began to put the notebooks together. Monsters 101, he thought.

Sam, Matt, and Mello came up a short while later, amicably bickering over video games. Watari was behind them with a tray of snacks and beverages, shaking his head at the trio.

Watching his brother interact with the two of the trio who had hated him the most, made Dean smile in relief. He went to back work on the notebooks.

The three of them sat down to help Dean, giving him a running commentary on the challenge that had gone on.

The hunter smiled, as he kept working, his mind trying to grasp the gamer terminology that made so little sense to him. The excitement all three were showing made him feel good inside. This was a side of Sammy he couldn't remember seeing much of.

"Finally, all done," Sam said, setting the binders down.

Hazel eyes twinkling, Dean looked at all three of the gamers. "Okay, now. I've listened to a rendition of the game and the play. Now, would you make one thing plain to me? Who the hell won?"

Sam made a face and pointed at Matt.

"In your defense, Sammy, how often do you get to play? Matt?"

"I play everyday.. not that game all the time though," the red head told him.

"Sam?"

"Not as often."

"Matt is the superior player because he has a ton of practice gaming. Sam, you are just as good a player. You just don't have the chance to play. Matt deserved to win because he's trained more. In the classroom, in the hunting knowledge, you are the superior player. Matt will be the one who is good but hasn't had the practice. It's what you devote your time to. We're hunters. We can't game a lot. You did good for a hunter who likes to game."

"Sam did fairly well for not playing often," Matt grinned.

"Yeah. That's my Sammy. I hope you guys had fun."

The grins spread to the other two's faces. "Oh yeah," Sam answered. "You heal up, I'm teaching you how to play Halo with us."

"You're gonna teach halo to a marksman?" Dean asked, grinning. "I'd love to learn."

The three younger ones grinned widely. "Deal," Mello crowed.

Dean tried to grab hold of a chair to pull himself up. He turned and looked at the three. "You do know that once I have the game figured out, you're all dead meat?" He winked and turned to pull himself, one-handed.

"We shall see," Matt laughed.

"Yeah, we will." Dean grinned and leaned over to start picking up notebooks.

Matt and Mello picked them up for him to keep him from bending too much.

"Thanks, guys." Dean reached for the notebooks with one arm, planning on carrying them in the curve of his arm against his chest.

"Welcome," they chimed back at him.

Dean set the notebooks on a table with pens and extra paper. He went back and grabbed the duffel and set it near a chair. He sat down a second to rest.

A cup of tea was set at Dean's elbow, this one containing a soft fruity smell.

Dean could smell the aroma and closed his eyes, inhaling it. He murmured a soft thank you as the bandaged hand lifted the cup. He took a small sip, and smiled. "I like this."

Watari smiled. "I'm glad."

The hunter opened his eyes and looked up at the older man, "Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

He sat and enjoyed the tea, waiting til everyone was ready.

L and Near were simply waiting for him to start, so they continued working.

Dean sighed and looked at everyone. "You guys ready?"

They nodded, setting aside the laptops for the moment to focus on Dean.

"I've been writing some stuff down for months on the stuff my Dad had in his journal, what I've picked up from Bobby, and what Sam and I have learned on our own. I can't teach it all in one lesson. I don't think you expect me to. I'll be doing these classes every other day."

Dean waited until everyone was seated around the table and started talking. "Hunting isn't easy. Sometimes it's hard to know what's good and what's evil. Nietzsche said, "You look into the abyss, and the abyss looks back. Our job is to destroy evil, but we have to make sure it's evil. Most hunters go by their gut instinct, and people die sometimes."

The group listened, seated close by the table so they could look at the pages when the binders were handed out.

Dean spent the next hour and a half discussing demons because Lilith was next on the agenda. He discussed things to look for, like the smell of sulfur. There would usually be a telltale amount somewhere when demons were involved. The black eyes were not hard to see but demons could hide them. He showed them the exorcism ritual he used most of the time.

Sam was practically shell shocked by the time the lesson ended. He'd known the group they were staying with were intelligent.. but this.. this had been beyond expectation. All of them had absorbed the contents of the binder in under half an hour and were pushing for more information.

Sam thought back over the time Dean had been teaching and his own rebellion against his brothers teaching methods. He could grin now but Dean was pissed when he intervened.

Dean was scrambling to keep ahead at times, but decided to spend some time teaching them how to look for patterns, which was the most logical way of figuring out whether you had a hunt or not.

It was obvious they were memorizing it fast and would apply it to future cases. Sam could only shake his head in sheer amazement.

The older hunter was moving, constantly writing things down, looking up things on the computers, bringing in more information on how to find patterns and interpret them. He was on his feet for two hours steadily giving ideas, pointing out possibilities, and going to the computers that held Bobby's books and finding information on questions he'd been asked. Sam was getting frustrated because he could have been doing it, but Dean's mind was going so fast trying to keep up that he was finding it quicker to do it himself. He was starting to drag, when Sam decided it was time to just take over and make big brother sit down.

Watari was right beside him. The older man knew how hard it was to keep up with his charges.

Sam had gotten up, placed his laptop on the table, turned to his brother, and said, "Thank you, Dean. I believe it's my topic now." He turned and carried on about some difficult questions on symbols and how to interpret them. Dean's eyebrows rose and he started to move forward and say something, when Watari's hand touched his shoulder.

"Let him help," he murmured in his ear, handing him some tea and something to snack on. "He's trying to share the load equally and my wards don't take it easy on their teachers."

Dean looked at the older man, and realized he was shaking a little. He nodded and sat down, taking the tea and snack. He suddenly felt very tired. He looked into his brother's eyes as they met for a moment and mouthed 'thank you.'

Sam simply smiled and went on with the lesson. It was unreal trying to keep up with them.

Dean finally called a halt when Sam had been at it for over an hour. The lesson had lasted way over three hours. Dean was thinking of lunch and a nap by this, deciding he must be getting old.

Near nodded, reviewing his binder as Sam took a drink of water.

Dean rose and began to put things together neatly, telling everyone the next class would be the day after tomorrow. He was tired but it was a good tired. Everyone caught on quicker than he had expected. The next lesson would have to be very in depth to keep them going. He decided that teaching styles had to change, and Sam was going to be much more involved. They could sit down tomorrow and go over what needed to be taught next, and plot it together.

He picked up the duffel that carried weapons, salt, holy water, and other items. They weren't needed this time. It crossed his mind in passing that L and Watari had left them alone as far as sessions went. He and Sam had had that one interlude that had a breakthrough but nothing with either man. To be honest, he was relieved, but knew that sooner or later, something would come up. He was still concerned over a possible fight. He and his brother loved each other, but there were things that could ignite if given the right ignition source. He started carrying his duffel towards the exit to put it back in his room, and he murmured to Watari, that he'd be back.

Watari nodded, getting ready to put lunch together for everyone.

Dean leaned against the wall of the elevator as it went down, thinking over what Sam had done, surprised, but realizing that this was a side of his brother he hadn't seen before, yet liked.

Sam was answering questions still, struggling to keep up. Damn...he would have to talk to Dean about organizing this at a faster pace.

Dean sat down in his room for a minute, catching a breath. He needed to get back upstairs and help Sammy field questions. This class was going to be tough. No simple stuff for these students. They'd have to dig deep and teach them all they knew and maybe more.

The group was definitely keeping him on his toes, and Sam was having to dig for more details on the questions being asked. They weren't satisfied with simple answers.

Dean came back in a few minutes later, striding purposefully towards the table in the back.

"Okay, I have an assignment for you. I want each of you to research a creature of evil. I don't want a demon, a werewolf, or a vampire. Pick something you've never known much about before. You can do a striga, skinwalker, wendigo, banshee, a rakasha, or anything else that comes to mind for you. I want in depth. Find stuff that I don't know, if you can. I would normally give you a couple of weeks, but you guys are too good, so one week from today. There's thousands of Bobby's books on that mainframe in there. Have at it, guys. Oh, and no two people use the same creature."

Mello grinned and nodded, obviously enjoying the lessons. "Got it."


	59. Chapter 59

Interlude for Sam and Dean

Dean winked at him and started putting the extra paperwork and books up. "Wanna eat lunch with me?", he asked his brother.

"Sure," he nodded. "I'd like that."

"Great. I noticed a cabinet over in the corner and checked it out. It's empty so I thought we could put this stuff in it for the time being. Whatcha think?"

"Sounds good to me. We should double check with Watari first."

"Yeah. He's down in the nether regions somewhere, seeing to lunch, I imagine. I could call him on my cell."

"Never mind.. easier way." He looked at L, asking his question, and the detective nodded absentmindedly. "As it is not in use, feel free to store the materials there."

Sam turned and saw his brother hauling an armful of materials towards the cabinet.

He went to help him, not saying anything as he picked up more of the materials and stacked them neatly in the cupboard.

Dean had finished, not realizing Sam was behind him. He turned quickly to go get another load, and ran straight into his brother's chest, his nose actually touching him. He stopped suddenly and looked up into brown eyes, almost straining his neck to see him. Sam knew his brother's feelings about personal space, but didn't care this time. The hunter was overdoing it and it was time for Sam to take over whether he liked it or not. Dean stared at him, a curious expression on his face. Sam almost grinned. He was pretty sure what the hunter was thinking...'What the hell?'...most likely, the taller man thought. It was time for him to start taking care of his brother for a change, but how does one tell that to Dean Winchester?

"I got it here, why don't you let Watari know we'll be eating together. Isn't there a garden or something we can eat in? Get some sunshine?"

Dean looked confused, and replied in a question instead of his usual matter of fact way of talking. "Where we were the other day, by the pond and fountain?" His voice almost faltered.

"Yeah, if you feel up to it." He was putting the materials up as he spoke.

"Yeah, sure?" Dean looked really mixed up. L, watching this, realized that Sam had just taken on the role of leader for a while and Dean, tired as he was, wasn't sure how to handle it, hence, the major confusion. What was interesting to L was he didn't fight him.

Sam finished putting things away before turning to the group. "If you'll excuse us for a bit. Think Dean needs to recharge and my stomach is starting to sound like a monster's in my belly."

Everyone was watching the questions run through the hazel eyes. The younger brother knew the hunter would have been scratching his head as he tried to figure out what was going on, if he could. He told L they were going to eat in the garden outside, and asked if he'd let Watari know. The hunter followed Sam out of the room, still running what had just happened through a very tired mind. He thought that Sam had just taken over things in a leadership role but he was standing there and Sam never did that to him...but he just did...didn't he? He shook his head, still very confused.

The younger brother fell into step beside his older one. "You OK?"

"Not sure what I'm thinking, Sammy. I swear I'm hearing things, or my mind is just screwed up royal right now, cause I'm tired."

"What do you think you heard?"

"Well, I was doing what I thought needed to be done, and...hell, Sam...did you take over back there? Did you give the orders, and did I just obey them?"

"I did," he admitted. "You're tired and since we're a team, I stepped up a bit."

Dean stopped and looked up at his younger brother again, finding it hard to argue, when he was this tired and Sam was so damn tall. At this moment, it felt like a disadvantage.

"Well, ummm...okay." He turned and started walking towards the gardens, trying to figure how, for the first time in his life, he'd felt intimidated by his brother's height. Damn, he thought. I really must be tired.

"Dean.. I'm just trying to help."

The hunter turned and looked back up into that face that was a good 4 or 5 inches taller than his. "No, Sam...I'm not thinking very clearly. I'm not used to you doing that, and it's hard to talk man to man, when I'm half broken and you're so damn tall. Honest, I don't think I got a problem with it. It messed with my mind some, and it will take some getting used to. I'm just not used to anybody doing that. You know? I think I'm trying to say it's okay."

"Well, you've taken the bulk of leadership and stress. It's time we were the team we talked about being.. which means me stepping up at times."

The older man nodded, "Sam, Dad always gave orders. Bobby, well, he's gruff, but he loves us. Watari has tried to care for me. It's the first time, you've done it. Stepping up, trying to take care of the crap I deal with. It surprised me because no one's ever wanted to help me before. I'll try not to butt heads with you over it. Thank you, Sammy. Where do you want to sit?"

"Near a table so we can eat and you can be comfortable. Benches aren't the best for you right now."

Dean nodded and pointed to some trees on the other side of the pond. "I sat there with L when we talked about the stuff on the video. There are some nice chairs there and some tables that we can move and put the chairs around."

"I'll do it," he answered as they headed to the spot.

He started to argue with Sam, but sighed and realized that the taller man was right. He was just not up to it. The class today had wiped him out. He kept wondering if he was ever going to get well enough to be able to do what he used to do. He looked at his brother as he started moving the table and the chairs. He felt drained but was determined he wouldn't show it, not knowing how white his face was...more than usual. His freckles were more prevalent, the dark circles under his eyes were prominent, and his shoulders sagged a bit. He sat down in one of the chairs, contemplating doing something that scared him in a way.

Sam got everything set up and then stared at his brother. "What is it?"

"I'm gonna be honest, this scares me. It's so easy to fall into just letting you lead, not thinking, and taking the time to let me get back to myself. I've never let go of control before, Sammy. I need help with it. I'm asking here, okay. I ought to be feeling a lot better than I am. Last night, Near helped me do this thing to just empty my mind and it helped me sleep, but I keep thinking I have to do it all. I'm pushing too hard to get well and I'm hurting not helping it. What I'm saying is...uh... damn it, Sammy. Please?"

"That's why I jumped in there, Dean. I could tell you needed help. I'm thinking we should run this together. Those guys.. are scary smart."

"Yeah, they are geniuses.. the real thing. Yeah, I thought the same thing earlier, when I hauled the duffel upstairs. Sam, what I'm saying it I need you there to just take charge in regular life too. Not just teaching these kids. There's times when I'm out of my depth, when I'm tired, sick, exhausted, and I'm not thinking right. I need you there. It's been a long, long time since I've wanted to trust anyone like this, and it's you. I need ya, Sammy."

"I'll be there," he promised quietly.

There was desperation in the hunter's voice as he asked, "You really mean that, Sam? You won't just walk out?"

"Dean, I'm going to be there. No more cop-outs, no more excuses. We're a team, and it's time I started acting like a team player."

The look of relief on the his brother's face almost brought tears to Sam's eyes. The hazel eyes shone brightly, and he nodded, closing them and laying back in the chair. "Sam, can you be team leader when it's needed? Even if I get as stubborn as a mule or kick like one?"

"I can. Just be prepared to get thrashed with a wet noodle later," he teased, then got serious. "I will.. you have my promise on that."The older brother smiled softly, "As long as it's a wet noodle, I can probably handle it. I'm gonna hold you to that promise, Sam. I gotta. I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Because, for the first time in my life, Sammy, I can't be mom and dad. I can't leave you a way out. I need ya."

"I don't need a way out. I need my brother and I'll be there for you as a brother too."

The sigh that came from Dean's direction almost shuddered. There was a longer sigh, and Dean told Sam, "That's really the best news I've heard in a long time. I think I hear Watari. I could really use a good meal right now."

"Same here. I think my brain took a left turn at Albuquerque during that class," he laughed.

A soft chuckle was heard before the hunter responded, "You got that far? College boy."

Sam grinned, acknowledging him on that one. "They're a tough group. Think we may have to drag Bobby in on it to keep it going."

Dean grinned. "I thought about that but wanted your input first. Bobby's family, so he ought to be involved. You know as well as I do that he reads those books a lot and knows a hell of a lot that's in them, too."

"And we should be able to keep up with them with his help, hmm?"

"Yeah, exactly."

He sprawled on a chair. "Definitely should ask him later."

"When two Winchesters think of it, you know it's a good idea."

Sam grinned. "Yup."

Dean stared into the distance and grinned, "There's Watari. I'm starving. Been a while since I felt that way. You don't have to tell me. Chew slowly, enjoy the food, don't inhale it." Dean winked.

He chuckled softly. "Yup, definitely. Don't want you to choke on it."

"No, and it's better for you. Not considering manners. I've been listening to a lot of things lately, Sam."

Sam smiled. "I've been doing the same too. Hell,o Watari."

The older gentleman smiled setting plates down for them. "Hello, you two."

Dean smiled at the older man. "Well, Watari, what food am I gonna learn to like today?"

"Sandwiches today...wheat submarines with roast beef and vegetables, lemonade, and fruit."

"I can't think of a single thing there I'd have to learn to like. It sounds real good, Watari. Thanks."

"You are welcome. .take the time to recharge. My wards are not the most easy to deal with in a classroom setting," he admitted.

"I hope we have reinforcements in two days."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, we need the man with the book knowledge, and that's Bobby. Gonna see if he'd like to get involved."

"I'm certain he'd be willing to help you tomorrow if you asked."

"It's every other day, Watari. Gives us a day to prepare."

The older man nodded. "Acceptable considering the pace they will work you at." Sam blinked as he prepared to take a bite of his sandwich. "They're always like this?"

Dean and Watari both said 'yes' at the same time and then looked at each other in surprise.

"Oh man...we're so gonna be run ragged."

"That's why we got to have more, Sammy. I thought I had enough. I was wrong. Now look at me. This is two hours."

"We're not equipped to deal with geniuses of this caliber. Damn.. I grossly underestimated them."

"That's cause you're smart, Sam. You're the college boy. I have no illusions. I knew they were that smart. To be fair, I've dealt with them for a while. One of them hacked your cell phone, Sam. In under ten minutes. I needed to find who your supplier was."

He blinked. "Hacked my phone?"

"Yeah, Sam. I had to know what you'd gotten into. Matt is good at what he does. I asked him to make sure you couldn't lock it that way again. I'm sorry, Sam, but I was protecting you."

"I know. I'm not mad.. you were within your rights. I was sick and not myself. I'm just not surprised it was him."

"When he looked at the phone and talked about how easy it was to get into it, I freaked for a minute. Didn't show it, but I was wondering what we'd gotten me into, because you weren't fit to be involved. I was worried. Still, they're good kids. The longer you know them, the more they grow on you."

He nodded. "Yeah.. I kinda like Matt and Mello. Haven't been able to get to talk to Near much at all."

Watari headed back inside to check on his other charges, knowing these two would be all right.

Dean smiled softly, but he hadn't touched his food yet. "Near is special. He takes some getting used to, Sam. I hide things. He does too. Emotions, though, he has no understanding of. He doesn't experience them like we do. If there is an experience at all, he doesn't know it. Sometimes, I'm sad for him. At others,... well,...I envy him. I'd like not to hurt so much. He's almost in a world all of his own, but he knows this world better than any of us. He's so quick to understand things. When I was in those caverns and got trapped in the queen's chamber with the queen, who I expected, and Ruby, who I didn't and who really messed me up, knowing he was monitoring and could hear me kept me sane. He knew exactly where I was. The others could only guess. He would remain calm and be able to think and act if I needed him. He's special."

"He sounds like it. I'm glad he was there for you when I wasn't." He took a bite of his sandwich, enjoying the crisp vegetables that went on it to accompany the roast beef.

Dean had not touched his because sandwiches required two hands. He finally leaned over to try some of the fruit when he noticed that the sandwich was cut into small sections, easy enough for his free, damaged hand to pick up. Grinning, the older man picked up a piece and took a bite, closing his eyes, tasting it, as he chewed the sandwich slowly.

"Good, huh?"

"mmmmhmmm."

"Yeah," he focused back on his lunch. The lemonade was just as he liked it too.

Dean watched his brother as they ate. "Sammy?"

"Yeah Dean?"

"I've noticed you get kind of quiet when I talk about Near. Sam, I love Near, okay, but like a son." Dean was quiet for a moment, then his voice broke, "Not like my brother. That's you, Sam, and no one else."

"It's not jealousy, Dean. Honestly, I'm just trying to see what it is about him that's got you so interested. Just trying to learn."

"Those boys were outcasts, Sam,...unloved, unwanted, until Watari and L took them in. I kind of understand that. In a lot of ways, we're alike. Hell, I can't even imagine keeping up with them in some things, but I can beat them at cards and let them think I barely did. I imagine I'll beat Mello at pool, but it will be a fun, friendly game...not something I still have to do to provide for us. Near, is an outcast among outcasts. Mello hated him, but that's changing, and I hope it was because I tried to be a part of all of them, and they listened when I talked at times. I'm not the smart Winchester, Sam. You are, but they listened because I've been there. With Mello, I had to prove myself. I like them. Damn it, Sam, it feels good to know they like me...just for me. I don't have to be Mom, Dad, the good soldier...just me. I'm one of the few people Near has opened to. It's like he's my own...and I wish he was."

Sam nodded, chewing thoughtfully on his food. "I have one argument to make here. I'm not the only smart Winchester."

"That will take time for me to figure out, Sam. It's what I've been told, you're the smart one, most of my life. Maybe you just got the opportunities. Hell, I don't know. Things just came to you easier. I've seen nothing that proves I'm as smart as you. Yeah, I can play cards, shoot pool, and I can out shoot you, but you can find things faster than anyone I've known until I dealt with the trio and L. You got good ideas but you never pushed them forward. Yeah, I can think quick on my feet but you can too. You've done it when I've been hurt and Dad refused to show. It's gonna take some doing to prove that to me, Sam. Give me time.

"I was given the opportunities, and I'll make sure you have the same. I won't leave you behind again. Now eat," he playfully pointed at Dean's plate.


	60. Chapter 60

Word Play 

Dean enjoyed the meal and talking about some of the classes Sam had taken at Stanford, and books he had read. Dean had been finding time to read the Doyle in the midst of dealing, teaching, and healing. He knew that he and Sam still had some things to face together. He was pretty sure they'd be violent because some of them had led to where they were. He thought that L and Watari were holding off on Sam's death, his deal, his nonchalant attitude which had antagonized Sam so much, his death, which led to Ruby's control. He dreaded it, and wanted to stay where they were right now. This was what he longed for but could not have totally until they dealt completely. Sam still had the powers Dean had come to fear them after that night. Sam had honestly been healing more in that he now forgave himself completely, and Dean was still struggling in places, but getting there. He smiled at his brother, listening to his story about a professor who forced them to read Moby Dick. Dean stared at him for a moment. Never having seen the movie or read the book, odd pictures were going through his mind.

Sam quietly explained the book and why it had been so hated by the class. He noticed that really stupid, dumb look Dean could get when he'd found out he'd thought something stupid cross his brother's face, as the hunter quickly picked up a piece of sandwich and started chewing, even slower than usual. He started trying to imagine what in the world Dean had been thinking when he'd mentioned the great white whale.

"Ok, so what were you thinking?"

Dean got that innocent, 'Oh God, I've been caught' look.

"Well?"

"Aw, man!" Dean closed his eyes for a minute. "Look, Sam, you just got through saying how smart you thought I was. Let's forget this and let you still think I am, instead of me proving I'm not"

"Hey, I'm just curious."

"Okay. How well do you know me, Sam? I've never heard of the book. I sure as hell didn't know there was more than one movie made of it. Think of the damned title. Okay? How stupid can one man be?"

Sam grinned. "First time I heard the title, I thought it was porn."

Dean stared, "You're not just saying that to make feel better?"

He shook his head. "Nope."

"Damn, Sammy, I'm relieved."

He chuckled at that.

"I seriously had this really strange image in my mind and it's not one I want to remember."

The chuckles turned into deep laughter.

Dean thought about it and started to laugh with Sam. It was funny now he knew he wasn't the only one with strange ideas over the title.

Sam refreshed their drinks from the pitcher, still laughing. Dean reached for his glass, after he picked up a piece of sliced papaya. Really laughing with brother was special. It had been so long.

The younger brother was enjoying it as well, grinning at the occasional snicker and began sharing titles of books that could very well double as porn titles.

Dean had been laughing hard at the titles Sam was coming up with. Sam took a drink. When Dean told him that he always thought "Puss n' Boots' was one, the lemonade sprayed across table.

Definitely a mess to clean up but that was a funny title. Sam snickered as he mopped up the mess. "Damn, I won't be able to look at that cat from Shrek the same way." His brother started laughing so hard tears were flowing.

"I hadn't thought about that, Sam."

"I mean..think about his behavior." He struck a pose. "I am Pusss...in boots.."

Dean did Sam in with his next question. "Was he bi or having one of those operations?"

"Oh my god!" He broke into hysterical laughter.

Dean's question had made sense to him, so he watched Sam with confusion on his face.

Sam explained it, laughing hard.

"Sam, I understand that but a male cat would need to be one or the other to be "Pusss...in boots."

"I have no idea...just struck me as damned funny."

"It's funny because that damn cat was a smart ass."

"Oh yeah."

"Well, if his owner had him fixed, he'd need to be bi or have an operation. He couldn't operate as a tom."

"Makes you wonder since he kept going after the girls."

"Adds a new meaning to 'pussy whipped'," was the hunter's reply.

Sam burst out into laughter.

Dean grinned, and Sam knew his brother was finally playing the game with him.

"Especially with those too cute eyes he gives."

"Yeah. Come hither and let me scratch your eyes out. Typical womanly attitude."

"Hell, as hard as he chased after the girls, should've given him the nickname, 'Cats-up'." Dean smiled and took another bite of fruit.

Again, there went the lemonade spraying over the table.

Dean looked up from picking over the fruit on his plate, an innocent expression on his face. "Don't you like that lemonade, Sam?"

He blushed. "I do.. just.. damn!"

Hazel eyes, still looked innocently at him, while his brother popped a piece of apple in his mouth and chewed.

"Brat," he teased.

"Of course, if they did have him fixed, they could call him 'Cat-nip'."

Fortunately, it was a good thing he hadn't taken a bite or drink this time.

Dean watched him take a long drink and replied. "They could enter him in a beauty pageant if he'd had the surgery. He could actually win and it would be a 'catas-trophe'."

This time the spray went over Dean. "Dude.. man... BAD!"

Wiping himself down with a napkin, Dean replied, "Well, they could put him in a B horror in high heels and let the slasher kill him/her. It would be a new 'cate-gory'."

"No cat burglars?"

"Why? The family jewels would be gone."

"Ohhhhh," he groaned. "Bad bad bad."

"Of course, if he still wanted to pretend he was a full male, he could go to a beautician and have a new hair style created for a start. Could call it a 'Kat- man do''."

Sam threw a napkin at him. "Even worse!"

"He could learn from the Muppets and get a rubber chicken as a weapon. Throw it like a boomerang and call it a 'cat a- poult." Dean ducked with that one, laughing uncontrollably.

"DEAN!"

Ducking under the table when he said the last one, Dean ended up on the ground, laughing uncontrollably, tears pouring down his face, not even wondering how the hell he was going to get back up without Sam's help. Right now, he'd enjoyed this word play tremendously.

Sam was laughing so hard, he was red in the face and crying as well. Hell, it felt good to be able to have this type of teasing between them again.

Sam swore he heard giggles under the table, and looked under to find his brother laying on his back, still tickled over what had happened. He was holding his shoulder to keep it from being jarred, because his laughter was so hard right now.

Once the laughter died down, he helped Dean back into his seat. "Shit.. that was too damned funny." Sam grinned to himself, getting an idea for something later.

Dean's pale face had some color to it, and his eyes were red. "Damn, I still got it." The hunter shook his head, and reached for his glass of lemonade.

Watari came towards them with the intention of picking up the tray. Both of them had red eyes, highly colored skin tone on their faces, and the older man was wondering what had happened. He was not the one watching the monitors. He wasn't told of a problem. He needed to find out what had happened. He'd see who was on watch and question.

Sam grinned at the older male. "It's all right, Watari. We sorta laughed ourselves silly."

Watari smiled, took the tray, but left the lemonade and glasses. "I am glad you enjoyed yourselves."

Dean watched the older man leave and burst out laughing. "Three bets he's gonna go question whoever is monitoring us. Oh Lord, Sam, someone was monitoring us." Dean started laughing harder than before, wondering who it was...hoping it was L.

He started snickering. "Oh man.. that should be interesting."

Dean leaned over and whispered, "Let's follow him. I want to know who watched."

Sam grinned and helped his brother up.

"Thanks, Sam. I think finishing the lemonade in my room is a good idea."

He refilled their glasses and picked them up, slipping to walk beside his older brother.

They noticed that Watari took the elevator up to the top floor again.

"Funny place to take a used dinner tray, wouldn't you think?" Dean pressed the up button and the elevator came down to the first floor.

The older man had done that to pick up more trays so he wouldn't have to go to the kitchen twice.

Sam nodded, going into the elevator.

As the elevator door closed, Dean remembered something. "They have rooms to go and deal with things. They monitor them closely. The camera room has to be there, not the top floor." Dean pushed a button.

They got off the elevator and went into a room that had a door that was open. They kept it slightly open and waited for Watari.

L's voice drifted out to them. "I believe they are in high spirits if that bout of hysteria is a sign. Near spotted them, though I believe I will have to get Dean to explain a few things."

Oh shit.. he hadn't thought of one of the kids watching. Sam's eyes were huge.

Sam could hear Dean cussing like a sailor in a low murmur next to him. The last person Dean would have wanted to hear that would have been Near.


	61. Chapter 61

Repercussions

"I believe you could ask him right now, L. If I'm not mistaken he was cussing behind that door."

"Hmm..indeed," he answered, not sounding surprised. "Come in you two."

"Shit," Dean's voice could be heard. The door opened and in walked the two Winchester brothers.

L's eyes held the usual expression but to those who knew him as well as Watari and the trio did, there was an undercurrent of mirth.

Dean started talking as soon as he entered, and Sam knew it was nerves. "L, I'm sorry. I never thought for one moment that Near would be monitoring us today. I would never have said any of that in front of the kids. I swear. I am so sorry."

The detective said nothing, simply gesturing at the seats in front of him.

Dean looked almost sick, and Sam heard, "Damn,' slip out of his mouth in a whisper.

A moment later, a stuffed cat was dropped into each of their laps with gauze bandages over the crotch areas.

Dean stared for a moment, totally uncomprehending what had just happened.

Sam blanched for a moment until he heard snickering from the duo behind them who had dropped the cats into their laps. "We have just been had."

Dean had been heartsick over Near hearing what he shouldn't have heard. He looked at the cat and then at Sam , hearing what he said, but still not focusing. "What?"

"We've just been had...they just scared the shit out of us to play a joke."

Dean stared at Sam in disbelief. "That...wasn't...funny." He could hear laughter after he said it.

Even L was giving a small smile while Matt and Mello were laughing very hard.

Dean just sat there looking at the cat. He knew in his mind that it was funny, but he couldn't laugh right then. He thought he'd hurt Near. It wasn't funny to him. He forced a smile so everyone would think he was okay, and waited for a moment to get the hell out of there.

Near went to him, removing the cat and looking into his eyes. "Dean is well?" He'd seen the smile was forced.

Dean looked at him. "Are you okay? Were you part of this joke? Just need to know if you are okay?"

"Near is fine. Dean has not answered Near's question."

"Yeah, I guess I am. Whose idea was this, anyway?"

"Matt's I believe. Near was not really focusing on the discussion."

"What were you focusing on?"

"A case that has come in," he answered.

"You weren't listening to us in the garden?"

"About the neutered and gender changing feline? Yes, Near heard it. Near did not understand the humor behind it."

Sam heard a sob escape Dean, then he murmured "Damn it!" He was up and out the door before anyone knew what was going on.

Near blinked, then went after him. Dean was not in the hallway, and Near could hear the elevator. Dean had gone to his room and locked the door. He sat on the floor in the dark, tears going down his cheeks. He considered Near an innocent and he'd done this without thinking.

The teenager went after him, tapping on the door. "Dean?"

Dean's voice sounded more hoarse then usual, and it was very soft. "I can't right now, Near. Please."

"Dean open this door or Near will retrieve the master key."

"Near, I will be all right. I am not going to hurt myself. Okay? I need to be alone right now. Please."

Neither heard someone else come up, nor did Dean notice the lock being picked. Sam looked up and smiled at Near. "Sometimes it takes more than one person to deal with him when he's like this. It will give you and me a chance to work together to help him."

"Thank you, Sam," he murmured and headed into the room.

Dean was on the floor in the dark, with the stupid cat in his lap. He looked up and saw the shadows enter the room, one slender and one very tall. "Damn it, Sam, why did you pick the lock?"

"Because Sam knows Dean needs to talk about this." Near carefully sat in front of him. "Dean will explain why Dean is upset."

Before he could respond, Sam sat down next Near, his long legs crossed Indian style in front of his brother. He was pretty sure he knew what had hurt Dean. Would his brother be able to tell Near the whole truth?"

The white haired teenager waited for the explanation.

"What we were joking about wasn't nice, Near. You shouldn't have heard it. I've tried to be sure I never said anything in front of you that was wrong. That battle with Mello occurred in front of you. I felt bad about it. This was just worse. It was wrong."

Gray eyes blinked. "Near has heard worse, Dean. Dean should not feel so upset over this."

"You heard it from me."

He shook his head. "Dean should try staying around Mello for any given length of time. What comes out of Mello's mouth has been worse than what Dean has said. Dean should not castigate Dean for this."

"You're not going to tell him are you, Dean? Near, can you walk with me for a minute? He can't get it out right now, but you need to know why he's being this way. I'm sorry, Dean, but this is one of the things you have to deal with. Speaking the truth."

"Sammy?"

Sam stood and held out his hand to teen.

Near tried to rise, taking a moment due to his injuries. "Is Dean permitting this?"

Dean looked at his brother. "Sammy?"

"You told me we might butt heads over things I thought were the right thing to do. This is one of the right things, Dean. I'm going to talk to him, but he won't unless you tell him it's okay. Tell him, Dean. You can't do this anymore, and you know it." Dean stared at his brother in the shadows. He turned to Near. "Yeah."

The genius nodded, moving towards Sam. "Near will return."

Sam stopped in the hall. "Near, I know you are incredibly smart, but this isn't about brains, or being smart. It's emotions and that can be hard at times. Dean is afraid to open up and talk about how he feels. He's been hurt a number of times. Not just by me. Just about everyone he's loved has turned on him and told him he's not worth it. I can't and won't let that happen to him any longer. He loves you, Near. Like a son. When you overheard us, I was not happy about it, but after hearing you, I realized you are more mature in those things then I would've thought. Dean doesn't think that about you. He has you up on this pedestal. You're his kid to him. He's killing himself inside because he thinks he's smeared your soul by being overheard. It's hurting him deeply. I have to stay and watch over him because he's my big brother, and it's my turn to take care of him, so I had to let you know. I guess, in a way, it makes me your Uncle Sam."

Near frowned, thinking over what Sam had told him. "Near does not understand why Dean would think of Near in that manner. Near is flawed in several ways and is not an innocent child."

"What you consider flaws, Dean considers hurts that mean you need to be protected.

"Near is unable to comprehend certain things and because of that, it gives Near a colder approach to cases." He was quiet a moment. "Perhaps Dean should understand what it is L and L's heirs have to face. That may show Dean that there are things Near has seen already."

"I think you should ask L about Dean before you say things to him. Maybe Dean needs to share with you about things. You heard and saw a lot of what went on with Ruby and that queen, didn't you?"

"Near did," he answered back. "Dean showed remarkable strength in the face of such actions."

"Dean is special, Near. I want to protect him. I never did before, and I should have. Most of the things that have happened to him are because of his family...Dad and me. What happened with Ruby isn't the first time. I can't betray him with the story, but he thinks of you as innocent and to be protected. Just ask L if it's a good idea or not. We don't want to give him a setback, more than what he's already dealing with. Can you do that? If L thinks it's okay, it might be good to do it with Watari or L, and I would like to be there."

His voice was soft. "Near is still unsure as to why Dean believes Near as an innocent."

"I'm not one hundred percent sure, Near, but I think it is because you can't feel emotions like he does. It is something about you that makes you innocent as far as experiencing all the pain and hurt this world can inflict on you. He's experienced a lot of that. To him, you are protected from the pain and heartache, that makes you innocent in his eyes. You have not had to deal with that in the way he has."

He shook his head, not really understanding. "That is not logical."

"Emotions are not logical, Near. Dean feels like a father to you. He has come to love you like a father would. He wants to protect you and he feels he has let you down. It hurts him."

"Near must speak with L about this. This guilt is unhealthy."

"I'm coming with you, Near."

He nodded, heading to the elevator.

They found L and Watari where they'd left them.

Near quietly explained the situation to his mentor and L frowned. "I believe it may be wise to show Dean what it is Near does and is being trained for. It might help Dean in realizing that Near, Matt, and Mello have seen more than he knows."

"L, something crossed my mind on the way here. Dean may think of Near as he was before the pool hall."

"I have thought of that. Would you please go and retrieve him, Sam?"

"You've been watching us, so you know he's given me leadership right now. I may have to force him to come. Just a warning." Sam headed for the door.

Sam popped into the room. "L wants to talk to you.. Near too."

"I need to be alone awhile, Sam. You talked to Near, and it would seem you both talked to L. I'm guessing Watari is in on this too? I gotta settle my thoughts and stuff down first, Sam. I did what you wanted and gave Near an okay to talk with you, so please."

"Dean...you have to come. So come on, OK?"

"Give me one f*ing reason I need to go through more right now, Sam."

"Because Near is trying to prove a point."

"Near, L, and Watari want to prove to me that he's not what I thought he was and was trying to protect. I get it."

"No, Dean, I don't think you do. Now, will you please come with me?"

Dean stared at the shadow in the doorway. When had Sam gotten so big?

He thought back over Sam's life. He couldn't protect Sam. He couldn't protect Near. What the hell was his life worth, if he couldn't protect those he loved?

"Dean, I don't want to have to pick you up but I will if you don't come with me. This is important."

"I can't get up, Sam," he whispered.

He helped his brother to his feet, making sure not to hurt him.

The hunter moved towards the bedroom door, the stupid cat dangling from his left hand. He slowly headed towards the elevator.

Sam walked alongside him.

Dean walked to the rear of the elevator and waited for Sam to push the button to wherever everyone was.

L, Watari, and Near were waiting in the large room upstairs.

The thought of a tribunal crossed his mind for a second, but he knew better. He walked to a chair near them and sat down. His shoulders were slumped down, his head bowed, and his left hand hung between his legs, the cat still being held.

A folder was handed to Dean by L. "This is a taste of what my heirs and I face. Look over it." It was an old case.. serial murder that Near had solved a few months ago. The pictures and contents were grizzly.

Dean thought back over the case he'd done with them. The pictures were far worse, and Near had handled following him, and knew everything that had happened. He knew that. It seemed to flow over Near in his mind. Somewhere, he knew that was wrong. His Near, his boy was just as screwed up as he was. Dean started crying.

Watari looked at Dean. "Near is not damaged, nor are you. You have to realize that yes, Near does have an innocence to be protected...that's due to the fact that there are things he cannot understand. However, the realities of life are things he has been exposed to. Neither of you are damaged."

"Yeah. Both of us are just fine. Why should I be surprised that he's seen things as bad as I had at his age. Has he killed yet?"

The old man shook his head. "No, he has not."

"At least try to protect him from that. He won't be able to cry over it. It will be locked inside somewhere and he won't know how to deal."

L addressed him then. "I am hoping Dean will also assist in helping to protect him from that."

"What? How?" Dean looked up at Sam a question in his eyes.

Sam smiled and nodded, encouraging him as L answered. "As you have offered to teach us and also what we had discussed. With every person within our network, it means Near and the others, including myself, do not have to be directly involved. Just calling the shots, so to speak.

"I don't want to do it alone any more, L. I need Sam totally involved with me. I want to do this for Near, the boys, you and Watari, but it's got to include Sam. He needs to be involved up to the neck like me. He can be trusted. I think you know that."

"I will speak with him on this later," he told him.

"I will do everything in my power to protect him and all of you."

L nodded then watched as Near looked at Dean. "Does Dean not like Near anymore?"

Dean grabbed Near and hugged him close, tears still flowing. "I like you more then you could ever know, Near. I love you like I would a son if I ever had one."

"Dean does not believe Near is broken or inadequate due to what Dean has discovered?" Near had seen the look on his face and wasn't sure what the other had thought.

"No, Near. I thought I had done something horrible to you. I thought other things. What you are is someone who rights wrongs. You hunt and find killers. I do the same thing. I thought something else had happened. I was wrong. I am so glad I was wrong."

"Near does not wish to lose Near's friend," he murmured quietly.

"Dean doesn't want to lose his either, Near."

Near nodded. "Near thanks Dean."

"I thank you, Near."

His eyes lit up just slightly at that.

Dean smiled and held out his hand.

A small one was put into it. The larger hand clasped the smaller one. Dean sighed deeply and the smile went to his eyes.

Sam relaxed, grateful that this had been dealt with.


	62. Chapter 62

Sam's Prank and Dean Helps Near

Dean was exhausted. The teaching earlier, than this emotional upheaval. He held on to Near's hand, his eyes meeting his brother's. Sam saw the coloring as it had been earlier, and knew that beyond the genuine smile that sparked in his eyes and the laugh lines, his brother was at the point of dropping. Watari noticed it too, having been dealing with Dean during his illness. Sam and Watari shared a look.

Watari spoke up. "I believe that Dean and Near both should rest as they're still healing."

Sam spoke up, "I can take care of Dean, if you want to see to Near. They've both been pushing themselves too hard. You can't heal right if you don't rest properly."

Dean stared at Sam and then looked at Watari, imagining a conspiracy, and he was right, and knew it. He looked at Near. "We're okay, Near. They're right. We need to rest."

Near nodded. He was not one for naps but knew Watari would not allow him to evade it.

Dean smiled. "I know. If it's not Watari, it's Sam or you." He grinned. "You'll feel better and I hope I will too, if I can behave myself."

Another nod came from the white haired teen. "Perhaps. However, rest is beneficial to both Dean and Near for healing."

"Yeah, Near, it is. At this moment, I think I'm ready for it. Have a good rest, Near. Okay, Sam."

Sam grinned, helping his brother to his feet and walking with him to his room. "I'll see you when you wake up."

Dean seemed surprised that Sam didn't come into the room but was leaving. "Okay. Have fun, wherever you're going." He watched his brother close the door, with a sigh. Turning, he looked at the tall bed. Damn! It looked taller today. He walked over, turned his back to it and jumped up, almost missing. He inched himself up and found a comfortable position. It only took a few seconds for him to doze off.

Sam had managed to rope Matt and Mello into helping him. When Dean woke from his nap, he would find his bed covered with stuffed cats...several were Puss 'n Boots from the Shrek movies.

The first thing the three heard from where they were sitting in the hallway, was, "What the hell! SAM!"

The troublemakers snickered and Sam innocently popped his head into the doorway. "You bellowed?"

Dean had managed to sit up in the bed, his hair going everywhere. He'd not had a haircut in a long while, the longer strands was sticking up and going in every direction. His eyes were wide, taking in all the cats. He looked at Sam's innocent, puppy dog look. "Damn it, Sammy!" He looked at the cats again. His brother watched. Dean's sense of humor kicked in, his mouth twitched, and he started to smile ...then the laughter erupted.

Sam started laughing as well, accompanied by two others who were in the hallway behind him.

"You can tell those two assholes out there that they should at least come in and face me." Dean was grinning.

Two grinning faces popped into the doorway behind Sam, still snickering.

"Where the hell did you doofusses find all of these damn cats? Especially," Dean picked up one of the Puss 'n Boots. "This one?"

Matt grinned. "We raided a few toy stores."

"Hell, that had to cost a pretty penny. These things ain't cheap." Dean appreciated the amount of trouble that went into the prank. He knew it was Sam's idea, and loved it even more that his brother had thought of it.

Mello laughed softly. "Well, it was worth it."

"I got to admit, managing it while I was in the bed was a feat. Shows how tired I really am, I guess. Sam can tell you this would not have been easy if I'd been my normal self. It made my day, though. After I frickin got the crap scared out of me. One of the big ones was nose to nose with me when I woke up. I almost screamed." Dean chuckled as he thought about it.

They laughed again. "That was the point. Glad you appreciated the prank." Mello loved playing jokes when he could.

"Well, after the water balloons, you owed me one. This was a good one."

Matt nodded. "That's what we figured."

Dean shook his head and laughed again. "What time is it, guys? Anyone know what Watari and L have planned."

Sam kept wondering why Dean was so worried about plans all the time. He'd dealt with so much already, and so had Dean. It had to get better from here.

"No clue," the redhead answered. "It's about two thirty or so."

"What're you going to do, Sam?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Not sure yet."

"I think I'll grab Doyle, ask someone for a cup of tea, that sounds weird, and go to the inside garden, grab one of those comfortable chairs, and read. Don't tell anyone, guys. I'm hiding." Dean grinned and he scooted to the edge of the bed and jumped off. He grabbed his copy of Sherlock Holmes. Mello said he'd order him a tea and have it delivered to the inner garden.

Near was working a puzzle at the table in the inside garden, one finger twisting a lock of hair as he continued to work on it with an almost absent expression on his face. He had not been able to rest well and had come here to try to relax. Watari had provided some snacks for him in case he got hungry.

Dean saw him and walked up to look at the puzzle. He spoke softly because Near seemed distant. "Hey, you okay?"

Gray eyes looked up. "Near is well. Did Dean sleep well? Dean looks better."

"I slept well, and had a major payback on a practical joke played on me. You didn't sleep well, did you? Why didn't you use that technique you taught me, Near? You need to rest."

"Near did but was awakened many times," he answered softly, spotting the book. "Dean enjoys Doyle?"

"Yeah, Doyle's real good. I like him. Holmes is an interesting character to read. What woke you up so many times?" Near was now discovering one of the things about Dean that drove Sam crazy. He got on a scent, he would not back down.

"Near was in some discomfort. Watari gave Near something for that," he answered quietly.

"Is it better now? Not hurting as bad, because you look exhausted."

"It has alleviated somewhat." He pointed at the seat next to him, a comfy one. "Dean may join Near if Dean wishes. Near would not mind the company."

"You need to rest your mind, Near. Come join me? They have this real comfy double swing back there. I'll read you some Doyle. Let you rock, relax, and just listen. No need to think. How about it?"

Gray eyes blinked at him. "Dean would read to Near?" He hadn't had that done to him for as long as he could remember.

Dean smiled, held out a hand, and said, "Yeah, come on."

Near picked up his toy robot, taking his hand.

They found the rocker near the rose garden. The old fashioned roses had a wonderful scent and their aroma filled the air. Dean sniffed appreciatively, looked at the rocker and noted that it had an automatic rocking mechanism. They climbed on, and he set it on the lowest setting. Opening the Doyle, he found one he hadn't started yet. The steady movement of the rocker, Dean's voice, and exhaustion soon put Near to sleep. Dean kept reading softly, realizing that his voice seemed to help. An hour later, L and Watari were walking the gardens checking on the teen. They found them by the rose garden. Near had moved over and was laying against Dean's left shoulder, asleep, Dean had read until he was hoarse and had dozed off, his head leaning onto Near's. The rocker was still slowly moving.

L's eyes softened as he watched the two for a moment before gesturing for Watari to leave with him. He would leave the two of them to rest.

Dinner time came and Sam was looking for his brother. He spotted Mello and Matt and asked if they knew where he was. They weren't sure unless he was still reading. Sam headed up to the garden.

The two were sound asleep and Matt, who had followed Sam, gave a soft sound. "Damn...they've slept this long?"

"How long have they slept like this?" Sam smiled, noting the open Doyle in Dean's lap. His brother must've read Near to sleep, and fallen asleep afterward. Their positions suggested that. "Near having problems sleeping? It looks like Dean read him to sleep? You knew they were up here, then?"

Matt shook his head. "I didn't. L probably did but he's had us working on some files so Mello and I didn't know. Near's light enough where I can move him if he won't wake. Do you want to wake up Dean?"

"Do we want to? If Near has had problems sleeping, and he's sleeping good right now, do we really want to move him? Dean must still be tired or he wouldn't have fallen asleep. Unless L and Watari want them woke up, I say let them sleep."

"The only problem with that is Dean could wake up with a massive crick in his neck."

"We've both dealt with those before. I know what to do for him, if it happens. Right now, Near seems to need him. For Dean to be in this position, I can guarantee Near needed him."

"Then we'll leave them be. Good thing it's warm in here."

"Yeah, it is. Where are you guys going to eat? You interested in a video game?"

Matt grinned. "We can ask Watari to eat in the room with the big TV and play."

"Next to the cats, that's the best idea I've heard all day," Sam said with a grin.

The red head snickered and led the other out of the room.

The evening grew dark. Sam and Matt were playing video games, and Mello finally joined them. L and Watari were deciding what to do with the sleepy heads in the garden.

The only concern L had was the fact they had been in the same position for an incredibly long amount of time.

Watari agreed about the concern. Bobby, entering, listened to the discussion. "Sam and Dean have had to sleep in some weird places and odd positions during their young lives. They know every trick there is to working out those kinks and spasms. Only problem I see is if it happens in an injured area. How long they been asleep? It might be wise to put them to bed. If Near needs Dean around tonight, put the boy in Dean's bed with him. My boy won't mind. Sam and I can move them if necessary. Barely wake them, and they'll doze right back off."

L spoke up. "I can move Near easily enough. Dean will be the problem. They have been asleep since around four o'clock."

"Sam's a big boy. He can handle Dean. He has before. Four o'clock? That's almost five hours. They're gonna hurt when they finally wake up. Good thing Sam knows what to do. If Near has been having problems sleeping, let him remain with Dean tonight. Hearing Dean's breathing and feeling him move in the bed may be what keeps him asleep."

"Indeed." Watari went to a phone, calling Matt to send up Sam.

"Well, it's Watari, and you are being called to the gardens, Sam. Mello, wanna come? They look kinda cute. A few pictures might be fun for Dean."

The group headed to the gardens, Mello snickering softly at the sight.

They had beaten the others to the garden. Sam took out his cell and took pictures from different angles.

"Ain't he cute?"

Sam turned and looked at Bobby who had been watching him take pictures. He flushed a little.

Mello shook his head. "Make sure those pictures don't get out, Sam. Otherwise, L will have your head. Anonymity is how we survive."

Bobby answered. "They will go into the family album, and some sent to you guys. Then they are removed from Sam's phone."

"Make sure the album isn't shown to anyone outside of this group," he murmured. He turned when L entered. "Is everyone ready," he asked them.

Sam leaned over and gently raised Dean's head. He picked up the Doyle book and gave it to Bobby. L leaned in and slowly moved Near off the hunter's shoulder and lifted him to where the boy's head was against his shoulder. Sam started to lift his brother when a hand came up to his throat."

"It's okay, Dean, it's me."

"Sammy? Where's Near?"

"L's got him. I'm just gonna help you go back to bed. Near's gonna sleep with you tonight, okay? The boy's sleeping better around you. You both need the rest."

"K, Sam. I can walk."

"I"m gonna help you. Just lean on me." Dean started moving, and groaned in pain.

"My neck hurts like hell, man, and I got some spasms. How long I been asleep and what kind of position was I in?"

L responded. "Several hours which is why we are moving the pair of you. Watari commented that Near has not been able to rest well for some time."

"That's why I asked him to join me. The rocking, and my reading put him to sleep. Hell, my reading would put anybody to sleep. It put me to sleep."

Sam murmured as he helped Dean stand, "I think he slept because you were next to him, Dean. He holds things in worse then you. The boy's went through a lot with Ruby. Somewhere inside him, there has to be nightmares, and the pain. Sleeping with you next to him, he felt safe."

Dean sounded surprised, "You think? He can sleep with me if he needs to. I got no problem with that, if it will help him.

Mello answered quietly. "Matt's been crashing with me at times cause of that bitch. So I can understand if Near has been, not that he'd tell anyone."

Dean watched L holding the teen. "He told me he was having problems sleeping for a while now. I thought the rocking and my voice reading would help him doze off. I kept reading so he'd hear it and continue sleeping. It never crossed my mind that it might be me that helped him sleep. I don't understand that, other than me throwing myself on him to try stop that bullet, but damn, I'm not some hero who can prevent people from getting hurt. Look at him. He's not uninjured."

It was the blond who gave the answer. "If you hadn't, he wouldn't be alive. Besides.. you're the first stranger to give a damn about an orphan with issues. Most people shy away from all of us, him especially."

"But, being an orphan doesn't not make you a person. I may have had a Dad, but when my Mom died, I became an orphan. Not very many people wanted me around...just Bobby, Caleb, and Pastor Jim. Two of them are dead now. I care about you guys. I like all of you. You never judged me or wanted anything out of me except to be me. That's rare in my life. Okay?"

"It is the same for us," L answered as they headed for Dean's room.

The three men were about to see what Sam and the trio knew...Dean's difficulty getting into and out of bed. Sam asked L to wait, and stepped forward, picking up his brother.

"What the hell are you doing, Sammy?"

"Seeing to it you don't jar your wounds tonight. That shoulder is never going to heal with you jumping in and out of the bed."

The detective nodded. "Wise idea. Dean, get comfortable so I can lay Near down."

Dean arranged himself with pillows against his side and under his shoulder. He lay down, and felt L arranging Near. The lights were turned off, and within minutes, Near had located him in his sleep and was soon against his good shoulder. Dean smiled and soon dozed off.

The group left to allow the duo to sleep.


	63. Chapter 63

Sam Asks for Help

Neither the man nor the boy woke the entire night. Sam and Watari checked in on them at breakfast, noting that both were sleeping soundly. Sam had brought a special rub Missouri made for them.

"They won't be able to eat until I take care of cricks and spasms. They slept odd all night."

L frowned slightly. "What is that in the jar?"

"It's an ointment a psychic friend of ours makes for us. With the right massage, and this ointment, cricks and spasms stop. Missouri makes it from her herb garden. It will head into the muscles, joints, tendons, and such, but it doesn't burn the skin or make you feel greasy."

The frown deepened. "Watari will give you an outbound line. Please call her and ensure that it will not harm Near's skin. Being albino, he is highly sensitive to certain things."

Sam wrote as he talked to Missouri. He was quiet after he got the list. He looked up at L and Watari. "Here's the list. She says Lilith will be on the move next week and we need to find the angel and get Dean help. She says he's not healing right. She's never wrong, L."

"Said angel will be impossible to locate," he pointed out. "Add to that I am still looking for the Colt."

"I'm not arguing with you. Lilith is always on the move. That's why I never could find her. My concern is Dean. She's right. He's not healing right because he's doing stupid things, like beating a wall with his one good hand and his head. He's not putting everything he's being taught into motion for himself. He's still trying to take the blame. Yesterday and Near is a good example of it. If I have to sit on him, he's going to stop this crap. He's exhausting himself and he needs to not do that. He's not going to back out of the teaching, but I'm going to get Bobby involved. We're gonna make Dean sit and do what needs to be done from a chair. I'll threaten to tie him to it if I have to. Cas is right. Dean needs to care about himself and want to be well. L, I don't how many more sessions have to happen, but let's get them done. I don't care how violent they get between us, we're not gonna kill each other, but, damn, he's worrying over it. He's not gonna heal if he rips everything open every other day. Can we just do it?"

L nodded. "Indeed. When they wake and have eaten, I will ask for Dean to come and see me."

"Should I come too? I think we both know that the only real major thing left is between us. I have no idea what I might do. I get angry thinking about it, and Dean knows that. I only ask that you let us deal even if it involves hitting or my powers. I'm not gonna kill Dean. He's not gonna kill me. But I'm pissed about what he's doing and he's pissed about the lies I've told. We got to deal."

"I believe you may be right on that."

"I think I am, and I believe Dean thinks it too and he's afraid of facing it with me. He has to learn that even if I use my powers against him, I would never do what I did the other night. I'd never force him to come to me in anger or hatred...to protect, if I was desperate, I might. But to physically hurt him...no, and he's got to learn that."

"And you have to believe that yourself as well," he answered him.

"I know, and until I have to use them against him, and with his injuries, it's more than probable that I will, I don't have a great belief that I won't. It's important that we both have the faith in me that I won't."

L's dark eyes looked into his. "In truth, you should not ever use those abilities against family.. only in defense of family. It will take time for you to trust yourself."

"Dean, in a fight with me, will pull his punches. I will hit him hard. That will more then likely happen today if I don't use my powers instead. It's a decision I don't want to have to make, but I may kick my brother's ass today because of the asinine things he's done. His refusal to fight to save himself and leaving me to watch him be torn to shreds, knowing he suffered in hell because of me has had me angry for so long. It goes on and on. I had to deal with that and he has to face it. That is what he's afraid of. He was hiding yesterday. Well he joked he was. I'm probably going to hurt him today, L, but I can't 'ef' with his mind by using my powers. The main thing is to avoid hurting the shoulder. The rest is fair game when we do this. I love him yet I have to force him into this."

"You honestly believe it will come to blows?"

"Dean does, so yeah. I do. If he thinks it will, it means he's not ready to fess up to being an ass in this. He sold his soul to raise me from the dead and then acted like he didn't give a damn. I watched every day go by, fighting to find a way to save him, only to find out that the deal he made would have me dead again if he did try. He didn't tell me that. If I saved him, I died. Either way, it was a catch 22 because he couldn't live without me, he damned me to live without him, bearing the blame of his death. Yeah, it will, because he's not gonna admit it. We talked when he first came back. He knew that I tried to get him back. It was like talking to a brick wall. I want my brother to break down and tell me the truth. All of it. Hell, Alistair and then tell me he shouldn't have done it. Damn it, L. He's got to stop the crap. It's all I want and when it comes to trying to force him, he strikes out. He's gonna hit me. I'm gonna beat the crap out of him. It's the issues that have to come out. Once the fighting is done, we'll talk."

"Try talking first," he told him. "Dean may surprise you."

"I'm going to do what I've done every time with him. I'm gonna talk, beg, plea, whatever will reach behind that wall he puts up. He's talked more and let more out then I've heard from him since we've been here, but I bet some of it was yanked out like a tooth. This one, he'll have to admit he should've let me stay dead. I don't know that he can."

"Part of his sessions have been on him opening up more," he responded. "So let us hope he has paid attention."

"I know he's paid attention because he's done and said things he'd never have done before, but this one thing...I don't know."

"Try not to borrow trouble," L murmured.

"I'm just telling you that Dean is scared of facing this. Ask the boys how many times he's asked what was planned for the day. Were sessions planned. He's scared. Dean doesn't scare easy, but this one scares him."

"I am already aware of that," he pointed out.

"Since I've been here, I've learned a great deal and I don't blame him for most of it. He couldn't help it, but he needs to fess up that he is at fault for not facing it...for not telling me the truth. What he doesn't understand is he was manipulated. They were surprised somewhat by my death, but they had planned on what Azazel did inside of Dad to kill Dean. They always wanted him. They told me I wasn't the one they wanted in hell. It was my brother. Dean has a tender soul, and they could break him. My Dad, me? No, but Dean could be broken. I wasn't supposed to die. Dad really wasn't, but Azazel had a sense of humor, and he got the colt out of it. It was Dean. They tried several times to kill him. He let them use me to get to him." Sam shook his head. "I need to take care of his cricks and spasms. If you feel Near shouldn't have this you might want to take his tray and go to his room and treat him. Separating them might be hard otherwise. I'll eat with Dean. I'd like a nice time with him before we do this, if that will work for you, L?"

"If your friend believes it will not harm his skin, then go ahead and use it." L avoided answering Sam's request, hoping Dean might open up and talk to Sam before the session if he knew one was coming. L intended on having them monitored this morning.

Watari and Sam had brought the trays in. Sam looked at L and the older man. "Do we wake them?"

L nodded, going into the room and gently touching Dean's uninjured shoulder. He had a feeling that with Near beside him, the man wouldn't react as he usually did when startled.

He felt the hunter stiffen, and slowly the hazel eyes opened and focused on the detective. He released the breath he held.

"What time is it?" was whispered at the man leaning over the bed.

"Nine a.m.," he answered softly.

"Wow. Near all right?" He tried turning his head and hissed through his teeth. "Damn! That hurts." The spasms in his back made him pull the pained neck back trying to ease the knots. "Sam here?" The question was desperate.

"He is," L gestured for Sam to enter. "I am going to wake Near in a few moments. He may be in pain as well and your brother has offered to assist him too."

Dean tried to nod his understanding, but swore under his breath. "Oh, damn! Cricks and spasms. I hate double whammies."

Sam came in. "I've got Missouri's stuff, Dean. We're going to shift Near over a bit.. let him sleep until you're finished so I can help him."

"Might be better to get me out of this bed and onto the floor, Sam. Like I did you the other night. Don't want to wake him up before it's necessary."

"If L will stay, we can get you up off the floor afterward" L nodded, perching in a chair.

Dean struggled to sit up, but the pain was excruciating. "I can't get up, Sam. I'm gonna try to roll off the bed unto my knees. Can you help me?"

Both Sam and L were quick to respond. L gently moved Near a little away, not disturbing the sleeping unusual feat in itself and spoke of the boy's exhaustion. Afterwards, he helped Dean out of the bed.

Dean rolled onto his knees on the floor beside the bed. He leaned his head against the mattress, and L could see him trembling but he was handling it differently. The detective realized that this was probably how the hunter usually dealt with pain, when in his right mind. Sam took it as normal, he noticed. Sam whispered asking if he was ready to move. He nodded, and L noticed he'd clenched his teeth.

Both he and Sam helped him as best as they could, trying to brace the injured and hurting areas to keep them from aching too badly. Between them, L and Sam moved the hurting hunter away from the bed. Dean refused to lay on his stomach. "Don't think my shoulder would deal well with that." He sat cross legged, on the floor, left arm holding his right arm to keep it still, eyes closed, and teeth clenched, he waited.

Sam nodded and open the jar of ointment and began working on the painful muscles, working out the knots. Dean focused on trying not to stiffen. He was really concerned about his neck. He could not turn it. Cricks were hell to deal with. He couldn't believe the number of knots Sam was finding in his back. "Damn, Sammy," slipped out.

"I'm trying, Dean. Try to relax. You said Near taught you some meditation?" The question was whispered so as not to wake the teenager in question yet.

"I'm trying, Sam. It used candles, some scent, and a tape. Can't do that right now, you know. I'm trying to relax. We haven't even gotten to the neck yet. Hell, that dislocated shoulder wasn't this bad."

"Well, you used a tiny kid's head for a pillow and while you're not a giant, you're a lot bigger than he is. Bad angle for you."

"Don't guess it matters at this point, but I didn't intentionally go to sleep, using him for a pillow. Damn it." Sam finally massaged the last of the back knots out. He started on the neck.

Dean bit his bottom lip to keep from crying out, and drew blood. He was not going to wake Near. "Oh I hope his isn't like this."

"I'll be as careful as I can with him," Sam promised.

Dean tried to nod and hissed, "Damn. Must remember not to do that. You know, Sam, if you were in to sadomasochism, this would be the perfect career for you."

"Jerk," he teased.

"Bitch," was forced out between grinding teeth.

"And don't you forget it," he laughed, then worked out the last knot. "Better?"

Dean was gasping for air at this point, "Hell, I won't forget. Thanks, Sam. It's much better."

"Good," he rose and he and L helped Dean back to his feet.

"Thank you." Dean stared at his brother as he worked with L, watching both of them gently wake Near. "You want to eat breakfast together when you're done?"

"I'd hoped to," he told his brother. Near slowly woke, gray eyes blinking to try to focus.

"Great!" Dean could've kicked himself for sounding so eager. He stood back and watched them help Near.

The teen made no sound as Sam worked on the knotted muscles. His eyes went from Dean to the pile of stuffed cats that was near the corner.

The hunter walked over to the bed and reached over, grabbing Near's hand. "It hurts like hell, Near. I just went through it. There's nothing wrong in letting people know you hurt. You can't get help unless you tell someone."

"Near has never been.. comfortable. .in doing such a thing. It is simply something to bear with."

"Pain has never been something to bear with, Near. Getting rid of it is something to be desired. No one should just put up with pain. You need to let someone know. There are things that can help you."

He nodded slightly at that.

"It's logical, Near. No one wants to hurt. Knowing that you hurt and don't let us know causes us heartache and worry for you. We don't want to see you hurt."

Near will try to remember."

"Please."

He nodded.

Dean looked over at the cats on the bed. He'd noticed Near staring at them. He found a very large silver and black striped one with gray eyes. It had on a black studded collar. He picked it up and a smaller one that was white with blue eyes and a large scarlet ribbon.

"Here, these will help you. The big one is to sleep with at night. The white is to go with you everywhere."

The gray eyes widened. "Dean is giving these to Near?"

Dean smiled, "Yeah, I am. Unless you see one over there you'd rather have? If you do, that will be three cats."

Sam chirped up with a laugh. "He needs a Puss 'n Boots to torment Matt and Mello with."

Stern hazel eyes turned towards his brother. "You're dead, Sam." That's when Near asked for the Puss 'n Boots, and Dean turned a shocked face towards the boy.

"Perhaps two. Near can put one on each of their beds so Matt and Mello will have a remembrance of their prank."

Dean gave a speechless nod to the teen. He looked at Sam wondering if his brother had instigated this.

It wasn't as if there weren't enough of the said cat. There had to be at least ten. However, Near was busy focusing his attention on the two that had been given to him. L gave a tiny smile, pleased that his heir was content for the moment.

Dean got a wicked smile, walked over to the med kit, and got bandages, and walked this bed, grabbing the two largest Shrek cats. He bandaged their crotches and set them aside for Mello and Matt. Serves them right, he thought, with a grin. L saw the two cats and smirked thinking of the horrors Dean had dealt with the day before because of those cats.

Near was playing with the ribbon on the white cat, not paying attention to what was going on. Sam smiled, finally seeing the innocence Dean had seen in the teen. Despite the horrors the kid had seen and would see, the fascination with toys and the inability to understand emotions would keep him different.

am had finished taking care of Near and had gone to put up the ointment and wash his hands. Watari brought breakfast in for the two brothers. Dean gave Near a hug. "I picked out the two biggest for Mello and Matt and doctored them like they did for me yesterday. I hope they will remember the prank really well. Any time, when I am here and you can't sleep, come climb into my bed. I don't mind."

Near gave him a tiny partial smile and nod. "Near will remember that."

Dean nodded and said, "Fair enough. I'll hold you to it."

L picked up the larger cat. "Come along, Near, you should eat. Dean, I would like to see you and Sam after you finish eating. Watari will bring you to me."

Dean paled. "What? For a session?"

He nodded.


	64. Chapter 64

The Session

Dean stiffened and closed his eyes. It had come. He knew it. How the hell was he going to get through this?

Near put the white kitten into his arms, wondering if that would help.

Dean looked down at the white kitten and then into Near's face. He smiled. "No, Near. This one is to help you. I have a whole bed full of them to help me, but I thank you for your kindness in sharing with me." Dean hugged the boy and kissed his forehead. "I'll be fine."

Sam returned from washing his hands and wondered what had happened to cause this.

"Will Dean do a puzzle with Near after Dean is done with L?"

"I can't promise, Near. It will depend on what happens. It's a session. You know how they can be for me? If I can, I will be there. Doing puzzles with you is peaceful and helpful at times. I hope I can."

"Near would like it if Dean would join Near if Dean feels up to it afterward. If Dean does not, Near understands."

"I would like it too, Near. If I am up to it, I will be there. The garden?"

"The usual table, yes."

"I'm gonna try, but I have no idea what's gonna happen."

Sam knew then that L had requested that they come to him for the session he'd pressed for. He'd hoped to have a nice breakfast with Dean. He doubted he'd get Dean to even eat this morning. He could see the shock on his brother's face.

Near's voice was soft. "Dean must be anxious about this, but Near hopes that Dean will eat well today since both Near and Dean missed a meal last night."

Dean felt sick to his stomach but knew he couldn't deny Near something like this. "I will eat, Near. I promise."

Near nodded, petting the kitty. "Near will see Dean later," he said.

Dean nodded. He turned to the table where Watari had set out the trays. He looked up at his brother standing across the room. There were tears in the hunter's eyes. He tried to smile, and sat down. "We gonna eat, Sam?"

"We are. You've got a great kid there, Dean."

"Yeah, I do. He's one of a kind."

Dean opened the tray and saw poached eggs, pan sausage, grits, and wheat biscuits. There was a bowl of fresh fruit, and a cup of tea. He prepared to eat because he'd promised Near that he would. He cut the eggs and sausage, and took a bite. He looked at Sam as he ate, trying to find a conversation that did not involve sessions with his brother. This one was the one he'd been avoiding. Sam's anger issues involving him. He'd screwed him royal so many times and he didn't really have a response to his attacks. He was guilty. He knew it.

He slowly ate, talking about the day before and the practical joke. As they finished eating and were drinking their tea, Dean looked up at Sam, "L is sending Watari to bring us to him this morning. I asked and it's a session.""

Sam nodded. "Ok. .we'll get through it. And Dean, that was a sweet gesture with giving Near the toys. Though what're you gonna do with the rest of that pile?"

"I thought I'd ask L if I could take them to the nearest hospital, after checking to see how many kids are in it. If I have enough, I could give the kids one. You honestly think we can get through this?"

"Dean, I know we can. We're both stubborn as hell and want to fix things.. make things right again. We just have to make sure to listen, right?"

"It requires more than listening, Sammy. It requires understanding and forgiveness, and those don't always come with listening."

"It's a start though, right?"

"Yeah. Of course it is."

He gave him a small smile. "Okay then. And Dean? You should keep the other white kitten in that pile."

"What would I do with a stuffed kitten, Sam?"

"It's white and cute.. might make a nice memento of Near to keep with you."

Dean stood up and walked over to the pile of cats and dug out the white one. He placed it on the table by the bed. Turning, he walked to the bathroom, to clean up a little. He looked at himself in the mirror. He hadn't worn his hair this long since before he'd gone to Stanford to get Sam. The beard was actually looking good. He brushed his teeth, washed his face, and tried to brush the longer hair. Heading back into the bedroom, he looked around. "I wonder what time Watari is coming for us? That's unusual. Are they both sitting in? They did the first time we had a session."

"No idea, we'll have to wait and see. And I'm getting you an electric razor as soon as I can."

"I like the beard."

"I'm not crazy about it, Dean."

"Okay. I'll think about it, but my hair is not going back to the way Dad preferred. I like it longer."

"I agree, it looks good like that. Just the beard is too much of him and not you, you know?"

"Well, I liked the beard because I liked the beard, Sam. It had nothing to do with Dad. I don't want it now."

"I didn't mean to insult.." Damn it...

"No, you said it was too much of him. I wasn't trying to be him. It's gone as soon as I can shave again. I just liked it is all."

Sam's shoulders slumped.

"Sam, don't. Not today. Not with what's coming. I"m trying to find me. I liked the beard, but I don't want to wear anything that will remind anyone of him, and not see me. I'm not upset."

"Okay."

"All right."

Watari entered the room followed by Mello and Matt. The boys took the trays, and headed out the door. Dean watched them go without a word. He turned and looked at the older man.

"You staying with us? Or is it just going to be L?"

"I will remain at L's request," he answered.

"I'm glad you're gonna be there, but is L expecting problems, Watari? The only times everyone has been involved is when I requested it or he was afraid of problems between Sam and Me. I haven't requested anything cause I didn't know we were doing this til a little while ago." Dean looked at Sam.

"Did you know this was coming, Sam? You seemed rather calm, almost nonchalant about it a while ago when I mentioned it. You knew I didn't feel ready yet. Did you know, Sam? Did you request Watari?"

"No, I didn't but I did talk to L earlier about my worries," he answered truthfully.

"What worries, Sam?"

"There have been times in the past where things when we talk didn't go too well," he told him as they followed Watari.

"Yeah, but I thought we were doing better. Did you ask for this session to happen now? I really needed it to wait a while, Sam I wasn't ready to deal with it yet. Did you ask, knowing I was not ready?"

L's voice answered him. "I determined that the time was now, Dean, as you have been living in fear of it since we began helping you."

"L, you've always told me the truth. Did Sam come to you and want it now, instead of later?"

"He brought up to me that this was an issue that he was concerned about and that you had demonstrated some avoidance. Truthfully, Dean, I had intended to confront this issue today. It is causing havoc on your sleep cycle."

Dean stopped and stared at L, then he turned and looked at his brother. "Avoidance? I wasn't ready, Sam. Some avoidance? I've been pushed into something I'm not ready for and you didn't come to me about it, Sam? You wanted it now? Well, you got it. You know what? We aren't talking as well as I thought." He turned to L. "Let's go and let's get the show on the road. Right?" Dean walked past all three men and turned. "Well, what the hell are we waiting for?"

Sam flinched, not liking that at all. L shook his head, letting the group into the room.

Dean walked to a window and stood staring outside. He was shaking badly. Sam just noticed it.

L perched in his seat, stirring a cup of tea.

Dean was not looking outside like everyone thought. His eyes were closed. He was struggling with dealing right now. This one was bad. He wanted to run, but he felt trapped. He'd been snared big time. Sam? Why had Sam done this, knowing how much he'd already been through. He was still trying to convince himself he wasn''t a whore. He did not feel well, he was tired, and confusion seemed to be normal these past few days. He was still dealing with blaming himself over things. He understood the truth but making himself believe was hard sometimes. Sam seemed to be coming along faster. Why the hell not, the way things happened wasn't his fault. Dean wasn't ready to face more blame. He already blamed himself.

"Dean, you're running from this. You know it, I know it. You have to talk about this."

Dean snapped. "L, I told you this whole damn story when I talked to you about hell. Why do I have to tell it again? Because Sam didn't hear it? Hell, he lived it. I told you it was my fault. Okay. Sam, it's my fault! That's what you want to hear. I've known it's my fault. What the hell else do all of you want to hear? Just tell me. I'll say it, take the blame, and we can end this!"

L shook his head. "You are avoiding again by taking the blame. You two have to communicate."

"Okay. Go ahead, Sam. Just tell everyone what an asshole I've been. I dragged you out of Stanford. You didn't get spend her last days with Jessica. I dragged you back into hunting because I didn't want to go alone. I wanted to hunt. You wanted to find Dad immediately and kill that friggin demon. Tell them, how that demon all but destroyed our family and I didn't wanted to hunt it, but every other bad thing out there. Tell them how you died, and I was a coward. I sold my soul to bring you back and I sent you through the hell of living with me not trying to do anything about it. Tell them how I died, and the guilt you felt. How you tried to exchange yourself for me. Then you tried to drink yourself to death. How you shacked up with Ruby, became addicted to demon blood because I did that to you. Tell them how Cas pulled me out of hell. I couldn't deal when I remembered. I drank, and you thought I was weak and couldn't do my job anymore. Let's forget you almost drunk yourself to death. Right? Tell them. I'll listen. I'm not avoiding a damn thing, L. Sam blames me. He always has. Tell him, Sam. You've told me. So tell him!"

Sam's voice was soft. "I don't blame you. I blame Dad.. I blame myself...I blame the damned demons and angels for pulling us into some sort of plot without our consent."

"Damn it, Sam You've been telling me for four damn years that it was my fault! Why say different now?"

"Because I got help, Dean. These guys helped pull my head out of my ass and made me realize that it isn't just me that got f*ked over!"

"Yeah? I've been working on that too. I tried to ask that this one be allowed to wait because I was not all free and clear from the past like you have managed to do, Sam. It's been harder for me. I never got to break free and try something else. I've been a slave to Dad's whims my whole life. I don't know why I was even born, Sam. You can't understand that. I've had nothing but people wanting me out of their lives. You were one of them. You didn't want me, Sam. Dad only used me. Mom's family didn't want me. Cassie? God, that was a joke. Lisa? Damn, she knows I can't be there like I should, even if I think the boy's mine. I'll trade you, Sam. In a heartbeat, as long as I don't have to 'ef' the demon. Kissing one to buy you back was bad enough. The crazy damn thing is, I'd do it again... for you, Sammy. You're my brother, and Dad said to protect you. I did it the only way I knew how. So tell me what new things you're getting out of this? How the hell is it any different from when we talked in the past? Why couldn't it wait and let me finish dealing with every other piece of shit I've had to dig up so I could heal."

"Because I don't want my brother living in fear of this. I want my brother," he emphasized the word, "to know that he is worth more than everything in the world to me. I was an immature asshole back then. I've grown up a bit, Dean, and I'll be damned if you go through life blaming yourself or thinking you're less than dirt."

"Why should what I think matter now? You've grown up. Yeah. So have I, Sam and life still sucks. I'm gonna continue trying cause I'm tired and L and Watari offered hope and a change. I'm not a college boy, Sam. I've been working hard trying to apply what they taught me and make my mind and my heart realize that I'm not what I've been raised to believe. I'm not quick at it like you are, but I've been telling myself over and over that I'm not the things Dad said I was. I just wasn't ready to deal with the things you thought on top of everything else. I knew every one of them, Sam. Everything you ever called me or accused me of, I believed. You were my brother, so of course I believed them. I don't know what to believe any more, Sammy. I don't. I can't handle this right now." Dean slid down the wall where he'd been standing, burying his head in his left arm.

Sam knelt beside him. "You're gonna have to let me prove myself."

"That's what I'd thought we were doing, Sam. I told you things I hadn't told anyone. Some of them, I hadn't even told L or Watari...just you. I thought we were doing good, breaking down the past. Then you tell him there were times in the past when our talking didn't go well. I thought we were leaving the past, Sam. I've ripped my soul open and told things to them, you, and Bobby, I've told nobody. I don't know what the hell any of you want from me anymore."

"To stop hiding," L told him. "You were terrified of this to the point it was making you ill."

I am scared because I was not ready for more...not what Sam would say. I'd have to tell him all of what went on in hell. I couldn't before. He used what I did tell him against me. Tried to tell me I was not strong, and couldn't do my job. He really believed it. Because he believed it, I believed it. Hell, he's Sam, the college boy, you know. Dad says he's always been right about things. In the end, Dad thought Sam was the smart one. He never would tell Sam, but he was proud of him. Only thing I ever did to make him proud was to ace my first practice at age six. Right now, I don't think I could handle Sam making all those accusations again. I'm at the point where I'll just say, yeah, I did it. I'm sorry. What can I say?"

"Still, we're here and he wants to prove himself and I will let him. Can't do anything else because he's my brother and I will always put him first. It's Sammy, so yeah. I'm not hiding any more. It's my fault. What has bothered him? He can think what he wants but I know what I did. I did ruin his life so many times. He lost what he really wanted. I'm sorry, Sam. You're telling me it's not true, doesn't change what I know. I'll never kick you out of my life. I don't care what all of you think. Not being ready to face something is not hiding from it. I knew what it was. I wasn't ready to take on more yet. That's past, right?"

"Hell, I'm rambling now. Nothing new to say, you know."

Sam's voice was sharp. "I can tell you the people who f*ked up my life. Azazel, John Winchester, and Sam Winchester. You didn't 'ef' up a damn thing, Dean."

"How can you say that, Sammy? You've told me lots times how I held you back, that you didn't need me. You left me more than once, Sam. I'm not angry any more. Just don't tell me one thing one time, and something else another, okay? I just want the truth. Just the truth."

"That is the truth. I will swear it on everything sacred and holy. I told you all that because I was an angry kid with issues that had his head up his ass."

"I believed what you said to me, Sam. Every time someone said something like that to me, part of me died inside. I thought I was worthless. When I sold my soul to bring you back, it was the first good thing I thought I'd ever done with my life. Bobby was so pissed at me. He couldn't understand that you were so important. That's why I did it. I didn't think I was important, Sam. So I did something right. I brought you back. You got to understand where I was coming from. Please. "

"I do, Dean...I understand it, but I want the truth from you...all of it..Hell, Azazel, Dad and you. All of it."

"L, I've told everyone here why I did what I did. I'm not hiding. I'm not avoiding. I just don't understand how rehashing this is going to help Sam and me. I'd like to know but, hell, nothing can help this mess that is my life. I'm having enough trouble taking care of what we already talked about. Now he wants the truth? How can I do this too?"

L's voice was soft. "See.. it is a mistake thinking that nothing can help. You can help. So can your brother and the rest of us. Both of you are hurt and angry because lies have been told."

"I'm not sure I'm worth the effort, L. I'm a major screw up. I ruin everything I touch. I spend my life hurting, and I hurt everyone else in some way or another. There's too much to deal with. I've quit drinking. There are no girls. I've got nothing to cover the pain. I thought I was doing everything better. This just shows I was wrong. Hell, I've been trying. I did everything you said to do. It didn't work, L. Not enough. Now I'm a liar? I didn't tell what happened.. not all of it. Sam did know I sold my soul. I wanted that last year to be good between us. He couldn't know everything. I did tell him about Hell. There's things I don't want him to know. I told a lot of it."

L moved to crouch in front of him, eyes piercing into Dean's. "You do not hide or cover the pain. You confront it, deal with it, and move past to allow yourself time to heal. This is what has your brother so worried. The truth from both of you will confront it. You need to do whatever is necessary to heal everything between you."

"You're worried, Sam? There's been no alcohol. The one time I got scared that there might be a problem, I went to Watari. He can tell you. Girls? There's none here. I thought when I joked about the porn magazines that you realized I was handling without hiding. I've been doing everything I can think of to confront and deal with it. Moving past is another thing. It's the only thing I've got. My past is me. I'm almost scared to completely let go of it. If I do, there's no me. I don't know for sure I'll have a future. School? Business? Family? Hell, all I know right now is they're pipe dreams unless we can change things. I want those things so damn bad I can taste them, but I don't see it happening yet. When I start throwing myself away what happens to the rest of me in the process?"

Sam's voice was firm. "Then we fight for that future. Damn it, Dean, you can't keep thinking negative. It's not healthy."

"Then show me how, Sam, cause I don't know how."

"First, we look into the schools for car design and see about that. I'll finish up with law stuff and also branch into business too."

"Okay. I'm listening."

We can do that while L is searching for the Colt and you're healing. We keep training these guys as well. During that time, we plan renovations on that place to suit our needs.. maybe even a second place near Bobby's too. We get the schools chosen and start getting the plans in shape."

"Okay. Go on."

"You can start writing down ideas for the cars you want to design. I can look into funding and stuff too. We also work with Watari and L, keep ourselves progressing forward health wise. We face the truth."

"All right. Sam, I am not ready to take on all of this and do it. I want to. I need you to be the leader in this. Run with it. I got a lot of shit to take care of, man. My mind is so screwed up right now and I don't want it to be. I hope you can understand that, and will step in and take it on. I want to be well enough to gank Lilith when the time comes. I need help, badly, guys. I want to be normal. I wasn't really wanting to hide or avoid anything. All I wanted to do was get one bunch of crap taken care of before I dealt with more. It's overwhelming."

He tapped Dean's forehead. "You get this straightened out.. I'll do the same on my end and start getting our plans together too."

"All right, Sam." Dean leaned his head back into the left arm, trying to work things out in his mind. Today had been more than he could deal with but he had to, and overwhelming was too small a word to even begin to explain what had happened to him today.

"Just remember I'm here too, OK?"

"Yeah, Sammy."

He gave him a careful hug.

Dean laid his head on Sam's shoulder and leaned into the hug, that's when he broke. The tears started falling, and the sobbing wracked his body."

Sam held him close, letting him vent. It took a while before Dean finally started to calm down. He didn't move, just let his brother hold onto to him. He thought of his mother holding him and it felt almost the same. Someone who loved him held him. It was a rare feeling.

The younger brother didn't let go, simply enjoyed the opportunity to be close to his brother. The hunter felt weak and drew strength from the powerful arms that surrounded him. He knew it was his place to be the strong one but felt such relief to let Sam take on the role for the time being. He felt that a part of himself was gone. He should be frightened, but, with Sam holding him, he knew he'd be safe until he was whole.

Sam kept holding him, feeling that Dean needed this and truth be told, he did too. His brother sniffed, and whispered, "I love you, Sammy, and I need you. I'm sorry to put this on you, but I really do need you."

"I know, Dean, and I'm here. I love you too."

"Something's broken inside, Sam. I don't know what to do about it. Just don't let go."

"We'll fix it, Dean," he murmured.

"Okay, Sammy. Just show me how. I don't know how." Sam felt a lot of emotions go through him when Dean just let go and put his trust in him. Dean needed him. Who would have ever thought that would happen? He held the man even closer.

"L will help us, you know he will."

"I know, Sam, but I need you, too, more than anything."

"And you have me, you know that."

"Sometimes, I doubt, Sam. I don't want to, but I do. Just help me. Please."

"I will," he promised.

L and Watari both realized that Dean Winchester had finally, totally broken. Now the process of helping the hunter heal could begin. Sam would be a pivotal part of this. For the first time, Dean wanted to rely on his brother and trust him. It wasn't an unhealthy need either. Dean wasn't trying to be everything for Sam, but needed help from Sam.

Sam didn't let go, simply rested his head on Dean's, keeping him close to offer comfort, love, and support.

Dean was terrified inside. He'd torn open his soul since he'd been here. Today, he'd faced the possible anger of Sam for all he'd done to him...for what he thought he'd done. Sam had grown past it. Now he had to. Laying himself bare today meant leaving nothing left to tell, really. He knew that. In one way, it was a release, but in the other, he was open to any attack. His covering was gone. He was afraid of that. He stayed close to Sam for protection as well as comfort and need.

The younger brother just murmured reassurances, promises he intended to keep. He would not let Dean be hurt again.

Dean held on to the reassurances and promises. He knew he needed to let his brother know he was scared. This was Sam and him. He whispered softly, "I'm scared, Sam. I got nothing to cover me anymore. I'm laid bare."

"You're not alone in this; I promise you that."

Sam felt a shudder go through his brother. He squeezed tighter, but still protecting the injuries.

They stayed like that for a while, one taking strength while the other gave it freely.

The morning waned and lunch time was coming. Watari had slipped out to tend to it. Dean never noticed the movement, his mind focused on the here and now with his brother. He could never remember this kind of experience, not even with his mother.

Sam kept him close, simply sharing what he could of himself.

L got up to go tend to some things and to let Bobby know that he might consider coming in here and help his boys, without telling him what had happened.

The older man came in, L following, crouching in front of them. "Is there room for one more in this hug?"

Sam looked up at the man who'd been more of a father to them than anyone had. He nodded. Bobby could see dried tear streaks on the younger boy's face. Dean appeared to be holding on for dear life. Bobby looked at Sam, a question in his eyes.

"You know there's always room for you, Bobby."

Bobby, knelt down, and leaned in and hugged both boys. "You all right, Sam?" he whispered.

"I'm worried about him," he answered back.

"What happened to him?"

Sam looked down at his brother. "Dean, do you want me to share with Bobby about this?" He wouldn't do anything without the other's permission.

"He's family, Sam. Don't keep things from him. You guys are all I got."

He nodded and then quietly filled Bobby in on what was going on.

"I'm a little confused here. Dean's pride was all he had. Was breaking him til he had nothing the right thing to do? I'm not judging here, but I am asking."

L answered that question. "His pride was keeping him from facing situations and asking for what he needed. Sometimes, a break is necessary so that the wounds can heal properly."

Bobby thought for a few minutes before responding. "Okay. I can see how that can help. Any ideas on how to put him back together?"

The detective nodded, giving an outline on teaching healthy life skills, coping measures, as well as helping the two work together as a team instead of Dean taking everything onto himself."Well, it sounds good, but from what Sam's telling me here, is Dean has dropped out, L. He's placed it all on Sam."

"This will give Sam a chance to prove to Dean that he can do things without a protector.. that he can be a protector as well. Once Dean heals a bit more, teamwork and trust can be worked on in greater depth."

"You really believe he wasn't learning to cope with what he'd already dealt with? I've seen some major changes in both of them. They were talking and sharing quite a bit. I know he wasn't one hundred percent but the boy's been through hell and back. It takes time to heal. I'm not accusing any one of anything here. I'm trying to understand. I'm not a shrink. Why, if he said he wasn't ready for more, was it forced out of him against his will, as far as I can see here?"

"He was living in fear of discussing certain topics, resorting to methods to hide from that. It had to be done." Sam rested a hand on Bobby's arm. "I trust him, Bobby. He knows what he's doing."

"I know, Sam. I trust him too, because both of you willingly let him do this to help you. My main question right now, does Dean?"

"Ask him, Bobby."

"Is he coherent enough? I've never seen him like this before. He looks afraid, Sam. You take care of him and let's get him healed, because Dean shouldn't be afraid."

"Every person has a right to fear something, Bobby. Dean's been told he shouldn't and it's stressed him out because he fears but can't express it." Sam's voice was soft.

"You think? I've seen Dean fear a lot of things. Most've 'em involved you. That's since he was four years old. The thing he feared most was being alone. Your Dad is to blame for that one. He hid them, but he knew they were there. He talked to me about them once or twice. Not often. He was told never to cry. He cried. Dean's been told to never talk back. At least once, he did. He's afraid of laying himself open. The thought of someone hurting him and not being able to hide behind a shield terrifies him. Dean has fears and he knows them."

"I know that. You know that. Dean knows that. It's time Dean has a chance to experience things without the Winchester expectations hovering over his head. I want him to have fun, Bobby. I want him to enjoy himself and trust me. That shield was destroying him."

Bobby smiled, with tears in his eyes. "You damn well should have said that first. Now I believe you really care about him, Sam. What do you need me to do?"

"Be there for us both, help us when we need it...just what you usually do, Bobby. You're our dad in everything but blood, and we need you. When Dean has healed completely, talk truth with us. He and I will face off and fess up about everything, but not til he's completely well."


	65. Chapter 65

Aftermath of the Session

Bobby told Sam, "All right. It's lunch time. He needs something special today. Take him back outside to that garden. Take it easy for a while. Watari mentioned the class tomorrow. I've got this one. I know what those kids are. L's not much different. I heard there were papers that were to be written. I can take care of the class. You two need a couple of days. Just the two of you."

"Thanks, Bobby. And watch those four.. they drain you fast. It's like they can't absorb the information fast enough."

"Then I had better be ready to do an overload. Now, get your brother outta here."

Sam nodded, looking at his brother. "Let's head to the garden, Dean. Be nice to have lunch out there again, hmm?"

Dean murmured, "K, Sammy."

Bobby leaned down putting his arms around Dean's waist. "Come on, Son. Sam can't get up with you half on him."

Between the two of them, they got Dean to his feet and heading towards the garden.

"I forgot Near, Sam. Don't think I can do puzzles right now. Damn it, Sam. I let him down."

"You also told him that you might be too drained to join him," Sam reminded him.

Bobby touched his shoulder, "I'll let him know, Dean."

The younger one smiled. "It'll be OK. Let's see what Watari fixed for us for lunch. Wonder what new thing it'll be?"

Dean stopped and stared at him, almost confused. Sam watched his mind working through his eyes. Finally, comprehension dawned, and he halfway smiled. "Yeah. Might be something new at that."

That partial smile helped and he grinned back, helping his brother to the gardens. Watari was waiting on them, a gentle look on his face.

Dean quietly said hello, but the old exuberance had not returned yet.

Watari pulled a chair out for the young man. "Enjoy your lunch. I need to check and make sure the boys haven't caused chaos upstairs."

"Thank you, Watari."

He smiled and headed back in. Sam opened the trays and laughed. "Oh, Dean, I think you'll like this lunch." On the trays were big juicy cheeseburgers complete with what looked like homemade French fries.

Dean's eyes actually lit up a little. A real smile appeared. "I never thought I'd see one again"

"Oh yeah. They look delicious, don't they?"

"They cut them like the beef sandwich yesterday. I won't need help eating it. I hope it's real beef."

It was, just a healthier cut of beef that didn't have as much fat in it. The burgers were seasoned to perfection.

Sam watched his brother eating the smaller cut portions, slowly. Enjoying each bite. He'd close his eyes and chewing slowly, a soft smile on his face.

It was good to see that smile, even if it was over something as simple as a burger.

Dean looked across at his brother. "This is nice."

"I think so too."

Several weeks had passed, and Dean seemed to be getting better physically. He was gaining back the weight he'd lost. The doctor suggested that in another week his bandages to protect his shoulder could be removed.

The trio and Sam were highly frustrated. They were the ones who spent the most time with the hunter. Emotionally, he was the same. He wasn't fighting. Sam was beginning to wonder if he'd been right talking to L about forcing the issue with his brother. Bobby told him to give Dean time, but it had been three weeks and nothing was changing. His brother remained quiet, responding quietly. There was no practical jokes, no insane ideas, and none of the crazy responses Sam was used to. Dean was going over every word in his mind before speaking.

Mello walked into the middle of a video game, swearing. "We gotta to do something to snap him out of this. He's driving me crazy! I want Dean back."

Near, who had been putting a puzzle together, said nothing, simply cradling the kitten and robot closer to him. He'd also been given a good report health wise.

"How?" Sam asked.

"I don't know," Mello roared.

Matt shrugged.

Near looked up from kitten and robot, "Make Dean Winchester angry."

Three voices responded at the same time, "What?"

"Dean's instincts have gone into hiding. Sam Winchester promised to protect Dean, true, but what of others? Dean's protective instincts need pushing."

Mello started laughing. "Awake Sleeping Beauty? All right. Who's gonna kiss him?"

Sam murmured something into Matt's ear, who nodded with a frown, and then the younger brother slipped out.

Dean was in the upstairs gardens, reading. He'd finished Doyle and had decided on rereading Tolkien and was towards the end of The Two Towers.

Near looked at Matt. "What did Sam Winchester say?" Matt sighed. "The best way to get his protective instincts moving .Mello, you'll have to target Near."

"Dean knows I have no problems with Near any more, Matt. He's got weeks of anger and who knows what else buried inside of him. He lets loose, who's protecting me from his protective instincts? I might have to hurt him."

"We can get L and Watari to spring into action if we have to," Matt pointed out. "But the only interest he's shown in anyone has been Sam or Near. Even then it's limited."

"When are we doing this, and who's telling L, Watari, and Bobby about this stupid idea."

"We should do it now, do you think?"

"Okay, what's the plan? Where the hell did Sam go?"

"Cover, better Dean angry at the three of us than him," Matt pointed out. "And I think he went to talk to L about the idea." "How do I put Near in danger where that damned hunter will believe it? We've learned tons the past few weeks. One thing I learned, I don't want to cross him."

"Near could find something of yours that's gone missing.. something personal. You could take it the wrong way,' Matt pointed out.

"Nah, Dean wouldn't believe that, but he would believe me getting angry over L giving Near something to do that I wanted to lead. I used to feel that way. He might believe that, but what would I be doing to Near that would wake Dean up?"

"You'd have to go back to the behavior you showed at Whammy's," Matt said and Near nodded. The altercations back at the orphanage had been physically violent.

Mello winced at that. "He'll murder me."

"We try to hold him off, Near can go get the others if it starts to get bad. We got our martial arts."

"Or have L and Watari nearby," Mello answered.

"Do you think they'll let us do this?"

"I have no idea," the blond said, taking a large bite of his chocolate.

"I think we better do this now, or it isn't gonna happen."

L's voice answered. "Indeed. Watari, Sam, Bobby, and I will be positioned to stop the fight before it gets bad."

Dean had all but dozed off due to a boredom his mind refused to recognize as such. He heard the boys enter the garden and kept quiet. He found it difficult to be with people right now.

Mello's voice was aggressive. "Damn it, it's not right! You always manage to take everything away."

Near responded almost too quietly. "Near has not done anything to Mello. Mello just perceives a conflict."

Dean sat up, listening intensely. Mello and Near had a truce, he thought.

"Perceives? Is that why L gave you that and ignored me? I've worked my ass off and you're getting better cases! Shit, this isn't fair and you know it?"

"Mello has had interesting cases as well," Near pointed out.

Dean waited. This could just be an argument. Mello wasn't venting violently any longer.

"Oh yeah? You've gotten serials after serials. I get the fucking shaft in cases. The last one I had was a stupid 89 year old grandma who decided to rob a damn bank." He shoved Near, knowing he'd have to apologize later. "It's favoritism and I wanna know what you did to keep getting the good ones!"

Dean thought, Damn. He got up and started walking towards the sounds the boys were making, figuring he'd have to sit them down and talk to them. He really didn't want to do this, but he was the only adult here.

He went around a corner and found the boys. "Hey, guys."

Mello ignored him, focusing on Near. "Always...ALWAYS...you always take things! You get more attention.. you're always too fucking quiet and still, you get more attention." He shoved him again, and Near tripped. A soft cry came from the white haired teen as his injured area hit first.

Dean panicked at the cry from Near and tried to one arm Mello away from him to help him calm down. "Come on, Mello. You know you don't want to do this. I need to check Near and make sure you didn't hurt him."

The blond made a low scream of frustration. "Near.. Near.. Near.. always fucking Near. What is he.. some sort of sheep to love and crap? How come it's always fucking him?" He went after the other teen again, ready to punch.

Dean jumped Mello, using both arms, bandages pulling loose. He grabbed the boy in a choker hold, his face blood red with anger. "Damn it, Mello. You f*king keep your hands off him. He won't defend himself against you. BUT, I sure as hell can." The hunter stuck a leg between Mello's and soon had the teen on the floor and was on top him, holding the boy's arms above his head with one hand, the other still around his throat. He shook his head by his throat on every word he said. You...ever...go...near... him ….that …..way... again...You'll regret ever being born."

Hands pulled Dean off of Mello before one of the adults went to check on Near. "Everything is fine, Dean," L told him.

"He was hurting Near, L! Let me go!" The emotions were ragged and the voice hoarse with rage.

Near answered him softly. "Near is fine, Dean."

Dean turned and looked at the teen. "What? I heard you cry out." The hunter's mind started whirling. "You don't cry out when you hurt. Why?' He turned and looked at everyone standing there. "Damn it to hell! This was a set up?"

Dean looked at his brother and Bobby. "This was a damn set up!" He turned to leave the gardens and Watari stood between him and the exit. Bobby's voice cut through the anger. "You're not gonna run from it, Dean. That's why you went through what you went through. But, you refused to come back. There's a lot of good in you, boy, and it needs to come back."

L answered as well. "Bobby is correct. You have hidden within yourself for too long."

"You damn well tore me to shreds to get rid of me, so how the hell can you do this? How can you say I've hidden myself? Damn it? How can you want me back?"

"The parts that needed shredding were the anger, the drive to hide your pain by covering it up."

"But, that's all there is, L."

Near spoke up. "Is the Dean that Near knows a lie then? Because Near did not see the Dean that hid behind anger, alcohol, or women. Did Dean lie to Near?"

Dean turned and stared at the youth. "That's different. That was you."

"How is it different, Dean? Explain to Near please because Near does not understand."

Dean had a mass of confusion on his face and in his eyes. "What? Near, I...I ...ahhh,...Near, don't ask me, please. I...guess...I don't have an answer. I don't know."

Confusion was on Near's face as well. "If Dean is only the anger and hiding, then Dean lied to Near." Mello hissed to himself. It was rare to see this much open emotion on the other's face. The white haired teen was almost trembling as he set the kitten down, fingers clenching the robot tightly now. The slender figure exited the room, intent on finding solitude.

Mello growled and turned to Dean. "You just fucked up."

Dean looked at the kitten on the floor and at the door where the teen had exited. He screamed, "NO!" Grabbing the kitten, the hunter ran for the door, screaming the boy's name..

Near was at the elevator, fingers hovering over the call button.

Dean ran towards the elevator and fell to his knees besides the boy. "Please, Near. Don't stop believing in me. With you, I'm human. I don't know why, but you are so special to me, and you bring out the good that is in me. I don't know what that is, but with you it exists. Please, don't stop believing in me." Dean held out the white kitten, tears going down his face.

"Dean is lying to someone.. either to Near or to Dean," the teenager told him.

"I can't lie to you, Near. You don't understand. I honestly don't know what I really am. I only know what I am with certain people. With you, it's different. You're special to me. I'm trying to get this same thing back with Sammy. Near, you don't know my past, what I've been, what I've done, or what's happened to me. It's too dirty to even talk about, but with you, I feel clean. Too much has gone through my brain lately, and has been stripped. At this point, I don't know what is allowed and what's not. I love you, Near. I can't lie about that."

Near's voice was soft. "Dean should understand that what Dean feels around Near, Dean should feel about friends and family. Dean has hidden so long, Dean no longer understands himself. Instead of facing this, Dean chose to hide behind a wall of nothingness. This is why Mello and Near acted as they did."

The hunter doubled over, clutching the kitten to his chest, and a new set of tears started, these would heal. He cried out, "Sammy! Bobby!"

The teen sank to his knees in front of Dean as the other two came tearing into the hallway. "Dean?" Sam's voice was full of concern.

"I'm sorry, Sammy. Bobby. Please. Please forgive me. Near, I'm sorry. Damn it, I've been lost for so long. Help me, please. I'm not sure how to find me."

Bobby and Sam hugged him tight while Near gently wiped away Dean's tears. "Near forgives Dean."

A heartbroken countenance stared up at the teen and a trembling arm held up a white kitten.

He took the kitten, hugging it tightly before giving Dean a hug as well. This was unusual as Near usually shunned contact.

Near was pulled into the family group, Dean refusing to let go for the moment.

The group held on tightly, Near getting a little smushed between the three adult males.

Dean looked up at the two hunters. "Please?"

"You're forgiven, Dean," Bobby told him and Sam echoed the same, hanging on tightly to his brother.

Matt looked at the group and turned to Mello. "You think he hurt his arm doing that? The bandages are all ripped. He really came after you. You okay?"

"I'm fine, worried about Near. He took a bit of a fall," the blond replied to his friend.

"The only one who can get an answer out of him for that has quite a grip on him right now."

"I know," Mello answered.

"Right now, Dean's kinda messed up, but he'll remember Near got hurt. He'll also remember to say he's sorry to you too, Mello. He's like that when he's normal."

The other teen shrugged. "Doesn't matter if he does or doesn't. As long as this helps get him on the right path."

"Come on, Mello. You know it does. You like Dean."

"I do, Matty, but I went into this knowing he'd be pissed at me for it."

Dean started running his hands up Near's injured side. A tear streaked faced looked up at him. "You okay? You got hurt back there. L? Watari? He all right?"

L's voice came from up the hall. "Watari will check him over soon, Dean. And you as well."

"I need to stand, guys. Gotta get up. Shoulder's a little sore, but not like it's been in the past. Near, you get checked out right away. I heard you cry."

Watari went to help the teenager to his feet as Bobby and Sam helped Dean to his. The older hunter looked at Watari. "I can handle bandaging him up if you want to focus on the boy."

The old inventor nodded. "Come along Near."

Dean watched Near leave with Watari. He turned and saw the duo. He headed swiftly towards them.

Bobby and Sam tagged along, staying within range.

"Mello!" Dean singled out the blond, heading straight towards him.

Said teen watched him closely, wondering what the other was going to do.

"I ought to kick your ass for this...but...I can't. Thanks, Mello." An arm went around the boy's neck, pulling him into a hug. The other arm went around his back, holding him close.

Mello hugged him back. "Need to thank Matty too. We were worried about you."

The order came swift. "Matty!"

The redhead stared at him. "Yeah?"

"Don't play that game with me, boy, unless you want the ass kicking Mello didn't get. Now get over here."

He grinned, heading towards him.

Dean soon had both arms filled with the teens, holding them tight. I'm sorry, guys. I've been totally out of it. Thank you for helping me."

"You're welcome," they both responded to him.

Dean finally let both of the boys go and turned to Sam and Bobby. "I guess I need the shoulder checked, huh?"

Bobby nodded. "Yup."

"I don't guess we could leave it off? The doc said one week."

"Lemme take a look at it first and see, OK?"

"Where are we headed? My room?"

Bobby nodded. "Yeah, I think that'll work."

Dean headed towards his room. He looked back at L, and mouthed 'thank you,' turned and pushed the elevator button.

L simply nodded, heading back to his work while Bobby and Sam followed Dean back to the elevator.

Dean leaned against the rear wall of the elevator looking a little pale. He closed his eyes."You all right," Sam asked his brother.

"Man, it's been months since I did anything like that. Made me kind of lightheaded. That made feel sick for a minute. Damn."

"You'll have to start exercising slowly to rebuild your strength," he told him.

"Yeah, but I wasn't planning on trying to rip someone's head off today."

"Very true."

Dean's next sentence made Sam feel good inside. It was an old Dean sentence, for sure.

"Hey, Bobby, would I be a wuss if I laid down after you checked the arm? I think I could pass out here, if I'm not careful. This is crazy. I was feeling fine." There was even a slight smirk on his face.

"Nah, it's expected. Now, let's check that injury."

The hunter sat in a chair and waited while Bobby got things ready. The older man began to slowly manipulate the shoulder checking the shoulder blade and collarbone. Dean winced some. Once he drew a deep breath, but slowly exhaled.

"I think, if you're careful and don't use it too much, we can forgo the bandages," Bobby answered.

"Oh, thank you." Dean stood up, kicked off the slippers, went to his duffel and grabbed a t shirt. He put it on, leaving the robe on a chair, and headed to the bed. I think maybe a nap will help get rid of the dizziness and nausea. I hope you don't mind, guys.:"

"We don't," Sam grinned. "Sleep well."


	66. Chapter 66

The Return of Dean Winchester 

A few hours later, found Dean Winchester, in t-shirt, buttoned shirt, worn jeans, and tennis shoes , heading to the top floor, looking for L.

L was in his usual chair on the top floor, frowning over his laptop.

The hunter sat in a chair across from him, his laptop in his lap.

"Good afternoon, Dean. Tea?"

Dean grinned, "Yeah, I'd like that. I'd like to discuss some things with you, if you have the time."

He poured a cup of tea for the other. "Of course."

"Thank you. I have a number of things I'd like to go over and see where we are. First thing, L, is Sam. I'd like to be able to have him work with me when I do cases for you. It would mean trusting him. Letting him help me learn this computer for one thing. I need an okay and your trust to do this."

"Given the time, I believe I can allow you to have him help you with things."

"Thank you. What about trust issues. How far am I allowed to go with that as far as my brother is concerned?"

"Allow me some time and I will be able to set up guidelines. Will that be appropriate?"

"That would work. I just know that many of these cases won't have involvement with you or the boys. I know I'm supposed to run them. It's just that in cases like that, especially, I want Sam having my back. I just don't want him going in blind on a case."

"The information will return to me, and I will report it as dealt with by agents. Given the nature of the perpetrators, a cover story will be provided. I will also work to clean up your histories."

"Fair enough. I appreciate all that you're offering. Okay, next on the agenda. Crowley. Have you found him? If you have, what's being done?"

"The weapon is on its way to this location as we speak. Crowley was surprisingly amenable to financial compensation for it."

"Does he know what it's wanted for? We're talking about a crossroads demon, L."

"From what I understand, he was quite aware. His words to my agent were 'take it, I don't want Lucifer walking the Earth as I rather like my life at the moment and if he is released, I lose everything.' Are all demons so materialistic?"

"No, if they were, life would be a whole lot easier. No, we get Azazel, Alistair, Ruby, and Lilith to name a few."

"Lilith is now my concern. Sam told me that you had a young man who created a program to track demons. I have had Matt work with that and see if he couldn't improve on it."

"Yeah, weather and natural disasters, strange happenings, and stuff like that. He used all of the information in Dad's journal. Ash was a genius. Matt should be able to redo it or improve on it. It doesn't hunt down particular demons, unless you know their history and what to look for. Lilith likes to be a little girl and do horrible things to her family. Look for that."

"Sam and Bobby both mentioned it to him, so he has added that to the equation. I have full faith in his abilities. After we determine her location, the team will go to handle her. Sam has volunteered to assist us here at base. He knows he cannot go but wishes to be able to help with it any way. Bobby has also offered his aid as well. Mello and Matt also."

L nodded at that. "At the moment, waiting for Matt to finish his program is the best course of action."

"I agree. I need to let this arm get stronger and get my own strength back. Gotta be ready, and I'm still a little weak."

"And have the team train together to get used to each other."

"Exactly, L. There's things to be done, and we need to start preparing now. I can't do anything with the arm for a week. Doc's orders. But I do need to move around more and get my strength back."

He nodded at that. "True."

"You wouldn't happen to have a place I can walk and jog in, maybe do some exercise to rebuild some muscles. I've been laid up for too long."

"Exercise room on the third floor," he told him.

"Awesome! I think I will head there when we are through."

Another nod came from the detective. "As you wish."

L watched the hunter, fascinated. He'd seen Dean exhausted, worried about Sam, guilty, angry, in pain, and broken, but this was a Dean he'd never met. Sam and Bobby were in for a surprise.

"You are much better relaxed," he said softly.

The hunter smiled. "Well, I'm applying all that training you gave me. I've let a lot of things go, L. Still some things I'll have to work on, but I can start a new life, and be me, not what someone else thought I should be."

"Good," he murmured. "Good."

"It's gonna be a change for Sam, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, and Cas. This is the direction I'm going, and I don't wanna look back at the past. I'm trying to kill it little by little and its hold on my life. Can't do that anymore"

"They love you, they'll adapt and help you grow."

"I hope so. It's got to be this way. Sam is on his own except for a big brother, and I guess, Bobby as Dad."

"Give them time and yourself as well," he pointed out. "Humans are slow to change but it can be done."

"Yeah, you're right about that. To be honest, I don't understand humans."

"I try to.""Why? Humans are worse than the monsters I've hunted. They kill their own kind and they do it for all the wrong reasons."

"Ahh.. but if we understand the philosophy and ways of thinking of those, then perhaps change can be enacted.. one person at a time."

"Like Sam and me, I guess."

"Exactly."

"L, does what Sam and I do make us monsters too?"

Dark eyes looked at Dean. "The rare.. incredibly rare.. occasions when humans are harmed, do you enjoy it?"

The answer was vehement, "Hell, no! It hurts bad when someone dies. I don't like it when a body dies after a demon has inhabited them. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. There are other times when someone dies. You save a life and you've done something. You are a failure when someone dies."

"Then you have your answer."

"It's that simple?"

He nodded. "Yes. You wish to save lives. A monster does not do that."

"Well, I'm starting to get hungry. It has to be getting close to dinner time. You wouldn't know where Sam is by any chance, would you? He and I really need to just sit and talk."

"Library," he told him.

"Thanks, L." Dean grabbed his laptop. He headed towards the library, looking for his brother. Things needed to be said. Open, honest, and to the point, Dean wanted to make sure no more problems were going to pop up. He sure as hell didn't want Sam telling L that He needed more counseling. He was not doing that again. He felt whole for the first time and wanted to keep it that way.

L nodded, fingers flying over the keyboard as he focused more on his work.


	67. Chapter 67

Sam and Dean part 1

Sam was working on research for the ideas they'd had for their future.

Dean had entered quietly and stood behind his brother, reading over his shoulder. The ideas for the cabin in the mountains looked like good ones. He knew L had done some work.

"Seems like a good idea," the hunter said quietly.

"Thanks," he'd heard the other enter the room.

"How the hell do you do that? There's no way you should a heard me. That elevator is opening and closing constantly, so I know it wasn't that."

"Certain spots on the floor creak just slightly."

"Sam...Sometimes, you scare me."

He grinned. "You did well training me. So you like the ideas so far?"

Dean set the laptop on the table, and looked at the things Sam had found. "Yeah, I do like it. There's about five bedrooms in the cabin. We can turn one of them into our home office. For internet, we'll probably have to go satellite. I don't imagine we can get anything else out there."

"Matt said the provider they use is reasonable."

"Okay, sounds good to me. When do you think we can start working on this? I mean for real?"

"We can start now, getting plans together."

"Works. What do you need from me? I've no idea what to look for or anything. We ought to take a trip out there, see what L did, and go from there. I still have no idea where the hell we are. Do you?"

"No, I thought it best not to ask given the secrecy L operates in. Not that I blame him. I was thinking we need to see about getting a practice test for ACT and SAT for you."

"Seriously? I got to take tests to get into college? Damn, Sammy, I don't remember you doing that."

"I did...took both of them because some schools accept one or the other."

"Okay, then. How do we do this? Right now, my record isn't so hot. L said he'd help, but I don't know when."

"Right now, there are sites where you can practice to get your skills up. And I'll work with you to brush up on your maths and stuff."

Dean nodded, looking slightly pale, but he did like this new Sam, who made decisions, asked for discussion, then carried them out.

"You're well read, so that's not a problem. We can work on writing too since that will come up and you'll have to write up proposals when you're ready to push your ideas for your new vehicles."

"Yeah, well, I'm not good at that. I haven't tried hard since you left for Stanford."

"I can help you, no problem. I can send you the links to practice that."

"All right, college boy. We can do this, right? You really think I can get through college? It will take a long time because it's online, but that doesn't bother me. You really think I can do the work?

"I do and for several reasons. One, you are stubborn and don't quit. Two, I know you well enough to know you're smart enough to do this and determined. And three...I believe in you."

"You really believe in me, Sam? That's new, man. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I found a couple of schools that would do well for what you're wanting too." He'd kept himself busy today.

"Online? This is great!"

He grinned. "Want to see? I bookmarked them. "Dean was acting like a kid on Christmas morning, anxious to open packages. He slid his chair over closer so he could look over Sam's shoulder.

Sam's smile grew wider as he opened the site for the first school, showing Dean everything the school offered. Dean read everything on the site. Sam was a little surprised but shouldn't have been, and he knew it.

"And here's another I found that's rated well and has everything you need."

Sam watched Dean as he went over ever page on the site, again, looking at courses offered and the degrees. He leaned back. "Sam, a GED isn't worth much when you are trying to get into a school like this. Man, I'm not sure they'll take me."

"I had a friend with a GED that got into an Ivy League school. Since you have your GED, we'll have to get you ready for ACT and SAT."

"So it's studying time now? It can be done when I'm not getting back in shape for this battle to get Lilith."

"It can be done while we're traveling too. We can talk about the subjects, answer questions, things like that."

"That would be awesome, Sam." He grinned. "I thought it'd help."

"Hell, it's fantastic! We can do this."

"I know we can."

"Yeah. Okay, what else have you been up to? I went and talked with L, and thought I would come pester you some."

"Researching this actually and seeing what I need to do to finish my degree and get the business one going."

"What information did you find?"

"One of the schools I showed you offers what I need."

"We could go to the same school?"

He grinned and nodded. "yup.""That would be great, man."

"I think so too; it'd be fun to say we graduated from the same university."

Dean's eyes widened. "I like that."

"Me too. I'm holding off on designing your office and stuff because we really aren't sure what you're going to need."

"I think a good desk, book cases, and maybe a drafting table or something like it."

He nodded. "We'll get it going."

"There's two bedrooms downstairs. I thought we could either share an office or turn them both into offices."

"Well, we can share for starters and then go from there. You'll probably take up a lot of room."

"Sam, you're going to have law books, business books, stuff for buying and selling vehicles. You'll need paperwork for titles and stuff. Filing cabinets galore. You are going to need your own office, and you'll need the bigger downstairs bedroom."

"We could turn the dining room into an office, close it off," he pointed out. "That's a fairly large room too."

"Yeah, it would be big enough for both of us. You could have one of the two downstairs rooms for your bedroom. I don't mind an upstairs. We could keep the other as Bobby's for when he comes to visit. That's if we can't hijack him and pull him out of South Dakota and in with us."

"I think he'd probably be happy to retire from the scrap yard. We can find out and knowing him, he'd be happier than a duck in water helping you build the new prototypes."

"Yeah, and I trust him, Sam. You can't depend on a lot of people to not steal your ideas. Bobby wouldn't. It would be good to have him home with us. We're gonna have a home, Sammy...one of our very own. We've never had that since Mom died."

"I'd like that," Sam told him softly. "Maybe we can add some extra rooms in case we get company."

"I think we could. I'd like to have company." Dean got a faraway look in his eyes, and a rather strange smile.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"What? Oh! Just someone on my mind. It happens a lot actually!"

He chuckled. "Who is the lucky one that you're thinking about?"

"Lisa, Sammy. Lisa and Ben. I can't do anything because of the hunting, but when it's gone.. well, I'd like to see her... a lot."

"I want to get to know them, Dean."

"I used to think I loved Cassie, but it's always been Lisa. When I knew I was going to hell, she was the one I wanted to see. Damn it, Sammy, Ben's got to be mine."

"Dean, even if he's not by blood, he is by heart."

"You saw him. You think it's just by heart?"

"Truthfully, the kid is your double," he said with a grin. "Cuter than you were though," he teased.

"I won't argue with that. He looks like his mom."

Sam chuckled. "We may have to expand the house then."

"Why? There's three bedrooms upstairs. You and Bobby would have the downstairs. Now, if you married, I could see it. There is Sarah, you know."

He shook his head. "I don't know. I have to really get my head lined out first."

"Yeah, maybe. Maybe she could help you line it out. She knows you, Sam. She knows what you do."

"She doesn't know what I did," Sam pointed out. "And to be honest...I'm scared shirtless because I know she wants a family."

"Sam, it's in the blood. We can't do anything about that. Didn't L say something about it being the demon blood that jump started it? I don't think it will happen again, Sam. We know how to protect family. We'll guard our kids. We know the age. We protect."

"How do I know that the blood given to me as a kid and all that I've taken in hasn't done something to me...something that'll pass to a baby?"

"Demon blood don't last, Sam. It only made you realize your powers. Ruby told you her blood did nothing. It was you. Azazel did nothing. It was you. It just made you aware."

The terrified look on his face told Dean that this was a worry that had been bothering him for some time. "Are you sure?"

"It's in the Winchester line, Sam. Mom let Azazel in. That's why she apologized to you at our old house. I guess it could have happened to me just easily, but it was you they wanted, Sam. It was destiny to them. I think we can forget it. Just no more blood. We keep blood away from our kids. All of them. No idea where it could show up again, so we are careful."

"I've been so scared that what I did would have effects."

"The only effects it's had has been on us as brothers. I think that's been dealt with. Don't you?"

He nodded, the look of worry and fear slowly easing.

Dean rose from his chair and went to his brother, pulled him up out of his chair, and hugged him close. "It's gonna be okay, Sammy. Call Sarah."

Sam held him close, needing the hug and comfort from the other. This fear had been on his mind since he'd first learned of the curse in his blood.

Dean felt his brother holding him close, and a weight eased in his mind. Maybe Sam didn't want him as Mom and Dad but he still needed him. Big brother wasn't a bad trade off at all. He could feel the need emanating from Sam, and a single tear flowed down the hunter's face as he held him and let him hold back tightly.

The youngest felt the comfort and strength and simply let go, allowing himself to grieve over everything he'd gone through.

Dean, who had done so much grieving n his life, was grateful that it was him that Sam had turned to, not L or Watari. In a way it was a healing for both of them.

The younger male cried quietly, trying to let everything go.. the fear, the pain.. everything.

His brother held on tighter, not letting go, crying softly with him, but not letting him know he was crying. He wept for Sam's pain, fear, anger, and for the split that had occurred between them. He mourned the lost years where they seldom spoke of anything but the job, not letting each other in. He refused to not let Sam in any longer.

There was so much guilt Sam had shouldered, which had made him so angry at everyone, and now he was finally letting it go. Dean's arms made him feel safe, allowing him this chance to vent.

The hunter understood the need for quiet and strength, and he offered both. It hurt to let go. It hurt to cry it all out. He held on being the comfort that was needed, his heart breaking for his little brother, but he would not fail this time.

Eventually, the tears ran out and Sam just clung to Dean, needing that strength for just a few moments longer. He was grateful for the other's silence and comfort.

The hunter slowly lowered them to the thick carpeted floor, and pulled Sam closer into his lap as he would a child. He wasn't trying to treat him as a child but bring him closer to him for his comfort, letting him lean into him and be able to curl into him if he needed it.

The youngest said nothing about that, just took what was offered as he was still feeling so shaken inside. And the oldest offered, totally, all he was and had.

After time passed, he broke the silence with a voice made rough by tears and emotions. "I got your shirt all wet. Sorry."

Dean's voice was a soft whisper, "The shirt'll dry, Sammy. What happened was way more important than a wet shirt."

"Thank you," he whispered back.

Dean held him close and softly kissed his brother's cheek, not something he usually did. "We're brothers, Sam This is part of what brothers should do. With us, that's how it's gonna be. We do this for each other. Are you okay with it?"

"Yeah, I am" was the soft response as the taller one simply rested against his older brother.


	68. Chapter 68

Dean and Sam part 2

Both brothers felt true peace of mind and spirit for the first time in their lives. Neither realized what it was yet, but time would make it clear. Both took comfort in the other. It was an hour or so later that Watari, looking for them to suggest lunch in one of the gardens, found them on the floor in the library. Dean leaned against a library chair, and Sam was half across his lap, his head against Dean's shoulder, Dean's arms around him, holding him close. Both were asleep. Watari recognized what was probably the first real rest either had ever experienced. They had healed as far as the two of them were concerned. They'd faced the rest, and with this occurrence, would be able to help each other heal from the rest.

The older man smiled at the realization and was pleased, knowing L would be as well. The two were really making strides in regards to their recovery for their mental health and wellbeing.

Watari stood there trying to decide whether to wake the brothers, when Dean felt his presence in his sleep and the hazel eyes slowly opened. He blinked, felt the weight of his brother still in his arms, and a tender smile cross his lips. He looked up at other man.

"Hi,Watari," he whispered.

He smiled, eyes lighting up a bit. "Hello Dean," he answered back quietly.

"Looks like we fell asleep. Been doing a lot of that lately. He needs it right now. Is L needing us?" Watari found it slightly endearing that Dean was not even realizing that he needed the sleep as bad as his brother, and that the hunter's attitude was not parental.

"It's close to lunch, so I was coming to see if you two were ready for that but it seems that Sam needs his rest as well."

Dean sighed softly, "He needs to eat more, but this kind of sleep doesn't happen to us, Watari. Come to think of it, not since I was four, have I slept like this. Sam, I'm not sure."

"I'll keep the meal warm for you both. Come find me when he wakes," he said with a gentle smile.

"Thanks, Watari. I will."

The older man left the two young hunters, and when out of Dean's viewing range, turned to watch. He found a vantage point, where standing, he could keep an eye on the two boys.

Dean gazed down at his brother and smiled, slowly pushing the hair away from his eyes. He leaned down and barely moved his lips onto the spot where the hair had been. He carefully arranged Sam so they both would be comfortable. Leaning back against the library chair, he was soon asleep again.

Under Watari's watchful gaze, the duo would sleep for another hour before Sam stirred, rubbing his grainy feeling eyes.

Sam noticed that they were still on the floor and that he was being held in the arms of a sleeping Dean. He looked at his watch and realized they'd been asleep for over three hours. He looked up at his brother's face and watched in awe for a moment. He couldn't recall a time when the older man had looked this peaceful. It made him look much younger then he normally looked.

He gave a soft smile, grateful for his big brother. Dean had comforted him without trying to be a parent, giving him what he'd needed at the time, and Sam knew he was lucky to have Dean as his brother.

The loss of the Sam's weight in his arms caused the hunter to stir. The hazel eyes opened and he saw his little brother sitting there in front of him, staring at him.

Dean sighed, smiled a soft smile, and his eyes had a sleepy look to them. "Hi, Sammy. Sleep well?"

"I did, thank you," he murmured quietly.

Dean sat up slowly, stretching and wincing as the shoulder responded to the stretching. He had muscles that hadn't been used in a while and they didn't like the stretch. He looked up at Sam, squinting into the light on the ceiling behind his brother. "You okay?"

"Yeah...needed that. Thank you," was the soft response.

"You're welcome. Watari was here earlier. Said to hunt him down when we woke up. He was gonna keep our lunch warmed for us. You hungry?"

Before Sam could answer, his stomach gave a loud growl. "I think I am," he said with a laugh.

Dean grinned and got to his feet, reaching down to offer his brother a hand. "Let's go find Watari." Neither knew the man had stayed and watched over them.

He rose to his feet with help from his brother. "Yeah, before our stomachs try to eat themselves."

Another big grin crossed the older hunter's face. "Watari suggested one of the gardens. That sound okay, or we could go to my room and do more research and eat there. You pick today."

"Garden is good. I think sunshine would do us both some good, huh?"

"Yeah. It would. Let's hunt him down."

Sam nodded, rubbing his face before falling into step with Dean.

"Wanna stop off at my room and clean up a bit first...maybe wash your face to help wake up?"

"Good idea," he answered.

They stopped off at Dean's room, and another unusual change had occurred in the older hunter. "Go ahead. Sam. I can wait a few minutes."

Sam smiled, than went to wash his face.

Dean did a few stretches while Sam was cleaning up. He felt bones popping in his spine and it felt good to move.

The younger brother came back out a short time later, looking a bit more alert.

Dean wrapped him on the head as he passed, "Now you look like someone's alive in there," he teased. Sam found it funny that Dean had to reach a little to hit the top of his head.

He laughed. "Yeah, I'm awake now."

"Good," Dean yelled back from the bathroom. "Nothing worse than holding a one sided conversation and wondering if you are in there."

Another laugh came from Sam. "Like we've not done that before."

"Hell, Sam. It's all we've ever done. Don't want that any more. If we don't feel like talking, we say so and tell the other the truth why we don't. We get mad at each other, we say so and talk it out. Brothers...right?"

"Right," he answered as he waited for the other to finish.

Dean left the bathroom, a bounce in his step Sam hadn't really seen in a long time.

"Let's go! I'm hungry."

He smiled and nodded, falling into step with his brother. It was good seeing Dean so upbeat.

They took the elevator to the bottom floor and found Watari waiting for them with a tray. Dean frowned. "Sam, how does he do that? Damn it, cameras."

The younger chuckled. "I've learned not to be surprised by it, honestly."

"Well, I usually try to not be surprised, but sometimes I forget about it.. like now."

"Yeah, I can see how that'd be easy to do."

"Well, it's damn frustrating cause it makes me look like a fool."

"A bit silly but not a fool," he told him as they followed Watari out.

"I can probably deal with that then. I act silly more often then I should, I guess."

He laughed. "But it's fun."

"Since when, Sammy? You think I haven't seen the anger, frustration, disgust , and plain embarrassment on your face." Dean laughed. "I can't help it sometimes, Sam."

Another soft laugh. "Yeah but it means you're in a good mood, which I really like."

"I guess it's cause I had to grow up so fast. Sometimes the kid finds his way out."

"And he should. I don't mind at all," he murmured.

"Really? He does it of his own accord, Sammy. I embarrass you. I don't mean to do that, you know."

"Nah, it's okay," he said with a smile.

Dean smiled, "I'll remind you of that, Sam. Next time you tell me to cut out the crap."

He laughed. "Deal."

Dean was laughing as he stopped and turned and held out his hand. "A man shakes on a deal, Sam."

He took the hand, shaking it.

Dean grinned, "We better catch up with Watari or we'll have a cold meal." Dean opened the door and followed Sam out. "He probably headed for our usual spot."

"I like that spot so it sounds good to me."

"Yeah, best chairs in the garden. Let's catch up with him. He can really move when he wants to."

He nodded and both began following after the older male. They reached their favorite spot a few minutes behind the older man, but Dean was winded from not having exercised in a while. He was still smiling though.

Sam sank into a chair after helping Watari with the tray.

Dean's grin and the twinkling eyes stared up at the older man. "Watari?"

"Yes, Dean?"

Sam picked up a glass of water and was taking a long drink when Dean answered Watari, "What food that I think I hate am I really going to like today?" He winked at the older man as he said it.

He laughed softly as Sam swallowed the wrong way. "Grilled salmon on a bed of lightly flavored pasta with green beans."

"It doesn't taste like the canned stuff, does it? Never cared for green beans. What's gonna make this better then what I've eaten in the past? I'm learning here, you know." Dean grinned as he said it, as he turned and hit Sam on the back to help the choking.

"Fresh green beans, I promise," he chuckled.

"All right, I'm holding you to it, that it's all good. Is the pasta seasoned in any way?"

"Same seasons I used for the salmon to give it some consistency. I think you'll enjoy it. Excuse me, I need to make sure the boys haven't torn something up by now."

"What the hell are they into? Near involved?"

"Not that I am aware of," he chuckled.

"You do realize they are going to blow something up one of these days?"

Watari grinned. "They've done it before, I wouldn't be surprised if they did again."

It was Sam's turn to grin when Dean got a look of almost disbelief on his face. "Seriously?"

"Never put the three of them in the same chemistry lab," he laughed.

Several times, Dean opened his mouth to reply and closed it. Seeing Dean speechless was rare and Sam enjoyed the moment.

Watari grinned at them and went back inside.

Dean just sat there in shock watching the older man enter the building. He shook his head, looked at his brother and saw the big grin.

"Sorry Dean, it's just rare to see you speechless like that."

Dean stared. "Yeah...but did you?...Did he?...Forget it."

"Forget what?"

"Aw, come on, Sam. Let it go."

"All right," he chuckled and began eating his meal.

Dean could hear him chuckling and muttered under his breath which made Sam laugh all the harder.

It was fun being able to tease and laugh like this, Sam thought to himself as the two of them enjoyed the food Watari had brought.

Dean put his fork down before touching a bite. "Okay. Since you are finding this so funny, is there a joke here I'm missing? Did those three blow up a chemistry lab or is he pulling my leg? With them, it's possible!"

At this, Sam had to quit eating because he had started laughing so hard.

"Knowing him, he's probably telling the truth."

"Then what about those kids blowing something up is so damn funny?"

The fact that Dean had not caught on to what he was laughing about made Sam laugh even harder. He loved it when Dean was dense and didn't catch some off the wall thing that made him laugh.

"It's your reaction to it, Dean."

Dean stared at him, a blank look on his face. "That's funny?" His brother began to scratch his head, and that did it. Sam stood up and walked off for a minute and Dean could hear hysterical laughter from behind some trees.

Sam heard a shout from his brother, "Damn it, Sammy! I can't see what is so funny about how I reacted!"

It took a few moments before the younger brother came back, still snickering on occasion.

Dean was trying to eat, shaking his head in confusion. He would scratch his head every so often, and Sam was trying not to end up beside himself with laughter again.

Watari came out a short time later with fruit and ice cream.

He paused when he saw the brothers. Dean looked very disconcerted, and Sam was almost red in the face striving hard to keep from laughing any further and risking getting his brother angry.

"I believe I have missed something," he murmured, setting the dessert out.

"Sam seems to find everything I do and say to be very funny."

He smiled at that.

Seeing Watari's smile was the last straw for the older hunter, "Would someone please share the joke? I must be real stupid today because nothing seems that funny."

Watari began to explain what it was that had tickled them so much.

Dean just sat there and stared at both of them and it took all Sam had to not start again. Dean looked at his brother and then at Watari. "You dudes... both need to get a life. There's got to be better entertainment out there then me."

The older man laughed at that. "Oh Dean, but you deliver it so well at times."

The blank look occurred again. Again Sam watched his brother opening and shutting his mouth, speechless.

He ruffled Dean's hair affectionately.

Dean looked even more confused but figured retreat was the better course of action, so he reached for the fruit and ice cream, thanking Watari for bringing it. Neither realized that it had finally clicked in the older brother's brain.

"Watari?"

"Where in the building is the chemistry lab? I want to avoid it while I'm here? I hate loud noises."

"Fortunately, we do not have one here."

"Then what in the building does explode?"

"Kitchen," Sam snickered.

Before either man knew what happened, Sam was on his back on the ground, and Dean was straddling him, a knee over each shoulder sitting on his chest and looking down at his face. "Wanna repeat that, little brother?"

At first, Sam and Watari were concerned about what the man was thinking until both of them saw his shoulders shaking as Dean tried to keep from laughing.

"Kitchen is the best place for experiments," he said. "Or don't you remember the stuff I had to do at home as a kid?"

"You might have made it hard to breathe in there, Sammy, but you never blew it up. They are smarter then you. Or are you telling me that being dumber than them kept you from blowing it up?" Dean smirked.

"Probably," he grinned. He knew the boys outclassed him and wasn't afraid to admit it.

Dean stood up and reached down to help his brother rise. He looked winded but not as pale as he had been. He turned to Watari, "I don't envy you. I had enough trouble with one of Sam, but I was a kid at the time." He grinned at the older man, and returned to finish his ice cream.

The old man laughed. "I have a house full of them honestly."

The hunter grinned, As I said, I don't envy you. I still got one Sammy and he's hard to keep an eye on at times."

Said brother smirked. "And damned proud of it!"

"You're talking mighty big for someone who came close to getting his ass kicked a minute ago."

"Yeah yeah...and you know if I didn't drive you a bit batty, something's not right."

"Do you always have to have the last word, Sammy?"

"Like you don't," he teased.

I'm the oldest. I'm supposed to."

He laughed at that. "Near's the youngest of the trio and always ends up with the last word."

"Damn it,Sammy. Near is smarter than them. He's quiet and he thinks before he talks."

"You haven't seen them in a serious debate, have you?"

"They don't do that around me, Sam. They know I can't keep up with that." Dean was quiet a minute. "They debate around you?"

"Once and that was after you went to bed early one night. God, I had no idea three kids could get into a topic like that."

"You understood it? What did they debate?"

"Of all things...fictional versions of werewolves and vampires versus what we taught them." His eyes were wide. "Those guys had done an extreme amount of research."

"Well, you should have been able to keep up with that, no problem, right?"

"Dean, they had gone back into the first documented recordings of both.. pulled out shit I hadn't even heard of!"

"Did Bobby mean it when he said he was going to do the teaching from now on? Not just til I was better?"

"I hope so cause I don't think I can keep up."

"Well, if you can't, I know I sure as hell can't"

Both stared at each other with wide eyes. "We are SOOO screwed."

"If they've come that far, Sam, I won't be able to teach them anything."

Watari laughed. "There is a lot to still instruct. Give it time."

"At their rate of consumption, I don't see how. Bobby's the only one capable of teaching them and keeping up with them. Everything you put in that computer library, I can just about guarantee he's read."

"And the boys and L have probably read it too," Sam pointed out.

"Okay, how much of them have you actually read? Combine the research over the years, and maybe, I've read one-half a book."

"A few.. not as many as Bobby has."

"How do you do that, Sammy? We both study til we drop when we're there. You have some kind of marathon I don't know about?"

"A skill I will teach you, learning how to study and time management."

"Sam, I don't ever have enough hours in a day and you know that. Our life barely lets us get four hours sleep a night, and that's if we're lucky. It's spent driving, research, investigating, hunting, and finding some time to eat, clean up, and looking for the next case."

"Which will stop when we're ready to move on, right? I'll show you then."

"You got a deal, Sammy. Now what the hell do we do?"

A bright smile curved his lips. "We take over the physical aspect of training; Bobby gets the book work."

"That'll work." Dean seemed to relax after that.


	69. Chapter 69

Dean Learns to Take it Slow.

"Speaking of, Near will be observing only for a while," Watari told them. "But L will also be joining Matt and Mello.

"Near was badly hurt. He shouldn't be trying any of that. Are the boys as good as L?"

The older man nodded. "Very close in skill. If you wish, I believe Matt and Mello are planning a sparring exercise in a while. Since both practice different styles, they enjoy working together to try to improve on their individual training."

Dean sat back down. He looked a little pale.

"Are you OK, Dean?" Sam looked at his brother in concern.

"Sam, what do we teach people who have the mastery of at least a fourth or fifth degree black belt in their particular martial art forms? I'm not even one hundred percent, Sam. Now we can take them out and show them how to track, certain tricks for killing different creatures, but we can't teach them how to fight."

"We know street fighting.. dirty fighting. They probably have no experience with that."

"Yeah, and the killing techniques Dad taught us."

"But we have enough control to stop. So we can teach them that."

"Yeah, Sam, we can. I just want to know that Matt and Mello have enough control to stop."

"Then we test them," he pointed out.

"Okay, we test all three of them. L should not be left out. He's smart, talented, and can be aggressive, but does he have the street smarts. We're gonna have to set up for it somehow. I wonder if they have an underground garage or something here. We need some hunter friends or someone to be able to help us set up for attacks. They need to know street fighting before they learn monsters. It would better if there was a ghost town we could go to and them not know what's going on. Being taken by surprise would show us their real capabilities but L can't know. Watari, can you help us with that?"

"Give me a day to think on it and we'll go from there. I do believe setting up a few scenarios for the group to train as a team is a good idea. I could have Sam and Near on the observation posts so that you four can get used to having them guide you."

"Similar observation setup as the last one? Mikes and earpieces? We may need to do the scenarios in different areas. We don't know what she will be trying or where she will be. She really loves being a little girl but she's been using very beautiful women lately."

Watari nodded. "I think I can come up with ideas and training grounds. Better means of mikes and ear buds as well. This way they can't come off during fighting."

"That sounds good. Bobby needs to go to demonology for the time being and have them prepared for that. I've got the knife and L is working on the colt. We can do this, but we have to do it soon before she finds a way into that church. She won't give up. I sure as hell don't want her looking for Sammy. The sigils on the ribs should prevent that, I hope."

"According to Bobby and L, that church is practically impossible for anyone to get into. Castiel even vouched for that."

"Thanks for that info. The past months are a blur in places and it's like coming out of a fog."

"That's what I'm here for. I'm more than just a caretaker," he said with a smile. "Now I'll get to work on some plans with Bobby as it's a team building exercise so you and the others won't know about the situation. No one has an unfair advantage."

"I agree. To work together, we need to take the surprises together to see how it works."

He nodded. "In the meantime, the four are on the third floor. You two may want to pay a visit."

"Yeah, good idea. Oh, Watari? Kitchens are on the ground floor, right?" Dean winked and headed towards the entrance of the building while Sam and Watari stared after him.

"I have a feeling I will have to watch that carefully," the older man chuckled.

Sam chuckled and hurried off to catch up with his brother, joining him before he reached the entrance.

The two headed to Dean's floor and quickly found the four geniuses. Near was stretching as best as he could with his injuries while L was supervising a sparring match between the other two younger ones.

The brothers sat close to Near and watched the sparring. Dean touched Near on his leg and asked him how he was feeling.

"Near is improving. Certain areas are slower to heal and will take time before Near can resume normal activities. stretches and slow Katmai are all the doctor and L will allow for now."

"Yeah, you take it slow. I'll be hitting your workout center today and every day from now on. Got to build quickly if we're going after Lilith."

"Dean will not overdo it and cause harm?" "What harm can I do, Near? Just got to gain strength and tone up muscles that haven't been used in a while."

"Rushing to regain strength can cause old injuries to flare up," he said matter of factly.

"Well, I don't have a trainer, Near, and Lilith isn't gonna wait around for me to get better. I don't think it's me she's after. She's after Sam to kill her. At least, I don't think she's after me. She already got what she wanted out of me by sending me to hell. I don't believe all of that prophecy so there you are. I argue about it sometimes, but me stopping the Apocalypse from happening? If I can kill her, then I'll believe it"

"Just be careful," he murmured quietly.

"Okay, Near, I'll try my best."

White hair flowed over pale cheeks when the teenager nodded. "That is all Near asks."

"That's fair enough."

Another nod was given as Near resumed stretching. Sam noticed that L and the two teens were keeping an eye on the smaller genius, which told him that they were a bit concerned about his recovering injuries. As tiny as the boy was, he could understand that.

Dean did not go far from Near either. Both men watched the two teens spar, paying close attention for any weaknesses that could harm them on the streets. Dean's attitude about martial arts was it could give too much confidence and leave someone open to attack from a simpler means.

However, the two teens actually went beyond martial arts at times, taking advantage of any openings they could find between each other. There were times when L would stop the spar, point out mistakes, then have them fix it.

Sam watched but paid attention to his brother also. Dean's alertness in watching was intense. Sam couldn't blame him. He wasn't the one facing Lilith with them.

Near occasionally would make a comment about what he was seeing, then called out when Matt's footing was off. The red head flashed him a grin and adjusted.

Dean noticed that Mello left a part of himself open when he did a side kick. In a fight with multiple opponents on the street, he could get hurt. He got up and walked into the sparring area. L saw him approach but said nothing. Mello was not leaving any protection for his back and side by doing the kick and not turning quickly enough to guard it. He stood by the boys, watching. When Mello did the kick again, Dean suddenly moved and took him from behind, both of them going down. Dean whispered softly to the blond, "Move a little quicker out of the kick so this doesn't happen. It's a damn good kick otherwise."

The blond nodded, looking at Matt. "Again," he said as he climbed back to his feet, adjusting to cover for what Dean had seen.

The older hunter walked back to the others. He looked winded. "Damn, Sammy, gonna have to do something. That shouldn't have been that hard."

Near looked up at him before Sam could answer. "There is a gym next door to this. Near suggests treadmill first to help with wind."

"Yeah, I'll head over. Wish it had a small track though. I don't like not going anywhere when I walk or run."

"Use the remote first. There is a television in front of it. Dean can choose scenery to watch or simple shows or movies."

"Thanks. You okay, Sam? I'm gonna walk."

"I'll be fine. Go have fun."

Dean walked to the gym and entered, looking around. It was marvelous. He found the treadmill. There was a big screen TV in front of it. He looked at was available and picked the roads and trails on Maui. He set the treadmill for slow at first and kept at it, slowly building. He'd been walking for well over an hour and had hit medium high speed. At this time Watari had come in to check on the sparring and asked Sam where Dean was. Both realized that an hour was a long time for the first time and they headed to the gym.

Sam went in first and spotted a grin on his brother's face. "I think he likes your set up."

"Yes, to the point that he has been walking for over an hour and he has not been exercising in a couple of months. I wonder if he'll be able to stand when he lets of go of the treadmill?"

"You get one side, I'll get the other. Just in case." He headed towards his brother. "Hey Dean!"

"Hey, Sammy! This is really like walking in Maui, man. Awesome! They finished out there? Didn't last much longer, did they?"

"You've been here an hour," he said with a grin. "Looks like you had fun."

Dean frowned. "An hour? Are you sure? That's too long for a first time, Sam. I shouldn't have been able to do that and stand up. Damn. Can holding onto the treadmill to keep steady on it, keep you going?" Dean started slowing the machine down and his grip grew tighter. Sam knew he was concerned but trying not to show it.

"We're in position if you want to stop. Watari and I can help."

"I promised myself I'd do this slow so I could rebuild strength. Hurting muscles is not the way to do it. Slow was too slow. I ended up on medium high and it seemed fine. But the slower I lower this machine to the slower speeds the more wobbly my legs are getting. Sheesh! This ain't good. I gotta walk." Dean gave a sarcastic laugh to his own remark.

Sam and Watari were waiting for it to stop so they could help him keep to his feet.

The machine finally stopped and Dean stood there, holding himself up by the grips. Watari told him to let go, but he had his hands down, gripping hard, trying to regain some control over legs that no longer wanted to hold him up. Sam thought he heard some soft curses.

Finally the hunter released and tried to step off the machine and he went down face first. Sam and Watari managed to catch him as he threw his arms out to brace against a fall, both men worried about the hunter's shoulder if he did catch himself.

Between the two of them, they managed to get Dean back to his feet. "I think some stretches and a soak in a tub will do you some good," the older man said. "How do you feel?"

"Not winded. But I could walk better drunk then I can with this. Yeah, stretches should have been a priority before I walked and after, huh? I've never worked out before. What I've been, I've always been. It's just the job. Hot tub sounds good too. What kind of stretches do I need to do?"

Watari told him what he needed to do, giving him a mild lecture on taking care of himself.

Again, Sam was surprised to hear Dean say, "Yes, Sir."

Watari supervised the stretches and then he and Sam took Dean back to his room, making sure a good bath was drawn for the other as well as a mild pain reliever.

Dean soaked in the tub, sighing as the heat eased the muscles. He looked at the pill and then at the older man. "I thought I was through with these? You think it's really necessary? If you say it won't hurt me, than okay. I just don't want to be addicted to something."

"It's Tylenol," the older male told him as he tidied things up.

"Watari, is my mind ever going to be normal after the crap that happened? One minute I can think and see what needs to be done and the next I can't tell the difference between a prescription pill and an aspirin. And walking an hour, man. This is frustrating."

"You're steadily improving even though you don't see it yet. Give it time. Sam and the others, including myself, will help you through it."


	70. Chapter 70

To Know the Truth and All the Truth

"Look, I know that shit with Ruby and all got me hurt bad a couple of times. I've dealt with that kind of thing a lot of times. Is it the dealing with things that's messed me up? If that's it, then why hasn't Sam had the same problem?"

Sam piped up from where he was sitting. "I have actually. You didn't see me until I was a lot more stable."

"But I did see you, Sam. Not a whole lot at first, but we faced off the day after you forced me to come face you. We were always watched. Is that why we didn't see as much of each other?"

"I was majorly off my rocker," he admitted. "I didn't know where I was, when it was...everything was scrambled."

"Before you called me that night? The blood addiction? I can understand that, Sam. What is causing mine? I don't have an addiction. I was afraid I might but I don't."

"You still had a lot of trauma to face, which can cause confusion as well," Watari told him.

"Okay, but haven't I face it all? Please tell me I've faced it all."

"From what I can tell unless you have been hiding more from us," he told him.

"Hell no. That thing you dragged out of me last is all I know of. I can't remember anything else. I swear it. So why the hell am I still having confusion like this? Sam seems okay."

"Actually, he's had a few bouts as you have as well. At the times it happened, you were in deep with other things and we didn't want to worry you further."

"What other things were more important than this happening to Sam? He's family...my brother."

"Can you change it when I had an issue then? Dean, I love you but at the time, your health was more important," he reassured him.

"What about my health was more important, Sam. I wasn't dying or anything. We both had problems, so you can't use that against me. My shoulder? Was it that some of the things I faced made me a higher risk or something? I'm not mad here, but I am frustratingly on the not knowing side here."

Sam reached over, rubbing his shoulder. "Your emotional health, Dean. I want my brother healthy. That's more important to me."

Dean grabbed a towel and carefully got out of the hot water, hitting the drain release. He toweled off, and grabbed the boxers and tee that he brought with him. Heading into his bedroom, he sat in one of the recliners but did not lean back.

"Would you two sit down, please?"

The two nodded, taking a seat.

"I'm not trying to harp on things or dig up the past here. It's just that Sam has faced the same things I'm facing, only I wasn't told. I just want to know what it was that was so bad about my mental or emotional health, whatever the hell it was, that made it dangerous for me to know. I have a right to know. What things that happened to me made me unable to deal with Sam? I want specifics. Can't have been everything. It had to be particular ones that I was dealing with at the time."

Watari held up his hand. "Only if Sam agrees, Dean. We have not shared anything with him that you have not."

Sam sighed. "Dean, it was the fact you didn't need more stress. Not that it was horrible. Just that the stress would've been too much considering that you had a full plate and then some to take care of."

"Don't pull the stress crap on me, Sammy. I'm not stupid, okay. I've lived under stress my whole life. More then you can possibly imagine. Okay? Watari said only if you agree because they have not shared anything with you that I didn't share. Well, somebody tell what it is I didn't share or I did and you thought was too much. Just quit pussyfooting around it. I'm not some delicate flower here. Okay?"

Another sigh. "When you're under serious therapy, yeah stress can cause major problems. It was L and Watari's decision, Dean. All it was is that I got confused about times and dates...there were days I was so out of it, I thought I was back at Stanford."

The hunter's face stiffened, his eyes closed for a second and his lips became a straight line. His body shook for a second and he sighed deeply.

He spoke only one word, and they barely heard it, "Okay."

Watari looked at him. "Tell us what you're thinking, Dean."

His voice was bitter and filled with pain. "I'm thinking that I made such a effing mess out of my life that I didn't recognize that my brother had an addiction, and even after I was getting help, I was no use to him either. I'm a damn screw up. You didn't even want to tell me now."

Sam stared at him. "The mess was started by Dad. I hid the symptoms as much as I could, Dean, and given all the shit you went through, no one would blame you for not seeing it. You're not a screw up. Don't make me thump you."

"You're my brother, Sammy."

"And you're mine, Dean. You were in no shape to hear that I didn't know where the hell I was. I'm glad they didn't tell you because I wanted you to heal."

"Okay."

"It doesn't mean you're a screw up, got me?"

"Yeah, okay, Sam." The topic change was sudden and a little surprising. "Are we expected to do anything this afternoon?"

Watari's voice was soft. "Just relaxing while I get the exercises put together."

Dean nodded his head, "Sounds good. Maybe I'll lay down a while and see if these muscles will feel better. Ease them a little."

Sam stared at his brother in anger and looked at Watari and mouthed, 'He's lying.'

The older man frowned. "Dean, why are you hiding from us?"

"Hiding? Me" I thought that I'd been damn open with all of you. When I wasn't all of you saw to it that it got ripped out of me, so don't you dare accuse me of hiding anything! We've been talking for weeks about what we'd been going through and I didn't hide anything. Hell I volunteered a lot of it. Sam knew all of it cause I told him. The hiding is on the other side, okay. I had a right to know. Sam was going through hell, too, and he didn't know where or when he was? Hell, I was never that bad, but it was okay for him to know the worst about me? Even now I have to pry things out. Why? I wasn't as stressed as he was."

Sam ducked his head. "It wasn't until recently that you were steady enough to talk to about it. Honestly, Dean, I'm trying to share about everything with you. I am. Do you think I like knowing I was so effing out of it because of coming off the blood?"

"Do you think I like the idea that what I did put you there?"

"You didn't do anything. I was the one who did it!"

"Yeah, I know. I know you lied to me over and over about the blood, the powers, and, most of all, Ruby. I know you didn't think I was the same man and you had to have the blood to do what was my job. I know that. You told me enough, okay. It's not my fault. Well, there you may be right. You may be wrong. There's no way of knowing for sure, Sammy, whether I could have done that job or not, but I did the one here. I did it fine, without the alcohol and the women. I know I'm not at fault, Sam, in my head, I do, but I still do with my heart sometimes. You told it over and over you didn't need me because I was a wuss and you were stronger than me. Course that was blood talking. To get past this crap, Sammy, we agreed no hiding things. I'm not hiding. You say I wasn't ready til recently. When was recently, Sammy? An hour ago?"

"Just a few days, Dean."

"I was in there, Sam. I couldn't deal with you guys thinking there was something else wrong and doing something like that to me again. I just became what you wanted."

He ran fingers through his hair. "Tell me you're not acting now, please."

"No, Sam. I'm not acting, cause I want to kick your ass so bad for hiding this stuff from me that it's killing me inside.. I want to be brothers. I'm dealing with crap right now and I don't know why, but I don't believe that knowing you'd been having problems and telling me you're fine is really going to make my problems go away, do you?"

Sam stared at him. "You haven't told me about the breakdowns during your sessions with L and Watari...god, I'm sorry. Okay? I am sorry."

"I didn't go into detail over them, Sammy, but I told you a little. Hell you watched a video tape of one of them. You saw my head and my hand when I tried to ram them through the walls. If I didn't tell you, then how the hell did you know I had breakdowns?"

"Logic, Dean. We're both dealing with a lot of crap...I had them too."

"Sam, we promised each other no more lies. When I knew I had some problems with things, it was today. I asked questions. I didn't hide it. I included you. I didn't lie. All this time we've been telling each other the truth, were you?"

"Yes, Dean, I have been," he told him.

"How long did it take to get over the problems I'm now having?"

"I still have it on occasion," he said softly. "I wanted to ask you about it later today."

Dean's voice was just as soft, "So when I asked you each day if you were okay, it wasn't always true when you said yes?"

"No, at the time I was okay."

"Oh, Sammy."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't like it. I don't like not trusting myself."

"Watari, there's going to be flashes at times. We're family. Okay? I don't want to start this crap all over again. We got a hunt to do. Just tell me why I'm having these strange lapses because I've honestly been doing better since that fight with Mello. I know there are still things that are painful, but I'd been dealing fine. I just want honesty here. Sam, when I ask how you are, it doesn't mean that minute and you know that."

He nodded. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

Watari frowned. "Basically, the brain is trying to rebalance itself. All the stress, dependencies..it changed the brain chemistry."

"I thought they had to give people drugs for that. It can be done without them? That's good to know."

"That is what we're trying to achieve," he said.

"Then we work on it while we prepare, do the tests and stuff." Dean rose from the table, his legs still wobbly, "Sammy?"

"Yeah Dean?"

Dean couldn't think of any words, he just held out his arms, tears falling down his face.

Sam hugged him tightly. "I love you. Never doubt that man."

"I love you so much, Sammy. I can only say this once. I can't do lies anymore, man. Please."

"I hear you, big brother. We'll make it. I know we will."

Dean nodded, "Sam, if something is going on you can't tell me, then just say there are things you can't talk about right now, but you didn't want to lie to me. Okay?"

"Deal.. you do the same too."

"Yeah, Sammy, cause I can't keep doing this. There's been too damn much. I need you, Sam. You have to have my back."

"I have it, Dean. Always, you know that."

"If you can still believe in me, I can in you."

"Dude, you're like the top of my list of people I believe in."

The look on Dean's face was so hopeful, and almost fearful, "Really, Sammy?"

"Oh yeah," he said, tearful as well.

Dean held him close again, his face buried in the taller man's neck, as he choked out, "Thank you, Sammy." The tears wet Sam's neck. Sam finally realized that his faith in his brother meant a great deal to the man.

His grip tightened. "You're welcome, Dean," he murmured.

Dean finally pulled away, wiping the tears from his eyes and off his face with his hand. How many times had Sam seen him do that and never really understood. Dean shook his head, trying to clear the emotions and noticed Watari sitting there. He look at Sam and gave him a sweet smile and motioned to the chair he'd been sitting in before.

"Well, when are the sessions starting back up? I know I've screwed myself royal, right?"

Watari smiled back. "Why don't you go chat with L when you feel ready."

Dean looked at the older man. "They are gonna start up again? Does he have the cameras on in here?" Dean shook his head. "Man, I'm having a chemical problem but it doesn't mean I've got psychological ones right now. I was upset that Sam was having problems and I wasn't told the truth. Y'all were expecting things from me. It would have been nice to know what to look for instead of getting panicky because something happened and I didn't know what it was. I might as well go see him now and see how he wants to do this. I'm guessing Sam doesn't need to because he acted normal? Right?"

"No, I'm going to talk to him about handling it while you work with L."


	71. Chapter 71

Dean's Truths

Dean got up, grabbed a pair of sweats and put them on, took off the robe, and walked out barefooted...stopped, turned and asked, "Why are we waiting til now to deal with this?" He turned and headed to the elevators.

Watari nodded, taking Sam to a private location to work on this issue.

The hunter did not want to bump into Bobby or the boys on the third floor, but he knew there were cameras everywhere. He was pretty sure that with the knowledge of what was coming, that L had the cameras in his room on. It irritated. All of it irritated and for once, Dean was angry. The indoor garden is where Near most likely was. He took the floor to the library. He exited the elevator and took in the quiet of the floor. He stood there. "L, you here by any chance? No? Well I am." He found a comfortable chair in an alcove.. and waited."

The dark haired male padded in a short while later, handing Dean a cup of tea before sitting down. The hunter took the tea, grateful for it, and took a sip. He said nothing, but his hazel eyes kept an alert look on the detective. L knew he was dealing with an entirely different Dean Winchester. This one was more of the man he should always have been. He would wait L out.

"You are having some issues you need to discuss?"

"Honestly, I was hoping you'd tell me why I'm having them at all. Why I wasn't warned that I could have them?"

L was quiet for a moment, contemplating the question. "To be honest, I was unsure as to how your brain would react. Some people can go through this and not have the issue."

"It doesn't seem to be real serious stuff, although I'm gonna hurt like hell for a few days. I'm not as coordinated as I need to be. I hope as I work out that it will come. I at least know when and where I am. Would've been nice to know Sam couldn't. Course I understand. I was still too crazy to deal with it, right?"

"You weren't crazy, just dealing with things and had too much to handle."

"It would help me a great deal, L, if someone would just tell me, where in my handling process I was when this total breakdown happened to Sam. Was it one of the rapes, or my dad, my mom, or Azazel and hell. Where was I? What was so bad that I couldn't help my brother?"

"The rapes," he murmured. "You were dealing with that and your father at the same time. You were too far into the process to handle anything more, Dean. I made a call and even now, I feel it was the right thing to do."

Dean was quiet for a while, he sipped the tea, and L watched the shaking hand slowly steady. The hazel eyes stared up at him, they glistened from unshed tears. He spoke softly, his voice a little hoarse, "Well, you made the right call. If Sammy had been added at that time, I'd have probably tried to end it all. It honestly would not have been the first time I'd contemplated it. The fact that they needed me, it kept me alive. It wasn't really living, but I was here."

He nodded. "Things will balance in time, Dean."

"I realize this, and I can accept it, but there's one thing I can't accept. I won't be lied to, L. I told Sammy, if you have a secret to keep, then tell me you can't talk about it but don't tell me everything is okay. He's been doing that. Tried to say he was ok when I asked. It was bad when Dad lied to me all those times, man. Sam has been lying to me for a long time. Can't do that anymore. Okay? He's got to understand that. I've reached the end of my rope and I'm hanging on by a strand right now. I need to trust him. He's my brother, L. I do not want codependency here, I want trust. I need one damn family member I can believe in."

"Watari will handle that. I'll make sure of it," he promised.

"I also need something from you and Watari, L."

"What is that, Dean?"

"I want you to believe in me."

"Dean, if I did not, I would not be putting my heirs into your hands nor myself. If I had not believed in you, you would have been referred to a trusted psychiatrist for both of you."

"When I had a problem today, what did I do when I recognized something was wrong?"

"You told us," he said softly. "or at least told Watari and Sam."

"I would like it very much if you would believe in me enough to trust me to know there is a problem and come to you with it. I feel that I should have been warned that something odd could happen. That's all."

"As I said, there was only a probability this would happen but as you wish, I will make sure you are told if anything else could happen." He pulled a folded paper out of his pocket, handing it to him. "These are other potential side effects, nothing drastic."

Dean looked at the paper and then at L. "You intended to give this to me? Before I asked?" He nodded, sipping his tea. "Yes."

Dean opened the paper and said, "Thank you." He started reading it. Many were nervous tics , but one stood out to him. His brows raised and his eyes widened. "How were you intending to deal with an intense ummm well, an intense sexual arousal if it happens?"

"I'll have Mello share his collection with you," he said.

Dean's head jerked up, "What!"

"He thinks I do not know, but he has a bit of a pornography collection. I am sure he could lend a DVD for you to watch to stimulate your imagination."

L got to experience Dean Winchester at a loss for words.

The detective simply sipped his drink.

If I get that problem, I'd rather go out."

"As you wish," he said.

"Okay. Fair enough." A sudden thought occurred to him. "Who will be body guarding me?"

"In regards as to if you need to relieve yourself? I have not anticipated that as of yet."

"O...kay."

"We shall see."

Dean thought of Lisa wistfully and sighed. He hoped the arousal didn't occur. He really wasn't interested in another one nighter. He wanted so much more. Not until he had something to offer. L wondered what had just caused the strange expressions on Winchester's face. They looked too private to probe. He could ask Sam and wondered if the younger Winchester would even know. Being who he was, he approached the subject.

"What is it that troubles you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The look on your face," he answered.

"I imagine I get a lot of looks on my face, L. I don't know what you mean?"

He told him what he had seen.

There was a warning in the voice as Dean spoke, "That's private."

"And it is also troubling you," he pointed out.

"This may be hard for you to understand, but there can be things in a man's life that are troubling that have nothing to do with mental problems."

L gave a slight shrug. "As you wish."

Dean's voice was slightly sharp, "Yeah, I do. It's private." His hand holding the tea trembled some.

He nodded, sipping at his tea again.

He noted the look of pain that went across the hunter's face as he lowered his gaze back to the folded paper.

"If you wish to speak on it later, you know where to find me," L said looked at L, his eyes red, the misery so thick that L felt that it could be cut with a knife if that were possible. "I appreciate the offer, L, but there's not a damn thing you can do on this one. If you asked Sam, he'd tell you to let it be."

He nodded. "I will tender one piece of advice. If it is this important to you to make you feel so unhappy, then confront it."

"Oh I want to. More than you could possibly know, but my situation is such that I can't do that. Hell, I told Sam the same thing. Maybe one day, I can...if it's not too late."

"Your situation will change soon enough," he pointed out. "Sometimes not being a hunter isn't enough."

"But you are taking steps to help your situation improve. You have goals."

"I do and this is one of them, but I have to have something more to offer then goals to attain this one. At least, in my mind I do."

"Don't set your limits so high that you find it insurmountable."

"I'm pretty sure this one may already be. It's more a dream then a possible reality for me."

"Dean, find out before you write it off."

In frustration Dean opened up without realizing what he was doing. "Really? Just find out? Go tell her I love her and I have nothing right now to offer her or the boy. Oh and by the way, I think you lied. I think he's mine! You tell me how I do that." The hunter walked out.

L called out. "I can determine if this child is yours easily enough, Dean. However, you are thinking of it the wrong way."

Dean returned. "I told her I couldn't stay because it was dangerous for her and the boy. I tried to ask again if he was mine and she no. I let her know I regretted that. I wanted him almost as much as I wanted her. How am I thinking wrong?"

"Tell her the truth. You are leaving hunting at a specific time and will be improving your future. Lay out your goals.. college, business.. that you have a backer. Tell this person you want her to be a part of this. Ask for a chance."

"The pain in the hunter's voice was sharp, "I can't. She moved and I don't know where she is. She's protecting him." This time the he didn't return when he left.

The detective followed him. "You have forgotten something."

Dean leaned against the wall waiting on the elevator. "I know you know everyone, but I've been looking. Her friends don't even know where she is. I contacted her family and they don't either. They blame me. She's changed their names. She doesn't want to be found, L" The elevator opened and Dean walked in and pressed his floor.

He put his hand into the door, stopping it from closing. "I am also the world's greatest detective.. a title I hold three times over. I can find her."

Dean looked so miserable and there was no hope in his eyes, but he gave their names to L. The elevator door closed.

L went straight to work, determined to find this person.


	72. Chapter 72

Heartache and Understanding

It was late afternoon and a thunderstorm was brewing outside. Dean could hear the thunder booming near the building. Lightening flashed and he could see the light flash in streaks behind the drapes. He kept the lights turned off and went and threw himself on his bed. He let the tears flow, his heart breaking.

There was a soft tap on the door a short while later.

Dean's voice was a soft whisper amongst the sounds of thunder that shook the building. "Yeah?"

"May Near come in?"

"Yeah, Near. Come on in."

He came in, carrying a small tray. "L told Near that Dean was not feeling well. Near enjoys hot chocolate during weather like this and thought that maybe it might help Dean."

"Just set it on the table, Near. I'll be right there. Dean grabbed a tissue and blew his nose. He got off the bed and walked over to the table and sat down. "Thanks, Near. It's a bad day to not feel right."

The white haired teenager handed him a cup of hot chocolate. He had added whipped cream and chocolate shavings to try to help cheer his friend up. Afterwards, he curled up beside Dean, sipping at his own cup.

Dean took a sip of the hot chocolate and licked sprinkles and whipped cream off his lips. "It's good. Thanks."

"Dean is welcome," he murmured quietly.

It was dark in the room and both appeared more like shadows to each other. Every once in a while Near heard a sniffle or a light stuttering sob come from Dean's direction. He knew the man was crying.

Near set his cup down, then took Dean's and set it aside before crawling into the other's lap. He was not one for touching but knew having someone to hug might help.

Dean realized the sacrifice Near was making, and put his arms around him and gently held him. Near could feel him trembling and the soft sounds of crying could still be heard. It was almost as if the man was ashamed of having his heart breaking inside.

Small hands gently wiped away the tears.

The small touch was all it took. Dean broke in two. The sobs came louder and his body shook hard.

The small touches continued, trying hard to comfort the other. This was not Near's forte, but the teen was trying very hard to help.

What the young teen could not understand was Dean felt as if he'd lost everything that mattered and could bring happiness to him. He was mourning what he felt he could never have. They were gone. Heaven knows where. Heaven really didn't like him right now. He didn't know how to stop the crying. It was like a broken dam.

He kept up with the comfort, holding him gently.

Dean held on for dear life to the young man, knowing he couldn't find comfort, but was so grateful for Near's closeness. He felt drained, listless, and the pain continued. He cried.

Near did all he could. He really wasn't equipped for things like this but was trying his best to help Dean.

Watari and Sam had had a good talk and it had been beneficial for Sam. They were heading down the hall discussing supper when Matt approached.

"Near's been with Dean for a long time, Watari."

Watari frowned. "Is everything all right?"

"I don't think so. L came in and took up one of the main frames to find some woman and her son who had moved and changed their names. Dean is devastated. I saw him go towards his room. You'd think someone had died. Near took hot chocolate well over an hour ago."

Sam flinched. "Shit."

"Is this important, Sam? Do we need to help him?"

"It is important, but I'm not sure what to do. If L can find her...then it'd be a start for Dean."

"He loves this woman, I assume? The boy?"

Sam nodded. "I believe so."

"L must have touched something to bring it out of him. It must be a pretty raw spot? If so, we need to calm him down and give him time. Matt, get my medical kit and meet me at Dean's room. Sam? I am going to give him a pill I gave him the first night I met him. It has no drugs in it but it will help him sleep. Sleep heals and right now, he needs to gain control over his emotions."

Another nod came from Sam as Matt ran to retrieve the kit. "As long as it helps calm him down."

"It will help him sleep and that's what he needs right now. Near is not capable of coping with intense emotions. I need to get him out of there. Dean needs you."

He nodded again. "All right. Will Near be all right?"

"I believe so, but I want to avoid traumatizing him. I will send him to L right now. We need to take care of Dean and then I can take care of Near" They met Matt at Dean's door and opened it. The room was dark and they could hear the man crying. Watari went across the room and turned on the table lamp, adding light without blinding the room.

Near's eyes were huge as he kept hugging the other, trying so hard to comfort him. He really was uncomfortable and confused but wasn't showing it.

When Watari saw Near in the man's lap he realized that this was not Dean's fault nor was it Near's. Near had sought to comfort, not understanding what Dean was suffering. He reached in and removed Near from the hunter's lap. He took the med kit from Matt and motioned to him to remove Near. "He mouthed "L"

Sam knelt down in front of his brother. "Dean?" A red, blotchy face looked up at him.

"Sammy? Thank God. Someone take Near? Sam, L wouldn't really let it be. He got me upset, asking a lot of questions. I told him I had nothing to offer. I told him everything to make him stop, but he kept telling me I needed to do something. So I told him what I hadn't told anyone...not even you, Sammy. I've been looking for her for a while, and I can't find her or Ben, Sam. She moved, changed their names. I've spent so much time being cussed out by her friends and family because they knew my name. They blame me because none of them knows where they are, Sam. No one. I feel sick."

Watari knelt down beside him. "Here, son. Take this." He handed the older brother a pill and a glass of water. He drank the water down. "Let's help you lie down. I usually sleep well during storms. Do you? Sam?"

"Sometimes, yeah. When I was a kid, I didn't and Dean would tell stories and stuff to help me relax." He heard Near pad out, grateful that the boy had made sure that his brother wasn't alone.

They helped a confused Dean to slowly get up and go towards the bed. The hunter started to turn to try to throw himself when his younger brother picked him up and laid him down on the mattress. Watari started arranging blankets and pillows.

"It would be nice to have a brother who watches over you so protectively, Sam. You are blessed."

"I think I am," he said with a smile.

"Yes, Sam, I believe you do think so. Sometimes listening to the thunder, the winds, and the pouring rain is like a hearing a symphony. You should never have to listen to it alone. You need someone close to you when you hear it. Sharing it with someone you love and who loves you is essential to experiencing the symphony."

"Watari? I'm so sorry about Near. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was laying down when he came in with the hot chocolate...just trying to make me feel better, and I scared the hell out of him. Too much loss...too many times. This time, it was more than I could deal with. It was like I'd lost everyone all over again. Everyone. He climbed into my lap...and it was like …. I'd had Ben there for a moment. Not fair to Near. It just broke the dam. I'm so sorry."

The older male gently stroked Dean's hair. "No harm done, L will sort Near out, never you fear. He volunteered to comfort you because he cares in his own little way. He'll be all right."

Dean tried to just nod and regain control, but he'd already reached his breaking point. He was shaking and struggling to stop. "I love Near, too. I'm afraid to love anyone any more. I just know it, Watari...I'll lose them all. Sammy...Bobby...Near. They always die or they go away. Always."

Sam's voice was quiet. "I'm not going anywhere, Dean."

"You will, Sam. You already have...several times. It will just be one more. I'm supposed to be alone, I guess. Don't like it."

"What will it take to prove to you I'm not going anywhere?"

"I don't know, Sammy. Don't know anymore. I'm always alone, even when there's someone here. I just got to learn how to be alone. Don't wanna. Please. I don't wanna."

"Well, you don't have to because you are stuck with me," he said.

"God, I wish you meant that cause I don't wanna lose you again. Not again."

"I do."

Another flash of light could be glimpsed through the drapes. Thunder crashed and shook the building again. Dean winced but said nothing. Sam sat on the side of the bed and removed his tennis shoes. "What are you doing, Sam?" The hunters voice was getting more hoarse from all the crying. He was still shaking.

Sam looked at Watari as took off his outer shirt, and smiled at the older man.

"The medicine should kick in soon enough. Both of you rest well." He smiled at the two.

"Sam? What are you doing? You needed medicine too?

"I'm helping my brother fight his storms."

Watari gently brushed Dean's hair back off of his face. "Sleep well, you two." With that, he headed for L's area, knowing that Near would need reassuring. The medicine he'd given Dean should kick in soon enough.

Sam reached over and turned off the lamp, pulling his brother close to him and holding gently. Dean had stiffened for a moment and, then he just slumped, letting go of himself and letting the younger man comfort him.

He spoke a statement very softly. No question of disbelief, just a fact he finally realized. "You're not leaving or going anywhere." He sighed and his breathing slowed and grew less erratic.

Sam smiled. Dean had finally gotten it.

Soon the younger Winchester could feel the steady breathing of his big brother when he slept. He relaxed then, knowing he had him safe and protected.


	73. Chapter 73

Watari, L, and Bobby Talk. 

Watari went to check on his wards, knowing the two Winchesters would be all right. Sam had his brother well in hand.

They were all gathered in the top room, with Bobby listening to everything that had happened. L was listening and doing research for the two who seemed to mean so much to Dean.

"Dean seldom mentioned those two. I think Sam mentioned it once or twice in passing. He never showed one sign that the he loved the woman or that he really thought the boy was his son. Damn that boy sometimes. He holds it all in." Bobby was helping Near work a puzzle while he talked. Near had a cup of tea and some snacks by him.

Watari could see that Near was slowly calming. What had happened earlier had seriously overwhelmed him.

L spoke absently from his computer. "When I find them, I can determine if the child is his or not."

Bobby looked across at the man, "DNA?"

Yes. Easily procured," he murmured.

Dean took off a number of times, saying he had things to check out. I had no idea he was hunting for them. If he had no intention of letting her know he loved her, why hunt her down?"

"Security. If he knows where she is, if something happens, he can get to her to protect her," L answered.

"Yeah, makes sense. Sam's mentioned girls in Dean's life once in a while. Only one I thought he loved was Cassie. Lisa is one I never considered to even be in the running. Will surprises never end with that boy? That's one major weakness I didn't know he even had. That's why he never stayed long in one place."

"Possibly," he answered as Watari refilled tea cups

"You've both been messing around with his head, trying to help him, for a while, now. Either of you see this coming? I thought he'd dealt with everything. How'd he hold that in?"

"He hasn't come forward with everything," L told Bobby. "This was one thing that hadn't."

"Then he's not all right? What about Sam?"

"They're both doing better, Bobby."

"I want them to have happy, normal lives, L. Is he even ready for this kind of commitment? He's planning on hunting Lilith soon. Is he ready? What's left for god's sake? I guess part of it has been trust on Dean's part. Sam hurt him."

"He has to learn to react to pain," Watari told him. "Sam is human; he will make mistakes."

"I've watched the boys grow up. Sam's pretty normal, and we owe that to Dean who tried to see to it the boy had a normal life. Well, as much as John Winchester would let him. Dean grew up knowing sadness more than anything else, L. Can't remember many times the boy was happy. I'm sorry but John was a bastard as far his oldest son goes. Heartache is Dean's middle name. Hiding it to avoid more pain became a survival instinct for him...second nature. I love both of those boys. You'd think, if you didn't know them, that Sam was the gentler, more sensitive one, but hell no. He's like his dad in a lot of ways. Dean, the tough acting one, is the gentle one. It's really time that Sam stepped up and took care of him...if the idjit will let him."

Watari noticed that Bobby did not leave Near, playing puzzles and keeping a close eye on the boy.

"He is learning different life skills to handle things of that nature. He knows his prior behaviors are detrimental to his health." L sipped his tea, not looking up from his work.

Near's fingers only gave a slight tremble as he continued to work on his puzzles, occasionally enjoying a bite of his snack or a sip of his tea.

"Well, are the things he's having problems with, like Lisa and Ben, things he doesn't think of as problems? Is that why he hasn't approached you about them? Hell, this one seemed major."

"He deemed it as none of my business," L told him.

"He tell you that?"

"Yes," was the simple answer.

"How the hell did you get it out of him? When Dean says that he clams up tight."

Dark eyes looked at the older man. "I have learned when to push."

"He didn't hit you? Hell, you got courage, boy."

"Courage has little to do with it," L commented.

"What does then?"

"Determination and some stubbornness."

"In other words, you were more mule headed then he was."

Watari chuckled at that, while L simply nodded. "If you wish to phrase it that way, then yes."

"You realize, even if you find her, he's not gonna go talk to her. The excuses he's had are still there."

"One step at a time," was the quiet answer.

"It there's one lesson John Winchester seems to have instilled in Dean, it's that he may need the world, but the world doesn't need nor want him."

"Again, something that will take time to break." he had a plan for this once he found her actually.

"I'm beginning to hate the word, 'break', when it comes to that boy, but I trust both of you with him and with Sam. I've noticed differences. I love those boys more than anyone could ever know."

He nodded. "Their progress is admirable and encouraging."

"Is he ready for this hunt?"

"I believe so. And he will not be going alone."

"All right, then. As I said, I trust you. You want me on the hunt?"

"Your expertise is welcome in either area." His eyes drifted to the white haired teen. "Near and Sam will be guiding us using surveillance."

"Is Dean planning and heading this?"

"He and I will be co planning," L murmured. "But in the field, he will be heading it."

"He's better than his dad at that. One of the best I've ever seen, to be honest."

He nodded, typing something as he listened to Bobby.

"Watch him, though. Dean won't ask someone to do what he can do. He'll give his life up easily for someone else. He believes life is sacred, and it's his job, alone, to protect it. Don't ask me. His dad didn't teach him that one."

"I plan on ensuring that does not happen."

"That's good. I worry about both of them, but Dean.. well. You've been around both of them enough to see the differences. Both good boys, but they are made from different molds."

"Which is not unusual."

"No, it's not, but most people see them as the opposite of what they really are. More's the pity. You gonna let them sleep the night away or get them up at supper time"

"They deserve the rest," he murmured. "I will know if they wake and have food sent."

"One thing I've noticed about Sam since all of this started, is that he's starting to take responsibilities. Dean can't do it all anymore. Sam's stepping in more. What has surprised me is Dean's letting him without much of an argument. I think I like it. Another thing. Sam isn't running from Dean any longer. He's trying to help him. That's a massive improvement from adding to the blame. Thank you."

"He needed a chance to prove he'd grown up."

"Yeah, he did. I think he's doing a damn good job of it now. Dean is beginning to recognize it, I think. To be honest, Sam needs to watch over his big brother for a change. Dean's at a major crossroads for himself. He's got some major shit he's dealing with. I think he's making improvements, but damn, there's a lot of shit."

"Indeed," he said quietly.

"I just want you to understand that, yes, he's faced it, but he still has to conquer it. That's a one day at a time job. It's not gonna be easy, but he's not alone. That's his nightmare. Being alone."

"A nightmare he keeps himself in."

"John deserted those boys more often than not. Dean was quiet and never left Sam. It was his job. Most people didn't like him and wanted him gone. It took Jim and me a long time to break through whatever the hell the death of his mom did to him. John would leave them alone for days, sometimes weeks when he was little. No one knows this, but I beat the hell out of John one day. I heard him tell Dean that if he didn't tow the line and be the perfect little soldier, he'd take Sam and leave Dean at the next motel. Scared the shit out of that boy. He never corrected that. Yeah, it's Dean's nightmare."

"He is learning to work out of that as well."

"Oh, I know. It's just a hell of a lot to work out of at one time. He's gonna break in places. There's too many cracks in his armor right now. He says there's no stress. I keep thinking what he's opened up about and trying to get a good handle on. That's a hell of lot of stress." L nodded. "Something to work on there."

I can pass him on the way somewhere and here a whisper of the 'I'm not a whore' mantra. I sometimes wish John were still alive. I'd kill him slowly."

"Indeed," the detective answered. "If I believed in an afterlife, I would say that he would deserve damnation."

"For the longest time, Dean worshiped him. I'm hopeful that he's finally realizing that it wasn't him but his dad."

"I believe he is advancing towards that."

"He's been pretty violent when he's faced things. If accepting is gonna be as harsh, you got a padded room?"

"I have arrangements here."

"I just don't want to see him hurt himself when he gets there."

He answered the other, not looking up. "I do not believe he will become that violent. He has made steps towards accepting."

The relief in the older man's voice was thick, "Well, as I said before, I trust you with my boys."

"I will endeavor to uphold that trust."

"I believe that. Let me ask you something. You believe that Lisa and Ben can help him?"

"He needs to face his fears."

"Yes, he does, but what is he fearing in this...opening up and really loving, accepting love from someone else, or of danger to them if he loves them? Mary and Jess have died in the Winchester saga. Of course, Mary is the main problem behind all of this. Her deal."

"Rejection."

"If she don't want him, don't let her into his life, please."

"And let him live without closure? Is that healthy?" He looked at Bobby.

"No, you are right, but is more rejection going to destroy him? He's so close breaking as it is, or was what happened today the final breaking point? Was that the dam breaking?"

"I believe so. We will have to wait and see."

Bobby nodded and grew quiet, working the puzzle with Near.


	74. Chapter 74

Dean and Sam Talk 

Five hours passed and around 8:30, Dean's eyes opened. At first, he didn't know where he was. He felt closed in, almost suffocating. He was smothered in arms and legs, and felt a sense of panic at first. He lay still, trying to focus.

Sam's whispered voice was groggy. "Dean?"

Dean could barely talk from all the crying earlier. His hoarse voice answered his brother, "Sammy? Where? What's going on?"

"We're just napping and enjoying the storm in your room."

"Storms? I like storms. You used to be so afraid of them when you were little. Used to tell you stories to keep your mind off them. My throat hurts so bad."

"Want some water?"

"You don't have to do that, Sammy. I can get my own water. Thanks, though." Dean started to try to get out from under his brothers arms and legs.

Sam let him go after a gentle squeeze. "And I remember that, you know. You helping me through storms."

Dean quit moving. It was quiet for a while. Finally, "You remember that? You were real little back then."

"I remember this cute one about puppies who loved the rain. Don't remember all of it but I hear thunder, I keep thinking of wet puppies."

Dean snuggled back close to his brother, forgetting the water. "Always wanted a puppy. Think I'd really like to have a dog someday. Hunting's not a good place for them. I used to love to play with Bobby's dogs. He never knew that. They were supposed to be watchdogs, but I'd take them fishing and spend half the time rubbing their stomachs."

"Me too," he admitted. "I'd read under a tree and have them with me too."

"Think we could have some dogs once we get settled at the cabin? I'd take care of them."

"So would I. I'd love that," he said with a grin.

"I'd really like to have a large number of them. Hit the local shelter and save some."

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Sam told him.

"Yeah, it does sound good." Dean sighed. "Damn, I ache all over. I must've torn up every muscle in my body. I was major screwed up, wasn't I?"

"Well, at least we caught you before you did something worse. Need more Tylenol?"

Dean recognized that Sam was talking about his walking episode and his legs were pretty sore.

Sam brought him some water and Tylenol. Dean took the pills and drank the water. He'd been pretty thirsty.

Sam had crawled back onto the bed and lay next to him, listening to the continuing storms as they came through.

"Sammy?"

"Yeah, Dean?"

Sam could hear a hitch in Dean's breath and the older man sounded hesitant. "I wasn't talking about the exercise."

"Getting upset earlier?"

Dean tried to joke but it didn't sound funny to him after he'd said it, "Is that what they decided to call it? That's nice of them."

"Well, I'm trying to be tactful," he told him. "You were pretty upset."

"Come off it, Sam. Put tact aside. They should've locked me up for a while. I've no idea what happened, cause I've never done that before. It was like something fractured inside of me and just exploded. They'll never let me anywhere close to Near after this."

"Don't say what they will or won't do, Dean. You can't anticipate what L will decide. And honestly, why didn't you talk about this issue with him before?" There was nothing but concern in his voice.

"It was private, Sam. You tell him all about Sarah?"

"No, I didn't see L. Dean, I know it's private but it's a source of pain. There's no privacy between a person and their therapist."

"I've been seeing both of them. Lisa and Ben, I don't want them to be part of my therapy, Sam. It's bad enough they had to deal with monsters and know what's really out there. They're in a special spot in my heart and mind, Sammy. I keep it clean. I didn't want to talk about them. L was insistent that I tell her everything, open up to her. It's gonna be years, Sam, before I have anything to offer her, and that's if she'd even consider me."

"Dean, did you ever stop to think that what you have to offer her is right here?"

"What? A broken down, emotionally screwed up hunter who's wanted by the Feds and every police department in over 20 states? Yeah, sure, Sam."

"A heart full of love and dreams. If she loves you, the rest will fall into place. You're the one being too demanding on yourself."

"I'm scared, Sam. I'm just damn scared."

"I know, Dean, but you know what, love is worth taking a risk."

"Sam, whether it's been family or a woman, I've not had much luck with that risk."

"There hasn't been a girl out there yet.. outside this one.. that's been worth taking a risk for, has there?"

"Cassie, and I was stupid enough to try her twice."

"Did you really give it a shot or did you tell her what we do simply to try to scare her off?"

"No, I gave it a shot, man. I told her because I wanted her to understand what I was and why I'd be gone a lot. The second time, I told her that I thought we could work it. I wasn't gonna beg her man, I know Cassie. She sent me packing both times. With her, begging wouldn't work. I got as close to it as I could without her castrating me. Okay?"

"She wasn't the right one then, but that doesn't mean you can give up, Dean. The right one is there. You have to keep looking and if you think you have the right one, fight for her."

Dean hopped out of bed and had to steady himself a little. He still hurt badly. He headed towards the door, still in a t-shirt, sweat pants, and barefooted, hair going everywhere. He hadn't had it cut in two months. Sam stared at him, and got up to follow.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, Sammy?"

"Where are you going?"

"I'm looking for a place to start fighting, Sam. You can come if you want."

Not quite sure what his brother was talking about, Sam padded barefoot behind him.

The older man headed towards the big room on the top floor. Sam barely got into the elevator as his brother hit the button. Dean leaned against the wall, breathing heavily.

The younger one stood beside him, silently offering his own strength.

When the elevator door opened, everyone except L looked up. Dean walked out and stopped when he saw Near. He walked over to where Bobby and Near were sitting and got down on his knees, so he could look the teen in the eyes.

"Near, I'm sorry. I was badly screwed up and when you climbed into my lap, it tore me apart. I never meant to scare you or make you uncomfortable around me. I'm really sorry."

His voice was soft. "Dean has nothing to apologize for. Does Dean feel better?"

"Somewhat, Near. Dean has some things to take care of. It starts right now." The hunter rose to his feet and turned towards L. He walked over to the man who was working diligently on the main computer. "L? Did you find them?"

L turned the laptop screen towards him. "Is this her?" There was a picture of Lisa and her son, a little bit older, on it.

Dean fell to his knees in front of the computer, a hand softly rose to the screen to touch the picture. He choked, "Yeah."

"Interestingly enough, she is residing in the town near your cabin," he said quietly.

Dean looked up at L in surprise. "Seriously?" He looked at Watari. "When does the training start? I have a demon to kill and a woman to go after."

"Tomorrow.. if you're well enough," the older male told him.

"Only way to know for sure is to try." Dean gazed at the picture and sighed. He wanted to talk to her face to face and couldn't at this time. He owed L too much already. He couldn't ask for anything else.

"I have her contact information," L told him. "Whenever you are ready to meet with her, it will be yours."

"I'd love to do it now while I've got the nerve, but if I call and she says no, it's over. I need to see her and let her see I mean this."

He nodded. "Finish Lilith.. then you have all the time to chase after her or whatever it is young men do to get the attention of the girls."

Dean ducked his head a moment, and then nodded. "Yeah. Watari? Tomorrow morning is the first field test for the team. I'm not waiting long for this." The hunter rose to his feet and hurried and entered the elevator and hit the first floor button.

Sam went after him, completely amazed that L had found her so quickly.

Dean was standing by the pond in the garden looking up at the gray skies. It was only misting between storms.

"You OK?"

"Not sure, man. Every part of me wants to drop everything and go to Texas and let her know how I feel and what I'm planning. I want her to wait for me and be a part of it, and I can't."

"We have a job to finish first. If we don't, they're in trouble too. I get you."

"I know that, Sammy. It's been over a year and half. There may be someone else. I don't want to lose her. I wasn't wanting to go and stay. I just wanted a day to visit, see Ben, and get a chance to really talk to Lisa. There's no way to get there and back in a day and still have some time. I just wish... that's all."

"L could find out though."

"What? That's there's another guy? Not sure I want to know that way. The name changed rattled me, Sam."

"There may be a reason for it, Dean. Don't borrow trouble until there's trouble to be had. Ok?"

"I know that, Sam. I know that Sarah at least emails you once in a while. You got a good chance of building on that. It's not like that for me. I sure wish it was. Hell, last time I saw her, I knew I was heading to hell. Nothing I could say about that. I wanted to."

He gave his brother a hug. "Let's see how it goes. We can hope for the best."

"Yeah, I know we can, Sam. We'd better go back inside. There's another storm coming."

"Sounds good," he said.

"We could do some research on stuff for after this is over. I'm not real tired, and Watari will be bringing us some supper pretty soon, I imagine."

"I like that idea," Sam told him. "Get more ideas and plans for what we want."

"I'm thinking we need to consider adding on to the cabin, or building a second one up there, if Sarah comes. I don't know if either Sarah or Lisa would want to share a house. We could find out though. There's Bobby to think of."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, maybe find some designs that we can work on together. You know the whole finish the interior yourself stuff?"

"Yeah, to tell you the truth , the interior of that cabin needed a lot of work."

"Didn't L say he was going to get that taken care of though?"

"Yeah, but I have no idea what his taste is gonna be like, do you?"

"Utilitarian maybe. He doesn't seem to take much interest in surroundings."

"Yeah, but I got ideas of what I'd like to see. You know?"

Sam nodded. "It sounds good to me. We can give our ideas to him to incorporate."

"L works fast and it's been a while since the shootings. May already be done. I think, though, he was thinking of expanding on the back. We needed larger storage for food and stuff. Not sure what else he had in mind." Dean opened the door to the building and let Sam enter, following him. They headed to the elevator and the smaller man hit the button for his floor. They were quiet on the elevator, exiting when the door opened.

"He'll probably have thought of that," Sam murmured. "If not, we can add it."

"I think it's probably the one thing I'm certain he did." They reached Dean's room and he opened the door to let Sam enter first.

He laughed at that. "Given his love for food.. or at least sweets, yeah."

"I love sweets as much as the next person, Sam, but I'd prefer a good steak or a cheeseburger, unless it's pie."

That made him grin. "Yeah, I know. Though it's awesome to see you eating healthier."

"I'll keep doing it too, as long as you don't go off the deep end on me."

"I promise, nothing weird."

"Okay, I don't want any vegetable smoothies, packed full of vitamins and spinach."

"I promise I won't do that," he laughed.

Dean dropped into one of the two recliners and kicked back. "I want one of these. Wonder what L has in mind after this is over?"

"Dunno, we should ask," he said, settling into the other recliner.

"When he told me I had a lot to offer Lisa, he said I had a backer."

"Definitely is up to something then."

"You can't push L. He's not gonna tell you anything until he's ready to. I just wish I knew for sure how long this is gonna take. They don't think I'm ready physically. They're probably right. I'm antsy now, Sam. Lisa's on my mind. Not good, but I can't help it."

"Well, training will help. You're not used to not doing things," Sam pointed out.

"This mental thing is bothering me too. It's not been bad but what if it did? He said it was all the stress, but hell, Sam, she's in the town near our cabin, and I have no idea where the hell we are or how long it will take to get there. If I thought we were still in Texas, I'd get the Impala and go. The way it looks outside, it's not west Texas, if we are in the state."

"Dean, give it time, OK? You're chomping at the bit over there but should calm down. You've got a team to help train. No mistakes with Lilith."

"Oh, I know that Sam. L told me to tell her I was leaving hunting and what I had planned. Why tell me that, than tell me to wait until my last hunt is over? He's probably right. When she tells me no, it could be worse than not knowing."

Sam reached over and poked him. "Stop being so negative. She could say yes."

"Yeah and she could be married, Sam. That would explain the name change."

"First name too?" He'd seen what Dean had seen as well.

"No. You're right. Her family and friends would know where she was if she'd just married. Something scared her. It's possible she wanted to get away from the evil that we hunt."

He nodded. "It's possible. We'll know soon enough once you talk to her."

"Yeah. I know I could call her right now, but, Sam, this shouldn't be done over the telephone. If I show up, she can't just turn me away. If I call, she might say I can't come."

"I think arriving might be the best bet."

"Yeah, I do too. I wonder if L now plans on more sessions. I'd also like to know what is planned for tomorrow. Are we leaving this compound to go somewhere for this? I'm getting hungry. How 'bout you?"

Sam nodded. "Definitely," his stomach growled right after.

A few minutes later, a knock was heard on the door. "Come in," Dean answered.

Watari came in with a small trolley. "I thought you two might be hungry."

Dean sat up, curious about the trolley. "What are we doing tonight, Watari? Both Sam and the older man were surprised at Dean's question. It strayed from his usual banter.

"I have a light supper for you. Since it's been storming most of the day, I put together a chicken soup as well as a salad."

Dean perked up, "Caesar?"

"Of course," he chuckled.

"Fantastic. I'm starving. Is it chicken noodle or some kind of creamy chicken?"

"Noodle," he said with a smile, setting out the dishes.

Dean rose and began to help the man set the table. "He could smell the soup and smiled. He remembered his mother making the tomato soup when he was sick. He enjoyed soup but never asked for it.

"There's a fruit salad for dessert as well. Enjoy your meal, both of you," Watari said and then slipped out.

Dean sat down and stared at Sam. "You eating?"

"Yeah.. just never had this homemade before," he said, sitting down.

"It's okay, Sammy. Me neither. I know it's gonna be good and we're gonna want the recipe."

He grinned, then took a bite, giving a soft sound of delight. "Oh yeah!"

Dean leaned over and sniffed the steam rising from the large bowl. He took a taste. "Mmmmmmmmmm"

Sam kept eating, enjoying the mix of flavors.

"Gawd, this is good!"

"Yeah, no kidding. Definitely want the recipe."

Dean took a large bite of Caesar salad, licking his lips afterward. Sam still found it hard to watch his brother enjoying salad.

"It's going to take a while to get used to you enjoying vegetables," he said with a soft laugh.

"Still depends on the vegetable and how it's fixed. The right way, some of them taste damn good, Sammy."

"I'm going to have find out what ones you liked and get recipes," Sam said, taking a bite of his salad.

"So far, everything he's made?"

"Wow, that's fantastic!"

"Yeah, pretty much. I guess it is."

He grinned. "Definitely going to have to get the recipes then."

"I'd like that. "

"So, what do you think Watari will have planned for the group?"

"I think he may have some military background which would be good. He is going to need people to be involved in this. We have to deal with attacks, how to defend, divide and conquer, and how to get to Lilith and kill her...which is best, Colt or knife? Does he now have the Colt? Lots of I don't knows in there, I'm afraid."

"L hasn't said anything,' Sam murmured, eating his salad. "We'll just have to wait and see. I think he wants us doing this blind in order to build trust and teamwork."

"I think so too, but he won't know any more than we do. He's on the team."

"Yeah. Thinking that's Watari's ideas on it."

"Yeah, and as I said, I think he has military training. We are going to be playing some nasty little war games. One wrong step, you get hurt. Has to be that way. Gotta play it real."

Sam nodded. "And it gives me a chance to work with Near in the observation area. I've never done that before."

"His calm voice kept me sane last time, Sam. He never lost it...calm facts, who was where, what was coming down. I knew what to expect and knew he'd get me out after things went down wrong."

"Yeah, he strikes me as the type to be able to guide without causing a freak out. I think he's going to do great."

"You're gonna be great, too, Sam. I trust you."

Sam nodded, taking a spoonful of soup. "I'm going to try."

"I'm hoping against all hope, there won't be, but with Lilith, there could be body count, Sam. You two are all we got on the outside. Okay?"

"We'll be there, Dean," he promised.

"I'm holding both of you to that, Sammy. Let's get the computers out and plan a second cabin, or a major enlargement of the one we're gonna have. Could be two families and Bobby living in it.

He grinned. "I like that idea. You done eating?"

Eating a last bite of his fruit, Dean grinned. "Yeah."

Sam grabbed his computer, nibbling on his fruit.

Dean brought out his and set it up.


	75. Chapter 75

Planning

"Ok, so what are we thinking?" Sam asked.

"First off, enlargement or two homes? Second, if two homes, which do you want? Third if enlargement, I got a great idea."

"Enlargement is a good idea.. maybe make wings out of it?"

"Yeah, exactly. We can actually keep the main rooms, the living room, kitchen area there for gatherings. Actually add full wings on to it. There's the dining area and the office on either end and a downstairs bedroom and two upstairs. One bath down and one upstairs. We could build a private living area, kitchen, baths, and bedrooms on either end. Include the bedrooms already there as part of one wing. The downstairs bedroom, kitchen and living room for Bobby and for family gatherings," Dean suggested.

"We can eat together and stuff.. a big family room. Then private wings. I like that idea," he chuckled.

"Yeah, sometimes we might just want to eat with our families or be only with them. It would be nice, but we'd still all be together. I'd like Sarah and Lisa involved in the decorating and stuff."

"I agree with you there," he grinned.

Dean continued, "So, it's been quite a while since you emailed her. You gonna do it tonight?"

"I was thinking on it," Sam said softly.

"All right!"

He gave a tentative smile at that. "Hope she'll be responsive to it."

"I think she would be, Sam, but sooner than later, you gotta open up to her. I'll have to do the same with Lisa. You know we do?"

"I know," he said softly. "It's just frightening a bit." "Yeah, it's kind of like telling Lisa that when I last saw her, I couldn't tell her that I loved her because I was going to die and go to hell. Then I have tell how much I enjoyed butchering people. I do know."

He drew in a soft breath and opened his email, staring at the blank screen for a moment. "You think a main kitchen and smaller kitchens for each wing?"

"Yeah, but the girls should have say in their kitchens and the bigger one, doncha think? You know we can live there while we're doing this, Sam. There's three bedrooms and the dining room and office. You and Sarah could have one and Lisa and I another, give Ben the third. Bobby won't come immediately. He's got to decide whether he wants to, and if he does, he's got to take care of Singer's

"It's a good idea," he told him, fingers typing over the keyboard. "We'll draw up plans and go from there. Let the girls decorate."

"You think maybe L would loan us the money to do this? Decent rates maybe?"

"Wouldn't hurt to ask."

"No, it wouldn't hurt."

Both men worked and discussed for a number of hours, and finally had the plans for a massive addition to the cabin which suited the Winchesters, and both men hoped to fill it with family.

Sam looked up at him. "Crazy idea.. but maybe we should add a wing for them?"

"Good question. How do you think it should layout? Because I know it'd be a great spot for them if they need a break or something. Matt and Mello commented they liked the area, but where would we put it? Off the back? It would depend on what L did for a large storage room on the back. Or we could add a hallway off one wing, but it would have them coming in and out of one of our parts of the cabin."

Sam shrugged as he listened to Dean's thoughts. His brother continued. "What I think we should do is see which side the storage area is on and make sure it has a good cover. We build a really nice solarium on the opposite side. Next to the solarium, we add on a wing for them. They would need five bedrooms, a large computer room to set up as they see fit, an exercise room, and a small kitchen and a couple of nice baths. They never use a living room anyway."

"I like that idea," he told him. "Probably should see what each of their tastes are in regards to personal rooms."

"Yeah print it out and we'll talk about it. This is gonna cost millions, Sam. Not sure I can ask L for that. We'll have to do a little at a time. But, print it. Okay? We need to get some sleep. You want to stay here tonight or hit your own room?"

"Would you like company or prefer to be alone?" He was trying to be respectful of his brother's needs. "I always enjoy your company, Sam, but what do you need?"

"Honestly, I'd feel better staying with you tonight." He stared at the screen. "I just sent off an email telling her everything."

"Shit! Sammy, you sure that was smart not telling her face to face. You needed to tell her you love her first. Sure you can stay."

His eyes didn't move from the screen. "I told her I love her but that there were things she needed to know. I...there's no telling when I'll see her face to face, Dean, and it. .it seemed like the best way to tell her."

"Yeah, but you're good with words, though, Sam. You can do that. Me, I need to see her face to face and tell her."

"Let's hope she doesn't try to kill me for being the world's biggest idiot." He stretched, turning his computer off. "Let me change into something to sleep in. I'll be right back."

"Okay. I've gonna get a quick shower. If I'm already in bed, hop in."

Sam nodded, hurrying out to get changed.

Dean took a shower, washing his hair, and shaved. He decided he liked the hair longer and might keep it that way.

After a short while, the younger Winchester came back in, curling up on one side of the bed. The storm had struck full force and while he was better at them, there were still times when they unnerved him.

Hearing the storm, Dean came out of the bathroom and saw his brother curled up on the other side of the bed, and realized the storm was bothering him. He slipped into the bed and crawled over softly and put his arm around his brother. "It's okay, Sammy," he whispered. Both went to sleep.

While the two were asleep, Watari came in to pick up the dishes. He noticed the papers and examined them, eyes sparking in interest. The older male took the papers with him, quietly exiting the room. He would definitely have to show L this. He was a bit stunned that the brothers would include them in the house.

Watari gave the dishes to a servant and went up the main room and found L alone working on his computer. The older man set the plans in front of the detective, along with the notes, an estimate of possible costs and a slash through it.

L examined the notes. "They planned a wing specifically for us?"

"Yes. It would seem they tried to calculate the costs of basics, much less decorating and it is going to be so far above their means that they will not ask for help. Winchester pride I would imagine, but a home like that would cost millions. They are planning on including us in their families, L. The solarium would be Dean's idea for Near to have a garden."

The detective was quiet. "Put the originals back in their rooms. I think the main kitchen idea is a bit redundant though. It would be costly to equip that many kitchens, not counting cooling that larger one. Each family could cook and then bring the dishes to the main dining room for a 'formal' get together." He frowned. "However.. this is workable. Leave the copies with me, Watari."

"I will do so. They want the women involved in designing the kitchens and baths. That would limit time but I would not desire to take that away from them. We can have the rooms done but electrical would depend on where they want things. The main kitchen exists in a smaller form right now and it would be fine for warming things and for Bobby. I would put one large washer and dryer unit in the storage room, where the freezers were placed that you purchased for storing meat and vegetables."

"I'll address the concerns with the contractors," he are fireplaces in all three wings. They have gas for heat and cooking. I can understand that. Winters can be bad there. Electricity can be difficult. Dean has designs for solar energy and some wind also, with a generator and a power plant. He planned to add this later. It would make them self-sufficient. There might be times when we would need that also."

He nodded. "We'll have that started as well."

"It is late, L. The first trials are tomorrow. Dean is going to push this because of the woman."

"I know. He will need to be watched to ensure he doesn't take too many risks."

"Yes, I know. He is too brave at times. I would also like to know who Sam's woman is. They have the girls picking the things."

"He mentioned meeting her during one of their cases," L answered abstractly, focused on his laptop. "Apparently, she wasn't scared off by their lifestyle and what they do."

"Dean mentioned at one time that there was a girl he had told Sam that he needed to marry. This may be the same one. I have no idea who she is."

He handed Watari a couple of pages. "This is the young lady in question."

"She is very beautiful. Artistic. Intelligent. She would suit Sam. Their tastes are quite different. Dean's woman is not what I would have imagined for him. He seemed to go for the flashier type when he chased women. He chased this one also, but from what I can gather, this one lasted more than one night. That is rare for him. Sam's woman is prettier in a way, but there is something about this one of Dean's. She will have what it takes to handle him, I think, and keep him in line. They are both good choices, L."

"If you say so," the detective shrugged. He knew nothing about the emotional aspects of things like this and intimacy was a mystery all on its own. "I'll have the plans drawn up for the house and proceed from there."

"Sam has probably already initiated some contact with this one if they are talking girls, but how do you plan to remedy Dean's situation? I am assuming you're going to wait until after this demon problem is taken care of. He's going to be jumping at the bit. We will keep an eye on him. Can we every minute?"

"I have an agent on the paternity issue," he answered. "It'll be done in a way that won't trigger any suspicions. According to research, she was being tracked by something but it disappeared. That's why she went underground so to speak."

"That will continue to be a problem for them. They are well known to evil things. That thing that tracked her is still out there somewhere."

"I actually have someone looking into that off of Bobby's list of reliable hunters," he commented.

Watari nodded. "I will get these plans back to Dean's room. I would not want them to know what you are up to. I will need a day or two between the tests to let you regroup and go over what was good and what went wrong. It might be nice to use those helicopters of yours for a day, L."

He looked up. "For what reason?"

"I was thinking of Texas and, is it New York? Wherever it is the other one lives. Bring some of peace of mine so minds are fully on the job. You have never been interested in romantic relationships, but they are...very much, L Just something to think about."

L frowned. "More like a distraction."

"Perhaps, with any other men, L. These are the Winchesters. More than likely a bigger incentive to fight, win, and go home."

He shook his head. "I do not see it."

"I honestly thought you understood what makes up Dean Winchester. Sam, you should know even better, L. Sam might be able to not think of it, but he will. Dean will be thinking more about it then he should. He has had so little happiness in his life that the chance of it can be overwhelming. Easing his mind one way or another would give him peace and enable him to concentrate and fight for what belongs to him."

"There's no logical purpose to this, Watari. The females may or may not wish their company or to return here. I am not seeing the point."

"Did you know that Dean and Sam are in bed asleep after designing a home for those women. A new beginning or closure is what it would mean. By the way, is Dean being normal to you? I will take these back to his room and finish getting things ready for tomorrow. Good night, L. Oh, I never mentioned them returning here."

"I am aware of this, Watari, and am still unconvinced."

"As I said, L, I have things to finish. Good night."

The detective shrugged. "Good night, Watari." He turned back to his computer, working on another case.

The older man headed back to Dean's room, slipped in and left the plans and notes on the table next to the laptops, where he found them.


	76. Chapter 76

Morning Surprises.

The next morning, when the household awoke, everyone would find L looking a bit stressed and definitely uncomfortable with the three occupants in the room. Watari woke the brothers, needing to pass on information.

Dean turned over rubbing his face and nudging Sam.

Sam groaned, rolling over. "Dun wanna get up."

"Watari's here, Sammy. I'm guessing we're starting things early. Are we ready to go, then, Sir?"

"We will shortly. There's something we need to discuss first.

"Okay. Restroom and I'll be ready. Sam?"

Sam ambled to the bathroom, grabbing his change of clothes.

Dean grabbed what he thought he'd need to wear for the trial that day, shoes, jeans, t-shirt, button down shirt, jacket, and a belt. He looked for weapons he would need and had them laid out, ready to go. He started dressing, waiting for Sam to leave the bathroom and give him a few minutes in there.

The younger brother came out a few moments later, looking as if he was still half asleep. The two brothers passed each other, as Dean headed in to clean up and be ready for whatever lay ahead of him for the day.

Sam was sitting at the table and Dean joined him within a few minutes, standing behind his brother. He looked Watari in the eyes, waiting.

"Something came up last night. For security purposes, you're going to need to address L by his codename, Ryuuzaki."

Dean nodded. Sam yawned a yes.

"Follow me. You'll be having breakfast with our guests." And hopefully L wasn't ready to commit homicide.

The boys followed Watari, wanting to ask, but deeming it better to wait. When L goes undercover, Dean knew it was serious."

When they got into the large dining room, they would find Near away from the group while Matt and Mello were chatting with a boy and two women.

Dean went to Near, not noticing the others yet. Sam saw Sarah at once and froze. The women and the boy had not noticed their entrance. "Near, are you all right? What's going on? You're all by yourself."

"Near is not comfortable around strangers," he said.

"Strangers are only people you don't know yet. We were strangers once."

"Near knows."

"Would L bring in anyone to breakfast that you wouldn't like?"

"L has before," he told him. "It all depends on the circumstances."

"Well, I'm here. Who are they?" Dean looked up and saw Sam, standing frozen. He spoke loud enough to be heard by everyone in the room. "Sammy?" He patted Near on the back and headed towards his brother. Bobby, watching, noted that Dean had still not paid attention to what was going on. "Sam? What's wrong?" He noticed that his brother's eyes were glued on something across the room. He turned and almost choked. A look of shock was on his face, hazel eyes wider than usual.

Watari spoke quietly. "They were being targeted by Lilith so Ryuuzaki was ordered to bring them in."

"Who ordered him to do this? I don't understand, Watari." Dean was still frozen near his brother, shaking terribly.

"L did," he reminded him. This was setting up the stage for L's security.

Dean nodded and noticed that Sarah was watching his brother. She smiled and started towards him and the younger brother groaned audibly. Dean looked at him for a second and then back at Lisa who was still talking to Mello and Matt with Ben. He whispered, "Lisa."

Sarah finally stood in front of Sam and looked up at him. "I got your letter, Sam. I'd like to talk to you about things before I say 'yes' to you." Dean's eyes widened more and a look of surprise was on his face.

Lisa moved to Dean. "Hello, Dean."

He turned his face from his brother and stared down into the dark eyes. His voice cracked as he said her name.

She gave him a gentle smile. "How are you?"

The hunter swallowed hard, "Shaking for some reason."

Sarah stared at the younger hunter. "It's customary to say something to a woman when she's said 'yes', Sam."

Sam simply kissed her, smiling. "I know.. we do have a lot to talk about."

Lisa gestured at the table. "I'm sorry I didn't contact you before now. After you left, things got strange."

"I'm hard to track down and I'm sorry for that. What kind of strange things? I've been looking for you and your family and friends were worried and think I had something to do with it. I was scared for you."

Sarah kissed Sam back, taking his hand and leading him to the table.

Quietly, Lisa explained the odd attacks, phone calls, and things that she couldn't explain. She'd finally yanked her son out of school and went into hiding.

Sam pulled a chair out for Sarah then sat beside her.

"I know you are in the middle of something you can't talk about, but things got strange at home. Then a helicopter showed up and here I am. I packed what I thought I'd need and left the rest without regret, Sam."

Dean looked at Lisa and over at Ben who was enjoying himself with the two teens. "Are you both all right? Did they hunt you down?" He was shaking so badly just being close to her. He wanted to hold her but had things to say first. "Can we talk?"

He gently pushed the hair out of her eyes. "I'm glad you're here and safe, Sarah. I've missed you a lot."

"Yes, Dean, we can talk and we're fine. L somehow found out we were in trouble and sent Ryuuzaki to get us. It was a bit of a surprise."

"Lisa, I have this final job to do I may have to do some every once in a while, but I'm giving up hunting."

"I've missed you more then you'll ever know, Sam. I've been waiting for you to wake up and remember me."

She looked into his eyes. "Are you sure?"

He smiled. "I thought of you a lot. Just hard with everything going on."

"Yeah, Lisa, more sure then I've been in a long time. I want normal. I want a wife and a family. I'm going to open a repair shop and rebuild vehicles. Sam's gonna run it. We've gotta place that we are gonna add onto. I'm going back to school online to get a degree in auto design. I got plans. It'll take time to get there."

"Are you going to make it legal between us, Sam?"

Lisa smiled at that. "It's a good plan, Dean. I always knew you were smart enough to do it."

Sam looked at her. "Sarah, are you trying to propose?" He was teasing her a little bit.

"Lisa, I'm really scared right now. I've never been so scared in my life."

"Well, maybe I read between the lines, but I read a proposal in your email. That's why I said yes, Sam. Of course, if you aren't doing that, then I am. So, I guess it is a proposal, Sam Winchester."

"All new things are frightening. You just can't let it beat you," she pointed out. "But you have a solid plan."

He kissed her. "Then consider us engaged. I'll get a ring for you when I can."

"I'm not afraid of new things, Lisa. I'm afraid you don't love me, and I'm afraid that if I asked you to marry me, you'd say no."

Sarah put her arms around Sam's neck and pulled him more into the kiss.

Her lips curved into a playful smile. "You never know until you take a risk, hmm?"

He cuddled her into him, enjoying the contact with her.

The fear left Dean's eyes as he looked at her, and slightly smiled. He pulled her to him, and softly ran his lips over hers, barely caressing them. "Will you marry me, Lisa? I love you so very much. I don't have a lot to offer yet, and I know most people our age are already settled, but my heart's yours. It always has been."

Sarah enjoyed the closeness, caressing Sam's cheek with one hand.

"That's all I could ask for right there, Dean. Your heart," she kissed him afterward

His arms tightened around her, then chuckled when he heard Matt trying to explain to Ben that the adults were happy.

Dean returned the kiss slowly at first but it grew more passionate. He finally pulled back, breathing heavily, his breath coming in deep gasps.

Sam turned when he heard the boys laughing about his brother. He smiled at the total lack of control the older man seemed to have at the moment. He grinned and turned to Sarah, "I think I'm getting a sister and you are getting both a sister and a brother. Oh, there's a nephew too."

Lisa's eyes were smiling at him. "Feeling better?"

Sarah laughed at that. "I think I like that idea, love."

"Yeah, I do. I got one other question to ask you and it's just as hard for me. Ben? When I asked that time, you said it was someone else. Were you sure or were you trying to scare me away? Is he? Is he mine?"

"He looks serious again. Ben, maybe?"

"He's yours," she told him. "But with everything, I couldn't say it. You had so much on your plate back then."

"Probably," she answered him.

Dean couldn't get his breath. He closed his eyes, body trembling, tears started rolling down his face. "He's mine," he whispered. "Oh, God!, He's mine." The third time he shouted it at the top of his lungs. "He's mine!"

Sam and Sara both smiled. Bobby, who was watching Ben, had a pretty good idea who Dean was talking about. Everyone else turned to stare.

There was some laughter from the girls while Bobby, Ben, and Sam grinned at him. It was obvious Dean was happy about the news, and Ben went to him.

Dean dropped down on his knees and faced the boy who was a year older than the last time they'd met. He looked him in the eyes. "Do you remember me?"

"Yup, you're my dad. After you left, Mom told me all about you and that your work is important 'cause you save other kids like me."

The hazel eyes clouded over with more tears, and he grabbed his son and held him close. "I'll be the best damned dad I can, Ben. I swear it. I want you both to meet someone important to me. Okay? Lisa?"

He took both of their hands and led them to Near. "Guys, this is Near. I kind of adopted him as my son. He's a brother to you, Ben. Lisa, I hope you'll be mom to him. He's kind of like me. He's never really had one. Near, this is my son, Ben. This is Lisa. We're gonna be married."

Lisa nodded, than tilted her head. "You adopted him?"

Near froze, uncomfortable with all the attention focused on him. This was a bit more than the teen could handle right now. Watari went to him, leaning down to murmur in his ear and the white haired one nodded, then hurried out.

Ben frowned. "Weird," he said. "Why'd he run off?"

Dean looked as if his heart would break. "Watari, I'm sorry. I wanted them all to meet. I hoped...I'm sorry. No, Lisa, he's not mine. I wish he was, but he will be a great leader one day. He's not mine. I have taken him in as a son. Ben, he's autistic, but incredibly intelligent. He's ultra-shy...gets nervous around people he doesn't know. This is my fault."

"It's all right, Dean. He was already on edge with the group before. He's used to working behind the scenes, not in front of others. He's going to be with Ryuuzaki, so he'll steady out. It isn't your fault." Lisa slipped her hand into Dean's, squeezing reassuringly. "Autistic children have a hard time. He's doing well to stay this long."

Ben frowned. "What's autistic?"

"Autism affects the brain, Ben. It can make it hard to communicate sometimes. For some, it hinders emotions, or the way the person interacts with others. Some will play with one particular toy. They have trouble understanding others. They don't like crowds or strangers. Near wasn't ready for all of this. It's my fault. I think of him as part of my family and I wanted all of you know each other. I frightened him."

Mello looked at Dean. "Like Watari said, it isn't your fault. Near just doesn't react well to groups; it's why Matt and I pretty much buffer him when we can."

Dean nodded. He looked towards the older man, and asked, "Watari, should I leave him alone for right now? When do we head out today?" Dean not thinking of food was new for any who knew him. Breakfast was ready to be served. At the moment, Near and the job ahead took precedence, even though he had Lisa and Ben there and wanted to be with them.

"L will help him calm down. In the meantime, eat and gather your strength. I'm not taking it easy on any of you regardless of this being the first exercise."

"Yes, Sir." Dean took his soon to be family over to the table where the others were gathered, minus Near and Ryuuzaki. "You've met the others?" he asked the woman by his side.

"Matt and Mello are charming. Ryuuzaki.. is a bit of an odd one," Lisa said.

Dean smiled. "Yeah. He can be, but he's helped me more than I can ever repay. He and Watari have been rocks in a really hard time. Have you met Bobby and Sarah? Do you remember Sam?"

"I do," she smiled.

Dean pulled out Lisa's chair for her. Ben sat next his dad. Bobby, Sarah, and Sam were sitting across from them. Mello sat next to Ben and Matt, next to Sam.

Breakfast was noisy as Watari slipped from the room to check on Near and L. Matt and Mello were doing their best to entertain and generally have fun while they could, making the others laugh.

This was the most relaxed any of them had ever seen Dean. Sam looked across Sarah at Bobby, a question in his eyes. Bobby shrugged. They knew what was still ahead, but Dean had it in the back of his mind at the moment. It never left him, but he had Lisa and Ben right now, and would enjoy what he had while he could and then he would do his job, knowing they were all right.

Once the meal was over, Watari sent Sam to join Near up at the computer and observation area and sent the others to gear up.

The two women and Ben were left at the table, Dean and Sam grabbing quick kisses, and Dean ruffling Ben's hair.


	77. Chapter 77

First Exercise 

Dean, Bobby, Mello, and Matt went to the equipment room, stopping by Dean's room first. He grabbed the armament he intended to carry: the knife, his gun, a sawed off , holy water, and extra ammo.

Matt and Mello armed themselves, ensuring to have what they needed but still be able to move.

Dean had the knife and his gun in the back of his jeans. The ammo and holy water were in a small rucksack that he carried over one shoulder. He carried the sawed off shotgun. When they reached the equipment room they were given earphones that had a mouthpiece added to it. They were almost invisible to the human eye when placed in the ear.

Bobby carried a shotgun, a pistol, and a knife. The knife was in a sheathe, the gun in a holster.

Watari was waiting for them. "Ryuuzaki is in the car, ready for you."

Dean led the others to the elevators and hit the underground parking button. He was calm and collected. Only Bobby would note from the way his jaw moved that he was nervous.

L was perched in his seat, unwrapping a lollipop as the males joined him.

Hopping into the seat next to the detective, Dean leaned over motioned towards the lollipop. "Demons have an incredible sense of smell, Ryuuzaki," he said with a grin. No foodstuffs while on a hunt.

He shrugged. "Watari said we will be traveling for a while. I have time to enjoy this."

"I'm assuming he's throwing us in cold turkey. Interesting way to train if you think about it. I usually try to know something before I go into a place, but it doesn't always work. Take the caverns as a good example of that. Since we are going to be traveling for a while. I'll take advantage of it." Dean leaned into his corner of the seat and went to sleep.

Matt played his computer game while Mello nibbled on chocolate, discussing various things with L.

Bobby sat up front with the driver, asking questions, and not getting any answers.

The drive took well over an hour and when the car stopped, they were outside of what looked like an old shopping center that had been abandoned.

Near was at the computers, fingers typing quickly over various keyboards as he hacked into the system Watari had told him to look for. He had his headset on and ready to go.

Dean's eyes opened fast and he was on the alert before the car stopped. "No jumping out of the car. We do this carefully." He rolled the window down and carefully stuck his head out, listening, sniffing the air and looking at the buildings. He opened his door slowly and stepped out, shot gun at the ready. He picked up the rucksack and placed it on his shoulder. Walking around the car he scanned the buildings. Not speaking, he motioned to the others to exit the car.

The white haired teen's voice sounded softly through the headset. "Near and Sam Winchester are now in the system. The building you are in front of has three levels - a sub level for piping and storage, the ground floor, and the first floor. The ground floor has stores, and the first floor is used for offices."

"Okay, guys. This is how it comes down. There's two hunters here. Ryuuzaki, you go with Bobby. Mello, Matt, you're with me. We split up. Take one floor at a time. Work it in two teams. One at one end, one at the other. I don't like not knowing what's above or below me. We start at the basement, then ground, and then the top floor."

The group nodded, breaking off into teams. Near's voice interrupted again. "Power seems to be minimal at best. Lighting is poor so the team may wish to use the torches."

"Are you using a British term for flashlights, Near?"

Matt laughed. "That's what he was talking about. We call them torches."

Dean nodded, reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulled out a flashlight. "Everybody got one?"

The group pulled them out. "We're ready," Bobby told him.

"You guys ever watch cop shows? We work like that. Dean found the stairwell to the basement area. He flipped a switch to see if the lights worked. They didn't. He turned on the flashlight and slowly made his way down the stairs. At the bottom, he started to scan the area as the others descended. There were large doors to storage units on the right. Pipes of all sizes filled the left area with a long narrow corridor through the middle.

"Okay, the boys and I are going to walk the pipe alley to the end. I want to make sure nothing is up among the pipes. Once we are at the end. We take turns checking the storage units. Do it cop style, guys. One in, guards for the next. Okay?"

Bobby and L went their own way while Matt and Mello nodded, going into position.

Dean waited until Bobby and L had gotten ready to watch. He nodded to the boys and they slowly made their way through the dark, damp pipe alley. Going slowly, they scanned the pipes above and around them for anything that didn't belong there. It took time.

Near guided them with Sam watching the cameras, looking for anything out of the normal. The two were working well. Since Near had the more calm voice,, he did the talking, though Sam had a headset on as well.

Dean finally relaxed a little. "Nothing in the pipes. We're entering the hallway again. As soon as we're in place, Bobby and Ryuuzaki can work the first storage. We'll watch from outside here. Then, we'll do the next. Work our way to the middle."

There were answering okays from the others.

Bobby picked the lock of the first unit, He stood on the opposite side of the door and motioned for L to open it. When it was opened with L behind the door, Bobby stepped inside shotgun ready and eased in. "Dean, these damn doors open out."

Sam's voice was heard through the earphones, "Have the partner to the right side while the one opening pulls to the left. It should keep both out of them out of line of sight but ready to move."

"Thanks, Sam. He's inside already."

Bobby scanned the area that could be seen and whispered for L, who followed him inside.

Near's voice gave a warning. "Fifteen yards ahead, there's a door. I can see a figure behind it."

Dean tensed. "Bobby?"

Bobby gestured for L to take position, which the younger male did as Bobby answered softly. "We're checking it out."

"Okay, Bobby. Be careful." Dean motioned to the two boys to head back to pipe alley. "Don't go far in, but if something comes out of there and it's not them, you shoot it." Dean went against the wall and squatted down, sawed off at ready."

Matt and Mello were holding position as Bobby and L opened the door. Bobby was close to laughing but was fast to 'disarm' the one on the other side of the door. He cut the head off of the figure, then checked in. "We're fine. Watari has an odd sense of humor."

"Really? What was it?"

L's voice was droll. "A mannequin with plastic vampire teeth glued in its mouth."

Dean leaned back against the wall, a grin on his face. "Damn, that's funny. There any boxes or anything in the room?"

"We're checking now."

Dean got back into position, a grin still on his face.

L's voice came back. "The room is clear."

"Okay, shut the door behind you. Find how you plan to watch us. It's our turn. Mello, Matt, come on."

Dean went to the nearest door and knelt to pick the lock, but leaped up quickly. "This one is not locked. Matt, grab the door. Mello, behind me."

The two teens followed his instructions, weapons ready.

Dean entered and ducked low as he did. "Lot's of boxes. Can't tell if there's a door at the end or not. Boys, one at a time. Keep an eye above you and watch corners."

It was quiet for a while, than a loud scream occurred with hissing and screeching, followed by both boys laughing hard. "Damn it! I almost shot it!"

Near frowned. "What happened? That was in a blind spot of the camera."

Mello was laughing when he answered, "Cat! It screamed like a banshee when it flew off the top of a box on top of Dean's head. He came unglued! All the sound was the cat. I never heard screams like that before." Mello was still laughing.

Dean's voice could be heard. "I think it pissed on me. I can smell it and my head is wet. Damn it! I stink! It's not funny, Matt. Cat piss smells."

The albino's voice was soothing. "Quiet down. Mello, find something to sop it up with. Dean, take off the jacket and leave it behind. After the exercise, Dean can retrieve it. The jacket should have taken the bulk of the urine."

Dean hissed, "It didn't land on my shoulders or back, Near. It landed on my damned head! It's dripping. The hair has grown longer. Remember. The jacket got a little. It's going down my face and stinging all the effing scratches I now have."

He frowned. "Wipe off as best as you can. Several of you should have a medical kit."

The injured hunter could hear some snickering over his earphone. "All right! Who's laughing?"

"I'm sorry, Dean. I just thought back to the cat when you had ghost fever. I thought the scream was you," Sam chuckled.

"You got to admit. This is funny, Dean," was Bobby's rejoinder.

"I will get you back."

Mello and Matt looked at each other. "Okay, we have to hear this story."

"Now is not a good time," Dean snapped.

"Get the med kit you two are carrying and I'll tell you,' Sam replied.

"Sam!"

Mello pulled the kit out of his pack and began helping Dean. "Okay, we're working on it."

"Damn it, Sam! I had ghost sickness." The hunter sat there fuming while the two boys tried to clean him up and doctor the scratches on his face, neck, ears, and down his back where the cat slid off. Sam told the entire story of Dean's ghost sickness responses. His outrunning a little dog, the snake, the first floor, how he drove, refusing to pick up a gun, escaping a ghost in the building when he should have had Sam's back, and the cat was saved for last. Dean finally just sat on the floor in the storage unit listening to everyone laugh. He swore he heard a slight snicker from L but would never be able to prove it.

"If everyone is through laughing, can we get back to work?"

Bobby chuckled, seeing the slight smile on L's face. "You got it, Dean. Near, which way for both of teams?"

Near's voice answered back. "Regroup and head down the corridor for ten feet, then take a left at the junction."

"Well, you heard him, guys." Dean and the boys left the storage room. "I didn't see anything at the junction. It doesn't go that far."

The group nodded. Bobby looked at Dean. "The kid is doing well, very calm and accurate in measurements."

"Yeah, it was that calmness that got me through everything in the cavern. Don't know what I would have done without him. When I lost the earphones, it was knowing he was listening and was keeping track of me."

"He'll do good during hunts," the older male told him. Near shook his head, not quite understanding the compliment.

"I'll hunt for L and I'll hunt out of necessity, Bobby, but I'm quitting after Lilith."

He nodded. "I meant for this."

"Sam knows the hunt, and he's there when a fast decision has to be made from where they are. He can do that. I got the two best guides in the world. What could go wrong?" A drop of cat urine rolled down his fact at that inopportune moment. Dean swore and moved on looking at everything on the walls and the ceiling for any entrance.

L's comment made the boys and Bobby laugh. "We will have to hose him off before letting him back in the car."

Dean shot daggers at him, but just stared when Bobby commented, "If there is anything around here, it will smell him a mile off before we ever get there. I really forgot how bad cat piss smells."

Mello was trying very hard to keep from laughing, and his cheeks were bright red due to the restraint.

Dean turned and looked at him. "L, you gonna let me in the car with wet clothes?"

Near's voice interjected. "A second vehicle has been dispatched with extra clothing. Please proceed with the exercise."

Dean stepped forward watching for openings of any kind. "I'm not seeing anything. No cracks anywhere." Dean took another step and disappeared. The profanity coming from nothing would make a sailor blush. L leaned down and placed his hand to the floor and his hand disappeared. He realized that somehow a projection was being placed over the hole. Dean had dropped through the floor because there were no signs of a door or hole anywhere.

"Get me the hell out of here! I wanna know what the hell this is?" Strings of words that neither Bobby nor Sam knew Dean had in his vocabulary were being broadcast over the mikes.

Mello and Matt looked at each other and shrugged and dropped into the hole, not abandoning their partner.

Near was pulling the schematics. "Another maintenance tunnel but this one did not appear on the schematics Near had found. This is older."

Dean's swearing stopped. "You're saying it's not on the plans? Then Watari didn't set this up, or you'd have the schematics? Who put up the thing that hid the opening? Stay up there and keep an eye on this. We're gonna check it out. Someone else may be involved now."

"It is in the folder, just an older one. Given it was cloaked, I would say Watari had a hand in it."

"Well, we'll be back. You two okay up there?"

"There is an entrance back to the upper level in 200 feet, the others can meet Team Winchester there."

L nodded. "We will meet you at the entrance."

The three looked to one direction and checked it to its end wall. Sighing, Dean led them back the other direction.

"There's got to be something down here, or why the camouflage? Unless it's supposed to lead us away from our objective."

"Unknown," Near responded. "Watari does nothing without a reason. Be on guard."

"We will. You heard him, guys. I really have no desire to fall either on my ass or get doused with anything else. That door was open with an angry cat in it. Damn thing is, it's all happening to me."

The group proceeded, moving cautiously to meet up with the other. Another twenty feet and Dean called a halt. "That looks like a door with bars in the window. Everyone hearing this?"

"There is a ladder to the left of it."

"Yeah, I see it. What's beyond the door, Near? We need to check it or do we go up way before 200 feet?"

"Another tunnel."

"Near, the ladder goes up at least 150 feet from L and Bobby. Should we follow the tunnel then, or am I on my own here in this? Cause if I am, I'm taking the tunnel."

"The ladder will have a stop off point at the floor where L and Bobby are on."

"L, Bobby, if you hear us, did you see a ladder when you headed 200 feet, or have you gotten that far?"

"We've found it," Bobby replied.

"Okay, we're coming up." Dean let the boys go first, knowing Bobby and L were above them, waiting.

They found them waiting.

"We going up?"

"I think so," Bobby answered.

"All right. I want the boys between us." Grabbing a rung, the younger of the hunters started his assent.

The group went into position, following Dean up.

Dean shone his flashlight around the area on the next level. "I'm at the first level, but I don't recognize anything. We ought to check it before we go further." He climbed off the ladder and rose to get a better look.

The others stepped off, following him. Near was watching. "Dean, three paces or so to Dean's right is a door."

"Thanks, Near." Dean walked towards the door and tried the knob. Locked. He knelt down and got out his lock picking kit. Mello walked up and shone a light on the knob for him. "Thanks, Mello." In seconds, the door clicked and opened slowly. Dean fell back away from it. "That shouldn't have happened."

"Be watchful, there are two rooms behind that door."

"Already am, Near. The door opened on its own. Mello, back away." Dean rose to his feet, and slowly moved to the other side of the entrance and slightly moved the door with a foot and waited.

A mannequin fell out, marked as a shifter. Jumping back, and reading the sign, Dean asked the others, "How do you kill a shifter?"

Mello lined up his sites, blowing the head off of the dummy. "There you go."

Dean rose, and turned his flashlight towards the interior room. He could see the two closed doors. Shaking his head, he entered slowly watching both doors carefully.

The rooms were empty after having disposed of the dummy.

"He's sure as hell giving us the works. Near is this going to be much longer, do you know? There's a hell of lot more to the building then I thought."

"Near is not sure at the moment."

"Okay. I guess we keep going the same direction then. Keep us updated if there is a change we need to be looking for or do we need to go back to the ladder?"

"Near will keep the teams updated."

"I guess that means we head straight then." Dean turned the flashlight back on and headed down the long hallway, the others following.

L nodded, and the group followed in the right pattern.

Watari walked in on Near and Sam. I was listening while working on the next trial. Is Dean getting tired?"

Near looked up then asked the question of Dean.

"What? I'm fine."

"Dean is sure?"

"What's going on, Near?"

Watari looked at Sam, "Why would he ask how much longer this trial will be?"

Sam got a look of consternation, "It's his first time to do something like this since he recovered. He could be tiring, but he will never admit that, Watari. He'll lie."

"He will not lie to L or to me. He knows this case can be pulled out from under him by us."

Near's voice took on a stern tone. "Dean will tell Near if Dean is tired. The exercise will be brought to a halt. Is Dean tiring?"

"Not like that, Near. What I need is a ten minute break and some water. Will Watari go with that?"

Dean never got Watari's answer because a flashlight shone in his face. L and Bobby were looking at him. L stared at him for a moment. "If you push to exhaustion point, it will not be good for your health."

"Look, a small rest will be enough."

"You won't be resting , boy, when you go after Lilith. We build up to it. You've been out of practice for a while. Look at his eyes, L. He's gonna drop."

"Damn it, Bobby. We can't wait on this. She might figure out some other way to use Sam for this. I can't take that chance."

"Dean, I can take the chance. You told me to take charge when you couldn't handle it. This is one of times. Come home, now."

Dean leaned against a wall, his head bowed. A fist slowly hitting the wall behind him.

"Dean," Watari spoke, "The building will still be there. Nothing is going to be moved. You can finish this in a couple of days. Don't push yourself and get an injury that might not heal right."

Those standing in the hallway, and those in the control room heard a soft whispered, "Yes, Sir."

L looked at him. "Given how long you have been on rest and healing injuries, you have done remarkably well. This is nothing to be ashamed of."

Before Dean could give any orders, Sam gave them the quickest way to the exit. Dean knew that his Sammy was now in charge. He headed to the exit.

The group followed, watchful of their surroundings. They soon reached the main entrance and waited for a car to come.

Matt asked, "Are we washing him down?"

"Good idea," L said. Dean reeked of cat urine.

"Aw, man. What are you gonna wash me down with? The entire complex is closed. There's no lights, no gas, and no damn water."

Mello looked down the street. "There's a car wash."

"Hell, no!" Dean took off at a run. Bobby was laughing as L, Mello, and Matt surrounded him.

L managed to catch him, dragging him to the car wash and found a milder way to hose the man down. Dean was fighting and struggling to break away and before long Mello and Matt had to help hold him still so they could wash him down. All four of them were soaked and the hunter was hoarse from swearing and yelling at them.

"Did you wish to return to base or not, Dean?" L was about at the end of his patience.

"Yeah, you know I do, but the damn soap stings. It's made to get bugs and tar off of cars, not cat piss off my head!"

"I apologize but it is either this or tying you to the roof of the vehicle."

Dean stood still, but he was tense and very pissed off.

Finally, he didn't smell as bad and Matt handed him a change of clothes.

Dean looked at the dry clothes, the parking lot, and the people staring and laughing at his bathing episode. He looked at the clothes again. He leaned down and removed his wet shoes. He started taking off his clothes out in the open where they'd bathed him. Jacket, shirts and he reached for his belt and began to unbuckle it.

Mello held out a bag, taking the wet clothing. Dean stripped down to his birthday suit, giving the people who'd been laughing a smirk when he heard screams and a few 'Oh my gods!" He started to put on the dry clothes. He looked at the three who'd fought to bathe him. "What are y'all gonna wear or weren't you expecting to bathe me in a car wash?"

"No we weren't," Mello told him. "We're fine. We just didn't want you uncomfortable with the smell."

Having watched the hunter strip naked in front of a bunch of strangers, L did not think the smell bothered him as much as it did them.

Finally, Dean was cleaned up enough and ready to get back to base. The clothing had been bagged several times.

"I'm sitting up front with the driver. You guys are all wet." Dean laughed as he hopped in the front and left an irate and very dry Bobby looking at the three wet detectives.

"Yes but at least you don't smell as bad," Matt teased.

"True, but I don't smell like a wet dog either. Hot, sweaty, and wet. Sorry, Bobby, but I've had my bath the hard way. You'll still need one."

"No kidding," he said dryly, though it was obvious he was trying NOT to laugh.

Dean looked up from his seat and winked at the older hunter, closing the door as he did.

Bobby chuckled then as he took his own seat. It was good to see Dean in better spirits.

Dean was exhausted, but the mood reflected Lisa and Ben, and he still wanted to make sure Near was all right. It never occurred to him that others were seeing more of the real Dean than they had been allowed to see before. The pranks were him, the joking with Mello was him, but those were really the only times they'd seen him when he wasn't hurting inside. Matt and Mello wanted to tell Sam and Near about the cat, the parking lot and the bath, and Dean changing clothes.

Watari was waiting for them when they arrived, taking the bag and asking Dean if he should make sure that there were cats in the next exercise as well. The question was asked teasingly.

"Only if I have a trap for it. It would be useful for pranks."

He laughed at that. "You may want to take a real shower. I left soap and shampoo that will remove the traces of urine from you."


	78. Chapter 78

Aftermath

Everyone rushed to clean up so they could beat Dean to the big floor where Sam, Near, Ben, and the women were told all about the misadventures Dean had had.

Near was curled up on a seat, listening to the tale with a somewhat curious expression on his face. Sam, however, was cracking up.

Sarah looked surprised. "He stripped naked in a car wash? In front of a bunch of strangers?" She looked at Lisa. "Did you know he was like this?" Sarah was grinning when she asked.

Lisa was giggling. "I knew he could be brave but that is something I hadn't expected at all."

Sarah looked at Sam, wondering. "Lisa, I'd like to talk brothers with you sometime, if you wouldn't mind. Maybe this afternoon?"

"No problem," the woman answered softly.

She grinned at her after that.

"At that moment, Dean entered, cleaned up, hair combed, and clean shaven. Both women stared wide-eyed. He looked nice. Dean gave them one of his big smiles and Lisa almost trembled.

He stood there and stared at everyone, knowing he had to have been the topic of conversation. He was just too tired to egg it on at the moment. He walked over to the two women, leaned down and gave Lisa a gentle kiss. "I love you." He went to check on Near, to make sure he was all right.

The teen was somewhat isolated from the others, not too far from L. "Dean has had a bit of an adventure," he murmured to the man.

Dean smiled, "Yeah, I guess I did. Are you okay? I wanted to apologize for this morning. I shouldn't have done that. I just wanted my two families to meet. It won't happen again, Near, until you say so."

"Near is unused to such groups," he told him, looking into hazel eyes.

"I knew that. I was so excited I didn't think about it. I'm sorry."

"Dean is right to feel excited. Dean's family has grown and Dean now has a child to raise. This is something for Dean to feel happy for."

"Near, that doesn't change anything between us. Do you understand that? I still think of you as mine. I still want that relationship with you."

"Near understands," he answered softly.

Dean knelt down to where he was eye to eye, looking into the gray eyes. "I love you like a son, Near. I know you don't understand that, but you are important to me. You always will be. The only change is my family has grown larger. I hope, when you are ready, you will spend time with all of us. I still plan on us doing things together. We still have a steak house to visit, when L will let me."

He nodded, large eyes meeting Dean's. "Indeed," he answered softly.

Dean gently pulled the teen into his arms and held him. "I love you, Near. Even if you don't understand, don't ever forget that."

Near responded with a light hug as well. "Near has no intention of forgetting, Dean."

"Good, because I'll hold you to that and I'll remind you quite often." Dean started to get back up and found that it wasn't as easy as he thought it would be. He had overdone it. He sighed, put his hands on either side of Near's chair and pushed with all he had left and managed to get up. He winked at the teen and walked over to where the women were talking.

"Hey, Sam. Have you guys eaten lately? I thought we might go out into the gardens and eat lunch." Sam had seen his difficulty in getting up and realized he'd have to take the lead in this. Dean needed a light meal and sleep desperately. He was still healing physically as far as rebuilding strength goes.

"No, we haven't. Lunch is waiting for us. I think Watari made seafood," Sam said, guiding everyone to head outside for the meal.

Dean grabbed Lisa's hand and walked behind the others a little slower than the rest. The day was catching up quickly and he was beginning to feel it and was fighting it with typical Winchester stubbornness.

The younger brother stayed on his other side so he could help if Dean's strength tried to give out.

The older hunter had not recognized what his brother was doing, but Lisa did. She started watching Dean also.

"Hey, we going to our favorite spot with the great chairs?"

"That's where Watari said he was going to set it up," Sam responded.

Dean grinned in answer. He was starting to hurt in his lower back and his ass from the fall. He figured he must have jerked something wrong when he landed. He just hadn't felt it before now. He was worried about telling anyone for fear that Watari would put a temporary hold on the trials. He felt more tired than he'd ever done been from hunting. He was frustrated and wanting to fight back against it. He was pretty sure if he tried that he'd be fighting everyone in the building.

"Where are you hurting," his brother asked him. He could see the difference in movement and knew his big brother had done something.

"I'll be fine, Sam. I either jarred or pulled something when I fell through that hole. Can't be anything more than muscle. I landed kinda funny. Wasn't expecting it, and that's my fault."

"Long hot soak and stretches should help with it. I'll see if I can't find some deep heating rub to help too," he said, thinking of Missouri's ointment.

"Sam, does anyone else have to know? Watari will think it's a hundred times worse than it probably is. Okay? I just want to do this job. If they call a halt every time I'm tired, bruised, or pulled something, we'll be here for months training."

"I can say it's for me," Sam told him.

"Thanks, Sam." Lisa stared at Sam in bewilderment. She mouthed behind Dean's back, "Why?"

He mouthed back at her. "Tell you later." She nodded and drew Dean into conversation about the hunt, and did he really strip naked in front of a group of strangers?

Dean laughed and said, "They shouldn't have been looking."

Sam chuckled as they arrived at their location, finding food waiting for them.

Dean seated Lisa and sat next her. Sam and Sarah joined them. Ben had stayed inside when promised a game with Matt. Watari said he would see to it the boy ate. Dean had winced when he sat down, and Sarah noticed this time.

"Dean, are you all right?"

Dean stared, looked at Sam, "Is it that noticeable?"

"You're moving stiffly and wincing in pain. Yeah, I'd say it's noticeable. We'll have Lisa help you with it if you don't want me to."

Dean shook his head, looked at Lisa and smiled, then turned to Sam. "No, I need you for this, Sammy. Lisa won't be strong enough to do any good. I really don't want to see another doctor or get put on muscle relaxers. They can make you sleepy if you have the wrong kind."

Lisa frowned at him. "You think I don't know how to give massages?"

"From what I remember, you give damn good massages, but this is to relax someone. This is probably gonna hurt like hell, and it's got to be deep and powerful. I don't know if you can do that."

"Ahh, I see. I guess Sam can help you then."

Dean winked at her, "You could come hold my hand and then help me relax afterward" Sam looked at her and mouthed 'No Sex.'

"We'll see," she said with a laugh.

Dean's voice reached a low whisper as he leaned in towards her, "I can promise to make it worth your while."

"Behave yourself," she teased.

Sam had to cover a grin due to the look on his brother's face.

Sarah shrugged, shaking her head. "Let's eat!"

"What are we having?" Dean asked as he watched Lisa and Sam remove covers.

"Seafood pasta Alfredo," Sam commented. "And it smells delicious."

"Sounds great." Lisa handed her fiancée a plate and he sat back and tasted the pasta. His smile told it all.

Sam and Sarah began eating, obviously happy with the choice of food. Watari had definitely brought out something delicious as usual.

Dean enjoyed the food, but he was not eating a large amount. He was very tired and the pain was getting stronger. The hunter refused to let it beat him, so kept the conversation going. Sam, looking at his plate, thought that Watari would know in an instance that something was wrong. He said nothing to Dean about it. Sam hoped Watari would notice.

Lisa noticed and encouraged him to eat, wanting him to replenish the energy he had spent today.

Dean thanked her and said that he was just tired and all the exercise today had taken some of his hunger away.

"I know but you've lost energy, Dean, and need to replace it. Food will help." She didn't sound naggy but it was obvious she was concerned about him.

The man next to her just nodded and picked up his fork, trying to eat some more.

Lisa was watching him carefully.

Dean looked up and noticed her watching him. "I'm all right, Lisa. I hurt my back a little and bruised my ass. I'll be find. I just need Sam to rub the back and rest up a little. We probably won't go back in to finish the trial til tomorrow afternoon or the day after. I'll be okay."

"True but that doesn't mean I don't worry," she said softly.

"I'm sorry you have too, but it's nice to know you care. I love you, Lisa."

She smiled, kissing his cheek. "I love you too, Dean. Very much."

The group continued talking after the meal was done. Dean had leaned over and had his head on Lisa's shoulder, listening, sometimes making a comment, and struggling to stay awake. He was frustrated by the feeling because he thought he ought to be healed. Getting tired because he hadn't exercised enough was one thing, but still feeling sleepy was another.

She kissed the top of his head. "Finished eating, love?"

He smiled at the kiss and sighed. "Yeah, I tried to eat it all, but I'm just not real hungry. I was more thirsty, and I'm tired...physically tired."

Sam noticed how his brother stressed physically. He knew Dean was hurting but acting like he wasn't, and he definitely knew that his brother still needed more rest then he was allowing himself. It would take his body a while to recoup what he had lost from the injuries. He knew he had to explain to Lisa why he had told Dean he would not tell Watari but say the ointment was for him. He shook his head.

"Let's go upstairs then and let you rest," she whispered to him. She wanted to help him get some sleep.

The head on her shoulder nodded. A soft whisper said, "Okay. Will you stay awhile?"

"If you want me to stay with you," she said, "I will."

"I'd like that very much. Thank you."

Sam watching in surprise, not having seen this side of his brother before. Tenderness towards a woman was something Dean seldom showed.

She stood, offering her hand to him so they could Lisa's hand, the older hunter rose and put an arm around her waist, as they both started to head back towards the building. Dean softly said, "Talk to you guys later."

Sam wondered again about his back and butt. If he wasn't noticing it now, he would later. Muscle injuries needed treatment, and would be more painful if not dealt with. Maybe Lisa planned on tending to him after all.

Sam went to talk to Watari, finding the ointment Missouri had given them, and then heading up to knock on Dean's door.

Lisa answered the door, letting Sam in. His brother was in a t shirt and boxers, half asleep on the bed.

"Hey Dean, I've got the ointment. I thought about using some of Watari's, but figured Missouri's would be better. Ready to get this done?"

Lisa told him to go ahead. Dean was on his stomach because he back hurt too much. She mentioned that his buttocks hurt badly too. He fell pretty hard. She walked over to the bed and crawled over onto the other side and leaned against the headboard, reaching out and taking her love's hand.

Sam warmed up the ointment before starting to work on Dean's painful areas.

Lisa pulled up Dean's shirt and lowered his boxers, when they both noticed bruises in both areas.

Sam expected them on his brother's ass but wasn't sure about the back.

"Dean, what the hell happened to get you so bruised up like this?"

"What? I was walking and fell into a hole and dropped about seven or eight feet, not expecting it. I fell on my ass. It hurt like hell. My back bruised too? I have no idea unless I hit something and didn't realize it. It happened pretty fast."

"Yeah, bruising pretty good there."

"Is it safe to rub it? I didn't think I'd hit my back. Damn it, Sam, we don't tell anyone."

"Unless you show signs of it being bad, I won't say anything. You have issues, I will report. Deal?"

"Deal. That's fair. I won't keep anything serious from Watari."

"Good, is this any better?"

"Yeah. The muscles feel better but the bruises are gonna hurt."

Lisa was fuming. "I don't understand this. Why are you hiding things? I thought hiding things was a part of the past now. You two had better explain it real good or I'm going to Watari, because I want the truth."

"He's worried that Watari will postpone more of the group's training."

"I don't care if he postpones it or not, Dean's health is more important. You both ought to know better. I'm surprised at both of you."

He looked at Dean to see what he would say on it.

Dean looked at his brother and then his future wife. He knew how important honesty in a relationship was supposed to be. His hazel eyes met her brown ones and he sighed.

"You're right, Lisa. I was hiding and it was wrong." Reaching for his cell phone, he opened it and dialed Watari's number.

Watari answered the phone. "Yes?"

"Watari, I thought you ought to know that I was going to do something stupid and had dragged Sam into it. Lisa called me on it. I was wrong. I owe both of them and you an apology. hurt my ass and my back in the fall. Thought it was only muscle, but I must've hit the back. Both areas are bruised. It's pretty sore. Just wanted you to know. I hope you won't call off the rest of the trial."

"Can you move all right or are you experiencing any loss of sensation in your limbs?"

"I'm moving slow because it hurts, but there's no loss of sensation anywhere. Sam and Lisa are saying it's bruised up."

"Ok, I'm sending one of the boys up with something to help with pain. Just soak and stretch it out the best you can."

"Thanks, Watari. Thanks for not running me through the ringer. It's what I deserved."

"I'm glad you came clean to me with this. If you're in pain tomorrow, I'll call in some help."

"I'll be fine, Watari. I really don't like doctors."

He chuckled. "I didn't say a doctor. Now get some sleep," he said softly.

Dean's had started scratching his head as he tried to figure out exactly who would come if not a doctor. He looked at the other two. "Who would he call in to help if it wasn't a doctor?"

"No idea," Sam answered. "Just get some rest. I'll check on you later," he said, ruffling his brother's hair.

Dean stared up at his younger brother, feeling almost a kid again. Sam never ruffled his hair. He smiled at the thought of his brother trying to be the protective one and thought it was nice in an odd way. Other than Bobby's brusque care and Ellen's over mothering at times, he'd never really felt protected by family before.

"Thanks, Sam. I mean that." Dean watched his brother leave the room. He turned to Lisa sitting on the bed next to him. "He said to soak and stretch it. I guess I need to do that. You're the Yoga expert. Any ideas, or do you need to go keep an eye on Ben?"

"He's being entertained by Matt at the moment," she laughed. "Come on, let me teach you a few stretches to help with those areas."

Grinning, the hunter got off the bed, pulling his boxers up and t shirt down. He reached up for Lisa to help her get off, but she shook her head and jumped down.

She laughed then started to show him a basic stretch. Dean worked with her for the next thirty to forty-five minutes, wincing at times, but struggling not to let out a sound. When they were done, he was sweating badly. He was still not up to par and both had forgotten his exhaustion which had finally reached a peak. He kept quiet about it, not wanting to concern Lisa over something he thought of as trivial.

"I need to soak, and I assume it's hot water. You want to join me?" He smiled as he asked.

She winked at him. "I just might at that."

Dean slowly got up off the floor and reached down to help Lisa get up. He turned towards the bathroom and the big tub with the whirlpool. He found some bath salts that foamed and made a hot bath, turning on the whirlpool. He got undressed and hopped into the tub and leaned back, closing his eyes, letting it ease his muscles. He was hoping he really would have company.

Lisa slid into the water after undressing as well, enjoying the heat and salts.

Dean felt her legs come up against his from the opposite end of the tub. He could stare at her without her knowing that his eyes were open. He kept his head back and looked down towards her. He waited to see what she might do or not do.

She reached out, taking his hand and holding it. "Feeling better?"

He had watched her sit up and reach across the tub to take his hand. He was disappointed that the bubbles covered her. He squeezed her hand. "I'm still sore, but it's manageable. I'll be fine. You make it better."

"Good. We're not going to 'play' tonight, love. I just wanted to spend time with you. I'm glad the stretches and massage helped."

He sighed but appreciated what she meant. It had been a long time since that weekend. He'd never forgotten her, and it seemed she had not forgotten him. Ben was a good reason not to. They needed to be together without being together. He could deal with that. Smiling softly, he asked her, "You want to borrow a t-shirt?"

Lisa smiled at that. "I would like that."

"That would be nice. I'll wear the boxers and you wear the t-shirt. Do you have to leave, or are you staying?"

"I'm staying," she said quietly.

She heard the intake of breath, then a soft sigh, and a quiet "Thank you. I don't want to be away from you right now, but I was almost afraid to ask."

"Don't be afraid to ask, Dean," she told him. "Asking for things isn't bad."

"It is if you thought I was asking for the wrong reasons. As much as I may want you, and I do, I need you more."

Lisa looked at him. "Love, I'm not protected. I'll have to see a doctor about that first. Besides, we need to give Ben attention to help him adjust to having a daddy around."

"No, you don't understand. I do want you, Lisa, but I know there needs to be time. What I mean by needing, is just having you here, talking, holding you, and just being with you. I want and need the time with Ben also. It's got to be a shock for him."

"I'll be here, Dean. I promise you that."

"I was going to ask if you would make staying the night a permanent thing, but I don't want to push. I'm grateful for tonight and the thought of just holding you all night long."

She smiled. "I'll think on it and see how Ben feels about it."

"I don't want him jealous of me or thinking that I'm taking you away, Lisa. I've just lost so much time because of this job. I'll wait as long as you need me to."

"That's why we have to work with him on this so he's comfortable with both of us together. I also want to start working you in as his father and taking the authority role with him," she told him.

"I'm not sure what you want in that aspect, Lisa. The only kid I've raised was Sammy, and I was a kid too. You'll have to tell me what's allowed and what's not. My dad was not the best role model for being a father."

"You didn't do a bad job on Sam," Lisa pointed out. "Guide him in what's right and wrong. Help him grow."

"All right. I will, but Lisa, there's gonna be times when I do things with Near, and will want him doing things with us, when he's ready. I think of him as my own kid. Will that bother you?"

"No.. but I do know that this Ryuuzaki seems protective of him. He may ask for you to come and visit him instead. I don't know."

"I mean, while we are here. If he happens to be in our area, than then. I may be called in on cases once in a while. It's good money working for L and Ryuuzaki said I will be needed at times. I will see him then too. We may talk on the phone, email each other,...that kind of thing. I promised him a meal in a real nice steak house. The kind that is quiet with just a few tables in each room. He is so nervous of crowds. I want him to experience things. I will be doing other things with Ben. "

"That's fine. The poor kid needs interaction," she said softly.

"Yeah, he does. I'm the first person outside of their established group that he's taken to. I don't want to lose that. It's a first for me...getting to help someone without it dealing with evil."

"The water is starting to get cold. If you want to dry off and look in my duffel, there's t-shirts in it. If you would toss a pair of boxers in here, I'll dry off after you are out."

Lisa smiled and stepped out of the tub, drying off and going to look for a t-shirt. A pair of boxers came flying into the bathroom.

Dean dried off, picked up the boxers and put them on. He headed into the bedroom and saw that Lisa was already in the bed and sitting on the side closest to the wall, waiting for him. She chuckled when he used both arms to push himself up and onto the bed. He grinned at her and commented, "I don't even want to know how you got up there." He turned off the light, got under the covers, and pulled her close. He was soon fast asleep with an arm around her waist, her back up against his chest.

She drifted off to sleep a short time later.

Sometime, in the middle of the night, Ben snuck into Dean's room, seeing his mother in the arms of the man she had told him was his dad. He carefully pulled a chair over and climbed onto the bed. He carefully inched his way in between them, snuggling into Dean's arms so they were around both Ben and his Mom. In his exhaustion, Dean never felt it. If Lisa did, she said nothing. Dean slept on, with his family in his arms.

Lisa did, and smiled before drifting off to sleep again.

Lisa woke first and laid still waiting to see what would happen. Both of her men were sound asleep, Dean had a leg over both of them, Ben snuggled with his head under his dad's chin.

She bit back a giggle, wishing she had a camera for this.

She heard the door creak open and Sam stuck his head in to see if they were awake. He saw her move and an arm motion him to come over.

"Camera?" Her voice was almost too soft to be heard.

Sam pulled out his cell phone and took pictures from several different angles, smiled and mouthed 'later.' He quietly left, heading upstairs to have copies made for everyone. He wasn't sure how Dean would react to the photos, but he thought they were special.

Lisa grinned, cuddling into her loved ones.

Dean finally woke, an eye opening as he felt hair under his chin but the body didn't feel like the love his life. He didn't move but looked down with the one eye, seeing his son. Lisa could not see the grin on his face, but she felt him squeeze and pull in tighter. She knew, then, he was awake, and apparently, not upset over Ben being between them and in his arms more than she was.

Ben's mom was very pleased with that.

Dean lay there, contentment at a high in his life for the first time. He stayed still, keeping his breathing slow and even, no idea that Lisa was awake.

Watari softly knocked bringing in a cart with three trays. He'd seen the pictures Sam was having made.

"Come in," She called out quietly as not to disturb her family.

Dean realized that she was awake, but did not move or speak. Ben was still asleep and he had to have been up late. 'Gonna have to stop that,' he thought. 'Not good for kids.'

Watari entered with the cart and softly closed the door. He walked over to the end of the bed and looked at Dean and his family. To Watari, they already were. He hoped, when L saw the pictures that L would finally understand the need Dean had.

Lisa smiled, sitting up carefully. "Thank you, Watari."

The hunter could not move without waking his son, so both Lisa and Watari heard a soft whisper, "Hey, What did you bring this time I'm gonna learn to like?"

Both looked at him in surprise. He smiled and winked and held his son closer, now that Lisa had moved.

Watari chuckled and told him that he'd brought French toast that had been made with healthy ingredients, eggs, and turkey bacon.

"That needs to be eaten while it's hot. Go eat, Lisa."

Lisa grinned and expertly moved Ben, not waking the boy so his father could get up. "He'll be all right now. Come and eat with me."

Knowing Dean's clothing preferences, Watari smiled softly to see Lisa in the man's t-shirt and the hunter in boxers only. They held hands as they walked to the table, Dean grabbing the chair Ben had left beside the bed.

She took a seat, pouring herself some tea.

Watari told them he had others to take care of and would be back later for the trays.

Dean sat down, removed two lids for them. He watched Lisa pour him a cup of tea, and he smiled and thanked her. Looking back towards the bed, he turned towards Lisa. "What time did he happen? I never felt him."

"About two thirty or so," She laughed.

He chuckled softly, than frowned slightly. "Don't you think that's awful late for him to be up?"

"It is but he isn't in school right now since it's break. I don't mind it as much as long as he is in bed reasonably on the nights before important things. It's a tradeoff we have."

Dean smiled, "Fair enough. I can live with that."

"School nights.. he's allowed Friday and Saturday night to be up late. He also knows he has to do his chores and reading after he gets up."

"Okay, if that's his routine, I'll go with it."

"If you want it changed, we can talk about it."

"Lisa, my life was crazy. I never had a normal bedtime except when I was at Pastor Jim's or Bobby's. I tried to see to it that Sam did, but my job was different. Lots of times, I had to go out and do things I regret to take care of both of us. I have no idea what is a right or a wrong time for a nine year old. Sam was in bed by eight on school nights, unless there was a lot of homework. I helped him with it when he asked. I wouldn't know what to say about that, to be honest."

"We'll talk about things like that and help you learn," she told him. "I trust you with him, Dean."

"I just don't want to make mistakes and hurt him in any way. I want things to be right between Ben and me. I've already missed so much."

Lisa swallowed her bite and looked at him. "First things first. You're not going to be the perfect dad. I'm not the perfect mom. We're human.. we make mistakes. Ben is a good boy and understands that."

Dean stared at her and nodded. He spoke softly, "I didn't have a good dad." His voice broke a little when he said it. "Any way, unless Watari plans on another trial today, I'd like to do something, all of us. Ask Sam, Sarah, and Bobby. See if Near would like to come. If the weather is nice out, maybe a picnic."

"It doesn't matter that you had a good dad or not. Your dad may have had a great father and look how he turned out. You love Ben?"

"Yeah, Lisa, I do. I have for a long time...even after you told me he wasn't mine. I knew he had to be. I loved him without knowing, not caring. I claimed him as mine in my heart that day. He's my son."

"That's all that matters. That you love him and communicate with us."

"Okay. I can do that, but, is it all right if I love you too?"

Lisa gave him a big smile, "You damn well better, Mister, since you're stuck with me."

"I want you as my wife, so badly. It's got to be special though. I'm only doing this once. So, we wait til I take care of this. When it's over, I have something to show you. Sam and I have made plans, and we want you and Sarah right the middle of it. Unless you need a big church wedding, I know where I want to get married. I hope you will like the idea. That's for later though. I want to show it to you."

She shook her head. "I'd be happy with a quick I do in front of a judge," she said with a grin. "Now eat before this meal gets cold."

"I don't want a judge. This happens only once. It's got to be right. Okay?"

"Just don't go overboard, OK?"

"That would all depend on whether you and Sarah like what Sam and I want to do."

"All right, we'll give it a listen. Now are you going to eat or do I have to do what I do to Ben?" She was obviously teasing him now but wanting to take care of him.

Dean teased back, "What do you do to Ben? Would it entice me to eat?"

She cut a bite of the French toast, then held it to him. "Eat it or no dessert with dinner tonight, buster."

Unlike Ben, the hunter had a wisecrack answer. "That all depends on how good the dessert is." He did take the bite, though.

"I happen to know his weakness and yours, Mister," she grinned.

"I know he likes girls, but he likes apple pie?"

The grin grew bigger. "Two things: hot apple pie a la mode and hot apple pie with a bit of cheese."

"I've never really eaten pie with anything. Good that way?"

"It's delicious. I'll have to make it for you that way. Ben would eat the entire pie if I let him."

"Well, I'd love it, but it would have to be a special, once in a while treat, or there's low fat out there. Watari has a great pie recipe that I can have. I took too long healing, and I'm still not right with regaining my strength. I have been eating wrong and they changed my diet, if you look carefully at my meal here."

"I'm glad he started teaching you how to eat healthy then," Lisa said.

"I thought it would be harder, but Watari is fantastic. He promised Sam and me that we could have the recipes. Sam likes this kind of food all the time. It's new for me, but I do like it."

"It helps that I like it too," she said with a smile.

"I hope Ben will. You think we ought to wake him before this meal gets too cold for him to eat?"

She got up and went to the bed, gently tickling his foot. "Ben.. breakfast."

Dean started eating his meal in earnest, while watching the scene that was behind him.

She kept tickling his foot gently. "Ben.. wake up. Breakfast is ready."

The next thing Lisa knew, Dean was on the bed and tickling his son's rib cage. "Your mama said get up, Ben." Ben started laughing and trying to get away but Dean had him pinned, tickling him. He finally picked the boy up over his shoulder and slid off the bed and carried him to the bathroom. "Do your thing in there, and come eat. Love you, Son." The new dad returned to the table.

Lisa laughed at the 'Love you too' coming from the bathroom. Dean was definitely getting into this. The new father was finishing his breakfast when Ben exited the bathroom. He asked for another cup of tea, not planning on going anywhere until the boy had eaten.

She poured him a cup, then some milk for Ben as he climbed into his chair.

"Good morning. Sleep well?"

"Uh huh," he said happily, taking a bite of his food.

Dean smiled at him and watched him eat. He felt like he had to be dreaming, and it couldn't be real. He almost pinched himself.

Ben munched on his breakfast, making happy sounds at the taste of the food.

His father continued to watch and listen, a contented smile on his face.

Lisa was smiling as well, enjoying having her family together.

Dean still sitting in his boxers, didn't want to leave the table. This had been his dream for so many years. He didn't want to move or break whatever spell that surrounded him.

Finally the meal ended with Ben giving a very loud burp, then a sheepish 'excuse me.'

His father grinned and turned to Lisa. "I told Sammy that he was too much like me to not be mine."

She giggled at that. "NO kidding. Now, we should get cleaned up and changed. See you in a little bit?"

"Yeah, I guess in the main room upstairs. I love you, hon." Dean leaned over and gently caressed her lips with his. "In a little while."

"Love you too," she kissed him back and then went to change and clean up, Ben behind her.

Dean watched them both go and headed to the shower.


	79. Chapter 79

Interlude

The two cleaned up and met the others, talking softly as they waited for Dean.

Dean entered the room, scanning it, and seeing Watari, headed his direction.

"Hey, thank you for your advice last night. It helped. I'm still a little sore, but I figured I would be. It's better though. I wanted to ask. Would it be all right to have a big picnic in the garden? Everyone could come if they liked. I thought it would be good for us, as a family to spend some time together. It seemed like a good idea. I noticed you have a clear area on one side. We could play games there."

The older man nodded. "Anything you would like to request for food?"

"Watari, the last time I was on a picnic was before Sam was born. I don't know. Maybe you could find out and fix us up right?"

He gave a gentle smile. "Did you wish to include Ryuuzaki and the boys?"

"At first, I thought just us, but no. You are all family. That includes you. If you have football, volleyball, and baseball equipment, it would be great."

"I think I can arrange a few things. Relax and I'll have it ready in a few hours."

"Thanks, Watari. I am going to go talk to everyone and make sure they all come." Dean was almost bouncing, heading towards the rest, noting that everyone was in the room.

He got to a good vantage point. "Hey! Everybody! Listen up!"

L looked up from his laptop, an eyebrow arching.

"In a few hours, we are going to have a major event...a no work day. A picnic is in the works. Watari is going to come up with whatever is considered picnic food. I asked him if he had any game equipment. He said he'd fix us up with some stuff. This is for everyone. We Winchesters consider L's group as family. This is a family picnic. I want to make it an annual thing for all of us. Ryuuzaki, boys, Watari? Will you join us? Sam? Sarah? Bobby?"

Matt and Mello grinned, obviously excited by the news. L shrugged slightly. "I will go to keep an eye on the boys."

Dean smiled then looked at Near, hoping. He would not pressure him, especially in public.

Near nodded, telling him quietly that he would go. The hunter responded just as quietly with a soft "Thank you." Another nod was given in quiet response.

Dean felt uncomfortable that Sam, Sarah, and Bobby had said nothing. He walked over to make sure he hadn't done anything wrong.

The three had been plotting something with Lisa and gave Dean an innocent grin when he came up to them. "The picnic and family day sounds good, Dean," Bobby pointed out.

Dean grinned. He was looking forward to real family fun. It was not something that he was used to but he wanted it badly.

Looking at the foursome, he was curious. He had noticed looks they were giving each other. "Am I an odd man out, here? I can go."

"Nah, you're good," he grinned. "So sports too, huh?"

"Yeah. Sports ought to be a part of picnics. Doncha think?"

"True," he chuckled.

"I barely remember how to play those games. Mainly in gym, you know?"

"Well, who says we have to take it by all the rules," Sarah pointed out with a grin.

"True. You know, I keep getting the feeling that you'd like me to just go find someone to talk to? I think I will see what Ben and the boys are up to."

"Probably wrecking havoc," she laughed.

Dean leaned in and kissed Lisa, then turned and headed towards the boys.

Matt and Mello were giving Ben a crash course in games, working patiently to help him as they played Halo together. The three were getting along well despite the age difference.

The hunter watched for a few minutes, then realized there was really nothing to do up here. He headed back to his room to get the Doyle book. He'd finished it a couple of days ago and wanted to find something else. He picked up the book and headed to the library.

Entering the library, he saw an urn and cups on a table, sniffing it, he thought it smelled citrusy. He poured himself a much needed hot drink. It smelled wonderful. Taking a sip, his eyes widened, and he smiled. Taking the cup with him, he put the Doyle book back where he'd gotten it. Glancing at shelves, he spied a book he had always wanted to read, but was not sure how to go about doing it and not being teased. He sighed, picked up the book, and found an alcove with a soft, padded chair and an ottoman. There was a small table beside it. He sat down, set his cup on the table, and opened Lewis Carroll, hoping he wasn't spotted.

There was actually another person in the room who had snuck in before Dean had left the group. Near was in a wing backed chair, curled up with a book.

Dean did not realize that he was not alone. Both the man and the teen were quietly enjoying a good read in private.

Watari came in a while later, smiling at Dean. "The preparations are ready."

"Fantastic, Watari! Does everyone know?" Watari wondered what Dean was reading that made him slip the book into the cushions on the chair, as if hiding it.

"They're waiting on you and Near, actually." He wasn't surprised when he heard the soft voice of his charge answer. "Near will come, Watari."

Dean's eyes grew wide and there was a look of panic on his face. "Near? I didn't know you were here. Did you come in after me?" Watari's curiosity was growing stronger. What was the boy reading?

"Near was here before Dean came in." He padded to the other. "Near saw what Dean was reading. Is the book good?"

Dean blushed a bright red, the eyes growing wider. "Yeah, it is actually. I've never read it before. I think I'll go put it in my room. I'll meet you upstairs with the others." Watari thought he'd heard the hunter say "somewhere", after he said my room. He watched a very embarrassed Winchester leave the library at a very fast pace for someone with a sore back. He looked at Near.

"What was he reading?"

"Alice in Wonderland," he answered quietly, then went to follow the other. "Dean?"

Thinking about the type of man Dean was, Watari could see the sensitive child in Dean wanting to read the book, but he could see the macho hunter being incredibly embarrassed if the others found out. He shook his head and smiled.

The elevator had not reached the library floor, so Near caught up with Dean.

Near looked up at the hunter. "Dean?"

Dean looked into gray eyes. "Yeah, Near?"

"Near has never read the book Dean is reading. May Near borrow it after Dean is finished?"

Dean turned red again. "Yeah, I'll give it to you as soon as I'm finished with it. It's got two books in it, actually. He wrote a sequel to Alice." The elevator opened and both entered. "You coming with me or going on up?"

"Near will go with Dean. Why is Dean showing signs of embarrassment?"

Dean sighed. "This is the type of book that will get me all kinds of ribbing from Sam and the others if they know I'm reading it. It's something I always wanted to read as a kid but Dad would have killed me if he'd caught me reading it. I'm a man now, and that can make it just as bad. I like it so far and I really want to finish it, but I won't be able to if anyone finds out. I know you can keep a secret, so please, don't tell anyone."

They got off on the third floor and Dean headed towards his room with Near. Entering, he looked for a place to hide the book. He finally slipped it under the mattress.

"Near will not speak of it."

"Thanks, Near." They arrived at the top floor to find everyone ready.


	80. Chapter 80

Games

"Hey, guys. There's shade trees near the open area and I thought we might set up there. Watari, are we using blankets or did you set up tables? Blankets would be easier to deal with, I think and make less work for you."

The older man smiled. "Blankets."

"Fantastic! Everyone ready? You are coming, Watari?"

"I am," he said softly.

"Let's go, guys!"

Near and Watari followed as they headed into a portion of the gardens that wasn't used that often. The older male had set up a large blanket for everyone to sit on. There were several baskets and coolers there. A badminton net had been set up and there were balls around for various types of games.

Dean stood with a look of awe on his face. "This is great! Thank you, Watari. Hey, what new foods am I going to learn to like today, or, are we actually eating unhealthy?" He grinned when he asked the question.

He laughed softly, watching as Near claimed a corner of the blanket under a thick canopy of trees. "Unhealthy. I thought that since it was fun day, we could splurge a bit."

"Thank you." They watched the boys running towards the gaming equipment and grabbing a volleyball. The three looked over at the others. Mello shouted at the others, "There's three of us. Dean, Sam, Ryuuzaki, Sarah, and Lisa! You five and us three makes eight. We can play with that many."

L shook his head and wandered to the boys. Watari had put his foot down about him working today, helped by Matt and Mello.

Mello had them in a group. "Matt and I are the captains. We get to choose teams. I won the toss." He grinned at Matt.

Dean looked at Lisa, "Sam will be picked first. He's 6'4" and has probably played it in college. Mello! Each side has to have a girl."

The blond stuck his tongue out at him. "Don't you think I know that! Goof!"

Dean grinned. "I can cut that dirty thing out, you know?"

"You'd have to catch me first," he snickered.

Sam murmured to Lisa, "Mello wouldn't get far. Dean can run fast."

Matt snickered. "Mello's pretty damned fast when he wants to be. I'll take Lisa!"

The blond poked his friend. "I got to go first so meh...I'll take Ben!"

Dean grinned at the joy on Ben's face. Matt yelled, "I still get Lisa. Your turn."

"Hmmm...decisions, decisions. I'll take Dean."

Dean spoke up, "Well, that's decided. You have to have a girl so you get Sarah. Ryuuzaki and Sam go to Matt."

The group nodded, heading towards their teams.

"Mello, I appreciate this, but with me on your team, we're probably going to lose. I will fight hard though."

The blond grinned. "We'll kick butt; we've got Ben after all." Dean winked at Ben. "He's our secret weapon against his Uncle Sammy."

The little boy giggled at that when Mello ruffled his hair. "Ok, we ready guys?"

"Flip a coin and see who serves first?"

Sam pulled a quarter out of his pocket. He tossed into the air and yelled, 'call!'"

"Heads," Mello called.

Dean called out, "It's heads! All right!"

Mello tossed Dean the ball. "Your serve first."

Dean served the ball and it went right towards Sam.

The taller Winchester hit it back over the net and Ben hit it, Mello helping him.

Lisa ran and hit the ball hard and it went straight into an empty area. Dean and Sarah ran towards it, both sets of eyes on the ball and nowhere else. They knocked heads as Dean leaped towards the ball. Both hit the ground and Mello, running frantically, barely tipped the ball towards the net, where Ben jumped and hit it over. Dean was on top of Sarah, rubbing his head. He looked down and winced, getting up quickly. "You okay?"

L was not fast enough to reach the net where Ben's hit had barely gotten the ball over. Ben yelled, "We got a point!"

"Way to go Ben!" Mello cheered him before checking on Dean and Sarah. "You two OK?"

"That might be a lump, but I'm fine. Sarah?" He reached over and began to rub her head . When she went, "Ow!" he felt the area. "Yeah. Definitely a lump. You okay?"

She started giggling. "I thought I had a hard head!"

Dean laughed, "Yeah. Me, too. The lumps will go down. Just keep an eye on them today and we'll know for sure for both of us. Can you still play?" He noticed Sam coming around to check on her and backed away.

"Yup, get back on your side, Sam," she teased as she got back to her feet. "Ok Dean, since it's our point, you serve again!"

"No kissing her, Sam. We don't want your team's cooties infesting us. We're on a roll." Sam stood there, looking at his brother, trying to figure out if someone could be possessed when tattooed with the amulet symbol."

Dean watched him as he headed towards the serving area with the ball. He winked at his brother and smiled.

Mello and Ben were cracking up at the comment, and L shook his head with a wry twist of the lips.

Bobby turned to Watari and Near. "Now that's something I never thought I'd hear him say."

Watari was chuckling. "He's in a good mood and feeling playful. I'm rather pleased with that."

Near frowned. "What are cooties?"

"Yeah, it's good to see. I'd always hoped that he wasn't completely beaten down and there was someone normal inside of him." Bobby explained cooties to Near.

Dean served the ball and it went straight towards Lisa.

Lisa bounced it back, grinning as it went for Sarah, who slammed it back. L was fast to spike it back over the net.

Dean ran, picking up Ben and lifting the nine-year-old up into the air, enabling the boy to give it a hard downwards strike

The ball hit a space where there was a gap in the players. "Nice job," Mello and Sarah called out to Ben, who was grinning widely.

"You're on a roll, Son. That's two points in a row. Way to go!"

They slapped hands, as Dean grabbed the ball, ready to serve. He hit it hard and the ball went in a straight line towards Matt.

Matt, despite being a gamer, was quick to smack it back at Dean. Dean knew that at the distance he was at and the angle of the ball that he was going to have to fist it. He hit it hard and the ball went in another straight line, but this time, towards Sam.

Sam grinned, hitting it back over the net. Mello hit it right back at Sam. The younger Winchester smacked it right back. Mello hit it right back at him.

It seemed like a consistent thing, the two smacking the ball at each other for a while. Finally the ball went past Mello and hit the ground. It was Matt's team's turn to serve.

"Was it good for both of you? Do we need a time out for a smoke?" Dean laughed after he said it and got ready to see where the ball would go.

Sarah was giggling at that, laughing when Mello goes. "Nah, this is just foreplay."

"Oh, so I wasn't good enough, huh? You're going after a bigger prize."

The adults were cracking up at the banter between them. "I like 'em all manly," Mello snickered.

"Well, at least, if I cry, my face doesn't get covered with boogers, and don't feed him burritos. His farts are the worst in the world...and...they linger."

Ben's eyes were huge. "EWWWWWWWWWWWWW."

Dean grinned at his son. "Even having the window down doesn't help."

He playfully gagged. "NASTY!"

Dean grinned at his brother and said, "He's all yours, Mello, since you like 'em so manly."

"Only after feeding him Bean-o or something," The comment had most of the group laughing, even Sam.

"You mean Bean-o really works!" Dean slapped his forehead. "All those years wasted!"

Sam and Ben both fell on their butts, laughing hard. The game had pretty much ground to a halt due to the banter and laughter.


	81. Chapter 81

Food and Conversation

Watari suggested that they come and eat.

The group headed for the blanket, still teasing Sam and Mello.

Lisa sat down on a portion of the blanket, and Dean went to help with the food. Ben was with the boys, and spending some time trying to get to know Near.

"Can I help?" Watari looked into the face of a Dean Winchester that he almost didn't recognize. He got more than a glimpse, this time, of the way Dean should look...younger and happy.

"Fairly easy to serve," he said with a grin. "However, you can see what they want to drink."

"What are we offering as far as drinks go?"

"Sodas, juices, and bottled water," Watari answered as he set the food out to allow others to choose what they wanted.

Dean picked up a basket and filled it with a selection of the drinks and started walking around offering everyone a choice. If he ran out of one, he'd go back to get more.

While Dean did that the older male set out fried chicken, potato salad, chips, fruit, and sweets, given L's taste in foods.

Dean returned with the leftover drinks and placed them back in the large ice chest. He motioned to Ben and his son joined him. "We're gonna take care of Mom, okay? You think she'll want a little bit of everything?"

"Yeah, Mama likes all of that.. plus the watermelon," he said with a grin.

Two plates were fixed for Lisa. One had chicken, potato salad, and chips. The other had a large slice of watermelon on it. Dean snagged another drink for her, silverware, and napkins. They both carried a plate, while Dean also had the extra items. Lisa and Sarah were talking together over what they had been discussing earlier about Dean. A shadow came over them. She looked up, hand above her eyes to block the light, and she saw Dean and Ben with food, another drink, and the necessary items for eating. Both had legs spread slightly apart, were bouncing just little, with big grins on their faces.

Sarah leaned in and whispered, "There's no way he would have believed you telling him that Ben is not his. That's almost scary."

Lisa smiled at that. "They are adorable," she said to her, then looked at her boys. "Is that for me?"

"I told Ben that we needed to take care of Mom. I hope this is enough. If it isn't I'll get you more when you want it."

Her smile grew bigger. "It's perfect," Lisa said, giving each of them a kiss. "Thank you."

He and Ben headed to get their own food, passing Sam who had two plates prepared...one for Sara and one for himself. Dean winked and smiled as they passed.

Sarah looked up at Sam as he handed her a plate. She smiled, took both plates so he could sit. "Thank you, Sam."

Sam beamed at her as he sat down beside her. "You're welcome."

Ben headed back to the boys, and his dad joined Sam and the two women. "This is great! It's been a long time since I've had fried chicken and potato salad. It reminds me of when Mom was pregnant with you, Sam. Our Saturday afternoons after Dad got off work were at the park. We practiced ball and we'd eat fried chicken and potato salad."

Sam paused in taking a bite, "Really?"

Near was listening to the chatter but not participating, nibbling on his food while the boys were tearing into theirs. Dean kept an eye on him, but knowing Near, he wasn't concerned. The boy seemed contented enough. He turned back to Sam, "Yeah. It's something I want to have every year. At least one big family picnic, invite Ryuuzaki, Watari, and the boys. We'll have a lot, just us, but I want this as a tradition."

Lisa nodded, swallowing her bite of food. "I think that's a great idea, Dean."

"Thanks. I hope everyone else likes the idea." Dean was quiet again. His mind went back to earlier and his family holding a deep discussion and stopping when he showed up. He was a hunter after all, so anything off the norm would bother him. He said nothing but was starting to pay more attention to what they said.

The group ate dinner, with Lisa and Sarah watching with wide eyes as L demolished his way through sweets. They weren't used to anyone that could eat that much in one sitting.

Dean laughed at their looks. "I'm pretty sure that Watari got some regular food down him first. He usually insists on it."

"How is he not a diabetic?" Sarah's eyes were huge.

"To be honest, I have no idea. He hardly ever sleeps. I don't see how he hasn't dropped dead. He has a weird metabolism. That's all I can say."

She shook her head. "Unreal. And that Near boy isn't eating enough. No wonder he's so tiny." There was concern in her voice.

"He's okay. Honest. Watari knows he has a small appetite, so he keeps him in food all day long. Near is more of a snacker."

Lisa put in her input as well. "He looks underweight though."

Dean sighed. "The doctors found no problem. It was me they had the problem with. Near is small but he wears clothes that make him look smaller."

"Well, hard not to worry. He's adorable," she said with a soft laugh.

"Yeah, he is. Makes you want to protect him."

Both girls nodded at they had eaten, Dean laid his head in Lisa's lap, he grabbed her left hand, caressing her fingers, thinking about how he was gonna try to come up with the money to buy her a ring. Not a big one, though he'd love to, but something nice that fit who she was.

She played with his hair, warning Ben that he could only have three cookies with that cake and no more sugar. But she had to giggle afterward when Ryuuzaki and Mello were sneaking him more sweets afterward

The words were barely a whisper, but the older Winchester commented on the problems they would have later that evening. "He's gonna be completely wired and have a major bellyache."

"'ll teach him self-control and I'll make sure he stays with Ryuuzaki and Mello in order to teach them not to give so much sugar to a child," she said with a sneaky grin.

"Mello, I can understand, but Ryuuzaki?"

"He's the other one sneaking sweets to Ben," she laughed.

"I think, that like me, he's feeling freedom from responsibility today and letting the child that never had much of a chance to be, come and play."

"Maybe so but he'll have to help pay the penalty," she grinned again.

"You gonna make him babysit tonight?" Dean had a hopeful look in his eyes. Sam grinned and stared at Sarah. They had yet to spend a night together. Sarah blushed and was still hopeful of talking to Lisa.

"I was thinking on it," Lisa laughed.

"Maybe I can hold you again tonight?" The question was barely a whisper.

"I was counting on it, " came the soft whisper.

The hand he was caressing received a gentle squeeze. She squeezed his hand back, eyes soft with love.

Within an hour, both boys had their heads in the women's laps, sound asleep.

Sarah and Lisa talked softly so as not to wake them.

"Lisa, you've slept with Dean before...a number of years ago, but you are making him wait this time?"

"I'm not protected," she told her. "So it's a matter of necessity."

"You weren't before, though? Were you wanting a child, or just not planning on it happening? I overheard Dean and Sam talking and Dean said you two had an entire weekend and he'd never done that before with someone he didn't know. I know he's never gotten over you."

"I want another child but not right now. Dean has to get to know Ben and me better as we do him."

"I agree. I met Sam on a hunt of all things. I wasn't afraid of what he did. I should've chased after him. Maybe the things that happened would never have happened. If you haven't heard everything, you need Dean to tell you. I know what I'm getting into.. what issues are being dealt with. I want to have sex with Sam. I want a child, but I'm afraid. He told me about things that have happened since I knew him .He likes to be aggressive. I've never experienced it that way. Is Dean ever aggressive, or will he let you take charge?"

"Yes, Dean can be a little aggressive, but mainly liking to take charge. He will let me control things though. Dean is a giving lover. As for Sam, you can tell him to slow down, Sarah. It's a two way street, remember? "

"Okay. I will do that. Thanks, Lisa. I think I may surprise him tonight. But I will tell him I have no protection before we start anything. If he wants to wait on children, there are hotter things you can do, you know. I want that intimacy with him."

"Good idea. And Sarah, I'd wait on the kids thing."

Sarah smiled, "Yeah, we need time together first. I will have that intimacy though. I read a few books since we met. I want him as well as love him."

"Good," She said with a smile, moving Dean's head off of her lap so she could get up and stretch. Dean's hazel eyes stared up at her, and his lazy smile surprised Sarah who had never seen it before. 'God, she thought, he is sexy. I thought he was more of a smart ass all of this time. But, he's not Sam.' Dean got up, stretched, and grabbed Lisa's hand. "Wanna walk?"

They left Sarah with a dark head in her lap, planning the seduction of Samuel Winchester.


	82. Chapter 82

Water Wars 

They didn't make it too far before Lisa knelt and there was a loud "NOW!" and a wave of water balloons that had been chilled were thrown at Dean. The hunter froze for a second, than took off running towards the trees, trying to escape the cold barrage.

Lisa started giggling and began throwing at him as well, having taken ammo from Bobby.

Sam and Sarah had made it around the edge of the woods with Ryuuzaki, and Dean stopped, turning and looking for another way out. They started closing in, and he knew there was no escape. He dropped his arms, closed his eyes, and took it.

In front of Dean's feet was another cooler. Near had heard of the plans and had managed to sneak a cooler of water guns for Dean to use to retaliate before the picnic had started.

Dean opened his eyes and noticed the ice chest. He thought that maybe it was their source of weapons. He bent down, getting several balloons in the back and the top of his head. He shook the cold water out of his hair that was now in his face, and opened the chest. The water guns were of different types and sizes. Several had straps. Dean started taking them out of the cooler, laying them on the grass. Sam screamed "Water guns!" Everyone took off. Dean hung straps over his shoulders and neck, shoved water pistols in his jeans, grabbed the rest, and took off after his attackers.

The group scattered, occasionally lobbing balloons to slow Dean down. The hunter headed for the woods, making it more difficult for the balloons to be thrown at him. He stayed low, hunting the others. He finally saw his brother and Sarah cutting across a trail. Sarah would never be able to hide her tracks. She didn't know how. He stalked them, realizing that Sam was taking them back to the gardens. He took another way and was waiting when they came out of the woods. The older Winchester doused both of them until they were soaked, and headed back into the woods to find the others.

"Damn it," Sam grumbled, then headed back in to get his brother back for that. He didn't know how Dean had gotten his hands on water guns, but he'd find a way to get even.

Dean found Lisa running along a trail, and grinned. He jumped out at her and soon had his arms around her, pulling her to the ground, with Lisa screaming and trying to break free. Dean straddled her chest with a knee on either side of her, his crotch literally over her neck. He took out two pistols and doused her face, neck, and hair. He then leaned down and kissed her, jumping up and heading back into the woods.

"Dean, you brat!" She could hear his laugh echoing through the woods as he stalked the others. He knew he had Bobby, L, Mello, and Matt to find. Ben had stayed with Near and Watari.

Near hid the knowing expression on his face when he heard the shrieks and laughter coming from the forest.

Ben giggled and looked at the others. "Dad must be good at his job. It's him against everyone else and he's not screaming."

"Indeed," Watari chuckled.

Dean saw L's white clothes coming towards him. The tree he was under was perfect for climbing and had a nice thick limb going over the trail with a lot of leaves on it. He climbed the tree and straddled the branch, and waited. He was ecstatic when he realized that Matt was with him.

L's dark eyes scanned the horizon and the genius went a different direction.

Dean watched him for a minute, and climbed down and was soon about twenty feet into the woods, but running parallel with the detective and his heir. He was soon on his belly in the woods about ten feet ahead. This time, L would not see him. He jumped up right after they passed him. He soaked both detectives until they were drenched from behind. He was gone.

L looked at Matt. "It is time to find some better ammunition."

Dean spotted Bobby sitting down for a moment on a log. He crept behind him. Bobby sighed. "Get it over with boy, I deserve it." Dean sighed. "Damn it, Bobby, you weren't supposed to do that." Mello jumped out and hit Dean upside the head with two balloons and he and Bobby both headed out at a run. Dean swore and took off after them.

Sarah and Lisa came up behind him, getting him good with several balloons.

Near spotted Matt running into the building and coming back with several super soakers. "Near believes Dean is going to be getting into trouble now."

Watching Matt fill the super shakers with the melted ice water from the cooler, Watari shuddered, and said, "I believe he is. He can handle the balloons, but I think the melted ice will break him."

Ben giggled. "It's fun though."

Watari, smiled, "Yes, and I now know just how good a hunter your father is."

"He's the bestest!"

"Yes, I believe you are correct."

They heard a roar from Dean. "Someone found him."

"Possibly Matt and L," Near murmured.

Dean yelled, "What the hell?"

There was some swearing. Matt yelled, "Watch out!"

There was another shout and Mello yelled, "Oh my god!"

Dean yelled, "If you plan to turn a man's balls blue, you can at least stay and take it!"

Watari started laughing at that.

Dean exited the woods, looking for his attackers. They'd all gone to ground, with good reason. Dean had the two ice water super soakers along with the rest of his guns.

The group stayed hidden, waiting for Dean to pass by. Dean came up to the three on the blanket. "Could I have a bottled water? Seven against one makes you thirsty. Gotta go back in there and roust them out."

Near handed him one, "This should help Dean."

"Thanks, Near." Dean opened the water, and downed it, not coming up for air. He headed into the woods from where he was, hoping to come up from behind the attackers.

A set of balloons dropped onto his head, accompanied by a laugh from a certain blond.

Dean turn the super soaker on high and aimed into the tree, dousing everything with ice water. He soon heard Mello cry out. He laughed and ran on.

"You're in for it now, Winchester!" Mello shouted at him.

"Seven to one, Mello? Hell, I thought I already was!"

Balloons hit him again; the blond was pretty accurate in aiming.

Dean wasn't a crack shot for nothing. He aimed the super soaker and doused Mello with the melted ice.

Dean was getting tired. His back was hurting. "Come on! Where are you? Cowards! If this is an execution why aren't you doing something about me? I'm taking on seven of you and you are all hiding except Mello!"

All of a sudden, there was another wave of balloons. The group had met up and had surrounded Dean, sending wave after wave of balloons after him.

Dean was soaked again, spitting water from his mouth, water running from his nose, and his eyes blinking from the chlorine in the water. His hair was down in his face making it hard to see. He was turning in a circle dousing anything in sight. Mello ran towards him with an armful of balloons, volleying them at the hunter, who was dousing him with iced water.

Dean did not hear or see Sam come up behind him. Sam jumped him, knocking him to the ground face first in the high grass and tree limbs. He straddled his back, holding his thrashing brother to the ground, laughing and yelling, "Got him!"

More balloons soaked both Dean and Sam, laughter filling the air as they did so. Sam dragged Dean off the ground and Mello helped him disarm his brother and they dragged him back into the clearing. Dean was filthy from having been on his face in the undergrowth of the woods, soaking wet.

Sam and Mello forced him to his knees. "Okay, Matt, read the charges."

"Conspiring to soak the rest of us, taking himself too seriously, obsession with cheese burgers and apple pie, and not eating enough chocolate...how do you plead?"

"First off, I only soaked three of you. I do not take myself too seriously. The rest I proudly plead guilty to. I'll take apple pie over chocolate any day!"

"Heresy!"

"I'm a hunter! I'll damn well do what I want and need to do. I kill monsters. I'll eat what I want when I want. Seriously, yeah, I am serious, but I have fun too. Again, I only soaked three of you, but the other four have put themselves on my hit list. Be glad you're not on my shit list."

The teens grinned and tickled him, laughing.

Dean struggled to get out of Sam's grip, now that Mello and Matt were tickling him. "Damn it, Sammy, let me go! That's not punishment... that's torture! Damn it!" Dean was laughing hard and struggling to get away. Sam pulled him to the ground. Lisa, remembering the past, pulled a shoe and sock off and started tickling his foot. "Shit! NO!" Dean tried to kick out when Ryuuzaki sat on his legs. Lisa grabbed the other shoe and sock. Dean was trying to buck the detective off, laughing uncontrollably, swearing at the top of his lungs.

Bobby was helping as well, tickling the other foot.

"Damn it, Sammy! Let me go! Oh god! Somebody, anybody, make them stop." Dean was laughing so hard he was starting to cough and choke.

Ryuuzaki was fast to move. "Off," came the order and the boys agreed. He quickly checked Dean, helping him to get to an angle he could breathe better.

The hunter gasped for air, trying to catch his breath. His face was bright red, the cough and choking sounds easing as he got more air.

Sam ran a hand through the wet hair that had leaves and pieces of branches caught in it. "You okay?"

His brother tried to speak but could barely whisper. "Damn it," was what the squeaky voice managed to get out, "I can't talk...aw, man..."

"Slow breaths, Dean. Try to calm your breathing down," L told him.

Dean was panicking. "Damn it, Ryuuzaki. How can I lead them if they can't hear me." The squeaky hoarse voice sounded funny. A few of them started snickering. "Damn it, guys. Stop it." Dean started coughing again, wheezing as he did.

"We should return to the picnic site, allow Dean time to rest," he spoke, and the others nodded their agreement.

When they got to the big blanket, Lisa got Sam to help her and they began to strip Dean. He was too hoarse and having too much difficulty breathing to try to fight. All Lisa and Sam heard was..."Aw, damn it...twice in one week." Sam started laughing. He couldn't help it.

"It'll line out," he said with a grin.

The squeaky voice asked him, "How does it line out, Sammy? Soaked and naked in front of a bunch of people twice in one week?" Matt brought towels for everyone and a blanket for Dean.

He chuckled. "What can I say? You're a magnet for trouble."

Dean huddled in the blanket for a few minutes, then he got up, whispered a thank you for the picnic to Watari and headed to his room. He was cold and the only thing on his mind was a hot soak with the whirlpool.

The others soon disbanded as well, being soaked by Dean's sharp shooting.


	83. Chapter 83

Dean and Lisa Talk.

Dean had had a good time, but it had tired him. Things like this made him realize how weak his body still was, but he had survived for quite a while, just himself against all the rest. He was satisfied that things were getting better. It really did take time though. He soaked in a tub filled with sandalwood scented bath salts. He started to doze off, and had to shake himself awake. He finally let the water out, dried off, walked over to the bed, and climbed in...not even thinking about boxers.

Lisa came to check on him, cuddling with him after putting boxers on him in case Ben came in to cuddle. She wasn't sure if he realized she'd come in. She recognized his need to sleep so much as exhaustion. Watari had mentioned to her that it would take the hunter a while to get his strength back, but she knew he'd had fun. She also knew she was glad she wasn't one of the bad guys.

The woman curled with him, rubbing his back gently. Dean moaned softly as she rubbed his back. She remembered that he'd injured it the day before. She checked it. The bruises were bad but his actions that day proved he could handle the pain from it and that it was not seriously debilitating to him.

She found some deep heating rub and began working on the injured areas again, wanting to help him relax and get out of pain quickly. Dean moaned softly, and whispered, "Don't stop, please."

"I'm not going to," she murmured. "Just relax." He felt her start to massage his butt where he had taken the brunt of the fall. He stiffened for a moment. "I'm not wearing anything, Lisa."

"Yes you are," she laughed softly. Even in his exhaustion, Dean was a flirter. A slight smirk quirked one lip. "It's been ten years. I still look good to you?"

"Very sexy and handsome, Dean. I'm a very lucky lady," Lisa smiled.

"I'm the lucky one, Lisa. You are so beautiful and incredibly hot, and I can talk to you about anything. I've never had that with a woman who actually loved me and wanted me to stay. That's important to me."

Her smile grew brighter even as her hands continued to work out the knots in his back.

"You've got magic hands, hon."

Dean noticed that it was dark. "I've been sleeping for a while? What time is it?"

"After nine," she said with a smile.

"Damn. I guess I over did it today." He got that lazy smile that sent such a thrill through her. "It was fun, though. I liked straddling you, soaking you down, and kissing you like that. Hated having to run off though."

She laughed, still working on his back. "I think someone likes the idea of getting me all wet."

The smile returned, and the lazy whisper responded, "Yeah, but your head was the wrong place I'd like to see wet."

A light tap was given against the back of his head. "Pervert," Lisa teased.

The hazel eyes looked serious for a moment as he looked into her eyes, trying to read her. "Would you rather I wasn't? I can be if you prefer it. It might be hard around you, and that's no pun intended, but I can be that if you need it from me."

"You need to be yourself, Dean. You can't change simply because you think this is what I want."

"I want you to be comfortable around me. Damn, it's been ten years since we were even in the same bed together. I joke a lot, when I'm playing around, but I joke also when I'm afraid. I'm not gonna push you, but I will joke. If the joking is offensive, I won't do it. I just need to know what won't push you away. I like having you here with me."

"And I like being with you, Dean." She ruffled his hair. "Just give it time."

"Lisa, I'm not asking for it. I do want it. You're beautiful and I love you, but I can wait. Sometimes, you turn me on even when you're not trying. I joke because it's a way of release of pent up emotions and needs. I just need to know if the jokes bother you."

"And I'll tell you if something bugs me. I promise," she said seriously.

"Then, it was teasing when you called me a pervert? I hate to tell you this, but I am one."

Lisa giggled. "I hate to tell you this...but I knew that."

Dean smiled again, "How long have you known that?"

She gave another giggle. "Since I've known you."

"Is that why I got to stay the whole weekend? You were the most incredible woman I'd ever been with. I never forgot you. When I met you again, I fell in love with you. "

Her fingers ruffled his hair. "Despite being a pervert, you're a gentle person who cares so much for the people around you."

He pulled her head down toward him, his lips gently caressing hers. He leaned his forehead against hers and sighed. "I love you, Lisa."

"I love you too, Dean," she said, kissing him back.

"You may think is is crazy, but I have a question about Ben's birthday party last year."

"What's that?"

"The women who were there...your friends? They acted like they knew me. I swear one of them said that's Dean. Someone said who? They said Dean. Someone else said the Dean? What have you told them? They were looking me up and down like guys do a really hot girl. They started whispering, giggling, and watching me closely."

She blushed. "Yeah.. they were good friends of mine and I did talk about you."

"Damn, you would think they thought I was a stud or was a sex...toy? Lisa? What did you tell them?"

"That you were a kind and giving lover.. most of them had experiences that weren't as wonderful as mine. I did tell them that it was incredible. You were, Dean."

"I'm glad that's all, because we had the wildest weekend I'd ever experienced in my life. Nothing has ever compared to it. My entire life was waiting for that time with you and remembering afterward. I've had one-nighters, Lisa, after you, but only to hide the pain I go through. To forget things. I didn't think I could ever have this. I wanted you to know that you've been the only one I have ever loved this deeply."

She smiled, pressing a kiss to his lips before resuming work on his back. "Well, you do now."

"Promise me that if you ever want to know things about me, you'll just ask? I've told Ryuuzaki I wouldn't lie or keep things from those I love ever again. If you feel you can't ask, then go to Sam or Bobby. They both know pretty much everything there is know about me. I'd still rather you feel you can come to me. Okay?"

"As long as you do the same.. either about me or Ben or if you simply need someone to talk to."

"I will. Wanna play twenty questions about each other?" Dean thought that he must have lost mind doing that, but he wanted everything open between them. Let things come as they come.

"All right, if you feel comfortable with that."

"Lisa, I'd rather hide it all, but I can't do that to us. I've had nightmares in my life, and you have the right know those things. There may be discomfort for both of us. I hope not, but you're marrying me. It's your right to know."

She smiled sweetly. "That sounds good. You want to start?

"When did you decide you were in love with me?"

"By Saturday afternoon," she said with a grin. "You surprised me with that wonderful lunch, remember?"

"Yeah, I grilled steaks, made baked potatoes, and sautéed asparagus from a recipe you had in a cookbook. I remember sitting on the floor in your studio, both of us barely dressed, drinking wine and eating that meal."

"You showed that you cared, had such a romantic streak in you."

"Yeah, but I was always so stupid, pure testosterone all the time. I never thought of that as romantic. Never thought I was. It just seemed the right thing to do. I always hid behind the macho, to keep from getting hurt, and I have been, but it was after you. She ended up doing it to me twice."

I saw her again after she hurt me the first time. The spark was still there, but she told me she wanted no part of me, that I'd get her killed. When I saw you again, I chased you away, because I was afraid Cassie was right, but I'd fallen in love with you. When you told me Ben wasn't mine, it hurt. I wanted him. I wanted something from us."

"Cassie was afraid, Dean. I think she's afraid of commitment, of what it would mean to be with someone as strong as you are. Some women are intimidated by strength like yours."

"I think that sex with her was more of a control issue. With you, it was passionate, wild, and we both shared in it. I loved that. I'll tell you a secret. That day I came back, I wanted to have that again. Something bad was about to happen, and I wanted that one good memory. It was better that we didn't get to. There was Ben. Without it, I learned you, and I loved you."

"I'm glad. I wanted you to see him but had no means of contacting you at all," she murmured, hands massaging his back still.

"I wasn't ready for that until then. I wish I had been though. There were too many family problems. My whole life has been family problems. I'm so glad to finally have you and Ben. You're turn."

Lisa was thinking for a moment. "Have you given thought as to having more children in the future?"

"Oh yeah. I'd have as many as you will let me have. I've missed everything about raising Ben. I never got feed him, change a diaper, take him for a walk in a stroller, get his first haircut, walking the floor with him when he's not feeling well and won't stop crying, cutting his first tooth, losing his first tooth, and I never got to hand out cigars and tell everyone at the hospital that he was mine. I never saw his first steps, or took off work to see his first day at school. I've never met his teachers, or helped with little league. Yeah, I want kids."

She smiled at that, feeling happy. "Then we'll get that chance." Dean nodded and smiled at her.

"My question?"

"Yup," Lisa said.

"This is a hard one. When you found out you were pregnant, what did you feel?"

"Happy," she said with a smile. "I loved the idea of bringing new life into the world. I was a bit scared too."

"Were you angry at me at all for leaving you in that fix? Ben had no father. You were in it all alone."

"No, I wasn't angry. It's not as if we knew it would happen. I had a feeling that if you did know, you'd be there."

"Yeah, it might have been difficult, but I'd have been there."

"I know. My question?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Your dream.. the designing of cars.. how long have you wanted this?"

"I saw a guy driving one of those small hybrid things I think. I knew he could afford to drive it just fine, but then he looked at my baby. There was such a look of envy on his face. I realized that big cars are a status symbol for men, and some women. I couldn't understand why a car and an engine couldn't be designed that would be fuel efficient. I knew it could be done. That was my dream. Not real long ago. I've changed, you know?"

"You have, and I admire the ideas you have. A lot of people drive tiny cars, which can't be safe, and it's sad because the bigger ones do look nicer."

"I wouldn't trade my baby for the world. Everyone should be able to own something like her...big, beautiful, but inexpensive. I've studied some about bio-fuels. They are experimenting with one right now that would be perfect if it works."

"Did you say Bobby owned and ran a junkyard?"

"Yeah, in South Dakota, but I'm not moving up there. I've got a place...well, I will. Sam and I. It's in west Texas. Dean named the town where they would be near...the town Lisa had lived in. Dean knew this. "I was working a murder case there. There was this cabin up in mountains. Ryuuzaki said L bought with me in mind. Sam and I plan on major add-ons for all of us to have the place."

"Well, you could look at the cars there and get ideas from styles that you knew were popular when introduced and are very classy," she suggested.

"Yeah, but I have to think of aerodynamics too. I will get up there and look around."

She smiled. "I think you can come up with a lot. Ben has a lot of interest in mechanics and sciences, so you'll have a helper."

Dean's eyes lit up at the piece of information about his son. He looked excited. "That's fantastic. I'll help him learn whatever he wants to learn. My question."

"Go for it."

"What's your best memory and your worst memory in your life?"

"Best memory is when Ben was born. I think the worst was getting stalked like that and having no idea how to find you. I hated having to pull him away from his friends." She looked a little scared.

"I tried to keep an eye on you but it was hard sometimes. I didn't know about the stalker, but I knew you'd moved. I hunted everywhere for you. Your family cussed me out...said it was my fault you'd disappeared. I didn't know they knew about me. I was scared about you. I finally told Ryuuzaki and he told me where you were."

"He works for the top detective in the world, I'm told."

"He wouldn't let me contact you or get you. It was killing me inside. I didn't know what name you were using and I was scared you were still being stalked. I'd never felt so helpless in my life."

"I wonder why."

"He's not very emotional...never been in love. Doesn't understand it. Thought you'd be in the way of me finishing this hunt for Lilith. Her death is the beginning of my life."

"Well, in a way, I can understand his concerns. We can be a distraction at times."

"No, hon. You're my reason for winning this...a life with you."

She patted his back. "Thanks, baby."

"You're welcome, hon. Your question?"

"Hmmm...let's see. The silliest thing you've ever done."

"In my right mind?"

"You mean there were things done not in your right mind?"

"Ummm...yeeaah."

"How about both."

"Silly as in funny...or just plain the dumbest thing I've ever done?"

She giggled. "How about both on that?"

"Lisa, some of this might be funny and light hearted, but some of it won't be. Okay?"

"Okay, sweetie."

"The silliest thing I did in my right mind was agree to have a murder confession recorded. I told them what I liked to do on a date, my sign, all kinds of crap. The silliest thing I did not in my right mind was scream bloody murder in terror at a cat in a locker. I had ghost fever. It makes you afraid of everything."

She gave a soft laugh. "What is it with you and cats?"

"I don't know, but I won't own one. The dumbest thing?. I'd rather do one at a time because you're gonna be asking all kinds of things after you freak out."

"Okay," she giggled. "You know, Ben's been asking for a pet."

"Dogs. Lots of dogs. We'll rescue them from a shelter."

Dean was quiet for a minute and seemed to shake a little. Lisa grew still, realizing he was no longer joking with her.

"Lisa, you won't be laughing or giggling at these, and I'm sorry. You wanted dumb. These two messed me up big time. Afterwards, I'll give you one more silly thing. Okay?"

She rubbed his hair, trying to calm him down.

"I'll call this one the dumb thing when I was in my right mind. I sold my soul to raise Sam from the dead. I ended up in hell."

Lisa froze at that, simply listening.

"You don't want to yell at me? Everyone else has, except Watari and Ryuuzaki."

"Did you feel it was the right thing to do at the time, even if you look back on it and regret it now?"

"Yeah, I couldn't live without him. The demon who brought this on asked me if I was sure if what I brought back was all Sam. Sometimes, I'm not sure, but I hope so. One month in hell is ten years, Lisa. It was my worst nightmare. They broke me, and I came down off the rack and I did the same thing they did and I liked it. Getting to give back what I'd been suffering. It felt good. Ryuuzaki said I'm human. He said I wasn't like the rest of them. I did not lose my humanity. Damn. I'm sorry, Lisa. I'm not that strong a guy."

She gently tapped the back of his head. "Love, you're human. Humans break. You are the strongest person I know."

"You really believe that? You don't think worse of me?"

"No, love, I don't think the worst of you."

"Thank you. Lisa, the other one...I only talked about it once. The other two times, Bobby and Sam saw it on a video. You're the only other person I will tell this to face to face. It's hard. Okay?"

"You know I'm here to listen. If it's too hard, Dean, we can talk about it when you're ready."

"No, you're gonna be my wife...closer to me then Sam and Bobby. Ryuuzaki said family needs to know and understand. Okay? I think I went absolutely crazy from fear and panic. I didn't know what to do. My only thought was do what they asked and protect Sammy and not let anybody know."

Lisa shifted their position so his head was in her lap, fingers carding through his hair to comfort him.

"I was fifteen, I think. It's such a mess in my mind. Dad was supposed to leave for a few weeks but he stayed gone a long time. I was told we were to stay put. We were facing eviction. There was no food. Sam needed things for school, and with winter coming, he needed warmer clothes. I went to a pool hall and played for four hours and I earned fifteen hundred dollars. That would keep us til Dad got back. I didn't think I needed to call Bobby or Pastor Jim. I could do this."

She listened, keeping the touch comforting and soothing.

"It was dark and I walking as fast as I could because it was a bad neighborhood. Dad never really put us in good ones very often. He said he couldn't afford to do that. Someone grabbed me from behind. I reached for a knife but he had my other arm behind me and almost broke it. He yelled for help and there were others. I recognized a voice. It was the guys I played pool with. I offered the money back, but they told me I had to earn it. I told them I'd beat them in a fair game. They pushed me to my knees. They made me give all of them...I took them in my mouth. It was a form of rape, but all I could think of was Sam. Getting home to him and keeping that money."

"Oh baby," she murmured softly.

They told me they were there this same night every week, and I was to come back and play pool and they'd let me win. I was take care of them in the restroom afterward. They threatened Sam, so I did it week after f'ing week. Dad didn't come and take us away. I wanted to call Bobby or Pastor Jim, but I'd have to tell them what I was doing to earn the money. I used the money, Lisa. I couldn't tell them I was whoring.

"Dean, this wasn't your fault, you know that right?"

"I know. Everyone has told me that, and I'm working on it. I wanted Dad to come and save me from the nightmare. Finally, he showed up after I had gone to the pool hall. He showed up looking for me and he was pissed that I'd left Sam alone. Sam told him I'd been earning the money somehow. He told him I'd come home crying each night I disappeared. Dad thought the worse and he was right."

"He was so wrong to leave you in that position and got angry for the wrong reason, love."

"I know, hon. That night they were tired of losing to me and they thought I owed them more. They dragged me upstairs, and they …..they hurt me real bad. Dad showed up, and I was so glad to see him. I thought he'd kill every single one of them for hurting me. He opened the door and they were already through. I was bleeding pretty bad and they'd beat me too. I was on the bed and it was covered with …..it was covered. They were throwing a hundred dollars each on the bed because I'd never done it before and that seemed special to them. Dad called me a whore, he grabbed my clothes and stuff, and he walked away and left me there."

She growled. "That asshole."

"It was cold that night, and I walked barefoot in a blanket back to the motel. I picked the lock with a hairpin I found on the ground. There was no food, no money, no Dad, and no Sam. They'd gone and taken everything with them. I had no clothes or anything. I crawled onto my bed, covered myself in the blanket, and I waited...for a week. I thought about killing myself, but there was Sammy and I took care of him. I couldn't leave him to Dad."

Her eyes were full of anger and tears.

"Dad came back without Sam. He called me a lot of bad names, He took his belt off and he beat me real bad. Some of my bruises were almost gone, but he gave me a lot more. He got a brush and dish soap, he used it to clean my mouth and my …..the rest of me. I bled worse than when they took me. He threw some tennis shoes and clothes at me and said come on. He didn't feed me. We drove for three days to Bobby's. He thought I'd been hurt in a hunt. I couldn't tell him. I thought he'd think the same thing as Dad. He started training Sam and told me to have his back because it was my fault he was hunting."

"I can't believe he would do something like this," she told him. "if he wasn't gone, I'd beat the hell out of him."

"He had me by the balls, Lisa. I couldn't quit or he'd tell Sam, Bobby, and Pastor Jim. I had no one I could tell the truth to. My mind was so messed up during that. I should have called Bobby or Pastor Jim, but I was fifteen, and I was scared. I think that's why I sold my soul to save Sam. It screwed me royal, but it was important to me that I do something right. That I not fail. It meant something to me. If Sam died, then I'd failed and what I went through was for nothing."

"Dean, look at me."

The hazel eyes looking into angry brown ones.

"You did nothing wrong outside of not telling Bobby or Pastor Jim. You did what you had to do to protect your brother. Your father should not have laid that burden on your shoulders, you were too young for that. All of this was his responsibility." She caressed his face.

"Lisa, I've had that burden since I was four years old. I know all that you are saying is true. I honestly do because everyone has told me that. I believe it in my mind. I'm trying to reach my heart with it. I have a mantra I say all the time. I'm not a whore, It's not my fault, and I am worthy. I figure that one of these days, it'll make sense and I'll really believe it. I just wanted you to know that I've told you more than the others know. I could talk easier to you."

"You're not a whore and you are very worthy," she said, eyes gentle.

"It means more coming from you. Thank you. Dean turned on his side and wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her tightly. "I love you, Lisa. Thank you for loving me."

"I love you too, Dean."

"I know and I am eternally grateful. You'll never know how much because I don't know how to tell you, but you have all of me, heart and soul."

She caressed his face. "And I will treasure it very much, Dean."

The hunter turned back over and an awe filled face stared up at her. "No one's ever told me that before. I've always hidden things inside. Ryuuzaki and Watari have dug a lot of them out of me. It's been hard, but it's been worth it just to hear those words. Thank you."

"Welcome sweetie," she leaned down and kissed him. His lips met hers, his tongue barely touching her lips in a gentle caress. He pulled her bottom lip into his mouth and nipped it softly, barely sucking it. She could feel his breath on her face as he his mouth worshiped hers. She realized that Dean had learned a lot of things in the years they'd been apart. She trembled slightly, wondering what else he'd learned.

When the kiss ended, she stroked his face with a soft smile.

"I think I've had enough of twenty questions for one night. But I promised one more silly. I can't hold a tune at all. Sammy is worse. We were looking for an evil Santa. We thought we'd found him and followed him to his trailer. We heard noises that didn't sound good so we broke through his front door. He was drunk and watching something on TV. He stared at us and we started singing Silent Night, badly off key and he started laughing and singing it with us. The things we have to do."

She giggled at that. "Ben is that way too."

Lisa saw the smile go back to Dean's eyes. "Let's get some sleep. I hope he's over all the nausea and sugar rush before he joins us." He grabbed her and pulled her down next to him.

She laughed and cuddled into him. "I'm hoping he'll torment the others."

"Well, you know what they say, hon...one man's kid is another man's poison." Dean cuddle her closed and started to drift back off to sleep.

Another laugh came from her before she drifted to sleep as well


	84. Chapter 84

Warning. This chapter is sexually explicit in some areas.

The Seduction of Sam Winchester

Sarah was pacing her room, indecision wracking her. Finally, she grabbed her bathrobe and headed to Sam's room. As she waited for the elevator, she thought about how few the kisses had been. He was shyer then when they'd met. She knew the problem was Ruby, and she was damned if some dead demon was going to keep him from her. There was a lot she could do and not have sex. Tonight, she was claiming her man.

Sam was reading in his room, flipping through some books as he tried to get some information in regards to helping find Lilith. Even though he couldn't be part of the team, he could help find her.

The door partially opened and he saw Sarah's head peep in. "Hi, Sam."

"Hi Sarah, everything OK?"

"Everything's fine. Can I come in? You don't have to get up. I'll join you if you don't mind.

He smiled at her. "Sure."

She entered the room, wearing a long silky red bathrobe, her hair long. She walked over to his recliner and climbed up on his lap, and took his book, setting it on the table. She shook her hair, and leaned in and kissed him slowly, passionately.

His eyes widened, than he kissed her back.

She began to slowly kiss him again , letting her tongue probe his mouth, as her hands caressed his face, and ran through his hair.

He ended the kiss a few seconds later. "Sarah?"

"Yes, Sam?" She ran her mouth over his lips down to his chin, nibbling on it, and started licking and sucking his neck, leaving love bites as she went. She slowly blew hot breaths on the moist skin.

"What are you doing?" The question was spoken breathlessly.

"Wait and see, Sam. Just relax and enjoy it."

He nodded, eyes very wide as he watched her. Sam hadn't expected this and wasn't sure about it at all.

She worked up to his ear and started nibbling at it, her tongue going inside as far is it would go. She sucked on the lobe, and let her tongue lick behind the ear. She worked to the back of his neck, nibbling, licking and sucking.. Slowly, she moved down, her hands moving under his t-shirt, pushing it up slowly. She flicked her tongue over a nipple and watched it harden. She grazed it with her teeth and heard him gasp as she pulled it into her mouth and sucked on it.

"Sarah," he gasped softly, fingers sinking into her hair. Sam was completely stunned by what she was doing. She slowly dragged her tongue to the other nipple and proceeded to do to it what she had done to the other. The young woman ran her tongue down his torso to his navel. Her tongue began to work on it as she carefully undid the button of his jeans, and unzipped them opening them so she could reach his lower belly. Her hands caressed tender skin and she licked and sucked the entire area.

The tall frame shuddered, feeling himself harden under what she was doing.

He hadn't felt like this in a long time.. feeling such gentle passion from Sarah.

Sarah tugged at his jeans and Sam felt himself lifting up to let her maneuver the material. He didn't realize at first that she'd pulled his boxers down at the same time, releasing him.

She began to nibble bite in the pubic hair and she started licking the areas where his legs joined his crotch, gently nibbling and caressing with her fingers. Sara continued her ministrations, caressing and using her mouth to love him.

Sam moaned, legs parting to allow her more access. He'd never had anyone pay so much attention to him before...not like this.

He still smelled of soap from his shower after the soaking. She smiled as his legs parted and she moved down further to give him pleasure. She'd done some reading and was trying out new things to help him find himself again sexually.

The younger Winchester wasn't familiar with the type of stimulation she was using, and his hips bucked up despite his best efforts not to. "S...Sarah," he warned, knowing he was getting close. He simply wasn't used to this and the desire curling in his belly was boiling up to a head fast. He cried out her name, trembling under the force of his climax.

Sarah did not move after he was done, letting him recover from her exploration and stimulation of his body.

"Oh my god, Sarah," he breathed out.

"I love you, Sam, and you are now mine. You asked to me to marry you, and I said yes, but I want all of you in that marriage. There can't be sex right now. I have no protection, but there's a lot things we can do. Can you move?"

"I don't think I have any bones left in my body," Sam laughed out.

"Oh, I bet you do," she teased. Standing up, Sarah removed the red robe. She had on a sheer red top that barely covered her breasts and a sheer red thong. "You know how good I am. How good are you, Sam? The night is very long, you know." She walked towards the bed, hips swaying and he could barely see the rear strap of the thong. He groaned a deep groan.

"Damn, you are trying to kill me," he said with a bright grin.

"Oh, I think you're more than strong enough to survive it, and I bet you look better with those clothes completely off, Sam Winchester."

The grin grew wider as he rose, stripping out of his clothing and heading towards the bed.


	85. Chapter 85

Morning Interludes 

Watari planned to finish the first trial that day. He had some people hired on their day off who were part of L's special body guards, when he needed them. There were four who would be in makeup and who would be doing some attacks. Watari knew people would get hurt, but he made sure that the weapons in the car that had been left there from two days ago, were unarmed, with only blanks in them. His problem was making sure Dean didn't notice. When it came to weaponry, Dean was the most conscientious person he'd ever met.

He had trays with food on them. He knew Ben had spent the night with L, of all people. That was Lisa's doing. L had been sneaking the boys sweets all day yesterday. It was a good thing L didn't sleep much. Watari grinned. Neither Lisa nor Sarah were in their rooms. He had no problem figuring out where they were.

Watari knocked on Dean's door, hoping the other was awake.

"Yeah, just a minute." Dean walked to the door and saw Watari with the breakfast cart. He turned and looked back at the bed. "Where the hell's Ben? Lisa? Ben's not here. Is he in his room, Watari?"

"He's been entertaining Ryuuzaki," he said with a grin.

"Still? Damn. Did he get sick at all?"

"Not that I'm aware of. I believe Ryuuzaki kept him fairly well entertained."

"I imagine I need to make up for yesterday. You will note that as there was no apple pie, I ate no sweets yesterday." Dean grinned, "What new food am I going to learn to like today?"

Lisa crawled out of bed, wearing baby doll pajamas. Watari's eyebrow's went up in surprise. Knowing Dean's past, he was shocked that both were dressed in bed.

"Apple pancakes, poached eggs, and turkey sausage," he answered.

"That sounds good. What kind of tea are we having? Oh, and what's on for today?"

"We're redoing the exercise," he answered.

"From the beginning or where we left of?"

"Beginning, I made a few adaptations."

"My face still has scratches, Watari. This time, I kill the cat."

"It's my hope it won't be there this time around," Watari chuckled.

"I don't think those ladies running the car wash can handle having me strip twice." He winked at Lisa as they sat down to eat.

She giggled, sipping her tea.

Dean's voice was back, Watari noticed, as the hunter leaned and spoke in a very low, sexy voice to the woman next to him, "Now if the car wash was closed, I wouldn't mind stripping there for you."

Lisa laughed, poking him. "Behave, you!"

"I thought my behavior was pretty rock solid. Want to test it?" He grinned, winked at her and put a bite of apple pancakes in his mouth.

Another giggle came from her as she smacked him with a napkin.

Watari shook his head, wondering how Miss Lisa could handle Dean in this mood. What he found interesting was Dean was not pushing sex. This might just be the real thing with him after all.

Sam, he worried about. Sam needed regular sex to break the hold the demon had on him in that area. Miss Sarah was a pretty little thing, but not the brave type in his opinion. What she was doing out of her room was probably the same thing as Miss Lisa.

He said goodbye to Dean and Lisa and headed to Sam's room.

Sam and Sarah were cuddling and talking, enjoying each other's company.

At the knock on the door, they both froze. "Samuel, I have breakfast for the two of you. Sarah laughed. "We stay under the covers til he leaves."

Sam made sure they were covered before he called for Watari to enter with the food.

"Good morning, Samuel, Miss Sarah. Watari put the trays on the table, glancing around as he usually did to make sure everything was all right. He saw Sarah's red robe by the recliner, Sam's clothes sprawled from the chair to the bed, and a very skimpy red top and bottom, one laying on the floor and the other on a bed post. Eyebrows went up again. He smiled softly, thinking that Samuel was definitely on the road to recovery. Miss Sarah was full of surprises.

"We will be redoing the trial today, Samuel, from the beginning, but not until around 9:30."

Sam nodded. "Thank you, Watari."

The older man smiled at him. "Not a problem. Enjoy your breakfast."

Sarah climbed out of the bed and brought Sam's tray to him, then returned with hers. They ate in bed that morning.

Watari finished the final things needed for the setup, thinking that it would go well this time.

Dean dragged Lisa to the bathroom. "Shower with me? I promise, no hanky panky. I've dreamed of us doing this. Please?"

She smiled. "All right, love."

Dean set the water temperature and got undressed, not touching her in any romantic way, he took her hand and helped her into the shower. Using a large spongy scrunchy, he soaped it up and began to wash her body. He missed nothing in washing her. He let her rinse off and then put shampoo into her hair and began to wash it for her. She could hear him humming as his hands worked her scalp and the hair.

Once she was clean, Lisa began washing him, massaging areas she found to be tense as well. It was nice being able to do this for him, giving her own claim to him.

He spread his arms and legs out leaning into the wall of the shower against his hands which were splayed out, his head down keeping the water out of his face. As she bathed him, she felt him tremble once in a while and knew she was causing it. She knew that when she bathed him between his legs that it had bothered him, but he made no attempt on her.

Lisa helped him rinse off, then washed his hair. "Feeling better?"

"Oh, yeah." his words were breathy. She smiled.

The hair was soon rinsed off as well. "Come on, let's get dressed."

"Yeah," Dean's voice sounded an octave higher.

Lisa giggled and headed out to dry off. Dean followed her, dripping wet and grabbed her, pulling their naked bodies into a tight hug. "I love you. Just wanted to remember what it felt like." He went back into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and shave.

She smiled, drying off and changed into clean clothing before brushing her teeth. Dean's dry, naked body passed her on her way back into the bathroom. He headed to his duffel, looking for clean clothes. Soon he was dressed. "I've got to get to the top floor and meet the team. I love you, hon!" He was out the door.


	86. Chapter 86

Second Exercise

L and the others were waiting for him at the top floor.

"I hear we're redoing," Dean said as he entered. "Any particular reason for it?"

"Unsure," Near replied. "Watari has packed supplies for all of you and they are waiting in the car."

"We're getting supplies this time? What kind? I need to go check the weapons before we leave. Make sure everything's okay."

"Watari has taken care of that and is bringing them up shortly. Watari said to tell Dean not to change anything that has been done."

"Oh, hell no. Nobody messes with my guns. What did he do to them?"

L spoke up. "He would not damage them. You need to have faith in people...especially your team."

"All right, L, but if Lilith or something else finds out we're there, and the weapons aren't working right, we're dead."

Watari's voice was soft as he came in. "The weapons are fine. However, no live ammunition. Trust me, you will understand."

"Okay, I trust you, but you better have something we can use if we really come under attack. No cats either. Are we ready?"

"There is," he said. The weapons were handed out.

"Question, Watari. If we have no live ammo, that means we're coming against people. We play for real? We get hurt, or they get hurt? Real fighting?"

"You'll find out when you get there," he said.

"Shit. Let's go guys." He headed for the basement garage.

The group followed while Sam and Near took their positions at the observation post.

Dean opened a car door and got in. The others followed suit. L and the others could tell that Dean wasn't happy.

Mello tapped him on the arm. "Calm down. Watari is trying to keep this as close to his vest as possible so that we're working as a team and getting used to things we don't understand. We're going to walk into things blind all the time."

"I understand this better than anyone, Mello, but we were told no ammo. That means real people. I guess we're supposed to wait and get hurt because we don't know whether we can hurt the good guys or not." Dean sighed and said, "Okay. I'll kick ass and ask questions later. I'm not letting you guys get hurt."

Matt looked at him. "We're a team, Dean. Don't forget that."

"Damn it. I know that. If I'm kicking ass, you damn well better be."

"Like we'd actually let you do it alone."

"Hell, I don't know. I'm still bearing the wounds from the last battle. Where the hell were you when the cat attacked? Sitting on the floor or doubled over leaning against a box, laughing your asses off." Dean winked and settled down.

There was laughter from Bobby and the teens.

Dean closed his eyes and rested, waiting for the car to arrive at the shopping strip.

Near and Sam set up, ready to guide the group.

The car pulled into the strip, and Dean was sitting up, alert and ready. He sat in the car, eying the buildings, looking everywhere...windows, rooftops, the single entrance to walk to the alley back behind the buildings. He eyed it all. "Okay, let's go."

"Near is here," came the soft voice over the ear pieces. "Test the microphones please."

"Testing," Dean murmured softly.

"Same here," Bobby responded.

The rest sounded off as well, and Near began the exercise. "Three floors again. Which floor will the group begin with?"

"Same entrance or different building?"

"Different entrance this time."

"As before, the basement, ground floor, then top floor."

"Yes," Near answered softly.

"Let's go." Dean found an open door three buildings down from the last one. He stepped in and stayed close to the wall, listening, watching, and smelling. He softy told the others to enter.

The group fell into position, following Dean's orders.

"Let's find a door down. Might have to pick some locks and open doors on this floor before we find it. No telling where it will be. We lucked out last time."

"All right," Bobby answered.

"We'll worry about abandoned stores later. Try to find a door that says basement or storage. It probably won't be glass. Stay in the same groups as last time. Don't get too far away. We don't know what we're dealing with."

The older male answered too. "Keep a weapon within reach as well."

"Let's head out. L, you and Bobby take the right side. The boys and I will take the left."

The older men nodded, heading to that direction while the teens fell into position with Dean. They slowly walked the floor looking for a solid door.

"Damn. There it is." L and Bobby joined as Dean pointed to the wooden door inside an empty storefront.

"I hope the door is open. These are caged. Gonna be hard to pick." Dean walked to the entrance and sighed. He handed his sawed off to Mello and dropped down onto his stomach and started picking the lock on the caged door.

"These are usually electronic in places like this. In New York, you can just lift them." Dean was sneezing and coughing as he worked on the lock. Matt dragged his foot and saw the dust fly. Finally, they heard a click, and Dean got back up, beating the dust and dirt off his clothes. He grabbed the cage and tried to lift. "Gonna take all of us, guys."

Mello and Matt helped lift the cage door. "Next time, Watari, get a place that's got full power so Near can hack the system."

Dean chuckled as he heaved on the cage, the three of them finally lifting it. "Everyone get in. I can't guarantee it'll stay up once I let go of it."

The group hurried in, holding it in place so Dean could come in as well.

As soon as the group let go, the cage crashed to the floor. Dean winced but said nothing. Instead, he headed to the door he'd seen through a window. It said storage. He tried to open it and swore. "I hate locks. Really. I do." He took out his kit and knelt down to pick the lock.

L knelt beside him, taking the kit and picked the lock within seconds. "There."

"When were you going to tell me you knew how to do that?"

"You didn't ask," he answered dryly. "Matt and Mello can as well."

"That's not on the usual question list for people. You saw us pick locks the other day. It would have been nice if you'd volunteered the information."

"Oops," came from Mello. "Sorry about that, Dean. It hadn't come up before."

Dean murmured, "Okay." Opening the door, He pulled out his flashlight and saw a large storage room. "Damn it!." He slowly made his way into the room, which had several doors off it and a lot of boxes, "Why do I get the feeling someone doesn't want us downstairs, but up here?" He went to the first door and felt the knob. It was unlocked. He whispered, "Mello." and motioned to the knob and get behind the door. He stood on the opposite side of the door, waiting for Mello to open it. L was fascinated by the actions Dean was taking, and wondered what had made him put such trust in Mello when he had been so against working with them.

Mello moved into position, body alert to move when ready. Dean nodded and ducked low ready to enter. Everyone stood ready as there was a silent count from Mello before opening the door. The count hit one, Mello opened the door and Dean went down lower and entered. Mello, going low, followed him. Dean put a finger up to his lips asking for silence. He mouthed, 'Something moved back there.'

Near homed in on the camera. "Two beings.. Near is unable to determine the type. Neither is Sam from the angle the camera is in. Five feet from the door and to the right."

"Okay, move carefully."

Bobby held L back. "Not a lot of room in there."

Mello was looking intently. He wasn't seeing what it was Near had seen. Damn...next time, he'd ask for night vision equipment. Dean, still crouching, moved to the right side, so as not to be seen as easily. He stood up, back pressed against the wall, and motioned for Mello.

The blond slipped beside him, pointing to his eyes and shaking his head, telling him silently he couldn't see their targets.

Dean nodded, motioned to move slowly and then did leaping motion with his hands, then held up shotgun and flashlight and pointed to where they were. Whoever was there had to know they were there.

Near's voice interjected again. "Dean and Mello must be having difficulty seeing. Targets have moved further to your right by two feet."

"Near, that puts them three feet from us. Why the hell can't I see them? We're against the same wall."

"Shadow play in that side of the room. Near has the capability of switching cameras to various spectrum."

"Mello, crouch down. I'm jumping across and will hit them with lights. You do the same from a lower level and aim for the eyes. Have your weapon ready." Dean counted to three. .said now and leaped. Lights from two directions hit the wall three feet from them.

Mello went into action, doing what Dean had said. They managed to blind the two in the room. "Bobby, L, Matt! We got them! Okay, put your hands in the air. Stay right there where I can see you."

L cuffed them, searching them to spot extra weapons, which looked more like paint guns.

Dean pulled a box up and sat down. "Okay, talk to me. What are you? Who are you? And what the hell were your plans? I'm asking nicely. I'm playing a game here. I'm playing to win, so quick answers will leave you here for someone to come get you. How does that sound?"

One male grinned. "I'm a ghost..oooohhhhhh."

Matt face palmed. "Oh great. I know this guy."

"You know him? Who the hell is he? Oh, and buddy? Ghosts don't hide against a wall in the dark. You might have at least talked to somebody to find out how they act. What about you?" Dean asked the other captive.

"I think I'm supposed to be some weird thing with a long ass name."

L shook his head. "Next time Watari assigns you roles, remember to research it better."

Dean shook his head, looked at the ceiling, muttering, "I want the damn cat back."

Bobby snickered. "Hey, at least he's trying."

"Really? He doesn't even know what the hell he is, Bobby," Dean looked at the guy. "Let me tell you something. Weird things with long ass names don't hang along walls in the dark with ghosts. I'm out of here. This is a joke. I think that whoever is hired for the next round, needs lessons before we go in." Dean walked out.

Dean got to the store entrance and noticed that the cage door was burning hot, almost red. "Bobby!"

"What the hell?" He started looking around.

A woman walked up to them from outside the store and looked in. "Hello, Dean, Bobby. It's been awhile."

The older male's eyes narrowed. "Meg. Great.. seems like we can't get rid of the damned roaches around here."

Dean stared at the woman. "Can't say I like the meat suit as much as your old one, Meg. What the hell are you doing here?" Dean was hoping that Sam and Watari were sending weapons.

"You have something I want, Winchester, and I'm not leaving without it."

"Well, you're looking at everything there is. What are you wanting? Now I do have a couple of asses in the back." Dean walked away for a minute and whispered, "Sam, under no circumstances does your ass leave that building. No matter what she does. You understand? You are major important to freeing Lucifer and they must not have you. Nothing is more important." Dean turned back and looked at Meg. "Well?"

"You think you're fooling anyone, Winchester? I know Sam is nearby, and I want him. He's needed."

L's voice was calm. "You cannot have him." He walked out of the shadows with a supersoaker.

"That wouldn't be fully loaded would it?" Dean asked, wondering where L had gotten it and if there were more.

"Blessed by the local cardinal," he said calmly and Meg's eyes widened. "I would advise you to let us out."

Meg backed away. "I don't think so. The building will just get hotter and hotter. You understand heat better than most, don't you Dean? The building will finally combust. Enjoy. I imagine Sam will try to rescue you and I'll get him then." Meg ran away from the store front.

Near's voice interrupted before panic could set in. "Head to the back of the store. Stop five paces before the group reaches the rear wall."

"We'll have the two that are cuffed in the back, but what about the others in the building? Is Sam staying put?"

"Samuel is. The others have been warned to vacate by Watari. Uncuff the others and follow Near's directions. Near will guide the group out. Now hurry."

"You heard them. Let's get out of here. L, you got a key to those cuffs, or do we need to pick them?" They all started moving towards the storage room and the two prisoners left there.

A set of keys was tossed to him while Near told the group what to look for. L picked up Mello, and the blond pushed the ventilation shaft open.

Dean uncuffed the prisoners and watched L and Mello. "That's the way out? "Where's it go, Near? It may take time for all of us to get through it."

"This shaft will join to a larger one. From there, the group will go down. Does Dean remember that tunnel Dean fell in last time?"

"Yeah. You gonna be guiding us out of it? How much time do we have? It's getting hot in here fast."

"This is a faster route then trying to move up," Near commented logically while Mello reached down and L helped Bobby into the shaft. The two began working to pull people into it.

"No, I agree. We meandered a bit down there. We'll need a guide to get out quick. How long we got, Near?"

"Near is calculating that now. Just get into the shaft and Near will continue to guide. Speed is important here." His voice was still calm, which amazed Bobby.

Dean set his shotgun down and started helping to push the two prisoners up to Bobby and Mello. After they were up, he helped L. He grabbed the shotgun and passed it up. "You're gonna have to grab me." The older Winchester leaped up throwing his arms into the air. Bobby and Mello caught him, pulling him up. "Proceed to the right,' came Near's soft voice.

Dean could feel heat from above and around him in the walls. "Damn it, damn it, damn it. Okay, ghost and weird ass name, you had better put it into full gear or so help me, if I get burned, the world ain't big enough to hide you. Move those asses now!"

The group moved quickly as Near guided them to the main shaft. "There is a ladder there. Take that and go all the way down. This will end at a grate. Kick the grate and drop. This will bring the group to the tunnel system."

"Bobby, take the lead. I don't know what else Meg may have. The boys after you. L, you're next. Tweedledum and Tweedledee next. I'll bring up the rear."

Listening, Sam saved the Tweedledum and Tweedledee for a later date. 'Where had his brother heard that before?'

The group followed Dean's directions, crawling through the shaft. Near's instructions were spot on, even down to the distance. The metal ladder started getting hot. Dean finally yelled, "Watch out below," and dropped the shotgun. He put his feet on the outside of the ladder, grabbed the outer poles and slid down it guiding his speed with his feet.

The others had taken the same route, not wanting to be barbecued. L had kicked the grate out and dropped down into the tunnel, helping the others down. Dean came running up, breathing hard. His face was red. "It's getting harder to breathe, L" He handed the shotgun to the detective and jumped down.

The tunnel system was cooler though, fortunately. L nodded. "Near, where to now?"

"Head North for five hundred yards."

They headed north. "Near, we getting close?"

"Yes. At the juncture, turn left."

Dean was remaining calm, but pushing hard. "Go, go, go, go, go! Near, I just thought of this. Meg probably has reinforcements. Do we even have a driver and car anymore? Do we have surface help? We got one super soaker filled with holy water."

"Near has had the car and driver head to another location. A second vehicle has been dispatched to retrieve the group. This one is carrying weapons and live ammunition. In five feet, there is another junction, head north again."

"Remind me to kiss you. You're damn good at this."

"Near would rather forget that one," came the dry response with snickering from a certain Winchester behind him.

"Well, sheesh! I know when I'm not wanted. North! Not south. Somebody take lead from Tweedledum will you."

Mello snickered and did just that, shaking his head.

"Okay, Near, we turned left. How far?"

"Eight hundred yards to the next junction. At that point, continue North again."

They had turned north and were moving quickly. "It's getting hotter." Dean looked up. He and L had the rear. He stopped and grabbed L. He pointed up. The wood was showing signs of red like coals. He grabbed L again and headed off at a running walk.

L spoke up. "Pick up the pace."

"Near, I seriously hope we're near the end of this. Our time is almost up."

The end is tunnel will end at a small ravine."

"We're underground? There's a ravine under the buildings.?"

Smoke started billowing through the ceiling. "Rip off a piece of shirt and cover your nose and mouth. Quickly!"

"Dean will understand when the group reaches there."

L spotted what Near was talking about. The tunnel ended at a ravine. He began climbing down, assisting those who didn't have climbing skills. The hunter helped them over the edge so they could get a foothold. He looked down and backed down over the edge and started his climb down. He looked for crevices; anything to get a foot in or a hand grip on. He finally reached the bottom. Some were sitting, getting some rest. Bobby and L were talking. Dean walked off and stood by himself for a few minutes. Exhaustion had set in, but relief in just getting out was almost overpowering. He had removed the cloth and was taking deep breaths, his eyes closed. He was black except where the cloth had been.

So was the entire group. After a few moments, Near's voice came through again. "There will be a hike to reach the car." Dean rejoined the group. "You heard him, let's go. Which way, Near?"

"Go East," he told them.

"L, you seem to know a lot about hiking and climbing. Will you and Bobby lead this part? I'll take up the rear."

He nodded, guiding the group towards the direction Near indicated. "Guys, we're heading east. "

Sam looked up at Watari. "He's still getting tired easy. I can hear it in his voice. This is the toughest thing he's done since the doctor said he could start doing things."

Watari nodded. "I know but there's no choice."

"He knows it, Watari. He won't say a word,. He'll push himself til it kills him if he has too, but he won't hold them back. I can promise you that."

"The situation, unfortunately, cannot allow for him to slow down. Dean knows it."

"That's why he walked off for a minute. He gathered himself together, and he doesn't want the others worrying about him. They need their minds on surviving. Dean's good at this, Watari. I've seen him carry a wounded man for several miles in the woods, being hunted by a wendigo, and he told no one he was injured til it was over and he collapsed.

"I know, Sam, I know."

"If you don't mind, I"d like to prepare Lis for him and help get him cleaned up, fed, and into bed. He still doesn't have his complete stamina yet. That worries me."

"That's fine," he told him "Thanks. It's understandable, I guess. He really hasn't had the time to rebuild slowly."

"He will. I know he will."

"All that time, I thought he was weak. The Dean I had thought he was would not have gotten out of the building. Meg would have had him."

"They make for a good team," he said, watching Near as Near was pulling up maps of all available time periods. The white haired teen looked at the two. "Near requires maps of better details."

Yeah, they do. I know I can't, but I wish I could have been there today. He could have used me. Today, he might have let me help. But, if he had, he might never get back into the groove he had."

Near stared at the two, voice a little sharper. "Near requires assistance."

L was heading the direction Near had told them, eyes open for any trouble.

"What are you needing, Near?"

Dean bringing up the rear, was going a little slow, about ten feet behind them, eying every crevice, boulder, anything that could hide someone. He stayed behind to see if anything moved after they passed.

"A detailed map of the terrain. What Near has found thus far is useless." His fingers were flying over the keyboard, pulling up site after site.

It was slow going given the rocky state of the ravine. The group was paying attention, hoping that everything would be all right.

Dean began to worry. "Near? We haven't heard from you in a while. We still supposed to be in this thing? How far?"

Sam went back to his keyboard and pulled up a geological survey done five years before. "Will this work, Near?"

Near copied the site, looking over the map. He'd been timing the walk and watching the trackers that were in the equipment. "Another 150 yards, there is a path up."

"Thanks, Near. L, did you get that?"

Bobby looked back, checking on everyone. They'd gone around a bend and lost sight of Dean. "Dean, get your ass up here. We need to be in field site of each other."

"I'm coming, Bobby."

Matt looked at him, then dropped back to help Dean. They knew he was tiring and the group would help him the best they could.

"I copy that Near."

Dean was moving fast as he came around the bend, "Hey, Matt. What are you doing away from the group?"

"Waiting for you," he told him, falling into step beside him.

"Really? I stayed back about ten feet or more, so I could see if anything moved after the group passed. I'm fine."

Sam, hearing the comment, muttered, "Still a piss poor liar."

"If you were ten feet, you wouldn't have had to rush to get back to us, Dean. Don't lie about your state of fatigue, OK? You're still recovering. There's no weakness in admitting you're nearing your limit." He stared at him as they walked.

"Okay, I am tired, but I was hanging back to watch. I just got further back as we went along. I don't want to worry anybody, and I can still hold my own."

Sam and the others as well as those in the group could hear him. "That's more like it, Dean," Sam murmured as he monitored with Near.

Matt flashed him a smile and nodded. "We worry cause we care, silly. Now come on, let's get back to base."

"I know. Changing the subject, didn't you used to have red hair, and your face is weird looking." Dean teased.

"Uh huh, yuck it up," he said softly. "You don't look any better than the rest of us."

"Yeah, figured as much. We'll be blowing black boogers for weeks, I bet. Could a been worse if we hadn't covered our noses and mouths."

Watari shook his head at that as Near tracked them. Trust those two boys to come up with weird conversations.

L found the path and started up. "It's very steep. Be careful," he called back to the others.

Dean looked at the trail and sighed. He wondered where Cas was. The angel must've figured he could handle this or he'd have been there. He started up the trail, sawed off now attached to a strap and over his back. He'd held off on it in the building, concerned about room.

At the top of the ravine were three trails. Once they'd reached there, Near had them go north again.

Dean came over the edge last, cursing to himself. He got to his feet, smiled and said, "Let's go, guys."

The group nodded, heading the direction Near had told them to go. Fortunately, all of them knew how to determine north, south, east, and west and could follow the younger genius's directions with ease.

Dean caught up with the two prisoners. "What the hell do you guys do when you're not playing screw ups?"

The older one gave a rueful grin. "Security. Honestly."

"Security? So, I'm thinking you thought this exercise was a game?"

"We didn't have full details. Watari said he'd needed stand ins for this as the original two got called onto something for L," he answered.

"I don't like people who pass the buck, buddy. I know Watari. There's no way in hell he put you into that situation without telling you what was going on. Knowing him, he probably gave you a folder with all the information and told you to study up on what you were supposed to be and do. You didn't. You thought it was a game, didn't you? Let me tell you something, those things you were supposed to be? They're real. So was that demon that set those buildings up to combust. You can't see the smoke but you can smell it if you take a deep breath. That was a big strip type mall."

"We were given a folder yesterday when we were dumped on a flight here. Most of it didn't make sense," he admitted to him.

"What didn't make sense?"

The man sighed. "Most of it. L uses us for muscle when it's needed. He does the thinking; we obey orders. I never claimed to be smart, sir. I owe Watari and L my life. He says jump; I jump."

"For what you were asked to do, muscle was important. You do security. That requires some defensive thinking. You should have reversed it. You were supposed to attack. I saw you moving around in the dark. I'm gonna clue you on something that might help you in your work. It's good to jump when the boss says jump; but next time, when he says jump, it might be a good idea to ask how high?"

"With L...most of the time, we've learned not to ask that because the instructions are such that you don't need to." He gave a sheepish shrug but it would be easy for Dean to see just how devoted the two men were to their employer.

"Given your mental prowess, I can understand that, but take what I said to heart, guys. Okay? If you don't understand, ask."

"There wasn't a lot of time this time, but I will."

"Okay. Fair enough." Dean dropped back a little, keeping an eye on their surroundings, and trying to save energy.

The weather turned darker, sprinkling which didn't help the path at all. Bobby slipped a bit and Mello caught him. The blond managed to keep the older man from hitting the ground but was thrown a bit off the path. A stream of curses was heard from the teen.

Dean put on speed, slipping and sliding a little, but caught up to Mello. "You all right?"

"Don't touch me.. shit, shit DAMN IT!"

"What's wrong, Mello? Uhhh? Were you cussing or did you land in it?"

"I landed in fucking poison ivy," the blond growled. Matt turned, hiding his laughter.

"Watari, we'll need a doctor when we get back." Dean took off the blackened remainder of his buttoned down shirt and wrapped a hand in it. He leaned down and grabbed Mello with the hand and pulled him up, falling back on his rump after the last tug. Mello was back on the path.

The blond was pulling leaves out of his hair, fuming. Bobby helped Dean back up as Near answered. "A doctor is waiting for the group to return."

"Good. He may have something that can stem a bad onset of poison ivy. Right now, I think that's all he's needed for. There's been no other complaints."

"The group will need to be checked to ensure no burns or smoke inhalation. Continue along this path for another seven hundred and fifty yards."

"I'm fine, Near. Nothing a lot of water, a bath, and some rest won't cure."

Sam murmured softly, "Hates doctors. He's inordinately afraid of needles. He tends serious wounds in a motel room. Won't go."

Watari shook his head. "He won't be able to avoid it unfortunately. Their health and wellbeing are my concern."

When the group finished the direction, there was a large van and someone L recognized as the driver.

They hurried to the vehicle and started climbing in. Dean scanned the surrounding area before entering the van. He leaned back as it took off. Within minutes, he was asleep.


	87. Chapter 87

Aftermath

The driver took a very long way to get home, ensuring they weren't followed. Poor Mello was ready to claw his skin off by the time they arrived at the base. They were herded into a room and examined by a doctor. Dean stood in the doorway, a look of exhaustion on his smoke blackened face. He looked at Watari who had come in to check on everyone.

"Can't I just skip this? I'm fine. I want to get the debriefing over with, get a shower, a gallon of something to drink, some food, and rest. I'm tired, Watari. I'm not hurt. Since when does being tired become a medical problem?"

"We need to make sure you don't have any smoke inhalation or burns. It's to be on the safe side so no, you can't skip."

"Watari, they always find something that has nothing to do with why I'm in there." Hazel eyes stared out of a black face, and the head bowed. Dean knew this was one battle he wouldn't win. He did not go in and sit down, but stood in the doorway.

Watari grinned as the doctor began checking Dean over, listening to his lungs and making sure everything was all right.

"You always examine patients in the doorway, Doc?" This one had Dean's curiosity piqued.

"When they look exhausted, I do," he chuckled.

Since Dean had never met this doctor since he took over to care for Near, he figured the man didn't know his past. "Yeah, well, it's been a rough day." Dean didn't consider that Bobby wasn't exhausted, and at thirty-one, he certainly shouldn't have been.

"You're still regaining strength from your surgery, but everything looks to be healing up fine. No signs of smoke inhalation or burns. You were very fortunate, Mr. Winchester," the doctor said. "My recommendation is a shower, a hot meal, and to rest. In regaining your strength, I'll leave a workout regimen with Watari."

"You're Near's new doctor, aren't you? Why do you know about me? My doctor left after telling me one more week. I don't understand."

"Medical files, sir. Any good doctor worth his salt checks on those before seeing his patients," he said.

"I don't understand. I'm out of the doctor's care now. At least, I thought I was. Watari?"

"Every doctor maintains a file on their patients, documenting past treatment, inoculations, the like. I kept your file for security purposes and let this doctor read it when I realized all of you would need to be looked over."

"So, I now have a permanent doctor here?" Dean shook his head and headed up to the top floor to find Lisa, Sam, and Near. He was starting to have trouble thinking clearly. He knew it was because he'd pushed so hard. He had to though. He couldn't let them down.

Near had heard the conversation and met Dean halfway. "Dean, follow Near. A discussion must be held."

The hunter sighed and turned from his intended destination to follow the teen.

Gray eyes met hazel when they reached a room and Near shut the door behind them, standing in front of it. "Dean will stop this behavior at once."

"What behavior, Near? Look, I just want to find everyone, bathe, eat, and sleep, in that order. My mind's not very clear right now, so you are gonna have to just say whatever it is you have to say, because I have no f'ing idea what you're talking about."

"Dean is acting as if it is Dean's fault that Dean tires easily and that because of tiring so easily, Dean is slowing the group down. The attitude of avoiding the doctor was another sign something is wrong."

"Okay. First off, I pushed myself to be able to keep up, okay? It was really hard, but I was not gonna let my team down. I see nothing wrong in that. I was not blaming anyone, not even myself. I knew what it was. I always avoid doctors. I'm terrified of needles, Near. They always put me in hospitals with ugly nurses. That's just normal for me. I can't help it. I have no idea what caused that."

"Most people have that irrational fear. However, Dean was showing signs of anger at what Dean perceives as Dean's weakness."

"I went in knowing I had a problem, but knew if I had to drop out, Bobby could take the rest of them through. What angered me was Lilith somehow finding out we're running this. My problem could have gotten someone hurt or killed. Near, I wasn't mad at me, but the situation. Please, Near. I'm so tired right now."

"Dean will make Near a promise first." "All right, Near. Whatever will stop this, I'll promise."

"That if Dean feels tired, Dean will speak out.. now and in the future. If Dean is hurt, Dean will inform someone. That Dean will not hold people to one standard and Dean to another."

"To a point, Near. If the lives of my companions requires that I stay strong and alert and in charge, I'll put that first. If I'm in charge, they are my responsibility. Anything else, yeah, I will.

"That is why L and Bobby are second in command. Dean is not solely responsible. It is time Dean learns to utilize the team instead of feeling that everything is on Dean's shoulders," the teen pointed out.

"Near, Bobby, yes. L, to an extent on a lot of things, but I still read the lay of the land best and Bobby knows that. It's my job, Near. Now I want to go to the top floor and find Sam and Lisa. Okay?"

Near opened the door, moving out of the way.

Dean started to leave, but stopped, and turned. "Are you angry with me, or tantamount to what constitutes as anger for you?"

"Near does not feel anger," came the soft response.

"Something made you open the door the way you did and move aside the way you did. I just get the feeling things aren't right between us now."

His voice was quiet. "Near does not understand why Dean does what Dean has done. Things are not logical."

"Near, I'm not doing anything wrong or trying to hurt myself. I'm a doing a job that requires that I keep the people I'm leading protected. It means, if something dangerous is ahead of us, I lead. If we're being followed or are trying to get out of a dangerous situation, I go last. It's the rules of the game, Near. I utilized Bobby and L a lot when I really started getting tired and knew I'd drag them down. I did the only thing I knew to do to bring everyone, including Tweedledum and Tweedledee, safely home. I did that except for the poison ivy. I'm not trying to make myself less or anything else. It's my job. It's what I do."

Near nodded, letting him pass.

"Are we all right? No more problems? If there is, we'll talk until it's right."

"Everything is fine," he told him quietly. Granted, he didn't understand some things but attributed that to his lack of communication skills.

"Thank you for caring, Near. I'd hug you, but you wouldn't want all this guck on you." Dean turned to leave, stopped and looked back. "Thank you for seeing us through, today. Your calm voice averted a lot of panic."

"Near spoke no differently than Near usually does." He was confused now.

"Your voice in those earphones instills confidence and the belief that everything will be okay because you know what to do."

"If Dean says so," he said softly.

"Dean says so, Near; and he's grateful. Thank you. I need to get upstairs before I find it to hard to stand. I'll see you later. Let's plan on the meal at a steak house in the next couple of days. Okay?"

Near nodded, white strands of hair falling into his face.

Dean made his way slowly to the elevator, fighting serious exhaustion at this point. He was having trouble thinking clearly. Things were spinning a little. He felt nauseated. He stepped into the elevator and hit the top floor button.

Sam had taken Lisa aside and told her all that had happened. They headed to the elevator to go find Dean. The elevator door opened and Dean tried to smile and walk towards them. Things were spinning worse, He almost got out of the elevator.

"Hi, Lisa. Hey, Sam, you guys did a good job." Dean was feeling dizzier by the minute. "I think I need to get to my room. Sam, would you stick around? Sarah could come. We could eat together. I'm just feeling dizzy and think I need to take care of things to help me feel better."

Sam slipped an arm around him to help him since he spotted him wobbling on his feet. "That sounds good," he said. "Let's get you upstairs and cleaned up before the ladies come to eat with us."

Dean was too tired to argue, letting Sam take the lead. "Thanks, Sammy," he murmured. "I love you, Lisa."

"Love you too, Dean. Clean up and we'll be up there in a bit."

"I will miss bathing with you but I think I might be too dirty today."

She laughed, "Just slightly."

"Will you stay the night and cuddle with me?"

"You know I will but if you don't get your butt into your room right now, I'll make you an apple pie and let Ben eat it all," she said sternly.

"You wouldn't do something like that, would you?" Sam, tell her I love her, and I'll go to my room."

"Come on, Dean," he was fighting back laughter as he helped his brother to his room.

"I don't think I'm all here, Sammy. Something's not right with my head... I think. Hell, I'm not sure. I can't think straight. I hoped to talk about what happened today. I think those two guys of L's are morons. They can't think at all, Sammy. Maybe I am smart. I know I'm not that stupid."

"You're tired, Dean. When people are this tired, they can say some pretty goofy things." Once in the room, he braced his brother against the wall and started the shower. Dean leaned against the wall, his head back, eyes closed. "Damn, this almost feels like drunk only more tiring. gave them nicknames, Sammy." Dean chuckled. "The names fit them. They really did. You should a seen them when we caught them." He shook his blackened head, hazel eyes staring out at his brother. "They were so funny."

Sam snickered, pulling his hand back after he got the shower the right temperature. "It definitely fit. Now...can you shower by yourself or are you too tired?"

His brother stared at him, a look of confusion on his blackened face. His mouth opened and shut several times. "I don't know."

He stripped to his boxers, than helped his brother undress. "Come on you."

"What the hell are you doing?" Dean's attention turned to Sam. He stared at his brother and his eyes grew large. "Sammy, you been messing with a vampire coven? You got bites all over you, man"

Sam winked. "Sarah can be a bit brutal." He gently pushed Dean into the shower and stepped in, wetting the other's hair so he could wash it.

The hunter stood under the hot water, and turned his face into it, black ash and soot trickling down his body. "Sammy? You and Sarah aren't virgins with each other anymore? "

"We are. She just decided to play a bit." He worked shampoo into his brother's hair.

Dean leaned into the hands scrubbing his scalp and moaned a little. "That feels good, Sam. Thank you. Lisa wants to wait and take time for me to know her and Ben better. I agree with that. I really do. I guess she took you last night? Now that would be fun." Dean leaned against the shower stall, head back. I must be out of my mind. I've been exhausted before, Sam. I've never talked like a fool when I was tired. Sheesh, man. Look what I've been saying. I know I joke about women, but not these two."

He pressed soap into Dean's hand. "Start washing while I do this."

Dean scrubbed his face, neck, and entire body where he could reach until he was blood red. "Can you get my back and the back of my neck?"

"I will but don't ask me to get your ass." He was teasing his brother."I don't go that way, Sammy. Lisa's the only one who can touch that now. No one else. All of me is hers. I sure as hell hope I'm back to normal tomorrow and I don't remember any of this. Wonder what L did with Tweedledum and Tweedledee?"

"I don't know," he answered, finishing with Dean's hair and started the neck and back.

Sam stepped out of the shower and reached in and turned it off. Dean had his head leaning against the back wall of the shower, looking down, water dripping from his hair, nose, and chin. Wet, Sam realized just how long Dean's hair had gotten. "Can you hand me a towel, Sam, please?"

He handed him one and then took another, drying himself off.

The girls had asked Watari for a good meal for them, knowing Dean needed something substantial to regain strength. They had entered his room, and were sitting at the table, talking when Dean walked out in a towel.

"We have food. You look better," Lisa told him.

"Thank you. Food sounds like a good idea. Let me get something on." He went to his duffel, and bent over digging for boxers, sweat bottoms, and a t-shirt, as Sam exited the bathroom. Lisa's brow went up. Sam rushed to his brother at that moment, when Sarah started laughing. The towel around the hunter's waist had come off.

Sam managed to stand between his brother and the women, hiding his face in his hands and tried not to laugh. Dean, not realizing, or perhaps not caring at that moment, put his clothes on. He turned and was nose to back with his brother. "Sam, personal space, man." Both girls started laughing.

"Keep your damn towel on next time. I don't think you'd like it if you mooned the ladies with that ass of yours."

Dean turned very pale. "I did?" He looked at both of them, realizing from their expressions that they'd seen more than his ass. He turned blood red and headed for the door in embarrassment. They could hear him swearing as he grabbed the knob.

Lisa got up and dragged him to the table. "Stop it, silly. It's a fine ass so don't worry too much."

Dean sat down, eyes closed, face beet red. He knew he had been bending over, and to steady himself, since he was so tired, his legs were not together. He put his head in one of his hands. He face grew redder if that were possible.

Sarah looked at him, thinking again that he wasn't a bad looking man. After what she saw, she knew Lisa had a fine one. Not her Sam, but still fine. "Dean, how can you be embarrassed by us seeing what so many have longed for." She looked up and winked at Sam, grinning.

Sam looked at her for a moment, then shook his head.

Dean's facial expression was one of shock. "Sam, how the hell can I hang around her knowing she saw..." Both women started laughing hysterically. Dean turned red again. "That's not what I meant!"

"You've lost this one Dean. Just let it go." Sam snickered.

Dean's red face turned towards his brother. "Could you?"

"I've learned when to admit defeat," he grinned. "You can't play this one off. Come on and have dinner," Sam teased.

"Yeah. Be another thing if Lisa'd seen you blowing in the wind. What did Watari bring?"

"A really nice chef's salad, soup, and an apple crumb cake for dessert," Sarah said, taking a sip of her iced tea.

Dean removed the lid from his tray. The soup was some kind of broth. He'd never been into having broth, but took a sip, and smiled. He ate a bite of the salad. Watari had placed Caesar dressing on his. He was content with the meal, and was trying to stay alert and have conversation with everyone. This was their first dinner as a foursome and he was proud of that achievement in his and Sam's lives.

The girls chatted with them as they enjoyed the meal together.

Every once in a while, Dean's hand would glide across the table and touch Lisa's, his smile so tender. She would squeeze his hand with a smile of her own, than go back to eating and chatting.

Sam kept a close eye on him. Dean was still very pale. He had so wanted to ask about Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Dean was embarrassing so easily right now, that it was incredibly tempting. As messed up as his mind was from exhaustion, he would probably tell the truth. He wouldn't remember how to lie. Sam snorted at that thought.

He swallowed a bite of his salad. "Dean, you called the two guys something interesting. Never heard you use that before."

"I did? What?" Dean asked, taking a long thirsty drink of tea.

"Tweedledee and Tweedledum," he told him.

Tea sprayed across the table, and Dean jumped up, apologizing to the ladies. A look like a cross between panic and horror filled his face.

Lisa looked at Dean. "There's no problem here, Dean, and no reason to act like that."

Dean looked horrified. "No...you...you don't. Damn it, Sammy, leave me alone." Sam knew he had him.

She rose. "Dean.. what's the problem?"

Sarah looked surprised. "All Sam said was Tweedledee and Tweedle...oh! Where'd you read about them?"

"There's nothing to be ashamed of for knowing any references to Alice in Wonderland," she informed him.

Sam looked at his brother. "But Dean hasn't read Alice in Wonderland, Lisa. That's not a guy book at all. Is it Dean?"

Sara and Lisa both glared at him. "Since when?"

"It's a Dean thing. I've read it when I was in elementary school. That's Through the Looking Glass. You had to have read quite a bit, Dean. You finished it yet, or are you hiding it?"

Lisa got up, pulling Dean back to the table. "Stop it," she told him. "You've done nothing to be ashamed of."

"It's a kid's book, hon."

"A lot of people think so but it actually isn't," Sarah told him and began to explain in regards to the references to drug use and how mathematicians used it a lot.

"Are you telling me the little cakes and the mushrooms are drugs?"

Sam grinned. "Okay, where's it hidden?"

The younger Winchester's fiancée bopped him upside the head and reprimanded him softly for teasing Dean over this.

"Some people think so," Lisa told him.

"Then the caterpillar was smoking opium from the hookah? Damn! I thought it was a kid's story. It's damned good, too."

"It is a good story, one of the best," she said with a smile.

"I promised it to Near when I finish it. I got it yesterday."

Sam frowned. "Dean, yesterday? Tweedledum and Tweedledee are in the middle of the second book?"

Dean looked surprised. "I can read fast, Sammy."

"Damn, it took me longer to get to that part. Nice job."

Sarah grinned, "It is a nice job, Dean. Now, where did you hide it?"

Lisa shook her head. It wasn't good that Dean was hiding books. Everyone was happy he was expanding his mind in literature but to hide it?

Dean had turned red, face in palm. Sam smiled, "I looked around just now. Only place he could have hidden it...under the mattress. Dean, you don't have to hide books from me. I know it was me you were hiding it from."

Dean's mind was feeling almost cloudy. Thoughts were too thick to separate. He looked up at his brother. "I think I need to get to the bed."

Lisa nodded, guiding him to bed while Sarah and Sam headed out to leave the couple alone.

As Dean tried to lift himself onto the bed, he whispered softly, "I'm sorry for hiding the book, Lisa. It's a brother thing. Sam would have done the same thing to me."

"Sam knows you were worried about him teasing you. That's an old mindset that needs to stop, love."

"It's a guy thing, Lisa. A guy just doesn't want other guys knowing he's reading Alice in Wonderland instead of Tom Clancy."

"It's a piece of classical literature," she pointed out.

"I found it in the children's section. You never see it in the adult literature section unless it's the annotated one."

"Thank Disney for that," she said as she laid down beside him.

"Yeah, I guess they ruined a lot of stories with their movies." Dean moved closer and soon his head was touching her. She heard his slow, steady breathing. He was asleep.

Lisa drifted to sleep fairly quickly as well.

Sarah walked hand in hand with Sam. "You have a good brother, Sam. He's so easy to tease, though. I like him. He's cute and charming, but he's not you." Sarah got a mischievous smile on her face. Standing on tiptoes she whispered in his ear, "My bed or yours?

Sam grinned, tossed her over his shoulder and headed towards his room. Sarah had a smile of major contentment on her face. This was a side of Sam she hadn't seen yet, but she liked it.


	88. Chapter 88

The Entrance of Castiel

The two retired for the night, leaving the group of geniuses to their work.

Morning came, and Dean's eyes opened, but his head was still fuzzy. He still felt tired. He knew he had to have slept a long time. Early evening or there about. He still shouldn't feel exhausted, and he was. "Lisa? You awake?"

"mmm...too early," she groaned, then cuddled into him.

"Then it's all right to still feel exhausted?"

"Go back to sleep, Dean," she muttered.

"Okay." Dean was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

She conked out quickly as well, tired and needing the extra sleep.

A couple of hours later, Dean turned over, finding himself nose to nose with Castiel who was on his knees beside the bed. Dean sat up with a jerk.

"Holy crap! Cas! What the hell are you doing?"

Lisa woke up with that, staring wide eyed at the male in their room. "Dean?"

"Cas. This is my bedroom, and this is Lisa."

"The mother of your child. Yes, I know. I need those who are involved in this hunt, Dean."

Castiel was still for a moment, reading the building in his mind. Within seconds, Sam, L, Bobby, Mello, Matt, and Near were standing in the room. The four who had been with Dean were still in pajamas or underwear. Sam was not dressed at all and was floundering around, trying to find something to put on, cursing under his breath. Near just stared. Dean sat there in shock. Lisa giggled at Sam.

"Well, I still think I got the better deal," she murmured. Both brothers turned and stared at her in surprise. Sam finally realized that Dean was now not the only one who had to worry about a future sister-in-law doing comparisons.

L stared at Castiel. "A simple announcement would have sufficed," the detective told him. "I dislike being teleported all over my home. Why are you here?"

"Lilith is on the move. She has found some Satanists to take her blood to the seal in the church. They can cross the sigils and what has been done for protection will not stop them. She must be stopped now. You have to kill her and salt and burn immediately. There is no more time."

The detective shook his head. "They cannot get in." He'd had a bit of work done on the building.

"If you were positive of the cage being protected for eternity, you would not have been training these men. There is always a possibility of them getting in. There are angels who want this as badly as the demons do. They can get in and they can transport. They know that Lilith has to die. She must die elsewhere before the angels find out where Sam is. You have very little time, so prepare now and I will take you where she is going to be. Do you have the colt or will it just be the knife?"

L's dark eyes looked almost angry for a moment as he stared at the pushy angel. "It should be here within a few hours," he told him.

"Then we must wait. Sam, if you wish to go fornicate with your fiancée, there may be time for more after all. Foreplay would seem to be appropriate, Sam, but it would appear to be all you have done. You cannot produce children that way. Dean, I do not understand why you have not. You two have switched roles and I cannot grasp the meaning of that."

Again, both brothers stared in shock.

"Cas, my bedroom is off limits to your spying. What I do here and what Sam does in his is none of your f'ing business. Do You understand that? That is worse than invading personal space."

"I have watched people have sex for centuries, Dean. It is not that big an issue for me."

"It sure as hell is for me!"

Mello's eyes were huge. "Man, Castiel, you keep on with this and I'll have no faith left at all. First, angels are pricks and assholes. Now they're perverts!"

Dean stared at his almost naked brother, who had last night's table cloth around his waist. He stared at Cas, Lisa, and Sam

"HELL! Cas! Leave this room, damn it! NOW!"

Near shook his head, heading out of the room to go back to his puzzle. Mello looked upset and was near ready to come unglued by what he'd heard from that so called angel.

Cas stared at the humans. "I do not see why you are upset. I merely made suggestions for procreating. This is what humans use sex for. I will wait in the garden." The angel vanished.

Dean was on his knees on the bed by this time, hyperventilating. Lisa was trying to calm him down. Matt and Bobby left. L suggested that Sam stay and help calm his brother down. L stared at the younger Winchester. He looked as if he were in shock. As L left the room, he suggested something to calm everyone down. They'd all had quite a shock. He sent for Sarah to come help Sam and bring him something to put on.

Watari brought up cups of tea and a light snack for the two couples to nibble on and relax.

Lisa thanked him and suggested that Bobby, L, and the boys needed it too. As Watari left, Sarah entered upon a scene of almost bedlam. Sam sat on the bed in a tablecloth and stared in shock at his brother. Dean was lying on the bed on his side, still breathing too fast. She ran to Sam and asked what happened. He stared at her and blushed. Lisa told her.

"Great...perverted angel," Sarah grumbled, digging through Dean's clothing to pull a pair of sweats out and tossing them at Sam. "Go dress. Now."

Sam stood behind Sarah and donned Dean's sweats. He looked over at Dean. "Drastic measures are needed, Sarah. What do you suggest." Sarah grinned at her fiancée and walked over to the bed. "Lisa, that's Dean Winchester, former womanizer extraordinaire. Lay one on him. I bet it helps him get his mind on something else then a perverted angel who embarrassed the hell out of him. And I had to miss it." She winked at Lisa and went back to Sam, pulling his head down and giving him a very involved kiss. Soon Sam's arms went around her waist to steady himself.

Lisa grinned and took Sarah's advice, leaning down to give Dean a long kiss. The hunter's breathing slowed into slow, deep breaths, as his mouth softened and opened to hers and his tongue began to explore her mouth. He pulled her down on top of him, hands slowly caressing her back.

Much better, she thought to herself and kissed him back, enjoying the kiss from the other. Dean, forgetting they had company, deepened the kiss, pulling her closer. His hands went under pajama top, feeling the skin of her back, gently caressing her. Sarah smiled, looked up at Sam, and mouthed, you and me?

Sam grinned, picking her up and heading back to his room.

Dean stopped kissing for a few minutes, staring up at Lisa who lay on her stomach on top of him. He kissed her again, slowly nipping her bottom lip, sucking it gently into his mouth. His hands moved all over her back, gently caressing her bottom, but outside of her pajamas. He was not going fast.

She smiled at him. "We can play a bit, love, but not all the way. I don't think we're ready for another baby just yet."

"No, we're not. I was afraid to touch you. Thank you for this." His lips slowly went across hers to her cheek, nibbling. He slowly went towards her chin and down her neck, softly licking and sucking, leaving no mark, but she knew he'd been there. Every touch was gentle, and burned her flesh at the same time. His hands slipped under pajama bottoms softly squeezing and caressing her butt cheeks.

The time was spent in pleasure, sharing each other in many ways except the most intimate. It was building a bond between them.. that of lovers and mates. Through the years, when she thought of Dean and talked about him, she always remembered the wild, unbridled passion of their lovemaking. She'd forgotten that he could be gentle and tender like this. He gave completely of himself in ways he'd never done before, and she knew it was because of his love for her.

Later that morning, she sighed happily from the comfort of his arms. "Love you," she whispered to felt him squeeze tighter. His whisper was hoarse with emotion, "I love you, too, Lisa. With all my heart."

Lisa's smile was very bright. Dean sighed, "I feel complete. You were what was missing."

"I feel the same, Dean."

Dean sighed in contentment, knowing he'd finally come home to someone who loved him for who he was, not what everyone expected him to be. He pulled her closer to him, kissed the top of her head, and sighed again.

The couple cuddled for a while, enjoying each other's company. Dean looked at the clock. It was 12:35. He remembered something about Lilith. They had not eaten breakfast, nor the snack Watari had brought. He thought, 'The hell with it. They can come get me when ready.' He turned over and began to caress Lisa softly on her soft stomach.

"We should probably clean up and find out what's for lunch. Ben will be looking for us before much longer," she mused. He sighed, turned over and sat on the side of the bed.

He looked at Lisa, "It's been one hell of a day so far. Lisa, I don't know what's gonna happen when the colt arrives and we go after Lilith. I want you to know, that I'm coming home. I promise you."

"Damn well better, Mr. Winchester, or I'll come after your hide," she told him.

"You'd kick a demon's hide if she got me?" He smiled at her with a look of soft amusement in his eyes, but so much more was there.

"Better believe it," Lisa told him spiritedly. "You're mine and no one is keeping you away."

His voice sounded husky as he responded, "I believe you really would." She saw a look of surprise and awe upon his face.

She kissed him. "Now let's clean up before we get pounced."

"I guess it had better be a shower. That tub takes too long."

"Very true," she grinned, goosing him and running into the bathroom. He caught her as she entered the bathroom, turning her around and kissing her. He slipped in past her and turned on the shower

She giggled, enjoying the playful attitude.

Dean got the temperature the way he liked it, then lowered it a little for her softer skin. He suddenly turned and grabbed her, picking her up where she was facing him, and he pulled her legs up around his waist. Stepping into the shower, he murmured, "Can you get the door...m'hands are kinda full."

Lisa gave another giggle, closing the door so they could get showered in warmth.

The hunter moved with her until he had her against the wall and turned supporting her on one knee. He reached up and moved the spray towards them. He grabbed some of the liquid soap and drizzled it down her breasts, and started to slowly massage the soap over her body, maneuvering his so he could reach every part of her.

She grinned, returning the favor and knowing they were limited on time as Ben would inevitably be searching out his parents.

Dean grabbed the shampoo and washed her hair, running his fingers over her scalp, massaging it and rubbing the hair. He would lean in and take breaths of her scent. She could feel his breath against her neck, her ear, even against her scalp.

"Mmm..that feels nice. I'll have to get you to do this more often," she teased.

"Once we're married, I'm gonna have to shower twice. You won't want me doing this when I'm covered with grease."

She giggled. "We'll make sure to get big hot water heaters then."

"Yeah, with all the wings that place will end up having, it'll need them."

"The house is going to be that big?"

"Yeah. Bobby will have the main building and the one bedroom. There's one two -story wing on either side. One for Sam's family. One for ours. Put a huge storage unit in the back. There's some major greenhouses, wind generators, and solar panels and what's needed to turn it into electricity. There's a good well. Noticed the water table is deep but has good water. I'm putting in a third wing for Ryuuzaki and his people, plus an indoor garden for everyone, but mainly for Near"

"With his sensitivity to sunlight, it's a great idea; but it'll take a lot of money to build that." She washed his hair.

"Ryuuzaki hinted that L would loan me the money, but I'd be paying him for the rest of my life. I have to buy the place yet."

"L must have a lot of money. I know he's an international detective but wow."

"Yeah. I imagine he could buy anything he wanted. I know he has the power to own anybody he wants. That's power."

"No kidding. I can't imagine he'd be very happy though. I've heard he lives alone mostly, no communication with the outside world other than his agents and computers," she rinsed Dean's hair.

"He must like what he does or he wouldn't do it."

"I hope so," she answered. "I couldn't imagine being in that type of job if it's the only thing I knew how to do."

"From what I understand, he knows a lot of things. He's supposed to be as smart as those boys are, if not smarter."

"Frightening thought."

"I guess, in the wrong hands, that kind of intelligence might be frightening."

"That anyone could be that intelligent. I mean.. it would set them apart from others."

"Watch the boys. They are a lot like him."

"I have," she answered him. "They interact well with each other but not too well with others that they don't know."

"It takes work, but it's worth it. For some crazy reason, they've nominated themselves as my protectors. They think I'm screwing up, they're gonna tell me. They instigated things to help me deal with stuff. We have wild pranks going on at times. I guess I should warn you about that."

"More than the water fight?"

"It all started when Sam took this really awful picture of me with his cell that even Bobby wanted a big copy of for his walls. Sam snuck it took it to Mello who gave it to Matt. I was in a lot of pain then. I spent that day, avoiding the cameras, and did that ever upset Ryuuzaki. I set up nets attached to the fans over the beds. I covered the beds with plastic and put the covers back over them. I filled the nets with some water balloons filled with ice water. I disconnected a wire in their light switches at the door. I attached a string to the ceiling fan light switches. I had myself barricaded, and Sam started unscrewing the door. They were angry and Matt had electronic equipment on his bed. War broke out. They ended up getting me in the hall. I fell flat with the busted shoulder and couldn't get up. Watari made Sam and Mello clean it up and helped me rebandage and get some rest. Little things ever since."

"Oh good grief," they rinsed off and she reached for a towel.

Dean looked at her intently. "You can deal with that kind of thing, can't you? I'll end up including Ben when I do stuff like that, Lisa."

"I'll rein you two in if you get too rambunctious," Lisa grinned. "But you get me, I will retaliate."

Dean's eyes lit up. "That a challenge?" The hunter dried off quickly, brushed his teeth, but didn't worry about shaving." He dressed quickly, noticing a box by the door. He picked it up and walked over to the table, and opened it. Inside was a new pair of boots similar to the pair that had burned up in the queen's chamber. He was sitting there, staring, when Lisa walked out of the bathroom.

"No, it's a warning." She started dressing then noticed his preoccupation. "What's wrong?"

He had not told Lisa about the Ruby and the queen. "My boots were ruined on a case I just ran. They replaced them."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"I've always had to scrounge to get things I needed for myself, Lis. The only thing anyone's ever given me was this amulet from Sam when we were kids. I've never had new boots. The ones I had, I stole off someone's back porch when I was a teenager."

She cupped his face. "Look at me, Dean."

He looked into her eyes, "Yeah?"

"Those days are over. You are worthy of having people give you things and love you. Got me?"

"Yeah, I understand that, Lis. It's just that no one's ever done it before."

"Get used to it," she grinned. "Now let's find our boy."

Dean nodded. He put the boots on, and grinned. "They fit great." He got up and opened the door for her, placing his hand on the small of her back. They headed to the top floor.

Ben was playing with Matt and Mello, alternating from taking his turn on the game and eating his lunch. L was working on his laptop, occasionally sipping his over sweetened tea and Near was concentrating on a case as well, stuffed kitten and robot near him.

Dean walked up behind his son and grabbed him, lifting him over his shoulder. "Hey, son. Watcha eatin? Your mom and I are starving."

Mello grinned and murmured, "I bet."

"Sandwich and chips!"

Watari walked up and mentioned that there was a buffet set up in the dining hall, and he rather thought that Bobby, Sam, and Sarah were there. Dean grinned, put his son down, and touched Near's shoulder. "How about that steak this weekend after we all recover from Lilith?"

Near looked up, eyes focusing on him as he nodded. "That is agreeable."

Dean nodded, "Fantastic." He turned and took Lisa by the hand and headed towards the elevator, looking over his shoulder. "You coming or staying, Ben?"

"I'll come," he told the others he'd be back later and went with his parents.

The new father let go of his fiancée's hand and grabbed Ben, picking him up and swinging him up, laying him across his shoulders, holding his arms with one hand, and his feet with the other.

The boy giggled, hanging on so he wouldn't fall.

They went down the hall to the dining hall. Bobby, Sam and Sarah were sitting at the dining table. Dean could see a large buffet laid out, and smiled. He set Ben down and told him to go see his Uncle Sam, Aunt Sarah, and Grandpa Bobby. Taking Lisa's hand he dragged her to the buffet.

Lisa filled her plate, than headed to the table to join their family.

Dean set a plate and a glass of lemonade on the table. Sam and Bobby stopped talking and looked at his plate. There was some potato salad, a sandwich, two pickles, and some fruit. The plate was not overloaded.

Lisa was already munching on her lunch, chatting with Sarah.

Dean stared at the two men who were watching his plate. He looked down at it, puzzled. "Something wrong?"

"It's nice to see you eating healthier, Dean, but still a surprise. Give us some time," Bobby answered with a grin.

"Watari told me it was serious. Cholesterol and my blood pressure. At my age? You eat the right things and it's not half bad.

The grin grew wider. "Good."

"Yeah, and the doctor gave Watari an exercise regimen for me to help get my strength back. Looks like I'm not gonna get to do that before we go after Lilith, does it?"

"Wouldn't hurt to get started," Sam told him.

"I would, Sammy, but, if I understood Cas right, we're going today. Do I want to do that and get tired and then go after Lilith? Advice here, guys."

"If we're going today, then no," Bobby said.

"If I understood him right, he said kill, salt, and burn immediately. If she does die, Satan can't resurrect, can he? Isn't it her death, not just the blood?"

"Could be both," Sam answered thoughtfully.

"Damn it, Sam. That means we have to stop the Satanists too. Just in case. I don't like killing humans, but if I have to, I will."

"It may not come to that point," L said as he entered the room with his heirs behind him. "The death of the demon may be enough to destroy the plan."

"Ryuuzaki, if she's dead, and the Satanists take the blood to the church and manage to get in, isn't it the same thing? Dead demon...blood? Isn't that why you said we had to make sure no blood remained?"

"It may not work. There is a theory out there that I researched after Castiel's appearance early this morning. It states that it's the trauma of the death.. the sacrifice at the location, if you will, that is part of the ritual. Without one or the other, the breaking of the seal may not work."

"Ryuuzaki? I thought you had to see to believe...like me? How much faith do you put in theories? They aren't proven. I don't trust them."

Dark eyes stared at him. "I had to research. Do I believe? Unsure.. but it is unwise to discredit a theory before abandoning it all together."

"All right. Do you trust this theory enough to base the future of our world on it?"

"I am not giving it a chance." He dropped a box onto the table with a thud. "The angel needs to arrive."

"Is that the colt?" a voice behind L asked.

"Damn it, Cas! Would you quit doing that? Give us warning that you're coming!"

"You're going to get yourself shot one of these days, pervert," Mello told the new arrival

"I do not understand the need for name calling. I am not a pervert. I simply made suggestions for procreation. Dean should understand it perfectly. Ben is his son. Sam needs to understand it. Sarah wants children."

"It doesn't mean inviting yourself into people's bedrooms," Matt interjected.

"I am an angel of the Lord. I know what is going on in the bedrooms. I can tell everyone about Mello's pornography collection and where it is hidden if you desire that I do so. I entered Dean's bedroom because I am responsible for him. I needed to talk to everyone quickly, so I brought them. It is not my fault or my problem that Sam was naked. Why Dean panicked like he did is not reasonable. I do not understand his getting upset. It is not as if he were a virgin."

Watari answered that. "Humans are very private about what goes on within the bedroom, Castiel. Entering without knocking is considered impolite."

"I am not concerned with politeness. I am trying to prevent the apocalypse while my brothers and the demons are trying to start it."

Dean was sitting next to Lisa, blood red, with his hands clenched into fists. He was shaking. Both Bobby and Sam knew the signs of Dean in a rage. He had his eyes closed trying to keep control and not try to beat the shit out of Cas.

The elderly man shook his head. "Simply manifesting outside of the room would make people more willing to work with you. Remember, Castiel. Even angels have to hold themselves to the code of honor and etiquette when dealing with mortals."

"I will take some time to consider your suggestion when this job is done."

"I would consider an apology," Watari stated, gesturing to an obviously irate Dean. "Otherwise, certain team members may have a major issue with you."

"I will apologize if someone would explain what I am apologizing for."

Dean swore under his breath. He pushed away from the table in a violent manner, the chair flying backwards and landing on its back. Everyone thought he was going after Cas. He stopped a few feet from the angel.

"You know, Cas. I made excuses for you to everyone. No more. Hell, I thought maybe you were a friend, but you're just an ass with wings."

The hunter stormed pass the remainder of those in the room and headed down the hall to the elevator.

Near looked at the angel. "Go and repair this. Now." There was a note of command in his soft voice, making Sam bite back a smile. Definite successor indeed.

It was easy to see that the angel had no idea what he had done wrong other than entering Dean's room without permission. Sam looked at Bobby. "I'd better go find him before he drives his fist through another wall. Come on, Cas."

The white haired teenager met the angel's eyes. "Castiel erred when entering a mortal's bedroom without permission. Angels may not understand the concept of privacy, but it is a necessity for most humans. Castiel violated that right and damaged trust between Castiel and Dean. Castiel will repair this now before this mission goes forward."

Sam spoke up as he walked towards the door. "Your discussing Dean's sex life and commenting on the fact that he wasn't an innocent, and doing it in front of everyone, mostly Lisa and Ben, made him feel immoral. I know my brother. So, come on, Cas"

The angel followed.

Near took a seat at the end of the table, one leg pulled to his chest. He didn't understand emotions but even he understood the need for privacy.

Sam and Castiel reached the elevator. It had stopped on the ground floor. There was no way of knowing where Dean got off. "Okay, Cas. Where is he?"

The angel headed towards the inner gardens.

They entered the gardens, looking for the hunter. They found him working one of Near's puzzles. He looked up, a dullness in his eyes, and Sam knew he was hurting.

"Dean, you OK?" He sat beside his brother, rubbing his back.

"No, I'm not, Sam. I know Lisa has had a few guys down through the years. She hinted that someone else was Ben's dad, so I know that. Sam, I've slept with almost anything with tits. Man, I was a ...a..." Sam saw him close in and knew he was reciting that mantra L had given him. Cas had made Dean think he was a whore.

"Don't you dare, Dean. You know better than that." He glared at the angel before hugging his brother. "You're not a whore, understand?" Time for a bit of a distraction. "You should've seen Near after you left."

"Near?"

"He went against Castiel right after you left," he grinned. "I've never seen a kid his age with balls big enough to do that. Pretty incredible." It would give Dean something to think on. Near was quiet most of the time and to be defensive of Dean, it had to mean Dean was worth something. That would help the man's self-esteem.

"Near did that for me?" He looked at Castiel. "Why did you attack me like that? Does my having Lisa and Ben interfere with everything? I'm not giving them up, Cas. I'm not gonna hunt full time either."

Sam nodded, smiling. "He did, Dean. Didn't back down any either."

"Cas, you and your brothers have screwed around with our lives for long enough. I want this job done. Now. Then I want to start living a normal life. Understood?"

"Understood," was the gruff reply.

Sam was surprised at the angel's response. So far, it had always been Dean who backed down. Castiel had a presence that seemed to demand obedience.


	89. Chapter 89

How are we Doing This?

"The colt is here. We should get moving."

They headed back to the dining room. "Not til I know a few things. We're not going in blind, Cas."

"Near is working on getting surveillance set up; Sam if you will go up there and assist him?" L had obviously taken advantage of the time apart. He and the boys were already geared to go.

Dean's duffels were sitting on the dining room floor. He sat down beside them and checked every weapon. "Cas, where is this gonna be? I need a schematic of the building and the surrounding areas."

Castiel listed an area that wasn't too far from the church. L looked at the camera, knowing Near was working on it now.

By the time Sam got up there, Near was sitting in his usual position in a chair, headset on and fingers flying over the keyboard.

"That's awful close, Cas. With everything Ryuuzaki has done, is it possible either the Satanists or the demons can get in there? I don't want to worry about two places right now. One at a time. I know the interior of the church. What kind of building is she in?"

"An abandoned warehouse, ten miles south of it," he told him. "Ryuuzaki's upgrades to the church will keep them out for a while. Unless they're carrying explosives."

"Which will bring the building down," Matt pointed out. "So bit of an idiotic move that."

"Depends on how powerful and where you plant them. This warehouse? Is it a storage type warehouse? How big? How many stories? What's in it?"

"I don't know what's in it."

Near's voice came over the loudspeaker. "Seven stories with an office at the top. The warehouse used to contain fireworks or so the official report states."

"You've got to be kidding me? Fireworks? Cas, what floor is she on? How many demons does she have with her? We don't have the time to clear out seven floors of demons. Just zap us to the right floor but not in front of her. Be ready to zap us to the church."

"I wasn't able to get close enough to find out."

"Matt will boot the laptop; Near will pull up the schematics now." Matt did just that, letting Near take over the computer remotely from upstairs.

Dean watched the schematics on the computer. "Damn rat's maze." When the schematics for the fifth floor appeared, Dean stared hard. "Hold a minute. What the hell is that on there?"

Ben had weaseled his way into the group and looked at the drawing. "It's a carousel," he commented.

"What?" Dean stared again. "Can you enlarge that?"

Seconds later, the image enlarged. L was staring at it as well. "I do not believe this was used for fireworks storage."

"No, I don't either. It's definitely a carousel. Indoor amusement park?"

Sam's voice responded. "Three bets she's in her favorite meat suit type again."

"Yeah, so what the hell do I do? She doesn't take the souls of the kids. She leaves them in there. I don't want to kill..." Dean looked down and saw Ben listening intently. He looked up. "Lisa, would you and Sarah take Ben and maybe watch a movie or something with him? Please?"

The two girls nodded, and Matt told them were the entertainment room was that had the large screen TV. It would keep Ben occupied for hours.

Once alone, the group looked at each other. L spoke up. "I know you do not wish to, Dean. Is there a way to force her to take another host?"

"She leaves that body, we could lose her. I don't know what to do. Damn, I don't know."

Mello looked at Castiel. "Well, ideas?"

"We do not have the time to do a search."

Dean interrupted him. "Yeah, we do. We go to the church first. Bring back a Satanist. They were going to do some real nasty stuff, so I got no problem. We gotta keep her busy. Cas, can you bring us a Satanist? If it's a woman, it's better."

"You're thinking of forcing her into that body?" L tilted his head. "How?"

Watari frowned. "I have an idea. Near, is there a building where a clear shot could be given at the seventh floor?"

There was silence for a moment and the laptop blinked, bringing up an outlying building. Watari tapped it. "Here. I'll position myself here with a rifle and use a tranquilizing dart. Given she's in a child's body, we can use enough to put her under. With your presence there, she'll have to flee to another host."

"Everybody wearing their amulets? If she's not on the seventh floor, we'll have to lure her up there. I don't think it'll be a problem."

"It's a plan," L murmured. "Watari is a crack shot."

"Okay, the church is in the northeast. Cas, can you get Watari where he needs to be, and take us to the church to get a Satanist? Or are you gonna do that and just take us to the warehouse? If you grab one, disable the rest. Can't have that church open."

"I will drop Watari off and then grab one of the members of the Satanist group so you can prepare that one for possession."

"Cas, take Watari and us. Drop Watari to his building. Drop us near the church for right now. Grab one and disable the rest. You must do that. Let me make sure the Satanist thinks we are using her to get at Lilith. She must not know what we are up to. Then take us to the first floor of the warehouse. We'll go from there. Okay?"

"Give me a few moments to prepare the tranquilizer," the older man murmured, heading out to prepare his gear.

Dean had been going through his gear, checking weapons. "Can I have the colt?" He'd put his gun in the back of his jeans along with the demon killing knife. L noted that he was strapping a holster to his calf.

"Cas, if there's a woman, we need her."

L nodded, sliding the box over. "We are going to need weapons that will handle demons once we get to the warehouse."

Castiel gave him a look. "You've already mentioned that. If there is one there, I will find her."

"Yeah, L, we will need them. If you don't have what you need as far as weapons and ammo, check my duffels. If what you need isn't in there, it will be in the Impala." Dean tossed him the keys. "Everyone, listen up. This is worse than what we dealt with Ruby. Lilith was the first demon. One of Lucifer's generals. She's stronger than most of them. She doesn't have the powers that Azazel and Alistair had, but she's strong. Both of them are dead. She has to join them. Make sure you have everything you need. Oh, if you see a little girl. It's her. She also loves very beautiful women. One of the two, guys.

"Given the inclusion of a carousel, I would be more willing to bet she's a kid right now," answered the red haired genius.

"You won't get an argument from me on that, but with Lilith, this could be a trap. I'm not taking chances."

Watari's voice came through the loudspeaker. "Dean, Sam, just how likely is it the bodies in the warehouse still contain their souls or the bodies are in a condition that the people can be saved?"

"There's always a possibility of that, Watari. I only know of two ways to do that. Mass exorcism and Sam. We've done mass exorcisms before but we need a working p.a. Cas, do demons understand angel speak? That high pitched sound you guys make for normal language?"

"Only one problem with that. It will drive Lilith out too."

"The only one that would understand would be Lucifer," the angel answered.

Watari came back up, carrying two cases. "I know you have the knife and colt, but I would prefer the boys have a means of defense since their normal weapons would be useless. The weapons from the Impala are on their way up to overlook." He set one of the cases down on the table for the three geniuses to open.

"It's okay, Cas. I wouldn't be able to pick her out of all the clouds of black smoke anyway. Watari, their weapons will work with my ammo."

Dean rose to go look at what Watari had brought in.

L opened the case and there was a hiss of indrawn breath from all three of them. The older man handed the weapons to their owners. Matt and Mello were given what looked to be standard katanas, and L was given two smaller short blades that would extend his reach but still work with his martial arts style. When the blades were drawn for inspection, the unusual style was even more noticeable.

"I had these made when the plans came together weeks ago. The blades are flashed with silver."

"The crystal powder must be rock salt?" Watari nodded at Mello's question.

Bobby walked over and stood beside Dean and they both stared in awe. Dean looked at Watari. "Those are incredible, Sir. You guys understand that, unless they leave the bodies, you may be killing real people?"

Bobby motioned to the other box and softly asked Watari what other surprises he had for the boys.

"I am aware of that but am also aware of what Dean said. These demons ride the bodies hot and hard. The survival rate of the hosts is astronomically low. I will not put my charges at risk if it can be helped." The other case revealed an elegant sniper rifle, complete with tranquilizing darts.

"Sam and I tend to think about it more. Dean will kill if necessary for survival. He's the hunter in every way, but he'll bear that guilt later. He always does, but he doesn't take the time in warfare to think with his heart."

Watari handed Bobby a piece of paper. He'd had Near calculate survivability of the victims of possession. The rate was heartbreakingly low.

Bobby looked sad when he read it. "I imagine Near showed this to Sam, who has probably done something similar at some point, but make sure, sometime today, that Dean sees this. Would you? When you think it would be best for him to see it."

Dean had ammo, holy water, and rock salt in his backpack. He was not taking the duffels with him, carrying light.

"Everybody about ready? I got something to say before we leave. Gather round, please. Near, Sammy, you listening in?"

Watari pulled Dean aside. "We need to talk a moment," he told the one that had become like another grandson to him.

Dean tried to read his face. "Okay. Give me a second, guys." He turned back to Watari. "Okay?"

"Bobby felt I should show you this, and I agree. I had Near do some calculations based on the information from you, Bobby, and Sam in regards to demon possession." He placed the paper into the other's hand. "This is the survivability rate of a host. Near's fairly accurate with calculations. I wanted you to see this because I don't want you to wear the burden of what's to come."

Dean took the paper, hands shaking slightly. He stared at Watari then read the paper. Watari watched him as he read Near's findings. He nodded, folded the paper and put it in his jacket pocket. "Thanks, Watari," he whispered.

Not having time to do more, Dean turned back. "Okay, first off, I'm proud of all of you, and I'm glad I'm doing this with you. Near, you and Sam have been fantastic backup and I'm grateful. Especially for your calmness in a crisis. I love you both. Mello, Matt, you are fantastic. I've changed my mind about working with kids, but only you two because you don't fight like kids. I trust you. L, Watari, thank you for everything you have done. I've never experienced anything like this before. I don't understand why you both took Sam and me under your wings like this, but it means more then you'll ever know. Bobby, thanks for becoming my Dad, and thanks for fighting beside me. Cas, we knock heads all the time, but I'm glad you're here. I just wanted all of you know how much you mean to me. Okay! Let's go guys!"

Bobby looked at him. "Stop talking like you're not expecting to come back, idjit."

The three geniuses strapped on the weapons, ready to go.

Dean grabbed his backpack, murmuring something about track records, but turned to Bobby. "If I'd thought that, I'd have said goodbye to Lisa and Ben."

The older man bopped him over the head when he heard the comment about track records. "Stop it. Think positive."

"Lucifer's not getting out, Bobby. That positive enough for you?"

"And you're coming' back in one piece, even if I have to drag you. Positive enough for you?"

"Yes, Sir. Cas, Watari's destination first, then near the church."


	90. Chapter 90

War

The angel took a hold of the older man's shoulder and disappeared.

"Not quite what I meant, but okay. I really wanted to know where exactly Watari was gonna be so I could see to it that Lilith is near the right window."

Near's voice answered. "Look at the computer. There is only one window that will suffice for any type of shot from that distance."

"Thanks, Near."

The image on the computer showed the correct window, but the shot would be incredibly difficult. However, L and the boys showed no signs of concern for it. Dean thought about Watari, remembering his first few encounters with the man. He'd thought at the time that Watari had to be former military. Sniper? Maybe.

Castiel soon arrived. "Ready?"

"Everyone?"

The group nodded, showing they were ready.

"Let's go, Cas."

Mere seconds later, they were standing in a safe area near the church.

"That's it over there." Dean pointed to an old church, doors and windows sealed. Sigils and other symbols on the outer walls. "Okay, Cas. Good luck."

The angel disappeared, leaving the group to wait. Mello's hand was near the hilt of his sword, the other near his gun. He was waiting.. as were the others.

The younger hunter was leaning against a tree, a piece of paper in his hand, studying it. He closed his eyes for a second and put the paper back in his jacket pocket. He looked across the large expanse of land towards the church.  
>Bobby looked at him. "You OK?"<p>

"Yeah, Bobby. I'm fine. Honest."

He moved towards him. "I know it's hard. The numbers don't look good. Remember what Meg said after we got rid of the damned demon?"

"Sam survived it after Meg left him. It's hard, Bobby."

"She didn't ride his body too hard either, Dean. He was needed. These hosts aren't.. they're convenient."

"I know. Until Meg, I never really thought much about it. You know? It's a demon, you kill it."

"It's difficult, Dean, but in this case, we're going to have to see it as delivering mercy," he said quietly.

"Okay, Bobby. Mercy. I never thought of it like that. Thanks, Bobby."

"Welcome, kid," he hugged him.

Dean hugged him back, wanting to ask him to keep an eye on Sam, Lisa, and Ben if something should happen. He didn't because he knew the older hunter would be angry with him. He just wanted to cover all possibilities. This was Lilith.

L frowned, waiting for Castiel.

Dean joined him, "You okay?"

He nodded, "Just waiting for this to begin."

"Yeah. The calm before the storm. It's hard."

L shrugged slightly. "Any fight can be difficult."

"None of them are alike. Strange in some ways. You'd think that there'd be some, but they're not."

"Certain things follow patterns, some do not."

"Patterns are what Sam and I look for when we are researching a hunt. Most things we fight give out patterns. When a demon is around, lights flicker."

He nodded. "That was covered in the lessons."

"I know. It's easier to wait, when you talk about anything. I'm not very good at waiting."

Castiel showed up with an unconscious female about thirty years in age and moderately attractive.

Dean walked over to look at the woman. "Let's hope Lilith isn't feeling picky. She likes them drop dead gorgeous if she can get them."

"This was the only female in the group," the angel told him.

"Don't get me wrong, Cas. If I hadn't decided on stopping all that shit before Lisa showed, up, and if she wasn't a Satanist, I'd have a go."

He nodded. "Shall we?"

Dean reached down and grabbed an arm. "Mello? Can you grab the other arm? We can't afford to fight our way from the bottom up. I suggest we bypass floors one through four. She's gonna be up high, and if she's playing little girl, she's on that carousel or something close by. That okay with everyone? And, Cas? Stick close by. When she's dead, there's gonna be hell to pay and we'll need out quick. As soon as the tranq hits her, get Watari back home."  
>Castiel nodded and teleported the group. However, there was a slight problem. They were outside the building.<p>

"What the hell? Cas?"

"I cannot go further. They've sealed it."

"What keeps angels out? "

"There are ancient sigils that can keep an angel away," he answered.

"Aw, come on, Cas! Can you drop us on the roof, maybe?"

"That was the second thing I tried, Dean," he told him.

"Seven floors? Can't use the elevator. Damn it. Okay, let's go, guys. We head straight to the stairwell and try to avoid anything that moves until we get to the fifth floor."

"I will not be able to enter with you," he said. "I am sorry. Unless you can find the sigils and break them, I am barred from entering."

The sigils have to be outside somewhere, Cas, and they aren't going to let us walk around looking for them. Just make sure you get Watari to safety and hang around. There's probably gonna be injuries. Okay?"

Castiel nodded. "Be careful.. all of you."

"We plan to be, Cas. None of us wants to be demon fodder."

"I will wait with Watari," he told them, then disappeared.

"Let's try to find a side door somewhere. Easier to pick and not as likely noticeable."

The group nodded, heading to see what could be found.

They finally found a rusted door at the rear of the building. "L, since Mello and I are busy here with Sleeping Beauty, can you pick it? The detective pulled his picks out, cracking the door within moments.

"Be careful opening it. It should creak like hell, rusty as it is."

L managed to lift/push to help minimize the noise. It did creak but not as bad as it could've.

"Careful everyone. Never open a door if we can avoid it. We don't want battles on the lower levels. Surprise has to be on our side. Look for one door and it should say stairs or something similar. No talking."

All three nodded, hands near weapons as they looked around. Near's voice sounded in the ear pieces. "Door is thirty yards forward to the left."

Dean's thanks was barely heard. He nodded to those taking the lead. He and Mello continued to carry the woman between them.

L opened the door after Matt drew his blade, making sure to have something in hand in case someone was inside of it.

Soon everyone was in the stairwell. "Someone want to swap out for a bit? Take her arm here? I want to share the lead with L on this."

Bobby said that he would. "Matt, take Mello's place would you? Mello, will you watch our rear?"

The boys swapped out, falling into position.

Dean put his back to L's. "We go up like this, watching above and below us. We can spin slowly one always facing up and one down, turning so we are getting glimpses of past and upcoming doors. We never the face the same way for more than a few seconds unless we see something."

"Good way to trip up a stair," Matt pointed out.

"No. He is one stair up facing up. I'm down. I turn to go up above him. He faces down. No one goes up those stairs backwards. You and Bobby are second eyes for up. Mello is keeping an eye on the rear, so he's second for that."

L nodded, starting the pattern.

It was slow going but with a dead weight between Bobby and Matt, it needed to be.

They hit the third floor without incident, which concerned L.

A slight whisper was heard over the earphones. "Near, you or Sam picking up anything burning hot?"

"Nothing yet," Near answered. "Silent so far. Watch out on the fifth floor."

"How many you picking up on the fifth floor, Near? How many on the seventh?"

"Six on the fifth floor and eight on seventh that Near can see."

"Why, if she's on the fifth, would there be so many on the seventh? Sixth?"

"Four," he answered back. "Near sees no sign of Lilith as of yet."

"What about the first four? No little girl?"

"None."

"Sam?"

"I'm looking but not seeing her,"" he said. "We're trying to see what we can do to spot her. There's blind spots."

"What kind of blind spots? Do we need a couple to go in and look?"

"Certain areas of the room are not covered by the cameras," he answered.

"Are there places to hide, if some people enter the seventh floor from the stairwell? Sam? Could she be an adult?"

"You're asking questions I don't have answers to, Dean."

"Sam, Ruby wanted you to kill her. One thing Ruby wouldn't do would be to lie to you about Lilith. You know her better than any of us. Could she be?"

"She's known to be in either a child or adult female. You know that."

"You're right, Sam, and I shouldn't have dragged you into this. I'm sorry. Near, are there places to hide up there? We are gonna to check floors because of the blind spots. I need somewhere on the seventh floor near the stairwell, for Bobby, Matt, and our guest to hide."

"The blind spots make ascertaining location difficult.." His voice trailed off. "One female child just crossed into view, seventh floor dressed in elaborate clothing."

"We got her. Mello, come up here with us when we reach the seventh floor. Bobby, you and Matt come in behind us but far behind. I want her to see the girl after I get her near the window. She just needs to know the girl's there."

"Dean, be advised, several of the demons have moved to the door of the stair well on fifth and sixth floors."

"Weapons ready. She knows. Okay, we need two attack teams. One goes in and gets taken. Need the girl with that group. The rest stay right here. She won't expect us to divide. The backup team will come in after Watari fires. There needs to be a second attack to give me time to hit her when she enters the girl. It's our only chance."

"Matt and Bobby will take the second wave. Mello will accompany us with the first," L told him.

"The idea is we caught the attackers and took the girl as prisoner to lead us to Lilith. We had Cas knock her out after we got the info. Brought her along for security. Lilith thinks I'm dumb, like Ruby did. Let her think I'd do that."

He nodded. "Acceptable."

"Bobby, if anything happens, you know where my weapons are on me. L, same thing. We have no idea if any of us will get out of this, but I want to protect the kids as much as possible. Okay?"

The two adults nodded, L ready for anything.

Dean took one side of the girl from Bobby. "Mello, you are behind us. L, can you get the other arm? Make sure you got weapons where they aren't as likely to look."

The detective grabbed her arm. His blades were hidden where no one could see.

"They're gonna trap us between the two floors, or follow us up to the seventh. We'll have to see what she's got in mind. She's a lot worse than Ruby. Evil incarnate."

"As you've said," he murmured.

"It never hurts to be reminded about that. I can still hear hell hounds in my nightmares. Okay?"

The detective nodded. "Let's do this."

They went past the fifth floor, Dean taking slow, shallow breaths, as if afraid to take a deep one and make too much noise by just breathing.

The others were quiet, following the lead.

They were attacked between the two floors. There were too many, and Dean knew there was no way to fight in the demon crowded stairwell. He dropped his gun and a knife from his boot, leaving the important weapons hidden. As far as Lilith knew, the colt was with Crowley or whoever Bella sold it to.

"We want to see Lilith. Tell her I stopped her attack with the blood. It's been burned."

One of the demons sneered. "Sure...like you really did that." Dean pulled the Satanist forward, and smirked, an eyebrow raising.

"And the bitch is supposed to make us believe you?"

"Why the hell else would I drag her around? She's sure as hell not my type. I don't go in for creepy crawlies. I prefer mine completely human. That means a normal soul not sold out ones."

"And if Lilith doesn't want to see you? She'd rather have you dead," he sneered.

"Maybe, but Lilith likes her little games more than Ruby. She plays with her prisoners before she kills them. I rather think that since Sam isn't here, I'm probably worth more alive than dead. She's got to be pissed over that. Naw, not dead...not yet, anyway. You take away her toys and you're dead...fully."

"You're not going up there without being searched.. all of you," he told him. "We're not stupid."

Dean dropped the girl to floor and held his arms out. The demon checked him, pulling guns and other things off of him. They searched L and Mello, finding the same type of weapons. Dean had left his backpack with Bobby and Matt.

"Fine, follow me." He pushed them up the stairs.

Dean reached down for the girl and lifted her over his shoulders to carry her.

L and Mello followed him, bodies relaxed and ready to spring into action. They knew Matt would pick up the weapons.

Dean cussed to himself. He was not well, but was not giving up in this. He knew the others would have his back if he needed it. Right now he had to fool the one demon he thought of as the Queen of Hell. He couldn't help it. Since that day she had taken Ruby's body and let the hell hounds in, he had a nervousness around her. He was fixing to conquer that. So long as hell hounds, the things that happened in hell with Alistair, and especially since some of them were compounded by what happened between Ruby and him, he would be fine. He had no idea what she knew and didn't know, but he was going to kill her somehow, so he could survive it. He had no idea what she would have against L and Mello. Mello, he worried about.

L and Mello were prepared for anything, knowing how much was at stake for this.

Dean entered the seventh floor first, being shoved by the demon who had questioned him. He walked up to the little blond girl playing tea party at a table. He set the woman down on the floor and straightened up slowly for him, but he grinned and said, "Hello, Lilith. Surprise. I'm out of hell."

She sneered at him, looking at them. "I heard that the idiotic angels pulled you out."

"Yeah, well, they can do some good, can't they?"

"I wouldn't know. They're annoying nuisances," she told him.

"Well, you're right. They are, but I haven't found a big enough fly swatter yet, and bug repellent? To find enough to kill one, would poison an entire city block."

"And that's a problem why?"

Mello shook his head. This 'demon' was annoying him, but he kept a tight rein on his temper.

"I kinda like a couple of them. One pulled me out of hell. Still got his hand prints on my shoulders. The other one is hot in bed."

"You were desperate enough to fuck one?" That word sounded so wrong coming from a child's mouth.

"No. She'd never done it. I'm good. What can I say, and I was gentle with her."

"Definitely desperate," she told him. "So why are you here?"

"I came to suggest that you give up, Lilith. You don't want to die. It's a nasty thing, and we both know what hell's like, but this death, you won't be coming back from. I delivered one of your commander's followers with a hint that the place is more protected now then it's ever been. Now, my friends and I are gonna leave the way we came. No point in prolonging my visit is there?"

"You're right, I don't want to die but I'm dead if other demons find me. These guys are all that's loyal to me right now," she told him.

"Well, we have a problem, because I can't let your master go free. I'll do what I have to. You don't have Ruby any more. She's dead, by the way. Sam's protected and not coming. It's you and me, Lilith."

"I'm glad she's dead; she wasn't working for me," she growled.

"Well, that would have been Azazel? I'm learning a lot, you know? So, if you want to live, why take us captive? Why aren't you on the run? Why mess with me anyway? You got what you wanted out of me, didn't you?"

"Maybe I want a deal," she told him.

"I don't deal with demons, Lilith. I kill them."

"I am not dying for this plan," she answered.

"Oh, you won't die for the plan because you can't get there, and I'm not letting that happen."

"I'm not dying," the demon sneered.

"I can't promise you that won't happen," Dean smirked. He had to get her riled enough to attack. He had to somehow get her to the window, knowing it would take some doing. What he hadn't counted on was demons blocking the fifth and sixth floors after they were taken up. Bobby and Matt could do nothing. It was going to be the three of them, but he was concerned what an angry, highly powered demon might do. The objective was to get her into the other body to kill her, and protect Mello. He and L would have to bear the brunt.

"Any last requests?"

"You're a fool, Winchester, and dragging these two with you?" Her head tilted. "Ohhhhh...what a present you've brought me."

"What are you talking about? None of us are worth anything."

"The tall ugly one beside you," she giggled. "The elusive detective."

L didn't react but tensed slightly.

"He's not worth your time, Lilith. No emotions and you really like to mess with that, among other things."

She gave another giggle. "It's the detective L you've brought me. That bastard has slowed us down too often."

"Lilith, he has no idea what you are talking about. If he did it was not knowingly. Sam and I are the ones who did it openly and knowingly. Leave him alone."

"Oh, there's things you don't know. He was called in for things we were trying to do and he put a stop to it," she growled.

Dean smiled. Well, there's a lot of people...good people who have done that over the years. L, no idea what will happen, but I'm with you and you aren't alone. And stay out of it, my young 'un." Dean gave a quick wink.

"I only do my job," he said mildly and she grinned, motioning for her minions to attack.

Dean moved in front of him suddenly. "No, Lilith! I'm tired of your crap!"

"You can't stop me," she sneered and the minions began attacking. Dean stood with L, taking on demons. Dean planned on the colt for Lilith, so the demon killing knife was soon in use and demons were dying fast. He could not see what was happening with L, but Mello had obeyed and stayed back, figuring that Dean had a reason.

L was taking them down as best as he could, feet flying as he kept moving.

Lilith realized that fighting was not going to work. She decided that pain, slow, mental, emotional, and physical pain worked on the hunter better, and breaking both men would be fun. She was infuriated with the knife and needed to stop this before he removed too many of her demons. She saw the older Winchester toss the knife to L and head towards her. He started to drag her from the table.

She pulled a knife out of her sash, stabbing him in the leg. "Damn moron! You ruin everything!"

Dean cried out, but did not let go of her. He continued to pull her away from the table, trying to grab the knife from her.

L was doing a good job with the knife, trying to keep the demons busy so Dean could drag the demoness towards the window. He'd seen the elaborate knife go into the man's leg, but it had not slowed him down. They were grappling over the blade. L was grateful no demonic powers were being used. Most of these demons preferred physical to magical, it would seem.

Mello cried out as a demon came from behind and L was clubbed. Dean saw him go down and winced, shaking his head no at Mello and mouthing wait.

Mello was frustrated, anxious over his mentor being felled like that. Things were not going well.

Blood pouring from his leg, Dean dragged Lilith towards the window and held her there. The wound had been deep and he was losing a lot of blood, but he refused to give up. He needed her out of the little girl. He had no idea what she might be like in a Satanist, but he could not fight her in her present body. He wasn't counting on what she might have in mind for L and him. He had been tortured in different ways by male and female demons. Lilith had not seemed the type. Get her out of the body was all that was in his mind...and protect Mello.

The hunter held the little girl's body in front of him and shoved her close to the window and hoped that the marksman was quick.

Watari took the shot and the tranquilizer hit the small body, causing it to succumb to the drugged sleep. Mello grinned, waiting as a dark mist poured from the child's mouth.

The mist did as Dean had hoped, entering the Satanist's body. Dean laid the body of the little girl on the floor beneath the window. He turned, slipping in his own blood and falling to the floor. He struggled to get up, and started moving towards L to get him out of the way. The demoness rose and walked toward the hunter and looked down at him and then at the unconscious detective. Dean looked up at her. He waited.

She backhanded the hunter with a sneer. "Did you think that will stop me?"

"Not really," he spoke softly, looking for the knife he'd thrown to L. He could taste blood in his mouth where she'd struck him. He smirked at her, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth, "but it can't hurt."

Lilith tapped into her powers, throwing both L and Dean into the wall. The detective hit with a sickening crunch.

Sam's grip was tight on his chair, watching with Near. The teenager instructed for Matt and Bobby to move in closer but hold off.

"We can't," Bobby said. "There must be over thirty of them in the stairwells above us."

Dean was determined to keep her going til he could get into position where she didn't notice him. He checked on L. "Man, I'm sorry." He forced himself up and faced her. "Come on, bitch." He looked around for the knife, knowing he had to antagonize her and make her hurt him bad enough where she'd ignore him and go after L again. Then, maybe Mello would have chance. No matter how bad he wanted to kill her, her death was all that mattered.

Again, he was thrown into a wall, denting the plaster. "Stupid asshole. You and all other humans think you're so important! You're nothing more than cockroaches!"

Dean slid down the wall, his face and hair white with the plaster, blood pouring from his mouth. He hurt, but he smiled at her. His smile was half grimace. "You know, I read that if there's ever a big bomb dropped. You know the kind...radioactive? Only chickens and cockroaches will survive. Cockroaches. Must say something about us. I'm not stopping til I kill you, bitch." Dean started to slowly struggle to raise himself again.

"At least roaches serve a purpose," she sneered at him, throwing L into the wall again.

Dean could hear L's bones breaking. It sounded familiar. He figured from the pain that he had some inside of him too but he was not sure where. He hurt everywhere. He started walking to where L had laid drawing her away from him. He found the knife and knelt down to pick it up. He turned his head and smiled at Mello and mouthed 'holster, my calf." He turned towards the demoness with the demon killing knife and put every ounce of energy he had left into reaching her swiftly, knowing it was futile. She'd go after L, ignoring the boy. How badly hurt he'd be, he didn't know. This had not been the plan, but when did they ever go right lately? He muttered, "What purpose, Lilith?" as he raised the dagger and attacked her.

Mello watched the attack, knowing that once she finished with the hunter, she'd go after L again. Dean's blood from his leg was everywhere. Mello had never seen that much flow from one man before. He'd bleed to death if something didn't happen soon. The teen realized that the hunter did know that, when he read his lips.

The blond realized what was going on, watching for his moment.

Dean had the knife in both hands trying to shove it into Lilith's chest, hoping this could actually end it. He'd just burn the damn building down afterward. She was incredibly strong, and she began to realize that he was not strong, himself. She'd heard he'd had major injuries, and Meg's people had followed from a long distance the day before and had seen him fall behind. Now with the attacks on him and the bleeding, she knew she had him. Finish him and go after the detective. Two pains in the ass at one time, but Dean Winchester and L were major ones.

The demoness pushed him back, knowing his injuries were playing against him. She kicked L out of the way, the detective struggling to rise.

"L! Stay down, man!" Dean struggled to rise, and was almost doubled over. He knew this was going to be his last chance. It was one last effort. He took the knife and rushed her with all that he had left in him.

Lilith deflected the blade, throwing him back against the wall with her powers. "Take your own advice, Winchester!"

Dean slid down the wall for the last time, he could feel and hear the bones crunch with the force of the demon had used. L was near him. "She's gonna come after you. Keep her busy. I couldn't get to it. She was watching me too closely. Get her away. Mello...Mello." Dean was having difficulty breathing. "Make sure their all salted and burned, man." L would have had to strain to listen if the earphone/mike combo had not picked his whisper.

Bobby and Matt were furious. They could not get up the stairs. Bobby looked up at the fifth floor. Dean's sawed off was there. Bobby had not taken his regular shotguns because of size. He wanted the sawed off. He could blow away demons with rock salt if he could get to it.

Lilith sneered, focusing on the struggling detective. "And you.. the worst of them all. Mr. Self-Righteous detective. You think you're the best of them all.. but you've f*ked up by coming here." She threw him against the wall with another sickening crunch.

Dean's eyes were glazed but he looked at the teen. "Please," was the slight whisper.

The blond rushed at Dean, sliding in the blood as if he was sliding into second base. He slipped his hand up the jeans on his leg, grabbed the colt from the holster, which had evaded the demons' search earlier, and twisted, feeling something pop in his lower back. Without missing a beat, fighting back the pain, he yelled her name, getting her to face him. He fired off a round, aiming for right between the demoness' eyes.

The demons on the stairs heard her scream as she died and vacated their bodies. Bobby and Matt headed up the stairs, the older man grabbing the sawed off.

Upon entering the room, they stopped. The floor was swimming in blood. Whose? The wall by the window was crushed in, plaster everywhere. Dean lay on the floor, against the wall. L was further down. Mello was sitting on the floor near Dean, the colt in his hands. Bobby looked at all of them and saw the blood coming from Dean's mouth and leg, and started shaking. They headed over to the trio, the little girl, and the body of the demoness.

Matt checked her body. "She's dead. No mist or anything?"

Mello winced, shaking his head. "No.. really neat fire affect in her mouth though. Salt and burn?"

"Everyone that's been killed. Get the kid out. Anybody that was left by the demons, get them out. Salt and burn. Take down the whole damn building." Dean was gasping for air. "Near, Cas there? We're gonna need him. Bad."

Watari's voice responded. "He's having problems with angels, Dean. He's not here."

"Okay, gonna need a lot of help here. The kid, and the rest who were possessed. No idea how many are alive. L's hurt bad. Mello's wincing. Me too. Lots of help."

Near's voice was soothing. "Matt and Bobby, take the survivors to the roof. Near has helicopters en route. Once the group is loaded, salt the bodies and then set the devices that will be on the first helicopter."

Matt grinned. "I get to play with explosives?"

The white haired teen's voice sounded over Sam's laughter. "Yes, Matt, C4 is on its way."

Bobby leaned over Dean. "You okay, boy?"

The plastered covered face looked up at him, the blood coming out of his mouth intensely red against the white. Too much blood for some mouth damage, the older man thought. The boy was hurt inside. The leg was still bleeding. Bobby removed his belt and made a tourniquet on the leg. Dean stared at him, but the older hunter wasn't sure the boy knew where he was. He lifted him up and carried him up the next flight of stairs to the roof, and went down to help with L who was badly injured like Dean. He told Mello to get up on the roof if he could. Matt was told to get the child.

When these four were on the roof, they had Near look for heat signatures to find those who had been dispossessed.

"No heat signatures. Near's estimate was correct. The bodies were in too poor a shape to survive once the demons vacated the host bodies." The helicopters arrived and medics poured out while Matt was handed a bag. The redhead headed back down to salt all the bodies on each floor while setting up the detonators.

Sam went onto the speaker. "I have the girls and Ben busy. The doctor and other medics are on standby thanks to Near." Sam's voice made a choking sound as he asked, "How's Dean, Bobby?"

"I don't know about internal injuries from L, but Dean's lost a lot of blood. I found the colt, the knife, and another strange looking knife. I figure it may have been used on Dean's leg. It's got some language on the blade I don't recognize. We're gonna need blood. Got a lot coming out of his mouth. Let the doc know he's got a tourniquet on the leg. Cas fighting his own war, huh? We are not using a hospital this time? Can't blame anyone on that. Too many strange wounds. Mello's may be his back, but not sure."

"Use a cell phone, take a picture of both sides of the blade and send it to Near. Hospitals would ask too many questions. The infirmary here will tend to them."

Matt came back up, hopping into the helicopter. "Let's go."

In seconds, the pictures were sent to Near. "Sam, warn Lisa that Ben needs to be elsewhere. Dean's bad. L's not far behind him."


	91. Chapter 91

Dealing with the Aftermath of War

The helicopters took off. Within 3 minutes, the building blew and flames were everywhere.

"I've already got them entertained on a floor below the infirmary," Sam reassured Bobby. "We've already anticipated that." Bobby could hear the tears in Sam's voice as he tried to remain calm and detached to do his job.

Matt snickered. He didn't get to play with explosives often and that was a bit of fun for him.

"Do the girls know or are they ignorant of this and with Ben?"

"Ignorant and with Ben," he answered. "The last thing we need is for Ben to pick up on their stress. They're worrying about Dean as it is. I'll let them beat me up for it later."

"I hope you know what you're doing, boy. Both of those women have been involved in your hunts. Even if you quit, you will still be hunters. They will be hunters' wives. Dean might need her. I said before, they're both in bad shape. You might need Sarah. It's your decision, son. Dean's been relying on you more and I know it's important that you do this your way and he trust you in it. At this time, Lisa and Ben are your responsibility. I'll be there to help shortly."

"I can't do anything until someone's here to keep Ben from noticing. I can tell them then. The boy is too young to be exposed to this right now," Sam's voice came back firmly. "Matt, think you could do that?"

The red head nodded. "Yeah, I can do it. I'll distract him with games and snacks, no worries."

The helicopters landed and all four victims were taken inside. The little girl was fine. Mello was in an MRI. L was in an another MRI. The doctor noticed the blood pressure, the bleeding, and the slight pulse, and rushed Dean to surgery. He gave Watari the names of an orthopedic man for Mello and another good surgeon and said that when L was out of the MRI, he needed to see the other doctor. His blood pressure was not as low in Dean, but there was some bleeding somewhere.

Watari was calling in doctors. It looked as if Mello had messed up something in his spine during his slide and twist. L and Dean were in worse shape, which was his priority to take care of. He frowned at the amount of blood on Dean and Mello. One of the medics told him that Mello had no bleeding. He looked at Dean and shook his head.

Matt headed downstairs and called the girls out for a moment, and he explained there'd been injuries, but he didn't know how bad.

Lisa mouthed Dean and ran, Sarah following her. They reached the medical area of the building, and found Sam standing there. Watari turned from speaking to him. "Both men are in surgery. There's an orthopedic man tending Mello."

Lisa sat down in a chair, whispering Dean's name. The hours seemed like days. L's doctor came out. "I'm sorry to have to say this, but the gentleman has broken over two-thirds of the bones in his body. I believe he's going to be a quadriplegic. I'm truly sorry. I will recommend some good therapists to help with this." The doctor left the room, to clean up and write reports. He would be staying to tend to L.

Two hours later, the regular doctor for the household came out. He was exhausted. "I am sorry," he told the family. "Dean is in very bad shape. He's lost more blood then I can replace without completely giving him a total blood transfer. He has not totally recovered physically from his former surgery and healing. He's too exhausted. I don't think he can fight this. Barring a miracle, we'll probably lose him. He's going to be under for a while, but if you want to be with him, you can go back."

Sam was in a rage. "No! We find Cas, now! He's our miracle for both of them. This is not gonna happen. Not again! L's not gonna be a cripple and Dean's damn well not dying on us!"

Near was sitting in a corner, listening quietly. There was no report on Mello as of yet but so far, two out of three were not doing well at all. He quietly went outside in the bright sunshine, voice almost too soft. "Castiel?"

A soft fluttering of wings sounded and an exhausted angel appeared. "I am trying to hide and being here is dangerous for you, Near. Lilith is dead? How are the others?"

"Lilith is dead, body salted and burned with a concentrated explosion of C4. Dean is dying; L may become a quadriplegic. There is no news on Mello."

"I do not have enough power to take care of a full recovery for any of them. They will have little strength for a while because a full recovery will require what I cannot give. They will be healed but strength to recover? No. They will need extra care, and peace and quiet. No work. Take them back to the cabin. If L has put his usual rush on it and gotten things started where the women can make decisions and decide where things should be and such, they can stay there. If it is not ready, make some quick plans for staying there. The enemy will not think to look there. This place may be a fortress, but there will be no peace here. They need peace. There are too many bad memories for this building. I can heal them and will do so now."

Wings fluttered and Castiel was gone.

He found Mello having more tests done. He appeared suddenly and touched the boy's back." You will need to get your strength back, but the healing is done."

He appeared in L's room where Watari was sitting. "Hello, Watari. I cannot give him his strength back. I'm low on energy and there is still Dean, but he will be healed. Just help him recover slowly. If there is enough done on the cabin, take them there. Get them away for a while."

Watari nodded. "Who called you?"

Castiel murmured, "Near," as he touched the detective. "This is a great amount of damage. It will take a lot of energy but he will heal." A white light covered the detective, and the angel stumbled. "How bad is Dean? Near says he's dying?"

The old man nodded, looking tired. "He is. Blood loss and a lot of internal damage."

The angel nodded. "I need to find somewhere to pray and hope that our Father hears me. I don't know if I have enough energy, but Dean has been special and I believe he is to Him. Dean does not believe, but this is one miracle he cannot deny." The angel disappeared.

Thirty minutes later, the doctor had asked the family to let the hunter rest. A soft fluttering sound was heard. A hand touched Dean's. "Dean? Can you hear me?"

Hazel eyes struggled to open. The medication was strong. A soft, hoarse voice whispered, "Cas? Am I dying?"

"I have hopes that you will live a long time, Dean," was the response. "Mello and L will be fine but incredibly weak for a while."

"Did you heal them, Cas? L looked bad. It's so hard to breathe. I've been having strange dreams of a really weird place. Someone keeps trying to talk to me. So tired."

"They will be fine with rest and recovery, same as you will," the angel told him.

"Are you healing me too, Cas? The pain is so bad, man."

"I will, Dean," he said.

"Now?"

"Yes, now relax."

"Okay, Cas."

The angel laid his hands on him, calling upon the power he'd been given, healing Dean.

The hunter's breathing evened, and his color changed. Hazel eyes stared into the deep blue of the angel. "Cas, thank you. Think I could sleep for months, but thank you. I mean it."

"You will wake in another location. I need to rest, as do the rest of you."

"You coming too, Cas? It doesn't hurt, and I can breathe. Why are you touching me again, Cas?" Dean's eyes closed as the angel touched him another time.

Sam, Bobby, and Lisa had run into the room because Watari told them what Cas was doing. The angel was lifting his hand from Dean's chest. He smiled tiredly and told them the hunter needed rest and to get him and the others away for a while. He disappeared.

Watari told Sarah that L was working on the cabin as a surprise for Sam and Dean, but had planned on everyone being able to stay in the area while the work is done, so the Winchester families could do what they wanted in their sections, and L and his group in theirs. He told them of a small clinic with housing for the doctor and four nice trailers for everyone. There was a major transport plane that would haul vehicles, and supplies for everyone. Helicopters would take the rest. The injured would be taken in one of the choppers. The little girl's parents had picked her up earlier, grateful to the ones who had found her. L, Dean, and Mello would probably sleep for at least 24 hours. He suggested that things be packed to leave, and that someone take care of Dean's stuff.

Sarah went to Dean's clinic room to talk to the others.

Near stayed quiet in his corner, eyes watching everyone. It was good the angel had come when he had called; he hadn't expected Castiel to do that. At least everyone would improve.

Everything was moved to the airport The transport was loaded. Sam asked about an airport, and Watari said there was plenty of flat land for the plane to land on. A makeshift runway had been cleared about two miles away from the cabin, so that supplies and equipment could be offloaded easily.

The white haired teen perched in his seat, away from others as he watched the group get settled on the transports.

Sam whispered to Lisa for a moment, getting a nod from her. He walked over to the white haired teen.

"Near, Lisa needs to keep an eye on Ben, and I need to be with Sarah right now. It's not likely, knowing Cas, but Dean might wake up because of the difference in sounds, movement, and things. Would you like to ride in the chopper with him, in case he wakes up? Matt's riding with L and Mello."

He picked up the kitten and robot, than headed towards the helicopter.

The transport left the runway, and shortly after, three helicopters followed.

Near stayed curled up near Dean, watching as the scenery went past.

Beneath the noise of the jet engine, Near thought he heard a whisper. "Where?"

"In a helicopter. Dean must rest."

"What happened? Is she dead?"

"Castiel healed Dean. The group is now relocating to a place for the group to rest."

"Why relocate, Near? What can be better than staying where we were?"

"It is not considered restful and there is always possible chance of having been followed."

"I'm more tired than I've ever been. How bad was I, Near? Truth. All that time with my shoulder and everything was real bad. This is worse. L? He went through it too. How bad?"

"Had Castiel not intervened, L would have been a quadriplegic and Dean would not be alive for long," he answered candidly.

Hazel eyes searched gray ones. "Damn it, Near. Dead? And L? Quadriplegic? He'd rather trade places with me then be that. Oh, hell. What a screwed up mess we got into. She's dead? Please tell me she's burnt to a crisp. Who got her?"

"Lilith is dead, salted, and burned in a flame caused by C4. L is healed as is Mello. All three will require rest to regain strength."

"Mello got the colt and shot her? How'd he get hurt?"

"Near will explain later. Sleep now."

"I need answers, Near."

Near nodded and a nurse came back to where they were. "How did you manage to wake up, Mr. Winchester? You were out cold. You need to rest right now."

"I got questions. Need answers."

The nurse took a needle, and Dean's eyes got big, and he started shaking his head, no. She injected him in the hip. Within a few minutes, he was gone. She smiled at Near, patted Dean on the cheek and went back to her seat.

Near went back to watching the scenery, waiting for the trip to finish.

Finally, the mountains and desert could be seen. Near noticed that a small village of very nice trailers had been set up about five hundred yards from the cabin. There was a lot of of construction being done there. The helicopters landed on a pad designed for them about one hundred yards from the cabin. The invalids were being taken to the trailers, Watari explaining who went where.

Sam and Sarah walked with Lisa and Ben to their trailer as a stretcher carried the sleeping hunter. Bobby followed, also. He'd been given his own trailer. He stared off at the cabin.

"Sam, Dean mentioned a possible storage building on the back, and us having to double up until he could afford to add on, but that's a major construction over there. Someone's adding three wings and I don't know what all else is being added."

"L already has the plans going for that," Near told them.

"What plans?" Sam asked as he turned and looked, mouth dropping open. "That's what Dean and I designed. No one's seen those. How?"

"L has L's ways," the white haired genius told him.

"That's why we came here? L needs the girls, Dean, and I to tell him what we want where in our wings? He needs you boys for your wing, and Bobby for the main building. Dean want's some large enclosed gardens... he wants to design one for Near., and another for vegetables and fruit. L has been busy. But, Near, we can never repay this."

"The wing is for L and L's heirs, thus L and the heirs will foot the bill, Near believes the saying goes."

"Dean won't think it's his if he doesn't pay L back, Near."

"Dean will have to discuss it with L. However, L will consider it paid with this past mission and also any consults in future."

"That will be the biggest battle between stubborn asses we'll ever get to see," Bobby commented.

"L will win," Near said blandly.

"That's because Dean won't know how to argue with him. L will confound Dean and my poor brother will be so confused he won't know whether he's coming or going," Sam answered back, with a wicked grin on his face. "I don't know about you, but getting to go in there and say this is what we want, will be an incredible experience. We've never had that."

"Near suggests each group decides what to do in the wing chosen for the couple. That way when the time comes, all the design ideas and decorating will be decided and no halting of the construction will happen."

"I know which wing is mine and Sarah's, ya'll's, and Bobby's. We can start. Lisa, you may want to see how long it will be before Dean has enough strength. Maybe we ought to all wait til the others are up to it. Not fair to them, really."

Near shrugged. "it was a simple suggestion. Near needs to check the system to determine if new cases have arrived. Outside of video games, there is little to keep the group entertained. However, do as Sam and the others wish. Near will not be available for most of the time."

"Why not? It's your place too. That will sure upset him."

The white haired teenager didn't respond, simply calling to Watari as he disappeared into the trailer designated for the detective and his heirs. Matt sighed as he approached the group. Near was pretty much going to be out of pocket.. which was sad considering that he was in charge with L healing. "Great...we won't see much of him."

Sam shook his head. "We're in charge of Dean healing. Wanna help? Or do you get Mello?" Sam grinned.

"I'll be back and forth between him and L," the redhead answered. "Watari will be assisting Near most of the time. Since L is out, Near will be taking his caseload." Since the girls and Ben weren't around, they could speak this candidly.

"Yeah, well, we have to keep Dean still for a while so he can rest. He's never regained his strength, but I think he will here. He won't be still for long. But right now, he needs to be."

"Put him to work with Lisa on the ideas for their wing," Matt suggested. "It'll keep him in bed but brain occupied."

"That's a great idea. We'll do that."


	92. Chapter 92

The Mixed-Up Adventures of Dean Winchester, or How to Keep One Injured Hunter Corralled.

As it happened, no one's plans concerning Dean went as they thought they would. If any of them had thought about it, they'd have realized that it was typical of Dean. Lisa had gone to discuss with Watari and Sarah if they were planning on group meals, or could they cook for themselves. Dean was still sound asleep and should be for a while. Sam was playing ball with Ben.

Dean was roused by the sounds from the cabin, and it didn't sound right to him. He got up out of bed slowly, realizing he was in a hospital gown. Finding his duffel, he grabbed boxers, jeans, and a t-shirt. Not finding his shoes or boots, he located the slippers he'd worn at L's. Moving slowly, he managed to get out of the trailer. He looked around, confused, not knowing where he was or why.

The sound drew him on. The hunter moved carefully, feeling exhaustion worse then he'd ever felt. He saw the cabin and the wings coming off of it. His eyes opened big and he forced himself to move at a faster pace, going straight towards his future home. He saw the plans and he and Sam had drawn coming off the cabin: the extension to the one wing, another wing, and the one in the back for L's group. He climbed through, avoiding men who were working. The greenhouses were in the back and towards the side. The building for the indoor garden was there. He saw that the huge storage unit was attached. There were four freezers and shelves everywhere. He kept thinking who?

Watari spotted him. "Young man, what do you think you're doing?"

Dean had not heard him over the construction noise and jumped in surprise, almost falling.

"Watari! You scared me! " He turned back to look at the out buildings and the additions being added to the one wing and the additional wings. He loved the fact that rock from the mountain had been used to do the outer walls to match the main cabin. Where they'd found slate for the roof, he didn't know, but he liked it. He headed towards the wing addition that would be his and Lisa's. It was now two floors. He grinned and headed into the wing.

"Is this acceptable so far?"

"It's incredible! But...how?"

"L got hold of the plans," he said. "Now you have to get back to bed."

"Watari, this is beautiful, but I'll never be able to afford this now. I'd hoped to add on a little at a time, but this...this is beyond my wildest dreams for a home. I can't afford it...not even with Sam and Bobby's help. I've never been rich. I probably never will be."

He answered him as he guided the young man back to his trailer. "L already has a plan in place for that."

"Shouldn't he have talked to me about this plan? Damn it, Watari! This should have involved me in some way. I'm not mad. I want you to understand that. But, I don't want charity." Watari could see that the young man was seriously upset over how he would handle this.

"First of all, this isn't charity. Second, he only began on what you drew up. The interior of the wings will be designed by the owner of each wing." His voice was firm, "Stop being stubborn."

"I can't pay for this, so it is charity. I'm not upset about what he's done. The not talking to me about it was about discussing financing. That's all. I love what he's done. I do. I just don't know how the hell I'm gonna pay for it. There's nothing I've done for him that begins to earn what this cost."

They had reached Dean's trailer and gone inside to the master bedroom.

The old man pointed at the bed. "Sit," he said in a stern grandfatherly voice. "Now shake off that stubbornness and listen to me."

Dean sat down and sighed. He looked up at the older man and waited.

"First of all, L approved of the plans and went ahead with the designs you came up with. As far as charity, it isn't charity and if I hear that word come out of your mouth, I'll make sure you never get one of my homemade apple pies.. ever. This isn't charity at all. L is aware this will make a good working base and it's needed. Second, you have no idea what he pays for his consultants when called out." The older man quoted a number which would pay off the debt fast within a few cases. "The case you just finished is triple that due to the risk factors involved."

Dean sat there staring in shock at the older man. "I..." He faltered, staring in disbelief. "I don't get paid for what we do. I can't remember a time that anyone ever paid. I play poker and pool, and I run credit card scams. It keeps us on the road. We don't always have a roof over our heads. Lots of times we've slept in the Impala. I don't understand how he can pay me for a job I thought I was doing to keep my ass out of prison."

"You already agreed to this with L weeks ago, Dean."

"Yeah, I agreed to work for him. We never discussed pay or how much he'd pay. I didn't know any one made that kind of money. Does the President?"

"The President has been known to take loans from L," he said with a wry grin.

Dean sat there, his bottom jaw open, looking at Watari. "Really?"

Lisa walked in. "Dean! What are you doing up and dressed?" She noticed sawdust and rock chips on him and in his hair. "You've been to the cabin?" She headed to the living room and leaned out the door. "Sam, he's been to the cabin."

"Aw, shit. Now I'm gonna hear it from all of them."

"Yes, now park your behind here or I'll have Matt sit on you," he said with a mild glare. "No pie if you don't behave."

"Are you promising pie, because where Sam goes, Sarah follows. I'm fixing to get my ass kicked by one sasquatch and two very angry women."

"You'll get pie if you stay in bed," he told him. "You three keep him distracted with plans for your wings. I need to check on my other charges."

Dean looked at the three standing in the bedroom staring at him. Lisa was angry. Sam was furious. Sarah looked disgusted. He sighed, laid down, and waited for the tirade to start. Sam had another idea though. Tirades never worked with Dean.

Watari went to see if Near needed anything, leaving Dean to face his family.

"I was told we were going somewhere to rest. The construction noise was not restful. I only wanted to check it out. It's our place, Sammy." Sam swore that Dean was pleading. He suddenly felt like the parent, and it was a shock to him. Dean had backed down and was really letting him lead some.

"I understand, Dean, but you're not well enough to start wandering around. We almost lost you!"

"But, I'm not dead, Sammy. Cas healed me. I'm just tired."

Lisa looked at Dean. "I had to tell Ben that the angel healed his daddy because he was hurt very bad, Dean. You know what Ben's reaction to that was? That he'd work hard to make sure you rested so he could play ball with you."

Dean's voice broke as he responded, "He did?" He closed his eyes, and Sam knew the look of regret his brother could get. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I promise. I won't do anything to hurt my boy."

"You'll keep that promise by staying in bed till the doctor says you can get out. Deal?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'll get some paper and pens, we'll get to work. You won't feel bored," she promised, kissing him "By the way, you did a fantastic job with that demon, love. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you?" Dean looked at Sam after Lisa left. Sarah stood there quietly watching the hunter. "What was she told? I didn't kill Lilith. I got my ass kicked."

"Team effort, Dean. It was a huge team effort."

"Yeah, it was. Just so no one thinks it was my team effort. Okay? I was only one small part."

"Don't make me smack you over the head," Sarah told him and Sam winced, rubbing his own head. "I'd agree with her, Dean. She hits hard."

"She gonna be a spouse beater, Sammy, or you gonna handle her? Sarah, I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to agree with. I said yeah it was and that about the team effort being huge. I'm just saying I only had a small part in it."

"You had a bigger than small part, brat," she teased.

"Well, let's see. Cas stopped the stuff at the church. He got the girl for us. Sam and Near ran everything that needed to be handled. Watari shot the tranq dart. Me? I spent the most of that trip, getting Ryuuzaki's and my ass kicked. I was still too exhausted from the day before and my past illness to do what needed to be done. I managed to get her to the window, and then all hell broke loose. The only damn good thing I did was keep her off Ryuuzaki enough where she didn't kill him, and I kept her interest off Mello. I had the colt hidden well enough that her idiots didn't notice it. I told Mello to use it. Small stuff."

"Even small pieces are a major contributor to the whole puzzle," Sarah said, kissing his cheek. "So take the compliment and roll with it. Oh.. and a word, you've become a major hero in Ben's eyes."

"I have? In what way, Sarah?"

"His daddy helped beat up the bad guy and saved the world. It's glossed over for his age but yeah, what little boy wouldn't idolize his dad for that?"

Sam saw the tears in his brother's eyes. His voice cracked when he spoke, "He really thinks that? I...I ...damn!" Dean turned his head so no one could see him cry.

Sam rested his hand on his brother's shoulder. "He does. I wouldn't be surprised if he comes running in soon to see you. He's been asking us when he can."

"I'd like to see him."

Sam nodded. "I'll get him."

"Thanks, Sam. I promise I won't do anything the doctor says no to again. I promise."

Lisa came in with pads of paper and pens. She also had a large number of catalogs, paint swatches, carpet swatches, tile samples, and a big grin. Dean stared at the load in her arms.

"Ben's coming to see me," he offered to his love, staring again at the items in her arms.

"Good," she said. "He can help design his room."

Dean got an evil look on his face. "Sarah, you and Sam are going to join us, aren't you? Everything's right here and yours needs to be done too."

Sarah grinned, "Of course."

"I thought we'd be going places, looking at things. I had no idea it was done through catalogs, and small pieces of stuff."

Ben came in seconds later, eyes big. "DAD!"

Sam followed the boy in just in time to see a look on Dean's face he'd never seen before. He'd been right. Dean would be a great dad.

Dean held his arms out, a huge grin on his face, the look in his eyes was one of joy.

The boy hugged him tightly. "You're awake!"

"Yes, I am. I was real sick, but I'm gonna be okay. I have to stay in bed and rest until the doc says I can start moving around. I don't think that will be long. You need to move around to get better nowadays."

"Good," came Ben's reply.

"Guess what we're all gonna do? We're gonna pick out stuff for our new home. You have your own room to decorate. Uncle Sammy and Aunt Sarah are gonna work with us because part of the cabin is theirs." Dean looked up and winked at his brother, sending him a 'I gotcha' look, grinning.

Sam grinned, taking a seat as Ben looked at him. "I'm gonna have a room to decorate?"

"Yeah. Now the choices are yours, but remember, what you like at nine years, you might not like at twelve, so think about it carefully. A butterscotch carpet and orange or lime green walls might seem cool, but it would get old real fast. Just a thought. Okay?"

Lisa was ready to hit Dean for even putting the idea into Ben's head.

He wrinkled his nose. "I don't like green," he said with a grin.

"I don't blame you. Blues and grays never get old, and they make a room nice and comfortable. It's easy to add other colors in a room with blues and grays. You could choose one for your floor, and do the room in the main color...curtains, bedspreads, and stuff. You can do paneling, wallpaper, or paint. The wallpaper and paint can be changed later. Paneling kind of needs to stay, so you think carefully about it. Just a thought. Sam, I noticed they are putting fireplaces in the living rooms and master bedrooms. Cool, huh?

"No kidding. The interior gardens are going to be interesting when done too. There's a few modifications here and there simply to help maintain structure but it's going to look incredible when it's finished. Bobby's been working with Ben and helping out there. Says his grandson is quite the little handyman."

"Handyman? Hey , Ben, now that's great! What part of working over there do you like best?"

"Getting dirty," he grinned, which made the adults laugh.

"I like getting dirty, myself. I'm going to be working over there as soon as they let me, but I'll be starting to get the stuff together so I can do auto repairs and rebuilding. I can get started but I'll have to travel to find the nearest schools for doing some work on the newer stuff."

"Can you teach me? Grandpa Bobby says he will too. It's fun!" He was bouncing on the bed a bit.

"I would love too." He looked up at Lisa making sure she'd have no problem with it. "I do want you to go to school and make good grades like your Uncle Sammy. College, too. If you still feel that way after school, you can come work for me, learn all the ropes, and we'll make you a partner. Deal?"

"Deal," he hugged his dad. Lisa had no problem with it since it was a great life skill to have.

Dean hugged the boy, holding him close, striving to make up for nine years of no hugs.

"All right, guys. Where do we start with this stuff? Floors, walls, and stuff, first, I'd guess. I didn't get a good look at it, but I think the fireplaces match the stone outside, which means they are like the one in the main living room of the old part of the cabin."

"The stone is of a color that anything will match and look good," Lisa answered.

"Similar to the mountains around here. Mostly browns and tans with some gray in them."

"I wouldn't mind a silver/blue," she said wistfully. "Make the room match the storms on the mountains."

Dean heard the sound in her voice. "I like that idea. Is there a carpet with blues, grays that look silvery, and browns in it? That would be perfect. I'd get T1-11 siding for the room and put it up and find the ride shade to paint it. Just a thought. It might be too rough for a bedroom, but better in the living room. I am not sure. We could paint the walls a very pale grayish silver and bring the blues browns in the carpet out in drapes and stuff."

"I like that," she smiled.

"Let's look at those carpet swatches. What are you guys starting with, down or upstairs?

"Downstairs on each wing is living room, kitchen, dining, half bath, and laundry room. Upstairs is two baths, four bedrooms, one is the master and is over the living room, sharing the fireplace chimney. I think we're doing the bedrooms first over here. Sam?"

Sam looked at Sarah. "Think we're starting from the front to the back. Not sure."

"I love art. I wanted to be in art, but I was lousy at it. No talent. Sam, do you like color? I would love more color then Lisa and Dean are doing, but I would want it to be where you are comfortable with it."

"Something cozy, bright in some rooms but muted in others so that there's a quiet place to relax. What do you think?"

"I agree with you, Sam. The living room is massive with huge beams on the ceilings with the large stone fireplace. Do you want carpet or would wood floors be more to your liking? We could find some really wonderful braided rugs for it or, since you've been a hunter, a large faux animal skin in front of the fireplace?"

Dean had looked up from the carpet swatches, a puzzled look on his face. He leaned over and whispered to Lisa, "What the hell does 'faux' mean?"

"Fake," she whispered back.

Sam wrinkled his nose. "I think braided rugs are fine or something. No faux bears or anything please."

"Why the hell don't they just say fake. What is 'faux'? French? I have a hard enough time with English and Latin."

Sam had overheard and grinned. "Are we doing wood floors instead of carpet then?"

Dean thought about that. "Wood floors are really nice, guys, but this is west Texas. It gets cold here. Lots of snow near the mountains. You're okay til you got babies crawling around."

"Carpets are harder to keep clean with babies around," Sarah pointed out. "Put them in onesies, good heating vents, and they'll be fine."

Lisa laughed. "She has a point. Ben got into things before he had teeth and it was a painto get them out of the carpet."

"Lisa, you want that too? What about the kids' rooms? Ben's old enough to have carpet if he wants it, but a wood floor is more fun for a race track and stuff."

"Cleaning wise, it's easier for us to keep up with."

"Our room, too? Need to know before we go deciding on things here. If you would rather have wood floors everywhere, I see no point in the carpet swatches."

"We'll need to pick the type of wood we want," the girls chimed in at the same time. "Watari gave us a computer to find things online and order them."

Dean surprised everyone with his answer. "I like the idea of cedar. Real cedar. I know it's a rough wood, but it can be sanded. It naturally turns gray, which blends well with our color scheme, Lisa. It gives a nice scent throughout the house and it repels bugs."

"I like that," she said with a smile, handing him the computer. "Here, you and Ben handle the ordering for our wing."

Anyone know how much we need for the entire wing, upstairs and down ? Oh, and who is it charged to? Is there an account?"

She tossed him a card that Watari had given her that held all the information as well as the tablet that held the measurements.

Dean started researching and found a reputable site in southeast Texas. He got his cellphone and called them. He talked with a salesman and told him what he was looking for, Ben giving him the measurements...Dean double checking them. They talked for about thirty-five minutes. Dean gave him the order.

Sam and Sarah had chosen their hardwood as well for flooring.

"What are you ordering, guys?"

Sarah showed him a type of wood that had rich red undertones to it.

Dean liked it. "That's nice. Very rich color. Y'all are going to go for the more dramatic colors. Lots of reds, I guess. What other colors do you plan to use with it?"

Sam eyed his brother, not sure if he was joking with them. Dean was serious, and it pleased Sam and Sarah that he was actually interested in what they were choosing.

"You know, Sam, with Sarah wanting more color and you wanting to be able to relax, Oriental decorating would work well with this wood. You could use black, red, and gold easily. Depending on how you do it, you could have that whatchamacallit stuff...Zen? Any way, it could relax your mind when you need peace. The colors would make Sarah happy. Just a thought."

Everyone stared at him. Dean looked around..."What?"

Sarah grinned. "You hit it just right. Maybe you should go into interior decorating?"

Dean flushed. "No, I don't think so. I prefer cars. Chinese or Japanese?"

She looked at Sam. "We'll have to check on that and see which style we prefer."

"Japanese sit and sleep on the floor, don't they? Eat off tables that are about a foot off the floor. Maybe a little more. They eat with chopsticks instead of silverware. I like the food from the few times I've eaten it."

"We don't have to follow all of the traditions," Sam said softly.

"No. You don't. You take what you like and discard the rest. Me, and I hope Lisa agrees, I want the mountains and the desert to be part of where we live. Her idea of the colors that reminds ya of a mountain storm is part of that. I want comfort; a big overstuffed couch and two recliners to kick back in. I like a big bed that I have to hunt for her in, heavy furniture. Lisa, what are we doing with the walls? I don't know that we want the same thing in every room."

"A thunderstorm isn't all gray," she pointed out.

"I know, hon. It has streaks of red, white, yellow, blue, and silver in it. The mountains are brown and gray. The desert shows all kinds of color. We can take or leave what we want. The bedroom, you wanted the storm. The living room with the fireplace is mountain. The dining room could be the desert with all its colors. I'd put a cactus garden out front of the big window of the dining room. Just a thought. I'm tossing ideas. Keep what you like, hon, and toss others back at me."

"I like it so far," she pointed out.

"Okay, walls? Siding, wallpaper, paint. We might find someone to paint a mural of a thunderstorm on the mountain on that big wall in the bedroom. Ben, what do you really want in yours?"

"No wallpaper. It's a pain to remove later," she said thoughtfully. Ben shook his head. "I like cars and the ocean," he said.

We could paint the walls an ocean blue. If you want sailboats in the distance, we can have that done. If you'd like it, I can make your bed. I saw a design once for a bed that looked like a sports car."

Sam piped up. "What about a bed that looks like a dune buggy? It'd match the beach and ocean theme better."

"Yeah, we could have the beach painted on the wall, with the ocean in the background. Ben? It's your room. If you don't like the idea, just say so."

He grinned. "I like it!"

"We need to find an artist who paints murals. Do you like the idea of a storm on the mountain mural for our bedroom?"

Lisa smiled and nodded. "I would love it."

Dean knew it would be a few weeks before anyone would be needed. He got on the internet and began looking for an artist. He only looked at sites that showed the work. He was still at it after the girls went to fix dinner. Sam was doing something of his own, and Ben went outside to play when he saw Matt come out.

"Sam, I think I found her. Come take a look."

Dean had found a woman who lived in Maine. She painted ocean scenes, and there were some mountain scenes from Canada. There were no desert scenes, but Dean didn't really expect to find any in New England.

Sam peeked over his shoulder. "Damn, she's good. We'll have to talk to Watari about hiring her for this."

"She's coming out of my paycheck, Sam. It seems I'm getting paid for the job I did. That's a nice change."

"Well, Watari said something about this area remaining protected so he'll probably run a background check or something." The older man had been busy between checking on the still sleeping L and Mello, taking care of the group, and seeing to whatever Near was doing. Sam hadn't seen the teen since they'd gotten here.

"Since he's in this compound, can I have permission to take my laptop and show it to him? He's probably too busy to stop in and see me."

"I'll go get Watari for you. You know how protective he is of you," he teased.

Dean just smiled sweetly at him and lay back to wait on the older man. He wondered what Lisa and Sarah were cooking and if it was allowed on his diet. He'd gotten so used to eating that way, he wasn't sure he could go back to his past eating habits.

The older man came in a few moments later. "You asked for me?"

Dean explained about the murals he was going to have done and showed Watari the website. "Sam said you told him the site was still under protection. I wanted to know if we can use her and if so, what do you need to do so I can? I want to remain within the safety measures."

"Because of L using this for a base as well, it'll remain under tight guard," he told him. "I'll do a background check on her and have her come when the time is ready for her to do her work. The ideas for design are fairly solid, Dean."

"Thank you, Watari. I haven't spoken with her to even see if she'll do it. You really like my ideas?" Dean sounded surprised. "Sarah was teasing me and telling me I ought to go into interior design. Seriously, do I look like a designer?"

He laughed at that. "No but you have good taste."

"Really? Thank you. That means a lot to me, coming from you."

A warm smile was given to him. "You're most welcome. The doctor will be by tomorrow to check you over."

"Okay. Maybe he'll let me up. I know he won't this soon, but it's a nice dream."

"If he does, it'll be light duty only. Meaning I'll have to put the girls, Sam, and Ben on alert to keep you from overdoing it," Watari teased.

"I got past them all today, Watari," the younger man teased back.

"Yes but they hadn't expected you to be awake," he grinned. "Now they will."

The consternation on the young man's face tickled Watari. All Dean could think of saying was, "Oh."

He laughed at that. "I'd better get back to work."

Watari stopped in the kitchen where the girls were cooking homemade soup and cornbread. After the shock Dean had been through, the beef and vegetable soup seemed appropriate to Lisa. Watari looked at the recipes and gave his approval. Sam and Ben were sitting at the table. Sam was telling Ben stories about his Dad when he was younger. The girls were enjoying hearing them also. Watari let them know about the doctor and Dean's responses. They had been warned.

They heard the invalid calling for Lisa. Watari shook his head, wished her luck, and left to check on the other two invalids.

L and Mello were still sleeping, though signs indicated that Mello would wake first. It was possible that L's insomniac habits had made his recovery a bit slower than Dean's and Mello's. With a soft sigh, he went to check on Near, knowing the teen had been working himself hard since coming here.

Lisa went to check on her fiancée. "You bellowed?" The tone was teasing.

Dean frowned as he looked up from his laptop. "I don't bellow. I called nicely." He winked at the woman in front of him. "Come sit with me for a minute. I want to show you something. Watari is going to get security approval. When he does, I will contact this lady and see if she'll come. I want you to look at her paintings and see if you approve."

"Show me," she grinned.

She could feel the excitement in the man when she sat next to him, and he put his arm around her. The hunter hit a button on his laptop and the site appeared.

"She's in Maine, but it looks like she's traveled the coastline a bit. She also has done mountain pictures. I thought we might consider having little scenes from the desert on the dining room walls. It would be nicer then the wallpaper you don't want."

Dean hit the ocean paintings first and let Lisa look.

"Wallpaper is a pain in the ass to deal with," she said and then stopped talking. "Dean, this is amazing. This one," she tapped the shoreline. "This would be incredible in Ben's room."

"Yeah, it would be. Take a look at these. Now there's no storms; the mountain is close up. You can see the striations, and the rocks laying upon each other. It's not distant. If she can do this with a storm at the peak.. Damn! It would be awesome.

Lisa felt the man tense as he hit the button.

"You're right, it is," she said. "Dean, you found a great one. I hope she can come and do this.

Dean sighed, pulling Lisa closer. "I do too. Do you have to go back in there? I'm lonely and I miss you."

"You caught me in the middle of making my homemade cornbread," Lisa kissed him. "Let me finish and get it in the oven, OK? I'll be right back."

"Okay, I've never had your cornbread. Never had cornbread, come to think of it. What are we having it with?"

"Sarah is making homemade soup," she grinned.

"She's kind of a rich, artist type, Lisa. Can she cook? Will it meet Watari's dietary requirements for me?"

"He's already approved it, and it smells divine."

"Really? Is it kind of thick and meaty...maybe? Oh! Get your cornbread in the oven and come to back to me."

She giggled, heading back out into the kitchen.

Sam, watching her enter the kitchen, grinned. "What's he up to that's got you giggling? On second, if Dean is feeling good enough to try to avoid capture, I can make an accurate guess as to what has you giggling."

Lisa threw a towel at him. "He's just lonely in there."

Sam caught the towel, got up, kissed Sarah on the back of the neck, and handed the towel to Lisa. "He's gonna wear you down. Sit, have a glass of tea or a beer. I'll keep him company. He said we needed to be more like brothers. Lately, I've had to be the one in charge. I'll exercise that authority and make him rest a bit. He's been doing too much. After he eats, it's nap time for him."


	93. Chapter 93

How to Deal with an Exhausted Hunter.

"Ben was hoping to do his daily reading with him tonight." She had him reading several hours a day during holidays and summer to keep his skill levels up.

"Hey, Ben! Why don't you get your book, and you can read to both of us. Your Dad will love it. I know I will."

Ben perked up "Can I?"

"Yeah, come on. Your Dad hasn't had anything read to him since I don't know when ,or a chance to read since Alice. He never got to finish that. I think I need to find him a copy so he can. You can be his literary study for today. How's that sound? What are you reading?"

His face lit up. "Mom bought me the Wizard of Oz online and Watari had it shipped. I've always wanted to read it!"

"That's a great book. I'm not sure your Dad's ever read it. Come on."

Dean was still sitting on the edge of his bed, head buried in the laptop. "Hey, Lis, with me running an automotive shop, we're gonna need a heavy duty washer and dryer. What do you think of these?" Looking up, the older Winchester smiled and said, "Hi, guys. What's up?"

Ben was bouncing, holding his book. "Uncle Sammy said I could read with you guys!"

Dean looked at his brother, then at Ben, and smiled. He remembered Sam at that age. "Sounds like a great idea to me. What are you reading?"

"Wizard of Oz! I just got it," he grinned.

"Really? I've never read that. Is it like the movie or better? Sam?"

"I've just read bits and pieces so this'll be new to me." Ben climbed onto the bed as Sam took a seat. Sam looked at his brother. "You know, Dean. You've been up quite a while. You need rest. Why don't you lay back against the pillows and take it easy a while. We'll read until supper's ready."

Dean eyed his little brother, realizing that Sam was still taking hold of the reins. He was tired and the younger Winchester seemed to know it. He leaned back, pulling his legs up onto the bed. "Okay, Sam."

The boy began reading, voice clear as he started sharing the wonderful story with the other two. The older Winchesters were enjoying the narrative, drawn in by Baum's story telling. Time past quickly as Ben read to them.

Lisa managed to snap a picture with her cell, smiling at the adorable image. She'd thought for sure the two adults would be bored but both were hanging onto Ben's every word.

Sarah was drinking a cup of coffee, relaxing for a minute. "Are they bored?" she asked, smiling.

She giggled. "No, he's got them eating out of the palm of his hand. I didn't expect either of them to be so interested in the story."

Sarah smiled softly. "I've talked to Bobby some. The boys have had a rough life. Sam may have had more of a childhood then Dean did, but it wasn't much of one. It was whatever Dean could scrape for him. Dean worked hard to do it. The book is a childhood fantasy, but a lot darker then the movie. They would understand and appreciate it better than most, and they need to be kids. They've never really had the chance. I think we ought to have Ben read it to them daily. They'll both love it."

"I think you're right. I'll see what other books are out there that the three of them will enjoy. It'd be great bonding time for them."

"Well, if they'd like animal stories there's _the Riki Tiki Tavi_, _The Jungle book_, _Beautiful Joe_, and _Black Beauty_. There's the _Hardy Boys_. I have a cousin whose kids love the _Plant that ate the Dirty Socks_ series."

"I'm thinking _Hardy Boys_ next," she laughed.

"Those would be marvelous. I can imagine Dean reading to Sam, but Sam caught on things quickly and read to himself by the time he was seven. He didn't need Dean for that. I can't imagine John Winchester reading to them. Bobby doesn't seem the type. How old was their Mom when she died? These are probably the first stories your future husband has ever had read to him since he was very little. It would explain Alice, wouldn't it?"

"Dean was very young," she answered.

"I know Sam has gotten angry with him in the past over his being childish at times, but the kid in him has to get out at some time. Bless his heart. He has to be an adult, but sometimes, he needs to play. Ben will be good for him, and Sam needs to play with them. It's about time they were brothers, don't you think?"

Lisa nodded. "I agree with you there. Reminds me... we should get a playground behind the house."

"Why don't you and I look online and find one that will be strong enough for all three of them. Let them build it. Swings, monkey bars, slides, seesaws, and lots of jungle gym stuff made of heavy wood. Big enough for kids of all ages."

She grinned. "Works for me."

"We can have it delivered and surprise them. There's a nice level area before you reach the tree line. It would fit there perfectly. That's a large space. I'd love to put a pool out there for them to swim in. Of course if we put a pool elsewhere and covered it, Near could swim in the summer, and we could leave the sides open but screened. In the winter, it could be closed, heated and we could still swim."

"Lisa nodded, "It's a good idea, especially since we're going to keep it covered for Near."

"We'll talk to Watari and see what he thinks. I don't imagine they know how to swim, but it's not hard to learn."

"Good idea," she said, stirring the soup before pulling out the laptop that Watari had given for the girls to use.

They discussed the merits of different playground equipment and finally found one that was used for scouting groups. Both girls liked the idea. They bought some heavy metal poles for a volley ball net, and some for tether ball. "We can get some old tires and mount them in concrete in the tires. It will last forever."

Lisa nodded, looking over the ideas. "These are all good ones."

"We need to make sure a pool would be acceptable, but another closed in area with a barbecue pit and picnic tables would be nice. I don't know about bugs out here, but there are bats."

She shuddered. "Ugh, no bats!"

"There's rattlesnakes and tarantulas also." Sarah grinned. We are definitely away from civilization, my dear. The thing is, civilization hasn't been what it's all cracked up to be. I'd rather be here with Sam. I may find some kind of art work I can do. If not, I am going to start an online art gallery. There's a lot of Native American, and other cultures who have crafts and such in the area. I would love to buy and sell in an online store."

"Sounds good to me," she said softly. "I think I'll be running around with a gun and flamethrower. We'll have to figure out how to keep nature out of the house and grounds.

"The cabin is built to keep nature out. The buildings that house everything are strong and capable also. We will need those to have a pool and barbecue that can include Near. Dean would probably have one in the back yard too. It would be more like him, I would imagine. He seems the type. Now in the open, they may be there."

"I don't want to have to worry about snakes and spiders in our yard."

"We need cats. A large number of them. They will keep the entire area protected. Get big cats. Toms. We don't want them as pets, but as varmint killers. They'll do it. We need them. I looked online earlier. There's a small town near here, and they have a shelter. We can get some cats that way."

"I think the cornbread is ready."

Lisa nodded, heading back to check on it.

"If it's ready, I'll get the boys."

"It is," she called back

Sarah walked into the main bedroom. "Sam, Ben, supper... go wash up. Dean, we'll bring you some food in a few minutes."

Sarah turned to leave. Dean stared for a minute.

"Do I have to eat here alone? Sam, can't I join you guys?"

"Sarah, love, find some trays. We're going to eat with Dean in here."

Dean was good at reading faces. "Sam, I think the girls are wanting to eat at the table. Go on ahead. I'll be okay."

Lisa came back, setting trays out for everyone. "Sorry Dean, I hadn't thought of it."

"You don't have to do this because I can't go in there, Lis. I'll be fine. I know it's not comfortable to sit in here all day. Believe me, I know. Go ahead. Honest. I'm all right."

Sarah came in with his tray, handing one to Sam as well.

"I'm sorry, guys. I was being selfish."

"It's not selfish to want to spend time with your family," Sarah said, then scolded him. "So stop it or I'll make sure you don't get pie."

"I can't have pie, Sarah. Unless, someone got Watari's recipe."

Lisa whistled to herself, serving Ben his food.

Dean tried to catch her eye, but the woman was avoiding him. "Lis?"

"Yessss?"

"Did Watari give you all of his recipes?"

"He gave me some," she said with a grin.

"Apple pie?"

"You'll have to be a good boy to see," she teased, sitting down to eat her own meal.

Dean tasted the soup and commented on how good it was. He had never eaten cornbread, but he asked for seconds on it. Both women told him no.

"It's a bit rich, and you'll want to save room for dessert," Sarah grinned.

"Okay. I've never had it before, and it's really good. Sam, you've been out on your own a number of times. You ever have cornbread?"

"No, I haven't. I think we'll have to have this again. The soup is fantastic too."

"Yeah, it is. I don't eat soup very much, but this was great."

Sarah smiled. "I'm glad you like it."

"Soup doesn't normally taste like this, Sarah. I'd pay to eat this."

She blushed at that. "Thank you."

The hunter turned red also. He wasn't usually that open with things but found himself saying whatever came to mind, lately.

After dinner, Sam helped clean the kitchen. Ben was outside playing. A large truck pulled into the compound. Sounds could be heard coming from the rear of the vehicle. Watar,i Bobby, and everyone who was not stuck in bed, came outside to see what was going on.

A man stepped out of the truck, and asked for the Winchesters.

Sam nodded. "You found them."

"Great! I have your puppies."

"Umm.. what?"

"Puppies, Sir."

He looked back at he group. "Who ordered puppies?"

A voice from the porch behind him said, "I did."

Sam's face lit up, then headed to the truck to peek.

Dean followed him out to the truck, with Bobby and Watari shooting him daggers for being out of bed.

"I saw them online when I looking for cats. I'm not sure what kind of cats are best and the person on duty said to call tomorrow. Their cat person would be back then. They had these three pups, all males, all fixed. Bull mastiff mixes. They're gonna be protective and huge, Sam. I called them the three stooges, Moe, Larry, and Curly. They each got a nice leather collar. I paid for those. They got their shots and name tags on the collars. One for you, one for Bobby, and one for Ben and me. I didn't think L would take kindly to having one because he and the boys travel so much. I didn't want to separate them, and big dogs are hard to find homes for."

Sam was jumped by a puppy, face being licked to death, and he started laughing. Both he and Dean had wanted puppies growing up and had played with Bobby's dogs when they could.

"That's Curly, Sammy. I think he likes you. Hey, Bobby, come pick one, or let one pick you. Ben?"

It didn't take long before Ben had a puppy in his lap, making the boy giggle as the puppy demanded attention.

"That's Larry, son. Hey Bobby, Moe's waiting on you. I know it's hard after losing yours, but Moe will love you and be there."

Bobby picked up the puppy, rubbing his ears. The older man looked happy as the puppy wagged his butt to show he was very pleased with his new human.

Watari chuckled. "I think this was a great choice," he told Dean.

"Thanks, Watari. I will go back inside now, before I get my ass whupped."

Dean went back to his room, wondering whether Sarah and Lisa would mind having dogs the size of ponies inside their homes. He winced at the thought.

Lisa followed and kissed Dean. "You know, Ben's been wanting a dog for some time now."

"You understand that it's gonna be in the house? It will be about the size of a mountain lion, maybe bigger? Tiger size? I got a grocer making deliveries tonight; beds, dishes, food, toys. They will have to be housebroken."

"Good, you get to teach Ben how to do that and train him," she said with a grin. "Good bonding experience for you two. Dean.. we need anti-snake and spider stuff. I will panic if I go outside and see one of those."

"Does that mean I can get up and stay up? I'm getting cats. I don't know about rattlers, hon. But bugs and stuff, the cats can handle. You take a gun when you go out. Snakes aren't gonna be in areas where there's a lot of people. It's when your hiking or off alone, you need to be careful about."

"Snakes scare me to death," she admitted.

"I'm not crazy about them either, hon. I'll find out what, if anything, can be done about them. You know snakes are everywhere. You've lived around snakes most of your live, Lis, and didn't know it."

"I've lived in the city, love, not like this. So please.. find out what can be done, OK?"

"I could get some ferrets, hon. They're supposed to kill snakes, I think."

She shuddered. "Okay."

"I'll talk to the animal people tomorrow. If I get ferrets, I'm gonna have to have them fixed. Don't want them out of control in the wild."

"Should find out too if they can survive in this climate," she said softly.

"Hell, it's probably a mongoose I'm thinking about anyway. I'll ask around."

"I think you're right," Lisa said, blushing.

"What'd I do to make you blush so pretty?"

"Cause I realized that I'd made a mistake, mongoose over ferrets," she giggled.

Dean looked disconcerted. "I'm the one who made the mistake, Lis. Should I be embarrassed because I got a ferret and a mongoose confused? Seriously, here, I made an honest mistake. You didn't know, and were going by what I said. I'm sorry I caused you embarrassment."

She poked him. "You didn't. I made the same mistake."

"Why is mixing up a mongoose and a ferret embarrassing? Do I need to feel that way? If not, why should you? It's a silly mistake."

She giggled. "No, we shouldn't."

Dean halfway laughed. "Okay. Then why are you?"

Lisa giggled again. "I don't know."

Dean nodded. "Okay. I think what we need are Jack Russell Terriers for the snakes. They are the best snake hunters. I'll see if the shelter has them. If not, I'll check the net and see what I can find. We still need cats for other varmints, but three or four Jack Russells is a good idea."

"Probably should see if we need to have them trained to do that first," she said.

"It's instinctive. I'll search for a breeder who breeds dogs for that purpose. I'll buy some."

"It'll keep the kids safe, so I'm all for that."


	94. Chapter 94

Children

"Don't you mean, kid? I didn't think you were in any hurry for more kids? Now Sarah is. I heard her say something about waiting a little while but she was anxious for a baby. Sam will make a good dad."

"Well, there's Matt, Mello, and Near," she pointed out. "And eventually, there'll be babies to spoil and keep safe too."

"Yeah, you're right. I think Sarah and Sam won't wait long after they're married. She wants a little Sammy." Dean grinned. "Might be cute at that."

Lisa giggled. "Definitely."

"Sarah is a beautiful woman, and Sam's not a bad looking guy. They ought to have beautiful babies, Lis. Nephews, nieces, and cousins for Ben. Course, by the time they're old enough for him to play with, he'll be a teenager and not want to. I hope L lets the boys come visit often."

She nodded. "We'll have to wait and see on that."

"On them? Sure they will. Look at them?"

"I meant on whether or not L will let Ryuuzaki and the boys visit."

"I think he will. Ryuuzaki and the boys will use this as a base when they are here. Everyone needs a vacation at some time."

"Very true," she answered.

Dean looked at Lisa with a question in his eyes. He lowered his head, and looked back up." I'd better get some rest, huh?"

"What is it, Dean? I can tell you want to ask something."

"Lis, would you...would you share Ben with me?"

"I don't understand the question."

"Lis, he's my son. I've seen him when he was eight years old, and now, when he's nine. I've lost nine years of his life, Lis. I'll never get that back. I don't know what it was like when he was born. I've never seen what he looked like as a baby. What did he look like when you held him and fed him? How old was he when he cut his first tooth. What was the first word he said? When did he walk? What kind of birthday parties did you throw for him? What was Christmas and Halloween like? How did he handle kindergarten and his first day in school? Has he called anyone you dated, Daddy?"

"Come with me," she murmured. "And no.. no one has ever been called Daddy."

Dean followed her out of the bedroom.

Lisa pulled out some albums out of a box, handing the oldest one to him. "Here," she said, settling next to him.

Sitting on the floor, Indian style, Dean opened the first album. He turned to the first page.

This album had baby pictures. "The movies are packed away but this is a start."

Dean took a long time going through the album. He'd stare at each picture as if trying to memorize everything about it. He'd touch the face in some of them. He said nothing. Finally finishing the first album, he set it down, and covered his eyes with one hand.

"Can I see the rest of them?"

Lisa kissed him. "They're all here. I'll find the videos when I can."

The hunter nodded, opening the next album. Each album represented a year or an event in Ben's life. Dean tried to literally soak it in and be a part of it in his mind and heart. It was almost like striving to imprint a memory one didn't have.

He could see a strange man holding Ben's hands and helping him walk. "Is that his grandfather?"

She nodded. "He passed away two years ago," she said softly.

"Mine was almost three years now. Bobby is a better grandfather for Ben as far as my family goes."

"It's another reason Ben's latched onto him so quickly," she said. "Bobby is a sweet man, and I think he'll be a wonderful grandfather to all the kids - current and future."

"Yeah, he will be. He was a good dad too."

Dean looked at his son in a sponge bob costume and smiled. "Well, that's original. He got to trick or treat. Dad never let us. Sam hates Halloween. He hates Christmas too. We've never had a family Christmas. I vaguely remember them when Mom was alive." Dean turned to the Christmas pictures. Ben had paper everywhere. Every once in a while, a tear dropped, but Lisa pretended it hadn't happened. "He had a hell of a good time and made out like a bandit."

"Some of those gifts were from you," she told him. "I told him that his daddy was important and loved him very much."

She could hear the tears choking his voice as he asked, "Which ones?"

Lisa smiled, pointing out the various presents she'd bought for Dean in his absence. Race cars, books.. things that were very cool.

"Lis, how could you tell him I was important? We had that time together but I didn't tell you what I was or did, until last year. How could you possibly know what I was? I know I hurt you when I told you I couldn't get involved last year, I was dying, Lis; heading to hell because I sold my soul to bring Sam back to life. I couldn't tell you that. You told me he wasn't mine. I told you I wished he was. Why didn't you tell me?"

Not expecting an answer, Dean picked up an album of Little League baseball pictures. He pressed his lips together and slowly went through them, watching his son play left field, working a bat, and running bases. "He's a good hitter."

"During that weekend, you let it slip that your job saved lives. So that's what Ben grew up knowing, that his daddy's job was important cause it helped people." She was quiet. "I didn't say he was yours because I knew you were leaving again. I couldn't tell you, and I couldn't do that to Ben. You weren't ready."

"Damn it, Lis. I wanted to be. I so wanted to be. You saw the kind of things we were fighting. How could I bring you and Ben into that? I was going to die, Lis. I shouldn't be here, now, but Cas saved me. I wanted have you in my life so bad. You guys were always on my mind. I kept an eye on you. I didn't have a lot of money, but a private detective watched over you. Hunters I knew would drive by when they passed through. I wanted you, Ben, and normal so bad, I could taste it."

Dean picked up the album that had all of Ben's birthdays. He smiled at each year, watching his son grow through the parties. When he reached the eighth one, he was surprised of pictures with just Ben and him in them. They were standing by a trellis, both with a plate of cake. Dean winced and was struggling not to break down completely. He needed to see these, and was afraid if he started crying that Lisa would think it was too much for him in his condition.

She knew he was near tears. "I did the best I could, Love. You had to be ready to come home to us."

"I wish...," Dean sighed. "I didn't know there was a possibility of an us to come home to. You said he wasn't mine, but damn it, Lis. He was just like me. It was almost scary, he was so much like me. I wish..."

"No more wishes on what can't be changed, Dean. You have a lifetime with us now and our future babies."

He nodded as he placed the last album back into the box. "Thank you for sharing these with me." It took him a minute, but he managed to get back up. "I'm getting tired, Lis. I know Ben's not ready yet. This is strange country, so you can't just let him roam without supervision. I understand that. I might be asleep, but you are wanted if you would like to come in there with me."

"Not ready for what, Dean?"

"Bedtime? I'm sorry, Lis, my mind is running in a million directions at this minute. I'm watched my son grow up."

She kissed him. "Let me tell him to wash up and head that way, unless you want to?"

"I'd love to, Lis."Dean headed for the front door and stepped outside, seeing Sam, Sarah, Bobby, Watari, and Matt either playing with or watching his son. He wondered where Near was. Knowing he'd be in big trouble, he joined the others. Sam could see his red eyes, blotchy face and slightly runny nose, and knew something had happened.

"Hey, where's Near?"

"Working," Matt answered.

"Has he not been working?"

"He'll eat when I bring him food and sleeps when he's tired," Watari told him. "However, with Ryuuzaki down, the caseload couldn't be neglected."

Matt sighed. "I help where I can but he's better at it than I am, so I do researching."

"If I went after Lilith still feeling exhaustion from trying to heal from a sidewinder bullet, how much worse must he be feeling? Somebody unplugs it right now, or I will. That boy needs exercise, rest, peace, and food. He can't work til he drops, get up and work again. Ryuuzaki would be furious at it. He's young, he's not completely over the shooting, and this is crazy. Yes the cases are important, but that boy is more so."

The two looked at each other. "We've tried. He has said no, that this was more important until Ryuuzaki is back on his feet. Some of them are time sensitive, Dean, and people's lives are on the line."

"And there's nobody who can handle the ones that can back-burnered. Not all of them are time sensitive. I'll go in, and I'll bring him out, if I have to. His life is more important. It will be up to Near, Matt, and Mello to do what has to be done. Matt, you are just as intelligent. You don't want the responsibility and I understand that, but this is Near. Take some of those cases, man."

"I have been! I've cleared thirty in the last two days," he told him. "Near's got the ones that can't be put aside and needs a mind sharper than mine. I know I'm not dumb but I'm nowhere near Mello and Near's levels."

"What's wrong with Mello? I know he hurt his back, but that shouldn't stop him from taking part of the load. What's wrong with him?"

"He's still asleep," Watari told him. "We're not sure why he hasn't woken yet."

"What the hell is the doctor giving him? I'm up and thinking. Ryuuzaki, I understand. He went through what I did and he's never faced that before. But Mello, popped something in his back when firing at Lilith. This makes no sense. Near needs him. "

Dean headed for the trailer that L and the boys shared.

Near was working hard, occasionally nibbling on a snack that Watari had provided. His gray eyes stayed focused on the monitor.

Mello stirred, eyes slowly opening to focus on the ceiling. The last thing he remembered was firing the gun and feeling something painful in his back.

Dean entered the building and locked the door behind him, knowing that Watari, Matt, Sam, and Bobby would be after him once the surprise wore off. He was feeling exhausted. He'd meant it when he told Lisa he needed to go to bed, but this was Near.

Mello heard Dean's voice calling for the young teen. "Near, what the hell are you doing, killing yourself? We both know what condition you are in. You might be able to fake it for some, but not me, Near. I was still exhausted and hurting at times when I went after Lilith yesterday. Damn, was it only yesterday? Hell, no wonder they want me in bed. Near, please turn off the damn computer or find someone who can take it over. You cannot do this 24/7 and expect to be okay mentally or physically. What you got going on inside of you will mess up your logic. Now, turn it off, find someone to do it, or I'll unplug it, and probably hurt myself when I pick you up and haul you to bed. I'll sit there all night and make sure you sleep."

Mello groaned, rolling out of bed because he knew just how stubborn his fellow teen was.

"Near cannot. The time on one case cannot be postponed." He looked up at Dean, chip hanging comically out of his mouth.

"Near, dropping from exhaustion can cause you major setbacks. Making mistakes because you are at that point will hurt people. Now, I meant it. I'm not joking. I'm counting thirty seconds, Near. I will be unplugging that machine and hauling your ass to your room and putting you in your bed. I will put a chair at your door and sit in it all night. Bedtime, Near. Your way or mine?"

Gray eyes narrowed. "Near has less than two hours to get this case finished before a child dies, Dean. Near is not tired nor is Near requiring a break. Dean must remember that Near has been training for this since Near can recall." He pointed at the doorway. "Near now has Mello's assistance."

"Mello, is he exhausted? Truth, my friend? You? Are you exhausted?"

The blond rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up. "Let him finish this case and I'll drag him to sleep while I take up where he left off. Near isn't one to be overly dramatic. If he says he's on a time limit, then he's on a serious one."

Dean nodded. "Okay. I want to know you both are resting. Don't look at me that way, Near. I know I haven't been. They brought me here and they are building my home, and I can't be involved. I have been on the computer, and doing other stuff too. I'm feeling it. I need to round up my son, and get some rest. Just promise me, cause I believe you guys, and I trust you."

Dean went to the front door, and opened the lock. The door shoved open, and Sam grabbed him by his t-shirt and dragged him out of the trailer.

"Time for bed, Dean," he grinned at his brother.

"I've got to find my son and tell him to head on in and wash up. I'll go to bed, Sam. Come on, Sam, let me go. Damn it."

Bobby and Watari standing by the steps, were grinning. "Just pick him and carry him, Sam. The idjit isn't going to behave no matter what he promised. He forgets his promises because he can't quit being so damned involved in everything. Thinks the world can't go around without him. It can, son."

Sam actually had a better idea. "Hey Ben!"

Dean got quiet, "What the hell are you doing, Sam?" he whispered.

"Making things interesting," he said as the little boy came up to them. "Take your dad and go brush your teeth. He wants to put you to bed tonight."

Dean stared at his son and then looked at his brother. Ben grabbed his dad's hand and pulled him towards their trailer. Dean turned back to Sam and mouthed, "That's devious." Lisa was standing at the door, a worried look on her face. Dean looked at her, and thought, 'Hell, I blew it.'

Sam just gave him a large grin and shooed him off. Lisa looked at her fiancé. "Don't scare me like that again."

"Near was hurting himself, Lis." Dean looked at her expression and grew quiet. "I'm sorry." He followed Ben and Lisa into the house and heard her lock the door. He followed his son down the hallway on the opposite end of the trailer and waited while Ben brushed his teeth and cleaned up. He found pajamas for the boy and then tucked him in.

"Sweet dreams, son. Angels are watching over you." Dean ran his fingers through his son's hair and kissed his forehead. "I love you, son."

Lisa came in, kissing her son as well before smiling at Dean, heading to their room.

Dean followed her to the other end of the trailer and the master bedroom where he'd spent much of his day. He felt hot and uncomfortable. Leaning down, he took off his jeans and removed his t-shirt. Still wearing his boxers, he lay down on the bed, waiting for Lisa, who was in the bathroom. He was half asleep when she joined him.

"I'm sorry, Lis. I blew it today. I know."

She came in, slipping into the bed. "You were taking care of Near," she said with a smile.

"Yeah, but I don't take care of me, Lis. I never do that very well. My mind is always on what needs to be done everywhere and for everyone else but me.. I'm sorry."

"Well, that's my job," she reminded him.

"Did you send Sam or does he think it's his job too?"

"He's family, Dean, of course he thinks it's his job to watch over you. Just like Bobby does you and Sam, and you watch over me, Sam, and Ben."

"I vaguely remember telling Sam that I couldn't do it all anymore, and I needed him. Damn. He really took it seriously. He doesn't play fair either."

"Nope, but brothers aren't supposed to, remember?"

"I don't have a lot of experience at just being a brother, Lis. I've had to be so many things for so long, that it's hard to really know sometimes, what is being a brother, and what isn't. I'm trying though. Where's Larry, by the way?"

"Curled up in Ben's room by now," she laughed.

"That's good." Dean turned over and wrapped his arm around her, nuzzling his chin into her neck, and his breathing slowed. She knew the exhaustion finally caught up with him. He'd be taking it easy the next day.

Lisa held him close, drifting to sleep soon herself.


	95. Chapter 95

The Start of a New Life

Dean heard the puppy in the middle of the night, and slipped out of bed. He went to Ben's room, and picked up the dog, heading outside with it. He sat on the porch and watched the puppy run and play, and do its business. He smiled and praised the dog, bringing it into the kitchen for some water. Lisa could hear him having a conversation with the animal.

"Now, Larry, this is a great start. I'm proud of you for calling out when you needed to go outside. You know, I would've loved a dog like you when I was a kid, but that wouldn't have been possible the way we lived. You got to be Ben's best friend. Someone he can laugh with, play with, and cry with. You got to be his protector, Larry. He'll need that from you. Just remember how important a partnership between a boy and his dog really is. You had enough water? Here, let me carry you back there. You sure are soft. I like the way you smell too. We better be quiet and not wake him up. Night, Larry."

Lisa waited until she heard Dean's steady tread down the hall, through the kitchen and towards their room. He slipped back into bed, and snuggled close to her. She could feel his breath against her neck, and his lips softly touch the base of her throat.

She smiled, glad that both he and Ben had each other now and would have more of a chance to bond over Larry the puppy.

Dean's arm went around her pulling her closer to him. "I know you're awake, Lis. You aren't breathing the same" Dean's lips caressed up her neck, he gently sucked her chin, pulling her bottom lip into his mouth, he sucked and nibbled on it, and his tongue slowly entered her mouth. She could feel the full lips pressing against hers and he opened his mouth and took more of hers. His hands slowly began to caress her.

Lisa kissed him back, losing herself in his flavor. "You're too cute sometimes."

"Just sometimes?" he murmured against her mouth. "I thought it was my one true gift: Winchester charm."

She giggled at that. "Even effects puppies."

"What? Oh, Ben and Larry, and Sam and Curly. Yeah, it does."

"You two are going to have your hands full."

"Ben and I will learn together. I bought a book by that dog whisperer guy. I didn't know you could communicate with dead dogs. It says he can help train them."

Lisa laughed. "He's a person who works with dogs by asserting pack behaviors and body language."

"Really? That works?"

"You have your laptop?"

"Not in bed with me, but I bought the book. It came with the stuff that was delivered for all the owners. I bought three copies; one for us, one for Sammy, and one for Bobby. They're gonna be big dogs. They need to learn to behave while they're little."

Dean tried to pull Lisa back into his arms and buried his head into her neck, and she knew he was fixing to mark her. She felt his hands moving.

"What are you up to, silly?"

"What does it look like I'm up to, Lis?" His breath was hot against her neck as his teeth pulled in her skin and his mouth started sucking it in, almost nursing on the tender skin.

"Mmm, getting into trouble," she said quietly.

"Good or bad?" he murmured against her skin, moving over to another spot lower and closer to her shoulders. One hand went up her pajama top, cupping her and gently squeezing.

"Into areas where some of us aren't protected," she moaned.

"I can stop whenever you tell me to, Lis. His head was slowly moving over her shoulder where he'd moved her neckline over.

Lisa kissed him, losing herself in passion with him. They were loving in their touches, going no further than heavy petting that was so satisfying in its own way. Once over, the two drifted back to sleep, entwined in each other. She could hear a satisfied sigh come from Dean as he drifted back to sleep.

The next morning, the pair was awakened by a bouncing boy and barking puppy on their bed.

"Whoa!" Watch where you bounce, son. Good morning! Has he been outside?"

"Yup and did both of his potty businesses," he grinned.

"Awesome!. You hungry? I can figure out something to feed us. There won't be any more Watari specials. Got to see what I can have and fix you something. Come on, and let's let your mom rest. We need to make sure that Larry has his needs met too."

Lisa was giggling because a puppy had pinned her down and was licking her good morning. "Help.. puppy breath!"

"Good puppy breath or bad puppy breath? He may not have washed himself yet, after potty business."

"Dean! EWWWW!"

"Aw! Come on, Lis...you live with guys!"

"I don't care...ICK!"

"Look, Sam is the one with all the manners and couth. I'm just me, Lis."

"Go brush the dog's teeth then. Ugh.. that's just ICK!" She giggled, petting the puppy's ears.

"Lis, you can't expect me to brush the dog's teeth every time it licks its ass. That's impossible."

Lisa stared at him. "Yes I can."

"No, you can't. I will be working, and he'll do it dozens if not hundreds a times a day. He's a dog, Lis. They lick themselves. Hell, they lick their balls."

She wrinkled her nose at that.

Dean leaned in and whispered in her ear, a grin forming on his face. "I'm told it even feels good." He rushed out of the room, to go answer the door, dodging a pillow thrown at his head.

Ben had reached the door first, letting Sam and Sarah, who was bearing breakfast, inside.

"Dad and Mom are arguing about licking butts and balls."

Dean froze stiffer then a board, eyes round in shock, looking at his son, and his brother. Sarah burst out laughing.

Sam rested his head against the door frame, cracking up.

Dean was now blood red, "Oh dear god, she's gonna kill me."

Lisa had heard it and was hiding her head under a pillow, laughing as hard as she could. Dean was getting a crash course on parenting the hard way.

Dean, thinking he'd be grateful Ben hadn't said asses instead of butts, looked at his son. "Ben? We don't talk about that kind thing in mixed company; boys and girls. Okay?"

"Why?"

"Because we Winchesters need to be gentlemen around the ladies. We don't say that in front of them. Okay?"

The look Dean was given was pure one hundred percent Winchester. Sam was almost gasping for air. "Why?"

Dean looked confused. "Why?" He stared at his brother and realized that Sam was enjoying himself tremendously. He wanted to call Lisa, but knew he couldn't do that. He'd started all of this. "Why? Uhh. Well, it's not good manners, and the words are not real nice and men don't say things like that in front of women. It's not proper or polite."

"But they're girls! It doesn't matter."

"Actually, it does, Ben, and I don't want to hear it in front of the girls again. Between men, it's okay. Not the ladies."

Lisa was gasping for breath as well, tears soaking the pillow as her laughter continued to stay muffled.

"It doesn't make sense," he pouted.

"I know, Ben, but women don't always make sense when it comes to guy things. Okay? Look how your mom behaved."

"She's a girl," came the logical response.

"Yeah!" Dean grabbed onto that and held on. "She's a girl. Look at what it did. This whole conversation got started in front of your Aunt Sarah, another girl."

"So?"

"Look at her. She's so upset, she's laughing in hysterics." Dean was losing it big time and had no idea where to go with it.

"She's not upset, Daddy, she's laughing." He pouted at him, hands balled into fists on his hips.

"Ben, it's just not said. Okay?"

It was obvious the boy didn't understand why.

"It's like swearing, son. What does your mom do when you cuss? I've heard you before. Last year at your birthday. I kept quiet about it. Hell, I'm not a saint, Ben. I can guarantee you, if I'd made the comment you made about what your mom and I were arguing about, my mom would have beat the shit out of me."

Lisa stood in the doorway. "Ben, remember our talk about manners? This is one of the things that falls under that."

"Damn it! I mentioned manners!" Dean was blushing a brilliant red, and didn't even realize he was wearing only boxers. Lisa could tell, with a feeling of feminine satisfaction, that his whole body went red when he blushed.

"It's a matter of phrasing it the right way, love. Go put some clothes on, OK?"

"Clothes?" Dean looked down, and his skin was so brilliant a red, it was almost scarlet in color. "She's getting too many peep shows for a future sister-in-law, Sammy." Dean rushed out of the room.

At this point, both Sarah and Sam were sitting on the floor holding themselves, the breakfast platter, on the counter top.

Lisa winked at them and went to change herself, giggling.

Dean was in the shower, water running full blast, his boxers were on the floor by the duffel bag. She knew he hadn't realized that Ben could have brought it back to him, wanting to know why he'd said it to mom if it was so bad. Maybe he had. She wasn't sure, but it was so funny.

She loaded her toothbrush. "You OK in there?"

"No, I'm not, Lis. I screwed up. I have to remember he's underfoot and I can't say things like that. I don't want him picking that up. He's nine years old! I'm walking around in my boxers in front of Sarah? Damn it."

"Dean, welcome to parenthood. Things happen at the worst times. It's all right, you handled it well."

"You've got to be kidding? My brother hasn't laughed that hard since he super glued a beer bottle to my hand!"

She giggled. "No, I'm not joking. Kids love to make things awkward and do things at the worst times."

Dean walked out of the shower, the water still running, stark naked, and dripping wet. His hair was running rivulets down his face. "Wait a minute. He knew that was wrong? And he did it anyway? To embarrass me?"

"Probably testing you but it's doubtful he understands about the mixed company."

"I gathered the mixed company thing. So, it's not a joke? He's testing me already? I'm not sure how to handle this. I can't just let him walk away thinking he'd won on it, but it shouldn't be a contest either. I'm glad he feels he can. I never would have been able to test my dad. He would've hurt me. Wow. He's testing me."

"It's natural for kids, Dean. If he does it again, pull him aside and let him know you know what he's doing and not to do it again."

"You know, sometimes, I'm not sure how I got through raising Sam alone as a kid. It was so hard. I'm grateful I have you in this, Lis."

"Parenting is a partnership," she smiled and then began brushing her teeth.

Dean smiled back, when suddenly, the sound of running water broke through his thoughts. He looked down and the puddles of water on the floor. "Ah shit!" He turned off the shower, grabbed an extra towel and wiped up the water. He then dried himself. He felt tired, but knew he would for a while. He'd over done it yesterday. He grabbed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, wearing nothing else.

Lisa was dressing as well after taking care of her teeth, giggling a bit at her fiancée's antics.

Dean went to brush his teeth, comb his hair, and shave. He liked a day's growth, and shaved with a razor he kept for that. He knew he'd have to change if Lis said anything. She hadn't yet, but he wasn't well either. He could hear her giggling. She did that a lot, and he liked it. He figured it must be things he did or was involved in that caused it but he didn't mind.

Sarah was reheating a breakfast she'd brought. She had poached eggs, turkey sausage, and whole grain pancakes. Ben and Sam were wrestling in the living room with two puppies on top of them.

Lisa laughed, watching as a third puppy bounded in to play when Bobby came in to help Sarah work on breakfast Bobby hugged both girls and set to work. Dean entered a few minutes later. Sam noted that the heavier beard his brother had been sporting was gone, and the man was back to the light growth he usually wore. He didn't know whether it was his suggestion, or if Lisa had complained, but he was glad.

"Morning, Dean. We have a puppy pile match going on if you want to play," he grinned.

The older Winchester jumped right into the middle, tickling his brother and Ben. Being on top, he had an advantage, but Sam knew where Dean's strength was, and where he was ticklish. So did Ben. The pups were rolling all over the two on the bottom.

Sam and Ben worked together to tickle Dean unmercifully.

"Whoa! That ain't gonna work, guys. I'm king of the mountain. Dean dug in and they couldn't budge him.

The girls both started laughing when Bobby walked into the living room.

"What's wrong with you idjits? The boy's still weak as a kitten. Bobby stuck his foot into Dean's back and shoved him. Dean went flying off the two. They both whooped and went for him. Dean had rolled over but was covered with licking and biting puppies. "Damn it, Bobby! That's not fair! You know how often I get the advantage in that kind of game. Damn it!" He was trying to push three pups off when Sam and Ben got him.

Both were laughing as they tickled Dean. "We got you!"

"Yeah! But you had to have help, Sammy! Okay! Okay! I give up! Stop!"

The two kept on tickling him.

"Come on, I give up!"

Ben giggled. "We got you good, Daddy."

"Yeah, you did. No thanks to Grandpa Bobby. Oh, shit!" Sam looked down and doubled over laughing. Dean had rolled to where a chair was between him and a view from the kitchen, and was pulling up sweatpants. Sam noted there were no boxers on.

"I'm sorry, guys, but I've lost too much weight. Nothing fits any more. I'm going to town and buying some clothes. Lis, you and Ben don't have much either, so you're coming too. Gotta be a Walmart somewhere nearby. We need laundry supplies. I'm out of underwear."

Dean was not supposed to be going anywhere. A pin drop could have been heard after his announcement.

"Do you have a guess on sizes, Dean? I could take Lisa and Ben and go shopping for you since you're supposed to be relaxing," Sarah offered

Sam looked at him. "Sarah needs stuff, too, Dean. He walked over and looked at his brother. I'd go down one size, Dean. You'll put some back on, and you won't go back to where you were because of the new diet. I'll go with them and we'll get you a smaller belt, too."

Dean stared at everyone, and Lisa and Sam, knowing him so well, knew he wasn't happy. He surprised his brother again, by taking his advice and listening. Even more so, when he agreed.

Okay, Sam."

Sarah handed him a tablet to get him to write down his sizes, and Sam looked at him. "We'll have a boys' day out if you like, see how much has been done."

Dean wrote the sizes down one size smaller. "You go with them, Sam. Make sure it's stuff I'll like. Boys' day out? At the way I'm being coddled, the damn thing will be finished before they let me in there. Even if they do, they aren't gonna let me touch a thing."

Lisa looked at him. "You have a doctor appointment today."

"Yeah, and nowhere to hide."

"And you won't either," she said firmly.

"I know. Look, I understand what happened to me. I know that if Cas hadn't showed up...well, I wouldn't be here. He healed me. The only thing he couldn't do was give me my strength back. I'm being treated like I'm dying. I'm not. I can't go for a walk. I guarantee you that if Watari had seen me on the floor with them earlier, I'd be in trouble. Sam grabbed me by my shirt and pulled one on me last night. I feel like I'm in a cage, Lis."

Her eyes met his. "You're stuck with it, Dean, because someone has to take care of you. We're not treating you like you're dying, though we came too damned close to losing you."

"Why does everyone think I have to be taken care of? If' I'm tired, I'll rest. I just want to be human again. I'm not used to just sitting and doing nothing, Lis."

"That's just it...you're tired but don't rest. Always doing. You don't have to always be doing something."

"Lis, they're doing normal things out there. Normal. And it's the house Sam and I designed. This is gonna be our home, and I'm not a part of it. It's normal. I've never had normal since I was four, damn it."

Dean sat down as Sarah and Bobby put breakfast on the table.

He murmured softly, "It's important to me."

She leaned in and murmured back. "So is your health. You have to stay healthy to spend time with us. Ben's not going to be little forever, Dean."

"I'm the last person you have to tell that to, Lis. You know that."

"Then stop it please. You're sulking about this. If the doctor agrees that you're all right, you'll go back to doing things slowly until your strength returns. But take a step back and evaluate what you're doing right now and what kind of image you're showing Ben by sulking and not following what the doctor says to do. It's hard enough getting him in for his annual checkups."

Dean stared at her, his face showing no emotions...one that Bobby and Sam knew immediately. He quietly ate his breakfast. He excused himself and went to get his computer. He wished them fun in town and left the trailer. He came back in and tossed the keys to the Impala to his brother. He disappeared with the laptop.

Mello was outside with a computer, looking over things and spotted the older Winchester. "Dean!"

"Hey, Mello. They think I'm sulking. Damn. I can't explain it to her without making her think I am. Very seldom have I ever been under a doctor's care, man. We treat everything at the motel. No doctors. We keep going if we're able to. This waiting on a doctor to tell you when you've rested enough or when you can live, I'm not used to that. She thinks it's sulking because I want to be involved in things. It's natural for me. I can't just lay around or sit around all day, doing nothing. I know it's crazy, but it's not sulking. I walked out just now, because I was pissed and hurt that she thought so. I'm a bad example for Ben now. I wanted to walk over the site and check on things. I wanted to go buy some clothes. Someone else is picking out what I wear, man. I'm really not used to being done for. I don't know how."

"I'm not usually a sulker, Mello. I may get upset when things aren't like I think they should be. To be honest, before I met y'all, I'd been in the hospital three times. It's been my life, and it's all I really know. Doctors ask questions I can't answer. L had to use different names for all of us when Near and I got shot. Yeah, I'm gonna be tired, but I'm going stir crazy, Mello. If I'm exhausted, I will go to sleep because I'll end up dropping anyway. I can't make Lis understand that. I don't know how to make anyone understand that. I've had to do all the taking care of people, and until recently, Sam has stayed back and let me be. He's gotten assertive and he's making me take better care. Hell, Sam, Ben, and I were wrestling on the floor this morning before all of this started. Why should that be different? Anyway, she thinks I'm a baby, sulking. I'm not but she'll never understand why I'm that way. I can't make her. I got out of the house cause I didn't want a fight. I remember Mom and Dad going at it. No. I can't do that."

Mello rested his chin on a hand, biting off some chocolate. "Dean, I think you're taking it too aggressively in some ways. Yeah, you're used to taking care of yourselves but did it occur to you that you don't have to anymore? You're talking about working on a low energy. You exhaust yourself, rest, and you're back to where you started earlier. The body needs to rest. I think she may have misunderstood things."

"They're going out to buy clothes, and not just for me. For all of them, I think. I should be helping her pick out clothes, not Sam and Sarah. I would have taken it easy. Hell, I would have even let her drive. I just wanted to be there. I know it sounds crazy, but Mello, I've never taken someone I love out and bought them clothes. I've never had a kid to take care of. I've lost so much time already. It's stupid, I know, but being normal and doing normal things is the most incredible thing in the world to me. Once I was under a Jinn's spell. In the world I woke up in, my mom was still alive. The most wonderful thing for me was mowing her lawn, man. Mowing! It's crazy. I'm watching these things happen and I'm told I have sit on the sidelines and let others do it. I hope that's not sulking, but it's killing me when no one understands what it means to me. I just want her to understand."

"I knew I had to see the doctor. I didn't want to and I made a remark, that I took as being a joke, but she didn't I know I overdo it. I get excited about things. You're right, other than the few people I've spent my life with, no one's given a damn, and there are times when most of them didn't. It's still part of me, Mello."

"Hell, I don't know what to do. Can you watch my computer? I'm gonna see if he's in and get it over with."

"Sit for a moment," he told him. "You and I have a similar sense of humor. What sounds like joking to us does not sound like joking to others, especially those who do not know you as well."

"Yeah, that's true, but Sam and Bobby were there. They know me."

He pointed out something. "Yes but it was between you and her. They're trying to give you space so you two can learn as a couple."

Dean sighed. "Yeah, I know. I'm trying so hard to do what she wants, but I can't stay an invalid. I can't regain my strength if I let my body just vegetate. What about the mental and emotional part of healing? That should count for something. It's driving me crazy."

Mello tapped the table. "Like I pointed out. Imagine the battery is at half charge and you run it to the point of being empty and charge it for an hour or two. It returns back to half, not full. That's what she's worried about."

"That's what happened after I was burned and beatened. I had to immediately go with you to help Bobby and L get Matt and Near. Then there was the damage and the blood loss. I never fully recovered before we had to start training. Then what happened with Lilith. I never thought of it that way. I'm willing to listen and see things her way, but she's not willing to see mine. We weren't communicating, I guess. She wouldn't listen to what I was trying to say. She's had normal, and she can't see what I had as a kid. I've never told her. I only told her about one thing and that's all I've ever said to her. I can't keep telling it over and over and hope it gets better. I'm tired, Mello."

"I think I'll see the doc, now and take a nap. Maybe I don't have the right to make those demands when everyone else needs something else from me. Who knows? I sure as hell don't. Thanks for the advice, Mello. You're a good listener and a pretty smart guy."

"Dean, I'm no genius at relationships. I understand people to a point. Lisa is trying to take care of you. You're not stuck in that bad childhood or the lifestyle you led. You have a family now to watch over you. All this," he gestured at the property. "It'll take time to build. You follow your lady's advice, you'll be on your feet faster than you know. I've heard mothers are good at taking care of others. Trust her."

"Okay. I'm trying, Mello. I honestly am, but I forget sometimes that I don't have to think that way. I was told I'd fall sometimes, but to pick myself up and keep going. Thanks."

Dean headed to the clinic that had been set up for the doctor and his nurse. He knocked and entered.

"Come in," came the reply.

Dean spotted the nurse. "Hi, Can the doc see me now?"

"Yes, he can. Go through that door," she pointed at it.

"Thank you."

Dean entered through the door. "Doc?"

"Dean? How are you feeling?"

"Frustrated."

"Take a seat," he pointed at a chair. "What's going on?"

Dean sat and explained everything to the doctor. It took a while, and surprised the man, because Dean gave everyone's point of view.

"I feel left out, Doc. I'm not used to sitting and watching the world go by. This is the first time in my life, I have a real family of my own. I got the home I helped design coming up and I can't go look at it. I wrestled with Sam and Ben and the pups this morning and that was all right. Lis and I fooled around quite a bit, too. Why are those okay, but the others aren't? Damn, I know I'm tired. I know what I faced and what happened to me. I know I need rest. I can't understand why there can't be a compromise. Why can't I do both? I'm tired, and I plan on going back and sleeping when we're through. I just wish that Lisa understood. That's not gonna happen, so I'll do what I can...what everyone will allow. Just how long do I have to wait to be a part of things again?"

Dean looked tired to the man. His skin was pale, there were dark circles under his eyes. He was shaking a little, but the doctor wasn't sure how much was exhaustion, and how much was stress.

"To be honest, I've hospitalized men for exhaustion as severe as yours. How much of what you're doing with your family is based on will power, Dean? And be honest with me."

"Probably most of it, if not all."

"Then she's not wrong, is she? Dean, you have to learn to read your body's signals and act on them. Do you know what you're doing to yourself? On this level of exhaustion alone, there's a lot that could go wrong."

"What kind of things?"

The doctor began listing all the serious things that could come up because of the lack of energy and fatigue Dean was suffering through. This would explain Lisa's concern about him.

Dean was quiet. He had his eyes closed as he listened. The hazel eyes looked sad as he opened them and stared at the man across from him. "What do I have to do? What's the regimen and for how long?"

"You don't have to go for bed rest unless I see no signs of improvement. Small short walks for certain amounts of time," he was writing this down as he spoke. "Frequent meals and snacks."

"Sleep, if I'm tired?"

He looked at him. "Don't be surprised if you take naps during the day. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I'm heading home to do that right now. All the stress around this makes me more tired than doing things would. No, you've seen my records. That's not true. Not really. Too much to do, and not ready for it, but I want to be. I'll be honest, Doc. It sucks. When do you need to see me again?"

"Every other day right now until I know you're steady and able to work again. Dean, you have nothing that needs doing so don't think you have to run everywhere and involve yourself in everything. Take time.. play board games with your son, chat with your brother.. take it easy."

"Okay, Doc. You know...that's what Sam and I were supposed to do when all this crap started. We were gonna take a few days and rest. Now it's forced rest, but I'm getting it. Thanks, Doc. I need to call Sam. I'll see you day after tomorrow." Dean picked up the papers the doctor had filled out for him, and headed out of the man's office.

He read the papers as he headed to get his laptop.

"Hey, Mello."

The blond looked up. "Hi Dean."

"Thanks for the advice I stopped to get the laptop. Thanks for watching it for me. Lis was right. I'm gonna go take a nap. Thanks again."

He gave him a small smile. "Any time. Sometimes it helps having someone to point out the other's perspective. You have a smart lady there, Dean."

"Yeah, I know. She gets stuck with me. Talk to you later."

Dean headed to the trailer, noted that the car was gone. He went inside and set his laptop on the kitchen table. He opened the refrigerator and grabbed a bottled water and an apple. He set the doctor's papers in a neat stack, and took out some paper and a pen and wrote a letter to Lisa. He figured he be asleep, as tired as he was. He wanted to let her know how he felt. It was a long letter, explaining the reasons behind how he acted and felt. He told her was wrong. He explained talking to Mello and going to see the doctor without being called. He told her the doctor's notes for his care were there with his letter. He apologized for being an ass. He did adamantly state that it was not sulking and he hoped she now understood why he acts like he does enough for her to understand that it wasn't sulking...it was just a need. He apologized for walking out. He said he did not want to fight and he was upset over the accusation about sulking and the doctor, which he thought was a joke when he said what he'd said. It had hurt that she thought he was being a bad influence on Ben. He felt it was better to walk then fight over something in front of everyone. He apologized.

Dean then called Sam.

"Hey Dean," came the response when the younger Winchester brother answered the phone. "How'd it go?"

"I stopped and talked to Mello, and decided not to wait on the doctor. I went to see him. I told him the truth, Sam. That wasn't easy. He told me the dangers of exhaustion, and said he normally had people in my shape in the hospital. We talked. He's given me a list of what I need to do. I don't need bed rest. Naps are a good idea. I am going take a nice long one right now. Take them out to eat somewhere, will you? Oh, and I need a large number of board games...some for a large number of people, and some just for Ben and me. I have to go for short, timed walks. I'd like for you and I to spend some time daily, just talking. Anyway, I'll be asleep when you guys get in. I didn't want to wait, so I left a letter and the doctor's instructions on the kitchen table for Lis. Let her know it will be okay."

"I will," he said softly. "I'm glad you went to see him."

"Yeah, me too. If he is going to be L's doc for the U.S., I kinda hope he'll maybe open up a local office. He's the first one I feel comfortable with. We have so few we can actually go to. You know?"

"I know it," Sam answered. "Anything else you need while we're out?'

"The doc said frequent meals and snacks. I guess it's the sudden weight loss. I ate an apple and drank a bottled water, but I have to have healthy stuff. The snacks are a new addition for me. I'm going to bed, man. Love ya. Let my family know that, too. See ya later."

"I will, Dean. Rest up and we love you too."

Dean hung up and went into the bedroom. He stripped naked, not having clean boxers, and laid on top of the crumpled sheets, not bothering to cover. He was gone in seconds. He slept for hours, not hearing the family come home.


	96. Chapter 96

Dean Begins to Experience his Normal Life.

When the group got home, Lisa checked on him first, and had to quickly cover Dean so he wouldn't be embarrassed in front of his family. He seemed to forget how he was dressed at times, and ended up in front of someone in the wrong attire. Things would need to be carried into the room and put up.

Sam pointed out the letter and doctor's instructions to Lisa, as the rest of them carried in groceries, bags of clothing, laundry supplies, and games and toys.

Lisa read the letter, shaking her head in places at some of it.

Ben ran outside with Larry, as Sarah walked over to let Curly outside to play. Bobby showed up with a big potato salad he had made. "I thought we might barbecue. I went to town today and bought some chickens and a brisket. I found a great pit that can be mounted later at the cabin. I have all the fixin's. I bet Dean could eat some of it. I got the recipe for the potato salad from Watari so he could. Where is he?"

"Napping," Sam answered and filled their adopted father in on everything that had happened.

"I was here at the beginning of the row, but left before he did, I guess. So, he's gonna obey the doctor and you two now? How long has he been asleep? He won't sleep tonight if he sleeps too long. You're saying the doctor said naps."

"I think she's waking him up now. I suggested an ice cube if he doesn't want to get up." He grinned at that.

"She take one with her?" The scream from the bedroom was the answer to that. Cussing followed the scream and Lisa stepped out of the bedroom quickly.

"Damn it, Lis!" could be heard from the bedroom after she left.

Dean followed her forgetting what he wasn't wearing. She was glad, for his sake, that Sam and Bobby were the only two in the trailer.

Sam coughed. "Um... Dean? Feeling a bit of a draft there?"

Dean froze, a look of confusion crossed his features for a moment. He looked down, looked back up with a look of shock on his face, eyes scanning the room. "Shit!" He ran.

The group bit back snickers, heading outside to watch Ben playing with the dogs.

A few moments found Dean opening the door and looking out. He was barefooted, wearing the too large sweatpants he'd worn earlier, and a t-shirt. Stepping outside, he softly shut the door behind him and leaned against it, while watching Ben and the puppies

He saw the others in the yard, sitting in some lawn chairs watching the scene.

Lisa walked up beside, hugging him. "Bobby suggested a barbecue tonight. You have new clothes hanging the closet and in the dresser. Should fit better than what you have on now." She'd bought quite a bit for him, underwear, socks.. even new tennis shoes and boots.

Dean turned into her arms, putting his around her, leaning his head against hers. "I'm sorry, Lis. Damn it, I'm so sorry."

"Enough, love. Forgiven." She kissed him. "Get changed. Ben's got a surprise for you."

"Okay." He kissed her forehead, squeezed her, and headed back into the trailer. Heading to the bedroom, he opened the closet, and stood there. There were jeans that were faded by the manufacturer. The t-shirts had rock bands and movies that he liked on them. 'Where had they found stuff this vintage?' he wondered. There were a lot of long sleeve shirts, some in plain colors, and others in plaid. There were some dress shirts and slacks. He looked and found two suit coats. He'd not expected this. There were several ties and some nicer shirts to wear with his jeans. He looked at the floor and saw the shoe boxes. There were a pair of gray western boots and some nice tennis shoes. There were tears in his eyes, as he turned to the dresser. There were a large number of boxers, plain t-shirts, and socks. There were dress and denim shorts to wear in the heat of the day. He found pajama bottoms in a lot of crazy designs. No tops. Sam had to be involved in that one. He grinned. He checked the other drawers and there were things for Lis. He looked in the other closet and was relieved she didn't stint on herself.

Taking out a pair of jean shorts and an AC/DC t-shirt, he reached up for one of several ball caps he found on the top shelf. He'd never had many of these. This one said Texas on it. He leaned down to get the tennis shoes when he saw the leather sandals. His eyes widened. 'Why not?'

Dean got dressed and headed back outside.

Ben bounced up to him. "Dad! I have a surprise for you. Wanna see?"

Dean put a hand on his son's shoulder. "Yeah, let's see whatcha got, son."

Bobby and Sam were seeing a Dean they both swore they'd never seen before. No long sleeve shirt over the t-shirt, sandals, and ball cap? He looked good and happy.

Bobby looked at the older brother, and murmured to the younger, "When was the last time you saw him wear shorts?"

Sam eyed his brother closely. He was grinning. "Can't remember, Bobby. Never? Hell, I can't recall a time. He still looks tired, though."

Bobby, seeing the grin, replied, "Yeah, he will for a while, but he looks happier then I've seen him in years."

Sam nodded, watching as his nephew ran to Dean with the bags. The younger Winchester grinned. "Let's head that way."

The little boy came back with several bags. In them were model kits to work on together. A drop cloth, paints, and everything they needed were there. "Uncle Sammy suggested this would be fun for us!"

"Aw, man! Yeah! These are muscle cars and sports cars, Son That's our baby, right there. Sam, thanks, man."

"Welcome. Think it's a good bonding thing. Maybe I'll join you two if I'm allowed," he teased.

"Hell, yeah, Sammy. Bobby, you wanna join us, too? I'd like to build a nice cabinet for them and have it in the home office. What do y'all think about that? Course, if someone wants one for a room of theirs, no problems. We can always build more. This is a great way to hang together, guys."

All of them agreed, grinning at Ben's enthusiasm.

Dean looked at Lisa. "Lis, can we use the extra bedroom in the trailer? We can put some paint drop cloth over the carpet and set up a table and four chairs. I could hook up a sound system for music in there. It would be awesome. We could put a storage cabinet and some shelves to set pieces that are drying out of the way."

Lisa smiled and nodded, "Of course."

Dean hugged her and looked at the others. We got us a model car room, guys." He took out his cell and dialed the hardware store. He'd added all of the local businesses into his cell for easy access. He ordered a large table, 4 padded metal chairs,, shelving, a storage cabinet, and a drop cloth. Bobby went to his truck and came back with a small stereo and a varied selection of cds.

"No cake hole on this one, Dean. This is a little of what all of us like. We were kind of hoping we'd all be included."

Dean looked at country, classical, easy listening, mullet rock, and some of the newer rock that Ben liked. He grinned.

"Good mix," Lisa commented.

Bobby got Sam to help him set up the new pit. They set it up near his trailer but close to where they were all sitting. Ben took the model supplies inside and brought out a football. Sam told him he'd toss with him once the pit was set up. Dean watched the boy and lowered his head. Soon, he thought.

Lisa handed him a glass of tea, smiling.

Dean smiled and reached for the glass. "Thanks, hon. He looks a little lonely. I wish Mello cold come play ball with him. I have no idea how his back is. Hey, Bobby! We ought to invite them to barbecue. You heard anything on Ryuuzaki?"

"Already have, and Ryuuzaki is moving around a little. Came to last night sometime."

"That's good news," Lisa commented.

"If he thought for one moment in his unselfconscious that he was still paralyzed, he might not have wanted to come out of it."

"It's possible," she murmured.

"Yeah, he was unconscious when Cas touched him. I came to and talked to him. At least I think I remember him being there. I think he made me go to sleep."

"He's a good one.. a bit odd," she said, sipping her own tea.

"Yeah, I'd say Cas is a lot odd," Dean sipped his tea, and grinned, but he's a good guy. "I don't know if we'll ever see him again. Really don't know. We stopped our part in everything, but he's on the run now."

She nodded. "Hopefully you will."

Dean nodded, watching Sam head to the back of Bobby's truck. He stood up for a minute and started laughing. "That's the biggest damn bag of charcoal I've ever seen! Hey, Sammy, you need a wheel barrel or something to put that in? How much does it weigh? Fifty pounds?"

"It's a big pit," he called back.

"You're not barbecuing a cow, Sammy! You could bury a whole pig under that."

"We have a place to store the extra, goof," he teased.

"I figured that, Sammy, but a twenty pounder would have been plenty, unless we're barbecuing every night. If that's the case, I gotta go online and find stuff I can eat that's cooked outside. Then there's the stuff that would go with it."

"Watari gave us a list already," Sarah said with a grin.

Dean's grin grew larger. ""Now that's fantastic!" He sat back down next to Lisa. "Is there anything we should be doing? Some kind of vegetable or something?"

"I have eggs on boiling for a chef salad, Sarah has dessert going. Watari is bringing more veggies," she grinned.

"Is there going to be a Caesar dressing to go with the chef's salad? Bobby said the potato salad is Watari's recipe, and it's good."

"I bought several kinds, that one included since Sam said you liked it so much."

"Thanks, Lis." He put his arm around her. "Sure wish I could toss that ball with Ben. Don't get rattled. He looks lonely over there. I know I can't."

She smiled and called out to Ben. "Go get the checkers!"

Dean leaned over and kissed Lisa, "That's why I love you so much. You got all the brains." He headed over to the picnic table area to wait for Ben.

The little boy bounced up with the unopened box. "Dad's gonna play with me?"

Lisa pointed to the tables where Dean was drinking his tea and waiting for his son. He saw them look his way and waved to the boy to come on.

Ben rushed to him, setting the box on the picnic table and sitting in front of him.

Dean began to open the box and set everything up. "You do know how to play checkers, right?"

"Yup!"

"Okay, you go first."

He stared at the board, then moved the first piece. Dean moved and watched the boy concentrate on the board.

Ben was a fairly good player, moving in ways to set up traps to get his dad. After losing two pieces to the boy, Dean sat up, more alert, and began to watch the board closely. The kid could play.

Mello and Matt drifted over after finishing their case load for the day, watching as Ben continued to thrash his dad.

Checkers was a lot different from poker or pool, and Dean had gone in thinking it was a child's game. He began to realize that it required strategy. He was fixing to lose the game because he had underestimated Ben.

It didn't take long before the nine year old had won, grinning at his dad. "That was fun!"

"That was an eye-opener! Another one?"

He bounced and nodded, grinning wider at the cheers from the two geniuses. The boy noticed that Bobby, Sam, and Watari were setting up a tarp of some kind too.

Dean's gaze followed Ben's. "You think they need help? They're not gonna get mine. The don't want me doing that stuff right now, more's the pity, but it's the doc's orders. Lis can be a drill sergeant" He grinned while saying it.

"Think they have it. 'Sides, you're playing with me," he grinned.

Matt chuckled. "They're getting it up so Near can come out."

"Now that's great to hear. How's Ryuuzaki?"

"The doctor said he could be up tomorrow...after a long lecture on his insomnia habits," Mello snickered.

"I love it. Finally, another one bites the dust. It's not just me, then."

The two geniuses looked at each other and shrugged. L was L and would always be that way. His habits, though not the most healthy, wouldn't change without major coercion.. and it wouldn't be easy to find someone who could do it.

Dean looked at them, reading their minds. "He minds Watari, doesn't he?"

"Nope, not really," Mello answered.

"I'll talk to him."

"It won't do any good, Dean," Matt pointed out. "Ryuu is Ryuu and will never change. There's things about him we don't know. Watari said there's reasons for the habits."

"Yeah, there were reasons for mine too. He's been having me deal with a lot, you know.. Maybe he should too."

Near, who had emerged with a laptop in hand, had heard that part. "Near would not recommend it."

"Okay, I'm biting. Why?"

"All of Ryuuzaki's actions have a logical twist that most normal individuals would not understand."

"Near, I realize that he's incredibly logical, but going without sleep for days on end, and living on 95 percent sweets is not logical. I seem to remember Watari telling me my diet and sleep habits were bad, and they don't even begin to compare to his."

"IQ tests were given to Ryuuzaki both on and off of sugar, rested or not, as well as in sitting positions. There were notable differences each time."

"That's not normal, Near. You're saying that by breaking every health rule he's enforced on me, makes him a genius? That does not compute."

"No, Ryuuzaki is a genius nonetheless but given Ryuuzaki's position, Ryuuzaki refuses to lose even a percentage."

Dean was not satisfied but let it rest for the time being. He liked L and if L wanted to screw with his own health, so be it, but he'd keep an eye on him.

Near sat down, opening the computer and worked as Matt and Mello watched Ben play Dean again. Dean monitored every nuance of the game this time. He plotted possible moves, and what the response would be to them. The game was more even this time.

Ben was still coming out ahead at times, and the geniuses were enjoying themselves watching the game.

The boy gave him a wide grin. "I have Chinese checkers so Matt and Mello can play with us."

Matt and Mello recognized the trapped look on the hunter's face, but Dean smiled and said, "Go get it, Son."

Ben bounced and ran for the box, while the two geniuses grinned at Dean. "We won't go too hard on you, promise."

Dean kept smiling, but replied through gritted teeth, "Like hell you won't."

Mello poked him. "We won't want to frustrate Ben."

"Ben can hold his own. It's me I'm worried about."

Matt chuckled. "Just try to have fun."

"I plan to. I'm playing this to have quality time with my son. You two are an added pleasure, because I like you guys...even if I am fixing to be run through the ringer."

The two laughed, then Mello grinned deviously. "It could be worse."

"I don't play for money with you two."

"He could be playing," the blond pointed at the working Near.

"Well, let's ask him. The more to make me realize I'm dumb, the better." Dean was grinning when he said it.

Matt groaned. "He'll kick all our butts, you know that."

"No, I had no idea. He's better at a game then you two?" Dean started laughing.

"It's always been close but yeah, he beats us at strategy games for the most part," Mello told him.

"I got to admit, I almost want to see that."

Ben put the box on the table as he arrived. "See what?"

"Near beat Mello and Matt, but this is for everyone, so that will be another day. But, if you don't mind getting beat, Ben, I'd like to ask him. He gets left out of a lot of things. I'm gonna be creamed."

The boy frowned for a moment. He wasn't as close to Near as he was the other two. "I guess."

Dean saw the frown with worry. He loved both boys and so wanted them to get along. Ben was only nine and Near was different, but he wanted Ben to understand that there was nothing wrong with being different.

Ben shrugged, setting the game up. "Up to you, Dad."

"It's okay, Ben. Another time." Mello and Matt could tell that Dean was bothered but he quickly covered it.

Near had noticed as well, quietly closing the laptop. "Near has a call to make and will return shortly." He padded off to a private area, cell phone in hand.

Dean watched him go out of the corner of his eye, an ache in his heart.

"He'll be all right," Mello murmured.

"Yeah, sure he will."

"Dean, remember he doesn't feel things as we do," Matt said quietly.

"It's different with me.""Give Ben time," the red head said. "He's wanted to have you around. It's gotta be hard to share you."

"That's why I didn't push it. I'm afraid Near will distance himself."

"Hard to determine his actions at times," Mello responded. "Have to wait and see."

Dean sighed, and finished opening the game and setting out the board and marbles.

The two geniuses took their places, teasing Ben and Dean.

The game was a wild one. Everyone, except Ben, was surprised when Ben won. Dean stared at his son and then at the two geniuses, his eyes questioning them silently.

Matt and Mello gave a quick smirk, telling him that they'd not played as aggressively as they would have.

"Well, there may be things we should be doing to help out around here. You guys want to toss the football with Ben a bit. I can't and Sam's still busy. Too nice an afternoon to waste. I'll go peel eggs or something to help Lis. That okay, Ben? You can come in and we can talk if you'd rather? While I'm helping that is."

"I'll go play," he said, needing to move.

Dean grinned and tousled his hair before heading to the kitchen. Lisa saw him enter.

"Hey Dean, wanting to help?"

"Yeah, I thought I would."

She smiled and pointed at the eggs, which were cooling under water. "Start peeling!"

Dean turned on the water and began shelling the eggs under the cool stream.

Lisa went on preparing the salad. "How did the game go?"

"Ben's real smart for a nine year old, Lis. He beat me, and Matt and Mello didn't try as hard, and he beat them."

"He's very intelligent for his age," she smiled. "I've kept him on work at home things for extra study to help him."

"He reminds me of Sam at that age. He's gonna be able to do whatever he wants when he hits college age."

"We keep him sharp and focused, he definitely will go far."

"Exactly."

"I picked up more tutoring supplies for him, so that'll help while summer is going."

"What subjects and grade levels?"

"Maths and sciences right now, he's working on middle school levels."

"I used to help, Sammy. I'll do what I can. You know? I've got a brilliant idea. Near could teach what none of us could. That's if both boys would be willing."

"If Near has time," she said. "I noticed Ryuuzaki has the boys rather busy.. at least Near seems to be."

"I'll ask him and then talk to the boys. Lis, I want Ben to get to know and, hopefully, like Near. I think he may be jealous, and I don't want that. I hoped this might help."

"Give him time too, Dean. You're finally in his life. He may not be ready to share you yet."

"I know that, hon. That's why I'm not asking him to share me, but to share himself...to learn from one of the smartest people here."

She nodded, taking the eggs and handing him a knife and several blocks of cheese. "Cube the Colby jack, then slice the rest for a relish tray please. And I know, love. Just remember he's nine and though he's intelligent, he's still a boy."

"I know. I don't plan on pushing anything. I'll take it slow." Dean began to cube the Colby jack cheese. He sliced the other cheeses and set them aside. Lisa noted that he was fast with a knife. She didn't think she wanted to know how he'd learned the techniques. He leaned over and kissed her after he'd finished the cheeses. "I love you, Lis."

"Love you too, Dean." She handed him some cucumbers that had been scoured already.

"You want them completely peeled or just areas? Sliced, diced, or stripped?"

"Stripped and sliced please," she grinned. "You're making this go by fast."

Dean returned the grin. "I like doing this together. After I start working, we can do this on my days off. It's fun to share things, even little things, Lis. This is home to me. I've never had it. It means a lot to me."

"You know how to cook?"

Dean turned red again. "I picked things up here and there. Mainly from watching people. I would get up at night and watch a cooking show when Sammy was asleep. If I liked something, I saved it on the computer. Just a little file. I don't think Sam every noticed it. If he did, he never said anything. I learned the basics for a while. When we were at Bobby's or even at Missouri's, I watched."

She smiled. "Good, you can learn more as time goes by and help me teach Ben, too. I believe in everyone being somewhat self-sufficient in the kitchen."

"That'd be fun." Lisa had no idea that Dean had a plan in mind . He had been looking at the calendar, trying to put dates in that were important. He'd found out everyone's birthday, but also discovered that Mother's Day was in a couple of weeks. Sam's birthday was next week and Mother's Day about a week after. He wanted to do something special for both days.

"I have beginner cookbooks for you two to share," she smiled wider. "It's a good practical application for measuring for Ben."

"Sam will twenty-seven next week, Lis. I'd like to do something special for him"

"What's his favorite flavor of cake?"

"Hell, I don't know. We never really had much of a chance to have things like that. I learned about apple pie at a restaurant once. Shared a piece with Sammy. He tends to not eat junk food much. I don't know. I'd like to find something really nice to cook, but the cake, I guess, chocolate?"

"See if you can get Sarah to find out. I can get a recipe and help you make a cake for him. Maybe have a party."

"I'd like a dinner party for him. I'd like to make a pot roast. I've never done one, but it would be a real family meal. Sam's never had one. Not a Winchester one, anyway."

She tilted her head thoughtfully. "I have a recipe that's really tasty you can use."

"That's a great idea. I'd love to try it. We got to keep it a secret."

"We can have Sarah take him out for part of the day, give us time to decorate and get things ready. Did you want to invite Watari, Ryuuzaki, and the others?"

"Yeah, I'd like too, Lis. They've done so much for Sam and me. You have no idea what all they've done. I need to tell you some time."

She handed him more veggies to slice and chop up for the salad. "I'd like that."

"Some of it is really nice stuff, but some of it was really hard. I had a really bad life. That one thing about the rape when I was a teenager, well, it's just a small part. They helped me learn to cope with my past and how to continue to deal with it when it tries to sneak back up."

Lisa pressed a hand to his back, stroking comfortingly.

"I sometimes have relapses on things. The problem today was one such time. I'm better and getting better daily, but I will slip sometimes. Okay? I love your hand there."

She smiled. "I'm glad you do, love, and I'll help where I can."

"That's all any man could ask for, Lis. I want to be there for you too."

"You will be," she nodded. "All we have to do now is toss the salad."

"You got something that does that, or do I just dig my hands in?" He winked at her.

"Dig in," Lisa laughed.

Dean dug his hands into the vegetables and tossed the salad for a number of minutes. When he had it tossed well, Lisa covered it with a lid and put it in the refrigerator, while the man beside her washed his hands and arms under the tap water in the sink.

"I've got some toppings to put out when we bring everything out. Now let's see...we need a healthier dessert knowing Mello's tendencies for sweets."

"I thought Sarah was bringing the dessert."

"And what do you want to bet he bribed her into chocolate?"

Dean grinned, questioning her, "Mello, or Sam?" He started laughing. "I don't mind chocolate as long as it's a Watari special. I'm not supposed to have the sugar."

"I was thinking an apple crumble," she said.

Dean got a soft smile, and a hopeful tone to his voice, "Kind of like Watari does his pies?"

"Heat the oven to 350, Dean, and get me the bag of apples," she smiled.

Dean was excited like a child would be. He turned the oven on and grabbed the apples. "What should I do?"

"Wash them well," she answered as she pulled out the other ingredients.

Dean used a vegetable brush and scrubbed the apples under warm water.

While she treated a baking dish and measured the ingredients out, Lisa coached him into how to core and peel apples. Dean set to work, using the corer, she watched the muscles bunch in his arms as he pressed the corer down on each apple. He used a peeler and she found him eating the skins as he pared each one. She laughed at that, watching him work.

Dean soon had the work done, and smiled at her. "If I can do anything else, I want to, Lis, but I gotta sit down. Starting to get tired."

She pointed at the stool. "There you go."

Her tired helper sat with a sigh, and asked what she needed done next.

"Slice the apples please and put some in a layer in the pan," Lisa asked him, mixing ingredients. Dean sliced and layered apples, and she was proud of him, because he only ate one or two slices.

Lisa put the mixture in between layers, then put the crumble layer on top. "Ready to put it in."

"You want me to put it in for you?"

"That'd be nice, thank you."

He hopped off the stool, picked up the baking dish and placed it in the hot oven. "What time do you want the timer set for?"

"Thirty minutes, please."

He set the timer, and turned. "We done for right now?"

"We're done," she smiled. "Want something to drink?"

"I'd love something." He sounded tired. She watched him turn on the ceiling fan in the living room and sit in one of the recliners and pushed it into a reclining position. He had the fan on high.

Lisa poured him a glass of iced tea, bringing it to him.

Dean reached for the tea, but put his arm around her waist, pulling her on top of him, holding the tea in his other hand. He helped her settle next to him on the recliner, leaning back and enjoying the breeze from the fan.

"I never, in my wildest dreams, dreamt of this," he sighed in contentment.

She kissed him softly. "We should probably make sure Ben hasn't tried to tie Sam up somewhere."

He sighed softly, "Okay, hon. You need to stay and watch the timer. I'll go keep an eye on him." He let her up and pulled the recliner back into a sitting position. He slowly got up and headed for the door.

"I can hear it if we sit on the porch with the door open," she told him. "Okay," he murmured. He opened the porch door and sat down on the porch floor, back against the wall, legs stretched in front of him. Lisa sat beside him, cuddling as she watched the boys.

Sam had joined Mello, Matt, and Ben, playing touch football. Dean smiled as he watched His head laid over touching hers.

She ran her fingers through his hair, watching with a smile. Watari was working with Bobby at the grill, and it seemed that Ryuuzaki had emerged.. albeit shakily.. and was sitting with Near.

The fingers through his hair was comforting and stimulating at the same time. As tired as he felt, Dean settled for the comfort. One hand moved into her lap, touching her leg in a soft gesture of contentment.

Lisa continued with the motion, just watching their family at play.

Dean started to doze and caught himself, jerking awake.

"Rest," she murmured. "I'll keep watch."

"I slept several hours before you guys came home. That should have been enough, shouldn't it? I can't sleep now with all this going on. It wouldn't be right." She could hear the tiredness in his voice and it was so soft and raspy. She knew he'd stood in the kitchen for a long time, helping.

"You've also been working," Lisa pointed out. "A quick nap won't hurt anything."

"You're the boss, Lis. What do you want me to do?"

"Cat nap, it'll be all right."

Dean slowly dozed off, his body steadily coming to rest against hers. She carefully eased him until his head was in her lap, and continued to play with his hair, watching their family.

Time passed slowly and eventually, Lisa had to get up to pull the crumble out of the oven. She eased out from under the young man's head and allowed him to lay on the porch as she went to take care of the dessert.

Near kept typing on the laptop, occasionally conferring with L. He'd seen Dean fall asleep and had motioned at Mello to keep the others away from the porch to allow the man his rest. By the time Lisa came back out on the porch, he was on his stomach, head on one arm that was curled under it.

Lisa stayed beside him, humming softly as she watched the others.

Dean slept until the truck from the hardware store delivered the furnishings and supplies for the modeling room. He woke with a jerk when the noise of the vehicle following the dirt road became louder than the people around him.

"Sleep well, love?"

Dean rubbed his face, and pushed hair out of his eyes. "Yeah, I did. How long was I asleep?" He looked at the truck and perked up.

"A little under an hour," she answered. "And the stuff you ordered is here."

He watched everyone heading towards the truck to help unload it. "I guess I will just wait on them, huh?"

"You can go supervise since you know how you want it to look."

Dean opened the door and headed to the room they were going to turn into the craft and modeling room. He opened the door to it, and turned on the overhead light and fan. Heading back outside and over to the truck, He asked that the large drop cloth be brought inside first, followed by the shelves and the cabinet.

The workers followed his instructions carefully, getting everything set up the way he wanted it to be. Matt had found a screwdriver and screws for mounting the shelves. The last thing brought in was a table and chairs. Matt mounted the speakers for the small stereo and it was placed on one of the shelves.

The red head was busy with the electronics and grinned once he'd finished with it. Dean asked Ben to bring in the bags of modeling supplies.

Ben ran in, bringing the bags with a bright grin. His dad removed the paints, spray cans, sprayer, knives, brushes, and glues and put them in the cabinet. The model kits were placed on a lower shelf in the cabinet. He put the drop cloth Sam had bought on the table. He noticed a set of coasters in the bottom of one of the bags, and grinned. They had NASCAR emblems on them. He set them on a small table he'd ordered that was placed near the work table. They all stood back and looked at the room, Dean with a major grin.

"Cool!" Came the cry from the boy.

"Matt, Mello, thanks for helping. We ought to go check and see how that brisket's doing. Did Bobby put the chicken on yet?"

"A bit ago," the blond answered.

"Well, let's see how close it is to being ready. We'll know when to bring the food out."

The group nodded, following him out. They found Bobby sitting at one of the picnic tables, under the tarp, drinking a beer. Dean's eyebrows raised at that. Sam looked at him. "You know beer's gonna still be around, Dean. I like one once in a while. You gonna drink or try to stay away from it?"

"It won't be more than a beer if I decide to, but for right now, I'll have tea. Alcohol isn't really good for me at this time."

Lisa brought him a glass of tea, kissing him before going to check on the boys. L and Watari watched the older Winchester stare at the beer and saw Sam speak with him. They'd seen him shake his head. Both men knew that Dean had other health issues that required the changed diet. They were both pleased to see him say no, and take the offered glass of tea.

"Food about ready, Bobby? Do we need to bring out the other stuff yet?"

"Chicken needs a bit longer," he answered.

Dean joined the others at the picnic table. He moved over by L, speaking softly, "How you feeling?"

"I am surprised I slept so long," the detective answered.

"You have a weird metabolism, L. For your daily life, it does well, but your body went through massive shock and trauma. It wasn't rested enough to heal mentally, emotionally, and physically. I've been dealing with exhaustion since the queen's chamber. You know how bad it's been. They tell me, if Cas hadn't shown up, you'd be a quadriplegic, and I'd be dead. He just didn't have enough mojo to heal us completely. That's why you slept so long, and I should have."

"So I have heard," he answered.

"Did the doc say how long til you're back on your feet?"

"Not yet," he murmured, changing screens on the laptop. "I am being held under watch at the moment."

"If I'd known she was after you too, you wouldn't have been in the building, L."

Dark eyes looked into his. "Yes, I would have. You needed the extra manpower to get the job done.

Dean sighed, knowing L was right. "I know, L, but it wasn't right. I am so grateful you were able to hold out long enough to give Mello the time he needed. I lost too much blood and had too much damage inside to do any more. I tried to keep her away from you as much as I could. There was no way I was gonna be able to use the colt, but if I was down and she was focused on you, Mello could. I'm sorry I had to use you that way."

"It was a logical step to take. I realized it and took the beating as best as I could, trying to protect myself."

"I know. It wasn't supposed to go down like that, but she was not going to give me time to use the colt. I had to be out of the picture in her mind for Mello to do his thing. It's why I kept at her, trying to keep her away from you and drawing her attention. She had to be major pissed at me, and she was. You still had enough in you to keep her busy at that point for Mello to do his thing. I want to thank you for teaching that boy to shoot like that. If he couldn't, we'd all be dead."

He gave a small smirk at that. "Mello is good at what he does."

"Yeah, he is, and I ought to be eating crow right now. I seem to remember telling you I didn't need kids on a hunt. I was way off base there, but I didn't know or understand what they were capable of. I apologize."

"We train beyond exceptional children," he answered softly. "That's why I insisted the two come with us."

"Well, I always felt Sam was one. He could do almost anything he put his mind to, but there were things he wasn't quite as good at...maybe because he didn't wanna hunt. Your kids are exceptional and I'd hunt with them any day."

You should tell them that," L told him. "There are times when Mello and Matt do not hear compliments enough, caught up in being frustrated at being right behind Near."

Dean leaned over to where Near was. "Near, I want to thank you for being there again. I was pretty sure I was gonna die. Knowing you were in control and could get everyone out, made it okay for me, if it happened. You and Sam were fantastic, but you were the controller and I'm grateful for what you did and for your soft voice that made me feel that everything would be all right."

Gray eyes looked up from the computer screen. "Near was doing the job Near was told to do."

"No, you were also being my friend, and you saw me through, knowing inside I was dying. You knew. You had us monitored. Thank you for just being there, and for seeing to it that everyone got the job finished when I couldn't."

It was obvious Near didn't quite see it the way Dean did but the teenager simply nodded, accepting the thank you even though he didn't understand.

Dean left the picnic table and found Matt over at the pit with Sam, checking the coals. "Matt, can we talk a minute?"

The red head looked startled. "Yeah, we can."

They walked a ways from the group and Dean turned and faced the red head. "First off, I owe you a big apology. I was wrong. You'd make a great hunter. You were great the first time as back up with Near, and you were smart enough to get a warning out the second time. Then this last hunt, you were alert, you kept your cool even when you couldn't get to us. It could have been worse if you'd lost it and the demons found you and Bobby. You did a fantastic job of cleanup. C4, man? You left nothing to chance. I'd fight by your side any day. Thank you."

Matt grinned. "What can I say? I like things that go boom."

"Well, you make one hell of a hunter. I'm glad you were there." Dean held out his hand to Matt.

He took it, shaking it. "Well, you ever need backup on missions from L, let me know. I'm sure he'll spare us."

"Oh, I'll request you." Dean grinned and turned to search for Mello. Matt grinned and headed back to help Sam.

Dean found Mello walking by himself behind Bobby's trailer. "Hey, Mello. It took a while to find you."

"Yeah, had to think on some things with a question Ryuuzaki threw at me. What's up?"

"I needed to talk to you. I wanted to first say I'm sorry. I can be an ass when I'm tired, angry, and worried. That first time we met, I was all three. I was wrong."

He blinked at that. "I'd forgotten about that, honestly."

"I won't lie to you. I worried about you, but it was because I was afraid you'd let what was happening to L break you and you'd draw attention to yourself. When everything went wrong, you were my only hope, Mello. I was told you could shoot, and damn!...Can you ever shoot! You kept quiet, while I tried to draw her fire. The reason I did that was so she'd take me down and forget I was there. That's when you could get the colt. It required that L take her on after me. You held kept quiet and stayed still, and I know it was hard. You are one hell of a man, Mello. You did just as good as any hunter I know. I'd love to keep you for when we have to hunt, but that's out of thequestion. I just wanted you to know that you are no kid, and I'd be proud to have you have my back any day. Thank you." Dean held out his hand.

Mello took it, shaking it. "I'll be there if L finds cases for you and you need backup. And yeah.. we've covered hostage situations before and the like. We learned how to handle ourselves."

"I know you guys know that I think of Near as a son, and I do, but I think of you and Matt as brothers, equals. I'd like it to remain that way."

He gave him a smile. "Brothers...that'll work."

Dean grabbed him and hugged him, "Awesome! If you're needing to think, I'll go."

He hugged him back. "I'm good. The answer came to me a moment ago so yeah, I can give it to him and then see what needs doing."

I think I'm still overdoing things, but I feel good inside. I think I'll go find my tea and a chair somewhere, or maybe my porch. I kinda like sitting on it. You're welcome to join me if you want to."

"Think I will," he said. "I'll join you in a few."


	97. Chapter 97

Jack Russells and Barbecues.

Dean came around from behind Bobby's trailer only to be met by a worried fiancée and brother. He froze, eyes going from one to the other. He started thinking, 'Was there some rule he didn't know?'

Sam grinned. "There you are. We were worried you'd tried to meander too far."

The relief on Dean's face was almost laughable, but the concern in his voice wasn't. "You're not mad at me for something? I didn't break some rule I wasn't aware of?"

"No, we trust you," he laughed softly.

Dean closed his eyes in relief and swallowed hard. He nodded. "I was just gonna find my tea over by the picnic tables, and then Mello may join me on the porch. You guys care to come too?"

"Sure," Lisa answered, taking his hand.

Matt was teaching Ben how to play soccer. Dean and Lisa walked over and got the tea. Dean nodded at L. They headed over to the porch to sit down. He sat with his back to the trailer and stretched his bowed legs out in front of him, sighing. "I like this."

"It's nice and quiet," she murmured. "You picked a great spot, Dean."

"I know it's not a big city or a fancy suburb somewhere. It's wild and seems untameable. I like that. It soothes me inside. Is that weird? I know it's desert and mountains, but there are beautiful trees behind the cabin. It calls to me."

"No, not weird. As long as we have the animals to protect ourselves from wildlife, I'm happy to have this place."

Sam said he took a call from a breeder of Jack Russells. They have three litters ready to go to homes. They are coming with a special trailer to let us see them." At this time Larry came up and lay down next to Dean, his head across one of the hunter's ankles.

"You're sure they don't have to be trained?"

"From what I understand, it's just instinct. If you find the instinct in a dog, you breed it to another that has it. It's the instinct to grab a snake and shake it til it dies. They will get bit at times. We got to have stuff for them and a good vet nearby. I think we need a pack, but I don't know about breeding them. It would be easier if we got a female from two litters and a male from the third. We breed, sell, keep what we want. Thing Is I won't have time for that and I don't know that you and Sarah want to be involved in all of that."

Lisa laughed. "Wouldn't hurt to ask, hmm?"

"Okay. SARAH!"

"What?"

"How would you and Lisa like to breed, sell, and keep Jack Russell terriers? They aren't an AKC approved breed, but they kill snakes. I want to buy a male and two females from a breeder who breeds for this purpose. They have three litters that are ready for homes. We can choose one from each letter, and we can breed."

There was a playful gleam in her eyes. "What makes you think I want to clean up after your mutts?"

"This is west Texas, and they kill rattlesnakes?"

"Again, why should I be picking up dog poop?"

"It's okay, Sarah. I imagine you probably can't handle Curly either. I hope Sam remembers to housebreak him. You haven't seen dog poop yet. I'll handle the pups. Lis is afraid of snakes."

Watari laughed softly. "A groundskeeper could take care of that issue in regards to waste."

"I'm looking forward to taking care of a yard, Watari. What's a little more. I really don't want to pay for a groundskeeper."

Mello walked towards him, leaning down. "You realize that this is sorta community property? A grounds keeper would keep the bulk of the work down, still leaving you time to study and you'll be able to do yard work too.""You guys do understand that this is desert? The grass is very sparse in the back of the cabin because of the trees. It's mainly sand, wild grass, cactus, rocks, and a few mesquite trees. What is there for a grounds keeper to do other than to pick up dog shit?"

Mello laughed. "The green houses you planned for one."

"Oh! And the indoor solarium thing for Near and everyone to enjoy when it's too hot outside."

"Exactly. Those take a lot of work to maintain."

"I thought it would only take one day of hard work a week. You're right. I'll have the shop open at least five if not five and a half days a week, plus there's school work too. I can't do it."

"So.. we find a horticultural genius that you and Ryuuzaki trust and go from there. We can plan a small garden for you to putter in if you want too."

"I'd like that, but not til I'm finished with school. I'll have a business to run and a family to be with."

"Watari will let Ryu know later then," he said, plopping beside Dean.

"Okay. I'll take care of the terriers."

"I think we'll all pitch in when we're here," he said, stretching. "It's to keep the grounds safe after all and I don't mind dogs."

"Yeah, well, y'all travel all over the world, and I'll be living here full time, and it will need to be done. They have to have attention so they don't have a bad pack attitude. It'll be my job."

"And Ben's," Lisa added. "He needs to learn responsibility too."

"Yeah, it will be."

She cuddled into him, smiling as Ben kept playing with Matt.

Dean sighed, pulling her in close. He was tired, and it was aggravating that he was.

Bobby put out the call that dinner was ready, laughing as some of them made a bee line to get food out onto the tables.

Dean grabbed the potato salad that Bobby had brought over, and the chef's salad. He put a platter between them and stacked them, heading towards the picnic area.

Lisa was carrying the dessert, keeping it out of reach of certain geniuses.

Sarah brought a huge platter of chocolate brownies and a relish tray.

Mello went and came back with a bowl of corn on the cob while Matt had two platters of green beans and squash.

Dean looked at the vegetables and was grateful. He wasn't sure how hungry he was, but he had actually learned to enjoy vegetables. His appetite had not returned since Ruby. He would eat because he'd force himself. It all smelled good, so he was hopeful he'd eat enough to help him.

Someone went to the clinic and invited the doctor and nurses who stayed full time.

The meat was cut up and put onto platters to help make serving easier and while the girls poured drinks, Watari and Mello took L and Near's laptops away so they would focus on eating.

Dean grinned at the expressions on both of the geniuses' faces. He wasn't the only one being forcde to do what he didn't like to do. He felt better about it.

Food was passed around, same as drinks, everyone taking generous portions of the main foods. Desserts would wait for a while.

Sam watched Dean putting small amounts of everything on his plate. Some were only one or two bites. He frowned when he saw this. Dean was still eating like he had when he was badly laid up with his shoulder.

Lisa solved it by adding more to his plate, encouraging him to eat more.

Dean's stare was priceless. Sam knew that Dean would think it bad manners to not eat what was put in front of him, even if he didn't like it. That had come from Pastor Jim.

She smiled sweetly at him, then went back to eating her own meal. Dean slowly took a bite, enjoying the flavor of the brisket. He didn't shovel food in like he used to which could be why he wasn't eating as much.

"This is delicious, Bobby," Lisa told the older male.

"Thank you. I haven't done this in years and I really enjoyed it."

Dean smiled at the older man, but was already beginning to feel full. The amount on his plate was more than Watari normally brought him. He was struggling but didn't want to worry anyone. He was not ill now and should be able to eat more.

"If Dean is full, then stop." Near, who was sitting not too far from Dean, had seen the struggle.

Dean froze after Near's comment. Everyone turned to look at his plate. He closed his eyes, wondering, 'What next?'

The doctor was sitting next to Watari and spoke softly to the other man, nodding towards the hunter. Dean had looked up and seen what the doctor had done, and he winced.

"You did good to eat all that, Dean," Watari told him, then guided the conversation to something else, taking the attention off of him. Sam watched his brother, take up a glass of tea with a shaking hand, take a sip, replace it, and then lower his head.

Lisa tried to draw Dean into the conversation, hoping to bring him out of that. The older Winchester started listening, having no idea what had been said before this.

The conversation soon turned to the house and ideas were batted around. Dean spoke about putting in cedar flooring and that he'd found a good place to buy it and had ordered it. He spoke of the painter Watari was going to investigate.

Ryuuzaki listened to him, nodded at some points. The flooring being non-carpeted was a good idea. No carpet reminded Dean of the reasons for it. Dean smiled, thinking of the possibility of having another child and being able to see all of its life. He looked over at Ben, his eyes filled with love, and the smiled deepened.

Matt told the others he didn't care too much about his room, just so long as he had his computers and gaming equipment.

"Aw, come on, Matt. Not even one poster of a model in a string bikini?" Dean teased.

The red head threw a roll at Dean, and Mello cracked up. Dean ducked and laughed also.

Lisa, trying to draw the quiet teen into conversation, asked Near about how he wanted his room. The white haired genius looked up from where he was stacking the cheese on his plate. "Near does not have any preferences."

Dean spoke softly, "Yeah, you do, Near. I'll find someone who can design your room, but you are gonna live in Lothlorien when you are here."

Near's eyes widened at that and Sarah grinned. "I love Tolkien. That'd be an awesome room!"

"Sarah, a designer might not understand Tolkien...especially Lothlorien. You love Tolkien. Can you create it for Near?"

Her face lit up. "I'm not very good but I'll definitely try. The trees and lighting, right?"

"Yeah, the bed needs to be in the trees. They lived in the trees. The trees are called the Mallorn and are bigger than the redwoods. They have a silvery gray bark and big yellow leaves. Tiny fairy lights are throughout the trees. Or, you could make the bed out of the bark and have it look like a large canoe. They built their canoes of that bark."

She ran to the trailer and Sam laughed. "She's gone to get her sketch pad. Sarah says she's not good but honestly, she doesn't give herself enough credit."

"I hoped that was the story. What do you think, Near? That a preference?"

His eyes were large. "Near.. would like that."

"All right, we are building Lothlorien. Ben, you still haven't told me what you want in your dream room. I can't build it, if I'm one hundred percent sure what you'd like."

"Water..I want the ocean," he answered. Lisa leaned in and reminded Dean of the dune buggy bed idea they'd had. Sarah came back with a sketch pad and box of pencils. She pushed plates out of the way and began working.

"I thought that was what you wanted. Sarah, can you design a dune buggy bed? If you can design it, I can build it. How good are you at painting murals? An ocean scene and the local mountains with a storm at the top?"

"I can try to design it...come up with ideas and let you choose," she murmured absently, pencil flying over the pad.

"I have this woman in New England, but I'd rather keep it in the family. It would mean more."

Sarah didn't even look up from her work but her comment had the group laughing. "That doesn't even sound right, Dean."

"Force of habit, Sarah. I'm used to having women everywhere, but once you find the right one, you forget those words could mean something else."

"I'm just giving you a hard time. Near enjoys puzzles and toys, right?" She didn't know the boy as well.

"Oh, yeah, he does."

"What do you think of hiding the shelves for them in the wall and having doors that come out rounded, painted like Mallorn tree trunks? They can slide into the wall and back out?"

"That's an awesome idea! Dang, I'd like that room." Dean grinned.

She blushed at that and kept drawing. "What about the rest of the bedrooms? Ryuuzaki's and the rest?"

"Watari, I would imagine an English gentleman's room. Ryuuzaki, tends to like neatness, and is very single minded on his job. A clean, precise room, but with maybe some oriental styles. Matt is gaming and electronics. Mello is very much sports. I'd ask though."

"I think I will," she mumbled.

"Okay." Dean picked up his plate and took it to the trash, and headed back to the porch to stretch out. He was really feeling tired. He knew the new dogs would be coming.

The cleanup went well, though the desserts stayed on the table, waiting for room to be made so they could be enjoyed.

Sam came up to Dean and sat down next to him. " I called and the dogs will come tomorrow."

His brother looked over at him. "Why?"

"Because you're too damn tired, Dean, and you seem to think this has to be done alone. I'll work the dogs with you and help with clean up. It's not your job alone."

Dean stared at him. "Okay."

A plate of apple crumble and a cup of tea was handed to Dean by Watari. "Enjoy." Desserts were passed around and Mello went after the chocolate with a whoop of joy.

Lisa watched from where she was sitting to see how the man in her life liked her apple crumble. He had taken a large bite. She could watch how his mouth moved and his tongue kept slipping out, catching crumbs. His eyes closed for a moment and he smiled a big smile.. "This is good, Sammy."

"I know," he was munching on some of his own. "Very good."

"You're eating apple crumble instead of brownies? Wow! Oh, while dessert is the discussion, what is your favorite cake?"

"Chocolate cherry, and I sorta cheated. I got both," he grinned.

Dean winked at him. "There was a time when I would've gotten both and went back for seconds, if not thirds. Are the brownies good?"

"Mmmhmm," he sighed around a mouthful of brownie, then snuck his brother a piece so he could try it.

Dean chewed it, groaning, "This isn't fair."

Sam winked. "That's why I snuck you some.. so shh."

Dean nodded, taking another bite.

The boys were nibbling on desserts as well with Ryuuzaki, Mello, and Matt complimenting both girls on the sweets that had been made. Matt nudged Mello and pointed to Dean who was on his last bite of brownie. Mello grinned. The two said nothing, glad he was having fun.

Dean was rubbing the chocolate off the plate, so that Lisa and Watari would not see it. Neither brother considered the idea that chocolate brownie would stick in teeth.

Mello chuckled, then handed him some bread. "Cover the evidence," he whispered.

Dean looked confused for a second and asked, "What?" Realization suddenly showed in his eyes, and he began eating the bread, mumbling, "Thanks."

He grinned. "No problem."

None of the boys realized that Dean was being watched carefully. Due to his health issues and doctor warnings, Watari and Lisa were keeping a close eye on him. The doctor and his nurse watched also. Typical of his nature, so was L. Sam, Dean, Mello, and Matt thought he'd gotten away with it.

Near knew he hadn't but the chances were good no one would speak of it considering the nature of the meal together.

Dean set his plate down, feeling more relaxed then he had in a while. He'd broken a rule, and had three conspirators involved, and it would seem that no one knew. He enjoyed every second of it. The extra food on his plate had bothered him. Sneaking brownies had helped.

Lisa laughed softly, keeping the knowledge to herself and came up to hug him. "Get enough to eat?"

"Yeah, hon. I had plenty. More than enough. Thank you for asking."

She hugged him again. "All right."


	98. Chapter 98

Lisa Learns About Dean and Ruby. 

Dean and Sam watched the sky slowly grow dark, as the sun set. Sam knew it was late and that Dean was tired but not giving in. He figured his brother would drop soon. He watched this happen often during his healing from the shoulder injuries. He had something on his mind he wanted to ask him and thought now was as good a time as any, since they were pretty much alone.

"Dean? I know you plan to marry Lisa. I watched you ask her. Does she know about your past? The other women? The pool hall? Ruby?"

Dean stared at him like he'd never seen him before.

"Dean, think about it. These are things that affect your relationship with women. She needs to know."

Dean kept staring. "She knows there's been other women, and why. She knows about the pool hall, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna tell her about Ruby. You tell Sarah about Madison and Ruby, Sam?"

His voice was soft. "I have actually."

"Yeah? How'd she handle you wanting it with them?"

"She understood Madison but smacked the hell out of me for being stupid on Ruby," he admitted.

"Tell me this. I told her about those men and how Dad treated me. It was hard to tell a woman you want to respect you and believe you are strong enough to protect her and your son. How do you tell her that you got raped by a demon? That's twice, Sammy. I can't protect myself from it. How do I protect her?"

"By trusting the rest of your family to help," he pointed out to him.

"So, you're saying I need to tell her? Does Sarah know that happened to me? Either time?"

"I haven't told her because you've not said I could or not. I respect your privacy, Dean."

"Do you think she needs to know these things, Sam?"

"I don't know.. unless you're alone with her and have a reaction of some kind?"

"Why would I need to be alone with Sarah?" Dean grew quiet for a moment, and then, spoke softly, "I guess you're right, I do need to tell Lisa. Hell! This is just not fair, Sam. I didn't ask for this."

"No you didn't, Dean, but as much as we'd love to change it, it did happen. Now all we can do is help you through it."

"If you think Sarah needs to know, you tell her and you let me know. I don't want something popping off without me knowing first. Okay? I guess I need to go get Lisa. I'm tired and I'm not gonna be able to sleep with this up in the air. I don't guess you guys could kinda ask Ben to spend the night?"

"Not a problem or I could see if Matt can arrange a gaming night for them."

"If Lisa would allow it that would be great. Let me know what is decided before I go get her."

"I'll go ask Matt," he said and then went to find the teenager.

Dean felt almost as sick and nervous as he did when he faced Sam, only this time he had no audio. He was starting to tremble, and damn it, he needed to be in control. He had had a hard time talking about those men at the pool hall but he'd been a teen at the time. This was different...so different.

Sam came back and nodded. Matt would entertain Ben tonight.

"That's an all-nighter, Sam. Did Lisa say okay?"

"She did; Ben's collecting his stuff now, and will be here to put it up and get what he needs for this evening."

"I'm getting light headed and I think I'm about to throw up." Dean got to his feet much too quickly. He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes for a minute. "Oh, god. Out of the way, Sammy." He rushed to the bathroom and fell to his knees, losing his entire meal. The whole room was swimming. He knew it was fear and stress, but he didn't know what to do about it."

Lisa went into the house, heard Dean being sick and hurried. She packed a few items for Ben, giving it to Sam, and then went to check on her fiancée. Dean was leaning against the bathroom wall behind the door, his knees drawn up, head laying on them. His face was very white, where she could see each freckle he had. He was sweating badly.

She wet a washcloth and wiped his face with it. "Dean, what's wrong?"

He looked up at her and she could see the haunted look in his eyes. "Sammy asked me if I'd told you things about me. Seems there's one I didn't, Lis. I didn't want you to know. I'm sorry. He says you need to know."

"Love, if you're not ready, then don't traumatize yourself."

"Lis, I don't have a choice, hon. I'll never be ready. It's do or die right now. Everyone knows except you, Sarah, and Ben. There's a possibility that Sarha will know if Sam thinks she needs to."

She ran fingers through his hair. "Then talk to me."

"I told you about the other women in my life. I told you what happened at the pool hall and how my dad behaved. There was one other time I didn't tell you about. There's an audio on a computer somewhere that was used when I told Sam. Bobby, I guess, knew because someone told him while I was hurting. There was an injury that was healed by Cas when he was injured badly. I didn't get the full healing like this time. Right after that I got shot. This deals with Ruby. We were hunting some really vicious creatures, Lis. They had body fluids of some kind of acid. They were eating people and their queen was fixing to mate, but she used a human. I was prepared for it, but they drugged me with some black stuff. I had to do it, so I could cut her head off. Ryu and Mello were there ready to take out the rest. They took me to a foul smelling room and manacled me to a ring on the floor. Ruby showed up, Lis. She used a whip and beat me. Then...then..sh...she started taking her clothes off. The stuff they gave me deadens pain, and makes you do whatever they want. She wanted to compare me to Sam. So after, Ruby, I had to do it again with the queen who I was planning on doing it with. I killed her and blood went everywhere. I got badly burned. That healed, Lis, but Ruby hasn't."

Her gaze was sympathetic and sorrowful as she listened to the story. "Oh Dean," she murmured softly.

"I'm working on the healing, Lis, but it's hard. Once, well, you learn to deal once you get help, but twice. Hell, I don't understand what's wrong with me that would cause this. It scares me, Lis."

"Listen to me, there's nothing that's wrong with you. Understand? Things happen.. it's unfortunate and very sad but until the nature of people change, crimes and acts like this will remain."

"I understand that better than most, Lis, but I'm a man. Hell, it shouldn't have happened once. It happened twice. Damn it! How can I protect anyone if I can't protect myself? Sam said that I have family to help. That sounds like he thinks I can't either."

"Dean Winchester, enough. Rape doesn't see gender. It doesn't see class, color or anything else. There's no rhyme or reason to it. The strongest of people can be taken by it...some more than once. Are they weak? No, they're strong because they survive it." She stared at him. "Sam was telling you that family will help protect you and us because that's what family does. He didn't mean that you can't do it. If he thought that, he'd have told you."

"Then what my dad kept telling me isn't true. I'm not some kind of magnet. It just happens. God, please let that be true."

"Your father was an asshole of the highest degree and if he were alive right now, I'd shoot him," she told her love with a ferocious tone.

Dean's eyes widened in surprise. "You would? Because of me? He said I was too pretty and I looked too much like my mom. He said a guy who looked like me was going to have things happen all the time. He said I ask for if it I even return a stare."

She growled. "Shooting's too good for him... burning him at the stake makes more sense."

Dean sighed, "It's not true? It's not my fault this happened. I'm not a whore. I'm not drawing them out to come after me? I'm okay, then?"

"You are more than okay. You're not weak, especially with the strength of your family behind you. Love makes us all strong."

Dean nodded, and struggled to get up off the bathroom floor. He leaned against the wall for a moment, finally grabbing Lisa and pulling her into his arms. He laid his head on her shoulder and cried from relief.

She held him close, rocking slightly and humming. He held her tight against him, and sobbed, "I'm gonna be okay. There's nothing wrong with me." She could hear the relief in his voice and knew he would be.

Lisa continued to hold him, knowing he'd been told this before but tonight was the first time he'd actually heard and believed it. Dean held her out in front of him so he could look into her eyes. He raised his face to the ceiling and the sky and world beyond it and shouted at the top of lungs, "There's nothing wrong with me!" He grinned with tears going down his face and kissed her deeply.

She laughed, then handed him a toothbrush. He looked at the brush, and realization dawned on him.

"Oh my gosh, Lis! I'm sorry!." He grabbed a bottle of mouthwash and gave it to her, rushing to the sink with the toothbrush.

Lisa giggled, gargling with the mouthwash before putting it aside.

At that moment, there was a loud banging at their door, and they heard it open. Sam's voice could be heard yelling, "Dean?"

Bobby's voice was right behind him, "I know I heard him scream. Where's Lisa?"

Mello and Watari's voices echoed the need to search the trailer.

She padded out to the living room. "Seriously guys.. did you have to try to break the door down?"

Dean walked up behind her. "It's okay, guys. There's nothing wrong with me"

Mello looked confused, but Dean could read different expressions on Watari, Sam, and Bobby's faces.

"What happened? We could hear you over the video games," the blond asked.

"What happened? My dad lied to me. I'm okay. There's nothing wrong with me."

He frowned at him. "We've been trying to tell you that," the genius pointed out.

"No, this had to do with something a lot more personal than that, Mello. It went way back and also involved stuff that happened recently. I now know it wasn't my fault. Dad said it was."

Watari's voice was gentle. "I know what you mean, Mello, but sometimes it takes additional influence to get the information absorbed."

"But Mello only knew a small part of it, didn't he?" Dean looked at the teen. "Did you see the video?"

He shook his head. "I had a feeling it was traumatic though. Either way, when people tell you the truth, you should try to listen," he said with a poke to Dean's arm.

"It's not that I didn't try, Mello, cause I did. Too many years of being told what I was and what I did and caused...well, when it comes from your dad, you believe it."

"I wouldn't know but guess I can understand. We'll leave you alone now," he grinned.


	99. Chapter 99

Sarah's Time to Learn About Dean.

"Sam?"

"Yeah, Dean?""Can you stay a minute? You can have Sarah here, if you want."

He nodded as the others hurried out to go back to their prior activities.

"You want to sit down? Is Sarah here?" Dean looked outside and saw her near the tarps. "Sarah! Come on in."

She headed in. "You sure?"

"Yeah, Come on in. You are marrying Sammy and this is a family thing. You never know when something might come up. It's better to be prepared."

Sarah took a seat next to Sam, wondering what was going on.

"First off, Sam and I had an asshole for a father."

"So I heard," she responded.

"I spent my whole life being told I was too pretty to be a guy and I would attract the wrong people. It would be my fault. Sam, you can jump in any time if you have something to add. Okay?"

He nodded, listening to his brother.

"I'm not gonna go into the whole sordid details. Dad left us alone a lot longer then he said he would. More then two months before it was over. We ran out of money. I was around 15 or 16 at the time. I went to a pool hall and used a fake ID and they let me in. I had no idea why. Dang it, I helped hunt at times, but I mainly protected Sam. I won that night. These guys attacked me and forced me to take them in my mouth."

Her eyes closed. "If the ass wasn't dead, he would be now when I got my hands on him."

"They told me I had to keep coming back and they knew about Sam. I should have called Pastor Jim or Bobby, but I was scared. I thought it was my fault. I went every week and I played pool. They met me behind the pool hall sometimes, and the restroom the rest."

It was obvious Sarah was angry but kept quiet, letting Dean share this.

"The last week, they said what we were doing wasn't enough for the money I won. They dragged me upstairs and they beat me pretty bad and they raped me."

"Oh god," she murmured.

"Where they beat me, it wasn't seen. Where Dad beat me the whole world could see. He came home and was angry that Sam was alone. He found us. All five of them and me. They were laying cash out on the bed. He took my clothes, my shoes...everything and left me there. He called me a whore."

Her fingers tightened on the arm of the couch.

"He said nothing to those men, just let them go. I wrapped myself in a blanket and walked back to the motel, barefooted. It was so cold out, and I felt frozen inside and out. I managed to find a hairpin in the gravel on the parking lot and picked the lock. Everything was gone. Sam, Dad, and all our stuff. He left me nothing. I sat on a bed, wrapped in that blanked for a week. I bled like crazy for a while. I didn't care. If I'd still had my gun, I'd have ended it then. Just as well. I couldn't have left Sam any way."

The fabric of the couch protested the tightening grip.

"Dad came back but without Sam. I panicked. Sam and I were together for all that time and Dad split us up because of me. He said he couldn't risk leaving Sam alone with me. I might get him hurt. He got a scrub brush and dish soap from the kitchen. He used it in both places they touched me. I wanted to fight him, but he said Sam was going to hunt because I wasn't protecting him. He said he was cleaning the filth. Then he beat the crap out of me."

Her voice was flat. "We're certain the asshole is dead?"

"We burned him, so.. yeah. He drove us to Bobby's and we stayed a couple of days. Bobby and Sam asked about me. Dad had said we'd hunted and I got hurt. He's already said I had to go along with him or he'd tell everyone what a whore I was. I'd hidden it pretty good down through the years, but I slept with just about any woman who hit on me. I wasn't a whore if they liked me and weren't paying."

"Dean, you're not a whore. Your father was an arrogant asshole who deserves the worst torment imaginable."

"I know that now...tonight. But, you see, Ruby reinforced it."

She looked at Sam, who looked at his hands for a moment. "That one needed a bullet in the brain pan."

"I'd rather not talk about it more than to say she was trying to get Sam to kill me. I did what she wanted because I was heavily drugged. She whipped me with a whip and I made love to her. She wanted to compare us and I couldn't not do it. It brought back memories of what Dad had told me. You're like your mother...too pretty for a guy. They will take you over and over and you'll let them because pretty boys do. I thought he was crazy. Then I wasn't so sure any more. Ruby proved his point."

"No she didn't. She played on her sickness. Your father was wrong," Sarah stated

"Sam, he fed both of us. He told me you were dangerous and I might have to kill you. The one person I'd die for he wanted me to kill? I sold my soul for you after that. Kill you? Hell, no! Sam, you were never evil. The blood Azazel gave you only brought it out of its dormant state. You were still normal, Sammy. You always have been. Like me, it wasn't your fault. You need to know, understand, and believe that you are a great guy, Sam."

"The only reason I didn't kill myself to stop all this was because you kept telling me that, and I believed you," the younger brother murmured.

"Okay, Sammy. I'm glad I kept telling you. You see, guys. Dad made me feel worthless. I needed my family to prove I wasn't. If I had you, I had something to live for. Alone, I was nothing. He never wanted me. He dumped me as soon as Sam left for college. He liked the battles with Sam, and I wouldn't fight him. Sam, I seriously think that he went insane the night Mom died, but there were times before you were born, where he wouldn't come home, and she'd talk to him on the phone and try to get him to just come back. I spent those times trying to let her know I loved her. I think he wasn't right before she died, but her dying did him in. We got the punishment for it, Sammy. That's what I learned tonight. It's not my fault. It's not yours either. We're normal, Sammy. We are. We get a second chance now.

"Sarah, welcome to the Winchester family. We are what you see. Lisa, not just that welcome, but welcome into my heart. I love you. You two are the only women who saw us as we are, and didn't run from us. That says a hell of a lot about the kind of women you are. I told Sam, he should marry you, Sarah, back when you said you didn't care what he did."

Sarah was quiet for a moment. "He served in Vietnam?"

"Yeah, he did. He seemed like such a nice, normal guy. That's when I found out she was a hunter, and so were Grandma and Grandpa Campbell. Cas sent me back in time not too long ago."

The period of silence was longer for a moment. "Dean.. it's possible that your dad was suffering from PTSD at least.. if not more. A lot of people who came back, they came back changed in bad ways."

The silence continued, as Sam and Dean thought about what was just said. "It's possible. Highly possible. The night Azazel took him, he said things to me that the demon wouldn't have thought of if he hadn't been inside of Dad. He got too close, into my personal space, which Dad would have done. He said things no father would say to his son. He hurt me real bad, and Sam had to shoot him to stop him. Then the asshole sold his soul and gave the colt to Azazel to save my life? No, he wanted to make sure I killed Sam. He knew I'd get Azazel, or Sam would, but it was like he wanted to destroy us from the inside out. He was sick...bad sick."

She nodded. "It doesn't excuse what he did, not by a long shot, but.. it might explain things. I'm sorry you had to go through it."

"It's okay now. Sam and I wouldn't be where we are right now if we hadn't gone through it. We're better for it in the long run. At least I think we are. It was just best that you girls knew our pasts. Well, at least part of them. There's way too much to talk about in one evening. You got the major stuff. I just hope I haven't scared you off. I don't think I have. Not by a long shot, but you had a right to know."

"Thank you for sharing it, Dean, I know it couldn't be easy for you."


	100. Chapter 100

Good Times

Dean replied to Sarah's comment, "It wasn't, but it wasn't for Sam either. Oh, and if I act like a fool or a big kid, and I embarrass the daylights out of you, it's because I never got to be a little one and sometimes the little guy escapes. Just... at the most inopportune moments." Dean winked at his brother.

She laughed. "Not a problem."

The man on the couch beside her murmured, "Don't bet on it." Dean started laughing hard.

The girls giggled at that.

"You've been forewarned by the culprit and the brother who has had to deal with it."

"I'm sure Sam gave it back just as much as you gave it," Sarah grinned.

Dean looked sad and said, "Only once in a while. Wish he had though."

"We'll make sure he does then."

"No super glue."

Sam started laughing at that.

"Hey, you won fair and square with that one. I'm only admitting it now. It's fun to think back on though. You and the itching powder. Man, I thought you were going to strip in the restaurant. But super glue to the beer bottle? Hell, I still check beer bottles before I pick them up."

The laughter grew louder at that.

Dean felt at peace for the first time in a long time. "I have to start walking according to the doctor. Would you guys like to walk with me and start looking over the property?"

"Sure," Sam said with a grin.

"Lisa, Sarah? Or are the snakes too scary?"

The two women looked at each other. "You are going armed.. right?"

Dean looked at his brother, knowing they would both be carrying guns with bullets, and with rock salt. "Yeah, we'll be armed."

"Then we'll go with you. We see a snake though, all bets are off," Lisa said.

"I'll protect you, Lis."

"Darn well better," she grinned.

"Of course I will. I thought early in the morning before it gets too hot."

The walks became a daily habit for the foursome. Ben would join them at times, but had his own interests also. Six months passed, along with a number of changes. The cabin was almost finished. Everyone was healthy. Dean and Sam had opened Winchester's Garage and Car Lot on the main highway that fronted their property. It wasn't long before people in the surrounding areas discovered them. Dean was honest about repairs, and an honest mechanic was a rarity in most peoples' minds. Sam was running the office and Bobby was doing the sales, helping Dean when he was backed up.

Dean had scheduled some things. They needed furniture, dishes, and a large number of things. He'd done another hunt for L. He and Sam met Mello in Philadelphia. A serial killer had had a strange M.O. L asked the boys to investigate it. Mello was their partner and liaison. It ended up being a shape shifter who had turned to cannibalism. The pay had been excellent, and Dean had plans for it.

L had checked up on both of them, as had Watari, and followed up with counseling whenever the two felt they had needed it. He could say that the two were doing very well.

Dean had started school online, but was also taking a course on diesel mechanics twice a week in the city. The course required that he be gone all day on the Tuesdays and Thursdays. Lisa learned automotive sales and covered for Bobby who covered for Dean.

Dean told everyone they were going to be closed on the weekend and going to the city where he and Sam originally met L. He sat down with them on Thursday evening after he'd gotten all the grease from the diesel engines washed off.

"We need to make a list of everything needed, guys. I mean everything. Bobby, I know you have money, but don't stint if you need something. I get paid very well by L, and Ryuuzaki sees to it there's plenty. Sam gets good pay for the hunts also. We're all going shopping. We will leave after I clean up tomorrow afternoon. I promised Mrs. Heming I'd have her van ready. That's if there are no calls or emergencies. How's that sound to everyone? "

The group nodded, agreeing with Dean's plan.

"That sounds great. Lis, can I help with dinner? I have no idea what was planned for tonight. I'll be glad when this course is over and you don't have to work unless you want to."

"We're making lasagna and salad tonight," she told him. "So be ready to eat by six. Will that do?" She'd planned for a family dinner tonight and Sarah had been helping.

Dean grinned. "You found whole wheat lasagna noodles. Where?"

"The grocery store started stocking them for me after I asked them too. I explained the needs and seems that others had been asking for it too," she grinned.

"That's fantastic, hon. Hey, guys. Let's set the table and get out of their hair. Model cars?

Ben and Sam grinned, Bobby agreeing as well. "Just.. no more Metallica, OK?" The older man asked. "You nearly blew my ears off last time."

The men quickly set the table, and headed towards the model room. Dean grinning replied, "Your choice tonight, Bobby."

He threw on some soft rock.. oldies style, and took a seat to start working with his boys.

Dean was tired from the school and the long drive back and forth, but was happy to be home, and to see his plans coming together. As they worked, he started humming with the music, and was soon singing along with it.

Ben was chirping in time too, grinning as he worked with his favorite male adults.

Sam and Bobby exchanged glances, each realizing at the same time that Ben had inherited his father's singing abilities.

Both were grinning, trying not to laugh.

Simon and Garfunkel's 'A Bridge Over Troubled Water' began. Bobby's eyes opened wide, and he excused himself, saying he needed to go take a leak. He quickly exited the room.

Sam went after him. "You okay?"

"I am not gonna listen to Dean try to hit those notes. I'll be out of the restroom in about four and a half minutes."

"You could fast forward it," he pointed out.

"I'm not gonna ruin their fun. I can handle most stuff he sings, but think about it, Sam. Art Garfunkel has an incredible range. Dean doesn't even have a mediocre voice. Ben has inherited it. The boy loves to sing. I'm not gonna ruin his evening by fast forwarding the song. I can stand out here and talk to you til it's over."

Sam winced at the loud racket. "Oh God, Ben's even trying this."

Bobby stared at the younger man, "Point taken."

He shuddered. "Yeah, we'll wait."

"I knew you had brains, boy."

At that point, Sarah walked up. "What is going on? I asked Lisa if there were some wild cats around that I didn't know of. She's now sitting in a chair, wiping the tears from her eyes, she's laughing so hard."

"Your nephew and future brother-in-law," Bobby informed her.

"Is that singing?"

"Or what they think passes as it," he said with a wry grin.

"What are they butchering? I can't pick out the tune."

Sam answered. "Supposed to be Simon and Garfunkel."

"Really? What song?"

"Bridge over Troubled Waters," he said, then winced at the horrid pitches coming from the room.

Sarah had to cover her mouth. "I think I'll go back and let Lisa know what the men in her life are singing," she replied faintly.

Sam looked worriedly at Bobby, "You don't have MacArthur Park on there do you?"

"No, thank goodness."

Piercing laughter could be heard in the kitchen. "Lisa has a good sense of humor over it. Maybe she's tone deaf," Sam commented, as the singing stopped.

"Or selectively deaf," he told his adopted son.

Sam sighed as they headed back to the room, "Aren't we all?"

"Not enough," Bobby said with a grin.

It had quieted down in the model room as Dean was explaining the need to paint certain engine parts certain colors.

The two came back in, heading to start painting as well. Bobby changed CDs, going to a Celtic one to save their ears.

Dean had Ben lined out and went back to work on the '57 Chevy model he'd recently bought. "Hey, guys. I found a guy who has three cars sitting in his back pasture. I looked at them yesterday and gave him a bid of $750. The bodies are in good shape as far as no rust, but there will be dents and things to come out. Two have no engines and the third has an engine that will need a lot of work. He will have the titles ready to sign over tomorrow. I thought during lunch, we'd take the wrecker and haul two at a time. Two Fords and a Chevy."

Bobby grinned. "Revamp for personal use or to resell?"

"I thought that Sam could pick between a Ford Taurus and a 3/4 ton Chevy pickup for Sarah and him. The other Taurus will be for Lisa. Whatever is left, I'll sell."

"Sounds good," he grinned. "I may want one too."

"You're welcome to whatever the third one is. I wanted to get family taken care of, then I will start rebuilding for sale."

"I love the idea," Bobby said.

"Whatever Sam picks, you can have the other."

"I'll work under the hood with you," he said softly.

"I'd love that, Bobby," was the soft answer.

Bobby grinned at that. "So would I."

Lisa stuck her head in the door and told them that supper was ready.

Dean smiled as he sniffed the aroma coming from the kitchen. He had not told anyone, but he'd emailed Watari, explaining that move in would be in a few days, and that the furniture needed to be selected. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years were on the way, and he had plans. Could they come and stay awhile?

An answer had been sent to Dean's inbox for him to check tonight after he'd finished spending time with his family. L had agreed for the group to visit.

They sat down to a wonderful meal. Lisa kept beer for everyone who drank it, but Dean was still abstaining from it. He had a large ice tea.

Lisa had poured milk for Ben and tea for those who wanted it before serving plates for the group.

Dean was finally eating properly. He was not eating like he used to, but he had a healthy appetite. Lisa had the instructions from his doctor, who knew the man's physical activities and had designed the diet appropriately. Her fiancée had put on the needed weight and seemed to be staying at that level. He worked hard and she usually had to make sure he ate. Sam and Bobby, being at the shop, kept at him. Three meals and three snacks, healthy ones, were a problem to get him to eat at times. Sam could remember being embarrassed by his brother's inability to not eat what was in front of him He smiled as he watched the older man enjoy his meal, but with moderation in how he consumed it.

It was definitely a great change in Dean, and it was one they were really pleased with. His last doctor visit had turned out to be improved thanks to his devotion to his diet.

After the meal was over, Dean picked up his dishes and headed to the sink "You want them scrubbed before the dishwasher, Lis? I'll help with these, but I'm going to get to bed early tonight. It was a long drive to the city and there's a lot to do at the shop tomorrow. I need to check my email and online classes before bed."

"Just rinse them off and load them," she answered as she put the left overs away.

Before long, everyone was helping in the kitchen. When the kitchen was clean, Dean hugged both women, and thanked them for the meal. He hugged Sarah real tight, knowing she'd done most of the meal with Lisa working at the shop on his school days in the city.

Sarah hugged him back, ruffling his hair playfully. "Welcome."

Dean grinned in response, still trying to figure out why both girls liked to play with his hair since he'd let it grow out. He hugged his brother and Bobby, then picked up Ben like a tow sack under one arm and hauled him to his room. "All right, son. Your homework done?" Ben was being home schooled, but they had him actively involved in a large number of sports and other events to give him interaction with other kids.

"All but reading," he giggled under his dad's arm. "You promised to read with me so I was waiting."

"You're right. I did promise. Aren't we starting a new book? What did your mom get you?"

"She got me a couple to choose from," he answered. "They're on my shelf."

Dean walked over to the shelf and looked at the new books. "_Tom Sawyer _and _The Call of the Wild_? Which do you like?"

"I don't know. Never read any of them," Ben said, plopping onto his bed.

"_The Call of the Wild_ deals with sled dogs and wolves and stuff up in an Arctic wilderness, if I remember right. I never read the book, but I saw the movie. _Tom Sawyer_ is fun and a good book for your age. I'd pick it."

"Let's try it," he bounced.

Dean grabbed the book and both of them sat on bean bags on the floor in Ben's room, while the boy read to his father. Lisa, having said good bye to everyone, went looking for them. She had not seen Dean cart their son off earlier. She started checking rooms, suddenly hearing the boy's voice behind the closed door of his room. Listening, she heard the words of Mark Twain. Once in a while, Ben would stop and ask a question. Surprisingly, Dean's answers made sense, in a man's way. The answers were not what she would have given, but to a boy, Dean's were the correct way to go.

Mark Twain was a twitchy subject for anyone Ben's age due to the time period his novels had been written in. Dean was being very tactful in regards to the use of language and other references to the bigotry of Twain's time period.

She loved Dean's responses in answer to Ben's questions about all the things Tom did and why he did them. She grinned, imagining that Dean would have outdone Tom if he'd had the chance to be a kid. He still had the heart of one and great understanding of childhood.

Ben was obviously eating it up, listening to his dad's explanations as well as the story. It was so much fun reading with him.

Lisa did not leave. She stood outside the door, listening to the two, enjoying their time together as much as they did. She heard Dean yawn, and knew it had been a long day for him. He'd gotten up at 4 in the morning to be at class at 7. He was not getting the breaks for snacks and other needed things while taking these courses, so he drained himself twice a week. He usually got off at 4 and had found back ways to get out of the city before the traffic got bad. He got home by 6:30. It was almost 10:30. She still guarded his need for rest, making sure he had plenty. She knocked on the door.

Ben called out. "Come in!"

Opening the door, Lisa stepped in carefully, never knowing what she'd find lying around. "Hi, guys. You been reading? How was it?"

"It's good...I want to go sailing, Mama, can we?"

Dean looked at Lisa. "We could go to New Orleans sometime after Mardi Gras. They have a riverboat we could take, or we could go to Corpus Christi and hire someone to take us out on a real sailboat. We could plan, and I'll arrange time off. It'll be next spring, early summer, Ben. That work with you, Lis? I don't think I want to raft the Mississippi."

"I think that'd be great. He should read Huck Finn before we do that," she laughed.

"The Mississippi? Yeah. He should. We'll see if we can find it for him. He'll love it too. The sailing would be fun, Lis. There's a lot to see and do in Texas. I'd like for us to do some camping, too."

"Well, we can talk about it, later, boys. It's bed time for both of you. Ben, showers. Dean, hug your son good night and you do the same. I'll tuck him in tonight."

Dean started to argue and thought better of it. He was tired, and still had things to do before he could rest. He grabbed Ben and pulled him into his lap, tickling him for a few minutes. Then he hugged him and told him he loved him. He planted a big kiss on the boy's forehead, and let him go. He got up, hugged Lisa, winked at her, and headed to the opposite end of the trailer.

Dean had showered earlier, washing off grease, oil, and diesel. He stripped off his clothes and got into the shower a second time, letting hot water work on tired muscles. He hurt this evening.

Lisa came in after Ben was put to bed. "How're you feeling, love?"

Dean had toweled dry and had on boxers and a t-shirt. He sighed. "I'm learning a lot from these classes, Lis, but the hours, the labor, and the book learning are rough. The college on top of it, plus the job, is hard sometimes. I just get really tired. We were all involved in moving diesel parts today. I hurt where I haven't hurt in a while." Dean grinned. "I'm moaning and griping aren't I?" He shook his head, grabbed his laptop, and climbed onto the bed. "I know I should sit at the desk, but I don't want to sit on anything else hard today. Besides, you can sit next me and that's a plus."

Dean looked up at her standing and staring at him. "I may gripe and moan, Lis, but I wouldn't trade it, you or Ben for the entire world."

"I know. If you did, I'd smack you," she teased.

Dean moved suddenly, grabbing Lisa by the waist pulling her into his lap, the computer sliding onto the bed. He nuzzled her neck, and she could smell the fresh smell of soap and shampoo on him. "I can still move faster than you, love, so smacking wouldn't work well." He nibbled her neck, leaving a slight red mark, but no bruise. He let her slip out of his arms so she could go shower, whispering, "I love you," when he did so. He reached down and picked up his computer.

After showering, Lisa donned baby doll pajamas, and she picked up her book and started reading, giving him company as he started studying.

Dean finished his readings and assignments, pulling up his email account, he found the letter from L. Opening it, L told him they would be there on Sunday and would stay at least through the New Year holiday. Everyone was looking forward to some time off, other than regular online cases. They wanted to make sure everything was done the way they wanted in their area of the cabin. L knew Dean had designed the solarium and the gardens and told him Watari might want to make changes. Dean wrote back saying he'd be glad of any advice Watari could give. He was finally finished, looked at the clock, seeing it was 1 in the morning. He set the clock for 6:30, knowing he'd be rushed to be at the shop by 7. It didn't open til 8 but he needed the extra time. He yawned and lay his head in Lisa's lap while she read, falling asleep as soon as he touched her.

Lisa put her book away and then lay down against several pillows, turning the lights off. She let him sleep as he lay, knowing he'd be comfortable this way.


	101. Chapter 101

Working at the Shop

Dean hit the alarm as it went off, sliding out of bed as he did so. He got cleaned up, found some clean work clothes that he wore...jeans, white t-shirt, and an automotive long sleeve shirt, with Dean on the pocket. He headed into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. He was drinking coffee again, but in moderation. The doctor was adamant about it and Lisa rode roughshod over it. He filled his mug, grabbed a breakfast sandwich out of the freezer and slipped outside. He filled the large water bowl for the Jack Russells, and poured three bowls of dog food for them. He walked over to the cabin and put out cat food for the growing population that kept the rest of the wildlife at bay. He headed to the Impala, knowing that Bobby and Sam would be there before eight to open up.

The two were waiting on him, Sam reading over something for his class load. He was finishing his law degree and working on a business one as well.

"Hey! You guys are early. I figured you'd still be in bed." Dean popped his breakfast sandwich in the microwave. He saw that the coffee pot was ready for everyone and the customers. "I have to get the Caddy finished this morning. Mrs. Heming will be by this afternoon. I got the last of the paint on Wednesday. Can't even tell there'd been a dent. I had to mix to match the paint. The car has faded a little. I need to do the tune-up and she'll be ready."

Bobby nodded. "I'll help with that then. Sam said he had to handle some book keeping."

Dean nodded, getting his sandwich out of the microwave. Bobby checked the refrigerator, shook his head, walked into the office and left a note for Sam to call Lisa and let her know there were no snacks or a lunch for the mechanic anywhere in the building.

Sam looked up and read the note. "How did this happen?"

Upon hearing Sam's question, Dean walked into the office with a half-eaten sandwich in his hand. "How did what happen?"

"No snacks or lunch. We're usually good at keeping things stocked."

"There was still some stuff in there Wednesday before I left for the evening. I stayed late to get the paint job done. I didn't eat lunch or afternoon snack..." Dean saw two stern faces in front of him.

"Dean," his brother scolded softly.

"I had to get it finished, Sam. She was coming for it today. I was at school all day yesterday, not counting the long ride there and back."

"You have to make sure to eat, Dean. It's not healthy for you."

"I know that, Sam. It took two days to get that dent lined out. She did a major number on it. That meant one blasted day to paint it. I grabbed some peanut butter crackers off the counter with a bottle of water when I came in to get some cleaner. I was out of it in the shop."

The dark, shaggy head nodded. "All right." Sam would have to remember to keep an eye on him when the time ran over.

Dean nodded, saying, "I'll call Lis in a while and let her know we need food supplies."

Bobby snorted, "Like hell you will. Sam, give her a call. It's almost eight and she's up by now. Let her know what our boy here is doing."

"Aw, come on, Bobby. I have stuff to do and she'll be up here reading me the riot act and giving a date to see the doc. Sam?"

"Sam, tell her."

Sam picked up the phone, calling Sarah and letting her know they were out of food. This was a compromise since he was going to keep a sharper watch over his brother.

"Thanks, Sam." Dean took a bite of his sandwich, and headed into the kitchen area and grabbed a juice and some water. Taking the last bite of his sandwich, he headed towards the shop to do the tune up. Bobby stared at Sam, shaking his head, turned and followed Dean out to the shop.

"Bobby!" When the older man turned, Sam explained his thought process on this.

"Sam, that's all fine and good, if you can keep up with him along with your own load, but we don't know what he's doing in the city those two days a week he's at diesel school. He gets so caught up he forgets. You know how Dean is. He doesn't mean it and he regrets it when he's reminded. Damn it! We don't know."

"We also have to trust him," Sam pointed out. "We coddle him, he will feel too restricted."

"How do you plan on keeping an eye on him and reminding him without making him feel that way?"

"Text message?"

"Text message? Can you see him through that damn phone?"

"Bobby, we have to trust him sometime."

"All right, Sam. He skipped lunch and a snack on Wednesday. We have no idea what he did yesterday while away. It's your job. You took it on, but I'm keeping an eye on him while he's working and I'm around."

He nodded, than winced when he heard Sarah come in and approach Dean. "I have a feeling she'll handle it."

Dean saw his brother's fiancée drive up. Smiling, he waved at her, and leaned back over the engine as he was replacing the plugs and wires. He heard the car door. Expecting her to bring the food into the front, he was surprised to look up and see her standing there.

Frowning, he said, "Hey, Sarah. Something wrong?"

"I'm worried about you," she told her future brother in law. "Sam called me instead of Lisa since he didn't want you to feel overly pressured. Dean, I know you're busy but you can't let the food run out here and skip meals."

Dean exhaled, and leaned against the Cadillac. He bit his bottom lip and stared at her. "Sarah, I thought there was food in there. I can't keep that on my mind all the time. I have this job, two different schools, and finding time for the family. Food is the last thing on my mind. It used to be one of the first things and screwed my life up. I'm sorry,but I have deadlines in everything. I have a home to decorate. I wanna get married, Sarah. Hell. I've got so much on my mind all the time, it's hard to sleep until I just drop. I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything."

"Then you need to devise a system for maintaining your diet, Dean, that won't interfere with everything."

Dean's eyes closed in frustration. "What would you recommend? If it's in there when I come through, I eat. If I don't get in there, I don't think about it. My mind is on the job."

"Sam is worried about you feeling too coddled. Do you eat when you're in classes?" She knew Lisa sent food with him.

"I have an hour for lunch, and I will try to eat a snack on the way home."

"If Sam comes in or Bobby with food, will it feel like pressure or what?"

"Of course not. I'd be grateful. I just have a lot to do out here, Sarah. I know you're borrowing one of the worker's vehicles to get out here today. Besides paying jobs, I have three vehicles to build for everyone. There's the diesel classes. They're important, Sarah. I didn't ask because Sam and Bobby have things to do too."

She leaned against the wall. "Sam and Bobby want to, but Sam is worried about you feeling as if they don't trust you to take care of yourself."

Dean shrunk a little as he sighed again. "Sarah, I don't trust myself to take care of me sometimes. It's hard to explain. I don't do it intentionally. I do care about it. My mind is working on so many things that unless I feel hungry, I don't realize I haven't eaten."

"I'll let him know then, Dean. I know he's been worried about you but didn't want to smother you either. It's why he called me and not Lisa."

"I appreciate it. I really do. If Lis finds out this happened today and she wasn't called, there's gonna be hell to pay. You guys know that? I'm the one who's gonna be fileted."

"As far as she knows, Sam ate the last of the food and I'm up here to replace it," she grinned.

Dean smiled, "I don't remember eating the last of the food, Sara. I wish I knew if I did. That worries me."

"I can put up a sign sheet, who got what and when."

"That's a good idea. Thanks."

"Welcome, I'll go tell them and then head to work myself." She'd been working on Near's room, having left that one for last.

"How much more you got to do on Near's room? We could help some if it's needed. I hadn't told anyone yet, but they'll be here sometime on Sunday, and we're all going to the city tomorrow to shop for our wings."

"I'm putting the finishing touches on it today. The trees took longer to get the right effect and not overpower the room."

"When his eyes lit up when I suggested the room, that was the closest thing to emotion I've ever seen in him."

"That's why I'm trying to do my best for it," she said.

"I want you to know that I'm grateful that you took on all of the rooms like you did. I am excited about seeing them. It was hard staying away from them."

"I'm glad you did."

"Yeah, me, too. Well, I need to get this car finished. Thanks again, Sarah. I'd hug you but I'm already greasy." Dean grinned, a streak of black across his left cheek.

She laughed. "Let me get those two filled in and head back to work."

Both men met Sarah at the car, helping to carry the groceries inside. Bobby set them on the counter and began to put them in the refrigerator and on the shelves. He turned to the woman, "Well?"

"You two can bring him snacks, drinks, and meals if he's too busy and nearly forgets. He'll respect that and won't feel that you're coddling him. Keep a signed list of what is eaten and by whom. You know how I bring him snacks or a small meal sometimes and leave them in reach?"

Both men nodded.

"We have a deal. Now I need to get to work. Have fun guys!"

At lunch time, Dean backed the wrecker out of its garage, and leaned out, asking Sam to remain in case Mrs. Heming arrived before he was done. He looked at Bobby, asking him if he was gonna come look at the vehicles.

Bobby nodded, following him out to see what was going on. They drove about twenty miles and met the man who had the three vehicles in his field. The two cars had some body damage, but Dean was good at repairing that kind of thing. The truck needed a new interior and a windshield. The truck and one car had no engines, and the other engine needed work. Dean hopped out of the wrecker and went over each vehicle again, this time with Bobby.

"Whaddya think, Bobby?"

He looked under the hood, examining what was under. "We'll have to scrounge for parts, think I know where to get some for these. Looks good, pretty solid "

"Yeah, I thought so. Owner says he has clear titles to all three. $750 for the lot is my offer. I'm fixing to talk to him." Bobby waited by the wrecker while Dean haggled with the man. He could heard Dean telling him that he was going to have to spend quite a lot to get the vehicles running. $750 in their condition was fair. The man finally agreed and the titles were signed over. Dean gave the man a bank check to guarantee a sale. Sam had the copy of the check. Dean backed the wrecker and pulled one car up on it, and hooked the truck to the rear. Bobby told him he had the set up on his to haul the other car. They took all three back to the shop.

Sam was waiting for them. "Looks like it went well then."

Dean grinned and pulled to the back where he did body work. Mrs. Heming and her son pulled in at that moment. Sam watched his brother hurry to meet them. He took them both to the Cadillac. They both seemed pleased. Sam went inside as the three headed to the office.

"Hey, Sam! You got the bill for the Hemings? It should be for $1275. Mrs. Heming, my brother, Sam will take care of you. There's a warranty on the work. It's with the bill." Dean thanked them for bringing him the job. Sam watched him leave the office and head to the back of the building.

Sam grinned and turned to the client. "My brother spent a great deal of time on this ensuring you were given quality work." He handed her the slip so she could read over it.

"Yes, I imagine he did. He's done work for others in town. My son is an attorney and he had him investigated. I don't take my car to just anyone. We are highly pleased with the work. I have several automobiles and you will be the only place they will be taken to. Thank you. Jeffrey, will you pay him for me?"

"I will, Mother. Mr Winchester, I work for a major law firm and I will be letting everyone know of the quality of work and the reasonable prices you give your clients. I noticed the Impala. Did your brother restore it? I am interested in finding a '57 Chevy. Would he be interested in helping me?"

The grin grew on Sam's face. "Dean loves to work with the older models. He and Bobby both do. I'm certain they'd help. Write down your contact information, sir, and I'll have him call you when he has a few moments." He looked at the older lady. "We'll take care of your needs, ma'am. My family definitely appreciates the business of yourself and your family."

Mr. Heming gave Sam his business card and took two of the shop's. He kept one and gave the other to his mother. He paid Sam with a certified check and the two left the shop. Sam walked into the back kitchen and saw Bobby eating a sandwich. Dean's head was on the table, and he was asleep.

"What time did he go to bed, do you know, Sam? He needs to eat, but he's exhausted. I think we ought to shut down for the rest of the day and let him sleep. The extra trip to the city will be hard enough tomorrow. What do you think? Give Lisa a call and see if she knows how much sleep he had."

"Let him take a quick nap and see how he does. We have a cot in the back office," he told him. "We also have repeat business in the Hemings."

"Let's get him back there. We can feed him when he wakes up."

"I'm not waking him like that." Sam went over and pulled his brother into his arms and lifted him. Bobby opened the door to the back office and they laid the mechanic on the cot. Bobby turned on the fan, and they both went to the kitchen, where Sam fixed himself a sandwich and a soft drink.

Bobby looked at him. "So repeat business hmm?"

"Yeah, and the son is an attorney. He plans on letting others know about our place. Oh, and he wants a '57 Chevy."

He grinned at that. "That one would be fun to restore."

"I think you and Dean would have a blast with that. He asked if Dean restored the Impala. I didn't say no because Dean did do that after the wreck."

"He's maintained it and rebuilt it when it needed it," Bobby pointed out. "The two of us would have a great time restoring a classic like the '57."

"Yeah, I think you would. I have no idea if the man plans on finding one or if he wants Dean to do that. I told him that Dean would call him."

45 minutes later, Dean stepped into the office, looking sheepish, yawning slightly.

"I'm sorry, guys. Got to bed late last night. How long was I out?"

"Not too long," Bobby answered with a smile. "Hungry? You slept through lunch."

"Yeah, actually. Let me fix something and I'll be back.'

"No, I'll fix you something. Sam wants to talk to you about the Hemings."

Sam grinned at that. "Oh yeah, I've got some stuff to tell you."

Dean sat down in front of Sam's desk. "Okay, Sammy. Shoot."

"The Hemings were incredibly impressed with the work you and Bobby did as well as the honesty and prices. She's bringing more of her vehicles to us and will only use us for fixing cars. Her son wants to talk to you about finding a '57 Chevy," he said.

"Repeat business is the best kind, Sam. That's great news. Does Mr. Heming understand that finding a rebuilt '57 for sale will take time, and he'd better have a major pocketbook because they aren't cheap?"

"He's a lawyer, Dean," he told him.

"Yeah, Sam, but people who rebuild '57s don't usually sell them. It's gonna cost a small fortune to find someone who will sell a rebuilt one."

"Unless he wants you to rebuild it," he said, then handed his brother the business card.

Dean stared at the card, then at his brother. "The joke isn't funny, Sammy. The guy couldn't possibly know I can rebuild a car. This would be a dream job."

"I wouldn't pull a joke like that, Dean. He saw the Impala."

"My baby is not fancy, Sam. I kept a lot of the faults in her because of the memories. She still rattles because of my Legos and our initials are still in the back seat.. Hell, your army man is still in the ashtray."

He smiled at that. "I know but you've done incredible work on her, Dean. The 57 isn't fancy either. The Impala is a calling card for this shop."

Bobby came in with a sandwich with all the trimmings and a tall glass of milk. Dean stared at the milk, and up at Bobby. Grinning, he said, "Oh god, Bobby, a '57!"

Bobby's grin was just as huge. "I know. Call him after you eat and we'll start looking. I know a few people."

Sam leaned over and put a hand on Dean's wrist. Dean looked at him, a question in his eyes. "Don't you dare wolf that down."

Dean smiled and took a normal bite.

The older man laughed at that. They both knew that Dean would've wolfed it down in order to get this project going.

After he had finished his sandwich, and drunk the glass of milk, Dean took the card and called the attorney.

"Heming speaking," came the professional response.

"Mr. Heming, this is Dean Winchester. My brother said you wanted to speak to me about a '57 Chevy?"

"I did," was the response. "I'm not mechanically inclined but love that model. I was hoping you could help me find and then rebuild the car?"

"I would love to, sir, but I have to be very honest here. I have no idea what it will cost.. even after getting the car. Body work can be priced, but you can find a flaw in the metal when you start working it. If the engine is intact, finding parts can still be difficult. The prices change all the time. It would still be cheaper than buying a rebuilt one, most of the time. I can go that route if you prefer. If it needs any chrome, well; you can see how that goes. My labor will depend on all of that, but I won't overcharge you. I'll charge you what it costs me for the parts. Since I don't add to that, I do add the shipping costs to it. If I have to go get a part, I'll charge my time. If that's fair, and you still want to do it, I'm more than willing."

"I understand that, Mr. Winchester, but would rather see one rebuilt by your hands so I know the work is quality."

Dean's eyes grew large and he flushed. "Thank you, sir. I would love to do it. I'll look around and see what I can find. We'll want one with a good body if we can get it. I'll try to find the best price I can for the quality. I'd like you to come by one day after the car is here, to look her over and look at paints and interiors. We can go a number of routes with that. I'll know what direction we're taking that way."

"Understood. I'll be leaving a camera as well; I want pictures of the progress to show off."

"My future sister-in-law is an artist. I could ask her to put an album together for you."

"That sounds good," he answered. "I'll expect to hear updates on potential cars."

"I'll spend some time looking and finding what I think will work. I'll ask you to come by and look at what has been found. We'll make contact and offer a bid."

"That sounds good, Mr. Winchester."

"Thank you for the opportunity, Mr. Heming. You won't be disappointed. I guarantee it."

"I know I won't. Have a good day, Mr. Winchester. I hope to hear from you soon."

"You will, sir. You have a good day, too." Dean still held the phone after the attorney had hung up. Finally, he looked at the two men sitting in the office with him.

"He doesn't want a rebuilt or anything. He wants it all done by me so he can guarantee the quality of the work." Dean's voice was barely a whisper of awe and surprise.

Bobby grins. "Shall I make some calls?"

"Yeah, Bobby. Sam, can you see what is available on the internet? Bobby, if you find one, I need to be able to see pictures of it, and a good description. I'll need to go see it, if necessary. This is a major expense for this man. I want to offer him to have the best we can find for him."

"Not a problem," Bobby said as he headed to the phone while Sam went to check the internet.

Dean disappeared within seconds of both men doing the searches. Soon they both heard the clang of the wrecker. Dean was unloading the vehicles being rebuilt near the body shop. Bobby's truck was there and he released the one that had been towed by the older man. Dean pushed one of the Tauruses into the body shop and began to go over the vehicle carefully checking for any damage in body. He was making a list of what would be needed for the car. This would be Lisa's car. He'd take the paint and interior lists to her tonight and let her pick the colors she'd like.

Bobby came out an hour later with a grin. "I have a bite."

Dean's grease covered upper body and face appeared from the under the hood of the Taurus, a look of surprise showing through the grease. The whites of his eyes and teeth looked hysterical to Bobby, who was now wondering what the hell Dean had gotten into under the hood of the one vehicle with an engine.

"That's great. You got a site on the computer where we can see her? How far away is she? What shape is she in?

"Hour and a half away. Said the body is solid, no rust damage but we're going to have to look for parts. Part of the engine isn't there anymore," he said. "I was more concerned about the body health than anything else."

"Let me clean up. We'll go take a look? What is he asking for her?"

"Young man, doesn't really know what he has. It was his father's and he's clearing the estate. He said he'd take our best offer."

"Okay. Let me clean up." Dean headed for the cold shower in the back. Bobby worried about him doing that in November. He went to talk to Sam about a hot water heating system for the garage. Dean refused to bring the grease home to Lisa.

Sam heard the shower and looked at Bobby. "I have a plumber coming in next week so the showers for us will be hot. I hate cold water."

"I have no problem taking the grease home. Do you? I don't think he's mentioned it to Lisa, and I'm positive she doesn't know it's only cold water up here. That boy has had too much happening to him already without him catching pneumonia on top of it."

"That's why the plumber is coming. And when I am greasy, I clean up here 'cause it's not fair for Sarah to clean up after me."

"Does Sarah know? Dean does it daily, and sometimes more than once a day. You remember how cold it was last night? He came in from the diesel class, tired, but clean? His hair is longer now and it was still damp."

"No, she doesn't. Moot point now since it's getting fixed," he typed into the laptop. "Make the deposit on the way out?"

"Yeah, if you got it made out. We may be buying a car. If we do, we'll go to the bank and get a certified check for the amount. Dean prefers those for some reason."

"Less of a chance to bounce," he said and handed Bobby the locked bag and a deposit slip.

"You really concerned about bouncing a check, or of someone messing with it to get more money from us?"

Sam looked up. "Both. Watari recommended certified checks for safety's sake and after researching it, I realized it's a sound business practice for purchases like this."

"Sounds good to me. How's Dean feel about it? Or does he even care? He trusts you, you know?"

"He asked about it, and I was up front on the answers. That's why he insists on it too."

"Dean can run a shop and he's one of the best damned mechanics I've ever met. His body work is fantastic. He's better than his old man. He thinks he's nothing like John, and he's not. You are. But, he can fix a car like new. Just don't give him the checkbook or the books. He does not have a head for business. He'll bring in the money...you take care of it. I think you have the harder job, Sam. Dean absolutely loves what he's doing."

He gave a small smile. "I don't mind watching the books. I'm shit at working on cars so I'll leave that to the pair of you."

"I'm wondering if Dean is going to make his name around here as a mechanic or a restorer. It will be interesting to find out. He's going to be buying cars, Sam. Be prepared for it The three he bought today were for us. He wants some to sell. If that kid has more than one car that could sell, don't be surprised if he calls you up and asks. By the way, you want the Taurus or the truck?"

"Not sure, haven't really seen them yet," he admitted. "I was fielding calls today."

"They all need work. He's looking at the Taurus with engine with Lisa in mind, I'm sure. We all borrow each other's cars for right now, but Lisa, with Ben, needs one. I can understand him starting on the first for her. Since I've got my old truck with the towing ability, he's looking at keeping it here, so I will get one, but you'll be second. Neither of the other two has an engine, but he'll work them in around the '57. I can guarantee that. He'll put in some extra time to get them done. I know your brother."

"And it's not like you won't be under the hood either, huh?"

"Of course not." Bobby winked.

"With a wife, and maybe kids, the Taurus might be better for you. Or take the truck, because she's been talking about extending the art decorating business. Get a van or something later, when kids are in the picture. Dean will fix you up better than buying a new one."

"The truck would be good for her artwork if she decides to expand it out. I'm not sure what she's planning. I'll have to talk to her and see."

"I don't think there's a major hurry. Dean will have his diesel classes, online schooling, regular mechanic work, rebuilding a '57 and a Taurus. We're gonna be busy trying to slow him down some. He's got to rest, have down time, and eat right."

"Well, you'll be helping him too, so that's a plus. He doesn't have to do it on his own. And Sarah said Ben's been itching to help down here."

I imagine Dean is gonna let him learn on the Taurus. He's not gonna let the boy lay hands on something he's being paid to do, but he may let him run errands for him on that Chevy."

Dean, came in. clean but wearing his long sleeve work shirt and dirty jeans. The t-shirt was out of site. "Hey, Sam, if I find some other good deals, I may be calling. The chance to rebuild and sell some cars is important. You'll know what we can and can't h handle, so I'll call you. You ready, Bobby? Sam, you wanna come along and take a peek. It's an estate sale. We might find something that might look good in our wings."

"Yeah, might as well. Let me call Sarah so she won't worry and set up the answering machine," he said as he powered down the computer.

Dean went outside and started the Impala, turning on the heater. It had gotten colder during the afternoon. He felt chilled. He called Lisa to let her know where they were going. He told her that if he found anything he thought they might want, he'd send her a photo. If she agreed, he'd buy it.

Bobby and Sam came out moments later. "We ready," Sam asked.

"Yeah. You know our balance, Sammy? In case there's more than one car we can use."

"I've got the total in my head, plus we're going to make a quick deposit too," he pointed out.

"Sounds good. I'm gonna look at his sale stuff too. Told Lis I would." Dean put the Impala in gear and pulled out of the lot. He put the car in park and got out and locked the gate. Getting back into the car, he sighed. "Damn! I'm cold. Tired today too."

"You've been working too hard," Sam answered.

"I know, Sam, but I got a lot on my plate It's gotta be done."

"You're taking some time off soon," he told his brother. Holidays were coming up and he would make sure of it.

"You know, Sam, when I told you I needed you to take charge for a while when I couldn't keep up, I thought it was for hunting. You took it very seriously. You know what else? I'm glad you did."

"Someone's got to. Lisa is stubborn but not quite stubborn enough," he teased, making Bobby laugh.

Dean grew serious. "She's stubborn enough, Sammy. She doesn't see me as much as you two do. Like today. She won't know about the eating. I honestly don't feel it's fair to bring work home and act like there's problems. She and Ben deserve to see a good side of me when I have to be gone so much, with classes and work."

Bobby spoke up. "She'll want to know about some of the problems, Dean, so she'll feel connected to you about work. She might be able to provide an insight the three of us hadn't thought of too."

Dean sighed, "Like how to make enough hours in a day? One of my professors changed the due date on a paper. I was supposed to have another week on it. He's having a kid and they decided to take the little fellow next week. He doesn't want to spend time grading our work. So I was up til one last night. I'm tired to be honest."

"Ask her, she might be able to help you. And honestly, Dean, if you need to cut out a few hours during the times you have finals, I'll man the shop."

"I know that, Sam, but Bobby can't do all the work we have lined up by himself."

"An hour or two extra a day won't kill me, Idjit," he told his son.

"Why don't we pick up something to go for supper tonight? Y'all come over and we can talk...include the girls. I can't keep this up."

"Bucket of fried chicken works for me," Bobby grinned.

"Man, I'd love that. We'll have to get some baked for me, I guess."

"You've been doing well so splurging a bit won't hurt," Sam pointed out. "Bank," he pointed at the building.

Dean pulled into the drive through. He handed the deposit slip and the bag to the teller at the business window.

"I think we will get chicken and the fixin's"

"Sounds good to me. Call the girls and let them know," Sam said.

Dean dialed home while waiting on the teller. "Hey, hon. We're thinking fried chicken with all the fixin's for supper tonight. You got a problem with me having it tonight?"

"Not at all, Dean. Sarah's arms and head deep in paint. Ben's been running errands for her after his work was done, so take out would be appreciated."

"Thanks, hon. It's been a long time since I've had fried chicken. If you'll let Sarah know, I'd appreciate it. I love you."

"I love you too and will get Ben to tell her. She's been grouchy with everyone other than him," she laughed.

"I hope the touch up crew doesn't quit on us." Dean laughed too. He hung up the phone, got the receipt and the bag from the teller and handed them to Sam. "Your fiancée's grouchy. Only one who can be around her is Ben."

"She's been working on Near's room. Since that was the most complicated one, she put that off till last."

"Yeah, she told me. L and them are coming Sunday. I offered our help. No idea if she'll take it. She said she only had a little left."

"No.. no offering help. Sarah will go from sweet to bitch in under a second if someone even goes near her art stuff," he shuddered.

"Well, I guess it's my fault. I asked L and them to come and stay til after New Year's. I offered help."

"It isn't your fault. She's very much a demanding artist.. very hard on herself. I can't wait to see the room."

"Me either. She won't let us see our rooms either. The mountain storm, Ben's beach scene, and bringing the desert into the dining room are forbidden."

"She's really been incredibly secretive over it," Sam answered.

"You know...that kind of scares me."


	102. Chapter 102

Classic Cars

Dean pulled off the main highway and through a set a of iron gates. His brows raised as he looked at what lay before them.

It was a large property, obviously owned by wealthy people. Bobby shook his head. "I knew the kid's father...he loved to tinker with cars when he could."

"Why's he selling everything when they live like this? You said cars?"

"Yup.. and you'll see why when you meet Jake," he answered. When the car stopped, Bobby went to the front door and knocked. Moments later, the door was opened by a young man with a golden retriever at his side. The dog was a service dog for the blind.

Bobby introduced Sam and Dean. Dean held his hand out and gently touched the young man's hand.

"Thanks for giving me a chance to look at the cars you have that need rebuilding."

"You're welcome, Mr. Winchester. I've known Uncle Bobby all my life. He and my dad hunted together at times. If you'll follow me, I'll show you where he kept them. Dad loved to tinker when he had the time," he said with a smile.

"Thank you. I used to hunt with Bobby, myself. What's your dad's name?"

"Thomas Finnegan," he answered as he led them outside to a large building at the back of the house.

"I don't guess I knew him," Dean stared at Bobby, a question in his eyes. He stopped when they reached a large building. "Son of a..." There were several finished cars but also a half dozen classics in some semblance of disrepair. Dean's eyes were wide as he looked at them. Nothing was older than a '65. All were in bad shape except the '57.

Dean looked at Sam, "If the shop can't afford these, I'm gonna make an offer from my pay from L. These can be rebuilt, Sam. These are classics."

Jake smiled. "This was my dad's hobby when I was home from school. He refused to hunt when I was home because I was at boarding school during the year. I know there's some that are finished, and I'd like for you to sell them for me.. with a generous commission of course. The rest, I'm willing to part with directly to you. I have titles to all of them. No legal issues at all."

"I have money put back for chances like this. I can give you $7500 for the six that need rebuilding. I can definitely get you good prices on the ones that are finished, that's if they run as sweet as they look. I'd take them to car shows where the collectors go."

Sam piped up then. "Hells, I could build a website to pull in collectors too."

Jake nodded. "In truth, we'll have a contract drawn up for the finished ones. The quote for the metal was at that amount for the ones that need work so I know you're being fair. I also have to ask if you'd be interested in something else." He headed carefully through the 'show room' area and guided them to mechanics area where all the up to date equipment was kept.

Dean stood and stared around him.

"I won't use these, no way to. I'd rather see it go to someone who could use it," he told them. Bobby's eyes were huge as he took in the equipment.

Dean's voice was low and awestricken, when he asked, "How much?"

He quoted a price that was on the low side but the older hunter knew that Jake was just wanting to get rid of them.

Dean began contemplating his savings. He knew he had more than enough but he'd have to build and sell a lot of cars to make up for it, but damn! He looked at Jake.

"I'll buy it."

Sam nodded at his brother. The shop had enough squirreled away to cover for it, and this could be written off as a business expense. Jake smiled. "I'm glad. If you three will step into the house, I can have my attorney draw up the contracts and bill of sale."

"Sam, the shop can reimburse me as we sell cars, but that's stuff I look at online and dream about for the shop. The stuff we can do with it. You wouldn't even begin to imagine."

He pulled his brother to the side, whispering to him softly and telling him the shop had enough to pay for it. Business had been incredibly good lately.

"Sam, we agreed to keep a buffer in case of hard times. Remember?"

He handed him a slip of paper with the full balance in it.

Dean looked at the balance and then at his brother. "Sammy? How?"

"Making careful investments," he told him. "I'm not playing the market but watching the companies over the years. I spotted the stable ones and went in for that. I've also managed to put a portion away in IRAs as well for all of us."

"Okay." Dean sounded stunned. "Let's talk to the attorney. We'll need a certified check."

"I had one prepared, remember?" Bobby shook his head, amazed at Sam's business sense. Between his acuity with numbers and their talent with machines, they'd do well.

"I thought it was for the one car, Sam? You knew about this?"

"No but we weren't sure if there would be anything else, so I had a special draft note pulled up for us. Works as well as a certified check; just as safe."

Dean looked pale. It was a large sum of money to him, coming out of the shop. He looked at his brother, "Okay, Sam. You know this part better than me. You're the boss over this part. We'll need to rent a big truck to haul all of it. I'm gonna need a new building."

"I'll handle it, Dean, just drool over the new toys you and Bobby get to play with," he teased him.

"I am, Sam. Damn, Bobby. We got a complete shop for rebuilding cars. Everything we need, man!"

The older man grinned as Sam followed Jake out to get the legalities out of the way. "I know. This is better than Christmas," he laughed.

"Hell, Bobby, it's a hundred times better. I've never had a good Christmas since Mom died. This is paradise."

"We're going to have fun, that's for sure. Those are computers for diagnostics for the more modern cars. This is going to be great."

"They've been telling me in the diesel class that you got to have those now. They are worth a small fortune, Bobby. You gotta update them every couple of years once the new cars go out of warranty."

He nodded. "I know but updates are cheaper than buying all this from the factory."

"It'd take years and a lot of going in debt to buy this stuff new."

"I know," he chuckled. "And to think, we're getting it at a very, very incredible rate."

"Bobby, was he talking our kind of hunter? Or going after deer or duck?"

"Our kind," he answered. "Thomas was aware of the supernatural world as psychics and the like run through their family. When Jake was almost two, the family was attacked by a coven of witches. Jake's abilities are what kept him alive until Thomas got home.. though he lost his ability to see."

"So, you hunted down the coven? Jake still have those abilities? I mean how'd he know we were hunters, or used to be."

Bobby nodded. "He recognized me as I used to babysit him at times if Thomas got called off for an emergency and no other hunter could handle the job. Jake still has them and spent a lot of time learning to control the gifts."

"Wow, Bobby. Is he living here now? He might need some friends who would understand. We wouldn't mind, you know. Sam might appreciate it more than either of us."

"He moved back here a few weeks ago. Knowing him, he probably had a vision that we needed this stuff and let the info drift to me that he was willing to offload it."

"Yeah, I know all about visions. Sam doesn't seem to have them anymore, or if he does, he says nothing about them. Maybe he can control them or the blood addiction messed that up. I don't know for sure, Bobby. I just know he says nothing about it, but there's not really been any mention of visions since he died and I did what I did to bring him back."

Bobby looked at him. "I have a feeling that the visions stopped because there may very well be no more kids like him. He connected to them through that blood."

"Damn, Bobby. I never thought of that."

"Sam and I talked about it earlier. He brought it up to me with that theory. He wanted my input before he asked you what you thought on it."

"How long ago did you guys talk about that, Bobby? It's been almost two years since they stopped."

"Earlier today. It'd occurred to him they hadn't happened in a long time and he was wondering about it."

"Kind of odd, isn't it? Both of us thinking the same thing?

"It happens."

"You know, that's in the past. Was he scared to approach me about it?"

"No, he'd wanted to bounce the theory with me before talking to you. Said something about getting it straight in his head first."

"Okay, just so it's not going back to no talking again."

"No, not that at all. Just was using me as a sounding board mostly," he said.

"No, that's okay, Bobby. I do the same thing. I was concerned that it might have been a while since he talked with you and might have felt he couldn't bring it up to me because of the past. I don't want that at all."

"Sam wouldn't do that to you, Dean. You were busy, thought hit him, and he wanted a sounding board so he wouldn't sound like an empty headed moron," he said with a chuckle. "His words, not mine."

"The only time he's been an empty headed moron was when he was drunk."

Bobby snickered at that. "You're not better when you're looped either."

"He told me I was short. Only time I can remember doing something like that was when I had yellow fever."

"I can think of a few times. You two are very entertaining when you're drunk," he said with a grin.

"When was I ever that drunk, Bobby?"

"First time, you were what.. just legal to drink.. and got so bombed out of your tiny gourd, I spent more time laughing at you than drinking myself," he said with a laugh.

"That was after Sam left for college? Where the hell was Dad? Oh. That was after he dumped me and went his own way? I did stop to see you for a while. I've had drinks before, Bobby, but I don't remember going drinking with you."

"I bought you your first beer when you became legal," he said.

"On my birthday? I remember you showing up, because Sam and Dad were at it pretty bad. I know we went to the bar, but I don't remember getting drunk or anything. I just remember one beer. Course, it was a pretty bad day, with them fighting. Why did you come all that way, Bobby? I thought you were there to put a stop to the fighting, but it continued until Sam left."

"I knew they were fighting and wanted you to enjoy yourself at least," he said softly. "God knows you deserved one happy day."

"You came for me, Bobby? You never told me that." Dean was quiet for a moment. "Thanks, Bobby."

He slapped his back. "Anytime, kid, you know that."

Dean's voice cracked, "I've learned that this past year. I never recognized it for what it was. I'm grateful for all you've done for me, and I'm sorry I didn't see it before this."

"Better late than never," was the sage advice.

The older Winchester pulled the older man into his arms and held him tight. Sam found them there and wondered what had happened.

Bobby hugged him back, than looked at Sam. "Everything squared away?"

Sam looked questioningly at the older man, met his brother's gaze, smiled and said, "Yeah. We can rent a truck and have it deliver the equipment after we get back from town. We can get the cars a little at a time. Jake is in no hurry. He's a great guy."

Dean grinned. "Let's go get that chicken and plot out the weekend. I already rented rooms in town for tomorrow night."

"The question is getting those cars back to the shop," Bobby said. "We may have to call in some favors to get them there."

"Sam just said that Jake wasn't in a hurry, Bobby. We got the wrecker which will flatbed one and haul a second, and your truck will haul one. We can do it."

"Two trips," he mused. "Yeah, we can do that."

"We're hiring a truck to bring the tools and electronics back. Right, Sam?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah and gotta take pictures of the ones that are completely restored too."

"Get Sarah to do the photos. She's the artist, Sam. I want to have an album for each one we restore, showing the work as it goes. We promised one to Mr. Hemings, but I want one for us too. Keep an album growing with each car from start to finish in it."

"I know...and we get a nice slice for the commission. I saw the papers, Dean. He's generous."

"On the finished ones? How much of a commission, Sam? I know he said a generous commission, but I never expected a huge chunk, just a chance to get the word out about us."

Sam handed Dean a piece of paper with the commission percentage written on it. The number was very generous. Dean looked at the commission percentage and raised his head to stare at his two partners.

"Why? He doesn't know us, Bobby. Why the price on the tools, and now this? Who is he to us, and why is he doing this? Nobody just gives this kind of money away? Don't throw L at me. He's eccentric on a major scale."

Bobby looked at him. "The kid doesn't need the money, Dean, and it's a reminder of the loss of a beloved family member."

"You know, Bobby. My past catches up with me sometimes. I still have a big problem with trust. Wanting to help someone he knows, like you, Bobby, is something I can understand. But he doesn't know Sam and me. It just took me by surprise."

"He knows a bit about you due to contact with me. You remember me calling occasionally to offer a warning on a case you're on?"

"Those were him? He had visions about us? Hell, Bobby, why didn't you tell us?"

The older man ran a hand through his hair. "He asked me not to. He trusted me and his dad.. that was pretty much it in regards to the world of the supernatural. And considering what that world cost him, it was a small price for him to ask."

"I understand the cost, Bobby. Hell, you know I do.. Anyway, I'm grateful. I don't understand why he'd do this when the only thing he knows about us is from visions, but I'm grateful. Sam, let's all go get that chicken. I'm tired."

"Because you two matter to me.. and I'm like an uncle to him," he said, walking with Sam towards the car.

Dean walked around the Impala and got behind the wheel, he turned and looked at the older man in the back seat. Smiling softly, he winked and asked, "Does that make us hunting cousins of some sort?"


	103. Chapter 103

Family Dealings

Backing the car out of the large parking area, Dean turned and headed toward the large gate.

Bobby barked a laugh at earlier remark, "I suppose so."

Sam turned and saw the smile on his brother's tired face. The short nap in the afternoon had worn off and Sam knew his stubborn brother needed a good night's rest if they were spending two days shopping in the city. Dinner and discussion needed to be cut short tonight. He'd let Lisa know he could handle it if she needed him to.

The drive didn't take too long and Bobby was rather amazed that the place they'd stopped at for food actually had an option for baked chicken so Dean could have that if he didn't want to splurge overly much.

Dean looked at the baked chicken, knowing he'd been told he could have the fried. He leaned in and ordered two family packs of fried, one extra crispy, and one original recipe. He ordered the sides and extra biscuits with butter and honey. Smiling, tiredly, the older Winchester ordered baked chicken for himself.

Sam poked him. "You know you can go for fried. It's a treat considering how hard you've been working and damned well you've been doing on your diet."

The tired face turned towards the younger man. "If I ate it fried, Sam, I'd start wanting it that way. It's better not to tempt myself with a taste I don't really need to start craving. I'll eat it baked."

"No problem. Shove over after we pick the order up. I'll drive," he said softly. "By the way, I'm proud of you for how well you're doing."

"I look that tired?" Dean pulled up to get the order and paid boy at the window. He handed the bags of food to Bobby in the back seat. Sam got out and walked around as Dean scooted over. After the tall body eased into the seat and put the car into drive, Dean whispered, "Thanks, Sam."

"Anytime, Dean. Why don't you catch a nap while we head home, ok? We'll wake you when we get there."

Bobby kept an eye on the older brother as his head leaned against the side of the car and he was gone They had a twenty minute drive to the property. Before they got very far, Dean rolled and soon had his head in his brother's lap.

"Never known him to do that before, Sam. He's really tired."

Sam drove carefully so as not to disturb his brother. "He's been pushing it hard, Bobby, and in ways he's not used to when he's hunting. It takes its toll. Mental fatigue is just as bad on the body as the physical one is."

"We're gonna have to handle the physical, but the mental is at night or days off when he's with Lisa and Ben. She's gonna have to know what's going on and work with us."

"And he's going to have to be up front on it and tell them. This way she can see to it he unwinds as he needs to."

"Can he be up front if he doesn't realize that mental fatigue is just as bad?"

"Nope, which is why I gotta explain that to him later," he said. "He's not used to college. I am. I know how fried you can get when studying."

"Is tonight too soon? He's so tired. Work, the diesel classes, studying, and trying to make time for all of us is gonna make him sick. We may have to go over his head to the doc. I'd hate to."

"If he's too tired to process it, it won't do much good but I can try," he said, shifting lanes.

"Well, you've doing a damn fine job of keeping him in line, Sam. He's needed that for a while. Dean's had too much on his shoulders for way too long. Do it the way you think it needs to be done. I'll back you on it."

"He doesn't need someone to keep him in line so much as to help him and show him when he doesn't understand things," he told him quietly, heading towards their destination.

"Is he alert enough to understand that? How long will he let you keep doing this until the old Dean begins to rebel?"

"Bobby, he'll be fine," he told him and he believed it. He knew Dean had changed considerably since meeting L.

"I'll follow your lead in this, Sam."

They were pulling down the road now close to the house. "Dean," he called. "We're almost home."

Dean's eyes slowly opened and he pushed himself up from his brother's lap, turning red when he realized he'd slept there. His eyes were bloodshot and he yawned.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I've never done that before. Damn, I'm so tired. "

"Don't apologize. There's a good reason why you're so tired."

"You can't tell me I'm still not well, Sam. The doc said I was fine. What reason?"

Quietly, Sam began to explain what he'd learned in college when doing a lot of studying and how mental exhaustion affected the body.

Dean was quiet, listening to what his brother had to say. He sighed when Sam was through. "What am I supposed to do? I gotta work. I gotta know the diesel stuff. College is important, Sam." There was a plea in the older Winchester's voice.

"You have to take an hour or two a day, unwind. No heavy thinking.. just go brainless before going to bed. It helps the body sleep and the brain to stop worrying over everything that's been entered into it that day."

"I've been going to bed as late as one in the morning, Sam. When am I supposed to unwind and sleep?"

"Talk to Lisa, maybe she can help you arrange your schedule better. If you keep this up, you'll hurt yourself."

"All right, Sam, I will."

The Impala pulled into the compound of trailers. Dean slowly opened his door and got out. He was tackled by a half grown mastiff mix and Ben. Falling backwards onto the ground, the air was knocked out of him. Ben fell next to him. The dog sat on his chest licking his face, while Dean tried to push him off and catch his breath. He couldn't get any air.

Sam laughed and pulled the large dog off of his brother. Turning to Ben who had gotten up off the ground, he said, "Okay squirt, help Bobby with the food. Your dad is pooped for the night."

Dean rolled over and fought for the air he'd had knocked out of him. He was wheezing as he struggled to sit up. Watering eyes looked up at the tall height of his brother. "Damn it, Sammy," he gasped. "Do you have to look so high from down here?"

"Not my fault you got the short genes from the family," he teased, helping him to his feet. "We need to work with those dogs on not jumping on people."

A red face turned towards him and his brother's wheezing gasp was heard as he commented sarcastically, "Ya think?"

Sam laughed, helping his brother into the home he shared with Lisa.

As they approached the steps to the porch, Dean wheezed, "She's gonna think I'm an invalid or something. I can't get a deep breath. Hell." Dean pulled from Sam and leaned over placing his hands on his knees, he fought to bring in more air.

"Stop fighting so hard, just let your body do what's natural," he advised him. "It'll catch up."

"Damn dog knocked the air right out of me," Dean gasped. "Still can't get a deep breath. Hell, he's gotta be close to seventy, eighty pounds at least. He ain't half grown yet. I'm not getting enough air, Sam, and I am trying not to fight it." Sam noted how red Dean's face was getting, grateful it wasn't turning blue.

"Yes you can. Your body was just rattled. Let it do what comes naturally."

"Yeah? What comes naturally is breathing, and it ain't doing it very well." Dean sat on the edge of the porch and put his head between his legs, striving to breathe in slowly.

At that moment, Lisa opened the front door. Bobby and Ben had carried in the food and told both women what was going on outside.

Sam shook his head, then smiled, "Hey, Lisa!"

Dean did not raise his head, but a muffled, "Hey, hon," could be heard from his nether regions.

He watched as she approached him. "He got the wind knocked out of him," he laughed. "Damn dogs need to be trained better."

Dean could feel her presence beside him as Lisa knelt down. He slowly raised his head, finally managing a deeper breath. Watery eyes stared up at her. "I'm sorry, Lis. Not trying to make a big fuss. Didn't want to go in when I couldn't get a normal word out. It's starting to ease up. I'll be inside in just a few minutes. Let me let this clear up first. I finally got a half way deep breath."

She ruffled his hair. "No problem, Dean."

Sam watched her rise and go back inside with a look of surprise on his face. 'Is that how she handles him?' he thought. Turning, he saw that Dean had laid flat on his back, slowly taking in deeper breaths and letting them out slowly. His brother closed his eyes for a minute, sighed, and rolled over and pushed himself up. He stopped his movement and stared Sam in the face, waiting for the next joke or teasing.

Sam was quiet, letting his brother take things at his own pace. It was better to do it this way and allow his body to take it as needed. "Ready to eat?"

The look of surprise on Dean's face was laughable. He nodded and headed towards the door.

His brother stared at him. "You that hungry, Sammy? I used to have to force you to eat sometimes. I'm glad you're eating more."

Lisa turned in surprise at the statement, considering the months of getting Dean to eat. Sam, Bobby, and Sarah all stared at each other, remembering the lack of food at the shop that day.

Bobby snorted. "Sit down you two or I'm going to eat all of this and make you watch," he teased.

"You even like baked chicken, Bobby?"

Lisa turned in surprise again. "I thought you were eating fried chicken tonight, hon?"

"Well, I'm used to eating it the other way. I just thought it might be safer for me to keep doing that. The grease might not set well."

"He has a point," Sam pointed out as the food was passed around. He laughed when Bobby answered. "Food is food. As long as it's dead and cooked, I'm not picky."

Dean sighed, "Yeah, I liked it like that too."

Baked chicken was passed to Dean to serve himself from.

The conversation flowed easily until Lisa asked how Dean's day was. Sam watched his brother freeze, knowing Dean didn't lie to her. He never brought the work home. Lisa's asking surprised the older Winchester. Sam noticed that Sarah was smiling. His eyes widened. Dean's not eating right, exhaustion, and maybe even the cold showers were about to come out. He bit his lip, knowing that Sarah had gone before him. He had planned on bringing this up at dinner, getting the plans for tomorrow out of the way, and Dean to bed early.

Bobby took a bite of his corn, waiting to see what his son had to say.

Dean had the fork in his hand, with a piece of chicken on it. He stared at it and then at the woman across from him. Setting the fork down, the older Winchester swallowed and pasted a smile on his face. Sam knew that smile. Dean wasn't going to lie, but could he still smooth talk? It had probably been a while since he'd had to.

"We gotta commission to buy and build a '57 Chevy, Lis. It didn't take long to find one and it was local. I told you some of it on the phone. The guy had several other cars that need rebuilding and he sold us all of them, plus every tool and piece of equipment we'll ever need. Sammy has been really doing good with the books and we are even going to be able to afford to build a new building for this. He also asked us to sell the cars that are rebuilt and he'll give us a commission. It's a good commission, Lis."

Dean was talking fast. Sam and Bobby recognized the nervousness behind the fast speaking.

"Dean," came the gentle voice. "Calm down."

"I'm sorry, Lis. It's just that this is big."

"I know, love. Have you made sure to eat today?"

"I had one of the breakfast sandwiches in the freezer. There was a sandwich and a glass of milk for lunch."

"Snacks?" She asked him.

"Snacks?" Sam and Bobby both knew he was in trouble.

"Snacks, dear. I usually send some for you to keep your blood sugar and metabolism healthy," she said, sipping a glass of diet soda.

"Lis, I...Damn it."

"What happened, Dean?"

"I get real busy down there, Lis. I don't pay attention to what's in the fridge or the cabinets. I got so much going on all the time. If it's there and I see it, I remember and I eat. We ran out and I didn't even realize we had. I thought there was still food. Sarah brought stuff and I got lectures from everyone. Lis, I'm trying. I'm just tired. There's not enough time in the day. I can't remember to do everything. I'm trying. Sarah, Sam, and Bobby helped today, but Sam was supposed to talk about this. Sarah?" Dean stared at his future sister-in-law who smiled and shrugged.

"She can grill, Dean. I left the cabin and took bags of stuff to the shop. Lisa is observant."

Lisa held up her hand to stop the discussion. "I knew about this through Sarah, Dean, but wanted to hear it from you. I won't bring this up anymore as long as you promise to eat."

Dean's shoulders drooped. Sam remembered the conversations of the day. Dean was pushing harder than any man should. He was living on four and a half hours sleep. Remembering their years of hunting, Sam knew lack of sleep was part of what made it so difficult for his brother to recover. Dean tried to have Saturdays and Sundays off, but Sam knew Dean was at the shop some on those days, playing catch up because of his two days in diesel classes. It was time for the rest of them to help him in some way. Dean was not asking. He never asked. Sam had already told him things had to change and it was time for him to remind Dean that they weren't going to let this go on. He wasn't going to let it.

Sam spoke up. "Lisa, Dean and I are working on ways to help him unwind and stuff. He may need your brilliant scheduling abilities later to help. Right now, he just needs family to support and help him."

Lisa looked across at the slumped shoulders and the look of exhaustion on her lover's face and knew his younger brother was right. She'd recognized it and had been trying to come up with ways to help him.

"We're all here, Sam. Let's talk while we eat, and see what needs to be done. Dean, I want everyone here to have an understanding on why you aren't eating, getting enough rest, and have no free time."

"Aww, Lisa, come on." The older hunter looked at the faces surrounding the table and knew he'd lost. His brother heard a comment he hadn't heard in a while. "Man...!"

Sam grinned, knowing they were fixing to put his big brother's life in order and find some way to enable him to handle everything he was doing. He ruffled Ben's hair and whispered to his nephew, "Can you bring some colored pens and a calendar?"

Ben nodded, hopping up and giving his dad a hug. "Love you," he whispered before going to get the items that Uncle Sam had asked for.

Dean thrived on his son's hugs and the whisper encouraged him. It also made him more determined not to give up. This wasn't just for him. He had a family.

The boy came back in, handing everything to Sam. "Here you go, Uncle Sam!"

The boy received a big thanks and hug from the tall man sitting next to him. "Okay. Dean, I want to know everything that is going on in your classes...both online and in the city. Hours, what's happening in them, and the time you have to have to continue to produce good grades."

"You're kidding, right?" The hazel eyes scanned the table at the other adults sitting there staring at him. "You're not kidding."

"No, Dad, they're not. We gotta take care of you," Ben said before chomping down on a drumstick.

"What? That's not how it's done. You're my family, and it's my job to take care of you. I have to know how to work diesels so those classes are long and it takes time to get there and home on the two days I go. Sam, you don't know cars, but you don't do a bad job selling. Neither does Lisa. Bobby, you can't keep up with my schedule there on a daily basis, man. No one can help with college. I got to make good grades, guys. I've already had more than one professor who has hinted that people with GED's are quitters. Sam, you're taking classes on your own. It's just what I have to do. All of it. How do you help that?"

Sam snickered when Bobby reached out and smacked Dean across the back of his head. "Boy, did I not teach you anything as far as family is concerned?"

Rubbing his head where his 'father' had smacked him, Dean looked at everyone. "Yes, sir, you did. Bobby, how? Look at it! How?"

"Shut up, Dean. Now.. what is family supposed to do?"

"Family does what I've been doing, Bobby. They love, care for, and protect each other. That's what I've been doing. It's what I've been raised my whole life to do. Oh hell, don't you dare call L or Watari, Sam. I know."

"No... you're doing it on your own and that's not how it works. It's a net of support for everyone. It does not mean Dean Winchester has to hold the entire damned burden on his shoulders," the older man told him.

"I just said 'I know', Bobby. You guys don't have to call L or Watari on me. I'm wrong. I know I am. What the hell am I supposed to do? Cause I'm not sure what any of you can do to help. Here I am. You work it out, cause I'm really lost here."

"Sam will handle car sales on days that he doesn't have class and one of the girls can help him with that and office work. They can teach Ben in a room at the garage on those days and after class, Ben can be my assistant and learn to be a grease monkey too since he likes cars."

"Sam runs the office already, Bobby. Lis works and runs it on the days I am in the city, so Sam can take your spot on sales. You are planning on taking over the shop on those days? I don't want to tire you out. Are you sure about that?"

"I'll be fine. I get tired, I'll complain and you know I will," he snarked gently, making Sam laugh.

The younger Winchester spoke up at this point. "Now we deal with the online classes."

"Again, we just divide up the shop chores until Dean is finished and homework is done," he said.

Lisa spoke up, "I suggest the morning hours when he's more alert and awake. If it's done then, he will be able to get a good night's sleep and be ready for the next morning."

Bobby nodded, agreeing with her. Sarah piped up. "I can do painting jobs on the times I'm not working.. keep you guys off of the paint and where you belong."

"Painting the cars? It's done with an airbrush type piece of equipment, Sarah. You know how to do that? Guys, I'm not going to be doing much at all, am I?"

"Not until you graduate. You need to pace yourself. On days you don't have classes, you can work and do what you want in the shop," Bobby answered. Sarah grinned. "Airbrushing is FUN!"

"All right, Guys. BUT...the old cars that are being rebuilt are mine. I do them. You can help. I hope you will, but the decisions and the major work on them is mine. Especially the work for Mr. Hemings on the '57 Chevy."

"Weekends," Sarah told him. "You can do it half a day on Saturdays and Sundays and use the afternoons to rest and hang with the family."

"At that rate, it will take over a year to finish the car."

Sam spoke up, "Dean, Hemings knows you have a business to run and the car will be an on the side job."

Bobby spoke up. "A car like that, you want to take your time anyway. NO rushing because that's a mechanic's dream to work on."

"Yeah, I know. It's a dream to work on. Like rebuilding my baby after the wreck, Bobby." Dean looked around the table and sighed. He turned and stared at the colored writing on the calendar.

Reaching out and placing a finger on the paper, he asked, "Are we gonna need several of those, Sam? One for the office, one for the shop, and one for each home? That way everyone knows who's where on what day? That way I know?"

Sam knew his brother felt like he was losing control, and for the time being Dean Winchester was losing control. For his brother's health, this had to be done.

"We can have Ben do that tonight, give him something to do. Once you graduate, we can chunk this and you can rule the roost at the shop."

Dean was shaking a little, but he nodded and looked at what his brother had written. He was only working a half day five days a week. What if something important came up? He looked around the table, sighed, and nodded again.

Sarah, with a grin, got up, walked over and gave her future brother in law a hug. She walked over to the counter and pulled the apple pie she and Lisa had made late that afternoon. The half grounded mechanic was given the first slice.

Bobby leaned in. "We're doing this to help you, just like family should."

The hazel eyes stared at the older man, and the voice was slightly shaky, "I know, Bobby. Give me some time. I'm not fighting it." The slice of apple pie slid in front of him. Dean stopped and looked up at Sarah with a slight smile. He whispered, "Thank you."

Sarah tapped his nose playfully. "Welcome!"

Sam looked at everyone and spoke up, "Let's get this trip arranged because Dean needs sleep. He fell asleep at work today, Lisa. School work had him up late. Oh and we have hot water coming next week. Until it's up and running, Dean, you need to shower here."

The older brother bristled at this. "I am not coming home with that filth on me and damaging the shower and tub, Sammy."

Before another word could be spoken, Lisa's voice rose, "YES! You will, Dean. This is pneumonia weather. Things like bronchitis and pleurisy can really make you ill. No more discussion."

Sarah looked at Sam. "The same goes for you if you need to shower."

Sam simply answered quickly. "I will, I promise."

"Lis, he won't get as dirty as I do. You don't understand."

"One week, Dean. You will have hot water by then."

"Okay, but I clean it."

Lisa grinned. "Deal," she said, knowing that would make him feel better about it


	104. Chapter 104

What Hasn't Been Truly Dealt With...Ben

"We're leaving early in the morning. There's no homework for the next few days. I got hotel rooms for two nights...three of them. I have something I got to do after we get there, but the rest of the day is for shopping for the cabin. I do want to ask if someone would keep an eye on Ben Saturday evening. I have to get a reservation for Lisa and me at a restaurant. Saturday is for more shopping or site seeing. It's your day. We can either stay another night and go home Sunday morning, or go home Saturday night. Ryuzaki, Watari, and the boys are coming Sunday afternoon, and will be staying til after New Year's. I have one thing I need to do, and Ben, I want your okay. I promised Near a dinner and at a really quiet steak house...him and me. He doesn't go out to eat. There's a nice one in town. You and I have gone all kinds of places together. Near is like a son to me too. Not like you, Ben. You're the real thing, but Near doesn't have that and never will except with me. Can you share once in a while?"

Ben looked a little put out. He loved his dad and hated sharing him, especially since he hadn't had Dean in his life for very long. "Whatever," he grumbled, stalking out of the room.

Dean sat there, watching his son stalk out of the room. He bowed his head for a moment, then got and started to follow the boy.

He stalked outside, settling onto a swing and began glaring at the surrounding area.

A few moments later, Dean walked up and stood in front of his son. "Can I sit down?"

Ben just shrugged, kicking at the dirt.

Instead of sitting beside the boy, Dean dropped onto the dirt in front of him.

"This is hard for me, Ben, so can you please look at me."

He looked up at him for a moment, waiting to see what Dean had to say

"Ben, my mama died when I was four years old. My dad put your Uncle Sammy into my arms and told me to take of him. I guess in some crazy ways, I might still be doing that some, but Ryuzaki and Watari helped both of us learn that it wasn't good to be that way all the time. We still watch out for each other. That's what your Uncle Sammy and Grandpa Bobby were doing tonight. That's what family is all about. Do you understand that?"

"He's not family," he told him. "He's some kid you like, that's it, and he's all smart and stuff. That's fine.. he needs to find his own dad and not mine."

"Ben...son...I met your mama about ten years ago. I was a hunter. I was pretty young then. So was she. I never forgot her. Something very bad was going to happen to me last year. She was the one on my mind. I didn't know I loved her then. I do now. I saw you for the first time that day. Hell, Ben, you were just like me. You had to be mine, but I couldn't stay. This bad thing would have destroyed both of you. I didn't tell her I wanted to stay and that I wanted to be your dad. She told me you weren't mine. When things got better, again, I kept an eye on you guys. You disappeared and I panicked but had no way of finding you. I hunted. Every extra penny I had went into hiring detectives to try to find you. When I found you, I had met Near. He's a just a nice kid, Ben. a lonely one who doesn't realize he's lonely. He had no friends. Hell, I didn't either. We became friends. I thought of him like he was my own, but not like I think of you. Near will take over L's job one day and be the big boss. He won't be my son or your brother. He's just someone who means something to me. That's rare for me, Ben."

"You said he was like a son to you," he spat out accusingly. "He can't have you. I'm not sharing you with another kid. It's not fair."

"Ben, a few months ago, after we moved here, I felt that way about you."

"I don't care. You're my dad, not his." He didn't want to share after dreaming for nine years of having a dad.

"Ben, I asked your mama to share you with me. You think I want to share you with anyone? Your Grandpa Braeden held you when you made your first steps. I saw your Christmases and birthdays through picture albums. I never held you or fed you. I didn't change a diaper. I never got to teach you how to play sports. I missed all of that. Do you understand? You aren't the only one who missed out, Ben. You are my son. Mine. I won't share you with another father. But, Ben, being the son means sharing sometimes. I watched my Dad hold and kiss Sammy. He stopped doing that to me when Mama died. I lost my dad that day, Ben. You said you won't share. What are you gonna do if your mama gets pregnant? We want more kids one day, Ben."

"Near has no family. All of his family is dead. I care about him. I think of him like I would a son, but not like I think of you. Near has his life planned out for him. I just want to be there for him, to give him someone who cares. It will never be like what we have, Son. You are mine. That day I was on the floor in that trailer and touched pictures of you at every age, tears flowing down my face, knowing I'd lost those years and couldn't get them back, bound you to me in ways you may never understand. I get to be your dad. That means more to me than life itself. Near, now, will only be around once in a while. I want to do this for him. I promised it to him before I knew you were mine. I care about Near a lot, but I love you more than life itself. You are my son."

"It'll be years before Mama has a baby," he told him. "And I'll be ready to share by then but not now. I went nine years without you. It's not fair I have to share when I'm not ready."

"Ben, you are not sharing me, you are loaning me to a lonely teenager who can't even understand love. Near has saved my life several times. I saved his. It's a special kind of bond. What you and I have is eternal. I don't want your mama to wait for years to have a baby, Ben. I want a bigger family. I've never had a family, Ben. My dad didn't want me because I look like my mama. Your uncle Sammy ran away all the time. Until recently, we have never been a real family. Now, Uncle Sammy and Aunt Sarah are family. Grandpa Bobby is the dad I never had. What makes it real to me is your mama and you. I care about Near, but YOU I LOVE. That never changes. I am not asking you to be without me, Ben. I am not asking you to share me. I want to take Near out to eat because we talked about it many times before I knew you were mine. Can you understand that? Near is not and never will be mine. He's just someone I care about. Yeah, I kind of think of him like a son, but not in any way like I think of you. I care about him? Yeah. What I feel for you is nothing like that

You come from me. You're my flesh and blood. You're mine and always will be. I will never let that change, Ben. Nine years? Yeah, but they were nine years for me too. You weren't alone in that. Can you understand that? We were missing each other. I was missing having you in my life. You were missing having me. It was both ways.

Like most kids his age, Ben was rather stubborn. "You said he was like a son to you.. which means I have to share. Dad.. why? Why can't he stay wherever he comes from?"

"He comes from an orphanage, son. He has no family. He's been picked on and ridiculed most of his life. I'm the first person he has opened up to and become friends with. He does not think of me as a dad. I feel like a dad to him because he has no one. Ben, he won't be around all the time. L is training him to be the next L. Matt and Mello will work with him because he has no emotions to release because of his disorder. He does seem to care about me. I am glad, Ben. He's never done so before, as far as I know. You're not sharing me. I talk with him at times. I enjoy talking with him and helping him. Ben, I talk with you, read with you, play games with you, hold you in my arms and think about all I've missed with you. You missed a dad, Ben, but you had so many people who loved you. I had no one, Ben. Near didn't either and we kind of got drawn to each other. Near doesn't like crowds so he tends to stay alone. Sometimes I put together puzzles with him. I do everything with you. I love you. You aren't sharing me. Please understand that. I'm your dad."

Little arms crossed over his chest, looking like Dean when he was being mutinous over something.

Dean stood up so Ben had to look up at him. "I'll pack your things, Ben. You and I can leave in the morning. You can say goodbye to your mom then."

"Huh?"

"You think you're the only one who doesn't want to share, Ben? Your mama has had you for nine years. Why should I have to share you?"

"It's different!"

"Why is it different?"

"Because Moms and Dads have to share kids," he pointed out in little boy wisdom. "But kids don't have to share with strange kids who aren't family."

"Ben, family is people you care about. They don't have to be blood. Grandpa Bobby is not blood. Aunt Sarah is not blood. For me Ryuzaki, Watari, Mello, Matt, and Near are not blood, but I care about them. That makes them family to me. There are a lot of moms and dads in this world who don't get to share their kids. I was told last year that you weren't mine. Your mom was right to say that because I could have caused you harm. Thing is it didn't make you any less mine. Ben, you're my son. Can't you understand? No matter what Near may mean to me, it's you I love, live with, take care of, do things with, and plan to have around for the rest of my life. I won't have that with Near. I just care about him. That can never change what you and I have. One night, Ben, to keep a promise I made. He's going to be here through the holidays." I'm the one you crawl into bed with. I'm the one who gets up early on his days off and fixes breakfast with you...you, Ben I'm the one who got you the dog. I'm the one who is going to teach you about cars, life, and women when you get old enough. I won't be teaching or doing any of that with Near. It's with you."

He scuffed his shoes in the dirt. "I know.. I hear you but I'm still afraid."

"What are you afraid of, son?"

"Cause he's all smart and stuff. He'll take you away and I won't have a daddy again. I don't like him. Wish he would go away so you won't see how dumb I am compared to him."

"Ben? You sound like me. You have no idea how many people had to tell me I was smart. You are being home schooled because you are so far ahead of the kids around here. You're like your Uncle Sammy. He got a full ride to Standford, Ben. You are the smartest kid I know. You aren't genius but very few people are. It is really hard for geniuses. You are a normal kid with a lot of smarts. Dumb? Give me a break, Ben. I have trouble keeping up with you. Why do you think your Uncle Sam took over the algebra? I don't know many kids who are doing algebra at your age, son. Smart? Yeah, you're smart."

He scuffed the dirt again. "Not smart like him though." He really was scared of losing Dean.

"Only L is smarter than him, Ben. We don't talk genius talk when we talk. I don't talk genius stuff when you and I talk. We talk about things you are interested in. I enjoy that. You ask me questions and it makes me feel so good to be able to answer them. Tom Sawyer is a good example, son. I don't want you to be smart like him, Ben. People who are smart like the boys have problems in the outside world. Their friendships pretty much remain within small groups. I love you as you are. Just you. I'm not going anywhere where I'm not coming back. You're stuck with me."

He looked at Dean, tears in his eyes. "Promise?"

Dean leaned down and picked his son up into his arms. "I promise but you got to promise the same thing to me."

Ben held onto him tightly, not wanting to ever let go.

Dean squeezed him tight and headed towards the house with his son. "I still want an okay from you, but not tonight." They walked into the house, the others were cleaning the kitchen and looked up as Dean carried his son to the boy's room.

Ben didn't let him go, just hanging onto him.

Everyone waited in the living room but Dean did not return. Lisa and Sam walked to Ben's room, but saw no light on. Sam carefully opened the door. They were asleep on Ben's bed, neither undressed, shoes still on, dog laying across Dean's legs. Dean was halfway on his back and Ben lay on top of him, his father's arms around him.

Sam sighed softly at that. "I was worried there for a bit."

Remembering the badly exhausted father who had sat on the floor crying while she had shared his son with him, Lisa sighed. "I wasn't. Dean will always do the right thing by both of those boys. Ben is his son though, no matter how much he cares for Near, he will talk a storm to this one. Dean will get to take Near out to the steak house, but he'll plan something incredible for Ben and him. I know he will. I know Dean."


	105. Chapter 105

What Hasn't Been Dealt With...Sam

"I hope so. I remember being jealous over Dean too when he was acting big brother to another kid my age. It was hard.. so damned hard," he murmured.

"Yes, but which of you did Dean come home to, suffer for, care for over anything and everything, Sam?"

"Me.. it was me. When you're a kid though, it's hard to accept anyone else. Especially when that one person is pretty much all you have."

"Yet you were always running away from him, Sam Dean gives so freely of himself because he's afraid of being alone. He was so afraid of losing you. He talked to me about it a few months ago. Dean doesn't want anyone to feel that alone. When you were at Stanford, your dad walked out on him. Dean acted like it was normal to have that. He told you he was 26 and old enough to handle his own cases. Covering up was what he was doing, Sam. He told me you'd run away at least once. He took it as leaving him, not your dad. That's why he's this way."

"Don't even start, Lisa. I ran away because I was scared of losing Dean and my dad didn't give a damn about what I wanted. Dean kept being daddy's little soldier and tried to balance my wants with Dad's demands," he told her.

"You're not over that are you? Dean gives because it's now a part of him, Sam. For the longest time before Ryuzaki and Watari helped him, he gave because he was afraid if he wasn't needed he wouldn't be wanted. He wanted his dad's love, Sam. He never got it. I always thought he put you first. Isn't that why he got in so much trouble with your dad when you went to Stanford? He told me he gave you every penny he owned to see to it you had food and a place to sleep on that bus trip. He took that punishment when you disappeared and went somewhere south. He was taking care of you. Dean would do anything for you, Sam. You always came before your dad. Always. Dean was caught between you two. He wanted to be there for his dad and have his approval, but you were his to care for and he loves you like he could never love his dad. If you don't believe that think of his reactions and his face when you and your dad fought. You have always had your brother's heart."

He shrugged, looking tired. "Good night, Lisa."

"Good night, Sam. Maybe you need to talk to your brother like Ben just did. You certainly have not gotten over it."

"In my own time."

"Sam, Dean doesn't deserve this. Think back over the past months with Watari and Ryuzaki. Think about what Dean has said and done. What he has gone through for you. Your dad never had him. You did."

He shut the door, than looked at her. "Don't, Lisa. You've no right to go there. I'm not taking this out on Dean, and I would never do that."

"You are right, Sam. You are not taking it out on Dean. You've taken charge and protected him. Sam, by holding that inside instead of getting it out into the open between you, you hurt both of you...mainly because it is there." Lisa stepped closer and kissed the tall man. "I love you, Sam. I shouldn't have to tell you that your brother does. Good night."

Sam shook his head, heading towards the living room he took Sarah's hand and headed towards their trailer

"You all right, Sam? You look upset.".

"Lisa..just sick of lectures."

"Why would Lisa say anything to you? What lectures? I don't recall you talking about getting lectures lately. We've been here for months. What lectures, Sam?"

Sam told her what Lisa had said, pouring himself a glass of water after putting his shoes away.

"Honey, that doesn't sound like much of a lecture, but more of her being concerned about you and Dean. Why haven't you talked to him about this? I'm not lecturing, love. I'm curious."

"What is there to talk about, Sarah? Nothing; not really. How much I hate my birth father for putting us through this shit and making Dean my dad when he shouldn't have been?"

"Sam, there is something if it's still bothering, baby. You are upset in some way with Dean too. You told her that he had to balance caring for you with being his dad's little soldier. Sam you are upset with him for that. Dean didn't give all to you. That's what's wrong, sweetie. You need to talk to him. Let it out, honey. If you don't, at some point, you will flash and it could hurt you both, definitely emotionally and mentally, possibly physically. Please, Sam. Don't hold this in, my love. Come to bed and let me see if I can make you feel better."

"I just want her to back off. It's not her place," he said, putting the glass in the sink.

"Sam, Lisa is seeing what I am seeing...the possibility of you two getting hurt because if comes out the wrong way, one or both of you will. I think she only asked you to talk to Dean and tried to tell you that Dean loves you enough to give all for you. I can't blame her for wanting to make sure Dean doesn't face any more family pain. I would have said the same to Dean if it had been him, my love."

"I know he does, Sarah, and I don't blame him for any of it."

"I know you hate your dad. Believe me, we all do. Sam, you sounded bitter over Dean. Talking about him wanting to be your dad's little soldier. and balancing your dad's wants with your needs. From what I had understood from Bobby that's one reason Dean was not with your dad after you left. Yes, Dean wanted his dad's love, but Sam, it was yours that meant the world to him. I watched a different Dean accept what you and Bobby planned for him and for the shop. He was so shook up he was shaking, Sam. Then, Ben topped it off. He took it because you are Sam and Bobby is Bobby. You are family.. his family and I watched Dean Winchester not only not argue with you, although he questioned, but he actually obeyed you two, Sam. Whose soldier is he really? He would die for you, but not John Winchester. No, he is the little soldier of Sam Winchester and Bobby Singer. Think on that one, my sweet."

"I know that, Sarah," he said, sitting on their bed. "It's not Dean I'm upset with even though people think I am. I just wish I could beat the shit out of John Winchester.. just once."

"Why? He's dead, Sam. He can't hurt either of you unless you let him. It does no good. By letting him make you feel this way, you are only letting him control your feelings. It's not good for you, my love. Seriously. Let it go. You and Dean both have families now. When we marry, I'll be your family. I hope we'll have lots of children, Sam, because you will be a great dad. Bobby loves you like a father. You're his son. You have Dean and always will. We'll be sharing the same house, hon. It won't be bad. Let him go. He's worthless and good only for the pain he caused. Don't let him cause more pain." With this, Sarah kissed the man she loved and pulled him into the bed.

Sam lost himself in her, pushing everything aside simply to focus on the one he loved.

Morning arrived at an early hour for most of the group. Bobby was at Sam and Sarah's helping to fix breakfast. Sam woke up and saw the suitcases were ready and smiled. He showered and dressed and joined the two in the kitchen. There was a knock at the door and Lisa's head popped in.

"Hey, guys, I brought the fresh fruit and the juices" Sam grabbed the door and opened it so Dean's girl could enter with the large tray she was carrying.

He didn't say much, just opened the door and then went out to check the vehicles, making sure everything was ready.

Lisa recognized the attitude as pure Winchester. Her son had it in abundance as Dean found out last night. She was not about to get involved any further.

Sam went to his brother's trailer, going into Ben's room to tap his brother's foot, "Dean, time to get up." He noticed that his brother was still completely clothed, shod, with his son still in his arms and the dog on his legs. One eye opened as he looked up at his brother. Sam wondered if he got any rest like that. "It's time to get up. The girls are making breakfast," he told his brother.

"Kay. It's really morning? I slept like this all night?" Dean stared at his son and the large dog on his legs, and wondered if he still had legs. There was no feeling there

Sam nudged the dog off of the bed, ordering it out of the room in a stern tone. "You slept like that all night."

Dean nudged his son and softly said his name. Ben woke up and looked at his dad, his Uncle Sam, and where he was. His eyes got big. "I slept on you? All night?"

"Yeah you did, Ben. You should go get cleaned up and ready for breakfast," Sam told him. "Your mom is in my trailer."

Dean forced himself to sit up. He looked up at his brother and frowned. "What's wrong, Sam?"

"Nothing.. just didn't sleep well," he said quietly.

Dean stared at him, a hurt expression on his face. He nodded, and began to see if his legs worked.

Sam sighed. "Your girlfriend decided to lecture me last night because I'm still dealing with shit from Dad. I didn't appreciate it as I'm handling it the best I can. It's slow progress but it's progress."

"Lisa doesn't lecture, Sam. She talks and she makes sense when she does. Why the hell didn't you tell me? We agreed no more keeping things hidden away. You weren't gonna tell me. If I didn't know how to read you when you lie, you wouldn't have." Dean leaned down, trying to rub circulation back into his limbs so he could get up.

"I'm not hiding anything, Dean. And she does lecture, which I didn't appreciate. She seems to think I hold some sort of grudge against you without even bothering to ask how I feel." He ran fingers through his hair. "I don't.. not against you. I still want to kick the old man's ass for how he screwed us over. I'm working on it. I did talk to you about this before and there's no sense beating a dead horse over and over again."

"First off, that's not like Lisa. What'd you say? How'd you say it, Sam? Second, if you still got issues, than it's not a beating a dead horse over and over again. It's alive and kicking, Sam. Not too long ago, you told me that you took it as a compliment when I said you were like Dad, cause you are. It was not a compliment at the time, Sam. We all need to sit down and talk cause that's not Lis."

He sighed. "My head is screwed up still where he is concerned, Dean. I thought I was doing ok and then it boils right back up again. I can't get it to stay down."

"All right. Before we leave. Before we do anything, we talk.. all of us. Then, when they get here, you start sessions with someone... Watari or L, your choice. I love you, Sam, but this has got to be taken care of."

"I'll work with them, Dean, I promise.. but not Lisa. I love her and know you love her. .but it's not any of her business and she won't stop her prying." His voice was mild, not insulting at all.

Dean pulled himself up, wincing. He limped towards the living room and out the door towards Sam's house...a determined look on his face. For the life of him, Lisa was not a prying person. He knew that. Something was not right and he was fixing to find out.

Bobby looked up when Dean entered. "Hey Dean, breakfast is almost ready."Dean walked past everyone and up to the woman he loved. "Lis, what happened with Sam last night? Were you prying? What the hell did he say to start all this?"

Lisa told him the conversation, hands busy with breakfast as she did so.

"Okay. Where's Sam? I thought he was behind me? Lisa, you don't know nor can you understand completely what Dad was like. You only know bits and pieces. Never thought Sam cared one way or the other about Dad and me. Hell, I never had Dad, but I did try. Girls, both of you, when it comes to things between Sam and me, let us deal. You stay out of it. Bobby will tell you it's better that way."

Dean walked out.

He met Sam on his way to his trailer to find him.

"Sam, I don't think she meant it to be prying or picking on you. She thought you were upset with me and was trying to make you see I wasn't doing that. I told both of them, Lisa and Sarah to stay out of the stuff between us. Now, breakfast is almost ready, but we need to talk"

"I know we do, Dean, and I'm not hiding from that. It's just.. I have a hard time opening up with others too. I don't know her and it just rubbed me the wrong way. She'll never be able to understand, not really," he said with a sigh, running fingers through his hair.

"You got that way wrong, Sammy. She lives with me. All our life, who was after who to open up and talk?"

"Yeah, Dean, with me because we had no one else and who else was going to understand what we were facing day in and day out?"

"Sam, when it came to personal, no one could get anything out of me. I clammed up. I had good reason to, but I did it to you too. You never once told me you didn't want me around. You just ran off, Sam. I know part of it was Dad. But if you hadn't been upset with me, you would've told me what you were gonna do instead of leaving me to take the hell from Dad. You never once asked me what he did or said to me when we found you gone. It was my job, Sam. He loved you and I got...er...he loved you. It was my fault."

Sam snorted. "He didn't love me, Dean, he hated me. I caught him looking at me with so much hatred in his eyes. I said it was you but it wasn't. It was him I wanted away from that and how he had you jumping at everything simply because he wanted it."

"I was trapped, Sam. You know that. He would've told everyone what happened. I would've gone with you, Sam. I would've... I wasn't a brother. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry." Dean turned and headed off behind the trailers.

He grabbed Dean's arm. "I never blamed you, Dean, not once. I said I did back then but it was to hide the problem. If I told you that Dad hated me back then, you'd have told me to shut up and finish eating my spaghetti-ohs."

"Yeah, well...I didn't think I had anyone, Sam. Okay? I did everything I knew to do to make things okay for you. You don't know what went between Dad and me. Hell. I should have told L" Dean's laugh ended on a sob. "Anyway, L knew he was an asshole and life wasn't easy for me. It wasn't for you either, Sam and you had no one to go to. I'm sorry."

"I've got you now, right?"

"Yeah, little brother, you do." Dean pulled Sam into his arms and held him.

Sam hugged him back, not letting go. "Never ever think it was you. I'm sorry I hid behind angry words back then. I didn't know what else to do at that age. You were my everything growing up."

Dean's voice inflected a childlike quality when he spoke, "Really?" Sam realized just how hard things had been for his brother also, but he had not truly realized until now that Dean honestly thought everyone wanted him gone.

"Yup, really. Tell you what, after the holidays, we're playing hookie for a few days. I think it's time you and I did something fun.. just the two of us."


	106. Chapter 106

Sam to the rescue

"I'd like that more than anything. We've never done anything like that. We're gonna have to run it by the families. Sam, I'm buying a ring today. I'm asking Lisa to marry me, and I want to do it during the holidays. Will you be my best man?"

"I'd be insulted if you didn't ask me that," he teased.

"I think that Ben should be the one to give his mom away. I'll talk to her about it. That's why I want to take her out tomorrow night. I was wondering if either you and Sarah, or Bobby might keep Ben for the night? Probably Bobby, because you and Sarah need some down time too."

"Let Bobby have him. I know those two will have fun and get into trouble."

"God help us. Yeah, I'll ask him. Ben needs time with his grandpa. You know, Lisa doesn't talk marriage, Sam. That kinda scares me. What if she says no?"

"Then she's dumber then dirt," he told him.

"She ain't dumb, Sam. She's really smart, except when it comes to me. I've never had a serious relationship ever. Lisa is the only one. Love, yeah, but something that lasted this long? No You're the one who knows how to do this kind of thing. My experience is one-nighters. Do women talk marriage? Does Sarah?"

"I'm just saying that if she turns you down, she will be. And Sarah hasn't, not to me since I mentioned I did want to share my life with her."

"I did too, Sam, but it's been a while and we've not talked any more. I want to do this right. I'm buying a ring and I'm gonna wine and dine her and ask her. If I can find a place that has soft music and dancing, I'll do it all."

"Maybe that's what she's waiting on?"

"I bet you're right, Sam. Tomorrow night is the night. I guess I get to try that suit you had to have picked out when ya'll bought those clothes for me. I know she bought some pretty stuff for herself so I will make it a point to let her

know we are going someplace really nice. I got to do some digging after we get there tomorrow. I mean, expensive nice. You know?"

"I do know. Dean.. just be yourself. Which restaurant are you going to take her to?"

There was a sense of panic in the older brother's voice. "I'm taking my laptop, Sam. I can't find anything like what I want. I want a very nice meal with fancy waiters, candlelight, great music, and dancing. I haven't been able to find anything like that and I've been looking. I don't have enough time in a day. There's got to be one somewhere?"

He grabbed his brother, yanking him into the trailer and past the group. "I know, breakfast is ready, it can wait." Sam was almost in rabid chipmunk speech as he told them this before dragging his brother into the bedroom, locking the door behind them and turning music on to stop eavesdropping. He reached for his laptop. "Ok, time to plan."

Okay. What do I need to do, Sam? Hell! This is so new to me. I had no idea it took so much. I thought, suit, ring, restaurant. I am such a fool. Shoulda had this all done weeks ago."

"Sit down, let me search," he said, pulling up websites.

Dean always had strange, nervous and bored mannerisms but his actions today were that of a man who thinks he's screwed things up.

Sam was quiet for a moment, reaching up to tug his brother to sit down. "How's this one look? It has a dancing floor, big band style, and is reputed to be one of the highest rated restaurants in the city."

"Can we get reservations for tomorrow this late, cause that would be perfect, man."

He picked up his cell phone, dialing the number. "Yes, I'm calling to inquire about reservations for tomorrow night. Do you have a table available?" He listened for a moment. "That would be perfect. Also, do you know if the chef and staff would be available to help with a marriage proposal?" There was another long pause. "Perfect. The reservation name will be for Dean Winchester, party of two. I see.. thank you very much." He hung up. "Reservation is at eight. The chef will have something special cooked up for dessert for the proposal."

"Really? They do that? Desserts for proposals? Wow! Thanks, Sam.," Dean's voice was almost a whisper as he grabbed his brother and hugged him in a tight squeeze.

Sam hugged him back, laughing. "You're all set and this is our little secret," he winked playfully.

Dean looked incredibly excited, but still tired. Sam figured sleeping, fully clothed, with a boy and a huge dog on top of you had to make for very little rest. He figured they'd be a little crowded in the Impala, but Bobby had mentioned the possibility of taking his truck. Maybe they could get Ben to ride with him, he would drive (Dean would just love that), and his brother and Lisa could relax in the back seat. He stared at him and figured out how to broach the subject in hand.

"Since you're tired, why don't you crash in the back with Lisa? I could drive for a bit until you're more steady on your feet."

Hazel eyes met his with a curious stare. "I thought I slept all night, and I don't remember waking up at all. Do I look tired, Sam?"

"You look exhausted. You slept with Ben and the mutt on you all night."

Sam was expecting a battle, but received the shock of a lifetime. His brother sighed, "Yeah, I guess you're right. I did. I might actually catch a nap in her lap. That could be fun. Haven't had too many women in the back seat of that car. Come to think of it, Anna's been the only one." Dean smiled. "Cold breakfast and angry family? Shall we?"

"Sure," he said, rising to his feet after turning off the laptop.

The two men entered the kitchen where Bobby, Ben and two stern-looking women waited for them. Dean walked to Lisa and kissed her.

"We're sorry. We were taking care of some things, important things. I hope we didn't ruin all of your work?"

"We managed to salvage it but what were you two up to?"

"Well, I got reservations for two nights at the hotel. I want to take Lisa out somewhere really special. It was supposed to be a surprise. Anyway, Lis, got the reservations thanks to Sammy. You will need to bring one of those

beautiful dresses you bought. I will bring my suit. There's dancing too. Bobby, can Ben stay the night with you? I figure Sam may want to make some plans too."

Everyone, but Sam and Ben, turned to stare when Dean mentioned his new suit and dancing.

Bobby chuckled, immediately snapping to what he was doing. "Yup, we'll have a movie night and see how much sugar we both can get through."

"Hey, Ben. You got a problem with riding to town with your Grandpa? I've been a bad boy lately and not getting the right kind of sleep. Your mama is going to sit in the back seat, and I'm gonna put my head in her lap and try to sleep on the way there. Would that be all right, son?"

"I don't mind," he chirped.

Dean kissed Lisa a second time. He and Sam joined the others for breakfast.


	107. Chapter 107

Dean's Problems

The meal passed as it usually did, lively and full of chatter as they shared the food and anticipation of the trip they were about to go on.

Dean rose from the table, not having eaten much. He leaned over and kissed Lisa and ruffled Ben's hair. Picking up his dishes, he scraped off what he didn't eat, rinsed them, and placed them in the dishwasher.

"I'm heading over to pack my stuff. What all do you want packed for Ben, Lis? I'll leave yours for you. I'm not getting yelled at for forgetting something."

Sam knew his were packed. He thought about Dean's mess up about the reservations for a restaurant, remembering everything his brother had been trying to do on too little sleep. Grinning, he said, "Mind if I join you, Dean." Bobby winked at his younger son, nodding approval.

Dean stopped for a second and stared at both men. Sudden comprehension showed in the hazel eyes, his lips pursed for just a second before he nodded yes.

Sam put something together and then headed out of the trailer with Dean, handing him a healthy sandwich. "Eat that, ok? We'll get things taken care of."

Dean looked at the sandwich and sighed. "Are you telling me I didn't eat enough, Sam? I know how to pack." He stopped and stared at his tall brother, who had a habit of appearing a lot bigger than usual of late. "Because I messed up the dinner and stuff?"

"Dean, you barely ate three bites before getting up. And no, it isn't because you almost messed things up. You didn't sleep much last night and working hard beforehand. I just want to help to make sure everything goes all right," he pointed out.

"Yeah, you're right, Sam. I need to go through Lis' jewelry. I haven't been able to find a sneaky way to get a ring size. I'm buying one today."

"Check that while I get your stuff together first before Ben's, ok? And eat first!" He poked him playfully.

Dean sat on the porch steps and ate his sandwich, knowing his brother watched to make sure he didn't wolf it down. Lisa had been adamant about that. After the last bite, he stood up and headed into the house. He went through the chest of drawers until he found her jewelry case. Lisa didn't have many pieces of jewelry. What she did have, her parents had bought her. He wanted her to have a something she deserved to

have and it had to come from him. He planned to buy her ring, and then something really nice for Christmas. His wife should have nice things and they should not have come from her parents.

Sam went through his brother's belongings, packing nice clothes to shop in as well as for the restaurant. Everything the man would need for this venture.

Dean headed to his son's room and put together what the boy would need for the next few days. He met his brother in the living room. Sam had a suitcase and a suit bag in his hands. Dean's eyes widened. "We got suitcases? When the hell did we get those, and where have they been hiding?

"You can thank Lisa for that," he laughed. "I found them on a shelf in your closet actually. You're not gonna be able to shop at the store you want to in jeans, so I packed something nicer to wear so the sales people will take you seriously."

"Really? Aw, damn it, Sam. I'm gonna have to deal with snobs? I hate that. I hope they'll take me seriously. I'm not...what's the word? Couth? Hell I don't k now. I'm just me Will they even let me look at one?"

"Go in there without looking nervous, be confident and polite, and they'll have no problems with you. Did you want me to go with you?"

"You know I'll end up acting like I did with Sarah's dad. Cocky, that's what Sarah told me a while back when she mentioned it. Cocky? If they don't look down their noses, Sam, I can do what you said, but hell...Would you mind?"

"I packed for the occasion, just in case," he said with a smile.

Sam found the look of relief on his brother's face almost comical. Dean had never been raised to know how to act with the upper crust. Servants and people who dealt with the wealthy were worse... sometimes worse than the wealthy themselves. Dean, being Dean, would hide behind an attitude.

At this time Lisa and Ben entered. Ben ran to his room for some toys and a book.. The men watched Dean's future wife head towards their bedroom and shut the door. Sam saw his brother smile the smile that few ever saw. It was soft and gentle and so unlike the Dean most people knew. He grinned, glad that a woman finally brought it out of him.

"Let's get these loaded up so we'll know how to plot out trunk space for the cars," he told him.

Dean picked up his son's suitcase, noting that Ben had placed the toys and book in a satchel to be packed also. Smiling, he grabbed the satchel and suitcase and headed out the door, Sam behind him with the two items that were Dean's.

They loaded the car and Sam went to get his and Sarah's cases to pack as well. Lisa showed with a suitcase, a bag for the dress, and a makeup case. Dean looked at all of that, and then at the woman who handed them to him.

"Women really do need this much?" He stared at Lisa and Sarah who had come out behind Sam, realizing he'd said the wrong thing. Turning red, he started grabbing the luggage and arranging things so the bags were on top and less likely to get crushed.

Sam bit his lip, trying not to laugh at the reactions from the ladies. Dean was going to get himself into major trouble.

Dean had the luggage arranged, shut the trunk hood and turned towards Sam, talking low, "Exactly how much crap do they put on their faces, Sam? I never noticed Lis having a case full before." Turning, Dean noticed Sarah standing right behind him. "Sam had not turned around yet, because he was watching Ben and Bobby semi wrestling by Bobby's truck. He heard his brother groan, "Oh, god, I'm dead." Dean was as white as a ghost and Sarah was redder than Dean had been earlier.

He caught it and snickered. "I think I'm going to get the cooler," he said. They'd planned a picnic lunch to save on expenses and to keep things healthy. Dean grabbed his arm, a panicky voice saying, "Like hell you are. I'll go get it. Give people time to calm down."

"All right, Dean, go for it."

Sam watched his brother plaster a very fake smile on a worried face and turn to face not one, but two women. Lisa decided he needed a lesson, so she stood beside Sarah.

"If you ladies would excuse me?"

The younger brother bit back a snicker as the two didn't move, and he leaned against the car. He loved his big brother but Dean could do the dumbest things sometimes.

Bobby leaned down, whispering in Ben's ears. "This is why you never say anything about how much makeup and clothes a lady packs. Got me?"

Ben looked up and nodded, watching his dad dig himself in deeper.

"Aw, come on! Guys don't need that damn much. I can understand a small case, but those things could hold the crown jewels, and I'm not talking mine or Sam's." Dean stared at both women and winced. "MAN!"

Sam and Bobby started cracking up then, watching him get himself into more trouble. This was a definite fun thing for them to watch.

Dean licked his bottom lip, and tried to think of a way out, finding none. He turned to his brother and saw how he and Bobby were enjoying this. "I'm in deep shit, huh?"

"Hip deep, Dean, and sinking fast."

"Oh HELL!" Dean had the look of someone facing a rope at a hanging tree. "Really?"

Sam watched his brother turn even whiter than he was. Sam swore that what tan his brother had was gone and he could probably count the freckles on him if he the inclination.

Dean suddenly relaxed towards both of the angry women in front of him and stood looking facing them.

"Yup, big brother, that you are." He leaned back to watch the show.

"I've never been anywhere with a woman where she would need anything near what would be in those cases. Okay? I mean, damn it, Lis, where you been hiding it all?"

Sam heard Bobby whistle quietly.

"Sinking, Dean, sinking faster," he called out.

"Maybe I am, Sam. Lisa and Sarah are the most beautiful women in the world, man. I can't understand why women as beautiful as they are would need even one half of what would be in those cases. They're beautiful, Sammy." Dean turned back to be face to face with both women if he looked down. He did. "I don't understand. You're both beautiful. Why cover it all up?"

That wasn't exactly a lot to push the anger aside, Sam knew. It was still showing a bit of a lack of appreciation for the hard work they put into looking good for them.

"Are you telling me, by not talking, that it takes all of that to look like you ain't wearing any?

Bobby leaned down, "Hey, Ben, let's go get that cooler."

Ben frowned, "Can't I watch. Dad's saying all the wrong stuff and it's funny."

"I don't think you want to watch the bloodbath that will follow, squirt, so let's get the cooler. Ladies, I think he gets at least partial credit for trying. Just remember, he learned everything pretty much on his own."

Sarah stared at Bobby and then back at Dean. "Then he's not the lady's man like the reputation that preceded him?"

Dean grew angry, "Now that's a low blow, Sarah. You and I have never had sex, so you sure as hell don't know what I'm like. I can see your face from here. Big difference." Sam groaned, and Bobby dragged Ben off.

Sam sighed. "Enough.. Ok? He made a mistake, ladies.. I know.. but no fighting please."

Dean turned to walk off and ran into his brother. He looked up into amused eyes, and turned white again. "Just let me walk away, Sam. Okay? I got to think here."

He squeezed Dean's shoulder, telling him without words that he was there for him if he needed it. Dean nodded and turned to leave.

He froze when Lisa said his name. Bowing his head, Dean Winchester waited. "What happened here, Dean?"

"Lis, I've spent years of one-nighters. I never paid any attention to a woman's bathroom. Hell, I never really got to many women's bedrooms. Okay? You don't keep all this stuff out where I'd be used to it. Neither of you has ever looked like you were wearing a ton of stuff. Ah damn, I've done it again. I haven't been chasing women since you came back into my life, Lis. I've lost that kind of touch, but I don't want to say anything that would hurt you. I joked when I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

Lisa sighed, going to him to hug him. "I think our joke went too far too, love. I'm sorry and apology accepted."

Dean looked shocked. "Wh..wh..what joke?"

"Acting angry when you made all those funny comments," she said. "A lot of women will do what we did to make their guys squirm."

"I was squirming, Lis. It was intentional? You weren't angry? I couldn't think of a damn thing I could say to that back there. I joked because it didn't make sense to me. I blew it. I know, but I was really scared I'd ruined this weekend with you. Damn it, Lis."


	108. Chapter 108

Dean Rebels and Faces the Consequences

"We were just teasing with you, love."

"Okay. Everyone ready to go? Where's Bobby and Ben?" Dean headed to the driver's seat.

Lisa stared at him, eyes wide.

Dean looked back at her. "What, Lisa? I said okay. Let's get going. We've wasted a lot of time joking."

"All right, Love."

Bobby and Ben came out with the cooler. "Got it dad!"

Lisa heard Sarah mutter, "Are we fixing to have a war?" Sarah looked at Sam as Dean got behind the wheel of his car. Bobby's eyes grew large, and he muttered, "Shit. Dean don't need to be driving."

Sam leaned over the window. "Shove over. Remember our agreement?" He knew his brother was tired and needed to nap.

Dean stared at his little brother, forgetting everything at that moment, except he was the big brother. He forgot Sam had been taking charge at his request, and he forgot that Sam had learned to take him on. He also forgot how tired he was.

"I'm wide awake, Sam. Believe me."

"Let me try for a while, ok? You still look tired." He was worried about him.

"I said I'm fine, Sam."

Bobby softly said Sam's name in a tone of voice that gave permission.

"Shove over, Dean," he said to him, pushing him gently but firmly to the passenger seat. Dean slid over but went out the passenger door, coming around to the driver's side. "What the hell are you doing, Sam?"

Sam had taken a seat, keeping Dean from taking over. "Doing what a good little brother should. Now get in shotgun and shut the cakehole."

Dean turned red. At this time, Bobby stepped in. "Dean Winchester! Get your ass in the back seat with Lisa. It's what you agreed to. NOW!"

It grew suddenly quiet as Dean stared into the eyes of the man who was father to him. "Yes, Sir," was softly heard. Dean climbed into the back seat as Sarah rode shotgun.

The younger brother sighed, hoping Dean wouldn't be pissed with him. He was worried about him.

Bobby watched Dean sit stiffly on his side of the car, shook his head, and walked to the doctor's office. He told the doctor about everything. The lack of sleep, forgetfulness, not eating right, and what happened today. He asked the doctor to step in and help Dean. He explained what was planned for the weekend. They did not want Dean to miss out, but he did need some help.

The doctor listened seriously before walking out with Bobby. "Dean, would you come here a moment please?"

Sam looked at his brother's face. Dean was in a panic. He jumped out of the car, stumbling as he did so. He quickly approached Bobby and the doctor.

The doctor braced him. "Take a deep breath slowly, hold it for the count of five, than exhale on a six count."

Dean had stiffened when the doctor grabbed hold of him. He made eye contact and did not break it as he followed the doctor's orders.

"Again, keep on until you feel the panic subside."

Sam watched his brother breathe in deeply and exhale. He did it several times and slowly calmed. Dean waited on the doctor, knowing he was in trouble.

"How do you feel, better now," the physician asked him.

"I'm not panicking any more, Doc. Am I grounded?"

"Are you?" He checked him over, taking a wrist to check his pulse.

"Am I what? Panicking or grounded?" Dean was nervous, his pulse was high. "Look, Doc, I got major plans for this weekend. I can't be grounded."

"I won't ground you if you promise to follow specific orders. Will you hear me out and make that promise in front of someone?" Dean swallowed several times. The doctor could tell he was shaking. He nodded, "O..k..kay, Doc."

He gestured for Bobby to come forward. "I'm giving Dean orders for the weekend and he's promised to follow them. First order, plenty of rest and limited stress. Let Sam or someone else do the driving. Nothing mentally taxing if possible. You will spend at least an hour meditating a day to help balance you."

"W..w..what?" Dean stared in surprise. "D..doc, I need to talk to you...alone."

"What is it, Dean? Just you, me, and Bobby here," he said, voice low.

"Doc, only Sam knows."

Bobby nodded, moving out of the way until the doctor called for him again.

"Doc, we are gonna be gone for two days. We are shopping for the cabin. The thing is, I have to go to one of these fancy jewelers and face a bunch snobs who look down on guys like me. Sam is gonna come with me to keep me out of trouble. I'm buying a ring for Lisa. I'm taking her to a really fancy restaurant and I'm taking her dancing. Me, doc...in a fancy suit and dancing. I'm asking her to marry me. How the hell can I do what you are asking?"

"Easily.. you're making a bigger deal out of it than it is.'

"Doc, I've never had a relationship that lasted this long before. I love her. It is a big deal to me. I have never kept a good girl as mine before. Nothing has gone right today. I've been blowing it all day. I can't afford to."

"Look at me. Calm down. If you don't calm down, you'll be hospitalized in an hour. Understand? Take it you can do. Dump as much on Sam and Bobby as you can. If you don't, I'm grounding you."

"Doc, I'm completely not in control any more. Taking it slow is all they're letting me do. I'm doing what they ask. I just lost it for a bit. I'm tired, Doc. Not just my body, but my mind. I want to be able to handle things like Sam can. I've always been able to do stuff before. Why is it staying this hard? I'm well, so why?"

"Because you're still not scheduling and prioritizing as you should. You're reacting first instead of thinking through things."

"Doc, last night, my life became a calendar full of prioritizing and scheduling. My shop is no longer under my control. I get to work a half day every day, Doc. That's all. It's got me freaking out, but I'll find a way to deal with it. I have online school and the diesel classes in the city, so I do understand, but it's my shop, Doc. I guess, I am not sure how to handle it, but I will learn how. It's gonna take a little time. There's been a lot of emotional stress today. I snapped."

"That's the problem. You're taking things too personal right now. Your family is doing what is best for you. Be damned grateful instead of reacting this way, Dean. Most people would ignore you and let you kill yourself with exhaustion and stress. Now, can you follow my orders?"

"I can try, Doc. The only meditating I know how to do clears your mind and you go to sleep."

"That'll do.. something to relax. No stress."

"How long is this to go on? Just during the trip?"

"I'll evaluate you after you return and see how that is doing," he told him.

Dean just nodded, shoulders slumped. "Can we leave now, Doc, cause we're way past time to leave. If that's all right."

"I'm holding you to it, Dean."

"I know, Doc."

"Have a good weekend, and good luck," he smiled at him.

Dean almost smiled, and his eyes looked dull. "Thanks, Doc."

He tapped the other. "None of that. Smile, live.. enjoy yourself."

"You know what, Doc? Maybe one of these days I can."

"I'm thinking you've got pretty damned good reasons as to why you should today," he said, gesturing at the family waiting for him.

"You know, they played an ultimate joke on me today, and I couldn't deal with it. What an ass."

"No.. just stressed and that shows the high level of it."

"Really? So how do I go back there and unstress this?"

"Easy, enjoy time with your family and forget about the shop and everything else. Live in this moment for now."

"Just like that. Let everything that has happened go? Pretend it never happened? It was so stupid."

"If they don't bring it up, you don't."

"Okay. Thanks, Doc. I'll do all I can to follow your orders."

"I know you can do it, Dean."

"Thank you for believing in me, Doc."

"Of course. Now scram, I think Ben is trying to convince Sam to let him drive," he said, snickering.

Dean's grin was more natural and his eyes smiled too. He headed to the car, climbing into the back seat behind Sarah so he could have more leg room.

"Ben, go ride with Grandpa. Later, we'll use a different car and I'll teach you," he teased the boy, who ran to Bobby.

Dean stretched out as best he could. laying his head in Lisa's lap. "Wake me when we stop, Sam." Soon his eyes were closed, Lisa playing with his hair.

"No problem," he said, starting the Impala.

Dean was soon asleep. Bobby called Sam. Sam answered his cell. 'Yeah, Bobby?"

"No need to talk, son. From what little I overheard, it's stress and exhaustion. We keep him calm and the doc has orders for him. We can still all have a lot of fun this weekend."

"Okay, I think we can do that."

"We better cause the doc is talking hospital if we can't help him, Sam. There goes both schools if that happens. I don't think he'll try college again if that happens."

"I know, Bobby. We'll help him. That's what family is for," he told him.

Sam heard Lisa murmur softly, "Yes, it is." He looked in the back seat from the rear view mirror and could see that she was caressing Dean's stomach and chest where his shirt and t-shirt had ridden up. His brother's breathing was slow and steady...asleep.

He ended the call, focusing on the road.


	109. Chapter 109

First half of the road trip 

Lisa pulled her hand away, and everyone in the car heard a soft murmur from the head in her lap, "Don't stop."

Sarah whispered, "He awake?"

Lisa shook her head, "He sometimes talks in his sleep."

"A lot louder usually," Sam said with a chuckle.

"Yes he does talk louder usually."

He grinned, turning on some Beethoven and focused back on the road.

"Does he know you play Beethoven in his car?" Lisa asked, laughter in her voice.

From her lap a voice sounded, softly again, "Hell, yeah, how could he not. Right, Sammy?"

"Driver chooses the music," he began, snickering.

"Throwing my own rules at me now, Sammy?"

"Damn straight," he joked.

"It's all right, Sam. That'll put anyone to sleep."

Lisa laughed, "Sam, if you have Wagner, we can use it to wake him."

"This stuff won't wake anyone, Lis. I'm going back to sleep."

Sam grinned, flipping the lists on his mp3 player and the _Ride of the Valkyries_ filled the car.

Dean came up straight, hitting his head on the ceiling of the car, a stream of profanity escaping from him.. "What the? SAM!"

"Yes?"

"What the hell! What is that?"

"Wagner's_ Ride of the Valkries_," he said, grinning.

"Yeah? Well what the hell is it?"

"Classical music," was the response.

"Like hell it is. It sounds like what Elmer Fudd sang when he was chasing Bugs Bunny."

Sarah started giggling. "That's where they found the tune."

"Isn't that what they call subliminal advertising? Forcing us to listen to classical music and not telling us that's what it is?"

"It works," Sam laughed.

Dean was speechless for a moment, his mouth working, trying to figure out how to respond to such an atrocity. "It's not right, Sam. Music ought to be someone's choice. Forcing people to listen to it on Bugs Bunny is wrong."

"Oh come on, Dean, it's a great way to expose kids to the classics. It could be worse."

"Yeah? How?"

"Could be country on Sesame Street."

"That is sick, Sam."

He snickered.

Dean sat up at this point, sitting on his side of the car. Everyone realized they had really woke him up. "How long til we get there? Better yet, with you driving, where are we?"

"About an hour into the trip," he said. "And I'm not a bad navigator, Dean."

He could see his brother's grin in the mirror, and knew it was going to be a long trip. He should have had second thoughts on _Ride of the Valkries_. No, Dean's reaction was priceless.

The music continued to play as he drove, keeping an eye on the road and the other on his brother.

Dean was tolerating the classical music, no comments were made from the rear seat, but he was talking up a storm with Sarah, his arms crossed on the back of rear seat Sam and Lisa both wondered what he was saying to her.

Dean was talking about past Christmases and why this coming one was so important to the Winchesters. He was talking about finding a massive live tree for the main room of the cabin. He knew she was artistic and was asking advice for decorating the big room.

Sarah was giving it, telling him about possibilities that could be done by hand if he wanted it with all homemade ornaments.

Dean loved the idea of homemade. He was wondering how many days it would take if all of them were involved, to make enough for a ten foot tree. The ceiling was at twelve feet. He also talked about garland for the beams and what to hang with the garland. He wanted to have Christmas cactus if everyone liked them. If not, they would go in his kitchen which was going to look out a on cactus garden.

She told him about ideas that Ben could do and she needed a sewing machine so she could make items as well given sewing by hand was time consuming.

There's a street that deals with antiques, crafts, and stuff. I walked during lunch one day. I didn't go in any of them because I was covered with grease, but I won't have any on today and tomorrow. I would like some antiques in our part of the house. The sewing shop carries a brand that is real expensive. Someone saw me staring in the window and all the grease. They came out and talked to me. It's supposed to be the kind of machine that will last a lifetime. Good way to go."

"Depends on how much it is," she murmured.

"Sarah, Sam and I worked that case for L. We got paid. Neither one of us has spent it, living off the shop instead. Believe me, you can fix your place up really nice, and buy that machine. L pays like I never would have imagined."

She gave a soft smile. "Thanks, Dean."

"I'll tell you this, if you don't buy one, I will. You might regret that. They have different things they can do. I'd just go buy the top of the line which has everything. It even quilts."

The smile grew brighter. "Miracle machine."

"Yeah, maybe it is. I just thought that a craft room would be nice and a machine like that would be useful for everyone. Quilted ornaments would sure look nice on that tree."

"It just might at that," she answered.

"I thought maybe some quilted cactus, coyotes, jack rabbits, and roadrunners would look neat on the tree along with the regular type of Christmas stuff. You know, angels, snowmen, candy canes, and other stuff like that. You think there might be a place to buy crystal beads instead of using garland? They'd reflect the light real pretty. Maybe we could have flasher lights with lots of color and bubble lights. I saw some. They are cool."

Sarah paused for a moment. "Dean.. with the bead work, you're talking about mixing country with a more delicate style. That might not mesh."

"Really? What then? Wait! They had these red hand painted beads that looked stained as if they were old. They were kind of like cranberries but bigger. They might work. Does the rest sound all right? If you don't think bringing the desert and mountains in, we can change that for the tree, but I do like the home made style. I think we could add eagles to the desert stuff."

"Add the animals to the desert stuff in your garden, I think, and I believe I can make the tree look unique if that's what you want."

"What about all red and crystal? Use white lights, the crystal beads. We could buy a lot of silk poinsettia blooms and have them all over the tree. It would be unique. Otherwise, it's yours if the others agree. I want it to be beautiful, Sarah. It's a big tree. If you don't want live, we can buy a really beautiful fake one."

"You should ask Ben what he wants before you get all gung-ho into this. I happen to know that kids love colored lights," she pointed out.

"Sarah, I don't know what kids like, and we both will be having kids around besides Ben. Yeah, take Ben and go looking, would you? I'll give you a card and carte blanche to buy whatever you want for fixing up Christmas. We're gonna Christmas shop some while doing house stuff. The rest will have to be online."

Her eyes lit up. "I think I have the perfect idea then." And it was going to be a mix of what he was thinking with a more whimsical approach.

Dean grinned. "Great! I hope to have the entire cabin livable by Thanksgiving, and that's only a few weeks away. We're all gonna have to work hard to be ready for that. What is a good day to start setting up for Christmas?"

Sarah began to understand that Sam and Dean had never had what the rest of them did.

"I can have everything ready for Christmas for us to decorate by Thankgsiving evening," she said. "Near's room is finished."

"That would fun, Sarah. Thanks. Just tell us what needs to be done. Anything you need, you holler. I'll get it for you," the older Winchester sounded like a child in his eagerness.

She giggled, pulling a notebook out of her messenger bag and began writing up ideas, sketching them out. "What do you guys think of trains? And how good are you at woodworking?"

"Only what I picked up as a kid when we were in a place for a while. I'd usually find a wood shop and spend my time there when Sam was in the library."

"Oh sweet!" She giggled again, obviously having fun. "I'll have an order for the lumber yard then that you two will have to get asap and use the pattern to cut out the shapes, then sand 'em so I can get started on painting."

Dean's eyes got big. "What tools do I need? There's no place at the cabin for them, so they'll have to be used at the shop until I can build a tool shop for them. I'll have to order them and have them delivered by Monday. What do I need?"

"Jigsaw, nothing fancy. And you didn't answer about trains," she said, almost pouting back at him.

"Trains would be fun, Sarah. You got to understand. My mama died before Christmas when I was four and Sam was six months. Dad went crazy, you know. We've never had this kind of Christmas. Never had trains or anything. Okay? Whatever you think kids would like, cause we really have no idea."

Sarah gave him a grin that told Sam that his brother had just unleashed a creative demon because of being given a free run. "Oh goodie."

Dean smiled. He recognized an area off the road. "Hey, Sam, this is the last quiet area we're gonna find, and it's gonna be chilly. Ya'll wanna eat lunch before we get to town? We can talk about what we want to get as far as the main rooms. We're gonna have a craft room, cause our office is at the shop. I thought it would be good. The other small room can be our model car room. We had the big room partitioned off to go with Bobby's bedroom to give him a living room of his own. We only have the kitchen-dining area and the living area to fix up. It has that big stone fireplace."

Sam turned on the signal to turn, knowing Bobby would see and follow. He pulled into that area. "It's a good idea, Dean. Though a craft room may be taken over by our resident art monster."

"I don't mind. Lisa makes beautiful jewelry and it would be good for her too. Ben could try whatever he would like. I'm gonna have that sewing machine delivered on Monday."

"Sweet," came from the still drawing Sarah, ignoring the fact that the car had come to a stop.

"She is gonna shop for your home and Christmas gifts this weekend, Sam? Did I mess up again?"

"I'll hide her sketchpads somehow," he laughed. "I'm used to it. This woman is a goddess of multi-tasking."

Dean's mouth opened and shut. Suddenly a large grin appeared. "I imagine there are times when that would come in handy." He grinned as he jumped out, opened Sarah's door and held out his hand to help her out. He was still grinning as Sam helped Lisa.

Sarah grabbed her pad, playfully bonking him over the head with it. "Brat," she teased before going to help set up the picnic. "Guess you're on the naughty list then."


	110. Chapter 110

How food fights lead to pranks

"That's why Santa never brought me anything, Sarah."

"I'd say you're overdue for coal then," she teased, settling on the blanket with her sketchpad again.

"Yeah, well, I may have never gotten coal, but I think it was more than made up for." Dean helped set drinks and bring out the food.

She poked him with the eraser end of her pencil. "Sorry."

"It's okay, Sarah. Honest. We've dealt. This Christmas is special cause it's the first real one without hurting. It's gonna be great. I want it so much for Sam. You just don't know."

"True," she leaned over, whispering something to Lisa, who nodded in agreement. The artist sat back up, stealing some food for herself.

Dean sat back with a chicken salad sandwich, some fruit, and a bottle of green tea. Everyone kept an eye on him trying to be as unobtrusive as possible but making sure he ate and took the time to do so. He looked around. "We really need better entertainment than this, guys. I know I'm good looking to the women but Bobby and Sam? I can't be that much fun to watch."

Ben threw a grape at him. "That's cause we have to take care of you!"

Dean shook his head. "If that's the best you can come up with for things to do, go ahead. Maybe I need to come up with some things that can entertain you more while you're watching me." He winked and took another bite of his sandwich.

The boy threw another one at him, giggling.

Dean grabbed the grape as it flew towards him and threw it right back at his son. At this point, the grape was rather mushy. It stuck on Ben's forehead. Dean started laughing. Lisa and Bobby, both knowing Dean, grabbed their food and got off the blanket.

Sarah saw them moving and did the same to protect her pad as Sam got involved in the food fight too. She watched as all three of them began pelting each other with grapes.

Dean grabbed an entire bunch and jumped his brother. Sitting on Sam's chest while his brother tried to buck him off, the hunter began to rub grapes, a few at a time, into the taller man's face. Dean's laughter was contagious.

Ben decided to help, smushing grapes into Dean's face as well.

Dean faked a growl and grabbed for his son, giving Sam the leverage to toss him. He landed flat on his back, eyes wide as Sam stood above him.

"Got ya," he grinned, then started the food fight in earnest. Well.. more of a grape fight.

When Dean realized he'd been reprieved, he reached for any grapes he could find, splatting Sam and Ben wherever he could hit them.

The others shook their heads at the mess that was being made. At least it was grapes but the three were going to be SO sticky when it was done.

Soon the grapes were pulverized. Dean was sitting in the sand, looking at the mess. He had the silliest grin on his face. He took a couple of deep breaths. ""You guys figure they'll let us into the lobby at the Holiday Inn?" He was laughing as he said it.

Sam was struggling to breathe. "I doubt it. I think there's a couple of jugs of water in the back of Bobby's pickup, we can do a sponge bath and change clothes."

"You know it's kind of cold out, Sam. Why don't we rent a room for an hour. You know. One of those red light specials. We can shower and change."

"You really want Ben near one of those?"

"Hell, no. They might think. Shit."

Bobby snickered. "You boys are idjits. There's a truck stop down the road, they have showers."

Dean sighed in relief. "Thanks, Bobby. Well, let's load this thing up, shall we?"

"Yeah.. just damn, boys," he snickered. "The three of you are nice and purple."

Hazel eyes widened in a panic. "God, Bobby, tell me I'm not purple. Grape juice dies the skin. It has to wear off!"

"Nah, just all sticky. Was teasing you, oompaloompa," he said, packing away the left overs.

"Bobby, I will get you. There has to be a way." Dean grabbed the ice chest and headed towards Bobby's truck.

The girls were laughing, knowing he'd gotten them good.

Dean's mind was working as he put things away. Sam, remembering the water balloons over the beds, was worried.

Lisa came up behind him, poking him before grinning. "Nice job on relaxing."

"Wish I could get into the Holiday Inn like this. I'd hug you big time, and you'd have to shower with me to make sure all the grapes are off. As it is, I'm in truck stop." Dean grinned, "Don't think it lets you off the hook for later tonight."

"Behave," she said with a giggle. "Grapes aren't best for that anyway."

"I heard that peaches were but they aren't in season. There are bananas and they give me all kinds of ideas."

That made her giggle again. "Let's get to this place and get you both cleaned up."

"You coming in to bathe Ben and me?"

"We'd get thrown out," she bantered back. "I might could be convinced for a bath later."

"Are you talking tub bath or a hot, steamy shower?"

"Either or," Lisa sing-songed back.

"You know, Lis," Dean's tongue licked his bottom lip and he chewed on it as he thought. "I can have a pretty dirty mind. It might need both to get me clean."

"That'll take a lot of time, love, and you do have a son you'll have to bribe to get him to give us that time."

"Damn, bribery? At his age?" Dean thought back to being nine. "Yeah, but I bet I was better at it."

"Probably, love, but since it's time he could be spending with you, you'll have to make it up to him," she smiled.

"I have something big planned for Ben and me, Lis. It means a major trip somewhere. Not sure where yet. There's a few reasons for this gift. One is Near, but the other is us. One big one is I want some time alone with my son."

Lisa gave him a big grin. "I'm glad. You two deserve it. Now, let's get to that station and get you cleaned up."

Dean made a face. "It draws my skin funny when it dries.. Can you imagine what it's gonna be like when I try to get it out of my hair. My hair's a lot longer than it used to be. Damn. Sam?"

"Yeah, Dean?" He and Ben were sitting in the back of Bobby's truck.

"I guess I ought to climb back here too. It turns hard like concrete, man. Hair? We may need something industrial strength."

Sam grinned. "Probably so but it was fun," he said with a laugh. "Completely worth it."

Dean stopped pulling at his hair and made direct eye contact with his brother trying to read him. Suddenly Sam saw a brilliant smile cross his brother's face reaching the hazel eyes. Dean was grinning. "Yeah, I think you're right, Sam. Hell, it was worth every minute of it."

Climbing into the back of Bobby's truck with his brother and son, Dean leaned his back against the cab, a small smile on his face. He pulled his son up against him, making room for Sam. They grabbed the two Army blankets Bobby had given them and huddled together to keep warm.

It was a short drive and filled with laughter as the three of them plotted pranks to get the others messy later when the group wouldn't suspect it. Ben had started it by telling them that they needed to get the others involved in fun activities like that again.

"Sounds good to me. There's two rules."

"What's that?"

"You don't get us kicked out of the hotel. AND...no ganging up on me with water guns and water balloons in the dead of winter."

Ben gave him a sweet look. "You're going to help though, Daddy."

Dean looked at Sam, both of them remembering a night when an injured Dean was barricaded behind his bedroom door, while Sam and the others tried to break in using a drill to remove hinges. Sam remembered the ice water filled balloons popping all over his bed and, unfortunately, each of them and Matt's electronics. He remembered Dean sliding all over a soaked floor when they had caught him and supersoaked him. Both turned to Ben, and spoke at the same time. Dean smiled softly , and said "Sure, son." Sam was quickly saying, "On our side, Dean. Remember that."

Ben clapped, grinning widely. "Yay!"

"Got to be something good, Sam."

"Agreed," he said, thinking on what they could do. His nephew was obviously excited about the idea of pranking the others.

Dean grinned, "I think I've got Bobby covered. Gotta think about the girls."

The boy looked at his dad. "What will you do to Grampa Bobby?"

Dean looked at his son and turned red. "Well, this is one prank you can't be involved in, Ben. I promise you , I will have you right in the middle of pranking Aunt Sarah and Mom. That okay with you? I think I know what to do. Gotta find a grocery store, Sam, after we go take care of my chore today."

He chuckled at the crestfallen look on the boy's face. "No problem, Dean."

"Come to think of it, we will probably need several stores. How strong are you, Ben? I need someone real strong...lots of arm and back power."

"I'm pretty strong. I help carry stuff when we shop or the garage gets supplies," he told him. He was a helpful boy most of the time.

"We're going to make a whole lot of pudding, guys...instant pudding. You gotta stir it. We're gonna fill two bathtubs with it. We toss them."

Sam and Ben started laughing. "I love it," the younger brother replied as the boy cheered.

"Since Bobby is getting to be with Ben tomorrow night, I thought you and I could take him out for some beers somewhere tonight, after Ben's asleep. I don't imagine the girls are gonna feel like going with us." Dean winked at his brother.

"Probably not," he said with a laugh.

"You don't need to worry, Sam. I'm not planning on drinking."


	111. Chapter 111

Joke on Dean

The truck pulled into the big truck stop, followed by the Impala, driven by Lisa. The three grape fighters were gone for about an hour. Bobby and the girls had coffee in the restaurant and waited for them.

After the time elapsed, the boys came out, showered, clean, and neatly dressed. Ben hugged his mom, who ruffled his hair and offered him a hot chocolate.

Sam sat next to Sarah in the round booth while Dean climbed over the back of the seat and squeezed in between Bobby and Lisa.

Hot beverages were served along with some dessert, giving the group time to relax before the next leg of their trip.

"Barring any more incidents, it's not much further to town," Dean commented. Dean did something that Sarah had not noticed him do before. He had picked up the coffee, closed his eyes, and his tongue softly touched the cup before he ever put his mouth to it to take a drink. She saw that Lisa was staring intently, her face red.

Dean sighed, "Good coffee."

Sarah started giggling, then whispered in her friend's ear before the other woman saw this, frowned, and said, "What?"

Lisa picked up a spoonful of ice cream and began to take a bite, knowing she wasn't being watched by anyone but Dean. It was a slow, sensual bite.. almost as if she was making love to the spoon.

Dean's eyes were riveted to the spoon and her mouth. He ran his tongue over his lips several times as he watched. Bobby heard a low groan escape the man next to him.

The older man bit back a laugh. Seems Dean had tried to start something and Lisa had decided to show him that she could play that game as well. He'd found himself a damned good woman.

Dean was trying to figure out what had just happened. He had no idea why Lisa was playing this game with him when there was nowhere to get release. Other than the touching and pleasing one another, there had been no sex in their relationship. Lisa wanted to wait. He honored that, but right now, he wanted to haul her into the back of the Impala and take her. What they hell was going on?

Bobby, grinning, said, "We need to get going guys."

Dean's eyes widened. He had a panicky look on his face. What the hell was he gonna do?

She leaned forward, kissing him. "That's what you get for being sensual with your coffee," she told him, then giggled as she headed out towards the vehicles.

Sam heard a squeaky, "What?" come from his brother, who made no attempt to looked at Dean, hoping the other was all right. "You ok?"

"Damn it, Sammy. What the hell got into her?"

"What do you mean?"

"She had friggin' sex with her damn ice cream and spoon."

It took a moment before Sam started cracking up. "Let me guess, did you do the coffee thing?"

"Coffee thing? What coffee thing? What the hell are you talking about, Sam" What coffee thing?"

He was quick to fill him in on Dean's habit of licking his drinks before taking a sip.

"WHAT!" People turned to stare at this point.

Sam was laughing now and nodding. "It's true, Dean."

"NO! That'd be having..." Dean noticed a family with young children sitting at the table behind Sam. He turned blood red, took his jacket off and walked out carrying the jacket in front of him.

Sam walked out behind his brother, trying hard not to fall into hysterical laughter. Dean's reaction to the news about his habit was absolutely hilarious.

Dean walked around the front of the car and slid into the driver's seat. Sam was still laughing, but knew his brother still had not slept much. He really did not know what to do at this point. The older Winchester did not realize he had the habit. Lisa and Sarah thought he was doing it intentionally. Come to think of it, so did Bobby. His brother was frustrated, in more than one way, and majorly confused. Sam wasn't sure if Dean, who'd only had a couple of hours sleep, if that much, should be driving. He hoped he did not have to force the issue. Dean at this point could be volatile.

He tapped his brother's shoulder. "Shove over and let me drive. I'll let you choose the music this time so you can't complain about brainwashing cartoon music."

Dean looked up at his brother's tall height, sighed, and moved over. He felt tired and old for some reason. His voice was a whisper, as the women climbed into the back seat. "I'd never do that to someone, Sam, unless they were playing some game first. Hell, I might play it with Lis, but not in front of Ben, for god's sake."

He poked him gently. "Then pick something or I'm gonna do 'kill da wabbit' for the rest of the trip."

Dean picked "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica. He laid his head back, biting his bottom lip. The Dean Sam was used to would have chased after Lisa and kept the game going. He realized that it was the kids at the other table that had forced Dean out of the restaurant. Maybe having a family had changed his brother. Maybe for the better.

Ben drove Sam from his deep thoughts by an off pitched voice singing along with the lyrics. He bit back a groan, not wanting to discourage the boy though it was obvious he couldn't sing a lick.

He heard a snort and turned to see his brother's shoulders shaking. Dean was laughing.

Sam lightly nudged him, flashing a grin to tell him he found it funny too.

Dean had relaxed and was grinning back.

The two vehicles made it to the city without further mishaps.


	112. Chapter 112

Sam and Dean talk marriage

In 45 minutes, the Impala entered the city limits. Sam knew where the Holiday Inn was located, finding it on his laptop that morning, while helping Dean with his restaurant issues.

He pulled into the parking lot, putting the car into park before turning the engine off. "We're here!"

Dean got out, opening the door behind him to let Lisa and Ben out. He reached down his hand and offered it to the woman who had played another joke on him , two in one day...so far. Smiling, Dean waited to see if she was going to accept.

She took his hand, getting out of the car as she did so. "Well, time for work and play, hmm?"

Dean had a slight confused look in his eyes. "What work, Lis Decorating OUR home is not work to me. Play, yeah, and we will, too." Dean leaned down and brushed his lips across hers. There was no smirk in the smile on his face.

She kissed him back, then giggled at the playful gagging sound from their son. "Come on! Kissy stuff later."

Lisa almost choked when Dean smiled and muttered under his breath, "How do you think you got here, Boy." He kissed her again and said, "Don't choke too hard, son." He went to the back of the car and started helping his brother pull out luggage, when Sam saw the bellhop with a luggage cart coming towards them.

The childish "ewww" had the rest laughing while they started to load up their luggage.

They entered the hotel, followed by the bell hop. Dean walked up to the registration desk, saying, "Three rooms under the name Winchester."

The young woman nodded, typing into the computer before completing the last few steps. She gave him the price as she fished out the keycards for the rooms.

Dean pulled out a card from his wallet, smiling because this one said Winchester and was legitimate...no more scams. He signed the paperwork, picked up his license and the card. Which is the small two bedroom suite?" He had gotten one so Ben and he and Lisa could have privacy.

She pointed out the card. "This one is, sir."

"Thank you," Dean responded with a smile, the Winchester charm working without any thought behind it. He turned and handed a card to Bobby and one to Sam. "These are deluxe rooms, with the bedroom off a living room and small kitchenette. The bed is king sized." Dean was bouncing a little.

"Not bad, kid," Bobby said, taking his card.

"This time no being afraid of what the room is gonna look like and whether it's clean enough."

Both Bobby and Sam gave a grin at that. "Very nice," said the taller Winchester.

"Yeah, Sam. Having clean clothes today was nice, too. No having to sit in the laundromat in something smelly while you wash stuff out of the rest you'd rather not have to wash at all."

The older man laughed. "Yes, you three have fun getting grape out of your clothes."

Dean grinned, "They are going to the cleaners as a rush order."

Sam laughed, "Oh good."

"Sam and I have something to go and do, so we have to change. Bobby, you, Ben and the girls can go do whatever you want to do. You can shop for the cabin or Christmas shop. Either one."

They got to their rooms, everyone working out what they were going to do, while the boys changed.

Sarah had her own ideas on where to go and told Bobby to take Ben and Lisa to do their thing and meet up later. She had a ton of things to do and could do it faster on her own.

Sam changed into dressier clothes, brushed his teeth and hair, and then hurried out to meet up with his brother.

Dean walked into the lobby and Sam stared. The suits Dean usually had to wear never fit him right. The only time Dean had looked nice was when Bela got them the tuxes. His brother was wearing the dark brown sports jacket, tan slacks, and an open white shirt. He looked good in clothes that actually fit. He hoped Lisa had gotten a look. He also hoped the clothes built up his brother's confidence The last thing they needed was Dean's usual response to a lack of confidence

"Not bad, Dean, not bad at all. Ready to go?"

Dean relaxed and some of the concern left his face. Dean was walking unknown territory. He'd come close to this once with Cassie. This time he had a woman who understood who and what he was. Sam grinned, realizing that he did too.

"All right then, let's scram and do what we got to get done," he said, heading out towards the car.

Dean paled a little and followed his brother out to the car. Sam walked to the driver's side, wondering if the older man would say anything. Dean was too nervous and grateful someone was taking charge at this moment. He knew he needed to be in charge at the jeweler's.

"There's a real nice one over by court house. It's called Simon's. I'd like to try it. I'm only doing this once, Sammy. I want to do it right."

Sam nodded, heading towards where he remembered the courthouse to be. "I asked Sarah once about engagement rings. She told me flat out no on that and told me what she wanted for a wedding band for her."

"You thinking about getting married, too, Sam? I'm looking for a set. Three pieces that match. They will have to be either white gold or platinum. I know what I want. I just got to find it."

"We've talked about it but she's in no hurry, she told me," he said softly

"Sam, really? She talks kids all the time. Women usually think of kids as one of the perks from marriage. Maybe, she's doing like Lisa. Maybe she's waiting for you to just ask and a set a date."

"I know she does and when I bring it up, she's all like "when the time is right' and things like that." He sighed.

"Make the time right, Sam. She says she doesn't want a ring. You can buy her the wedding ring she wants, but damn it, buy her an engagement ring. It can be one that she wears until you take it off and put that band she wants on her hand. She can wear the engagement ring as a regular ring on her right hand afterwards. Maybe you need to claim her, Sam. So far, she's done a lot of the chasing since you guys kind of asked each other. Be macho a little, Sam. Claim her. I'll tell you what. She never asked you to wait. Lisa suggested that to her. Maybe you need to go further. If she gets pregnant, fine. Do what you got to do to make her yours. She wants your kids, Sammy. Maybe she thinks you aren't ready. Maybe you need to take her to make her realize you are."

"She genuinely doesn't want an engagement ring. She's got her grandmother's wedding ring that comes from Ireland," he said softly. "It's been handed down for generations and that's what she wants to use. It's a Claddagh ring."

"Okay. I can understand that, but her hesitating isn't normal, Sam. She still goes on and on about marriage and kids. Why, if she wants to wait? Maybe tomorrow night, you two should talk."

Sam nodded. "Yeah.. unless she's hoping to wait until after you two are done and doesn't want to rain on Lisa's parade, you know?"

"Well, I'm doing a winter wedding sometime around Christmas, Sam. How about New Years or Valentines? Ask her. Hell, if that's all it is, we could have a double wedding unless they're against it."

He nodded again, pulling into the parking lot. "I'll see what I can figure out."


	113. Chapter 113

The Jewelers

"Yeah, it's gotta be right for ya'll." Dean got out and headed towards the door. He stopped, closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and grabbed the door knob.

Sam locked up the car and fell into step beside his brother. "Let's do it."

Dean quietly said, "Yeah," as they entered the building The rooms were elegant and very posh. The older Winchester felt as if he'd entered an alien land. He stood there looking around

A young man in an elegant suit, with watch fob, came forward and asked if he could be of assistance. Dean's eyes grew wide as he looked at the suit and the chain with the watch part way in the pocket of the man's vest. HIs mouth opened a couple of times. Sam and the jeweler watched the hazel eyes close.

Sam started to ask the over-dressed man about rings, when Dean's hand touched his arm.

"It's okay, Sam. I need to see wedding sets...three piece in either white gold or platinum."

"Of course, sir, please follow me and take a seat. Is there a particular style that you are looking for?"

"I'll know it when I see it."

The salesman nodded, pulling chairs out for them. "I shall be right back."

The man returned with some very pretty rings with extremely small stones in them. Dean looked at them and picked up an engagement ring so he could see the stone in it.

"What are these?"

The man looked out the window at the car and back at Dean. "I assumed these would be suitable, Sir. The prices should be right."

Dean had seen the looks. "What?"

Sam leaned back in his seat. "Sir, I do believe a manager would be better suited to attend to our needs. Just because the vehicle is old, does not mean it has low value, and I do not appreciate being treated in such a manner."

"He insulted my baby? Look, asshole, that car is a 1967 Chevy Impala, and she runs like a dream. She's worth more in value than your vehicle probably costs. She's a classic, and I rebuilt her. I drive her because I prefer her. That doesn't mean I can't afford your damn rings."

At this point, the manager came running.

The younger brother explained the situation in terse terms and the manager shooed the salesman off, growling at him and telling the man that she would speak with him later. "My apologies, Sirs, this is not how I train my employees to act with customers. Now, let me put these away and you can tell me what it is you're hoping to find."

"I want a three piece wedding set, in either platinum or white gold. The woman's rings need to look like they belong together. I'd like them to look delicate.. really feminine, The man's ring can be plain. I don't really care about it. At least $1000.. I'm only doing this once. It's got to be right."

Sam looked at his brother as the manager went to find what Dean was looking for. "Where'd you learn those words?"

"I asked Ms. Hemings. She always wears nice rings."

The manager popped her head out from behind a counter. "Do you have a preference in stones?"

Dean looked up. The woman I am marrying is dark. I want a diamond on the engagement ring. If it has smaller stones around it like the band, I wouldn't mind small diamonds and rubies."

She nodded and disappeared again, coming back a short time later with several trays of rings. She took a seat on the other side of the table and set out the first tray.

Dean shook his head. "You don't understand. I know, with the Yoga, she could probably beat the crap out of me, but she's ... .to me, she's very much a lady. Delicate, gentle, and loving. It's got to be all of that."

"Just take a look,Ssir, I think I know what you're looking for." One of the sets was unique. The engagement ring portion was delicate, a single diamond solitaire in a beautiful white gold setting. The flanking wedding bands made up a gorgeous flower, almost a rose, using the diamond solitaire as a dewdrop once assembled on the ruby petals.

Sam saw tears in his brother's eyes. Dean's voice choked as he said, "Yes. that's the one."

"Ring size, Sir?"

Dean reached into an interior pocket in his jacket and removed a small box in which was a very lovely sapphire ring, a gift from Lisa's parents. This is the size."

She did a quick measurement and smiled. "Perfect. I'll have this boxed up for you, Sir. Would you like this ring cleaned while you're here?"

"That would be wonderful. I also need a man's wedding ring in the same metal. I want a really nice jewelry set in emeralds for a Christmas gift for her. Earrings, necklace, bracelet, and a solitaire ring. I'd like a good quality of gold and stones. I would like the earrings and the necklace to be lacy."

She sent the ring to be cleaned and put the other trays up after taking the wedding ring set out. "What type of work do you do, Sir?"

"I am a professional hunter, I rebuild classic cars, and I do auto mechanic work, but I hope to design my own cars."

"Given the physicality of your work, I would recommend titanium instead of gold or platinum, Sir. This way you could work with the band on and not have to worry about sustaining damage to it," she said and Sam nodded, understanding the reasons. He knew his brother would want to keep it on.

"Okay, if I can really keep it on, how difficult is it to clean? I am in harsh chemicals sometimes. Will they hurt it?

She rose, getting some leaflets for him to look over. "Our more active customers, including chemists, use titanium instead of gold or platinum."

Dean read over the leaflets. The titanium looked like white gold. It was strong and could withstand the chemicals he worked with. He looked up, "May I see what you have? Is there any chance on that emerald set?"

"I'll take a look to see what we have while you look over the rings," the manager told him as she brought him several trays to look at.

Dean found a titanium ring with a small Celtic cross engraved on it. He smiled. "I'll take this one."

The manager sized his hand, then wrote the ticket up so far. Afterwards, she came back with sets of emerald jewelry

Dean looked at the jewelry and asked his brother for help. They found a matching filigreed necklace and earrings with emeralds, a marquis cut solitaire ring, and a filigreed bracelet with small emeralds throughout the filigree.

"I'll take these. If you have an emerald case to put them all in, except the ring, I'd appreciate that."

She smiled. "I'll have everything ready to go momentarily. Take a look around while I get your purchases together. Would you like the set gift wrapped?"

"Gift wrapping would be wonderful." Dean stood up and stretched. He looked at the different displays and turned towards Sam. You wanna look? You might find a gift for Sarah"

"Sam nodded and started browsing while they were waiting for the wrapping, cleaning of Lisa's sapphire ring, as well as writing up the ticket for payment.

"I sure am glad Watari wasn't joking when he said L paid large fees for working for him. I bet it's gonna be at least 10 grand, Sam. I bet that guy in the fancy suit never does that again. He lost a big sale."

"That manager is good, very friendly. More people need to be like her," he answered as he browsed through the display cases.

Dean leaned over a case and said, "Hey, Sam this is Irish jewelry with emeralds."

He moved over towards it, spotting a beautiful charm bracelet. It only had a few Irish charms but would be something he could gift her on occasion to add to her bracelet over the years. "I like the bracelet for her," he said, still looking over the jewelry.

"We'll let the manager know when she comes back."

"Dean, you're going to call me crazy.. but I think I found the perfect engagement gift for Sarah," he said, eyes on a specific piece of jewelry. "You know she's not fond of rings, right?"

"Right," Dean tried to look over Sam's shoulder at a display.

Sam pointed at a gorgeous locket. The chain for it was braided, rose and white gold. The locket was an oval one in rose gold with the Claddagh symbol on the front in white gold. The heart between the hands was a gorgeously cut emerald. "What do you think of giving this to her when I do propose? After we're married, she can put her grandmother's ring on it when she's working."

"That's a beautiful piece of jewelry, Sam. It's definitely her."

"From what she told me, the ring is white gold so it'll blend when she keeps it with the locket," he said softly. "It's not traditional for proposing but she's not the traditional type of girl."

"What's important, Sam, is she suits you. If that is her, than buy it. It's perfect from what you're saying."

Dean kept walking and looking and that's when he found the watch. HIs voice was awed when he called his brother, "Sam."

He went to where his brother was. "What is it?"

There, on a piece of black velvet material, was a gold wrist watch. The watch face could not be seen. Dean had never seen a wrist watch where the face was covered like a pocket watch. On the lid of the watch was a western style engraving of a Colt 45. Dean stared, open eyed.

"I want to buy that for Bobby from you and me, Sam.," said the hushed and awed voice.

"That's perfect for him," he said. "Maybe we should do more Christmas shopping while we're here."

"Yeah, that's great idea. I think we should put the day Bobby adopted us and all three of our names on the inside of that watch. We have L, Watari, and the boys to buy for also."

"Watari might be good to buy for here. The others, I think, will be a different store. This isn't really their thing."

"No, it isn't. We need video games and electronics for Matt, and maybe L, sporting goods for Mello, and puzzles for Near.

"Problem with video games is that we've no idea what he has and what he doesn't," Sam said, looking through the cases.

"True, but he likes music too, doesn't he?"

"Yeah he does. I think I know some stuff that he may not have. I'll have to hit Amazon though cause it'll be a pain to find it in the normal music stores."

"Well, Thanksgiving isn't here yet. We order faster delivery and we'll have it on time."

He nodded. "I can do the same for other gifts from me to other people if I don't find what I want this weekend." Sam paused, staring down at a pocket watch. It was beautifully crafted and simple, perfect for the elderly gentleman who had done so much for them. "Dean? Look at this."

Dean came to stare at the watch.

"What do you think?"

"Watari? Yeah. It's him."

Sam added that to the list to be picked up. "Anything else?"

I can't think of anything else right now. I'm pretty sure what I'm getting Sarah.

"What's that?"

"I'm having that sewing machine delivered on Monday. I thought a quilter would be good. You lay the quilt in the machine, and follow your pattern that's on a little tray and the machine quilts for you."

"We chose the attic upstairs for her craft room since it runs the length of the wing. I had the workers reinforce it and turn it into one giant studio," he said quietly. "She'll love that though she's more hands on."

"That's a great idea. I wish I'd thought of it. The machine would fit well up there."

"One portion for her painting, another for sewing.. it works out. She'll have fun with it," he said with a laugh, picking out some bangles for the girls in various colored gold.

Dean thought for a moment. "They putting in air, eat, and ceiling fans?"

Sam nodded. "Yup, all taken care of."

"I'd like to buy Ben a good knife. I'm not sure how Lisa will feel about it."

The manager returned with Dean's purchases and the total. Dean smiled, handed her the watch for Bobby and the one for Watari.. The wristwatch needs an engraving. I know that takes time. May I pick it up tomorrow? Would you wrap these also? I think Sam may have some purchases."

"I have the engraver on site if you wish to wait," she told him, writing up Sam's order as well as the engraving for inside the locket for Sarah.

"How long would it take?"

"For this order, under twenty minutes. I could give you both some tea or coffee while you wait," she offered.

"I would like a cup of...ummm...tea. Sam?"

"That'd be great, thank you." She smiled and slipped off to get them the tea and order the engraving. The woman returned a few moments later, handing them mugs of freshly brewed tea.

The lack of proper sleep was beginning to tell on Dean but he kept up the banter with Sam, and said he needed to go to the sewing store and order the sewing machine and quilting machine.

"I can do that if you want. You look tired," he told him.

"Lisa could go with you so it can be paid for, Sam. To be honest, I need a nap. Still need to figure the logistics of the pudding for two full bathtubs."

Sam snickered at that. "No kidding. And not a problem, give her a heads up and you can hide these presents for us."

"I can do that."

"Okay," he grinned

Dean dialed Lisa and explained what was going on. He told her was tired and needed her to go with Sam and pay for the two items.


	114. Chapter 114

The Pudding Caper

Lisa agreed and would be waiting for Sam outside the hotel.

Dean told Lisa he'd keep Ben for her. Lisa thought it odd that Dean would keep Ben when he was so tired.

The trip back to the hotel was short, Sam giving Dean the presents to hide before Lisa could see where they'd been.

Dean put everything in the backpack he always kept near. He got out of the Impala at the Holiday Inn and saw Lisa and Ben out front. He gave Ben a hug and leaned over and kissed the woman he loved, whispering, "Thank you." into her ear.

"You're welcome. Make sure to order a snack for you two," she told him.

"Yes, ma'am," Dean replied, staring at Ben who asked if he could have pudding.

"No, Ben, no sugar. It's not dinnertime so I don't want you spoiling it," she answered him.

Dean walked over to the car and opened the door for Lisa. He walked around and handed Sam some cash. "I'll text you. Send what I ask for. Let me have your room key. Let me know when you are going to be home. Maybe we can have Bobby and Sarah meet us for dinner? Keep them out of the bathrooms." He spoke softly so as not to be heard by the woman sitting next to his brother.

"Go ahead and ask them. Knowing Sarah, she's probably with Bobby at the lumber yard," he said with a laugh.

"I will. How about that Italian restaurant over on Travis? We could meet at 6 and have a nice meal before the evening crowds hit."

Sam nodded. "We'll meet you there. Give them a call so Bobby knows to watch the time with her."

"I will." Dean pulled out his cell, dialing Bobby's number as Sam pulled the Impala out into traffic. The father and son entered the hotel together. Dean talked to Bobby and headed over to the gift shop. He bought two large bouquets of roses for the women as an apology for later. He also purchased a calculator. The two headed to the suite.

Ben looked up at his dad. "So we're really gonna do this?"

"Yeah. Why? You scared?"

"No but you're the one who's gonna keep me from being grounded until college," he pointed out.

"You think she'll marry me after this?" Dean set the flowers down and headed to his room to change. He didn't think his suit would look good covered with different flavors of pudding.

"Yeah because she'll want to take the rest of her life to get even for this," he said sagely. He knew his mom. She didn't get angry, she got even.

"You do understand that pranks run in the Winchester family? You are half Winchester, son. You are either in or you are out when a prank is carried out."

Ben grinned at him, showing a mix of Dean and Sam in that grin. "Oh I know. I also know that since you're the adult, you're gonna get the most of it. It'll still be fun."

Dean grinned as he put on a pair of old jeans and a ragged t-shirt. "You bring anything like I'm wearing? That's a lot of pudding to mix." Dean walked into the bathroom he and Lisa shared and measured the tub. He went down the hall to Sam and Sarah's room and measured theirs. Coming back to his bedroom, he sat down with the calculator. It took a while to figure how many cups of pudding were made by a box. He finally texted his brother and gave him a large order of pudding and milk. He also asked for a large roll of plastic floor covering like they had at the trailer for the model room.

The father and son went into the living room and turned on the tv and sat down to watch some show that Ben liked. Dean dozed off in the recliner, his son munching on popcorn and drinking a coke. Dean forgot to eat.

Ben nudged his dad, finding fruit and a bottle of water in the cooler. "Better eat this or Mom'll get worried."

Dean yawned, looked at his son and the food. He sighed, reached out and took it from him. He smiled and gave Ben his thanks. The hunter ate the fruit and drank some water, and dozed again. Ten minutes later, there was a knock at the door.

He opened it to find a delivery from Sam - a bunch of milk and pudding mix. "Um, Dad.. this is gonna take forever!"

"No it won't. I packed two mixers. The pudding will set in the tubs. We just got to mix it. Only takes a couple minutes per box. I found two large bowls in the kitchenette. We can mix more than one box at a time. I figure about an hour. Than we get ready and go meet everyone and eat. The important thing is to make sure they don't have on something nice when they go into the pudding. I would never be able to explain that to a dry cleaner. The grapes are bad enough."

He giggled at that. "Ok, Dad, let's get mixing! I wish we had a video camera."

"You get your Uncle Sam's phone from him. We can do that. He has one on it. He'll be busy throwing Sarah in."

"Maybe get Grampa Bobby to record what Uncle Sammy's gonna do to Aunt Sarah?"

"Hell, no, Ben. Your Grandpa Bobby is a smart man. We don't want him to know this is being done. We are meeting him at a bar after we take the ladies home. He will figure we're after him too."

He grinned, setting things up. "You think he won't want to be a part of this?"

"Yeah, I know he would, but he'll play both sides. It's going to be a war zone when we get home, Ben. Just watch your steps."

"I'll hide in the garage with homework until Matt and Mello get here, then camp out with them," he said wisely.

"You do realize that Grandpa Bobby will be at the garage? Hell, you're safe in that one. He'll be after Sam and me."

The boy giggled, then grinned. "I think we're ready to go, dad."

Both tubs were filled two-thirds full, with the plastic paint tarps covering the bathroom floors. He set roses by the beds in both bedrooms, doubting they would work; but he made the attempt.

They both changed into nice clothes. Dean explained this was a nice restaurant.

Ben frowned. "So you're gonna do the prank after dinner?"

"Yeah. You honestly think your mama is gonna want to go out to a fancy Italian restaurant with me after washing pudding out of her hair?"

He laughed, "Most likely no."

"Most likely? You've been hanging around your Uncle Sammy way too much. It's not most likely no, Ben. It's hell no. Let's go." Dean picked up the phone and told the lobby he needed a cab to the restaurant.

Ben grinned, bouncing a bit as he walked beside his dad.

They arrived at the restaurant before everyone. Dean asked for candlelit table that would seat six. He ordered a nice bottle of wine, ginger ale for himself, and asked Ben what he would love.

He chose ginger ale too, wanting to be a bit like the grownups.

Dean, understanding this, told his son, "If you don't like the ginger ale, just tell me. We'll get you something else. No shame in that. Okay?"

"Okay, Dad, thanks."

Soon the others showed up at the entrance. The maitre'd showed them to the table and handed everyone a menu.

The group conversed as the menus were perused, Ben putting his down first and telling his dad what he wanted. Dean leaned down and listened to his son and nodded. The waiter arrived and took everyone's order.

The salads arrived. The waiter had two grinders...one for fresh Parmesan and one for black peppercorns.

Parmesan was chosen by most of them, knowing it would enhance the flavor of the salads. Dean also added the pepper.

The first part of the meal passed happily, everyone discussing what they could of their day. It seemed that a lot of things had gotten done just in the few hours of the family being in town.

Dean paid for the meal and told Bobby about a good bar down the street from the hotel. He told him that he and Sam would meet him there for a beer after getting everyone settled.

Once back at the hotel, the older Winchester followed Lisa into their bedroom. They could hear screams down the hall. He froze, thinking Sam had been fast.

Lisa paused, tilting her head. "I think someone has a horror movie on too loud," she murmured.

Listening to the cursing coming down the hall, Dean murmured, "Sounds like it." He unzipped Lisa's dress for her and allowed it to drop to the floor as she stepped out of her shoes. Dean picked her and headed to the bathroom with her.

She gave a soft giggle, wrapping arms around him, "Romantic mood tonight, Love?"

"Damn, Lisa, I'd like it to be, but..." He walked into the bathroom and she reached and turned on the lights and saw the tub.

You better not, Dean Winchester, or you're gonna pay for this!"

"I got no choice now, Lis. That was Sarah you heard." Dean moved to toss her.

She clung to him tightly. "You do this, you're sleeping on the couch for ten years!"

Dean laughed, "I hope not, Lis. You'll get awful lonely waiting for me ten years." He walked to the tub and tried to throw her in.

The woman refused to let go. "Don't think I won't. That's what vibrators are for, remember?"

"True, Lis, but they can't caress and kiss your whole body. Let go of the damn rail, Lis! Take it like a man!"

"Not happening, I'm not a male, thank God! If I'm going in, you're going in with me!"

"Like hell I am!. You're only in your bra and panties! I'm dressed, and they're waiting on me. You'll be all cleaned up by the time I get back." Dean was laughing but she could see the frustration on his face as he tried to pull her loose from the shower rail.

She clung onto it like a cat trying to stay above water. "Not happening!"

Dean pushed hard while Lisa held on. The tarp beneath his feet moved out from under him and the hunter slipped, falling head first into the pudding. He left his future bride hanging on the shower rail. He struck his head on the tub, dazing himself.

About this time, Ben and Sam entered, followed by a clean and angry Sarah clad in a bathrobe. They saw Dean and there was silence for a moment.

Sam pulled him out of the pudding, trying not to laugh. "How many fingers am I holding up?" He held up three.

Hazel eyes stared glassy eyed at the tall man holding up fingers. "Six if you count the thumbs." Lisa dropped to the floor and turned to look at the mess in the bath tub and the huge knot forming over the left eye of the man standing by the tub.

"All right, Lisa, let's get him cleaned up. Ben, go get a bucket of ice," he ordered, carefully bringing his brother to the sink to clean up the pudding.

Sarah ran the shower to wash the pudding out of the tub. As Sam cleaned his brother, he heard a sigh. "I'm gonna miss that female stripper dressed as a cop who's gonna arrest Bobby at the bar."

"No you won't," he snickered. "I bribed the bartender to video it for us in case we got stuck here."

"Bless you, Sammy."

Twenty minutes later there was a banging at the door. Dean was in his chair with ice on the knot. Sam and Sarah were on opposite sides of the couch. Ben was in bed asleep. Lisa went to get the door. Bobby stormed in and headed straight for the older Winchester. "Was it your assinine idea, Dean? Sam?"

Sam's face was innocent. "What was? And not so loud, Bobby, Dean had an accident."

"The damn male cop who tried to arrest me and then stripped. I had a hell of time getting out of that bar. I'll get you back."

Dean grew paler, sitting up in his seat, the ice bag falling. "What?" his voice almost squeaked.

The younger brother put the ice pack back on his head.

The hunter pushed the ice pack away. "None of this was supposed to go down this way. Damn it, Bobby. It was supposed to be a woman."

Dean got up, swaying, and headed to the bed room where he grabbed the roses. He walked back into the living room. "Here. Lis tossed me in. You need these more than her."

Lisa bit back the laugh, shoulders shaking when Bobby looked at Dean. "So your prank back fired huh?"

Dean stood there, swaying, as he stared the older man down, "Which one, Bobby?"

"I'd say the one with your girl there," he laughed. "Let's get your ass back into that chair before you fall over."

"You mean the male cop was okay? It wasn't a backfire?"

"It was a backfire but worth a laugh now," he said, guiding him back to the chair.

"So...neither one of you is going to hit me?"

"No, dear, but I will get even," she chimed sweetly at him.

"I'm sorry, Lis, but I was talkin' to the two Bobbys."

"Do we need to take you to the emergency room?"

"I'm not at home. No doctors. No hospitals. Lis, Sarah, Bobby...this was for the ice cream."

"Uh huh," she said, still having a sweet tone. "I know, Love, but you're still getting payback. Both of you," she told them, including Sam in the mix.

"Lis, I didn't even know I licked a glass or cup before I drank. Bobby, you and Sam know me. He didn't realize I didn't know. So your ice cream prank, egged on by Sarah was for something I didn't start."

"And this mess wasn't extreme? You could've just explained it and that would've been the end of it," Lisa told him. "But you started something now."

"Extreme? Do you have any idea how you left me in that restaurant? I couldn't get up. People could see and there were kids. You really have no idea what that did? If you say no, that's one I won't believe, Lis. Well, go ahead. I'm game."

She leaned in, whispering. "The licking had the same effect on me, WInchester, so it was pretty much even in my mind."

"Hell, Lis, I wouldn't use that at all. Sitting that close to you, there's a hell of lot better ways to turn you on," he whispered back.

"I know.. but still," she told him.

"Fine, Lis. But I've told you what I've done in the past in prank wars. Sam's won his share too."

"I know.. but I have Sarah and Bobby on my side," Lisa grinned.

"That's fine. I'm going to bed." Dean started to stagger towards the bedroom.

She got up, helping him to the bedroom as the others went to their rooms to sleep as well.


	115. Chapter 115

Dean's Proposal

The night passed uneventfully. Dean slept on his back and did not move all night. His head hurt too badly.

The family met for breakfast the next morning, than went out shopping for things for their homes. Towards evening, they were all back at the hotel. Dean was getting dressed in a nice suit he had brought with him. Ben and Bobby had gone to the store to get movies and snacks for the evening. Sam and Sarah were planning their own evening.

Looking at the large bruise over his left eye, Dean frowned, hoping the evening went well. He'd pulled the engagement ring in its velvet case out of the back pack from under his side of the bed. He entered the living room and sat, waiting on Lisa.

Lisa came out, dressed in a burgundy dress. Her hair was pulled up in an elegant twist. She did a small twirl. "Well?"

Dean flushed a little. "You look beautiful," he whispered. He got her coat and helped her put it on. Opening the door for her, he followed her out and they walked to the elevator.

She smiled up at him. "And you look very handsome."

Dean smiled, and pushed the button on the elevator. They entered and he pushed the down button. He gently moved her close to the wall and cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. The elevator stopped and he moved back.

She kissed him back, than slipped her hand into his. He looked down at her hand, thinking back over his life. This had to be his first real date where he was taking a beautiful woman out for a wonderful meal and wasn't expecting anything in return. He hoped for a ring on her finger, but that was so beyond anything he'd ever done before.

Lisa was all smiles, enjoying the chance to dress up and go out with him.

Dean did not play any music in the Impala. He talked about the large oak bed they had bought for the bedroom, and the recliners and sofa they had found. They pulled into the restaurant and a valet met them. Dean's eyes widened and he stared at the man as he asked for the keys.

She waited with bated breath, wondering what Dean would do.

"Is this normal for this restaurant to let a stranger drive off in your car?"

"Valet parking, Love. He'll park the car and when we're done eating, he'll bring it to you right here," she soothed him.

"He's gonna drive my baby?"

"He won't hurt the car," she said to him.

His hands shook a little as he handed the keys to the man. "She's special," he whispered to him.

He gave him a soft smile. "I understand, Sir. She's a beauty. I promise to put her someplace safe in the lot so she won't be near anything that could scratch her."

"Thank you. I rebuilt her and it's important. She's a family car, handed down."

"You've treated her well. I'll make sure that she is kept safe," he said before getting into the car. It was obvious the valet knew his stuff the way he handled the Impala.

Dean stood and watched until the car disappeared around the building. He didn't realize he'd been holding his breath. He released it and looked down at the woman next to him.

"I'm sorry, Lis. You've no idea what that car means...good and bad." He took her hand and they walked towards the entrance. A man in a tux opened the door for them. They walked to a desk where another man in a tux looked up at them.  
>"Reservations, sir?"<p>

"Dean Winchester; for two." The maitr'd saw the engagement request on the reservation and looked intently at the couple.

"Of course, sir. If you'll follow me, please," He stepped out from behind the podium.

Dean stepped back and let Lisa precede him. He stayed close to her left a hand gently touching her back.

They were led to a beautiful table that overlooked a gorgeous garden that was maintained by the restaurant. The maitre' d pulled a chair out for Lisa. "Your server will be with you momentarily. Please enjoy your meal."

Dean looked at the menu. "Would you like a bottle of wine, Lis? We can order a good wine that goes with what we choose."

"That would be nice, something to relax but accompany the meal," she said with a smile.

"We'll do that, than." Dean looked nervous. The music started playing some soft music. The waiter appeared.

They placed their order, then settled in to enjoy each other's company.

"Would you like to dance?"

Lisa beamed at him. "I'd love to."

Dean pulled her chair out and led her out onto the dance floor. He proceeded to prove that Sam Winchester wasn't the only brother who could dance. He just never let anyone know.

She melted into his arms, moving with him along in time with the music.

They danced until the salads were brought to their table. Dean noticed the waiter watching them and pulled Lisa close and finished the dance with her. He led her off the floor to their table.

She smiled at him warmly, sitting down and picking up her silverware. "This is perfect."

Dean returned her smile, replying, "It is." The meal took a long time to eat. After the salad, a soup was served. The entrees were superb. Dean broke down and had a steak, but he did not order the potato. They had a wonderful wine with the meal. Conversation between them covered a large variety of things. Dean actually knew more than Lisa gave him credit for. She was thoroughly enjoying herself.

Dessert was coming up and she was close to protesting as her stomach was very full, though she didn't deny that she adored cheesecake.

The table had been cleared and looked as if they had just sat down. A man from the small orchestra came towards their table with his violin. Dean's eyes widened as the man began to play the theme from Love Story. He had not asked for this. Had Sam?

The staff was watching, hidden, as the mood was set. The woman at the table didn't seem to suspect anything. When the call had been made that a proposal was happening tonight, they had put together the extra effort to ensure the mood would be set for the one doing the proposing. This had garnered their reputation as the most romantic restaurant in the city, if not the state.

Dean watched Lisa as she gazed at the violinist, enjoying the music. He slipped his hand into his suit pocket and removed the purple velvet box. He kept it in his lap.

"Lisa?"

As she looked at him, a server placed the desserts in front of them. Both were covered with a silvered dome and were lifted. The cheesecake was centered with chocolate drizzles over it as well as the plate. Beautifully written on the plate was 'Will you marry me?' She read it, than looked up at Dean, startled.

Dean's eyes grew wide again. He appreciated the help but had not expected the dessert to make his proposal for him.

"Lis, I...that wasn't supposed to happen like that. I...I love you.. more than anyone in the whole world. Will you marry me?"

Lisa beamed at him. "Yes..," she said, tears in her eyes. "I love you too and would be happy to marry you."

Dean grinned and reached down and got the velvet box. He placed it in her hand.

She opened the box with shaking fingers. "Dean," she breathed out, eyes fastened on the stunning piece.

Dean reached over and took the ring out of the box and placed it on her finger, saying, "The set is beautiful, Lis, but it will never be as beautiful as the one who wears it and has my heart."

Tears filled her eyes and she leaned in, kissing him. The crowd, including the restaurant patrons, began clapping at the sight. Dean stood up and walked around the table and pulled her into his arms, kissing her deeply. After he came up for air, he looked at the waiter, "We'd like a glass of your best champagne to go with the dessert."

"Of course, sir, and congratulations from all of us," he said with a wide grin, disappearing to fill that order. The waiter came back out with the desired bottle.

Dean took Lisa back out onto the dance floor and danced one final dance with her. No one else stepped out on the floor, allowing the newly engaged couple to have the floor to themselves.

For Lisa, it felt as if it was something out of a fairy tale and she was so incredibly happy. Dean leaned his head on top of hers, feeling her warmth against him, his eyes closed.

The two stayed like that for a while, simply enjoying the chance to be together and share their happiness.

The dance soon ended and they headed back to their table to enjoy the dessert and champagne, smiling happily at each other.

Dean lifted a glass of champagne, looking into Lisa's eyes, "I've found happiness with you I've never known before. Thank you."

"Thank you, Love," she said. "Tonight has been perfect."

"When we get to the hotel, I'll show you the matching rings for this one. I would like to plan a winter wedding, Lis. Maybe in December? I just don't want to wait any more. I want you to be mine and for me to be yours, totally...man and wife."

"I'd like that. I don't want a big one though," she answered. "Something small and meaningful."

"My family is very small, Lis. I'd only want Ellen, Jo, and Cas. Ryuzaki, Watari, and the boys will be here. I imagine you would want your family. I know your dad is gone, but your mom and family and friends. We can rent that chapel up near the mountain range on the other side of town? That's if you want a church wedding? If not, we can do it in the big room at the cabin before a massive fire in that stone fireplace. It will be decorated for Christmas though. The garden for Near is big. We do have that huge glassed in patio in the back also. It can be opened in the summer and closed and heated in the winter. What would you like?"

"I like the idea of Near's garden, if he's willing to share it. I know that's his private space when he's there and that's going to be a lot of movement in there. I don't know how well he'd adapt to that or having that many strangers in the cabin, even if he is in his wing most of the time."

"We can rent everything, have it set up, taken down. There are large glass buildings that are used for special occasions. We set it up, have nice cushioned chairs, and I can ask the local preacher. We could decorate with white flowers and maybe poinsettias. It depends on what colors you want. I just thought red and white or red and gold would be pretty. We can move the decorations for the wedding aside and clear a dance floor and have it catered. Whatever you would like. I want to keep the work down for us."

"Again, we'll have to be careful of Near's needs. Unlike the others, he's not able to be outside as long so if we do this, it could cut into his personal area. I'll have to think on this because I know he's not comfortable with things at the best of time," she said.

"It's a glassed in building, Lis, with generators to keep the power running. It has a roof that is not glass or see through. He'd be all right in there. If he does not feel he can be with the crowd we can talk to Ryu and Watari and see what would work. They will be here tomorrow."

She sipped her drink. "I know it's glassed in. We had it built that way for Near so he could be in a garden and not worry about burning. That's his space or so I've called it that, and I've actually helped Sarah with that room for him too. I'd rather wait until they're here so we can bring them in to discuss." She was showing sensitivity for the boy that had Dean's love like this.

"Lisa, I love you, but I'm not wanting to use his space. I'm talking about having a portable one brought in and used, and taken away. No use of the house or Near's space. There' s a company that does that for this area because of snow and desert."

She blinked, than blushed. "Oh my, I misunderstood. That may be an option if we want it outdoors. It might be lovely but cold even with the heating, wouldn't it?"

"I may not have explained what I was thinking in the right way, Lis. It might be cold at that. I don't know. We don't have a lot of choices. Church or cabin, then"

"Let's think on it and get the others involved," she said, finishing her dessert. "We have a bit of time anyway. I should shop for a nice dress while in town," Lisa said with a smile. "Drag Sarah and go."

"Well, you can do that tomorrow, I guess. I don't know what's open on Sunday, or you can drive back here one day next week."

"You'd be surprised with Christmas coming," she said with a laugh.

"But Thanksgiving isn't here yet. Ah hell, they had Halloween in August didn't they?"

Lisa giggled, "Wonderful world of commercialism. Get them in as early as they can," she said. "We'll be fine. It's rare stores close for Sunday these days."

"I guess we need tuxes. Is Ben gonna walk you? What colors? How many ladies going down that aisle with you?"

"I don't know yet, Love. I need time to plot before I let you know," she smiled. "I don't really want a big one so we'll figure it out."

"With it being at Christmas time, we need to let people know fairly fast so they can plan."

"And I will," she told him. "I may plot with Sarah to see what can be done in the fastest amount of time. I have to be careful because she's got a lot on her hands for getting the house ready for Christmas."

"I know. I don't want to add more on her shoulders. Just tell me what you want, and I'll order it. That way someone else sets up, decorates, cooks, serves, does the music, and cleans up. I just pay."

"Catering for the time the family is down, at least for the time before and during the wedding would be a good help since everyone will be so busy. What day do we want to do this?"

"I had thought maybe Christmas week?"

"Call me crazy but I'd love a Christmas Eve one," she said wistfully.

"Really? It's what I'd really like to do, Lis. I said Christmas week because I didn't think anyone would go for it. Can we?"

"I think we should.. either early morning or sunset...candlelight," she said.

"I'd like the candlelight."

She frowned for a moment. "Can you ask the waiter for a pen and some paper?"

Dean nodded, motioned for the waiter, asked for two cups of coffee and a pen and paper.

The items were brought to them and Lisa began taking notes. "We'll need candles, the special ones that people can hold if they wish as well as no-drip kind to light the area we'll be in. Backlights that are soft enough not to disrupt the candles but allow for photography."

"Okay. We will want music. I don't know what you want to walk down the aisle to or come back up the aisle to. There is usually special music of some kind."

"I can work on that.. have to find someone to do the music," she said with a frown, making lists.

"Lis, we could hire somebody to do this. Just tell them what we want and let them do it? I don't want you exhausting yourself."

"I'm making the lists so we know what we want, and then hire people to do it," she grinned. "This way we know what we want before we have people translating what we're doing."

Dean sat back, drinking his coffee, and watching the woman in front of him make lists.

"I wonder if we should go Christmas colors and decor for this?"

"I had thought red and gold, or maybe green and gold? You can even do blue and silver. People use those too. Poinsettias, miniature Christmas trees, and other Christmas plants. We could hang mistletoe over where we're standing. Be fun to kiss my wife under it."

"What do you think of burgundy and silver?" She looked at him questioningly.

"I love the burgundy. It's what you're wearing, hon. I never thought of silver with it. It might work. If that's what you want, okay with me."

"It's what I'd like," she said softly.

Dean smiled, "Well, we men need tuxes fitted. Maybe we can get burgundy vests. Flowers will have to wait until we know who is doing what and how many people are in the wedding. Those lapel flowers, whatever they hell they call them, could still be white, but if there's a burgundy flower, it would be awesome."

"A Christmas rose maybe?"

"If they come in that color. I know that mums come in that color, but I always think of funerals when I see mums."

"I don't care for mums," she answered. "We'll have to find a florist locally."

"Christmas roses are beautiful. Do they dye roses? Maybe we could get burgundy that way?"

"They breed them for special colors. We can check on that," she told him.

"That sounds fine. Why don't we head home and see if Sam and Sarah are in?"

"That works for me," she smiled. "I'm sure Sam's waiting to hear the news."

"Yeah, he helped with all of this. I am so grateful for him, Lis. You know you got both Ben and Bobby who can walk you down that aisle. Whichever you use, the other is my groomsman. Sam is my best man."

"We'll figure it out. To be honest, Sarah really is the only female friend I have," she said softly.

"What about your friends back home? Those..."Dean swallowed hard, "Those friends who acted like I was a boy toy of yours?"

"They were more acquaintances that had to be cut off when I went into hiding with Ben," she answered.

"I know you haven't met them yet, but Ellen and Jo are like my family. Ellen's been pretty much mother for us. Jo is a sister. I bet Jo would be a bridesmaid for you. Sarah can be your maid of honor. If you want to, hon."

"Are they coming to Thanksgiving? If so, I can get to know Jo and see if it'll work."

"I can call and invite them. They're good people, Lis. Ellen's husband was a hunter. Jo has done some...once with us. That pissed Ellen off."

The waiter brought the tab. Dean looked at it, put a card in the velvet folder, and marked that the tip be figured at the going rate and added 5% more.

"I imagine so if she's the only child. That's a rough thing to let your child do," she said, kissing him in thanks for a wonderful dinner before folding her notes. "Will Ryuuzaki's group be okay with them coming?"

"I hope so. They have dealt with Ellen. She was involved in helping keep Lilith out of the church. She worked with Bobby and some other hunters. I wouldn't be surprised if Jo had been part of that." Dean signed the credit receipt, picked up his copy. He guided Lisa to the door, and the doorman held Lisa's coat for her to slip into. Dean handed his valet slip to the valet as they stepped outside.

The car was soon brought up to them, pristine condition and the valet opened the door for Lisa after exiting. "Not a scratch Sir," he said with a grin.

Dean shook his hand, leaving a ten dollar bill in it. "Thank you."

"Thank you Sir and have a good night," he said, moving away to allow them to drive off.


	116. Chapter 116

Talking with Sam and Sarah

Dean pulled into the parking garage and found a spot for the Impala on the second level. He got out and went around and opened Lisa's door. Shutting the door behind her, he turned her around, kissing her deeply.

"Shall we go see if Sam and Sarah are up?"

"Sounds good," she said with a smile. "I think they might be waiting since you said Sam was involved in the shopping."

"Yeah, they might be. We could put on a pot of coffee or something. I have no idea what they did tonight. They had the night for themselves, you know?"

"Which is good for them. I have to wonder, who wore out who in regards to Bobby and Ben," she said with a soft giggle.

Dean grinned at the thought. "You know...I'm not sure. Bobby's a hunter. He can still go for long times, but Ben's a hunter's son and it's in the bloodline too. I really don't know."

"Bobby wore him out last time but honestly, I think the poor guy was just about as exhausted."

"It's late but not that late. I'd love to call them and have them come over, but I hoped Ben would stay the night with Bobby. I kind of wanted it to just be us tonight."

"Let's not bother them tonight. We'll catch up with Sarah and Sam, then head on to bed. We can tell Ben in the morning," Lisa suggested.

"Yeah, Ben and Bobby...maybe at breakfast. I hope Ben is going to be happy about this. I know he's been so glad that I'm here, but marriage makes it more permanent. He should be all right, shouldn't he? Lis, once we're in the room, I have another major question for you while we're waiting on Sam and Sarah."

"Okay, Love, and he'll be fine. He asked me before if we were ever going to get married."

"He did? What'd you tell him?" They got off the elevator and walked to their suite, and Dean carded the door and opened it for the woman beside him. Lisa entered and headed to their bedroom to change. Dean went to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. He found a bottled water for himself. A lot of dietary rules were broken today and the water was needed.

"That if you asked me, I would say yes so that we'd be a full family," she said, changing into a comfortable set of pajamas and robe.

Dean walked into the bedroom, reaching for his sweat bottoms and a t-shirt. He put his suit back into its carrier, placed the shoes into their box, and he sat on the bed and picked up his cell. He looked up at the woman he loved, smiled, and dialed Sam's cell.

"Hey, unless you two are having a fun time in bed, you want to come over? I got coffee on. If you're hungry, I can order something."

"We'll be there in a few moments. We were just watching a movie.. well, I was. Sarah's been in sketch mode for a while," he laughed, then yelped when he was poked.

Dean started laughing. "You tell her I'll start counting bruises on you. See you in a few." Dean set the cell on the table by the bed, and looked at Lisa.

"Lis?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"I don't know how you and Ben would feel about this, but after we are married, I want to make Ben mine. I know I don't have the right to ask. I've never been here for him. It's just, he's my son."

"I know what you're saying, Love, and I agree. Your name is on the birth certificate, Dean, but I gave him my last name to protect him. It wouldn't take much to get his name changed, but you need to talk to him first before we take any action," she said, brushing her hair.

"I'm on the birth certificate? All this time? I never thought I would be. Thank you, Lis. When should I talk to him about it?"

"Tomorrow afternoon unless he brings it up first. Give him time to adjust to the news. He's well rounded for his age but it's never good to bring too many changes on a child all at once."

"Okay." Dean's voice broke and Lisa could hear him sniff. No tears were released but his eyes glistened with them. His head jerked up at the knock at the door.

"I got the coffee on. I'm drinking water. Too much wrong food today," he told her as he went to answer the door.

"That works," she said, tossing him a box of tissues. Dean grabbed the box, stared at her, took a tissue, and tossed it back to her. He left the room and headed towards the door.

Sam and Sarah were waiting outside, both dressed in pajamas and robes.

"Come on in. Coffee's on the bar. There's beer in the fridge, just in case somebody wanted some. I've had my alcohol limit for the millenium, I think. There's some chips and dip in there. I didn't get it out. You didn't say if you were hungry. I'm still stuffed, man."

Sarah grinned. "We gorged on Japanese food earlier so we're good for now," she said, walking in and plopping into a chair.

Dean stretched out on the sofa, and watched his future wife walk into the room. He smiled and pointed at Sarah and Sam.

"I don't know if Sam told you what I had planned for tonight, Sarah, but it's Lisa's night, so she's gonna tell ya'll what happened. I might put my two cents worth in though. Go ahead and show her, hon."

Lisa held her hand up and Sarah squealed. "Congrats!"

Dean smiled as he watched them. He looked at Sam and mouthed 'Thank you.'"

Sam grinned at him and nodded.

Sarah was excited and asked to be told the whole story. Dean licked his bottom lip, took a drink of water.

Lisa shared it with Sarah, who giggled after the story came to a close. "Wow! That's so sweet. Mushy, but sweet."

"Yeah, there were a few freaky things for me. That guy parking my baby. The dessert proposed before I got to."

Sam laughed. "I imagine that was a bit unusual. You did good though."

The older man's eyes were wide with excitement, but Sam noted the look of contentment.

"Ok, so any decisions on plans?" The younger brother leaned back in his seat.

Dean pulled Lisa into his lap where she leaned against his chest her legs between his as they stretched out on the sofa.

"Yeah. Christmas Eve. Candlelight service. Not sure how to do it where it doesn't inconvenience anyone. Gonna hire people to do it all, I think, but there will be a few guests. We do still have the trailers after we move out. Can keep them up and use them for guest housing when family comes. That kind of thing. Lis made notes."

Sarah frowned as she thought on it. "It can be kept simple but elegant so that it doesn't take too much time for planning and execution."

"Yeah, but how. There's Thanksgiving, decorating for Christmas. Decorating our homes when the stuff comes next week. Than there's Christmas with all of the food and stuff for it. We'll have guests.I want to call Ellen and invite her and Jo for Thanksgiving. They can stay in one of the Trailers for the remainder and be here for Christmas and the wedding. Lis has family and friends."

Which would provide a security headache for Watari, Sam thought to himself.

Sarah shook her head. "I have the decorating for Christmas plotted out. All that's mainly left is furniture for every wing. Painting of the walls are all done."

"Well, the furniture for each wing is being delivered except for Ryu's wing. I mentioned to Watari that we would moving in next week. He said he would have it taken care of for them. Now, Watari has had Ellen and Jo checked out, I'm pretty sure. The problem will be housing Lis' family and friends. Watari and Ryu have to understand that these are family and friends and we live here. I can house them in town, but I can't tell them they can't come out here. They don't like me as it is. "

Dean looked at Sarah. "I'm trying to not tire you out. What are you thinking?"

"Thinking you need to hire a wedding planner, tell her what you want, and let her rip," she said. "I'm going to have my hands full with Christmas decorations since we're starting from scratch."

"Tell me about it. Bobby said she nearly bought out most of two lumber yards and the hardware store," Sam ducked when she aimed a good natured swat at his head.

"If there's that much coming, where's it going? I bought the saw you wanted and a Dremel set. I kind of did the same thing with our attic. There's heat, air, and electrical. I thought about playing around and doing some stuff on my own for a hobby...teaching Ben. I'm taking off the next two weeks to get things done and for Thanksgiving. We'll have an emergency number set up and that's the only work I'll be doing besides school work and my diesel class. You have a big Christmas gift coming when the sewing machine arrives. It's going to be professionally set up in your attic. They built a huge wooden crate to put over it and I will decorate it for a Christmas present. No peeking. Now where do we have a wedding?"

"We've set up a place to keep the wood safe, and Bobby said he'd arrange for a woodshop to be set up not too far from the cabin," Sarah said. I'll be busy out there for a while."

"You're still going to need me to do the cutting? If it's a wedding planner, I'm gonna back out on this. I will let you know what I'd like and then it's yours."

Lisa nodded. "That might be a good idea."

Sarah grinned at him. "Just long enough for you to teach me how to use the tools," she said. "Power tools look fun!"

Dean stared, contemplating for a moment. "Lis, if you are going burgundy and silver, I want burgundy vests for the tuxes. I would like one groomsman and Sam as my best man. I heard somewhere that the groom's family has to do a rehearsal dinner. If that's true, let me know."

"Sarah, I thought this was supposed to be a family thing? Can you do all of this alone? If you are, I see no reason why I can't open the shop and stick with the schedule you guys made for me."

Sarah tilted her head. "You're pouting cause you wanna play with the big power tools too," she teased.

"I didn't buy big ones. Did you? I'm not pouting about anything. I can run the business if I'm not needed."

"Well, I can sketch on the wood if you want to cut. Probably would go by faster that way," she said with a smile.

"Okay, I can do that." Dean looked at those in his living room. "It's a conspiracy to keep me out of there for a while, anyway. I'm not stupid, guys. Thanksgiving, then we reopen until two weeks before Christmas."

There was a round of applause on that, the girls giggling.

"Why do I get the feeling this is exactly what you were planning? Anyway, I want to show the girls the wedding bands for the engagement ring." Dean smiled at the look on the girls' faces at the word, 'bands.' He left the room.

Sarah moved to sit beside Lisa, waiting for Dean to come back to show them what he'd bought. Both were excited about this.

Dean came out with another purple velvet box, this one larger than the one that had held the engagement ring. He knelt on the floor between the two women and handed the box to Lisa. He was excited about the two bands of rubies and diamonds that would form the rose petals. The dewdrop was the main diamond in the engagement ring. Its band matched the two wedding bands.

Lisa's eyes were huge. "Dean... oh my god. This is incredible." Her voice was soft, full of awe. Sarah was also speechless as she peeked over Lisa's shoulder.

Dean's voice was just as soft. "It will look like a rose and the diamonds are dewdrops. The main diamond is a large drop. The others are tiny sprinkles on the rose. The bands go on either side. If you think it's too much, we can get something different. It's just I think of you as my rose. It was what I was looking for." Dean knew she was overwhelmed, but he really wanted and hoped it was because she liked it and was not overpowered by the amount of stones and the size of the set.

"It's perfect," she whispered. She loved flowers, especially roses, and to know that Dean had remembered that made her feel incredibly loved and special. Lisa kissed him lovingly. "Thank you," she told him.

Dean laid his head in her lap in contentment. At this scene, Sam motioned to Sarah and they nodded to Lisa and headed to the door. Sam mentioned an early shopping trip to look for wedding clothes before they headed back home. Lisa nodded, her fingers running through Dean's hair.

Sarah giggled as they got into the hallway. "That ring was so perfect for her," she told him. "You and Dean did good."

Sam smiled, "Yeah, we did." He had decided he was going to pull a Dean in his own style. There was a Celtic necklace that needed to grace Sarah's neck.

She slid her hand in his. "I'm happy for them."

Sam opened the door to their room and let Sarah precede him. He locked the door.

"Sarah, I have something for you." Sam walked into the bedroom and came back a few minutes later with an emerald green box. He sat down on the couch next to her and handed her the box.

She looked at him, before opening the box to find the beautiful locket. "Oh Sam..."

"I have no problem waiting until after Dean and Lisa, Sarah, but it's time we were engaged. I love you and I want to be married just as badly as Dean does. I know you are not traditional as far as rings go, so this is my engagement ring to you. You can hang your wedding ring on it when you are working and it will blend beautifully. Will you marry me, Sarah? For real?"

She pounced him, kissing him deeply. "Yes, I love you!"

Sam grabbed her hair and pulled her even closer, kissing her and running his hands over her. His voice sounded almost hoarse as he whispered, "You set the date, I want so much more for us than we have now. Sarah, I want a family. I want kids to play with like I do Ben. Our kids."

"Well, how soon did you want to get married, love?"

"How would you feel about being Lisa's matron of honor instead of maid of honor? We could have a small outdoor wedding on Winter Solstice. That's pretty Celtic. You could have a white fur trimmed full length white and silver dress. Just a thought."

Her eyes lit up at him. "Oh, that sounds beautiful," Sarah said with bright eyes. "I'd love it!"

"I don't think it would be a problem with Dean and Lisa. They are more interested in a traditional wedding on Christmas Eve. Ours won't be. We'll talk with them tomorrow."


	117. Chapter 117

Sunday Adventures

She cuddled into his arms. "Perfect. I love you, Sam."

The following morning found everyone meeting for breakfast. Dean and Lisa were the last to arrive. They had found a huge round table and the other four were waiting for them. Bobby kept trying to get a look at Lisa's left hand to see if his guess was right, but it was in Dean's hand. Dean's eyes widened when he saw the necklace on Sarah. His gaze turned to Sam, a question in his eyes.

Sam just gave him a wide grin, cuddling Sarah in his arms as they found their seats. It was obvious that he was very happy with the events of last night given his relaxed easy smile.

Everyone ordered breakfast, and Dean had hot tea. "Too much of the wrong stuff this weekend."

Bobby was not about to give up. "Does anyone here have any announcements to make? Dean?" Ben looked at his father and mother at his grandpa's question.

The younger Winchester looked at his brother, wondering if he was going to tease Bobby or just come straight out with the announcement.

Dean added cream and Splenda to his tea, stirring slowly. "Just how much of an announcement do you want?" he asked, not looking up.

"Cut the crap, Dean," he said to him, fingers tapping on the table.

"Okay, Bobby. Ben, you need to hear this too. Okay?" Dean pulled Lisa's left hand into his and stared at the two who didn't know what had happened. "In a round about way, the dessert at the restaurant beat me to the punch last night and asked Lisa to marry me. Thank God she did not accept the dessert, although she did eat it."

Ben started giggling at that, and Bobby cracked up. "Dessert asked her before you did huh? Winchester luck," he teased.

"Seriously, Bobby. The dessert came out on two plates with silvers lids. They removed the lids and it was cheesecake with chocolate sauce. The sauce on hers had been done in the words, 'Will you marry me?' I had to talk fast. She said, 'Yes.' Ben, I'm going to be your Dad by marriage too."

The boy pounced him, hugging him tightly. "Good!"

Dean wrapped his arms around his son and held him tight, eyes closed.

Sam and Bobby just smiled, serving themselves breakfast while the two had their little cuddle. It was definitely good news.

"Ben, it means sharing your Mama full time. She'll be mine as much as you are. At the same time, I'll be yours as much as she is."

"I don't mind sharing with you," he told him.

"Okay, just so that's straight between us. I love your Mama, Ben. I love you as my son. To me, this gives me a little more right to be your Dad. I just want you to know that this is a lifetime proposition. I don't intend to walk away from this."

"I know," he said. "As long as it's you, I don't mind sharing at all. 'Cause it means I get you too," he grinned.

"Ben, you already had me, son. This only makes it a little more legal with your Mama."

He stared at him. "This mean my last name is gonna match yours now?"

"I'd like it to be, but only if you want it to be. We'll have to go to court, I think. I am not sure, but we'll talk to an attorney to have it changed. That's your choice, son. I'd like it with all my heart."

"Well, if Mama is going to be a Winchester, it means we have to match and I wanna match with her and you," he said.

Dean nodded, "We can make it so you match. If your Mama is a Winchester, than you sure need to match."

Ben gave him a sage nod. "Exactly."

Dean reached for a bowl and placed some oatmeal in it. He poured honey and milk over it, and started to eat. He reached for a biscuit, looked at Lisa and Sam. "One okay?"

Both nodded, knowing that one would not hurt him.

"I miss the wheat ones and the turkey bacon and sausage. Okay, dresses and suits? I guess you're possibly shopping for more than one today, Sam?" Dean asked, nodding towards the necklace. "You aren't robbing from Lisa and me if that's what you think."

Sam grinned. "Sarah accepted when I asked her to marry me last night."

Everyone congratulated them. Dean grinned, "I knew you weren't going rings and bought the necklace, so that was no surprise. We set our date for Christmas Eve, everyone. I guess we'll honeymoon some times after Christmas. You guys picking something close to that? We've been waiting a long time, Sam, so I wouldn't blame you any."

"Since Sarah is very much in touch with her Celtic roots, we're going to get married on Winter Solstice," he said. It was a pagan holiday but meant a lot to his fiancée.

"Outside? Reason I'm asking, is we got to dress right for that. I guess that means that Sarah's Dad will be here. You inviting him for Thanksgiving and have him staying? That's only four or five days before Christmas. We need to get things going here."

Sarah shook her head. "For the wedding, if he'll come. His girlfriend doesn't like me much and tends to keep him separated from me when she can."

"Well, there's plenty of men here. We'd love to give you to Sam. Outdoors? It is a solstice."

Sarah gave a soft smile. "I'd like to call in an old friend of my mother's but not sure how you guys would take to that."

"Take to what?"

She leaned into Sam. "Being hunters, you guys have issues with witches.. but what's your stance on wiccans and pagans?"

"I hate witches, okay? I've never had a good experience with one. We've killed several pagan gods so far. They like to sacrifice people or have them sacrificed to them. That's something I prefer to have my family avoid. Wiccans? I learned about them when I studied online. When dealing with pagans and witches, you have to rule some things out. I've never met one. Are you telling me that you are?"

"My mother was and I learned at her knee," she said softly. "One thing about pagans and wiccans most people overlook is the Rede they follow. 'Do as you will an' it harm none.' The things you faced were in it for power and glory. That's not how it's supposed to be." She gave him a soft smile. "I'd love a handfasting ceremony, which is why I asked. The friend of my mother's is licensed for weddings."

"Wiccan, I can deal with, Sarah. Pagan, I'm gonna have to be convinced. I had one god that appeared as a scarecrow. This girl and I were supposed to be killed by it. The blood kept the apple orchards and other growth healthy. The other two gods killed around Christmas time. We thought it was a black Santa. They caught Sam and me. It was painful experience. Convincing me may not be too easy. I got no problem with Wiccans, and as long as you are dressed, a handfast is fine. I really don't want to see Sam in the nude in the dead of winter."

She started laughing. "I promise, no skyclad ceremonies."

Dean grinned. "Outdoors? We need to know what we have to wear."

"It'll be outdoors."

"Okay...you guys having people stand with you? I've never been to one of these. I'm assuming you dress special for it. What do we have to have, or do we? We can kill two birds with one stone. You and Lis can hit the bride shops. We guys can hit the tux shops."

"I know where to find mine," she smiled. "We'll hit the wedding shops after breakfast."

"Okay." Dean looked confused.

The girls finished their breakfasts and hurried out after kissing their loved ones goodbye.

Dean watched them leave and turned towards his brother. "Okay, Sammy. I'm gonna assume that you know what the hell your half of the handfast requires? Do we have any part in this, or is it just you two? No one is answering a damn question I ask."

Sam shook his head. "I'm going to have to research it and find out because I don't know anything about Wiccans honestly."

"Sam! We're supposed to get all of this done this morning, man. Handfasting is ancient. Other than no nudity, what else has changed in it?"

"I have four tuxes to order. I wanted to get everything for yours done, too. Hell,this is the most confusing mess I've ever had to deal with and it's not even a hunt."

Sam smiled. "Knowing her, she'll have it all planned out."

"I don't guess it would cross her mind to call you and tell us what we need to know? Dean asked as he looked over his brother's shoulder at the handfasting site he'd found.

"Sam," Dean's worried voice pierced his brother's thoughts. "Does she know we have Campbell blood in us?"

"Actually, yes, she knows Mom was a Campbell," he said to him.

"They're all wearing skirts, man. Even the men!"

Bobby started cracking up. "That's if she goes with the Scottish one, Dean. She told me once her Mom was Irish."

"The Irish wear them too, Sam. If she follows this tradition, she'll expect it from a Scot. I'm not wearing a skirt outside in the middle of a west Texas winter. You gonna bear your legs and balls to that? I don't think they make underwear warm enough for a skirt!"

"She could go Renaissance or anything, Dean," Sam said softly. "Don't worry about it until we know. And watch the language, Ben's with us."

Dean buried his forehead in his hands, remembering a morning months ago where he and Ben dealt with language. He'd done it again.

Ben gave him an innocent smile. "Want some soap?"

Dean stiffened, turned towards his son in surprise. "Well, aren't you a smart ass this morning."

Bobby snickered. "You know, Ben, I think your dad does need the soap."

Dean's eyes widened. "Oh shit, does temporary insanity over wearing a skirt in the dead of winter count in court?"

"Not where Lisa is concerned," he said, snickering as Dean continued to bury himself in bad language.

Dean took a deep breath and looked at his son, "You say one word and you will be wearing one of those skirts outdoors at your Uncle Sammy's wedding. I guarantee it. Let's go order tuxes, guys." Dean left a large tip, grabbed the tab and walked stiffly towards the cashier.

Bobby and Sam broke down laughing. Ben was giggling too as he ran to catch up to his dad.

Dean felt his coat pocket for the keys to the Impala. They were not there. He began slapping every pocket he had. He remembered Lisa slipping her hand into his pocket. He'd thought that it was rather romantic that she had done that.

"Bobby, can you fit all four of us in your truck? I've been robbed and Lisa shanghaied my baby."

"Yeah, I can but you'll have to get in the backseat with Ben. Sam won't fit back there. Good thing we fixed up an extended cab for me," he chuckled.

"Hell, Bobby, I'm not short legged. Sam's just a sasquatch. Come on, Ben. You're Mama and I have to talk cars."

Bobby laughed softly, opening the truck for them. "Get in, boys."

Bobby's seat had to go all the way back for Sam. Dean literally had his knees in his face. His eyes were closed, and Bobby, watching him in the rearview mirror, thought the young man was doing everything he could at the moment to keep his temper under control.

"Hey Dad, am I going to wear a tuxedo thing too?"

"Yeah, son, you are," was mumbled through gritted teeth.

He grinned. "Cool, I can pretend to be James Bond!"

"Yeah, Ben, you can. I'll even get you a water gun that looks real, and a hit list."

"Sweet," he cheered. "Will you, Uncle Sammy, and Grampa play with me?"

"Well, we can't wear the tuxes and play with water guns, but I see no reason why we can't have suits for that. Do you, Bobby, Sam?"

Sam grinned. "Sounds like a fun game to me." Bobby laughed and nodded. "We can get various types of water guns and use balloons for 'grenades' since Bond has a veritable arsenal to use."

"Yeah, he does. Where do we play this game?"

"Probably should wait until it gets warmer," Bobby said with a frown while Sam typed on his phone, then passed it back to Dean to read so Ben wouldn't see it. -Find a paintball arena and have fun after we get fitted?-

Dean grinned and nodded and showed the phone to Bobby when he stopped at a red light.

Bobby nodded his agreement. That would be a great place to play "James Bond" and not have to worry about courting pneumonia. The truck started up again.

They pulled into a men's dress store.

The men climbed out, stretching for a moment before heading into the store. As they opened the door and head inside, Dean was overheard muttering about a cab.

Bobby poked him. "Don't diss the truck."

"I'm not dissing the truck, Bobby. It's too long legs, and too short a back seat."

"Take it up with your girl then, Dean. Cabs are too expensive when you've got a running vehicle. I can throw you into the back next time."

If you got blankets, I'm hopping into the back."

"I think I might," he said, looking at the various tuxedos.

"Other than the ones covered with the grapes? The clothes were hanging in the bedroom last night. I'll get yours to you, Sam. She wants burgundy and silver, guys. I was thinking either a white tux with silver vest or a black tux with burgundy vest."

Ben wrinkled his nose. "White is icky on tuxedos," he said, pointing at one of them.

"Yeah, the only one of us who could carry that off is Sam. I'd look like a ghost in one."

Sam shook his head. "Not really for me either. How about black tuxes, burgundy vests with silver cufflinks?"

"Yeah. That would work. I don't want formal. It's not a big wedding. Suit style tux. The idea of a tails really bothers me."

"Penguins," Ben chimed, making Bobby laugh.

"You expect some little guy to wear that and walk around strutting his stuff like a banty rooster."

Sam and Ben nearly fell over when Bobby called out "Da plane, da plane!"

Dean stared for a minute and started laughing.

The group cracked up for a few moments, sobering when a salesman approached them, asking if he could help them.

We need matching tuxes, black, burgundy vests, and we'll look at your cufflinks. They need to be dressy. I want nice...very nice."

"Wedding, formal dance, or another type? This will give me an idea which selection to pull out for your approval," he said to him.

"Wedding."

"Do you have a time picked out for it, Sir? Morning, afternoon, or evening?"

"Christmas Eve at sunset. It will be a candlelight service."

He nodded, then went to pull some thick binders out, marking places. "Come and take a look at these, Sirs. This will help narrow down the choices and then I can pull out samples for you to make your final choice from."

Dean remembered back to having to buy used suits that never fit right. He nodded and they started looking over the pictures.

Ben knelt on a chair between the men, peeking at the pictures.

"This one reminds me of the one Bela had us wear. That's way too fancy. I like this one, Dean pointed at a tuxedo that looked like a very richly made suit. "If it fits right, that would be perfect."

Bobby nodded. "I think that's a good one too. Nice but not too fancy."

"Sir?" Dean flagged the salesman down. "This is the one."

The salesman took a look and smiled, "Excellent choice. Let me pull one out so you can take a look at it before committing to it. Some people like what they see on paper and then when they get their hands on it, find it's not to their tastes. I'll be right back."

"I've never done this before, guys. It makes me nervous. Do they get the measurements right? I mean what if you go in and it doesn't fit right?"

Bobby shook his head. "They'll measure it correctly. These guys are professionals."

Dean nodded and waited on the salesman.

The salesman returned, carrying the tuxedo. "Why don't you take a look at it and make sure this is the one you want, Sir."

"Oh man. I love this. Sam, we may need something like this for car stuff? If we do, let's buy ours. Bobby you want to keep yours? Some of the shows have these parties and things. We get heavily involved and we'll need something like this. Ben will outgrow his. If he needs another later, we can get it for him."

Sam was thoughtful for a moment. "Owning is probably a good idea."

Dean looked at Bobby, who nodded in agreement. "We can order a couple of extra vests beside the burgundy. That way we aren't stuck with just that color. Maybe a dark blue and a charcoal gray?"

"Good idea," Bobby answered. "No bow tie things but good solid ties that'll go with it."

"Thanks, Bobby. We'll need a tie for each vest color. Nice long ones. I'm not wearing a bow tie."

The salesman nodded, "As you wish, Sir. Which would like to go first for measuring?"

Dean paled, swallowed hard, and nodded. Sam was grinning, knowing this was an unknown for his brother.

The measuring was done with respect and tact, ensuring that Dean's suit would fit him well. After the first measurements, a tailor came in to start fitting the vests first while the salesman measured Sam.

Dean, relieved that the 'poking and prodding' of the salesman was through, had less discomfort being fitted for the three vests they'd selected. Another salesman brought a selection of ties to be gone through. Dean knew the ones for the wedding had to match, but there were choices for the other two. Sam came out and Bobby went in to be measured.

The men worked together to claim the ties and vests for the outfit that weren't used for the wedding. Ben was measured after Bobby and came out with a grin.

Dean smiled at his son. The salesman who had brought the ties had gone into the back to find longer ones for Sam. He had brought long ones for Dean but was not in the main room when Sam had been in there. Sam's tastes were different than Dean's.

"We're going to need tie tacks for the different ties and matching ones for the wedding, as well as cuff links" He turned when their regular salesman, who had measured them, reentered the room. Dean asked about the jewelry and when they could expect to try on the tuxedos.

"How long will you be in town, sir?"

"Look, I imagine you will have to special order my brother's and possibly my son's. We can come back. We will be leaving once the women are done since they gave us no orders on the needs for my brother's wedding. Yeah, there's two in one week."

"I can have all of them ready in a week, sir," he told him. "We keep our tailors on hand. There will be a final fitting for hemming and the like, and they could be ready an hour or so after."

"Next Saturday?"

"I'll make a note of it and have them ready to go," he promised him.

Dean was surprised and stuttered slightly at a thought that had come to mind, "That..w..would be wonderful. That okay w..with the rest of you?"

Bobby nodded. "Yup, works for me." Sam agreed as well and Ben just grinned. "I'm good."

Dean smiled and turned back to the salesman. "That would be good. W..what time should we be here."

"Shall we say eleven a.m. sir?"

Dean nodded, a big smile on his face at this point, "Yeah. Th..thank you."

Bobby poked him. "You don't have a reason to stutter, so stop it," he groused softly. "We'll see him on Saturday. Now let's find something else to do."

Dean turned and looked at the man who was a father to him. "I'm terrified, Bobby. I want this so damn bad. You know my luck with women. What are the odds of getting through this whole...with a wife and family? Every step I take brings me closer to a possible failure. "

Ben answered before Bobby could, "You're being silly, Dad. We chose you, remember? So stop being goofy and have fun!"

Dean stopped and turned towards his son, not realizing the boy had overheard the conversation. "You and your Mama chose me?" Dean knelt down where he was eye to eye with his son. "When did you do that, Ben?"

"When Mom told me you were my dad. I asked if we were gonna be together, and she said if I wanted it. I said yeah and she said yes too. .so we chose you."

Dean had tears on his face. His brother came up and placed a hand on his shoulder, knowing the older Winchester would be embarrassed he was emotional in front of strangers. He stood up and looked at his brother. "They chose me, Sam?" The question held a tone of awe in it.

"Ben's pretty honest, Dean. If he says he did, then they did." Sam was grinning at that.

"Yeah. They chose me." Dean grabbed his jacket. "Let's go play for a while. Did you find a place where could do what we talked about, Sam?"

"Yeah.. three miles west," he said, picking up Ben and tickling him.

Three hours later, Lisa called Dean, telling him they were at the hotel and wanting to know where they were. Dean, with splotches of pain on his face, neck, and hair, had been running from his brother. He was out of paint balls. How Sam still had any, he did not know. Bobby and Ben were out of the game. Dean knew he'd be any second.

"Now is not a good time to talk, Lis. I'll call you back." He was hit in the chest four times with red paint, the sting of four in row made him wince. He could hear Lis asking if he was all right, when a white ball hit his cheek, the paint going over his lips and dripping into his mouth as he tried to tell her he had to go. He hung up and raised his arms in surrender.

All three of them were howling with laughter at that; everyone covered in paint. It had been fun, and Ben had held his own against the seasoned professionals. It was obvious he had played himself out but was enjoying himself still.

They turned in the coveralls and wiped as much paint off as they could. Dean looked in a mirror and wondered if they'd be allowed in the lobby looking like this. He grinned. They were heading out anyway, so who cared.

They drove back to the Holiday Inn. The stares they received were making it hard for them to keep a straight face. They went to Dean's suite, knowing both women were there.

Sarah and Lisa both started giggling at the sight of them. "Oh goodness.. is there any paint left at the place?"

"I doubt it, but you'll have to ask Sam how he won and still had balls left? You and I are gonna shower together one time only and that's now, Son. You'll never see the paint on your head otherwise." Dean put his hand on his son's head and steered him towards the restroom.

Lisa doubled over at that, giggling harder. It was obvious the guys had fun, and she was glad for that. Bobby and Sam went to clean up while she and Sarah giggled over the sight of them.

Sam turned before he left, "Lisa, I thought you ought to know that Dean is afraid of losing you guys, but Ben told him that you two chose him, not the other way around." Sam nodded at the women and headed to shower.

She grinned at that. Good for Ben!


	118. Chapter 118

Arguments over Ancestry

Ten minutes later, both of Lisa's men came out of the bedrooms in jeans and a t-shirt, hair going every which way. Dean carried socks and tennis shoes, and so did his son.

"Much better, guys!"

Dean looked up from tying his shoes, a smile on his face that reached his eyes. "Yeah. We have to come back on Saturday to try on the suits and pay for them and pick them up. Sarah, we bought nothing for your wedding, because none of us had any idea what you wanted. Maybe we can do it next Saturday?"

"All I need are measurements. I'm going to order online and then go to a seamstress for any adjustments needed," she said with a smile.

Dean grinned. "The tux place has Sam's measurements."

"Can you get them for me?"

"Sam's measurements? Sure."

She nodded. "Thank you."

Dean smiled, relieved it was just his brother's measurements she needed.

"Oh, I'll need yours, Ben's, and Bobby's too," Sarah added.

"For what? What are we having to wear?"

"Don't sweat it. I'll show you later," she told him.

"Is it Scottish?"

Sarah shook her head. "No, it's not."

"I looked at sites on the Internet with Sam. No skirts? We gonna have to wear tights for something like that?"

Sarah stared at him. "First of all, it's not a skirt, it's a kilt and having Scottish ancestry, you should know that and be proud of it. Second, no, not tights. I'm doing a combination style type of thing. It'll be fine."

"First off, I'm a Winchester. They didn't like my dad. He wasn't good enough for them. The Campbells never had time for us. It is a bloodline from my mother. I love her more than you'll know, but she's the reason we've been hunters. There's a lot you don't know. I never took the time to know what the Campbells were other than their dealings with a clan called McDonald. I'm a Winchester."

"Despite your grandparents, you should still look into it. It's a strong and noble heritage," she pointed out.

Dean's voice never raised, never showed disrespect, but Lisa knew there was a lot more to it. "Yeah, well...maybe someday. When I find the time."

Sarah shook her head. "Fine...anyway, I have more work to do." She headed out.

Dean watched her leave, knowing he'd upset her. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, waiting on Lisa.

"Dean.. she takes a lot of pride in her heritage. You can't judge your family history by your grandfather. There's a lot to be said in knowing the background of your family history. I think you upset and hurt her. What if she had gone Celtic in her wedding?"

"Ben, why don't you go check on Grandpa. See if he's close to being ready."

The boy nodded, then went to find Bobby.

"Lisa, Cas sent me back in time. I watched Azazel possess my grandfather. I watched him kill my grandmother. I was named after her. He killed my dad. Mom made a deal to let him come into our home ten years later. He bled in Sam's mouth. He killed my mom. I watched that. My dad saw part of it. We are what we are because of Campbell blood. I'm sorry. I will love my mom til I die. I would give my life to prevent what happened to her and Sammy. I can't, but I don't have to respect a bloodline that turned us away. I didn't talk for over a year, Lis. They didn't want me. Bobby took us in. No, they may be in my blood line, but they're not my family and they're not my heritage. I'm proud to be a Winchester. I may not like or respect my father and the things he did, but he went after Azazel."

She shook her head. "Your grandfather wasn't to blame for being possessed, Dean, or do you remember Sam having that same issue? You also can't blame your ancestors for what the modern ones did. Do me a favor, research the Clan."

"I watched my mom sell us out to keep my dad alive. If it had just been her who was hurt in this, okay, but it wasn't."

"Again, you're holding that against the entire clan of the past. Just research it, Dean."

"I looked them up not too long after I came back from all of that. Did you know that they killed out an entire clan? Only a few escaped. They were told to get an oath of loyalty to the king from the chieftain of the McDonalds. It came late, but they sat on it. They went and spent the night, slept under the McDonald roof, ate their food, and slaughtered them. Under the clan system, that was evil, Lis. Where's the honor there? All I have seen is dishonor from them."

She stood up, shaking her head. "That's not all they've done. There's good in the history too but you're too determined to think bad things about them

"Why are we doing this? Why do I have to love something about my heritage that I have no interest in? Why am I being forced into this, Lis?"

"One, because you're being beyond stubborn on it. Two, it's important to Sarah and you were rude about it."

"One, if I don't want to be a part of the Scottish craze about clans it's my right. The rudeness is in trying to insist that I do it. I was not rude. I never raised my voice. I never smirked at her. I kept my voice calm and even."

"You don't have to smirk to be rude, Dean." She shook her head. "I'm going to teach Ben to respect that history and be proud of it, even if you're not."

"Lis, the things from my past were dealt with, but there's painful memories. The name Campbell raises those memories that I'd rather just forget. Go ahead, but if Ben asks, I'll tell him the truth. If you and Sarah plan to raise the memories than I'm free to talk too. Right?"

"As long as you don't prejudice him against his history," she told him. "I'm not judging the men of hundreds of years ago against the stupidity of your mother's family."

"All right, Lis. You and Sarah do whatever you want about it. Don't expect me to be a part of it. I don't mind Scottish stuff. I draw the line at Campbells. Let's not hurt Sarah's feelings, right? I'll apologize, but I won't be a part of it. I'm sorry, but I can't."

She nodded. "By the way...she's mixing Elvish with medieval/renaissance style. So no worries."

"What the hell are we guys supposed to wear with that? Pointed ears? I love Lord of the Rings, but Legolas has pointed ears.

"No, no fake ears. Just let her plan it and see. I think you'll be amazed," she pointed out."

"Well, I hope so. I've trusted her with murals, Near's room, and our entire Christmas decorations. It's her wedding, right? Just no skirts in the dead of winter. That's all I ask." Dean grinned when he said skirts.

She gave him a smirk. "Count yourself lucky she didn't go with the older traditions."

"What? Her and Sam going naked?"

"Back then, everyone went skyclad," she told him.

Dean stared at her, eyes wide, and he grinned. "I've had my moments, Lis. The car wash for one example, but I'm not in the habit of doing that around family."

Lisa giggled. "Like I said, you should count yourself lucky then."

"I'm not stupid, Lis. I would have gone to L. Sam and Sarah would have been hijacked and put on a private jet to some place fabulous...maybe Ireland. They can have a wonderful elopement and do what they want to their heart's desire over there...not around family."

"And I would have been incredibly disappointed if you had," she told him. "Eloping is always looked back on with regret. Granted, Ben wouldn't have been able to go but I would like to think the rest of the adults are mature enough to handle that type of situation. All that would have mattered is that Sarah would have the ceremony of her dreams."

"Okay, Lis. You've seen Sam and Sarah has seen me. That was uncomfortably embarrassing. Do you really want me to see her in the nude, knowing me? Come to think of it, would Sam want me to see her?"

She gave him a soft smile. "If it made her happy, I know Sam would walk through fire for her. So yes, I think he'd have done it for however long the ceremony lasts because a girl's wedding is the day a girl is treated like a princess and given as much as her heart desires."

"Okay, Lis, you win. Tell her to do what she wants. I'll even wear a damn skirt, just please, no family tartans. Okay? That's just for me."

"You don't have to worry about it, Dean. While I was trying on dresses, she was sketching out designs for a friend who is a seamstress. What she's put together so far, it's amazing. To be honest, we could wear them for renaissance fairs and blend in well."

"You were serious about faeries? Wings, and sparkly stuff Faeries? If it is, that will certainly be interesting in the middle of a west Texas winter."

"I think it's going to be gorgeous. We're going candlelight on ours; she's going to use really small white lights to create the effect of Lothlorien from the Lord of the Rings movies. I'm excited for her," she said with a grin.

There's not a lot of trees in the area to do that except behind the cabin. I don't know when those were planted but they took root real good. Mainly there's mesquite and cactus around here. There's a few others but I don't know what they are. The ones behind the cabin formed a woods on all three sides," Dean replied, remembering Mello in those woods and being stabbed in his neck by a nail from the hand of one of the creatures they were hunting. He didn't mention it.

Smiling, Dean looked at the woman sitting next to him, "It would work there. The mountain is in the background. The trees are beautiful and the lights would look good in them. It's close enough for electricity to run them."

"I think that's where she was thinking of having it. I'm not sure."

"Well, it's really time we all headed home, but I don't think she's coming this way. I said I'd apologize, Lis, but I do hope she'll back off." Dean leaned over, kissed her and headed for the door.

"Let's just see how it goes," she said, starting to pack up their things.

"How what goes, Lis?" His hand on the doorknob, the older Winchester stopped and stared at her.

"The apologizing thing," she told him. "Sarah was really hurt by it."

"Look, Lis, I am apologizing because she got hurt because I have no interest in my heritage and really have a dislike for it. It's my right, but I'm apologizing. Am I the only one that thinks this is odd?"

"You're apologizing because you hurt her feelings by the flippant attitude you took towards all of this. You know she takes her heritage seriously, and you also know the term for the stuff worn by the Scottish people. By calling them skirts as well and trying to be funny about going naked, you pretty much just told her you didn't care at all about her traditions and heritage. I know you didn't mean it that way but it's how she took it," Lisa told him softly.

"Lis, wearing 'kilts' and appearing nude in front of my family is embarrassing to me. I joked to keep from offending her by telling her what I really thought about it. If you think that's wrong, she's done a hell of a lot of it about things that bothered me. I said nothing and I did not make everyone feel uncomfortable or that they had to apologize for joking about it. I'm gonna apologize, and I'll keep my mouth shut from now on. No more joking around Sarah. Honestly, I'll need a rule book on what I can and can't say."

Dean started to open the door and stopped, "You know what would have been nice? The thought that I even bothered to look over Sam's shoulders and see what this stuff was about. Did it even click in her head that I took some interest in it to do that? Hell no. It didn't. I won't again."

"No, Dean, you just went on and kept insulting her by your stubbornness and willingness to blame your mother and her immediate family for the misery you and Sam went through. Generations and generations are carrying that blame now, and she knows it. You took it out on her. Your jokes can be taken as insults because you don't hide what you think. It was just as bad as telling her flat out you think she's a freak and a fool for believing as she does," she said. "Sarah is a sweet person and despite the inner strength, she's very insecure at times and you nailed right on it."

"Fine, Lis. It's funny cause the conversation with Sarah didn't go that long. It honestly didn't. It did with you, though. That's all right. I'll go eat crow right now, but it's for Sam. I won't have this crap between my brother and me. I don't want it brought up again. Understand? I told her I'd look it up when I had the time. Considering how my life is right now, there's not a hell of a lot of time to do that. I did look it up once. I didn't like what I saw about them. It's my right to feel what I need to feel about some things in my life. What may surprise you is other people can be insecure at times and some things in their life hurt and they don't want to be reminded."

Dean walked out the door and headed down the hall to Sam and Sarah's room.

Lisa shook her head and resumed packing. For all his big heart, there were a lot of times when Dean didn't see that his actions could and did hurt others even when he thought he was being silly and playful. Especially if the topic he was joking about was one he hated.

Sarah was filing the last of the receipts away for the orders she had made for decorating the house. She was keeping track so that when the deliveries were made, she could verify everything was there.

There was a soft knock at her door. Sam was still in the shower removing paint.

She headed to the door, opening it a crack to see who it was before allowing Dean in. "Sam's in the shower."

"I didn't come to see Sam. I came to see you. Sarah, I'm sorry for being an ass. I know I am one. To be honest, I joke to cover up for other things. Okay? It doesn't make it right, and I didn't mean to hurt you. The truth is I would have worn a 'kilt' if that was the plan. I just did not want anything Campbell for me. Sam could wear it all he wanted. Ben, too. I just can't. I respect your ideas about your heritage. It must be great to have someone teach you those things and the love for them. Thing is, Sarah, I didn't have that. No one ever taught me that Campbell's were family. I met my grandpa and grandma when I was grown and they were dead already. The whole thing was just to show me that I couldn't change anything. They're right. I couldn't. They died. My mom set us all up for a life of hell, and my Campbell family...well...they failed too. I did read some stuff about the Campbells. What I had the time to read told me that my family was just like the older ones. I wrote them off my list. I didn't see any reason why I couldn't. They wrote me off theirs. The difference was I was four years old. Okay. Now, i am sorry. I will wear whatever you think is right to make your handfasting the most beautiful and memorable night of your life. The best place for the lights is behind the cabin. I've been all over the area. It's perfect for what you are thinking. I'll do whatever you need to make it right. Just, please, can we leave my heritage out as far as I'm concerned? If not, give me warning now. I'll work on dealing with it."

"I respect the fact that your immediate family is nothing but a group of inconsiderate assholes. However, you can't judge an entire clan and clan history by what a handful of people have done. Yes, the Campbell clan did some bad things but there's good mixed in there too." She sighed, taking a seat. "I'm not going to push this but you need to promise me something."

Dean still stood looking at her, "What, Sarah?"

"I know it's how you were raised but promise me that you'll stop judging people by the immediate history and try to dig deeper, to see underneath the history. Before you two got to know me, had you known I was Wiccan at the time we met, you probably wouldn't have treated me as well as you did."

"Sarah, I have never met a Wiccan before. I have read about them. I have no problems with them. I joked about the 'kilts' and the nudity because the thought of having to do that embarrassed me. Okay? I told Lisa and I told you that I did read some ancient history on my clan. What I read was no better than the modern Campbells. They were dishonorable and they were butchers. I didn't just leave it to the modern ones. I actually attended a couple of clan gatherings and asked people about them. They're not liked much. I would not have had a problem about you being a Wiccan. Now, a witch or a pagan, yeah. I've had hands on experience with them. I draw the line at religions that still have living gods that tried to eat me. I told you that at the time and said you'd have to show me different, but not once did I put down your beliefs, Sarah. I do joke about stuff, but I never joked about your beliefs or your mama teaching them to you. Are you kidding? You had a mama to teach you. Again, what I said earlier, I meant. I'm sorry. I'll wear whatever you need worn. If it's gonna be Campbell, give me warning. I'll wear it. I was trying to offer help.'

"Anyway, tell Sam to get a move on. Watari and them are coming sometime today."

"I wouldn't make you wear it," she said softly. "Besides, I think you'll like what I've chosen for the men." She was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry I was so defensive. Your jokes can come off as really harsh sometimes."

"That's all right, Sarah. I'm not gonna do it anymore. It was never intended to hurt anyone. Better that I don't. Got to finish packing. We do need to hit the road." Dean leaned over, kissed her softly on the cheek and went out the door.

He walked halfway down the hall and stopped, leaned against the wall, closing his eyes, thinking a talk with Watari would be nice.

Sarah sighed, finishing up the packing.


	119. Chapter 119

Heading Home

Dean came back into the suite and entered the bedroom to pack his things. He could hear Lisa in Ben's room. It didn't take him long. He pulled his backpack out from under the bed. It had the emerald set, Lisa's cleaned sapphire ring and the two pieces of jewelry for Bobby and had slipped Sam his jewelry the night before. Dean took the velvet box with the sapphire ring in it and went looking for Lisa. He couldn't find her.

Lisa had finished packing and was loading Bobby's truck with the rest of them.

Dean realized that Lisa had packed everything else but his things and was no longer in the suite. He pulled out his cell and called to see if everyone was down at the vehicles. If so, he would bring his stuff and pay the bill on his way out.

Lis answered her phone. "Yup, we're all down here. I got most of your stuff packed up but wasn't sure if you needed what was left out or not."

"No, I didn't and I packed it. Where's their key cards? I'm going to go and pay. Gotta add today to it because we were supposed to be out by one and we weren't"

"By the bed, I got Bobby's and Sam's before I went to load the car."

"I'll be down in a few minutes, then. I have something of yours. I'll take the key cards and pay the bill. Love you." He shut the phone

Dean sighed, grabbed his things, slipped the ring case into a pocket, and grabbed all the key cards. He headed to the lobby and to the front desk.

She shut the phone and finished loading the vehicles with their help, smiling as Ben chose to ride with Bobby this trip.

Dean set everything but his backpack on the floor and laid the key cards on the front desk, "Checking out." He set a credit card next to the key cards.

The young woman smiled, "Everything all right with your stay, Sir?"

Dean returned the smile, "It was perfect, thank you." He reached for the bill and slid the card towards the young woman..

She rang him up, handing him the receipt. "I'm glad. Hope you and your family stay with us again."

"Yeah, do you have a four bedroom suite for next Friday night? We have a tuxedo fitting the next morning."

The young lady looked at her computer and grinned. "You're in luck, Sir, I happen to have one ready for that weekend."

"I don't know if I need it the whole weekend, but just in case, set me down for Friday and Saturday nights."

She typed in the information, then handed him the confirmation. "Here you go, Sir."

Dean pocketed it with the receipt and told her thank you. He walked to the parking garage, looking for his car. When he'd done three floors, he got out the cell and called Lisa,

"Where's my car?"

"We're on the fifth floor," she answered.

Dean took the stairs, blowing off steam, finally reaching the fifth floor. He walked out on the roof of the parking garage and spotted Bobby's truck, wondering how it had gotten up there. They had parked it on the third level, which was why he had taken elevator to the third.

Sarah smiled, waving at him as she leaned against the truck. While she and Lisa had been out, they had taken the classic car to a special cleaning place, having the car detailed inside and out. It sparkled in the sunlight.

Dean walked to his car and stopped. His luggage hit the ground and he started to slowly walk around the car, looking at the tires, the shine of the polish, and how the windshield gleamed in the sunlight since they were on the roof. He opened the car and looked inside and sniffed. It smelled clean. The anger over the use of the car without asking was gone. He stood up, smiled at both women and mouthed thank you to them.

Both of them gave him a hug. "We borrowed her to help spiff her up as a thank you for everything," Lisa said. "How's she look?"

Dean's voice was very soft as he replied, "She's beautiful. Thank you. What are you thanking me for?"

"Just cause," Sarah said with a grin

Dean's face showed confusion, but he smiled, shaking his head. "Ya'll ready?"

Everyone agreed, smiling.

Dean looked at his brother. Sam had heard about everything that had happened. He knew Dean and what would be going through his brother's head and refused to get involved. He, alone, understood where Dean was at, but he loved Sarah. It was better for all concerned that he remain neutral. Dean would understand this. Sam looked at his brother and smiled softly, "You up to driving, Dean? You've been so tired lately. No one would blame you if you just wanted to ride."

Dean smiled acknowledging what Sam did not say. "I'm fine." Dean reached for the keys. "Shot gun?"

"You know it," He said, slipping into the seat.

Dean looked at the two women, "Sorry, long legs before beauty. Oh, Lis. I had to borrow something of yours to size your rings. They cleaned this while I got it sized." He handed her the sapphire ring in its case.


	120. Chapter 120

Rebellions Can Backfire.

She opened it, than hugged him tightly. "It looks beautiful. Thank you."

A soft smile was the response given as the older man returned her hug. Sam noted the hazel eyes closing for a moment. Dean released her and opened the doors for the women. He hopped into the driver's seat, leaned out and asked Bobby if he was ready. At the wave, the Impala's engine started and he backed the car out of the parking slot and headed towards the down ramp.

Lisa settled in the back seat, getting comfortable in the seat, and talked with the occupants of the car about various things that had happened during the weekend.

Sam noted that his brother talked but was quieter than usual. He kept his eye on the highway, watching the places they passed. After they were about an hour out of town, Dean pulled into a restaurant parking lot. After he stopped, he commented on the need to eat. The place was a small Mexican restaurant.

Dean got out and started opening car doors. Everyone stared at the restaurant and then looked at him. Lisa stared at him and over at his brother and Bobby, who had walked up. The older Winchester commented that breakfast was hours ago, and the guys at the diesel school said the food was authentic here.

"Might be interesting," Bobby commented. "Sometimes the little places are the best to try."

Sam watched his brother exhale softly, relaxing a little. He'd gotten past Bobby, but Lisa, Sarah, and Sam would have the final word about Mexican food.

Lisa looked at her fiancée. "Stay away from the fried things and it should be all right," she murmured.

Dean grinned remembering what everyone had told him was in authentic Mexican cooking. Fried food was a minimal problem. Animal fat and other things were high in the stuff he wasn't supposed to partake off. This afternoon, he didn't give a damn.

She knew she could help him make the right choices and slipped her hand into his as they walked into the restaurant. Sam, grabbing Sarah's hand, followed them in. He knew exactly what his brother was doing, but he knew Lisa too.

The group was soon seated, and drink orders taken; the waitress leaving them to look over the menu.

Ben wanted enchiladas. Dean grinned and said yeah to his son. The hazel eyes turned towards the menu. He decided on a chile relleno stuffed with fajita beef and cheese. He asked for extra queso and sour cream for it. The meal came with refried beans smothered in cheese, Spanish rice, and a taco soup. The flour tortillas were thick and large.

Sam, Bobby, and the two women sat there as the order was given.

Lisa was quiet; Dean would be sick after the meal but she wouldn't say anything, letting him get himself into this. Once someone was on a diet that he had been on, going back to the unhealthy stuff would cause nausea.

Everyone's meal was brought out. Dean ate his meal slowly, enjoying it, but felt full in a short while. There was a look of frustration on his face. His brother recognized the look, knowing that there was a rebellion going on. He looked at Bobby, who shrugged. This was Lisa's battle this time. He slowly ate the taco salad he'd ordered, shaking his head when his brother tried take to another bite.

Sarah had a gut feeling as to what Lisa was doing. If this was Dean's way to rebel, he'd chosen the wrong kind and would be sick later. With Lisa not acting, she was allowing Dean to punish himself.

Sam's brother knew exactly what he was doing. If he was as wrong as everyone thought than he deserved to be punished. Rebellion had set in big time and he'd do whatever he felt was necessary.

Lisa focused on her meal, letting Dean do as he wanted. She had a feeling that this was in regards to the problem earlier and if so, then he had to work it out his way.

Dean didn't make it through half of his meal. He sat back and waited on everyone else.

The group finished their meals with contented sighs. "That was good," Sarah commented. "We'll have to try this again later." Sam got up and beat his brother to the register. He knew that Dean would never allow anyone to try to divide up this weekend and let them all pay part. He paid for the meal and left a tip.

The family went outside and back to the vehicles afterwards, ready to get home. Dean backed out and pointed the car towards home. He was quiet, but did contribute to the conversation. It was getting dusk when they turned onto the dirt road that went back to the property. Dean started having abdominal problems at that point. He kept quiet about it. It was his problem and his alone. He figured on indigestion with acid problems. He got a lot more than he bargained for.

Lisa was watching him as best as she could from her vantage point, already plotting to put the kettle on for ginger tea when they got home.

Everyone got out of the vehicles to start unloading suitcases, suit bags, and packages. Dean finally managed to get out of the car. He tried to stand up straight when the pains hit hard. He grabbed himself and doubled over, finally going to his knees. "Shit!" he whispered, his head touching the ground.

She helped him back to his feet. "Time for tea," she murmured. "Come on, Love." He tried to straighten and walk beside her, but they only made it a few feet before he groaned loudly, and doubled over again. She heard him whisper, "I'm sorry, Lis. It's not burning. It's hurting."

"Your body has gotten used to having healthy things and is now protesting what you had for lunch. The tea will help," she said, guiding him toward their trailer

Sam walked up, "You guys need help?" He couldn't see his brother's face, but could tell his breathing was labored.

"I think I'm gonna be sick, Sammy. Stupid thing to do today. I knew better." Dean fell onto the ground on his side, pulling himself into a ball, arms around his middle.

"Stay with him," she murmured, then went into the house to start brewing the tea.

Sam knelt beside him. "I'm surprised you did it," he told him, then helped him up.

"Why?" He was doubled over but standing. "Come on, Sam. I'm the bad guy in all this. Okay. I punish myself, maybe it'll be over. Til I can come up with something better, just let it be. Please?"

"You already apologized and it was over.. you don't have to punish yourself," he told his brother, knowing he'd need to let Watari know of this.

"They didn't let it go, Sammy. The last stuff said was about what I did. Not, okay, it's forgotten or anything. It's not over in their minds. Because it's not, it's still in mine."

"Dean, stop it. She accepted the apology so it's over. They're not Dad."

"Really? Watari and L both knew I still had some problems, Sam. You do too. Or was Friday morning a dream? Okay? I was apologizing for something I've believed my whole life. I've always joked in front of them. They joked with me about stuff I could've taken wrong but didn't. I can't joke any more about things that embarrass or upset me. I have to keep my mouth shut. I sure as hell can't say the truth, can I? If they don't take jokes, and I tell them why I feel that way, I'm an ass. So who the hell do I tell?"

"You can joke, Dean, but there are times when you take the joking a little too far or over things that are sensitive to others. I'm used to it, but it's not a good habit to have."

"Well, thank you, Mr. Sarah. Don't worry. It's not gonna happen again. I just thought I could talk to you about what I'm feeling. Hell! There's no one." Dean pulled away and walked off toward the cabin, holding himself and managing to stand about two-thirds upright.

Sam caught up to him. "Stop it. I was just explaining how the girls would take it. I'm not taking sides here, Dean. I'm trying to help."

"There's such a thing as understanding what someone has gone through in their life, Sam. There's such a thing as compassion. I never once made fun of her Wiccan heritage. If she really wanted us to wear kilts, I would have. I just would not have worn a Campbell. I'm sorry. You've never been around them, Sam. You can't possibly understand. It would seem that Lisa doesn't either. That is so comforting. I never called Sarah a witch. I explained that I had problems with paganism but I would listen. I called a kilt a skirt and joked that did I not want to be naked in a west Texas winter. She started on the Campbells. I did read about them. I did look them up. I even went to a couple of Scottish festivals and asked people. I got very little good on them. Nothing that would encourage me to want to look that side up. Hell, I know better than anyone that Dad isn't any better, Sam. At least he took us to Bobby when I was so terrified they were gonna split us up. He didn't separate us, Sam. The Campbells wanted to. They would've broke our family up, Sam. No. I can't accept them."

"Yeah, Dean, but you can't pin the blame on our ancestors.. that's all Sarah was trying to say. The problem is, the jokes can be taken wrong. She's not used to your sense of humor."

"Damn it, Sam! You're not listening any more than they did!. I did look them up. I read some stuff on them. I even got a damn book on the history of the clans. I asked people who are into that. The Campbells are not well liked by a lot of clans. I read some of their stuff. No, Sam. I didn't say it just because of what the modern ones did. The ancient ones did stuff too. They killed everyone, trying to wipe out an entire clan, Sam. They killed little kids, pregnant women, and babies, Sam. They killed people who couldn't protect themselves. Hell, even the men were in bed. They don't have a good reputation. You know I thought it was awesome that they were hunters. If any of them are still alive, and I imagine they are, they never once offered to help us. Mom was their blood. We were her kids. No, no point, is there? We're not gonna agree? Maybe I can hunt up some of the family for you guys and you can cozy up with them. Just damn well leave me out. I won't bring it up again, but tell them to not do so either."

Sam blinked at him. "There's other events the Campbells were a part of and did the right thing, Dean. I know what you're talking about, I researched too."

"You were right that time when you said Dad raised us as warriors. I guess I still am, Sam. When you made me see that when someone was possessed and we killed them? Hell, Sam, we killed an innocent person. I've lived with that guilt. I don't want to be part of a clan that butchered babies, Sam. It goes against everything I believe is right or wrong. It's my right to believe that. No one, especially those who don't really know me like our future wives seem to not know, has that right. I am not going to joke any more. Lisa told me a while back that my joking might be coarse at times but it was just me and she understood. It's really okay that she didn't. You see, I love her. I told her than that I could stop it. I will. Tell them to back off on the Campbells. It's the one thing that is not negotiable. I'm a Winchester, and so was my Mom."

To be honest, Sam had serious doubts that Mary ever was a Winchester given what the woman had done in their past. "All right, Dean. Let's just get you inside."

Dean turned and slowly moved back towards the trailers. Lisa was standing on their porch with a large mug of ginger tea. Dean stopped and looked at her. "Where's Sarah"

"She went to put their stuff in their trailer," Lisa said quietly.

"Ours still in the truck?" Dean's voice was barely a whisper.

"No, Bobby and Ben are working on it now. Come on, time for a long soak in the tub and sipping the tea," she told him. "You need to relax."

Dean panicked, "The backpack?"

"Already here," she told him. "Unopened."

Dean almost sobbed in relief, thinking of the watches and the emeralds. The wedding rings were in there too. He slowly raised one foot up a step and tried to pull the other up with it, taking deep breathes as he did so. He was sweating hard.

Sam braced him, helping him climb and allowing his brother to use his strength.

Dean murmured a quiet thanks when they reached the porch floor.

He waved it off, helping his brother into the trailer and to the bathroom. "Think you'll be ok or should I stick around?"

Something flickered in the hazel eyes, but to fast to recognize it. "I'll be fine, Sam. Until recently, I took pretty good care of myself. Lisa is here."

"I'm just trying to help," he told him.

The eyes flickered again, and Sam knew it to be fear. Dean was not trying to push him away. He was trying to be whole, normal, and the man of his home. He still needed his brother and was afraid to admit it when those times came around. "I wasn't trying to chase you away, Sammy. I'm sorry."

"Dean, it's ok to need someone even here," he murmured. "Relax and let us help you."

"I can't bend over to get anything off, Sam. It hurts so damn bad. Where the hell is the regular indigestion and the acid?"

Sam helped his brother sit on the closed commode and he and Lisa began removing his tennis shoes. Lisa put the dirty socks in the hamper and placed the shoes in the closet. When she came back Sam had Dean standing and was unfastening his belt and removing his jeans. Soon Dean was laying back in the tub full of very hot water, drinking a large mug of ginger tea. Sam lowered the light on the dimmer switch. He joined Lisa in the kitchen.


	121. Chapter 121

Interludes

"Anything else you need, Lisa?" Sam asked.

"I think I can get him out of there and into bed. You've earned your rest, Sam. Thank you."

"Not a problem. Tell him I hope he feels better," he said, than hurried out to find Sarah.

Dean had finished the tea, and the water was cooling faster than he liked. He pulled himself to the edge of the tub and reached for a towel. Pulling the lever, he let the water drain. Toweling dry, Dean hung the damp towel on a rack and went softly into the bedroom. He was alone. He felt ashamed of what he had done, so he slipped into the bed, not bothering to dress, and burrowed under the blankets.

Lisa heard the tub draining and slipped into the bedroom. "I know you're awake, Love."

She heard a deep sigh and the hunter turned onto his back. She couldn't see him in the dark, but could imagine what he was thinking. He should have known he couldn't avoid Lisa this way. "I was a real ass today, Lis. I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven, Love. Just.. next time tell me you want to be punished and I'll boil up wet noodles to spank you with," she teased. "No more trying to poison yourself."

She heard his voice deepen as he spoke, "I could think of better ways to punish me, Lis. I bet you could even make me cry out."

"Oh, I bet I could," she said, kissing him sweetly.

He pulled her on top of him, the blankets between them. "I'm willing to find out."

She laughed, than began to spend time with her future husband. It was good to see him in such a mood and she hoped it would continue.

Dean did everything but make love to her. She could feel his heart racing as he touched her. His teeth grazed her neck. "Damn, Lis," he groaned. "Christmas Eve can't get here soon enough."

"I know," she said, her hands not idle at all. "It'll be perfect."


	122. Chapter 122

Interlude with Mello

Morning, found Dean outside, talking to the drivers of one of the many delivery trucks that were coming that day. No one knew if L and the others had arrived. They would probably have settled in early due to the jet lag.

A familiar looking blond came out, yawning as he unwrapped a bar of chocolate. They'd arrived at the wee hours of the morning and outside of L, he was the first one awake.

"Hey! Mello! Did ya'll order furniture for your wing? The deliveries are coming today and I ordered a ton of supplies and food for the storage room and the kitchens. I left that part because it was for all of you to decide. Is your stuff coming today? "

Dean walked towards the blond as the men moved the truck towards the cabin. He dragged the teen into a bear hug. "It's good to see ya."

He hugged the other male back. "Yeah, Watari did it after talking to Sarah about the rooms. Some big mystery or something. How're you doing?"

"You want the truth or a real rosy version?" Dean smiled to remove any anger or bitterness from the comment.

Blue eyes looked at the older man for a moment. "Let's walk while you tell me what's going on."

Dean didn't mince matters, being completely honest. He talked of his heavy work load and school schedules, forgetting to eat, not enough rest, and the schedule the family put him on. He mentioned Sam's upheaval. He sighed and talked about the weddings and what had happened with Sarah and Lisa. He even talked about his stupidity at the restaurant and its aftereffects. He shook his head as they both walked towards the cabin. He knew he had to get the others up, but a chance to talk without being judged was a relief.

Mello simply listened, munching on his chocolate as they walked around the property. He'd had a feeling Dean had just needed to vent, so he'd stayed quiet and allowed the other to talk about what was going on.

"I have a plan, Mello. I'm hoping against hope that Lisa and Sarah will see I'm not exactly like they think I am. Maybe...just maybe...they'll back off and quit trying to shove something I don't want in my life down my throat. I'm going to do some research of my own. I'm going to get help. Don't laugh, Mello, cause I'm only telling you this. I'm gonna sing at Sarah's wedding. She don't know it yet. I'm not great, but with help, I'm not bad either."

"There may be some teachers in town that can help you with that. Do you have an idea of a song for that?"

"Yeah, I'm hoping there is. The song is one you've heard. It's in one of the Lord of the Rings movies. 'May it Be' by Enya."

"I'm familiar with it. Good song," he said, crunching down to take another bite of his chocolate.

"Yeah. I just hope I don't go and ruin her plans, but it's a surprise for that night. I know I can get off key and that's the problem, but I'm told there's ways to help with that. I want to be on key for this. You got no idea what it means to me."

"I'll do some poking around and get a few names for you," he promised.

"Thanks, Mello. We need to get Sam and the others up. There's gonna be trucks coming in all day. This one is groceries...tons of groceries. Watari may want some of it your kitchen cabinets. Right now, all the frozen and perishables are going into the storage. No refrigerators delivered yet. Let's go wake some people...Oh, and Mello? Thanks."


	123. Chapter 123

Reunions

The blond waved it off. "No problem. Watari's up so I'll let him know what's going on with the deliveries. How soon before the cabin is ready for everyone to move into?"

"I'm hoping this evening. Everything is scheduled for delivery. Hopefully everything won't come at the same time." Dean got on his cell as he walked towards his trailer. Bobby's phone rang and Dean let him know there was a huge truck with supplies and food in it and they all need to get going. He called Sam.

It didn't take long before the men came out, dressed and ready to help with the supplies. They greeted Mello, who hugged Sam back when the tall man gave him a warm hello.

"Wait until you see the place, Mello. It's awesome," Dean commented over his brother's shoulders. They all headed to the cabin. Dean had a pocket full of keys and handed one to each of them.

"Everyone gets one. Mello, your cabin wing is off the gardens, but the key fits all." He opened the double front doors and they began helping the men who brought the supplies to bring them into the large kitchen in the main building.

"The girls should be here any minute to help decide on what's going where. Is Watari going to be here to decide what he wants in your wing?"

"Any minute now," he answered, looking at his phone where the older gentleman had texted him. "Matt's coming too to set up any electronics each wing might have. You can't get any better than Matty."

"He's the best I know of, Mello. I'm glad he's willing." Dean walked into the main cabin, followed by Mello, Sam, and Bobby. Not much was done in the almost perfect main room, but the walls, ceiling, and floors were cleaned . Dean and Sam had had cedar flooring laid.

"So all the wings open out into this room? Damn, I like the floor. It's got a nice smell to it," he said. Mello was used to either a very old English style manor or contemporary hotels for the most part. This was a nice change.

"Yeah. Your wing was an addition. It goes straight down that way at an angle. The solarium and the two indoor gardens are out there. The storage room for large amounts of food is on the opposite side, along with a big laundry room. The appliances for the wings should be here soon, but we each have a huge freezer in the storage room. The cabinets and pantries are ready right now. They're in our kitchens. We just need to pick what we want in our wings, put the meats we want in the freezers, and we each have a section for extra can goods and stuff. After we are through, this evening or tomorrow, we can sit down and make an additional food order to be delivered. Will this work for Watari?"

Mello nodded. "I'm sure he can get that lined out without a problem," he said with a shrug. "We don't exactly eat a lot of normal food, except for him, so he knows what we need. Can I peek in the wing now or is it some big surprise?"

"I don't have a problem with it, but Sarah might. Sam, is she coming?"

Sam laughed. "Don't think so. She was up before I was and head deep in designs and work for the Christmas stuff."

Dean nodded, sighed, and headed out the door toward the trailers. The men from the trucks were setting all of the food on the back patio after Dean realized it wouldn't fit in the large kitchen. Sarah would need to select what she wanted and needed. She designed the boy's bedrooms...all four of them. There were murals she'd painted. To Dean, she needed to be there. He took the stairs to their porch two at a time. He knocked on the door and waited, wondering if Sam had called and warned her. He also wondered if Sam even realized where he was going.

There was a bit of a growl before the door was flung open. Sarah's face was smudged with charcoal, ink, and a few other things. "What?" She paused, then collected herself. "Sorry Dean...didn't mean to bark. What's up?"

Dean looked over her shoulder for the dog. Not seeing it, his brows went up. "You growling before you bark now?"

"Ha ha," she said with a grin. "I tend to bark, growl, and bite if interrupted during creative periods," the artist admitted with a bit of a blush.

"I'll remember that. You had your shots? See, Sarah, today's moving day. There's an entire truckload of food to be distributed and placed like we want it. Furniture is coming. You designed the boys' rooms and painted murals. Mello's asking to see their wing. Lots going on and you're wanted and needed. I know you don't want Sam picking and placing the groceries or the furniture and stuff, do you? Now, my leg or my arm, but not my ass?"

Sarah giggled, than made to grab at his arm to take a bite. "To be honest, their wing is probably the most done in regards to furniture being in. The boys' rooms were all custom. Ryuuzaki's and Watari's, the rooms are painted but the furniture isn't there." She grabbed a windbreaker, not even realizing how much of a mess she was. "I can show them their rooms if they want."

"Watari ordered that. Not everyone's there yet. Jet lag for some. I didn't pass Lisa or Ben but they should be headed there. We got tons, Sarah. Tons of food to go through, and I don't what you want from it. We'll do special orders tonight or tomorrow. You got all of your furniture and things coming. It is Monday. I promised to get this done today so I'd have the week off to do the cutting and stuff you needed for Christmas."

"No worries, no worries. It'll get done. You wanna see if Matt, Near, Watari, and Ryuuzaki are up and about so they can see their rooms?" She'd worked hard on each and even Dean hadn't seen it yet, but the artist knew he'd be pleased. Especially with Near's room.

Dean called Lisa, knowing Ben would be ready. His room had been designed for the ocean. Lisa informed him that they were heading out the door. He dialed Watari.

A tired voice answered the phone. He was awake but still dealing with a bit of fatigue from jet lag. They'd probably been at four different locations in less than two weeks, and Watari was looking forward to a bit of a holiday. "Watari," he answered.

"You sound exhausted, Sir. I hate to do this, but we need all of you at the cabins right now. Sarah wants to take the boys through. I'm assuming your stuff is due for delivery today. We need to go through the food. I know you have to be exhausted. The sooner we can get all of this done, the sooner you can rest, Sir. I'm sorry."

"Remind me to take a pillow to your head," he joked tiredly. "I'll be all right. Just jet lag catching up with me. I'll have the boys down there in a few moments. And yes, furniture for our wing is being delivered today. I followed Miss Sarah's advice and didn't order for the rooms that she said she had completely furnished."

"Head.. huh? Sarah wants to eat my arm. I had to tell her my ass was off limits." He winked at Sarah as he said it, and saw Lisa and Ben heading up the trail to the cabin. "We'll be waiting for you. Oh, I bought just about every kind of junk food I could think off. Also, got a bunch of frozen cakes, cake mixes and stuff to do it from scratch. We will meet either tonight or tomorrow to plot out what else is needed. See you there in a couple of minutes then."

There was a soft chuckle. "We'll be there."

Dean hung up and turned to Sarah. "Let's go, Sis."

"All right, brother," she said, grinning as she fell in step with him.

They entered the cabin and Dean began counting heads. "The others will be here in a few minutes. How much more do they have to unload back there?" He could see boxes on the back patio.

Sam snickered. "The guys were shocked at so much food being brought here. I think a bit more. Not sure when the furniture is coming."

Mello shook his head. "Dang, that's a lot of food."

"Yeah, and it will stay that way...once a month. We live way out in the desert and mountains, Mello. It's winter and it's coming fast. We got to be self-sufficient. It makes sense that there will be times when we can't get in or out. It's better to be prepared."

"True," he said. From the looks of it, there was plenty of sweets so hopefully it would hold for their odd diets.

Watari came in, accompanied by Matt, L, and a quiet Near. "Good morning," the older Englishman greeted everyone.

Dean walked up to Watari, and held out his hand. When Watari took it, tears formed in the older Winchester's eyes, but he blinked them back. Grabbing Watari's hand, he pulled him into a hug and held on for a minute. He let the older man go and smiled at him. He grabbed Matt and hugged him., shook L's hand, and then turned to Near.

Gray eyes looked up at him. The teen hadn't grown since their last parting and still looked delicate. "Near is pleased to see Dean," he murmured.

"I've missed you, Near. If you think you can, may I have a hug? You know it won't upset me if you don't think you can."

Near shifted the robot so he could give the other a small hug. It was the best he could manage so far

Dean accepted the hug, keeping his arms by his side so as not to overwhelm the boy. His eyes were closed and a small smile could be seen. He slowly backed away after Near let go. "Thank you, Near. That meant a lot to me. You look good. You got a little bit taller. You ready to see your room? Everyone, I want to see all of it, so my wing's last. Ben, I hope you don't mind that. Sarah, lead the way."


	124. Chapter 124

Beginning of the Guided Tour 

Sarah laughed, leading them through her wing first. She and Sam had come up with ideas, keeping things in warm tones that were inviting and followed a more comfortable setting that looked elegant without making the men in the family uncomfortable.

Dean liked the colors they'd chosen. "I was prepared for red and black, Sarah. This is nice. I like it."

She giggled at that. "I wanted to but Sam sort of convinced me not to. My studio is in the attic and is a work in progress since I've got so much going on. Ok, shall we see Bobby's next?"

"That works. Bobby's been quiet about it." Bobby had selected several of the rooms downstairs and had them made into a large suite with a small kitchenette, big bedroom, and a living room. A library had been added on the side of the building and all of Bobby's books were there.

The wing was not fussy at all and had a homey feel to it. Sam was quick to spot the wards and sigils hunters used to protect their homes. Only this time, they were painted on and blended into the artwork, thanks to Sarah's genius. Unless one knew what to look for, no one would spot it.

"This is fantastic, Bobby!" Dean had noted the wards and sigils and hoped they were everywhere throughout the buildings. When they walked back into the main room, he started looking, spotting them in unusual places. He was happy to see them.

Sam leaned in, whispering to his brother. "She blended it so well, it's almost hard for me to spot."

Bobby grinned. "Sarah did the work. I just nodded and grunted if I liked something. I think she did well."

Dean whispered back, "It's everywhere...solariums, storage, library, L's?"

"Everywhere," he said. "Every room has been warded, even storage sheds outside. She devoured Bobby's books, even some of her own, and then went to work. She told me she'd keep the family safe but wanted it to look nice."

"Sarah, this is fabulous! You did a great job on everything." Dean stressed the last word.

She smiled brightly at him, happy he was pleased. The young woman had taken a lot of time to get the protections into the artwork where it would blend and still offer the protection the household needed without looking disgusting.

"Ready to see Watari's wing?"


	125. Chapter 125

L's Wing

Everyone was excited about seeing the wing. They followed the young woman to the entry for the wing. The door had been added into the great room between Dean's wing and the kitchen entrance, and a carpeted hallway led to the wing.

She led them into the main room, which was a comfortable sitting room that had been modeled after an English drawing room. It was warm, cozy, and very inviting.

"This would make for a great room to entertain company," Watari said softly. A good room for his boys to gather without worrying about work.

Dean's mouth dropped open. "Wow! Sarah? You found your niche, girl."

"This is wonderful!" Lisa commented.

Sarah blushed a bit. "I'm glad you guys like it." She led them to another room. This one had been enlarged to form one big room. According to Watari's notes, this would be the workroom for all of them. The artist had painted it a warm color that would help soothe but not relax too much. The way the shelves were set up, it had the feel of one of the libraries that would be found in an old English manor house.

Everyone seemed to really like the room. Bobby loved the shelves, thinking of the library for his books. He had a major job there.

Ben commented about wanting to see the boys' rooms. Lisa said, "What does their kitchen look like? I know the appliances aren't delivered yet, but how is it decorated?"

Sam looked over at his brother, noting the shaking of his head and the big grin.

She led them into the kitchen which served as both a kitchen and breakfast nook. It was painted in a soft cheery yellow that wasn't overbearing but helped to make you smile when you walked in. Racks for tea cups and little nooks for various things showed in the room.

Lisa loved it. Dean thought it was a nice room, but he liked a more masculine kitchen, which he doubted he'd be getting. He grinned as he watched everyone, wondering about Watari's thoughts.

Watari beamed. "I love it. Bright and cheery." He'd actually asked for this as normal English kitchens were a bit drab. Mornings were his favorite times, and a room like this would be wonderful to work in.

They soon left the kitchen and headed down the hall to Watari's suite. L and the boys were upstairs.

Watari's bedroom was painted a warm shade of blue that was soothing but elegant. There was a small reading nook that she'd put special lamps up to help the older man as she knew vision could get worse with age. The room set up was definitely one for relaxation and comfort. The bathroom that was connected to it was done in a warm cream and gold. Sarah had paid attention to the flooring and safety details, working with contractors to ensure that the spry elder man would remain that - spry and not injured.

Dean's voice sounded low in awe, "This is perfect."

L's keen eyes had noted the safety features and she smiled in response to the look of gratitude the man had flashed her, knowing he wouldn't point it out due to Watari's pride. "I'm glad you like it. Ryuuzaki's room is a bit different since you guys told me he has problems with insomnia."

Ryuuzaki's room was done up a bit differently. Since she knew the man didn't sleep much, she'd talked to Watari and had set up the room to feel more like a good place for meditation. Sarah had researched a few things and had painted the room a dark color that didn't make it gloomy. On the walls were scrolls she'd painted that contained sayings from well-known meditation masters. In an alcove, she'd arranged a sleeping area that was separated from the room by sliding doors that were like the Japanese ones. She'd created small little niches in both areas for candles and incense. It would be a great place for the detective to relax, even if he couldn't sleep.

Dean's eyes were wide. He mouthed 'wow.' but said nothing as he took in the room They had gone down the hall of the second floor and L's room had taken the entire end. There were four other rooms on the floor. One was a movie - game room and the others belonged to the boys.

The game room was ultra-modern, bean bag chairs for the boys as well as specialized chairs for surround sound. Matt and Mello both were excited about that, grinning as they talked about how to set things up while Sarah led them to Matt's room.

This room reflected more of Matt's tastes. It was more modern, done in a shade of turquoise tempered with black. It was definitely a room for a technophile like the red head was. Dark metal furniture with cushions that matched the room.

Dean was enjoying this immensely. He was anxious to see how each person reacted to their rooms. He knew Sarah had worked hard on them. There was not that much done in their wing. The kitchen should have a desert mural, the mountain storm in their bedroom, and Ben's room. He found Matt's room to be interesting but knew it matched the boy perfectly. The game and movie room was something they would enjoy.

Mello's room was a true blast from literature. During her talks with Watari, she'd found out what the blond haired boy's interests were and had decided to have a bit of fun. She opened the room to reveal a bedroom that looked like the study from 221B Baker Street. It was classic Sherlock Holmes and given the cry of delight from Mello, she knew she'd done well.

What surprised both Lisa and Sarah was Dean's reaction. There was a loud gasp and he was in the middle of the room with Mello. The girls and Ben had not been there when Dean confiscated Sherlock Holmes from the library. His love for Doyle was not known by all of them. He walked the room with Mello, commenting on what was there He clapped Mello on the back and grinned. Sarah had out done herself.

Watari and L chuckled, watching the two chatter over the items. It was Mello's study and room to make his own, adding his own mix of things but it would give the blond the feel that he was the great detective. It was very well done, and perfect for Mello.

As Dean walked out of the room, he passed Sarah. "You did good."

She grinned, very pleased by his reaction to it. "Final room is Near's. Upstairs, we converted the attic into a dojo and exercise room for you guys."


	126. Chapter 126

Near's Room

They walked down the hall and everyone stopped, waiting to see how Sarah was handling this one. Dean just hoped the room was dark enough for the lights in the trees to show. At least, he hoped there were trees and lights. He was nervous about this one.

Sarah drew in a deep breath. This room had taken her the longest and most care because she adored Tolkien so much and truthfully, it would show once the others saw it. With slightly trembling fingers, she opened the door to allow others into it.

The carpet was a lush shade of green and soft like grass, giving the illusion of the forest floor of the sacred wood. The walls were lined with a specially made lattice work in the shape of tree limbs, small white lights giving the branches an ethereal glow. This room also had an alcove, which she had raised the floor of, making a small flechet for the sleeping area. Small steps fashioned like tree trunks led up into a plush mattress and rich pillows that rested on the platform. Soft white drapes curtained the area from the rest of the room.

Knowing of Near's love for stacking things and playing, she'd put another raised platform in the middle of the room specifically for playtime, complete with tree trunk fashioned steps. Again, white pillows, these big enough to sit or recline on, rested there. A small table was at the side in case of Near wanting to work and could use it as a small desk.

Along the walls, in cleverly hidden niches were shelves for toys and books. They were encased in what looked like tree trunks that blended into the lattice work of branches.

The final touch was looking up. Glowing stars and a moon could be seen through the almost 3-D effect of the tops of the trees.

Dean stood just inside the room letting the others move so Near would have full view and room to explore his new bedroom. Dean gazed upon the silver bark of the trees and spotted yellow leaves up high. Tears flowed down face and he didn't realize they were there. He watched Near.

The group watched as the small teenager walked into the room, eyes growing larger with each passing second as he examined his surroundings. There was a small intake of air, a telling motion that told L that his heir was very much in awe of what he was seeing.

"Th...this is Near's? For Near?"

A whisper from the near the door responded to his question. "Yeah, Near. It's all yours," came the soft choked voice of his friend.

Mello laughed softly. "I think he's been stunned speechless, Dean," he said when Near couldn't speak, obviously entranced by the room.

"That's okay, Mello. I'm not much better right now."

Sarah leaned against the doorframe, watching the expressions on everyone's faces. She had been so worried about this room, knowing that Near needed a special place to feel safe. She'd read up on autism and wanted for the teen to feel comfortable and relaxed. Each room was an extension of the person she'd crafted it for."

Dean walked over to the Teen and bent over until they were eye level. "It's an awesome room made just for you, Near. Now, we're going to go look at my wing. I know Ben is excited about it. Then, we have to get all of the food divided up and see where it needs to go. If you'd rather stay here and play or take a nap, you can. I imagine that jet lag would be rough."

Near surprised himself when he set his robot down on the platform and reached up, wrapping his arms shyly around Dean's neck for a very brief hug. "Near thanks Dean," he whispered.

Dean surprised himself and everyone else by slowly putting his arms around Near and gently holding him briefly in response, a loud sob escaping him. "It was my idea, Near, but I need to give the credit where it's due. Sarah designed and did the work in here. She's a great artist."

"Indeed," L answered. "Sarah has our thanks for the work she has put into this place," he told her, making the woman blush darkly.

"I had fun," she answered. "Dean, Lisa...ready for your wing?"


	127. Chapter 127

On to Dean and Lisa's

Dean stood up straight, striving to wipe the tears from his face, and nodded yes. Ben was almost jumping up and down by this time. Lisa walked towards Sarah and said, "Yes, let's go."

The group followed as Sarah led them to the wing. She opened it into a small living room area that Lisa had chosen for a parlor type room for meeting with guests. The walls were painted a rich burgundy, with no murals as Lisa had wanted to keep it simple for now. "Lisa said you guys had furniture to match the walls, this was actually the easiest room in the wing."

Dean's eyes grew wide as he looked at the rich burgundy color and wondered what was ahead. Lisa had not mentioned this room being done like this. He had thought they had decided on cedar floors, with grays, blues, and browns. He took a deep breath and waited to see what the girls had decided to do. While he was sick, he'd spent time trying to learn how to decorate, knowing colors went from one room to another. He figured everything was going to be different. He thought he could deal with it. The burgundy was nice.

Sarah led them into the main hallway, which looked almost like a forest, carrying the burgandy into the leaves to create an autumn theme. "Kitchen first?"

"Yeah, that would be good," Dean spoke softly.

She opened the doors to the kitchen, leading them into the desert. The artist had chosen sunrise for the theme, giving the desert tones rich colors that were both soothing and inspiring. The cabinets and counters matched her mural work, and the room looked as if they were standing in the desert instead of the house.

"Ohhhh..," was the only sound heard from the older Winchester.

Sarah chewed her lower lip. "Like, hate, what?"

The hunter's eyes were almost green when he turned to her. "It's...it's...damn, Sarah. I may not want to leave this room." Dean picked her up, kissed her on the lips and swung her around.

She laughed at that. "Don't get too ahead of yourself. There's more rooms to look at."

Dean let go of her and walked over to Lisa, a big grin on his face. She led them into the family room, this one done in another nature mural that blended in with the shelving that Lisa had picked out.

Dean stopped as they entered, eyes focused on the large redwoods mural, thinking about the time he'd seen them. The colors were part of a beautiful autumn scene. Dean swallowed hard, turned and stared at the redwood shelving hanging on the some of the other walls, the rich grayish brown of the cedar flooring blending nicely.

He turned to Lisa, "It's beautiful, Lis, but we ordered blue and gray furniture and the pictures and stuff won't go."

"I changed it a bit when I saw Sarah's ideas. Same furniture just colors that would match this room. Given some of the other rooms, I wanted a little more change. You'll understand."

"O...kay. What about the big painting and the Native American artifacts? What did you choose in place of them? They won't go with this."

"You trust me, Love?" She smiled up at him.

Dean stared into her dark brown eyes for a moment that turned into several minutes. A soft, "Yeah, Lis. I trust you," was barely heard

"I've planned for it, and it'll look great. No worries," she said. "Want to see Ben's room?"


	128. Chapter 128

Dean's Special Room

Dean looked up from his fiancée's face into the eyes of his brother's future wife. He smiled softly, "Yeah, Sarah. Let's see the rest of the place. What about the one room on the left before we hit the laundry room down the end on this floor? Did you do anything with it?"

"Actually, it's a Christmas present from Sam and I," she answered, grinning widely. "Close your eyes, Dean."

Dean's eyes grew wide. "What? We haven't had Thanksgiving. What are you two up to?"

Sam could only grin as Sarah giggled, finding a clean handkerchief in her pocket and handing it to her fiancé. The younger Winchester tied it around Dean's head like a blindfold. "Ok, what can you see?"

"Pink?"

The giggling continued, this time with Ben, Matt, and Mello laughing with Sarah. Sarah's hand grabbed onto Dean's and carefully guided him out of the family room and down the hall. There was the sound of a door opening, than he was guided into the room. Once everyone was in position, she called out. "Take the blindfold off now," she said to her future brother in law.

Dean untied the blindfold, and he sensed more than saw his family behind and beside him. Bobby and Sam took the rear with Watari and L. He squinted trying to clear his vision and he looked around him.

The room was set up like 221 B Baker Street, though not a bedroom adaptation. This was a study and library specifically for Dean.

The room had a large desk, and massive leather chair that was on wheels for maneuverability. Dean looked at the lamps on the desk, the floor lamps and the one on the ceiling. They were designed from the time period. The bookcases were filled with the classics from olden times unto now-a-days.

Dean didn't say a word which worried everyone. No one had really looked at his face really well. He was in shock, and tears were flowing down his face.

Sarah's voice was soft. "I mentioned to Lisa that you didn't have your own private space to come and think or read. She gave me permission to create a space for you. I was talking to Sam about it when I had mentioned what I was doing for Mello's room, and he told me that Conan-Doyle was your favorite author. We put our heads together and put this together. I designed it, and Sam chose the books for you."

"I...I've n..n..never had anything like this." Dean shook his head, trying to regain self-control, but couldn't manage it. A sob broke from him and his shoulders were shaking. "Damn, I'm sorry. I'm not unhappy."

Sarah and Sam hugged him, turning it into a Dean-sammitch hug. "It's yours, Dean," Sam said softly, "Your space to claim and relax in."

"It's Holmes, Sammy. It's Sherlock's study. Damn. All it needs is a pipe and his violin. It's really mine?"

"Yours," Lisa said gently. "No one enters without knocking. This is your special sanctuary where you can unwind and relax in privacy."

Dean walked three walls, looking at hundreds of books. There was Science Fiction, Fantasy, Drama, a few classic romances, and a nonfiction section. Dean was reading titles and author's names.

He saw the books on Scottish history, the clans of Scotland, and a book on the history of the Campbells. He stood still for a minute, knowing his brother had done this. He turned, looked at the room, and took in the hopeful look on Sam's face. Sarah and Lisa didn't know about the books. He looked straight into the taller man's eyes.

"All right, I'll read them, Sammy. Every single one of them, but I only ask that you give me space to make my own decision on it. Sarah, thank you for what you did here. Sam, thank you for the books. I love you guys."

"Love you too, Dean," he said with a smile. "I'm glad you like it."

"No one, Sammy, has ever done anything like this for me before. It means a lot."

Sam grinned at him. "Trust me, with Ben chasing Matt and Mello around when those two aren't working, you'll be grateful for the sanctuary." He ducked as Mello threw a chocolate wrapper at him.

Dean watched the chocolate wrapper hit the floor, his richly carpeted floor. Brows went up first at the fact that he got carpet. The second, was the chocolate wrapper. His eyes raised and he met Mello's and the brows went up again.

The blond grinned. "Oops. Was supposed to hit the jolly green giant there."

Dean looked at the boy and then back at the wrapper. This time there was a question in the hazel eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he grumbled playfully, picking it up and throwing it away.

Watching the wrapper hit the waste basket, he turned to the others. "I think I can actually go barefooted in here in the dead of winter and not feel the cold. Thank you so much." Dean hugged his brother and Sarah.

They both hugged him back, telling him that he was most welcome. The two were happy with his reaction to the room.


	129. Chapter 129

Ben's room

"Ben's been really patient. There's five rooms up there. Ben's, ours, and three others we aren't even ready to use yet. There's groceries out there. So, let's head on upstairs." Dean's voice was still shaky.

The group headed upstairs, stopping by Ben's room. Sarah opened the door, letting the group come in.

They all stood aside to let Ben enter.

The room was done as a beach and ocean theme. The ceiling was a light blue with seagulls hanging from it that Sarah had created. The only furniture in there was the bed, which she had designed and overseen the crafting of. It looked like a sailboat that had a fiberglass cover a few feet above that held a mast and sails. At night, he would be able to see the glow in the dark stars she'd put up.

She'd had the room next to it opened into Ben's room for a playroom slash study and had used that as an underwater theme. It was separated from Ben's room by deep blue beaded strands.

Everyone looked on in awe, watching to see Ben's reaction to the two rooms.

Ben's eyes were huge. "It's perfect," he whispered.

Dean walked up behind his son, "Yeah, Son, it is."

He grinned. "I love it!"

Dean looked at the woman behind him, "Lis?" He turned to Sarah. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said with a smile. The bed had taken time to design and then work with the artisans to make.

"Ben, you gonna be like Near and hibernate today? Or, you gonna help with everything," Dean teased, everyone knowing that Near wouldn't be able to help. Dean's eyes were tender when he said it, thoughts of both boys on his mind.

"I think I'll hibernate once my stuff is in. When do we move in, Dad?" he bounced in place.

Dean, not thinking about the bedroom, said, "When the stuff comes, and it will be in shifts. Right now, there's food."


	130. Chapter 130

Dean and Lisa's Room

"Which shouldn't be too long from now," Sam pointed out, knowing the furniture should be here anytime.

"Yeah. Depending on what store it was bought from. That food has got to be put up."

Lisa nudged him, "Our bedroom, Hon"

The hunter turned and looked at the others. "I'm not forgetting, honest. We're running short on time." He looked at Sarah. "I'm sorry, Sarah. Lis, you're right. Sarah put a hell of lot into this. The other things can wait. Lead on. Which of the last three first?"

"The two extra bedrooms were left empty, Hon, until they are needed"

"Until they're what?" Realization finally appeared on Dean's face. He flushed a little, smiled, and nodded. "One left then."

Sarah giggled, leading them to the room. It looked as if they were standing on a mountain top in the center of a storm. It was beautifully done, and with fountains hidden in the right areas, the sound of rain could be heard.

Dean and Lisa stood in the center of the room, with the older Winchester slowly turning, trying to take in what he was seeing and hearing.

Sarah had taken stone and had artfully applied it to parts of the walls to present the illusion they were on the mountain while the ceiling and upper parts of the walls were painted to represent a storm. She'd really done very well with this, the clouds having a rich texture to them.

Lisa knew what was going to happen to room in part, but was delighted by it. Before long everyone was staring at Dean, who kept slowly turning and staring, eyes wide, mouth open slightly. Sarah could see his tongue running over his lips over and over.

He stumbled to his knees and sat down, taking deep breaths, and exhaling slowly. Under his breath, he whispered, "Damn!" The only people who heard him were Sam and Watari who had both knelt to down to check on him.

Sarah's eyes widened. "Oh gods, I screwed up? I can redo it if need be," she said, almost panicked.

Dean's voice raised, "Don't you touch it!" He turned his head to look at his brother and Watari who were on their knees trying to check his pulse. "Sammy? I thought I'd be seeing a mountain storm in the distance! Man, I'm in it! I'm actually in it! I didn't think that was possible when I asked for a mural! Sarah? Where is she?"

Sam started chuckling. "She's hiding behind Lisa because she's scared you don't like it."

"Sarah? You and Lisa get your asses down here. Sit by me. Everyone, on the floor. You feel more from here. You not only hear the rain sound but you can almost feel it. Someone turn on the ceiling fans so we can feel the wind. Sit, Sarah. You're in the storm." Dean was tapping the floor next to him. Mello turned on the fans and joined the others.

Dean looked at the woman who sat down next to him. "Close your eyes and listen and feel it, after you look around you." Soon Dean was leaning back on his arms, head back, a smile that both women found rather seductive, on his face.

Near's eyes were closed as well. "It does feel as if Near is in the center of a storm. What a useful room for meditation and relaxation," he said, making Matt and Mello chuckle.

A head turned towards the teen, and hazel eyes opened and stared at him. Dean squinted for a minute. "Not exactly what I had I had mind, Near," he commented, Castiel on his mind at that moment. He was glad that Near had joined them to see the remainder of the house, but the comment was so reminiscent of the angel.

Matt chuckled at the look on Dean's face. "Is it a good thing then?"

"What? You mean meditation and relaxation?" What I had in mind will relax in the long run, but I like the idea of chasing a frisky woman in a storm." Dean winked and laid flat on his back, grabbing Lisa and pulling her against him, not thinking of his son further behind him sitting beside his grandfather.

Lisa poked him. "Remember, there's young ears here," she reminded him as she cuddled into his embrace.

Dean's face burrowed into her neck and he whispered, "Won't be tonight."

She laughed, poking him again. "So? Happy with how things look here?"

Dean's sigh could be heard by those around him and they all knew the older Winchester was very happy. "Yeah, I am," he whispered softly

"Good," she said with a smile. "Now I think I hear a truck. Let's see what's going on."


	131. Chapter 131

Moving In...Part One

Dean jerked up. "Truck? We don't have the food put up. Aw, damn it!"

Matt sprang to his feet. "Let's get going then. We can put the truck drivers to work too if need be," he told him.

Dean looked out the window. "It's the appliance truck. There's washers, dryers, refrigerators, microwaves, and heavens knows what else is in that thing. This is how we work it, L, Mello, Matt, Sam and I help the movers. The girls, Bobby, Watari, Near, and Ben take care of the food. Divvy it up, and there's butcher markers in the large storage room. Put your name on the meats and stick them in the freezer. We all have pantries for can goods and stuff. The rest, stick your names on and put on the shelves in the storage, or just stick in there and whoever needs it takes it. Take what you want for your pantries. There's a big walk in fridge in there, put your perishables in it with your names. That will take care of things for now. Extras can stay in it til needed. Let's go. You pick colored appliances to match the kitchens, Sarah?"

"Yup and each should have a marker on it to indicate where it goes but I can guide if need be," she told him.

"Naah, Sis. You go take care of you and Sam. Unless? You like veggie shakes?" Dean ducked and headed out the door towards the stairs.

Near looked confused, "Vegetable shakes?"

Dean yelled back, "Don't look at me. I still like food. Ask Sam. That's his domain."

Sam laughed, following his brother. "You've really confused him now," he said, hearing the chatter behind him as the group went to their assigned tasks.

Dean's laugh could be heard in the main room as he headed towards the front door. "You're the one who drinks those damn health shakes, Sammy. Not me."

"Yeah, yeah," he snarked back playfully. The group assigned to the food began working on it, Watari taking a lot of the junk food due to his wards' diets.

Dean had worked hard on the grocery list one evening. His selection of meats included different roasts in beef, pork, lamb, and goat. He had a friend who knew where to purchase meat from wild game and there was bison, elk, and venison. He had all kinds of poultry, wild and domestic. The seafood and fish had a wide variety. He picked fresh and frozen vegetables. The cakes, candies, sweets of all kinds were in vast amounts. Every kind of beverage imaginable was there. Dean had set up a computerized list. What was not liked or needed to be limited could be corrected. If more of something was needed, more could be ordered and the amount for the next ordered changed. He had set lists for those doing the sorting. If something was needed, it was placed on their list. If anyone else wanted something, they could add to it.

Everyone worked together, getting the food and appliances squared away. As soon as that was done, several more trucks rolled in. These contained the furniture and decorations for each wing and the center area. Sarah sighed, looking at that. "Oh man, we're gonna be at this all day."

Dean looked up and saw the company truck from the sewing store. He bit his bottom lip. "Sam the sewing machine is here, but there's a big Christmas present for Sarah in that truck. It's got to be set up in her work attic today. They will cover it with a large wooden crate and Lisa and I will decorate it for Christmas. You got to keep her out of there until they're done. Keep her decorating down here."

Sam tilted his head, realizing each truck was a specific wing. "Let's get Bobby's done first," he said, taking over to give Dean and Lisa time to get the machine hidden.

The massive quilting machine was taken upstairs and some men began the work of putting it together. It filled the end wall in its entirety. Dean knew that a king-sized quilt could be quilted in the machine in one piece. The quilting patterns were slipped into the machine and the lines were followed. He was bouncing from heels to toes and Lisa could tell he was excited. The sewing machine he had selected was set up within the vicinity of the quilting machine and would be usable immediately. He turned to stare at Lisa and grinned. "She deserves this, you know?"

"After all the work she's done on this house? I agree with you. She deserves this and a lot more. Especially for the work she's put into Ben's and Near's rooms. I swear, I was a bit envious on the Lothlorien scene. That was amazing. She really incorporated everyone's tastes in their private spaces," she answered.

"Yeah, I want to do something special for her this weekend. I'm going to do something insane, Lisa. Don't have me committed. Okay? Just promise me you won't. I'm also taking Near to the steak house I found. Ben and I are flying to Houston for a football game. I'm trying to fix things around here. I think Ben and I are okay as far as Near goes now. I hope so anyway. It's a promise I made, Lis. Ben's got to learn about promises, Hon. I hope he has. I don't need any more problems. It's stressed me enough." Soon the men were done. Dean left Lisa upstairs as he saw them off, giving them a tip. He went to the storage room and brought a box of special gold foil, bells, ribbons, and other decorations for the crate that was slipped over the large machine, and headed back upstairs.

"He'd love the football game and would adore you even further if you took him to a baseball one," she said. "I was never into football but grew up playing softball so I could teach him about that one."

"I can when the season starts in Houston. Right now, it's football and basketball. I think Houston and maybe Dallas have hockey teams. Baseball starts in spring."

"We can look up the teams and seasons," she said. "Maybe even drag Sam and Bobby with you. Matt and Mello, too, if they're here. Ben could use the guys' time out to bond."

"I thought about doing it for this game, but going out to eat with Near...I just thought Ben might want it alone with me."

I think he'd love it," she said softly.

"I don't want to hurt him, Lis, but I won't hurt Near either. Near saved my life more than once. He's one of mine. Ben is flesh and blood and will always come first to me, but Near is mine too. Can you understand that? I hope you can."

"I do,Llove. We talked about this before. I'm all right with it," she told him as they headed to help set up furniture. It looked as if Bobby's wing was done, including hanging pictures.

"I'm glad you still are, Hon. Gee, Bobby's place looks fantastic. Where'd everybody go?"

Sam came in, holding a small bedside table, "Working on Ryuuzaki's wing since you two were busy."

"I didn't know their stuff made it. What else needs to be hauled in?"

"Furniture is done.. all of the furniture is done. Watari said the odds and ends needed for them will arrive in a bit. It's a secondary location for the most part. We have to finish the furniture and art for them, then either my wing or yours next."

"I don't care, man. I'm kinda tired and I'd love to get all of this done. Have an evening to relax in our new home. Yours, I guess. Don't matter."

"Except for clothes, books, and the like. Though we could send Sarah, Lisa, Ben and Near to help get that started for the set up wings already while we get the rest done with Ryuuzaki, Watari, Bobby, Matt, and Mello."

"That works for me. Get Bobby's over and Ryu's boys. Let's get it finished, Sam. There's enough of us. What's taking the movers so long. The ladies can tell them where to put things in our rooms. Just leave the hanging stuff and knick knacks til we get in there."

"They're doing a lot of it but the placement has been interesting," he grinned. "Sarah tends to be very picky."

"That's it." Dean headed to Ryu's rooms.

Sarah laughed. "This should be interesting."

Dean entered and found everyone moving things around. "Is all the furniture in, Watari?"

"Almost.. just my room left to bring in," he said quietly.

"Thank you, Watari." Dean turned to the movers. "What's going on here? Professionals were paid for and several sets of them are sitting in trucks waiting on you three. Since you don't know your jobs, I'll help you. First off, guys, is the furniture where you want it?"

Yes," Watari said softly. He was looking tired as moving could be a nightmare.

Dean looked at the older man with worry in his eyes. "You okay? No...you're not okay. Ryu? He needs to sit and raise his feet for a bit. Lis, will you make him a cup of hot tea? " Dean turned to the movers. "Follow me."

L nodded. "Understood. Jet lag and the exertion has been too much for Watari."

Dean gave L a thumbs up as he pushed the last mover through the door. When they reached the truck, he looked inside. "I'm gonna help you. There's four of us this way. These will be in the gentleman's bedroom and set up in fifteen minutes, or I'll get on the damn phone and get you fired. Understood?"

Fifteen minutes later, the truck pulled out and Sam's furniture truck pulled in. Dean had asked Lisa to check the set up in Watari's room to make sure it was right. He walked overand looked down at the older man. "You ready for a nap? The boys raided your trailer. The bed's made."

He finished his tea, setting it aside. "I definitely am. Days like this, I feel my age," he said, rising with a low groan as bones protested the movement.

The older Winchester placed a hand under Watari's elbow and helped him rise to his feet. He did not let go. Walking slowly, he went with his friend to the man's room. When they got to the door, Dean stopped. "You okay from here? You can tell me. I can't imagine there's much we can't tell each other at this point, is there? You'd tell me if you needed help?"

"I will give a shout, I promise," he reassured him. "Thank you for getting this set up for us," the elderly man told Dean.

Dean looked the man in the eyes, and softly spoke, "That's what family is for, Watari. You don't have to be blood. You just got to be willing to shed it. I think that's where we all are."

Watari smiled and nodded. "Too true, too true. I will see you all in a short bit then."

"If you try to set that clock, I'll unplug it and hide it."

He burst into laughter. "All right, all right. No setting the clock."

"I have spies. I'll know." Dean winked and closed the door behind him as he left. "Get your stuff hung upstairs if there's anything. Also if you would, get what you want from the trailers. They will be kept up and used for company. You know, family. Sam and I may not have blood relatives, but there's Ellen, Jo, and Rufus. They're the closest thing to family we got. " Dean waved and went to see how Sam's stuff was going. If was moving fast.


	132. Chapter 132

Moving...Part II

The group went to work, following Dean's orders. Near stayed behind to keep an eye out for Watari, in case their caretaker needed anything.

Dean checked to see how much longer the movers would be in Sam's wing. It didn't look like it would be much longer. The older Winchester walked outside. There were still several trucks. He checked and some were delivering paintings, statuary. He had no idea who they were for, so he asked. The decorations were for his and Sam's wings. "Hey, why don't you guys pull the truck off the gravel. There's been no rain or snow. The ground is hard. It's just cold. You aren't carrying heavy furniture. If it says D or L Winchester, go left. If it says S Winchester, go right. Okay?"

The drivers nodded, heading to move the trucks so things would be easier.

Dean had the driver of the truck hauling the stuff for his wing move next to Sam's truck. Soon there were three trucks unloading. He helped the truckers move things in. He could see the others moving things from the trailers. Dean was getting winded but figured it was because he hadn't done anything this major in quite a while. He needed to keep exercising and get his wind back. It bothered him.

The group kept working, getting things arranged and set up at the same time. It wasn't too much longer before everything was offloaded and the real moving could begin.

Dean walked into their living room and starting moving the furniture around. The large overstuffed sofa and massive rocker recliners were facing the fireplace. He had not told Lisa or Sara that he had taken over one of the two upstairs rooms and turned it into a media room. There were some beanbag chairs, two recliners, a large screen HD television, and a blu-ray player. Opening about five boxes of blu-ray movies, the movie buff in him smiled at those. Many of these he'd always wanted to see and now he could. Frowning, he muttered, "When I have time."

The older brother gave Matt a call and left a voice message asking him to set up the electronics. He had surround sound in the room. There was also a game machine and games. He'd learned to enjoy them when he played Sam that day. His hand held game machine now had about six games for it. No one ever saw him with it, but he played it during lunch at the diesel school. It helped the mechanic unwind.

There was a knock on the door a few moments later. Matt had got the voice mail and was waiting to help get this set up.

Dean let him in. "Thanks, man. If you have the time, there's a setup for surround in our bedroom, the living room, and my office. I don't expect you to get it all done today."

Dean headed to the bedroom and began arranging the furniture to suit what they had discussed. Matt looked in and saw the heavy pieces the older man was moving. He walked downstairs and looked at the pieces in the living room. He thought about what had been arranged in the media room. He remembered overhearing L and Watari discussing what Bobby had sent them. Dean had been put on limited work because he was overdoing it with classes, job, and driving to the city twice a week. He grinned, knowing that Dean figured no one would know.

Matt opened his phone, calling Mello and having the blond come over to help Dean move stuff while he set up the electronics.

There was a knock on the wing door a few moments after Matt's call.

Matt heard a thud and a curse. A few seconds later, Dean was heading downstairs. He opened the door, breathing heavily, and stared at the blond. "What the hell? Watari okay? Ya'll can't be completely finished over there."

"Nope but you can't finish this on your own either," he told him. "I know for a fact Lisa is helping Sarah with hanging paintings and the like," the blond grinned.

"I can move furniture, Mello. Sam's doing it. What gives?" Mello realized that Dean had no idea they knew about his lack of sleep, not eating right, and the stress. Mello knew that Dean had been getting stuff placed everywhere and had to have seen Bobby helping Sam.

"What, can I not try to help a friend?" He crammed his hands into his pockets, looking both mischievous and cute at the same time.

Dean got a disgusted look on his face. "Who talked to who? When? That all happened last week."

He gave him an innocent smile, "No idea what you're talking about. Now, let's get this moved."

Mello followed Dean into the living area. There was formal furniture in sitting area. The living room furniture was massive. Mello looked at the furniture as they went into rooms and would stare at the man in front of him, wondering how does he do this? Dean started to take the stairs two at a time and stumbled, grabbing a railing. "Whoa. I need to be more careful." He grabbed the railing and held it the rest of the way up the stairs.

"Yup, which is why I'm here," he said, following his friend upstairs.

Dean turned at the top of the stairs. "What does that mean exactly?"

"What do you mean?" He looked innocent again, falling in step with the other.

"Mello, you can pull that crap on a lot of people, but not me. I've worked with you enough to know you. You got that? What the hell did you mean? I'm not being careful enough and that's why you're here?"

"Meaning you have people who care, Dean, so stop being so paranoid," he reprimanded gently. I'm here to help so let's do this so we can rest and relax tonight. Lisa and Sarah are talking barbecue."

"I'm not trying to be paranoid, Mello. Honest, I'm not. I just want my life back, Man. I can't seem to make it work right now. Everyone else is running it." Dean gave a soft laugh, but Mello wasn't sure if there was a sob in his voice or not. "Barbecue, heh? Okay. Let's get this done. I want a shower...bad."


	133. Chapter 133

Dean Visits the Doctor

Mello poked his arm. "Listen up ok? Friends and family are now a part of your life. That means if they see you getting tired, they're going to speak up and do what they can to help. You're not soloing things. You have a full crew to back you up," he told him.

"I understand and appreciate that, Mello. I accept it. What I can't accept and understand is why am I still having problems with this? It's been over six months since we came down here and the doc finally gave me a clean bill of health. Please, tell me why I'm still having problems?"

"I don't know. Maybe we need to call in another specialist to have a look at you?"

"Specialists? What specialists have I had already? What the hell?" Dean headed out the door and down the stairs. Mello heard the front door slam. Dean was headed to the clinic. He knew someone would be there, and he hoped the doctor was in.

The blond sighed, then went to get Lisa and Bobby. The two went to work, getting things arranged so that when Dean returned home, everything would be done.

Dean entered the clinic and saw the head nurse was there which meant the doctor was in. He sighed and walked up to her desk, "Hi, Nancy. Can I see him?"

"You'll have to wait a bit," she said. "He's with a patient at the moment. This is one of his special ones he takes his time with."

A confused Dean sat down to wait. The clinic was on the property, and the doctor and nurse were paid well to be there so many hours a week for those who lived on it. He was trying to figure who was on the property. All of them were at the cabin except him.

Fifteen minutes later, the doctor came out with a small boy beside him. "You did good, Andy. Now remember to give your grandmother the prescriptions." The boy was lame, using a cane and judging from his limp, he wore a brace on one leg. "Yes sir," came the soft response.

Dean looked at the small child, "Doc, his grandma raising him? She got the money for those scrips? Can I help?"

"She's a bit on the stubborn side," he said with a chuckle. "I usually head to the clinic in town so many hours a week but he's got a cough and I agreed to let him come here so I could see him."

"Doc, if the money were available, would that boy walk without the brace and cane?"

He watched as the little boy got into his grandmother's old car. "No, it's a birth defect that was made worse by abusive parents. His grandmother is too old to do much but she's trying her hardest," he answered. "Andy's one of my special ones. I watch over him as best as I can."

"So, he's needing parents?"

The middle aged man nodded. "He is but it'd have to be someone very special with a lot of patience. He's painfully shy, susceptible to illness, which makes it harder for people."

"We're having a barbecue tonight, Doc. Can you and Nancy come and bring that boy and his grandma? Please?"

"I can ask," he said softly. "You'll have to invite Nancy though."

"She won't try to hit on me, will she?" Dean teased, forgetting his reason for coming.

The doctor laughed. "No, she's found someone actually."

"Hey! That's great news, Doc. I'll ask her," Dean turned to go.

"Dean, was there a reason you came by?"

"Yeah, Doc. How many specialists have I actually seen? No one has ever told me about what went on in the hospital. I know you took over after the other doctor over drugged Near, but it's bound to be in my records. Right? Mello said maybe I need to see another one?"

He was quiet for a moment. "Someone came in to see about your heart and diet, I remember that. Otherwise, no, I have handled everything." That had been an education thing.

"Doc, I was led to believe that diet and rest were what I needed for a while because of what tests showed. I got the idea that it was cholesterol, blood pressure, and maybe the onset of type 2 diabetes or something. No caffeine, no sugar, no fats, and the list goes on. Doc I don't feel any better. I get tired real easy. I have a lot on my plate right now. Sometimes I forget to eat. I'm not getting enough sleep, but exhaustion started when I got injured the first time and it hasn't gotten any better. I can't handle things like I used to. I don't have the strength or the get up and go I used to have. What the hell is going on? What is this about my heart? That's a new one for me."

The doctor shook his head. "I told you some time ago that the blood pressure and cholesterol could push you into heart disease, which is why I had the other doctor examine and educate you on the dangers of that."

Dean stared at the man. He spoke softly, "Doc, I've been trying to eat right I don't slip that often. I have no strength like I used to, Doc. I'm tired. I know I'm not getting enough sleep and everyone has decided to run my life to see that I do. I'm not fighting it. I'm tired. I just want the truth about my health. Am I just slow in getting it back? Am I gonna get it back? Is there a heart problem no one wants to tell me about?"

He held his hands up. "First off, I would tell you if there was a problem. I don't play games with the health of my patients. Secondly, I told you that you need to sleep. Sleep is essential as well as a good diet. If you like, I can draw blood and run tests to see if something was missed. Chances are good that you have worked yourself into the ground and just need to rest."

"You know, Doc. You're right. I'm sorry I bothered you. I'd still like you and Nancy and her friend to bring that little boy and his grandmother tonight. Thanks for your time and for listening." Dean walked out.

"Hey, Nancy, if you aren't busy tonight, why don't you and your friend come to the new place and have barbecue with us? If you would, bring that little boy and his grandmother? Thanks."

The doctor went after him. "Dean...did I say something wrong?"

"Hell, no, Doc, but you see. You didn't take care of me from the beginning. All those tests were in a strange hospital under an assumed name. No one told me anything about them other than I need to eat certain foods and rest. No one told me anything other than that and that was Watari. The doc was here for Near and he wasn't treating me. They didn't give me stuff I needed either. Watari had to call and get it for me. You saw me the first time when we got caught in the fire. I just wanted answers to questions I didn't understand. I wasn't testing you or questioning your ability to treat me. If I thought that I sure as hell would not have come to you today. I'm sorry I bothered you. I got a ton of stuff to get done. Thanks, Doc.

"Hospital under an assumed name? I never got those records,Dean."

"Watari just told me I had health problems and they told me to get a lot of rest and to change my diet. With my life, rest is difficult, but I do try. The diet, pretty much, I stay with it. Sometimes I get busy and forget to eat."

The man was quiet for a moment. "When is a day you have open to give me a few hours?"

"The shop is closed for the next two weeks except for emergencies. I am at diesel school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. What day can you be here? What do I need to do to be ready?"

"Wednesday," he said to him. "The one coming up. I want to do a full battery of tests: blood, urine, stress, everything I can think of. I want to make sure your records are complete and find out why you're so tired."

"Okay, day after tomorrow. Is that what they call fasting? No food?"

"Exactly," he told him. "Be prepared to spend some time here and also something to eat so I can take blood after you've eaten as well."

"Okay, Doc. Yeah, I'll bring something to eat. Not sure I want to do this stress thing on empty stomach. See you tonight. Don't forget that kid and his grandma."

"We'll be there," he said with a smile. "And don't worry, all right? We'll get it taken care of."

Dean stared for a moment, studying the man. He slowly returned the smile and answered him, "Thanks, Doc. I sure hope so."

"Good, keep smiling and believing. Now, we'll see you this evening. About what time and should we bring something?"

"We gotta ton of food shipped in today. It's mainly getting the cooking done. I'm fixing to go breakdown Bobby's grill and move it. He can get it started. I will probably ask Watari to make his potato salad. He makes it so I can eat it. Lisa's got a great recipe for baked beans. I'm gonna throw those in the oven and put eggs on for deviled eggs. If I know Sarah, she'll make the desserts. Nah, just bring yourself and a good appetite. They encased the patio and it can be heated or air conditioned if we want it. Gets cold out and the winter storms will be starting soon. Oh, and I'm hosting a thank you party for Sarah on Saturday. I'd like for all of you to come to that if you can."

"We'll be there," he said. "Dean, you look tired so make sure the family helps with the cooking preparations, all right? No sense in grinding yourself into the ground needlessly when others can share the load."

"Yes, sir, I know. They all yell at me about it. I try, Doc, but it's a hard habit to break. I'll try to remember that. If I don't, they will."

Dean headed to the trailers and entered his. He saw that his clothes and things were gone and thought that Lisa was ahead of him. He found his laptop and opened it. Sitting down, pulling out his cell, Dean researched a caterer and a tailor. He called both and told tailor where his measurements could be gotten. He knew they had to go to the city on Saturday morning for the tuxedo fittings, and he would swing by for the other item, while the others were being fitted. He also called Sam and said someone needed to get the grill set up and asked him to tend to it.

Sam answered the phone and said someone would be on it. Things were progressing quickly due to everyone working together as a team.

Dean slipped his laptop into its case, looked for anything else he could bring over with the computer. He saw the coffee maker on the counter. and brought it. They had not ordered a new one as this was a top of the line machine. He whistled for the dogs. Three Jack Russells and one mastiff mix followed him to the cabin.


	134. Chapter 134

Preparations for a Barbecue

The group was chattering as they worked, unpacking and setting up each wing before moving to another. It was obvious that things were going really well so far.

Dean entered the cabin, followed by his dog. The smaller ones were running around outside. He smiled at Bobby and Sam who were discussing the hanging of a painting over the fireplace. Sarah had asked them to hang it.

"Hey, Bobby, will you have time to do a big barbecue? We got company coming."

"We should be ready to start doing that in about an hour or so," he said to his adoptive son. "We're nearly finished."

Dean smiled a sweet smile and turned to go, with a slight, quiet sigh of relief. No third degree this time. A little more freedom given? He grinned as he headed towards his wing to put his laptop in his office and coffee maker in the kitchen. He had no idea where Lisa would want it.

Bobby's words were accurate. Within an hour, everyone was popping their heads into the room where Dean was to find out what they should make or bring for the family bbq. This was an important one due to the fact it was the first meal in their new home

Dean sat down on the floor in front of the fireplace, noting that someone had a fire started. He was tired, but happy they were done.

"What kind of meat does everyone want?" Lisa asked, a note pad and pen in front of her.

"I would have asked for brisket but that takes all day. There's a huge bag of t-bones in there, Dean responded.

Lisa nodded. "Sounds good. I have some ground beef thawed, can make burgers for those who aren't into steaks."

"That would work. Potato salad or baked potatoes for the steak and burgers? We could do fries for those having burgers if we do baked potatoes. I thought potato salad and baked beans, but with steak, baked potatoes and salad are probably better. Hey, Watari, can I eat this stuff?"

"Potato salad will do," Watari said. "I can fix it with less starch issues."

"I could put on a pot of baked beans in the oven. Lis has a great recipe for them. Sarah, Lisa, do you girls want to make desserts?" Dean grinned and winked at them.

Sarah laughed. "I'll handle desserts and Lisa can work with the beans."

Dean paused for a second, recognizing what had very kindly not been said. He remembered what Doc had told him and his own reply, and he smiled. "Okay, I know when I'm not wanted in the kitchen."

Sam grinned. "Feel up to helping us set up some music to have in background?

"Hell, yeah. I could drive down to the shop and get the small stereo we moved from the model room to the new room we set up for modeling down there."

"That's a good idea actually," Sam said. "Want company?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. Need to move the vehicles this way, anyway." They headed back to the trailers and the Impala.

Sam trailed alongside his brother. "What are we doing with the trailers now that we're moved in?"

"I want to keep them. Holidays, family visits, and stuff like that. I know you got room, Sam, but do you want Sarah's dad in your wing with you guys? Especially before the wedding? I don't have anything set up for Ellen and Jo and they are coming. Said they could use the time off."

He nodded. "That's not a bad idea."

"I do have one once in a while" They got into Dean's baby and He started the engine. As they drove to the highway, Dean grew quiet.

Sam let it stay quiet for a bit before breaking the silence. "What's on your mind?"

"I went to see Doc today."

"And?"

"Mello mentioned specialists seeing me, Sam. Had to have been when I got shot. I don't remember it and Watari told me there were issues and I had to rest and change my diet. Doc never really took care of me until Lilith. He didn't even know about it. I still get tired way too easy, Sam. He's running a whole bunch of tests and some stress thing on Wednesday. Said it was going to take some time to do it all. Damn it, Sam, they're going to take blood. I hate needles, but I want to know why everything is like it is."

Dean parked the car and leaned back against the seat, sighing.

His brother turned in his seat. "Do you want company that day? I know the girls will be getting the house ready for everything so I can go with you."

The older man's voice had a slight tremor in it, "That would be great, Sam. Thank you."

"No problem. Just tell me when you're going in and I'll be waiting for you," he said, reaching out to pat his brother's arm. "It'll be all right."

Dean nodded. "I'm going in the morning on Wednesday and have to bring something to eat. Thanks, Sam."

Sam nodded. "Okay, I'll be there."

Dean got out of the car and reached into his pocket for the shop keys. "We really need to get a music system for the patio, Sammy. Make it a heck of a lot easier than doing this every time."

"I can ask Matt to help us choose one for that since the patio looks like it may be the main area for our gatherings," he said softly.

"It's a good idea. They closed it in, Sam, so it makes sense to have something that would entertain out there. I want to talk to you about Sarah, while I'm at it."

"What's up?" He trailed alongside his brother as they went into the shop.

"I'm hosting a party for her at Flannigan's in town on Saturday evening. I looked for caterers on the Internet. Mrs. Flannigan is catering it. It's going to be Celtic. I even found a guy who sings old Celtic songs. He performs at some of the Ren Fests around here."

Sam grinned. "She'd get a major kick out of that. What you need me for?"

"Find a way to get her there without her knowing what it is. We have the tux fittings in the morning, so I thought Flannigan's would be a big thing. We could drive home late that night."

"Or we could stay. I did keep the rooms in case we needed them."

He laughed. "Staying might be better. We'll have at least one person not exactly sober. Tux fittings would work, I could have Lisa work on dress stuff with her and keep her busy all day."

"That'll work. I got class tomorrow and Thursday. Next week, there won't be any because of Thanksgiving. Oh! Promise me no cameras."

"No cameras?"

"I bought a dress kilt, Sam," Dean's voice sounded strangled.

Sam started laughing. "No problem."

Dean stared at him, "You got any fingers crossed?"

"No, Dean," Sam snickered.

"All right. One picture gets out and I'm ruined for life, Sammy."

"There won't be any, Dean," he reassured him.

"Okay. Let's get this back. I don't know about you, but I've been kicked out of the kitchen. I thought I was gonna make the beans, but I've been told 'no'. I'm going to try out the whirlpool tub and maybe read a while in my office. Everyone else was planning something. You got something going, or would you like to join me in my office?"

"Since my wing is unpacked and ready to go, I may enjoy a bath and then join you in reading until we're screamed at for help," he said with a grin.

"Sounds good to me. I may need a smoking jacket." Dean thought for a moment. "Two questions here, Sammy. Why do they call them smoking jackets? Why the hell do they put patches on a perfectly good jacket? It looks lame."

He stared at his brother. "I have no freaking clue."

Dean stared for a moment at his younger brother. "I would usually say something about college at this point, but I can't do that anymore. Damn!" He grabbed the speakers from the walls and set them on the table as he unplugged the wires from the stereo.

Sam helped him get the speakers down. "The thing is, that's not usually covered in college classes."

"That's okay. I'll ask Watari. He knows everything about gentlemen and stuff. Be interesting to know. I'll never be a gentleman."

"Me either. It's fun this way though," he said, picking up some of the components to carry to the car.

Dean was behind him with the remainder and set them in the trunk and headed back to lock up.

Sam slid into the car, getting comfortable. Dean slipped into the driver's seat and started the engine. Turning his head, he backed out of the parking area and onto the road to the highway. What he had not planned on was a major family meeting due to Mello's saying something to Matt and Ben about Dean's tiredness and the doctor.

"I remember you dressing up and going to that girl's house and having turkey and stuff when you were a kid." Dean pulled into the drive and parked in front of the house.

"It wasn't family though," he answered, tone not getting any louder. "I really wanted to have a family turkey day."

"I know, Sam. So did I. Dad didn't get back until late afternoon. He went out and got drunk and found a lonely woman somewhere. Kinda glad you weren't there. Never did like for you to see him that way."

"Well, we have a chance to make our own traditions and memories now," Sam told his brother. "So let's make 'em count."

"We got family and friends. It's nice, Sam. Main thing is we're still together."

"Exactly."


	135. Chapter 135

Dean Faces off with the Family, and Sam Backs Him

They entered the cabin and found everyone sitting in the living area. Even Near was near the fireplace. Dean's brows went up as he looked around. He forced a smile.

"Hey, we got the stereo. Matt, you got everything you need to hook it up? Did you guys get the pit over here?"

The red head nodded. "Yup, I've got what I need. And the pit is here and heating up to start the cooking," he quipped.

Dean felt tense. "Okay...good. What's wrong?"

Sam shook his head, not sure why this was happening. "I dunno but dinner needs to get started on."

"Has anything been started? I can still make those beans, Sarah. You said I couldn't work in the kitchen, but I don't mind."

"Not yet.. I was about to," she said softly. "I know desserts are started," she grinned.

"What's going on? " Dean walked into the kitchen and set the stereo he was carrying on the table. "If I'm not needed, I'm going to take a nice hot bath and read in my office for a while. Is that okay with everyone?"

Sam nodded. "Sounds good; I'll get everyone going here."

Dean's eyes searched faces without seeming to. He nodded to his brother, "You still gonna join me?" There was a sound of confusion in his voice.

"Of course," he said. "I said I would."

"I know that." Dean searched faces and locked eyes with Watari. "Watari, what's going on?"

"We heard you weren't feeling well and wanted to see how you were," he told him softly.

Dean stared again at all the faces in the room. He spoke as soft his brother was earlier. "Mello, what did you tell them?"

"Just that you were still tired and were going to see the doctor," he told him. "I'm worried, ok?"

"I'm tired. I saw the doctor. Picked his brains tonight. With the laws in this country, I wish you well at that. I'm gonna go soak in a hot tub, and read in my sanctuary. Remember, Lis? No one can enter unless I say yes." Dean turned and walked off.

Sam glared at them. "This was a damned stupid thing to do. Couldn't take a hint and back off, could you? He's tired; he doesn't need a full on inquisition. Go do whatever it is you have to do for the family bbq and hope like hell he calms down."

Bobby muttered under his breath about 'damned stupid idjits.' He looked at Watari and shook his head. The older man nodded in agreement.

"I'm not being damned stupid. What you guys did was out of line. He went to the doctor and did everything right. I know you're worried but you know what? You'll smother him to death if you don't back off."

"Sam, you helped set up a calendar and schedule for him. You were just as worried and you smothered too. Besides, Bobby was calling us stupid, and Watari was agreeing," Lisa commented.

"Sorry but he made me feel it was Dean and he was referring to. Now, I'm going to shower and then go join my brother. Call us when things are ready," he said, heading to his wing.

Bobby stood up. "Well, Idjits, I'm going to do what Sam suggested. He's right, you know. Dean don't like to be smothered. Let's hope the boy calms down."

The group nodded, heading to work on the various food items they had said they would.

Dean had gone to his wing and went upstairs to try the massive whirlpool tub in the master bed room. He turned on the jets and slipped into the tub. Leaning his head back, he started to doze off.

Sam finished his own clean up and headed to his brother's wing, knocking on Dean's bedroom first to see if he was there or not. Dean heard the knock and replied, "Yeah?" softly above the slight sound of the water churning in the tub.

"It's me, Dean. Wanted to make sure you hadn't drowned yourself in there," he teased.

"I think I could've . I fell asleep. Give me a minute. I'll be right out." Dean turned off the whirlpool, regretfully. He opened the drain and toweled dry. Hanging the towel, He picked up his dirty clothes and placed them in the hamper. Walking into his closet, he grabbed a t-shirt, a sweater, and a pair of jeans. He walked into the bedroom and went to the chests of drawers and grabbed some boxers and socks. He got dressed, quietly, noting that Sam was sitting the side of the bed, watching him.

"I'm anxious to crack into a book and relax for a bit. You've gotta be itching to hang in that study," he said with a smile.

Dean's grin appeared, "Yeah, Sammy, I am. I have a couple of questions to answer for homework tonight, but it won't take long at all."

"Sounds great to me," Sam told him. "Let's get in there to relax, and I'll see what I can find to read while you do homework."

"That works," Dean replied as he slipped into some slippers. "I am looking forward to it. You know, you're welcome in there any time you want to?"

"I appreciate it but it's your space," he told him.

"Yeah. I know that, Sammy, but if I need to be alone in there, I'll kick ya out." Dean smiled and headed towards the bedroom door, Sam right behind. They headed down the hall to the stairs.

They were both eager to try out the new study, Dean more than Sam, though both definitely were looking forward to the privacy and quiet of that beautiful room.

Dean turned into the downstairs hallway, and stopped before the door and stood there, quiet and with eyes closed.

Sam stayed quiet, waiting for his brother to make the next move.

Dean's eyes opened and he took a deep breath and blew it out quickly. A smile appeared and he opened the door. It was getting dark. Winter was soon coming and it was dusk outside. The sun had already gone down behind the mountains. Dean reached for a light switch and headed towards his desk. He sat down and watched his brother scanning the shelves before reaching for his laptop, opening it.

The younger Winchester soon settled in a seat, getting relaxed with a copy of "Once and Future King." He cracked open the book and began to lose himself in the world of King Arthur and Merlin.

After thirty minutes, Dean closed his laptop and slowly rose from his seat and walked over to the nonfiction section of his library. He scanned the Scottish section and found a history of the clans of the Scotland. He went back to his seat and sat down, slowly opening the book. Fifteen minutes later, Sam looked up and noted the chair was pushed back and Dean's feet were on the edge of the desk. He remembered Missouri telling Dean to not put his feet on her coffee table and the confusion on his brother's face because he had not done a thing...yet. He grinned and turned his eyes back to his book.

This was Dean's private area, and Sam simply curled up as he focused himself back on his book. He hadn't read this in a long time and wanted to simply enjoy the story.

Dean's slippers were under the desk, his stockinged feet on the edge, and he became engrossed in the history of the clan system of Scotland. Both men read for a couple of hours.. Dean's head lifted at the sound of cars coming near the house.


	136. Chapter 136

Guests for Supper

"Sam, I need to talk to you before we go out there."

The younger Winchester had been so involved in the story, he jumped when he heard his brother's voice break the silence. "Damn...sure, what's up?"

"We have company coming, ya know? Anyway, there's this elderly lady and her grandson. His name is Andy. He's got a birth defect and his parents that did him wrong...abused him, Sam. Anyway, the grandmother is getting too old to care for him. I hoped we...hell, I don't know."

There was a knock at the doors and Ben was asking them to come join everyone. Dean looked up at his brother, and Sam could see his eyes were glistening. His brother gave him a small smile and headed to the door. "Let's go meet our company, Sammy."

He put a bookmark in the book and fell into step with his brother. "What's his name?"

"I only know it's Andy. I didn't get his last name or his Grandmother's."

He nodded. "Let's see what happens," he told his brother. "Must be something special to capture your attention like that."

Dean lowered his head and mumbled something.

Sam laughed. "Try it again?"

"He...well...he reminds me of you, Sammy."

He paused at that, turning to look at his brother. "How so?"

"You were this skinny little kid, Sammy. Smart as whip, but you were hurting. Other than me and Bobby, when we got to see him, you had nobody, Sam. You never had Mom. Hell, neither of us had Dad much. Andy's parents abused him. He's got an old grandma. When she goes, who's gonna want a kid with a brace and a cane?"

A look of understanding reached his face. "I can't wait to meet him," he said softly.

Dean opened the door to the main room, and they entered. He stood looking around at everyone. Most of them were on the patio or in the main kitchen. He took a deep breath, looking for two women, Lisa and Sarah.

Both were setting the table as Bobby fussed over the grill, getting the coals ready to cook the meat.

Sam watched his brother look around and hesitate. He walked over to the darker of the two and put his arms around her waist and puledl her towards him, laying his chin on her shoulder and whispering in her ear. He looked over at Sarah and whispered "Hi, Sarah. I heard cars?"

"I was about to head out to say hi," Sarah said to her future brother in law.

"Why don't all four of us go? Doc should be here and Nancy has a special friend. There's a couple of other people I want us all to meet."

The group nodded, following Dean out to the car.

The doctor was getting out of the back seat, helping a young boy get out of the car.

Dean strolled over. "Hey, Doc," he said as he squatted down until he was eye to eye with the young boy. "You must be Andy?" Dean held out a large hand toward the much smaller one that wasn't holding a cane.

Sam assisted the older woman out of the car, watching as the little one shyly shook his brother's hand. "Hi," he whispered, blushing and looking wide eyed at his grandmother.

Dean smiled and looked at the elderly woman with Sam. Another car pulled up and Dean saw Nancy in the passenger seat but didn't get a look at the person driving. "My name is Dean and that's my brother, Sam, with your grandma. The lady behind me is Lisa. The lady with my brother is Sarah."

The elderly woman carefully made her way to where her grandson was, leaning heavily against Sam's arm. "I'm Elsbeth. Thank you for the invitation," she said softly.

"You're welcome, Elsbeth. Let's go inside. He has a cough, so I heard the doc say. It's getting colder out." Dean held the little boy's hand and led the way inside.

It was slow going though no one showed impatience as they headed towards the enclosed patio.

Dean introduced everyone and left them with the others as he headed back to the door to greet Nancy and her special friend.

Sarah was very entranced with the shy boy, who was interacting with the others in a quiet way that spoke of his upbringing. It must have been very hard for the older woman to raise a child, especially one with health issues. Andy kept looking up at her and finally gave her a shy smile.

Dean opened the door and greeted Nancy. He turned and held out his hand to her date.

She gave him a warm smile back, watching him talk to the others.

"I'm Erica," she told him. "Thank you for inviting us."

Dean took her hand and shook it. "It's nice to meet you, Erica. Come on in. Bobby's putting the meat on. Nice group here. We'll have some music and who knows."

She grinned. "Sounds good to me."

"All right!" Dean led the way out to the patio. "Hey everyone! Come meet Erica!"

Everyone greeted her with warmth, making her feel a part of the group straight off. She laughed, greeting them back with equal warmth.

The boys asked if they could go up to L's and play video games. They asked Andy if he wanted to join them.

The adults gave permission, requesting them to be down in half an hour for food. Andy nodded, though he hadn't played video games before and shyly admitted as much.

They smiled and Ben took Andy's hand as they headed to the indoor hallway to the other wing. Dean checked to see what Nancy, Erica, Sam, and Doc wanted to drink. He checked and saw everyone else seemed to have something.

Sam helped his brother, pouring drinks and getting everyone settled so they could talk and enjoy the weather.

"If it starts getting too cold, we'll close the weather-proofed windows and turn on the heat, "Bobby commented.

"Andy has a cough, I think. We need to make sure it's not too chilly in here for him," Dean added.

That was more than enough for Sam to put the windows at least halfway to enable air flow but keep it warmer. The little boy was a sweetheart from what he could see and he didn't want him to get sick.

"Hey! I got an announcement." Dean stood up and looked around him.

Everyone turned their attention towards him, curious as to what he would say.

"Saturday is another day of shopping. We guys have a fitting in the morning. I verified the reservations I made on Saturday and added extras. There's a room for Elsbeth and Andy, one for doc, one for Nancy and Erica, Sam and Sarah, and a big suite for Ryu and everyone. I am planning on taking everyone out to dinner. I have an appointment but I will meet all of you for dinner. We stay the night and go home in the morning. If there's anything needed for the house, the holidays, or the weddings, go ahead and get it. The restaurant is a nice place. Not coat and tie but not jeans and a t-shirt either. Okay?"

Elspbeth looked started by that. There had been no discussion on a trip, and she didn't have the financial resources for such a thing. The elderly woman started to shake her head, about to politely refuse.

Dean saw the look and shake of her head. "It's a treat, Ms. Elsbeth. You are not paying for anything. Okay? We want to get to know you and Andy. I'd like you to say yes and let me pay. Okay?" Dean had a worried look on his face, concerned the little lady would still say no.

"I have no wish to be a burden though," she said softly.

The older Winchester knelt in front of her. He reached for her hand and stared into her eyes. "I can't imagine you being a burden on anyone. The fact you don't ask for help when Andy needs so much and you won't ask because you're his family tells me that. It's a just a night out and a chance to get away from worries for one day."

Blue-gray eyes searched hazel for a moment as if she was reading into Dean's heart and soul. "All right, young man, you win. However, if it becomes too expensive, please don't hesitate to leave us in the hotel room for the event. I'm sure Andy will enjoy the new location."

"Thank you, Ms. Elsbeth, but you are not a burden. The entire event includes you. I want to ask something. Elsbeth is an unusual name. Where is your family from?"

"Devonshire," she said with a smile. "I was born there." Her voice had a soft lilt to it that spoke of British origins.

Dean grinned, "Well, Sammy over there, my son, Ben, and I have Campbell blood. Watari, Ryuzaki, and their boys are from Britain. Sarah is Irish."

The elderly woman gave a soft chuckle. "What a mix we are tonight."

"Exactly. We're all family here. You and Andy will fit right in." Dean looked into the eyes of Erica. "That goes for you too, Erica. Doc and Nancy are already a part of this group. You're welcome to be a part too."

Doc and Nancy, both knowing what Sam and Dean were, stared at Erica, who had no idea.

The spirited woman gave him a slow grin. "Thank you much," she said with that bright smile. It was nice to be accepted as small towns generally turned cold shoulders to anyone 'unusual.'

Dean rose to his feet and grabbed a bottle of water and headed over to Lisa. He leaned over and kissed her, gently nibbling her lower lip, sucking it in and sending shivers down her spine. He stood up and smiled sweetly. Turning, he asked, "What all has to be done for supper? Anything?"

Doc stood up and walked over to the taller man. "Dean, don't ask that question again tonight. Behave yourself. Take a look around." Dean slowly turned and there was a large number of stubborn looks returning his gaze.

"I was just asking, Doc. I've already been told I can't help. Geez."

Bobby laughed. "You want to keep me company at the grill?"

"That's allowed? Hell, yeah!" Laughter followed the two men towards the grill.. Watari was by the grill as well, keeping an eye on the coals as he sipped a cup of coffee and enjoyed the scenery.

"Hey, Watari. You get a good nap?" Dean moved and pulled up three chairs.  
>"I did, thank you," he said softly.<p>

Dean motioned to the chairs, sitting in one and giving both of the older men the softer ones. He drank some water and leaned back, legs out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. "It's going to be a clear night once it gets dark. Ought to be a beautiful night. They're saying possible snow by next week, though."

"The boys will have fun with that," Watari answered, settling comfortably in the chair. "I don't think my three younger ones have seen snow in a while."

"I'm pretty sure that Ben has. It snows here quite often, so Andy probably has too. They'll have fun because it's rural."

"I'll have to make sure they're bundled up well. Since Ryuuzaki has been on the go so much, it was decided to give the three boys a chance for practical experience so they've not been back at the House for over a year."

"They've grown, Watari. Probably couldn't wear what's at the house any way. We're going shopping on Saturday. We all need some winter clothes. Might as well get them while we're in town."

The older male nodded, sipping his coffee. "I should insist on some for Ryuuzaki but knowing him, he'll insist on remaining indoors. Near may go out, depending on the sun and how insistent the others are."

Remembering a picnic where he'd been attacked by everyone with water guns, Dean responded, "You're telling me Ryu won't play? You know his sizes?"

"I do, but he's more of an indoors type of person," Watari answered.

"He is going to attend the weddings? He has to get to where they are held."

"Knowing him, he hasn't thought that far ahead and if he has, probably hasn't given thought to a coat or anything."

"Well, we need to get him what's needed. You're right, he won't think about it. It's beneath his intelligence. Why would making sure what was needed be beneath someone's intelligence, I don't know."

Dark eyes gleamed merrily in the dying sunlight. "You do know he'll probably show up in jeans and white shirt, right? Anything else is too uncomfortable and lowers his thought capacity," he said with all seriousness.

"I know. That's why I didn't ask him to be part of the wedding party. I just want him to be there. I consider all of you to be family. This is home for you, whenever you can be here. He will need a coat, boots, gloves, a hat, earmuffs, and a muffler. I have done some research of the area. It gets cold here. Lots of snow."

"I'll see to it they're taken care of. I just don't want the ladies to feel insulted when he shows up dressed like that. It's just how Ryuuzaki is."

I think they know him. Not like I do, but they''ve been around him enough to know how he is. I'm going to take Near out for a steak dinner on Friday. I made the reservations. It's a promise being kept."

Watari smiled at that. "That sounds good. Let me know what time, and I'll make sure he's ready. Just to advise you, make sure it's not one that emphasizes a dress code."

"We're leaving here at 6. I'm wearing jeans, boots, a t-shirt with another shirt over it. Typical for me. It has no dress code. I'm told some people do dress up, but it's not expected."

He nodded. "His clothing can't be taken for anything less than what it is - pajamas. It's comfortable for him and his skin is so sensitive."

"Believe me, I know. He's kind of my kid, too." Watari sensed the tenseness in Dean when he made his claim He watched the young man sitting next to him, wondering why he felt the need to even say that.

"We've never disagreed with that point so why are you tense?"

"I haven't done this before now because of Ben. He was jealous of Near. Thought that Near was more important to me than him. It's not like that. I love Near like he's one of my own, but I know he'll never be my own. It doesn't mean I don't care and want to do things with him. Ben's young, you know. He doesn't understand that I can love both of them. I'm hopeful that this time that you guys were gone, that he's gotten the idea that he is my son and I love him. I also hope he's gotten over this jealousy. There's no need for it, and I am taking Near out on Friday."

"I'd be shocked if Ben wasn't jealous, Dean. It's natural for a child his age who hasn't had his father around for most of his life," Watari pointed out. "It wouldn't hurt to find an activity for the three of you so he can watch you two interact and understand that Near isn't a threat."

"Yeah, I tried that. Chinese checkers when we all got first settled in. He didn't want Near playing. I'll try it again, though."

Watari shook his head. "No, something outside. Perhaps something educational but not where Near's intelligence could outshine Ben at all. Either that or take turns in having them explain something like a museum exhibit."

"A museum? They have one about this area, the Native Americans who lived here, and some Texas history. There's one in the city that's a science and natural history museum. I could take them to it on Saturday. After my errand is done, that is."

"The Native American one would have both Ben and Near on equal footing," Watari said. "If you do the science and history one, I would suggest researching exhibits and assigning several to each boy to play tour guide. They can research and tell the others about what they're seeing," he told him.

"I could do that. I'll do it after I check on something for homework tonight. I got to go to the city for diesel classes in the morning. I'm glad the shop is closed this week, though. I need the time."

He nodded. "I think it's a great opportunity for both of them, and it'd give them something to learn together."

Dean smiled in relief. "Thanks, Watari. I will definitely do that."


	137. Chapter 137

Confrontation

Dean stretched, popping joints and pulling muscles, wincing as he did so. "Damn, I must've pulled something today. Moving can sure take a lot out of you when you haven't been as active as you're used to."

The older man nodded. "It certainly can. Try to stretch tonight before and after soaking in hot water," He recommended to the other.

"I didn't think about it earlier when I took that long soak. Wasn't long enough though. I didn't think about stretching. I should've done it. I know better, but I was just upset. I got my homework questions done, and read a while. Sam stayed with me though. I hope it was because he wanted to. It was something we haven't had much time to do...reading. You know?"

Bobby looked over at the boy and then met Watari's eyes. "Upset about us wanting to ask about what you were doing wrong today that could hurt you? Or that we wanted to know about the doctor visit?"

Watari nodded. "I hope you know that what happened earlier was due to concern. However, I'm proud of you and Sam for sticking up for yourselves."

Dean stiffened. Both men saw his hand clench the glass the water was in. His eyes were closed and he breathed in and out slowly. "Are we really going to do this with company here? Or is it because company, mainly Doc, is here?"

"No, it doesn't have to be," the older man said, giving a look to Bobby. That didn't need to be brought up, not at all truthfully.

"It doesn't?" Dean stared at the man he thought of as his father, then turned towards the one who spoke, "Then why?"

Bobby looked at him, "Because you have not been well, Dean. You are pushing yourself over the limit daily. You don't do right all of the time. None of us knows why you are so damn tired, Dean. You're weak. Part of it is you over do. We are trying to help you. We set up a calendar of what you can and can't do. You aren't going by it, boy. Not by a long shot. Getting upset over the Scottish stuff and making yourself sick over the Mexican food you shouldn't have been eating. You get upset and you throw what I call a tantrum. Dean, You get help. Okay?"

Watari sighed. This was not an appropriate time to bring this up but since the cat was out of the bag, he supposed he could do damage control as well as help Dean and Bobby through this. "You made yourself ill?"

Dean was back to staring at Bobby, trying to come up with the right words and not start a major battle with company in the area. He jumped when Watari spoke and turned, saying, "What?" It took a moment for the question to sink in. Dean had always been honest with the older man. He turned red and his shoulders slumped, head lowered.

"Dean, I'm not angry," he said softly. "I'm worried about you. You did the right thing in seeing a physician when you spotted trouble. I'm rather concerned about making yourself ill though."

Dean mumbled a soft reply. Bobby got up to check the meat on the grill. Both men heard him mutter, "Need to speak louder and plainer than that, son. Idjit."

The older man said nothing, simply waited for the other to respond.

'"You'd think I'd be good at this by now, wouldn't you? Maybe it was stupid. I don't know. It's just that I planned the past weekend and it was supposed to be special. I was panicking because I wasn't sure what I needed to do or where to go. Sam helped me with that. He was having his problems at the time, so I worried about him. I was just tired. There were practical jokes and the typical crap that we get into. That's why I've got the bruise on my forehead. I went to a lot of trouble picking out rings and the restaurant Sam helped me find was really special. Instead of the weekend ending like it should've, we got into this thing about the Campbells. I really didn't want to be involved in it. Sarah and Lisa couldn't let go. It angered me, Watari. I had read about them on the Internet. I jokingly called a kilt a skirt. It went downhill fast. I asked them to just let it go. I wasn't trying to tell Sarah to change anything. It was like she was angry for me not wanting to be proud of my Scottish ancestors. I wasn't given a choice. I had two women mad at me, and I'd just proposed to one of them."

"Women usually have a difficult time in calming down," he murmured. "Young Sarah is proud of her heritage, justifiably so. I believe what disturbed her is that you didn't want to share something with her that she could teach you. She's got little to bond with you over, Dean, and to her, this was a good opportunity."

"Yeah, well...I've been planning and scheming since then to make it up to her. I'm reading the books Sam got for my library. It doesn't mean I like them or ever will. My name is Winchester, not Campbell. To be honest, I knew nothing about them. Dad never mentioned them."

"It's understandable," he said, leaning back in his seat. "How far back did you research, Dean?"

"Far enough to know what they did at Glencoe. It was not something I could be proud of. I've killed, Watari. I've been pretty bloodthirsty when it was needed, but I don't kill babies and pregnant women. That's a stain that will never go away. They were invited in and they spent the night under the roofs of the people they butchered."

"You need to go back further, Dean, and really take a look at the history of the Scottish people before the clan systems really took hold. Did you know that the Scotsmen of the last century is a mix of several different cultures? You have the Celts, the Vikings, the Gaels, and the Picts. All of whom were avoided religiously by the Romans," he told him.

"I'm reading a book on the Scottish clan system right now. The Romans? They conquered all of the known world, except those people in the north of England?"

Watari nodded, sipping his tea. "And who do you think those people are the ancestors of, Dean? If you can't be proud of the clan, then be proud of the history of the people who spawned your mother's side of the family. They scared the holy terror out of the Romans."

"Okay. There's a history of the Scottish people on the shelf. I'll put the clan system history back and read it first. Thanks, Watari."

"Anytime," he said with a smile. "That'll give you something to talk to Sarah about. That's the history she's proud of."

"Sarah's Irish."

"Irish have pretty much the same mix, Dean, or didn't you know that? Less Viking, hence the shortness," he pointed out.

"Really? Heh...okay. I'll deal with it then." Dean started to rise and take his empty glass into the kitchen. He could feel Bobby's eyes on him, but had not met the man's gaze.

Watari sipped his tea, giving a satisfied smile. He'd helped smooth that out at least.

Bobby was turning the meat and checking for doneness. He'd gotten everyone's order for the steaks. He watched the boy walk into the kitchen with glass and shook his head.

The older man looked at him. "You really do need to give him some space, Bobby. He's doing the best he can and is learning to get help when he needs it. Seeing the doctor without us pushing him to do so is a good sign of that."

"You're right, but he did his double talk, Watari. You got the reason he was upset, and you helped him with it. Made you feel good about it? That's Dean double talk. He gave you enough to satisfy you. He didn't answer the question. Sam and me...well, we know him. On our way home after all of the fuss, it was getting close to lunch time. Dean pulled into a roadside Mexican restaurant. He had spicy food. We had a very sick Dean that night. Doc doesn't know it "

"You know why he gave me the reason for being upset but not the others? Because he's been pushed too hard to give up what's going on. There's a line that has to be balanced in regards to helping people, Bobby. You can only push so much before they start giving part of what needs to be said," he told the younger man quietly.

"I'm not arguing with you, Watari. I'm telling you he didn't answer your question. You asked him about why he made himself sick? He gave you a damn good reason. I can understand him fighting change. Both of those girls seem to be trying to change him in some way or another. The thing is he knew he shouldn't be eating what he ordered. The food was good, but Dean does have a problem. It's been months since he used to eat the type of food he ate that day. He was deathly ill. That was what was bothering you when you asked him, wasn't it? He told you the reasons for being upset, but not for doing what he did. He's worrying me."

"And I have to trust him to come to me with that information, Bobby. He knows he didn't give me the answer and that I'm still waiting. He'll bring it to me when he's ready."

"Dean? You think he will? I want to see that. Why will he do that?"

"Because he trusts me not to push," came the soft answer. "He knows that I am aware he will come to me when he's ready. I've a bond with him on that. He gives the information when he's had a bit to process on it and then comes to me to see if he's right on why he did what he did."

"Then he's definitely grown more mature. I would expect that from Sam, but Dean has always been pretty closed. I know you broke down a lot of barriers, but I had no idea that was one of them. He never told us that what he had on his plate as far as work, school, and home was too much. We set him up a schedule. He's a good boy. I'll try what you're suggesting."

The elderly man gave the hunter a smile. "I think you'll find it works. Just be available for when he's ready to talk, Bobby, and that will make a lot of difference in regards to how the relationship between you two goes.

"I'll do that. Here he comes."

Dean had glass of apple juice and sat down. He looked up at Bobby and met the older hunter's intense stare, not backing down. He finally turned to Watari.

"After we eat, I'd like for you, Bobby, Sam, and Doc to come to my office. I kinda left you hanging. I'm sorry. Just, I can't talk about it here where we can get interrupted."

"Of course," he murmured, taking another sip of his drink. "We'll be there when you're ready."

Dean nodded and looked at his father figure. "Bobby?"

"Yeah, you know I will be. This food is done. You want to let everyone know so they can get the tables ready?"

"Sure. I'll do that on my way to get the boys."

Watari climbed to his feet, reaching for the platter to set the food on from the hot grill. "Here, this should help." 


	138. Chapter 138

Dinner and Conversation

Dean walked through the patio towards where everyone was sitting, "The meat is done. I'm going to get the boys. Ya'll want to set up some tables and let's get this going?"

The girls, along with Sam and the doctor, started to get things set up. The chatter didn't stop, simply got a bit noisier as furniture and dishware were set up.

Dean took the hallway to L's wing and He stood in the doorway of the media room and watched, the three boys L and Watari had raised. With them were Ben and Andy. He kept quiet watching the interactions.

All of them were bantering over the game, having drawn Ben and Andy into it. Andy was still rather shy and contributed his thoughts on occasion but looked to be having fun. Oddly enough, the one he seemed to talk to the most was the quiet white haired boy that rarely spoke.

Dean smiled as he watched the two. He heard Mello yell and looked at him. Ben had just beaten him on the game. His eyes widened as he looked at the blond haired teen in surprise, thinking 'How the hell did that happen?'

Matt hid his grin, having helped the boy a bit without Mello noticing it. Ben knew it too and kept quiet, snickering as Mello kept staring at the television.

"Hey, guys! Food's on!"

Matt, Mello, and Ben nearly trampled each other in the rush for the door, laughing as they playfully shoved and teased their way out. Near followed with Andy at his side, moving at a more sedate pace. It was better to stay back and not get stepped on.

Dean set his pace with theirs. "How do you like the place, Near? Andy, what do you think of it?"

"The place is unusual and seems to meet the needs of everyone in a comfortable manner," the small genius answered. Andy just peeked at him with a small smile. "It's big."

"Yeah, it is big, Andy. I like that. There's plenty of room that way. Near, did you honestly think it would be normal with Sam and me owning it? It sure looks different than it did when we went after those creatures and Ruby," the hunter commented, thoughts of Cas in his mind.

Near nodded. "It does look a great deal different from when the group first stayed here."

"It is, Near." Dean couldn't shake the thought of the angel from his mind. He felt bad that he had not tried to contact him. Cas was still being hunted, he assumed. He closed his eyes for a second and sent out a thought, figuring it wouldn't be heard.

Dean could feel a warm tendril of comfort wash through him, telling him that the angel had heard. Given how crowded things were, Castiel would not be able to appear at the moment but found a way to let him know that he was well.

Dean smiled and helped Andy down the stairs. They were soon back in the main room of the cabin and Dean led them to the patio. "You guys let me know if it's not warm enough. Okay?"

The group agreed as they finished getting things set up. The tables had everything needed and the food looked and smelled wonderful.

Soon everyone had a seat and was enjoying the food. The guests felt welcomed and were enjoying themselves immensely.

Dean found himself seated next to Erica on one side and Watari on the other. The older man was deep in conversation with Elsbeth, so the hunter turned to the woman next to him. "Are you a native Texan?"

"I am," she said with a smile. "Houston, originally. I work with the Texas Parks and Wildlife and am working on a small park not far from here."

"Really? What kind of park? This is desert. People don't actually camp out here , do they?"

"Actually they do," she said. "There's some great rock formations that are popular for climbing. Add to that, people love to hike the trails and experience the desert in its beauty. It's a state park, campers and the like. I watch over the wildlife and make sure nothing bad happens to the environment here."

"Wow. Let me ask you something. Can you recommend good museums for this area?"

She thought for a moment. "There's some Native American ones not far from here. There's also one for history of the Wild West."

"Wild West? Where?," he asked, not able to stop the excitement in his voice.

The park ranger laughed. "I'll write up the directions on how to get to all of them before we go," she promised.

"That would be so awesome. Thank you."

"You're most welcome," she said with a smile. "If you get a chance, drag the family to the parks out here. I'd be happy to guide you around on a day off and show you why this area is one of my favorite parts of Texas."

"That would be great. Thanks. We tried real hard to keep this place as close to natural as we could. I know the mobile homes don't fit that idea but they're a necessity. I like how quiet it is. The idea that I can get something to drink and a snack, and hit that mountain trail is special. It's the first home I've had since I lost my mom."

"You picked a great area for it," she agreed.

"Yeah, I never realized how beautiful a desert is. I like it."

"I'm glad you appreciate it," she told him after swallowing a bite of food.

"I've been all over this country with my job and I've never experienced anything like this place. It's fast becoming home. How did you and Nancy meet?"

"Through her work actually. I came in because I'd slipped and sprained my ankle and didn't want to go to the emergency room. I was being stubborn and tried to walk on it. She literally had to drag me through the office to the exam room," she giggled.

"I bet she didn't have to drag you too hard," Dean responded with a wink.

The young woman burst out laughing at that. "No, she didn't. The funny part about it was the doctor gave me something for pain, and I was looped out of my gourd, hitting on her."

"And she was sober? That doesn't usually happen to me. What did she do?"

"Took me home, made sure I had food that was easy to fix, and then left. However, she did leave her phone number with a note to call her once I wasn't loopy on pain meds," she said with a grin.

"Now that works. I like stories like that. They're real."

She nodded, grin getting wider. "I do too."

Soon the meal was over and the teens started going through Dean's cds. Dean knew there might be dancing, so he went into the kitchen and opened the door to the large dishwasher that had been installed. "If you guys are all wanting to dance, we need to get the dishes in the washer!" he yelled.

Near padded in with a stack, shaking his head, "Why would they wish to dance? There are no partners."

Dean looked over Near's shoulder at the large group of men and the five women, but he didn't believe that Elsbeth was going to dance. His brows raised, giving him a silly look. "Well, they can pretend there's partners, Near. I don't think teenagers touch each other when they dance anyway, do they?"

"Near does not know," he said flatly. It wasn't the brightest question to ask of him due to Near's limited social interaction.

"Damn, Near. I'm sorry. I think that was more of a rhetorical question. I didn't expect an answer to it. Hell, I can do a few dances I learned when I was dating, but not this kind of stuff."

Near rinsed the plates as they were brought in. "It seems a foolish exercise."

"Well, if you're slow dancing and you got a pretty girl in your arms, holding her close to you. She's got her head on your shoulder. It can be real nice."

The white haired young man stared at him for a moment, definitely not following what Dean was saying.

Dean returned the stare, his pale skin turning red. "Anyway, let's get these done. Is that everything?"

"Yes, it is," he responded, finishing up the last plate.

"Great! I'm surprised they didn't tell me to sit down and let them do it," the hunter said in a pleased tone. "Let's go see if they are planning to dance or not."

The small detective in training followed Dean back outside, watching everyone with large gray eyes that seemed to see everything.

Dean stepped back out onto the patio. Sam was now helping to select the music. Dean walked over, picked a cd out of the stack, and put it in the player. A soft melody started playing, as he turned, searching for his fiancée. He found the five women sitting with Andy and talking. Walking across the patio, he had no idea the women were watching, discussing both him and his brother."

Dean would not have been grateful if he knew what was being discussed. Something Lisa had said spurred on the stories of both Sarah and herself seeing each other's intended in the nude. Andy was sent over to Near and the two were heading to Near's room. Dean walked up behind Lisa. He gently laid a hand on her shoulder. "Will you dance with me?"

Lisa smiled up at him. "I'd love to," she said, taking his hand with hers as she rose to face him.

Dean pulled her in close to him. He placed an arm around her and held her back. The other was holding a hand close to his chest. His head leaned close to hers, his eyes closed. "I love you," he whispered into her ear.

"I love you too," she whispered back, cuddling into his arms as they danced.

When the music stopped, Lisa felt him stop, but he did not let go of her. "I'm so glad you and Ben are mine, Lis. I don't think I could make it without you."

"I know we wouldn't be able to without you," she told him, reaching up to give him a soft kiss to show that she loved him.

Dean released her hand, and looked at her, his eyes drawn to her lips. He ran his tongue over his own lips, than reached for her hair with his free hand, pulling her towards him, his mouth opening as it touched hers. A pin drop could have been heard in the room.

The kiss went on for a moment before Mello and Matt decided to be silly and start cat calling at the two, making the rest of the room's occupants laugh at their silly behavior.

Dean slowly pulled away. He stared into Lisa's eyes, "I. Damn, Lis. I didn't intend for that to happen, but I don't regret it." He stepped back, giving her freedom to move.

"I don't mind being kissed. The peanut gallery leaves something to be desired though," she joked.

"What else don't you mind?" He spoke low, his voice covered by the laughter and noise around them. "I want to kiss your whole body, Lis." She could hear the huskiness in his voice.

"Later after our company leaves and the kids are asleep," the woman promised.

"Okay. Dean brushed his lips over hers and softly chewed her bottom one, and let her go, backing away.

She smiled at him, shooing him to go talk with his friends. Lisa knew he enjoyed hanging out with Ryuuzaki's group, though she found them to be quite strange to be honest.


	139. Chapter 139

Dean Finally Faces the Truth

Dean looked over at Bobby and Watari and nodded at both. The boys had headed back to the media room. He turned and walked towards Ryuzaki, the doctor, and Sam.

"If you wouldn't mind grabbing a chair and coming to my office, I'd appreciate it. I have two extra chairs in there and I'd like to talk to all of you."

Ryuzaki frowned a bit, then nodded, rising and standing in his usual slumped over position. Once he'd gotten the doctor to shut up about his diet and posture, the man had been somewhat tolerable to converse with.

The hunter's usual stride took off towards the door to his wing and he left it open for the others, going through the entrance room and into the living room. He paused, looking at the room and smiled, liking what Lisa had done as far as wood selection. He could hear the others coming, so he picked up his pace and walked down the hallway to his office. He opened the door, switching on a light that turned the light behind his chair on. He went and sat down, feeling weary. He laid his head back, eyes closed, and waited. He was not looking forward to this. Bobby's actions earlier bothered him.

The group settled in chairs with Ryuuzaki taking his usual abnormal pose in one near a corner.

Dean sat up, his hazel eyes making contact which each person. Ryuzaki's eyes gleamed, Sam's showed concern, and the Doctor's showed curiosity. He looked at Bobby's and could tell the man wasn't certain on what he was going to do. That hurt. He closed his eyes for a second and met Watari's. There, he found compassion and he sat up straight, ready to talk.

The men waited, wondering what it was the older Winchester had to say.

"I've not been very honest with everyone. I've been having problems for months. I'm tired. I don't sleep well. I can't eat what I want. It's not just a warning on it any more. It makes me sick. I'm letting things bother me, and they shouldn't. I thought once we changed jobs, it would be easy. My job I know, but this is different. I'm having trouble coping. I've spent my whole life running from things, avoiding relationships. Hell, I don't know how."

"I had a problem this weekend with Lisa and Sarah. I got pretty upset. I don't think it was all my fault, but I'm working on correcting it. Thing is I did something really stupid. I stopped at an authentic Mexican restaurant on the way home and I ate hot and spicy. I didn't listen to anyone. Not even myself. I knew better. I got so sick from it, I was on the ground in pain and the acid and burning was bad.

Today, I pushed again. I tired myself out, big time. Everyone got upset again. I got the schedule. I know what I'm supposed to do every day. We're not always doing the schedule and I get caught up and I just want to do like I used to do. I don't understand why things have to be different. I have asked Doc to find out why they said things had to change. What is making me this way. I was stupid...a fool. I should never have pulled into that restaurant. I'm sorry."

The words had come rushing out as if the young man was afraid that if he paused someone would say something and he'd never be able to finish.

Bobby spoke before Sam could. "Dean...we've been waiting for you to talk to us about this. We didn't know how to confront you on it and not make it look like we were ganging up on you, son. We need to know what you need to help. The schedule is there, yes, but what else?"

"I don't want people trying to change me. I'm me, Bobby. I'm who my Dad taught me to be. I raised me just like I raised Sam. I might act stupid or goofy sometimes. I will make mistakes, but trying to change me and make what I'm not makes me tense and angry. Just let me be me. There's a lot I gotta deal with right now. The business is taking off, but I have school online and the diesel school. I'm trying to follow the schedule, but I'm tired. I just need home to be home...not some place I'm gonna spend time being griped at. Please?"

"You're running yourself into the damn ground, son. We can't let you do that when we can help you," he told him, face and voice showing that he obviously cared and was deeply concerned about what was going on. "We're not trying to change you.. just help."

The pain in Dean's voice could be heard, "Damn it, Bobby. I'm not talking about the schedule. I haven't had it that long, so give me time with it. Help with it. I'm talking about making me something I'm not. First off, I'm not a damn Campbell! I'm gonna read about my heritage so I can talk to Sarah, but a kilt is still a damn skirt! Making me feel like I'm the bad guy because I didn't like something about my family is not fair. I'm having to give in and do what everybody wants. No one...I mean no one stopped what happened. The only thing done to bring peace is coming from me.. You tell me how that's not trying to change me? I needed someone to care that it hurt me. I hate that it happened, but I ought to have the right feel that way. I ate the damn Mexican food because it cheered me up...made me feel better. All my life food , alcohol, and sex were the only things that felt good. I didn't feel good at all. I got engaged and paid Hell for it. Okay? I just wanted ...hell, it doesn't matter does it? Sarah and Lisa are right. You've all told me that. I don't know how to do this."

Ryuuzaki broke the silence. "I believe the family does not know how to handle Dean anymore," he pointed out. Dean insists on not being changed, not having people hovering over Dean's shoulder, and then requests that someone needed to stop Dean from making these mistakes?" He paused for a moment, shifting his speech slightly. "Dean, you are making demands that are confusing your family a great deal. They can do one thing and become attacked for it. I understand a lot of this is stress, but you need to talk to them about what you need without hiding behind the usual bravado that you used to use around Watari and me. You need to meet with them, tell them what you want and need, and then allow them to adjust. However, the plans cannot change if you suddenly decide you are being too constricted." He turned dark eyes to Sam and Bobby. "Likewise, you and the others need to be willing to adjust without the group setting that met him when he returned today from the physician's office. He will tell you what's going on when he's ready."

"Damn it, Ryu. That's not what I mean. I know as far as my life goes, I got to make changes. We're trying this new schedule. I'm willing to go with it. I'm trying to watch what I eat. Sometimes I get so caught up in things I forget to eat. Sam and Bobby are gonna help when I'm at work. That's not it. When I talk about change, it's about telling me what I can think, feel, and act. Do I have a right to still be me? I tried to explain how I felt about things. I can't cause problems because I don't wanna lose Sam. I could...real easy. I can't do that, Ryu. He's my brother. I just want the right to joke, to make comments that never bothered anyone before. Suddenly everything I do isn't good enough. If I say anything, I'm a bad person who hurt someone else. Why doesn't it matter if what they say hurts me? I want help with things. I've asked for it. But I want the right to believe my beliefs and be who I am. Why is it a contradiction if I ask for help to get well, but I'm wrong if I want to believe what I want to believe? Cause some of what you said sounds exactly like Lisa and Sara. I have to believe what they want to get help? Cause that's what I'm hearing, and I'm not understanding. I made the mistake of being open about what I felt and I was condemned for it. I'm having to change to make things right. No one else is. Why?"

Sam sighed. "They were wrong to do that but Dean, sometimes when you're joking or arguing about something, you don't take time to think on how others may feel about it. You just tend to open mouth and insert foot. That's when it gets ugly. I'm used to it," he said with a wry smile. "Lisa and Sarah aren't. You're going to have to give them time."

Dean gave his brother a smile that never reached the hazel eyes. He nodded. "Okay. I change. Lisa told me one night that she didn't want to stop that. She wanted me to be me. Anyway, Doc, I'll see you on Wednesday. Thanks for listening. I think I'll go for a walk, and then head to bed." Dean headed for the door.

Watari grabbed him, pushing him back into his chair. "That was not what was said, Dean. Slow down and think," he told him. "No one is asking for you to change...just to slow down and give the ladies time to get to know you. Lisa is aware that you are rough around the edges. Sarah is not. Humans need time to adapt."

Dean stared up at the older man standing over him. "Tell me how she gets to know me if I have to slow down, not be who I am, and give her time to adapt? She's been around me as I am for about nine months. This crap just started, Watari. It's brand new. I'm not different. How long does it take for someone to adapt? She can't adapt if I'm not me. That's why I said I'd change. We can't have it both ways here. She adapts to who I am and I'm me. She gets what she wants and I have to adapt to her which requires big changes on my part. I don't see how she can adapt if I'm not the me she's known for over nine months. I'd like to see it. How?"

He ruffled Dean's hair for a moment. "I'm not saying not to be yourself. Just practice some restraint.. be cognizant of issues she finds important and not make your typical teasing remarks on those but do so on things that are funny and open to be teased about. Sam can help you with that."

Dean stared into the older man's eyes. "I'm gonna be walking on egg shells." He paused, looked at the others in the room. and turned towards his brother. "Okay. Sam? I need a list of dos and don'ts. What's taboo? I gather I can't discuss family because I don't like most of them. Got my reasons but she won't understand that. Religion is definitely off limits. I thought that my liking to do woodwork would make a dent, but I don't know. Just tell me, what can I say in front of her?"

"No you're not," Watari told him. "You're looking at this the wrong way. I'm trying to help here," he said.

"And I'm trying to take your advice. I don't know what the hell is important to her besides family, heritage, and religion. I don't know. I'm asking my brother, who is marrying her, to help me here. I do feel like I'm walking on egg shells. I don't want any more of what happened this weekend."

"Her art," Sam piped up. "She loves to read as wel;l and nature. That's a good start."

Dean looked dumbfounded. "Okay...so I can't joke or tease about family, heritage, religion, art, reading, and nature? Whoa. Okay. I can do that. I think."

"Actually, teasing about reading, nature, and art would be a good way to start working with her and getting to know her. She's got a funny sense of humor about those things and appreciates it when something funny is brought to her attention on those three. It means she's got someone willing to talk to her about them if they know enough to joke about it," he told him.

"Okay. I'm gonna blow it. I know I will, but I'm gonna try, Sammy. It's all I can do."

"That's all you can do."

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm tired. Can I go for my walk now? Or am I going to have to talk about having sessions again?"

"I'm willing to work with you when you have time," Watari said. "Just relax for now and enjoy your walk."


	140. Chapter 140

Sarah Helps Dean

Dean sighed, got up and headed for the door. He opened it, turned, and stared at the men sitting there. "Thanks." He walked out and shut the door behind him. Heading down the hall, he went into the main big room. The women were still in in the enclosed patio. He decided to go out the front. Stepping outside, the hunter looked up at the cloudless sky, the stars in abundance, and the shadow of a something flying low...a bird, hunting. He headed towards the western side of the cabin and strolled towards the small wooded area behind the cabin, where the creature had hidden so many months ago.

The doctor shook his head, "Is he always that balled up in stress?"

Sam and Bobby both said, "Yes," at the same time. Bobby sighed, "Actually, he'd gotten better after that final battle. Dean has always felt responsible for everything. His Dad always placed burdens on him. He takes on everything. Ran every hunt we did. He used to be pretty carefree. He always took a lot on him, but he hid it well. There's a lot of water under the bridge. He's dealt with a lot of it. Watari and Ryuzaki know that. But, he still feels responsible for things. When he does let go and is actually carefree, he ends up hurting someone. It scares him. That's the main problem."

He was quiet for a moment. "I think he needs to take time to destress..meditation perhaps..something to reach an inner calm."

Bobby looked up at that. "Are you talking tranquilizers? He won't be able to function on those. What else is available?"

"No, I'm talking meditation, not drugs," the doctor told him.

"Dean's not going to take that very well, Doc. He's gonna think we want to drug him or that he's crazy," Bobby commented.

"Then someone needs to give him literature on what meditation is and the benefits to it," he said. "Otherwise, he could stress himself into a heart attack."

"Near loaned him candles and a cd to help him relax and sleep. It's a good idea. He accepted it at the time and it helped him. Watari, do you know of any that can help him?" the older hunter asked.

Sam actually broke his silence. "Sarah does. She practices meditation and the like every day to keep herself balanced. She could work with him on it."

"Kill two birds with one stone?" the doctor asked.

"Exactly," he said, rising. "I'm going to talk to her about it now."

Everyone rose and followed the taller man out of the room.

Sam went and tugged Sarah to the side, murmuring what was going on and asking if she'd be willing to teach Dean. The woman nodded, hoping it would be a good bonding opportunity for her and her future brother-in-law.

It was getting late and Elspeth wanted to get Andy home. Doc thought it was a good idea. He told everyone to make sure Dean was at the clinic on the property early on Wednesday and to get him to bed if he was driving to school in the city in the morning.

The group disbanded and Sarah went looking for Dean, keeping alert to any night time critters that could cause harm.

The hunter was about a half mile from the cabin , near the mountain trail L had all but carried him down. He was sitting near a mesquite, leaning back and watching the stars. He looked up as he heard the noise of someone walking the trail.

Sarah didn't say anything, simply taking a seat beside him. He'd chosen a wonderful spot. Dean said nothing, simply moving over to make more room for her. She gazed at him, looking at the profile that was so different from his brother's. Their parents must have been complete opposites, she thought. Dean could feel her watching him. Finally, he turned his head and stared back at her.

She broke her silence. "You know, I realize your life is really stressful. I didn't realize how bad it had gotten. I was wondering, Dean, what do you know about meditation?"

Dean watched her, thinking about what she had asked. He licked his bottom lip and his mind worked out what was happening. They'd decided he needed this and sent her. Why Sarah? Because he was having problems with her. That would have been Sam.

"They sent you into the lion's den, Sarah?" Her heart sank, but before she could come up with a reply, Dean answered her, "Near loaned me some candles and a tape to listen to. It helped me clear my mind and be able to actually sleep the night through. It helped. Why?"

"No they didn't send me to beard the lion in his den," she teased before sobering. "That's actually a form of meditation. Near got you on the right path; I'm glad to know it helped. I know you're stressed, and I want to help. I practice various forms of meditation daily, and I truly believe it can help you. I want to teach you how to do it."

"How will it work, Sarah? Is there room on the schedule to do this?" Sarah could hear desperation in his voice. Did she also hear a slight glimmer of hope there also?

"Give me fifteen minutes of your day," she told him. "I'll guide you through it and help you learn so that if you feel yourself getting upset or stressed out, you can fall into the breathing to clear your mind so you can approach the problem without the stress."

Dean nodded and she heard his voice break as he said, "Okay."

She reached out, taking his hand and squeezing gently. "Would you like to try now?"

Dean was nervous and so tired. He almost joked it off and thought, 'Hell, no, you fool. Don't upset her. You need her right now, and she wants to help.'

He choked on the one word he could get out, "Please."

Sarah gave him a sweet smile. "What's one image that you can look at or visualize that does not cause any emotion, simply peace?"

Dean stared at her, speechless. He wracked his brain. He looked up at the sky, and smiled softly. "The stars," he whispered.

The smile grew wider, "Good, close your eyes, focus that image in your mind and concentrate on that. Breathe in slowly for a four count, hold for a few moments, then let it go." She began falling into the right breathing to demonstrate.

The man beside her closed his eyes and began to breath as she told him. He could see the desert sky in his mind. The stars were large and numerous, and the twinkling was brilliant. He concentrated on the stars and controlled his breathing.

Her voice was soothing. "Let everything go.. emotions, thoughts...just focus on the image," she told him. She could see the stress lines starting to ease.

Dean felt a heavy weight roll off his shoulders. He had not realize how badly he was hurting. Every muscle relaxed. Tension eased. His neck and shoulders relaxed. He felt an incredible sense of peace. He felt calm. He kept the breathing up and the sensation of no pain or tenseness was almost overpowering to him. He trembled.

"Hold onto the image, let the void where the stress was fill with peace and calmness. All there is right now is this moment," she told him softly.

Dean did as he was told. He felt his arms and legs go limp. He couldn't control them. He lay back on the desert sand and kept the breathing going, focusing on the stars in his mind. His body was shaking. The loss of tension and stress completely overpowering him more than he'd thought possible.

Sarah stayed with him, guiding him through the session. She knew that the first times he did this would be rough given how stressed he remained.

The heaviness in his chest was gone, and with it the exhaustion he'd been feeling. The more things eased, the more his body shook. He was not used to this kind of full released. It was something he'd carried his entire life. The calm and the peace was taking his mind over. He'd never allowed anything to have control of his mind in such a way, but he did not fight it.

She smiled, knowing that Dean was doing really well so far.

Within a few minutes, Dean was asleep, the dream of stars still in his mind, and a strong senseation of well-being he'd never experienced since childhood. He'd not had anything to drink and no sex. He just rested peacefully under the mesquite tree.

Sarah giggled, texting Sam where they were and asking for him to help her get Dean to the house. She didn't want to wake him.

Sam was sitting in the big room with Bobby, Lisa, Watari and Ryuzaki. He read the text message and smiled. Looking up, he spoke softly, "It seems to have worked pretty well. Dean's asleep. Deep sleep. Ryu, would either you or one of the boys want to help me? I don't want to wake him."

"I will," he said, rising. "It is good that Sarah's intervention helped."

"Yeah, it is. It's also good that Dean was willing to accept her help. He was desperate, Ryu."

"With enough instruction, Dean will be able to utilize this technique for when he feels stressed or overwhelmed," he said as they headed to the location Sarah had given them.

The went out the back patio, across the yard that was surrounded on two sides by the heavy woods. L remembered going after the creature that had attacked Dean. He remembered hearing Dean draw its attention towards himself to protect Mello. Dean could have so easily used that as a reason to keep the boys out of the hunts they did together, but he didn't. L had wondered about that at times, but he'd never asked the man.

Sam muttered, "There they are."

Sarah was smiling, staying by her future brother in law, and waved at the two to show she was there.

Both men looked down at the sleeping man. Sam reached down and helped his future bride get off the ground, "He all right? Is it normal to drop of like this? He won't be able to do this at work or his diesel class if this is going to happen, can he?"

"It's a reaction to letting the stress and emotions disappear, Sam. He's fine," she told him. "He had a lot to let go."

"I thought it took ages to do this. How did he manage it in one sitting?"

"He listened and cooperated fully," she said, watching as Ryuuzaki and Sam managed to pick up the sleeping man.

"It might be easier on him if I took him in my arms and laid his head on my shoulder. If you can help me get him turned, I can do that. I've done it when he's been badly injured. I've worked out enough that I'm strong enough. He's a big man. I'm just bigger," Sam grinned at the smaller man.

Sasquatch," she teased, watching while Ryuuzaki helped move Dean into the right position.

Sam held his brother's head against one shoulder, and arranged him in his arms with Ryuzaki's help.

"He used to carry me when I was younger and not quite this tall. I'd be hurt, sick, or just exhausted. I can remember my head on his shoulder. Him putting me to bed, taking off my outer clothes, and tucking me in. I never had many chances to do the same for him. Just a few times. He's a good man, Sarah. Give him a chance. He's just never had a chance to learn how to act around real ladies"

"If I wasn't giving him a chance, Sam, I wouldn't have helped him tonight or be teaching him what he needs," she told her fiancé.

"I know that, but he's gonna get on your nerves. I can promise you. He does mine." Sam tried to lean over with his burden in his arms and kiss her.

"I'll deal," she told him, kissing him back. "Let's get him to Lisa."

"Yeah, he's got diesel class all day tomorrow. Bobby and I are running the shop like we always do on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He really needs to be able to sleep the day through, but he won't. Thanks, Sarah. I love you."

"I love you too," she said softly, walking beside the men as they headed back.

Lisa had gone to get the bed ready. Watari went to tell Ben it was his bedtime. Bobby watched for the group heading toward the cabin. He finally saw them and turned on the outside lights and the lights on the patio. Sam stepped into the patio and headed towards the door to the kitchen. Sarah moved ahead to open the door. L moved beyond her to get the door to Dean's wing.

It was a group effort but one that went smoothly as if it had been done a thousand times before.

Sam never stopped moving, depending upon the two with him to facilitate his continued ability to move forward. When they reached the stairs, Sarah moved in front of him and Ryuzaki behind. Sam slowly took the steps, one foot up, than the other foot up. It was slow but they made it. Sarah went down the hall and knocked on the bedroom door. Lisa opened it and let them in. Sam gently laid his brother on the large bed, and stood up straight, rubbing his arms. He smiled down at the sleeping man. Dean never slept like this.

Sarah tugged her fiancé out of the room, leaving Lisa with the sleeping Dean. Once out of earshot, she told the two men what was on her mind. "Given time, he'll be able to do this anytime he feels upset and be able to live a healthier life."

"Until then?" Sam asked.

"Until then, he'll learn to handle things slowly and I'll teach him the skills he needs."

"Okay. You're taking on a major job, hon,"" Sam hugged her. "But you're saving my brother's life. You know that, don't you?"

"Nah.. just teaching him survival skills and a chance to experience life without being that stressed all the time."

"Well, I know what you're doing, whether you acknowledge it or not. I love you, Sarah. Thank you for helping him. He means a lot to me."

"I know, love, but I'm not doing it because he's important to you. I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do," she said, looking at him as they entered their wing.


	141. Chapter 141

Sam Tells a Dean Story.

"I hope he'll come to mean more to you then he does now. I know he can be an ass, but he means well, Hon. He's so afraid of saying the wrong thing. He can't help it." Sam chuckled some, "He's gotten into more trouble because of his inability to think before he speaks. Oh man! I could tell you stories."

"Why don't you then?"

"Tell you stories?" Sam laughed. "Okay."

She grinned at that.

"One of the best ones...I was in high school...I was 15 and he was 19. Dad was off on a hunting trip and told Dean to stay home with me. Dean was not happy. I had this teacher. Sarah, she was around 45 or older and really chased after the boys. She was making me really uncomfortable. I actually skipped class a couple of times. Dean found out I had skipped and he hit the ceiling over it. I told him about her."

She cuddled onto the couch, patting for Sam to join her as she did so, enthralled with the tale.

"He went to the school to talk to her. Dean has always been a magnet for the wrong kind of woman, Sarah. They are drawn to him. Nowadays it doesn't bother him, but Dean was still particular about who he was with back then. Some bad things had already happened to him and you know that. Those men were back when he was around 15 or 16. He avoided being alone with a group of men back then. This teacher, oh man. She hit on him hard. Dean got mad at her when she threatened me. He told her that he was unattainable. I didn't think he knew the damn word."

Sarah listened to the story. "So what happened next?"

"I got an 'F' on a major paper. She said I did it wrong. Dean saw red when I brought the paper home. He went to the school. He didn't come home that night, Sarah. I thought. Well, I just thought."

She nodded. "And then what?"

"When I woke up, he was in the kitchen fixing cereal and milk for breakfast. He looked exhausted, Hon. I thought the worst. My paper was on the table. There was an explanation on how she had misread it and the 'F' was scratched out and there was a big, red 'A' on it. I jumped him about sleeping with her to get my grade and giving her more power over all of us. He just stared at me and walked out."

"Oh Sam," she whispered.

"It gets better, Sarah. I got to school and when I got to her class, she looked horrible, worse than Dean did. That made me feel sick... Dean and her. She made no passes at any one...just taught the class. She asked me to stay after class. Everyone stared at me. I knew what they were thinking. She waited until the last student left and walked to my desk. She sat on the desk in front of me and turned sideways. She apologized. I must've really looked confused. I know I was. She said I could go. I got to the door and I couldn't help it, Sarah. I asked her what she and Dean did last night."

She said nothing, just waiting for him to continue.

Sam was silent for a moment. "She, uh...she said that...that Dean...well... he took her...Dean took her hunting."

"He what?"

Sam laughed, "Yeah. The area was having trouble with an incubus. Dean heard about it but wasn't sure how to draw one out. He'd called Bobby who told him they went after women. He figured since she was so crazy about sex she might attract one. He got rid of a demon that night and she'll never forget it. I doubt she chases after her students any more. I got the story out of Dean when I got home and apologized."

"I'd say he handled it the right way," she told him. "NO child needs to be preyed upon like that, and for her to feel the attentions of a predator, I think it helped put that into perspective. Maybe more rapists and the like should be handled that way."

"Yeah, he did, Sarah, but what would he have done after telling her was unattainable if that demon hadn't existed? He sometimes says things he shouldn't say. It's just Dean. He was trying to pull her off me. Thing is he'd been through too much already between those guys at the pool hall and Dad without her being added to it. It could have gone badly for him. It didn't, but it could have. That's what I mean. Dean will say what he thinks. He wasn't bad about before the other, but he got that way. I think it's bravado. I just wanted you to understand him a little better. Let's go to bed. If you're making ornaments and stuff tomorrow, you need rest. Dean won't be here to cut stuff until evening." Sam reached down and took her hand and pulled her to her feet, drawing her towards the bedroom. 

She went with him, yawning deeply as the tiredness hit her.


	142. Chapter 142

Tuesday

Dean was up early and gone before anyone was stirring, making the long drive to the city. The others went about chores for the day. The shop was closed for the next two weeks for Thanksgiving, but Ben still had school work that his mother had lined out for him.

Sarah went up to the loft and saw the huge decorated box and wondered what was in it, but took more notice of the wonderful sewing machine that was set up near it. The woman went to work, turning her designs into reality. If all went well, she would have one major fantastic house for Christmas done.

Lisa sat down with Bobby and Watari and planned meals, both lunch and dinner. They wanted something that would tempt Dean, be delicious, but easy to digest. He would have homework when he got home, and he needed to rest, so nothing too heavy needed to be eaten. Lunch for teenagers and one growing boy was different. The group seemed to work seamlessly, though Watari had to explain multiple times that his charges pretty much ate junk...all the time.

"Watari, we know that, but Dean told me once that you tried to make them eat at least one good meal a day," Lisa teased.

He looked at Lisa. "They've had that already," he replied in a deadpan voice.

"Oh," Lisa responded, "I assumed they ate something like donuts or sweet rolls for breakfast."

"It's easier to cram it into them when they're half asleep," he admitted ruefully.

"All right, adults and Ben. We should do something more substantial and go with something light and easy to digest for tonight. Dean does have those tests early tomorrow. Some of them are fasting. I need to make sure to have something for him to eat after them. The doctor said he wanted to redo them after he eats. I am hoping it is all stress but the hospital back then found something. We need to know what it is. It's adding to his stress."

"How about a soup and salad type of thing," Watari asked her.

"That is a a good idea. It's early. We could make something homemade. What would you suggest, Watari? I know he likes your cooking. He's talked about your soups and I've made some of them. Is there a healthy recipe for tomato and rice? He says it is what his mother made him when he was sick. He's been going through so much lately, I wondered if it would hurt him to have something like that."

"Let's do a vegetable soup," he said, going into the main kitchen to wash the vegetables that would be needed.

Lisa and Bobby followed the older man into the main kitchen. "I wondered about that. Tomatoes have high acid content and are rather rich. To give that to a sick child really made no sense at all to me. I didn't tell him that. It's his mother." The three worked together putting together a large pot of vegetable soup. Lisa started a some loaves of French bread to rise. Watari seasoned the broth and vegetables and allowed the mixture to begin to steep properly.

Lisa went about doing chores. Bobby was doing some research for Rufus, who was on a hunt. Lisa would go and work the dough on the French bread. Later in the day, they could smell the fresh bread as it baked. Watari would go in and stir the soup. Ben, finished with his homework was on a computer looking up places to see in Texas. He'd heard his Dad talking about it.

Around 6:00, Lisa rejoined the two men in the kitchen, knowing Dean usually got home sometime around 6:30 or so.

As it grew close to seven in the evening, Ben came running downstairs yelling that it was snowing. The three in the kitchen were the only ones to hear him. Everyone was in their wings resting, working, or getting ready for dinner, depending on who it was.

Watari looked out of the window. "It definitely is. Ben, go and let the others know please?"

Within ten minutes, everyone was on the patio watching the snow come down. Still Dean did not come. Bobby looked at the clock and it was twenty after seven. He wondered how bad the roads were and why the boy didn't call.

The older male pulled Lisa aside. "You may want to call Dean and make sure that he's all right."

Lisa pulled out her cell as she heard the front door open and a voice call out, "Hey! I need help here!"

Watari and Bobby hurried to the front door. "What's wrong," the old hunter asked.

"I've been dragging bags to the door. The snow's really coming down. No one's set up for it except maybe you, Bobby, and Sarah. It's freezing out here. Let's get this stuff inside. My cell's not working. The weather is so blasted bad I couldn't get any reception."

"At least we know you're safe," Watari murmured, grabbing bags and hauling them in.

"I'm sorry. Some roads were impassable. I had to find other ways. They said the plows won't get out this way to real late. Hey! Everyone! I've brought gifts!"

Some of the others, who had been watching the snow on the back porch, came out to help. Mello poked him. "We're going to need to get you a better cell phone or another type of communication device in case this happens again."

Dean's face was red and he was blowing on his hands. "Yeah. You guys are the experts. I'll put that in your hands." The hunter nodded to the bags. There were dozens and each one had someone's name on it.

Everyone piled in to help, and Near padded up to Dean, tugging his jacket.

Dean leaned down to towards the young teen. "Yeah?" he whispered.

The young teen offered a cup of hot cider to the man. "Dean must be cold," he said, handing it to him.

Dean took the hot cup into iced cold hands and trembled slightly. "Thank you, Near." He sat on the large couch and watched everyone open bags. Inside were winter clothes, coats, jackets, sweaters, scarfs, earmuffs, hats, gloves, woolen socks, boots, and warm snow pants. All of Nears were white. He pulled out a pad and handed it to Sam. Inside was marked everyone's sizes. He'd raided closets during the moving. "The weather report said it was going to be bad. No one had what was needed. Bobby and Sarah could use new, I'm sure. Mine is in there. It started on the way home. I didn't know which bags were mine. I'm half froze. This cider's good."

Near's delicate fingers rubbed over the earmuffs and scarf. His were very fluffy and soft. Dean had remembered his intolerance for stiff and scratchy fabrics. "Near thanks Dean," he murmured with Mello, Matt, Watari, and L chiming in after that.

Dean smiled and said it was nothing. He knew it was needed before they could get to town. He glanced at the others and then sniffed the air. "Do I have time to bathe before supper? You can go ahead and eat. It will take a while. I'm all diesel oil and grease."

"It's nothing fancy and can keep. GO clean up," Watari said, helping everyone get their belongings back into bags so they could put them away.

Bobby stood, "Son?" Dean turned, "Sir?" "Thank you for my things. You surprised me. I didn't expect this." The sweet smile showed. "You're welcome."

Lisa and Ben grabbed their bags and Dean's and followed him, Lisa leaning up to kiss his dirty cheek and whispering a thank you.

Sam picked up the pad and his bags, ruffling his brother's hair before he got far. "Thanks, Dean. Go warm up. We were worrying about you."

"I'm sorry, Sammy. I tried."

"It's not your fault. We didn't know cell service would crap out. We should probably get a satellite phone or something for this," he said to his brother.

"Yeah, I think so. They had a system set up here last year when we were hunting the creature.s It was for computers. It's been expanded. Maybe they can tie into it. I'm gonna leave it to them. I'm tired, Sammy. It's been a long day and I still got homework to do." Dean smiled and headed towards his wing, noticing Lisa waiting for him holding the door open.

"Get cleaned up, Dean, and we'll have a meal sent up to you," Sam said. "I'm just glad you're safe."

Dean started to argue with his younger brother, realized that it was heading towards eight and he'd been up since four in the morning. He hadn't planned on it, but couldn't go back to sleep. This just meant not seeing family all day. Sam was doing what he promised he would do, protecting him when was tired, confused, or stressed, and not thinking clearly. He sighed, nodded at Sam, and passed by Lisa into their wing.

A short time later, a bowl of soup and a nice salad was brought to him by Mello. "Hey, thought you might be hungry."

Dean, slippers lying on the floor, clad in a t-shirt, flannel pajama bottoms, with feet bare, and hair going everywhere, was sitting behind his desk in his office, his laptop in front of him. He smiled at Mello.

"Everyone eating on the patio? Is that French bread? I hope that's Caesar dressing? I'm starved." For Mello, that was a change. Dean, starving.

"Pretty much. We can head out there if you want; we didn't know how the homework situation was coming along," he told the other.

"Really? Cause Sam left me with the impression that my night was over."

"I think he was thinking you had a ton of work and were too tired, so was trying to give you an option," the blond shrugged. "Up to you."

"I didn't think I was being allowed options, Mello. There's been some strict rules laid down for me for the time being. Sam's kind of taken charge, and he's got everyone's support on it. I can't blame them. If you think it's all right, I'd like to. I only had to answer a discussion question and I was logging out."

"Like I said, it's up to you. You know what you're able to do right now; we're not in your head to know how tired you are or how much homework you have."

"I didn't have a lot of homework tonight. It's done. I am tired. I'm going to bed early, but I would like to eat with my family."

"Then come on then."  
>Dean grabbed his tray and followed Mello back out of his wing into the main part of the cabin. The fireplace was burning and the heating system was on. The windows were not shielded so everyone could see the snow coming down in the backyard. They were talking and laughing when Dean followed Mello onto the patio. He stood still for a moment and made eye contact with his brother, waiting. One wrong look and Dean would turn and go. Sam knew it. There was no cockiness or assuredness there. Just two brothers and right now Sam was the boss, and they both knew it.<p> 


	143. Chapter 143

Dinner Conversations

Sam tilted his head, inviting him over. Like Mello had said, he'd had the meal brought because he thought Dean was too tired and slogged with work to make it.

Dean smiled a genuine smile that went to his eyes, the laugh lines showing. He carried his tray over to where there was a seat and sat down, and he proceeded to eat his meal, listening to everyone talk about their day. He remained quiet, just taking it in.

Lisa asked Sarah if she had gotten two coats. Dean looked up. He hoped he had not done wrong. He thought that a regular parka would be good for outdoors and every day winter stuff, but a woman needed something when she dressed up. He'd gone to this old world shop to look at the stuff Sarah was talking about and had found these cloak like things with hoods. They were heavily lined, very warm and went to the ground. He'd bought a garnet red one for Lisa and an emerald green for Sarah. His worried look glanced between both women. 'Maybe women didn't wear those nowadays?'

Sarah was quick to relieve his anxiety and explain it to Lisa. "I did, and it was such a wonderful thing for Dean to remember. The heavier outdoors one will be great for everyday things. I absolutely love the cloak he got. It's perfect for dressy events. What color did he get you?"

"It's some kind of red. Not a ruby or rose, but almost a blood red.. orangish, almost."

"It's garnet," Dean replied.

"What color did he get you?"

"A gorgeous emerald green.. one of my favorite colors." She rose, giving him a hug. "Thank you, Dean."

Dean flushed a little, which surprised those who knew him well, but really surprised them by his next action, "I saw a beautiful ruby red one, Sarah. It would have looked great on you, but I remembered that you're Irish and red is a British color. Not a good thing to buy an Irish girl." He looked embarrassed after saying it.

Sarah giggled. "I prefer the green to the red; you made the best choice. Thank you so much."

Sarah's giggle confused the older Winchester. Sam, seeing the look in his eyes, grinned, knowing his brother had been entirely serious about his comment. Dean was trying so hard.

He poked his brother, leaning in to whisper. "She's happy.. no worries."

"The comment about the English. It's well known they have little love for Brits," he said. "Do me a favor, when you get a chance checkup the Catholic/Protestant issues in Ireland. England brought up the whole protestant in Ireland when, originally the island was catholic."

Dean's eyes widened and his mouth opened for a second. "I thought she was Wiccan?"

"She is.. still doesn't mean the old rivalry hasn't passed down. One thing you have to remember, Dean. The Scots and Irish.. they have a long memory. It spans generations. When you said that about the English and giving her green because she was an Irish girl, she took it as a joke against the English."

Understanding dawned immediately. "Damn, I've got to read those books."

Sam grinned. "Yup, I"m still learning."

"The only thing I've learned about the religions over there is there's a Church of England, the Catholics, and the Scots went with some church that sounds like ummmm...pedestrian...no that's not it. Presbyterian? Yeah that's it.

"That sounds about right."

"Yeah, some balding, fat guy wanted a divorce so he changed their whole religion so he could. Now if that ain't crazy, I don't know what is."

Sarah overheard that and cracked up. "Henry, the Fat Bastard!" The phrase was an old one, and it was definitely popular at the renaissance festivals.

"Really? What people called him that? I can't imagine the English doing it? Wasn't he the guy that found it easier to cut his wives heads off instead of divorcing them?"

She grinned. "Those of us who go in the Celtic traditions usually do. I was at a fair one time, selling drawings and the like, and this one bagpipe band member, who was pretty much drunker than a skunk, hollered out when a canon fired. He drove his Claymore into the ground and howled "Ye missed, ye fat bastard!' Gods, it was so damned funny!"

"Do the Scots and Irish over there feel this way too, or is it just the American ones whose ancestors were forced out?"

"From what I understand, it's a very strong feeling there too," she answered him.

"Why are they still part of it then? Hell, that's a dumb question. If Texas tried to leave the States, I bet the government in D.C. would come after them faster than anything. The oil and stuff here is worth a lot."

"There's some things in the works to try," she told him. "The problem is that Britain has lost a lot over the years, and they don't really want to let go. Stubborn fools," the woman grumbled.

"Maybe, maybe not, Sarah. Those countries that want to go free, can they support themselves totally without the mother country? Do the majority of the people really want to go free? Do they have any idea what it will be like without the protection of the larger country's military? Do they have the trade set up to survive? Those are important questions to ask and answer before doing something like that."

"They could muster up their own," she said. "A lot of the regiments in the English army are solely of Scottish origin. I think, given time and help from fellow countries, both could stand up on their own feet and support themselves. Most of the wool comes from both as well as alcohol trade and other things."

"What other things, Sarah? I'm serious here. You can't support a country on wool, mutton, and alcohol, and I don't think there are many Irish regiments in the British army, but I know there are a lot of Irish mercenaries. I'd love to see them gain their freedom. They deserve it. Hell we all do. But you got to have support to do it. Great Britain is not going to help them support themselves away from her."

Sarah nodded and before she could begin, Matt spoke up. "They've enough industry to support themselves. However, the Crown and Parliament acknowledges that their contribution to the 'royal coffers' is too substantiary to lose. Despite public interest, it will probably be doubtful that either would completely gain their freedom. There has been some shift in the people's favor but not too much. Like the return of the Stone of Scone."

"The what? What the hell is that?"

The red head looked up from his game. "It's the stone the Scottish monarchs were crowned on. Since Scotland's fall to England, it was underneath the royal throne."

Dean Winchester was about to shock everyone at the table, including himself. He stood up, placed both hands on the table and leaned across at the red head. "It don't belong there. It belongs in Edinburgh underneath a Scottish throne. They need to give it back. That's theft."

"Agreed," he said. "And it was returned.. only with the agreement that it's brought to England for any coronation."

"But crowning a British monarch on that stone makes them the ruler of Scotland?"

"Scotland, England, Ireland, and Wales," he responded. "The whole kit and caboodle."

"You're confusing me, here. Was it the stone that Scottish rulers were crowned on for centuries and it was stolen by England when Scotland was conquered and used to make them ruler over Scotland?"

"Yup," he said, grabbing his laptop and googling it. A few moments later, he handed it to Dean. "Take a look."

Dean saw a picture of the stone read the history as ran the entire injustice through his mind. He was turning redder by the minute. He looked up. "This isn't right. You don't return something you steal from someone and borrow it every time you need to make someone else their conqueror. That's just wrong. What the hell has happened to them? Where are the ones who scared the Romans enough to build a wall to keep them out?"

"They were cowed into submission and threatened to be bred out," Sarah told him. "The culture was starting to be lost until some people decided to try to keep the spirit going."

Dean stared at her, his hazel eyes turning dark gray with distress. "There? Hell, no! It's here. The remnants of those who helped kick their asses out of this country over 230 years ago! What good it did do us!"

"Yes, most of them are here and in Canada. It's the reason we cherish our history, blood soaked though it is. It's up to us to keep it alive," she answered. "Remember, the Boy scouts were the ones to bring the history back to the American Indians. So we're helping our cousins overseas to remember."

No one had noticed Sam rise and stand behind his brother. Hands went on the shorter man's shoulders and squeezed softly but with enough strength to warn the older man. A soft voice said, "It's okay, Dean. Nothing is going to change overnight. Let's talk about the weekend. I know that you and Near are going out to dinner on Friday. What time do we need to leave on Saturday morning?"

Dean stiffened. He'd not talked to Near or Ben yet. There'd been no time. His eyes closed, and he slumped into his seat and put his head in his hands, expecting an outburst from his son.

Ben didn't say anything, just stared questioningly at his dad.

Dean looked into his son's eyes. "We tried to talk about this months ago, Ben. Near has been gone and I'm taking him this Friday. It's a promise I made before you came into my life. I keep my promises. Just as I keep them with you, son."

He nodded, still not really wanting the other near his father but understanding. It would take time for his insecurity and jealousy issues to fade and if Dean used the idea Watari had, the jealousy would fade faster.

"Look, Ben, they have this museum a cowboy museum someone at work told me about. You like to learn things and so does Near and it's something neither one of you would know anything about. It would put you on equal footing. I thought I'd check and see what kind of exhibits it has and when it's open and I'd give you boys research on it. You guys can tell all about each exhibit when we go. What do you think?"

"That would be fun," he said. "Real cowboys?"

"Yeah. I love cowboys. The West. I thought it would be fun. I haven't asked Near yet. I wanted to run it past you. I'll ask him on Friday. That work?

"Yes, it will," he grinned, looking forward to that.

Sam had not sat down because his brother had start shaking when he sat down with his head in his hands. Dean was not at the point of being able to meditate anywhere. Sam's eyes met Sarah's. Lisa was already rising. "You look tired, hon. Why don't we head on up to bed? It's almost nine and you have to be up early for the doctor? I know you took a quick shower, but would a hot soak help you sleep better?"  
>Sarah looked at Dean. "You remember what to do?"<p>

Dean looked at her and nodded, "Yeah, I do.. Lisa, I just want to go to bed. I think." 


	144. Chapter 144

A Night at Dean and Lisa's

"I'm coming with you, hon."

Dean smiled at everyone. "Thank you for the great meal and the interesting conversation. I'm sorry to eat and run. Good night, everyone."

Everyone waved at him. "Sweet dreams," came to him in a chorus of voices.

When Dean, Lisa, and Ben had gone into their wing, Bobby snorted. Everyone turned to look at him. "What the hell just happened? Who ate dinner with us? Sam would have tutored Dean for a month to get him to have that kind of a discussion. Sam when did he begin to study economics? He taking that in school?"

"He's become well rounded in his education," Sam grinned. "It's awesome, isn't it?"

"Damn! Ellen and Jo ain't gonna know him."

Sam looked at Sarah. "Neither will your Dad, Sarah," he said with a grin.

Sarah laughed. "It's wonderful. He's really growing, and it's incredible to see. We're really proud of him."

Sam responded back to her reply to him, "We are, huh?" He hugged her. "He had you thinking up answers today, love. I never thought I'd see that. He didn't make you angry. This is a banner day. Dean Winchester discussed Celtic history, Ireland, Scotland, England, politics with you and the only one who got upset was him and it was righteous indignation." He sat back down and helped himself to more salad.

Dean walked into his son's room and asked him what book he was reading. Lisa's eyebrows went up.

Ben looked up, heels kicking. "_White Fang_! It's good; it's got lots of stuff in it that's really cool. Have you read it, Dad?"

"No but I've read _Call of the Wild_ when I was a kid. Sam was sick and Dad was gone. I got the book and read it to him."

"Wanna read this with me?" He looked hopeful

"Yeah. How far along are you?"

"Not far, I can start over," the boy answered.

"I'd love to, Son. Start over. We'll do a chapter a night or until I fall asleep, whichever happens first. That a deal?" Hazel eyes looked pleadingly into the brown ones in the doorway.

Ben grinned and moved over, shifting it to the first page. "Come on!"

Dean sat down next his to son and leaned back and listened. Lisa knew she should have said no, but Dean seldom asked for anything, and both of them needed this. They had started out with readings but Dean had gotten caught up in life and never had time any more. He was learning to make time again. This was good. Reading with his son was as important for his health as meditation.

The little boy looked happy, reading and allowing his dad to turn the pages as they cuddled together. Occasionally, the older male would correct a mispronunciation and explain the word. Lisa had returned and had her cell out and was recording the scene and she sent it to Bobby, Sam, Sarah, Watari, and Ryuzaki. She felt they'd appreciate Dean's idea of stress relief.

The group awwed over the video, enjoying the scene. "That's just too cute," Sarah cooed.

Sam smiled. There are two things I need to do. First off I need to start chronicling this family. All of it. I Know I can't do Ryu and them, but I can us. I am going to set up a private album on the internet for friends and family to view. I am going to set up video albums on DVD for all of us to have. Starting tomorrow with this. Let's go to bed, Hon. After Dean is through with the doctor, maybe you can talk him into cutting wood for you."

"I was planning on making him my wood slave tomorrow," she snickered.

"I think he'd like that, Hon."

"Wood slave?" Mello started cracking up.

"You better be careful, Mello. She'll put you into hauling it for him. I think a shop of some kind was put along the side. An aluminum building on gravel. Not enough time to set up anything permanent. They plan on doing it once the weather permits."

Sarah got an evil grin. "Come to think of it..."

Mello winced as Watari smiled. "He and Matt could use some physical exercise. Let me know when, Sarah, and I'll have them ready for you to put them to work." Matt eeped, looking up at his caretaker.

Sam laughed and said, "They get kitchen duty tonight. I believe Near and Dean had it last night." He took Sarah'a hand. "Good night, everyone."

Dean tucked Ben in and kissed his forehead. "Night, son." He walked towards the door, turning off the light, and gently closing it. Walking down the hall, he opened the door to the master bedroom. The huge bed had the comforter pulled back, but he did not see Lisa. "Lis?" He walked to the bathroom, but she was not in there. He frowned, wondering what she was up to. He relieved himself, washed his hands, and brushed his teeth. Turning off the bathroom light, he went to the large bed, kicked off his slippers and slipped in between the flannel sheets.

She came into the bedroom, dressed in beautiful blue satin knee length lingerie. "Hi Love."

She could see his eyes in the dimmed light. They had widened and turned a brilliant green. She could see comforter rise a little He was interested. She smiled. His voice deepened a little, "Hi, Lis?"

Lisa sauntered to his side. "Thought I'd take you up on that wonderful offer you made," she smiled seductively.

Dean's eyes darkened and he reached towards her putting an arm around her hips and tugging towards him, a slow seductive smile crossing his face. 

The woman went willingly, leaning in to kiss him deeply. She lay on top of him, the kiss deepening as the man beneath opened his mouth and let her enter, his tongue tangling with hers. A deep groan came from beneath her, and she felt his hands on either side of her waist and turned her over until he was on top of her. He looked down into her brown eyes. "I believe I said I wanted to kiss your entire body, Lis?"

"You did, I believe. I guess we have all night to play since the weather went all icky on us," she said.

"Well, the plows will be out, so Doc will be here, but I am not getting up at the crack of dawn." He began to slowly kiss, nip, and, lick every inch of her, slowly removing her clothing as he moved down her. He went slowly, taking his time, waiting until she would beg him to stop on an area before moving on. Several hours later, he'd finished her feet, and moved up between her thighs, which had remained untouched.

She gave him a dazed smile, tugging him up.

"Did we soundproof these walls?"

"I hope so," she giggled, then set out to test if the walls were all night long.

"Before you start testing, hon, I missed a spot," and Dean pushed her back down.

Lisa grinned, "Oh really? Silly me."

Several hours later found Lisa cocooned within Dean's arms and legs as he had himself wrapped around her, holding her in his sleep.

It was a great relaxing sleep that both of them needed, recharging batteries that had been on empty for a long while.


	145. Chapter 145

Interlude 

At ten in the morning, the doctor banged on the cabin door. Bobby was working in the library on his books. Sam was helping Sarah with something in the loft. Ben was doing homework. No one had noticed the time. Watari and the others had assumed Dean had gone for the tests.

Near opened the door, pale face poking out. "Yes?"

"Hello, Near? Is Dean here? He was supposed to come for tests today?"

"Dean is not there?"

"No. That is why I am here. Is he all right?"

"Near is unsure. Wait here," he said, allowing the doctor into the house and heading towards Dean's wing.

"Where is Sam? If Dean is ill, he may need him?" Come to think of it, where is Lisa?"

"Near does not know," he said, then entered the wing and padded to Dean's room. The boy knocked on the door loud enough to wake anyone.

Dean all but fell out of bed, and Lisa jumped, grabbing the comforter around her. "Where's my clothes? Just a minute!"

Ben came out of his room and saw Near. "What's wrong?"

"Dean has missed an appointment," he said flatly, waiting for the door to open.

"The doctor?"

The door flew open and Dean stood there with a sheet wrapped around his waist, his hair flying in every direction, and there was distinctive bruising on his neck and chest where he was not covered. "What!" He focused. "I'm sorry. What is it, guys?"

Gray eyes looked up at him. "Dean forgot to set an alarm clock. The doctor arrived here looking for Dean."

"Here?" The hazel eyes closed as the hunter tried to focus. "What time is it?"

"After ten a.m.," he responded.

"What? Aww! Hell no! Where's Sam? He's supposed to go with me? Tell doc I'm sorry and I'll be there as fast as I can. Make sure it's not too late."

"Near believes Sam is working with Sarah on a project," he said. "Near will deliver the message."

"Thank you, Near." Dean shut the door, and ran for the bathroom, swearing as he ran. Lisa had heard the conversation, and knew Dean had gotten himself in trouble because of last night. Explaining that one would be interesting. He would need food for after the tests. She got up, put on some sweats, and headed downstairs to their kitchen. Dean hopped into the shower for a quick wash. He towel dried, brushed his teeth, but did not shave. He started grabbing clothes to wear. Within fifteen minutes he walked into the big room to see his Lisa standing there with a meal for him, Near, Sam, and the doctor. He turned red and Lisa grinned.

"I thought you'd gone without me. Your cell is still off," Sam said sheepishly.

Dean was putting on his parka, a cap to go over his ears, and blushed red again. "I didn't realize I'd turned it off. I'm sorry."

"It's no problem," he told his brother. "Let's get going."

"We can take the Impala, Doc? Save walking in this." Dean looked down the drive and realized it was too deep and they were going to have to dig themselves out. "We need a small plow, don't we?"

"We're going to have to hoof it, I'm afraid. It's too deep for cars," he told his patient and friend.

Dean looked at the other two. "Okay. Let's get this over with. You talked about a bunch of tests. What all are we doing?"

The doctor listed the various types of tests he was going to put Dean through. 

"Stress test? That where they put a bunch wires on you and make you walk and run up a hill on a tread mill like thing?"

The doctor nodded. "That's one of them, yes."

Sam spoke up at that time, "Doc, when I called your office yesterday, to ask a question about him eating, you said forget about it. You wanted to scope him both ways. You were sending pills. They never came."

Dean got a panicky look. He came to a sudden stop and his voice raised. "Scoping? What ways? Exactly what is being scoped and with what? Why?"

"The type needed never came in, so we'll do this a different way. Yes, Dean, scoping. We need to check your stomach and lower abdominal area."

"Come on Doc, I'm tired. It might be stress. Maybe an ulcer. Can't you just let me swallow that nasty stuff and stand in front of that machine and x-ray me? You have to stick a camera up my ass? Hell most of the doctors out there don't even knock you out for it, and that's got to hurt like hell"

Sam was standing next to his brother, slightly behind him, trying really hard not to laugh. The doctor bit his bottom lip when he saw the taller man's expression.

"I still need to check on it, Dean. I'm sorry but I have to stand firm on it."

Dean got a hopeful look. "Doc, you didn't have the pills. You can't clean me out. We can't do it."

"Enema," he said, trudging over the snow to get to the clinic.

Sam trudged on behind him. Both men heard a high pitched squeak, "WHAT?"

"Come on, Dean"

Looking very pale, the older Winchester slowly began to follow, wishing he'd never gone to see to see the doctor. 


	146. Chapter 146

Medical Tests

The trip took a bit and fortunately, the clinic was nice and warm when the men arrived. The doctor kicked his feet against the front entryway, shaking the snow off before heading inside.

Dean was about ten minutes behind the other two. He looked to see if Nurse Nancy was there. The doors to the main lobby were closed so he had no idea if she was there or not. Now that he knew what coming he did not want a woman involved but he was pretty sure the doctor would need an assistant and he was nervous. No, take that back. He had to admit to himself. He was scared to death.

Nancy waved at him as she entered the room. "Don't look so nervous," she said, taking his coat. "He's good at what he does. You'll be all right."

Dean looked at her. She was a beautiful woman. Ordinarily being naked in front of a beautiful woman didn't bother him, but having a beautiful woman being involved in putting a camera up his ass bothered him big time. He figured it was probably one of the last things they'd do. The stress test and stuff would be done first. He'd have the fasting blood work. Well maybe the stress test would be done later in the afternoon after the scoping, and he'd eaten. His mind was too messed up to even ask. He just wanted this over now. He looked at his brother.

"What the hell, Sam? You're supposed to be here for me and you're laughing? Sonofbitch!"

The nurse shooed Dean into a room and drew his blood for the doctor. "You'll be able to get revenge later," she promised. "I"ll get Lisa and Sarah to help on it." She didn't see Dean as a man, being too much in love with her own girlfriend. Once the blood was drawn, which was done with very little pain or fuss, she sent him into a room to start the stress tests while she prepped the blood for a sendoff.

Dean took off his his shirt and t-shirt as the doctor began putting on the wires for the EKG and had him get on the tread mill. They started him out slow and he told Dean to walk. Slowly the tread mill picked up speed. Dean walked faster and faster. The tread began rise and Dean was walking a steep incline. There been a time before his injuries and the long recovery when this would not have been a problem. He had not gone back out into the hunting world. There'd been only one case. He'd never really recovered fully. Something was not right. He should not be this winded. He knew that. Winded, yeah. Some. Not like this. He wanted to hide it. No. He wanted to be back to normal. He finally let go of the treadmill and went to the ground and sat there, gasping for air, thinking he'd failed it. He did not realize he'd been walking a steep incline at a very high rate of speed for over twelve minutes. He could not breathe.

Nancy and the doctor both rushed to him, talking him down as they gave him some oxygen to breathe. This wasn't too unusual for some patients, and they knew how to help guide him into regaining his normal breathing pattern.

Dean's normal color started to return. "I'm sorry, Doc. I shoulda been able to walk longer and faster than that. I've gotten rusty...slow. I need to work out, I guess."

Nancy looked surprised at the comment.

"Dean, you've been pretty active. Stop this. This isn't a point fingers at yourself time. We're trying to determine what's going on so we can help you. Do it again, and I'll have your sasquatch of a brother sit on you," he threatened playfully.

"Okay, How steep was it? How fast was I going? How long was I doing that?"

The doctor told him, and Nancy grinned. "Most people can't do that incline at that speed for as long as you did," she told the man.

Dean made a an oh expression with eyes and mouth, nodding his head and got up. "What x-rays are we taking, Doc? What kind of physical? Any other kind of tests before this scoping thing? I know the blood work for after I eat is the last thing."

"We'll do the x-rays now," he said, guiding him into the room.

I'm assuming You're not doing upper and lower G.I.s ? Right? I don't think I got liver or gall bladder problems. You haven't done an enema yet, so I'm assuming no. Blood work can check a lot of that. Just doing a chest x-ray right? We're not doing a prostate exam are we?"

"We're doing everything," he told him. "You've gone too long in your life without regular checkups, Dean, and I want to make sure what's going on in there."

"Yeah, but you're gonna wait on the lower G.I. and do it after you stick the camera up me right? I mean you don't want that radioactive crap up there when you're trying to videotape me, do you? Please?"

"Dean, stop worrying!" He turned to look at the man. "This is part of your problem. Stop fretting on details and just trust me to do the things needed to take care of you."

Sam, seeing the absolute terror on Dean's face realized what was wrong, said, "Hey, Dean, you're gonna need to get completely undressed. Why don't you go into the other room where the x-ray table is. You're gonna lay down for the scoping. and the enema. They will do the dye last. You stand for x-ray. Put the gown on. Just lay down and relax until they are ready for you. Okay? Doc, can we talk for a minute."

The man nodded, heading out of the room.

Sam walked out behind him. "Doc, this is normal for Dean. When Dean was around 15 or 16 he was brutally raped by 4 or 5 men. He had no medical treatment. Hell, Dad took me and left him there, stark naked in that room where had found him. Dean walked in the cold in a blanket back to our hotel and had to break in. He was there for a week with no food, no money, and no clothes. Dad came back, called him a whore, and used a dish scrub brush and dish soap and washed his mouth and his ass out with them. Can you imagine? He's probably scarred down there. I don't know how badly. I do know this. He's scarred mentally and emotionally, so go carefully, Doc. I didn't even think about it until just now."

"Ask him if he'll take a mild sedative," he said softly. "I'll get it set up but I should've been told about this, Sam, so I could have sedated him before now."

"I'm sorry, Doc. I found about it under a year ago. We don't talk about such things. Dean clams up when you do. You just don't think about it unless you see it. I just saw it. I'll ask ." Same went inside.

Dean looked up. He was sitting on the table, his bare legs dangling off the side, and he looked up as his brother entered, a question in his hazel eyes.

The doctor went to pull a medication that would relax Dean enough to go through this without causing panic or flashbacks. He hoped Sam would get brother to agree.

Sam looked at his brother. "Doc suggested something, and I think it's a good idea."

"Oh? What's that, Sammy?" Sam could sense that Dean was getting tense.

"I think a sedative would help you through the last tests," he said softly. "I remembered the issues you've had in the past, and I think it's a good idea to let him give you something so you can relax."

"If I'm not in control, how can I protect myself, Sammy? God, I couldn't do it then. Dad didn't defend me. He didn't go after them. He punished me, Sammy. He hurt me worse than they did. If they drug me, who will protect me now?"

"I will," he told him. "I'll be there, I promise."

"You won't let them hurt me? You swear you won't go? You'll be there? You won't go? Oh gods you won't go, Sammy?"

"I will stay at your side from start to finish, and I won't leave it till we're home and you're being bugged by the kids," he swore. "I promise on everything I hold dear."

"Okay, Sammy. Tell the Doc, only if you stay, I'll do this. Can I stand for those G.I.s with this?"

"I'm not sure but the doc can answer that," he said. "Let me tell him you'll take the sedative and we'll get these tests finished up, ok?"

"Yeah, then I can eat something, do that last damn blood work, and go home. I have to go to school tomorrow. That's if they have it with all this snow."

"If we can't get out, we can't get out," he laughed, then went to find the physician.

The Doctor had a shot waiting and was talking to Nurse Nancy who was setting up an IV bag and a cart with some electronic equipment and another cart with a bucket some water bottles and a hose and what looked like a pink liquid. His eyes grew wide. The Doctor smiled. "I think that with his problem and a mild sedative, I feel better having him on an IV."

Sam figured it out and nodded. "Yeah, probably so. I'm staying with him through this," he told the physician. "He's too upset."

"I have no problem with that. If I remember right. Dean does not like needles but will play macho, so let's beard the lion in his den, shall we. He's a lot more frightened of what we're going to do then he will be of an IV." They walked in with all of the equipment. Dean looked up, saw everything they were carting in and started breathing fast. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe through his nose and out his mouth to control it but was losing the battle. His brother heard him whisper his name in a a single panicked plea. The Doctor told Nurse Nancy, "Let's get that IV in so the sedative goes straight into the blood stream quickly."

The younger brother gently placed his hand on the other's shoulder. "It's ok. I'm here, no one will hurt you."

The Doctor pressed on Dean's shoulders also and pulled him down. "Lay down, Dean. We need to get IV in so we can give you this sedative." Dean froze.

"No, Sammy, please." The two men gently pushed and pulled until he was on his back. Nancy found a good blood vessel on his left arm and the IV was quickly in. The sedative followed and soon Dean was relaxing. He was not asleep, just very calm.

"That's better, Dean," the Doctor spoke softly. "Now I'm going to turn you on your on your right side. You're going to feel something go inside you. It might sting a little. Then you're gonna feel very warm. It will be soothing, okay. That's all. Don't tense up. It won't hurt unless you tense up. Okay. It's not real big. It's not anything like before. It's small." Sam saw his brother wince when the tube entered, but that was all.

The taller one kept talking quietly, keeping Dean reminded that he wasn't alone and that everything was fine. It was a running babble mostly, bouncing over various topics. He did talk about Sarah's latest rampage in the crafting area of the house. The woman had been obsessed since they'd gotten the supplies in.

Dean smiled once or twice so his brother knew he was listening. The enema was finished and the camera had been turned on. The doctor had two of them. He already had the small device entered into Dean and man had not even realized. Sam kept on talking, telling Dean that he was going to have a major woodworking list from Sarah. Dean actually laughed and the Doctor asked him to be still. That's when Dean froze in the realization that he'd been violated. His grip hardened. Sam rushed to calm him before there was a problem. He looked up at the Doctor who had noted that Dean had clamped down. "Sammy?" Dean sounded scared.

"It's all right, Dean, it's the doctor, remember? No one will hurt you with me here," he reminded him. "So did you hear the catastrophe this morning? Mello tried to raid the chocolate that was earmarked for Christmas candy making," he said, trying to pull him back into a more relaxed state. "Watari and Lisa were chasing him for half an hour."

Dean actually grinned. "We bought so much candy and junk food. Why did he raid that? Did they save it or do I need to buy some more? I have to go over the lists from Monday anyway. I can add more." Dean hissed "Damn! That hurt! Something wrong, Doc? Nothing else hurt like that."

"Just relax," he assured him. "It's almost done."

Sam grinned back. "I think he did it to annoy them, I don't know. He had this devious look on his face when he was doing it too."

"If you say so, Doc. I'm trying. You know, Sam. I looked at that stuff when I ordered it. It has no sugar. It's unsweetened. You use whatever is needed for whatever kind of candy you're making. If he bit into that. Ewww. That's all I can say."

"He made off with the sugar jar at the same time," he snickered.

Dean stared at him for a minute. "Unsweetened chocolate and sugar? Really? Oh, Lord! Stop! Please! For just a minute!" Dean took a deep breath, literally gasping. "I'm sorry. It feels like it's catching and ripping there. Just let me catch my breath." He inhaled and exhaled a couple of times and reached for his brother's hand. "Can you see anything wrong there?"

"No, it looks fine," the doctor assured him. "Just relax...like I said, we're almost done."

"Yup, sugar and chocolate. He nearly crushed one of the bags of Near's potato chips too," he laughed.

Dean laughed and cried out again. "You know what, Doc. That camera is smoother on the going in-side then it is on the coming out-side cause it keeps catching on me. and it hurts like hell. There is no way like hell you'll ever do this to me again. You'll never catch me to do it again cause you proved to me I can move fast." Knowing it was the sedative talking, the other three in the room grinned and kept on with the removal of the camera. Nurse Nancy was preparing the other camera for scoping Dean's stomach and Sam was wondering about that one.

"This won't be comfortable," the doctor told him. "If you feel pain, I want you to tap the table three times, ok? Just breathe through it and listen to Sam talk."

They laid Dean on his back and his grew large as the camera and the cable came towards his face. 'Oh hell no! Wait! Wait...wait...wait… wait..wait..." Sam grabbed his head and held him. Dean tried to shake his head and Sam's hand came to his mouth. He could hear mumbled noes. The Doctor stopped. "Dean, this has got to be done. I don't want to have to drug you more. You have to be able stand in a little while. You're a former hunter. We don't want to have tell the four boys that this happened, now do we? They're going to ask? I won't lie." Sam could see tears in his brother's eyes, but Dean had calmed down.

Sam leaned in. "It'll be all right, Dean. Not too much more now, then we can go home. What do you say to stealing some of the baking Lisa's doing and find a place to curl up and veg today?"

Dean nodded thinking of the people who were coming and planning on staying through Christmas, especially Jo and Ellen. He hadn't seen Jo in long time. Ellen either, for that matter. He wished Cas would come. But the angel was running. He knew there were sigils that could hide him. 'Cas?' The doctor finally pulled the camera out. "Just lay still, Dean. We're gonna give you an enema and do some x-rays." A very hoarse, "Awwww," could be heard.

"It'll be fine," his brother reassured him. "Just relax. Almost through."

A raspy whisper was heard, "It's another damn enema, Sammy. Another one. He didn't say there would be two."

Nurse Nancy got Dean settled back on his side on the table and another hose was applied. Dean closed his eyes and waited, expecting warm, soapy water. What he got wasn't very warm and he stiffened, stopping the flow through the tube.

"Dean, stop it," he told his brother. "You're going to hurt yourself. It's all right. Relax."

"I'm sorry, Sam. It's cold." Dean relaxed. Nurse Nancy smacked his rump. "Hold it in. We have to take pictures with it in you."

Dean's eyes grew large. "You got to be kidding me? You just poured the Gulf of Mexico inside of me and you want me to hold it in? What do you think I am? A dam?"

Sam rubbed his brother's shoulder. "Just try to think of something other than what's going on down there."

Dean's hazel eyes were a brilliant green in intensity. "Sammy, my bladder's never been this full." He sat up. At the top of his lungs, he shouted, "Doc, you got seconds to take those pictures, and then there'd better be a clear path to the bathroom and that machine."

He heard a chuckle from the doctor. "I don't think that'll be a problem," he told his brother.

It'll be a major problem if I don't make it, Doc. Bladder control is one thing, This is something else. Just how full did you guys fill me?"

"Pretty full," Sam said, having seen it. "You'll want to rush afterwards." Dean had to be uncomfortable!

"Seriously?" Dean had such a miserable look on his face. He was struggling hard. He finally closed his eyes and had almost bitten through his bottom lip. Finally he gasped, "That's it, Doc. If you don't have them, you won't have them." He took off at a run, bare butt shining.

There was a soft peel of laughter when that happened. Sam looked back. "I hope you got it."

"I did," the Doctor was wiping his eyes. "Wait until he has to drink the stuff."

He made a face. "Not sure I want to."

"Barium is very chalky and it will ruin the flavor of mint for life."

Sam's face grew even worse. "Great... just great."

"You've got those massive greenhouses. You can't tell me Dean didn't put every kind of mint there is in there. Make him chew mint leaves for a while. It might just overcome that particular memory and prevent the gag reflex when he smells or tastes mint."

"Or get Sarah to make her famous mint brownies," he responded.

"If I can okay him to have those, you bet."

"She uses healthy alternatives but you can't tell that it is," he said.

"Carob instead of cocoa?"

Sam nodded. "Yup."

"Whatever his problems are, he's in safe hands."

"We're trying," he said softly.

"I know you are. I like your brother, Sam. He's a little rough around the edges. Blue collar, but he has a heart gold.. would give you the shirt off his back. I'll help any way I can. He won Nancy and Erica over, and that's not easy. I know he's not the liberal type, but he's fair and they know it. He's not the type to judge. He takes people as they are."

He nodded. "He's a good guy."

"You both are, Sam."

A few minutes later, Dean came down the hall, moving slowly, wincing with every step. Thinking over his brother's day so far, Sam could imagine what he was feeling. Dean looked at both of them, shook his head and passed by both, stopped, turned around, and spoke, "Well?"

"Time for a drink," he told his brother. "I think this is the last test."

"I don't have to eat and do that other blood work today?" He sounded hopeful?

"Yes, there's that," the doctor called out.

"Come on, Doc. Don't I need to have the food in my system for a while before you take the blood? Couple of hours maybe?"

Nancy commented, "Not more than about thirty minutes."

"Let them do this last test, then we'll get food into you, ok?" Sam looked at his brother.

"Yeah, I'm actually hungry." As they walked together into the x-ray room Dean leaned into his brother. "Hell, could have been worse, Sam. He could have wanted to check my prostrate. That's something I've never had done and I don't really want to. Don't think so."

He held him upright, walking him into the room so Dean could be given the liquid needed for the next x-ray.

Nurse Nancy handed Dean a glass with a white, pasty looking liquid in it. He looked at her and at it. "What is this?" He sniffed it. "It's barium," she said.

Hazel eyes stared at her. "That's what you just put up inside me?" The nurse nodded. "I have to put that crap in my mouth and swallow it? Hell no. You don't drink what gets put up your ass."

"It's from a fresh source, Dean," Sam reminded him.

"I know that, Sam. It's the same stuff. It can't taste good, man. They wouldn't waste taste on something that goes in someone's ass. Think about it, man. Come on."

"What's more important - your health or taste buds?" He stared at his brother.

Dean, looking kind of lost, half naked in the hospital gown, stared right back at him, belligerent, "Both."

"Right now, it's your health. So drink it or I make you," he said, almost teasing.

Dean, looked surprised, frowned, his mouthed opened, he leaned his head little to one side and stared at his brother in confusion, and opened and closed his mouth again. Sam was amused. Dean was not sure how to take this. Nurse Nancy took Dean's hand raised it. He remembered the glass in his hand. He wrinkled his nose and drank it down. Sam could only count on one hand the number times he'd heard Dean actually retch. This was one of them. Sam recognizde the sound of his brother fixing to vomit.

Hold it down," he said, rubbing his brother's back in a motion that Dean had used with him when he'd been sick growing up. "It won't take too long. I'm proud of you."

"I just drank Pepto flavored plaster, Sammy. Ohhhhhh. I'm sick...I'm gonna be sick. Please."

"No, Dean, just hold on." He kept rubbing his brother's back. "Breathe slowly, focus on something other than that, ok?"

Dean started thinking about last night with Lisa which was the wrong thing to be thinking about in his state of dress. Nurse Nancy noticed and then realized it would embarrass Dean. She tapped Sam on the shoulder and whispered, "Help him." He look at his brother who was still slightly green, eyes squeezed shut.

Sam nodded, motioning for her to get the x-rays done so Dean could be more comfortable. He worried for the other, hoping it would be all right.

"Let's go, Dean" Dean's eyes popped open and he jumped. "Yeah, okay." He rushed over to the machine and that was the moment he realized he had a problem. Looking down, his brows went up, he got a silly smirk and turned slightly red, and one arm moved down. He inched up closer to the screen. Looking back up at the doctor, he smiled, "That okay, Doc?"

"You're fine, Dean. Just get relaxed for a moment while I get the angle right," came the response.

"Lisa sent a meal for all of us, Doc. We can eat together, visit until it's time for the last blood work and then head out. When will I know the results on these?"

"A week," he told him. "Hold still."

Dean remained still while the shots were taken. They waited until Nurse Nancy returned with the film and nodded. "You can get dressed." Dean let out a sigh of relief and headed towards the dressing room, relieved the poking and prodding was over.

Sam sighed, following the doctor to a small lunch room to wait for Dean to finish dressing and they could eat.

"Are you all right?" the Doctor asked, as he opened the basket of food that Lisa had sent.

"Yeah, Sarah had me up too early because she needed help on stuff."

"Are you overdoing too, Sam? Maybe I need to be doing two physicals?

"Nah, I'm fine. I try to take care of myself. I do pace things out, just that Sarah needed some heavy hauling done this morning, and I won't let her do that on her own."

"Of course not, but what's wrong with Mello and Matt? The three of you could have made easier work of it. I know you don't want to involve Dean right now, Sam, but you can't leave him completely out of things. In the long run, it will cause problems. This soon, though, I can understand. Roust those boys and put them to work. Don't hurt yourself. I think I hear your brother and Nancy."

"They were in lessons, and I didn't want to bother them. Education is important, especially for them," he answered, knowing the future of the world pretty much rested in the palms of those three boys.

"Well, if it is not an emergency, than Sarah will have to wait on some things. It's not worth risking harm to yourself, Sam. She loves you. She would understand that."

"Understand what?" Dean asked as he walked into the room. He walked slowly over to the basket and began going through its contents. "Hey, more of last night's vegetable soup. There's ham, bread, veggies for the sandwiches, mustard and mayo, and some kind of healthy chips, and a jug of hot coffee. I'm allowed some coffee a day."

"He's worrying about me overdoing because Sarah had me up early for heavy work earlier," he said, getting up to put a lunch together for himself.

Dean filled one of the bowls in the basket with soup and placed in it the microwave. He turned towards his brother, contemplating him. "You could've asked, Sam."

The doctor, remembering the 10:00 wakeup call and all the small bruises or love bites on Dean's chest and neck while he was doing the stress test just smiled and thought sure he could.

"Yeah, right," he laughed.

Dean looked serious, "I wouldn't have let you down, Sam" Nurse Nancy joined in the laughter then. Dean looked at all three of them. "What?" He made a sandwich, took his soup out of the microwave, carried both to the table, and poured himself a cup of coffee. He sat down and started to eat.

The group began to enjoy their meal, talking about various things and plans for holidays. The doctor was flying to Dallas for Thanksgiving. Nancy was driving to Houston with Erica. "We'll see all of you Saturday in the city, right?" Dean asked.

"We'll be there," she reassured him.

"Good. Don't forget Elsbeth and Andy. Well, Doc? Has it been enough time?"

"Go with Nancy, and she'll get the last draw done," he told him. "I'll call or come by with the results when I have them all in."

Dean got up and followed the nurse and they were gone about ten minutes. He was soon back, rolling down his sleeve. "Let's go, Sammy. I'm tired. Ya'll be careful going back to town, Doc, Nancy." Dean reached for his parka and cap


	147. Chapter 147

Back at the Cabin

"We will," they chimed as Sam got ready to leave as well.

As they opened the door, the wind gusts almost took their breaths away. The snow was coming down hard. "Doc, you better leave now, if you're thinking about it, or you're gonna get stuck here. You might oughta call and check on road conditions before you leave."

"Doing so now," Nancy said, having picked up the phone before Dean had opened the door.

Dean shut the door and waited.

"Passable if we go now," she said, picking up the samples to send out. "We're going now; I'll give a call when I get home," she promised and the doctor agreed, fastening his coat.

They all left the clinic, the two heading towards their cars, and the Winchesters walking towards their cabin, faces down to keep the wind and biting snow out of their eyes. Dean forced himself to keep up with his longer legged brother. It was cold, he hurt, and he was tired, but was not going to complain. The mild sedative was wearing off and he felt numb inside over the events of the day. He wasn't sure he felt anything. He wasn't panicking and that was good. He wanted to talk but to who? He needed something but what. He shook his head. Just get inside. Get warm. Get home.

They got to the backdoor and Sam opened it, shivering as the two stepped into the warm air. "Thank goodness for heating," he grumbled.

"Why'd we come this way, anyway? We could've cut across like we did this morning instead of through the trees and rocks. That's what we get for keeping our heads down to avoid the wind and the snow."

"Because you led us this direction? I don't know."

"I was fighting to keep up with you so how the hell was I leading?" 

"Oh screw it, we're home at least," he said, tramping down the hallways and following what smelled like fresh baked cookies.

Dean followed his brother and the smell. Lisa was just pulling out a sheet of chocolate chip cookies out of the oven. There were racks of cookies all over the counters and jars of cookies on the table. Dean's eyes widened. He'd never seen so many homemade cookies in his life.

"Something smells good," he chimed, watching as Matt and Mello helped put another sheet of cookies into the ovens.

Dean stared from rack to rack and at all the jars. "How many different kinds of cookies are there?" 

"About six or so," Lisa said. "I'm going to start with sugar cookies for everyone to decorate later."

"Are these for Thanksgiving or for Christmas too? Why so many?"

"Thanksgiving, and sweets rarely last long around this time," she said with a smile.

"I don't remember Thanksgiving very much. I was three the last time I had one. Sam probably had some with Jessica's family, but I wasn't that lucky. When do you actually start celebrating all these holidays? When do you decorate and things? Thanksgiving's not until next week and you're making all these sweets. They'll be gone before next Thursday. You're gonna be cooking all that time?"

"Pretty much," she laughed. "And it's all fun. I enjoy baking."

"It smells good."

"Wash up and you can help," she said with a grin.

Dean grinned and headed slowly towards their wing.

Sam went to clean up as well, going to check to see what Sarah had gotten herself into.

Dean finally reached his wing and opened the door. He entered heading towards the stairwell. He looked towards the stairs with a sigh and grabbed the railing. Closing his eyes for a second , he placed a foot on the first step only to find it on the top one and himself looking into a pair of piercing blue eyes.

"Hello, Dean."

The startled hunter reeled backwards, trying to catch himself on the stair rail. "Cas!"

The angel moved quickly, keeping him from falling over. "You are looking much improved."

"Thank you. How are you doing? Where have you been?" Dean started walking towards the master bedroom, expecting his friend to follow

"I have been busy with various tasks assigned to me; I have been watching over you though," he said, following his human friend.

"You mean God's back? I thought you were fallen, Cas? I thought you were on the run? I've been worried about you. Afraid to contact you. Why didn't you let us know? What happened?"

"Things came to a head, everyone fighting against each other before God arrived...He has been cleaning things up," he told his friend.

"God's really back? I guess that means you're back on duty? He's taken you back? You're roaming free."

The angel nodded, looking more relaxed than he had in a very long time. "He has. Apparently, I was fulfilling parts of the plan that no one knew of and he is pleased. I've been commended for it and because we are friends, I am allowed to visit." That was part of the angel's reward.

Dean entered the master suite and walked slowly towards the bed and sat down on it with a sigh, closing his eyes, he shrugged out of is jacket, and leaned down to remove his boots, looking up at his friend , he licked his lips and smiled softly. "How long can you stay," was the soft response.

"For a while, I may have to disappear for a bit to check on another charge but I will return," he answered.

"Great! Let me get cleaned up. I had thought about soaking, but I think I'll take a quick shower. Lisa's baking cookies and kinda needs help and I promised Sarah I'd cut ornaments for her. There's so much to be done and just not enough time to do it all in.. I'm not sure just how well I am, Cas. That's the problem. Let me get that shower. I'm getting tired already and it's barely in the afternoon. Geez!"

The angel frowned at him. "You do realize they don't expect you to take on the weight of everything?"

"Yeah,I know, Cas. It's our first Thanksgiving and Christmas as a family. Hell it's our first Thanksgiving and Christmas period...a real one, an way. I want to bake those cookies, Cas. I'm excited about it. I was .only using it as an excuse, man. I can do the woodwork. I want to do it. Hell, it will be fun to do it. I owe Sarah. I hurt her. "

"Knowing Sarah, a simple apology would suffice. However, if I am welcome, I will aid in this endeavor of cookies and... woodwork?"

"That would be great. Let me grab my shower and I'll be ready". Dean grabbed some clothes and headed for the bathroom

Castiel nodded, settling to wait for the other to finish with cleaning himself. It would be nice to spend time with the Winchesters. Dean was a good friend of his and to see him so happy was a blessing.

Dean stripped, placing the dirty clothes in the hamper. He leaned in and turned on the water, and reaching for a thick towel, he stepped into the large, glass enclosed shower, shutting the door behind him. He hung the towel over the top of the glass wall and adjusted the temperature of the spray. He stepped into the steaming spray and stood under it, letting the wet heat pound down on him. He placed hands on the wall of the shower and leaned into the water, allowing it to pour down his back He kept his eyes closed as the large rivulets poured over his head and back, washing down his face. He took deep breaths and let pounding heat massage him. It felt good and Dean lost track of time.

Fifteen minutes later, there was a knock at the bedroom door and Sam's voice was heard calling his brother's name. The door opened slowly, and a dark slightly damp, shaggy heard peered in. "Dean?"

"He is in the shower, Sam," came the deep voice. Sam was looking better too, and Castiel was very pleased about it.

"Cas! How are you doing? I was wondering where you were and was going to try to contact you. I know he's been worried, but he doesn't mention it. You know how he is? "Sam walked up and held out his hand to the angel.

"I do, I do," he said, shaking Sam's hand. "You are looking well and for that, I am very pleased."

"Thanks, Cas. You, too. I'm glad you're here. Can you stay awhile? Dean needs his friends right now. Ellen and Jo are coming. There's going to be a couple of weddings between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We'd love for you to be here. To be honest, I need someone to help me keep an eye on him. He's never gotten completely well. He still over does things, Cas. I worry about him. He might not notice if you're watching. He's wary of the rest of us. The doctor ran him through the ringer today. I'm hoping he won't over do, but will take it easy."

"I will be here for a while, though I will have to go and check on my charges at times," he said softly. "He did tell me a little about having overwork issues."

"He pushes too hard, Cas. We're all worried, but it's been hard on him. There's been some strife with the girls. Hell, Cas, with all of us at some point. We finally took his life over; pretty much. That's why he was at the doctor's. I hadn't thought of it before but could there be some residual from that blade Lilith stabbed him with?"

At that moment, another voice spoke. "Let's hope not, Sammy," came softly from the bathroom door, where the older Winchester stood listening to the two of them.  
>The angel looked at Sam and promised him. "Dean is one of my charges and a friend. I will not let him fall."<p> 


	148. Chapter 148

Cookies

Dean looked surprised, but Sam had a look of relief on his face. "Good. Maybe he'll listen to you better than the rest of us."

Dean's head jerked as he stared at his brother. "I thought we had this lined out, Sammy. I agreed to everything. Why the hell do you think I let myself be pushed, prodded, and all but... forget it. I know what I'm supposed to do. Just give me a break. It's the holidays, Sammy. I haven't had this kind of Thanksgiving since I was little...before you were born. It was nothing like what's going on downstairs."

Castiel's voice was sharp. "Stop it.. both of you. Sam, I appreciate your concern but the constant reminders can come across as insulting nagging. We will watch him; he has accepted it. Enough."

Sam nodded, "Well are you guys ready. There must be hundreds of cookies down there. Watari put a lamb stew on earlier today. Sarah told me. He's cooking it in their own kitchen to leave the big kitchen for the baking. Sarah made bread today. One kind is made with cornmeal. She said it was for the stew, so we got a good supper for tonight."

The angel's voice softened. "It sounds good. I believe we have to assist the ladies now?"

"Yeah, I'd like too," came a soft voice still near the bathroom. Dean had not moved.

Castiel looked at him. "Dean...please do not feel upset. He was showing his care in a method that was too aggressive and will not do so again. It is time to have enjoyable family time."

"No, Cas. Sammy's okay. He defended me from the others actually. Sammy, I know I've been a pain in the ass a lot lately. I'm sorry." Dean slipped into a pair of slippers. "I'm not going anywhere tonight with all that snow. Let's go see if there's still some baking to do. If not, I'm raiding the cookies."

"Raiding cookies? What did the cookies do to you," the angel asked, confused. Raiding for him was a warfare term.  
>Dean got a mischievous look on his face. "They haven't done anything, Cas. We're going to free them."<p>

He blinked, confusion getting worse. "Are they captured?"

"Yeah, Cas. The jail is a set of cookie jars." Dean grinned, heading past both his brother and the angel and out the bedroom door.

Castiel followed, giving Sam a bewildered look as he followed his grinning friend. Apparently, he was missing something and wasn't quite sure what it was. Hopefully, he'd figure it out soon.

Dean reached the stairs and slowed down. Reaching out to the rail, he grabbed hold of it and took his first step. Suddenly, all three of them were in the main living area of the cabin. The fire was burning brightly.

Sam caught Dean as he stumbled, not finding the step. "Damn it, Cas! Warn a man before you do that."

Cas turned and stared at him. "You are tired, Dean. I saved you some steps."

Dean just stood there looking at his friend, a look of confusion on his face. "Okay, Cas."

Sam, still holding on to his brother, grinned.

Castiel simply shrugged and followed his nose to where the women and Watari were working. A stack of cookies were waiting on the table as well as a LOT of ingredients.

Lisa looked up as Cas entered the kitchen, followed by Sam and Dean. Mello and Matt grinned at the angel. They could Sam and Dean's faces and knew that Cas had intervened in some way. Dean looked over at the table and the ingredients and grinned.

"What do you want us to do?"

Lisa smiled. "You guys get to decorate the sugar cookies as well as help measure out the ingredients so we can mix and spoon out to get them baked."

Dean smiled softly at this remark. "Are we all mixing or just one? I don't mind sitting that part out and just decorating. What was it I heard Missouri say once? Oh, yeah,'Too many cooks spoil the broth.' I guess they could, you know. Cas has never done anything in the kitchen. Why don't you show him, and Sam and I will watch and learn."

"You're going to do this in rotation," she said, taking Cas aside and showing everyone how to measure dry and wet goods. One person would read it off, get the dry good sets and then wet, passing that off to Watari and I, who will mix and get them onto the cookie sheets to put into the oven. The rest will decorate the cookies."

Cas did the reading and measuring, while Sam and Dean put the cookie sheets in the ovens and removed them when the timer went off. After twenty minutes, Dean was placed at the measuring of ingredients. Castiel joined Sam.

As the cookies baked, Lisa showed them how to decorate the cookies once they were cool, encouraging them to be creative.

Sam took a Santa, wreath, bell, and angel and began decorating. Castiel took the same four and began working on his. Dean stared at the cookies. He finally reached down and took a candy cane, a bell, and a wreath. He grabbed nothing that was too difficult. Santa faces, angels, and snowmen scared him. He eyed the Christmas tree with misgiving and decided to stay with the ones he selected. They would be easy enough and the mistakes would not show as bad. He did want to decorate cookies. He vaguely remembered watching his mother when he was three.

Near padded into the room, peeking over Dean's shoulder, "What is Dean doing?"

Dean looked over to where Mello and Matt had selected reindeer, a Rudolph head, and a Santa head and grimaced. He was glad they could do it. "I am decorating cookies. You want to try?"

The smaller teenager climbed into a chair, tucking a leg against his chest in his usual crouch and pulled what looked like a bell shaped cookie to him. He watched the others for a moment, figuring out what was needed to do the art and began decorating.

Dean worked slowly on his, taking a lot of time, being very careful with each frosting he added. He took longer than the others but it didn't seem to bother him. Sam looked at what he was doing with surprise on his face at seeing the art. His brother may have picked the easier cookies to decorate, but the work was beautiful. Everything was smooth, and the decorations on the wreath were well done.

Near's bell turned out rather lovely too. He'd used white and blue frosting with silver sprinkles to give it a gorgeous iced frosted look. Watari smiled at the cookies being produced. "These are almost too lovely to eat." The angel's had turned out beautifully as well.

Dean reached for more of the simpler cookies, not noticing Sam's face wrinkling in frustration. Sam could tell that Dean was quite good at this, so why was he picking the simple cookies? He began to realize that his brother didn't think he could. This was the guy who could do wood working?

Watari simply smiled and shook his head, telling Sam silently to leave him be. Once Dean's confidence built, possibly he'd move to more complicated ones. He handed Near a few more cookies, then went to pull a pan out to let it cool and put another batch in.

Everyone stopped and watched when Near, realizing he'd been given two Christmas trees, handed one to Dean. The older Winchester froze and looked at the cookie in the young teen's hand. Hazel eyes stared into gray. Dean took a deep breath and reached for the cookie. He smiled softly and thanked Near.

Near only gave that soft partial smile that was so rare before focusing on his work. Watari could only hide his pride at how his ward had managed to encourage without being pushy.

Dean worked extra hard on the Christmas because of Near. It took him a while to do it, but he wasn't dissatisfied with the look, so he set it with the others.

The white haired one saw it and nodded. "This is pleasant to look upon," he told him.

Dean stared, eyes wider then Near's. "Seriously?" A pin dropping could have been heard in the kitchen. Neither the ex-hunter nor the young teen noticed that everyone was listening to them and all activity had stopped.

He nodded again. "It shines like a Christmas tree back at the House," he answered. "The balance of ornaments is very pleasing to the eye."

The older brother's eyes were changing colors faster than usual. At this moment they had turned green as he smiled softly, and a huskily whispered, "Thank you." was heard. Dean reached for another Christmas tree, a slight smile curving his lips, and a gleam in his eyes.

Near nodded, reaching for one that was shaped like an ornament. As he worked on it, Mello and Matt were pulled to measure out more ingredients.  
>Dean finished the second tree and looked for another one. There were only the more difficult ones left. His mouth formed a slight 'O' and his brows raised. He began to pull his bottom lip into his mouth, between his teeth, trying to make a decision. Santa heads, snowmen, reindeer, and Rudolph heads were all that was left. He had a frown of frustration on his face as he looked from cookie to another.<p>

Matt, who had walked by to hand more of the dry ingredients to Watari, made it easy by putting a snowman on Dean's plate before heading deeper into the kitchen. He bit back a laugh at Castiel's attempt at Santa. The angel had done the beard colors all wrong, making it look all psychedelic.

Dean looked up in surprise at Matt as he went past them. He reached for the white frosting and set to work on the snowman. Looking over at Castiel's Santa, Dean grinned. "Hey, Cas, that is one colorful cookie. I like it."

"I have no idea who this character is supposed to be," the angel admitted.

"Well, Cas, the only version of him I've met wasn't a good one. If I saw him before Mom died, I don't remember him. That's Santa Claus."

Sam spoke up and told Castiel about Saint Nicholas, Kris Kringle, and how the legend grew.

Dean decorated his snowman and listened to the conversation, learning a few things he didn't know. He felt contented for the first time that day. They were all together and Thanksgiving was coming, and after it two weddings and Christmas. He would not let himself think of everything that needed to be done. Not today. He grinned and got one of the tiny candy carrots for the snowman's nose. His grin got bigger as he strategically placed a second carrot on the snowman, got up and took it to Lisa.

Lisa burst into a peel of laughter, giggling at the second snowman. "Oh my god, Dean, that's too funny." She leaned in, teasing him. "Rascal you."

Dean grinned, leaned in and inhaled the fragrance of the cookies in her hair, he nuzzled her and nipped an earlobe. Whispering he responded to her comment, "If we can find a snow girl for him, I bet there'd be a big batch of snowball cookies by morning." Dean ducked knowing that Lisa had a damp dish towel in in her hand.

She smacked him with said towel, giggling harder. "You'd better eat that one before one of the kids see it," the woman said in between peals of giggles.

Dean's eyes widened. "I don't think so, Lis. That kind of situation is your department. I don't, ummm. Just eat the cookie, Lis." Dean turned red and handed the cookie back to her. She munched on it, giggling as she did so, "New cookies on table to decorate. Get back to work."

"Yes, ma'am," there was a little bit of the old Dean in his swagger as he walked back towards the table and saw the that new ones were poinsettia flowers and some pumpkins and turkeys. "All right!," Dean grabbed a pumpkin and sat down.

Near blinked, looking at him. He was working on a turkey at the moment. "Dean is enthusiastic."

Dean grinned and winked at Near, "I was finding new appendages for the snowman. Lisa liked them so it made me more enthusiastic about decorating cookies. Now there's a pumpkin. I don't guess I can Halloween decorate it, can I?"

"It is November so Halloween would be out in regards to decoration," Near answered, wondering why Dean would ask such a thing.

Dean stared at Near for a minute, wondering how to explain him just being himself for the first time in a long time. He chewed on his bottom lip, thinking for a minute. "Near, I was being an ass okay. I wasn't intending to make the Thanksgiving pumpkin cookies into jack-o-lanterns." Dean's voice trailed off and he got a strange look on his face. Sam recognized and thought, "Oh lord."

How is doing that being an ass?" He tilted his head in confusion.

For a moment, Dean had a trapped look on his face. "When someone does or says something stupid, it's called making an ass of yourself. I knew I couldn't do jack-o-lanterns, but I said it as a stupid joke. I made an ass of myself."

"How does that make Dean a beast of burden though?" Matt had his head down when Near's question was heard.

"It doesn't, Near. Jackasses are stubborn and kind of stupid at times. Sometimes when a person is doing something silly or corny they are called an ass for the same reason." Dean turned back to the pumpkin and began to put orange frosting on it. Only Sam, leaning over to give his brother and Near a drink, heard Dean mumbling under his breath, "How in the Hell do I get out this one?" Sam realized that Matt and Mello were not going to let his brother live this one down. He handed drinks to the others, his grin getting bigger at the thought of what Dean had so innocently let himself in for.

White slightly curly hair moved as the genius tilted his head, trying to determine what asses had to do with being silly. Mello and Matt both knew that look and didn't bother with hiding the laughter. "Is this another instance of sarcasm?"

Soda sprayed from Sam's mouth at the look of shock on his brother's face. Dean stared at the young teen. "What?" He looked across at the tall Winchester holding his sides and the splattered spray on the table. He gave the man a 'WTF?' look and Sam laid his head on the table and the laughs had gone almost to giggles

Matt was pretty much on the floor by this time, laughing so hard that he was crying. Mello was trying so hard to keep his snickers under control but couldn't. He knew Near was trying to understand but couldn't find it in him to really explain.

Dean stared at the three, trying to cope with all of it. He looked at the white haired young man next him, "Wh..what exactly do you mean by sarcasm, because that wasn't sarcasm. When I use sarcasm, I'm at the top of my game and it won't necessarily be pretty."

"Near is confused," he said, shaking his head. "Near does not understand how silliness can be compared to a beast of burden at all."

"Near, I'm not sure how to explain it any better. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I had no idea it would confuse you like this," The older brother look around the table. Except for Cas, everyone was laughing. He was pretty sure Cas didn't understand either. He wasn't going to get any help from this group. "I'll be right back, everyone." Dean got up and left the kitchen.

Sarah emerged from one of the stairwells, coated in paint. "Dean, you ok?" She could hear the laughter in the kitchen and wondered why the older Winchester looked so out of it.

Near looked at Lisa and Watari, "Did Near do something wrong?"

Dean was moving faster than he had all day. He turned when he heard Sarah's voice. "Sarah, I have to find a book on why people will call themselves or someone else an ass, poking fun, and why it is not sarcasm."

She frowned at that, than shook her head. "I think I might have something that will help explain slang," she told him. "Let me guess, a really cute pixy type boy didn't understand something?"

"That's one way to put it. When I tried to explain he asked if it was it was another instance of sarcasm. The table is covered with spit out soda from Sam. Matt's on the floor, and Mello is trying to be nice. I don't think Cas knows what the Hell we're talking about. I thought about asking Watari, but he and Lis were there. They said nothing. I don't think I have a book like that. I can't imagine Sam even buying me one." Dean sounded like he was hanging on by a thread. He did not want Near to think badly of him. Somehow he'd put his foot in it big time.

"That's because I have one," she said to him, gesturing for him to follow her. "Dean, you didn't do anything wrong. The fact is, Near is a bit isolated due to his issues and common slang doesn't always make sense to people like him. The best thing you can do is simply find a good source of information for him to help him learn."

Dean looked hopeful, "Does it have jackass or ass in it?"

"It does," she answered, letting him open doors since she was covered in paint.

Dean took the book the paint splattered woman pointed to. He looked down at it and back up at Sam's future bride. a look relief on his face. He leaned and kissed her forehead. "You are a god send, Sarah. Dean started for the door to the wing shared by his brother and future sister-in-law, when something came to mind. He turned. "I didn't mean that God, Sarah. That word can mean any god. Whatever god you want to be sent from is fine with me." Dean cracked a beautiful smile and headed back out the door.

"I know what you meant, goof," she teased, heading to the kitchen to ask for a snack. She'd been focusing on her work and had forgotten about lunch until now.

Dean entered the kitchen and sat back down. He held the book out to Near. "Sarah loaned me this. I'd like for you read it in your spare time. Maybe it will help you understand the meanings of certain terms of slang." Dean reached for the pumpkin cookie and some black frosting and some red frosting. He took several other colors and worked on the pumpkin for a while.

"Ah, Near thanks Sarah and Dean," he said, setting the book carefully out of the way of the food before focusing on the decoration. Watari gave the older Winchester a grin, silently telling him that he'd handled it well before handing Sarah her food and shooing the artist out of the kitchen.

Dean smiled and kept working on his pumpkin. He had been decorating the cookie for over 30 minutes, when Sam got curious. He motioned to Matt to see if the teen could get a look at the cookie. Dean had so many different colors of frosting. Matt got up and walked over to the stove to check on the timer. When he walked back, he looked over Dean's shoulder at the pumpkin and didn't move.

Dean's pumpkin had a Thanksgiving turkey scene but not the normal kind. He had a turkey laid out on the ground, its head chopped off. He had spent time on the feathers. There was an ax nearby. He had added a small puddle of red near the neck and the severed head. To him, someone had to kill that bird. The hunter drew the picture.

Green eyes went huge behind the tinted goggles. "Holy hells, Dean, that's morbidly awesome! Like something out of my video game!" He cheered. "I should've thought of this!"

Dean grinned. "Thanks. I knew I couldn't do Halloween, but this is Thanksgiving. Somebody, somewhere is going to kill the damn bird. This is my salute to the dinner."

Blue eyes went wide and Mello checked to see what Matt was liking so much. "Bloody hell, that's just awesome. Morbid but awesome," he complimented him.

"Thanks, Mello." Dean set the cookie with the others. "If you guys don't mind, I'm going to take a nap so I can be ready for everything this evening. I'm tired."


	149. Chapter 149

Friday

Friday morning was semi-clear when Dean headed to see who was awake just yet. He knew that Ryuuzaki would be as the man was pretty much a total insomniac. It still made no sense to him as to how he could stay awake so long and not become ill, especially with the ungodly amount of sweets the man put away. Mello was nearly as bad in regards to chocolate.

Watari was in the central main room that all the wings opened into when the older Winchester came out. "Good morning, Dean."

"Good morning, Sir " ex-hunter replied. "I am looking forward to this evening. There's that new area on the northern outskirts of town that a lot of well-to-do people have moved into. God, I hope this is not going to be a trend. They've added some nice restaurants there. There's a Steak and Ale. I haven't seen one of them in a while. I got reservations a week ago. It's perfect for Near. They won't care."

"Won't care about what?" Watari set his book in his lap, which he'd been reading to enjoy the rare silence. Mello, Near, and Matt were working on assignments for the moment, and L was focused on his case. He'd left a tray of hot coffee and cakes for the detective to munch through for a while.

"You said I had to find a place that won't mind how he dresses and the need for privacy...not a lot of people. He can wear some sandals and snow boots over them. The rooms only have four or five tables in them. The only time he'd have to leave the room is for salad. If wants it, he can me tell what to fix for him, and I'll do it. I only plan to wear jeans, shirt, and cowboy boots."

The older man gave him a soft smile. "You did well, Dean. I'm glad you were able to find such a location. It'll help Near relax a bit more and enjoy his outing."

"That's what I want. He hasn't had these opportunities. There's got to be ways to give them to him and not frighten him away. I want to help do that."

Watari nodded. "Outings are rare for them considering who and what they are. Near even more so," he said softly.

"I want to have the time to do things with all of them and Ben. It's just...Near does so little normal things. I understand why, but there are things he can do if the circumstances are right. They're all my kids, Watari, but Near more so. We've been through some tough times together."

"Being orphans and in the programs they're in, it's difficult to give them that one on one time. It's one reason Ryuuzaki has them now instead of at the school," he said softly. "It's good to see them getting out and interacting."

Dean spoke just as softly, "I think of them as my boys too. Dad was never around much. You know that. Mom was dead. Sammy and I took care of each other. Who am I kidding. I raised him since I was four, but you know all that. We were pretty much orphans too. Once in a while, Caleb, Pastor Jim, or Bobby took us, but Dad didn't want to do it all the time. It limited his travels. We weren't learning what he wanted us to know when we were with the others. Sammy was too little to understand when he told Dad that we got to play. I want to give them time to be kids, to play."

"We try to encourage that though the studies are demanding," Watari answered, looking into the flames that were burning in the fireplace. "Near's issues with sunlight make it difficult for him to join the others in outside games."

"There's a lot of good inside games, Watari. Do you think, when winter is over, that we could convince Ryu to build a gymnasium here? Why should Near be left out of games because of the sunlight?"

He nodded. "I can ask him," he said to the other. "Sunlight is needed for children but with his fair skin. He burns quite badly after a few moments. Hence the special inside garden for him. The plants grow in minimal light."

"They can use the gym for their martial arts, if they wanted to. They can play volleybally and basketball. There are other sports, like kickball, that can be played in a limited space."  
>"This is certainly a conversation I will bring up with him."<p>

"I'd be willing to work more cases if he thinks I should do it. Just let him know that."

Watari nodded. "I shall definitely bring it up with him and see what he thinks."

"That's fair enough. Everyone's still asleep upstairs. I'm gonna fix some breakfast. Have you eaten? I hope to find Lisa's cookbook. I could eat cold cereal but I'd rather have one of the dishes you cooked for me. She's got all the recipes. I will fix some for you if you haven't eaten. I guess I could do something in our wing, but I just wanted out for a bit. Thought I'd go for a walk after I ate. Is it still snowing much?"

The older man held his hand up to stop the flow of words. "I have warm scones on the stovetop covered. A bit of coffee and those will do you some good with the mixed fruit in the refrigerator. As far as snow, we've had about an inch this morning so far. It's not a blizzard but coming down steadily"

"I guess we'll be taking that all-terrain vehicle I rebuilt during the summer. Near and I tonight; all of us tomorrow. It's a monstrous thing. That will make a good walk for me. I'll go pick it up at the shop. I don't relish putting any of our vehicles on the road or trying to get out of here in them. We do need to get a small snow plow for here. That way we can drive the vehicles."

"That and I would advise either renting or looking into getting a snowplow for the roads on your land that you're responsible for. Even if normal vehicles can't make it, an all-terrain kind will have an easier go of it," he suggested.

"I hadn't thought about the other access roads to the mountain trails that are on our land. I hadn't thought of the possibility of anyone trying to climb those trails this time of year. Would anyone really try to climb them this time of year, Watari? Come to think of it, these really aren't the kind of mountains to have an avalanche or anything. They're not skiing type of mountains. We don't have to worry about that, do we? I honestly thought about putting road closed barricades up. Keep people from trying those trails in this weather."

"I meant the roads leading to town," he said mildly, putting his book aside and leading him to the kitchen. "I wouldn't put it past someone to try to reach the garage in this weather if there's an emergency."

"Hell, I need to find out if the state or the county do that here. Damn! I don't want someone having a wreck or getting lost in a drift somewhere. I'll make some calls after breakfast. I'll take the walk later."

"Make sure to dress warmly and take a thermos of hot coffee with you," he said, setting scones onto a plate along with honey and butter. He poured coffee for Dean and set it on the table, then set a kettle on for himself.

"I'll make sure that I do that," Dean spoke softly, sipping the coffee with enjoyment. He was allowed a cup once or twice a day, but figured he'd be drinking tea with the older man. Coffee for breakfast and in a thermos was unheard of in his household. He smiled softly and enjoyed the cup even more as he quietly asked, "Decaf?"

"Exactly," he said, adding water to the teapot to allow the leaves to steep before bringing it, milk, and a tea cup to the table. "Now try the scones."

Dean smiled softly as he took another sip of coffee. He knew this particular Englishman so very well. He had told no one how felt about the man. Watari was the consummate Englishman, and Dean would never embarrass him with an emotional reaction the him. They'd already had so many that Dean felt almost ashamed of. His breakdowns, loss of control, and emotional outbursts would be difficult much less for an Englishman. Dean thought as much about Watari as he did Bobby. Bobby was the Dad Dean had wished he'd grown up with. The older man in front of him was the grandfather he wished he had had."

Dean bit into the scone, and his mouth stayed still for a few seconds, his eyes closed. Watari watched the reaction, recognizing the younger man enjoying something new. A tongue slowly slipped out, licking up honey, butter, and the few crumbs that were there, "It's wonderful, Watari. Thank you."

The Englishman smiled and chuckled at his surrogate grandson. "I'm glad you like it. Not all Americans are fond of English cuisine. I'm rather glad you and the others are open to trying new things."

The young man across from him smiled the type of smile that not everyone was given the chance to see. It was genuine and open and the laugh lines around his eyes wrinkled a little. He had two of the scones, finished his coffee and reached for his cell phone. "I hope it works? Ryu did put up those towers so it ought to." Dean walked over to a cabinet in the kitchen by a wall phone and grabbed a phone book out of it. Walking back to the table, he set the phone book down and resumed his seat. He began to call the local sheriff's office, figuring they would know if the roads would be open, or if he'd have to hire a snowplow.

"It works," he said. "We've tested those in a variety of locations and weather types. Ryuuzaki simply cannot function without full access to the world," he murmured, going to refresh the coffee and tea cups. He buttered a scone for himself, and the older man nibbled his food while watching to see what the verdict was on the snowplow.

Dean talked to a dispatcher and was on the phone for about five minutes, jotting down a number. He sighed, took a sip of the coffee, thanking the older man, and dialed the number he had written down. He continued to talk softly so as not to bother the other man. Watari noted that the ex-hunter wrote down a several numbers and some words. He nodded to himself, took out his wallet, pulling a credit card from it. He read the numbers off the card. Hanging up the phone, he replaced the card in his wallet and put it back in his jean's pocket. He looked up at Watari and smiled.

"Snowplow service for hire?"

Dean smiled sweetly and nodded, taking another drink of his coffee. "Yes, Sir. In about two hours. I'll walk down and bring back the ATV at that time. It will be a little easier. He gave the price of a mid-sized plow. I'll have to talk to Sam. A new one is not cheap. Have to see what we have in the account. We did buy those cars and tools, you know? I might be able to find a rebuilt one cheaper."

"Depending on how often it snows, it just may be more financially feasible to continue to employ his services in inclement weather. It frees up more time for you and Samuel and keeps both of you out of the cold. I would do it when here as well," he murmured.

"That will be the deciding factor, I guess. If it snows like this a lot, I just don't know. He says that it's clear til you get to fork that heads to the back way to Big Bend. That's a long way from there to here, but we have to have the roads clear. He charges $350.00 and that's if I'll work on his car for parts only. I agreed for this one time, but, Hell, Watari. My labor's not that cheap and it could be a lot more than if I'd just paid him, you know?"

"Let's do some research on the recorded snowfall for the last five to ten years, balance that with the trade off on services. We'll price snow plows, upkeep, and fuel and see which is the most cost effective per year."

"That's what I'm gonna to talk to Sam about. I don't want spend my small amount of shop time doing free labor. That cuts into groceries and things. I have the upkeep of the shop to consider. It gets around that I'll do that and I'm in trouble."

"You both have too much on your plates although, Bobby might be willing to do the plowing. We'll need to bring him in on this discussion and see what his thoughts are on it."

Dean sighed softly. "Yeah, maybe Bobby could do it. He'd probably enjoy it. He used to do it South Dakota. Hell, he may have a plow up there that just needs some work."

"We will figure it out. Again, just a matter of research and discussion," He took his cell phone, typing in a message and hit send. Watari knew that the best way to handle things was to delegate, so he'd given the research to one of the boys.

Dean watched him and murmured, "Thank you, sir." He got up, took his dishes to the sink. He did not bother opening the dishwasher. To him, it made no sense leaving dirty dishes in a machine until it was full. He reached under the sink grabbed a bottle of liquid dish soap and turned on the hot water. He washed his plate and cup. Turning, he asked, "Are you through, Sir?"

He handed the cup over to Dean and headed to the second coffeepot. One was labeled 'decaf' and the other 'regular.' The older male restarted a fresh pot of regular coffee, guessing that L would be requiring fresh soon.

ean disappeared into the main room and knocked on the door to his brother's wing. It was still early morning, and Sammy was usually out of bed early, but there was Sarah.

"You gonna need me to cut more stuff today? I need to walk down to the shop after the plow gets here and pick up the ATV. I'm leaving here about 5, with Near. The roads are bad, so I need the extra time."

"What's your schedule like for the day?" She was thinking on what she had cut already and timing on painting them.

"I know I cut quite a bit this week, but you've been working on them? Right? I know we're gonna be gone tomorrow. As long as it's like this, the diesel school is closed. I gotta couple of hours before I need to walk down to the shop. I can put it off for a while, but I want to have it done and the cutting done so I have time to shower and rest up before I take Near out to Steak and Ale."

"I've got what you cut yesterday primed and drying so if you want to cut as much as you can before you have to go, that'd be a huge help. I can start the painting while the cutting is being done. I've got a list of patterns and number of each that has to be cut out in the woodshop," she grinned. She had been a busy girl.

"That sounds good. I'll head out there." Dean smiled and headed to the coat door on the patio. He grabbed his snow boots and winter clothing. The woodshop had only been open a few days. It was a metal building and would not be the final one. It had electricity, but the building had no heating or cooling in it. Watari grabbed the patterns and list from Sarah as she brought them into the kitchen. Dean stepped back in, earmuffs on, pulling a hat over his head. He reached for patterns and the list and headed out the door.

Sarah headed to her workshop and began painting the finer details on one of the 'bigger' projects that she'd planned for Christmas. She was determined to make these lovely and reusable in the future as well.

Dean turned on the overhead in the shop, and pinned the list to the cork board that mounted on the wall. He put the patterns in plastic sheets. These were much smaller than what he had been cutting for her. Reading the instructions, he noted the size and thickness of the wood needs, and the type she wanted. The first set had to be rounded. and made of redwood. She wanted apples with the stems and leaves on them. Dean thought for a moment and went into the storage area. They had bought several large pieces of redwood that could be routed into bowls. He got out the skill saw, the jig saw, and Dremel tools. The next couple of hours, Dean cut out small squares about 5"x5" and, using Dremel tools, shaped them into apple shapes with stems and leaves. It was mostly hand work. He found a stool and worked at the work bench. The older Winchester spent time on them, making them look as life like as he could. The rest of the time, he sanded.

Watari knocked on the shed door. "Dean?" He chuckled, seeing how covered in sawdust the other was.

The younger man looked up from where he was working at the work bench. There was a metal basket filled with beautiful red Delicious apples. The kind that were large and used for caramel or candied apples. There appeared to be somewhere between 25 and 30 of them.

"Yes, Sir? Is it time for me to quit?"

"Lunch time actually. Soup and crusty bread, how does that sound?" He smiled at his surrogate grandson.

Dean turned and looked up at the wall clock on the northern end of the building and saw the time. "It's 2:00? How the ... I had no idea I'd been in here that long. Man! I've got to get the ATV. We have leave here at 5:00." He started grabbing tools, cleaning them off and putting them up.

"That clock stopped," he said, checking his own watch. "It's not even one yet."

Dean looked relieved. He pulled out the shop vac and proceeded to blow the sawdust off the table he had used the saws on. He vacuumed all of the dust off the floor and work bench. Turning the saw onto blow again, he blew as much of the dust off himself as he could and then finished the floor. Grabbing the basket of apples, Dean followed the older man to the house. The younger man had no idea how cold he was until he entered the patio. His feet and hands started to tingle and hurt. He took a deep breath, noting how quiet it was. "Where is everybody?"

Watari had noticed that Dean worked all those hours with his gloves off. Knowing the difficulty of doing the kind of work the man had created, he understood the need, but Dean needed some type of thin glove that would allow him to do delicate work and still keep his hands warm. There also needed to be a heater the woodshop.

The older man made mental notes of that and guided him into the kitchen where the boys and the rest of the group was waiting. Ryuuzaki wasn't there as he was pretty involved with a case at the moment. The scent of fresh soup and bread filled the air.

Sniffing the air, Dean set the apples on the counter and proceeded take off his winter outer wear. He turned to take them into the patio and hang them, but knew he had to walk to the shop. "Did the plow get here yet?"

"Started about thirty minutes ago," Sam said, looking at some papers as he did so. "Matt got the estimates we needed for buying a used or new one and all the numbers we need."

"What's the best we can do, Sam?" Dean went the stove and put soup in a bowl. He sat down between Lisa and Sara, across from his brother and Cas. The heat in the kitchen began to overwhelm him a little. He closed eyes and took a deep breath. Looking up, the cold man noted the heating vent right over his head. Knowing this group, this was intentional. He started trembling from the heat hitting his half frozen body. He looked up at Castiel and saw the knowing look. Dean reached for his spoon and almost dropped it. The surprised look on his face was seen by all. "What the Hell!"

"According to the research, it would pay for itself in about a year and a half. However, Bobby has one that he's going to get for us when he can. It just needs a bit of work," he said and Bobby nodded.

Near looked at Dean. "Dean's body is overly cold and is reacting to the warmth. The shaking and tingling will stop soon."

Dean whispered his thanks to Near. He gripped the spoon in a vice-like grip and managed to get a spoonful into his mouth. He slowly chewed the meat and swallowed. "So, we have this guy do it until we can get the other one down here and repair it?"

Castiel continued to stare at the trembling man. "Why did you leave you coat and boots in the kitchen, Dean? Are you planning on going back out into the cold? I promised Sam we would keep you from harming yourself. You need a hot shower or bath and a nap until it is close to time for you to take Near out."

"Cas, that's over stepping it," Dean murmured softly. Lisa nudged him and Sarah turned and stared.

Matt spoke up. "I'm sure he's got work to do. What's on the agenda, Dean? Can we help? Mells, Near, and I are done with our work for today unless Ryuuzaki springs something on us."

"I was only working two hours. It somehow turned into a little more than three. Sarah, there's thirty apples in a metal basket on the kitchen counter. You didn't put a size, so I made the big Delicious apples and I used redwood. so unless you're turning them into caramel or candied apples, they are a pretty shade of red. You would just have to maybe stain the leaves green and the stem brown or black. I was through with the shop, guys. I just got to walk down and get the ATV back here. They didn't happen to do the all the way up here and to the trailer compound first did they?"

Sarah's eyes lit up. "You did great, Dean!" She got up and looked them over. All some of these would need was a clear varnish to preserve the color. "I love it; these are fantastic!"

Sam nodded. "It's done all the way to our drive and the shop. Lisa sent some cookies and coffee as a thank you," he told him.

Dean smiled as Sarah. "I didn't have the time to do more, but you only needed thirty. I had just finished the thirtieth when Watari came and stopped me. I had planned on using that redwood for some large bowls and things, but that wood cried out to be apples."

Dean took another bite of soup, shook his head, and looked across at his brother. "Sammy, would you drive me to the shop? I was trying to keep from asking someone, but I think Cas is right."

"Dean, if you have time, you could offer these at craft fairs and online at artist sites. These are gorgeous. I've never seen any of this quality," she told him.

"Sure, I don't mind. Do you need the boys for anything or should I let them be Sarah's minions for the day?"

"Let them be her minions for the day. Thanks, Sam. Sarah? Seriously? I wouldn't know what to ask for them?"

"For a dozen? I'd say about fifteen to twenty, depending on size," she told him. "Also too if they want the raw form like these or have me touch for detail work on stem and leaves plus a seal on the main part of the apple."

"Sarah, I don't know anything about marketing stuff like that. I know cars. I'll make them. You market them? I prefer doing the bigger ones. Little ones will cost them more in the long run. They're harder to do, and will take more time." Dean proceeded eat his soup and reached for a slice of bread. His shaking had slowed down. He just felt drained. He knew cold could do that to you. He just had not realized he'd gotten that cold.

"I can do that," she told him, getting up and handing him some water to help hydrate him. "I could put you to work a few hours a month and make a small fortune."

Dean took the water and drank about a third of it, not realizing he was thirsty. "Really? Exactly how much is a small fortune? We'd split it after costs."

"I'll give you an estimate by tonight or tomorrow. Between the apples and other ideas I have, we've got a potential market that we need to explore. I had no idea you were this good with power tools." It was obvious she was plotting now.

Sam looked at his brother in surprise when he saw him turn red. Cas just stared at him in confusion. The others who could see his face could remember a few times during his healing where he had done so, but seldom.

"The stuff you gave me before this was simple. You just needed me to out flat items. Nothing required any skill other than following a drawing."

Sarah moved in front of him, cupping his face. "You would be surprised. A lot of carpenters can't do this," she told him, pointing at the apples. "It takes a steady hand, eye for detail, and imagination to be able to make this out of my plans. We make a good team, brother mine."

No one thought it possible, but Dean was redder then he was before. He stared in Sarah's eyes and swallowed hard. "Okay. You tell me how many you need, and when you want me to do something different, draw me what you want. Until then, I'm going to make what you asked me to make for Christmas."

"We'll talk about this after Christmas and the weddings are done," she told him. "Afterwards, when the chaos settles, we'll plan things out and set up the sites. How's that sound? We'll put Sammy-boy to work on the computer side," she teased.

"That actually sounds good." Dean looked at the clock. "It's almost one. Sam, you ready to haul me over there? I really want that shower and a nap. I need to be up around 4:30 to be ready to go. Near, we still have the dinner date, correct? I found a good place that will comfortable for you."

"I'm ready," he said with a grin.

Near nodded, a small almost smile on his face. "Near will be ready," he told him. He'd been looking forward to this and hoped that Dean would remember. It seemed the other had.

Dean grinned. "Good. Let's go, Sammy. Near, 5:00. The reservation is at 6. It's normally about 25-30 minutes to town, but the roads are gonna be bad. I want to give us plenty of time. I'll call and make sure they know we're still coming." Dean grabbed his cell phone and hit the number for restaurant as he walked towards his winter outerwear. He grabbed them and walked onto the patio and sat down and put the boots on. He got an okay from the restaurant. After he had dressed for outdoors, he stuck his head back into the dining area and said, "They're holding it for us." He walked through, touching Ben's back as he headed towards the big front door.

Sam bundled up before heading to his truck. "Crap, it's cold. I didn't think Texas could get this cold!"

"The Panhandle and west Texas do, Sammy. Damn the cold sure can drain you fast. I knew heat could, but not the cold. It's a dry cold and you don't realize you're freezing."

He climbed into the truck and started it, hoping the engine would heat fast. "I didn't remember it getting this cold on our trips. Damn, this is unreal."

"You don't remember that trip to Montana when I got so sick with the flu? Dad wouldn't stop. He wouldn't drop us off somewhere. Said the case was an emergency. We stayed in that car. He said it was dangerous to leave it running for the heat. We bundled in all the blankets, Sammy. I was damn cold cause I had that fever. I spent half the time in the snowbank upchucking, Man. This is cold, but it isn't that cold."

"Vaguely, I remember melting snow for drinks," he said. "You mentioned something about me being like a boy scout for thinking of it," He started driving to the shop.

"I know I was grateful. It kept me from dehydrating. Dad kept stopping at places and buying stuff to eat that I couldn't even look at. I needed Mom's tomato and rice soup. That's what she always gave me. It's a miracle Dad didn't kill me."

"I think we've got the recipe for that somewhere. Sarah found one," he said, coming to a stop at the shop. "I told her that you mentioned it a lot when we were growing up. She said she'd tweak it until it's the same as the one Mom made."

"How would she know, Sammy? How would she know if it was like what Mom made? I'd have to judge everyone she made. I won't go there, Sam. after the kilt fiasco, Hell, no. Women are weird when it comes to their cooking. If wasn't like Mom made and I told her, it might hurt her feelings. She gets hurt, Lisa gets pissed. I'll just do without the soup. Thanks though."

"Dean, shut up a moment. Sarah offered it and will make the original recipe. You try it, compare it to your memory and make suggestions. She'll make notes and try again a different day. She offered this," he told him. "Sarah was really excited too."

"Sam, I don't understand that. I really don't understand that. Why is she being so nice to me all of a sudden? I thought. Hell, I don't what I thought. Tell her thank you and I would like that. It was mainly when I was sick that Mom made it. I don't get sick easy. You know that."

Sam look at his brother before Dean got out of the truck, thinking about the health problems his brother had faced since the incident with the creatures in the cave. Dean had never fully recovered from any of it. He still had problems, "Yeah, Dean. I know. I'm not leaving until that ATV starts and I'll follow you."

He looked at his older brother. "Besides, she's trying to fit in. She's an only child and wants to be accepted as part of the family. Sarah knows how much the soup means to you and wants to give you something from home."

"Hell, Sammy. She is family. She became my sister when she said she'd marry you. I told you years ago you should marry that girl. I was right."

"I know, Dean. Trust me, I know but she's trying to fit in. So please, let her do this for you? She's been looking forward to it since she found the recipe," Sam said, smiling softly.

"Okay. Tell that when she thinks I need it, to surprise me. Just remember to have her dress real nice for tomorrow night. I found that Celtic restaurant. It looks strange so think they might be some of her people. Anyway, I have a major surprise for her tomorrow night. Okay? I got some appointments tomorrow after the tux fittings, so I'll be gone part of the afternoon. I'll take a cab. I have the address of the restaurant. I'll meet you guys there. "

"Sounds good, Dean," he said with a grin. "She'll love it."

Dean grinned back at him. He had told his brother about the restaurant a week or two before, and said no cameras. He was hoping that Sam would not bring one, but was afraid to remind him of that. Sam was just capable of doing the opposite. Dean had not thought about their cells. They took excellent pictures and videos.

Dean went around back to where the vehicles were stored. He was glad he had put antifreeze in the car. He got inside, started it, and listened to the engine. It sounded fine. He let the engine heat up and turned on the heater. It worked, and started blowing hot air into the vehicle. Dean smiled, put the vehicle into reverse and backed out. He turned onto the highway, Sam following him. A half mile down the road, he pulled onto their road and took it slow down the frozen gravel. On his agenda was having this paved when the weather was better.

Parking the large vehicle, he shut it down, turned everything off, and getting out, he locked it. He waved at his brother and headed towards the cabin.

Sam caught up with him and they entered the house. No one was around. The kitchen was clean. Hanging his winter gear in the patio coat pantry, Dean smiled at his brother, told him he'd see him later, and headed towards his wing. Castiel appeared at his door, opening it before he could do so. He let Dean know that the room was comfortable and that Bobby had given him a book to read. He was going to relax for a while. Ben was helping Sarah along with Matt and Mello.

Dean smiled, thanked his friend, and started up the stairs. Cas, touched him on the shoulder and he stopped. "You are too tired." Dean found himself standing outside his bedroom door. He shook for a minute. His body did not respond well to Cas' transfers.

He opened the door. He was not alone. Lisa was wearing a flannel night gown. She walked toward him, pushed him into a chair, and removed his shoes. Dean sat quietly watching her. She slowly undressed him and put his clothes in the laundry hamper. Reaching down, she took his hand and led him into the bathroom. The whirlpool tub was running and it was foaming. He could see the steam rising. Lisa took off the nightgown and entered the tub, holding his hand and pulling him along. The woman before him pulled him down into the hot foaming water. It smelled of a light spice. The water was hot. He hissed a little and slowly settled into it, feeling the powerful jets of the whirlpool pulsating against his back.

Lisa moved closer with a large sponge and liquid bath soap. She slowly bathed him. Dean's eyes closed and he lay there and let her run the soft sponge over him. When she had finished, she had him turn around and lean into her. She carefully wet his hair and shampooed it. Dean groaned slightly. Her movement made him sit up. She stood up and dried off. He looked up, watching her.

She saw the question in his eyes, and smiled softly, reaching her hand down for his. He slowly clasped it, letting her pull him slightly. Standing, he stepped slowly out of the tub onto the soft mat. She dried him. Looking up as she dried his feet, she told him, "I bathed earlier. This is just to help you relax and sleep. I've set the alarm for 4:30. I am going lay beside you so you aren't alone."

Dean smiled, grabbed her hand and the two of walked to the large four poster bed in the their bedroom. Lisa crawled across the bed and Dean joined her. She laid on her side. Within seconds his arm was around her, his head near her shoulder, and Dean Winchester was sound asleep.


	150. Chapter 150

Late Friday Afternoon.

Lisa awoke before the alarm went off. Dean had an arm and leg wrapped around her. She lay in the dark room, listening to the quiet. She could feel his breath against her neck where he had somehow managed to nuzzle. The contented woman decided to wait on the alarm and just enjoy the moment.

It wasn't too long before the abrasive sound of the alarm went off, letting the room's occupants know it was time to get up and moving. The room was warm and the smell of baking bread filled the wings of the house.

Dean moved slowly and reached over to turn off the alarm. He moved back towards the woman next him and reached for her. She put a hand on his bare chest, leaned over, and gently kissed him. "It's 4:30. You and Near are leaving at 5:00?"

"Mmmhmmm," he said, rubbing his eyes after kissing her back. "I should get a quick shower and chang. The last thing I want is to be late and make him think I've forgotten."

"Dean, you had a nice hot bath a few hours ago. Thirty minutes isn't a long time. Going out into that weather after a shower? It's not a good idea, Hon."

Dean looked at the woman next to him and smiled. He climbed out of the bed and went to gather clean clothes. She watched his naked back side and and the bow legs and smiled.

"Yeah, you're right, Lis," he said, going to wash his face after laying out clothing for his outing with the young genius.

For fifteen minutes, Lisa watched him dress and locate his wallet and keys. He leaned back over the bed and kissed her. "Love you, Lis." He headed for the door.

Near was waiting in the main room, dressed in his usual with a pair of white tennis shoes on. A pair of white outdoor type boots and coat were waiting for him as he patiently waited, seated in a chair

Dean left his wing and saw the young teen. He grinned. "I'll be ready in just a couple of minutes. I'm going to get my gear. We'll need to let the ATV heat up a minute. I'll go on out and do that. I'll call when it's had time defrost the windows and heat up inside. I don't want you getting cold and making you sick."

The genius nodded, white curls dancing a bit as he did so. "Near will put the coat and boots on as well," he said softly.

The older man returned a few minutes dressed for outside. He had the keys in one hand and was reaching for the door knob with the other. "I'll call your cell when it's ready." He headed out the door, surprised by the amount of snow on the plowed parking area. His brows raised slightly, and he headed towards the ATV.

Near managed to get into the snowboots, wrinkling his nose a bit at how clumsy it was to get tennis-shoed feet into them but Watari had insisted. He wrapped the heavy white scarf around his throat and put on the white mittens before slipping into the heavy white coat.

The sky was clearing with just a few flakes falling to the ground Dean had not checked the weather since the morning. He knew just how bad it could get, but the clearing skies were a surprise to him. He unlocked the ATV and climbed up into it. Placing the key into the ignition, he started the engine and let it heat up. After a few minutes, he turned on the defrosters. All of the windows were heavy with snow and ice. It would take a little while to be able to see. He reached into the glove box and found a scraper. After about ten minutes, Dean climbed back out of the vehicle and began the job of scraping off all of the windows. He felt half frozen by that point, but it was done. He climbed back into the vehicle and turned on the heater at full blast.

Near waited patiently, flipping through something on his cell phone as he did so.

Dean called Near's cell and told him he was out front. He drove over to the door to keep the younger teen from having to go far in the freezing weather. He had put a stereo system in the car and was playing AC/DC in the tape player, knowing Sam would have a fit that it was a tape player. He grinned at it and tapped the CD player that was also in the dash, thinking that Sammy should be grateful that he had added both.

The white clad youngling headed outside, almost blending in with the snow and gray surroundings. He opened the door and climbed in, his short height making it a bit difficult to do so. Finally, he made it and fastened the seat  
>belt.<p>

Dean watched the struggle, fighting the urge to get out and lift the boy up into the vehicle. He knew better. Near was a young man who had a right to his own independence. He would find a way to broach the subject and see if Near would mind the help. After the boy was belted in, Dean grinned at him and asked, "Are you ready?"

"Near is ready," he said, checking something on his cell phone screen. The models each of the boys had were top of the line, just as L's and Watari's were. The teen put the item into a pocket, leaning back slightly.

The older man put the vehicle in gear and slowly pulled out of the parking area and onto their private road. "Is it warm enough for you?" Dean turned to look at the teen sitting next to him.

"It is," he murmured to him. "Near was checking weather reports a moment ago. It is a good thing this vehicle was chosen."

Dean looked out at the stars in the sky. It was colder than earlier. "Clear skies mean temperature drops? Are we gonna have more storms coming? If the temps drop badly, we could be having ice storms."

"Another set of storm cells are anticipated to arrive around midnight in this time zone," he answered. "I texted Watari to advise about that and ensure the house was prepared in case this was more ice than snow."

Dean sighed, "I just know that Doc, Nancy, Erica, Elspeth, and Andy are meeting us in the city tomorrow. We are picking tuxes up tomorrow, and there's a dinner at a restaurant. I rented the whole place, Near. No other guests will be there." Dean was quiet for a moment thinking that, with what he had planned, he didn't want anyone else there.

"If the weather does not hold, that would not be advisable. Snow is one thing; ice can be very treacherous indeed," he murmured.

Near could not read Dean's face from the side but could tell the man was tense. Dean finally relaxed a little and said, "Yeah, I know. It's just that...," his voice trailed off. A few more minutes passed. "It doesn't matter, I guess."

The teen was quiet for a moment. "Move the group into town tonight," he suggested. "There is a hotel not far from the restaurant ."

Well, I had reservations at the same place we stayed before. I could call and extend it, but will the others be able to come if we do that? Dean reached for his cell phone and called Nancy, figuring that she could let him know."

Come to find out that Near's suggestion was a good idea. Both Nancy and the doctor had ATVs and would collect the group to head into the city tonight before the storm broke.

Dean called the hotel explaining the situation. The rooms were definitely available. He had a room for Sam and Sarah, Bobby, L, Watari, Matt, Matt, Mello, Near, The doctor, Nancy and Erica, Elspeth and Andy, and for Lisa, Ben and him. He put in a call to Sam. When the phone picked up he said, "Hey, Sammy?"

"Yeah, Dean? Aren't you supposed to be on your way to town?"

"Yeah, Sam, but it's clear skies this evening and the temperatures are dropping fast. Near says there are more storms coming after midnight. Watari is making sure everything is safe because of possible ice storms. I called and talked to Nancy. She called me back. Doc and Nancy have ATV's and they are going to pick all of you up. Elspeth and Andy will be with them. We're going into the city tonight. If you would ask Watari and Lisa to pack for Near and me, we'll meet you there. I've already given the hotel my card number. They know I may be later then you. There's no problem. They kinda remember us."

He chuckled. "That would be why Watari had us packing up a bit ago. I suspect your passenger passed the news on to his guardian while you were making the calls earlier. He just didn't say why. We'll see you later tonight. Have fun ok?"

Dean laughed, "Okay, Sam. We will. He rides pretty good shotgun. I'll see you later tonight." Dean put his cell on the console between the seats and concentrated on the road. In another twenty minutes, they were in town. It took another ten to get through the lights to the outskirts on the other side of town. He finally pulled into a large parking lot. Near could see the Steak and Ale sign. The restaurant looked like an old house. "We're about ten minutes early, but the parking lot doesn't look very busy. Are you ready?"

Near nodded, hood of his coat bouncing a bit as he did so, "Near is ready," he said softly.

They hurried into the restaurant. The heat inside was almost overpowering. Dean stood still for a second and then pulled his parka back, and took off the cap, his longer hair mussed up by the hat. He walked up to the young woman manning the entrance desk. He stared down at her with his flashing hazel eyes, and grinned one of his most charming smiles. "Hi, I have a reservation for two at six. We're a few minutes early. I would like one of your quieter rooms."

The hostess smiled at the two, smile widening as Near pulled his hood back, "Of course, sir. Actually, I know just the room. Follow me," she said. The boy with him was cute in a very shy way, and she had a feeling that the man's brother, who she thought Near was, probably didn't feel comfortable around people due to his unique coloring.

Dean and Near followed the young woman. Dean leaned over and told Near, "You have a conquest. She lit up when you pulled your hood back. Don't worry about it. She's older then you. She is not gonna say a word with me around. You're safe."

Gray eyes stared up at him in confusion but said nothing as they followed her to a small private dining room. "Here you go, gentlemen. Your server will be Brittany this evening. Enjoy your meal," she said before leaving them. Once alone, Near slid his parka off and draped it over the back of a seat before sitting down in his usual crouch, which was more comfortable to him.

"You can take those snow boots off if you want to. It will be a little more comfortable for you. The shoes will have to stay on though. Health laws. I'm sorry about that. Did I upset you a minute ago?"

Near shook his head as he pulled the snow boots off with a bit of relief. They were too heavy to be comfortable. His pristine ked type sneakers were lighter, though he preferred his socks. "No, Near was confused."

It was Dean's turn to look confused. "Near, I'm sorry. All of you led me to believe you understood things like that? I'm sorry."

"Why was that a conquest? Near did not conquer anything," he said, getting into his comfortable perch as he did so.

"Look, I've flirted with women and slept with a lot of those I've flirted with. You have that innocent look and a lot women like that. When you pulled your hood back, that hostess lit up like a Christmas tree on a dark night. If you had been alone or were older then you are, she would have come on to you. You can bet on it." Dean smiled as a young woman in a black slacks, white shirt, and black bow tie, set water on the table and asked what they would like drink and would they like an appetizer.

I'd like a bottle of you best red wine. Near?" Dean opened the menu and looked at the appetizers. "See anything in the appetizers you want to try? They have mushrooms in a wine sauce. I'd prefer those with a meal though. What do you think, Near?"

Near ordered a glass of water for himself as he was still considered underage and while Watari wasn't as strict on some things, alcohol and restricted substances were on a banned list. He looked at the food, shaking his head a bit in confusion. The school usually had healthy fare but also catered to the unique needs of each child under their roof. L existed on sugar and caffeine, Mello on chocolate based foods, and Near was more into junk food when he nibbled outside of the cafeteria. "Near is unsure," he murmured.

Dean looked at Near and considered what everyone would think. "Forget the wine and bring a bottle of sparkling cider and two glasses. Also one of your sampler plates for two. You might as well have some to go boxes. Neither of us eats a huge meal. He's a very light eater. Oh, and make that two glasses of water."

"And for entrees, Sir?" They had good sampler plates for appetizers.

Dean looked at the menu and winced. The baked potatoes were usually huge here. If he was going to eat one, he'd want it fully loaded. He looked up, "I'll have the Kensington medium. Let me have the rice pilaf. Near, they have a boneless chicken breast with teriyaki type sauce and sliced pineapple on it. There's also some great steaks. Whatever you'd like. Whatever you can't eat, we'll take with us." Dean handed his menu to the waitress and smiled. "How busy is your salad bar? Would we have some privacy when we go out there?"

"Near will have the steak and potato, medium as well," he told her, following what Dean had said but wanting to try the potato instead of rice. He wasn't too fond of rice honestly.

Brittany tilted her head. "If you tell me what you want on the salads, I can fix them for you." Typically they didn't do this, but she had a feeling his request for privacy had to deal with the albino teen with him. The hostess had informed the manager of the request for privacy, which was why this dining room would be left with just them unless it got too busy tonight.

Brittany was able to experience what very few people knew. Dean Winchester's very sweet smile appeared and he thanked her. "Well, I would like the green leaf lettuce if you have it, with some red cabbage in it. You can add tomatoes, red onion, broccoli, carrots, and cauliflower. Put some black olives and sunflower seeds on it. I'll have blue cheese dressing. Near, have you eaten much salad? Knowing Watari, at least once in a while?"  
>"No olives, onions, or cabbage," he murmured. "Light ranch dressing." That was how Watari fixed his salad when the man forced them to eat one once a day.<p>

Brittany returned with the sampler plate. Dean looked at everything on it and mouthed the word, "Wow." The two spent the next fifteen minutes trying the different appetizers and making a list of what they would hunt up on the internet to find Copy Kat recipes for. Brittany returned with their salads and put the leftover appetizers in a 'ToGo Box" and left it on a stand near their table.

"Near believes that sampler is enough for four people," he said wryly, taking a small bite of his salad and gave a satisfied nod. She had followed his request perfectly and had added the perfect amount of dressing to the vegetables. Near was not fond of cooked vegetables so often got his daily requirement through fruits and salads.

"Yeah, it was, but we got some ideas for get - togethers. That wouldn't be a bad thing to have. The salad is good. We'll take the leftovers home. If Mello and Matt don't want them, I bet Ben will. Andy might too."

"Matt might eat it," he murmured, nibbling more on his salad. "Matt tends to eat more normal things at times versus what Mello will eat beyond what  
>Watari insists upon."<p>

Dean looked over Near's shoulder. "She's bringing our meal and some more of that bread, and the sparkling cider. I hope you'll try a glass with me. It's just carbonated cider and tastes a little bit like champagne, but it's not."

The teenager nodded, moving his hands out of the way so the waitress could take the plates and set the meals down. She poured cider for both of them and smiled. "Is there anything else I can get for you, Sirs?"

Dean smiled at her and shook his head, "Nothing right now, but thank you, Brittany." The waitress flushed just a little. Dean grinned when she left. He looked at the teen across from him. "She's a nice girl. She's a good waitress too." Dean cut into his steak and took a bite, chewing it slowly like the doctor told him to do.  
>Near cut a small bite, setting the knife down and taking a taste. He chewed thoughtfully, then gave a nod after swallowing. "Near likes this."<p>

Dean grinned. "Fantastic!. We'll hunt online and find out how it's seasoned. One of us will cook them. I like it too."

"That would be acceptable," he said, taking a nibble of the mushrooms Dean had ordered for them.

Dean grinned, "Yeah. It would be very acceptable. A toast to your first outing for dinner with a friend and adopted dad all rolled in one." Dean lifted up his glass of sparkling cider.

A frown flitted across his face for a moment as he realized what Dean was doing, making it clear and the boy lifted the glass as well. This was a new experience for him.

Dean stood up and raised the glass, "To you, Near. One of the best things that has happened in my life. You, Matt, and Mello are my other kids, but more so, you are very special to me. We share a bond of life and death. I have only had that bond with Sam. This is a new experience for me. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life, and for becoming a part of mine. I love you, Man. I know and understand that you don't really comprehend that, which makes your being here tonight all that more special." Dean leaned over and touched his glass to Near's and raised it to his lips and took a sip of it.

Near sipped it, then looked at him. "No one outside of Watari or Ryuuzaki has tried to show anything outside of school or work," he murmured. "Near thanks Dean."

Dean's eyes watered up and he sat down quickly and lowered his head to look at his plate, taking a bite of mushrooms...giving himself time to regain control over his emotions. He looked up after he swallowed the mushroom, "Looks like we're in each other's debt. That's fine with me. I want you to be able to see and experience other things too."

"Did Near cause Dean pain?" He'd spotted the tears and didn't understand what the reason for it was.

"What? No, Near. I get emotional sometimes. More than I used to. This means a lot to me. I get emotional. It would hard for you to understand that. Don't be concerned. It's not a bad emotion. Okay?"

"Is that what is meant by happy tears?"

"Dean smiled softly, eyes still watery. "Yeah, Near. I guess they are. I never thought of them that way, but you're right. They are." Their waitress, Brittany reappeared.

"Would you boys like some dessert?

Looking over at the young teen, Dean smiled again. "What do you think? If you're starting to get full, we can get to-go boxes for the rest of this. You want to save some room for dessert?"

"Near would like dessert and possibly bring some back for Mello, Matt, Ryuuzaki, and Watari. Is it possible," he asked the other.

"Yeah, it's possible. I think I'll bring some for the rest, too. May we see a menu, Brittany?

"Of course, Sir," she said, going to retrieve the menu. Near looked at him. "This would be a nice surprise for the group."

"Yeah. It will be a few hours before they get it, though. We have to meet them in the city tonight. I imagine they are they are on their way by now."

He nodded, "Or closer if Watari kept to Watari's usual schedule."

"Knowing Watari, they are definitely on schedule," he replied, looking up as the young waitress returned and handed both of them a dessert menu. "Thank you."

Near chose a cheesecake for himself, enjoying that occasionally when Watari brought them in. Usually Ryuuzaki commandeered that, especially if it had strawberries on it.

Dean saw that they had a special peach pie ala mode. He requested a plain slice...no ice cream. Brittany placed the remainder of their meals in the to-go boxes. Dean ordered one whole cheesecake, one chocolate cake, and one peach pie. "We can get some vanilla ice cream. It will go with the cake and the pie."

"The chocolate one, Mello will not wish for ice cream. Mello is a chocolate purist when it comes to that dessert," he said, sipping his cider as he waited for his order.

"I feel that way about pie. Apple is perfect but I like other pies too. I don't want anything on them either." Dean looked up at Brittany brought the desserts and three large boxes, "Would either of you like something hot to drink with these. Coffee? Cocoa?"

"I'd like coffee. Black, please. Near?"

"Hot chocolate please," he asked the waitress, who nodded.

Shortly, they drank their drinks and slowly enjoyed their desserts. Brittany brought them their tab and Dean placed a credit card with it. "You might want to get your outside clothes and the boots on."

Near nodded, tugging his boots on over the tennis shoes with difficulty. He had to stomp a bit to get them properly on.

Brittany returned with several large bags, and took the tab and credit card to the register. "I know it's difficult at times with the boots and all, but it's to protect you from getting sick." Brittany brought back a receipt and Dean signed it, leaving a large tip. "Thank you, Brittany. I really appreciate what you did for us tonight. You ready, Near?"

Brittany gave them a bright smile. "Thank you for coming. Be safe out there and please come back again!"

The white haired teen put his mittens on and his heavy coat. "Near is ready."


	151. Chapter 151

Saturday

Dean and Near left the restaurant and headed towards the city. The roads were clear most of the way. The wind had started to pick up and he slowed the ATV down some. They reached the town around 11 that evening. It took another 15 minutes to reach the hotel due to Friday night traffic. Dean was swearing under his breath, wondering why people were out so late on a Friday night when it was so cold. He thought back to his hunting days when it was just Sam and him. Club hopping or going home to party with someone you met at a bar was normal. Dean shook his head. He'd forgotten those times. They pulled into the hotel and parked in front. Telling the young man to stay inside, he got on his cell and called his brother, letting him know they had arrived and he was coming in to pay the bill. The argument between them was won by the younger brother. Sam had paid the bill and told Dean to just shut up about it. Dean told him there was food in the car. His brother, Matt, and Mello came down and brought the food inside while Dean parked the ATV.

They were all up late and slept in the next morning. After breakfast, the tux fittings were done, and they were free for the afternoon. Back at the hotel, Dean kept track of the time. He had told everyone where the restaurant was, and at 4:30, he left, stating he had an errand to run and would meet them at the restaurant.

The group was rather curious as to what the other was up to but headed to the restaurant at the right time. Sarah's eyes lit up at the outside of it, having heard of such places and hoping there was one near their home.

The sun had been setting earlier every day, and it was dark outside. The building had a green roof, and awning; and the lights on the building were several shades of green from dark to light.

Sam got out and opened the door as Nancy exited her ATV and laughed, "Dean must have found the only Irish pub in West Texas."

The taller brother laughed and replied, "It does have a pub. He told me that, but it is a very nice restaurant. They serve food from the entire British Isles and it's authentic recipes. This is for Sarah. He has known Lisa for a long time. I got to know her some. I found out that he had people watching over her. He only got to know Sarah a couple of days, while I continued to email with her. They had that one bout of argument and it worried Dean that he may have made her think he didn't like her or something silly like that. Sarah, he just wants to make you feel a part of the family. Just nobody, and I mean nobody, make fun of him tonight. This has been hard for him. Okay? Mello? Matt?"

Mello snickered at him. "As long as I get chocolate tonight, I'm game. Besides, this is a bit of home. I don't mind at all." Matt nodded, looking excited to try this as well.

To Watari, the green was a bit overdone but it seemed to feed the excitement of his boys as well as Sarah, who this little outing was obviously for. The artist was soaking in the decor with eyes that just kept getting bigger and bigger as she turned her head, memorizing every little facet. The inventor wished Dean could see her reactions.

An older man in a very dark green tweed suit opened the door and asked if they were the Winchester party. Sam said they were. The door opened wide for them. The vestibule had three doors coming off it. One went to back to the restrooms and kitchens. The one on the left had heavy wood doors. Sam opened it so they could see inside. It was an old pub with wooden floors, a large oaken bar and wooden chairs and tables everywhere. There were several dart boards on the walls. The doors to the right were oaken but they were held open. Inside was a large room with windows on both ends. The drapes on the windows facing the front of the building were a light green, and the ones at rear were open, showing leafless trees strung with small green and white fairy lights. The carpet was a dark green. The walls on both sides held prints of Ireland and Scotland. There were massive swords and large crests on the walls also. The tables had a dark green table cloth with a pale green crocheted lace cloth over them. Several had been gathered together to make one long table.

The man who had greeted them seated them. Lisa and Sarah were seated on either side of head of the table but the seat was left empty. It was for the host who was not there yet. Several pipers came out in full regalia. Two had Ulian pipes and two had the Scottish pipes. The two with the smaller pipes were dressed in Irish kilts. The other two were in Scottish attire.

The Irish pipers played "Wearing O' the Green."

Ryuuzaki closed his eyes with a muted wince for a moment. He wasn't too fond of the pipes but would tolerate it for the sake of the ones who enjoyed this. It was obvious Mello and Matt were having fun, and Sarah was humming with the music. He could tell she knew the words and was definitely enjoying herself.

When the Irish pipers finished, everyone applauded. It grew quiet. The two Scottish pipers stood and started playing "Scotland the Brave." About that time, Dean entered. Bobby choked on some beer he was drinking, and in a shocked voice, exclaimed, "Damn, bow legs and all."

Dean was in a full dress kilt of the Campbell plaid. He wore a white Oxford dress shirt, the Argyle vest and jacket with the tartan fly plaid on one shoulder held to the shoulder with the Campbell clan crest brooch . He wore the Ancient Campbell kilt in greens and blues. The woolen socks came up almost to his knees and bore green ribbon hanging under fold at the top. He wore gillie shoes. His belt was black leather and had a Campbell crest belt buckle. the sporran was leather with the crest on it. On his head was a black glengarry. He slowly walked towards the table and stood by Sarah and held out his hand. "I've been practicing this all week. I had a lesson in town before the snows hit. Will ye dance a reel with me, Lady Sarah?" Dean struggled with the Scottish brogue, but there was determination to do it justice on his face.

Everyone was so focused in shock at Dean they had not seen the band with its stringed instruments and drums enter. They started to play a Scottish reel and Dean led Sarah out onto the floor. A number of mouths were open in surprise as the elder Winchester kept up with Sarah and did a fairly good job of dancing the reel.

Sarah was laughing as she danced, moving flawlessly through the moves. Her grin encouraged Dean, eyes gleaming in a way that would tell everyone that this was beyond amazing for her and she was loving every moment of it.

Near looked at Bobby, "When did Dean learn to dance a reel?"

"Damned if I know. When did he have time to get a kilt made. Even more, as sick and exhausted as he's been, did he overdo by adding this? Doc, did he mention learning to dance a reel while moving and everything else he's been pushing himself with? "

Lisa added, "Yes, inquiring minds would like to know." Lisa was smiling when she said it.

Nancy interrupted. "He's smiling and having a wonderful time and he doesn't look the least bit tired. Look at Sarah's face. Her eyes are sparkling. If I'm not mistaken so are Dean's. I wouldn't have thought you could be that graceful dancing a reel when you haven't had the training. He's having fun. That's nice to see."

Dean had relaxed more as he moved the through the steps of the fast dance. He started to genuinely smile at the woman he danced with, his eyes starting to twinkle as they moved.

There was a mischievous look on Mello's face for a moment, and the blond grinned. "He's having a great time. We should take them to a competition and let them blow the others out of the water."

Sarah moved, matching him gracefully. It was obvious she did this often and was enjoying having a partner to dance with.

The music finally stopped and Dean and Sarah finished the dance in the center of the room. Dean smiled an incredible smile at the woman in front of him. "Thank you, my Lady. May I ask for another later? There were two or three versions of it and I watched the steps and learned them. I'm just a little nervous starting out. I checked. The band knows the songs that go to the reels I learned. I promise to try not to step on you."

The woman gracefully curtsied. "You, dear Sir, have been a pleasurable partner and one I hope to dance with again. This was my honor and pleasure, and I anxiously await the next dance."

Dean bowed to her with a wide grin, "After the meal, then. This was fun." He took her hand and led her back to the table. As he sat down he looked down the table at the shocked, questioning expressions on the faces of his family and friends. He winked at Andy who was sitting next to Ben. "Andy, I bet your grandmother danced the reel in her younger years."

The elderly lady laughed softly. "Oh I have a time or two, young man. You've done rather well. I think the other young ones should learn about these old dances as well."

Sarah was all smiles as she sat down. "I wish I'd known, I'd have dressed up too, Dean. This is wonderful!"

"The kilt was a surprise, Sarah. If I had told you to dress up for this, you would have known what I was up to and the surprise would have been ruined." He got a wicked look in his eyes, " I think Elspeth is right. We could hire this band and have Celtic or Gaelic parties at home. It would be great if everyone learned. The boys would do it well, I imagine." He looked down the side table towards his brother. "Sammy, you're going to do it aren't you? It wouldn't take long to have the same things made for you. They used the tux measurements." Dean smirked at his big brother.

Sam muttered something about kilts and underwear but not loud enough to be heard down the table. Bobby choked on his beer again.

Ryuuzaki shook his head as the woman gave a happy cry. "I would love it! Celidhs would be so much fun to host, especially at Celtic New Year. Dean, thank you so much!"

Near smacked on Bobby's back when he choked, answering Sam loud enough to be heard by the table. "Traditionally, there was nothing worn beneath the kilt. However, given the presence of minors, Near doubts Dean held to that level of tradition."

A pin drop could have been heard. Dean's eyes widened and his mouth dropped a little and he flushed. "Was that necessary, Sam?"

About that time, the waiting staff brought platters and bowls of food to the table. Bowls and plates were placed at each seat.

There was a lamb and potato stew, Irish potato pancakes called Boxty, Irish soda bread, and an apple butterscotch pie with meringue topping which was Scottish. There was also a haggis and Helensburgh toffee which was made like fudge.

Watari ensured his charges ate a bit of everything before allowing desserts to be served. He was proud of Dean's gift to Sarah, who was giggling as she ate her way through all of the food. The older male smiled at that, happy to see this odd little family interacting so well.

Sam stared at the food in front of him. The lamb and potato stew, he could handle but he knew what was in haggis. He looked down the table at his brother, who was trying everything with a relish that made Sam want to turn green. He could not allow it to be shown. Dean, whose derision of the Campbells and kilts had caused a rift, was now on the best of terms with Sarah. His brother had gone against the grain and done all of this to make amends and make her feel welcome and would expect his support in this. He shook his head and ate the stew. The haggis was not on his plate.

The tartaned clad man at the end of the table was answering questions about the reels he had learned, how he'd practiced. He talked about the blown up doll he had hidden in the wood shop and the small tv he watched in his office to memorize the steps. He'd had one lesson before the snowfall hit and was talking about finding the right attire. Everything had been flown in and four tailors had worked on it, using his measurements taken by the tuxedo store. He also talked about the history of the clans he was reading. Lisa listened to the two of them talking with pride. Dean had gone to a lot of trouble. She was very proud him and was going to learn the dances. She wanted to dance with him also.

Sarah had quoted a poem first before allowing the haggis to be cut and took a nice size serving, enjoying herself a great deal. She'd offered to teach Lisa since she knew both the Scottish and Irish dances, and also the artist had agreed to help Dean learn more as well. With a mischievous grin, she winked at Bobby, "Hey Sam?"

Sam looked up and the woman he was going to marry, a question on his face. He saw his brother taking a bite of the haggis, and he turned green. His older brother grinned at him.

"Yes, Sarah?"

As soon as his mouth opened, she popped a bite of haggis in. "Enjoy," she beamed at him, then focused on her plate.

Watari chuckled, shaking his head at that devious act. Sarah was quick when she wanted to be and kept the Winchester brothers on their toes. Definitely a good choice.

Dean smirked at his brother and placed another bite of the haggis in his mouth. He chewed slowly as he watched his brother sitting there with a look of shock on his face. Sam had not moved and certainly had not chewed the food that was in his mouth.

Dean swallowed, "Come on, Sammy. It can't taste as bad as some of the things you've swallowed. Give it a chance. You're Scottish too. You might actually like it. It's got all kinds of healthy stuff in it."

Sarah's eyes were sparkling as she watched him. The haggis was really well cooked, seasoned beautifully, and she would have to beg for the recipe for it. The others were actually eating it as well, since Watari had insisted on his group eating the courses before dessert would be allowed. "Come on, Sam, it's good!"

"It's stomach," Sam replied.

Bobby spoke up, "Sam, it's only on the outside. The inside has some organs of the sheep, spices, and Scottish oats. The stomach is what you boil it in. They used to use intestines for sausage. What's the difference? It's just a giant liver sausage. It's no different than tripe. The Mexicans call it menudo."

Dean looked up at the mention of menudo. "Weren't they a Puerto Rican boy band?" This time it was Lisa's turn to choke.

Mello nearly fell off of his chair when he heard the question, snickering harder. Near looked at Sam. "Does Sam eat the American food known as sausage or hot dogs?"

Watari covered his face, trying not to laugh. He knew where Near was going, and he didn't want to start snickering and make the boy question his line of rationalizing.

"Only when we were hunting and there was nothing else at whatever store we stopped for gas or food for Dean. I'm pretty picky about what I eat."

"If Sam ate the hot dogs then Sam should have no problems eating the haggis. In truth, this is healthier than hot dogs or sausage," he said to him, gray eyes watchful. Matt smirked a bit. "He's got you there, Sam."

The younger brother looked down the table at the instigator of his problems at the moment. Dean looked back at his brother, a challenge in his eyes. Sam could see the laugh lines. "Damn it, you're enjoying this, Dean."

Dean swallowed the bite of haggis and took a spoonful of the stew. He put it in his mouth and slowly chewed as he enjoyed his brother's discomfort. Swallowing, he grinned, "Yeah, Sammy. I am. I don't think there's any Superglu to be had around here either," he replied and started to laugh.

Watari groaned when Matt and Mello shared a look, then began pestering Dean for details. The two livened things up when not working with pranks at times.

Near frowned slightly. "Why is all of this a problem?"

Dean poured more beer from a pitcher into his tankard. "It's not a problem. I've gotten better at prank wars, and as I said, there's no Superglu. He can't glue another beer bottle to my hand."

"I'd be more worried about the dreadful duo," the elderly man told Dean, nodding towards the quietly conspiring kids. Near was poking at his own food, obviously almost to his full point. He really needed to encourage the lad's appetite as it was nowhere near Ryuuzaki's, Matt's or Mello's.

Hazel eyes turned towards the two teens, and the man watching them knew there would be trouble if he didn't nip it in the bud right now.

"Matt? Mello? No pranks in the house. Outside only. I don't want damage anywhere and it's holiday time. I don't want to see anything messed up because of them. If you are planning anything interior wise you get an adult's okay first."

"Seriously, like we'd damage anything," Mello pointed out. "Besides, we need to talk to you about that later," he grinned, wanting to bring the older man in on the pranks.

Dean looked from one to the other. "Oooo...kaaaayyy." Everyone was trying the two desserts. The older Winchester ate a piece of the pie, but it was a small one. He was full and didn't finish it. "Sarah, are you ready for those other two reels?"

Sarah grinned, wiping her mouth and hands before answering. "Yes, Dean, I believe I'm ready to work this meal off." She was ready to have some fun.

Dean got up from his chair and held a hand out to Sarah, treating her like something priceless to be carefully tended to and guarded. He led her out onto the floor and motioned to the leader of the small band. The music of another reel began and he led her into the dance.

The woman gracefully fell into the open position, moving with the music and with Dean for each part. She was glad she hadn't worn heels, which Lisa had tried to put her into earlier that day.

Parts of the reel required that Dean move in, placing his arm around her waist, gripping her tight as they moved in a tight circle around each other. Sam's eyes widened and he grinned, watching them. Suddenly he got up and walked out onto the floor, interrupting the dance. The couple stopped and Dean looked up into his brother's hazel eyes a question in his own. The younger man looked at both of them and smiled, "Teach me how?"

Sarah burst out into a peel of laughter. "Lisa, get your fanny out here. Time you learned as well."

Lisa's eyes widened. "I'll break something. I'm in heels." Dean grinned and strode over to the dark haired woman, reaching down and grabbing her arm. He pulled out onto the floor. She was dragging her feet, telling him to stop. The former hunter turned and faced her, "You can kick the damn shoes off, Lis. The floor is carpeted and it's warm in here. Don't use the speed and agility of the dance as an excuse. You teach Yoga and you're as nimble as anyone I've ever seen."

Lisa started to back away and stopped when the kilted man in front of her got a sad look in his eyes and quietly whispered, "Please?" She slowly slipped her feet out of her shoes and walked towards him. He stood a little taller and reached for her, a soft smile on his face.

Sarah set into position, showing Lisa how to stand as the woman would be to her right. "When the music starts, watch my feet at first. Upper body position is fairly easy. Irish reels and jigs hold the upper body very stiffly. The Scottish versions aren't as rigid. Sam, watch Dean."

Sarah nodded to the musicians and the music started. They were giving each other's partner instructions as they went along. Before the dance was over, both seemed to understand the steps. Dean told the band to play it again. this time they went through it a little easier.

Watari grinned when Mello dragged Matt out, pushing the red head to stand beside Lisa. The two had been watching and fell into it fairly quickly, proving their intellect as they did the dance fairly well.

They went through the dance several more times and Bobby looked at his watch. "I think we need to let these people go home, children. The hotel awaits. It didn't snow here but the weather report we had yesterday said last night was a possible snow and ice storm. If the roads are bad, we need to leave early in the morning to drive slowly when we hit those areas. Dean, thank you for a wonderful evening."

Sarah hugged her future brother-in-law, whispering softly. "Thank you, Dean. This really meant a lot to me. You look very distinguished tonight."

She watched Dean do something he found himself doing more of than ever before in his life. He blushed a brilliant red. "Really? It doesn't look silly? Cause, Sarah, I looked in a full length mirror and I thought I looked good. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think it could look good. It's not gay at all. What I've read about the fear other militaries have towards the Scots is fierce. They're really warriors."

"This is the more dressy version and in my mind, it's very flattering for both genders. You pull it off very well, and I'm so happy that you tried this for me."

"I'll be honest here. It wasn't easy, but I meant every bit of this. I know I don't really have the legs for a kilt, but I wanted to do it right."

"You look just fine," Sarah reassured him. "I'm half tempted to take you to a Celtic New Year and compete as dancing partners for the competitions."

"You think I'm good enough? Cause they probably dance a lot more then reels," the man in front of her hesitated for a moment. "Hell, why not? If you think I can learn it all and be good enough to compete, then yeah. I'll dance with you for the competitions." The six people in the middle of the room could have heard a pin drop at that moment.

What you don't know, I can teach you," she told him. "Refine what you know and build on it. You have a great balance, good sense of spatial awareness, and you don't mind getting sweaty and having fun. That's what this is for after all, to have fun and keep a part of our history and culture alive."

Watari just smiled proud of Dean for this. It was good exercise and a great bonding experience for him to get to know his future sister-in-law. He would get the materials for them for Christmas to get them going in the competitions.

"Okay, so we have until Halloween to do this?"

Sarah nodded. "That's a good time to start. I'd like to go to other festivals before then to give you time to see how the competitions go"

"We can do that. Yeah. Okay. Bobby's right though. It's getting late and the weather may be bad back home." Dean turned to the man wearing the green suit. If you'll bring the check I'll take care of it. Thank you for renting it to us tonight. It meant a lot." Dean walked over the band and slipped them several large bills. He did the same for the pipers. He walked back to the table as the man returned with his check. Dean gave him the credit card and the man left with the tab.

"Well, everyone. Did you have a good time?"

The group chimed in with the positive. Sarah was positively giddy; she'd had so much fun. She hummed various tunes as they donned their outdoor gear to be able to brave the dropping temperatures outside.

Dean signed the credit charge and left a large tip for the staff. He had thanked the owner one more time, when an elderly lady walked out of the office. Dean had a his winter jacket on , with gloves, earmuffs, hat, and muffler, but he was still bare legged.

The lady intersected his path, stopping him. "Where are your trewsers, young man?"

He looked down into her eyes. "They're in my ATV, ma'am."

"You've got nice legs, young man. They do the kilt justice, but we all know what is worn under a kilt, and you're going freeze them off." Dean's head jerked back in surprise. He licked his bottom lip, nervous.

The man in the green suit went quickly to the elderly lady and took her by the arm, apologizing as he took her back to the office. The little lady spoke louder, "You need some trewsers to protect those. Children are important, young man."

Dean nodded and hurried towards the door, grateful that the family wasn't inside with him. He was red faced again as he walked quickly towards the ATV, not sure who, if anyone, was riding home with him.

Near, Mello, and Matt had opted to ride with him actually, and the red head looked at the other. "Ok, why are you blushing?"

"Whose blushing? I'm fine."

"Why are Dean's cheeks so red?" Near leaned over, checking the other's face.

Dean let the engine heat up, he messed with the player in the car and Metallica came on. He looked up and stared at Near and shook his head. "Come on, guys. It's personal."

Mello snickered. "Let me guess, someone complimented you on the sexy legs?"

"Okay, Mello. Which one of those waiters do you think is gay and hitting on me?"

At that moment there was a knock on Dean's window. He jumped a foot. Turning he rolled his window down and the man in the green suit said "You dropped this when my Mother accosted you, Sir." He handed Dean his wallet. Dean stared at the man in disbelief. The owner apologized again for the rude sexual remark and hoped it would not prevent the use of his restaurant at another time. The younger man, his face a bright red at this point, choked out a reply,

"It's all right. At her age, dementia sets in. Right?"

The older man smiled, "No, Sir. Her mind is very clear. She likes sex with younger men. She would have gone a lot further." All Dean could think to say was, "Oh." He nodded at the older man and rolled his window up. Putting the car into reverse, he started backing up.

The blond coughed, muttering a word in between the coughs. "Cougar after you, Dean?" he grinned.

"That's not funny. She's not a cougar. A cougar could still attract a man, Mello. This woman had to be ancient when I was born. Okay? She didn't proposition me. Her son got there before that happened. She just said." Dean stopped. "I'm not telling anyone what she said."

Hazel eyes widened at that. "No problem, think I'll shut up now. Anyway, I can't believe Sarah pulled that trick on Sam. That was priceless, especially the look on his face."

Dean stared in disbelief. It wasn't like Mello to give up that easy. "Yeah, it was really good. I actually loved it." The man's response to Mello had almost a sound of doubt in it.

Mello grinned, getting comfortable in the seat. He wasn't going to push it because he'd been told to behave by his guardian, and he would behave...for now.

They drove toward the hotel. Dean took it slow on the streets, knowing the traffic would be bad on a Saturday night. He Let the boys out in front and drove around to the parking garage. He saw the other two on the second floor but had to go on up to the third to find a large enough spot for the ATV. He went around to the back and got his the clothes he'd been wearing earlier. They were in a back pack. It was cold in the garage so he hurried to the elevator.

The rest were waiting for him. The cold was falling fast, which wasn't a good sign for the weather tonight. Ryuuzaki was waiting in the elevator to make sure that Dean made it in without problems.

Dean raised an eyebrow when he saw the man. It had not crossed his mind that someone else besides an elderly lady might try to hassle him. There was a gun in his backpack, but it would have been difficult to get to it. "Thanks, Ryu." There was a lot of meaning in those two words because it had dawned on him that there might have been more than hassling. It would seem the other had foreseen the possibility and saw to it that nothing did occur. Dean said nothing else. Ryu would know what he meant and he was grateful that he didn't have to elaborate.

The detective nodded, popping a sucker into his mouth as he did so. "The temperature keeps falling. We may end up remaining in the hotel longer than originally anticipated."

"I hope not. Thanksgiving is this week. I want to finish up the cuttings for the ornaments and stuff Sarah needs. Lisa took care of the stuff for Thanksgiving and Sara is doing Christmas. I imagine that next year we'll go all out for other holidays. Right now, it's one at a time. Christmas is the big one."

Another nod came from the other man, "I understand. Perhaps the roads will clear up enough to allow for travel but we should be prepared for the other possibility."

"I know, Ryu. If this had not been so important, we would have stayed home."

"You certainly made amends and also found something to bond with your future sister-in-law over. That is a large achievement," he told him. "Sarah seemed to be very excited at having a partner to dance and compete with. This will be good for you as well."

"I liked it, Ryu. It was fun and exciting, but how is it good for me?"

Exercise for one. Healthy competition is always good for an individual," he answered.

"Heh. Sammy was the one who always competed in things. I bet this has freaked Sam and Bobby. It's not me. I want it to be though."

"Just go with the idea of enjoying yourself," he advised. "I could tell you were having fun tonight, which is important."

"It was a lot of fun. I really didn't know or understand. Man, I made an ass of myself over this stuff a couple of weeks ago. I'm glad I did this."

"That is important, the having fun. You've found something fun that you can share with your sister-in-law," he pointed out.

"I've never had fun with a woman before who I wasn't sleeping with."

Ryuuzaki nodded. "She is the only family member you haven't been able to connect with. Now you have a means to do so that is enjoyable for you both."

Dean thought about it as they exited the elevator at the street level and crossed the street to the hotel lobby. "You're right. Other than trying this, I wasn't sure how to go about it."

"Sometimes the best way to approach things is just to immerse yourself in something that the other enjoys, just as you have done tonight."

"It affected everybody, and I think they were all on Sarah's side. I don't think I was wrong to feel that way, but there was no way in hell she was going to back down on it. I guess I'm actually growing up, Ryu. I didn't want the fighting and everybody hurt and angry. I didn't want the blame for all of it either. I don't think she would be willing to let me off the hook. It's easier this way, and I liked it. Surprise."

They stepped into a lobby elevator. Dean was quiet for a minute. "I'm not doing this against my will. I actually enjoyed it and I want to continue dancing with her."

"Then focus on that and use it as a chance to have fun and get to know her,"  
>he told him.<p>

Dean spoke softly as they walked down the plush hallway, "I will. The first time I met her, I told Sam that he needed to marry her. She would have made a good hunter's wife. Now he's not a full time hunter. Only when you need us. He's marrying her. I want to feel as comfortable with her as I do Lisa, Jo, and Ellen." Dean stopped at his door and slid his card into the slot, turning the knob, "Good night, Ryu. Thank you."

"Anytime, Dean." He patted the man on his shoulder and trudged his way to his own room, determined to get some work done before Watari went off on him for his poor sleeping habits again.

The next morning, Dean was up and making calls, checking on road conditions between the city and home. He knew it might be rough on the highway that goes to their home, but he wanted to make as far as he could go before he had to pay someone to clear things up again. The sheriff's department said that all the roads were cleared of snow and salt had been laid in the worst areas. There might be spots of ice but it was passable. They'd just have to be careful. Dean called and let everyone know. They picked up donuts and kolaches at a bakery and headed on. More was expected.

The group was glad to be heading out, liking it better at home honestly. They just had to hope that they would make it before the storm hit.

Dean led the way. He'd driven in lots of weather like this up north. Sam rode with Nancy and her friend. Bobby rode with the Doctor and Elspeth and Andy. Watari sat up front with Dean. Lisa, Ben and near sat in the middle seat, and L, Mello, and Matt in the back seat. Sarah rode with Sam and the two women. It took longer to reach home. Thye reached the Doctor's offices and started swapping out. Nancy let Sam keep her ATV and Bobby hopped into the back seat behind Sarah. Nancy and Erica got into the doctor's ATV. He leaned out and told them, Nancy would pick hers up when they stopped to check the clinic. Saying good bye and wishing each other a happy holiday, they all headed to their own homes.

Near gave a soft sigh when they entered the main room. It was nice to be indoors. Traveling was not his favorite thing to do, truthfully.

The men hauled the luggage in and checked the building inside and out. When they had done the inspection, Dean started hauling in kindling and logs for all of the fire places. When Mello and Matt saw what he was doing, they grabbed their outer wear and went back outside to help.. Dean had pulled more logs from the wood shed and had a gas powered chain saw and was cutting wood. Sam and Bobby laid the fires.

Watari began laying the fires as well, stacking wood in the boxes where each fireplace was. He'd also put Ryuuzaki to work with Ben to help with wood, while Near and the ladies set the kerosene lamps out, making sure each was full with a wick ready. The older man had a feeling this would probably be necessary.

The wood was laid, fires roaring in every room, everything was ready. The women fixed a pot of soup with hot chocolate and coffee. Dean left the storage shed, hauling several large black plastic cases. He kicked a booted foot at the base of the storm door. "I need some help", he yelled.

The group went to aid him, though Watari insisted Near stay in a warmer area. The boy was succeptable to catching colds if he wasn't watched.

Dean stumbled into the patio with a number of large plastic cases. "These are quilts and heavy blankets. There's about six or seven more in the attic of the storage room. I tossed them all down so they are on the floor."

Sam and Watari went up to get the others while the group hauled in the boxes, determined to help

They hauled all of the quilts and blankets to the bedrooms, Dean telling everyone, "If you need to double up to stay warm, do so. Body warmth helps."

They all sat down to eat, and drink the coffee and hot chocolate. The kitchen was cleaned . Dean went into the pantry and brought out a propane stove. "We will eat hot food if the lights go out. If they do, we can see what caused it and make the necessary changes. But it's a day chore." While he was talking, the storm hit. It sounded like gale near a beach. Everyone gathered in the big room and sat together on the couches or chairs. Dean sat on the floor near the fire, with Lisa pulled up close to him.

Gray eyes sparkled in the firelight, "This is like the storms at the school sometimes." Mello nodded, very familiar with that sound as well. Whammy's house was massive and the wind wuthered around the house, filling the hallways with that moaning sound quite often.

"Snow storms or wet, rainy gales?" Sam asked.

"Both," Matt answered. "Sometimes just rain..other times snow. It's a mix of what to expect."

At that moment there was a loud noise and the lights went out. Dean stretched a little and sighed. "Well that's it till the storm completely passes and we have enough light to see. We're self-contained here."


	152. Chapter 152

Blackout and Pranks

Watari nodded, looking things over. "Matt, Mello, Near, go into our wing and retrieve all the blankets and pillows. Dean, Sam, and Bobby, I suggest you do the same in yours. We can set up pallets in here and the heat from the bodies will help keep it warmer. Lisa, Sarah, you two and I will set up a mini kitchen with the propane stove and do that in here in a corner. We can keep the groceries in the kitchen so that it stays cold."

"Everyone will need warm clothes to do all this. The cabin will get cold fast. There's also more blankets and quilts stored in the attic or loft above the storage building. There should be some boxes in there. We ought to put snacks, canned soups, and extra crackers and things in them and bring them in," Dean added as he headed towards the patio to grab his coat. "I suggest we bring our coats in here so we don't have to go the patio to get them when there's no heat,'' his raised voice suggested from the kitchen as he passed through on his way to the coat closet.

"Let's get the food and things out of the attic first," he said, handing jackets to Matt and Mello. "Near, you and Ryuuzaki start in our wing while the others do that as well. Divide and conquer, we'll get this done fast so no one gets sick."

Dean followed Bobby and helped get his items and warmer clothes together. As soon as they were hauled into the main room, he headed to Sam's wing and up the stairs, "Hey, Sammy. What do you want me to take down stairs?"

"I piled the quilts on the chair; I'm just getting clothes and pillows together now," he told his brother. "If you can snag some of those, that'd help."

Watari, Matt, and Mello were out in the supply area, putting the stuff they needed into boxes so they could be carried out. The older man was efficient, getting things arranged quickly so that no one would feel the effects of the cold.

Dean grabbed an armful of quilts and headed down the stairs. As he entered the big room, he saw Sarah and Lisa setting up. "Where do you want these, Sarah?"

"In the corner for now," she told him, getting the pallets set up.

Dean set the quilts where Sarah had said, when he saw Lisa battling the propane stove. He walked over, put his arms around her waist, and whispered her ear. "Why don't you and Ben put on your coats and go get what you need as far as clothes go. I'll get the quilts after I finish helping Sam. First I'll get this set up for you."

"Thanks, Love," she said, kissing him before going to get her coat and gesturing for her son to do the same.

Dean smiled, "I'd scale a mountain in this storm for one of yours kisses, Lis. Don't stay up there too long." Dean took the propane tank that was on the floor and pushed it under the dining table that had been brought in from the patio. He moved the table out and crawled under, pushing the hose up over the back of the table. He climbed out and stood up and reached for the hose, pulling it to the stove and screwing it into the back. Turning on the tank, he tested each burner, priming the ones that needed it. Pushing the table back, he made sure it was not up against wall so the hose was not crushed. Dean headed back across the main room to Sam and Sarah's wing.

"The stove is ready to use," he told the young woman who was making pallets.

Sarah smiled at him. "Thanks for your help, Dean. That thing is a bugger-bear to get set up. I love the size but dang, it takes a bit to get it going. I was about to ask Bobby for help."

Dean returned the smile, "It's not a problem, Sarah. Lis was having a difficult time with it. I figure the two of you would have managed after a while. Getting Bobby would have worked, but I was right here, and there is so much to get done. This way, Lisa and Ben are getting warm clothes, Bobby is sorting his stuff over there, you can finish what you're doing, and I can keep bringing quilts downstairs.

"Sounds good," she said with a grin. "I think Near might need help with hauling quilts as the others are bringing supplies in if you're interested in helping out more."

"Yeah, I'll be glad to, Sarah, as soon as I get the next stack of quilts I promised Sam I'd bring down.," Dean headed back to Sam's wing, and paused at the door. "I just thought of something. Where's Ryu? He's supposed to be helping Near."

"He's bringing more wood in with Watari," she answered. "Ben got the weather radio working and the report says it may last for a few days longer than expected."

"So, they're saying we can't repair the electrical right away," Dean wasn't questioning the report. He was mulling over the facts. "Let Sam know that Near needed me." Dean headed quickly to the hallway that been added on to go to Ryu's wing

Bpbby stood up from making his pallet. "Dean, I'll help Sam."

Dean kept moving, but responded with a "Thanks, Bobby" as he disappeared through the door.

The family kept working, battening down the hatches for what would be a rather nasty ice storm according to the weather reports. The group worked hard, focusing on ensuring that they would be kept warm and fed for the duration of the storm.

Dean kept going from Ryu's to the main room, hauling massive amounts of quilts, blankets, pillows, and warm clothing. He had Near stack what was needed outside of each room and he made the hauls. He was on his eighth one when everyone was starting to return to the big room.

Near had clothing out as well, knowing it would be needed. Matt came up to help, hauling the stuff out as well. The temperature was dropping fast.

Dean set the eighth load down and turned towards Mello. "Can you help Matt and Near with the clothing?" Dean looked over to where Lisa and Ben were setting their clothing. "I need to get our quilts and pillows down."

The blond hurried up to do that and Ryuuzaki offered to help bring down the bedding.

"Thanks, Ryu," Dean said as the detective followed him into his wing and up the stairs. Dean entered Ben's bedroom and placed the quilts and pillows in the hall. He entered the master bedroom and grabbed every quilt and pillow he could find. He opened closets and found a few more. Going into the hallway, he walked down to the end of the hall and opened a large door. There was more bedding on some of the shelves. Dean grabbed a large pile and turned to see Sam and Bobby helping Ryu grab what was by the bedroom doors. He smiled and headed back down the hall towards the stairs. "I think this is all of it."

"I think so," Bobby said, watching as the women and boys finished creating pallets for the family. "This is going to be mighty uncomfortable for cold weather."

"It could be worse, Bobby. We could be hunting somewhere. The pallets are thick. We got plenty of quilts. There's body heat. We all share pallets. No one sleeps alone."

"That's why I made them as I did," Sarah told him. "Snuggle room."

"That works. I know that some of you prefer bare feet, but not in this. It's too blasted cold. You at least wear warm socks. Keep the feet warm. There's wool stocking caps. Wear them. I read somewhere that body heat leaves faster through the head and feet. I don't know how true that is, but it makes sense in a crazy kind of way, so we wear them."

The group nodded as the clothing was sorted through. The girls went to change in the bathroom into warmer night clothing while the men dressed in the main room.

Dean held up some pajamas that he knew he and Lisa did not buy. "Okay, who the hell put these in my case?" Dean held up a pair of pajamas that showed a man in a kilt and it said "Scots do it with no underwear."

Sam gave a sheepish grin. "Sorry, saw them and had to do it as a joke. Wasn't going to spring it tonight though."

Dean grinned, "Well, it's not exactly the reminder I wanted to have after the party last night, but it seems to be the only pajamas that Lisa packed. Were she and Sarah in on it? I mean how did she get them?" Dean started taking off his shirts and putting on the pajama top, he sat down on the pallet and removed his boots. He inched out of his jeans on the floor, and put on a pair of flannel boxers, pajama bottoms, and woolen socks. He grabbed the heavy robe and put it on along with his slippers. "Hell, it's funny, Sammy. It actually is."

He laughed. "No, they didn't know about it. I saw it and thought 'perfect for a prank' and got them."

Dean was fastening his robe when Sam mentioned pranks. "Those are fighting words, Sammy. You trying to alleviate the boredom of being snowbound in one room?"

He squeaked. "No, not a good idea."

Dean stared up into his brother's face. The hazel eyes were wide, and the shaggy hair looked as uncontrollable as it was when they were on a major hunt. The shorter man noted the movements of his brother's hands and thought, "You're nervous." Dean smiled a sweet smile and went to the stove and put on a pot of coffee. He lifted the lid on the large pot. There was a leftover soup being reheated. It was on very low because it had a lot of ice in it. Dean stirred it and closed the lid. Walking over to the pallet Lisa had fixed for them, he stretched out and smiled, thinking he'd have to come up with something.

"I'd be crazy not to be," he called out, making most of them laugh. It was funny seeing Sam acting like a cat on a hot tin roof.

The women had changed and come back into the room. Lisa looked around and put her hands on her waist. "Okay, crazy not to be what? What are you two up to?"

Dean raised his head from the pillow, "Why do you automatically assume it's us? It's Sam, Lis. He could be crazy not to be just about anything." Dean rolled quickly to avoid the couch cushion Sam tossed at him.

He stood up, clutching the cushion. "Pillow fight? Okay." Before anyone realized what was happening, Sam and Dean were throwing pillows from every pallet they could reach. Dean held onto the couch cushion and was slowly maneuvering his brother into a corner.

Matt and Mello smirked, moving quietly before bombarding the two with pillows with evil cackles. The two worked like clockwork, trying to get the brothers.

"Sam, you got my back? Cause I'm going in!" Dean turned towards the two teens, swinging the couch cushion. He caught Mello upside the head and watched him dive to a pallet to avoid another hit. He grinned at Matt, his hand going up and the point finger doing a come here motion.

The red head gave him a snicker, ducking for cover when Ben threw a cushion at his dad. Mello grinned, encouraging the boy to play with them. He knew he needed more time with him like this, and a pillow fight was just what was needed.

Dean stopped and stared at Ben. "You think you're big enough to take on your old man? Come on." Dean was still swinging the couch cushion. "Sammy, what the hell are you doing? I'm up against three. "

Sam snickered. "Having fun...remember? No rules in pillow fights."

Dean turned towards his brother, "You going dark side on me, Sammy? They attacked us! Why the hell would you take their side?" About that time three pillows caught Dean on the head from three different directions. "Damn it, Sam. I got three of them. You really gonna make it four?"

A small cushion went flying, catching Sam on the head. All eyes turned to where Near was crouched, watching them. "Did he just do that," Matt asked.

Dean was so surprised he dropped his guard. "Near?" About that time four people hit him with pillows. He could not find a way out of the trap they had him in. They had come in close and he had no room to maneuver. "I swear, Sammy, I'm gonna get you."

The women and Watari were chuckling as the fight continued; Near chose random targets, his small frame keeping him hidden rather well.

Dean was not one to give up if there was a chance. He dropped to his knees and managed to crawl quickly between Sam's long legs, but he lost his couch cushion in the process.

The younger brother, "acked," falling forward and landing on Mello. The blond went down as well, laughing hard.

Dean crawled a short distance, and looked up trying to find pillows while Sam and Mello were down. It evened things a little. He spotted a long rolled pillow that lay across the back of the couch. Lisa had said it aided in easing stiff necks. Dean snickered at that and grabbed the five and a half foot cushion and went barreling back into the fray.

"Cheater," Matt crowed, smacking Dean as best as he could. That pillow was a good one for his opponent.

Dean went in with full force, at war. He grinned at his brother, as he was knocking each one of them off their feet. Ben tried running but got hit from behind. Lisa moved over to Sarah. "You remember the water gun fight? He nearly won. By himself, he took us all on. They're going to have a hard time stopping him. He's found a good weapon."

"He's got Near helping, which doesn't help the other's chances," she laughed, having fun at the sight of the group enjoying themselves.

"You're right, it doesn't. Do you think he'll win, or will Sam pull something on him? If Dean had been in perfect health during that water fight, I think we would have lost. Sometimes I forget just how dangerous he can be. Not with us but others. Right now, though, he's a big kid."

"It's how it should be," Watari answered, sitting beside the ladies. "It's good to see Near playing a bit too. It's rare when he does with others. Most of the time, it's individual play."

The older Winchester grabbed Mello's right leg and pulled him over by Sam who had not gotten up yet. He looked at them and pointed, "Stay there." He looked around for the teen in white. "Near? can you keep them down while I round up the other two?"

"Near can try," he said, lobbing the smaller pillows to do just that. Matt ducked, trying to get out of the way. The computer genius was not going to be thwarted if he could help it.

Dean went after Matt with a vengeance. He lobbed small pillows he found, forcing the red head towards the center of the room. Running, swiftly he swung the long pillow. Matt threw himself to the floor and Dean grabbed a leg and began to drag the teen to where the other two were piled. He raised his voice, "Ben, they're all captured. Surrender now, Son."

"Never," came the spirited cry. The boy was in a safe position with a lot of ammo at his disposal

Dean went looking for his boy.

Ben was in a good spot, lobbing pillows when he could. He was going to last this one out.

Ben had hidden under the far end of the dining table, away from the propane stove. He had piled sofa cushions around him for protection and could lean out over cushions to lob pillows. He had a supply of them. Dodging pillows, Dean dropped to his hands and knees and crawled towards the mini fortress set up by his son. He kept the long cushion with him.  
>"How in the hell did you manage to do that with everyone playing?<p>

"No one sees what the littlest one is doing," he chimed, smacking his dad straight in the face with a well-aimed throw.

"Ow! Dammit, Ben! That's it. I would've played nice, but this...this ... is too smart for your own good. I'm coming after you big time now."

The boy snickered, throwing pillows at him and noticing Matt and Mello were doing the same.

"Since it's four to two, there's no one to free you guys. Get back in your pile. That's the rules of the game." Dean stood up and walked to the table. Reaching down, he started grabbing cushions and throwing at the two teens who were breaking the rules. He looked down at his son, who grabbed a cushion and hit him hard in the head. Dean reached up and touched his nose and top lip. They were both bleeding. The zipper on the cushion caught him. He frowned, leaned down and grabbed a slippered foot. "That's it. I win." He picked his son up and carried him like a tow sack, holding him with one arm while using the long cushion to force the two teens back to where Sam was.

"No you don't," Ben squawked and smacked with a hidden pillow. "I win!"

At this point, Ben heard his dad laughing. "You're hanging over my shoulder and I'm carrying you and you're hitting on my ass with a pillow and expect me to surrender?"

At this point, Sam jumped him from behind and Dean went down on his knees trying to set Ben down before he hurt him. "Damn it, Sammy. That's cheating!" Ben scrambled out of the way and Mello and Matt went for Dean also. Before the long the, the older hunter was flat on his stomach, with Sam on top of him holding his head to the ground. "Do you surrender?"

Dean mumbled a "Hell no!"

Ben, Matt,and Mello did a surprise attack, tickling Dean as they snickered happily.

They could all hear muffled cursing where Dean's face was buried against the floor, "You surrendering, Dean?" Dean tried to shake his head, no.

The tickling came out more and Ben got his father's feet.

Dean tried to shake Sam off. Pushing, with his hands, he almost managed to do it.

The fingers kept at his feet, tickling rather well. Mello snickered, pinning Dean's legs so Ben could keep it going.

"All right!" Dean shouted. Sam did not move and waved to the others to keep tickling.

"All right, what, Dean?" Sam leaned over and began tickle Dean's rib cage.

"Dammit, Sammy. I surrender."

"Yay," Ben crowed. "We won we won!"

"Get off me, Sam." Dean was gasping for air, his face blood red and marked by the floor.

He did so, tickling Ben along the way to keep the light hearted laughter going.

Dean pushed himself up and rolled over and lay on his back, breathing heavily. "You do realize," he gasped between breaths, "that by breaking all the rules so that you win, you've opened yourselves to a declaration of war?"

Ben stuck his tongue out at him. "Not really."

Dean turned his head and stared in bewilderment at his son. "What does that mean?"

He grinned, pointing at the mess they'd made. "I think Mom's gonna make us clean this up," he snickered. "We sorta made a big mess."

Dean looked around for Near who had been keeping the others in the pile. Near had been outnumbered. They both had been. "Near, where ever you are, are you okay?"

A white head popped up from behind a shelter. "Near is well," he said to his teammate.

"Lis, Sarah, do you want us to remake the pallets or just restore the pillow s and cushions." I need to get the blood off the floor too."

"Dean, clean up the blood and take care of the injuries. Sam, Matt, Mello, you three put everything back. Near you will help remake the pallets, and Ben and Dean can help you when they get back," Lisa said firmly

Dean went to the dining table and grabbed some paper towels and a sprayer cleaner, he leaned down cleaning the blood up. He went to the trash bin, lifted the lid, and placed the paper towels inside it.

He went to the larger of the two duffels he had brought down. Sam recognized it immediately. Everyone was working as Dean unzipped the duffel and found the medical supplies that he and Sam kept up to date. Since they were doing hunts for L once in a while, Dean kept the duffel intact. He had no mirror in this room and the bathroom would be too dark to see. He felt his upper lip. It had swollen and was still bleeding. He checked his nose. It wasn't broken but it was bleeding. He could imagine what he looked like. He shook his head, placed a small cotton pad that he cut up inside the nostrils to staunch the bleeding. He got up and walked to the kitchen, opening the door and disappearing inside the frozen room.

When Dean disappeared into the unheated kitchen, a pin drop could have been heard in the main room.

Near broke the silence by working to remake the pallets while Watari went to check on Dean. The Englishman looked at the other. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, Watari. I got cotton pad cut and in my nose. My upper lip is swollen and still bleeding. I need ice. Not gonna find any in the main room. It's freakin cold in here. I just want to get a couple of cubes, wrap them in something and put them on my lip. Applied pressure and the ice should bring the swelling down and stop the bleeding. I'll be right out. Yes, I know I don't have a coat on."

The older man made a small ice pack for him and handed it to him. "It looks as if you and the boys had a good time. I'm glad Near felt comfortable enough to join."

"Yeah," Dean said softly. "It's the first time he's played with all of us. It's a day to remember."

"Exactly," he chuckled. "So it's all fine. Everyone's relaxing, and that's what I like to see."

"I'd laugh with you, but I think it would hurt, so I'll just agree with you and leave it at that. Let's get out of here. It's freezing."

"Works for me," he said, walking out with him to find the kids and Sam getting the room put to rights.

Dean stood behind the couch which had had its cushions returned. He watched his brother interact with the four boys. He started to smile, hissed softly, and place the wrapped ice back against his mouth, sighing.

Occasionally, Matt, Mello, or Ben would walk by him and playfully poke him each time. It was turning into a game to see how many times they could do it.

Dean's eyebrows rose as Matt made the last poke. "Is this a new project you guys have?"

The red head gave him an innocent look. "What?"

"Well, you guys are either planning to turn me into a punching bag or you've gone cannibal are deciding if I'm big enough to cook yet."

Ben looked at him, eyes wide. "Didn't you know? We decided to eat you first if we run out of food." He ducked, giggling hard when the other boys, outside of Near, began cracking up.

"Well, you know, I'm a little too big to cook inside this room. You'd have to roast me and that's an outside job. Now, someone your size just might be made to fit in the fireplace."

He squawked at that, going to hide behind Sam, who was snickering.

"Now, Ben, I think that since human meat tastes like pork, you'd have to be cooked a long while to make sure you're done."

"Not enough of me to go around! You're big enough! Ohh, we could make sweet and sour pork! Yum. Chinese food Dad style!"  
>That tore it, Bobby was on the floor, laughing so hard he was crying. Sam wasn't much better either, and both Ryuuzaki and Watari were chuckling.<p>

Dean walked around the couch, robe open from all the activity and the girls saw his pajamas. The reminder had Sam laughing, "We could have sweetbreads too," he commented. Dean's eyes grew wide as he turned back and looked at the man sitting on the floor. "Are you nuts?" A peal of laughter from the girls made him realized what he'd said, and Dean turned bright red again.

The group, except for Near, broke into laughter. The white haired teen tilted his head. "Near must be behind on vernacular again."

"I'm grateful somebody doesn't know." Dean walked over to the pallet where Lisa was sitting and laid back down, using her lap for a pillow.

She poked his head, "Still work to be done; a few more pallets need fixing."

Sighing, Dean got up. He kept the ice to his lips and started helping with the pallet, one-handed.

Near helped, making the work go by faster. Once the room was finished, Matt sighed. "Ok, quiet again."

Dean pulled the cloth covered plastic with two melted ice cubes all but gone in it. The cloth had a lot of blood on it. He touched his upper lip with a clean edge and it came back clean. He put the cloth in his duffel to be taken care of later.

"Dean's wound is better?" Near looked at the other.

"Well, it's not bleeding, so that's better." Dean removed the cotton pads from his nose and tossed them in the trash

The white haired one nodded, then went to sit on his own pallet. It was quiet but not in a bad way, which he didn''t mind.

Dean walked over to Lisa and laid back down with his head in her lap. Lisa looked down at the red nose and the busted, swollen upper lip. He had to be hurting, but was not showing any signs of it, other than the slight wince he'd given earlier when they were all laughing and smiling.

She ran fingers through his hair as she watched the others settle down and get relaxed. She noticed Near was stacking what looked like dice, which was something she hadn't seen anyone do before.

Dean relaxed, feeling her fingers in his hair, finding it soothing for some reason he didn't understand. Lisa felt his body slowly losing the tension it had had. His eyes started to close and he'd jerk awake.

"Sleep, Dean. It's okay."

"It's early, Lis. I only nap when I'm sick. Not sick," he mumbled softly, eyes closing again.

"You've been busy," she said softly

'Yeah. I am tired," Dean yawned and winced. The woman fingering through his hair heard a soft, muttered, "Damn it." He moved a little trying to get more comfortable. Slowly his eyes closed. In about two minutes his breathing slowed to a steady rhythm. His body totally relaxed.

After a while, she covered him up and just let him rest with his head in her lap.

Dean slept through the reminder of the evening and through the night. Soon it was quiet in the big room. Sam settled the fire so the room would be warm all evening. He laid down with Sarah and soon they were asleep also.


	153. Chapter 153

The Return of Castiel

Dean turned over feeling the coolness of the room on his face. Opening his eyes, he stared into a pair of brilliant blue ones staring intently at him. He jumped, a loud "Whoa!" being exclaimed. "Damn it, Cas. Personal space, Man!"

"My apologies," he said softly, keeping his voice low so as not to wake the ones asleep. Ryuuzaki was the only one awake, reading a book and occasionally looking up to stare at the new comer.

Dean turned to look at the detective. His lip felt incredibly sore and stiff. He looked at the pillow noticing the slight blood stains. It had oozed some during the night, meaning that the stiffness was probably dried blood. Sighing softly he inched out the blankets so as not to wake Lisa. He got up and headed to the bathroom. He returned a few minutes later and put a pot of coffee on and a tea kettle. Turning to look at the fire, he noted that it was low. Walking past the angel, Dean muttered, "Excuse me, Cas." Soon a roaring fire was burning. Dean knelt, feeling it's warmth on his face. He got up and moved towards the couch and sat down on the opposite end from the detective.

The hunter looked up at the angel. "I was wondering if you were coming back or not. I figured you were out taking care of one of your other projects."

"There was a problem with one of my other wards," he said. "But I returned promptly as you invited me to stay for a while."

"I hope you ward is all right. You missed all the fun, but hell, we got another day of it. I'm assuming it's still coming down outside?"

"This will probably not end for a few more days," he said. "There is another system behind it."

"A few days? It's about four days to Thanksgiving and we are not going to be able to even thaw out the turkey. Well, Bobby, Sam, and I are used to that, but no one else here is. Damn it. I so wanted things to go right this year."

"Why can it not go well? Put the turkey in front of the fireplace to thaw, then roast it pilgrim style," he pointed out. "Use the small stove there to make the fixings. I believe there is enough baked goods to make things even more pleasant for everyone. This will just have to be done as the pilgrims did."

"How do you know about pilgrims, Cas? Don't tell me. Was the ward you watched famous?"

"Famous? No, a small girl in India," he said with a smile. "And I know because I had a charge during that time period. I watched them prepare the original feast."

Dean stared, a look of confusion on his face. He shook his head to clear it. "Okay. Two questions. Was your charge during the pilgrim feast one of the famous ones? Why are you having to watch a little girl in India? She got some special thing that's gonna to happen her?"

"No, not famous. A simple Puritan boy back in the day," he said. "And I do not only watch the ones with big plans in their future, Dean. I also watch out for the ones that have simple lives that will touch a few that they interact with."

"Yeah, well...I filled those already, Cas. I don't have any more big plans ahead of me, do I?" Troubled eyes stared up at the angel standing near the fire.

The angel looked over at L and met his dark eyes. L would not know what was ahead for him. Only the Father knew and had told Cas to continue to be there for Dean and Sam. The detective must not die. He would suicide if they are not involved. It was not the time yet.

"There is something we must speak of later," he murmured. "Now is not the time but trust me, this is more along the lines of something different than you know. At the moment, you have started a new path. You will not walk it alone."

Dean just stared in shock. He got up to check on the tea kettle and coffee. His hands were shaking at this point. He had thought his hunting days were down to an occasional job for L. The apocalypse had been averted. He poured water over a tea bag, put it on a plate, and brought it with sugar cubes and creamer to L.

"You want some tea, Cas?" he asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"I would love some, Dean. Thank you," he said. He didn't need to eat human food but enjoyed it at times, thanks to Dean's influence.

Dean fixed Cas' tea the way he knew angel drank it. Turning to take the tea to his friend, he almost dropped it. Cas was about two feet from him. The angel took the mug from the hunter. Dean's eyes showed he was upset, but said nothing, except, "Oh! Here you go, Cas." The human followed the angel back to the main part of the room. He went and sat on the pallet next to a sleeping Lisa. He suddenly felt scared.

Castiel took a sip and gave an appreciative smile before sensing the fear. "Dean, please come with me for a moment," he said, rising

Dean looked up from where was sitting , staring at the woman he was about to marry. "There's not a warm spot in this cabin, except this room, Cas. I'm in my pajamas. Give me a minute grab my coat and gloves."

"Not necessary," he said, tapping him and keeping him warm for the moment. "Come with me."

"We'll be back, Ryu." Turning to Cas, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"

Castiel led him into the kitchen, then silenced the room so no one would hear him. "What is coming, I can only give a few hints and reassurances. The person in the line of fire is the detective," he told him. "The Father has seen what is coming ahead and wants you and Samuel to aid L in it. If he does not have the help of you both and Bobby's guidance, he will not survive the coming case."

"He dies? What about the others? Watari? Matt? Mello?...Near?"

"If he dies, the losses will be catastrophic and the good that L will do will be diminished," he said. "His death will cause a lot of problems. It must be averted," he told him. "You will be needed to help him and prevent anything happening to L and the others."

Dean tried to put a lighter tone to his voice, but it was difficult. "Double duty, then. When will this happen? How much time do we have at home before this happens, Cas?"

"I am not sure," he said. "You will know when it does. L will be asking for your aid now that he knows you two."

"He's only asked for it once so far. We did a job in Pennsylvania with Mello. Cas, this job that is going to be so important...will it cause danger to Lisa, Ben, and Sarah?"

"No," he answered. "As long as they keep their heads down and remain law abiding citizens. Dean, you must not share anything I have told you with the others. Sam and Bobby may know when you can pull them aside. However, we cannot affect the course of what will be. Even I cannot affect this."

Dean looked at the angel in front of him. "Maybe it's better if don't say anything to anyone. I don't want to ruin the holidays for anyone, Cas."

"After Christmas, you need to tell Sam and Bobby so they are not taken unaware when it happens," he answered. "I have faith that you will do all you can to help L when the time comes."

Dean looked into the wide blue eyes. "I owe L and Watari as much as I owe you, Cas."

"They do not consider it a debt, Dean, nor do I. Now, we should go back in and enjoy the company there," he said to his friend.

Dean walked over to the refrigerator and opened the freezer section. Shaking his head, he turned and walked towards the main room, following the angel. After entering the room he went to his duffel and pulled out some clothes. Everyone was still asleep except Sam who was now drinking a cup of coffee, and L who had a second cup of tea. Dean stayed in the big room and began to get dressed. He reached over for his boots.

Sam looked at his brother. "Going somewhere?"

"There's no turkey in the kitchen freezer. I don't imagine anything else is in there either. I'm going to grab an empty box and go get the stuff in the storeroom outside. Be back in a bit," Dean answered as he grabbed his coat from the pile near the door.

"It's a big bird," he told his brother. "Give me a few and I'll go with you to help."

"Okay," the older hunter responded, fastening his coat. "Thanks."

Sam set his coffee aside and got his outdoor gear on before heading to go out with Dean.

As they walked towards the patio in the freezing house, Dean asked his brother, "How'd you know I would be going outside this morning? You were already dressed."

"You usually like a bit of a walk first thing to clear your head and the like," he said. "And with Thanksgiving coming, I figured you'd probably be getting things together for that too."

"You're right. They're not gonna let me walk in this. The groceries need to be brought in. It gives me a minute."

"Yup and I'm helping, so no one can say you're trying to overdo. That and I had a feeling you needed to talk. You looked a bit upset after you came back in with Cas," he told him.

Dean stopped outside the storeroom and looked up to meet the taller man's eyes. Sam could the see the ice that was coming down sticking to his brother's eyebrows and lashes. Dean was at a loss for words for the moment. He wanted to tell his brother, but didn't want to ruin anything.  
>"Dean, you know I"m with you to the end, so what's going on?"<p>

Watari, and the boys. No one."

"Understood," he answered. "What's going on?"

"I think we may be facing something as big as the apocalypse, Sammy. It involves L. If we don't handle this right, they could all die. Cas said everyone knowing could change the future. He said you and I are trusted by L and we would save him. Bobby would be the adviser helping L. L would listen to him, I guess. I got scared about the girls and Ben. He said that as long as they behave themselves, stay low, there would be no problems. I sure as hell hope he's right." Dean tried to open the storage room, but the lock was frozen with ice over it. "Ah, damn it. You got a lighter?"

He searched his pockets, then turned it over to Dean. "Cas didn't say anything other than that?"

"You know how L is. He will call us on this one. It's gonna be bad, Sam. Cas said if L dies it will be catastrophic. I'm not crazy about those words. I owe L my life. I'm not gonna let him down."

"I can see why it'd be bad if L's life is at risk. The boys really aren't old enough yet to take over," Sam said. "It'd be like giving Ben a gun and throwing him into a hunt. It's something none of them are ready for. Ben will never have to live our lives, and the boys are still being educated to follow in L's footsteps. We've got to do what we can to help them."

"I am just worried about the girls and Ben. I haven't had the greatest luck with love, Sammy. I don't want to lose this. I have to do this, but will Lisa understand the risks and not leave?"

"She'll understand ;especially if she knows that it's to protect them," he told him.

"I hope so, Sammy. I can't give her any warning. I sure as hell have no idea what we're up against to even get ready for it. Cas doesn't seem to know. He won't tell us if he does. Something about messing what has to happen and the damage that could be done. It's like a time travel thing, I think. You don't want to mess anything up. I don't know. My mind is screwed up right now. I thought we'd be doing simple hunts for L. I just never expected anything like this." Dean finally got enough heat to the lock to melt the ice. He unlocked the door and both entered the storeroom and out of the storm.

Sam's voice was soft. "All we have to do is tell them that L gave us the mission through Ryuuzaki, and Cas said that it was vital we make sure that L remains alive. She'll understand that."

"Yeah, she will. She's got to," Dean answered softly in return. For a second a look of mischief crossed his face. "Yours will want to hunt with you."

Dean set the box on the floor and walked to the large freezer. He found the turkey. He picked it up and turned, bumping into his brother. "Yeah?".

"Oh I imagine she will," he laughed. "Um..are you dancing with the bird?"

Looking up into his brother's grinning face, Dean smiled back. "I didn't think I was. Are you cutting in?"

"No, I don't think so," he snickered.

Dean nodded, "Good. Let me go put my partner in the box." Moving around his brother, he placed the large bird in the box and turned to look at the shelves of food. "Well, we can't make homemade stuffing. There's no way to bake it. We could put some in the bird, but it's going to be strange roasting in the fireplace. I'm thinking about putting it in that large Dutch oven up on the top shelf. We can set it inside the fireplace on some of the logs that have charcoaled and put coals on top. Gonna take a long time. I figure we'll need to cook it overnight, possibly. I can't guarantee the temperature. We'll heap the wood coals around it. Should work, I would think. Just in case they don't want to make stuffing for just the bird, we can grab a few boxes of the stuffing mixes over there. Almost everything is supposed to bake. We can boil and mash potatoes. We could have corn on the cob. There won't be pies or cakes, but there's plenty of cookies in the kitchen. I think Lisa made candy and some brownies of some kind. That will have to do. What do you think, Sammy."

"She's got cookies and baked goods, so we're good there. I think we can slice things up for a relish tray and use some of the homemade bread in place of rolls. Cranberry sauce, I think that's in the fridge," he said softly.

"There's corn on the cob in the big freezer. The potatoes are in a bin over there. I bet they got freezer burn bad. The breads are the kitchen. Cranberry sauce is in the refrigerator over there. I'll grab the stuff on the shelves first. If you want to look in the refrigerator out here, and see what is salvageable for a relish tray. There should be some cheeses at least. I see some olives up here on the shelf. There's several kinds of pickles. Do people eat pickles on Thanksgiving, Sammy?" Dean was putting the items he found on the shelf that he had mentioned in the box while he talked.

"On the relish trays, yeah," he said, grabbing everything he could find for the holiday meal.

Dean had the box filled to the brim, and looked at the remaining items that needed to go into the cabin. He stood up and looked for a container to carry food in. He remembered seeing a plastic bin in Near's solarium. "I'll be right back We need something to carry the rest of this in and I know where there's one."

"Okay, I'll bring these in and come back for the rest unless you want me to hit the main kitchen for the other stuff?"

"I can bring the rest. Go ahead and hit the main kitchen. It's all got to thaw and the room is not hot enough, so we need every minute we've got."

"All right, don't take long, Dean. Too damned cold out here," he said, heading off to bring the food in.

The older brother entered the solarium. They had set up some special burners with hot coals and in them. He put some new ones in them and realized they needed to check the green houses. He made a pass through to reset fires. He did not want to lose everything. Walking out from the last green house, he picked up the plastic bin and headed towards the storeroom when he saw his brother, Watari, Mello, and Matt. Dean froze. He he looked at each face. Sam and Watari's worried him. "I'm in trouble, right?"

"No, you're fine. Skin is a good color. Actually, we're glad you thought of getting this ahead of time. Where were you heading next," Watari asked him.

"I was heading back to the storeroom. I needed something to put the Dutch oven and the remaining food in… this bin. I remembered seeing it in Near's solarium. We can put the turkey in it and set it near the fire place so it will thaw in time."

"That's a good idea," he answered. "Is there anything else that needs to be done?"

"Yeah? Okay, the Dutch oven and the remaining items for the Thanksgiving dinner. Sam and I figured out what would work."

"Anything we need to check on?"

"Not that I can think of. I've just got to get the Dutch oven down off the top shelf. The food is all over the counter space in there. I'll load it around and on top of the Dutch oven and bring it on in."

"All right," the older male said. "Just shout at us if you need something."

Dean smiled, reached over and retrieved the bin from Mello who, thinking Watari was going to have them do it, had taken the container from him, and headed towards the storeroom. He finished loading the bin. It took a few minutes to get the Dutch oven down but he managed it. He felt a little more confident when no one took the job away from him and the compliment over the green houses and solarium helped him also. He walked up to the patio and worked to the get door open with the large container in his arms.

Near opened the door for him, helping him into the house, "Sam is in the kitchen, retrieving the last of the items needed."

"Thanks, Near. Does Watari know you are out here in stocking feet?" Dean kept walking as he talked. "Let's get this inside before you catch pneumonia or something."

No, Watari does not,' he said, following him in. "However, Near was not out here long enough to become ill."

"Okay," Dean replied, "Let's get this inside the main room. My fingers are going numb even with the gloves on."

Near nodded, opening more doors.

They passed Sam on the way through. Near opened the last door and Dean entered. "Thanks, Near. Go sit by the fire and warm up. Where do you want this? The bin will be perfect for the putting the turkey in to thaw. Lis? Sarah?"

"Yeah?" Sarah's voice sounded groggy as she answered him back.

Everyone could see a look of surprise on the hunter's face. "Lisa?"

Lisa yawned rolling over. "Huh?" She wasn't quite awake yet.  
>Dean had not realized how early he had fallen asleep the night before. The confusion in his eyes was almost comical. "I'll just set it over here?" he asked softly, setting the bin on the other side of the table. "Go on back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you."<p>

"It's ok," she mumbled, then face planted onto the pillow, out again. Sam laughed softly, encouraging Sarah to conk back out as well.

Dean stood up after setting the bin down. His face was rather red from the ice and wind. He looked at his brother and shrugged, looking much younger than his age. He took his gloves off and tried to unbutton his coat. Sam watched his brother as he fumbled with numb fingers, a look of frustration forming on his face. Instead of getting the coat unbuttoned, he walked to the fire and put his hands out, trying to warm them and get them working.

Sam slipped up beside him, unbuttoning the coat for him. "Too cold out there," he murmured, getting the garment undone for him. "Cas said another system was right behind this one. I'm glad we're pretty self- sufficient here."

Dean was quiet for a second. He looked into his brother's hazel eyes and a half smile formed. "Thanks, Sammy. Yeah, I'm glad too. I'm gonna have to find better gloves then what they sold me."

"I think so," he said. "We'll head out there to find something warmer after this weather breaks."

That would be great. Sammy," Both men looked up as Watari brought them a cup of hot tea. Dean smiled his thanks and went to sit down on the pallet next to his fiancée.

Sam grinned, helping get the food set up to thaw. "Not a problem, Dean."

The older man sat and watched the proceedings, holding onto the mug of tea with both hands. His fingers were stiff and tingling unmercifully. He kept quiet about it. It was bad enough he couldn't unbutton his coat.

Watari took one of Dean's hands, checking it over. "Not frostbitten," he murmured. "Keep them around the cup. It'll help."

Dean looked up at the older man. "I'm fine, Sir," he said softly. "My fingers are numb and my whole hands are tingling like an electrical shock. They were just cold too long."

"Just keep it warm for now," he said to him.

"Yes, Sir. I will. Thank you."

Ben walked over and sat next to Bobby who had gotten up about thirty minutes before. "Can I ask a question?" he asked the older man.

Bobby looked at the boy. "Sure, Ben, what's going on?"

"Why does Dad call Watari, 'Sir,' like that? He sounds like a private in an Army movie and Watari is a general. Why does he do that?"

"It's a sign of respect," he said. "Watari is an older man and someone your father respects."

"It's not the same. Watari takes care of everyone and he's a good cook, but Dad acts like he's his boss and maybe Dad's afraid Watari won't like something he did. It's weird. You and Uncle Sam don't do that. Nobody else does. It's just Dad."

Bobby listened for a moment, thinking. "Watari is a capable person who has saved your dad in a special way. It's definitely someone he respects a good deal."

"That's all it is? I thought Dad was afraid to make him mad. He always asks him 'Did I do something wrong?' I didn't understand why he did that. I thought Ryuuzaki did as much for him. I guess I was wrong. Thanks."

It was hard to explain it in a way that Ben would understand. Maybe Dean could do so when he was older.

Dean held onto the warmth of the tea as he slowly drank the dark brew. He watched his son talking to his adopted grandfather, wondering what was so interesting. He sighed. The last week had been so busy. He hadn't had time to talk much with either one of them. He needed to take care of that.

Bobby flashed him a smile, getting comfortable on his pallet.

Dean watched his son join Mello and Matt on their pallet. He got up and walked over and sat down next to the man he thought of as his Dad. "You look comfortable enough."

"I am, surprisingly," he chuckled. "You warming up?"

"Yeah, I'm getting there" Dean was quiet for a minute. He watched his son talking animatedly with the two teens.

"What's on your mind, Son?"

"The pillow fight yesterday was fun, wasn't it?" Bobby looked at the swollen lip and slightly bruised nose and just waited. Dean finally looked at him, "We need to talk later." Dean looked back at his son. "He all right? He sure looked serious when he was talking to you."

"He was curious as to why you call Watari, Sir."

Dean turned red with embarrassment, "It's become a habit, I think."

"I told him that he'd helped you a lot, a bit of a boss at times, and worthy of respect," he told him.

"Yeah, that's a pretty big part of it. I was so messed up for a while...thinking the wrong things,...saying the wrong things...and hell, doing the wrong things."

"You're getting better, Dean. I'm proud of the progress you've made," he said to his surrogate son.

"That means a lot. Sam and I were doing something ... maybe in the garden. We may have been eating. I'm not sure. Something happened and Watari got rather upset. That's probably not right. A lot of those days run together. I only know that I thought that he was reprimanding me like Dad used to do. That locked itself in my mind for a long time. I couldn't handle being yelled at. I know I stiffened and said, 'Yes, Sir.' All I could think of was don't yell at me. Somehow it came down to needing his approval. I've been getting better, but I still want his approval and respect. I say, "Sir," now because I respect him and his authority. It's a story I can't tell Ben. I sure as hell wouldn't tell Watari or L. The reason is back there, but it's changed because I've changed."

"That's all that matters," he said softly. "You're fine, Dean. You're doing just fine."

"I think I am, I have lapses but not as many as before. I'm not just trying to heal me but relationships too. It's not easy.

"It takes time, but you're making good progress. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Bobby. I want to make you proud of me. I love you. It's important to me."

He hugged him. "Love you too, Dean."

Dean held him tight, sniffed a little, then pulled away. He spoke to the group, "I don't how long the Sleeping Beauties are going to be sleeping, so what are we doing for breakfast?"

Everyone laughed and the day turned to normal things, consisting of cooking, cleaning up, talking, and playing games. Most of the week went this way. Castiel would come and go. Wednesday night, Watari and the girls made stuffing and put it in the turkey. Sam had made a place for the Dutch oven. Cas showed him how it was done centuries before. The turkey was placed in the fireplace. Sam set his alarm because it was the loudest in the room. Someone would baste the turkey, rebank the fire, and Sam would reset his alarm. Everyone slept well as the night turned to the wee morning hours of Thanksgiving and the ice storm broke. It began to snow.


	154. Chapter 154

Thanksgiving

Silence woke Dean. It had been a restless night with the alarm going off every two hours. Most of the group plugged their ears with the cotton balls that Dean had in his first aid kit Not wanting to leave the entire job to Sam, the older brother got up every time and got wood out of the large tub they had placed on the patio. Dean would grab a bathrobe, and put on is slippers. Donning his coat on the way out, he would go to the patio, fill a bucket with wood and kindling and head back to the main room. Sam would be tending the turkey, doing what Watari had said to do. Dean would remove the old coals that had died out and shovel the newly burnt wood to where the Dutch oven would go. He waited for his brother to finish. The large iron cooker was covered and surrounded with the glowing wood coals. Putting the shovel down, he would back up and let Sam set the new wood and kindling and get the fire going. They would both go back to bed.

This morning, Dean yawned, and got up, slowly walking towards the bathroom. Coming back into the main room, he couldn't figure what was bothering him. He realized there were no high winds or the sound of ice hitting everything. Moving around pallets, he looked through a window at a snow covered world. It looked like a blizzard without the wind. Dangerous due to the ice underneath it and the stalactites hanging from the eaves. Perfect for impaling vampires, he thought. Dean stood there, watching the gray light of early morning and the thick snowfall. Looking down at the watch on his wrist, he noticed that the time was actually 9:47. The darkness was due to the storm.

Near padded up beside him, looking out the window, "It looks bleak outside," he murmured. "Near has seen gray skies like this in England, but it seems worse here."

There's no wind to blow it into drifts. It's coming almost straight down. It means a pretty even blanket of snow everywhere. If it lasts very long, we're gonna have trouble digging out. I wonder how thick the layer of ice is under it," Dean spoke softly, so only Near heard him.

"Unsure," he said. "Near has no means of tracking it so it could be a treacherous walk outside once the snow stops."  
>"Well, I hope not. I don't imagine any of the roads are passable right now. If somebody slipped and broke something, we'd be on our own. I want to be able to go out and knock those icicles off. They're deadly. I bet there's a bunch all over the property...the clinic, mobile homes, and the shop."<p>

"Probably," he murmured. "An attempt should be made once the day is over if tomorrow proves to have weather that will allow it."

"I agree. It wasn't that bad out back because we've been knocking them off with a broom every time we've gone outside, but the rest of the place is gonna be bad."

Near nodded. "It will go faster with the whole group working once the weather breaks."

"Yeah, it would, but not today. We're gonna make this day as special as we can. Hopefully it will slow down by tomorrow. Everyone's still sleeping. I'm gonna take care of the fire and the turkey. I'll see what I can do towards the rest of the meal."

Dean put some clean clothes on and headed toward the colder part of the house to get wood, grabbing his coat as he went.

He was joined a short while later by Sam, Watari, and Bobby. The older man smiled. "I have the boys working on prepping the potatoes and the like."

Dean returned the smile, "Thanks, Watari. That saves time. I'm glad to see the three of you. There's not enough wood left. This container is too big to carry out and carry back. It's too heavy. We got to make trips for the wood. Everyone be careful. There's a windless blizzard right now. We won't see the ice patches."

They nodded, making fast work of loading up the wood. "We needed to get things moving. Near is replacing oil in the lamps as we do this."

Dean filled up his small bin and went to shovel out the dead coals and ashes into the second bucket he had. Sam had gone past him, removed his winter clothes and started the final preparations for the turkey. It was almost done.

Dean looked over his shoulder and sniffed. "Damn, it really can cook that way." He grinned at his little brother and hauled the two buckets back to the patio. He dumped the ashes in the trash can he was using for that purpose.

The group was now entirely awake and working on getting the meal ready to go. Laughter filled the room as jokes and silly stories were told.

The older Winchester returned, and stood in the doorway, coat still on, and silently watched ever thing that occurred in front of him, taking everything in.

Ben grabbed his dad's hand, tugging him in. "You can help us get some of the food ready," he said with a grin.

Dean shook his head to clear it and stared down at his son. "I can do that," He said softly. He went over to the large dining table and grabbed the cheeses and a knife. He found a cutting board and began to slice the different cheeses into large slices and then sliced the slices to make cheese sticks. He found the platter Sam had brought in for the relish tray and laid the cheeses on it. Looking around he found a can of black olives, a jar of green olives and a jar of Polish dill pickles. He took the olives into the bathroom and drained them. Entering the main room he noticed that Sam and Watari were removing the turkey and putting it on a platter. Grinning, he popped two or three black olives in his mouth and headed back to the relish tray. Dean was excited.

Matt was serving up the potatoes and other veggies they made on the propane stove. while L and Mello were setting up the drinks to get everyone ready.

Dean settled the black and green olives on the relish tray and opened the jar of pickles, carefully removing them a little at a time. He moved the relish tray to the far end of the dining table where the other food was being placed. Watari was carving the turkey and leaving it on the platter. Lisa pulled several foil wrapped loaves of bread from off the coals and opened one and sliced it.

Watari had Ryuuzaki and Ben set the plates and utensils up so the meal could be dished out before having them set up the TV trays and smaller lap trays for those who didn't have a seat.

Dean leaned over Lisa's shoulder, placing his arms around her while she cut the bread. He leaned in and whispered, "Want to sit on our pallet and eat together?"

Lisa smiled, smelling the black olives on his breath. Dean waited for a reply.

"You've been into the olives," she teased. "And sure, we certainly can. Just don't be messy," she said, giving him a playful kiss.

Dean responded to the kiss and replied, "I can vaguely remember Thanksgiving, Lis, but I do remember my Mama telling me not to make a mess. Then she would tie a clean dishtowel around my neck." He grinned at her and teased back, "Olives aren't half bad without pizza."

"Maybe I need to find you a dishtowel," she giggled.

Grinning, Dean leaned in again, "Why don't you just ask Sam if he knows of anything big enough for me." He gently bit her ear and went to ask Watari if there was anything that needed to be done when he saw Sam bring in the cans of cranberry sauce, with and without berries. Grabbing two can openers, he headed towards his brother.

Sam had six cans, three of each. Dean grabbed three cans, handing a can opener to his brother. He turned and headed back to the table. There were two fairly large bowls left. He pushed one towards Sam and snagged the other for the sauce with berries. He moved down the table more when he noticed Watari draining juices from the Dutch oven into the pan Sarah was making gravy in. His brows went up.

"They put grease in gravy?"

"That's not grease; it's the natural juices of the bird with the herbs that was used to cook the turkey," he told him. "Some use grease say like in chicken fried steak."

"The cream gravy for chicken fried steak is made of grease?" Dean stood there staring at his brother a look of disillusionment on his face. "Damn, that's why no one's been letting me have it."

"Exactly," Watari answered. "We're using the healthier alternative here for gravy," he said. "This way you can enjoy the meal and not worry about health issues."

"Okay, so it will still taste like turkey gravy? I don't guess it matters much. I can't remember what it tastes like anyway."

"It will," he reassured him. "You'll enjoy it a great deal."

Soon everything was ready. At that moment, Cas reappeared with a basket. Inside was stuffing, baked sweet potatoes, and a pound of fresh butter from a dairy.

Watari blinked. "Nice, Castiel. Thank you."

"These are the things I felt you might not have. I know you had boxed dressing. This is a corned bread dressing. I did not think you would have been able to get the butter or the sweet potatoes. I would have brought fresh made pies and bread, but I did not know what you had."

"That is wonderful, Castiel," Lisa said with a gentle smile. "It means a great deal that you brought dishes to the meal. Come, it's almost time to eat."

Soon everyone had a plate piled with food and glass of either soda or tea. Many sat on the pallets with a lap tray in front of them. Those on the furniture had trays on stands. Dean sat, staring at everyone for a few minutes. He reached over and squeezed Lisa's hand.

Matt stared at the plate for a moment before speaking up. "Granted, some of us aren't Americans and most of us aren't religious...so...Thank you.  
>Dean looked at Matt, "You are welcome, Matt. You're family, and whether you are an American doesn't matter. The first people who celebrated a day of Thanksgiving were British Pilgrims who survived a harsh winter and made it through a year and finally had a harvest. The Native Americans helped them survive. Well, we've all helped each other survive in the past year. I never considered myself to be a believer because I had to see to believe. But Castiel is real, so God has to be. Our family is all here together, so, happy Thanksgiving to everyone."<p>

There was an answer in return before everyone began to eat, conversation flowing freely as the delicious meal was devoured by the hungry group.

Everyone helped to clean up. The food was placed in the kitchen refrigerator. Dean grabbed his coat and took the trash to the incinerator and placed it in bin. He came back inside the patio. As he walked back into the warm room, he smelled hot cider being steeped. Wrinkling his nose in appreciation he smiled and headed towards his wing. "Anyone want a book to read or a game to play?"

Near looked up. "Games were brought down by Near and Matt earlier," he offered. "Ryuuzaki felt that it might be appropriate to have such items on hand for after the meal."

"Thanks, Near, Matt...Ryu, I appreciate that. Well, does anyone want a book or are we all playing games?"

"We thought games," Sarah piped up. "Keeps the noise level going and theatmosphere festive."

"Sounds great. What games do we have?"

"Sarah and Matt were naming the games when Sam started laughing and said, "For some reason we have Candy Land and Cootie."

Dean grinned, "Which of them are you playing?"

Sam tilted his head. "I always wanted to try Candy Land," he said with a shy smile.

"I don't know if I remember how to play it. Four years old was a long time ago. Mom always understood the rules. It's bound to have instructions, right?"

Mello grinned, holding the item up, "Yep, that they do." It was just for fun and anything with candy was always welcome by them.

Dean returned the grin. "Are you gonna play, Mello? Anyone else?" Dean walked over and took the box from the blond. He winked at Mello and strolled back towards the pallet he shared with Lisa. Sitting down next to her, he opened the box. Looking across the room at his brother, he said, "Sam?"

Sam grinned, sitting down. "I'm game."

Dean started to ask again if anyone else wanted to play, but everyone who was going to play had settled down with others with a board game. Neither Dean nor Sam realized that the group was allowing them time to be kids and brothers. The two were doing something they had never had the chance to do...be children.

The younger brother read the instructions, wanting to make sure he had this right. This was one game he'd never learned how to play.

Dean was struggling to shuffle the small cards that were used instead of dice. "Damn, I give up." He laid the cards on the game board and moved them around, mixing them. "That works." He placed the cards in a stack on the board and said, "I got dips on the blue gingerbread man. You want red, yellow, or green?"

Mello sat down and chose yellow while Sam grabbed the red one.

"Hey, Mello, welcome aboard. We're going to Candy Land. You know what? Some of this stuff looks almost good enough to eat."

No one noticed that Watari and Bobby had video cameras out. Watari was scanning the room getting everyone. Bobby was concentrating on his boys. They needed these kind of memories. Dean had been upset earlier and mentioned that he needed to talk to him. The boy seemed much more relaxed now.

Everyone played, having fun with the game and teasing each other. Laughter filled the room as various groups played their games, enjoying the company.

"What the hell is a molasses swamp? Damn it. I'm no longer winning?"

"A swamp made of molasses," Mello snickered. "I think it's pretty sticky stuff. Not as good as chocolate though."

Watari heard that comment from where he was playing a game with Near, L, and Matt and laughed. "Mello, to you, nothing is better than chocolate," he teased gently.

"What do you make with molasses? I mean I've never heard of eating anything made from it. Let me think...'Slow as molasses' is the only damn thing I know about it. Tha,t and putting me in last place."

"Candy," Lisa answered. "Cookies and breads. It's a thick syrup that flows a lot heavier and slower than honey."

"Does it taste like honey?"

She got up and headed into the kitchen, dashing back out with a bag. After opening it, she offered one to Dean and Sam. "Here. They're rich but very good."

Dean held it in his hand. It felt frozen from being in the kitchen. He sniffed it and it had a strong smell. He looked up at Lisa, a question in his eyes.

"It's ok," she told him. "In the Laura Ingalls Wilder books, her family would take molasses outside and make candy by pouring it into clean snow. It'd freeze into treats for the children." She nibbled on one as well.

"So, this is frozen molasses?" Dean watched his brother bite into the treat. Sam had no expression as he chewed. Frustrated, Dean asked, "Well?"

"It's good. It's a cookie," he told him. "It's a bit strong in flavor, definitely not what I'm used to but it's good."

Dean gingerly took a bite and his brows went up. "It's not bad. I bet it would be better made into a regular cookie, but for that time period, I can appreciate it. Who thought of doing this? It kind of suits our Thanksgiving more than what we got baked for later. Thanks. Can I have a couple more to munch on while I try to make a comeback here?"

"Actually, that is the cookie," she told him with a smile. "I was sharing a bit of history in regards as to what the older generations would do with the molasses since it was more accessable than honey."

Dean swallowed, "I'm sorry, Lis. I guess I misunderstood that. This is really strong for a cookie. I thought it was the pure molasses because of how strong it is and the lack of sweetness. It's there, but I'd swear it had a bit of pepper sauce in it." Dean had finished the cookie and wasn't sure it he should ask for couple more again after making such a stupid mistake. He thought a moment, "It's not that I don't like them. They're just different from anything I've had before. To be honest, when it comes to Thanksgiving and Christmas, I haven't really had much of anything." Sam and Mello grinned at the almost hopeful sound in Dean's voice.

"Probably some added spices," she said, looking at the bag. Sarah overheard and giggled. "Dean, the sweets are out that we made for today if you want to indulge. Most have been made with a special sugar substitute," she said, whispering in his ear so as not to offend the sugar addicts in the house.

"I would have been fine with these, but that would be wonderful, Sarah. I was waiting on everyone else." Dean stood up and headed towards the large table and the section that had pies and cookies laid out. He leaned over Sarah, and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Thank you for the sugar substitute. I'll thank Lisa in a little bit. I know she and boys made the cookies. You did the pies? What kind you got over there?"

"Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat for our British guests, chocolate for Mello," she laughed. "And I tried a new version of apple, a caramel apple type. All of these were made with sugar substitutes and other healthy alternatives."

"I've never had mincemeat. I haven't had pumpkin since Mom died. Can I try a little sliver of all five? I'm curious about the caramel apple and the mincemeat." Dean had a mischievous look on his face.

"As long as you think your stomach can handle it," she teased back.

"I'm only talking slivers. I figure five slivers would equal one slice of pie. Maybe...if you cut them, I'd be guaranteed just slivers and Watari, Lisa, Sam, and Bobby won't yell at me. You can't yell if you cut them," Dean winked at her as his grin got wider.

She giggled at that. "It's thanksgiving Dean. It's expected to indulge a bit today so go ahead," she handed him the knife.

Dean looked over at Sam, pensively. He knew that his brother would consider his indulging to mean at least one slice of all five, with possible seconds. He looked at the knife Sarah had given him, then stared at the pies. His gaze returned to his brother. Dean thought, 'What the hell.' He cut a small slice of each pie. The slices weren't slivers but they weren't his typical idea of a slice of pie either. He grabbed a fork and headed back to the pallet and the Candy Land game. When he sat down, he found Sam and Mello looking at his plate. He tried the caramel apple first. Holding it up to his mouth, he stopped and said, "What?" The pie followed the word, and he slowly chewed it.

Sam just grinned. What the hell, Thanksgiving was only once a year. He got up to get himself some sweets too.

Dean was chewing a bite of the mincemeat when his brother grinned and got up to head towards the sweets part of the table. His eyes grew wider, but he seemed to calm down a little.

Sarah set her plate down, cup of soda beside her as she plopped onto her pillow. "It's thanksgiving and the holiday season. This is the one season a year where we can indulge and have fun. The self-castigation starts after New Year's," she grinned. "Besides, we worked to make it as healthy as we could."

Dean, eating a bite of the chocolate pie, grinned a big grin at the younger eyes that stared askance at him. There was a slight smear of chocolate on his face, but he didn't seem to notice it. He figured that if he couldn't tell they'd made this so he could enjoy it, then the others wouldn't either.

He was still in third place in the game, but didn't seem to mind it when Sam won, "Another round or another game?"

"Let's try another," Lisa suggested, putting candy land away and laughing when Mello came back with a huge plate loaded with chocolate.

Sarah brought Scrabble over and sat down next to Sam. "I'll play this one with all of you. Dean just sat there staring at the game. "Now, please explain to me how I have a snowball's chance in hell of beating Mr. Stanford University?"  
>"You're doing very well in your online classes, Dean," Sam murmured.<p>

Dean stared at him. "You got a full ride at Stanford and you got the offer of one for law school, Sammy. I entered an online school with a GED. I am in my second semester."

Mello spoke up, staring at his friends. "You are also older and have been out in life more," he pointed out. "Chances are good that you have more stored in your brain than you realize," he said, grinning as Lisa brought a dictionary out.

"What's the dictionary for?" Dean stared at it as Lisa sat down. "I can at least use words like, 'Demon, bar, drunk, and ummmm, oh yeah. sex.' I think those are in there. I bet you that everyone here knows them."

"Because of the blond brainiac," she teased and Mello playfully turned his nose up at her, making her laugh.

The game had been going quietly when a loud argument ensued. Mello commented that Dean's word was not a word. Dean had argued that it was. Sarah supported Mello, claiming that you could not add a word to a legitimate word and create a made up word. She grabbed the dictionary. At this point, Sam got involved and told Dean it was not a real word.

"How the Hell can you say that, Sam?"

"Because it's slang in hunter talk," he told him. "It doesn't fit in 'normal' vocabulary or in the dictionary."

"My job may not have been 'normal, Sammy, but it's kept billions of people alive. It cost a lot of hunters their lives. Our 'language' isn't good enough for that damn dictionary? Do you know what slang terms are good enough for it, Sam? 'Aint' is good enough for it. Think of the sex terms you know and look under 'F'. It might just surprise you. "

Mello leaned back, looking at Dean. "Hunters are under the radar so their terms for things won't be in the dictionary, Dean. It's probably a good thing because do you have any idea what the general population would do if they knew that stuff was real?"

"How'd you feel, Mello? When You, Ryu, and I went up against Lilith? That's what I hope people would do and feel."

"Truthfully? Part of me wanted to crap my pants and freak out," he told him. "We're taught to accept logic and fact, to make decisions based on the evidence in front of us. Then all of a sudden, there was this thing that defied every sense of known fact and logic out there. It's not a comfortable place to be when you're confronted with this."

"In spite of that, knowing that Ryu and I were severely injured, you got that gun out of my leg holster, and killed that damned bitch. No blood was left to raise Lucifer from that cage. That's what I would hope for, Mello."

"You would get it from some people but not all," he said, looking at his friend. "We're not exactly normal, are we? Me, Matt, Ryu, and Near. We're raised differently, taught to see and think differently. Most people aren't taught that and would run away, screaming."  
>Dean just stared at him. He slowly began to remove 'suit' from the game board, "That's the problem with the world, Mello. We have to sacrifice our lives for people who either don't know or they do and don't give a damn." Placing the letters back on his tray, he muttered, "It still ought to be a word." He looked at the board and grinned. The word 'metric' was on it. He place 'sym' at the beginning and 'al' at the end. "Triple word."<p>

"We do but we don't do it for the gratitude," he pointed out. "We do it because we want to see justice done when all other avenues fail."

"You're right, Mello, but it's nice when it happens. It has...a few times.  
>A lot of the time people don't know or they think you're the bad guy. A few of them actually fight back with you. Sarah's one." Dean smiled at the lovely brunette sitting next to his brother. He looked at the board and counted the letters. "That's 60 points, Sammy."<p>

"Damn, Dean, nice one," he said, tallying the score. "And you were worried about not keeping up."

The older man grinned, "I still think 'meatsuit' ought to be a word, but since it's not, symmetrical at a triple word will do."

"I should think so," he laughed. "You're almost even with Mello." The blond had been leading the game so far.

"There's not that many letters left. It's sure getting dark fast," he said as he looked up towards the closed windows.

"Another storm possibly," Ryuuzaki muttered, staring at the chess board. He was playing Near, who looked to be tied with the other male.

Dean looked over at the two geniuses. "Yeah, it could be. It is a quarter to six. It might just be getting dark because nightfall is coming on," he said softly as he got up and walked towards the same window he and Near had stared out of earlier that day. Pulling the drapes back, he stared at a white world, but the snow had stopped. The sun was down and the sky was quickly turning dark. The hunter could see stars appearing. He took a deep breath of relief and closed the drapes. "It's nightfall. I saw some stars," he said with a grin.

"That's good," Matt said, grumbling as Ben made another move. "Darn it," he groused. Parcheesi sucked sometimes.

Dean sat back down and noted that everyone had played and it was his turn again. He used five letters and got twenty points, still behind Mello. Taking the last three letters from the bag, he frowned at them.

Mello made his play, using most of his letters and getting a few bonuses as well. He saw the frown, "That bad?"

"Yeah. How in the hell did the Q, X, and Z end up as the last three letters in the damn bag?" Everyone around him laughed.

"No idea but glad it's not me," he joked.

Dean looked over where Castiel was intently watching the chess game. "Hey, Cas? Did you just play a whammy on me? You know? Practical joke?"

The angel looked at him intently. "No, I have not rigged the game. You simply did not shake the bag well enough."

"Are you trying to tell me that whoever put the letters in the bag put the Q, X, and Z in first, and the bag was just shaken gently to leave them down there?"

"No, it was just one odd random thing that occurred when it was not shaken well enough," he told his friend.

"Okay, then I'll shake harder every time I take letters out." Dean waited for everyone's turn. He managed to play ABATE off a BAT but knew it was over for him.

Lisa and Sarah both had to pass, leaving Mello to finish off abate with an s, leaving him without a tile. 

Dean started laughing. "You managed to hold onto an S this entire game?"

Bobby stood up and asked if everyone would like supper? There was plenty of turkey left for sandwiches and a large amount on the relish tray.

The group agreed on that and got up to help put the plates together as well as drinks.

Dean finished putting the Scrabble up and asked Near and Ben to take care of the remaining games. He walked around, raising the wicks on the oil lamps to give off more light.

The games were neatly put away, kept within the room so they could play later after the meal had finished.

Walking over to help with the food, Dean spotted his brother coming towards him with a tray. "Looks good," he commented. Sam smiled, "I hope so. It's yours." The shorter of the two looked up into his younger brother's hazel eyes, a question in his own?

"You were working on the lamps, so I decided to get your plate together. Turkey sandwiches the way you like it, potato salad, and some cheese and vegetables to eat with it," he told him.

"Thank you, Sammy," was the soft answer from the older of the two. Dean walked over to his pallet and sat down to enjoy the meal.

"No problem," he said, going to work on his own plate. It didn't take too long before everyone was sitting down, enjoying their dinner.

Dean finished eating first and took his plate and fork into the kitchen and tossed them in the trash. He yawned as he walked back into the living area. Stretched out on the pallet, he listened the conversations going on around him, his eyes slowly closing.

"Falling victim to the curse of Thanksgiving," Lisa giggled as she picked up trash from those who were finished.

Sam handed her his plate and fork and smiled up at her. "That, and he stayed up with me every time I got up last night. He got the wood, and shoveled the coals for the Dutch oven, and hauled the ashes. I built the fire afterwards. He didn't go back to bed until I was done. No one knew this except me."

"Then let him rest. We'll put some of the sweets back for his dessert later," she said with a smile.

"If you don't mind putting some back for me too, I'd appreciate it, Lisa. I'm as tired as he is." Sam laid back on his pallet and was soon fast asleep.

"No problem," she said, going to do just that.

Everyone played games and ate desserts. The two Winchesters were both in a deep sleep. When it hit 11:00, Bobby said that if the snow stayed away, it was going to be a very busy day and they should all get some rest. The entire group got ready for bed, leaving the two young men alone. They did not want to bother their rest.

The night was a quiet one. The entire group rose the next morning to find that Cas had cleared everything on the property and gone out on a case.

The work to the get electrical going began. By late afternoon, the lights were back on. Dean spent the remainder of the day demanding that the generator he had ordered be found and shipped.

The first Winchester Thanksgiving had ended. Those who were used to Thanksgivings thought it was the best one they'd ever had.


	155. Chapter 155

Winter Solstice - Sam and Sarah's wedding.

The next few weeks saw everyone making Christmas and wedding preparations. Dean had graduated from diesel school and finished his first year at the online university with a 3.98. He spent a lot of his free time making the ornaments Sarah was selling on a web site. He had also found a voice coach and was ready to surprise Sarah at her wedding.

Sarah's plans had surprised everyone. She had literally put together an elvish wedding. Her gown rivalled one of Arwen's from the Lord of the Rings movies, having designed it herself. She'd also crafted the jewelry from beautiful beads, resolving to sell others like this online as well. No one, save Lisa, had seen her dress. She'd designed one for her friend and the men were wearing costumes similar to those of elvish lords.

Dean looked at the white and gold elvish lord clothing his brother was wearing. "What am I wearing, Sammy?" His brother handed him a similar outfit in a deep dark blue, trimmed in silver.

Dean reminded his brother that there were some musicians with a lute, lyre, bodhran, and a flute. "Just let me know when I can do this. I really want to get it over with. I'll be honest, Sam. I've never done this before."

Sam grinned. "You remember the Lord of the Rings movies you watched with the boys?"

"Yeah, I understand we're elves tonight, but Sam, I've been taking voice lessons for one song, man. I'm singing for her tonight and it's not in her wedding plans, so she's either going to love it or hate me. I have worked for a while on "May it Be."

"Oh man, Dean, she'll love it," he told him.

"Okay because the musicians freaked when I told them it was outdoors. I got all of the fires lit and they're roaring in those huge metal disk-like things she asked me to pick up in town when I stopped by to get my diploma. It's nice and warm out there. I have all of them hooked up to propane tanks so nothing dies down. We got, what? Forty minutes? I"d better shave. Sam, your hair is braided? Mine's gotten long. Is that happening to mine too? Who is going to do that?"

Sam was grinning. Dean, nervous over singing, was talking nonstop. 

"It'll be fine, and yes my hair is braided. There's a lady here that specializes in it," he answered him.

"She's just doing intricate braiding around the sides to the back? It's not all the down the back like a braided pony tail is it? Yours isn't, but you're getting married. That's usually different. Where is she, I'll go get it done before I put these on. This jacket is nice." Dean looked down at the suede boots that would go almost to his knees. They were a dark blue like the jacket and trousers. He touched the suede, and looked up at Sam. "Do we get to keep the outfits?"

"Yes we do," he told him. "Sarah designed all of these. She wouldn't let me see the girls' dresses, and I'm anxious to see how she looks.

"I know her dad arrived a couple hours ago. I haven't seen him but I heard him. For her sake, I guess I'm glad, but not for yours." Dean touched the suede boots. "Should I be wearing this before I get my hair braided? Damn, that sounds weird."

"You'll want the undershirt on anything that has to be pulled over the head," he answered. "Then finish dressing when you're ready."

Dean took off his bathrobe and stood there in his jeans and slippers. "Lis told me not to dry my hair all the way and then laughed and commented about how wavy and almost curly it can get? Sheesh." Dean put on the silver under shirt. He left the trousers, jacket and suede boots where he had found them. He headed out the door and stopped to look at this brother. "That Lord of the Rings outfit should be a lot of fun after Lis and I are married." He had a large goofy grin on his face as he winked at his brother and headed out the door.

"Damn, I so didn't need to hear that," he groaned, shaking his head as he finished getting ready.

Dean returned forty minutes later to find the room empty. He continued to get dressed. A woman came in and put a heavy silver chain around his neck with an elvish letter hanging from it. Dean lifted it and stared, "What letter is this in English?"

"It means brother," she said to him. "Miss Sarah had them made for all the men in the wedding party as a thank you. You received brother, and I think Mr. Singer got one that said father."

"Thank you," he responded as he let it drop to his chest. He looked into the mirror and stared at the reflection. "Damn! I look good. Who would have thought I'd make a good looking elf?" He laughed, looked up at the clock on the wall and knew it was time to join his brother. There had been no rehearsal and he thought that was strange He found Sam walking around by the large fires that were burning throughout the back property. They had not gone far enough to see what was set up. It had been done since Dean lit the fires.

"Well, are you ready?"

Sam nodded, looking a bit nervous. "I am," he admitted.

"You okay, Sammy?" Dean reached up and touched his brother's face. "We'll always be brothers, Sam. Sarah sent me this. It means 'brother.' I feel a hell of a lot better after getting it. What are we supposed to do now? They lowered the fires where she said the ceremony was going to be. It's too dark to know where to go or what to do. It's going to be cold over there."

"I'm nervous," he answered as they headed out towards the fires. "And I think she's got it all under control."

"If this is what you desire above all things, Sammy, then it's all right. No need to be nervous. Now if you're concerned about my singing...well, I hope you have plenty of finger nail on each finger to bite." Dean grinned at him. "Do we wait here or brave the blackness?"

The question was answered when Near appeared, looking very much like an elf with his fair skin and white hair. "Follow Near," he murmured to them.

Dean leaned close to Sam, "I told my band to be ready to play when she appears. I know Lis is with her. Is her Dad giving her away? Or is Bobby? If not, I figured he'd be standing with you too."

"Her father is. Bobby is waiting for me at the altar to stand beside you," he said to him. "It's a combination ceremony. She had a friend fly in to conduct it. It's legal but called handfasting in her beliefs."

"Combination? Man! You sound like you're marrying me off at the same time."

Sam burst out laughing. "No, I meant there's things to be done to be legal in the state of Texas and still go with her beliefs."

Dean sighed. "Okay. It's just that I would not have put it past Sarah and Lisa to do that. Dual ceremony, no worrying about another wedding in a little over a week. They'd think it was romantic. You know how girls are."

"They talked about it but decided to hold each one differently," he said, then lowered his voice as they arrived in the clearing. The trees were lit with white lights that gave a look of stepping into fairy land. The snow had been removed and the area decorated to resemble Lothlorien or even Imladris.

Dean stood still and Sam had to stop and see what he was doing. He looked as if he were stunned. He finally looked across at his brother, and spoke, his voice barely a whisper. "It's beautiful, Sammy."

"It's incredible," he whispered. Sarah had done a fantastic job

Dean walked beside his brother as they continued to follow Near. Bobby was waiting. He was wearing a dark burgundy jacket and trousers, with gold trim. Dean saw the gold chain and letter on his chest. He had a hard time swallowing.

Everyone was in elvish costumes, even the one performing the ceremony. There was a shift as music began, and Lisa emerged, wearing a burgundy style dress with gold trim that looked absolutely breathtaking on her.

Dean watched for Sarah and noticed the small band he'd hired take their places by the other musicians. The two groups talked a minute and the other musicians grinned and reached into their cases and grabbed the song Dean was planning on singing.

Sarah emerged from the shadows. Her hair had been braided away from her face and a gorgeous beaded tiara across her brow, matching the necklace she wore. The gown was cream and gold, blowing any of Liv Tyler's wardrobe in the movies away. She looked ethereal and just beyond radiant.

Dean knew he could sing the song on key but looking at the beautiful queen of the fairies walking towards them, he choked. He saw the surprised look on her face when the combined musicians started playing the introduction to the song. Sam heard him murmur, "Oh Lord, what have I done?"

She looked over towards him, eyes wide. This wasn't part of the plan but it seemed her future brother had other designs.

Dean panicked, "Sammy, what do I do? I've screwed her wedding up. She had other plans. You can see it in her eyes. I've done it again."

"Sing," he told his brother. "Go for it. Focus on her alone and sing," he reassured him.

Swallowing hard, Dean listened to the music and heard the first strands of the part he was to sing. He looked at Sarah and saw only her. He started to sing, shocking everyone who thought he could only sing off key. The voice master had taught him well. He put his heart and his soul into the song that was just for Sarah.

May it be an evening star  
>Shines down upon you<br>May it be when darkness falls  
>Your heart will be true<br>You walk a lonely road  
>Oh! How far you are from home<p>

Mornie utulie (Darkness has come)  
>Believe and you will find your way<br>Mornie alantie (Darkness has fallen)  
>A promise lives within you now<p>

May it be the shadow's call  
>Will fly away<br>May it be your journey on  
>To light the day<br>When the night is overcome  
>You may rise to find the sun<p>

Mornie utulie (Darkness has come)  
>Believe and you will find your way<br>Mornie alantie (Darkness has fallen)  
>A promise lives within you now<p>

A promise lives within you now

Sarah's face lit up as her favorite song was sung by the other. This was a gift beyond all gifts she could have ever been given. Her eyes were bright with tears and happiness as she listened to him sing.

Dean had no idea there were tears going down his face or that the music had stopped and a pin drop could have been heard. He still had direct eye contact with Sarah.

She gave him a radiant smile after the last note had faded, telling him that she had treasured that gift.

Sam looked from his bride to be to his brother. Dean's face had tear tracks, but there was a soft, gentle smile on it.

Their ceremony went on from there, and there was a quiet but happy hush that filled the clearing as the speaker joined the lives of the two together.

The ceremony ended and Dean just stood, watching everyone around him. This was perhaps one of the biggest changes in his life. He felt a little sad, but there was a soft fulfilling joy also.

After Sam kissed his bride, Sarah moved to stand in front of Dean, kissing his cheek. "Thank you, big brother. That made everything perfect."

Dean leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I wanted to do something very special for you. Welcome into the family, Sarah."

She gave him a bright smile. "It meant so much."

"I meant for it to do that, but I got kinda panicky. I honestly thought I might have screwed up your wedding. Sam just told me to sing."

"You did great," she said, smiling brightly. "And my favorite song too."

"Really? That's awesome. The voice master told me I wasn't really tone deaf and that I had a pretty good voice. I just needed to learn how to listen. I just wanted to give you something no one could. I love you, Sarah. That's something I've come to understand. I'm glad to have a sister."

"You did fantastic," she said, small hand resting where the pendent was. "You are my brother now."

Tears glistened in the hazel eyes and without thinking, Dean grabbed Sarah and kissed her and then hugged her close. He finally let her go, a look of shock on his face. He turned towards Lisa, Sam, and Bobby..."I'm sorry. It wasn't like that." He swung around to Sarah, "I'm so sorry."

Sarah giggled. "It wasn't taken the wrong way, silly." Lisa grinned at him, "Forgiven."

Dean breathed a sigh of relief but turned towards his brother, "Sam."  
>He hugged his brother, "Thanks for making this special for her."<p>

Dean relaxed in his brother's hug, "Thanks, Sammy." He turned towards Sarah, "'I Know he gets the first dance, but will you dance a reel with me?"

The bride's smile was wide. "As many as you want tonight," she told her dance partner.

The dancing, eating, and celebrating continued for several hours. Sam finally managed to sneak Sarah off to their suite. Honeymoons would occur after Christmas.

In their bed, Dean pulled Lisa close, and laid his head on her shoulder. He whispered, "I almost wish we had done it with them tonight." He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	156. Chapter 156

Christmas Eve

The days since Winter Solstice had been busy ones. Dean was still making ornaments and wood objects for Sarah's online store. She and Sam had the entire family decorating. Dean was missing out on it. He wasn't sure if he should be upset or not. He didn't really remember decorating a house before. The tree was supposed to be done today. He and Lisa were getting married tonight and he had no idea what had been decided. Were they going to a church, using Near's garden, the large living area, or had a heated glass building been hired. He knew nothing about food, Christmas Eve celebrations, or the decorating. Hell, he only knew about making the wooden items. He sighed. He had two bushels of different types of apples , plus a small basket of strawberries. The storms had stopped. and a full moon would be out tonight. The land around them was solid white. He dressed warmly, having taken off his coat and gloves to work the tools. Stacking the two bushels and putting the basket on top, he left the wood shop, and head for the back door of the cabin.

The tree had just been delivered and was filling the center room with the rich scent of pine. Sarah had set up most of the house decorations, including a massive wooden train that looked as if it came from the set of Babes in Toyland.

Dean reached the door and kicked at it, hoping someone would hear him. He could hear Christmas carols and grinned at the ones being played. He'd gotten up at 4:00 a.m. to finish the projects Sarah had for him. He knew she wanted the merry go round horses painted and stained. They were painted and she had brought them to his shop to get them out of the way. He'd taken the time to tain them so they looked antiqued. He hoped it wouldn't upset her. The two bushels and the basket were getting heavy. It had to be somewhere between 7 and 8. He knew the merry go round was not going up until late this evening but it would be one less thing she had to worry about. He kicked the door harder, and yelled, "HEY!"

The door opened to reveal Near, looking a little discomfited by the noise. "Come inside, Dean."

Dean grinned. He always felt special when the young teen called him by name in a conversational way. It meant a lot. "Hey, Near. I'm going to set these on the dining table out here on the patio. I need to take a shower. Do they have any breakfast ready by any chance? I haven't eaten yet, and I've been up since way early." The hunter reached the long dining table and edged the bottom bushel onto it. He took the basket off and set it aside, and removed the other bushel.

Having removed all of the heavy material from his grip, he sighed softly and rubbed his arms. Turning he looked at Near, eyebrows rising. "You okay?"

"The noise level is uncomfortable," he admitted. "Near cannot say anything as the group is in high spirits. Breakfast is a bowl of oatmeal with fruit and honey."

"Go on up to Lothlorien and relax. Do what makes you comfortable. I'll let everyone know and take the flak for it. That's if there is any. Go on."

He looked slightly relieved or as relieved as he could. "Please let Watari know. Near doubts anyone other than Watari, L, or Dean will notice Near's absence."

"Go ahead, Near. I'll talk to Watari. Hey, people not noticing you aren't around is not always a bad thing. Just make sure someone knows."

"Dean knows," he said, giving him a very tiny smile that was a huge one in regards to the fact that Near showed no emotion hardly. "If Near is needed, Dean knows where Near is."

Dean stared intently at the young man and smiled softly back at him. "If it's at all possible, I will try to always know where you are, Near. Now, go get out of all this noise." He watched the young man leave the patio and head through the kitchen towards the main room and the hallway that was built off it. Squeezing his eyes shut, Dean took a deep breath, released it slowly, then headed to the kitchen and hopes of more than a bowl of cereal.

There was a large bowl of fresh oatmeal with fruit and honey to top it. Under a heated cover was some turkey bacon and scrambled egg whites to accompany it. Watari had realized the man had been busy and had made something a bit more substantial.

Looking at the feast waiting for him, Dean relaxed. He mouthed, 'Thank you, Watari.' Going to the counter, he poured himself a cup of coffee. The hunter grabbed a plate, bowl. and some silverware. Sitting down, he helped himself to the food. The older Winchester didn't realize how hungry he was until he ate some of the cereal. He remained quiet, listening to the sounds of the decorators.

Watari stood in the doorway. "They're waiting for you to do the tree," he said, sitting down with a cup of tea. "I do say the house is looking lovely. Sarah is very talented for this sort of thing. I take it Near went into hiding?"

"Yes, Sir. I told him to go up to his room. He was really having a bad time of it. I was going to let you know after I had a bite. I would like to take a shower and clean up, but if they're ready, I can do that later. Thank you for the breakfast."

"No, enjoy your breakfast and clean up first," he said. "The tree can wait. Thank you for taking care of Near. I was going to suggest it, but he kept slipping out of range." The older man sipped his tea, relaxing. "Sorry if I startled you. I saw you come in and wanted to make sure you didn't need anything."

"Thanks, Watari," Dean spoke in a quiet voice. "Near came into my range, so I took care of it. I will always think of him as my son." The younger man pushed a half full plate away from him. There was still food on the platters. He sipped a second cup of coffee, finding himself yawning a couple of times.

"If you're tired, try a half hour power nap," he suggested to him. "My boys do the same when energy is low and on a case. It does do them wonders."

The younger man smiled as he tried to cover another yawn. "Four a.m. seems like hours ago. I got all the ornaments done for Sarah and I went ahead and antiqued the merry-go-round horses. A shower and a short nap would be a good thing. You think it will upset them if I do that instead of decorating? I want to do that badly but tonight's the wedding and I really don't want to konk out on that. I would never hear the end of it, I promise you."

"I can keep them distracted with last minute details for the house until the tree is needed to be done. Sleep for half an hour or so, I'll send Sam or one of the boys up to wake you when the time is ready."

"Thanks. I will, " Dean slipped into the big room and went through the door to his wing. He went upstairs, taking the last sip of coffee. Stripping, he stepped into the shower and ran the water, as hot as could stand it, over his tired body. He leaned against the wall and let the water beat down upon him. Opening his eyes, he reached for the soap and quickly bathed. Grabbing a thick towel, he dried off, picked up his clothes and put them in the laundry, and walked into the master bedroom, naked. He lay down on the bed and was asleep before he could get under a blanket.

Time passed quickly and forty-five minutes later, Matt was knocking on the door to Dean's bedroom, having been given the task of waking the other up.

Still half asleep, Dean had not moved the entire time he was in bed. He still lay on his back. He mumbled come in and closed his eyes. It was getting cooler in the room and the hunter's naked body was getting goose flesh. He was still in too deep of a sleep to notice.

"For the love of pete, cover yourself," Matt hollered, quickly spinning around. He'd come in when he'd heard the answer, getting more than what he wanted to see.

Dean jumped when he heard Matt yell, "What?" He blinked sleep filled hazel eyes and tried to wake up and focus. At that time the voices of Lisa and Sarah could be heard down hall heading towards the master bedroom. "What the hell?" About the time they reached the door, Dean looked down. A string of profanity came out of his mouth as he tried to find a way to get under the blankets and quilts he was sitting on top of.

"The extra lights were on the top shelf of my closet. I have no idea how they got put up there," Lisa's voice responded to something Sarah said, as the door opened. Matt turned and saw the shocked look on Dean's face as he rolled over onto his knees struggling to pull back the covers.

"Ummmm...oops," the red head said. Sarah looked at the situation and burst into giggles. "Oh gods," she gasped, holding her sides. 

Lisa stared, licking her lips. "Dean if you intended to practice sleeping in the raw, couldn't you have waited until tonight?" All three in the room watched his skin turn blood red. Dean gave up, turned and sat on the bed his, hands covering what the women had already seen, "I...ummm... was tired and wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. Would you please just get the hell out of here? All three of you? Damn!"

Both of the women laughed, remembering the embarrassing moments at Ryu's when they each seen the other's fiancé unclothed. It was still funny.

Matt was quick to book it out, dragging both women out with him. The hacker was not happy with what he'd seen and the mumbled comment of bleaching his brain could be heard by all of the adults in the wing.

Dean sat still for a moment, covering his face with both hands. He heard Lisa laughing as she said, "I didn't get the lights." The hunter jumped off the bed and ran to her closet. He pulled open the doors and started searching the shelves. He grabbed the lights and ran towards the bedroom door. Pulling it open without thinking, he threw the lights into the hall and yelled, "Here!" The door slammed shut behind his naked rear. He could hear the screams of laughter from the two women as he went in search of clean clothes. The only thing on his mind was surviving this.

"Barmy, absolutely barmy," the genius grumbled as he hurried out of the wing. He was majorly traumatized now and needed a smoke and a large cup of tea to help calm down. He shuddered, hearing the cackling women behind him.

The women hurried to tell what happened. They figured this would at least keep Dean's mind off wedding jitters. Sam sat there with his mouth open when the story was told. Bobby snorted, "Gotta handle this right. Make him wonder when something's gonna be said. We do it right, we can keep him on edge all day. He won't be worrying about the wedding at all."

Sarah commented, "Let him wonder if what is being said is even about that." Sam muttered, "That's devious. I love it."

"I do have to wonder at Matt's behavior," Ryuuzaki commented, watching Matt pour himself tea and drink it with shaking hands. "Is it always like this when a male walks onto another male unclad?"

Sam looked at the red head. "I don't know. It can be uncomfortable. I would be embarrassed. He's my brother, so sure. He's taking it a little harsh isn't he? Has ever seen another guy naked?"

The blond snickered. "It's one thing seeing kids your age starkers but an adult? Not likely in our school."

Lisa smiled at Mello, "You're right. He isn't."

Mello grinned. "It's fine. Just give him something to snack on and a distraction."

Sam took the lights Lisa and Sarah had gone in search of, "If you want a good distraction that won't remind him of what happened, this is not the place for him to be distracted. Dean's life is going to be miserable... for a few hours."

The blond chuckled. "Distract them both then," he said. "No problem. Let's drag him to do the tree."

Dean, having decided that the best way to handle what happened was to pretend it had never happened, came down the stairs, humming a Christmas carol. He was not thinking about what the voice master had told him, so the song was badly off key. He entered the living room, wearing a red sweater over a green t-shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes. He smiled, but everyone in the place could see his hazel eyes taking in every movement and expression, "Hey! Are you guys ready?"

Ryuuzaki chose to answer. "I believe they are," he told him.

Dean saw nothing out of the ordinary in Ryu's expression or his tone of voice. "Okay," he responded. "What needs to be hung on the tree first?"

"Lights," Watari answered. "That should go first so that the ornaments are lit properly."

"L..lights? Yeah. That makes sense. Okay. Which lights are we hanging?"

"Mix of color and white," Sarah answered. "I prefer color and white will give it elegance as well."

"Make sure not to mix too many blues and whites together," Lisa also responded. "Looks too much like goose flesh."

Dean startled for a second, looking at the woman across the room., but Lisa never raised an eyebrow. "Oooo..kay." Dean leaned over to pick up the lights, leaving the strands with a large number of blue bulbs lying on the floor. Lisa smiled and admired the fit of the tight jeans on the man she was fixing to marry.

"I do not believe that is accurate," Ryuuzaki answered, helping to sort the strands of lights. Watari was doing the same, knowing the men were tall enough to get the tree taken care of.

Dean stopped from sorting the lights, his head turned towards Ryu. Lisa watched his rear wiggle a little as he tried to reposition himself. "What's not accurate, Ryu?"

"That cold goose flesh is blue and white. I believe it would be more yellow and white," he answered, checking things on the strands.

"Okay. What is all this talk about goose flesh? What the hell is it?"

"Well, Idjit, it's the type of flesh kind of like a fair skinned person would have when they get cold. Blond to blondish brown hair, light skin, and freckles. Goose flesh shows up more on them," Bobby answered.

"Goosebumps, Dean," Sam added.

"Enough," Matt commented, trying to sort out lights. "Okay?" He wasn't going to handle this much at all.

Dean dropped the lights he was sorting and turned towards the red head. "What did I..." his voice trailed off to silence. He started making eye contact with everyone in the room. Standing up, he was quiet for a moment. "So...only fair skinned people with freckles get goose bumps? Maybe it's just people who are working their asses off so things can be done around here. Maybe it's people who were too damned tired to pull a blanket up." Staring each person in the eye, the older hunter came to the front and did not back down.

Near, who had padded into the room, broke the odd silence. "No, fair haired people are not the only ones to experience said phenomena. Even the darker toned hair and skin colored ones do as well. Did Near miss the tree trimming?"

Dean, standing there, swallowed hard, curbing his frustration and anger. He looked down at the young teen. His voice softened, "No, Near. We were just discussing what lights ought to go on the tree and why. I think that white and blue would be a very wintery combination." Dean looked around the room, his smart ass smirk smeared across his face. Sam and Bobby both thought, "Uh-oh."

"And not silver toned? Near thought that there was some silver toned ones special ordered," he asked, tilting his head.

"Silver toned lights? I've never heard of those before. I like that. Tell you what, Near, I'll go with the flow. How's that?"

The smaller one padded to a special box where the bulbs had been placed into light containers tinged with silver that would give off a special glow. HIs room had a few to give that look as well. He looked up as the taller man knelt beside him, reaching for a bulb and light container. "They're beautiful," the soft spoken words were filled with awe.

"Near's room has these," he said. "Sarah designed these especially for that and was pleased with the results."

Hazel eyes stared into gray. "If they were made for your room, then they are replacements in case something goes wrong with a fixture or a bulb burns out. They weren't made for the tree, Near. I, for one, would not want that atmosphere in your room to go out for one minute."

"Not true," came the answer. "I ordered these for the tree," Sarah called out. "Near has plenty of replacements for his room in case of any problems."

"Will they even be noticed among all the colored and white lights?"

"With the right arrangement, yes, they will be," she told him. "I have the right ornaments to help push that too," Sarah said with a grin.

"All right. Let's get this show on the road. There's a lot of tree to get ready. I don't know what else needs to be done by this afternoon. Sarah...ummmm... your carousel horses are antiqued. I hope I used the right stain." Dean turned to put the lights near the tree and waiting to see what had to be done next.

Sarah bounced at that. "They're done?" She sounded excited at that piece of news.

"Yeah, they are done. I also brought in two bushels of the different types of apples you wanted, and I made a basket of strawberries. They look kind of holiday like and I thought you might take a stab at them. I've been up since 4 this morning getting all this done, Sarah."

"Oh wow," she said. "I can't wait to see them," Sarah answered, hugging him tightly before going to help with the lights.

The hunter walked over to where Watari and Ryu were going through the assorted ornaments made for the tree. He sat down and started to help sort the boxes. "It's not been a very good morning," he mumbled, not expecting an answer and knowing the two knew this. He knew he had a wedding in the early evening. Nothing looked like it had been prepared for it. He was still tired. Now he was the butt of family jokes. He was actually grateful for Matt's interference, although he felt bad about distressing the teen. He shook his head and looked down at the boxes, putting glass with glass, wood with wood, and cloth with clothes. There were a lot of things to go on the tree.

The lights went on quickly under the women's supervision and Sarah came to look over their shoulders, approving of the organization so far. "It's going to be gorgeous!"

The group worked on the tree for the next four or five hours. When it was done. The men worked together to move it where Sarah wanted it to be placed.

Bobby commented, "That's a beautiful tree. It's early afternoon. I don't know what's going on as far as the wedding, but I'm gonna go relax awhile. Let me know when we need to dress for it." Everyone agreed that a little relaxation would not hurt if they weren't involved with the final preparations.


	157. Chapter 157

Dean and Lisa's Wedding

The woman tapped on the door, hearing the sound of men's voices behind it. Ellen was anxious to see the son of her heart before he promised himself to the woman he loved.

Sam answered the door, a look of surprise n his face when he saw the woman. "Hey, Ellen. I thought you'd be downstairs with the guests." Bobby. Ben, and Dean stopped getting ready and listened to the conversation.

She gave him a grin. "Like I'd miss out on seeing my son get ready? He is decent right?"

"Decent enough, I guess," Dean's voice came from behind the bedroom door of Sam's master bedroom. The women had commandeered Dean's. Dean was in his the trousers of the tux and had on a white t-shirt. He stood staring at the woman as she entered the room.

"Not bad, kid," she said, coming in and giving the oldest Winchester a loving hug. "You clean up rather nicely," Ellen teased.

"What? Sam's wedding wasn't clean enough for you?" Dean hugged her back. "I guess elvish clothing is not quite dressing up American style is it? I..ah...kept mine though."

The woman laughed. "We all did," she admitted. "It was gorgeous. Now, how are you feeling?" She was doing the mother of the groom thing perfectly, having a deep affection for the Winchester boys.

The older Winchester looked over Ellen's head at Bobby and Sam, his eyes wide, "Feeling? Am I supposed to feel some way?" He looked at his brother and swallowed. "I...um. I guess I'm a little nervous but I've wanted this for a long time, Ellen. I love her."

She cupped his face, staring into his eyes for a long moment. "You have the look of a man in love, Dean, and I'm happy for you," she told him. "God knows, you deserve this. Now, let's finish getting you ready to go. You don't want your bride getting there before you do," she teased good naturedly.

The shocked look went across the room to the other men, "You planning to finish dressing me, Ellen?" The hazel eyes stared intently into the eyes of the woman who had pretty much adopted them.

"You're decent and got your male parts covered," she teased. "Allow this crazy lady a chance to help you finish getting ready, ok? You and Sam are my boys, and I'll never get this chance again."

Sam raised a brow when Dean nodded yes. He grinned, knowing that Dean would have found it hard to say no to Ellen Harvelle.

Ellen grinned, kissing his cheek. "Ok, dress shirt? Sam, help him into it so it doesn't wrinkle," she said, taking charge as she usually did.

Dean slid into the white shirt that fit him perfectly. His broad shoulders filled it out, and his hands shook slightly as he reached to button the pearl buttons. Sam went to get the cuff links.

"Very nice," she approved. "You chose a very elegant design."

"Thanks, Ellen." Sam reached up and did Dean's tie. Bobby, already dressed, brought his coat. "Does anyone know what they're doing? Where are we having it? I know it's a woman thing, but she's been as secretive as Sarah was."

"Gazebo outside," Ellen answered, handing Sam the box that contained Lisa's wedding ring. "The heating has been set up already and Sarah's worked her magic touch."

"We need coats then? It's a ways out there to the gazebo? The flowers will get crushed under a coat. Did she heat the place like she did hers?"

"It's heated so Lisa is protected," she told him. "You'll wear your tuxedo coat, of course," Ellen told him. "Don't worry, ok?"

"Okay." Dean went and sat down on the edge of Sam's bed. The younger man could tell that his brother was getting more nervous by the moment. He was taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly. It reminded Sam of the time they hunted the demon on the air plane. Dean never liked flying.

Ellen walked in front of him, smoothing his hair back. "You're going to be all right."

The young man leaned his head into the Ellen's hand as she smoothed his hair. "I think I'm gonna be sick," he whispered softly, voice shaking.

"Take a deep breath, Son," she said in a soothing voice. "Hold it for the count of five and slowly exhale. Focus your mind on something pleasant and let nothing else seep through that."

"Ellen? Isn't getting married supposed to be pleasant? If it is and I'm feeling sick, then what the hell do I think about"?"

"I couldn't stop puking for an hour before I married Jo's dad," she told him. "It's scary, knowing you're binding your life to another's, but it's one of the best experiences too."

"Sam? Bobby?" Bobby looked at the younger brother. "I was nervous, Dean, but not sick. Sam?"

"A little nauseated. We tend to feel nerves in our stomachs," he said with a wry grin.

Dean did some more deep breathing. "Well, wedding night tonight. That's good. Tomorrow we have a real Christmas. Can barely remember what that's like."

Ellen grinned, "Should be loads of fun."

"Yeah, I'm real excited about it," The deep breathing continued. "How much longer?" He was still shaking and looking pale.

"We should be heading out there," Bobby said, looking at his watch. "It's almost time."

Standing, Dean took a few minutes to get his legs to stop shaking. "This is really crazy, guys. Bobby, if I do something stupid like pass out at my own wedding, you will shoot me? Right?"

"No but I'll razz the hell outta ya instead," he teased, hoping to make him laugh and get him to relax.

Dean stared at him for minute and broke out laughing. "Are you trying to be an ass, Dad?"

"I don't know, am I?" There was a wide grin that went with the question.

"I think you just might be." Dean grinned back. "Ben's slipped out so he's walking his mom? That means I get both of you. That works. Bobby would you walk Ellen to where the groom's Mom sits?" It grew quiet for a second.

Bobby grinned. "I'd be honored to," he said, offering his arm to Ellen, who smiled at Dean. "I'll see you there, Son," she said with a bright look.

"Ellen, I'm going to do something I've never done to you before," he said as he walked towards the older woman. He leaned over and whispered, "I love you, Mom," and he kissed her on the lips and backed away.

Tears filled her eyes as she leaned up, giving him a soft kiss. "I love you too, Son," she told him. "I'm proud of you.. both of you.. and I am so happy to call you my boys."

Dean smiled, his eyes moist, "Well, take her to her seat, Dad. We'll meet you out there." Dean looked at his brother, "Whew, Sammy. Did you feel this way?"

"Yeah, it's pretty heady and nerve wracking," Sam answered his brother as Bobby and Ellen left the room. "Trust me, the thoughts leave when you catch sight of her in her dress though. All you can think of is her."

"I've been waiting for this time to come for a long time, Sammy, so let's do this."

"All right," he said, opening the bedroom door so they could get out.

They headed downstairs and into the big room where it was dark except for the fireplace and the Christmas lights. "You got any idea what they decided on as far a cake or anything? You know? A reception? That gazebo is big but a reception and a wedding in it?" They headed to the patio. "I don't need a winter coat out there?"

"It'll be all right. Sarah said it was going to be warm enough. I don't know about what's going on. The girls did the planning with Watari's help. I just stayed out of the way."

Dean laughed as he opened the rear door and stepped outside between all the buildings. "I was told what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me."

"True," he snickered, walking out with his brother.

"I hope Sarah was right about her promise because I'm freezing and Lisa is going to have to come through here."

"She'll be fine," Sam chuckled. They stepped onto the gazebo, which was glassed in, and found it lit by candles of all sizes in red and white. Red and white poinsettias were abundant as well as Christmas roses. "Oh wow," he said. It was romantic and almost traditional.

"It's beautiful. I suggested red and gold, but Lisa told me burgundy and silver. So we got the burgundy for tuxes. Ah well, it's a woman's prerogative. Right? This is much more Christmasy. I like it."

"I do too," the younger brother said. "Dang, my wife has good taste.. Lisa too." He was spotting mistletoe in some places and holly tied with silver ribbons, which decorated a lot of the poinsettias as well.

"I don't see a band. What are they using for music for her? Come to think of it, I wonder what she chose?" Bobby rejoined them at that moment. Dean was bouncing on his heels, trying hard to remain calm. "I hate waiting."

All of a sudden, the sound of a harp filled the air, playing a simple melody for now. Lisa had hired the girlfriend of the office manager that they had befriended to play the music. She and Sarah both loved the harp as it was a gentle sound that didn't overpower things.

The music had a soothing effect. Dean closed his eyes and listened to it. He quit moving as much. Sam thought he heard a slight hum. His brother was notorious for picking up the melody and humming off key but this time he was on key.

The older one seemed to keep on key for the moment, and Sam just smiled. It was good to see his brother relax considering how upset he was earlier.

"I guess brides can be late too, huh? Or are we early?" Dean looked back and noticed that the seats were in the middle and that Ellen sat next to Watari. Ryu and the three boys were right behind them. Jo was sitting on the other side of her mother. Nancy and her friend, the doctor, Elspeth and her grandson were there. 

"We get here first," he said, nudging him a bit. The melody shifted and in walked Sarah, clad in a burgandy and silver dress that looked elegant on her. She gave them a grin, then winked at them, taking her place as the matron of honor. Once again, the music changed, this time to Pachebel's Canon in D and in glided Lisa on Ben's arm. Her dress was simple but elegant with silver embroidery at the hems of her skirt and wrists. Her dark hair had been pulled up and back, decorated with a wreath of Christmas roses that matched what she was carrying.

Sam and Bobby heard the man between them murmur, "Damn!" No other sound. Dean Winchester stood in awe and watched his bride walk down the aisle. His brother realized that he was holding his breath. He gently punched the man in the back and forced him to breathe. Dean gasped in air but did not move.

Bobby chuckled, knowing Sam's comment about not being able to think when he saw his bride was definitely ringing true for Dean. Lisa made her way to the groom, smiling sweetly as the ceremony began.

Sam gently moved Dean towards her. All the man could do was stare at her.

Lisa giggled, handing off her bouquet to Sarah before allowing Dean to take her hands as the ceremony began. Ben proudly announced he was giving her away, making the preacher grin at him.

Dean had eyes for no one else. Sam was afraid his brother was not listening or paying attention to anyone. He was deeply concerned until Dean's voice was heard in response to something the minister said to him. The younger brother sighed in relief. Dean was all there.

It was a romantic ceremony and one that would remain in their memories for a lifetime. When the minister said Dean could kiss the bride, the small crowd gave a loud cheer when the kiss was given. It was obvious that the couple loved each other dearly.

Dean finally released the kiss and stared down at his wife, with tears rolling down his face, and the biggest smile she'd ever seen.

"I love you," she whispered to him.

"I love you too. More than you can ever imagine, Lis. My wife. I like that. It sounds so good."

"So do I," she murmured, kissing him again. "Now, I think it's time to party." She took his arm, smiling up at him.

Dean grinned and let her lead the way.

The group headed towards the main living area of the house that had been kept in darkness except for the fire and tree. Lit up, it was decorated warmly with flowers and poinsettias with plenty of food, drink, and music.

Dean looked at the drinks. "Is that ginger ale or sparkling cider?" Jo walking up behind him almost gaped at his question and decided to ask about it from someone else. Dean got his two glasses of sparkling cider, saving the champagne for toasts only. He handed one to Lisa and gently touched her glass with his and sipped the cider.

She smiled radiantly at him, looking so very happy. It was lovely to have this finally after dreaming of it for so long.

Dean set their glasses down and took her into his arms and out into the middle room, pulling her into the dance. He leaned his head close to hers and whispered in her ear, "Tomorrow's Christmas. I want to be early as much as everyone else, but I'm not planning on an early night, Lis. I want you as bad as I love you."

"And you will have me," she promised, arms wrapping around his. "Our first Christmas as husband and wife." She leaned up, whispering in his ear, "The papers are in for Ben," Lisa told him. "I thought we could give it to him as a gift tomorrow."

"It's final? Nothing else has to be done? Was it my name being on the birth certificate that made it go through so fast? Yeah, we need to wrap it up real special, Lis. The best Christmas ever."

"It's final," she giggled. "Watari helped it go through a bit faster so it'd be done in time for Christmas. The ink is barely dry on it."

"I don't even need to look under that tree tomorrow. You and Ben are all I wanted. I'm satisfied."

Lisa giggled at that, looking happy. "Well, guess that means I have to take your presents back."

"If there's no present under the tree, does that mean we get to stay in bed?" Dean kissed her, gently nibbling her bottom lip.

"No, because Ben and the others have presents and I want to spend time with family," she reminded him.

"I hate to say this, but you have presents under the tree." Dean slowly moved down to her neck and up to her left ear. Sam noticed the slow movement on the dance floor and Dean's other movements. He motioned to Sarah that the cake might be in order.

With Watari's help, a gorgeous cake was wheeled into the living room. "Time to cut the cake," she called out, hoping to calm Dean's libido for a bit. There were still kids here.

The newlyweds walked over to where the cake stood. Dean whispered to his wife, "Why do they use cakes for weddings? Can you imagine a pie that size?"

"Because it's easier to decorate the cake," she said, laughing a bit.

"I'm not so sure about that, Lis. A pie stays in a deep dish, you cut a slit in it to let out steam. The decoration it needs is egg whites to make it shiny. When you eat it, you can have whipped cream or cheese. Lot easier," Dean grinned at her as they came closer to the cake table. "What do we do next?"

She handed him the knife. "We cut the first slice," she told him, trying not to laugh at his comments about pie.

Dean, seeing three layers, grinned. He took her hand and pulled it up to the top layer and cut all the way through the three layers. "If I have to eat cake, we'll do it right."

The group heard his comment and started laughing at that. Oh well, not like the top layer would be edible in a year anyway.

The champagne toasts were done. Everyone was enjoying the cake and the other foods that were set out. Dean and Lis had fed each other cake. The hunter ate very little of it. He did graze the small buffet. They danced a little more, and Dean asked where Ben was staying for the night.

"He's crashing with Mello and Matt," Sarah answered, overhearing the question being asked as she moved by in Sam's arms.

"Thanks. Merry Christmas, Everyone. Good night." Dean took Lisa by the hand and drew her towards their wing. "I'm thinking a lot of bubbles in the whirlpool tub for starters," he said softly as they shut the door. 


End file.
